#and when i feel like i can handle myself and my parents trust me to be responsible i still can't. do shit. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

mischievousmoony · 6 months ago

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𝚜𝚊𝚗𝚌𝚝𝚞𝚊𝚛𝚢 𝚊𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚙𝚘𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚜' ⟡ 𝚙𝚊𝚛𝚝 𝟹

⟢ james potter x black!reader (fem)

⟢ summary: after your parents cross the line, you and your older brother sirius find sanctuary at the potters'. your first day goes very poorly . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁ 5.1k

⟢ warnings: there is talk about the reader's previous hostile home environment, although it's not pictured. walburga black is implied to be mentally unstable. a theme here is the lasting impact growing up in that environment has on a person: reader fears becoming like her parents, longs for a more loving environment, doesn't handle her emotions very well, and picks fights. both anger and sadness are dealt with unhealthily by different characters. if there is anything i should add here, please please let me know.

⟢ part 1 ⟡ part 2 ⟡ part 3 ⟡ masterlist

note: well! yikes! angst! i'm not sure i like the vision but i’m trying to remind myself this is a hobby and doesn’t have to be perfect <3

“A walk?” You questioned with a raspy voice.

“Mhm,” James nodded, “Just around the yard. Think it’ll help you feel better.”

You let James lead you to the back door, hand and hand. When he opened it, you discovered that “yard” was a bit of an understatement. The Potters’ property was larger than you knew— enormous, really. Lush garden beds thrived nearest to the house, and the grassy green beyond was surely where James practiced quidditch over the summers. The large trees scattered around the outskirts of the property made you picture a younger James climbing them.

James led you into the grassy landscape, taking notice of your awestricken expression as your eyes fall on Euphemia’s garden.

“I knew you’d like it out here.”

“It’s beautiful,” you mused, stopping to admire a bed of flowers. James dipped down and plucked one from the ground.

He fit it behind your ear and winked, “Don’t tell my mum.”

You frowned, reaching up to remove the flower from your hair. You twirled it inbetween your fingers.

“Your mum must think so poorly of me now,” you muttered, staring down at the flower.

“What? Why would you say that?”

“The first thing Sirius and I did after we were invited to stay is have a screaming match in the dining room. We sure know how to make ourselves feel at home,” you laughed bitterly. “And now she knows we’re together. Didn’t even get to properly tell her. I can’t imagine what she thinks of me.”

“Hey, look at me.” James said in a stern but gentle voice. You wonder how all the Potters can sound so kind even when they’re working up to a lecture.

You peered up through your eyelashes. James sported a pretty smile, and that alone made you feel a little better.

“It’s gonna be alright,” he said, “My mum’s not one to jump to any conclusions. She trusts me, alright? And don't worry about your fight with Sirius. No one's expecting this to be easy for you. For either of you."

James continued, “Besides, we all let our emotions get the best of us sometimes, yeah? We’re human. My parents will understand.”

James could tell you over and over again that it’s okay to be angry and it’s okay to slip up, but you didn’t think any amount of it would ever make it feel okay. You wondered how he could even believe it.

It surprised you, actually, how mature and level-headed James could be. We’re human so it’s just okay if our emotions get the best of us sometimes? Who actually thinks like that?

At your house, you had to be nothing short of perfect at all times. Now that you’ve seen Fleamont and Euphemia in parent mode, you can see where James learned it all. You never had anything like that, and it was difficult to wrap your mind around it.

Especially because it wasn’t too long ago that James was one of Hogwarts’ biggest trouble makers—his pranks were the epitome of immature. Evidently, he's grown up a lot recently.

Stupidly, you felt bitter about it. Which was completely absurd, you thought. Because surely you were not jealous of your boyfriend because he learned how to regulate his emotions better than you did. Because he was growing up, maturing? And you… well you don’t know what you’re doing. You felt stuck, like you’d always be a scared little kid who needs her older brothers’ no matter how old you got.

“Maybe you’re right,” you said, not really knowing what else to say. You were compelled to change the subject, “I’m worried about Regulus.”

“I know,” James began leading you around the garden again. You dropped the flower back where it came from, not wanting to be caught red handed with a freshly murdered flower from Effie’s garden.

“We have to get him out of there,” you sighed.

James looked at you through the corner of his eye. Apprehensively, he said, “From what Sirius told me, you guys barely got out of there.”

“Yeah, so we’ll need a really good plan so that we don’t get caught.”

James turned his head to look straight at you. He looked at you like you had two heads.

“What, you want to break him out or something? You want to go back there?”

“We have to. Regulus–“

“Regulus made his choice.” James interrupted warily.

You felt your heart sink into your stomach, “Please, not you too.”

“You heard what Sirius said. Regulus was given the option, and he chose to stay behind,” James tried to reason.

James knew how much your twin meant to you, it wasn't a surprise that you'd be worried about him. But to go back to that house? That was a step too far for his comfort. The moment that Sirius admitted exactly what his mother had done to him, James knew he'd never let either of you near her again. Something must've snapped in Walburga Black— she has been teetering on the edge for years, but she has unmistakably gone from being a cruel mother to an outright unstable woman.

The though of Regulus still being around her made him sick. Even though James didn't know him that well, he still found himself caring about him. It was likely an extension of your love for Regulus manifesting in James, who cared for you so deeply that your concerns became his. But that's just it— you're the one who he really cared for. Above all else, it's you he wanted to protect.

“He did not choose to stay behind,” you raised your voice, offended that James could ever think so.

“Love...”

James didn't mean to, but he looked at you with pity in his eyes, as if he thought you were in denial.

Anger flared up in your chest when you registered his expression, “No, don’t do that. Just because Sirius said so doesn’t mean it’s true. Regulus wouldn’t just choose them over us. Sirius– he doesn't have his facts straight.”

James didn’t say anything. What could he? It sounded like you were implying that Sirius was lying and James knew Sirius wouldn't do that.

For the record, you didn't think Sirius would lie either. But he was absolutely capable of missing something.

“You don’t believe me,” your mouth hung open after your words.

“It’s not that.” James rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably, “I believe you, but I believe Sirius too. And Sirius said that Regulus refused to come. Whatever the reason, that's the choice he made. I’m not going to let you put yourself in danger for a– a lost cause.”

His words stopped you in your tracks.

“A lost cause?"

You had never been so affronted by James. He might not know Regulus nearly as well as he knows you or Sirius, but the fact that he could easily tag him as a lost cause was unbelievable.

"Don’t be an idiot, James. How could you say that?”

James had kept walking for a couple more paces, so he had to turn to face you. He tried to cover the way the venom in your voice made him flinch.

“You can’t force him to leave,” he said, sounding as understanding as he could muster, but he needed to get through to you.

Phantom alarm bells were ringing in his ears, his desperation for you to hear him growing. You were stubborn and you'd do anything for your brothers, James knows this all to well. But not this. He couldn't let you do this. He wouldn't let you go back there.

“Merlin, you’re siding with Sirius!” you accused, giving in to the anger burning in your chest.

James tried to remain calm as he spoke.

“I’m not siding with anyone.”

“Yes, you are! How could I be so stupid? Of course you’d choose Sirius over me!"

James features twist in anguish, "Love–"

"This is what I get for falling for my brother’s best friend. When there's a choice, it will always be him, won’t it?” You spat, glaring at James in a way that almost knocked him off his feet.

He was completely taken aback; you two had never fought like this. He tried to take some semblance of control over the situation, “Okay, you’re angry right now, and that’s okay–“

“Oh, would you stop that!” you shouted. A small part of you hoped the sound wouldn’t travel back to the house, but a bigger part of you was consumed with a growing rage. That part didn’t seem to care.

“Stop what?” James knitted his brows.

“Being some master of emotions all of a sudden! I’m accusing you of picking Sirius over me! I’m raising my voice at you! I’m calling you names! Why won’t you fight back? Yell at me, do something!”

James took a deep breath, “I’m not going to do that.”

He sounded completely calm and collected. Somehow, that pissed you off.

“Oh, you’re so perfect, aren’t you?”

“What?” James felt like he was going crazy, unable to decipher what he could possibly be doing wrong.

“Perfect James Potter, wouldn’t hurt a fly these days! You could never–! never lose your cool, could you?” you shouted.

James gaped at you. He couldn't be mad even if we wanted to; he was just confused. What the hell was he supposed to say to that? You yourself didn’t even seem to know what you were saying, your words tumbling out awkwardly as you said things even you knew weren’t true.

It’s not like James never lost the reign on his emotions. He throws his quidditch gear around when he loses a match, he can’t control his frustration when he doesn’t do well in class, he isolates himself when he’s sad instead facing it, he does a whole lot of things that he’s not proud of.

And you’ve seen it all before, but for some reason, you’ve chosen not to remember those moments. All you can think about is how you were so angry and scared, and he was so understanding and level-headed. And how you grew up with screaming matches and unfair punishments, and he probably got to grow up with calm discussions and soft spoken apologies. And it all felt so unfair.

“Are you–? Sorry, you're mad at me because I'm not getting mad at you? I’m sorry, I guess?”

“I don’t want you to be sorry I want you to yell at me! Be mad at me, fight with me!” You felt the familiar sensation of tears welling up in your eyes.

James looked shellshocked. Truthfully, he didn’t know how to deal with you like this, he’s never seen this before. Sure, sometimes you bicker— all couples do— but this was reaching an uncharted territory.

"I'm not going to yell at you for wanting to keep your brother safe–"

"Then yell at me because you think I'm naive for thinking I can get him out of there. Fight with me because I think you're an idiot for thinking Regulus is a lost cause!"

You were trying to rile him up, James knew this, and he so badly wanted to not let if affect him. Not because it was making him angry, no, it was making him sad.

But he couldn't fight it.

And James always does the same thing when he's sad.

“I think we need to take a step back from this conversation. Why don’t we go inside?” James offered.

He sounded like he stole that line from some therapist's book on navigating conflict. It made you want to scream.

“You go inside! I’m going to keep walking.” You pushed past him, deliberately letting your shoulder collide with his as you stormed away.

James let the blow knock him back a step, too thrown off to do anything else. He listened to your receding footsteps and he wanted to be the type of boyfriend who runs after you when you’re upset. Who holds you and listens to you until you can work out the problem. Instead—

“Just stay by the house, okay?” he called over his shoulder.

“Yeah, whatever.”

A few hot angry tears slid down your face. You aggressively wiped them away and willed any more tears to dry up. You were tired of crying.

You stomped around the gardens and grass, thinking of Regulus and how he deserved better than siblings who left him behind to find refuge with a boy who wouldn't think twice about rescuing him too.

Leaving that house was something you'd always dreamed of. But you had imagined both of your brothers by your side. No one was ever supposed to be abandoned.

Sirius just didn’t understand how horrible being alone in that house was. You and Regulus had already experienced a taste of it when he went off to Hogwarts a year before you two. Not to mention, Sirius was always the strongest of you, so without him, navigating that house was a whole new terrain.

Maybe that’s what Sirius senses is different about your relationship with Regulus. Those nine months were probably the worst of your life, and Reg is who you went through them with.

And maybe that's why you were so adamant that Regulus can’t be left there alone while everyone else seems ready to abandon all hope. Your parents had never been more furious than when Sirius was sorted into Gryffindor all those years ago. You suspected that they would be worse, angrier than ever after the departure Sirius orchestrated for you and him. You couldn’t let Regulus face that alone.

Somewhere along the line, worry for Regulus took precedence over the anger that held your gentle love for James hostage. By the time you came to a large trees on the outskirts of the lawn, the anger from the previous argument had simmered.

As you plopped down in the dirt and sat against its trunk, you tried not to be annoyed that taking a step away from that conversation really worked.

You took in your surroundings to distract yourself. It was to no avail, as a nearby shed caught your eye. Through its open window, you could see James’ broom and other quidditch gear.

“You idiot,” you chastised yourself aloud. You let your head fall into your hands as a million nasty thoughts about yourself raced through your mind, the most prominent being you’re just like your mother.

It was just like her to pick fights. You couldn’t breathe in that house without her telling you that you were doing it wrong. She always found something to yell at you for.

How could I act like that, you winced as you recalled the fight you just walked away from.

Poor James, who you yelled at for not being mad at you. It really was just like her to get upset over something so irrational. You felt ill over the similarity, and you were overwhelmed with a sense of impending doom.

You couldn't let yourself be doomed to your parents' fate. You wanted to be kind, reasonable, rational. So, what wouldn't they do in this situation?

A safe assumption would be that they wouldn't feel bad, so you're already on the right track it seems.

They also wouldn't apologize.

Okay, yeah. Apologize. You could apologize.

You have to apologize.

Just go apologize.

But you just couldn’t get yourself to move. You were frozen in shame for your behavior, the only movement was the rise and fall of your chest from your labored breath.

James Potter did not like feeling sad. It was unsettling, uncomfortable, so utterly unlike him.

Whenever it happened, he tried to hide from it. He'd lock himself away somewhere before he'd dare face it head on— or admit that it's there at all.

