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fermented-writers-block · 4 years ago

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PART 1 of 6 of the Owl Deity Hooty Theory

[NEXT PART]

[OWL DEITY HOOTY THEORY MASTERPOST] (in development)

(TLDR at bottom of post)

Over several long months of research and analysis since March of 2020, I have been following an utterly fascinating thread of potential misdirection and subtle details throughout The Owl House, and today, I would like to start weaving together of what I believe could become one of the biggest and most cleverly disguised twists in the entire show.

To begin, let’s take a look at the B plot of Understanding Willow:

On first glance, it’s an ultimately inconsequential sidestory with the sole purpose of justifying an excuse to keep Luz and Amity in Willow’s mind, as well as providing some well-needed room to breathe and release tension after the veryemotionally charged confrontation with Inner Willow. After half an episode of Eda and King outdoing the other in ridiculous ways to win Gus’ vote and Gus running off in frustration at the end of the episode from Hooty’s inane rambling, it’s easy to laugh off Gus’ pick and assume that nothing/of value was said when he closed the door for the interview.

However, if one pays close attention to that very scene, Hooty actually canstill be heard (if faintly) underneath Eda and King’s grumbling, interestingly talking about how “It all started with a hunt. Blood red skies. That’s right, I was created-.”

Now, while it may seem silly to focus on dialogue from Hooty of all characters, this A) tells us that there was an event in the past involving blood red skies and a hunt of some kind, B) that Hooty had been created close to said event, and C) implies that what he knows but can’t tell as a story worth a damn is EXTREMELY important to be included and be hidden in such a manner.

For comparison, the only other instance of dialogue being tucked away in the background in the entire show is in Wing It Like Witches:

During the lecture at the beginning of the episode, the history teacher openswith lore on Belos appointing a head witch to each coven over 50 years ago, immediately cluing in the audience to try and decipher the rest of the lecture as it moves to the background. Adding to this is how the musical sting when Luz shows off her movie obscures what he says even further, making it even more of a intriguing puzzle that the creators clearly intended for viewers to pick up on and attempt to solve.

In contrast, the hidden dialogue of Hooty’s interview is much shorter and not as hard to decipher as the teacher’s history lesson, but at the same time, there are few to no indicators whatsoever in that scene to clue in the audience to even check for something like that. It comes at the end of an episode where most viewers would have been paradoxically tired out and driven abuzz by the revelations of Amity and Willow’s relationship, doesn’t attempt to draw much attention to itself, and frames itself as a comedic subversion of audience expectations with neither the “greatest witch who ever lived” or the self-proclaimed king of demons being picked by Gus.

Instead, he picks someone that the show portrays constantly as an oblivious and gullible idiot after being described as a “state of the art defense system” at the very beginning of the series. Someone who, despite it being played for laughs, is scarily capable of casually subduing Lilith offscreen one episode and then beating her and an entire squad of Emperor’s Coven members without even the slightest change in personality or temperament.

Someone who, due to being the Owl House itself, could be considered the titular character of the entire show, yet is taken for granted by those who inhabit him and barely gets any respect from even the cutely patronized King - including when Hooty could be interpreted as having potentially been full on DEAD for a time given the use of extremely cartoony X eyes and a lack of vital signs in The Intruder.

And someone who Eda at best tolerates and at worst abandons in personal interactions and only occasionally acknowledges him when he’s actually doing his job. Yet at the same time is so implicitly trusted beyondprotecting her home to the point where - when up against the closest person Eda has to an equal outside of likely Belos - the only actually recognizable spells Eda used in combat were 1) stereotypical energy blasts, 2) a single shield spell in Covention, and 3) a noticeably large reliance on imitations of Hooty above any other spells she could have decided to use instead.

In short, the show repeatedly tells us he is just an idiotic gag character through and through, but at the same time demonstrates he has immense power through both onscreen and offscreen demonstrations, implicitly tells us his importance ahead of time through Eda’s imitations in actually serious situations, and treats his interview and origin story as - if not even more- important to keep secret than a long lore dump about how Belos’ reign works.

After all, there being only two instances of hidden background dialogue in the entire season is already intriguing on its own, but for one to get plenty of clues to draw in people’s attention and for the other to be treated as just another gag about a “mere comic relief character” - aka a good way to draw away attention and lower one’s guard - heavily suggests a far deeper significance buried under layers of misdirection, comedy, and conditioned audience expectations.

I mean, when Eda bragged about being “a bad girl living in a secret fortress,” Hooty followed with a remark about how “I’m the secret.” While that line may sound like Hooty simply being confused as part of a one-off on the surface, it’s an odd dialogue choice for the writers to pick when you think about all the other reminders of his nature as the house itself throughout the season. With the precedent these moments set, it would have been much more appropriate for him to latch onto the “fortress” side of “secret fortress” AND it would have been just as equally funny of a joke about his awareness skills, but instead, Hooty broke away from the established trend to say something that would make people suspicious were it to come from anyone else.

In a way, this reminds me much of the many subtle bits of foreshadowing strewn across the show, like Luz unknowingly describing Amity in Witches Before Wizards and Eda burning a hole through Luz’s coven type quiz that coincidentally selected the same track she had taken at Hexside as “a punky potionist.” At the time of airing, these initially seemed like one-off jokes, but eventually came back in full force several episodes later with Amity’s hidden sensitive feelings and love for the Azura books becoming clear in Lost in Language, and the reveal of Eda’s school track in Something Ventured, Someone Framed with her school misdemeanor pictures.

That said, compared to these individual bits of minor foreshadowing, the jokes about Hooty in Understanding Willow appear to simply be the most obvious pieces in a giant puzzle, implicitly and outright telling attentive viewers that there’s a major mystery to be uncovered here.

In fact, I feel bold enough to say that we could be looking at a twist on a similar scale to that of the Pink Diamond/Rose Quartz and Stanford Pines twists in Steven Universe and Gravity Falls respectively, what with this particular puzzle piece coming from how Gus wanted to make THE greatest interview of all time, and how he was looking for someone who was “interesting, accomplished, AND noteworthy:”

Note the emphasis on the ‘and’ here, as Gus had made a big deal that “people aren’t meantto be all those things” at the beginning of the episode, so as a result, stripping away all the comedic framing of his subplot leaves the intriguing implication that whoever - and, perhaps, what- Hooty is, they really are the most interesting, accomplished, AND noteworthy person out of everyone.

I could go further and talk about why I suspect the mystery surrounding King’s origins, whether true or not, is partially meant to misdirect us from paying attention to Hooty, or how the TOH crew’s could be disguising legitimate clues to his nature among made up and highly meme-able joke answers in order to proliferate said concepts throughout the fandom - thus letting us do all the dirty work of getting ourselves used to the ideas and used to dismissing them at the same time - but to bring things to a close for now, I’d like to leave you all with a question that I’ll start answering next time:

What does it mean when both the most powerful and notorious witch on the Boiling Isles and the possible actual king of demons/the Titan itself/something don’t match up to a house? And what do you think it is that makes him so special to warrant such misdirection?

TLDR: Between Eda’s golem spells, the show stressing his nature as the titular house, his implicit strength, and the odd dialogue and structure of Understanding Willow‘s subplot in relation to him, I believe I have good reason to suspect the show has been giving us many hints towards Hooty being much, much more important than it would like us to currently believe or even joke about. Particularly, through clever uses of comedy to establish and enforce a strong audience bias against looking closely at him or unironically taking him seriously, and to potentially plant the seeds for something I will start exploring in Part 2.

#the owl house #the owl house theory #owl house theory #the owl house speculation #toh theory #the owl house hooty #toh speculation #owl deity hooty theory #long post

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gayspock · 3 years ago

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komaeda

(starts chasing you)

How I feel about this character lets embarass ourselves right off the bat. because you know? you know what? ive got horrifyingly complicated feelings. and its like... jesus god... (shakes head)

i guess its just.... he's just separate entities now, isnt he? IM NOT TRYING TO- you know.... like im not trying to make it all so much more than it is, but it kinda just happens. like- he's sort of become a punchline on this site in particular, whether that be fingers in his ass sunday (good lord, thats rotten to say like that) or a "cursed" "meme" (ACK!) post or whatnot. but then there's also the VERY removed fan interpretation of him, in its mant variations, and that- well... a lot of those versions of him are also fucking loathsome.

but then for me personally. i dont know. i also have multiple different perspectives on him, in of itself. does that make sense?

because jeez, man- LIKE... he genuinely DID mean a lot to me as a younger teen. JOKES aside he was hilariously quite special to me which god bless your fucking soul... when i first interacted with DR, i did quite sincerely obsess over him and obviously. that did sort of... morph over time, then? because- you know how it is.... when you're in a "fandom space", your perceptions will shift and change with it (i do have a ramble about that locked and loaded im specifically going to stop myself from getting into here GOD bless) and i know with himit did become several layers of well im still obsessed, well this is a joke, well this this embarrassing, this that and the other... etc. etc. etc. lalala. i think its fun and cute to do that you know and get yourself all twisted into silly knots that you cant explain to anyone, not even yourself<3

BUT FR. now looking back on it its like.... if i just strip it back. i do still really do like him as a character, yknow? funnily enough. and i do still identify with some aspects of how i felt before but... with a hopefully slightly more mature perspective? LIKE- OKAY... RIGHT. LIKE. I THINK WHAT KIND OF EMBARASSES ME THE MOST is like... his whole little inferiority complex and very particular thought proocesses (DO be quiet...</3) really were things i found a lot of solace in (shut up</3) as a 16 y.o and its like bestie... in many ways im still like god. well yeah. but also its like cmon if we have to be like that does it have to be through fucking komaeda..... because like also obviously, along with my perspective on him, i dont rlly feel the same way abt DR as a whole as i once did. obviously. now im like- HELL im strikingly indifferent to it now. huh. weird. BUT EH.

All the people I ship romantically with this character you know its funny. i dont actually get.... invested-invested in "ships" and dying by particular ones. LIKE- for the most partits like i do LIKE certain dynamics and think theyre fun to entertain but i rarely ever have dedicated a whole lot of my interaction with a certain media to just that with like... the exceptions of j*hnlock when i was 13 and the MUCH later appreciation for spirk (though obviously i love other parts of tos- but they are an actual pairing where im like ok.. sniff sniff yah.. and did have a particular grip on me for a hot sec) AND........................................ komahina.................. which also fucking. yeah. i guess its just a fucking. every 5 years i get something wrong with me. thats actually a very funny regular schedule.

i dont think i do seriously commit to anything else, though. i liked the ot3 with them and nanami but i dont know how i feel about komaeda/nanami or if its just hinata has TWO hands. i really havent revisited SDR2 recently enough to properly assess that but my inclination is still a "uhhh, idk..." bc i do v much see komaeda as a gay man. im not opposed to some naegi/komaeda sentiments but i also dont rlly take that aboard more than like a passing haha sure moment rather than any proper exploration of it.

