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#and now i guess i dont care as much. im not worried that people will use this information to hurt me.
chiimeramanticore · 4 days
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#im not dead quit asking#I'm just really really really not doing well#sorry if i scared anyone. that wasnt my intent#things got. let's say worse. for me irl. more complicated for sure#i hate to publicize my breakdown I really do. but maybe i... need this? in a weird way?#i haven't really been adjusting well to having a platform online. that's not anyone's fault but mine ofc#i feel that my 'fans' (if ive earned the right to call them that) dont and frankly cant ever care for me as a person#i dont know you and you dont know me. you dont know all of me at least. just what i make public. what i allow others to see#i had it kinda bullied into me that i need to keep my mouth shut abt my own issues. and ive spent a lot of this year trying to unlearn that#maybe publicizing this is a bad idea anyway#I just know ive been more honest abt my emotions and my personal life with my friends and my partner#and not everyone enjoys it but i know I'm not like. traumadumping so i feel somewhat assured that anyone who doesnt wanna hear abt my life-#-probably wasnt all that interested in forming a close relationship w me to begin with. even if theyre friendly at first#everyone else; the people who I know care about me; have shown me that through their actions#my point is being honest abt how youre doing w other ppl is a good idea. revolutionary i know lol#and i still don't know a lot of you personally but#parasocial or not i got some very genuine sounding messages while I was gone. and i. feel really bad that i worried those people#I guess theres my proof that people would care if i disappeared suddenly. people would notice pretty quick it seems#im never gonna kms btw. even if i didnt have the support i have im simply too stubborn to die lol. to put it lightly#and to those who thought this was abt fandom drama: it's not. those who shall not be named are genuinely the least of my problems these days#I'm on a journey of self actualization. or something. im trying to get my shit together. im trying to stop being clinically depressed lol#but god keeps throwing wrenches in my plans and. i beat myself up about it too much#but that's just life. they say you make a plan and god laughs#im. trying to be okay with just riding the wave. im impatient but if i keep trying to somehow speed up time im just gonna exhaust myself#which I think is where im at now. burnt out#and on top of all that i still feel this need to like. perform for you guys#if i dont keep making content everyone will forget i exist. if i dont make another video essay this year can i even call myself a youtuber#etc etc. its the spiral its impostor syndrome we've all been there#im trying to end this on a positive note but idk. i dont have all the answers yet#hoping i figure it out soon. i hope you dont forget me in the meantime
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carcarrot · 4 months
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do i really want to make individual drinks again
#reaching back into the file cabinets of my mind to remember how i made certain drinks when i worked at the cafe#in preparation for the possibility of this new job#it would certainly mean far less goofing off time than i have at my current job. and i value my goofing off time dearly#but the people here are so fucking annoying lmao. i hate them soooo much#not that the people at this new job would be any better. we're still dealing with investment bankers#godddddd. what i really would want (which would be impossible)#would be to go back to working at the cafe but like. still have paid time off and insurance lmao#but the cafe was a small business and he was not offering paid time off and insurance. and the pay was way less#but i did get to play whatever music i wanted. unfortunately you cant live on that#like i can always say no to this new job if its offered to me. but is my goofing off time worth:#2 dollars less in pay and a half hour to an hour's more commute. well i dont know#a shorter commute would mean i could sleep more. and have more time at home .#i mean i probably don't Need all this goofing off time. but its nice#i dont knowwwwwww#like even though im a bit nervous abt doing it again i know that i would easily fall back into the routine of making drinks#which i was fairly good at. my one drawback is that i cant do latte art but i dont know that theyd really care here#and (because i found the menu of where id work) theres not a ton of drink options?? just the standard stuff#its being called a starbucks cafe but 1) its not managed by them and 2) it does not have their 5 billion drink options#so thats good. less to worry about#doesnt look like i even have to make anything foodwise which i had to at the cafe#here it looks like people can just buy a pastry and thats it#the hours are like. the same i work now. also good#sorry im like using this post to think through my thoughts.#uhhhh oh i looked up the manager who looks like a weenie so im not keen on the prospect of interviewing with him#but i probably would have thought that about my current manager if id seen a pic of him prior to interviewing. i guess???#and with these kind of catering units it seems you dont often deal directly with the manager that much anyway#i just gotta see if i get good vibes#rn i have unsure vibes. but i need a sign to see if this could be good for me#oh id also save money on transportation. and taxes! bc i wouldnt be working in ny anymore#lol oops tag limit. well i hope you enjoyed my job thoughts you probably didnt i know i didnt
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smallest-moon · 1 year
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detective gumshoe my beloved ♥ the sweetest and most caring, please go give edgeworth a hug
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skrunksthatwunk · 5 months
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found out that rascal's owner took him again while i was out, and he's probably not gonna be back since the semester's almost over. i don't even know if his owner's coming back next semester, if i'll ever see him again. if he'll ever see me again. why do they wait until im not around to do this? why do they never let me say goodbye to him?
#i didnt really get to process it bc i found out when i was hanging w a friend but. im processing it now#sigh.. i dont know. i dont know.#at the end of the day he is and has always been someone else's cat. i can't control what she does with him#no matter what i think of it. she can always take him away. but every time it happens im just. im tired yknow?#it's worth it to me to have him around. i love him dearly and i want him to be in a home where he's actually cared for (which i have done my#best to provide) but he's just. not mine. and every time it happens i back up and think man. im such a sucker.#i don't think people manipulate me often. not in an ongoing way i mean. i don't think ppl see me as valuable enough to most of the time.#but damn. she really found my weak spots didn't she. free petcare courtesy of one chump who can't live without animals around. sigh#he deserves stability but he deserves love more. this weird shared custody thing is better for him i think. and frankly i also love him.#im not the priority here but my feelings are like. there. him being taken away without even telling me first hurts. i'd like to be able to#say goodbye to him. im not saying he has to stay or this has to go on but couldn't they just.. consider my feelings a bit more?#just bc you're fine with dropping your cat off somewhere for weeks not knowing when you'll see him again and not visiting doesn't mean i am#and i kind of feel like my roommate is part of this. after all it's not like his owner can just break into our room and take him#and if im always out when they do it there's a chance roomie's just shipping him off whenever she gets sick of him.#she's done it before. even after she agreed so vehemently with me about never wanting him to go back to such treatment and stuff early on.#she's been spraying him for little reason lately too. and i mean i get being a little more cautious with some things bc her neck's broken#but she's really fixated on how much he smells and bites and stuff and talks about how if i wasn't around she'd consider eating him#and then other times she's like that's my pookie. i don't get it. like yeah i tell rascal to fuck off sometimes bc he hurts me but it's not#like a hateful thing. i dont resent him for it i'm just annoyed sometimes bc he's maiming me a little. he's my baby. how could i loathe him?#so it makes me think that roomie might be blaming his transfers on his owner bc she doesn't want me to judge her#and like. this is her room too. it's not her fault she's more bothered by the smell than me. if she doesn't want to be bitten and clawed all#the time i can sympathize. i don't wanna force her to house him. but i wish she'd just be honest with me i guess#like. what if his owner decides to give him away without telling me? i'd take him in in a heartbeat. even though i know it's a bad idea.#but i'm worried he'll fall out of my reach completely. and at the very least I'd like to be able to say goodbye first. that's all.
