#i think my brain thinks it can delay the moving date because maybe the time won’t pass if i stay awake

[misssophiespice]

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[copperbadge]

Some Discourse On Fictional Chefs

I collected up all the discussion of Simon’s potential love interest in the Shivadhverse (and one about Twelve Points) and threw it in a post :D 

katestamps

If it is realistic at all, I’d love to be able to hand 12 Points to my musician daughter when she gets home from college around the 18th of May. That’s also the week after Eurovision. No pressure, I’m just excited for her to read it!

For a second I was like “If the book is realistic? Well, it kinda is, I’m working on that now” and then I realized you meant datewise :D I hope it is -- the book’s in final edits but a few of them are taking some time. I have to finish the edits, typeset, design the cover, upload, order proofs, approve the proofs, and then the thing can go out, which is not NOT doable by May, but it’s slightly iffy only because my April is super hectic. But most of the delay is usually in ordering the proofs (they take longer than they used to, to print and ship) so if I can get shit done BEFORE the hectic, we should be good. 

And now on to the chefs. I was a little amused, admittedly, because I didn’t vocalize clearly what I was asking about when I asked what people would like to see -- I was thinking more in terms of gender, sexuality, disability, race, etc. but I didn’t specify that, so instead I mostly got fascinating ideas for backstories and character aspects. Which is so fandom! I love it, I’m not mad or dismayed, it’s just also really funny. :D 

dignitywhatdignity

Are you thinking someone from Eddie's TV Chef circles, or more along Simon's own, more classical background?

spaci1701

A protégé of Eddie's who has taken over his show comes to do a special on the Country that Stole Our Star and had gotten a little big for his britches?

1968bullittmustang

It's probably too close to Eddie's character, but... What about one of those chef's that travel the world cooking the most awful (or best) local dishes with home chef's. Or maybe just a National Geographic photographer in country to do a piece on the 'One Highland' 😁

I’d like them to be a native Shivadh, only because most of the books to date have involved either total foreigners or expats returning, and both Royals/Ramblers and the football novel will as well. I’m hoping for someone who has moved to Fons-Askaz from the rural backcountry, but the idea is that Simon comes into conflict with someone who has a much less “fancy food from a classical background” style -- part of the conflict comes from each of them initially assuming the other has the inferior way of cooking. So -- more on Eddie’s line BUT not one of Eddie’s folks, because whoever this person is, they’re relatively local. 

Mind you, I do like the National Geographic angle. And I do kind of like the idea that someone else took over Truly Tasty. Eddie said that might happen. And that’s something I’d need to work into Royals/Ramblers so hmmm, making a note. 

dignitywhatdignity

(Or you could steal from the foodieverse! A classically trained hipster with a Michelin-starred food truck! A chain pizza scion with a flair for molecular gastronomy!)

Actually nicking some from the Foodieverse might be helpful -- maybe taking and twisting around Steve’s plotline from that universe a bit, though that doesn’t necessarily mean it has to be a Hot Male Hipster. But perhaps someone who trained classically and then decided it was all bullshit. 

spinningprincess

It's in my brain because it's what I'm writing, but I bet someone who's a little bit New Agey and leans hard into the symbolism of EVERY dish, whether from a "traditional foods of XYZ culture" standpoint or a "historically used for $magickal effect" standpoint, and like, talks about the energy of the kitchen, would be a great and interesting counterpoint to Simon's lack of that. And it's such a GOOD romance trope. (to be clear, I'm writing two different stories right now where no one ever cooks a food because they're hungry and want to eat A Food, it's all "well, basil is good prosperity magic, but cabbage is good prosperity magic and also the traditional food of my people, and...")

On the whole it’s an idea I like, but I’m not sure it’s fitted to this particular plot -- might be something to revisit with another character at some point, though. 

I’m discovering just how difficult it is to write hippie/new-age characters with Royals/Ramblers in part because so much of that mythology eventually traipses around towards anti-Semitism. Not necessarily food symbolism, and not ALL new age stuff is that way, but it really is a razor-fine line at times. 

knottahooker

My first thought was that terrifying lady chef from Ratatouille, she was fantastic. Someone with her personality, maybe? Cactus with a heart of gold who will absolutely stab you anyway.

My instinct is along those lines, at the least someone who is a trifle confrontational, but I feel like so much of it depends on other aspects of who they are, which is what I’m struggling to pin down. 

robinade

it would be funny if Simon's "nemesis" was, like, lactose intolerant or something so they have objections to French cuisine (so heavy on cheese and butter) but Simon doesn't know this at first and is mortally offended

musegaarid

What if Simon falls for a bodybuilder or a ballerina or someone on a really restrictive diet? If they were older and getting ready to retire, he could reintroduce them to good food.

I like both of these -- I think there’s particularly something to the idea of an athlete who has eaten a restricted diet, since that’s something that can alter more easily than allergies. But to make the story work they really do need to be a fellow chef. Which, there’s no reason they couldn’t have dietary restrictions AND be a chef, but I’m not sure I’d do either side of them justice that way. 

katestamps

Ooh, I just had the thought of Simon’s nemesis as a French chef which was actually an espionage cover. Think Julia Child, Cold War edition. (I also think of Simon as 5-10 years older than Michaelis which may or may not be accurate.)

Man, there is something to the idea of a spy. I’d say from Galia, but I don’t think Ofelia either wants or needs someone to spy on Fons-Askaz for her, she could just like, ask Alanna if she needs to know something :D Might turn this over in my head a bit, although it would again mean someone coming from outside the country. 

Simon is actually a trifle younger than Michaelis -- Michaelis was around 34, 35 when he hired him, and Simon and Hugo were both in their twenties. It still puts him in his fifties -- I do enjoy writing romances for older people, especially because there is something of a dearth of romance novels specifically featuring older men (they do exist but you run face-first into the “daddy” trope a lot, and “older man” in romance-speak often clocks in at “definitely under fifty”). Older women as the POV character are more common, I would imagine because older women are a huge target audience for romances. 

annechen-melo

Thinking about the love interest for Simon, someone who Absolutely Does Not Have A Media Presence beyond their cookbooks, and there is a Very Good Reason for that. That reason may be anything from an acerbic personality whenever someone points a camera in their direction to being just not good at Peopleing. Hmm. How international is the idea of Witness Protection Makeovers?

They could also just be crap at social media -- I’ve come to realize that every social platform EXCEPT tumblr is basically incompatible with my brain, and even the ones marginally compatible like Reddit, I just don’t find a ton of value in them a lot of the time. Which would be a nice foil to Simon starting up a recipe blog at the same time. 

strix-alba

I wish for Simon's love interest to be a salt-and-pepper-haired butch woman *shakes the genie's lamp*

There’s definitely a salt-and-pepper butch woman coming into the Shivadhverse at some point. :D I had her set for a later book, and not sure that’d be right for Simon, but I’m not ruling it out -- a fairly mouthy, fairly masc woman about Simon’s age is one of the strong potential characters I’m considering. 

Anonymous asked:

Shivadhverse: Concerning Simon’s love interest: would you consider someone like Catherine Bordey, owner of La Kaz,  from “Death in Paradise”? Or possibly even a French POC like her daughter? I’d really love 💕 to see a character who is both French and a POC. 😊

I’ve seen an episode or two of Death in Paradise but I don’t think I’ve encountered those two characters! I’ll have to see if my folks can educate me on them, they love that show. I am trying to figure out how to work more racial diversity into the books, so that’s a thought. Not necessarily French, but French-Shivadh; they do share a border. 

Anonymous asked:

maybe not a fit but I'll try anyway. what i'd like in a chef character is someone who tried something, really got into it, then backed out of it so hard. like the foraging culture, which could net you a research hole into local greens. what if they believe it's now too polluted to forage safely? and yet they have an encyclopedic knowledge of the seasons and life cycles of sidewalk dandelions. tl;dr cursed knowledge

As an aspect of the character that could work, although it gets difficult because like...the deeper someone is in something, the more I have to learn in order to put it out there :D I was looking at something along those lines, or at least something similar that might make them a bit brusque. Lots to mull on overall, anyhow. 

[didnt-hear-cold-as-you-live]

hi holly!! i love ur blog and i hope ur well <33

don’t feel like you have to answer this if you don’t want but?? i’m turning 25 in october and i’m feeling really like… anxious embarassed for how little i’ve seriously dated. some of that has to do with anxiety and body confidence, some of it is just that i haven’t found anyone i i’ve super clicked with. i’ve been on dates, but i’ve only ever kissed one person, and even that was more of an ill-defined ~situation than a relationship. i know logically that everyone is on there own timeline but part of me just feels really singled-out and like i’m “running out of time” ((which i know is ridiculous lmao, brains be like that.))

i’m moving soon and i feel like it would be a good time to. idk. reset a bit on my concept of dating and try to put myself out there, but also. scary. how does anyone do that.

tldr; do you have any advice? (but also, again, pls don’t feel pressured to answer <33)

Hi bestie I’m sorry for the delay on this, I wanted to wait until I was able to give it my full attention!!!

I totally get what you’re saying here - even though everyone’s at their own pace, it doesn’t make it any less anxiety inducing to feel “left behind”. And hearing you say some of it has to do with having anxiety and body confidence, something I very much relate to, I can see very easily how its one of those things that feeds into itself: the more time goes on and the more you feel left behind in this way, the more it would make me feel MORE anxious and body conscious, the harder it would make it for me to feel confident enough to pursue someone or move forward etc etc.

I want to say 2 things here, the first one being more spicy and vulnerable than I’ve been on this blog in a very very long time (so sorry if this is like, totally out of the blue to anyone new who reads on,,, we used to be like this every day): when I was a bit younger than you - like 23 - I was in a very similar, albeit not identical, situation. While I had been in a serious relationship for 5 years, he was extremely cold to me and non-communicative about sex, and we only had like. Missionary position sex and didn’t even kiss. I hadn’t done anything with anyone else other than him beyond kissing. And he was also lowkey emotionally abusive so I had no body confidence either. So when we broke up, in a lot of ways it felt very much like I was starting over as a 23 year old who had no experience beyond kissing and that was DREADFUL. I felt scared, I felt embarrassed to even engage in anything sexual because I felt like I didn’t know what I was doing when most people my age did, etc. When I first hooked up with my current boyfriend, in hindsight I was SO remarkably inexperienced. And it just simply… didn’t matter to him. The right person will be vocal and communicative with you about what they want, they won’t care if you’re nervous, they won’t care if things are awkward. It’ll flow naturally and where it doesn’t it won’t be a big deal, and if it is they aren’t your person and you’ll be on to the next. So that’s that end of it - I promise promise PROMISE you, while to that end it feels like A Lot, if the person is right for you it won’t be. And if it doesn’t feel right you can just change your mind and leave - at any point! So while this is easier said than done, moving on to my 2nd bit, just keep this aspect of that in mind.

In terms of moving to a new place and wanting to start over, I think this is a great idea and you absolutely should. I think you’ll hopefully make a lot of new friends, and a new friends obviously comes with the benefit of like “maybe there’s someone for me within that group”, but even if there’s not - make it known you’re looking for someone! I’m a much bigger fan of making irl connections, and the first step to that is like, making it public knowledge you’re looking. Maybe one of the first friends you meet will have a coworker who’s a great guy etc etc. you won’t know unless you talk about it, if that makes sense? So I’d just recommend making it known to people, even though it feels awkward and annoying. Talk to your coworkers and ask if they know anyone or know of a good place to meet people, your new friends, etc etc etc. and like I said im not a fan of dating apps for myself, but I also know they can be REALLY helpful with moving to a new place. I know lots of people that met on dating apps when they moved to a new city, and wound up just being best friends. View it as practice talking to people that may work out, but if nothing else you’ll get more experienced going on dates etc!

I hope this helps bestie. Please keep me updated I wish you the very best of luck!!!

[ohhcalamxty]

hello. its been a while? 5 years actually. what a place this is! what a trip down memory lane of many emotions.

a quick tldr: im 25 now, im engaged and live with my amazing partner and 2 cats. i am ed free (for the most part - i still struggle to love my body sometimes), clean, and i am in therapy! a place i never would have thought id be.

i didnt think id come back here like. ever. but ive been having nightmares of sam recently. its odd isnt it, how the brain works? i havent seen sam in 7 years? since the 2nd june 2018 to be exact, and yet he haunts me. why?

this is an odd correlation but recently i got into taylor swift. her music has been wonderfully cathartic and whilst i never assumed id be one of those girls who screams breakup songs and curses them at my exes....here we are.

TTPD (and most of taylors sad songs) unhealed me, so to speak, or at least awoke something in me. i wouldn't ever proclaim i have had bad relationships. i am always grateful for the time myself and owen spent together, and i am extremely happy with josh (I'd say 2/4 of my relationships being good is pretty huge) but here I am screaming and crying over break up songs at the eras tour and tearing up in the shower because they resonate with a point in my life and put my feelings into words in a way I've never been able to do.

elliot was interesting but i try not to curse his name so much as we were 14 and maybe he didn't mean what he did because he didn't understand consent, or maybe i am naive and too nice - i guess we'll never know because he quite literally dropped off the face of the earth! (Also, minor shoutout for him delaying dumping me because my grandma died! i do appreciate that at least!)

sam however....oh where do I begin with sam!

"Were you sent by someone who wanted me dead?"

I think I spent a lot of my teen years reflecting on sam, because well, he fucked me up so much. i mean how emotionally spent must I be to have nightmares of someone who I spent less than 12 months with at the age of 16, and then collided with again for a single night at the age of 19. Clearly we're fucked here.

I cannot find the words to describe you, and I'm unsure what i did to deserve a love like this. You had a girlfriend that you loved and were with for years, and then I (your close friend at the time) got dumped, and you make your move. We hang out a lot, cool, fine, nothing new as we were friends anyway. My mind is hazy on how it started or when we went from friends to whatever we were but it haunts me so much lmao.

The constant talks of i was the one, and that yes I will leave her for you. I fear nobody ever talks about being the other woman because its so odd - it isnt a flex, it isnt cool or sexy. it fucking sucks and it fucked me up but i liked sam so much i believed it. I mean picture this: you're 16, just lost your grandma, heavily depressed, self harming, riddled with an ed and have been dumped but low and behold your best friend tells you he loves you and plays with your hair and holds you. we go on dates and have sleepovers with friends (he still had a gf btw) hes fucked up too but he worries and cares about you more than anyone else, but at the cost of if you try to pull away he hurts himself, and threatens suicide (and believe me he'd do it) - stuck between a rock and a hard place aye.

"And the God's honest truth is that the pain was heaven And now that I'm grown, I'm scared of ghosts - Memories feel like weapons"

Less than a year of back and forth, misery and stringing along. I can't remember how or why it ended but I know it took a lot of attempts of pulling away (and him pulling me back) to get away. A lot of bits are hazy but I can assume it must have been around the time when I met owen? There are old screenshots on here of sam talking to me and they make me feel unwell (not an exaggeration) - his words (even after it all ended) and how he tried to act like he cared makes me feel like a pit inside (even now). I do however find it funny that my posts from 2015 and 2016 about him claiming hes ruined my life don't seem that dramatic now that im 25 and having nightmares about him.