My non-romantic OTP for this character hmm... not sure! i think i need to revisit for some more specific interactions bc hell its been a LONG time since i replayed sdr2... but even then. i think any "brotp" type pairings WOULD be very much in the realm of hypothetical headcanoning - bc you know... HELP. he isnt offered much in the text. i think ive always liked the idea of like... komaeda being friends with anyone else from his class if he had the proper chance. and i think, like as i said above, with him, hinata and nanami if they WERE together it'd obviously be with him and nanami being besties but i guess thats also hard to asses with so much distance from the damn thing

My unpopular opinion about this character hhow.... hhoow. i think. chrit. I DONT KNOW HOW YOU KNOW. unpopular..... i think the interpretations of komaeda can be so fucking insane to the wall yet somehow so rampant that its literally so hard for me to say sth does tha tmake any sense.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon i wish he wasnt in danganronpa. i wish none of the cast of the first two games were in danganronpa. i wish dr3 was better despite the fact i had a lot of fun on this blog in 2016. i wish i wish i wish upon stars but ultimately its fine if none of it comes true ive made my peace <3

#egg yells back #Anonymous

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charcubed · 4 years ago

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Don’t be shy, share the take 👀

Okay, so last night I bitched in a mini tag rant saying how everyone on my dash was reblogging the same post with the same bad take and it was driving me bonkers, and then this anon sent me this message, and since I have now seen the post on my dash yet again, I will answer this ask lol.

Also this is an SPN-related topic so anyone not in SPN fandom can keep it moving lol

Before I say anything else though: I’m not out here trying to be a Fun Killer or whatever. Please note how I habitually stay in my lane and simply do not interact with posts that I do not like on this site. Do me the same courtesy and keep scrolling if you don’t like what I am about to say! I am also not trying to shade any mutuals who may have reblogged content I dislike. So... I’m gonna keep this very general, because it’s a wider topic anyway. And I know I’m not the only person who feels this way, based on private conversations (with long-time fans, too).

2 main points of contention:

-If people want to talk badly about Jared they can simply do so without involving Misha or Jensen’s name in it with what is typically bad meme-y format posts, coupled with unwittingly bad takes about Misha and Jensen in the process. I am being vague here on purpose, sorry, but whatever.

-And, mostly: this website is developing a problem with wanting to either call Jensen in particular homophobic or queer without using those exact words, and the result in either instance is people coming up with increasingly convoluted ways to be weird about him or towards him. It’s like either they can’t get a read on him so they want to disparage him, or they think they’ve clocked him but don’t want to mention it, and what ends up being posted in word salad hot takes under the guise of enlightenment is either... literal disgusting slurs (fruity, fag, dyke, etc) whether about Dean or Jensen or both, or the idea that Dean is bi but it was an accident and Jensen couldn’t possibly have been aware of that because it happened beyond his will, or that Dean and/or Jensen is simply repressed, or that Jensen wants to fuck Dean, or ????????

And it’s very like... literally what the FUCK are you even saying and why are you saying it, lol. I get that there’s a certain Style Of Typing that’s becoming popular in this fandom on this site right now, and it’s often in the name of this sort of exaggerated joke posting. But half the time people are just slinging around words and everyone thinks it’s funny and (seemingly) not enough people stop to think twice about how it is, more often than not now, getting fucking weird.

Is it a big concerning deal (beyond the slurs thing, which is absolutely inexcusable)? Nah, not yet. But the numbers are getting huge on some of these posts, and that makes me grind my teeth more, because it means this overall attitude/joke posting format is spreading throughout the fandom hivemind with very little resistance. And it’s upping the frequency of that sort of language and shitposting. So while things that stay on Tumblr don’t have huge impact, right now a lot of things are also transferring over to Twitter as fandom and stan culture has shifted. And that’s when we get into Dangerous Territory On The Wider Stage that can trend or route back to actors, especially because of how Twitter algorithms have changed recently. (I can elaborate on that if need be.)

Really the bottom line though is that I am seeing multiple variations / posts along the line of the same thought process, where the actors of this show (especially Jensen and Misha) seem to be casually dehumanized in language I find startling and off-putting, and people are getting this mental disconnect where they’re forgetting that it’s not okay to say certain things about real people even in the name of jokes. It’s even pushing it when it’s characters, but when it’s about the actors it’s the crossing of a double line. So it’s becoming normalized, and then people don’t stop and think twice, and the posts just circulate because they’re “funny,” and then I see the same thing on my dash 8 times and feel like I’m going insane.

It bothers me and makes scrolling on my dash a minefield of discomfort, but yes, it’s not like that’s going to be seen by the real people in question as of now because Tumblr is Tumblr... but if this mindset becomes pervasive and normalized enough, what happens is people then become even further desensitized especially the kids who are new to fandom, and then in 8 months we’re gonna have some teenager at a con talking about Jensen’s “lesbian photoshoots” to his fucking face and also asking him how he feels about being overtaken by the spirit of a “repressed bisexual character.” The prospect of which makes me feel like I’m going to grow grey hairs.

So. Yeah. There you have it lmao. I am once again asking everyone to stop being weird about real people and queer topics (whether IRL or fictional), be mindful of language, and notice what they’re actually saying or implying in the name of jokes. But, feel free to think ~I take things too seriously~ or am exhibiting ~fake concern~ and just keep scrolling and ignore me though! I am simply answering the question.

#anonymous #asks #char writes things

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latin-dr-robotnik · 4 years ago

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You mentioned western localizations messing with Amy. Can you elaborate if you don't mind?

Of course!

I think the first thing to keep in mind throughout all of this is that I was referring to the old notion of “Amy is a psycho girl chasing after someone who isn’t remotely interested in her”. This is the big impression Sonic games (and I guess to some extent Archie Sonic, but I don’t want to get in there) left on fans during the 2000′s, and it comes mostly due to two main reasons:

The differences in western culture versus japanese culture (how we see relationships in general, the actual tropes surrounding Amy, etc.)

How the actual localization process was handled for each game, like the way Amy acts toward Sonic and other characters, how the games play said acts (cute vs annoying) and the way Sonic reacts to her presence.

It’s no secret that localization works during that era were spotty at best (that’s why you hear Ryan’s Sonic yelling “teriaaaa!” in SA2, or the general weirdness surrounding SA1), and while I personally don’t blame the people that worked on localizing the games (after all, the overall quality of videogame storytelling was pretty shaky back in the early 2000′s), I can’t ignore just how damaging those works ended up being for the canon. For example, cutegirlmayra talked about the differences between japanese and western Sonic for years now, take this quote from her post, a quote that I believe nails this whole thing on the head:

America treats Sonamy much like they do their franchise, a meme or joke to be poked fun of. Whereas, with a much more refined atmosphere, Japan treats Sonamy as an endearing and lovely couple. Though both resign to say they can’t really see Sonic ever ‘settling down’ or really being focused on romance. And,… that makes since to me. Knowing who Sonic is. But even that doesn’t mean he can’t have a crush XD (The heart wants what the heart wants, lol!)

More recently, stuff like “Unfortunately, I’m not inconvenient for my girlfriend” came to light, and that’s one of many examples where japanese Sonic was way ahead of its western self. This particular quote is from Sonic Battle and in the english version you don’t get anything remotely similar to that, instead Amy is left to look like she’s a crazy stalker, or that Sonic doesn’t accept her advances to a degree (that’s one major problem, how western Sonic tends to feel like he’s actually rejecting Amy while she keeps on trying.) It’s not coincidence that Sonic Battle is regarded as one of the worst portrayals of Amy in a Sonic game.

If you start digging on what the creators actually intended for Amy, you'll find lots of good intentions toward her and the framing of her dynamic with Sonic (which isn’t the only aspect of Amy, mind you, but my claims about western localization originally came from a SonAmy post so I naturally focused on that, sorry haha.)

For example, last year I looked into how Sonic Unleashed handled SonAmy, and while my initial research was pretty sweet (the english version of Unleashed!Amy is really good if you spend time talking to her), the real kicker came as soon as we (me and cutegirlmayra) started looking into interviews with ex-Sonic Team writer Shiro Maekawa and cross-referencing information regarding the actual writers that were involved during that 2000′s era. The result? There was an entire council at SEGA of Japan dedicated to approve the way Sonic characters were presented in all official media, and they approved all of the key SonAmy moments back then, even more that western audiences didn’t get to see (more on that below.) Most if not all the japanese Sonic writers involved in that era (Maekawa was both a writer and part of said council) left around the end of the decade, after Sonic Unleashed (2008) and Sonic and the Black Knight (2009), and ever since that most of the problems shifted from “this is how SEGA of America is localizing Sonic games” to “this is the very poor state of Sonic writing in general”, so, dead end for now.

Then you have situations like with Sonic X, a show handled by Sonic Team and the official Sonic writers of that era working in some of the most iconic episodes... just to see their work censored by 4kids in America and the subsequent dubs that used that version as a basis (from what I’ve heard not all dubs are censored, though.) That’s why you’ll see fans imploring you to watch Sonic X in japanese instead of the english dub, since the series was a lot more involved with the pairing and the general simbolism of some of its touching moments (they used actual love songs for them, for crying out loud), which led to some funny facts, like how the Latin American Spanish and the French dub both ignored the mandate about muting Sonic’s words to Amy in Episode 52, leading to moments like Sonic promising Amy he won’t leave her again (LatAm) or just straight up telling he loves her (the french were on fire with that one.) Sonic X was the one true vision of Sonic Team, and the way it was butchered for western audiences is still baffling to this day.

So, what’s the deal with Amy then? In theory she’s a cheerful, happy-go-lucky girl with a very strong sense of justice, super-determined to help anyone in need (even enemies like Metal Sonic) and, depending on the situation, pretty impulsive. She’s particularly loyal to her friends, and she acts like the emotional support of the group. You’ll see her filling that role regardless of how good or bad the localization is (SA2 Amy helped Shadow realize his true purpose, Heroes Amy is the beating heart of her whole team, Unleashed Amy is the only one who doesn’t lose hope on Sonic when Perfect Dark Gaia rises); yet the ways by which these traits were shown in the games varied a lot, and that’s how we reached a point where a good chunk of the fandom thinks Amy is a stalker. Japan portrayed her acts as cute, as very respectable traits of a great female character; the west portrayed her mostly as a nuisance the gang had to carry around, even to the point of misinterpreting some of her quotes that aren’t actually bad (for example: “If I had to choose between the world and Sonic, I would choose Sonic!“ in Sonic ‘06.) And while this is no longer the case, nowadays there’s a whole different discussion surrounding making Amy better by making her “more mature” (which is also another topic raised here in the west, like, this whole discussion never ends! haha)

I feel like I got lost and came back several times while writing this reply. At the end of the day, it’s a long topic to tackle and I think the best I can do right now is forward you some more information. My friend beev did some great work translating my own Spanish articles tackling the Japan vs Western differences (it’s pretty much most of this reply.) And then there’s @skull001, he’s very vocal about the ways Amy’s character was messed with (including stuff like Amy being missing from the back of Advance 1′s box, the Sonic X english dub or the fact SEGA is still reluctant to count her as part of Team Sonic), and if there’s someone I’d listen when it comes to knowing pretty much everything about Amy, it’s gotta be him... and cutegirlmayra, of course. I hope this helped, though!