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possiblytracker · 1 year
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got dragged to a pub quiz with some of my housemates buddies and was fully convinced i was not really gonna have a good time and itd probably be too loud and i wouldnt be much help etc etc etc bc my mood is still not great but i forgot im a competitive motherfucker when it comes down to it and the sheer rush of euphoria that comes from knowing a few more obscure answers that had the rest of the room hemming and hawing is gonna carry me through the next week probably
#when nobody else in the wetherspoons in rural wales knows what the capital of florida is or what you call a female swan#the big ass grin spreading across my face and sheer rush of Power listening to 2 people the next table over arguing over whether#its jacksonville or miami. you Fools. you absolute buffoons. i know more than you/j/j/j/j#i am so exhausted now and the 'yea this is Over you are enjoying urself too late' sadness is creeping back in but it was worth it#we came 3rd...... the prize was a whole pitcher of some cocktail for the group but i do not drink so i just went home to bed#a female swan is called a pen btw i knew that six month long job spouting swan facts at 8 year olds would come in handy someday#IDK i still have a lot to work through but i feel like i should make a slightly less depressing post today skdfjh;;#shoutout to my housemate for always somehow noticing when i have just not left my room in a day and coming to drag me out of it#i was so close to just not eating again (which tbf. i didnt. until like 6pm whoops)#but now i have done that AND touched grass AND socialised AND feel good abt myself a bit.. so.....#i worry a lot that people dont really. notice or care that much when im struggling/when they do that its annoying or a burden so#im very grateful to have people who care about me enough to try and pull me out of it. i hope wherever i end up after this#that i can surround myself with more people like that#man this feels pretty bittersweet to think about as well but in more of a cathartic kinda way. i guess#trying to think abt things slightly more positively so i dont turn into a festering black pit of bad vibes for the next few weeks#and my blog still inexplicably feels like the nicest place to sort through this kinda thing
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s4pphoiduser · 2 years
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everyday i doomscroll my fucking social media sites chasing the taste of internet fame. it's horrible and makes me feel horrible but i can't stop it. girl help i cannot get out of this cage i unknowingly trapped myself in
#like i try to be funny on twitter . i try to be funny here. i try to post pictures on instagram that i think would get likes#i post memes. i make jokes that i know are funny to particular people/ fandoms#i chase this taste of fame and whenever i realize im doing it again i've just dug myself deeper into this grave#i want to come out but i dont want to come out. i wish i could have more followers. i want likes and i want to be famous#i want to be a famous authorbut im too scared to ever post anything#everything i write is tied so fucking deeply into the person i am that the idea that people are going to see ME scare me#i barely have any goals and im not doing anything to pursue them#social media and the loneliness i cant put into words are sucking the soul and life out of me#everyday i wake up and think up five hundred different funny things to say. my jokes never land.#my five seconds of internet fame is always Just out of reach from me and i dont know what to do to have it in my grasp#i know it's all so shallow and superficial but we all like getting likes on our insta posts and we all like people rting/rbing our posts#im kind of a horrible person but im so fully aware of it that it reduces the horribleness so now im just an empty person#i take classes on subjects i dont think i even want to have careers in. i dont really care for the future despite my worrying#theres so much i want to do and yet theres nothing i want to do#theres an inexplicable void in me that makes me feel like im being edgelord3000 but really. its just.#its just that theres a fucking void and nothing i do fills it. i write on ao3#and sometimes i dont know if i like myself at all or i like the kudos and comments i get.#anyway. s4pphoiduser out i guess. time to go back to studying for an exam i couldn't give two fucks about.
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mrfoox · 2 years
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I'm going to struggle to sleep and get up tomorrow
Curse it all
#miranda talking shit#At one hand i liked the conversation i had with fabian and i think i got some answers to questions ive been wondering about but im also lik#Unpacking all this.... So much to unpacking and to be put in a folder in my head where does it all go... Still hate how#He hit me with the biggest ... Maybe in the universe and i can't deal with it. No I'd be relieved and accept an no fullstop but he had to#Add in the.... Idk actually lol i dont have a reference and i would like to know how it is crossing boundaries in our relationship#Whag the fuck man.... You really gave me the strongest 'i think youre into me and it worries me' and then nullify it with an 'idk how i#Feel sometimes id like to explore more' how am i supposed to... Handle that information... I had been going around telling myself#What he said to me 2019 is the way he still feels and me thinking he might think more is just me being paranoid but then yeah#What a clusterfuck. I mean to me it wont change anything in the broader picture no matter what i care for him ya know? But now thats... An#Whole other thing like. Should i try to act differently? Be more careful? Or would that be unfair bc then id do what he've been doing to me#I will quote him again 'miranda i think if both of us got an gf/bf at the same time this would solve itself' i joked and said he could find#Me one and I'll find one for him. But yeah i think that would ... Be a solution in an ideal world. Idk how to do anything man#At one hand i think he's overestimating how much he's on my mind but also its true. I spend a lot of my social time with him so obviously#I think about him? But i also have a reference on how i am... With people i have crushes on and who im in love with and how o think of thoe#Its just so scary to think about how i am his reference ... To... Well basically a ton of things... Im not a good reference unless you want#An abnormal reference. I guess im anxious I'll somehow ... Ruin him or something. This was a big conformation that i am his reference to#Women and close relationships with women and i am not made for that... Most feminine tjing about me is being sappy and giving compliments#And encouragement. Otherwise im basically like ... A dude. Guess it also scares me that he knows me. I know i know him but the fact its#Mutual is aw man... Being known is still a struggle. He wasmt completely wrong is his logic bc he knows me i think too much about people#And things. I understand im so anxious bc i care about him and im worried about losing him or pushinh him away but shit#Hes sleeping rn and is at peace with this probably. He doesn't dwell on it. He even said hes been thinking about this... Bc he began to#Think about what i could be thinking? So its not even his own thoughts but thoughts about whaf i could be thinking? ?? Whack and im likebro#Flattering that you go to that length but also... Literally what??? Cant tell if hes somehow projecting or if this is genuinely how he was#Thinking but damn. Boy does have some confidence at least? He's such an fool. I love him but holy shit he blows me away sometimes
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heyitslapis · 3 months
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its times like this when i really wish i had an SO's shoulder to cry on
Because I think i factrued/sprained my foot the other day it happened wednesday but its still pretty swollen and pops when i try to walk on it without hobbling. i know i signed up for health insurance through work. i wrote down the insurance company name as Bayside and I have my personal insurance id number but the card never came in/got lost in the mail (and i already called for one replacement that never came so idk if theyll send me a third) so i cant confirm the insurance name nor call them, but i need to because ive called/visited 5 health care facilities around me and NONE of them have even heard of Bayside. So im calling the phone number that my manager provided me with telling me that was the insurance company. I keep calling the number (and mind you ive called them before to try to get a second insurance card sent to me but that was in like April) and i get that its saturday but theres no answer and the stupid automated machine wont let me leave a voicemail. the automated answering voice on the phone also says that theyre called National Benefit Plans by SafetyNet and google says the phone number im using belongs to National Benefit Plans out in San Antonio Tx (i live no where near there). I found National Benefit Plans' website on SafetyNetPlus dot com but National Benefit Plans doesnt have their own website, just through SafetyNet, and also the SafetyNet website says on a side panel that "this is NOT insurance" and instead keeps saying "health benefits" instead so idk what the fuck ive been paying for for the last 6 months tbh and im having an emotional breakdown bc i dont want to fuck my foot up for life just cause i couldnt figure out my health insurance/benefits shit
#ive been fucking sobbing on the phone for 20 minutes calling the phone number over and over again#im about to mcfucking lose it and im sad and confused and scared because my foot is still so swollen even though it doesnt hurt very much#and google says if swelling on an injury like this persists after 48 hours to go get it looked at#all the walkin clinics near me dont have any xray techs til monday & quoted me anywhere from $130-$300 if i dont have insurance which i can#provide proof of nor am i even sure i actually have at this point and im ngl my guys i only have like $180 to my name until next friday#but then basically my entire next paycheck is going to Geico#and overall im just having a really really really bad time rn and im scared that if my foot is actually fractured im gonna fuck it up worse#by walking around on it without a boot/cast. yeah ive been sitting at work the last few days#but its front desk at a hotel so at least for the first hour of my shift and last 1.5 hours i HAVE to be standing#my foot was so swollen after work today it hurt to get my shoe off#im just really fucking stressed and anxious and confused and im sitting here sobbing my eyes out realizing theres literally no one i can#call just to vent and cry it out with#cant call my mom cause i busted my foot leaving her place after her husband got in my face & screamed at me for saying you cant hit people#cant call my siblings cause none of them can help/we dont talk often enough that i feel like i can burden them with this#i have a few casual friends but same sitch im not close enough with them that i feel comfortable venting while sobbing to them#i could call my ex but shes got a new boo now/its not her problem/we rarely talk anymore/she cant help so no point in calling#only other person who knows/is worried about me is my ex's mom but she wont be home from work for break til 2pm & its 11:30am rn#not close enough to any of my coworkers either#its times like this that i realize how truly alone i am these days with no one that can physically comfort me#which of course is only making me more upset#thats what i get for being depressed and reclusive the last 2 years and only letting people get an arms length reach from me emotionally#there is a medical clinic i can go to that is a 50 minute drive from me and without insurance you just pay a $20 sliding fee plus a little#extra for the care services but again theyre not open until monday and also its a 50 minute drive from me#so all im learning is i shouldve gone some place thursday morning after it happened and im fucked at least til monday#FUCK my STUPID BAKA life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#whatever. guess imma keep icing it try to keep it elevated and just endure it and hope it doesnt get worse#emma rambles#vent tag#DONT REBLOG
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skyjynxart · 4 months
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#hmmmm#vent cw#dont read this#no seriously i warned you im being a whiney piece of shit#I should probably be worried about the 3-day long panic attack ive had going on#the physical symptoms really are rhe works- the swimming vision the dizziness the tight chest feeling that is uniquely 'anxiety'#and then you add the inability to think for more than like 5 minutes about any given topic#the stress to the point of wanting to cry when things go slightly wrong#but ironically i cant seem to summon any actual anxiety about the anxiety#juat a blank numbness there#really do need it to stop tho as i think its destroying what little appeal as a human i had left at this point#and its seriously hampering my ability to get work done#which i absolutely need to be doing bc if i dont finish my work i cant take on more work#and if i dont take on more work i will officially no longer be paying my bills next month#'sky this seems like talk for a therapist not hidden tags on the tumblr dash' yeah I dont think sitting on this for a month will work#'talk to a friend about it then' hahaha no at least here anyone who reads this fuckin chose to#putting up with me normally is a big ask putting up with me when im needy & anxious & breaking down bc its Too Fucking Much?#lmfao hell no i like my friendship INTACT thanks#a bitch is not about to be a drain on emotional resources when said bitch cannot contribute fuckall of value thats how you make it all worse#and then a month later the therapist cancels so i just keep adding tags to this post bc no one will read them#but i feel like im “talking to someone”#the panic attacks stopped but i have no idea why#i mean im still feeling unusually heightened anxiety 24/7 but its not causing physical symptoms#not like it was anyway#and at least now being anxious makes sense#its a bunch of small to medium shit id probably feel better about if i talked more#but the less i talk and just observe people from a distance unseen the happier people i care about seem so#im literally a fifth wheel so the least i can do is not squeak and alert others to my presence#i really need to get better at art and get faster at working so i can have SOMETHING to offer#oh wow theres a tag limit apparently guess i have to find a new method bc making a new post is begging for attention & I don't wanna do that
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onskepa · 2 months
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Left Behind: Moments
Here is another chapter of the left behind series! Hope you all enjoy!