"Oh, God rest my soul, I miss who I used to be The tomb won't close, stained glass windows in my mind - I regret you all the time"

I think I would have been ok if this was it. I don't think I would be grieving my past self, my girlhood, my naivety if this was all - i very much had support through my other relationships to help the sam trauma which i do appreciate. But it doesnt end here does it? Nah thats too easy.

"Cause it wasn't sexy once it wasn't forbidden"

2nd June 2018: Me and Josh had briefly split up. It was Karlies birthday and we went out in HTC (dire) and I guess because Hinckley is a tiny place and everyone goes to the same places we ran into a lot of people (some good some bad) - including Sam.

Ima be honest idk where he came from or who he was out with but there he was, buying me drinks, talking to me, I dont remember much but I can assume I was happy. I do however remember him leading me away, telling me we're heading to the next bar because that's where everyone else was going but we actually were heading in the complete opposite direction haha. god knows where we were going but on the walk we sat on a bench, i cried, i told him off, told him he ruined my life, he told me he'd missed me so much, he held me, i cried more, i hated him and then we just rinsed and repeated as he pootled me up castle street to wherever he was taking me. My friend rang me, I told them I was with sam, people came running (guess they all know hes bad news) and they (including josh, who was my ex at the time and ig technically hated me) beefed him until he left and that was that. I haven't seen him since - i still dont know where he was taking me or what his plan was. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I didnt answer the phone, sometimes I wish I hadn't and that maybe I deserved whatever would happen. Maybe I'm blowing it out of proportion, being dramatic, but the trauma of the emotions that 16 year old me feels is still there. It haunts me.

"Don't call me "kid", Don't call me "baby" Look at this godforsaken mess that you made me"

So here we are. I guess I'm bringing this up at therapy in a few weeks because these feelings won't disappear (and Honestly I'm not sure why they reappeared other than being repressed emotions). I wonder though, has this affected you as much as it as me? Do you feel bad about what you did? Are you suffering? Do you think about me? Do you feel bad that you had such control over me or did you enjoy it? Claiming you've lost sleep over me and that you want to protect and help me? Was any of it true I wonder.

"And did the twin flame bruise paint you blue? Just between us, did the love affair maim you too?"

I suppose I'll never know, but I can only hope that memories of me haunt you as much as they haunt me. I hope you get everything you deserve, and I hope I can heal. My skin is no longer the skin you touched, I no longer physically feel you, and I hope one day my memories of you will be hazy and faded, and I don't need to jump at ghosts anymore.

And my therapist wonders why I really dislike men huh.

[fatkittykatie]

12, 14, 17, 18, 19, 23, 26, 31, 32, 35!!! (It said to ask 10 but feel free to pick n choose :3)

Ack, I'm so sorry this has taken so long!! Thank you to whoever sent this; as an apology for the delay, let's answer all 10!

12) What's your weirdest memory about this scene? It's a little bit embarrassing- waaaaay back when I was a young teen, my parents found some of my tamer google searches and asked me about them. I had to bluff REALLY fast and say it was a school health project (It wasn't a great lie, but they were so confused I think they ran with it?) 14) How long have you been actively gaining? Maybe...3 years now? Ish? This tumblr is a lot newer than that. 17) What size closes are you wearing? 3x, with a 2x t shirt that's deeeefinitely a little small ;3 18) What's your goal in gaining? I just want to feel soft! I like being squishy and round, and it makes me feel really feminine in a nice way. 19) When it comes to relationships you prefer: a thin encourager, a fat encourager or another gainer? Hmm. No preference among the three, as long as they'll feed me cake! 23) Do you prefer being fed by another person, or nomming by yourself? I Looooooove being fed and spoiled ^/////^

26) Do you like being teased? Yes, please, all the time, I get SO blushy and squirmy and will basically do anything when I'm getting teased for being so big. 31) Your biggest Fantasy, gaining wise? It's kind of specific, but I've had a longtime fantasy of going on a long cruise with an unlimited meal budget, and seeing just how much fatter I can get by the time I waddle off the boat at the end ^^. 32) Your most intense fantasy gaining wise? Would you like to go for it IRL? My most intense fantasy is probably the most unrealistic; sometimes I fantasize about being a truly massive, shapeless blob with a 24/7 feeding tube and nothing going on in my brain, to the point where I'm more water bed than person. So I'm probably not gonna aim for that IRL, not least of which because I do like being able to move on my own. But a girl can imagine.... 35) Describe your perfect partner in 3-5 sentences: "Luckily, I'm already dating her ^///^." Did it in one!

[mercy-burning]

Your Favorite — Part 2

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!Reader Summary: Y/N and Spencer decide to keep seeing each other in secret. Category: SMUT (18+) Content: Adults w/ age gap, cockwarming, heavy petting, penetrative/unprotected sex, breeding kink, oral sex (both receiving), degradation, exhibitionism, fingering, cum play maybe? Word Count: 7.5k

PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3 | MASTERLIST

NOTE: This is... *nervous laugh* this is pure filth. Like... It’s nothing but sex scenes, y’all. Buckle in. (Also the end is a lil angsty so watch out hehehe)

———

JULY 8th

"You're sure you guys are okay without me for a little while?"

I love my mom. Really, I do.

But if she delays her bath for any longer than one more second, I'm going to burst into flames.

Thankfully it seems that Spencer is patient enough for the both of us. "Positive. You deserve to relax a little. Go. Take your bath, we'll be fine."

Mom looks to me for extra reassurance, and I give it to her with a nod.

"Okay. I'll try not to be too long."

She turns and kisses Spencer, long and lovesick, and I want to barf. What's even worse is that when she pulls away and pats my head before retreating up the stairs, he's smiling. And he's supposed to, I know that. Part of him obviously cares about my mom, and even if he's only fucking me on the side, the fact remains that he goes to sleep next to her. That's the way it has to be.

But it still makes me incredibly envious.

It's a problem.

Mom is upstairs now, but our rule is that unless we know for certain that she's not coming into sight or earshot anytime soon, we remain distant.

Still, I make my distaste for their affections known. "You guys are gross..."

Spencer laughs, his hand sneaking over the couch cushion and grazing the end of my skirt. "Jealous, are we?"

Of course, I have to make it difficult for him. "You're a genius, you tell me..."

"Hey now... You're lucky I'm giving you any attention at all... Besides, you know the rules."

I glance over at him, practically crumbling apart at the seams under his intense gaze. It's one I've gotten used to as of late, one that rivals every smile I've ever seen him give my mother.

"Doesn't make it any easier," I mumble, glancing down at where his fingers are still toying with my skirt.

"I know..." He reaches out and touches my hand, and my skin tingles. "Come here."

Even though I can hear that the bath water has only just started running from below, I comply all the same. I scramble off the couch and return on his lap, straddling him and nesting my fingers through his hair while I lean in to kiss him.

He welcomes me with open arms and an open mouth. The moment our tongues brush, I sigh and melt into him, needing desperately to be as close as possible. Our kisses then are languid and wet, and soft. We don't want to get carried away in case we need to be alert and jump apart, so it's best to keep our bodies controlled.

But as I'm learning, around Spencer, controlling myself is painstakingly difficult.

A whine escapes me when his right hand slips under my skirt and rests along the inside of my thigh, and I shift, silently begging him to give me more.

"So impatient..." he mumbles over my mouth.

I pull away and slide my hands down over his neck and shoulders, my hips rolling forward as I pout. "I haven't had you all week. I'm lonely..."

It's true.

Once all my STD tests came back clean and I got my birth control figured out and solid, the first thing he did was tell my mom he wasn't feeling well and texted me the address to his apartment. And after I told her I was meeting up with a friend, I drove over there and got my brains completely fucked out. We spent all day under the sheets, on the couch, over the kitchen counter, and then on the floor, until I had to go home and pretend like it never happened.

Since then we'd only slept together once, and that was just over a week ago, quickly while Mom ran to the store for an onion of all things. And then Spencer had been busy with consulting on new cases that his old job wanted a little help with, and once he had free time, Mom insisted they go on a date weekend.

I pout harder, stomach churning at the memory of the look he gave me before they left—a silent, sweet goodbye that had left me empty and wanting.

But he's just amused.

A smirk ghosts over his lips, red and a little puffy from the pressure of my own against them. "So I definitely can't trust you to be quiet enough to fuck you properly..."

That warrants another whine and another roll of my hips, and I can feel his hand gripping my thigh a little tighter.

"Please... Spencer, I need you..."

His name rolling off my tongue must be what makes him give into me, because I barely have time to react before he's kissing me again, using both of his hands to lift the back of my skirt up and knead my ass.

"Wait... Are you wearing..."

I grin over his lips, wiggling my ass into his touch and utterly turned on by the fact that he knows what underwear I'm wearing just by touch.

"Mhmm," I answer, nipping his bottom lip. "Your favorite..."

The sound that rumbles in his chest as he crashes his body against mine has to be the sexiest thing I've ever heard. He's obviously trying not to be loud, but it's hard, and that makes the sound strained. He really wants this, wants to keep me, and to do that he has to refrain from going absolutely primal right now. He has to do anything to keep this quiet.

So he pushes me off of him, and I pout, thinking he's given up until we can get a true moment alone.

But I know that isn't the case when he spins his finger and then starts undoing his pants.

"Turn around, sweetheart," he huffs, slipping his pants and underwear down just enough that his erection emerges free. "You're gonna sit here, keep quiet, and keep my cock nice and warm, understood?"

Don't have to tell me twice... I'll fucking take what I can get.

So I spin, back up, and move all my clothing to the side, my skirt lifting as I nestle into Spencer's lap and hold my panties to the side. He laughs at my eagerness, though he isn't laughing much longer once I sink down onto him and get in real close. His hands come out to grab my chest and pull me flush against his own.

The way he stretches and fills me has my eyes rolling back, a long, happy sigh falling from my lips. I wish I could say I'm being dramatic about it, but I'm really not.

I'm genuinely relieved and satisfied with the burn.

"There's my girl," Spencer muses through a sigh of his own, his breath fanning gently over my neck right before he gives it an open-mouthed kiss.

His hands slip under the baggy sweater I'm wearing and run along the planes of my stomach, then up and up, taking the fabric with him until it rests above my bare chest. Being exposed like this, right in the middle of the living room while my mom is just upstairs, excites me more than I think it should.

While Spencer kisses and licks at my neck, his hands now gently kneading my breasts, I squirm.

He doesn't like that very much.

"Ah-ah," he warns, squeezing me tight and pulling me into him more. "Relax..."

He hooks his legs around mine then, spreading them apart and somehow filling me deeper. I whine, leaning my head back onto his shoulder and trying not to roll my hips.

Instead, I settle for clenching myself around him, and that seems to be the right move.

"Atta girl... Lay back and relax... Just feel me filling you up nice and slow..."

"Mmmm," I respond in kind as his hands loosen and glide down my body.

He's light with his touch, though the kisses on my neck feel hungry, and his cock feels heavy and thick inside me. It's a beautiful contrast, really, making me feel so full and yet so light, like I'm a raincloud.

Soon his fingers dip under my skirt and cover my hand, which is working at keeping my panties off to the side. He traces the curves of my fingers with his own, mumbling praises and scattering kisses along the side of my neck. And I'm distracted enough that I almost don't feel his other hand make gentle contact with my clit until I gasp from the sharp sensation.

I can feel his smile against my skin as he starts rubbing in slow, precise circles.

"That feel good, princess?"

"Uh huh," I breathe out, trying to keep still. My other hand digs into my knee in hopes that I can stay grounded and focused on keeping still. But despite that, I'm feeling rather calm. Satisfied...

Right where he wants me.

"Mmm..." He hums happily into my skin, continuing to kiss my neck while working my clit.

And I have no idea how long we lay there. It feels like it could be hours.

The TV is on, but we're not paying any attention to it. In the back of my mind I know that Mom could be done with her bath at any minute, but it's been too long without Spencer inside me... And even though he's not actually fucking me, just having him this close and feeling him touch me, fill me, breathe me in...

God, I never want it to stop.

I'm almost on the verge of coming, but he removes his hand from me and slides them up my stomach again.

I whine at the loss of orgasm, but he pays it no mind. "Here's what you're gonna do. You're gonna start moving..."

I start to get excited, wiggling in his lap a little.

With a dark laugh, he brings his hands to my breasts, kneading them gently and nipping my earlobe. Getting my attention...

"But you're not gonna stop until I fill that slutty little cunt with my cum, got it? I don't care if you come more than once. I don't care if you come at all... I don't care if your mom comes down here and sees..."

I swear I almost come on the spot from his words alone.

And then his voice is somehow even darker, seeping through my skin and settling into the very deepest parts of me.

"You will not stop until you make me come, am I clear?"

I wouldn't deny him if I could. I'm so damn whipped by this man, so eager to please and be near him that he could ask me to do any fucking thing on the planet and I would.

My rational brain might have second-guessed that feeling if it hadn't been horny as fuck...

And so I get to it, maneuvering my hips and working Spencer's cock like my life depends on it. And honestly, it kind of does, because if my mother comes down and catches us I'm dead.

Despite the urgency, though, I relish every second of it. I try to remember every sensation vividly because I don't know when I'll get to feel it again. So every time I sit back down on his dick, I clench it on the way up, because I know that drives him wild and it also means I get to feel him grab me tighter.

I can't see him, not even really when I turn my head, but I can picture how he's probably biting his lip, trying not to be loud. His eyes are probably shooting daggers at the ceiling, praying to the heavens above that my mom won't come down.

But it looks like the heavens above have decided to damn us to hell.

That unmistakable sound of the drain in the tub rumbles through the ceiling and down the inside of the walls as the water travels through the pipes, and my heartbeat races faster than it ever has.

Spencer tugs my hair then, pulling my head to meet his shoulder once more. "You better hurry, little girl..."

That's when I finally come. My cunt throbs and shakes around him as I bounce as quietly as I can. His grip in my hair is tighter, urging me to keep going, and the sharp sensation seems to extend my orgasm a little.

I whimper and whine as I feel it, and that seems to be what does him in.

"Fuck, Y/N, that's it... That's my girl..."

Four more bounces from me is all it takes, and then he's holding my hips in place. He grunts as quietly as possible into my shoulder and fucks into me slowly, filling me to the brim with his cum and breathing harshly into my skin.

I can hear Mom walking around upstairs, most likely getting dressed, which means she'll be down any minute...

"Time to get up, princess," Spencer whispers a moment later, letting go of my hips.

I turn my head into his neck, whining. "I don'wanna..."

"I know, I know... But you have to."

I know he's right. But I can't just get up and lose him so quickly. I want to hold on for as long as possible.

So I tilt my head up and bring his lips to mine. Thankfully he doesn't reject me, instead returning my affections and sighing into my mouth. He's still sheathed inside me, and I can feel his cum very slowly starting to drip down.

I have to get up now...

My mouth reluctantly parts from his and pouts. I expect him to return it with a sad smile, but his lips are rather mischievous.

He smirks, lifting me off of him and quickly pulling my panties back in place. His cum instantly soaks into the thin, lavender fabric, and it only reminds me of his absence.

But then Spencer spins me around on the heels of my feet and presses his hand firmly to my clothed, sopping wet cunt under my skirt, rubbing it in and making me whimper out at the overstimulation.

