#so thats good. less to worry about
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do i really want to make individual drinks again
#reaching back into the file cabinets of my mind to remember how i made certain drinks when i worked at the cafe#in preparation for the possibility of this new job#it would certainly mean far less goofing off time than i have at my current job. and i value my goofing off time dearly#but the people here are so fucking annoying lmao. i hate them soooo much#not that the people at this new job would be any better. we're still dealing with investment bankers#godddddd. what i really would want (which would be impossible)#would be to go back to working at the cafe but like. still have paid time off and insurance lmao#but the cafe was a small business and he was not offering paid time off and insurance. and the pay was way less#but i did get to play whatever music i wanted. unfortunately you cant live on that#like i can always say no to this new job if its offered to me. but is my goofing off time worth:#2 dollars less in pay and a half hour to an hour's more commute. well i dont know#a shorter commute would mean i could sleep more. and have more time at home .#i mean i probably don't Need all this goofing off time. but its nice#i dont knowwwwwww#like even though im a bit nervous abt doing it again i know that i would easily fall back into the routine of making drinks#which i was fairly good at. my one drawback is that i cant do latte art but i dont know that theyd really care here#and (because i found the menu of where id work) theres not a ton of drink options?? just the standard stuff#its being called a starbucks cafe but 1) its not managed by them and 2) it does not have their 5 billion drink options#so thats good. less to worry about#doesnt look like i even have to make anything foodwise which i had to at the cafe#here it looks like people can just buy a pastry and thats it#the hours are like. the same i work now. also good#sorry im like using this post to think through my thoughts.#uhhhh oh i looked up the manager who looks like a weenie so im not keen on the prospect of interviewing with him#but i probably would have thought that about my current manager if id seen a pic of him prior to interviewing. i guess???#and with these kind of catering units it seems you dont often deal directly with the manager that much anyway#i just gotta see if i get good vibes#rn i have unsure vibes. but i need a sign to see if this could be good for me#oh id also save money on transportation. and taxes! bc i wouldnt be working in ny anymore#lol oops tag limit. well i hope you enjoyed my job thoughts you probably didnt i know i didnt
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Hello :D
You're so cool
Anyway have you thought that in your rat sons au Splinter might outlive the boys?
You're very cool :D love your stuff dude
(tw for some blood, light gore, implied overdose (kinda??))
hi copper!!! this is a fantastic question!
so obviously typical irl rats have far shorter lifespans than the average irl tortoise. according to google (yes, be awed by my spectacularly in-depth wealth of research) the average pet rat lives between 2-4 years ish, and the oldest on record lived to be about 7. meanwhile, an African spurred tortoise (Splinter's species) averages more around a 50ish year lifespan in captivity, tho is suspected to possibly exceed 75 or more in the wild.
Now, the mutation does give us a lot of wiggle room for playing with these numbers. For the rat sons boys, id say their natural lifespan probably clocks in at about 45-55 years old? definitely not old by human standards, but not young young either. (though, its also important to note that the boys were exposed to the mutagen just days after being born.)
For Splinter, meanwhile, aging is slightly more complicated. He lived the vast majority of his life as a regular normal African spurred tortoise (well, non-mutated at least. there were perhaps some shenanigans of a more mystical variety going on before he was mutated, but thats a separate matter) He was about 70ish i think? when the boys were born and they were all exposed to the mutagen. so he is already distinctly an old man turtle papa. id guess he'd probably still have another eh lets say 25-30 years after his mutation. he could probably push it a little farther even with some mystic nonsense, but when push comes to shove id say his 'natural' post-mutation lifespan would put his death like a solid decade or two before his sons.
of course, the tricky part of the matter is that theres no way for Splinter to know any of this. theres no way for him to know how the mutation affected them all, or if it even affected them all in the same way. especially since the boys dont show many physical signs of mutation for the first few years, and just kinda look like normal rats, (albeit with a more human sort of intelligence) — what sort of health standard do you hold them to? what if they simply dont show external signs of sickness or old age anymore? how do you actually know if something is wrong?
for a while there Splinter is very worried that one of his babies will just essentially reach the end of their normal rat lifespan, fall and not get up again.
so mostly, he just tries to live in the moment, enjoying whatever time he does have with his little ones, taking each day as a gift <3
still,
that fear
never
really
goes
away.....