The last time he was sad, he let himself fall asleep in the common room just so he wouldn't have to face his friends back at his dorm. And when his childhood pet died, he didn't mention it for months, only alerting his friends to his cat's passing when Peter asked how old his cat was again.

It's not that James thought there was anything wrong with being sad. He definitely didn't believe in any of that nonsense that real men don't cry. In fact, he was always the first to offer his shoulder if any of his friends were upset, back pats and let-it-all-outs at the ready.

But when it was him, when he was the one with the lump in his throat and a pit in his stomach, he couldn't handle sadness anymore. It made him feel vulnerable, and he wanted to be the strong one, the brave one. The one who lights up a room with the force of the sun and brings humor and fun into everyone's days.

So, when he couldn't be that, he'd rather be alone. He'd rather sit isolated in a dimly lit room where the darkness can't touch anyone but himself.

His bed creaked under his weight as he shifted in place, the only movement he has made in several minutes.

He was trying to be still and let his mind focus on nothing but his breathing. He was especially trying not to think of your argument.

He counted out his inhales and exhales, just as he had learned years ago in divination class.

James took divination for one year only. It wasn't for him, but one thing from that class did stick with him— the lesson on mindfulness. Something about mediation and a clear head opening your mind to frequencies you may not normally be able to comprehend.

James wasn't sure about all that, but he quite liked the calmness of the exercise they did in class that day, even if he felt a bit silly doing it.

He finds himself repeating the meditation from that class when he's down. He much prefers a clear head to one with racing thoughts that give him that choked up feeling in his throat.

He was broken out of his feeble attempt at a meditative state when there was a knock at his door.

Hope swelled in his stomach. Maybe you've come to talk. Maybe he could smooth things over with you. And then he could stop feeling like this.

He tried not to look disappointed when Sirius walked through the door.

Sirius gave James a once over as the door clicked shut behind him, "What's wrong with you?"

"Me?" James forced a chuckle, "Nothing's wrong with me."

"You're sitting at the foot of your bed, starin' at the floor, shoulders slumped," Sirius' hand swept towards James' hunched form, "I know what upset looks like, Prongs."

"I'm not upset," James insisted still, "I'm just thinking. Is being lost in thought a crime these days?"

Sirius shrugged, plopping down on the bed next to James. His legs hung over the edge as he let his back hit the sheets, his arms sprawled at his sides.

James listened as Sirius puffed out a long, exhausted breath.

"You alright?" James asked, not bothering to look back, letting his sad eyes remain fixed on the floor.

"Ah, I see. Worried about me, are you?" Sirius guessed.

James seized the opportunity to excuse his demeanor. Besides, he wanted to talk about what Sirius had said earlier anyway.

"You did have a pretty nasty spat with your sister. And then you nearly collapsed."

There's a lull in the conversation for a moment as Sirius thinks.

"Your parents fixed me right up again. Gave me some nasty potion to help with the dizziness. Tasted like sewage but 'm good as new. They're off now, by the way, picking up some herbs they want to steep and feed me for these spasms I keep having in my hands."

James winced. Spasms, a potential side effect of being under the Cruciatus Curse.

"Sirius... about what you said happened. Your mother–"

"I don't want to talk about that," Sirius spoke quietly, somberly.

After a moment, Sirius added, "I don't want to think about any of them ever again."

James felt a pang in his heart, knowing Regulus was included in 'them'. You wouldn't have stood for it if you'd heard Sirius say that.

James' mind wanders back to your earlier argument, his earlier attempts to avoid these thoughts futile now. You were so adamant that you needed to go back for Regulus, ready to dive into some sort of escape plan, and that still scared the hell out of James.

He considered telling Sirius about what you wanted to do. One on hand, he knew Sirius would be on board with keeping you the hell away from there— keeping you safe. On the other hand, it felt like tattling on you to your brother.

James thought about the betrayal written across your face earlier. How hurt you were when you suspected James was choosing to believe Sirius over you. Confiding in Sirius now would surely, surely make it worse. And James didn't want to hurt you.

And yet—

"Thing is... I have to talk to you about something. About your sister... and about Regulus."

A flinch finally broke you out of your statue-like state when a sudden and distinct fluttering sounded above you. You expected to see any mundane bird when you looked up, but there was nothing there. You leaned around the tree to try to locate the source.

Instead of any random creature of flight, it was a familiar owl. And he was not in the tree, rather next to it, in a designated perch located on the other side of the thick trunk.

"Oh. Hello," you greeted the owl. He stared at you blankly, of course.

You've met this owl before. His name was Glory. You didn't know why, but James had named him, and you supposed that it was a name that James would have thought of.

You've received countless letters from James, all delivered by Glory. There were the long ones, which you mostly received during the times you were apart. Glory was good at discretely delivering them to your window. And if James also had mail for Sirius, he knew to deliver yours first.

James was always checking up on you over the holidays, making sure you were okay and telling you stories of his own time at home that would take your mind off of whatever horrible things were going on at Grimmauld Place.

When you were together, back at Hogwarts, James still sent you little notes whenever you weren't near. He knew how much you loved receiving notes from him, so he made it a habit. He would send notes about things he saw that reminded him of you, expressions of how much he missed you even if he'd seen you mere hours prior, declarations of love that he couldn't keep inside until the next time he'd be alone with you.

Oh, your sweet boy.

"I really messed up, didn't I?" You asked Glory. You chided yourself for continuing to try to talk to an owl. Not that owls weren’t smart. In fact, they were very intelligent, especially the magical sort. Glory could understand you, but it’s not like he had the ability to respond.

You imagined that Glory would tell you that you messed up big time if he did, though.

You pushed yourself up to your feet, wiping dirt and twigs off your pants when you rose. As you walked back towards the house, you wondered if your mother ever felt sorry like this, if she ever wanted to apologize sometimes. Surely, at some point she did. James' words come back to you about how we're all human, and you want to believe that maybe there was a memory lost in your mind of her apologizing to you.

You'd have been a wide-eyed little kid at the time, snot-nosed and teary-eyed after she yelled at you for spilling milk or leaving a toy in the middle of the floor. She'd wrap her arms around you and apologize for raising her voice. Then she'd shush and coo soothingly until your tears dried up and you could show her all of your baby teeth in a wide grin.

It was unnatural, the image of her in your mind like that, but your heart burned for it to be real. As sick as it was, you still yearned for your mother's love, even if it was a thing of the past.

Maybe your house really was a poison. Because if she had ever been gentle, one way or another, Walburga Black got colder and harsher over the years. She spiraled so deep into darkness that she seemed to want to be cruel. After all, to cast the Cruciatus Curse, you do have to really want it.

Each step you took was invigorated with a new sense of determination. Apologizing to James now, owning up to your mistake, it was only the first step of doing everything in your power to never be anything like that woman.

It felt like no time passed at all by the time you arrived outside of James' door. You didn't feel ready to face him, but you raised your fist anyway. Just when knuckles were about to meet wood, you heard a muffled voice from inside.

"What do you think?" James' voice asked softly. Then, after a beat of silence, "Did you hear me?"

"Yeah, James, I heard you," Sirius said. He had that far away kind of tone in his voice he gets when he's trying to distance himself from his emotions.

"And?"

"And I'm bloody tired of talking about him!" Sirius barked. Even from the safety of the other side of the door, you flinched.

"She doesn't get it. She'll never get it because it's him," your brother continued. "If she had known he wasn't coming she probably wouldn't be here either. If it's a choice, it'll be him over me in a heartbeat. He could've done the bloody spell on me himself and she'd still choose him. Merlin, she could've done the bloody spell if he asked her to."

If felt like the wind was knocked out of you. You bit your tongue until you drew blood, fighting the urge to cry out, as if Sirius' words physically wounded you.

Rationally, you knew that Sirius was just angry, that he didn't mean it. But the rational side of your brain hasn't been winning many battles today.

You vaguely heard James tell Sirius not to say things like that as you backed away from his door until you met the wall behind you with a thump.

There was silence from inside James' room for mere seconds before the door was ripped open. Sirius stood in the doorway, James behind him. You couldn't read your brother's expression, there barely was one. How typical of him to hide behind a blank stare.

You, however, were wide eyed with a hand clamped over your mouth, leaning against the wall behind you, sure you'd collapse without its support.

Sirius began to say your name and suddenly your hand was gone and the words were tumbling from your lips.

"How could you say that?" Your voice was strained, "I wouldn't ever do that– He wouldn't ever do that!"

Sirius' eyes bore into yours but he didn't say anything. You wished you could tell what he was thinking under that stupid mask of his.

"I shouldn't have to tell you over and over again that I love you both. You are both my brothers, you both mean the world to me. It's so irrational and– and foolish to worry about a choice that I'd never–"

You cut yourself off. The irony of being so hurt by Sirius' words were not lost on you. You had only just been accusing James of choosing Sirius over yourself.

"No, that's not true," Sirius bit back, "because that choice is upon you now. So, go ahead. Let's see if you can surprise me."

"What?"

"Choose me, stay here where it's safe. Choose Regulus, go right ahead and try to be his jailbreak. But when you can't convince him to leave, when he refuses, I won't be surprised when you choose to stay there too."

Your eyes flashed to James, who looks way too shameful for you to not put two and two together. You were conflicted; feelings of regret over accusing James of choosing Sirius over you were mixing with feelings of betrayal that James had ran right to Sirius with your words.

You'd let the guilt and betrayal sink in and shred you to pieces later. You had Sirius to deal with first.

"What is wrong with you?" you hissed. "How could you be so dim? Wanting our brother to be safe does not mean I'm choosing him over you."

"Color me unsurprised!" Sirius yelled, looking smug.

Your eyes began to burn, "Fuck you, Sirius!"

James tries to interrupt, "Er, hey, maybe we should–"

"Don't you dare tell me we need to take a step back from this conversation, James!"

James' mouth clamped shut.

"Don't yell at him!" Sirius squawks.

"You want to talk about choosing one person over another? Let's talk about it. Don't pretend you haven't given up on Regulus ever since you met his shiny new replacement!"

You'd feel real shitty about saying that in front of James later; the look on his face at your words was already burned into your memory.

"Don't turn this on me!" Sirius shouted.

"You're such a hypocrite. And an imbecile for thinking I care about you any less than Regulus. Of course I care about you both the same. And you may not believe it, but Regulus cares about you too!"

"That's–"

"I don't want to hear it," you interrupted, "I'm done. Say it James."

James looked like a deer in headlights, "What?"

"Say the thing!" you shouted.

"We need to take a step back from this conversation?"

Your arms flew up, gesturing towards James as you stared Sirius down with an exasperated look on your face. Your brother scoffed and stormed down the hall, disappearing to anywhere else in the Potters' home.

For a moment it was just you and James in the hall. Your eyes met and he looked anguished and far too apologetic. You knew that you were supposed to be the apologetic one, and you felt your heart begging you to let the sorrys loose.

It was too bad that the betrayal started settling in before the guilt.

"Sirius was right before. You are a snitch."

With that, you slipped back into your room and let the door slam shut behind you.

James remained in the hall for a moment longer, not knowing who to follow. He should follow one of you.

Instead, he decided to retreat back to his bedroom.

James wanted to be alone again.

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bloomzone · 6 days ago

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2025 : #16 journal journal journal : all u need guide

By : a journaling addict girlie

Journaling is a tool for self-discovery mindfulness and creativity too But while many of us start with enthusiasm turning journaling into a consistent habit can feel like a battle or smthng cuz life gets busy u lose motivation and before you know it your journal is gathering dust

so !

This guide will help you build a sustainable journaling practice. Whether you’re a beginner or someone looking to rekindle the habit these practical tips will make journaling an effortless part of your daily routine.

how I found out abt journaling(storytime box)

[I used to feel like my world was tiny, trapped in a cycle of bullying and loneliness and a loot of stuff My social zone was practically nonexistent I had 2 friends but I didn't trusted them enough and the people around me just made things harder so I had a trust issue and I was constantly overthinking eveeeeerything. My mind was a mess, and I had no way to let it out (I can't tell my parents back then abt my problems) . One day, I came across a video about journaling. I saw someone pouring out their thoughts into a notebook (it was bestmess ig on YouTube ) and something clicked for me. Maybe this could be my way to escape all the noise in my head ??? So, I grabbed an old notebook and started writing.At first, it felt awkward—just random, messy thoughts. But as I kept going, I realized it helped. Writing became my safe space. I could say whatever I wanted, no judgment. It wasn’t just about venting; it helped me understand myself, organize my thoughts, and let go of some of the pain from the isolation.Over time, journaling turned into something much deeper. It became a way to reflect, dream, and grow. It taught me how to be kind to myself when no one else was, and helped me find clarity in the chaos. Journaling saved me it turned my mess into peace one page at a time then when the years roll I created a routine for it !]

Why Journaling Matters

☆ Journaling offers countless benefits:

-Reducing stress

-Boosting creativity

-Deepening self-awareness

☆ Yet, staying consistent can be a challenge. The key lies in making journaling enjoyable and rewarding. Here's how you can do just that.

