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ellethespaceunicorn · 9 hours ago

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MISSING YOU

pairing: smallville!clark kent x black!fem!reader

fandom: smallville (2001-2011)

summary: your good friend, clark kent, is there for you after you experience a major loss.

contains: fluff, sensitive topics, heavy angst, mention of cancer, mention of death, coping mechanisms, based on true events, crying, self insert, grief, sadness, hugging, a kiss on the cheek, you can imagine this with any comfort character tbh.

a/n: hey, guys! i just want to say thank you all for the love, support, and condolences. it means a lot. this blurb does contain material that has happened to me irl and i’m writing as a way to cope with the recent loss of a family member that i was really close with, so please be kind. fun fact: my grandma actually used to play pac-man dowwwn and win. it was a memory that popped up while people were visiting after she died. if this is a sensitive topic for you, please DO NOT READ! requests are coming in slower than usual, so that’s why they’re closed. btw, fuck cancer.

taglist: @greengoblinswifey @hopefully-saturn @jkr820 @hoffmansgirl @austeenbootler @niteskysx @sabrinasopposite @thabiddie23 @hnch33rios @xoxoglittergossip @supaprettyg @motherismotheringggg @oscarisaackissmykitty @simply-lovley44 @elitesanjisimp @gxuxhdjdu @v3n1ce-bxtch @iamsebastiansstan @stargirl-mayaa @miguelspvssy @oliviaambs @artyandink @dulcescorderitas @ellethespaceunicorn

“thank you so much for coming, martha.” your mother commended with a sad smile as she took the dessert plate from martha kent’s hands who then brings her in for a warm, sympathetic embrace. clark and jonathan stood behind the women before their gaze shifted to the rest of your relatives and friends that were gathered at your grandmother’s house.

“i’m so sorry for your loss, dear.” martha whispered, her hand rubbing your mother’s back in a comforting caress. with a soft “thank you”, her and your mother pulled away from the hug before she’s greeted with hugs and condolences from the rest of the kent family. after she invites them all inside, she holds clark back by the front door.

“if you need to find y/n, she’s upstairs in my mama’s room—she’s been in there for a while. you’re her good friend, clark. perhaps, you can talk to her?” your mother’s pleading brown gaze matched his sincere baby blues. your mother was right after all, ever since you were kids, you and clark had been thick as thieves by hanging out in the loft, studying at the talon, solving the bizarre mysteries of smallville, and so much more, but things started to shift when your grandmother’s cancer had returned. her declining health condition rendered you distracted from your studies and friends as you made as much time as you could help take care of her while she was in hospice care. you spent time and took care of her as she did for you and others for most of your life. it all came crashing down when your aunt and cousin were watching her, assuming she was sleeping before she opened her eyes and took five shallow deep breaths until there was no more left to let go.

it was your responsibility to call the nurse, your hands and voice quivering as you informed her that your grandmother was unresponsive. your heart pounded in your chest, uncertain whether hers had stopped as well. thirty agonizing minutes had passed as your relatives, such as your brother, aunt, and uncle, came to assess the situation. the nurse had arrived, performed the standard procedure, and to your shattering disappointment, officially called the time of your grandmother’s death. it was a gut punch to say the least. all of the emotional and mental preparation couldn’t have really meant that you were ready to see her pass in real time. it couldn’t have meant that you were ready to live life without her. it certainly couldn’t have meant that she wouldn’t see you get married or have a family of your own like she did for your siblings and cousins. you walked out into the dark, windy night and you just screamed as the stream of hot tears ran down your face, your mother promptly came to console your doubled-over body. as you saw the funeral home take your grandmother away in a pristine hearse, that night made you sick to your stomach.

it all happened over the weekend, so you decided to take a few days off from school to process your loss. through small town word of mouth, clark and the rest of your friends heard of the news. lana, chloe, and pete each would send you emails or calls to offer their condolences as their schedules were too getting hectic to visit you in person. your mother, aunt, and uncle had arranged for one day where your other family and loved ones could gather to eat and converse of fond memories concerning your lost loved one at her home. you decided to wander off from the crowd and sneak off to your grandmother’s bedroom, a place of sanctuary that you’ve always known as a child.