Left behind series
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Jake’s pov 
“So ummm…..I was told to vlog my day to day stuff. Guess to keep record of things I do and not lose my shit on this planet” Jake tells himself on camera. It has been a few hours since he woke up from his cryo sleep. His body ached, felt like a statue from not moving for 5 years. 
“This is year is 2154….those fuckers lied. It's been 7 years since I left Earth for this jungle gym crap. 7 years felt like nothing. My baby girl, probably in her preteen years right now. I wonder how she is doing. I wouldn't blame her if she hates me, no scratch that. She is incapable of hate. Maybe mad, yeah. But not hate. I want this mission to be done and over with.” 
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Jake’s pov
“First day in my avatar…gotta say, it felt fucking amazing. I was able to breathe the native air! Best part, I can run! WOOHOOO! YES! Oh man, never in my life have I felt this amazing. Though I did get carried away. When I woke up in my new body, the excitement got to me. I ran almost all over the fields, the basketball court, the botanical gardens, it felt great. Almost got in trouble but grace was there to save my ass” 
“Still have to adjust to this body, grace is giving me a week to get used to it. I am not the only one though, there is a weird guy named Normal Spellman. Nerdy but otherwise cool. He is the one who studies alongside with tommy. Good pals I can only imagine. He just got his avatar too”
“I bet if my baby girl was here, she would be surprised. With everything really. Maybe a bit scared. Would enjoy it no doubt. Learn how this planet works. I cant help it. I wonder what she is doing. Is she making friends? Doing good in school? So many things. But I know the sooner I get this mission done, the sooner I get home to her” 
“Gotta rest now, got a big day tomorrow, this is Jake Sully, singing out” 
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Jake’s pov 
“Colonel Quaritch, tough and kinda scary guy but he keeps people safe here. As safe as it can get on this planet. Met him in the brief meeting as a welcome home type of talk. But, weirdly enough, I admire him. He seems to know what he is doing and how to do it. Said he has a special mission for me, didn't say what yet but to expect a visit from him soon” 
“I can worry about that later. Tomorrow starts a new mission. Get samples from more remote areas of the forest. Norm was given a special task. Try to make a peaceful contact with the aliens here. Na’vi is what they are called. Grace gave me a brief on them. Some important figures too. Guess they have a system of rulers here. Like the old native tribes back on Earth. My missions is to guard and make sure grace and norm get what they need” 
“I will be honest, does not seem too bad. Was given the ok to shoot any possible threats. Practice with the guns, proud to say I have not lost my aim. It is getting late but I still have to do this. Does keep my mind busy, recalling the day’s events. I am starting to get into a routine” 
“After shutting off the camera, I look at the picture of me and my daughter. I would stare at it for a while until my eyes drop. See this? It was the day I won a little toy for her at an arcade. She was so happy. Not often was I able to give her something new. Hopefully the paychecks are getting funded for her needs. I bet she is getting nice, brand new things” 
“So many birthdays I missed. Im so sorry baby girl, but I promise, the second I go back, I will give you the biggest hug ever. Buy you all the gifts you could ever want, hell, if the pay is that good, get a better place. Maybe close to your favorite park that you like to play in. Better yet, go to the zoo like you always wanted. I know you will be much older but I dont care. You are my baby girl for life. Nothing is going to change that” 
“Guess now I better log off. Big day tomorrow, this is Jake Sully, signing off”
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Jake’s pov 
“Things didn't go right during the mission and I was split up from grace and norm. A giant weird animal, thana-something called by grace, deadly, found us. Had his eyes on me, grace told me to run so I went the opposite direction of where those to were, to not get them in the crossfire. Seriously, that animal was huge, but I guess by some miracle, a bigger animal came into view. Like in those old nature documentaries, the two giants began to fight. Either way, I made a run for cause I know it was not going to end pretty” 
“I got lost along the way, had no idea where I was or how far I was from the crew. Took me sweet time though. Admiring the pretty sights that Pandora had to offer. Felt like a kid again. Everything was bright, colorful, alive. I can see why the RDA wants to use the resources here. Crazy to think that Earth was one like this. Green, healthy, breathing” 
“Of course somewhere along the way I lost myself even more, lost my gun. Had to make a spear then turn it into  a torch because night came. Now night time felt like a whole different world. Everything glowed, pretty almost neon colors illuminated the plats. Some small creatures also glowed. Sad that I couldn't appreciate it enough. Got attacked” 
“Freaking hyena looking animals, running in a pack. The fire helped create a distance as I ran but they were too many, though I was done for. My ass got saved by an unlikely person” 
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Jake’s pov 
“Neytiri, princess of the Omatikaya clan. Scary lady but she saved me. Called me a baby, and told me that I have a strong heart. Stuff happened and next thing you know, I am in their home base. Word passed and neytiri was tasked to train me. Teach me their ways. I am where the RDA needs me to be. It is now only a matter of time. Give the Colonel what he wants, give grace what she wants. It is a win-win situation” 
“Still holding out on that little meeting Quaritch wants to have with me. Maybe it won't be that far, since now I am within the premise of the indigenous, I guess I need to collect more info” 
“A lot happened so to say. I gotta rest soon. If allowed, I can bring something from here, take it with me when I get back home. Pictures seem the best answer. Or something na’vi related. My little girl knows so little of what is being told about pandora. Or knew I should say. How old is she now….? Probably a preteen. Guess I dodged a bullet. I know pre-teen years are hell. No, I shouldn't say that” 
“Soon baby girl. The wait will be worth it. Like I promised. Training day begins tomorrow, so, with that, this is jake sully, signing out” 
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Jake’s pov 
“I am part of the people. I am the son of the people and child of Eywa. Passing my iknimaya, taming my ikran, everything. I am na’vi. It feels unreal, hard to accept. Tsu’tey and I are brothers, wasn't that long ago he wanted to kill me, calling me ugly, but now we are at the same level” 
“They celebrated my rebirth. It was fantastic, neytiri made me dance even though I was terrible at it. The whole thing felt magical. Truly, I felt like I really belonged somewhere, being accepted. It felt nice. Just when I thought it couldn't get any better, it did get better” 
“Surprise surprise, I am now mated to neytiri. She took me to the tree of voices, telling me of how sacred and precious it is, being able to connect to their ancestors. It was beautiful. Neytiri was beautiful, still is. Taking my breath away, and my availability” 
“I wouldn't change it for anything, she is someone I have come to love with all my heart. As cheesy as it sounds, it's true. Neytiri changed me, made me better, and I have no regrets”
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Jake’s pov 
“They are starting to pressure us, more like me. The RDA really want the omatikaya gone, away from their home tree. Just because it houses the materials they want. It is not easy, none of it is easy. To tell them to leave, when it's been their home for thousands of years. According to Grace, I don't doubt her. This is their home, it is us who are the aliens” 
“They are not going to leave, nothing is going to change their minds. Worst yet, I know quaritch will do drastic things to get what he wants. I was an idiot to follow him, to believe him. What he will do, knowing his tactics, he will shed blood and bullets. I need to warn neytiri, mo’at, tsu’tey. Can't believe this is coming out of my mouth, but I pray to Eywa, that she guides me. What can I do to make sure things don't go downhill” 
“I came to make good money, to finish the mission given to me and be done with. Now, I am in a moral dilemma. I am stuck” 
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Jake’s pov
“I am sorry. No amount of sorry’s that I say will ever be enough for anyone. Not to neytiri, not to eytukan, not to mo’at, tsu’tey grace, norm, anyone. It will never be enough. I brought this to them, it is only right that I help. War is coming, and soon. So many na’vi died when they destroyed their home tree. Many wounded, kids, infants, innocent lives” 
