yknow im really tired of comparing myself to everything recently.
people are happier w/o social media, people have more weight on them than me, people have better art styles, people are "more autistic" which isnt even a thing to compare, people are more /me/ than /me myself/ and i literally wonder "why do i care this much? people say theyre so happy but im happy the way i am? should i be happy like them?" and then i try and im like "i cant do this like them" and that makes me sad and i cant change some things about myself so it really just makes me wonder why i even try to change. i dont have to. im literally the best me /right now/ and the more i live the better me ill be. so like. why compare? im not trying to be not me anymore
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the patron saint of (Abraxos edition)
tagged by @forestofforever (thank you! 💛)
patron saint of blood
patron saint of the life that flows through our bodies. patron saint of violence. patron saint of love. something that does not watch over but exists within: not for protection but for vitality. there is no passion without a beating heart at its core. when that heart breaks open, someone has to be responsible for what it bleeds.
(emphasis mine)
tagging: @the27percent @elisethetraveller and anyone else that wants to :)
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in the midst of a little depressive episode at the moment I fear and it's causing me to Ponder... in a weird way I'm almost grateful. like this is UNBELIEVABLY better than it used to be, even as much as it sucks in the moment. I wish I could go back to find myself at twelve years old hiding out in the school toilets and tell them that as long as we stick it out for long enough then one day the outsize bad emotions will be triggered by actual definable events and they'll be a noticeable change from our baseline. I'm not ✨recovered✨ and I don't know if I ever will be - I think I might have spent too many developmental years creating terrible patterns and associations to be able to straighten it all out - but it's Better and I'm able to know that it can continue to get better, too. and that's fucking huge.
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