"I missed you," he whispers sincerely. Sweetly...

I can't help but smile as I lean down to kiss him one more time.

"I missed you, too."

JULY 23rd

I've been looking forward to this weekend since Mom brought it up after her bath—A call from work. A weekend business trip across the country.

She would be gone for almost a whole week.

Spencer's already started on his coursework for the next school year so he'll be busy most days, but at night? That's when he's all mine.

The only hard part about this, really, is containing my excitement. Just yesterday Spencer got me alone and warned me that I better keep my cool and be patient. Though, the way he said it was hardly a bad thing considering it gave me an excuse to feel his hands on me, even in the laundry room where, more or less, this had all started.

Even now I can still feel their warmth and their heft as they grope and paw at my breasts while he attacks my neck with sloppy kisses.

But right now he's not here, and as much as I can't wait to spend the week with him, my mom is also going to be gone for that long.

Just because I'm fucking her boyfriend on a regular basis doesn't mean I don't still love her.

Though, the thought of it all makes me a little uneasy—I don't know what the future holds. I know Spencer obviously cares about my mom, but if it really gets to a point where they've been together long enough, would he ever marry her?

And then what?

It's one thing for him to be my mom's boyfriend, who doesn't live here and only stays when he can... But it's a whole other one to be my stepfather. And what if my mom wants to have another kid?

No.

I'm not even going to think about it... If it ever gets to that point, then we'll deal with it, but right now I've only known Spencer for nearly 2 months, and it's way too soon to be thinking about any of that right now.

"You gonna be alright without me for a week?"

I curl into Mom's side, laughing and thankful for her distraction. "I spend almost a whole year away at college without you, I think I can survive five days."

"Ugh, don't remind me. I wish you could just stay here with me forever."

"Ha, no you don't. I'm a menace."

"Only when you eat all my food and then complain that you're starving..."

My eyes roll affectionately. "Mom. That was one time, and I was fifteen and dramatic."

She kisses the top of my head and then rests her chin on it. "Then my point stands... You were only a menace when you were fifteen. Now you're an angel."

I can tell she's sincere, and when I tell her Thank you, it feels incredibly deceitful—Especially when she starts humming my favorite song and brushing through my hair with her fingers, just like she used to do to get me to sleep as a kid. The foggy feeling it sends through my bloodstream reminds me that I'm definitely not the same person I was back then.

Although, it is true that some things never change, and within minutes I'm soundly asleep in my mother's arms.

———

When Spencer and I are sending her off at the airport the next morning, my heart thrums wildly in my chest.

"You have Spencer's number in case of an emergency?" she asks me in a haste.

"Yes, Mom. For the thousandth time, I have his number, and I have Grandma's number, and I have just about every other number you've ever given me for emergency contacts."

She gives me The Look.

"Yes, I have it. And I'll be okay. I love you."

"Oh, I love you, too," she says, pulling me in for one last breath-reducing hug, though, that's not truly what knocks the breath from my lungs.

She goes to Spencer next, reaching up to give him a goodbye kiss. I'm expecting it. I'm okay with it.

But this is unlike any other kiss I've seen them share, and it admittedly makes me jealous.

Spencer almost has her off the ground, pressing her close to him and kissing her deeply. Her hands weave through his hair as he tilts his head, and this time I can see his tongue slip into her mouth.

"O—kaaay, my eyes are burning... Thank you for that..."

I know I can get away with that because it's a completely normal reaction to seeing your mother make out with anyone, so I don't feel bad about it one bit. And I especially don't feel bad about the warning look he gives me over my mom's shoulder when she comes to give me another hug.

But then she's gone, and minutes later we're leaving the airport parking lot, and I can't seem to shake my jealousy. Even when his hand rests politely on my knee.

The whole way home I only barely acknowledge his presence, giving him half-hearted smiles and remaining mostly still when he glides his hand higher up my leg. By the time his fingers slip under the hem of my skirt, I think he knows something is up, because it stops there.

He waits until we get in the house to bring it up.

"Y/N, are you okay?"

I plop myself down on the couch with an overexaggerated sigh. "Kinda..."

I know Spencer used to be a profiler, and really, it's not that hard to figure out what's wrong with me. But it's still a little scary how easily he just knows.

"You know I had to," he says, walking over and standing in front of me. "Keeping up appearances and whatnot."

He's right. And it's a consequence of what we've decided to do, so really I'm in no place to complain.

Still, I reach out and pull him in by the belt loops, leaning my face in rather close to his crotch. "You know... Actually, I think you just like making me jealous..."

The smile that dances over his lips is amused and downright sinful. "Oh?"

"Mhmm," I drawl, sliding my hands to the front of his pants and rubbing him through the fabric.

He laughs. "Yeah, you are pretty cute when you're all huffy."

With big eyes and a fluttering in my stomach at the way he looks down at me, I feel that pressing of jealousy start to lift off my chest. I know that within an hour he'll have me pinned under his body somehow, and the thought allows my response to come out clearly and without question.

"So how are you gonna make it up to me?"

———

We're already out of our clothes by the time we make it upstairs. And when we finally get into my bedroom, I'm about to shut the door and then Spencer stops me.

"No one's home, sweetheart... Leave it open."

He takes two steps and has me in his arms, his hands sliding down my back and resting over my ass. And when he gives it a squeeze, he grins down at me. "You're gonna be loud for me, understand?"

"Hey, that's on you," I tease, wiggling against him. "You want me loud? Make me loud."

His grip on my ass gets tighter as he pulls me closer, and I yelp out. "Don't challenge me, little girl... You'll regret it."

I laugh then, calling back to his earlier statement. "Aw... You're pretty cute when you're all huffy..."

"Alright, fine."

The next thing I know, I'm on my knees, and his hands are rooting in my hair. The rough carpet underneath me already burns, but I know in the end it's gonna be so worth it.

Spencer brings me close to his exposed crotch and tilts my head up to look at him. "I'm gonna fuck that attitude right out of your pretty little mouth, got it? And you're not gonna do a damn thing but take it like a good girl."

I would have asked him if that was a threat or a promise if he hadn't immediately shoved his dick in my mouth. It has me wet in an instant, the way he just pulls me onto him and starts fucking my face with an urgency that seems to contradict all the time we have. He needs me now, with no time for teasing or pleasantries, and I fucking love it.

Which is why I do as I'm told, enjoying every second as he holds my head still and snaps his hips forward, his velvety smooth cock gliding over my tongue and down my throat with ease. It doesn't take long for my eyes to water, my vision going blurry and my body growing hot. My face is angled straight ahead, but I still find a way to look up at him, and from this low angle?

It's the best thing I've ever seen.

No matter how many times I've been on my knees like this, staring up at Spencer as he loses himself at my hands (or rather my mouth, if you want to get technical), I swear I could never tire of it.

His eyes are glaring down at me as he concentrates, his arms are out in front of me as they hold my head in place, and his pubic bone and sculpted hips are right there, moving ferociously in front of my eyes. He's so deep in my throat for a few seconds, holding me down while I gag around him, that my nose is buried in the soft trail of hair that gathers on his skin, and I want to stay there forever.

But my gag reflex isn't much durable for more than fifteen seconds, much less forever, so I have to pull back.

Spencer pulls me off of him completely, a trail of spit following my lips and then detaching until it lands along my chin. I blink away some of the tears that had gathered in my eyes and pout up at him.

"What's the matter, sweetheart?"

"You're supposed to be making it up to me..." My voice is scratchy and a little hoarse now, but I know it'll probably be worse if Spencer really thinks he can make me as loud as he says (which I truly don't doubt for a second).

He tugs me up by the hair, and I whine as I get to my feet, my knees aching already. And then his mouth is on my cheek, gently kissing away a tear. "Aw, I thought you liked having my dick in your mouth..."

"I do..."I giggled a little, nestling into his body and feeling his erection, now slick with my saliva, press up against the inside of my thigh. "But I like it better in other places..."

"Mmm, you're right... I do, too..."

I certainly hadn't been expecting that answer.

But it doesn't surprise me when he walks us over to the foot of my bed and pushes me onto it. "Hands and knees, princess."

My knees still burn from the carpet, and I'm sure this squeaky-ass mattress won't alleviate the pain at all, but if there's one thing I've learned since having sex with Spencer it's that pain is all part of the pleasure.

So I don't question it. My limbs submit to his simple command, and once I turn away from him and perch myself on my hands and knees, I can feel him climbing on the bed and crawling up the backside of my body. His hands roam my ass and my waist, and within seconds he has his cock nestled against me.

He moves nice and slow at first, dragging the length of him through my slick cunt and ghosting the skin of my backside with his hands.

"Remember... Nice and loud, okay? Wanna hear how good I make you feel."

Like I could ever deny him. Even though I like to tease him and push his buttons, I couldn't think of a single thing in the moment that I'd ever deny him.

So he finally pushes into me, stretching me out well and good, and a low groan slowly rolls off my tongue like a waterfall. And I'm not doing it for his sake; It's like he draws it out of me like a syringe, and I'm utterly powerless against it... Against him.

Like I need a metaphor to explain how I'm well and truly his bitch...

"There she is..." Spencer breathes, reaching the very deepest part of me and staying there. "There's my obedient little girl... Tell me what you want."

I turn my head to get as good of a look at him as I can, and give him the pout to end all pouts. "I want you to fuck me, hard... Please?"

His answer is a gentle push forward, his body leaning over mine to take my hands and pin them behind my back, which pulls me up towards him so that my back is nearly flush with his chest. His hands are so big that one of them is able to hold both of my wrists while the other gathers my hair and tugs.

I feel like I'm being held by a bungee cord, especially when Spencer starts snapping his hips and pounding into me roughly. My knees are pushing into the springs of the mattress and lifting again with each thrust, and I can't help the stream of whimpers and shouts that escape me at the whole experience.

He lets go of my hair in favor of reaching around and palming my left tit, his pace never faltering for a second. Everything he's doing is precise and swift and so fucking good that my eyes can hardly stay open.

"I'm hearing you, pretty girl, but I don't think you're quite loud enough..." he grumbles in my ear, letting go of me and gently pushing me back down on the bed. He slips out of me and I whine at the loss, but I don't have to worry about it much longer when I feel him lay down over top of me and slam into me hard.

I yelp out, my hands reaching out and clutching the comforter for dear life. Spencer's hands, meanwhile, push up off the mattress on either side of my hips to lift himself up, and then he's grabbing my waist and pushing me into it while he fucks me.

When I instinctively shove my face down and try to muffle myself, though, one of his hands leaves my waist and comes up to tug my hair, pulling my head up. His hips pause, pressed deep into my backside, and I can feel how he's struggling to keep still.

"Uh-uh... No one's home, princess... Let it all out..."

He pulls back and plows into me again, and this time his pace is frustratingly slow. With each slam forward my voice grows louder, begging him for more with incoherence until I start to feel myself grow tense with pleasure.

"You're almost there, baby, I can feel it," Spencer breathes. His voice is far away, and I wish he was closer, his breath on my neck and his lips not far behind. But for now I gladly settle for his hands, tight and bruising on my hips, and the force of his pelvis as it collides brutally and wonderfully with my ass.

What finally brings me sweet release is the sound of him grunting out one word. A command. And once again it's like I'm powerless under his spell.

"Come."

I do, and he fucks me thoroughly through each wave. Even once I've finished, he chases his own orgasm for minutes.

By the sounds he's making and the way his hips falter here and there, I can tell he's close, but he wants to make it last. I want to tell him that we have all weekend, to maybe tease him a bit, but I'm so fucked out and incoherent that I couldn't have said a single word if I tried.

So I lay there and take it with a weary smile on my face, ever the whiny, whimpering mess that I am, and patiently wait for the moment he decides to let go.

And when he does, it's the most glorious feeling in the world. I'm tired, yes, but never tired enough to lift myself and wiggle my ass back into him, clenching myself around him and relishing in the way he grunts out my name. He empties himself into me, and I hum, positively satisfied and warm.

Before I know it, I'm sinking down within the comfort of my blankets, and I rest my head in my arms, the pillow still a little too far out of reach. And though I'm content, I still whine out sadly when Spencer retreats and leaves me feeling empty.

I'm about to tell him to get over here and cuddle me when I feel his weight redistribute, and it isn't long before he has his head between my legs, his tongue acting as a net for the cum that drips out of me. He barely touches me, only the tiniest of flicks with the tip of his tongue darting over my skin. I can't tell if I'm thankful because of the relief or if I want the burn to go on forever.

In the end, I don't really have a choice.

He pushes his tongue up, sweeping over my dripping cunt and cleaning me up. Suddenly his mouth is everywhere, making the most delicious sounds and bringing me closer to another orgasm, and all I can do is let it happen. My weary smile is joined by a fluttering pair of eyelids and a string of whimpers that are so small they don't dare drown out the words Spencer is grumbling between my legs.

Some of which, I can hear, sound out, "Another one..."

His finger adds to the mix, coming up and rubbing my clit in tight circles as he finishes cleaning up the mess he made, and within seconds I'm a writhing mess at his undoing.

I'm not sure how long it lasts, only that one second I'm tensing with another orgasm and the next I'm having my limbs moved.

Spencer is beside me in an instant, his face coming into view as I feel my breathing slow to a steadier pace. The longer I wait, the more focused I am on his features, soft and even a little concerned as he strokes some of the hair from my face.

"How are you feeling?"

The smile that beams across my face is just about the most natural thing I'd ever felt. And it seems to bring out those bright glints of adoration in his eyes that only ever serve to make my heart flutter, which makes what I tell him even more true.

"I'm happy."

JULY 27th

Waking up to Spencer next to me, while a daily occurrence these past few days, is still possibly the most surprising and comforting feeling in the world.

Our bodies never part. From the moment we lay down to sleep until the moment we wake up and decide it's time to start doing necessary daily things, not one inch of skin is untouched. Even when showering.

I think back to yesterday morning, where he dragged me out of bed because he had to pee and didn't want to leave me. I was slumped over the backside of his body while he went and then in his arms again while he ran us a shower to wake up.

It brings the widest smile to my face, however sleepy it may also be.

"What are you smiling for?"

I squint one eye open and see that Spencer is staring at me. I hadn't expected him to be awake.

"Just thinking about yesterday..."

He tightens his grip on my waist and pulls me even closer, my face instantly drawn to the crook of his neck. "Mmm," he hums as I nestle in and press a sleepy kiss to the bare skin at the column of his throat. "Which part?"

"Our shower."

I feel his thumb then, rubbing back and forth over my hip as clearly as I can feel him smile against the top of my head. "That was fun, wasn't it..."

"Mhmm," I agree. My lightly tongue traces over his collarbone before I kiss it again. "Our shower is much better equipped for sex than yours."

"So... What you're saying is that shower sex is out of the question this morning?" he confirms with a laugh.

"That's exactly what I'm saying..."

"Well then, princess, what uhh... What alternatives do you think we should try out?"

I start to laugh when he pulls my leg up over his waist and hoists me over on top of him. My face remains buried into his neck, though I trail my lips up and up until I reach his jaw.

"Hmm... What if I just ride you and see where it takes us?"

When my lips finally reach his cheek, Spencer shifts and captures them in a long, butterfly-inducing kiss before pulling away with a smile and brushing the hair from my face. "I think that sounds like a wonderful idea."