#cue the 2003 tmnt dramatic Shredder sound effect TM#my art#rat sons#tmnt au#ask reply#TOOK ME A FULL MONTH TO ANSWER AND IM STILL NOT SUPER PLEASED WITH THE RESULTS BUT#also apologies if shits incohierent im v sick rn#but thank you so much for the question copper!!#a parents grief and terror at the thought of outliving their children#always gets me#and boy howdy these rat babies do Not make that shit easy for ol Splinter#all of them have brushed too close to death too many times#tbh thats probably why he started teaching them ninjutsu etc#like yeah yeah discpline and routine and practice all excellent lessons#but also#yall squishy babies and ur father is Stressed please learn to fight good so its one less thing he has to worry about#sorry splints theyre hamatos now theyre destined for danger#cw blood#cw gore
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I'm hoping episode 3 let's Ruby see the dark side of the Doctor. I feel that adds a very important dynamic to a Doctor-companion relationship, when they see how dark he can be and still choose to travel with him early on.
Rose watching Nine drag Cassandra back to die. Eleven yelling at Amy "Nobody human has anything to say to me today!" Donna begging Ten to stop drowning the spider babies, and then again to go back and save someone in Pompeii.
Fifteen has been FUN and I know he can do emotional range, I've seen his fear and his tears already. But I want to see him dark, and I want to see Ruby respond to that. I think it would add a LOT of depth to their relationship and is something missing.
Plus showcasing the Doctor's flaws (selfishness) will make him a much more interesting character. I want to see some conflict between the Doctor and Ruby.
#wren rambles#doctor who#fifteenth doctor#ruby sunday#something about not letting heroes have flaws#and thus being one dimentional and less interesting#its a flaw i saw them slipping into a bit with thirteen#where she was always the Moral Voice#i LIKE it when the Doctor is instinctually cruel and has to be talked out of it and actively choose to be kind#it makes the character SO much more interesting#and raises the emotional stakes so much#so far fifteen has been FUN#but he hasnt been a rounded character#and until we see his flaws hes never gonna be in the runnings for a favourite#i think the doctor is an inherantly selfish character#and he has to make an active effort to NOT be#“Im his carer” “yes she cares so I dont have to”#im worried a six month time jump removed the opportunity for this kinda thing though#i Need to be able to look at the doctor and know. this is the man who killed a planet#and i havent been seeing that in the character recently#still early days yet though!#the doctor shouldnt be the moral center of the show--his companion should be#i think thats why i love 12 so much tbh#because his whole THING is to choose to be kind#without hope without witness without reward#being “good” (and whatever that means is a discussion for another day) doesnt come easily to him#love isnt an emotion its a promise#i want to see fifteen STRUGGLING to choose to do good#and i want to see ruby witness that
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Tangentially related to some of the discussion i posted earlier but quiet literally the first RW Art Month i participated I did it completely on whim like, one day before it started. And I mostly did it because I hadn't drawn a ton of rain world and wanted to draw more. Fandom presence was a lot smaller than and I was one of a handful of artists who did the entire thing. Fast forward and I still do Art Month and I've gotten to work with VC directly. But it was quite literally something I decided to do completely on whim that set the ball rolling, and for something a lil more niche and certainly with a lot more dev/fandom art involvement than most. It's really random how and why you might get noticed more than usual, especially with the "toss it into the search and hope it pays out' mechanism of Socmed
