#and it sucks yeah
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OH.
You ever have a sudden realization for why you feel a certain way about something that actually completely flips those feelings on their head?
I've generally always been pretty sure about what I want out of any kind of gender affirming care I might hopefully get in some nebulous future where that's something I can afford: I want my voice deeper, I'd be delighted by bottom growth, I would like my tits significantly more masculine presenting if not gone completely. I've been ambivalent about the potential for body hair, though I have been much more eager for the possibility of it with more 'ideal transition goals' influence (Look. I want Con O'Neill's gender okay?) in mind.
That said the one thing I've been hesitant about is facial hair? Which is frustrating because it's the one thing that I kind of do have by default? If I don't do anything to it I have noticeable dark wispies on my upper lip and chin (I've kind of suspected for a while that I may have some sort of hormone disorder - I've got other things that lead me to think this too ofc this is just the most easily noticeable - but like. Who's got the money for diagnosing shit like that? Not me, that's for damn sure.) like. T-Boy's First 'Stache kinda deal. It's been my one (mental) sticking point on potentially starting T, to the point where I've argued with myself that I could just do like the trans girls do and get like, what's it called? Electrolysis? Hair removal? Just for that part. But then that adds cost to what I already can't afford and. Like.
I don't think. It. Actually bothers me? I think. I think I'm maybe projecting how I think my mother would react to it? Not even with full on transition in mind but like. How I am now. Like I don't really care how it looks if I don't shave. Hell, I might even like it sometimes? Like a micro-euphoria or something. But my mother is (partially) responsible for my eating disorder. It's completely within the realm of possibility that she would have Something To Say if I just stopped bothering. I don't even think she'd do it on purpose really? Just. Would need to point out the presence of hair on my face and the judgement would be implied. The 'I am pointing this out because it is unusual and I don't think you should look like this' would be implied. She wouldn't need to say it out loud.
And like. The worst of it is? I don't care. I don't care if I do something to myself that she doesn't like or approve of. And. It's hardly as if she's transphobic (Or. Not more-so than the average 'uninvolved in the queer community parent of queer kids' cishet person. Not maliciously so, yknow?) I've got friends she knows are trans - one who she knew through his actual transition process - she's been through the whole 'it's "he", mom' 'oops, he' situation before with relative grace.
But none of those people are her kid. She doesn't see them every day. She knows she didn't raise them and has, at no point in their lives had a say with what they do to themselves. I already came out to her once (Well. I was forced out by my partner at the time's parents, which was. Not fun.) and the thing about that time is? She really didn't have to. Do anything? About that? Except maybe adjust her mental image of who I might wind up marrying some time in the nebulous future. I'm not out to her about any of my Gender Stuff. Because I don't want to have to deal with the 'I just don't understand all of this' because I'm not binary trans (every other trans person she's met has been binary) or 'It would just be easier on everybody if we still called you [deadname] and used she/her' (which, I don't even really have an issue with she/her? I very much prefer they/them but I'm used to she/her and it doesn't bother me to hear it the way hearing my deadname still does).
She doesn't listen to me when I talk about things that actually matter to me. When I talk about shit that she's done that hurts me. Hell, when I tell her she doesn't listen to me she stops listening. I know it'll be a fight if I correct her on my name/pronouns. I know she'll 'forget'. I know when I get emotional about it, because I know I'll get emotional about it, that I'll start to raise my voice (gotta love the struggle with vocal volume regulation huh? I literally can't help it and I barely notice it until someone tells me) and that she'll say 'You're always yelling, I'm not going to listen to you if you yell' and that it's just code for 'I wasn't going to listen anyway because what you have to say isn't important enough for me to try to listen, and you're giving me a convenient excuse to opt out of the blame for that by speaking "too loudly"'.
Anyway. I'm not coming out again until I'm out of this fucking state and living on my own (or at least away from her and the rest of my family).
But I do think, now, I might actually be comfortable with my facial hair/the potential for more pronounced facial hair then too. It's not my problem, it's hers.
#the dork is being a dork#uh i guess#tw eating disorder#since i mentioned mine for a second there?#idk#gender thoughts#nonbinary#transgender#idk what to tag this as lmfao#i'm also probably not going to be pursuing any kind of specifically affirming care until i'm away from it all too#like#i'm not going to start going without shaving while i'm still here#i'm not going to get a binder or try voice training or anything#friends can know that i'm arty/artheme but if they can't call me by my deadname they can't meet my family etc#and it sucks yeah#but it does give me something to look forward to i guess?#this is all to say 'i was apprehensive about a mustache because i didn't want my mom to be weird/annoying about it'#'and now that i realized that's why i was apprehensive i'm much less so'#idk like#if you think there's some aspect of transition you might not want don't just write it off outright#give some thought to why you might not want it and consider if it's because of how someone ELSE would feel about it#the person who matters most in your transition care is YOU#yknow?