#ask latin dr robotnik #sonic the hedgehog #amy rose #sonamy #sega #hannahcbrown #i'm sorry this took way too long to write haha

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dana-chan-the-control-brain · 4 years ago

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Happy new year everyone 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

I know 2020 has been hard for everyone.

And I want everyone to know, suffering isn't a contest and we all suffer in different ways. But I feel I should give my year in Review. Just some things that happened to me personally.

This was an intense, and long and spiritual and emotional journey for me...

I really discovered what it meant to have community, family and what my life means to me.

But I feel I need to get this in writing cause I can remember the year with vivid detail and I will probably forget if I don't get it down.

Do I have to share this publically online to my tumblr account for a bunch of strangers to see? not really.

Do I want to?

Yes. I think so. Just from how so many people on tumblr and real life have touched me.

This is kinda long and no one needs to read this.

(idk how to do a readmore on mobile. But this is where I would add it later. No one needs to read if they don't want to.)

January/February: (and some background on the last five years of my life cause.....well. it's important.)

As people knew, I got way into Invader Zim last summer. I spent most of my waking life working a dead end job at a grocery store. I lived a sad lonely life, going straight home to a single dark studio apartment. With not many material possessions outside of games, my laptop and my tablet to my name. Half of my material loves, such as home furnishings and books were still in boxes from when I moved in. In case I ever had to move again, or get some "big screenshot or copywriter" job in the city.

....

I lived in that city in the same dead end job and apartment for five years.

No friends. No social life. I often refused to make doctor appointments or attempt to establish myself in that city. I didn't even talk to anyone in my workplace.

Work. Go online. Go to sleep.

I lived like that for five years.

I thought it was good.

Even my therapist thought I was doing well.

When I really wasn't. My main character flaw I struggle with is motivation.

I can talk to someone about very detailed plans I have to fix a problem... But I tend to never follow through.

Just because I can describe in detail how to fix my personal problems, it doesn't mean I will do it.

(I have gotten better at this but it's a major struggle)

I might have been a Zombie during the day...

But by night I was pouring my soul into my AU and my analysis.

After being so thoughly ignored or overlooked by the Naruto fandom and the Undertale fandom, I felt like I had finally found my home and was settling into a community there.

I just loved that people loved what I had to say.

Especially my AU.

It's no secret that a lot of themes in my au revolve around found family, grief, and loss.......

Fatherhood, in particular.

What it means to be a father, how much do you need to try when you mess up, how willing should a child forgive their parent, especially those that have wronged you and how much of it is factually accurate and simply a self projection of what children want their parents to be and visa versa... What amount of forgiveness and change is nessasary...is it needed?

....

It's no secret that a lot of my AU is a giant coping mechanism for my Dad's death. Espessially the falling out and growing closer with a lot of my family members throughout the years following his death. (Most of the time I keep it ambiguous to how it relates to my personal life unless I include a readmore that states so outright. I feel my au can be enjoyed by a variety of people in the fandom who don't need to know me as a person or my life story.)

My Dad passed away in 2016 in February and my family still feels the aftershocks to this day.

It's part of the reason I moved to the city, alienated myself from my family and people that loved me and refused to experience life for five years.

My entire world was Zim, and I was okay.

March: When America finally realized and started to feel the effects of the pandemic....

A lot of people got scared.

Me included.

I didn't have any streaming services or access to the news. So I only heard accounts from my mom.

I didn't understand why the store was so dead quiet and empty for a few days, then it went into mass chaos and panic in the span of two days.

It felt like Retail black friday in the worst way. Everyone was packed like sardines. Everyone was yelling. The lines at the registers bled into the clothing department.

I was witness to customers shoving others for toilet paper, being rude to cashier's and just overall unpleasantness.

At the time, I didn't even fully grasp what the pandemic was, and I feel a lot of people at the time didn't either.

I ended up absentmindedly scratching my eyebrow in front of a customer and she screamed and villanised me for it. That they didn't want groceries touched by my "unclean hands"

I ended up breaking down into tears.

The customer behind me gave me a hug and told me I was doing a great job.

But the damage was done. It was the final straw, I couldn't stop crying and I was breaking apart.

Thankfully my Boss (the one who likes me) pulled me aside and asked what's wrong.

It was then that I quit. No notice. Same day. I had to get out of there.

I was planning to move to an apartment with my sister in the summer, but my Mom offered for me to move back in with her temperarily just so I can get out of the city and away from the pandemic.

So I did.

I got scared, broke my lease a month early and quit my job of five years that gave me nothing back.

He told me, "take care of yourself and your family, I won't keep you here, do what you need to do."

So I did.

April-June:

A very eventful few months.

My mom offered for me to live at her place, but for some reason she was acting like I would live there forever. That this wasn't a temporary arrangement, and that I didn't have an apartment set up already.

This was in large part to my sister, who had lived with my mom taking advantage of her for years.

Even though my sister and I were going to move in together, I was just never sure about it cause of how she never packed her stuff or made any effort to find a job.

My mom often acted like I was lazy and not searching and was treating me like... Well, an unruly teenager instead of a woman of 29 years. She acted like I was a failure for returning home when it was her idea in the first place.

I would have just been petrified in the city.

Like usual, I retreated to my au again.... And in the spring, something eventful happened.

In may, 8th 2020:

I was invited by @rissynicole to join an invader zim discord.

Now, I've never really used discord before. I always thought it's interface is too confusing.. and I'm a member of a few other iz discords and I usually don't follow them that closely.

Rissy assured me it was different cause some friends of thiers made it and it was smaller.

Before I knew it, I was sharing memes and getting to know everyone there.

It wasn't long after I invited my partner in IZ crimes, @paketdimensioncomic who was genuinely wary of iz servers due to a bad experience with the last one they were a part of.

But soon they were sharing memes and laughing with everyone else.

My eyes were starting to open and I was able to connect to fans of my work in an interpersonal way. And I was able to discover new artists and aus I never knew about.

I was also able to meet so many others of the community and invite them to the server myself.

The moo-ping 10 server kept me sane while I was living with my judgmental mother.

Not only that, the summer was very productive for my au.

Drawing was all I did, and it was a huge break from the job as a cashier I had.

Not only that, June came, and with it, me and Ceph's first collab fic:

A result of us just going back and forth in our DMs constantly about Professor Membrane and how he changed in ETF for the better and how much we adamantly stan "trying-to-be-a-good-dad-brane" and how much of his ETF development has to be implied off screen in order for the emotional resolution in the movie to matter.

The only reason I never professed my love for Membrane as a character in the fandom before the fic dropped was.... Well....

Membrane can be a decisive character in the fandom and I was so worried people would hate me if I did an analysis on him, simply because he's not the best parent in the world. (As an understatement)

Ceph and I really encouraged each other to scream our love for the science himbo loud and proud more frequently and so often.... I actually start to see less Membrane hate posts and breakdowns then their used to be.... I like to think it's a combination of Me and Ceph's influence, along with ETF and the Quarterly's painting Membrane in a slightly more nuanced light then he was previously.

I never wrote a collab fic before and it's such a rewarding and fun and unique experience that I don't think I'll ever have again. And I love working with Ceph on our fics so much.

So much so we did it again...

July-August:

I never thought I would be one of those people who writes NSFW IZ fic... But here I am.

The Brainbrane au started.... An au of my au where Membrane and the Computer fall in love and Membrane makes him a body.

This ship was based around the idea where we joked that Membrane and Zim's Computer would have funny interactions if they ever met, under the pretense Membrane thinks Computer is Zim's parent.

Our headcanons morphed and shifted until we just full blown started shipping them.

Just because Membrane and Zim's Computer have overall REALLY entertaining chemistry.

It's a character dynamic never seen in the show or comics (yet) and I imagine thier interactions to be nothing but entertaining banter.

The fic was also born from spite... Making fun of the troupes and cliches that we found personally destestible in some questionable zadr fics.

So an angry ace and a demi-bisexual collab on a porn and end up blessing the fandom with

Compapa headcanons,

Computer being recognized as a more common used fanon character,

The ship of Brainbrane.

The fandom having a crisis of "oh God, not only are we xenophiles we're technophiles too!!!" Or "why you gotta give Zim's Computer an ass"

More android Computer designs

It was an eventful summer.

In the midst of all this, I moved into my new place, got a new job, and I was able to see my friend (who is def my platonic straight soul mate) who lives in Indiana.

She came to visit, showed me how to decorate and how to take care of my body better! Things were looking up! It was great.

September-November:

My job was at a boat store. If was approaching the fall and my hours were being severely cut.

I was getting into a rut of depression again.

I thought things were changing but the same routine I was trying to escape from was the same thing coming back.

But instead of letting it take hold, I decided I was going to do something about it... I was gonna visit a museum and go with my sister. Just... variety stimulation.

Well that didn't happen.

I talked about this shortly in my au itself...but..

My sister had a complete mental breakdown.

She stopped taking her meds, went off the deep end and was in the hospital a total of five times throughout November.

A lot of it was acting out and the perfect storm of environmental factors that made her scream and act out so she would keep going back to the hospital.

It was traumatizing for me.

I just can't explain what it's like. For her and for me to be in that position.

I'm not telling the full story and a lot of bullshit things happened I won't share here.

She got diagnosed with bipolar one and my mom expected me to be a caretaker for her.

I threatened to disown my family and move away out of state.

It was just too much for me to handle.

So much I was a nervous wreck.

I tried to pick up a second job... Cause my sister was in the mental ward so frequently and couldn't pay the bills.

But I was fired within a week cause I was so stressed I couldn't retain the basic information they were training me for.

It was an office job.

My dream.

It could have been.

I was fired from something I really wanted.

I was only there for three days.

I could not retain any information.

I was a mess.

My sister was a trigger, my mom wanted me to live with her. I couldn't live like this.... I had to get out.

I had to get out.

December:

Remember my Indiana friend?

Well the first week of December is my birthday.

My 30th to be exact.

While I did pick up a seasonal position at Target (not my first pick)

I took the first week of December off so I could spend time with her. Cause she agreed, I needed a break from this crap.

Surviving 30 years is cause to celebrate and if I had to celebrate with my sister I would have cried.

I know there was a risk traveling out of state during a pandemic...

But I needed out, I needed a friend..

And I kinda wanted to look at the place since I was considering moving there.