The Science of Habit Formation

To build any habit, including journaling, you need three elements:

1. Cue: A trigger that reminds you to journal.

2. Routine: The act of journaling itself.

3. Reward: The positive feeling or benefit you experience afterward.

The secret is to keep the process simple and satisfying too

Steps to Turn Journaling into a Daily Habit

1. Start Small

Begin with just a sentence or two for example:

“Today, I felt grateful for…”

“The best part of my day was…”

—Starting small makes it less overwhelming and easier to stick with.

2. Anchor It to an Existing Habit

—Pair journaling with something you already do, like drinking coffee or winding down before bed. This "habit stacking" technique helps u remember to journal.

3. Set a Timer

Worried about time? Commit to just 5 minutes. Knowing there’s a limit makes starting feel less daunting.

4. Use Prompts

Struggling with what to write? Use prompts like:

“What made me smile today?”

“What’s a challenge I faced, and how did I handle it?”

—Prompts give your thoughts direction and beat blank-page syndrome. There's million of prompts idea on Pinterest u need just to take action

5. Celebrate Your Progress

Track your streaks or mark your journaling days on a calendar. Seeing your consistency builds motivation.

6. Create a Cozy Space ( not important )

Set up a comfortable spot for journaling—a comfy chair, your favorite pen, or soothing music. A cozy environment turns journaling into a ritual you look forward to.

7. Experiment with Formats

If traditional journaling feels stale, try something new:

☆ Bullet points

☆ Sketches

☆ Gratitude lists

☆ Digital journaling apps

Creative Ways to Journal

☆ Gratitude Journaling: Write down 3 things you’re grateful for each day.

☆ Habit Tracking: Combine journaling with habit tracking to monitor small goals.

☆ Morning Pages: Inspired by Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way, write 3 pages of free-flowing thoughts first thing in the morning.

☆ Reflection Logs: Reflect weekly or monthly on what went well, what you learned, and what you’d like to improve.

Overcoming Common Obstacles

1. “I Don’t Have Time.”

Journaling doesn’t need to take hours. Even a single sentence is progress.

2. “I Don’t Know What to Write.”

Start with prompts or simply answer: “What’s on my mind right now?”

3. “I Keep Forgetting.”

Set phone reminders or pair journaling with a daily habit.

4. “It Doesn’t Feel Useful.”

Journaling isn’t about perfection it’s a tool for you Over time you’ll notice its positive effects.

Journaling as a Tool for Self-Growth

— Journaling isn’t just about recording events or thoughts—it’s also a way to grow mentally, emotionally, and even spiritually. Here’s how you can take your journaling practice to the next level:

1. Use Journaling for Goal Setting

Journaling can help you identify and track your goals. Write down your short- and long-term objectives, and use your journal to reflect on progress, challenges, and adjustments.

Example:

☆ Weekly Goals: Write down 3 specific goals every Monday and reflect on them at the end of the week.

☆ Vision Journaling: Imagine your ideal future and describe it in vivid detail.

2. Practice Emotional Awareness

☆ Journaling is a powerful way to process emotions. Try these techniques:

☆ Emotion Check-Ins: At the end of the day, write about how you felt and why.

☆ Reframing Challenges: If something negative happened, write about it from a different perspective.

3. Develop Gratitude and Mindfulness

☆ Use your journal to cultivate mindfulness by focusing on the present moment:

☆ Mindful Observations: Write about your surroundings, the weather, or how your body feels.

☆ Gratitude Expansion: Instead of listing things you’re grateful for, write a short paragraph about why each one matters.

4. Uncover Patterns and Insights

Over time, your journal becomes a mirror of your habits, thoughts, and emotions. Regularly revisit old entries to:

- Identify recurring themes.

- Discover how you’ve grown or changed.

- Spot areas where you might need more balance or self-care.

FAQs

Q: How long does it take to build a journaling habit?

A: Experts say it takes 21–66 days. Consistency is key, even if it’s just a few minutes daily.

Q: Should I write by hand or use a digital tool?

A: Both work! Handwriting feels personal, while digital tools offer organization. ( In my opinion handwriting one are better !)

Q: What if my journaling feels repetitive?

A: Life has routines, and so will your journal. Use prompts or try new styles to keep it fresh.

Q: Can I journal if I’m not a good writer?

A: Absolutely! Journaling is about self-expression, not perfect prose. Bullet points or doodles work too.

Journaling is a gift you give yourself—a way to check in, reflect, and grow. Whether you’re jotting down a single sentence or filling pages, the act of journaling is what matters most.

@bloomzone 📇

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sassy-cass-16 · 8 months ago

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Oh god I promised myself no bell’s hells meta until c3 ends but my brain is turning the “can she be trusted?” line over and over like chicken at the shawarma shop. because there are layers to that.

more under the cut because i let this run away from me:

so first off, there's the obvious: dorian initially seems to start to address the whole group, everyone who's left in the inn room, but turns and just locks eyes with orym when he asks. orym, who of everyone has the most reason to be biased against laudna right now. orym, who just got into a fight with laudna over the sword that killed both of them and orym's husband and father-in-law. that's who dorian thinks to ask, because he trusts orym not to let his judgment be clouded.

dorian first saw orym again after months of being separated, like, three days ago, and despite how much orym has visibly changed in those months, dorian doesn't hesitate to believe that orym will still be objective. he trusts that orym will be the one to look at this situation and tell him the truth.

because dorian has experience with orym telling him the truth. dorian knows firsthand how willing orym is to shuck his personal feelings in favour of what's true. dorian just saw what he could have become, had orym not stepped in to stop him taking the circlet of barbed vision. he owes the fact that he's alive and beholden to no gods to orym's willingness to be rational and objective in a situation involving a powerful magical item. by his own admission, "i wouldn't be here without you."

so of course dorian trusts him right now.

and there's something to the exclusion of the others, with that. dorian doesn't look to fearne and orym, although that would make sense because he's known the two of them the longest. he doesn't look to chetney, who's proven to be able to get a handle on this with the scream needle compromise. he doesn't look to ashton, who's been extremely levelheaded through this whole mess. he looks at orym, exclusively. he is asking orym, exclusively. not the group, although everyone decides to jump in to answer and then imogen comes through the window to complicate the matter. just orym.

dorian is the kind of person with a lot of potential for darkness in him. he hides it well because he's also deeply kind and friendly, but it's always been there. he's just been through something massively traumatic, and that was after the original circlet conflict back in exu prime. he had his alignment forcibly changed from good to neutral. but even after all he's gone though, orym's alignment is still good.

as much as orym doesn't want to be a leader and prefers to be a protector and follower, he does very well in situations where he takes on an amount of responsibility. when he's in some level of control over a situation, he takes to it naturally. he's a very good babysitter to his gaggle of weirdos. the "can she be trusted?" might have been an attempt on dorian's part to give orym a bit more control here. to reassure him that regardless of anyone else's feelings—regardless of how laudna's reaction might have affected him—orym deserves to be trusted, and he can make a decision that dorian will trust.

back in exu and all the way into early c3, dorian and orym slotted into a sort of parental position in their groups. watching over the crownkeepers' clothes when they went skinny dipping in exu. orym repeatedly steering everybody away from bad ideas. matt even described dorian leaving dariax in zephrah in 4sd as "dad just going out to get cigarettes." there's always been that underlying sense of "we are two of a pair" with dorian and orym. not to say that either of them don't see the others as adults, but they do have that rapport of being the babysitters in the gaggle of weirdos.

that kind of bond is just part of their dynamic. but especially in light of what's been happening while they were separated, and then what happened between them earlier that evening, "can she be trusted?" is a reminder of that bond. orym's been lonely, by his own admission, and one of the secrets he divulged at nana morri's was "i really miss dorian." he broke down crying during his last message through the sending stone, and then again on the bench not a few hours before this whole incident went down.

dorian came to comfort him. he flat-out said to orym's face "i'm here now." he reminded orym that he needs to rely on other people, that he can't always be the one saving everybody else. he gave orym the room to not be the strong one, and told him he has that room because dorian's there to support him. they can be two of a pair again.

he knows orym's been feeling like he can't do anything, like he had to resort to what he stopped dorian from doing with the circlet. and so dorian both gives him a choice to make, something to do, and shows him that he still trusts him unconditionally. "can she be trusted?" also means "i trust you" and "i'm here with you" and "this is how we've always been."

we know from liam in 4sd that orym has feelings for dorian that he's not sure are reciprocated. but even regardless of the romantic element here, dorian and orym have always had a partnership. they have always been two of a pair. the sequence of events leading to "can she be trusted?" is a perfect microcosm of he relationship between the two of them. it's just incredible.

#critical role #cr spoilers #critical role spoilers #campaign 3 #dorian storm #orym of the air ashari #dorym #bells hells #cr meta

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smoooothoperator · 7 months ago

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What Was I Made For?

10: Clair de Lune

childhood enemies, forced proximity, accidental pregnancy, enemies to lovers

Warnings: flashbacks are in italics

a/n: Hiiiiiiii what do you think Dafne will do??

if you want to play a game and ask things about Dafne

Masterlist

previous part | next part

If you want to be tagged don't forget to message me!

Every way of feedback is very welcomed

The boy I met in Greece.

Was I too young to think he was my first love? Six years is enough?

If there’s something that sets me apart from my sister Erica, it’s my lack of social skills. I was the one hiding behind my parents during introductions, the one who avoided problems to stay safe. Because avoiding problems means you don't have to expose your heart or confront others, right?

During those weeks in Greece, he was my voice. He stood by me, talked for me, and defended me. He was the first person I wanted to see when I woke up and the last before I went to bed. He stayed with me while I read, ordered my ice cream, and made me feel like I could be myself.

Until it happened.

That day, he wasn’t the same. He was quieter, barely smiled. He skipped breakfast, ignored me, and slept in the car. At lunch, he barely ate, and on the beach, he stayed in the shade.

I should have seen it. I should have noticed he was sick. But instead of facing the problem, I ran away.

That’s what I always did. That’s why the boy I loved became someone I hated. I was blind and too scared to confront the issue.

He called me a coward. And why deny it? I am. I make mistakes. I run from situations I can't handle. I push people away when things get tough. That's what I did with Charles, with Sebastian, and when I found out I was pregnant.

I ran away.

But I can't do it anymore. I have to face life, solve my problems, and fix my mistakes.

Charles insisted on staying with me in the villa. He left only for a day to grab things he needed and then came back the next day. I had a whole day for myself and my cat.

“What do you think about him, hm?” I sighed, rubbing my cat Athena's head. “An asshole, right?”

She looked at me with her ears turned back, like she disagreed with what I said.

“Oh, let me guess. He gave you your favorite treat and now you adore him, huh?” I smiled, rubbing her head.

I sighed, placing my hand on my belly and looking up at the ceiling.

A chance. I gave him a chance. But how will this work? I don't think I'm ready to forgive him, even if he proves he’s changed. How can I trust him? He might be the father of this kid, but that doesn’t erase the fact that the moment we conceived this baby was the worst day of my life.

“Knock, knock.”

I sighed, smiling weakly when I heard my sisters’ voices coming in. They walked into the house with bags in their hands, smiling.

“How are you doing?” Soleil asked, sitting next to me.

“Are you asking for the baby or for the one that made it?” I smiled weakly.

“Both,” she sighed, looking at our older sister. “He cares for you, Dafne…”

“You told him to come. Why?” I sighed, looking at Erica, who sat next to me, holding my cat on her lap.

“Because it was necessary,” she said, rubbing Athena’s head. “You two have something in common, and it’s not only your careers. That kid needs to grow up with a father. And you can’t run away from your problems all the time.”

“I know-”

“You’re twenty-six, Dafne. It’s about time you two talk about the past and clear things up! For God’s sake, he searched for you everywhere!”

“I know!” I sighed, looking at her. “I know. We talked.”

“Oh,” both my sisters frowned.

“I gave him a chance,” I sighed. “I know I can’t do this alone. I know I need him. It’s just… how can I trust him again? How… He promised me he’s going to change. But what if he doesn’t? What if now he’s telling everyone that I’m pregnant and that I won’t come back?”

“Come on, he’s stupid, but not that much,” Soleil laughed softly. “He cares for you. If he didn’t before he found out you were pregnant, he won’t do it now.”

“Which is why we came here…” Erica sighed. “You… you have to say something to the world, Daf. Everyone is asking where you are. Fred hasn’t heard anything more about you. I’m sure he’s already closing a deal with another driver.”

“It’s for the best,” I sighed, rubbing my belly. “I don’t think I’ll be able to come back after this.”

“And then what are you going to do? Retire?” she sighed.

“I…” I swallowed thickly, feeling a knot in my throat and tears welling up. “I guess…”

“Come here,” Erica sighed, opening her arms and letting me lean on her. “Everything will be okay, yeah? We will be here for you. Mom and dad will be here for you. Charles… Charles will be here for you.”

“How did we end up like this… How? Why?” I mumbled, letting the tears flow silently down my cheeks.