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Yes, Greece still exists, we didn't all die 2000 years ago. Yes, people speak Greek. You people are so fucking stupid for real. So many of you claim to love ancient shit but can't even acknowledge the actual living culture of the people whose mythology and classics you romanticize. You keep leaving annoying comments about how you just forget Greek people still exist, thinking you're being quirky because you love ancient stuff soooo much that you forgot about the people it came from. You think about it so little you don't even realize that an actual Greek person has to read this shit, making it clear how little you actually care about the culture beyond the romanticized (and westernized) mythology. Don't claim you love Greece, don't use our mythology anymore if you can't acknowledge that we're still around without making it about how little you think about us. It's mind boggling that you'd think a Greek person would read this and think you're anything but obnoxious. Explode.
#this post is edited because you're all annoying. maybe I'll turn it back someday#it sucks that people can't even be normal about a funny family story once the fact that we're greek comes into the fold#suddenly its all about blorbofied mythology shit and idiots saying ''GREECE IS REAL???? 🤯🤯🤯🤯'' yeah percy j*ckson didnt make it up#maybe it would be less annoying if they weren't all saying it like I'd think it's funny that they don't know we exist instead of like#disturbing on a personal level. like what the fuck#man if you can't acknowledge we exist in real life just name your oc Icarus something else idgaf#so yeah explode. Skase. Voulos'to. Valto mesa sto katamalakismeno mouni tis mana's sou. Psophise. etc.
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something insanely meta about jack and tommy chatting about how it all sucked everything sucked and it was a mess and it hurt and no theyd never wanna go back but.. they miss it sometimes. to the way things were and how they felt. sometimes you just wanna go back
#dsmp#insanely meta considering everything thats fucking happened#id never want to do dsmp again but i do miss how it Felt to be In it#to trust the people and care about the story#never again. it sucked. but yeah. sometimes you miss it
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just another night in gotham
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#''jason try not to blow up anything for at least 24 hrs challenge''#gothamites should be considered prominent characters in the dc verse look at the shit they gotta put up with#u never know if ur gonna wake up at 2 am to find the city chemically gassed and highly toxic#or if you're gonna hear a bat crashing through your (newly repaired) windows just cuz ur room was a shortcut to catch some goon#the bats prob give BALLER food place recs tho so ig it balances out#every gothamite ever: this city sucks#literally anyone else: yeah its the worst#every single gothamite collectively uniting as one single front: the FUCK did you say?? NO one insults this city except US#jason todd#red hood#dick grayson#nightwing#damian wayne#robin#tim drake#red robin#duke thomas#signal#bruce wayne#batman#stephanie brown#spoiler#batfam#social media au#batfamily#batkids#incorrect quotes#dc comics#texts#fanatical posting
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My favourite thing about tumblr, that in my opinion makes it far superior to other social media sites, is that new posts live side by side with old posts. These days, there’s a prioritization of new content. It not only shortens the lifespan of people’s work, memes and such, but it also devalues the work that goes into making certain things.