My friend's mom was sick so she avoided me and her daughter and got us a hotel room.

It was fun! I got to swim in a salt water pool, we talked about Naruto, I showed her the iz and su art books I brought, also Computer and Membrane tea.

I also got to meet her other friends and get crunk. And her bf who is super nice and funny!

I had a super fun birthday....

Until her mom told my friend that her grandparents had covid and that was what she had. And my friend got sick within that same day.... As did I.

I owe so much to her family.

I was an entire state away...about a ten hour drive from home.... She let me stay at her house. "The covid house" we called it.

Cause everyone (except the father. He avoided everyone and booked a hotel immediately cus he was an ER doctor) had covid within a day.

I called in, the test results were positive and I had to stay with her family for ten days quarantine before I could work again.

Which would have been fine....

If my tumblr didn't log me out perminately of my old account. @dana-chan325 .... Which really sucked cause I had a constant headache and was too sick to engage with tumblr or much of the fandom. I didn't want to make a new account when my head was in a bad fog and I could barely breathe or smell.

It's not like I saw much of my friend either.... We all slept at different hours and she had more symptoms then I did.

It was just netflix, danganronpa v3 and cry.

I was miserable, but at the same time.... Not?

I really feel like God himself was the one who pulled me off from tumblr, and my living situation.

Maybe a whole extra week feeling like a bobblehead was what I needed.

It gave me some much needed clarity on my relationships with my mom and sis and friend.

Running away to Indiana was not the solution here.

Once I was better within ten days and no longer had a leave of absence, I drove home.

I am glad I fully recovered (but from how I understand it, my dear friend is still ill. I'm praying for her)

I might have gone to work a bit too soon, cause I had an asthma attack after trying to unload a single cart in the span of six hours.

My boss lectured that my speed was unacceptable, and even though I explained the covid situation and breathing problems many times, she threatened that I'd be fired if I'm that slow again.

Que the next few days of work where they put me on register.

Instantly I was sent into a panic remembering the last time I was on the register and how that panic attack caused me to quit.

I even asked if I could go back to stocking, since my breathing had improved. My boss assured me that I was put on the register cause they needed help and nothing to do with my covid thing.

Then as December concluded and the new year began, my boss said that this was the last shift for me cause my position was seasonal and they were letting a lot of people go.

I then asked why I was on the schedule for Sunday, and he told me to ignore it and I'm free to reapply for full-time.

I mean.... They can act smart about it...

But putting your general merchandise stocker onto register after she had an asthma attack and missed working the first two weeks of December due to covid.....

Not a good look.

So once again, I'm jobless once more.

Will probably continue to live with my sister for awhile.

But I do not feel as if it's a bad thing....

I met so many good people this year....

My friend's family even gave me 500 usd to cover my rent since I couldn't work for a majority of December.

I've seen evil and good from humanity this year. I've seen acts of god, good friends and what my real family means to me as well as friends I consider family.

This year really made me look back at the person in the mirror and say,

"I deserve better."

And actually worked for it this time.

Oh and after Christmas I got a horrible yeast infection that burns over most of my body currently.

Very accurate doodle to the pain I'm in right now.

(seriously my body is a fungus.)

But hey, good news, I respected myself enough to go to the doctor about it!!

So that's progress.

I really hope 2021 holds good things for me.

Thank you to the mooping 10 server for always being there and keeping me sane,

Thank you tumblr for liking my au and everything.

AND A SUPER SPECIAL THANK YOU TO @evartandadam and her family for housing me and my dumb diseased ass. Everyone, she is an angel and I can't express how much she means to me. Please check out her art and buy her stuff on redbubble.

Anyways... Byebye 2020.

I look forward to what I can accomplish for myself this year.

#danachan's posts #personal stuff #new year post #tw: covid #tw: yeast infection

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time-to-write-and-suffer · 3 years ago

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The soul stone war is a game that I've seen before and its on my list. Was wondering if you coudl tell more about how you feel about it, especially the villain romance if you chose that one.

Uuh, sure. I'll do it in a bullet list cuz it's been a while since I've played it and I can't really be bothered to put a whole coherent post together.

I should also encourage you to read some reviews on the Steam store page. They basically repeat a lot of the points I'm about to make.

The main character is a useless waif. Like, even if you pass the skill checks, there are multiple instances where you're forced to pass out, be injured, kidnapped, or otherwise victimized. They're so helpless and out of their element that it becomes hard to believe any of the much more capable and skilled people around them would ever find them compelling or interesting and consider them anything more than a burden. Yet you’re somehow also the most important person in the whole squad, and they keep protecting and helping you no matter how you treat them. Because hey, that’s the protagonist!

On that note, the romances are dull as hell. All characters are vaguely nice and friendly, some are just more snarky/broody than others. You can "friendmance" people, which is a good concept in theory, but in practice it involves your character being unaware of their own emotions. It further adds to how incapable and clueless they seem. Plus, it never becomes clear why any of the ROs would be romantically interested in the protagonist, especially when they have established connections with other people on the squad already. You’re playing a rando who just shows up one day, bumbles about uselessly, but then becomes the most important person ever to them. Sure.

The plot is filled with contrivances. The main one being that the main character is involved in it at all. They're basically forced into it despite showing no particular skills or talents, and the only excuse we ever get for them sticking around is ... uh ... the big-booby elf lady said they were cute. The author simply didn't bother coming up with a better reason for them to be involved, knowing that there would be one eventually that would justify it in the end, but giving us nothing to work with in the moment, no personal reason and no agency. It feels very cheap.

The world and worldbuilding are basically the most generic fantasy thing you can imagine. The author even answered some questions on their Tumblr about the political structure of the land as "You know Skyrim? Like that." Elements and character dynamics and even minor phrases and words are lifted wholesale from franchises like Dragon Age and The Elder Scrolls. One of the first things your character can say is a reference to Dragon Age, but it's never brought up again and we never get an explanation for what it means in this universe or why the character would say it. One of the first lines in your "own" unique world shouldn't be a tee hee cutesy reference to some other well-established universe.

The tone is all over the place. One moment you're joking around about something the big-boobied blond elf said, the next your character is being tortured by some werewolf woman or some god-entity, and there’s nothing they can do to escape, so you just sit there and have to endure all this torture porn. And then it’s right back to the repetitive jokes and snarky narration.

I’m serious about the torture porn. One of the MC’s backgrounds includes their transgender friend being murdered for being trans. Another includes your character almost getting sexually assaulted. The third involves your younger brother dying. There’s no reason for any of this to be included other than to show how dark and edgy this world is and how your character is running from their past or whatever.

Speaking of dark and edgy, the villain gets a lot of screen time, and it’s mostly him brooding about how evil he is while the narration creams itself over how hot he is, also. But the author acts surprised over how he’s the most popular character in the fandom, and deflects most criticisms for his route as “it’s self-indulgent” and “it’s a secret route just for me, I didn’t think anyone else would play it.” Bro why’d you put it there, then? With instructions in-game on how to reach it?

The writing is genuinely some of the worst I’ve read. I hate to use this word unironically, but it was cringeworthy at times. It’s supposed to be this epic fantasy, but most of the time it feels like it’s chasing the high of a found family in a video game squad, without actually knowing what makes those particular tropes work. It’s simplistic and extremely repetitive, relying more on character tropes and “tumblr meme” interactions than genuine character building and conflict. It also tries and mostly fails to be funny, but that’s more subjective, I guess. Take a shot every time the text goes “thank you very much!” and you’ll be out in a few clicks.

Pacing whomst? Everything happens in the span of like a week or a month, but suddenly your character and their RO are like, in love and all weepy about it? Oh no I almost lost you my dear darling baby, let me tearfully declare how important you are to me. Nevermind the fact that we met four days ago.

The villainmance is the only vaguely interesting thing in the story and it's pretty evident it's the author's favorite thing to write. They've said how it's just a "self-indulgent" thing that wasn't supposed to be popular (I do not believe a word of this), but it's by far the most interesting thing just based on the fact that it's not only the most plot-relevant romance, but it's also the one with the most stakes and drama and the most varied dynamics. There’s genuine, justified angst and emotion in the concept of it at times that is missing from literally every other interaction and grimdark moment.

That being said, I wouldn’t say the villainmance is healthy, so don’t go into it looking for that. The dynamics are way off-balance and a lot of the route in the first game is your character being attracted to the man who’s torturing them and wanting to be tortured again just to interact with him. If you’re into that, then you might be into this story, but if you’re not then you’ll be put off by it.

The Asian-coded character has a "yellow" skintone and is a half-dragon.

The reason there's transphobia in this world and the player can't be trans is is because the "gods" of this world don't want any mortals to have the ability to "change their gender" because that would make them too similar to the gods. However, nonbinary characters are fine, and you can play as one. Because as we all know, binary trans people are just out there "changing their gender" all willy nilly. That's how that works, right? While nonbinary characters are always born nonbinary and nobody assigns genders to their children in this world? Idk how any of this makes any sense but go off, I guess. This isn't in the actual game AFAIK but something I read on the author's Tumblr, so take it as you will. The actual transphobia is in the game, though. Because reasons.

Overall, it’s a lot of half-baked concepts, unfunny writing, and needless torture porn for the sake of torture porn. Plus it’s not even a whole story, it’s just the first part of a series/trilogy? Maybe it’ll get better as it goes, but I wouldn’t hold my breath tbh.

#eff plays

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eidetictelekinetic · 3 years ago

Text

Fic Writer Interview Meme

Thanks for tagging me, @rubickk7 !

name: Kate/PanBoleyn

fandoms: Primarily The Magicians at the moment, though MCU is threatening to make a comeback and ASOIAF, Tudors, and Black Sails are always lingering in the background waiting to do the same (actually I have pending projects in all three of those, but my disaster magic children are distracting!)

two-shot: That’d be like a perfect picture (in a broken frame) which was supposed to be a oneshot but I got to a certain point, got kinda stuck, and decided to post the first half in hopes of jogging my brain. It worked. Honorary mention to Shine Through My Memory though, because it was SUPPOSED to be a oneshot and ended up five chapters because of course it did.

most popular multi-chapter fic: The Lady of Rivers and Storms, which is honestly one of those things where the success surprised me - I really didn’t expect there to be a ton of interest in a Lysa/Stannis AU but apparently I filled a niche I hadn’t realized was there. It was an excellent surprise. I do think it’s one of my best pieces, though. :)

actual worst part of writing: Uh... I’m not the best one to ask because I actually really enjoy the writing process to the point where all the posts about “worst hobby” and such really bewilder me, but transcribing canon scenes to adapt is tedious as hell and I dislike it immensely. Which is funny because I keep landing myself in situations where it’s necessary.

Oh, also writing action/fight scenes. I hate doing that and there’s at least one more in my future.