“Maybe because you two are meant to be, hm?” Soleil sighed, leaning on me and hugging me too. “Maybe because your story didn’t end that day in Greece. Maybe you two were meant to be, and now a little version of you two is giving you a chance to be together again.”

We stayed in silence for a few seconds before laughing weakly again.

“That was so poetic,” Erica chuckled.

“I was inspired,” she joked, making us chuckle lightly again.

I smiled weakly and sighed, holding their hands and squeezing them tightly. If I retire, what will happen to them? They worked with me, they were my team, my biggest support…

“You two should find another driver to work with,” I whispered.

“What? No!” Soleil frowned. “I was your trainer. I can’t be with someone else.”

“Listen to me, okay?” I smiled weakly. “I’m sure you will find a new driver. Go try F1 Academy; the girls would love to have an experienced trainer. Please?”

They looked at each other and sighed, hugging me tightly. I have to accept my fate, that I can’t go back to karting because I have a kid to take care of.

“Maybe you’re right,” I sighed. “Maybe our story didn’t end in Greece. It was only on hiatus.”

I sighed, placing my hand on my belly and rubbing it softly. I should tell the world that I’m going to retire, and if I tell the truth, it would be best for me and my baby. But I have to talk with Charles about it because it’s something that concerns both of us.

“Do you think he feels the same?” I sighed.

“He wouldn’t have come if he didn’t,” Soleil whispered.

“He does care,” Erica said, brushing my hair. “But it’s something you two have to talk about. Only the two of you know how you feel, what you want.”

“I just want to stop feeling that pain every time I look at him,” I sighed. “I want to stop the stabs I feel in my chest every time he looks at me and talks about me. I just want to go back in time to Greece and live in a loop there.”

“Then fix things,” Erica said, encouraging me. “Fix things, tell him what you’re telling us now.”

“It’s not that easy, Eri,” I sighed. “I don’t trust him. I can’t even let him touch my belly. I feel so… I don’t know, betrayed.”

“It will take time,” Soleil sighed. “But hey, you have five months until the baby comes. You have enough time to fix everything.”

“He will go to the races,” I sighed. “He can’t be here all the time.”

They sighed and nodded, hugging me tighter, staying with me for the rest of the day, keeping me company.

After my sisters left after dinner, the house was silent again. It reminded me of the day I came home after that race, of how vulnerable I felt.

It was so cold. No matter how many layers of clothes I was wearing, I was still shaking.

“Dad said that the wood is outside,” Erica said, walking back inside the house with the last suitcase. “You know how it works, right?”

“Yeah,” I sighed, looking at the fireplace, clenching my jaw.

“We can stay if you ask us, you know?” Soleil sighed, sitting next to me on the couch. “You don't have to do this alone.”

“I need it,” I whispered. “I need to be alone, just for a while… I need to think.”

“We will come here once a week, okay?” Erica said, sitting on my other side and holding my hand. “To bring you things, hm? Just… don’t push us away.”

“What did Mom and Dad say?” I whispered.

“Well… they will support you, Daf,” Soleil said. “It was a shock at first… but… who is the father?”

I swallowed thickly, looking away. The father? Someone I hate, someone who only brings me trouble. Someone who only knows how to hurt me.

“Not who I wished,” I mumbled.

“Who?” Erica frowned but immediately understood, I think. “Oh…”

“Exactly,” I sighed. “Oh.”

They stayed silent, hugging me tightly, comforting me without saying anything until it was time for them to leave.

I watched the car drive away, wrapping a blanket around my shoulders. It’s so cold outside; December is cold in this house.

“What am I going to do now?” I mumbled, placing my hand on my stomach, swallowing thickly when I felt the bump.

How could I have never noticed? I’m three months pregnant. How? I missed three periods. Was it because I focused too much on my season? And I never had morning sickness… at least not always, and I didn’t think it was because I was pregnant.

I sneezed softly and immediately walked inside the house, shivering. I grabbed some wood and placed it in the fireplace, lighting it and moving the wood until it burned.

I looked at the fire, taking deep breaths and closing my eyes when I felt the warmth kissing my cheeks. I followed the flames with my eyes, watching their hypnotic dance and feeling my mind relax immediately.

That’s what I need. Peace, loneliness. No one to disturb me. Just me, my cat, my piano, and my baby.

I shook my head, taking a deep breath and standing up from the couch, brushing away the memories that were coming back.

The piano was there, against the wall with the cover down. It’s been a while since I played it. I always did it with my dad when we came here in the summer, when I was a kid.

But now it felt like it was calling me, asking me to play it, to fill the silence of the house.

Slowly, I made my way to the piano, my heart beating a little faster with each step. I paused in front of it, hesitating. Taking a deep breath, I lifted the cover, revealing the old white and black keys. Even if they were dirty, they seemed to glow with a gentle invitation.

I sat down on the bench, my hands trembling slightly because of the cold as they hovered over the keys. My mind drifted back to the countless times I played here, watching and listening intently as my father played, how he smiled and closed his eyes every time he gave us a little concert.

Without thinking, my fingers found their places on the keys, and I began to play. The opening notes filled the room, soft and delicate, like a whisper. My hands moved with a mixture of uncertainty and muscle memory, but always touched the keys with security.

As the melody unfolded, I closed my eyes, letting the music guide me. The familiar patterns and rhythms started to flow more naturally, my fingers dancing over the keys with increasing confidence. The room around me disappeared, and my mind only focused on the music I was making, not hearing the front door opening or the meowing of my cat.

The final notes lingered in the air, a delicate echo of what once was. I sat there for a moment, letting the silence envelop me, my fingers still resting on the keys. A tear escaped and rolled down my cheek, but I didn’t wipe it away. Instead, I smiled softly, feeling a sense of peace I hadn’t felt in a while.

“Clair de Lune.”

I gasped, flinching when I heard his voice. I heard him walk towards me, leaning on the wall next to the piano. He was smiling, looking at me and my hands.

“I didn’t know you played the piano,” he said, surprised.

“I told you, there are things about me you don’t know,” I sighed, looking away.

But then I flinched again, feeling a sharp pain in my stomach, making me stay silent and place my hand on my belly.

“What? What happened?” Charles frowned, moving fast and kneeling next to me. “Dafne.”

“The baby…” I mumbled.

“What? What happened?” he asked, panic filling his voice.

Without thinking about it, I grabbed his hand and placed it on my belly, ignoring the alarms in my brain.

Then again.

“Is that…” Charles mumbled, shocked too.

“A kick,” I whispered, looking into his eyes, feeling his warm hand on my belly. “It… it’s the first time the baby kicks.”

“Oh God,” he whispered, and I could feel the adoration in his voice. “God, Dafne… play again. Please, play the piano.”

I looked at him, smiling slowly and turning again to face the piano, playing another song, with his hand still on my belly, rubbing his thumb softly, and soft butterfly kicks in my womb.

taglist

@racinggirl @elisysd @alltoomaples @ssprayberrythings @rach3164 @yvonne-dump @deliciousfestsalad @janeh22 @hc-dutch @ninifee1802 @kakorrhaphiphobia @ssararuffoni @itsjustkhaos @scaramou @tapedeck-hearts @apollosfavkiddo @sltwins @glitterquadricorn @ladystardust05 @theseerbetweenus @vizzzashley @auawdo @leah-also-known-as-creatoronwp @leptitlu @green-thots @caterinemirandax_

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razorblade180 · 3 months ago

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Inspiration

Ruby:Yo-yo?

Carmine:Hmm?

Ruby:Ren told me you paid a visit to him for some training. Said you did pretty good.

Carmine:Not really. Stances were okay but aura manipulation is weird. Probably won’t rely on it too much.

Ruby:Seems like you’re drawing inspiration from everyone you can. If that the case, I have something for you.

The reapers reveals a long weapon’s case. She puts in the ground in front of her daughter and taps it with her foot, causing it to open up. Two curved blades lay brightly inside. Their detail is so intricate in the engravings and design. It’s obvious they’re meant to combine. Carmine picks them up to find they have little heft to them but are drastically lighter than her own sword. She might as well be holding nothing.

Carmine:Wow, these are crazy looking. Not necessarily my style but I can see how they could be useful.

Ruby:They’re what Cinder uses.

Carmine:…….What? How did y-

Ruby:These are replicas I made and trust me when I say they’re identical. If you put them together then it can fire arrows.

Carmine:Why would you ever make these?

Ruby:Because, my little huntress, I can be as petty and spiteful as anyone else when pushed far enough. Use these on patrol and missions for the next month; study them well. Utility, movement, reach, all that you can.

Carmine:“Know thy enemy” right? I have to admit, I wasn’t expecting this from you considering our differing views on how to handle the situation.

Ruby:I made a vow to you the day you were born that I will be a mom before a huntress when it came to making sure my family was safe. I still plan on finding and taking out Cinder myself, but if for some reason you find her first or she finds you, then by all means, give her every layer of hell you can.

Carmine:I don’t suppose you’ve made me a parasol blade too?

Ruby:If only that’s all it took to learn Neo’s moves. I mean this, just avoid her. She’s at least a three person job and two of them need to hate her.

Carmine:Heh, okay then. Mind if we go a few rounds then?

Ruby:…It’s better if you ask Ren?

Carmine:C’mon. I know you don’t like training me but-

Ruby:No, it not that. I just…I might go too hard if you’re using those.

Carmine:So? Honestly you’d be doing me a favor. Everyone always talks about how intense you can get, all the stories of your passion and hardcore moments. I don’t get to see that. I actually feel weird for never seeing you angry. I get angry all the time!

Ruby:Sweetie, what kind of a parent would I be if I took out repressed rage on my child in a sparring match?

Carmine:…Better than Raven. Better than your mom too.

Ruby:!? Wha-

Carmine:I think you’re pretty cool, despite everything that’s happened. We always try to our feelings out but honestly it never really works well. I get you’re trying to be an example, but it’s okay if normal being a mom doesn’t come as naturally as a huntress. Mix both. I don’t care. I kinda need both. I mean if I can survive you then Cinder would be easier by comparison. Plus…it’s not like I could stop myself from swinging at you seriously either.

Ruby:Did you..are you saying I piss you off?

Carmine:You’re my mom. Every daughter gets pissed at their mom.

Ruby:That’s not…inaccurate. Sigh Are we really doing this?

Carmine:Are my eyes silver? *points blade out* Well, Mrs. Hero? Show me why Cinder is too chicken face you head on!

Ruby:Fine, but name a restaurant first. You may think I prefer being huntsman 24/7 but I’d like to have some regular quality time with my daughter after this.

Carmine:Hmmm, how about your home cooking?

Ruby:…*smiles* Deal.

#rwby #rwby au #ruby rose #carmine arc rose #rwbabies #rwby rosebud

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youtellmeman · 1 year ago

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Random sully family headcanons

Including- lo’ak, neteyam, Jake, neytiri, and kiri

Jake

Definitely dropped all of his kids at least once. Like it’s actually so bad neytiri didn’t let him hold tuk for a minute just cause she wanted to give her a fighting chance and he still managed drop her

“Babe cmon she’s my kid too I just wanna hold her for a bit I promise I won’t-” “No you are a skxawng. You will not drop this one before she’s had a chance to learn to walk.” “But-” “No.”

Despite dropping his children he still manages to be all of their favorites at one point or another. For the boys it was when they turned 7 to age 10 cause he was so willing to throw them around and lift them by their ankles.

This does end up in them all getting in trouble sometimes when they play too rough and one of them gets hurt . “shhh stop don’t cry your fine you don’t need your mom”- him and whichever son isn’t hurt.

For the girls it’s when their toddlers. Jake was definitely always a patient in Kiri’s make believe clinic cause ik that girl was playing doctor

And dear dear tuk gets him where it hurts most. “Daddy let me do your makeup” really it’s just face paint but he will end up looking like a clown. And don’t let tuk catch him trynna wash his face. It’ll be clash of clans up in there.

“Tuk I have to go out I have duties.” “Leave it on” “babygirl daddy can’t-” tears start to well as soon as he tries to fight back. Def attends a meeting or two with his face covered in a blend of colors

Ok ok now not family Jake

Can’t handle spice for shit I’m sorry someone had to say it look at that man he may be blue but he was white first that mf can’t take it

Let neytiri or even you make him something with a lil kick. Keeps clearing his throat and wiping the dribble from his nose like y’all can’t tell he’s literally dying.

Along with the whole food thing I think he definitely knows how to cook. I’m not saying he’s stellar but bro can wip something up when needed

Definitely forgets how big he is sometimes like he spent so much of his life being normal height and part of it being bellow that he will just smack right into thing or get stuck cause he swore he could fit. He cannot

I also feel like he gets still gets phantom pain in his legs like from being paralyzed before moving over to his avatar completely. Like it’s such a big mental hurdle that I doubt it goes away

Last but not least. And this is my personal favorite. Definitely goads his children into shit.

“Well if you’re too scared” “pussy” “I knew you wouldn’t”

Doesn’t work on kiri cause she just walks away from him

The other three tho, fucking horrible will immediately loose all prior hesitation and just go balls to the wall with whatever it is.

