#i also mightve repeated myself idk anymore.

[dykekarkat]

HI um. can i ask about your httyd aftg au?

omg yes ofc!!! this is one of my fave aus rn i love httyd so much :) here's the first post i made about this au for reference i have maybe two chaps written but i want to get solidly into it before i post anything on ao3 cause im planning for this to be a longer fic!!

just some basics before i get into it neil = hiccup, andrew = astrid, kevin = toothless, nathan = stoic (i love stoic and i do believe he loves hiccup and is trying his best however im having a lot of fun making nathan the evil chief/father)

OKAYYYY this au is actually so fun to write for i love dragons and i love being able to fuck around with the traditional aftg character dynamics :) the fic largely follows httyd 1's plot not aftg's. the most fun to write so far has been neil and kevin's dynamic. ive decided the dragons use dragonese here and neil is fluent in it like hiccup from the books. neil's fluency comes from mary pre-death (wink) and pure spite for his father. while nathan has whipped berk into a dragon killing frenzy and never ending war, neil is going behind his back (at major risk to himself) to try and foil his plans.

neil does still hit kevin and injure his tail but it's a lesser of two evils situation, where lola was aiming at the same time and she would've for sure killed kevin. neil immediately is running off to try and find the night fury and get it the fuck outta berk before his father can kill it. this leads to kevin and neil are fighting like cats and dogs in the beginning but there's this consistent underlayer of "why havent you killed me yet??". kevin is also frantic to get back to the Nest and due to the fact they can communicate they end up making a deal where neil will try and make a mechanism for kevin to fly again and kevin will give him info on dragons. the first time they fly together its like Oh. I Get It Now. Besties for Life.

while this is happening dragon training is basically a punishment for neil Not a privilege. all of the teens/young adults are forced into dragon training so that they'll continue popping out soldiers for war with a few exceptions (aaron training to be a healer, neil originally training to be a blacksmith but is forced into it). for the longest time neil forcibly distanced himself from his peers (the foxes) because he was terrified of nathan using them against him or hurting them because he made friends. the fact he's nathan's son is also offputting to a lot of ppl (its not quite as us vs them as the upperclassmen and the monsters but its similar). so we're emphasizing the neil weird loner who seems desperate for connection but every time ur nice to him he flat out runs away dynamic.

neil does his best to stay under the radar during the training sessions which eventually fails miserably (not spoiling this part bcus its one of the first scenes i thought of. its good tho prommy). andrew is basically quietly obsessing over him and trying to figure out what the fuck is going on with him. he sees himself in neil but he also doesn't understand Why. neil of course is fully oblivious to this, until uh oh. neil's pet kevin has been found out. cue andreil truth games :)

anyway this got long and idk if i even said anything of importance or coherence but its one of my fave aus just because its really fun <3

[irregulardiaryposts]

20:40 07/03/2024

okay wow well its been well over two years since i updated this 'diary' blog lol

so weird seeing all those old posts about being a teenager with existential thoughts lol i dont really think like that anymore, at least not so much. i guess an update is in order then lmao okay so im in my 3rd year of uni now and im doing my year abroad! doing it in a small city in spain and i really quite like my job, ive only got 14hrs, i have a 3 day weekend, the city is small so i can walk everywhere and this job really gives me a sense of purpose that ive been missing in my life. makes me really realise that university is NOT for me lmfao i was so depressed during my second year i probs went to like 20% of my classes loool. im pretty sure i mightve almost failed aswell but since the professors were doing a marking boycott they released grades without marking the final exam and so since i was already doing well enough in all my classes i passed! quite lucky i think cos i wouldve been so entirely embarrassed and ashamed if i had to repeat a year cos of mental health. i think things are better here tho my issues havent disappeard completely like eg i have these evening classes 6-7.40pm tuesdays and thursdays and for the past like month i havent attended :/ at first it was cos i was sick (i think it was covid lol either from glasgow or on the plane back idk) and then i just didnt go back to class. i think my main excuse is that that is dinner time for me and i dont wanna move dinner time lol. but also i think the class itself is just not for me i dont feel like i learn a whoooole lot while im there and learning on apps is easier for me? but i always felt better for going to the classes cos i was like ha! im not depressed would a depressed person do this!? but of course depression doesnt work like that and i think i need medicated ! but that seems too scary to say. but at least i found someone to do a language exchange with! ive only had one hour with her in spanish, which was yesterday, but i already feel like ive improved lmaooo like i literally dreamt last night in a mix of spanish and english ahahahah cos when i think about it i literally have not ever regularly spoken spanish, ive only really spoken for activies in class or speaking exams so no wonder i have 0000 confidence in my speaking abilities but im hopeful that this will really improve my speaking :) about my job i guess- i work in a high school and i really enjoy interacting with the kids they really do make every day different and more interesting so i am grateful for them but sometimes damnnn sometimes i wanna jump out the window especially with this third year class they are the class KNOWN for being a bitof a pain lol and sometimes i have to lead the class by myself lmaooo mid u ik im 20 but i dont look it and they certainly dont treat me like an adult or a teacher and ngl they are a bit disrespectful at times but also what are u gonna do they are 14 and i have no proper teaching experience to help them by myself i can only hope that im actuallt helping them learn english lol. it is quite difficult tho with my scottish accent to try and sound as clear as possible because i pronounce almost 100% of the vowel sounds differently than rp english which is what i think they are used to so i have to realllyyyy annunciate all my words and man is it tiring lol.