“Grace and I did our best to warn them, tell them to leave. Tsu’tey was adamant to fight, their weapons useless against the valkyries. In an instant, all was gone. I wanted to apologize to neytiri, she was furious, telling me I am not one of those people. She is right. Before anything more could be done, those damn bastards forced me to pull out. Pushed me in a tight closure” 
“Quaritch, a beast he is, heartless. Keeping me locked up yet outside of my cage he dangles the picture of my little girl. Telling me it's not too late to take his side if I ever want to go back to earth and see her again. Going on about how she will react to all of this. Her father rebelling against humanity. As much as I hate to admit…”
“He is right….I dont know if I will see her again. I hate to say….sacrifices have got to be made. I'm sorry, but I have to atone my sins. Like I said, no amount of sorry’s will be enough. Not even for my little girl, I am sorry baby girl, but daddy is not coming home”
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Jake’s pov 
“We won. Quaritch is dead, and unfortunately, so is Grace and tsu’tey. Both sides lost many lives. Yet that is war, but we won. Humans are no more, many left, only few remained. Sworn their loyalty to the na’vi. Only they can stay. We made many sacrifices, I made many.  Many I dont regret, or will look back to. This is the beginning of a new chapter for me. There is nothing left to hold me back, not my past, not my memories.  I am at peace with what I did” 
“Neytiri is with a child, I am excited, I am going to be a father. I cant wait when they arrive, I will be there, welcoming my son or daughter into a new world of peace. First born, neytiri likes to say it over and over.  She is not wrong, our first child together in a new era of peace” 
“However there is still one thing left to do. A grand celebration is going to be held” 
“This I look forward to, many are coming together for it. It is my birthday after all, can't miss my own party. So, one last time. This is Jake Sully, the human, signing out. For good” 
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Third pov
A young girl looks at the last vlog of her father, Jake Sully, eyes wide as she takes in what she just saw. This was a side she never knew, nor did she think it would be hidden.  
She clenches her hands into a fist tightly, gritting her teeth, her body shaking in fury. Hot tears streaming down her face, not knowing whether to cry in sadness or scream in anger. So many emotions mixed, creating a tornado in her mind. 
Hearing a door open behind her, she turns to glare at the man. 
“Why….” was all she could say before breaking down.
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Aaaaaaaaaaand that is it for this chapter of the ongoing series! This one I chose to have only jake be the main point, his vlogs. See how his mind changes, perspective and what lead to the final choice. Trust me, this will come back for future chapters. So until next time! See ya!
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hearts4golbach · 6 months
Note
could you write something about reader and johnnie related to the line 'he love me but he fucks me like he hates my guts' from the song yummy? ty 💕💕
Tease.
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Johnnie Guilbert x Fem!Reader.
warnings: use of ma, baby, mama, love, babe, slut, cheating, rough sex, unprotected sex (please use protection lol), overstimulation, implied hair pulling.
third person.
Johnnie had never thought of you as anything more than his best friend. maybe he had thought about you late at night, biting his tongue so as not to wake up jake in the room over, but never past that. he had always shooed away the thought, anyway.
ever since his past girlfriend, he had refused to ever think of another person romantically. although, he had acknowledged from time to time how funny, kind, and beautiful you were. he admired you in a friend way, he told himself.
although, whenever you had posted a selfie laying in your bed in the cutest outfit he had ever seen, it made him rethink your relationship.
he thought about the way your face lit up brighter than the sun when you saw him and the way your hand would purposefully graze him every chance you got. how could he be so oblivious? he began to think as his feelings for you grew.
you never seemed to mention other guys until you did. it was late at night whenever you had walked into johnnies room and asked him for advice. you wanted to know how to respond to a flirty text some random guy on instagram had sent, you explained. You thought he was cute and lived just a city over. this infuriated johnnie, as his feelings had been brewing for about 3 months now.
it didn't help that he got to see you every day, not that he was complaining, but it was torture. he frequently thought of you in your booty shorts and oversized band t-shirt early in the morning, making breakfast. or the slutty dresses youd wear to parties every other weekend. dont even get him started on the rhinestone belts you incorporated into every outfit. you had one in every different color, and he believed it was the cutest thing, your little addiction to them. it became too much to bear, and he frequently considered pouring his heart out to you. but he never did. things were going well with the other guy, and all he wanted was for you to be happy.
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first person.
"Why are we even hanging all of this up? everyone is gonna be too drunk to notice, anyway." i complained, my arms beginning to ache as i held the decorations of choice to the wall while johnnie pinned them.
he shrugged, his eyes trailing down my body as i stretched. "cause were cool."
"i guess," i sighed, "im so worried, the guy I've been talking to is coming tonight." truth was, i could give a fuck less about that guy. yeah, he was sweet, but he wasn't johnnie. he wasn't anywhere close to being as prefect as johnnie was.
i looked into his eyes, praying he would beg me to uninvite him and be his, but that didn't happen. "Don't be, you'll be good," he responded nonchalantly before turning away to go put up valuables in the house that could be broken.
i stared at him for a moment before turning around and tending to my own work.
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"Do you think this dress is okay?" i asked frantically.
"y/n, people are about to start showing up, and you're still trying to get dressed -" johnnie began to scold as he turned around.
his face flushed as he admired me in the dress. his eyes hesitated, staring at the slit in the dress that revealed my thigh and how the cut of the dress complimented my cleavage. he stayed silent.
"...so?" i asked, putting my hands on my hips.
"yeah, its whatever. its good." he brushed me off, going to unlock the door.
i hated how much he acted like he didn't care. i rolled my eyes and walked back to my room to put my shoes on. even though it was my own house, i didn't want anyone looking at my feet, of course. i put on my comfiest pair of heels and went to grab the drinks from the kitchen. i organized them on the table, setting out the plastic cups. i felt an arm wrap around my waist as a presence moved next to me.
"hey, its good to see you." the guy from instagram whispered in my ear. i leaned into his touch, ignoring the growing ache in my heart. "you look stunning."
"Thank you," i smile, "it's good to see you, too." This was only the second time we had ever seen each other in person.
i heard johnnie laughing behind me, presumably speaking to jake. i glanced behind me to see him leaning on the counter. he looked at me at the exact same time. He held his breath as his eyes ran over every part of me before turning his attention back to jake.
i sighed, "you wanna go dance?" i asked, hoping he'd say yes and hoping johnnie would hate it.
his eyes shined with lust, "Of course."
i grabbed his hand and dragged him into the other room, making sure we were still in johnnies vision. the guys hands moved to my hips immediately, pulling me onto him. my eye twitched with anger. i hoped it would work. i hoped and prayed johnnie would give in and make me his, so i had a reason to end this situationship. distractions weren't working anymore.
i kept my eyes on johnnie as he turned to watch. his eyebrows scrunched together whenever he saw the way i was pressed into the guy. his hand gripped the cup tighter, his knuckles turning white. i held eye contact the whole time, my gaze never leaving his as our movements became more sexual.
johnnie turned back to jake, saying something before setting his cup down and walking over to me. "can i steal you for a second?"
"Sure, bro," the guy said, taking his hands off of me and letting me walk away with johnnie.
"what, johnnie?" i groan, "im just trying to have fun."
he pushed me into my room and shut the door behind us and locked it. "what the fuck do you think youre doing?"
"what do you mean?" my heart raced.