Neytiri

My wife 🙏

Okk mom neytiri up first

Fucking soccer mom bro doesn’t give a damn will fight for all of her kids even if they’re wrong

Corrects them in private but in public, will square up don’t play

Also feel like I’m the beginning she was definitely the stricter parent but as things changed she softened up where Jake took over being more rah rah

Will stand by Jake on most things but sometimes he goes too far and trust me he hears about it

Despite Jake having the boys favoritism in the adolescents. Before and after they are big mommas boys.

As toddlers yo they are up her ass constantly to the point where she has to ask her mom if this is normal.

“Sa’nok my sons they stick to me like sap from a tree it cannot be normal.” “They are children it is what they do.” “Mother I cannot relieve myself without one them following.”

When they get over it though. Heartbroken truly distraught. The first time one of the boys decided they’d rather hang out with their father she was betrayed and Jake of course didn’t help.

As teens they’re not as clingy as they once were but they definitely come to her for comfort or just affection. Whether it be random hugs from her or just cheek/forehead kissed from their mother they’re all about it

The girls and her are different I feel like. They’re definitely close especially tuk with how small she is. Her and kiri though I feel as though they connect more through their spirituality

And she def teaches kiri how to bead and sow and make clothing. I think they have little daughter dates where they’ll make an afternoon of just making beads and song cords. Chatting or sitting in a comfortable silence

Moving on cause my girl isn’t just a mom

To rival Jake. Spice monster bros. Tears it up without a second thought. She doesn’t even blink

I feel like it definitely becomes a big thing for a minute like norm grows a Carolina reaper just to see how na’vi taste buds react to what we consider to be real hot and she eats that shit like it’s a cherry

“Ok so this is a Carolina reaper it’s really hot so I’d suggest just taking a small-” *throws that shit back like a shot* “I-” “tiri spit it out.” “Why ma Jake, it tastes good. Could I have another?”

And I feel like it’s just her like the other na’vi def feel the heat on it. She goes around offering her new favorite snack to everyone and leaves a trail of pain in her wake. Offers one to Mo’at, simply gets a shake of the head paired with

“I will not be taken by Eywa today”

Way better cook compared to Jake. Kids will shoot her a painstaking glance as a plea for help if they see him cooking something they know he has no buisness making and she’ll take it upon herself to slip in some spices and correct some of his mistakes when he’s not looking. Saving her husbands dignity and her children’s pallets.

Tears up the dance floor don’t play with her. Feel like Jake introduces the concept of dance battles as a joke and it becomes a thing within the clan but everyone knows not to challenge neytiri cause she with whip ur ass McJagar style

Snorts when she laughs. Real loud too Jake thinks that shit is hilarious until he honks like a seagull one day and they agree to go cut out the laugh jokes for the sake of their marriage

Neteyam

Best big brother every don’t play with it

Takes after his mother in the sense that he is more than willing to kick ass for his siblings

Someone made fun of kiri for not being a “real” part of the family once and they had to call Jake to restrain him (def let him get in a few good ones before pulling him off)

The kind of older brother that steals his baby sister when his mom isn’t looking

Gets to the point that if neytiri or Jake can’t find tuk they’ll just assume she’s with neteyam cause he’ll just snatch her up and she LOVES it

Despite being less of a trouble maker then lo’ak he still definitely does shit he shouldn’t the only difference is he’s better at being sneaky

I think he’s more cautious around humans compared to his brother but he’s definitely really curious too

Ends up getting introduced to some of our music from earth.

Bro is SZA’s number one fan a thousand years later

“I might kill my ex, not the best idea~” singing to himself quietly unaware of his brother and spider giggling in the bushes. “Bravo! Give us more! More I say!” “Oh shove off lo’ak!”

He def got that rnb voice though boutta guve ninat a run for her money

Takes after his mother on the whole spicy food thing. Loves Carolina reapers too, he thinks it’s so funny to eat them and then breath real hard in his brothers direction just to watch his eyes tear up

Despite being able to sing can’t dance for shit, two left feet when it comes to rhythm lord help him truly

Really good at hunting, takes after his mother once again

The only person good enough at stalking that can sneak up on neytiri without her having to pretend she doesn’t hear him coming.

Weapon of choice is a bow although I feel like he has really good aim no matter what, throwing knives, slingshot, even a gun when his dad teaches him. Just a natural

Will say though someone give this boy a hug cause the amount of pressure he is under being the eldest son holy cow bro

Feel like this leads to neteyam having anxiety attacks just at the thought of having to take over the mantle one day.

Always goes to kiri when he has them she’s the only person who can calm him down

Lo’ak

Despite loving his family I think he can feel really isolated from them at times

I think him and kiri bond sometimes just over feeling like the odd ones out.

He compares him self to his dad and older brother so much like it’s just sad plus he’s always in trouble so it doesn’t help much

Even though him and his dad have their problems he strives so hard to make him proud

If he had to pick a favorite sibling it would be tuk, because despite neteyam being all over her and her being a snitch from time to time. Tuk just adores lo’ak

“Tuk you can’t come with me, it’s for big kids only” “I’m big!” “Cmon tuk it’s fine you can hang out with me.” “No! I want ‘ak I don’t wanna go with tem” “….damn bro how’d that feel” “ouch”

It’s almost tragic Fr, but he almost always folds when it comes to her. The only time he says no and stands on it so when he thinks she’ll get hurt or won’t be able to keep up.

Him and kiri besides being sad together also hang out pretty often

I think, like kiri and neytiri , she and him make beads together tho it’s more kiri doing it and him trying and failing

They having matching necklace pendants. He wears his in his hair as a charm cause he feels like that’s where it’s closest to him

While he does hold resentment towards neteyam I don’t think it’s enough to mess up their relationship. They were kids together and I think that means more

So that being said. Huge pranksters but only on their father.

The about of times Jake has had water fall on him out of no where is almost sad. They place decoys so he thinks he outsmarted them and then bam, face full of colored powder.

“Hah, those suckers. What do they think, that I’m stupid or so-” *leaf hits him in the face dousing him with bright orange pigment. Followed by the snorts and chuckles of his sons* “I’m gonna kill those damn kids”

Takes after his daddy, cannot handle spice. Minutely better then Jake but like not really

Neytiri makes this na’vi version of chilli and she has to make a tamer version for him and Jake. Even tuk can take spice better than them

Also really interested in human culture and ends up with his own little music taste

Feel like he’s big on 90’s rnb and hip hop. Destiny’s child, dr.dre, Tupac without question

Definitely spits hard ass bars for fun sometimes.

*Spider beat boxing shitily in the background while lo’ak is laying the ground work for some life changing shit. Mean while Jake is watching from afar with their mother* “that’s my son”

Will dance and he will eat y’all up with that shit. Norm lets him watch just dance videos sometimes when he comes over. Changes the course of his life

Will get jiggy with it everywhere and anywhere. Would kick everyone’s ass in dance dance revolution if they had it

Hunting, he’s alright

Bros nothing super special cause he’s clumsy as fuck and loud therefore everyone and their mother knows he’s coming but he’s not that bad in combat

Sometimes

Feral fighter, will bite and scratch, real dangerous with a knife. I’d definitely say he’s more of a close contact fighter over distance

Kiri

(We need more kiri love out here man)

Jake’s princess I’m sorry

She has that man wrapped around her finger and she KNOWS it

Will literally get in trouble with neytiri over it sometimes

“Dad can I go out foraging?” “No I want you to watch over tuk today.” “Please dad? Can’t lo’ak do it?” Qeue the sad baby eyes “of course baby girl you’re right.” “Tsk ma Jake so foolish”

Loves all her siblings so much tho and if she ever feels left out she knows she can go to them they’ll comfort her and make her feel like one of them again

Def starts shit with lo’ak for no reason, she just thinks it’s funny to make him mad

Will ease off sometimes when she knows their father went off on him recently though

That’s when him and her make neteyam’s life difficult poor boy.

Is neither here nor there on the spice scale. Better than Jake and lo’ak for sure but no where near her older brother and neytiris tolerance. Besides I don’t think she really cares for it anyway

Loves to cook, very bad at it

Truly comical how many times neytiri and even mo’at have tried to teach her. Like she’s given the family food poisoning multiple times

Makes Jake try everything cause she knows he won’t say no

Subject to tuk’s makeup makeover also but is usually a good sport

Music cause I have to now

She’s an indie girl don’t play

Pheobe bridgers, Liana Flores, salvia path

Girl in red (😋🤭)

Cannot sing but is an okay dancer

At least by na’vi standards cause I’m convinced she cannot figure out human dance moves for the life of her

Lover not a fighter

And I mean that literally that girl ain’t throwing or catching hands anytime soon

She’ll bite a bitch quick and in a hurry tho if she really must

Fr Fr tho she’s a healer we know this miss girl is one of the best there is in the class

Taking after her mother and her mothers mother ofc

I do think however that she likes fishing. Not using a bow, stick and string waiting patiently fishing. Always returns her catches to the wild after praying to eywa in apology for stressing out one of her creatures

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thesummerstorms · 6 months ago

Text

I can acknowledge that the text SAYS that Annabeth Chase worked out her problems with her dad, that her stepmom seemed "nice", and that her "resentment" is described as seemingly unimportant in Blood of Olympus. I can acknowledge the text SAYS that Annabeth's family problems are resolved.

However. That does not mean that I actually buy it. If RR wanted me to accept that outcome, he should have done the actual work of proving it.

Yes we have the scene with the plane and Mrs. Chase telling Percy that Annabeth has a home.

But those two scenes in TTC don't actually work as a source of a resolution to that plot thread because they don't address the root of the problem- Annabeth being hurt by Frederick's neglect and her step-mother 's blame/callousness.

Even if they ARE trying to do better now (which to honest, feels like a cop out to me, almost as if RR just decided he no longer wanted to write that thread and cut it off quickly) the problem lies in what already happened in the past and how badly Annabeth was hurt by it.

She could have died so, so easily, and even if you want to argue perfect intent for the Chase adults (which I don't) she was emotionally fucked up by what happened for years. This has already happened.

But there's not even a hint of an apology or actual reflection on what caused those events and how things need to be moving forward. It's just assumed that TTC automatically fixes everything.

And yes, I actively have a post going around about how an author has to pick and choose their narratives and what they want to focus on for what characters.

But I would argue that RR already chose to make that plot line an important part of the plot- given how it drives Annabeth's motivations and actionals on an emotional level for pretty much all of TTC- it's just that he handled it badly.

If it was going to be addressed, especially if it was going to be "fixed", then we needed more to convince us that Annabeth had reason to trust her parents again. And again, for me one plane scene that doesn't go into what Annabeth has already experienced doesn't work for me personally.

Especially when you look at things like how Annabeth was still living in boarding schools full time, her description of the night she ran away in HOH, her persistent fear of abandonment.

And before anyone brings it up, I do actually have some sympathy for Frederick Chase. I personally am deeply adverse to the idea of having children of my own, so putting myself in his shoes of having been given a whole infant I never wanted and didn't know was a possibility, freaks me out a little too!

BUT. That doesn't change the fact that he had a responsibility as an adult-

to either choose to raise Annabeth fully as his child and accept the responsibility that entailed

to find someone who could take care of her the way she deserved if he was not emotionally or mentally able to fulfill those needs.

I'm not saying any of it would be easy, but he did in fact have a basic obligation to make sure Annabeth was receiving care from SOMEONE. That's basic decency as an adult with some form of power over a child even if he DIDN'T want to be her father.

But his refusal to actually commit to either path just did MORE damage in the long run.

And he's free to try and make amends, I guess. People can change.

But I just don't feel there's enough to show that he really has long term, much less to give ANNABETH reason to believe he has.

#annabeth chase #frederick chase #pjo #percy jackson

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theshiftingwitch · 3 months ago

Note

Hi!

I have horrible OCD and I can’t get my mind to understand the way I need to differentiate between my desired reality and my thoughts.

I’ve been struggling with it for months because of coaches and people always saying our thoughts are what create our reality. Since I’ve come to understand that the 4D and our imagination creates our reality, and reality is an echo of our thoughts, it’s really fucked up my entire faith and I can’t trust my own words and desires anymore.

I can only bring myself to manifest smaller things like money, or clearer skin and longer hair etc because of fears. My mind has convinced me I have illness and that Ill never get to reality shift because of my OCD, and what’s so scary is that it feels so real.

I don’t know what to do anymore, I don’t know how to release this energy of constantly being convinced there’s illness in me or my own parent, I have no idea what I can visualize to make things better because my mind just shows me images of me and my parent sick all day. I don’t know what mindset I can have apart from the fact that reality is an echo of our thoughts.

Do I continue to affirm that my desired thoughts obliterates and destroys my fears of illness even thought I constantly get scary images that feel so real? I don’t have anyone who understands my problems at such a spiritual level and I’ve tried so hard to find meditations exactly for this but none of them fit to my standards.

I’m so tired and I’m almost completely giving up due to how real my OCD feels. It’s always surrounding illness in the stomach area which has created this horrible stuck energy that almost fuels my OCD. When Im most terrified what can I do?