It helps that I can already feel him hardening beneath me, and from the moment I felt his hands on me, I'd been aroused.

Though, as soon as I line him up and get ready to start our morning the right way, his phone rings on the bedside table. I'm tempted to keep going, but he half pushes me off of him when he reaches and reads the name.

"It's your mom."

That instantly kills my mood.

With a dramatic sigh and a pout, I hop off of him and curl up under the covers, letting him answer.

"Good morning," he chirps rather happily, and I try not to imagine my moms smile on the other end of the line. Thankfully I can't hear her, but I can still see Spencer smiling as he greets her and goes through all the pleasantries that come with a long distance relationship; I miss yous and how are yous...

I wonder if he really does miss her. He must, at least a little, right?

I'm staring straight ahead now, picking at my nails while I wait for them to finish talking, but something feels off.

I can feel Spencer's eyes on me.

But then he asks, "What are you wearing?" through the phone with a voice so playful and seductive, and I snap my head around, glaring at him.

"Really?" I mouth.

The smirk on his face makes me want to chuck his phone across the room.

"Mmm," he hums, looking me dead in the eye. And the next time he speaks, I swear he's talking directly to me. "Why don't you take it off... I want to talk you through some things..."

I know my mom is hearing the roughness in his voice through the phone, but right now I can see his eyes, hungry as they rake over my body once I slowly peel the blanket away and reveal myself to him, and I know that his main goal isn't to get my mom off.

It's to finish what we started before she'd interrupted.

"Touch yourself for me, baby? Nice and slow. Just relax..."

He softly crawls over to me, keeping the phone to his ear with one hand while the other takes my knees and spreads them apart.

I start to touch myself as instructed, but he swats my hand away and winks, nestling between my legs. I lean up on my elbows and tilt my head, wondering where he's going with this, when he leans his other cheek into my thigh.

"You know what I'd do to you right now If I was there?" A small pause. And then, "I'd use my fingers to slowly stretch you open... Feel you contract around me..."

His fingers do exactly like he says, and I have to stop myself from making any sound. The evil grin growing on his face as he does it all makes it even harder.

"I'd finger-fuck you nice and slow," he continues in a voice just above a whisper. "Until you're begging me for more."

When his eyes meet mine, once more I want to lean forward, snatch his phone, and smash it on the floor. I want him to utterly devour me, without any interruptions or avoidances at getting caught.

But he's such a fucking tease.

Mom must be talking on the other end, because Spencer is silent, slowly fucking me with his fingers and watching them intently as they disappear inside me. Entranced... The thought of her speaking to him and holding his attention makes me jealous— Sure, he's fucking me right now, but really, she's the one calling the shots.

I lean my head back in frustration, letting out the tiniest of whines and grinding my hips up into his hand, hoping and pleading for more.

A low laugh leaves him. "Please, what?"

It's not lost on me that my mom must have asked for more from him at the same time I did... It cements just how absolutely fucked this whole situation is, and yet I can't help but clench around his fingers in earnest, silently pleading with him to go on.

He removes his fingers from me and I sigh out, trying not to disrupt their call.

"And... How would you like me to fuck you?" he asks, looking at me with an evil grin and knowing damn well I can't actually answer.

After he gets her answer, he climbs up on his knees and spreads my legs further, throwing one of them up on his shoulder while he leaves the other on the bed. Since he only has one hand to work with, he gestures to it and I help him out, lifting my other leg up to my chest and holding it with one arm to let him get inside at a good angle.

"Yeah, and how do you want it, baby?" He lines himself up with me and very slowly sinks the head of his cock in, holding it and running his hand along my stomach. "I'm thinking... I'd like to fuck you so slow you're practically writhing beneath me..."

I stick my tongue out at him, and then without warning he slams into me. I bring a hand to my mouth and bite down on my finger, trying not to make a sound.

"You're gonna be patient... And you're gonna let me take my time... Until you're nice and desperate... Whining out for me like a good little whore..."

Each sentence is punctuated with another thrust, hard and deep, followed by a short pause, and it's all I can do not to cry out his name and beg him to go faster.

Mom must be talking on the line again, because Spencer doesn't say a word as he fucks me. His pace doesn't pick up or slow, and his own self control starts to recede—I can see it in his features. I can also feel it in the way his free hand grips my leg. He wants to go faster, he wants to lose control, and this is killing him just as much as it's killing me.

But then he pants into the phone, his voice breaking a little as he pauses and rolls his hips into me, slow and burning. I whine into my hand as quietly as possible, and he asks the question that will seal my fate.

"Where do you want it?"

I wait, clenching around him and praying for the result I want.

And then he laughs. "Yeah? You like when I paint you with my cum, huh?"

I shake my head, silently begging him to resist and stay inside me, but he only shrugs as if to say, Sorry about your luck, and then pulls out, leaving me whiny and desperate.

Just like he said.

And then, he comes all over me, stroking himself fast and hard. Even though I've still yet to feel any sort of relief, seeing him in front of me like this, feeling his warmth dance across my skin in warm spurts, and hearing him groan out as he watches my body gladly accept it all...

It's quite honestly the most satisfying thing I've ever seen.

I can't say I'm not happy, though, when he slumps down and pants, sighing out a few goodbyes to my mom and then tossing his phone on the floor when she hangs up.

He smiles at me then, and I pout.

"You're evil..."

"Mmm, you love it," he drawls, leaning down and starting to dart his tongue over the mess he made on my stomach. Meanwhile his finger finds its way inside me again, and I feel myself start to turn into a writhing mess once more.

And he's right.

I do love it.

JULY 29th

Approaching the front door with Mom in step behind me, knowing that Spencer awaits for her on the other side isn't what makes my heart jump out of my chest.

It's the look on both of their faces when they see each other.

Though I push Mom forward to go see him, it nearly breaks me seeing her run into his arms. He picks her up and spins her around, reminiscent of their little moment at the airport, and the pure happiness on her face specifically makes my stomach twist.

This time it isn't jealousy.

It's guilt.

She's... incredibly happy. I don't think I've ever seen her this happy before. She's positively beaming as she hugs him tight and buries her face into his chest.

And when he looks past her head and looks over at me, I feel it.

The heartache.

Spencer's eyes burn holes into my own, and fill them with a sympathy that makes me feel more wounded than comforted.

I wonder then if he can see it on my face; The way I'm trying not to break down and cry... The way I'm only holding myself together by the weak smile I'm wearing, both to assure him that I'm fine and also to feign happiness for my mother, rather than the aching envy and sadness that festers within every crevice of my soul.

I offer to grab more of Mom's things from the car and dart right back out the door to avoid them for a little while. Maybe to also get some fresh air, even though I'd just been outside less than a minute ago.

After flinging open the trunk of the car, I take a deep breath and squeeze my eyes shut, feeling my chest start to tighten at the realization that I might be starting to fall in love with him.

A man who isn't mine, and who could never be.

———

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[harrieatthemet]

Mustache

He has never been keen on sharing. 

And Gemma’s mere existence, as well as the small indent on her left thumb she swears is a scar (though Harry vehemently denies it is), is living proof. 

Mr Ducky was his favorite bath time companion for a good bulk of his childhood. There were even times he’d carry it around with him in the house tied to a string like a pet, one of Anne’s fondest memories and favorite stories to tell whenever she found the opportunity. 

Maybe it was Gemma’s own fault; she was only six at the time and was foolishly under the impression that the stupid rubber toy was at anyone’s disposal, which is what led her to try and situate the duck in her backpack as she geared up for school. 

It’s also what led her to tears because Harry caught her on the way out the front door, Mr Ducky in tow, and he instinctively sunk his teeth right into the side of her hand in protest. And, okay fine, he may have bit down a little harder than he should have, but the overall message he was sending came across very clear. Gemma never touched anything he owned again for a very, very, long time; and eventually went on to tell everyone in her class she had a vampire as a brother. 

“What do we think of this little number,” your hip jut, innocent as it was, just now became a permanent memory in Harry’s brain, “too much, like.. revealing?”

You like nice in red; devilish, even, and in the best way possible. There’s nothing revealing about the dress at all. Somehow, though, he finds himself perched squeamishly at the foot of your bed in complete fucking anguish. In theory, no, the dress is not too much. It’s the perfect ensemble and flatters you so well he feels like whoever made the dress conjured it up with you specifically in mind. 

And no, it’s not too much, for literally anyone else except him. How is such a modest dress enough for him to think you up the way he is right now; bent over in front of him with your hair wrapped tightly up in his palm while that dress lays in a sloppy ball by his feet. 

“Would be nice with nude shoes,” he mules, “like, those sandals y’ave, yeah?” 

The way your eyes light up, that same way they always do when your mind starts to move at light’s speed as you start assembling a million different ideas into one, is enough to tug a grin onto his mouth. 

He didn’t really want to agree to this. When you texted first to ask he ignored it, that way you’d have just carried on without him and he could blame a busy schedule or an overrun nap on his delayed response time. It’s much easier to blame a missed text for no response. Of course it’s not in your nature to send a text, and he knew that already. So it came a son surprise when he was bombarded by 4 phone calls. By the fifth one he had picked up, succumbing to you and just the flat out unfulfilled urge he had to hear your voice at the other end of the phone.

“Seriously Harry,” your voice is like fucking honey, sweet and sullen like it always is, and he’s in euphoria listening to it as you poke your earring through the lobe of your left ear, “it’s just, y’know I don’t- I’m nervous and I appreciate you helping me do something as stupid as picking a dress.” 

“S’not stupid,” he reassures, “y’know I just like spending time with yeh, since y’so busy ’n stuff.”

Which is true. That’s the only thing that got him over here; and he rescheduled a zoom call just to sit in your bedroom for all of twenty minutes. Not one part of him regretted it, either.

“I’m busy?” You tease, “coming from the A lister who’s in London, than LA, than New York, London again, oh, than LA again oh, then ‘sorry love, m’in Tokyo.’”

Also true, he knows that, which is why he’s snickering at fault in response to your harmless teasing. He wouldn’t say it now, mainly because he doesn’t want to make it weird, but regardless of where he falls on the map he somehow still finds a way to fit you in. He’s never minded doing it, either. 

Twenty minutes isn’t enough. Maybe another twenty more could be a sufficient amount. That’s almost an hour, right? Forty minutes is almost a full hour with you and he’d love to get even that much. Or twenty more hours, even, would be that much better. It’s better for him to think of getting more time with you than to let his thoughts wander and remind him of where you’re getting ready to go off to. 

A date. It’s why he was so hesitant to come here. It’s hard enough as it is being a prisoner to his own thoughts, being around you and not getting to interact with you the way he actually wants; kiss you the way he wants, touch you the way he wants, hold you and talk to you the way he wants. Adding a new element to the mix, another man getting access to you the way he wants, well that’s just mental warfare. 

You don’t know anything about though. And thank God, because if you could get a peak into his thoughts and see just a preview of what he thinks he almost knows for sure you’d ice him out in a heartbeat. He’s got a soft spot for you, nonetheless, which is why he swallowed the massive-sized lump in his throat when you told him you needed help on an outfit for a date and b lined it over to your place.

“Who’s this guy, anyways.” He chimes, following you similar to that of a lost puppy as you start heading towards the staircase, “Like, wha’s he look like ’n stuff.”

Immediately after he asks he wishes he hadn’t. The way that pesky fucking lump reappears when you wiggle your eyebrows in response, stuffing your hand into your leather purse in an attempt to fish out your phone. A simple response like ‘handsome’ or ‘he’s a nice guy’ would’ve sufficed for him. Seriously, that’s all he needed. What he didn’t need was an entire fucking slideshow of an above average looking guy. And he had a cool mustache, to boot, which really pissed Harry off for some reason. 

“Should probably shave,” he squints his eyes at the photo you’ve got propped right in front of his face, trying his hardest to act like he isn’t so fucking jealous of that mustache, “kinda looks like a squirrel on his top lip."

“If I didn’t know you so well,” you tut teasingly, “I’d think you’re a dick.”

“You know me so well and still don’t think that?” 

He likes the way your laugh sounds, and it makes him happy that he said something amusing enough to drag it out of you. And the toothy smile you pair with it practically knocks the wind right out of him. Everything you do seems to wow him, corny as it sounds. It makes him feel so at ease, and the butterflies he gets each time gets him reminiscing to the days where he was just a kid and had the worlds biggest crush on the girl who sat three rows ahead of him in grade school. He’s giddy and he doesn’t want you to leave for this date. 

For a second he thinks about doing something elaborate; breaking his foot or faking an illness so that you literally have no choice but to hang back and look after him. That’s selfish though, and honestly just crazy and super fucked up, so he opts out of that. But he doesn’t want you to go so bad he seriously considers it, especially as you start sorting through the downstairs closet to find a coat that doesn’t clash with your shoes. 

He could just be honest. He could just tell you that he doesn’t want you to go, solely because he’s absolutely infatuated with you and for every hour he’s awake and functioning you manage to consume every thought he has. He could just be an adult and tell you he’s got feelings for you that very much surpass a platonic, friendly demeanor. That might be a better way into persuading you to stay back with him than breaking his fucking foot. 

“Ok now wait a minute,” he chokes, and there’s a painful twang that strikes his gut when you frown, “gotta tell y’somethin’.” 

“What,” you groan, and he swears he would rather die right now than do anything else, “it’s the shoes, right? They make my calves look like I’m a running back don’t they?” 

He wants to laugh but he thinks if he opens his mouth he would projectile vomit everywhere. But the thought occurs to him that if he does that than it would be an excellent excuse for you to skip the date. Though, of course, he runs the risk of grossing you out and absolutely humiliating himself all in one go of it. 

So he shakes his head no. In fact he loves the shoes, and they make your ankles look slender and really compliment your legs quite nicely. Still, he’s scrambling to string together a coherent sentence because his brain is working a lot faster than the muscles in his mouth are and it feels like someone just super glued his lips shut.

“Speak now or forever hold your peace,” you tease, and the cheeky wink you shoot him over your shoulder just edges him even more if that’s possible at this point, “Styles.”

“I don’t want y’to go on this date, (Y/N).” 

He’s well aware that he blurted that out in a way that he really, really, wish he hadn’t. Now the air in the room is stale and heavy, dense too, like someone just sucked all the air out and left the two of you here with nothing to inhale but words and unspecified tension. 

And he’s starting to get more anxious as your playful manner dissipates. He can tell your puzzled not just be the demeanor of your face, but by the stance of your body because your letting shoulders hang the way you do when you’re a little uncomfortable. 

“Oh,” you breath, and his chest starts sinking inward, “okay, I just- well why not? Do I not.. like, do I look bad or something?”

“No,” he coos, and he feels like the worlds biggest asshole when you start to frown, “No y’don’t- Christ, (Y/N) y’look amazing. Y’always look so fuckin’ amazing. It’s just-”

“What,” you huff, “than what is it, than? Why wouldn’t you want me to go?”

He’s really done it now. The proper thing to do would’ve just been to let you go, walk out with you and watch you drive off before he headed home himself. The proper thing to do would’ve been for him to just go home and think about you on a date with someone other than himself, curled up in a ball watching a Friends episode he’s already seen four times while he felt sorry for himself. But that’s not what happened, and what he should’ve done was just broke the fucking foot like he initially thought to do. That would’ve been less agonizing than this. 