"You know exactly what you're doing." he whispered in my ear, his pale arms snaked around me and grabbed my hips. "You've been teasing me for so long."
he pulled me closer. i pressed my hands against his chest. "really? what makes you say that?" i taunted.
"Those tiny jean shorts you wear around the house. you never wear them out, so i know they're for me. and those studded belts you always wear that somehow make your body even sexier than it already is." his hands slid down my thighs and pulled up my dress. it bunched around my waist as he squeezed my ass. "you really think i dont notice all the slutty little things you do?"
i bit my lip, feeling his nails digging into my flesh. "i was hoping you did. ive wanted you for so long."
"me too, mama." he replied before crashing his lips onto mine.
the kiss was rough and needy. he pressed me against the wall, his hands dragging up my body to my tits. he squeezed and pawed at them, not bothering to be gentle. i let out a soft moan on his lips. i felt him grow harder through his jeans as he pressed into me. i began to pull off of his shirt, immediately returning to the kiss as it landed on the floor. he wrapped his hand around my neck, squeezing gently. our teeth occasionally clashed as we tried to take as much of each other as possible.
he lifted me up, wrapping my legs around his waist before bringing me to the bed. he tossed me down on my back before crawling on top of me. his mouth found the soft spot on my neck, biting and sucking until dark hickeys covered my neck and chest. he pulled the top of my dress down, revealing my bare chest.
he hummed, "god, you're so beautiful." he murmured before taking my nipple into his mouth. his tongue swirled over the bud, sucking gently. i moaned and arched my back, grinding onto his buldge.
"fuck, johnnie, let me have you." i pleaded, beginning to unbuckle his pants.
"Yes, ma'am." he complied, pulling his pants and boxers down around his ankles. his hard dick sprung out of his jeans.
i hissed, "shit."
johnnie slipped his middle and ring finger in my mouth. "Spit, baby." i did as he told, licking his fingers before spitting on them. my gaze never left his. i watched as lust overtook his eyes. "Good girl."
he rubbed my spit on his cock, wincing slightly as the friction. his slender fingers slipped through the lace strap of my underwear, pulling them down. i choked out curses as the cold air hit my pussy.
"god, youre fucking soaked." he smriked, "youre going to do so good for me, ma."
he gripped my hips, aligning his tip with my entrance before slowly sliding his cock inside of me. my mouth fell ajar as a soft moan escaped my lips. he bottomed out, giving me a moment to adjust to his size. my walls squeezed his cock, sending shivers through my body.
"fuck," he choked out, "are you okay?" he checked, running his hand over my cheek and pulling on my bottom lip.
i nodded quickly, wrapping my legs around his waist. his fingers intertwined with mine, putting one hand above my head. his other stayed on my hip, gripping so tightly i figured there'd be bruises in the morning. he began to thrust slowly, taking his time with me.
"I've wanted to feel you for so long," he muttered on my lips before kissing me softly. "god, youre so perfect. do you think you can take me, babe?"
i hesitated before nodding. "yes, oh my- please."
he moved his hand, so he had a firm hold on my hips. speeding up his pace, he whispered sweet nothings under his breath. "That's it, baby." his hand flew to my clit, rubbing circles.
my back arched slightly as i threw my head back. he took that to his advantage, his cock driving further into me. "Oh, shit." i moaned, placing my hand on his chest. "johnnie, i-i can't.."
"Yes, you can, love. i believe in you." his eyebrows furrowed. "im not done with you, yet."
i nodded, letting pleasure take over my body. moans and curses flowed out of my mouth. his pace was relentless. my mind was fuzzy, and i couldn't form any words besides his name. i moaned his name loud, forgetting other people could hear.
"you arent worried about your little boyfriend hearing you?" he chuckled in between pants, "youre such a slut, i love it."
"only you," i repeated, "only for you."
"That's my girl," he slammed my g-spot over and over as a knot began to form in my stomach. "youre mine."
i nodded eagerly, "'m gonna cum, baby."
"Me too, where do you want me?" he asked breathlessly. his thrusts became sloppy.
"inside. im on the pill," i moaned out, louder than i was expecting.
"i fucking love you." his raspy voice responded. "cum with me, mama."
his thumb met my clit again as my walls milked his cock, taking every last drop of his cum inside. my orgasm took over my body, making me go limp.
he kissed my forehead. "god, you're amazing," he flipped me over so i was bending over the bed, "give me one more."
all i could do was nod as i was still recovering from my previous orgasm. without warning, he was inside of me again, his quick pace never faltering.
my moans became high-pitched. the overstimulation was a mix of pain and pleasure. his fingers tangled in my hair, pushing my head down into the bed as he hit a different angle inside of me. his other hand gripped my ass as low whimpers slipped from his lips.
"fuck, i love you so much." his sweet words contradicting his actions. i tried to say it back, but it came out unintelligible. he stopped thrusting, balls deep inside of me. "use your words, baby."
"fuck, i love you." i grinded my ass into his hips, "i love you so much."
his cock began to drill into me again as i felt the knot in my stomach tighten again. "You close?" i moaned out in agreement. "Me too,"
my second orgasm hit me like a truck at the same time his did. johnnie collapsed onto the bed next to me. "we'll go shower when everyone leaves." he said breathlessly. i nodded in agreement. i laid my head on his chest and knocked the fuck out.
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jazzyblusnowflake · 5 months
Note
OMG hi…I really like your art and was wondering if you wanna be mutuals??????????? Also tell me about your MD ships :3c
honey we are dating- .....okay yknow what- HI PRETTY & TALENTED LADY- yess i will absolutely love toooo 🙈💕💕💕💕💕
also lets see uhhh okay this is an excuse for me to just... expload-
keep in mind not every ship is meant for all of you so dont badger me about stuff that ISNT CANON or YOU DONT SHIP. contrary to whatever you believe, when somone posts about THEIR ships, nobody wants to hear about you NOT shipping it on THAT EXACT post.
hang in there, this gon be a long one >:p
First off we are starting strong with Nuzi- Biscuitbites obviously thats a given- these two just have too much to be said about why and how they make eachother the best version of eachother, whether they ever became canon or not- they fit like puzzle pieces- they lessen eachothers negative traits by being their for eachother.
next is Vuzi- Violentviolet, they are my favorite kind of enemies to lovers 😔 but its also tragic smh. kinda pissed off at how V always does something good in Uzis favor only when she is LITERALLY PASSED OUT- either in the camp ep on the bus or in Alices lab. like damn ofFUCKINGcourse Uzi wouldnt know she cares about her 😭😭😭
envuzi- Violentbitingbiscuits, i love these goobers with all my heart- they deserve the best 😔💕💕💕💕
envy - [does this poor ship just NOT have an exclusive FINDABLE tag name??? im calling them GoldenMemories...], i like to think that if they were in the manor still, and nothing bad had ever happened, these two would be comforting eachother in the healthiest way possible. V needs someone like N and N is just adorable like that uwu
Next we have JxTessa/Jessa- [calling them Fancyblades cuz why not-] J deserves some closure for the shit shes gone through smhhh 😔, its a tragic yuri of J loving and wanting something she probably already accepted she couldnt have, and even then she gotta deal with Ns ass being the favorite one regardless of how hard she tries to be perfect... sighhh i wanna imagine them in a future where Tessa was spared as the only human and J could save her 😭😭😭😭 Tessa might have loved doing mechanical stuff or wore black to hide grease/oil stains on her clothes from her parents and wore gloves to hide her oily stained hands- i want her to have a scene of wiring drones back to life and saving them and saying something like "hey there, you made it! dont worry, ill take care of you, youre my friend now :3" or something //dies//, also before anyone says it- even if Tessa was a teen in the flashbacks- romance is not exclusive to ADULTS, teens can love eachother without having sexual stuff involved. no she was not their MOTHER figure, she was their FRIEND who liked to fix robots for herself to not be alone in a house where her own parents literally chain her up as punishment. i dont even know why im arguing about this, people headcanon or make aus about characters NOT being dead all the time and if Tessa was alive for as long as J thought she was, Tessa would have been a perfectly fine adult either way. so counting this, yes shes canonically considered an adult when Cyn tries to imitate an adult humans body 🙄 makes as much sense as everything else i guess-
next ones i got is NorixYeva/Neva- Solverlilies- i just think theyre neat 😭😭😭 and once again, like everything else in this franchise- they are tragic yuris 😔 damn liam im finding a pattern over here 🤨 anyway, i like to think they either got closer in the lab experimentations or were already close when they were working as WDs in the campsite area for the humans. obviously canonically they were probably straight or just not into eachother romantically- [Nori either u have the worst taste men or Khan just fucking lost it after you died-] but also on the other handddd.... they have 2 hands and they are robots, i want them to kiss like two barbie dolls and im gonna make them do just that-
DollxLizzy/Dizzy- Bloodypink, wost fucking ship names ever, i cant find shit on them with these tags and it makes me angry >:/ at this point 2/3s of my ships are just tragic yuris smh, Doll did not deserve any of the things handed to her, even if she went about doing some things the wrong way i wish Lizzy didnt just abandon her- but then again, Doll did kinda abuse Lizzys trust and Lizzy got scared of being close to a serial murderer so.... morality calls this a draw? 😭 im crying... i wish someone was there to help Doll... sigh... i like to think Lizzy would have waited for Doll to just come back at some point... oh well, thats why AUs exist :"3 //sobs in the corner//
DollxUzi/Dollzi- Bloodybats, this ship is so underrated to me... they could have been... so much more. but why weren't they? did Yeva abandon ever getting close to Uzi when she was a kid after Nori died? did Uzi and Doll just never play around together as kids when their mothers were so close? were they ever close and something went wrong as they grew older? at worst they could have been like sisters together, and at best maybe more than friends. i just dont know what happened here, like Yeva could have tried to keep an eye on Uzi, maybe Uzi could have found Dolls powers so cool before having them too- i dont know theres literally tons of possibilities- but if Doll deserved to be saved or cared for by anyone, at least one of them should have been Uzi... sigh.