what else. im going to madrid this weekend with bestie and im really looking forward to having a relaxing and fun time but i still havent packed my bags looooooool i alwyas do this tho and its fine not a big deal at all but i def need to do it tonight cos im leaving tomorrow immediately after work so ill have to have an actual breakfast and take snacks with me. im really enjoying my time in spain or at least im trying to but i feel like i have pushed myself enough out my comfort zone to be able to look back on this and say yeah i really took advantage of that. like i think i need to be more personable (is that a word yes it is i used it right) in teaching and be more interactive with them and stuff also i feel like i shoulve arranged a language exchange sooner cos i think this will really help, and i need to interact more with the other assistant but the thing is is im just not a sociable personnnnnnn aghgh. any way cutting this short cos i need to pack my bags for my trupppppp

[datingadviceonreddit]

As a freshman i was antisocial so next year as a sophomore i made a friend group through friends i already knew and met more. In the group there was a guy named Kyle and i eventually fell for him. The thing is, he already had a girlfriend and one of my closest friends liked him too and they knew each other for a year longer. One night everyone in the group chat was talking about their old crushes and she mentioned she used to like him. Kyle confessed he used to like her back but they couldnt be together because he was already in a relationship. They were in that “maybe it couldve happened” state when my other friend basically blackmailed me into confessing too. The confession was through text and at basically the worst time but instead of saying no he said something along the lines of “honestly, i did used to like you too but it is a bad time. Idk just do what michelle (my close friend who confessed) is doing”. And afterwards we talked but he seemed really sad and apologetic that he turned me down. A couple months later he got really depressed. His family couldnt pay the rent so he had to move, he had to give up his dog, and the court almost made his family split up. I tried to comfort him and tried to be there for him as much as i could. He was really hurt and i couldn’t imagine going through that. I feel like he trusted me a lot more than our other friends. Anytime he needed something i would always be there for him and he would tell me what was on his mind and we had this kind of relationship for about 2 months. Eventually his problems started getting less serious. He would start overreacting over some things and leave the group chat for about a week or so and shut people out or rant about something. This went on for about 3 months until he finally left the friend group for good. It happened when we were all afterschool at our club and he suddenly disappeared so i texted him and he told me to go meet him on the steps so i did. I tried asking what was wrong but he never told me and to this day i still don’t know for sure. After a while it got awkwardly quiet and he told me i can go back but i regret not being able to do anything else. Before this during the whole period where he would come and go i had an on and off crush on him. I would stop liking him for a bit because we just never talked but then he would do something like dress cute or once he wrapped his arm around mine as a joke but those little things made me fall for him all over again and repeat the cycle. After this we just stopped talking. Every couple weeks he would come to me to rant and i still cared about him even if my feelings for him were gone. Before anything he was still my friend who needed help. But like i said sometimes they weren’t that serious and he was being really dramatic. We didnt talk for weeks until the school year ended and we only talked once or twice during the summer and those were also just rants. During the summer i also left the friend group because a lot of them were toxic (im still close with my true friends tho). I never told anyone why i left. He also transferred schools during our junior year to escape the drama of our school. At one point during jr year i really missed the friend group and I’m not really sure why. Since Kyle left too i figured i could ask him if he thinks i should go back. It probably doesn’t seem like a big deal but i felt really alone even though i talked to my good friends to the point where i had a hard time sleeping. I texted him but he never responded. At first i just figured he didnt see it because hes always like that where he never checks his phone but a couple days later my friend told me he rejoined the group chat and then left after 10 minutes so i know he saw my text and just didn’t respond. Next year he told other people he was coming back because there was too much drama at the school he transferred to. So here’s what i need advice on: should i cut him out of my life when he comes back? I know if i dont then I’ll fall for him again and if i do itll start the same cycle where I’m always helping him no what because i can’t seem to forget about him and the second i start having doubts he does something that makes me fall for him again, not even as an abusive or unhealthy relationship but some little unnoticed detail that means nothing to him but makes me feel like im in love all over again. Its an all or nothing kind of thing for me. I really tried to help him and i listened to all his problems when he needed me to and dont get me wrong. I didnt do it and expect him to owe me and i didn’t do it just because he was my crush its just who i am where i try to go out of my way to help people who are close to me. But despite all of that, the one time i asked him for help he doesnt even reply. He was the one person i wouldve told that too and it was everything ive been holding in for a year. It kind of feels like he took advantage of my kindness. The fact the he left and came back to escape drama makes me feel like hes just running from his problems or relies on other people to help solve them. Also when i confessed he basically told me to wait for him until hes single and then we’ll see. He mightve just been leading me on and since he knew i liked him he used that against me for support. Helping him at one point just got really draining. On the other hand, i dont blame him for leaning on me. The things he was going through, it’s really hard and i was the one who reached out to him first and tried to help. The fact that he trusted me does mean something i think. There were things ive done to him that were mean and i know if someone did the things i did to me i would hold a grudge against them forever but instead he forgave me and still trusted me with things he didnt tell anyone, even michelle even though they were really close too. He forgave me for all the things I did and still trusted me and idk I dont want to forget that. And im the kind of person who bottles everything in until i cant hold it in anymore. If he asked me sophomore year if everything was ok i wouldve said yes, it was just that one moment i wouldve told him everything. Normally I’d hold back. And if he is going through something tough i dont want him to have to go through it alone and i dont know if he has anyone he can go to for this kind of thing except me. Despite everything he’s still my friend. This is self concious and I’m not 100% how true it is but i think because i know I’m going to fall in love with him again I’m putting up a wall and shutting him out so he cant leave me and hurt me again. This might all just be something to protect myself. Please help me with this thank you via /r/dating_advice