“Because,” he’s frustrated now, not with you but really just himself, “I should be taking y’out. M’absolutely in love with yeh, (Y/N), and I don’t have a cool mustache but I could take y’out on a date, ’n I want to so bad.” 

There’s still that dense energy looming in the room, and his gut now too as he feels it winding up tightly in an anxious bundle of knots and twists. You’re not saying anything and the only thing he notices is that you’re breathing is vaguely staggered and your clutching onto that purse in your hand like he’s about to snatch it and run off. God, he should’ve just broken the foot!

“Please don’t go out wit him,” and now, his voice is small, “think it might kill me.”

[hopefullystillatheatrestudent]

The One Where Jensen Ackles Confirmed Cockles in 2016(????) No. Seriously. For real.

this is a DOOZY. strap in folks.

DISCLAIMER: this is chock full of rps. if you are against cockles/jenmish in any way, this post is not for you. however, if you’re like me, ummmmm...

alright. so. we are REALLY in it now, cockles truthers. and make no mistake, i DO NOT want to undersell the significance of what we have found on this glorious day in 2021.

BUT HEY! DISCLAIMER FIRST, THOUGH IT SHOULD GO WITHOUT SAYING! do not EVER bring this to jensen and misha’s attention. do not comment disrespectful things on social media. when cons/panels start again, don’t ask them questions about it. ever!!! that’s super weird, for one thing, and for two, they won’t give you the answer you want anyway! so, yeah. just be decent, y’all. let’s continue. 

so my dear mutual @green-blue-heller made this post today and i promptly lost my mind. in it, they link this video:

as far as i can tell, it’s from VegasCon 2016 but was only unprivated on january 24, 2020(dean winchester’s birthday??? wow ok) for some reason, and we have overlooked it until now. to whoever it was that posted it, THANK you for my reason for being and this delayed gratification five years later. anyway, let’s get into it.

right off the bat, those expressions in the thumbnail kind of tell you all you need to know about what we’re venturing into. i have to thank BOTH jensen AND j*red for being ridiculously transparent. i mean...j*red purposefully avoiding eye contact with jensen and looking at the ceiling with his eyebrows raised sky high? jensen hiding his face in his hands, smiling and blushing like a fool, the misha face™ & grin???

so let’s break down what happens with timestamps and everything.

so! i looked up what the question was, i scoured through the entire Vegas Con video, and here it is:

‘My question is for Jensen and Jared. You guys are both happily married, and I noticed that many people had a hard time explaining how they know their significant other is the one. The one they want to spend the rest of their life with, the one that they want to be with, and so, I wanted to ask you guys, how did you know that your current- who you’re with now(audience laughter cuts the rest of the question off and it’s unintelligible)’ ….i’m solidly guessing that the end of that question boils down to ‘was the one’. (....i...uhhhh....have some thoughts on how this question affected jensen, and i will be going into them later.)

Jared: *laughs* Jared, Jensen. When did you first meet your future ex-wives?

*both of them laugh*

Jared: I’m just kidding-I get what you’re trying to say and thank you, um...I, uh, I guess my current wife, uh-

*both laugh again*

Jensen: (sarcastically) Let’s start with her.

Jared: (repeats) Let’s start with her. I, uh, I...you said something kinda, uh, amazing in your question, which is that a lot of people have a tough time or a difficult time explaining to their significant others or to themselves what it is. And I guess I feel that I have no way to possibly explain it to myself or to her... I remember that I had been in a relationship and that I was single and I was like ‘I am not interested in getting in a relationship’ and then she and I went on a date and I was like, ‘I can’t go anywhere else. I’m not interested.’ So, that was kinda what, um, what started it for me *clears throat loudly* Uh. Yeah, I just feel like (searching for words) she makes me a better person-there are a lot of people that make you a better person, and so that’s not enough, I don’t think-or maybe it is, who knows-um...I don’t know, I can’t really...if I could explain, I’d be a poet.

here’s where things start to get interesting. before jared says ‘If I could explain, I’d be a poet,’ Jensen’s face looks like this:

stoic, thoughtful, composed. and then AFTER jared says that his face makes THIS little journey:

go watch it for yourself. this man is ridiculous. in terms of body language? he gazes up and AWAY from jared. it is a private thought, he is not sharing in jared’s joke with him, if at all. it is his own personal musings that make his face LIGHT up like that. this fool looks lovestruck!!! this fool is lovestruck!!!

now, i think it goes without saying, but there is an obvious cockles reason that springs to mind for this reaction. (hint: misha is a poet. that’s it, that’s the reason.) i don’t think jared intentionally said this with misha in mind, but jensen’s thoughts IMMEDIATELY went there. whether or not this is because he was already planning on answering and hinting at his relationship with misha before jared says this, which i think he was-you can certainly see the wheels turning in jensen’s head before this moment-his brain involuntarily makes the connection and it shows in his glowing smile. after that remark...jensen’s gone. he’s whipped. and he HAS to say something about it. 

continuing from where we left off:

Jared: ...and I would love to be a poet. (thought it would be fun to mention that at this point Jensen catches what his face did and immediately looks over to Jared and WIPES the expression of his face...but it’s too late, because someone recorded it, i saw it, and now i’m writing about it five years later)

Jared: But uhh…

Jensen: (interrupting) Just tap me when you want me to take over. 

i think that jensen is simultaneously joking and is also more than ready to say what he’s been composing in his head diligently for the last thirty or so seconds. he has made up his mind, and is now ready to drop the bomb on us.

*audience laughs, Jared playfully swats at him*

Jared: Uh… *thinks in silence for a bit* It’s really difficult, it’s really difficult. She makes me feel safe, she makes me feel loved. Uh...when...I’m in a position where I don’t love myself, I know she loves me, you know, um...she’s just an awesome, awesome lady.

*audience claps*

alright! so in terms of my OWN analysis for what’s happened up until this point, the conclusion i have come to is that there was something in the question that was asked that sets jensen’s mind off about misha, and i think it was the ‘the one’ comment. if we’re putting our cockles goggles on, jensen doesn’t HAVE a ‘the one’. he resents thinking like that. i’m also very intuitive, and i get a sense that jensen is an honest person and can’t really tell a convincing lie. i mean...we all saw that horrible airbnb debacle, right? and his slip up when he accidentally confirms that misha woke up and said ‘i miss (maison)’[which how would you know that unless you were...nvm] and became a stammering mess and had to sit down and cover his face. and that misha is always the one to take the lead when it comes to denying clothes sharing, for instance. jensen has never ONCE attempted to explain that away, because i don’t think anyone would believe him, and i think he’s incapable of doing so because he’s not a dishonest person and can’t lie easily. i’m the same way, so to avoid telling a lie i always speak partial truths, and i’m 99% sure jensen is well versed in this talent as well. oh, also, just to really land my point....we all know how he feels about the finale because he can’t make himself speak well on it. he’ll gush about 15x18 and the PEOPLE BEHIND the finale, but he has not uttered one. positive. word. about the actual finale itself. i mean, we all know what he thinks about it. in his own way, he has made his rage glaringly obvious. and i think he’s doing that exact thing here, where he resents the implication that daneel is the only ‘one’ for him, because that’s simply not true, and he can’t and won’t lie about something like that. 

i watched it back again and wrote notes on jensen’s body language as he’s processing the question. here they are:

from 0:13 to 1:21, jensen: 

looks down - tenses face - searching eyes, lost in thought - jared’s comment brings him out of it but it takes a second - fidgets, adjusts clothes, looks at jared - bites the inside of his cheeks and moves tongue around his mouth(pacifying gesture) - eyes start wandering away from jared, looks down and tenses face, looks back at jared - then looks away, eyes and mind far from the panel and pondering the question itself - somewhat wistful expression, gears clearly turning in his head, lips pursed, stops reacting to what jared is saying, fingers start fidgeting, eyes have moved downward as he is lost in thought - something shifts in his brain, he looks to the ceiling, fidgets and adjusts his clothing, squints and seems to resolve an inner thought - slightly comes back down to earth with newfound resolution - and then jared’s ‘i would be a poet’ comment happens while he’s coming down from that

i mean, this obviously doesn’t necessarily mean anything huge(yet), all it shows is that this question took a lot of thinking for him. when you compare it to how jared kind of just dove in? 

anyway; so then jared’s done, he slaps jensen’s thigh to indicate it’s his turn, jensen makes THAT face you see in the thumbnail, jared’s eyebrows raise, jensen looks down and scratches his forehead, and then makes the statement of a lifetime. 

here’s the link for this next part

Jensen: Ummm..I kind of feel like there’s two types of people ..uh..in regards to marriage and the, the one. Uh, it’s the ones that just, just know with an absolute and, and have a certainty of like, this is the one for me, unequivocally. And then there’s those who are, you know, I don’t know, I’m scared, but I’m willing to take that leap of faith with you. And, I kind of find myself in between both of those(...types of people). And uh, and so, it can be a scary endeavour, and it can, and it will certainly have it’s ups and downs, um, but I think it’s a, uh, it’s a bond, and it’s a connection, and it’s a friendship, and it’s a ride, and it’s a journey that, uh, if you’re willing to stick it out with one another, can be an amazing, beautiful thing and I’m glad that I picked the partner and the teammate that I have, so.

i’ll give you like a second to recuperate before we dig in. 

let’s start with both jared and jensen’s body language first, because it wasn’t even the words that clued me in, it was whatever the hell was going on with jared’s face. 

i really wish i could gif, but i can only attempt to convey the SPEED and VIGOUR with which jared snaps his head toward jensen. 

these pictures are objectively hilarious because you can see the entire mental journey that jared goes on. he was aloof and kind of relaxed because he was done, it’s jensen’s turn now, he’s surely not gonna out himself with this question right? and then jensen goes ahead and says ‘there are two-’ and jared instantly zones right into jensen with a look of horror on his face, that he tries to contain, but does so unsuccessfully. that is the face of a man who is internally freaking out, thought to himself ‘did he seriously just say...’ and is kind of staring at the culprit in shock and awe.

i know that’s what’s happening, because this is not the first time we’ve seen him react like this to something jensen has said. the classic head whip. a few examples, just off the top of my head:

1. ‘he has, hasn’t he?’ 

2. ‘he sounds like that in the morning’ ‘how do you know’ 

3. when he whips his head around when he notices jensen’s face(and instantly understands when he realizes it’s misha)

so yeah, i’m sure you get it by now. jared can’t really keep it off of his face. there’s no real analyzing to be done here...it’s just an obvious tell on his part. there’s no real reason for him to have reacted this way if jensen was saying something inconspicuous, is there? he would have continued to just kind of space out if jensen hadn’t just said something jarringly questionable. 

as for jensen’s body language, i can’t really tell where he’s looking from either angle of both videos i’ve seen. sometimes it seems like he’s looking straight at jared, and maybe nods at him once, but he could also(and is most likely) looking at the fan who asked the question. i don’t think there’s anything particularly telling about his body language because i think he rehearsed his answer in his head and also, he’s not shying away because he’s not lying about anything. like...everything he’s saying is true, so he’s not going to have any tells. and it’s the fact that he is TELLING THE TRUTH that is freaking jared out.

now for what he actually says. because oh my god. 

right off the bat, he says “i kind of feel like there’s two types of people..” and first off, what? what does that even mean? if you think of it in terms of ‘this is about daneel and only daneel’....isn’t this a realllyyyyy strange thing to start out with? objectively? the question that was asked to him was ‘how did you know they were the one?’ and he goes ‘actually there’s TWO types of people’ ...like, jensen never answers the question at hand. 

and then he goes “in regards to marriage and the one”. i hope i’m not the only one who noticed he said the words ‘the one’ in a resentful and kind of degrading tone? seriously, listen to it again. he seems like he’s almost mocking that sentiment. i swear i’m not making it up, it really sounds like that to me. 

and then he says “-it’s the ones that just, just know with an absolute and, and have a certainty of like, this is the one for me, unequivocally. And then there’s those who are, you know, I don’t know, I’m scared, but I’m willing to take that leap of faith with you.” *NON TINHAT VERSION OF EVENTS* what he could mean, i guess, is he was both scared to be with daneel but also knew she was the one for him. which....ok. alright. *TINHAT BACK ON* first off, there’s absolutely no risk with daneel. that’s not a judgement, because i love her; it’s just true. she’s a pretty, talented, amazing woman and they are very much in love. i’m not sure what risks he’s taking there. next up: pretty strange wording then, don’t you think? idk, if it were you, and you wanted to get that point across, wouldn’t you use words like ‘she both scared me and i knew i wanted to be with her at the same time’ and NOT this convoluted mess of ‘there’s two types of people and they are both drastically different but also one and the same’? 

SECOND OF ALL, as many people have pointed out.....he never uses pronouns. this is strange. jared does. jared says gen’s name, even. and uses ‘she’ and ‘her’. jensen never once does that, he practically refuses to do so. and yes, i fully believe it is entirely intentional.

because if you look at this phrase from a cockles lens it makes more sense then if you do not. 

the one that jensen knows, unequivocally, with the utmost certainty, is the one for him, no doubts, no risks; is daneel. the one that he doesn’t know about, is scared of being with, but is willing to take that leap of faith anyway; is misha. and all of a sudden the puzzle pieces fall into place.

because he goes on to say “I kind of find myself in between both of those.” 

he doesn’t say ‘i find myself in between both of those...with her.’ nope. he’s just...in between. caught in the middle. of those two types of people. translation: of those two people. mish. dee. 

“And it can be a scary endeavour, and it will certainly have it’s ups and downs, but I think it’s a bond, and it’s a connection, and it’s a friendship, and it’s a ride, and it’s a journey...” 

every single one of those words can be applied to more than one person. think about it. bond(between three people). connection(between three people). friendship(between three people!!!). there’s no ‘partnership’ in here, which does only apply to two people. 

lastly, “i’m glad i picked the partner and the teammate that i have.”

ok, look. you can easily say that it’s just one person he’s talking about here! of course you can. but this is jensen ackles we’re talking about. jensen ‘rock and pebble’ ackles. jensen ‘mish. dee.’ ackles. so yes. i definitely think that ‘the partner and the teammate’ fall into this category. and i think daneel is the partner and misha is the teammate. 

to put it matter-of-factly: you simply cannot prove that this isn’t about a poly relationship. there is absolutely nothing he says that makes it obvious he is talking about one person here. because he isn’t. 

i just feel like, in the simplest terms, if this were about only daneel, that he would not be using these weird phrases that are half-hidden truths. just to compare, i watched another panel where pretty much the exact same question was asked, minus the whole ‘the one’ debacle, and, just as i suspected, it was an entirely different answer. he talks about the moment where he knew he liked her. her, specifically. says the name daneel. gushes about her. there’s no tiptoeing and weird pronoun usage and vague terminology. 

tl; dr : i think he answered the question this way because there is no ‘the one’ in his life. and he is physically incapable of leaving misha out when talking about ‘the one’ because he has TWO ‘the ones’. and he wants to answer the question to the best of his best ability, but lying is unnatural to him. he will talk about daneel at length and misha at length, but i honestly to my core don’t think you could make him choose between the two. oh! and we literally had confirmation all the way back in fucking 2016, we just never paid attention until now. so......thanks, jensen?

sorry, this got super long, but i hope i warned you well enough. 