ThadxV- Killingblonde, yall this is... the cutest shit... ever???? like from here on out we kinda go into the more or less crackship territory but these two are adorable- Dumbass yet wholesome jock boy that just wants to keep his queen happy 😔👌👌👌 He and Uzi would have so much to talk about on "crushing on literal murder bots that stabbed and almost ate us" its literally love at first stab smhhh 😫💕
ThadxSam- Smokyjock ???? for some fucking reason??? i dont know what my brain did here man- i just like the trope of someone getting under Thads skin- like pair up the healthy sports loving gym boy with the lazy but wholesome dumbass that does drugs or is always just sleep deprived and Thad is always trying to just... take care of his ass and make him take care of himself but he just WONT SMHHH-
okay some more or less crack ships down here:
ThadxN: it speaks for itself. its too adorable and youll go blind from the light of wholesomeness-
ThadxNxUzi: Uzi will die here from the overwhelming wholesomeness... oh bonus if its just a 4s polycule of ThadxNxUzixV i mean i know im pushing my luck but.... random crackships go brr- V and Uzi will complain but love their dumbass golden puppy partners-
ThadxUzi: i think they could have been close and Thad caring about her as a childhood friend turned crush sounds just too cute for me 😔
LizzyxUzi: another random ass rivals to lovers or some shit idk what this is, Lizzy would pay Uzi to kiss the fuck out of her i dont make the rules-
ThadxLizzy: in some cases where they are NOT headcanoned as siblings or cousins, i think they have a good energy of wholesome jock bf and girly queen cheerleader lol, Thad is just a good bf eitherway-
DollxUzixLizzy: the gals would not leave a single second of silence for the small gremlin i swear to God- [Uzi is gay as FUCK for her gfs, absolute girloser unit with her gorgeous but crazy gfs]
okay for the end i have some characters that arent ships but i wish they could have become closer as friends or work out their issues...
J and N- too much abuse and toxicity here, i wish they could talk together more and see they have a lot of things in common- maybe a full line of dialogue from J without threatning N in every sense of the manner would be nice for a change =_=
Doll and V- again, a bit morally ambiguous to ship a character with the murderer of your family, esp when said murderer hasnt expressed regret lmao, but i wish they could at least be friends... Dolls disdain for the murder drones pushed her to end up the way she did. maybe if she didnt do it alone she would have been alive by now. so i like to think what would have happened if she and V could have made up- not necessarily Doll forgiving her- but at least having the space to grow and understand why they did they things that happened.
Cyn and literally ANYONE- i want the solver to be SEPARATE from Cyn- i wish Cyn would have still existed somewhere down there and was savable- i wish this poor child AI had a happy ending to her by connecting with the others as ACTUAL siblings... goddamnit 😔
aaaand thats it for this fine ass day 🫡 yall are welcome to ask about any of these- boy the tags are gonna be.... a lot.
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stevie-petey · 3 months
Note
oh also,,, whenever you wanna write. chap 6 steve & robin pov blurb because i am so sure steve would be going on and on about bug once she left so my soul needs that thank you <3
im kicking myself idk why i didnt include this scene in the chapter like its PERFECT for what i have planned later but ,,, for now all i can do is make it a blurb n tell people to read it lmao
enjoy <3
"it didnt matter that you were an ass. i was still... obsessed with you." robins confession hangs in the air. her back is pressed against steves as they lay on the floor, bound together. his eye stings and his nose is numb and crusted with dried blood. he isnt sure why shes telling him this.
"even though all of us losers pretend to be above it all, we still just wanna be popular. accepted. normal."
the rope around steves wrists tense. he clenches his fists and bites the inside of his swollen cheek. acceptance. he thought he had that, once. when he was sixteen with a crowd of people who wouldve done anything for his attention.
now hes eighteen and the crowds bruises still tinge his body.
"if it makes you feel any better, having those things isnt all that great. seriously." it took him a long time to learn that. to recognize that his acceptance was merely a precedence. it wasnt real friendship. he wouldnt learn this until he met you, until you taught it to him. "it just baffles me. everything that people tell you is important, everything that people say you should care about, its all just... bullshit."
bullshit. nancy taught him that, too.
"its all just bullshit, it was so obviously bullshit. i was an idiot for not realizing it sooner," steve bites the inside of is cheek again. somehow, his lips remained untouched when he was being beaten by the russians. your lips still linger on his. "you know, the only person who saw through my bullshit was y/n. one day, before we knew about monsters and russian lairs, she said that she knew i wasnt a bad person. it... it stuck with me. here she was, y/n henderson, telling me i wasnt so bad."
"and then...?" robin is almost too afraid to press him further. shes never seen him like this, vulnerable and open. she didnt know that his history with you went beyond just a summer fling.
steve nudges his head back and sighs. "i messed up. i... i hurt people. people she cared about."
robin frowns. you wouldnt forgive someone so easily for that. theres more to what steve is saying, she just cant figure out what. "she must really love you, then. if she forgave you."
"i dont know if she loves me, but i know that she believes in me. sees someone worth putting up with." he huffs, he cant believe he will never see you again. he hates that he will never be able to thank you for seeing a version of him that no one else could. "it wasnt until i messed up that i realized she saw something in me. its ironic, isnt it? but i guess you gotta mess up to figure things out, right?"
he had to mess up to realize that he loved you, too.
"i hope so. i feel like my whole life has been one big error." robin admits. its the least she could do, offer steve a piece of herself in return for what hes offered her.
an unattractive snort escapes steve. he laughs, and his shoulders shake against robins. he understands exactly what she means. "yup."
"god, i wonder how y/n does it."
"does what?"
robin pauses, worries that she might reveal too much. but its steve. if theyre going to die together, he deserves to know. he has to know. "shes always able to see the error in people and love them anyways."
steve is quiet. he lets what she said settle over him. its what he loves the most about you. how youve always managed to see the good in people, even in someone as cruel as billy. he hadnt known that robin noticed this kindness in you, too.
she seems to understand you in a way only he and jonathan do.
"you know, i wish id known you in clicks class." its a peace offering. an extension of himself to robin for caring about you the way he does. no one really seems to be able, despite how easy steve finds it to be.
"yeah?"
"really, i do. maybe you couldve helped me pass the class." he breathes out, the thought of all he couldve done differently will always haunt him. king steve is dead, but the persona is a ghost he will never be able to get rid of. "maybe instead of being here, id be with y/n on some romantic getaway. maybe you wouldve given me the courage to do what i shouldve done sooner."
robin doesnt say anything. she turns her face away, presses her cheek against the concrete surface.
"robin?"
she swallows. "yeah. yeah, maybe. you wouldnt have been stuck slinging ice cream with me like some smuck."
steve shakes his head. hes worried hes said the wrong thing. "hey, dont get me wrong. i enjoyed being your smuck. it was fun while it lasted."
bittersweetness creeps upon robins face. she smiles, though its a sad one. shes going to die with the understanding of why youve fallen so hard for steve harrington. "yeah. it was."
then the doors burst open and the russian find them.