How you choose your titles: Oh, almost always song lyrics, which occasionally may fall into a particular theme - usually incongruous, like kids’ movie song lyrics for Black Sails fic because I found it hilarious. Occasionally it’ll be a reference to something else, like And Also With You, which is a Magicians/Star Wars fusion and a reference to the joke about Catholic SW fans wanting to respond to “May the Force be with you” with “And also with you.”

do you outline: Generally no. I’m more prone to less formal story notes but even then it’s not a common habit of mine.

ideas you probably won’t get around to, but wouldn’t it be nice: I really do want to write more angry or at least hurt returned!Quentin fics but the truth is there’s only so many ways one can write the same basic concept without either being repetitive or, in this case, sliding into character bashing unintentionally. So instead I sit here willing other people to do it so I can read it, lol!

I was also discussing a Thor Ragnarok alternate that pulls a CW-didn’t-happen Steve Rogers into the mess bc he sees Thor and Loki on the street and quite rightly goes “hold on what is going on here?” which would probably have slid toward Steve/Loki (but depending on my mood could be Steve/Bruce, actually) but again, transcribing is my nemesis and also my sense of humor is all wrong for the tone of that story, it would be an absolute disaster.

Oh, and then there was the TM s1 AU where Plover was the Beast and Martin is actually a professor at Brakebills who is a good mentor and actually tries to be sincerely helpful when the group ends up facing the Beast. Unfortunately, I do not have the patience to do two s1 AUs and the one I ended up going with, while I was able to use a lot of my s1 AU concepts, was totally incompatible with the Professor Martin idea. Free to a good home, by the way! I’d love to see it written.

callouts @ me: Uh... I don’t know? My stories always end up longer than planned?

best writing traits: I’m really good at canon divergence, at figuring out how to blend what I want to keep with my own ideas. I like to think I’m good at character dynamics?

Spicy tangential opinion: A fairly mild TM one: I think a lot of people act like the only media Quentin has consumed is the Fillory books, which irritates me to what is probably an unreasonable degree. They’re his favorite, not the only thing he touches, and in particular we know he’s a Trekkie because he keeps name-dropping Trek stuff!

For ASOIAF: I don’t think Young Griff being a Blackfyre is the convincing slam dunk theory most of the fandom treats it as - it’s a very plausible option but no argument I’ve seen convinces me that it’s a certainty. Personally, I would prefer it if he is the son of Elia and Rhaegar like he believes himself to be, that story appeals to me more. But the pettiest part of me doesn’t care as long as the Blackfyre people never get confirmation because a lot of them are so arrogantly sure of it and it annoys me. Also I hate the term fAegon because Aegon is his name regardless of his genetics, so I call him Blue Aegon since there’s so many people with the name.

(You may notice I played nice with TM, since I have other opinions likely to upset people, but I don’t care with ASOIAF, mostly because someone’s always pissed over there, so why should I?)

Tagging @ofthedirewolves, @mihrsuri, @beanarie, @ellelans, and @cosmonauthill

#kate writes fic

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legacysam · 4 years ago

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"#*erases a rant about fandom cas characterization bc god who has the energy*" me. i have the energy. give me the rant.

*cracks knuckles* okay let’s see if any of these particular intellectual muscles still work.

I am always pro-cas-being-canonically-dickish posts (even if they are misleading one way or another, more on that later) because dear GOD this fandom loves to infantalize the man. He’s a “baby in a trenchcoat.” He’s dumb about pop culture and clueless about human things isn’t it adorable? SHUT UP!!!! And pls especially shut up if you’re using his ignorance as a way of making another character look cool or smart by comparison. “it’s a shortened version of my name” was 100% Cas fucking with Dean because he is a dick sometimes! and it’s great! Also: Cas’s indifference to pop culture isn’t a weakness just because pop culture knowledge is a major currency on tumblr!!! It’s indicative of the fact that he’s got much bigger and more important things on his mind. (Also. listen. This trait was canonically erased by Metatron and it was literally the only good thing that fucking character ever did so can we please as a fandom just acknowledge that little slice of canon? pls?)

(Can I also just say.....fish out of water stories are only good when they are on the side of the fish and not just using the fish to make jokes. Just. as a note on the trope in general but specifically re: every time this shows up in fanfic with Cas or any other similar character. Thor comes to mind.)

Anyway Cas isn’t a child, he’s ANCIENT and TIRED and CONFLICTED about major moral issues, which is FASCINATING for an angel character and forces us as an audience to consider more deeply the actual differences between heaven and hell, good and evil, destiny and free will. Is this how we expect an angel to behave? What does this tell us about Heaven? If Cas is an aberration, what does that tell us about Heaven and goodness and God? So his expressions of anger and frustration and his impatience with or indifference to human courtesies are a really great part of his character and people should appreciate them more (and not just when it’s funny!)

(Sidenote bc I always think about this when I think about fandom and Cas, the reductive fandom approach to “””crazy!cas””” (what a fun way of saying “deeply affected by horrible trauma and guilt and trying to repress it so he can function.” thanks for that fandom) as comic relief or a woobified victim is. hm. bad. That’s all I’ll say about that one.)

{ANOTHER sidenote, this one for fan artists in particular but fan writers definitely aren’t free from sin: Cas isn’t pale or short and he isn’t a fuckin twink pls stop projecting weird m/f stereotypes onto your queer ships pls and thank}

ANYWAY about these screenshots specifically: Listen I love this post but the context of these scenes is SO MUCH MORE INTERESTING than Cas being a dick to Sam. They aren’t really about Sam at all, actually. “Don’t ask stupid questions” is such a painful fucking response to Sam asking if he’s okay, because he’s clearly not okay--he’s still struggling with the knowledge that God has given up and abandoned them--but he can’t be vulnerable about it. So he redirects to ask what Sam needs from him because that’s what he does, it’s what he is, he’s a tool. He’s a solution to problems (except his own). And his unwillingness to confront his pain (while also not being able to hide it) isn’t really about his relationship with Sam, it’s about his relationship with God and with himself and his own failures. The visibility of that struggle while he continues to try to help in this episode is just really fucking moving, okay?

Also there’s absolutely nothing hostile about “Sam, of course, is an abomination” in context. Like. Not a damn thing. There’s a task that needs to be performed by a “servant of heaven,” and Cas is explaining why none of the three of them qualify, and we know he feels shame about the fact that HE doesn’t qualify by how he reacts later, calling himself a poor example of an angel. He’s as much an abomination as Sam is in this moment.

Actually you know what? Literally everything in these screenshots that gets interpreted as “Cas hates Sam” is 100% actually Cas hating himself. He hates Sam’s voice while he’s stuck using a human voice himself to communicate, through technology he’s hostile to because it’s limiting compared to angelic communication. He rejects Sam’s compassion because he doesn’t want to talk about his own weakness. He calls Sam an abomination in the same breath that he acknowledges that he isn’t a servant of heaven anymore, and with much less anger than when he later calls himself a poor example of an angel. He sees himself in Sam but he hates himself too much to use that as a point of connection and pushes away from it instead. (I’m not going to go on a shipper detour here but sastiel shippers....you know)

So Cas is angry and complicated and self-hating and yeah, it’s funny, but if you don’t respect those feelings and their complexity, maybe don’t try to write Cas or write about him. Maybe if you only like Cas when he’s making you laugh you don’t actually like Cas.

And this isn’t to be like...”writing fluffy shippy fic with Cas being sweet is bad” or whatever. That fills a need for some people, I get it. I’ve written fic where he’s sweet! There’s a difference between someone lovingly wrapping a character in a blanket and going “nice things will happen for you now” versus using that character for a reductive joke.

There’s also a difference between people who are actually carefully writing fic and people who are, yknow, tagging posts or circulating meme-like gifsets with this kind of commentary. Which, bc I don’t read fic as often anymore, tends to be the most common way anything like analysis of Cas reaches me. I do NOT recommend this method of engaging with fandom because it’s really the worst, unfunniest, most simplistic takes that get repeated over and over again (I would pay money to never see anyone call Sam “moose” or “sammy” again dear lord), and it obscures the actually really good work some folks are doing when they write these characters.

tl;dr 1. Cas is not a child and he is not stupid. 2. Cas doesn’t hate Sam but he DOES project onto him and it’s fascinating. 3. fandom wants to be transformative but bc of meme culture and the way tumblr works it can be painfully reductive and it’s exhausting

ps nb I haven’t watched a single episode since they killed Charlie off and I don’t know much about what happened after that lol. so don’t come at me “well actuallying” bc honestly I don’t care and bc canon has been a dumpster fire for years and all extended analysis of it including my own is really nonsense just by virtue of the source material being nonsense.

pps the showrunners are ABSOLUTELY complicit in this but I can’t. I just cannot get into that. I am too tired.

#i just spent an hour and a half thinking deeply about supernatural you bastard #jk ilu #apparently i still had feelings about this jfc #ALSO (i know shut up mel nobody asked) 99 problems would be one of the best episodes #if they didn't seem to write it specfically for dean to make 'wh*re' jokes #cabalakh #@ everyone who followed me after i stopped watching spn.....#i am so sorry #supernatural #fandom critical #castiel

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hyperfixiationstation · 4 years ago

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Thoughts on LUCIDS Part four

Once again, I took forever to post this, sorry. Spoilers for LUCIDS Part four under the cut.

1. I love the little chimes when the apple pops up into view as he throws it. I just think the opening scene is really cool.

2.Wait if they met in Elementary school, does that mean in this universe Benjamin could go and talk to a little Isabelle?

3. I definitely have to copy down his speech about everything constantly existing for theorizing purposes.

4. Benjamin writing his proposal speech is the sweetest thing I have ever scene, and I am absolutely in love with their relationship now. I desperately wish that there were more fanfiction writers in this fandom so that I could read so much fanfiction about it! Unfortunately, we have a grand total of like one person, so I guess I will have to suffer.

5.Aghhh I love Isabelle's voice!

6.Oh my god its the scene from the epilogue!

7.I LOVE THEIR INTERACTIONS SO MUCH! Oliver making for of Benjamin for being dramatic is quite possibly my favorite thing ever. I’ve probably mentioned this already, but Characters and relationship dynamics are always my favorite things in any series, and little things like that, and them knowing there is going to be a PowerPoint when Ms. Hills talks to them gives me so much joy.

8. Ms. Hills back at it again with the stellar memes! Also, the roasting of Benjamin’s jokes is so good.

9. Wait, its been at least 3 days, and neither of their parents have gotten at all suspicious that they haven’t seen their child? I’m slightly worried by this information.

10. I know that I’ve been talking about like, every other line so far, but they’ve just been so good that it feels wrong for me not to comment on them. Anyway, the shot of Oliver calling dibs on Benjamin’s bed, Benjamin protesting, then it immediately cutting to Oliver sitting on Benjamin’s bed while joking with him is one of my favorite scenes in this whole series, and this episode has already managed to surpass part 2 as my favorite episode at only like 5 minutes in.