[relaxxattack]

okay this is prob au/ooc bc it’s banking on jackie knowing ran wants to kill him and thinking it’s funny when he fails but here u go (if I cuts off i’ll send the rest of it. also I’m on my phone and not checking for typos sorry)

Jackie jumps up to sit on the bench, leaving Ran to stand awkwardly in the middle of the room. The general is talking about something. And Ran should really be listening, but all he can think about is how much this one person is ruining his life. If he goes back to Terminus a failure what then? The delays are already had enough.

He snaps out of it when he hears his name being called. And Jackie is gesturing for him to come closer so he does. He tries to leave a respectable gap between them - most people don’t like having their personal space crowded (Ran included). But Jackie frowns, drags him closer, and then frowns again.

“What the hell! You’re still so much taller than me.”

“Maybe you should try standing up.” Ran suggests, painfully aware of the fact Jackie’s hand hasn’t left his wrist. “Although I don’t see how it’ll help your ego if you need to stand on a bench to be taller than me.”

Jackie laughs, and finally lets go of Ran’s wrist. Only to loop his arms loosely around Ran’s neck. What. “You’re lucky you’re so cute because that was really rude.”

And he doesn’t have anything to say to that so he doesn’t respond. He’s sure that at any moment, Jackie will release him and go back to talking about whatever. But Jackie seems content. And Ran is quickly growing uncomfortable by how much he feels the same.

This is an opportunity, he reminds himself suddenly. He’s close enough to his target to reach his back. And the knife hidden up his sleeve means he won’t draw suspicion when getting it into his hand. All he needs to do is lean forward slightly to rest his hands on the bench behind Jackie.

So he does. He hoped to make it a casual shifting of pose. But he’s close enough to hear Jackie’s sharp intake of breath so he pulls back. Surely Jackie suspects him. There’s no other explanation for it. He didn’t think the general would be smart enough to interpret such a subtle movement as a threat. But he supposes Jackie was an assassin as well.

But when Jackie unloops his arms from around Ran’s neck, he doesn’t shove him away. He slides on hand down to hold his shoulder, and the other up to cup his cheek.

Oh.

Slowly, giving Ran more than enough time to move away, Jackie drags him down so their faces are almost level. (It forces him to put his hands behind Jackie on the bench, but that barely registers in his mind.) Jackie stops just before their lips touch.

And Ran will never admit this to anyone - not even himself - but he’s the one that closes the distance. It’s a short kiss. That’s the excuse his jumbled mind provides him for not taking advantage of his potion and Jackie’s distraction to complete his mission. It’s a short kiss, but they only barely pull away from each other. Jackie’s eyes are still closed and there’s a soft smile on his face.

Ran desperately tries to collect his thoughts. He has never wanted to complete a mission less. Because Jackie’s touch burns in the best way possible and he doesn’t want to ever move. And that scares him more than anything.

He could go in for another kiss. Now that he knows what’s happening. He can approach it calm and collected, and he won’t be too distracted by the shock of it to complete his job. He can finally be rid of the whirlwind force that is General Jackie, who spins around him and leaves him disorientated at every moment.

He leans in again, and forces himself to focus on the cool metal of his knife in his hand. It’s an easy angle straight to his heart. If Ran was perhaps less focused on not being distracted by the kiss, he’d be able to note how poetic it is.

He kisses Jackie, and feels his knife skate off Jackie’s armour. The armour that Ran didn’t realise he was wearing due to his layers of clothing effectively concealing it. Jackie laughs a little into the kiss when it happens. And there’s no way he hasn’t been found out now. The hand on his cheek disappears, only to reappear around his wrist. Where Jackie must press some nerve or something because Ran’s hand spasms and the knife clatters to the bench.

The smile on Jackie’s face would almost be cruel if Ran thought the general was capable of such a thing. But surely smiling in the face of his failure is cruel no matter how soft it looks.

“You’re going to have to try a bit harder than that.” Jackie murmurs. And they’re still so close that Ran can practically feel the words against his lips.

He’s so sure that this is the end. That Jackie will shove him away and call for the guards so he can be jailed and executed. Or pick up the knife and kill Ran himself. And he should be running. He should be trying to make a hasty escape. Which is something he wasn’t even considering in his desperation to finally be done with this.

He hadn’t checked to see if Jackie was unarmoured and unarmed. He hadn’t planned his escape route. Jackie has disorientated him so thoroughly that he may as well be a novice at this.

If he runs now, he’ll go back to Terminus a failure. But at least he’ll be alive. And he can pass off whatever knowledge he’s gathered in his stay here to the council so they can finally finish the job.

But he’s frozen in place.

Jackie pushes him back enough to so that he can jump off the bench. Ran feels inexplicably cold now that Jackie’s no longer touching him.

“You’re lucky you’re handsome.” Jackie is grinning, as though he didn’t just thwart an assassination attempt from someone he was kissing. “Let’s go get dinner tomorrow night, yeah?”

Ran takes a step back and forces his brain to start back up again. He’s half convinced that he made the whole thing up due to Jackie’s strange reaction. But the knife is still sitting on the bench.

“Okay.” He says. Because he’s simply not sure what else to say.

“Um, I don’t really have a time preference. 6pm sound good to you?”

“Sure.”

“Or, if we hang out during the day doing investigation work or whatever else then we can just go whenever we’re hungry.” Jackie shrugs. “Doesn’t need to be a fancy event.”

“If you say so.”

“Great!” Jackie grins and makes an excited motion with his hands. “It’s a date! See you tomorrow!”

The general gives him a lazy salute, and then practically skips out of the room. Leaving Ran to stand there and try to process what just happened.

He’ll have to go back to his room and figure out what to do now that Jackie knows for sure he’s trying to kill him. He’ll have to figure out if dinner is some obscure play to trap him, or whether Jackie is really just stupid enough to let this slide.

(The best and safest solution, is for Ran to just leave. But for reasons he can’t and won’t explain, he pushes that thought away.)

THIS IS SO GOOD HELLO. ITS LIKE. FUCKED UP AND I AM SO INTERESTED. JACKIE IS DEFINITELY FUCKED UP LIKE THAT LIKE I THINK LIKE THIS SEEMS LIKE SOMETHING HED DO.

[basicallywhiterice]

countdown (na jaemin)

pairing: na jaemin x reader

genre: fluff. friends to lovers, college!au

summary: The three times you should have made a move, the two times you tried to, and the one time you didn’t need to.

word count: 1.5k

warnings: cussing

a/n: alternatively titled “haechan being both the best and worst wingman to grace the face of the earth”

i. Three times you should have made a move.

“Hey! Jaemin! Over here,” Haechan shouts, waving at a boy clad in an oversized flannel across the dining hall. He turns, lighting up when he waves back, and all but runs over from the dish drop-off section.

“He’s my roommate,” Haechan introduces once Jaemin is in earshot. “Jaemin, this is y/n. Y/n, Jaemin,” Haechan introduces.

He’s cute, you notice immediately, his floppy hair swept to the side messily. Almost as quickly, you dispel the thought and do your best not to stare, extending a hand for him to shake on instinct. “Nice to meet you, Jaemin. So you’re the roommate who keeps losing his AirPods?”

In the second your hand hangs there, empty, you have enough time to go through all five stages of grief. You blundered in front of Haechan’s unfairly attractive roommate you’ll no doubt see again, about his AirPods? You prepare to draw your hand back and smooth it over your hair to relieve the awkwardness of rejected handshake.

Then Jaemin shakes your hand, eyes crinkling up as he beams. If you thought he was cute before, you’re a goner once his smile is directed at you. “Nice to meet you too, y/n. And yeah, that’s me. Were you the one who convinced him to get me the glow-in-the-dark Among Us case? That was honestly the best housewarming gift I’ve ever gotten.”

“Hey, that was all his idea. Besides convincing him to spend an extra dollar on the glow-in-the-dark, I played no part in it.”

“I’m sure. In any case, you have excellent taste. Thank you for picking it out.” He turns to converse with Haechan, but you don’t hear the rest of what he says over the sound of you putting your foot in your mouth.

As soon as he walks away, you collapse into a heap of regret on the table. “Why didn’t you tell me your new roommate was hot before we got the gag gift?” you groan. “God, how am I supposed to flirt with him after that?”

“You just met the guy, relax,” Haechan reassures, taking a bite out of his sandwich. “Stop overreacting,” he mumbles around a mouthful of his BLT.

You raise your head to glare at him for being your voice of reason, and he wiggles his eyebrows.

“You like him already, huh? Don’t worry, he actually thought the case was funny. You’re fine.”

You bury your face in your hands in lieu of responding.

Jaemin is in your Algorithms class, you come to learn, likes useless trinkets more than you do, and vehemently opposes your dislike of coffee.

“Just try it,” he coaxes when he orders his second americano in an hour. “Haechan likes it, and you trust him, right?”

“With my life,” you deadpan as you both glance across the library to observe his attempts to flirt with the junior making his Starbucks order. He drops his straw when he gestures with his right hand, and you both snicker when he bends down to pick it up. “Actually, I think I’ll pass.”

Jaemin shrugs, taking a short sip from his cup before wincing and fanning his tongue. “Maybe you’re right. Anyways, which block did you want me to read?”

You show him, making edits as he comments on your code, and thank him once the block is fixed.

“No problem,” he grins. “Let me know if anything else is confusing. I’m happy to help.”

Just as you open your mouth to start the ritual of asking for his number, Haechan interrupts. “I got their number,” he announces, setting his phone down firmly between you and Jaemin and holding out his hands for a high five.

You sigh and half-heartedly slap his right hand despite your annoyance. At least one of you can be lucky in love, even if it comes at the expense of the other person.

“What’s the most common fear you have?” you ask Jaemin, tracing the outline of a cloud against the pale blue sky with your finger.

“What do you mean?” he asks, turning to lie on his side. You drop your hand to rest on his beige blanket and meet his questioning glance.

“Like spiders, public speaking, dying single… what’re your fears that are common?”

He squints as a strong gust of wind blows his hair into his face. “I think you’re overexaggerating how common the intense fear of dying single is.”

“Why?” you ask, not entirely sure why you’re pressing him about this. “Are you not afraid of it?”

“Hm, I guess I’m a lot more scared of dying alone than dying single. What are your thoughts?”

A fleeting semblance of a pickup line involving the two of you and not being single surfaces in your brain, but it never reaches coherence. Instead, you respond, “Heights, probably.”

And rejection, you sadly add in your head. Definitely rejection.

ii. Two times you tried to make a move.

“Hey, did I spell this right?”

When you lean over to read Jaemin’s meticulously written flashcard, your knee bumps into his. He mumbles an apology but makes no move to shift his leg. You stay like that, reviewing your notes for your last midterm together, until Haechan opens the door to his dorm and you scoot to different places on the couch.

“Hey Jaemin!” Haechan calls when he’s halfway in the bathroom. “Don’t forget about the trash,” he reminds, closing the door.

“Oh shit, one sec!” Jaemin hollers back. You wince at the volume, and he sheepishly turns toward you. “Sorry. Gotta take out the trash once he’s done,” he gestures, hand sweeping outwards before he knocks a couch pillow over.

Before he can fix it, you blurt, “Take me out while you’re at it too,” without missing a beat.

He doesn’t have time to react before you start laughing it off awkwardly. You don’t want to—damn it, why can’t you just be direct—but the fear of rejection overrides your confidence.

“Funny, right? Because of how ‘take out’ has different meanings? I’m hilarious, I know.”

He stares at you for a second too long before letting out a delayed chuckle. Haechan spares you the awkwardness of hearing his reply when he exits the bathroom and sits down between both of you, though, and Jaemin leaves with the trash soon after.

“Nice save, Casanova,” Haechan grins as soon as Jaemin steps out, reclining back into the couch. His Cheshire-Cat-esque smirk only grows when you reach over to smack him with the knocked-over pillow. “Wanna get take out once he gets back?”

You throw the pillow in his face this time. “I’m never coming back here again.”

You find yourself waiting outside their dorm exactly twelve days later when your code won’t run after two hours of debugging and neither of them will answer your texts.

“Asshole,” you shoot at Haechan when he opens the door. “Please help me.”

“Tough luck. I’ve got a date tonight,” he says, smug.

“Why didn’t you tell me? I would’ve helped you pick a better outfit than that,” you critique, glancing at his plain button-up shirt.

“Chill, I haven’t layered anything yet. And Jaemin picked it out, so good luck convincing him to help you debug. And getting a date with him. Coward.”

“You say that like you didn’t interrupt us the first time I was trying to get his number,” you whisper.

“And you act like you would’ve met him without me.”

“Touché.”

“Who’s getting a date with me?” Jaemin calls from his desk, pushing up his glasses and frowning at his computer.

“Me,” you call back, and he glances up, eyes widening when he sees it’s you. Ignoring Haechan’s impressed “damn,” you walk over to the chair next to Jaemin. “I’ll help you debug if you help me?”

“You want me to—help you debug? No way,” he says, and for a moment, you regret your boldness. “How’d you know I was dying over coding too?” he continues, and your worries disappear.

“Just a hunch,” you shrug. Haechan leaves when the two of you are hunched over your laptops, elbows brushing gently enough to make it look like an accident.

iii. One time you didn’t need to make a move.

“Y/n?”

You look up, halting your check of Jaemin’s backpack to make sure he hasn’t forgotten his AirPods again. “Yeah?”

His ears are tinged with pink and he can’t quite meet your eyes, but he looks like he’s trying his best to do so anyways. “Would… you… like to go out with me on Thursday? Maybe for dinner if you have time?”

You blink, holding your breath for three seconds just in case you misheard or he’s joking. Neither seems to be the case. “On a date?”

“Yes.” He nods. “Yes, a date.” He fidgets with the hem of his shirt. You smile, and he stops.

Silently, you count down from three before answering to avoid blurting out your answer, but it comes out with the same level of enthusiasm nonetheless.

“I’d love to.”

[aquamoonchaii]

⍣ genre: fluff

⍣ warnings: heavy cheesiness

⍣ pairing: minho x reader

⍣ word count: 2.3k

⍣ collab: This is for the collab Summer Love - Stray Kids from lovie @bangchan-fairy

⍣ charlie’s notes: hope you guys love the cheesy cheese! this lovely banner was made by the precious @halliney!

⍣ summary: minho is scared of heights. maybe he is a chicken. but he meets another cute chicken that holds his hand.

Summer love is usually about sweet flings that end when school or work starts again. It starts in unexpected places with a smile and an ice cream, or with the adrenaline of meeting new places. Or at least that’s what happened to him.

Luckily, it didn’t go that way for both of you. It didn’t end!

Because it’s your third summer together and he can’t be happier. Even his feline babies love you so much, he has to bite his lips to not scream every single time Dori purrs approaching you and you coo at the kitten so cutely he just- Ugh. It’s no joke he is already searching for the perfect ring so he can propose.

There’s no way in hell he would find another soul like yours that blends so well with his, your sweet self is enough to calm him and make him feel at home, wherever he is. If you could open his heart and his brain, he would be so embarrassed because you would know he would do everything. Anything for you. You just need to say it and he is already thinking how to make it real.