Sure, a lot of posts are just random thoughts spewed into the ether, but some posts are carefully crafted videos, photos, artwork, prose, that take the creator a considerable amount of time and effort to craft. So, as a content creator, it’s nice to see that you can put work into a piece of content on here and it can have a life of its own. Unlike other platforms where posts live and die in a matter of day, sometimes, hours
#ramblings#but yeah anyway tumblr supremacy#for now…#the site still sucks but like it’s superior to the others#anemone song still gets reboots and I’m like 🥺🫶🫶🫶
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i hate how sometimes people make out rachel to be this tragic heartbroken mess. WELL FRIENDLY REMINDER THAT
she was the one who dumped percy in the first place
and the scene after that she said "I don't have to tell you what you have to do now, right?" with the next scene being percy confessing to annabeth
she genuinely CHOSE to be the oracle, if she was really serious about percy she would have not have gone along with the whole thing without being a tiny bit sad about not dating percy
she flat out admitted percy was just a vehicle for her to be involved with the greek world
she is not august by taylor swift. she is not driver's license by olivia rodrigo. she did not care less about percy once he didn't reciprocate pls 😭
#percy was more disappointed than rachel which is saying something since his reaction was just “oh ok that sucks"#they were just two friends who impulsively tried something new with their friendship and were like “yeah no thanks”#so STOP writing fics about rachel trying to get percy back or still yearning for percy so that annabeth can come beat her up#percy jackson#pjo#rick riordan#pjo fandom#annabeth chase#percy jackon and the olympians#heroes of olympus#percabeth#percy and rachel#platonic perachel#percy and annabeth#percyjackson#percy pjo#percy series#the last olympian#pjo headcanons#percy jackson fandom#rachel pjo#rachel elizabeth dare
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i am absolutely l o s i n g it at Tommy "Desert Storm Vet and Texan in 2003 When the World Ended" Miller realizing he's now a communist, like look at this:
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this man's whole worldview got Rocked
#the last of us#tlou#the last of us hbo#the last of us hbo spoilers#this ep has been quite funny so far#wonder if that'll end at some point#edit: yeah the funny times be over#edit 2: christ almighty i've never had a post this popular and it Actually Does Suck A Little#but also glad y'all found this just as funny as me
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BREAK TIME ARRIVED, used what little free time I have from the real world to do this cuz the jazz mecha pilot AU by @keferon ate me since its conception
I wanted to make a little something ever since I read the Blurr side story while waiting for the 2nd chapter and then I just saw it drop so now I’ll be reading it on the side (I’m not emotionally prepared yet)
and some extra sketches I made
Art block be damned even if it sucks, don’t mind the obvious way my brain was degrading
Magazine is roughly based on F1 Magazine formatting, 2nd one is based on the Transformers Spotlights comic featuring Blurr
#transformers#tf mecha universe#blurr#swerve#can you tell who my fave is? yeah it’s swerve#the blurr sketches are the sad botched attempts at my brain trying to remember how faces work#it’s T1 Program because Teletraan-1 with the orange and blue but I couldn’t pick if the#magazine is racing oriented or mecha oriented#the typesetting may suck but I don’t have enough juice to concern myself with it#woah art
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secret wars secret love you will ALWAYS be famous
bonus:
#xmen#xmen comics#cherik#charles xavier#erik lehnsherr#professor x#magneto#snap sketches#//draws eriks weird reindeer thing differently to make this pose work// vjELAKVJEALKJV#maybe ill stick to this but i kinda like the 'barricade' vibe of the other option but anyway#mom said its MY turn to reference the famous bridal carry panel#this was supposed to be a quick warm up but as i was lining things my hand started to tremble really bad#i dont know why ??????????????? thats never happened before and my hand's perfectly fine and normal now#like my hands tremble a little from time to time but nothing ever detrimental#the trembling i had today was ACTUALLY crazy bad. had me concerned but i was also able to still draw so not that bad ig#ANYWAYS. yeah <3 i wanted to reference tha panel we all love ......#i draw this mfer carrying his mfer so much i fear i cant be stopped. charles is a princess who needs to be princess carried#i usually draw it like. An Actual Block or whatever but its flatter ... so charles may rest his weary head ...#i did draw charles getting a handful. its what he deserves. its also what i deserve but i cant have that now can i#erik living my dream too tho ..... life is so unfair i wanna carry charles xavier and kiss his head this life SUCKS#slowly being able to feed my cherik fix again we're Semi back. once i finish my work for once THEN we'll be so fuckin back jWRKLJLAKF#ok thats all from me bye bye
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DID YOU KNOW THAT ANDY SURIANO TALKED ABT YOUR COMIC ON INSTA???????????
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YEAH I SAW IT!
really cool!!!!!! nice things were said about my art and story!!!!!! i am so flattered!!!!!!!!!! i am still figuring out how to react to it all!!!
#i most definitely didn't have an anxiety attack for 2 hours after seeing it because i am a human who reacts in normal ways...#<< false statement#i really don't enjoy recieving attention ahajdkkfkgkuj aaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAA#asks#misc asks#i also recieved a really nice dm!! that i hope i replied to in a normal and not cold or too distant kind of way!!#i suck at communication when nervous agsjdklg augh anyway yeah#i feel so silly getting so stressed over things like this o|< it was a cool moment tho#NOT TO OVERSHARE ON THE INTERNET OR ANYTHING. I'M DONE RAMBLING IN THE TAGS NOW
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Technically they're all correct
FIRST - PREVIOUS - NEXT
MASTERPOST (for the full series / FAQ / reference sheets)
#deltarune#deltarune fanart#deltarune comic#undertale#undertale fanart#crossover#utdr#twin runes#twin runes au#twin runes comic#kris dreemurr#frisk#chara#d#d'aww look at these two bickering over asriel#yeah they got issues#and frisk is not a fan of them fighting#but they were right#they really DO suck at this without the player's help
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I watched Starship Troopers tonight.