What do I do?

Sorry for the long message! 🫶🏻🥺

Hello!

Surprisingly, this is not the first ask I get about manifesting/shifting while struggling with OCD (I'll leave the links down for you)

First, I have to say this because I can't, in good conscience, give you my advice without letting you know : I am not a professional. Manifestation and loa and shifting are not a replacement for professional help, so if you can, please speak to someone who knows what they're doing when it comes to complex mental health.

You said you can only bring yourself to manifest small things, then you listed things people have been struggling with for months! There are no small or big manifestations, everything is of equal value when it comes to loa, so already you've proven to be a powerful manifestor.

And yet, as powerful as you are, you haven't been able to manifest this illness that plagues your mind. You're not sick, your family is not sick, you're all doing just fine. So why is it that this particular thought didn't manifest when we always say that our thoughts create our realities?

The mind is a complex thing, and your subconscious is a sponge that absorbs whatever you tell it without debate or questions. However, manifesting is not simply thinking a thought and letting it come into your reality. Manifestation requires clear DESIRE. It needs a strong intention and a burning desire for that which you WANT to manifest. If you're thinking a thought and it feels so real and yet the whole time your mind is going " I don't want this! I don't want this outcome! Please don't bring this into my 3d reality, this feels awful, I don't like this! Make it stop" you're signalling to your subconscious mind that this is not a desire, so it gets handled as such.

Intrusive thoughts are just that, a thought that doesn't belong and is intruding on your normal line of thinking. You can't manifest that which you do not desire. Your mind is smarter than that, the universe is smarter than that!

Check out these posts if you have more questions about this, and happy manifesting ❤️

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tinfoil-jones · 2 months ago

Text

Gravity Falls: For Your Own Good, Ch.21

Summary: A few years after moving to Gravity Falls and having his lab built, Stanford Pines happens upon his estranged twin brother, Stanley. He mentally prepared himself to be suffocated by his brothers neediness all over again - what he wasn't prepared for was Stanley walking right past him like he didn't even notice him.

Rating: M for language, violence, and adult implications

Preface: Dialogue only, but some actions will be annotated for clarity. Cross-Posted on AO3 Here.

The scene between Ch.20 and Ch.21 (the immediate result of Ford seeing Stans death, and Bills reveal) was not shown on purpose. Because it was a very emotionally intimate affair. It's up to the readers' interpretation how Ford and Stan reacted after they left the dreamscape. I will tell you this time Ford was HONEST-honest, like he even told him the truth about Bill and that's how Stan came back.

Bill's Nicknames:

Ford: Fordsy, Sixer, IQ

Stan: Slick, (ex)Conman, PTSD Barnum

Fiddleford: (The) Hick, Glasses, McSuckit

Stan’s Nicknames:

Ford: PhD, Doc, any synonym for the word ‘crazy’

Fiddleford: Specs, Stretch, F

Bill: Lashes, (One-Eyed) Demon, (The) Triangle

“(italics)” Indicates that the speaker is speaking in Spanish (unless stated otherwise). This author only knows English, and I did not want to misrepresent Spanish by using Google Translate.

When people are in the dreamscape together, their dialogue is written normally. But if Bill and Ford are communicating in Fords head without the mindscape, Bills dialogue is in "italics", and Fords dialogue is in 'apostrophes and italics' like thoughts are. Memories are written entirely in italics.

First - Prev - Next

CH.21

RING

CLICK

“Hello, Dr. McGucket speaking.”

“Is it double-doctor yet, F?”

“Well I’ll be! It’s good to hear from the case study himself. How you doin’ this evening, Stan?”

“I’m doing pretty great actually, hiding out from d- Stanford.”

“Still having trouble using real names, darlin?”

“I know now he’s my real, actual, twin. But… I dunno specs, it’s hard to see myself as his brother; there’s still a lot of stuff I don’t remember.”

“Still uncoverin’ small memories' day-by-day?”

“Yeah, mostly going through childhood stuff now… still having trouble with his- our, parents faces. Feelings get too big for my brain to handle with that subject.”

“I'm still beside myself that the key to helping you uncover your lost memories was Stanford’s meditative exercises. The answer was right in front of us the whole time!”

“...Yea’.”

“Stan, have you… thought about reporting yourself as alive to the authorities? I know it’s been over a year since that car accident, but there hadn’t been a body…”

“Not yet… I got a lot of enemies, stretch. I don’t wanna bring all that trouble to Gravity Falls, ya know?”

“Yeah, you bring enough trouble all on your own.”

“Were you always such a smartass, McGucket?”

“I usually hear ‘sassy’.”

“Heh. I’d believe it. By the way, did your beard like the biker chick I sent her way?”

“You can say 'wife' Stan, you don’t have to say beard every time just because we’re- oh that don’t matter none right now. I have half a mind to cane your hands after that disaster.”

“Disaster? Jimmy told me they had a great time!”

“... Stan, when you described this woman to us, you said she was ‘extremely hot, out of this world, and holds other people accountable’.”

“Was I wrong?”

“You didn’t tell us she was a partially undead psychopomp who can transform into a flaming skeleton, and drags people down the fiery yonder under the weight of their sins!”

“I’m not hearing the part where I was wrong.”

“It wasn’t easy explaining to Tater where Old Man Jenkins went…”

“Trust me, if he got dragged ‘down’ he deserved it. Jimmy tried that on me once, and Hell decided I wasn’t bad enough. But hey, sounds like you’ve been having more fun than me.”

“And what have you and Stanford been up to?”

“He’s a little pissy right now.”

“What did you do?”

“Why do you always think I did something?”

“...”

“Point taken. Every time I go into town I pretend to be him, right? Well, the townsfolk of Gravity Falls don’t just think he’s a menace, they also see him as some kind of cryptid too. They’re always wanting to check out his creepy cabin in the woods and whatever freaky science stuff he has lying around.”

“Okay…”

“I may have let some people look at his paranormal stuff while he was asleep in his lab. For a price, of course.”

“Stan!”

“What? It’s not like he’s patenting anything right now, and the grant moneys gonna run out eventually. Especially with the late fee’s he’s accrued over the years. He wants me to stay here, but keeps shooting down my attempts at contributing.”

“Your last attempt at contributing was raiding Mayor Befufftlefumpter’s estate and stealing a Fabergé egg.”

“That was honestly more for me. I’m still mad about him triple-stabbing me when I tried mugging him months ago. That old codger has more ruthlessness than you’d think.”

“Well, you ain't goin' on more revenge quests when I come back down in three days are you? Can you not do that, for me?”

“Fine, I promise; no vengeance plots anywhere in this house.”

(...)

“Stanford’s Log: Vengeance Plot number fifteen.”

“Bill, what are you going on about this time?”

“Just narrating your elaborate revenge scheme against that list of people who tried to kill your brother.”

“Please refrain, my muse.”

“Ah, no fun Fordsy. So, which poor sap are you creating brutal nightmares for this time?”

“Did you finally find that monster from the homeless shelter?”

“I had to jump around the minds of a few vagrants, cops, and humanitarian workers to piece the details together, but it looks like someone already beat you to the punch Sixer. That guy was shanked to death in an alleyway seven years ago over a bag of coarse-grain Himalayan pink salt he thought was crystal meth.”

“I was looking forward to that one… He deserved worse.”

“Aww, don’t be too disappointed Sixer. This next guy is the one who locked him in the trunk of a car and dropped it into a reservoir. Ironically, he has a fear of small spaces and the dark! Also, public speaking. I think you have a fair bit to work with there.”

“Well then. Project me into his mind, and I’ll be sure to be creative.”

(...)

“For the short amount of time you’ve been able to manifest yourself here, you have a surprisingly high degree of control over your mindscape.”

“All ya need is a little imagination PhD, you should try it sometimes.”

“I will stick to what is tried and true.”

“Hey, when am I gonna be able to jump around headspaces like you?”

“I’m afraid it is not an ability that can be learned or taught, manipulating your own mindscape is something you can learn and train in, or have a natural aptitude for like yourself or our mother. The reason I’m able to traverse the mindscape of others is because of my deal with-”

“Meeee!”

“Oh fuck! What are you doing here, ya One-Eyed Demon? I told you you’re not welcome here.”

“Well hello to you too, slick. That’s some way to greet your saviour.”

“If you’re a saviour, I’m Madeline Kahn.”

“Besides; you know good ole’ Fordsy can’t go anywhere without me. We’re partners; through all of time, space, and creepy shipping art.”

“Stanley, Bill, please. Do not make this dream session another fight.”

“I’m watching you, Triangle.”

“Get your two-eyed privilege out of my vertices, ex-con man.”

“Enough. Stanley, as far as your memories go this may be a painful topic, but somebody had to have tampered with your car. Do you have any idea who would’ve done that?”

“Lots of people have tried to kill me so I can’t really think of anyone specifically who stands out. As far as hating me the most goes, it's a tie between the IRS and the City of Tijuana.”

“...Why does the City of Tijuana hold such contempt for you?”

“I was banned from there after they figured out the ‘corn tortillas’ I was selling were really just flour tortillas I mixed with sand.”

“...You are being serious, right now?”

“Mhmm.”

“There is an entire city’s worth of people in Mexico who would go out of their way to tamper with your vehicle and have you killed just because you were selling them flour tortillas and telling them they were corn tortillas?”

“I wouldn’t say the whole city, just their judicial department, police force, a dozen clubs, at least seven gangs, a prison, and this one guy who sold even worse tortillas.”

“They should have drawn and quartered him.”

“Bill!”

“Some crimes just can’t be forgiven, Fordsy.”

(...)

“Saddle up, Stan.”

“I’ve never used one of these, Jimmy…”

“Better learn quick, before the Taxman gets you first, (brother).”

“How old were you when this happened, Stanley?”

“Oh, god, I don’t really remember. Eighteen? Nineteen? I wasn’t new-new to the streets, but I was pretty fresh compared to the rest of the biker gang.”

“You were still a teenager, and she just handed you a shotgun?”

CLICK-CLICK

“I’ll put ya inta the fuckin’ ground!”

“Are you?”

“I-I…”

“Are you really going to shoot me, son?”

“Yeah!”

“Well do it then, shoot me.”

“... Oh for fucks-”

CRACK

“Didja shoot him, Stan?”

“...Yeah, I killed him. He’s dead.”

“Good, let’s get the fuck out of here, (run quickly)!”

“You didn’t shoot him?”

“Naw, just cracked him with the buttstock… I never killed nobody, doc. I was always kinda soft compared to the other guys, ya know?”

“I wouldn’t say that makes you soft, it’s admirable that despite everything, there were lines you wouldn’t cross. And, about that taxman…”

“Yeah I dunno what shit the IRS is on, and it didn’t matter what name I was using, they always managed to find me.”

“That agent you just spared went to your ‘funeral’.”

“I’m not surprised, he was always telling me that it wasn’t over.”

(...)

KNOCKKNOCKKNOCK

“Oh no, holy shit, we need to leave.”

“Stanley, what are you talking about?”

“I know that knock, that’s the cops. Doc, we gotta run!”

“Don’t be ridiculous, why in the right mind would-”

CRASH

“STANFORD FILBRICK PINES THIS IS THE TIME PARADOX AVOIDANCE ENFORCEMENT SQUADRON AND BY THE ORDER OF TIME BABY YOU ARE WANTED UNDER SUSPICION OF MEMORY TRESPASSING, RECKLESS PERCEPTION DILATION, AND UNLICENSED NIGHTMARE FUELING.”

“...Stay here, Stanley. I’m going to see what it is they want.”

“Wait-.”

“Stay here, don’t follow me.”

“...Fine.”

“This is Dr. Stanford Pines. How can I help you?

“Dr. Pines, I am Agent Lolph and this is my partner, Agent Dundgren. We are agents under the cosmic being known as Time Baby, and you are under arrest for suspicion in extradimensional criminal affairs. ”

‘Cipher, can they do this?’

“Yes, cosmic authorities are beyond the need for warrants.”

‘Is there anything I can do?’

“Say ‘I invoke Globnar’.”

“What is that?”

‘Just do it, Fordsy. I can't represent you in transdimensional court, and you really don't want me to.’

“Does The Accused have anything to say? Anything you say can and already has been used against you in future court.”

“I invoke Globnar.”

“Are you challenging us to Globnar?”

“Say yes. To avoid charges.”

“Yes. To clear the accusations against me.”

“So be it. May Time Baby have mercy on your soul. You have 48 hours to prepare.”

(...)

“Ya telling me you breaking into peoples mind has been a real, cosmic level crime this whole time?!”

“Yes… More specifically, doing so without permission. I had your consent to access your dreamscape, so that instance wasn’t illegal.”

“God, PhD, how many brains have you been breaking and entering?”

“Details are not important.”

“And what did Lashes tell you about this… Glob thing?”

“It is gladiatorial time combat, in which tributes can either find justice, or face the whims of the winner.”

“So you’re going to fight those guys?”

“That might be one of the challenges, there are several. It is a point-based system.”