11. Oliver’s facial expressions when Benjamin is going on about the dreamscapes are so incredible, and I just- UGH! I can’t express how much I love this series.

12.Ok, I already addressed how I’ve been talking about every single line and how redundant I am in this post, so I’m just going to say how much I love Benjamin and Oliver’s dynamic one more time, and then I’ll shut up about it for this episode.

13. Ms. Hill’s facial expressions and mannerisms are one of my favorite things about this frickin series. Her little proud shift when she tells them that she made more “Dank memes” and her smirk at Oliver’s terrible joke are so good.

14. Ok, now we’ve caught up to the point where everything in Jasper, the Epilogue, and the Trailer have happened, so there is literally zero knowledge of what is going to happen going forward, and I am so excited for it!

15. Did Quinn not recognize Benjamin from the cult? Or was he just asking about Oliver?

16. I did say I wasn’t going to praise Benjamin and Oliver’s dynamic anymore, but I have to give some appreciation to Jasper and Quinn. Gosh it’s great. Like we only got one scene, but gushing about a show together is one of the best examples of friendship. Also, I’m so glad that Oliver got to hear people gush about his show like that. He deserves it.

17. QUINN IS A LUCID! I lowkey expected that, but I didn’t expect him to be like... practiced at it. Also, my friend mentioned this when I rewatched it with her, but the swear filter is such a great detail.

18. Why was this scene cut into Jasper episode 6? Does time move that much quicker in Jasper’s dreamscape? Does this give an indication of how time works as far as dreamscapes go? Does time move quicker in some dreamscapes than others? Did he not actually see this when he was knocked out at that time, and that was just foreshadowing?

19. Hey, he referenced the discord! Cool!

20. Oliver getting winded after like 5 seconds of running is a mood. Like same dude, same.

21. Time for your regularly scheduled loving the music in this series mention. It is so incredibly good! I’ve actually been paying more attention to it lately, and I am completely blown away. I don’t know if that is because this is like par for the course, and I haven’t really thought about the soundtrack for shows that much in the past, or because this series in particular is really good, but either way I enjoy it immensely.

22.I do not talk enough about the cinematography in this thing. Once again, it might not be more than what most shows do, but this is all done by like one guy! It is amazing!

23. I just realized that Oliver and Benjamin probably just straight up passed out in the Whole Foods in the first episode of TAOBAO.

24. I wonder if Jasper is going to address what Oliver told him with Quinn later, or if he’s just gonna be like, “oh well,” and keep on livin.

25. It is moments like these where I wish the fandom was bigger. Normally, I would have been reading Oliver/Benjamin and Quinn/Jasper fanfiction this entire time, and then after this interaction I would have been able to enjoy the brand new flurry of Jasper/Oliver fanfiction, but once again, all I can do is suffer.

26. Wait, why didn’t Ms. Hills realize that Quinn was a Lucid before? Are there certain criteria you have to meet to technically be a Lucid?

27. Was weird time jumping shenanigans going on? Why did we get a clip of Benjamin waking up? Are we going to learn more about how LUCIDS do time stuff in the future?

28. The Ah! A tree! guy was funny enough on his own, but Nick later explained it on the livestream, and gosh, that was a layered joke.

29. What the actual fuck Ms. Hills. God I have so many thoughts and feelings about this scene. First of all, I almost cried the first time I watched it. Second of all, how are Benjamin and Oliver going to handle this information? Oliver especially? Like that is brutal man. Third of all, who did Quinn meet? Did he find another Lucid who trained him? What happened? Fourth of all, does Arthur know about this? Also, this was an observation from someone in the Discord server who wasn’t me, but does this have any implications for Arthur leaving and then Ms. Hills telling Oliver that “he always comes back”? Holy shit man, this scene is so crazy.

30. Benjamin cheated on Isabelle!? When they had a daughter together!? That scene was like two punches to the face, finding out about what Ms. Hills did, and then what Benjamin did. I can’t believe that he would open with that 2 minute shot making me fall completely in love with their relationship, and then just rip out my heart and completely stomp on it like that.

31.Before I go into my closing thoughts, I just have to mention how much I love that ending music. Its so sweet and calming and comforting, and I want to be able to listen to the full version as soon as possible. This episode took everything I loved about Part 2, and then ramped it up to a ten. The soundtrack felt even more impressive, the characterization was pure gold in every single line, the character dynamics felt so real and natural, the plot twists were so incredibly insane, and the ending music makes me feel even more like I’m going to cry than the one from Part 2 did, but like in a good, comforting way.

32. Every single character in this series has to have an angsty backstory and moral complexity, don’t they? Like I can’t think of a single main character that those things don’t apply to in at least some way.

33. Apparently Isabelle is voiced by a fan called astronautdancer (I think that is right) on TikTok who made a spinoff series about Isabelle, which I’m really excited to watch! (Nick did say it probably wasn’t canonical though)

#thank you so much for reading this post if you actually managed to make it through the whole thing #I can't believe how quickly he manages to put out this episodes #and they are all such incredibly high quality!#sorry about using such and also so much in this post #LUCIDS #nicholas podany #LUCIDS Part four #LUCIDS Part 4 #god I love this series so much

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your-brilliant-lady-m · 4 years ago

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South Korean music industry at a glance: an outsider perspective

I watched one particular AMV last week. The song used for the video was “I’m afraid” by Korean rock band DAY6. I was pleasantly surprised as someone who values lyrics in song first and foremost. The music itself was great. I’ll listen to their songs again. It’s a nice fit for my music taste. Naturally, YouTube’s algorithm decided that I’m a fan of everything Korean after 1 video and started spamming my recommendations with k-pop songs, documentaries and everything in-between.

I watched a couple of videos, listened to some songs and discovered fascinating patterns. So, I went down to the comment section. And it was rather interesting experience, should I say? The concept of entertainment industry in South Korea simply begged to be explored more after this. I dug deeper and visited Tumblr k-pop tags and briefly glanced upon Instagram and Twitter. And, oh...

I am a big picture person and I enjoy both studying and creating systems. This one was particularly fun to explore. I discovered a lot of new things for myself. Perhaps, you can discover something new for yourself too or take a step back and look at this from a new angle.

Disclaimer: it’s impossible not to offend someone on Tumblr, so keep that in mind. That being said, I do NOT intend to insult of offend anyone. It’s just a little research done for fun, because I love research with a purpose. This post is NOT A HATE post. No hate intended for fans, artists or other people involved. It’s meant to be a discussion, nothing more and nothing less. If it sounds like hate, it’s just my sarcastic sense of humour.

Content Warning: I mention suicide, death, depression, rape in a couple of sentences. There’s nothing major or graphic, but it’s there.

In this long post I decided to share with you my opinion, a so-called outsider perspective, on the world of music entertainment industry in South Korea and people involved in it on different levels. I use the word “outsider” mainly because, that’s exactly what I am in this case, as someone who is in no way involved in k-pop community. I can’t name you a single band or their members. I don’t know any solo artist and can’t neither sing nor name you any song.

And to be completely honest, I don’t think I will set my foot into k-pop fan-circles ever again after everything I saw.

Think of this as “In this essay I will...” meme, except there’s an actual essay.

As far as I know, in South Korea “k-pop” refers to all music produced in SK, including solo artists, various bands, singers-songwriters. It doesn’t even have to be pop music. Koreans include in this definition all genres of music. However, around the world “k-pop” means primarily music made by idol groups and bands marketed for children, teenagers and younger people. In this post I use the latter definition, because that’s how most people understand “k-pop” in other countries. Therefore, my statements, opinions and conclusions here would concern only idol music.

The music industry in South Korea is heavily influenced by culture and traditions of the country, just like all things are. And there’s nothing wrong with that. After all, different backgrounds are what makes people so interesting and unique. However, when combined with consumer mindset, desire to generate profit at any cost and fast-paced nature of modern life these neutral cultural elements could produce something concerning, and it can lead to disastrous consequences.

1. Idol

These people are called artists, musicians, singers, bands, groups, performers. In South Korea and in Japan, however, people call them Idols or Stars. I’ve also seen Muses, Princes and Queens. Interesting, isn’t it? The terminology used to describe these musicians in South Korea is one of the key elements in this whole entertainment system. You’ll see why.

But who or what is an idol exactly? Let’s take a basic definition from Wikipedia.

“In the practice of religion, a cult image or devotional image is a human-made object that is venerated or worshipped for the deity, person, spirit or daemon ... that it embodies or represents. In several traditions, including the ancient religions of Egypt, Greece and Rome, and modern Hinduism, cult images in a temple may undergo a daily routine of being washed, dressed, and having food left for them. Processions outside the temple on special feast days are often a feature. Religious images cover a wider range of all types of images made with a religious purpose, subject, or connection. In many contexts "cult image" specifically means the most important image in a temple, kept in an inner space, as opposed to what may be many other images decorating the temple.

The term idol is often synonymous with worship cult image. In cultures where idolatry is not viewed negatively, the word idol is not generally seen as pejorative, such as in Indian English.”

Cambridge Dictionary defines idol as follows:

And here’s the definition from Oxford Dictionary:

This is a centrepiece of this tapestry. Surely, you have noticed by now what these definitions have in common.

Idol = a cult image of a god, a deity

By calling these musicians “idols” industry makes society and audience treat them in certain way, namely as gods. What characteristics do gods possess? They are beautiful, talented, funny, confident and graceful, blessed by eternal youth of immortality. Gods have no flaws, they do not bleed, they are above human concerns. They are an embodiment of perfection. They are stars, you could not reach.

But real people are not like that. They can be sad and angry, insecure. People don’t have perfectly symmetrical faces. They can’t dance in sync without preparation. They can’t sing like angels at any given moment throughout the day.

What happens when idols accidentally reveal their humanity? What happens when people see, that they make mistakes and do stupid things, that they need to train hard to appear graceful on stage?

I will tell you. And it’s not pretty. But, first, let’s look at other elements of this system.

2. Y/N and Self-insert fantasy

Aside from the music, K-pop sells the self-insert fantasy to the audience. It’s carefully arranged to appear real, where the cracks are masked and every word is scripted. The reality is so vivid that one doesn’t even have to use imagination all that much, because all scenarios and decorations already exist. Countless interviews for TV and magazines, fan meetings, talk shows, reality shows made sure people are privy to all juicy details of personal lives and opinions of musicians. And also one word - merchandise. Some of that merch made me question my life choices. Some of it is, ah, creepy or has weird vibes. All of this provides plenty of material for people to work with. Fans can effortlessly imagine themselves beside their idols or even in their place.

In a highly competitive society, where people throw themselves into studying and work since young age, forming deep and lasting connections with others is very hard, sometimes impossible. As a result, people long to have a group of close friends with similar interests, a loving partner who would cherish them endlessly. People want to be rewarded for their backbreaking efforts to succeed by the carefree life of fame and music, everlasting friendships and love. And in a way you can’t really blame them for his.