#t.extpost#and im hardly the fanciest art month artist out there so it wasnt even about being a jaw droppingly talented artist or whatever#and while artmonth for rw is still given a huge focus its also a much much bigger thing now with a much bigger number of participants#which is cool! its awesome how many people i saw do most if not all of last art month! and VC is really good about not just repping the#most popular artists or fanciest pieces#but theres So Much More there now and while its great for finding artists its also impossible to get Everyone in there you know?#Although they absolutely try#And this is like. one of the most fanartist involved devs ive ever seen in terms of both celebrating the art their fans make and actively#bringing those fans in to contribute#and its /still/ hard to get going just because thats how Posting is#i used to be more of a hk artist which is both a huge fandom and riddled with stunning artists but theres So Many#and niche fandoms are niche so youre more likely to connect with people but less likely to see a ton of engagement regularly -#probably best example i have for that was being briefly fixated on patapon.#Its just messy to try and find the hack that sets you up#just have fun and jump around and make what you like#get a sense of feeling for your style and some people will stick around for that vs. strictly the subject matter#others will look up the thing you switched too and some wont engage#you cant really control it#so have fun and draw that thing you randomly thought about at 2 am that doesnt match your blog#draw for that forgotten rpg you liked when you were 15 or draw for the 70 player max steam game you played for this week#you never really know what will happen#but its not really worth worrying about what will happen either
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wanted to post the royals and co. as a set for reference, though the only new things here are the king+queen and koe's updated design :p also most of them didn't get little infoboxes so those will be a first under the cut here ^_^
Name: Andromeda (Andy)
Name origin: The Andromeda Galaxy, named for the mythical princess
Pronouns: She/her
Age: 20
Title: Heir apparent
Weapon: Flamberge (Same as her mom's)
Ethos (Power): None
Flaw power is based on: N/A
Notes: She wants to go on adventures someday, and make a lot of friends, and be normal. So please drop the "Your highness" and call her Andy!
Name: Cepheus
Name origin: The constellation Cepheus, the king
Pronouns: He/him
Age: 54
Title: King
Weapon: Scepter
Ethos (Power): Authority (The ability to control people’s actions through his words, but not their minds)
Flaw power is based on: His controlling and paranoid nature
Notes: He prefers not to use his ability unless it seems necessary, but ends will justify the means.
Name: Cassiopeia
Name origin: The constellation Cassiopeia, the queen
Pronouns: She/her
Age: -
Title: Queen
Weapon: Flamberge
Ethos (Power): Alis (The ability to generate wings)
Flaw power is based on: Her overconfidence in her own abilities, ironically like a completely different winged mythological figure...
Notes: Before being the Queen, she was the Hero.
Name: Koeia/Koe
Name origin: The star Koeia, whose name literally means "Star"
Pronouns: She/her
Age: 20
Title: Maid/Andromeda's lady in waiting
Weapon: Twin Sickles
Ethos (Power): Blessing (She can make others more powerful through cheering them on)
Flaw power is based on: Her Obsequiousness
Notes: She assures you her devotion to the princess is strictly for non-homosexual reasons
Name: Perseus/Percy
Name origin: The constellation Perseus, the hero
Pronouns: He/him
Age: 21
Title: 1st Knight/Andromeda's personal guard
Weapon: Harpē sword
Ethos (Power): Divine swordstrike (An all-powerful swing of the sword with no limit)
Flaw power is based on: His incredible arrogance and show-offishness
Notes: He assures you that his showy devotion to the princess is as heterosexual as it seems. Also he's the cousin Io from Nova Stella
Name: Ursa
Name origin: Ursa major, the big dipper.
Pronouns: She/her
Age: 38
Title: Major
Weapon: None
Ethos (Power): Bear-handed (Her claws are unbreakable and can slice through any material)
Flaw power is based on: Her hyper-diligence. Her ruthless devotion and adherence. Literally nothing could ever stand in her way.