clark was concerned for your well-being and he wanted to see you since you haven’t been at school. it hurt him to see you in any type of negative mood. it hurt him to see you so devastated. if clark was anything, he was a good friend— a good friend who wanted to be more, but was too cowardly to say anything. he brushed it off because this wasn’t the place nor the time, that could wait. right now, you needed a friend and he was going to be that. your mother pointed him in the direction of your location before he went on his way. he was a few feet away from the door until his heightened hearing picked up on a sound that resembled a quick, rhythmic "wakka wakka" noise with a somber, descending tone following shortly after.

clark deliberately stepped closer to follow the first sound he heard, pondering what you could possibly be doing in your grandmother’s room at an event like this. the door was cracked open, and he peered through to see that you were sitting on the edge of the bed, engrossed in a light blue cubed-shaped console with a silver joystick on top. your intense focus on the video game you were playing didn’t register his arrival. he glanced at the screen to see that you were playing none other than the iconic arcade classic, ms. pac-man. with a gentle touch, he tapped your shoulder, causing your hand to slip and mess up, resulting in your character to be defeated by the ghosts as you were on your last life.

“ugh, what!? look i just wanna be alo—“ your sentence was cut short when your brown eyes met with his blue ones that were full of the kindness and charm you always knew.

“clark? what—what are you doing here?” you asked, puzzled as you paused the game, not letting the console out of your grip. you didn’t mean to come off as brash as his presence did do you some relief. it’s just been a long week of bereavement for you. the farm boy stuffed his hands in his pockets, a sympathetic smile graced his lips.

“y’know i wouldn’t miss this for anything in the world.” your heart flutters at his words as he gestures towards the empty space next to you.

“may i?” he inquired. you nodded and scooted over to give him a good amount of space to sit next to you. before you knew it, he wrapped his arms around you in a amicable embrace.

“i’m so sorry for your loss.” he compassionately uttered into your ear. with one hand still on the console, your other arm reached to reciprocate the hug. the sound of his voice caused you to release a sigh and enough strength to verbally thank him before pulling away, a somber smile etched on your earth-toned face.

“lemme guess, my mom put you up to this, huh?” you quip, clark chuckled as he shook his head.

“partly, yes, but i’ve been wanting to see you and not just to bore you on all of the homework you’ve missed—it seems you’ve been preoccupied as it is.” clark comments, his eyes pointing towards the console in your hand. your eyes follow suit to the same item that you looked at with such sentiment.

“this was grandma’s. i remembered when she used to play this all the time and let me tell you— she was a badass!” at your words, you and clark laugh as you continued to explain how you went to her room to just think about her in solitude. that’s when the memories of her playing the game plagued your mind before you began to snoop through her closet. that’s when you found the familiar blue console of ms. pac-man. you crossed your fingers as you worked to hook it up to her old television. who knew that after a decade and some years, it worked as if it were brand new! from that point, you wanted to play and win the game as you never got to do so as a kid. you watched your grandmother play countless times and she let you give it a go, but you always ended up losing. it would discourage you because you really wanted to impress her, but she would always encourage you to keep going, reminding you that winning isn’t always everything in life.

“god, i wish i could just win this damn thing!” you exasperatedly sigh and sniffle, your thumb ghosting over the red button that would resume the game. clark’s eyes never pulled away from your profile, a few strands of your freshly braided hair fell in front of your face, he gingerly reached to push the braids back behind your ear only to see that your face was stained with tears. he called out your name.

“hey, hey—look at me. do you want to talk? y’know i’m always here to listen.” clark softly affirmed by placing his hand on your shoulder which relaxed under his touch. you turned your head towards him, sniffling as more tears rained down your now blushed cheeks.

“clark—it’s like i’ve seen this coming, but—“ you swallowed. “i can’t believe she’s not here. just six months ago, she was completely healthy. it’s just not fair!” the gut punch returned as her kind face flashed into your mind, the same face that would gaze at you with such content as she watched you grow from a baby to a young woman, even in her ailment. god, how you missed her so. you missed her style, her love, her kisses, her funny nicknames for you, her cooking, her laughter, but most of all, her presence. the reality of saying your final goodbye was biting at you. you sobbed, dropping the console to the floor as your arms found their place around clark’s torso.

not hesitating to wrap his arms around you, he rubbed circles on your back as you nuzzled your face within his signature flannel.