Does this dream life sound familiar? We are looking at K-pop bands here. It doesn’t really matter if their members don’t always get along or that they can live in debt, that fame is fickle and adoring fans can tear your self-confidence to shreds. Audience wants the glamour of fantasy and the industry is more than happy to cater to these desires.

Perhaps, knowing that even for idols this fantasy is sometimes unattainable makes the whole set up feel just a little cruel.

3. Fans, stans and fandom culture

We’ve already established earlier that idols are gods in the eyes of people and listed traits they must possess. So, what else do gods need to exist? Worshippers. Because a cult is worth nothing without its followers. Gods need a group of people to worship them and spread their beliefs. The role of worshippers is performed by a fans in this case.

Apparently, there is a running joke that girl groups need to win a general public popularity and boy bands need a big passionate fandom. It seems to be true according to my observations.

In k-pop fandom people use the word “stan” to state that they like or support particular group. Now, I am sure everyone here knows that in other fandoms, dedicated to movies, shows, books and games there’s an important distinction between being a “fan” and a “stan”. What is it?

A fan is someone who likes a ship or character, creates and/or consumes fandom content, supports certain ideas, discusses things they enjoyed and disliked, criticises canon. Stans, however, are a different breed. They engage in all typical fandom activities, but their support and enjoyment becomes obsession. Stans believe their favourite characters and ships are immune to criticism, that they are superior no matter what others say. Stans start shipping wars, send anon hate, death threats over fictional characters and hurt real people. Stans are considered toxic fans. And majority of normal civilised people don’t like them and try their best to let stans hang out in their echo chamber by themselves.

In other fandoms and communities, to be a fan means to love, support and enjoy something, while to stan means to obsess over and hyperfixate on these same things. Words “I stan” rarely mean “I support” for most people, and if they do mean that, it’s only used in a joking manner (”We stan procrastination legend!”, “I stan our miscommunication kings”).

Everywhere else “stan” has only negative connotations, except in k-pop. But what has changed? What’s the difference? Why do international fans scoff at “shipper stans” and then turn around calling themselves “stans of X k-pop group” at the same time? Does it make you wonder?

And this is another core theme of k-pop, in my opinion. In fandom where stan = obsession = support, you can see interesting patterns.

Fandom loves their flawless gods. But watching them from afar is not enough for some people, because unlike deities in different religions, these gods live among us. People are very much aware of that. Industry has created a cult and laid the groundwork for worshippers to express their adoration in every way including personal contact. And who wouldn’t want to meet their god? Who wouldn’t want to know more about them or tell them how much you love them? In talk shows and fan meetings there is only so much one can do after all.

People desire to know more, to have more so much that their obsession transforms into concerning stalker tendencies. These crazy individuals follow idols, stalk them on social media, in hotels, research flight numbers, bribe security. Musicians were attacked and poisoned. I strongly suspect there were cases of rape that no one knows about. There is even a special term for these fans - “sasaeng”.

Is there a definition for stalkers of actors or musicians in western world? No, I’m pretty sure there isn’t. They are just called “invasive/obsessive fans” or “stalkers”.

Also, there are sasaeng memes. Yeah, you heard that right. I enjoy some classy dark humour as much as the next person, but there is a fine line between normal and questionable.

Back to the topic of stalkers. Do you realise how disturbing that is? Such behaviour is so common that there is a term for it. You create a fandom-cult, encourage people to worship k-pop idols as gods and then act surprised when members of said cult become fanatics and their adoration becomes obsession.

And it’s so easy to step on this slippery road. The system makes it ridiculously easy. Lines begin to blur. How much is too much? Where do you draw the line?

While sasaeng fans engage in extreme real-life obsession, people online aren’t that far off, to be honest. I’ve seen it all: imagines, headcanons, fanfiction, real-person shipping, reactions. Real person shipping is a controversial topic. Some people support it, others don’t. I suppose I’m among those who don’t get it. I’m not exactly against it, but I find it strange. Mainly because it’s based on assumptions made by fans about personalities and behaviour of real people.

Assumptions. Dear me! K-pop fandom has this thing with video compilations. I’ve never seen this phenomenon being so widespread in any other community or fandom. Basically people edit together a collection of short clips from talk-shows, interviews, Instagram stories, some YouTube videos, etc and then proceed to analyse every gesture, word, facial expression of idols and provide both audio and on-screen commentary. These videos and many other forms of similar analysis allow people to imagine what kind of personalities idols have, what kind of life do they live. It’s the source material for fanfiction, imagines and headcanons.

But it’s not real. It’ll never be real. It’s an illusion, an image, a stage persona. They fall in love with a face and made up personality. And I think that when people create this content they can forget this. Fans can develop certain emotional dependence and unhealthy attitudes in the long run. In some YouTube comments even supportive and encouraging words sound whiny and obsessive. And semantics of being a “stan” of certain group or individual doesn’t help.

4. Industry, companies and liars

At last we arrive at the most important aspect of music entertainment industry - its creators.

Have you seen “The Road to El Dorado”? It’s one of my all time favourites. It has iconic characters, adult jokes that I didn’t get as a child and iconic soundtrack. I’ll quote “It’s Tough To Be A God” a lot here.

In South Korea music industry is a factory, the production line to be exact. This kind of set up affects everything in the grand scheme of things. Companies and agencies play the role of training centres and record labels. And there are so many of them that a whole new scamming system developed based around fake idol agencies. It implies that there are people who fall for offers of these agencies and continue to do so. I suspect that victims must pay a fortune upfront before they realise their mistake. Are there any kind of legal protection against such scams? How can people verify the authenticity? Because a well masked scam can exist for a long time before someone discovers it and calls them out on their nonsense.

As far as I understand legal companies work like this. After high school, which is often focused on performing arts (and private schools can get away with using talents of students for personal gain, which is totally not surprising), young people can audition for an agency and become an idol in training or idol-trainee. And passing audition is hard. But good recommendations can help, connections too.

During training you don’t get paid. Only a few companies pay aspiring musicians. People can spend years in training and don’t debut. But rent, necessities, clothing and food (not that you need much of it, but more on that later) cost a lot. Where do you get the money to live then? Support from parents, one or two part time jobs at most and bank loans. Surprise! We found an unexpected (just kidding, it’s very obvious) party, who reaps benefits from the system.

You need skill to be an idol. Natural talent helps too. The more skills you have, the cheaper and faster your training is. To level up your game you attend classes every month offered by your agency, which are not cheap (dance classes range from 400$ to 1000$ per month, sometimes more). There are four main categories in evaluation process: vocals, rapping, dancing and visuals. Idols are multitaskers, to have a chance on stage one must be perfect at everything. And people are ready to invest thousands of dollars into their kids training so that they could have a chance in entertainment industry. South Korea thrives on revenue k-pop industry generates every day.

Let’s pause here for a second and think about what kind of people come to these agencies. The answer is easy. People who have a dream, a desire, a real goal. You don’t wake up one day and decide to become a k-pop idol. Sometimes people get invited by agencies (after prior acting, modelling career or any other form of exposure). These people are usually very young. Some start straight after high school, some after university, but 25 years old is considered a late start. Compare that to western musicians who start singing at any age and still become famous.

But why this age limit? Because idols are eternally young. So that in public eye musicians are remembered as 20 year old gods. People would listen to their music and imagine a young attractive face. Career in k-pop is short, it lasts 5-7 years, rarely longer than that. It’s even less than modelling or acting can offer. And professional sportsmen retire in their late 30′s. Some play longer, but usually, that’s it.

If you live in Los Angeles and say that you want to be an actor or performer, no one would bat an eye. It’s like saying that you want to be an engineer or accountant. Similarly, in South Korea becoming an k-pop musician is a real career. Because part of the self insert fantasy that the industry sells is the idea that anyone can be an idol. It’s easy after all. Anyone can pass auditions and become a trainee. A trainee with no guarantee of debut. But one should never underestimate the power of idol-dream. After all, idea is the most resilient parasite.

“My friends started training in kindergarten. They have wanted to become idols since young”

“A lot of young kids get interested in Korean music”

A 6-year old child sees the performance of k-pop group for the first time on TV. Let’s say it’s a girl. She is enraptured and decides that she will be like that too someday. She grows up, while being part of the fandom, just like all idols are in one way or another and whose fan-obsession transforms into desire to succeed. Her parents spend time and money to find her tutors, to fund dancing and singing classes. Perhaps in high school this girl decides to fix the shape of her eyes and make nose straighter. She trains hard and passes the auditions in her dream agency. And during training this girl faces the reality of behind the scenes life in music industry.

“Why are you crying? I’m not even pushing you”

“How many times have I told you? The rest are doing it perfectly”

“She is dancing like an elementary school student“

“I watched your performance as a spectator who bought a ticket to your concert. I want a refund“

“You make my ears hurt. I don’t want to listen at all”

“Listening to you was tiring”

“I’ll kick you out instead. You won’t debut”

“I thought I was going to die. That’s how determined I was”

While I do understand that keeping a high quality standards in media industry is important, there are more productive and healthy ways to motivate someone to improve and be more passionate, you know? Constantly insulting people with sadistic glee and putting them down at every opportunity or calling them ugly to their face doesn’t do much.

Do you think that children know about this? Do they know about soulless teachers and belittling managers? Do they know about friends who are really your competition, so you shouldn’t get attached? Do they know about living in debt? Do they know any of this? No, I don’t think they do.

Children dream about the stage, about the sea of lights and crowds who chant your names. They want adoring fans and photoshoots. They want to appear on TV and magazine covers. Teenagers want the thrill of performance, they want to share their music and dancing with others.

“I don’t know how many times I cried alone”

The truth is cruel. But they won’t give up easily even if it means sleeping 4-5 hours and consuming no more than 500 calories per day. Because giving up means that your whole life was a lie. One can’t afford not to be good enough. Giving up means admitting that all efforts and money your family invested into your dream were in vain. It means losing face before your family and friends - a fate worse than death. Imagine living this idol dream and building your whole future around it and then being told that you’ll never debut because of the circumstances outside of your control or something minor, like face shape or 1 kg of weight that your body refuses to lose. It can break you. Especially if you are like 18 or something.

5. “And who am I to bridle if I'm forced to be an idol If they say that I'm a God, that's what I am”

“I don’t think there’s anything a tough as being a trainee in Korea”

Once you are a trainee at the agency your personal life does not belong to you anymore. You can’t go out without permission of the agency. You phone is taken away. Your diet and weight are monitored. Bad habits are not allowed (no smoking, drinking or drugs). Oh! I think I found the good thing in the system! Unfortunately, it won’t last. Trainees can’t date or meet with family without permission of agency. Dating is very taboo. Even established idols can’t openly date.