Notes: She’s the mama bear of Kochab (Ursa minor) from the timber scouts
#reason i wanted to change koe's design was bc i felt like the first one was a bit too basic ig?#wanted to give it more personality beyond being a maid outfit#so a funkier skirt and shorter sleeves and gloves and stuff. idk its more koe and less maid. but still maid#other than that obviously are the two wholly new characters#honestly designing them was interesting in a way bc it was like reverse engineering andys face#i think she takes after her mom more tho#but she also does try to emulate her so thats also part of it#honestly andy is really similar to amary in a lot of ways not just bc of the whole princess thing but the family dynamics to a degree too#there are still some pretty big differences (andy wasnt abused but her father is still really strict and constraining out of worry#and amary's mom was actually kinda the polar opposite of andy's and their emulations are completely different too)#BUT#look read cepheus's flaw. hes not going to be a good guy lol#hes the type that starts out nice enough on the surface but when pushed it will become. again. ends justify the means#very.... 'my way or the highway' type guy i guess. but with power#cassiopeia s more noble than that though despite any arrogance in her skills#its like one side of a balancing act lost#again look at her power. its wings! wings mean freedom! no restraint! touch the sky!#unfortunately kingdoms arent usually about that is the thing#maybe andy can fix it now though#but honestly andy percy and ursa are pretty much all just here for convenience#it wouldve been easier to have a ref post lumping all royals and andy's entourage together. and ursa i guess idk where else shed go lol#i thought abt putting her w the zodiac knights but their theme is too uniform. background color is the same tho so same affiliation#w the royals#also does anyone get my amazing joke. shes a major. major ursa. ursa major. i know i know#ill be here all week#finn's ocs#oc references#finn's art
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its finally luosty turns last but not least eh? his topic? cranky sasha 🤣🤣🤣 (whoever came up with these topics wanted to get sasha riled up oh my goddddd)
ofc the way he chooses to show off cranky sasha is through his spartan hockey huh and OF FUCKING COURSE he gets lundy to come up and help him because who else but lundy does sasha crack the good ole whip for IM DYING
he also makes sure to mime in the goal posts too so everyones on the same page that this is of course about hockey because this has turned into an improv exercise mama hes a star hes a THEATRE kid
luosty is very good at mimicing cranky sasha must have lots of time watching him get fussy with lundy huh i can imagine the only directions given to lundy here was act like yourself and somehow that makes this funnier
they absolutely both think luosty is the funniest fucker alive OH MY GOD HE GOT LUNDY TO SMILE (WHICH ISNT MUCH OF AN ACCOMPLISHMENT HES SO SMITTEN WITH HIM) BUT HE GOT MIKKSY TO GIVE A GOOD TOOTHY GRIN TOO LUOSTY WHAT POWERS DO YOU HAVE 😭😭😭😭
he has this whole couch bewitched by his antics oh my fucking god... kicking the bench...throwing the water bottle...cranky sasha indeed
THE WAGGING FINGER AT LUNDY hey man whyd you move your hand to your crotch did that incite any revelations in you do you need to cover something that had unfortunate timing huh do you understand why mikksy cant stand them do you understand now
on another episode of i genuinely dont think anyone else could do this and get sasha this giggly in the midst of it of making fun of him luosty has really charmed them all
Sasha Cup Party | 7.31.24 (x)
#eetu luostarinen#anton lundell#aleksander barkov#niko mikkola#florida panthers#luosty could absolutely get away with murder and the finns would be like noooo you didnt do it not youuuuu#he has the charm of a siren WHAT IS THIS#apparently boyish does work on sasha and all is forgiven if you have it#while i think the humour runs a little dry and sharp in the finn group which means sometimes someones gets a little bristled in the process#luosty has such joyous slapstick comedy that its impossible to feel offended even if he is teasing you#hes like a rodeo clown to me#like sometimes mikksy and sasha go a little hard while lundy runs a little sensitive and luosty is the perfect bridge between all that#does that make sense? am i making sense right now?#like luosty can end up making everyone laugh#like in the NHLWAP series while luosty made a jab at mikksys goal production it wasnt in a way that felt malicious in any wY#mikksy has tough skin but even then hes aware hes a defensive minded dman whos priority is not scoring so when luosty says “when you score#less goals than mikksy THEN you worry“ (in regards to his personal lack of production in the 2324 season) hes diverting the attention in#a comedic way while also kinda pointing out how ridiculous the notion is like yeah he hasnt had the same production like the previous seaso#but thats nothing to worry about personally. mikksy also giggles and goes “why am i suddenly being attacked?”#its just such a perfect way to jump to the next topic where no ones feathers are ruffled and everyone wins#i didnt like the q either and i wouldve answered a lot more snarkier but luosty does it with such grace and humor its really admirable#sorry this turned into a luosty splurge but i just think its important to point out#there IS a reason why he charms people so much and i feel like this and the prev thing i said is a good few reasons why
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I've had enough character development for this year. Can we skip to the beach filler episode?