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alluringnectar · 4 months
Text
Timeless
abby anderson x fem!reader
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a/n: this is the final chapter, if u want a bonus lmk . not proof read yet!! i will tmr .
summary: abby takes care of you while you’re sick .
warnings: very fem reader, slow burn, angst, use of petnames, gentle abby, taking care of r, sweetheart!abby, fingering (r! receiving), cunnilingus (r! receiving), aftercare, happy ending
pt.1 , pt. 2 , pt. 3
after abby was informed of her duty “to supervise” you she took it instead as protecting you.
not that you were complaining, her undivided sweet attention was heavenly.
you wish you hurt yourself more if that meant abby could take care of you more.
the door to your bedroom creaked, causing you to flinch.
“hey, did you sleep well?” abby asks.
“jesus you scared the shit outta me.”
“yea, i did abby. thank you for everything.” you reply softly.
abby grins “do you need anything? herbal tea? pancakes?” “some tea would be nice”. you say. abby grins and she walks up to your bed. you motion her to come over and, she sinks into your bed as she sits. the closer she gets to you, the more jittery you feel. she pulls some hairs out of your face and behind your ear. her gazed softened as her eyes returned to yours.
“how are you feeling princess?”
after the couple days of her taking care of you, she started giving you cute nicknames, and every time she would call you one your throat would go dry and your heart would flutter.
“im doing really good abs…. i don’t know how i could ever make this up to you.”
“you don’t have to, i don’t expect anything.”
and it was true, she didn’t expect anything to come out of this, but she hoped.
she was close to your face, and you were close to hers.
she glanced at your lips and moved closer.
you leaned in.
but you heard a loud knock which had abby and you recoiling, abby shuffling to get the door.
“stay there, i have this baby.”
5 minutes passed by, and no Abigail.
she was taking a long time, and curiosity got the best of you, you walked out of your bedroom to the door and saw Mel and Abby,,, arguing?
“the fuck abby? you just met her and you’re already going after her. owen, now this?” mel yells.
“look mel, I know you’re upset at me and you have every right to be-”
“damn well I am! she’s my friend y’know. i don’t wanna see her hurt.”
then abby and mel spot you, leaning on your doorway, with a guilt of look in your eyes. you didn’t want to be the reason abby and mel were divided. “hey abby, i’ll talk to mel outside.” she nodded and gave no fight, she trusted you.
as you close the door to your apartment, you’re facing mel. “what was going on?” you asked. “look,, i warned you about abby I dont want her to hurt you.”
“she won’t. and if she does, it is what it is.”
“do you know what happened between her and i?” mel asked.
“no, i don’t” you eased up after hearing those words as you understood that she isn’t trying to sabotage you she is just worried.
“abby and owen… they had something before me and owen. i thought it was over & after they broke up, we all became friends. i started dating owen, and-” mel’s eyes welled up. “i was pregnant. and she got with owen.”
you were stunned, and you realized why she was worried for you. “thank you mel for caring about me, but I’m not owen or you. i’m not excusing anything abby did, but it isn’t all on abby. sex requires two people, it’s unfair to put this all on her. she changed, and im sure she realized what she did was wrong from what i heard earlier. you cannot change the past, and if you continue fixating on it you won’t have a future.”
mel broke down, and you hold her. you let go and tell her. “forgive both of them for yourself and your baby, you deserve to be happy.” mel smiled and thanked you. “im sorry.. for intruding, it wasn’t my intention. i know it isnt all on abby,, i miss her i guess i just didn’t realize how much i did now.” you smile at her softly, “take your time, im sure abby misses you too.”
mel thanks you for your words, and as she walks away, she looks behind twice and you are still standing at the door way, letting her know it will be okay.
you walk back into your apartment, and closed your door. you see abby sitting on the sofa, with your tea in her hand. as she passes it to you, you see her tremble a bit.
“are you alright abby?” you ask, concerned.
“yea, im fine princess thank you.”
“you don’t have to be okay, we’re human” you giggle, trying to lighten the mood.
“do you still like me?”
“what?”
“im sorry i asked-”
you shut up abby by closing her lips with a kiss.
“of course i like you silly, nothing will change that.”
abby loosens up a little bit after hearing those words.
you sit closer to her on the couch, and you begin to straddle her waist with your legs. you hold her face and press another kiss onto her mouth, this time sliding your tongue into hers. she groans & reciprocates by holding your waist rubbing small circles onto each side.
as the kiss deepens, her fingers start toying with the bottom of your tank top.
abby breaks of your kiss to say “can i take this off?”
“anything, abs.” you smile with full teeth.
abby chuckles. “up baby”, you put your arms up as she takes your top off.
“this too?” abby asks as she pulls on your small shorts.
you laugh and shimmy your way out of your shorts leaving you in nothing but your bra & panties.
“absss” you whine, as she starts kissing up and leaving love bites on your collarbone and your chest.
“yeah baby?”
“you have have to at least take your top off, i wanna see you too!” you pout.
abby laughs and takes off her top, leaving her in her sport’s bra. you and abby start kissing again, abby getting more rougher.
you massage her breasts, and she whimpers a bit.
you giggle a bit but its cut off quickly as she starts rubbing your nipples.
“ahhh abs,,,”
“is this okay?”
“keep going,, please abs” you nearly beg.
abby isn’t mean and she won’t tease you, so she listens to your commands like a dog. she takes off your bra & licks your nipple, starting to suck.
you moan loudly, toes curling.
abby unlatches herself from one and goes to the other nipple.
“feel good baby?” she asks
“more abs…” you barely get out.
abby yanks your underwear off, and pushes you onto your back.
abby and you hold eye contact, and you tell her.
“please, i’d only want this with you.”
and that’s abby’s green light because shes rubbing lazy circles on your bud, eliciting moans that gradually get louder as she speeds up.
you’re so lost in pleasure, you didn’t even realize she was gonna slip a finger in you.
“aaahh abby!” you claw her back, and she curls her fingers in and out.
abby inserts another finger into your cunt, and curls them back and forth hitting your g-spot repeatedly.
your legs start shaking, and you feel that funny feeling in your tummy. you start tapping her forearm, too out of it to form words but as a way to let her know you’re close.
she goes even faster, and your back arches. you close your eyes and hear abby say “it’s okay love, come for me.” and it’s like you were waiting for her to say that, bc you release on command. cum all over her fingers.
as you’re panting, trying to get ahold of yourself abby asks you
“can you give me one more?”
“what abs?” you laugh, “i want you to feel good too.” you look at her guiltily.
“nono, seeing you feel good makes me feel good too.”
you smile at her words and relax yourself again, the couch’s fabric a little soaked from your sweat.
“im gonna go ahead and start again okay?”
you laugh at abby’s assurance and roll your eyes at her playfully.
“yes captain,” you chuckle as looking down at her between your legs.
she smiles, and still staring into your eyes she licks a long stride onto your slit.
you moan and put your head back, but abby tells you
“nono look at me baby.”
and as you look back down at her, she latches onto your clit starts sucking.
“abby- i cant !”
“you can take it , right?”
you nod, and your thighs clench around her head, bringing them closer to your cunt.
she kitten licks your hole and folds, eating you out like she hasn’t ate in forever.
“mmph im close!!”
“let it out, its okay ma im here.”
you come all on her face, and abby looks up at you and smiles, licking her lips.
you start laughing at the sight.
“don’t look at me like that when you just ate me out!” you yell. laughing, you get a pillow and hit her with it.
abby gets another pillow and starts playfully hitting you with it, leaving your faces close again.
you lean in and close your eyes, abby closing the gap and kissing you passionately with no urgency.
both of you pull back, saliva connecting your lips.
“soo,” abby goes on.
“sooo..” you mock her jokingly.
“are we girlfriends then?”
“of course we are abs.” and you pull her into the tightest hug you could ever imagine.
“i don’t think I ever finished the tea you served me though.”
-
you’re 5 months into a relationship with abs, and as you’re holding her hand, fingers intertwined in eachothers, mel approaches you guys.
“hey abby, can i talk to you?” she requests timidly.
abby looks confused, but she nods. “can she stay though?”
mel straightens up, of course she can. “i just really wanted to say, im sorry, and i miss you. i think there’s a lot we need to talk about, and i’d regret it if i turned my back on you forever. one choice doesn’t define you.”
abby grins and tells the short hair woman, “i miss you more and it’s okay.” she looks up at you, approvingly. “would you want to join us for breakfast?”