Why is that? Because gods can’t belong to anyone. Their lives are property of the fandom. Because openly dating idols destroy the self-insert fantasy. There was a former idol girl who dated another musician. She was called a whore by her fans, her loving and adoring stans. You might know who I am talking about. Would you call an American actor or singer a prostitute for dating someone?

Trainees sign the contract. And how can a young person straight out of school or university know much about what makes a good contract in entertainment industry or what makes a good contract in general? Even if you do understand the terms fully you would still sign it because if you have come so far, you can’t let your dream slip this easily. There isn’t a choice. Not really. If you want to debut, you will agree to anything.

What about life after debut? You have to pay off your loans. And company takes 60-70% of your group’s earnings. Artists themselves get 30-40% and split it between themselves. K-pop groups have from 5 to 10 members or more than that. Each person gets less than 6%. Idols are not filthy rich. They are not. These earnings are practically nothing compared to the work you have put into this.

Idols are musicians, who often don’t even write their own songs, music or create choreography. But if public doesn’t like the song and musical number the company created, they blame idols for the failure. Such an amazing logic we see right here. But people say that sharing music is the best part of idol life. But whose music?

Models on catwalk are not there to demonstrate their physical beauty, they are blank canvas for works of clothing designers. Same with k-pop musicians. They act like puppets in a way, whose faces and voices are used to show audience someone’s music and songs. Some groups do write their own music and lyrics and it’s nice to know that. But those, who don’t are rather unfortunate. It’s a nice tool of psychological control and pressure for an agency. They can hold it over group and use the following rhetoric: “We gave you everything! Why can’t you follow the simple instructions” or “Where would you be without us? It’s not even your music!”

I called k-pop industry a factory. That’s true. Dozens of people become trainees every year. These talented young people are fully prepared to do anything to achieve their goal. They are ready to practice until they collapse, starve themselves and pour themselves into every song. Companies know that. Tell me why would they value their idols as individuals, as people, as human beings if they always have a replacement? Why bother with mental health of their artists if next year they could have a fresh set of people, who are younger and prettier? Why try to improve relationships inside groups if you could fire any member and replace them within a month or two?

In western countries famous bands have different stories. Some were friends since high school, who played in bars and during festivals and then they were noticed by some representative of label company, who offered them a contract. Some groups were formed by like-minded people who bonded and decided to share their music with the world. There are many stories, but ultimately the have one thing in common. Bands in the West often form themselves. These people had time to bond, connect, discover each other, solve some disagreements and learn to work around their differences.

K-pop groups are formed by their agencies. They are their property in a way. Company selects the best and puts together these total strangers, appoints the leader with marketable face and personality and then expects them to work together like a well-oiled machine. No one has time to bond during training, because other people are you competition, not friends. And then you must learn to work as a team and be best friends on camera for the audience to support the self-insert fantasy. It’s no wonder that k-pop groups don’t get along sometimes. And every member knows that they are replaceable. It doesn’t help in forming connections. Groups can’t just terminate contract and go to work with another agency. I heard it happens sometimes, but it’s not a done thing. Unlike in other countries where bands just sign the deal with a different label and release their music under their name if they don’t like the old conditions.

“It's tough to be a God But if you get the people's nod Count your blessings, keep them sweet, that's our advice Be a symbol of perfection Be a legend, be a cult Take their praise, take a collection As the multitudes exalt Don a supernatural habit We'd be crazy not to grab it So sign up two new Gods for paradise”

But is it really a paradise?

Idols are expected to act cute, to match personalities created for them by fans or media. They have to act according to the concept of their group. They have to be a symbol of perfection: skinny, single and with a face perfected by surgery. They are allowed to mess up, but only in a cute way. They can break down and cry, but only if it’s “aesthetic”.

Weight issues are a separate topic. Sometimes I wonder whether managers in companies understand how weight loss or human body in general works. To be honest, I think that scales in agencies are rigged. And only managers know that. I know it can be done from personal experience. Some beach resorts tweak their scales and make them show 4-6 kg less than actual weight, so people wouldn’t get upset if they gain some. There is no way a girl as tall as I am (173 cm) could weigh like 47-50 kg and be able to perform complex choreography on stage and sing without being out of breath, visit the gym on a regular basis and generally function as a normal human without fainting every other day.

“I developed a lot of eating disorders”

“I think I consumed about 300 calories today“

“Someone, please, trim the fat off her arms”

If you grow up thinking of idols as gods and then, when you become one of them you think that you must act as one too. But being an easily replaceable god is a heavy burden. The industry, companies and audience want you to be perfect, to always be on your best behaviour. And the thought of not being good enough or divine enough terrifies you, because stans have no mercy (black ocean concept is the most stupid thing ever by the way). This kind of pressure can destroy even the most resilient. And it does.

Almost everyone knows that situation with mental health in South Korea is not the best to put it lightly. In many ways it’s a cultural thing. But in k-pop mental health issues are treated with even less care. Gods are not supposed to be depressed or suicidal. They are not supposed to have fears or insecurities, can’t be upset or angry. They try hard to be this deity, this image. So, even when they realise they need professional help or even a friend to talk to, they either won’t seek said help or reach out only to be met with silence. Some agencies disapprove or forbid therapy altogether.

Sometimes fandom becomes self-aware.

“Don’t forget that idols are people too!”

“Your favourite idols are running out of breath just to keep you entertained“

“They are humans, who have feelings!”

Oh, but here’s the thing, my friend. The industry doesn’t want you to think of them as people. Companies and media repeatedly reinforce the idea that they are not people, they are your idols. And strangely enough, the audience supports this idea. People continue to call them idols, developing worshiping tendencies in the process, imitate them, scrutinise their flaws and triumphs. Because, you know, only “real and ordinary humans” can have flaws, not “idols”.

So people who say “they are human too” and people who say “wow, this concert was amazing, but vocals in the beginning were so off-key, I simply can’t” are one and the same.

This thought process would have been funny if it wasn’t so disappointing. But that’s just my observation.

And here’s another thing about sexualisation. I said before how appearances are everything, marketable face and body could drastically improve your chances to succeed. Companies know about this too and concepts and aesthetics of groups are designed accordingly. Girls are dressed in skimpy outfits, their dances are unnecessary suggestive, they wear heavy make up and try to have “mature” vibes. Boys don’t avoid such objectification either: suits, tight pants and dress shirts along with make up and hairstyle to give audience a promise of the things to come. Grown adults are not supposed to lust after 15-17 year olds. You can’t just create a sexy stage persona for teenagers. Do you remember my earlier words about creepy merch? Yeah. All of it neatly plays into the self-insert fantasy and encourages obsessive behaviour.

This happens in western countries too. In some way that’s understandable. Beautiful and sexy image with a hint of innocence attracts more people and sells, because it caters to one of the base human instincts. But some things make your skin crawl.

Sponsorships are another topic. Some k-pop bands seek out sponsors to provide financial aid and cover expenses, when earnings are not enough. Sometimes these sponsorships are fine, perfectly civil. But sometimes it’s a prostitution. Girl groups receive money and provide sexual favours to their patrons. It’s a way for the group to gain financial support and even find new opportunities in the industry. Companies can encourage such deals. Let that sink in for a moment.

6. “Any advice to those who want to become a k-pop idol?”

A lot of former idols and trainees have similar responses to this question.

“I don’t want to discourage anyone, but think twice”

“You only see the glamorous side, but don’t see all the hard work that goes into it”

“It’s not what you think”

“They think ‘Since I am good looking and can sing and dance really well, maybe I should become an idol?’, but there is much more to it“

“They think it’s something that is easy and will keep their family set for life financially”

And this implies that most people don’t know what kind of lifestyle k-pop stars truly have, despite the amount of information available online about “behind the scenes” proceedings.

7. Moving on

I am a practical person and every decision I make is subjected to scrutiny. And after seeing everything I can't help but wonder whether idols believe it's truly worth it. What keeps the industry alive is the idol-dream, the wilful ignorance of its reality and youthful idealism, the beautiful naïve belief that it'll get better, even if it never does in the end.

Sure no one would ever admit it out loud, because it's one of those things you never say on camera, no matter how sincere you have to be. It's the matter of professionalism after all, and idols have it spades. And also, because admitting this would equal admitting that you spent your best years doing something you both loved and hated, admitting that this was a mistake.

When you grow up in a society where appearances matter the most, where saving face and being polite is more important than staying true to yourself, where individuality is tolerated only to a certain point, it takes a lot of courage to admit that you need a break. I greatly respect those who decided that idol lifestyle is not for them and moved on.

8. Conclusion

To sum up, I hope you enjoyed my small research and this perspective, since you have read it all the way to the end.

You have noticed that entertainment industry is an intricate system and its every component makes sure nothing changes. Companies have power over idols and audience, fandom has power over idols and their careers, and musicians themselves have fame and their music, but not always the promised fortune or happiness.

It’s important to understand the big picture to draw your own conclusions and encourage positive and heathy attitudes in fandoms. Being open minded and allowing people to make mistakes and live their lives the way they want to is a part of being a decent person. People don’t owe anything to others. Art is about sharing your thoughts and feelings, promoting ideas and spreading beauty. It’s not always about money. And I think that this is what k-pop lacks as an industry. It turned dreams and human need for self-expression into business. Here everything is turned into a product. Everything idols touch can be sold, sometimes literally. Industry created problems, which can’t be solved anymore, because doing so would topple the system. And I find it tragic. Trapped in an endless chase after perfection creators of k-pop forgot that beauty lies in the eye of the beholder.

If you take a look at comment sections and posts on different platforms, what will you see? What kind of things resonate with audience? What makes people laugh and cry? When people start to appreciate the substance?

“Everyone needs to hear this song in their darkest moments”

“Thank you for your music!”

“They always deliver! These guys can’t make a bad song!”

“It inspired me to write again!”

“Their songs brought me and my sister together once again”

“This is what happens when you let groups write their own music - they make incredible things”

“They really are legends of k-pop! I love that they are not afraid to show their inner strength”

“Stay strong! You rock!”

I believe that the answer is quite simple: when it’s real, sincere. It’s all about the message you choose to send to your audience, because only superficial things cause obsession. When you say that the sparkly façade is all that matters, then that’s the only thing people will ever care about. Your audience will never give a damn about the meaning behind dancing, music or lyrics, if you tell them that performance is more important. No one would praise WHAT k-pop idols sing, instead they would prefer wasting breath to criticize HOW they sing or look or move.

I dare the k-pop industry to prove people that it’s not just about looks or perfection, or laser shows, or being a branding machine. Prove to your fans that k-pop artists are also passionate people with big dreams and talent, who love every moment of their job, who live and inspire, who are human just like us and whose humanity is real!

Do it, you cowards!

And now, I’m finished. I can hear the raging crowd of k-pop fandom in the distance, which means it’s time to hide. See you some other time!

#k-pop #korean music #k-rock #k-pop idol #k-pop meta #k-pop discussion #k-pop fandom criticism

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