“Let me go with you.”

“Absolutely not, Stanley! I will not subject you to the consequences of-.”

“Come on, doc. There’s two of them, and I’ve dealt with all kinds of pigs before; foreign, domestic, transdimensional, and space-faring.”

“No. That’s my final answer. Do not bring this up again. I will be fine.”

(...)

“Hey Doc, I’m back from the- what’s with that get up?”

“You told me the multiverse was cold and dry.”

“So you needed a turtleneck, scarf, and ski goggles?”

“Yes.”

“And what’s with the belt around your chest?”

“What if I need to sling something like a gun onto my back?”

“And it’s all black because…?”

“I don’t need to hear fashion judgement from you when your knit cap is covering almost all of your head.”

“I was pretending to be you in town again, genius. Is this… this how you’re preparing for that Nobglar thing?”

“Globnar, Stanley. They’ll be here in twenty minutes… are you going to try to convince me to bring you along again?”

“Would it work if I did?”

“No.”

“Figured as much. Before you go, can I at least wish you luck?”

“... I’d appreciate that.”

"High six?”

“High six.”

CLICK

*Looks down and see’s Stan jabbed him in the abdomen with the tranquilizing gun. Looks back up at Stan. Looks back down at the gun slightly longer. Then looks back up at Stan again.*

“I’m sorry, Stanford.”

*Stan rips off his beanie. His hair’s been cut to the same length as Fords*

“But this is for your own good.”

To be continued…

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scooburst · 3 months ago

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So here’s everything you need to know about the current situation.

My whole phone is on lockdown. I’ve been told when it finally comes back, I’ll have to delete tumblr and discord. Hopefully I can use the website and get around it. My parents are looking at blocking it on my computer as well. I don’t think they can, but thier also monitoring it so I’ll have to be very careful. I have five minutes after 7:00 AM EST to be here before it’s over. Throughout the day, I will be on for one minute twice (two one minute sessions) just to check in. From there I might be able to answer one or two asks and quickly peak at my notifications. I’ll say in the mornings a few things; what happened yesterday, updates on the situation, and if I’m okay. That will be all I’ll be able to post. Sometimes if I have it at night, I’ll come on just to say goodnight or answer a few more asks. But again, it’s only a minute. I’m trying my best to stay calm for this but it’s not going great.

What exactly happened is a bit more complicated. I’ll recount it for you all just so it’s understandable. My parents at some point looked over my computer, which was logged into tumblr and discord, and decided I was talking to complete strangers and being dangerous. Yes I was talking to people online but I was being safe, and I don’t think they’d listen to that. But that isn’t exactly stopping me from talking to those “strangers”. I don’t think my parents really even see you people as humans that are good people. But. You know. I can’t fix that. So now my phone is locked down. I can only text them and one of my friends. I can use the bare essentials. All I know is at some point it’ll be unlocked, and I’ll have to delete these sites. I’ll try to plan for that best I can. But that’s essentially what’s going on.

As for the discord if anyone’s on that. The management of it is being handled by people I trust most there. Use it however you like, and to those two: Do whatever you want with it, but keep it free and open to anyone. All I want is for you all to continue making sure the people there are okay. I will pop in every day and say I’m alive, but really not much else. And yes I will read the messages, as much as I can.

Now that that’s over, onto the newly scheduled post.

Date of writing: 11/1/24

Am I okay: not really, but I’m alive and “healthy”

Things that happened: today, I have a hockey game, and we got evacuated early from school because of bomb threats. At home I kinda just walked around. I played a little bit of guitar, I’ve been listening to music and built legos. I’m doing some puzzles as well. I’m trying to take care of myself to hopefully get my parents to let me back here.

Log: today, I was taking the chance I had to look through my notifications. And I cried. At everything you all wrote to me. I’m going to miss you all so much. You all are such amazing people. I can’t say I didn’t think you’d all say that, but it still caught me off guard. Thanks. I’m glad you all are still going, as far as I know. Keep that going. Dying isn’t good for you! I also saw someone made a whole blog of days without me. That’s insane. I don’t know what to say to that. Hopefully, it doesn’t have to count to high. I’m gonna write your urls all down so I can visit you all when I can finally be back officially. I know this is all probably really confusing with me still responding to things, but it’s just a very complicated situation right now. It sucks tp not have things like this to vent and feel better, but I have started to keep a journal so I can place my thoughts somewhere and I’m going to eventually try to open up to one of my close irl friends to hopefully have someone to talk too. I’m probably never going to just move on from this, it’ll always be something I remember and maybe something that still hurts, but it’s still some of the best memories I’ve ever had even if I cry thinking about it. I’m doing my best here to distract myself, get back into reading, maybe slowly try to build my parents trust that I can handle my phone, even though I could already. But it’s fine. Ive found a lot of entertainment in the photos app recently. Maybe when I come back I’ll share it all with you. Sorry these posts are so long. I’m just trying to stay here as much as I can. But jsut know not to worry, becahse I’m still okay, and I’m alive. Apparently I’m going to be talked to about discord and tumblr. There is some hope I can stay, but we’ll see. Either way im a sneaky boi :)

The last thing I want to say is that whoever made that blog counting how long I’m gone, you are so appreciated. I appreciate all of you really. And all of you who’ve made a post tagging me about whatever experiences you’ve had with me or put it in my askbox, you’ve made me feel so much better about this just knowing I didn’t fuck it up with you. If you didn’t make anything like that, don’t feel obligated to. Just knowing you’re alive is the best thing for me right now. Stay safe, if not for yourself, for me, and if not for me, then for someone else. I’m doing the same for all of you.

ALSO! Ima probaly make a tag list for this so you can get this as soon as possible! I know this is almost becoming a newsletter but hey that works. So if you wanna be on it, just say so (preferably in a reply or reblog to this post, with nothing but that you want in, separate from any comments about the post itself. It helps!)

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laauranenn · 1 month ago

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I agree with many points in your response especially sugishita/ tsubakino part

So the most jarring part About the absence of Sakura's backstory is that nii himself mentioned he has no framework of sakura's past until now , like he has no idea how to start it, he had clear ideas for the side characters backstories " umemiya & tsubakino" but not for Sakura's , I don't understand how can we say "he is setting up Sakura's backstory" when he still doesn't have clear idea for it

So far there’s 160+ chapters and we still don’t know anything about Sakura’s past. Usually when it comes to main protagonists in manga, it’s the opposite but Sakura is such a mysterious character. He’s a 15-16 year old kid who lives by himself out of town. Who are his parents? Is he an orphan? Did he get abandoned and disowned by his family? It leaves me with so many questions

He gave us so many unnecessary flashbacks during fights. Umemiya ,suzuri, tsubakino and kaji received too much flashbacks and lore , Sakura didn't have any flashbacks except the tight rope in ch 56. Umemiya had an entire arc " chapter 88 to 97" about his past with solo volume cover, i believe Sakura won't receive the same treatment like umemiya

Aside from the lack of Sakura's Lore,also the worldbuilding is so bad where are the police why are these KIDS the police?? hello irresponsible adults?? the world feels so empty , the antagonists are lame , endochika get off so easy.They basically caused a war that got many people injured & traumatized all so Chika could have a fun birthday it’s a lil more fucked up

Glad to hear you agree with my points!!

I didn't actually know that about Nii not having a backstory planned for Sakura! When/where was this said? Not that I don't believe you, I'd just like to see it for myself as well! I haven't looked too much at Nii's official Twitter, mostly because of it not being in English. I really should look through it more huh.,

That definitely changes things though, and it makes me understand your frustration a lot more! Though I think it's typical for authors to not have characters fully planned out when writing? I'm not 100% sure about that, but it sounds right to me. I can't imagine having every character fully planned out. The most we can do is trust that Nii has it all figured out! I've really enjoyed the backstories of other characters and the worldbuilding, so I trust that he's got it handled.

Could you elaborate on your opinion on "unnecessary" flashbacks and lore? For characters like Kaji and Suzuri, the flashbacks give us a clearer idea of the themes the characters portray, as well as give us insight into how they think.

For Kaji, we get his struggle with his anger, as well as the way he dehumanizes himself, and the way he learns to cope with it. We find out more about him as a person, and about his relationships with his vice captains and Hiragi. I think Kaji is an incredibly interesting character, and I enjoyed learning more about him. Though if he isn't a character you care for, I can see why these scenes would feel unnecessary.

Kaji also plays a similar role to Umemiya, where he's someone in the same position as Sakura/ in the position Sakura is aiming for.

(Since Kaji is a grade captain like Sakura.)

I've also seen something about parallels between Kaji and Sakura? Though I haven't looked into that too much.

As for Suzuri, the flashbacks and lore we get for him are important for the fight. Suzuri serves as the primary threat in the Roppo Ichiza arc. He's the person leading Gravel and goes against Tsubakino in the fight. The fight wouldn't be able to play out the same had we received zero backstory or lore for him and the rest of Gravel.

As for the specific chapters, not to hit you with the "Erm, actually!" but the tightrope is ch. 60 I believe? As for Umemiya having chapters 88-97, I'd say 88-92 are more about Furin's history and Endo's war declaration. They include Umemiya since he is the one who united Furin.

Chapters 93-97, however, are about Umemiya. But that is to be expected, considering those chapters are his backstory.

I'm not exactly sure what the solo volume cover thing is about? A lot of the manga covers feature other characters.

It's true, that typically in media we get the backstory of the main character, as well as other relevant info about them fairly early. And this is something that makes Wind Breaker stand out, which I like a lot.

Sakura is mysterious, but I think that's part of the fun! It makes us curious about him, makes us want to learn more! Though I also understand that knowing so little might make it harder to connect with Sakura. It's fun thinking about how he's made his way to Makochi, about where his parents are. He's clearly not got a lot of money at his disposal, if the state of his apartment is anything to go by. But he also owns a phone? Based on how little he's used it (He has no apps, is bad at texting, only has a single contact on his phone), I'd assume someone else got it for him.

If I were to guess, I'd assume he's got the same cold treatment from his parents as he has from the rest of the world. Though a guess is the best I can do on that front.

There is a lack of parents in Wind Breaker though, except like Umemiya's dead ones and Sugishita's absent ones.

The lack of police is an interesting point though! This is also something that I can only make theories and guesses about. The police likely aren't active in Makochi, or if they are, they aren't helpful at all. This post also mentions the lack of police! It's a mix of headcanons and predictions, but I agree with the idea that the police might've left the town after the fights got too out of control.

The lack of police is also why teams like Bofurin and the Roppo Ichiza are left to defend sections of the town. I wouldn't say it's bad worldbuilding, as it shows why there is a need for Bofurin in the first place. The lack of police explains why these kids are defending the town, because nobody else is there to do it for them.

As for the world feeling empty? I don't agree with that. The character backstories, the relationships, the extra pages showing us the menus and layouts of different locations all make the world not feel as dull. The different teams all have their own clothing styles, their own territory and values! It all makes Makochi feel like an interesting location!

I don't think the antagonists are lame, but that's subjective. Endo and Takiishi are some of my favorite characters, the Noroshi in are interesting and I think Keel and Gravel were interesting too! But again, that is purely subjective, something I find interesting might not be interesting to you!

As for Endo and Takiishi getting off too easy? I think that's likely rooted in how Bofurin works. They don't really do the whole "punishment" thing. Hiragi says Bofurin is defensive, not offensive when Sakura asks about getting rid of other teams before they can stir up trouble. Umemiya ends the conflict with Shishitoren by declaring them friends and leaves Choji and Togame to clean up their own mess. And when they tell Sakura they'll accept any punishment he sees fit, he leaves it at telling them to change and not be so lame next time. With Bofurin, losing the fight is already considered punishment enough. They don't stick around to inflict any punishment beyond just the fight on those who have harmed the town.

The whole situation with Endo and Takiishi is also a little more complicated than just giving Takiishi a fun birthday! I'd love to get into that sometime as well!

I'm happy to keep the conversation going! Tell me what you think of what I've said here! I'm also curious on if you have other characters you enjoy other than Sakura! ^_^

#sorry if it took me a little bit to get this out!!#i was busy yesterday and had no time :(#gonna say it here as well but. if its bothering people that im still interacting with this anon. im willing to drop the wind breaker tag #and keep it to my blog only!! but thats only if it bothers people #im tagging it wbk because . 1k words of analysis . i think ive earned it lmaoo #wind breaker #laauranenn #asks

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lukyan-james-barnes · 10 days ago

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"And who am I, father?"

People usually hear the last name “Barnes” and think they know everything they need to. They see the history behind it—the legends, the shadows, the expectations—and for some reason, they expect me to live up to them. The thing is, I don’t try to be someone I’m not, but it’s hard not to feel the weight of it sometimes. Growing up around parents like mine, you learn fast that your actions carry more than just your own consequences. I guess it’s not always a bad thing, though. It keeps you focused. It keeps you moving forward.

I’m not a big talker. Not because I can’t hold a conversation, but because most of the time, there’s just no need. I watch, I listen, I think. Then I act. I’ve learned that less is usually more. You don’t need to speak every thought that comes to your mind. And when you do speak, it better count. My parents always said there’s power in silence—it forces you to listen harder. It’s a habit that’s stuck.