But it’s ok, you won’t. Unless you are a secret cannibal and you kill him to eat his heart.

He chuckles out loud at the thought because he wouldn’t deny you his heart, you already have it anyway so he wouldn’t be upset if you eat it. You would just have to promise you won’t date another boy.

Minho just gets these thoughts as he wakes up from the nap he had holding your hand and here you are, like 10 centimeters away from him holding his hand even when you are not that clingy. The fact you are indeed a girl who isn’t into touch but you let him hug you and cuddle anytime makes him feel so good. So special. His free hand brushes your hair off your beautiful face, he can’t help but feel cheesy this moment so he caresses your cheek lovingly and kisses your forehead.

You stir a bit, but as the heavy sleeper you are, you put a leg on both of his -so he doesn’t escape and eat the last chips you mutter groggily- so he slaps your leg lightly and a small smile is on your face until you surrender again to sleep. Minho suddenly rolls his eyes. Are there people who know these intimate details about you besides him? Like you always put a leg on his body and you can’t open your eyes that easily, is there any chance there would be another guy after him who would know this? He pouts because it's frustrating to feel this way, so freaking protective. About your things, about your habits, about you. You.

Always you.

He feels the softest when you are like this, peacefully sleeping beside him in his oversized shirt and pajama pants that make you look like a homeless man. A homeless man that is going to steal his favorite hoodie, you would say. On these sunny and hot days, he has little bit of time to engulf in his feelings and think how lucky he got. Something he would never in a million years would voice out because Ew, the cringe. Especially when it’s summer. Because he gets small flashbacks about how he met you.

Hiking.

Hiking

Hiking!

What a better way to enjoy this beautiful summer than eating frozen fruits and walking through beautiful places? He originally planned to go to the mountain he enjoys the most, Jirisan but of course it would be too crowded.

So now he is here on a hiking tour. He didn't read the whole tour completely because he didn't want to miss this day and because Changbin wanted to come. And he doesn't like company when hiking or Changbin. Just kidding, he likes him but not when he whines which he would totally do in a long walk.

"Uh, sir? Are you not coming? I'm sorry but you are the last one to pass the bridge and the tour is being delayed right now." Minho bows apologetically and excuses himself saying that he would pay the extra fee to wait for the next group tour because he doesn't feel well. Of course the tour lady noticed him getting paler than a piece of paper when he was told to try sky-biking because it was included in the tour or he could pass that thin bridge that passes through both mountains. There was no other way to reach the beautiful sunset he was looking out for. But it was too high.

It looks dangerous and the vertigo hit right at his face as he is literally frozen right now, ugh.

It's ridiculous he is not going to see the sunset.

But he just can't move right now so he keeps a stern face to save himself the embarrassment and makes everyone laugh -group partners were getting really annoyed but well, Minho is funny- saying that he needed to pee because he was too excited. The female nods and makes a few calls, everyone starts taking pictures and distracting themselves as Minho looks at his phone just to notice his battery is going to die, it doesn't matter as he has a incredible high quality camera who is going to be very disappointed if he doesn't get those damn pictures of the sunset.

"Lee MinHo, right?" He nods and the female explains how this would work. So, this tour needs to keep going and as he is clearly pretty interested in hugging the tree that is right there to hold him, he should wait for the other group tour. It would cost him a lot because the next group tour has the option to stay the night to wait for the beautiful dawn. He agreed still because he wanted them pictures, it didn’t matter if he had to sneak in someone’s tent. “Your client’s code is 1441, please let it know to the next tour guide so he would include you in the other package.”

He buys an extra bottle of iced tea for everyone as he apologizes once more before he says goodbye and apologizes again to the rest of the group tour. Minho takes beautiful pictures as he walks near the damn bridge he doesn't want to cross but he needs to, he has around two hours to enjoy and to prepare himself.

You have to do it MinHo.

You have to.

"Are you sure you are going to hike that mountain? Like really sure?" He remembers Changbin questioning him and MinHo gasped. That asshat knew about the thin bridge.

Whatever, he is already here.

He is distracted with the beautiful little birds that let him take photos of them when he hears noise about a group coming. His moment to shine has come.

He just needs to look forward and not down because he would probably die. Ok, he 's ready. Really ready. Completely ready.

Oof.

"I'm not ready!" What- He is engulfed in his own thoughts of being terrified of heights, he didn't notice the girl that is making a funny scene about being nervous. MinHo approaches the group taking out his headphones and feels a bit better, he is not the only one having a mental breakdown because of the damn bridge. Everyone hypes her up to cross the bridge and cheers, she ties her hair up and gives a step forward and squeals.

"I'm sorry my friends! But I'll need a diaper."

"Uh, excuse me? Is this the second group of the tour to see the dawn?" He approaches the lady who had the little bright flag and after she nods kindly, he gives her his ticket saying his client code was 1441. "Oh yes! Come with us, please. This group usually goes slower so take your time to cross the bridge as you see, there's another client who is a bit nervous."

"I'm not nervous, I just wanted to take more pictures."He says and the lady nods and smiles, the tour guide seems close to the girl laughing anxiously that tries to cross the bridge because she whispers to her something about being a chicken. The girl, undeniable attractive just keeps laughing, voicing out she hopes to not die today. "Huh? Another person that is afraid to cross? Where?"

Damn. They are talking about him. The smile that was on his face dissipates and turns into a serious frown as he tries to appear concentrated to look at some flower. "Guys keep going, I will cross alone and safe! I promise!" MinHo hears the girl say to the group and hurried steps that come closer to him after that. "Hi? Are you the scaredy cat?"

"What?" He quickly turns around and scoffs, she is the scandalous one and she starts with this, pfft. "Are you talking about yourself? I don't remember being the one who squealed."

"Yeah right. Come on! Don't be shy, let's cross together because I'm scared too."

"I'm not scared!"

"Mr. 1441, please. We can be stubborn after crossing this bridge." You stick out your hand at him and he raises an eyebrow. "Are you going to give me a piggyback ride or what? Because Miss Chicken, I am not interested."

"What- Chicken? You are the chicken! Oh, is this a way to ask for my name? I'm Y/N."

"MinHo. But I wasn't asking."

"Me neither, MinHo." You laugh as he doesn't have an answer and you grab his hand. "Let's do this together, it's okay to scream and insult. I do that a lot so I don't mind."

" Wait, wait!" He says as he is dragged by Y/N, the girl who seems eager to cross but is as much as terrified as him or even more. "Why are you so eager if the lady said we can take it easily? You were screaming a second ago!"

"I know but the adrenaline is awesome and someone who understands the frightening feeling will make you feel secure, I promise two chickens make a good team."

"I'm not a chick-" His words die as he is at the start of the bridge, instinctively he holds your hand tightly. He takes a deep breath and looks at you, you smile at him. MinHo wants to run away but something in your secure hold of hand makes him believe.

"So you don't have friends to come with?"

"I do have friends! How can you come to that conclusion just by one look? You also look like a loner." He bickers and you immediately answer. "I am not a loner! The lady guide is my friend, she said this dawn is going to be probably the most beautiful of the year as the weather is awesome."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah! I hope you didn't bring too much stuff because it's hot up there, people don't even bring tents and prefer to talk with everyone and take naps looking at the stars and stuff like that, it's pretty safe too and the tour gives tents if you feel uncomfortable."

"Really?"

"Of course! Is this your first time hiking this mountain?" He nods and as the conversation dies for a moment he remembers he is actually on a freaking bridge that looked too thin to hold him safely so he looks down. He is stepping on plain land.

He crossed the bridge bickering with the woman he is still holding hands with.

Wow.

MinHo bickers a bit more to hold her hand a bit more as she gets distracted easily. Y/N. It is a pretty name.

He smiles.

"So are you going to ask me out or are you ready to let go of my hand?" There is a tiny possibility he would have choked on his idea tea at this statement.

"Wow, that was smooth and pretty direct." He lets go of her hand and she laughs. "I don't date chickens though."

"I don't date chickens either." He scoffed at her attitude, damn. Is there a divinity of summer he can thank for?

After a night of bickering and photos of the incredible dawn, you agreed to give him your number so he would send the pictures he took.

It would be the first of many hiking trips that would turn into summer dates.

You open your eyes finally and your hands search for your phone to see the hour. You slept two hours! Felix said he would call for you to come and eat brownies with MinHo.

"Shouldn't you search for me first?" Your boyfriend sat on the end of the bed eating the last bag of chips making you whine.

"MinHo! Spill my chips!"

"Give me your hand to spill it."

"Ew."

"Tell Felix you are a taken chicken. He is not going to seduce you with brownies, you are more spoiled than anyone could ever think."

"Listen chicken, sweet Australian man is going to invite us both brownies so shut up. Also go tattoo yourself the word taken on your forehead. Girls think my chip robber is single? Tsk." As always, your unexpected statements make him choke, this time on the chips and laughs at your rolling eyes. "Am I spoiled? When? Where?"

MinHo throws himself on you and tickles you until you are kicking him off you, showing him the white blanket as a surrender sign.

"Should we go on a hiking date?" You suddenly ask.

"Why?"

"Why not? Maybe I want to commit murder and take revenge because they were my favorite chips."

"Jirisan?"

"No, the one we met!"

"Huh? Really?" He takes his phone and casually books a tour already for this weekend. "Maybe I should propose to you so you won't kill me."

You both laugh.

But he isn't joking. He also messages the boutique, he would need the ring for this weekend.

© aquamoonchaii. all rights reserved

REPOSTED.​

[xiaomoxu]

Lucien’s Mind Quest: Craving

SPOILER ALERT!!

A date from CN server which hasn’t been released on EN server yet. Might contains some spoiler.

🍁 🍁 🍁 🍁 🍁 🍁 🍁 🍁 🍁 🍁 🍁 🍁 🍁 🍁 🍁 🍁 🍁 🍁 🍁 🍁 

Exclusive Radio

Xu Mo: A Ming, be more concise when submitting reports in the future. Your ability to refine key points needs to be strengthened.

A Ming: Yes, I understand.

Xu Mo: I'm not in the institute next week and will go to another place.

Xu Mo: If you have anything, you can talk to me over the phone.

Xu Mo: Do you have any other questions?

A Ming: Professor, isn't it... from the media who wanted to interview you again?

A Ming: Recently, there have been more reporters outside the Institute, and they all want to interview you about the Kolavo Prize.

A Ming: Even I feel a little troubled

A Ming: Fortunately, you have chosen this period of time for vacation, which is indeed a good thing.

Xu Mo: Not because of this reason.

Xu Mo: I just think that some time ago, I always seemed to be busy with work. Now is the time to give myself a vacation.

A Ming: Do you just want to take a vacation?

Xu Mo: Do you need other reasons?

A Ming: No, no, I just feel a little surprised.

A Ming: After all, from last year until now, professor has almost never been out of the institute except for normal vacations.

A Ming: I feel like you're all focused on work...

Xu Mo: Maybe it is a bit too immersive.

Xu Mo: So this holiday, I want to spend more time with people around me.

A Ming: Oh, I understand why the professor went to another place for vacation.

A Ming: Don't worry! I will never disturb you! Happy vacation, professor!

Xu Mo: You are now very good at refining the point.

A Ming: Hehe...

Xu Mo: Well, it's a date.

🍁

MIND'S QUEST

The traditional style hotel room is warm and dry.

I changed into a yukata, sat on the tatami, took a deep breath, nervously opened the news that popped up on the phone one-

"The announcement of the Kolavo Prize list has been postponed. Can the genius scientist Xu Mo set the record for the youngest winner?"

The bold and enlarged headlines are very eye-catching.

Postponed? I froze for a moment, and hurriedly clicked on the details to quickly browse.

"... Today, the authoritative awards in the scientific community, the winners of the Kolavo Life Science Award, are about to be announced, which has attracted great attention at home and abroad."

"The innovative work done by the scientist Professor Xu Mo in the field of brain science has therefore become the most popular candidate for the award."

"However, according to relevant sources, the selection criteria for

this year's awards have changed compared with previous years, and it is not ruled out that there will be more powerful competitors."

"The Kolavo Prize official also announced just now. Because of the big differences within the jury, the winner list will be postponed to the afternoon..."

I slid the screen, frowning tighter and tighter. Because I was so focused, I didn't even notice that someone was coming towards me.

??: Why are you still watching these news?

Xu Mo said that he put the blanket in his hand on my lap, and his eyes scanned my phone screen.

Xu Mo: A certain someone invited and told me to take vacation and relax....

Xu Mo: But from the way here to now, you have always stared at your phone from time to time.

He paused, with a little dissatisfaction and grievance in his tone.

Xu Mo: Is Professor Xu in this news more attractive to you than Professor Xu in front of you?

I was stunned for a moment and hurriedly turned off the news interface.

MC: Of course not! I just saw this news and clicked in.

MC: And... I mainly watch the weather forecast.

My eyes wide open, try to make your words more convincing.

MC: You see, the snow is so heavy today, the hotel owner also suggested that we can go to the outdoor hot spring again tomorrow.

MC: However, according to the weather forecast, the snow will decrease later. So maybe there is still a chance!

Xu Mo pondered for a moment, laughed faintly, and nodded.

Xu Mo: Well, it seems I misunderstood. It turns out that you have fully considered it

MC: Of course. It is rare that we all have vacation, but I am looking forward to this trip.

This is indeed the truth.

Lately, Xu Mo and I were so busy that we sometimes didn't even have time to have a meal together.

So this time I chose a hot spring hotel specially, just want to stay in the room with him and spend this time peacefully.

I raised my head, took Xu Mo's hand, and shook it lightly.

MC: You have been busy with scientific research some time ago, and you didn't have much time to rest.

MC: Leave the travel arrangements to me this time, you just need to relax and enjoy.

Xu Mo: Alright.

Xu Mo curled his lips slightly. The thin sunlight from outside the house fell on him, coating him with a soft light.

Xu Mo: Then... I'll leave it to you?

MC: Hm! Leave it to me.

I glanced at the time on my phone, my heart moved, and then I gathered my mind and raised my head and said to Xu Mo.

MC: Now that the luggage has been put away, go and change your clothes!

Xu Mo nodded and walked towards the door. I took the opportunity to secretly pick up the phone, intending to continue reading the news that I just turned off.

Xu Mo: By the way, there is one more thing.

MC: Wh- What?

Unexpectedly, Xu Mo suddenly turned around, and I quickly hid the phone behind me with a guilty conscience.

Xu Mo's eyes flicked back and forth between the phone and me. He seemed to have something to say, but he just chuckled.

Xu Mo: Nothing, just want to tell you...

Xu Mo: This trip with you, I also look forward to it very much.

While Xu Mo was changing clothes, I quietly walked outside the door. As I planned, a waiter came here on time with a rectangular wooden box.

Waiter: Miss MC, the lady boss asked me to give you this. Please keep it.

Waiter: As for the other item you ordered, because it needs to be made right now, the snow is too big for the driver to drive down the mountain to get it. Please forgive me.

MC: It’s okay, you've work hard, so please tell my thanks to the boss.

I took the wooden box in her hand and returned to the room, with a burst of complicated emotions in my heart.