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m1sa-w1sa · 2 months
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What do you think about my headcannons for characters who fit this song and who would you add
https://www.tumblr.com/ninjacomix/754842802243928064/but-ill-always-be-watching-cause-im-forever?source=share
(so i havent really listened to it in a while but i feel like blade would be a good choice, and hear me out)
TW:
Yandere Themes, slight talk of gore, Lil angst, not proofread, this is pretty long, brainrot?
Yandere HC for BLADE (Sahsrau and Reincarnation/One sided love au)
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REINCARNATION/ONE-SIDED LOVE AU
•Before when you and blade were together, he was, happy something that he cannot say he is now
•He told you not to go out in the blizzard, you PROMISED him that you would be okay… •Your body silhouette, slowly walking towards him, crystal tears, trembling body hurt him •Catching you in his arms wasnt enough, kissing your lips one last time, once he pulled back, your eyes were dull… •Seeing your dead cold body, in the snow, your lips parted and slightly having a blue hue to them made his heart ache •Years, Decades has pasted, his S/O dying hasnt made him the same, until he saw you.. •It was you… his perfect darling.. his pain, his internal debt, washing away once he saw you, no his DARLING •Hes not the one for small talk but ye went up to you, starting up a chat, you two clicked almost immediately! •You wondered how did he know so much? When you asked, he said he ‘ assumed ‘ because he liked the hobbies and interests that you did too •That leading you both to become friends, very good friends, he saw you like his S/O, well I mean.. you ARE his S/O right? •When he confessed, he was thinking you would say yes, just like before, but you didnt. No… no no no! This isnt supposed to happen! Your supposed to love him back! •He left without a trace, you were confused, you tried to get him back but he didnt come back.. •You always felt someone watching you, but you were right, blade kept watching you from the sidelines, haunting you like a ghost •He didnt try to talk to you again… not yet, he waited and waited so long, watching and haunting you like a ghost, like a leopard creeping up on its prey •Any types of dating you tried to have the person would never come, theres something driving them away, was it you? Maybe you shouldnt have rejected blade.. •Seeing you second guess brought a long awaited smile to his face, no a smirk as he would walk up behind you, his hand on your shoulder, The two of you knew, after this, you might not see the light of day again •Maybe you just dont remember! You just need to snap back! Dont worry sweetheart! Your boyfriend will help you! Just like always, soon he will have you in his arms again, only HE WILL
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SAHSRAU
•You just started playing Hsr when blades rerun came out, you thought he was pretty! So you pulled on him with your last golden ticket! •Surprise Surprise! You got him, you were so happy, giggling and clapping, when you opened his character menu complimenting him on his looks, voice, weapon, fighting skills, not thinking he heard you… Oh how cute you were… •To say the least, he was surprised when he heard you, he rolled his eyes, he knew what THOSE people thought of him… it was disgusting to him… •But overtime, you staying up hours just to get him up to level, he slowly started to grow attached. When you least expect it he was always watching you, more than you were watching him •He asked silver wolf, half asleep to make his phone be able to chat with yours, she didnt care she just did it asking him to leave so she would sleep •Anytime you would try to pull for someone else, he would always rig it, he thought it was… interesting cute when you were said when you didnt get the 50/50, its alright! You have blade still and you still love him.. right? •When he had ahold of more of your info, selfies, files, now your number he was going internally feral but also more defensive of his phone your HIS no one else needs to know that you exist… •He knows that you still have school/work so he pretended that he was someone that you met at school/work •For some reason, the feeling he has, it makes him feel happy, warm, maybe love? When you screen comes in contact with him, his eyes slightly look to the camera smiling ever so slightly •You thinking it was a easter egg you were smiling back as you were excited as well knowing that made him love you more •IF YOU DESCENDED no one knew, you hardly had any other characters, the only people who had a suspicion was Trailblazer, Dan Heng, March 17, Himiko, Welt, Pompom, Kafka and silver wolf, other than them no one really had the idea •Knowing that just made this easier for blade, just coming up and swooping you into his arms, I mean… you can give him this just one.. right your grace?
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ganondoodle · 3 months
Text
okay, bc i have seen this argument alot now (and it also seems to be the view point of aonuma himself..) is that "zelda cant do everything link does bc whats the point then"
and i take personal offense on that bc its a stupid argument (in. my. very. personal. opinion.- not judging people for liking it. its a ME thing)
whats the point? its that its her. its still a different character, different in story, background, personality, but i WANT to play zelda and she can do everything link does, why does she have to be so restricted and be bend over backwards to find some new way to make her 'useful' when link gets to do basically everything no questions asked (the only thing thats hers is like .. sealing power and sacrificial maiden, which i find a little underwhelming to say the least), if theres no point to it why are there always modders that model swap link with someone else, and in that case it has even less impact bc its an artificial model swap with no changes to the story (which can and should still be different when its the vanilla game with a different protagonist... its still a different character), clearly theres joy in just the model being a different one- and that isnt even to mention the story possibilities, since, again, its stil a different character
if we ever (never ... i know who we are talking about here) get to play as ganondorf i want to him to be just as versatile and active as link is, if we got a point and click adventure game for him instead bc 'whats the point' id be disappointed too- you can find any sort of excuse/explanation for zelda to be singled out but the fact remains it tracks with how female characters are often treated, and that hits a very sore spot for me
i guess i am unfortunately one of those annoying people that want to see female characters be treated exactly the same as male characters, possibly bc i am myself afab but identify as agender and have a deeply personal dislike for anything 'traditional' feminine bc i cannot and never will be able to truly live as myself in real life, it influences all of my work, my work is as just as much as my opinion on this, very personal
and in line with my point about modding, i see theres joy in just beign able to play as her even if its like this, i get that, i also get it for the creative aspect (though that mechanic worries me even more for the future bc it really seems to be the path now that -freedom = good, linear anything = bad-) it is a different idea and its not like i cant see that value- im not trying be "right" either, just bc i have that opinion doesnt mean i need everyone to agree, its a very personal thing, if you like it good for you! not for me though, and i think both of that is equally valid
i just personally wish she was allowed to be just like link, fight just like him but be different bc its still her and not him in the end- to be physically/playstyle like jsut like him, but you know ... as her, i dont think shed stop being zelda if she could wield a sword just like him
i dont really know how to get my point/feelings across, i dont want to step too much into personal stuff nor spam people with something that ultimately doesnt interest me alot, im just saddened by it really
(EDIT: bc i forgot to add this on here again; this isnt as much of a problem as it might sound like here, just the main topic i wanted to talk about; why im so uninterested in it is MAINLY bc i dont trust them to write anything interesting/care about lore anymore after totk, im always on the more pessimistic side that thinks its most likely worse than id hope and i know even the past games arent perfect or super interestingly written, but now its much more just a general distrust, together with everything like the price ... im just much less hopeful and cant get excited until i see more of it, like im waiting for the game to get out and reveal that its just as much of a mess and money i regret spending- kind of fear)
#ganondoodles talks#zelda#person that send an ask about this in just as i was writing this- this isnt about you- i promise you#its soemthing thats been stirring in my mind since yesterday#and seeing so many of those comments- and even aonuma himself say it#just strikes a very very personal sore spot#also to that one commenter on a different post-#no- wanting female characters being allowed to wield a sword is not “badass female character mysogyni” (idk how to spell that rn)#the hollywood badass female character thing is annoying but thats bc-#its a super model woman (bc shes ALLOWED TO BE FEMININE you KNOW) fight people in high heels- bc you can be feminie AND badass-#and then does a cringy one liner 'what you thoguht a FEMALE couldnt kick your teeth in'#which comes with alot more baggage of tropes and hollywood etc etc#i long for the 'women are jsut as capable as men' in a very agender way#why do you think i intentionally design alot of female characters non tradtionally feminie or masculine#again this is a very pseronal thing to me#BUT i do think it IS questionable that its her that isnt allowed to fight with a sword#like i dont think thats much of my personal dislike there- but a valid thing to point out no matter the explanations you can come up with#anyway- i dont hate it- but its not for me- i dont want to talk much about it#i hope you can excuse me not answering the asks i got related to this- id just repeat myself#(i guess i should be glad that its the top down one that gets her as the protagonist-)#(i dont think i want to live through seeing her be animated like the typically girly feminine butt wiggle in your face tehehe)#(the botw/totk cutscnes were enough of that for me PERSONALLY)#i dont know how many times i have to say its my very biased personally personal opinion and no a judging of others#to make it clear that no one has to agree with me and i dont want to be convinced of the other opinions of this
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