I guess I’m not a typical 21-year-old. Most people my age are still figuring things out, still testing boundaries, still trying to figure out who they are. I’ve always known exactly what I am: a reflection of everything that’s come before me, but also something different. Something that’s still finding its own way. It’s why I spend so much time training, not just physically but mentally, too. I’ve spent years working on my mind, sharpening my instincts, building my endurance. I’ve been pushed to my limits in every way, from combat to survival to just holding it together when everything around me seems to fall apart. I’ve learned how to push back against my own limits. And I’ve learned that knowing when to step back is just as important as knowing when to move forward.

I guess, in a way, I’ve become this blend of things—my dad’s resilience and my mom’s calm, focused precision. The way they both move through the world, seeing everything and nothing at the same time. It’s not something that’s always easy to handle. People tend to have their own ideas about who I should be, based on who they think I come from. But I’ve always done my best to stay grounded in what matters: doing the work, learning the lessons, and finding the space between all the noise.

I can be quiet, but I’m never unaware. Some people think I’m distant or cold. I don’t mind that. It’s just who I am. I don’t waste energy on things that don’t matter. I’d rather observe, take my time, and understand the situation before I make my move. When I do speak, it’s not just to fill the space—it’s because I have something worth saying.

Most people don’t realize how much of a fight is mental. It’s not always about strength—it’s about knowing yourself and staying calm when things get chaotic. That’s how I approach everything. Life, combat, decisions—it’s all about maintaining control, even when everything’s in motion.

I don’t talk about the other stuff much—the part of me that’s a little... different. The side of me that carries a few extra genes that make me more than just human. It’s there, sure, and it makes certain things easier, but I’ve never let it define me. In some ways, it makes things harder. People expect more from you when they know what you’re capable of, and it’s a lot to live up to. I guess it’s just another layer of the balancing act I’ve been figuring out my whole life.

So, yeah. That’s me. I’m not perfect. I’m not trying to be. But I’ve learned to trust myself—to trust my instincts, my training, and the lessons I’ve been taught. Maybe that makes me seem distant, maybe it makes me seem like I’ve got everything together. But the truth is, I’m just doing the best I can with the cards I’ve been dealt, while still trying to figure out what happens next. I’ve got a long way to go, but I’m not backing down anytime soon.

-- L.J. Barnes.

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casanovawrites · 1 year ago

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random sentence prompts ━ from various tv shows, part 5

i’m sorry i wasn’t here, not just tonight, but every day. i haven’t been here. i know that now.

i know that you just needed me to listen, to hear you.

maybe you should take a break. and… get help.

where did you find that kind of courage?

i thought if i just kept my head down and followed the rules, everything would be fine.

these people kill with false hope.

sometimes what's painful in the moment is what gets you where you need to go.

i enjoy being better at things than everyone else.

i haven’t felt at home in this world.

remember, i’m still betting on you.

okay, but what about me? i’m not ready.

i would give anything to not give a shit, but i do.

time to forgive yourself, kid. you got a future. you gotta see that now.

some nights are so damn dark. and then they still manage to get darker.

every time i try to make something right, i always hurt someone.

it’s like i was living for the first time. and once you feel that, you’ll do anything to keep feeling it.

i don’t want you guys to die for me.

i got my rep as the strong, silent type to think about.

we have to be brave in this life we have, simply to exist now.

they can’t hurt me. there’s no one left that i love.

fuck you, you really hurt my feelings.

all we have is what we carry on our backs.

do you trust me or not?

that’s the thing. if they don’t know it was a lie, they get to just live.

i wanted to be brave. i wanted to be more like you.

i’m not brave. i’m a shit person who does shit things because i don’t give a single shit about anything.

so you feel like you didn’t do enough then, now you have to do everything for everyone.

your head is shoved so far up the future’s ass, you’ve completely abandoned the now.

i haven't had a family in a long time, but i have one now.

i fucked it up because i’m fucked up.

you want me to be scared of you. but i’m not.

you shouldn’t come in here. it’s not safe. i’m not safe.

you’re like the most put together person i know.

you can be charming when you’re not angry or hungry.

i didn’t ask for you to rescue me. you did that, for you.

i’m normal. this is what normal looks like when you’ve had my fucking life.

i don't think it's something you get away with. you still have to live with what you've done.

i’m in this now, and i need to know everything. you owe me that.

how come you never choose me?

you had the guts to do something brave.

people go through all sorts of stuff, bad things, and they don’t tell anybody.

i worry myself, too.

i just know that i need to make my life count. it’s all i can do.

might’ve been shitty parents, but they’re still your parents.

when we get there, we’ll be different. we’ll be ready.

you missed me that much?

a lot of hope is dangerous.

i don’t wanna be who everybody thinks i am here.

it’s the things we love most that destroy us.

you're a good person even with all your bad qualities.

see? we’re good together.

you really think the world’s gonna end?

i’d like for the time i have left on this earth to mean something.

i don’t give a shit anymore. i just want to be a good person.

what if you just want something, and you want it so bad?

i guess we both got what we wanted.

you’re a fucking creep, i’m a fucking catch.

we walked into the darkest place there was, but we did it together.

you’re not bored. your heart’s broken.

i don’t pity you, like at all. i wish i was like you.

she took me straight into the fog of war.

you don’t know everything. and you can’t control me.

you can lie to everyone else, but you can’t lie to me.

you’re fucking badass.

i love you. can you handle me saying that?

i make a habit of expecting the worst so i won’t get hurt.

i know this is too little, too late, but i’d really like us to be friends.

i sure hope you catch me when i fall.

why focus on what’s wrong and not what’s right?

your lies, you can’t even keep track of them.

love is a kind of killing, and none of us get out alive.

maybe something good can come from something bad.

there’s something dangerous about the boredom of teenage girls.

remember half an hour ago when you wanted to murder me?

that’s all we are the whole time, shells with nothing inside.

please, can you just talk to me? anything you need, just say the word.

i keep blaming everyone, but it was me. it was my fault.

yeah, maybe fire and gasoline can hang out.

it is so easy to find yourself in dark places.

what’s right is that i feel something for you that i just don’t feel anywhere else with anyone else.

i’m going to have to take that risk.

you said it yourself, you don’t remember what happened. is it so hard for you to believe you might be innocent?

you know what the worst part is? i really thought i had good instincts.

you’re right, you don’t owe me shit, but i’m asking you anyway.

i could’ve been nicer. i could’ve been less of a monster.

we grew apart from each other. we’re two different people now.

you’re both sad and lonely. you’re a perfect match.

maybe we just needed to work through the bad to get to the good.

you were right. everything is cursed.

god, you are so gruesome.

you take me for everything i’m worth.

it’s okay if you’re scared.

are you trying to get me to forgive and forget?

#sentence prompts #*#ask meme #ask prompts #rp ask meme #rp sentence memes #rp starters #sentence starters #rp sentence starters #meme

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divinerapturesys · 1 year ago

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I didn’t expect my last AsPD post to blow up so here’s another infodump about it rooted in my own personal experiences

let’s get into fucking PARENTS

aka “primary caregivers”

I touched based on this a little bit on my last post which you can find here

“AsPD is a disorder that is caused primarily (according to current research) by trauma and abuse in childhood; most notably being emotional neglect and absent caregivers that cause a child to have emotional shutdowns and repression episodes in an attempt to self soothe. Primary caregivers who do not bond with their children are also a factor. Children learn how to behave from those around them. If a primary caregiver is emotionally distant and unavailable, children will learn that is normal behavior and that’s how people are. If a primary caregiver does not provide empathy and sympathy during moments of distress and fear, children will learn that aloofness and disregard of others feelings is normal behavior. If a primary caregiver does not keep a child safe, children will learn that they should not prioritize their own safety.”

So let’s break this down:

❌ “Primary caregivers who do not bond with their children are also a factor”

- bonding with an infant is incredibly important; this builds the first imprints of safety and security into a child; when a caregiver consistently and positively responds to an infants needs, this creates attachment and trust.

- Babies are inherently going to try to initiate a bond with their primary caregivers; crying, eye contact, cuddling, grabbing, all of these are ways an infant is trying to connect; these are natural cues asking for comfort and safety

- Not being given those causes children to start out with an unstable baseline; it has been proven repeatedly via research that children who are not held and comforted during the first stages of infancy are more likely to struggle with relationships and struggle with appropriately expressing emotions

🍓 Personal experience:

I did not bond with almost any of my primary caregivers (both bio and adoptive). To my knowledge, I was heavily abused, trafficked and starved the first 18 months of my life before CPS stepped in after I almost died. Being so neglected and left to self soothe, I learned from the start that no one cared for me and that I couldn’t depend on anyone but myself, ever, even in my most vulnerable moments, because when I was at my most vulnerable stage, I was not cared for or protected and was even taken advantage of by my primary caregivers.

❌ “If a primary caregiver is emotionally distant and unavailable, children will learn that is normal behavior and that’s how people are.”

- this is pretty explanatory I think but I’ll still go into it

- children are mimics and copycats; they learn how to act and think based on who they’re with the most

- Primary caregivers who are distant to their children unknowingly ingrain the concept that distance is safety, and that being unavailable is normal, and that it’s a way to be strong

- Children will begin to expect adults to not respond emotionally to them, and will similarly begin to limit their own emotional responses to match their caregivers in an attempt to connect and mirror

🍓 Personal experience:

My adoptive mom was very distant; I was homeschooled until I was 9, my dad worked full time and my mom was a sahm. However she spent most of here time handling their business. Which meant I was left to my own devices, every day, for the majority of the time. I vividly remember that in order to spend time with my mother, I had to write a note asking for her to pick a time slot to hang out and sign off on it. She would then show up at the allotted time and we would do whatever the activity was, and then she’d go back to the other room and I would once again be left alone. Even being homeschooled, I was alone. She taught me skeletons of workbooks and I figured the rest out myself. I learned once again that even when I needed guidance, I was expected to be an adult and figure it out, and if I did, I was praised for competence. If I failed, I was disciplined accordingly. It was very apparent to me as a kid that I needed to be entirely self sustainable, in every way, if I wanted to stay alive and not be drowned in feeling unloved.

❌ “If a primary caregiver does not provide empathy and sympathy during moments of distress and fear, children will learn that aloofness and disregard of others feelings is normal behavior.”

- again, pretty straightforward but I digress

- Children need to be given support and love when they are having emotional episodes

- Children do not know how to emotionally regulate themsleves, they don’t know how to help themselves and they get overwhelmed just like adults when they’re scared and unable to understand what’s happening

- Primary caregivers who do not help set the foundation for how a child should positively navigate emotional disregulation set them up to fail

- Children will think that ignoring others pain is correct behavior, and that disregarding how they make others feel is okay as well

🍓 Personal experience:

My mom thought that beating my crying out of me would for some reason solve the issue. Instead of spanking me a few times to get the point across of the transgression, she would often “spank” (imo it was getting beat) me until whatever she was using broke, or until I stopped crying. Unfortunately this caused me to eventually just.. not cry. I learned very quickly that being emotional and showing emotional distress would not get me comfort and safety, and instead usually caused me to have more pain and to be ridiculed for being emotional. I was basically conditioned into emotional shutdowns, and rewarded for having them. I would get praised for being mature if I stopped crying or having emotional reactions to situations. So I did. I experienced a lot of sensory issues and trauma responses as a child, which caused a lot of meltdowns, and those were consistently met with lack of comfort and connection.

❌ “If a primary caregiver does not keep a child safe, children will learn that they should not prioritize their own safety.”

- this mostly fits in with risk taking behavior tbh

- Children learn self worth and value from adults; if that’s not important and/or disregarded, it’s never going to be a priority and will have to be forcibly learned later on in life

- Children learn that if their primary caregiver does not prioritize their safety, that means they can’t rely on them when they’re in pain, being abused by someone else, or even hurting themselves

- This leads to self destructive and risk taking behaviors; they don’t value their own safety, and they don’t value the safety of others because they were not taught that it’s important

🍓 Personal experience:

Touching back on my early childhood; I was definitely not kept safe and unfortunately I was not kept safe in my adoptive family either; I feel like for a long period of time, I genuinely did not think my safety was important (if I even knew what that meant) and therefore it didn’t matter what I did because if the people who said they loved me the most didn’t want to protect me, why should I try to protect myself? This led to a lot of drugs, self harm, a lot of klepto shit, getting into fights, a lot of sexual abuse, etc, all because I genuinely did not understand what safety was, or what it meant. I put other kids in dangerous situations often because I didn’t value their safety either. I thought no one did.

All in all, interactions with primary caregivers builds the foundation for how your brain builds it’s emotional house.

Unfortunately for people with AsPD, we had to build our own emotional foundation as kids and it was done very shittily bc we were little kids and not fucking architects.

Thank you for coming to yet another infodump abt this disorder lmao I hope it made literally any sense bc I’m writing this at 4am and I am very tired :)

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