#lmao#had a great day mostly but im feeling the burnout#hindsight im glad im gonna be taking summer off from college#yeah it'll take me a bit longer to get my degree but i crammed in a lot of shit within a year#and working on projects and theory and application non stop#caught up to me#there's still a part of me thats like BITCH TAKE 1 CLASS THATS 1 LESS TO WORRY ABOUT#but the other is like BITCH 1 CLASS AINT GON DO SHIT CHILL YOU OVERACHIEVING CHICKEN FRIED FUCK#“you take everything on like you're running out of time even though the thing you need most is rest.”#thank you friendo for calling me out on my bullshit 🙏🏻💯#maybe i should hire them to tell me when i need to slow the fuck down#cause even though ive gotten better with taking care of myself i get so caught up with my ambitions that it bites me in the ass#that and when you're disabled and if you get that window of opportunity where you feel good you want to crank all the shit out you can#before going back into hibernation mode#vicious cycle#anyway i be ranting#no magenta here but some other color that we shouldn't be able to comprehend but we do anyway
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Applying for a loan to buy a car, hopefully it's fine. I should be able to Qualify rather easily for a 19,000 dollar loan. And I can swing 500 dollar per month payment MAX but if I've calculated it correctly the monthly payment should be 350, then plus insurance at like 150, I should be good! As I earn like 3000 a month.
The car is a 2015 Bright Yellow Jeep Wrangler that my mom's friend is selling! I hope I can get it :)
#I'm paying off my student loans though they're currently in deferment#So that's like 140 a month#+ the 500 (or more I'm flexi the max I can pay a month for car + insurance is 600)#plus the 107 a month for my phone#so 747 a month (847 if it ends up being 600)#I don't pay rent for now luckily but my max rent I'm willing to pay is 1600#with that the monthly cost is 2347#that leaves 653 for everything else#if I don't include paying max rent then it's 2253 left#Pretty good I think!#If I eschew paying my student loans until the grace period ends thats 2393#additionally I've calculated all this with the MAX payments and rounding up so it will likely be less#:)#I am a bit worried about it as I am a freelancer but it should be fine
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Realizing that I'm only 26 and I Theoretically have some 50 ish more years to fuck around with and I had a moment of like "I get All This Time to work on my writing projects??? 🥹🥹🥹" thinking about how it feels like I shouldn't bc everyone always seems so busy when they're middle aged
I remembered why. It's the kids. Not having kids frees up SOOO much of ur future for REAL
#speculation nation#granted i may eventually adopt but not an infant lmfao#idk theres suddenly so much time in the world when you dont consider 25 to be old#and you arent worried about your Internal Clock or w/e for having kids.#like maybe ill get less spry but if i keep fit i can still be in good physical shape#now WILL i??? thats another question. id like to try tho.#feeling some hope for the future. i have so much time to become the weirdest neighborhood old person 😃😃😃
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"We're leaving this damn cloud first thing tomorrow morning."