“i’ve got you. it’s going to be okay.” he reassured, cradling you in his embrace, his shirt getting so

he didn’t mind, he was going to be right here whenever you needed him and for that, you loved him immensely for it. in some situations, you always thought of clark as your hero, but even heroes have their limits, and in that moment, all you wanted was a piece of the past. you pulled away from him, wiping your tears with the back of your hand as you glanced at the console still in your hands. it was a relic from your grandmother's joy and your youth. although the game was paused, the bright colors of the ms. pac-man screen flickered like a beacon of nostalgia. you pursed your lips, cutting your puffy eyes to clark before clearing your throat to articulate the words.

“do you think—do you think i could still play, clark?” you questioned, your voice still trembling.

your best friend nodded, a gentle smile spreading across his handsome face.

“of course! she would’ve wanted you to play.” he reassured again, patting your shoulder. that was his own special signal of nudging to step into something that you would’ve seen as impossible.

with a deep breath, you picked up the console again, your fingers trembling as you pressed the start button to resume the game. the familiar sounds filled the room, and for a moment, you felt a flicker of your grandmother’s spirit and drive beside you as your hand began to move on the joystick. you were focused, determined to beat her high score, to feel that connection as you felt it all those years ago.

as the ghosts chased your ms. pac-man across the screen, you could almost hear your grandmother's infectious laughter encouraging you, urging you to keep going. you didn’t stop. with a furrowed gaze and a steady hand, every single white dot was disappearing into your grasp as you effortlessly dodged the ghosts. each time you consumed a fruit power-up, clark kent was there as your personal cheerleader.

“c’mon, y/n! you can do it!” clark encouraged, his voice an enthusiastic tone as he leaned forward to watch you move the pac-man like clockwork on the television screen. with each dot you devoured, the weight on your heart began to lift, and you found yourself grinning despite the warm tears still lingering in your eyes. finally, with one last maneuver, you cleared the maze of the white dots with no lives lost, the screen flashing in celebration. you had done it! you won the game for the first time in your life. your grandmother had been there for recitals, birthdays, and graduations, but this had to be one of your biggest achievements yet and she wasn’t here to see it happen.

“i—i did it! i really did it!” you exclaimed, laughter bubbling up through your tears. an array of emotions spread through you like they never did before, you couldn’t even describe how it felt in that moment. clark beamed at you, pride shining in his ocean eyes.

“i knew you could. i know that she’s so proud of you.”

overwhelmed with emotion, you turned to him, gratitude swelling within you, so you did the unthinkable, but not the impossible. you leaned in, wrapped your arms around his shoulders, and landed a lingering, tender kiss on his cheek.

“oooh! thank you, thank you, thank you, clark! for everything. you’re the best person a girl could ever wish for.”

it was slow at first, but nonetheless he smiled. to your amusement, the once pale skin of his cheeks were now painted a faint crimson as his gaze was awestruck for a second until you called his name to return him back to earth.

“a-anytime. y’know i’m always here for you.” clark stammered, but you both could tell he was sincere.” his palm reached out as a warm invitation for you to take.

“i have no doubt about that and i’d do the same for you in a heartbeat, clark.” you return the sentiment by taking his hand, intertwining your fingers with his. a sudden warm tingle surged through you, which was strange as you’ve held clark’s hand on other occasions—platonically of course. what was this feeling? you were dealing with so much, it was difficult to even pinpoint it. his tenor voice broke you out of your daze.

“now, let’s go back to your family. i’m sure they need you just as much as you need them.” you nod at his statement. this was going to be hard, but you were grateful to have someone like clark kent in your corner. like the gentleman he was, he carefully tugged you up from your seat on your grandmother’s bed, careful that you wouldn’t stumble.

hand in hand, you walked back into the warmth of your family downstairs, carrying a piece of your grandmother with you, and the strength of your connection with clark lighting the way for the funeral, burial, and whatever dark days may be ahead.

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