#personal#dumb#my art#immediately after finishing i was pumped to watch some analysis vids on it#cuz i heard a lot of the drama about the original author being a pro military fascist and the director going “fuck that” and making a satir#scrolling through youtube search results was not promising. lots of male film buffs i would Not trust even on a first glance.#“The Critical Drinker” (pfp of a bearded man drinking alcohol) lol.#and then I saw cinemawins did a video on it and was like oh nice i haven't seen his stuff in a while but he's a pretty leftist creator#scrolled through the comments#second panel face#this sucks i'm outta here.#just leagues and leagues and leagues of anime pfps and right leaning people dogpiling on him for “not understanding what fascism is”#idk it's pretty alien and weird to me watching this movie and going “wow yeah that was pretty obvious huh” like literally the from opening#to the teacher preaching militance and only giving voting rights to “those who serve their nation first and earn it”#and then seeing droves of people online going#WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? It's not anti-fascist and even if it was it's#the director's fault for desecrating heinlein's incredible sci-fi epic vision. ermm media literacy is dead.
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🍁 i bring to u life series nitw au and a gem doodle
#i have zero things planned out for this au dont ask#oooorrr like. i do but tjey all suck so im still at the drawing board!!!! really am no good at anything but drawingf grian !!!#kidding ummm boatem band yes i like weird autumn a lot#trafficblr#hermitblr#boatem#grian#impulsesv#gtws#gtwscar#goodtimeswithscar#pearlescentmoon#life series au#life series#hermitcraft#nitw#geminitay#hermitcraft season 10#my art#yeah#I FORGOT TO TAG MUMBO#mumbo jumbo
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31 festive days of dnp [27/31]
❄︎ 15 years of Interactive Christmas Adventure ❄︎
#*#dan and phil#dpgdaily#phan#daniel howell#amazingphil#31festivedays#also fuck youtube for literally ruining it lol#i know ppl have put up ways to play it again tho#but yeah....youtube you suck as always#.gifs#my edit#mine#dnp
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Scholarly peak is catching up on recent literature
#bingqiu#shen qingqiu#luo binghe#svsss#sqq#lbh#my art#which is honestly just to say that i've finished the other two print books i was reading#and am now prepared to leap feet first into svsss bk4#i succeeded in holding off for an entire two weeks. i have the conviction of a wet paper towel.#lets see bk4 was described as - what? - an ''angst and smut pile''??#i am very much looking forward to this#i was promised a story with my snake boy#because i am very much not over zhuzhi-lang's fate so this had better be A REALLY NICE HAPPY ONE FOLKS#anyway have sqq and lbh cuddling and reading as i project on them#i like to assume that as time goes on sqq is able to relax his persona a bit more around lbh#i think he should get to cuddle and bitch about shitty novels#but man sqh is really the ONLY source of any books that have an even slightly modern cadence/style i have a feeling sqq would be very keen#though if i'm being honest i really wonder if sqh could ever bring himself to write fiction again#if you're A Writer it tends to be hard to RESIST you just get an itch to tell a story#but also like... the fear that all of this could happen again... or that the characters you're creating might be REAL and SUFFERING...#yeah... i honestly suspect he can't write anymore and that it honestly probably sucks a lot... but for the sake of this joke he is :P
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I think my favorite part of dungeon meshi + why I absolutely adore Ryoko Kui's characterization is that every single main character is unlikable. Not just in a surface level give your characters flaws way, but in a way that encumbers them and affects the people around them. laios is outright rude and negligent at times. marcille is judgemental and shortsighted. chilchuck is grumpy and mean. senshi is obstinate and often careless. They're all good-hearted and lovable and easy to root for, but they have flaws! Not only do they have flaws, but those flaws affect their relationships and are explored by the narrative!
I don't know it's just so refreshing when fiction lets its characters be bad people at times. It makes the "found family" trope so much more satisfying cause it's like yes. I'll love you and take care of you even though you suck sometimes and you've accidentally hurt me before. I've done the same to you and know you still love me back. Gosh what a good story.
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