#started off as just an excuse to draw the backside of her pants!#because thats something i needlessly think about haha#alice helped me w/ the hair OOHOOOOOO LOOKS SO HECKING GOOD;;;;;;;;;;#i figure the triplets are hella dead in year of hell LOL#so stuff like this scene ^^^ come with less conflict and worry over their wellbeing and her callousness is maybe a little more warranted#My Art#Threshold#AU#Kathryn Janeway#Star Trek: Voyager#Year of Hell#Human
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its important to go see a low stakes concert sometimes
#as in seeing someone in concert youre not an absolute nutbag about (as i have done this year and last year)#but last night me n my dad went and saw renaissance on their farewell tour#running on like 4 hours of sleep and seething to be at work right now#or rather i would be seething if i weren't so tired#new anger management hack: just get less sleep so your senses are dulled! anyway#funniest part of the night was the multiples times when my dad who is old was like 'everyone here is so old :/'#he was literally like 'if i ever get like these people just shoot me' LMAO#the concert was good i wouldn't call it like great or fantastic but such is the beauty of a low stakes concert#youre not living and dying on every song youre not singing along to everything youre just. enjoyin the show normally which is crazy#again as someone who has seen two bands (both bands two separate times and is seeing one of those bands a THIRD TIME soon) im crazy over#that experience is fun its bonkers and you definitely gotta do it for the bands youre crazy over. you gotta#but it was nice to just. have a regular time at a show#as far as the show itself there were a few little moments where things didnt go as smooth but that may have been bc it was the first show#and save for a few moments in some songs annie haslam knocked it out of the park she can still sing as insanely good as she used to#again some parts of songs were in a lower key? but most seemed to be the same and she was still hitting those bonkers high notes#so good for her. the band was pretty good but i felt they really only like all worked together well on a few songs#if that makes sense. but overall pretty good#and my anxieties about getting there and back were unfounded bc somehow it all worked. yay#our car service trip home was in a tesla i felt like i was gonna die the entire ride home lol#i am NEVER getting in one of those stupid cars again. big ass ipad as your dashboard this is insane???? im so scared???#anywho. old musicians are forever as ive been saying lately. and they really are#oh also we were at the town hall which is a nice small theater i was worried abt bein too far away but it's laid out really well#in that you're sure to get a pretty good view of the stage#it seems like half the size roughly of the beacon for whatever thats worth#OH i did see one dude somewhere in the audience with a sparks shirt so. hashtag represent#yet another concert report. yayyyyy#(im so tired)
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you know, its not brought up in fics often but ted is extremely well read. he doesnt brag about it, but hes read everything from f scott fitzgerald's b sides to ayn rand's doorstoppers to the sixteen book Ender series, etc etc etc. Ted reads about as much as we see Beard reading (which. in my head is a trait that was passed on, a new focus to sharpen the mind and keep him out of trouble and his mind off drugs, something Ted offered up as a coping mechanism for when his own dad died, a way to have fun and adventure and escape without ending up in jail like Ted himself had a handful of times before, scaring the bejeezus out of his ma.)
this turned into a mini fic and i lost my train of thought but point is, Ted reads So Much and more people need to pick up on this in fics please and thank you.
#ted lasso#hes got an artistic soul!#but also anyone whos fav book is the fountainhead must be both well read and stubborn as a bull#its a slog and thats coming from someone whos read both infinite jest and les mis#im getting through it slowly but surely. mostly to stretch my story endurance before jumping into atlas shrugged#also. yes i know we have no evidence that he read all 16 ender books#but having had read them myself i know in my heart of hearts that ted absolutely finished every one of them with gusto#probably on the bus to and from games with his team back in the US#no wait hold on. he was a backup punter right? that means LOTS of time sitting on the sidelines waiting for a whole bunch of nothing#lots of time was spent watching the plays and the team and formulating im sure (which is also probably why he trusts nate so much in the#beginning. bc that used to be him sitting on the sidelines taking it all in) but also theres long stretches of no play in american football#during which he probably read like a demon to keep his grades up and keep his scholarship#so that this ma never had to worry about him away at school. He wasnt going to get into trouble anymore not like he did in high school#he had to be the man of the house and gosh darn it was he going to do it with gusto#which meant good grades and learning about life and people and spending all that free time the right way#therefore: books. an easy habit that keeps him out of trouble and keeps his mama proud. plus itd be easy to hide from coaches under his pad#if they ever had a problem with it (which im sure they would at first but once he proved he was paying attention and wormed his way in#with the team even as a reserve well. they were less eagle-eyed after that concerning the paperback-shaped lumps under his jersey)#anyway have another mini fic i guess lol#im feeling a tad verbose today
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okay i FINALLY watched kung fu panda 4 and i have a lot of thoughts, especially about the parallels between tai lung and zhen. tai lung was taken in by shifu, who loved him and believed in him but took pride in him to a fault, leading to the arrogance and entitlement that was tai lung's downfall; zhen was taken in by the chameleon, who criticized her and used her and acted only out of self interest, a belief system that ultimately lead to zhen's rebellion. two young kids each given a chance by a master, one of them with kindness and excessive leniency, the other with mal-intent and no room for error. tai lung and zhen could've easily swapped places and each of them turned out differently. it's so fascinating, and a very smart writing choice to bring tai lung back into focus in conjunction with the the introduction of zhen's character.
#kung fu panda 4#kung fu panda#kfp#i was pleasantly surprised by this film i must say!!!#ive seen mixed reviews and i certainly dont think it has anything on the first two movies but it's better than the third#kfp3 is exceptionally weak compared to the rest of the franchise so it was nice to see a step up from that#i feel much better about this film being the end of po's story#and i love zhen!!!!! i was worried she was gonna be like a quirky new side character with no depth thats meant to appeal to the new young+#audience but i think she's absolutely incredible#if she gets her own saga following this movie i wont be surprised nor disappointed#good movie!#the music and fight choreo and visuals were all on par with what ive come to expect as well#which is to say they were v good#and honestly i laughed out loud a bunch. while on a public bus no less#ive seen a lot of criticisms about the humor but i thought it was fun and good :p
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ANYWHO goodnight tumblr i'll be back on the art grind tomorrow i think 🙏
#haunted ecosystem#i'll take a burst of creativity in a different form than usual than the burnout slump i've been in for a few months#<- part of why my fandom stuff has taken a smidge of a backseat#dont get me wrong i am still very excited about my fandoms im just having fun off in oc hell (affectionate)#its nice to just be able to create and not really worry about perception. and also i feel Less bad about just throwing ocs into the wringer#((blame the fact i've been REALLY interested in whump recently and i have been. fixated. on one of my characters.))#and ALSO i've been! rekindling my flame for wtds. i've been putting off thinking about it since that fic got.#nothing bad happened? but it was still very devastating that somebody who i considered a friend from that fic just. evaporated.#but i'm gonna finish that fic for him :) even if it takes a year. even if it's the one thing i finish ever. it'll be wtds.#for where its gotten me and the fact its what got me out of my shell and is the reason i trust that my writing is good!#i used to really hate rereading my work. i catch flaws that are obvious to me. but that fic. i just think about how *good* the story is#that story means. a lot to me? as a person? like the main character is not a good person. but people care about him anyway.#and there are so many little things. so many sentiments. so much that is a love letter to people who've done bad but learnt to do better#because. god knows i wasnt a good person even just a few years ago. and maybe i see myself in him a bit.#he came from a place of paranoia and fear and pain. and maybe its a good thing that i've found it difficult to write him recently.#because god. i've been HAPPY. even with the rough moments and bad days. i've been happy. i mean fuck.#my birthday's what. ten days away? god damn man. i'm going to be 18. that's an achievement.#i want to look the kid who thought it was over at half my age and tell him we fucking made it. and there are more years to come.#there's a life ahead. even if it's going to be a bitch. even if it's going to be tough. there's love in your heart and people who care and#you're going to fucking live and you're going to feel better one day. you have people to meet properly and thank and cherish.#because for every day it feel like the world's ending there are a dozen more where the sun shines just the right way through the rain#and you can't help but smile because it's just so god damn beautiful.#and fuck it. you're sick. your hands hurt and your legs don't work right. and it's tough sometimes. but you have people who understand.#you have people who honest to god love you for who you are and appreciate your company. and 18 is the first step.#you've spent half your life unlearning things and you've spent half your life relearning how to be what YOU want to be#and if you're a mediocre artist and passionate writer then you'll be fucking great at that. taking the time to learn when it strikes you.#and maybe this is for me. but its also for anybody reading it too. please god if there's one thing you take from this let it be that#somebody out there cares. *I* care. god i care. even if we've never spoken proper i care about you.#i practically have a list of everybody i see in my inbox. i love seeing familiar names show up. i.#i dont know how to neatly wrap up this tag ramble. but. i am so damn full of love it hurts sometimes. its scary to be happy but thats ok!
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it is such a shame that rainstorms are a consistent migraine trigger for me because I love the rain so much but especially I love the way that the rain makes my city look. it goes all gray and lit-from-within at civil twilight and the skyscrapers at city center stretch up so high that the shapes lose definition and it's something that I am just so so fond of.
#not to mention the classic streetlights and wet pavement. thats always been a particular little thing that ive loved#it feels more like autumn than late winter today which makes me a little upset but driving in rain is better than driving in ice at least#im in a bit of a really strange introspective mood now that ive finally cleared the worst of the migraine#a lot of stuff has happened for me lately that i havent talked about on here at all just to a couple of close friends.#and im kind of. actively trying? to stop caring so much about telling people about things.#a couple weeks ago i did something that not a soul on earth knows. and they never will. and it was SO FREEING.#<- not anything bad or whatever just. a regular thing that happened that i didnt tell anyone about.#idk. im trying a lot more lately to worry less about sharing my life and more about just living it. its good i think.#youll probably still get luke. hyperspecific emotional/contemplative oversharing in the tags sometimes#but ive been doing a lot more things that im not telling anyone about. that exist just for me. and im gonna keep doing that.#.lyr
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Not a vent jus an emotional observation, but it kinda sucks when you slowly realize you can’t be the friend someone needs you to be
#random post#also goes for other relationships but I digress#idk it’s kinda like taking away a fundamental part your life cus u just aren’t what they NEED#this really isn’t a vent btw it’s just smth I’ve been thinking about and I think I’ve accepted it#a part of me REALLY wants to talk about it with someone to like. have an outside perspective on my thoughts lol but I don’t wanna fuckin#idk the word. bother? worry? someone else? I also don’t wanna be misunderstood as like. malicious or mad or anything lol#cus I’m prone to being misunderstood ✌️😔#that’s more or less a fact funnily enough there been more than a few times where I’ve just been like ‘NO WAIT. THATS NIT WHAT I MEANT’#I honestly can’t tell what gets misinterpreted sometimes but I digress. anyways#good news is. we don’t really talk. anymore lol so it’s not like im suddenly outcast or anything#sounds sappy but I already mourned the loss of this friendship a long time ago. DAMN that sounds dark but. yknow#it’s kinda nice sharing these thoughts <3 ive been feelin like this for MONTHS and I’m done feeling sad or getting myself sick over these#feelings >:)#in other news the duct tape on my phone (the tape holding my case together) has been peeling back so NOW my hands are sticky </3 rip
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