This is a gift I prepared before I set off. Originally, I had calculated the time and planned to give Xu Mo a surprise when the results of the Kolavo Prize came out.

But I did not expect that due to changes in the selection criteria, the announcement of the award list was delayed, which disrupted my original plan.

I looked at the wooden box in my hand, and a result I had rarely imagined before popped up in my head, just in case...

The heart sank little by little. It seems that it is still unknown whether this celebration can be conveyed to him...

Xu Mo: What are you thinking?

I followed the sound and felt a little startled.

Xu Mo was wearing a dark yukata with a large collarbone exposed under the loose collar.

He relaxed, leaning against the door frame, and he looked a little more casual and relax.

His eyes fell on the wooden box in my hand, showing some curiosity.

Xu Mo: What is this?

MC: Well, this is...

Just as I was thinking about how to explain to him, a ringtone interrupted our conversation.

Xu Mo: ....Yes?

Xu Mo: ....Hello?

Xu Mo's tone was light, but his expression was a little more serious. The news that I just saw on my phone flashed in my mind, I couldn't help feeling a burst of tension in my heart.

Xu Mo: I'm sorry, I'm on vacation, I'm afraid I don't have time for this.

Xu Mo: Next time you have the opportunity to cooperate again.

After he said this lightly, he hung up the phone. I was caught off guard by the crisp and clean action.

Perhaps seeing me looking at him in confusion, Xu Mo said first without waiting for me to speak.

Xu Mo: It's the call from Huanqiu Weekly.

I opened my eyes slightly.

Huanqiu Weekly is an established weekly magazine in China. It mainly reports on international issues and major events. All have great influence within the scope.

MC: Do they want to cooperate with you?

Xu Mo: Well, they want to give me an interview.

MC: Really?! Isn't that great!

Hearing news that I was not worried about, I couldn't help but let go, and placed the wooden box on the closet next to it.

MC: Such an influential weekly magazine, if you accept their invitation, you can let more people know about your research results.

Xu Mo was stunned for a moment, and the corners of his lips curled upwards.

Xu Mo: Why do you want more people to know?

MC: Because...maybe for many people, your scientific research results are just a bunch of technical terms that seem very obscure.

MC: But I know, a lot of your hard work has been condensed behind it.

MC: Even with the aura of a "genius scientist" above your head, your effort and persistence are no less than anyone else.

As I spoke, the moments that I had experienced with him flashed in my mind.

He will put the experimental reports that have spent months of energy into the shredder one by one just because of a certain data error;

Because I finally got the desired result, I was so happy that I could not hide it, and even some childishly suggested that I wanted to go to a movie with him to celebrate.

I smiled at Xu Mo and said to him in a joking tone.

MC: So, I want to be rewarded for your efforts. This is probably my selfish intention.

Xu Mo looked at me quietly, and a certain soft emotion melted in his eyes bit by bit. After a while, he suddenly chuckled helplessly.

Xu Mo: Silly.

He stretched out his hand and took me into his arms.

Xu Mo: I declined the invitation.

MC: Huh? Why?

Xu Mo did not answer, but chuckled lightly.

Xu Mo: Do you want to know what my selfishness is?

Xu Mo: Although you always tease me about my time and energy as if I can't use it up, in fact they are also limited.

Xu Mo: I have to stay and spend them on the person who are most important to me.

He paused, rubbing the top of my hair with his chin.

Xu Mo: This is our vacation, of course I just want to share it with you.

My heart seemed to be hit by something. Feeling his familiar body temperature, I only feel that the slightest warmth suddenly enters my heart.

I couldn't help but put my hand around Xu Mo's back, eagerly trying to get closer to him and let this moment stay longer.

MC: Yes, me too.

Looking across the wooden box on the cabinet, I closed my eyes and gradually made a decision in my heart.

  🍁

MC: Xu Mo, the belt of your yukata seems a little loose

I saw that Xu Mo had a loose belt around his waist, so I subconsciously reached out to help him tidy it.

MC: This seems doesn’t work...

MC: Let me tie a knot for you again!

After speaking, I undid Xu Mo's belt again, planning to tie it again.

Xu Mo: It seems that you are already very skilled.

Xu Mo's voice with a smile rang in my ears.

I raised my head and met his gaze. Only then did I realize how close we are now.

MC: W-well, when the waiter helped me wear it, I learned a little bit from her.

MC: Moreover, the way that girls wear yukata is more complicated than the boys.

MC: So it's not very difficult to tie your belt.

I lowered my head, trying to hide my blushing cheeks.

Xu Mo: It turned out to be so.

Xu Mo nodded, then opened his arms and let me put his cloth.

Although I tried my best to concentrate on the movements in my hands, the sniffles on my neck still made me a little distracted.

The delicate atmosphere filled us, I pursed my lips, and when I was about to say something, Xu Mo spoke first.

Xu Mo: I didn't notice just now that there are still a few lines written on the hanging paintings here.

MC: Eh?

I looked up and followed his gaze to the wall behind me, where there were traditional paintings one by one.

The red leaves all over the sky fell on the clear spring water, like flames burning in clusters, smeared with warmth and warmth.

I didn't pay much attention when I entered the room before, but now I look closer and realize that there are still words written on it.

Just when I was about to identify it carefully, Xu Mo had already read it out softly.

Xu Mo: " The long-lasting God is acting on behalf you, and I never heard of it"

(“悠悠神代事,黯黯不曾闻” Yōuyōu shéndài shì, àn àn bùcéng wén)

Xu Mo: " The maple dyed the Long Tian River, gurgling and flowing deep"

(“枫染龙田川,潺潺流水深 ” fēng rǎn lóng tiánchuān, chánchán liúshuǐ shēn)

Notes: I put the original sentence of the poem, afraid that there’s mistranslation since I’m not familiar with it.

MC: I seem to have read these sentences before...

MC: It seems to come from a very famous love song?

I turned my face and looked at Xu Mo with a questioning look. He nodded lightly.

Xu Mo: Well, it is indeed a very emotional sentence.

Xu Mo: I think it is probably because Valentine's Day is approaching. In order to set off the atmosphere, the proprietress of the hotel arranged such a hanging picture in the room.

Xu Mo: And look at the writing above, it should have been added not long ago.

Hearing Xu Mo's explanation, I looked at the hanging painting again.

MC: I didn’t expect the proprietress of this hotel to be so careful, I thought it was just a landscape painting.

MC: It turns out that there is such a “careful” chance hidden.

I tried to felt the emotions contained in the lines. This painting, which was originally used for decoration, seems to have a deeper meaning because of this poem.

Just as my attention was all attracted by the hanging paintings, Xu Mo's voice suddenly rang in my ears.

Xu Mo: Although the painting is really beautiful

Xu Mo: But, have you forgotten something?

His gaze fell on the belt in my hand, and I followed along and realized that I was still finishing Xu Mo's yukata.

His yukata was hanging loosely on his body at this time, and it was even more exposed. The low neckline is wider, and the skin is exposed.

The heat on my face couldn't help but rise a little more.

MC: .. I will continue!

After finally suppressing the fast heartbeat and refastening Xu Mo's belt, I couldn't help but let out a sigh of relief.

I raised my hand to help him straighten the low neckline, but found that this yukata was actually designed like this.

MC: Is this, this neckline originally opened so wide?

Hearing my visibly smaller voice, Xu Mo first glanced at his clothes, then a clear smile spread across his mouth.

Xu Mo: Well, that's it when I put it on.

Xu Mo: Moreover, as far as I know, the men's yukatas offered by this store are all of this style.

MC: Strange, I saw that the model wears on the official website before...

MC: Is this also what "Valentine's Day Special Offer"?

In order to cover up my inner fluctuations, I deliberately said in a ridiculous tone, and Xu Mo also chuckled cooperatively.

Xu Mo: Well, it is possible.

He blinked, as if thinking of something, then bent down and leaned in my ear and said softly.

Xu Mo: I guess..

Xu Mo: This is probably, a little bit “careful”.

🍁

On the tatami, Xu Mo and I are sitting opposite each other.

He took the sake out of the wooden box, opened the cork, and slowly poured it into a special vessel.

Xu Mo: No wonder today I saw you and the hotel owner whispered a few secretly...

Xu Mo: Why do you suddenly want to give me a gift?

My heart moved slightly, but on the surface, I still took the stubbornly.

MC: It's not a sudden intention, this is part of the arrangement of this vacation.

MC: Take it as a reward for Professor Xu who worked hard this year!

Wanting to get around this topic as soon as possible, I pointed to the Sake bottle and looked at him invitingly.

MC: I heard that this brand of sake is well-known locally.

MC: I was worried that it was too popular, but I asked the proprietress to order it from the Sake store half a month in advance!

A smile filled Xu Mo's narrow eyes.

Xu Mo: In order to live up to your intentions, I have to taste it.

After speaking, he picked up the Sake glass and took a sip.

MC: How?

Xu Mo: It has a slight sweet taste and is delicious.

MC: That's good! A drink in the snow can warm your body.

Suddenly, my mind flashed through the scenes of Xu Mo drinking before and couldn't help but add.

And its degree is not high. You can rest assured that you won't get drunk if you drink in moderation.

Xu Mo raised his eyebrows.

Xu Mo: It seems that I have been underestimated.

He seemed to inadvertently pour some more Sake into the glass, and then drank the whole glass leisurely.

Xu Mo: I have been tried sake before, but I was not drunk.

MC: I remember I heard you mentioned it on the phone.

Hearing him mention it again, a sense of curiosity arose in my heart.

In my impression, Xu Mo almost never drinks alcohol, but prefers tea.

MC: Why did you suddenly want to drink?

Xu Mo: Well... let me think about it.

Xu Mo put down his Sake glass, propped his head with one hand, and looked up at the red leaves in the courtyard behind me.

Xu Mo: It was when I was studying. In order to celebrate the project with the classmates.

MC: Huh?

Xu Mo: Feeling surprised?

Xu Mo's eyes overlapped with me for a moment, and then he continued.

Xu Mo: At that time, I cooperated with my classmates on a very challenging scientific research project. After about a year and a half of research, I finally got the ideal result.

Perhaps thinking of the scene at that time, Xu Mo sighed softly.

Xu Mo: They were so happy that they had to take me to the tavern to celebrate...

Xu Mo said helplessly, but the corners of his mouth curled up unconsciously.

I rarely seem to see him celebrating his achievements, and the temporarily suppressed thought in my heart is revivedㅡ

I also want to accompany him to celebrate and witness the moment when his efforts bear fruit.

Chaotic emotions spread across my chest: anticipation, tension, and a little anxiety...

Xu Mo: Wandering again.

Xu Mo tapped my forehead. I recovered, and smiled apologetically at Xu Mo.

He narrowed his eyes slightly, and after looking at me for a while, he suddenly spoke.

Xu Mo: I suddenly remembered that they also taught me a game at that time.

MC: What game?

Xu Mo: I will show it to you.

I watched with interest as Xu Mo picked up an empty cup and put it upside down on the table.

Xu Mo: The game is very simple. We take turns to pat this cup or choose to take it away.

Xu Mo: If the cup is taken away, the other person will make a fist and knock on the table. Knock on the cup or shoot on the table is a loss.

MC: This game seems to test the reaction ability...

Seeing me as if I don’t understand, Xu Mo smiled.

Xu Mo: Well, but it is not difficult. You should have learned it after we played a game.

Xu Mo: Want to try it?

MC: Yes!

I eagerly nodded my head. Xu Mo's eyes turned, and a meaningful smile appeared on his lips.

MC: ....

MC: This unscientific!

I took another sip of Sake in frustration. Facts have proved that the so-called "not difficult" of this game may only be aimed at Xu Mo.

In addition to testing his reaction ability, during the game, he always seems to know what I am going to do next, and foresee every movement of me in advance...

MC: You are almost like "mind reading"...

Faced my complaint, Xu Mo just smiled slightly

Xu Mo: Maybe it's just because I know you too well.

Xu Mo: So sometimes, your every move seems not to hard to guess .

He didn't seem to realize how blushing his words were, so I had to mutter quietly.

MC: This is too unfair...

Xu Mo: Well, you also try to focus all your attention on me, how about it?

MC: Huh?

Xu Mo dragged his face with his hands, tilted his head and looked at me.

Xu Mo: Perhaps this strategy will be more effective.

The heartbeat speeded up uncontrollably, and for a while, I couldn't tell whether he was teasing me or was serious.

But facing the current one-sided game situation, for the slight possibility of a comeback, I decided to try.

The new round soon began. I followed Xu Mo's words and stared at him intensively, hoping to see a trace of flaws in him.

And Xu Mo's mouth always had a slight smile, as if he was in a good mood.

It was my turn to take the cup. I noticed that Xu Mo's brows suddenly wrinkled. With a movement in my heart, I decided to change my tactics and took the cup away.

MC: ...!!

Xu Mo: I lost.

Xu Mo looked at our folded hands on the cup and sighed slightly

Xu Mo: It seems that I was too careless...

Xu Mo: This strategy should not be told to you lightly.

His voice showed faint grievances and regrets, and then he took the Sake and drank it in one go.

MC: Is it really so works?

I was a little dazed by the sudden victory.

Although I'm not sure if there is a reason for luck, I just raised my lips and jumped for joy when I finally caught this flawless person.

Next, the entire game seemed to be exceptionally smooth to me. I didn't expect that one day I could win Xu Mo so many times, and the smile on my face got bigger and bigger.

Until Xu Mo was fined another glass of Sake, looking at his reddish ears and the corners of his mouth, I suddenly noticed something.

I put away my smile and walked up to him, acting as if I was asking my sins.

MC: I almost fell for some big liar again!

Xu Mo's eyes moved slightly, and then he stretched out his hand towards me.

Xu Mo: What's wrong?

He looked at me and blinked a bit innocently.

Xu Mo: Why are you so angry? Did I do something wrong?

I laughed angrily by the way he knew it, and couldn't help squeezing his hand.

MC: Are you letting me win again?

Xu Mo did not answer immediately, but gently hooked my finger, and then wrapped it into his palm.

Xu Mo: Who said I let you?

Xu Mo: I am willing to lose to you.

He stretched out his hand, scraped the tip of my nose, and a smile burst out from the corner of his mouth.

Xu Mo: Finally I can see you smile without burden.

MC: Huh?

Xu Mo: From morning on, you look worried.

Xu Mo: Although I plan to not ask too much before you tell me. But I thought about it, it’s not easy to keep you in my heart

Xu Mo: I guess the thing that bothers you should have something to do with me, right

He thought a little bit.

Xu Mo: Was it the news you saw this morning?

Seeing Xu Mo's determined expression and thinking about his behavior just now, I suddenly understood something in my heart.

MC: So you proposed to play games with me, also to relax me?

MC: I can't hide anything from you

Xu Mo chuckled lightly, wrapped my hand into his palm, and deliberately asked in a joking tone.

Xu Mo: Tell me about it, how did the "Professor Xu" on the news bother you?

I was amused by him. Seeing that what was hidden in my heart had been exposed, I simply decided to confess.

MC: Actually... This bottle of sake was originally a gift to celebrate your prize. But I did not expect that the award list would be postponed.

MC: Although I still want to celebrate with you, but if the result is not good, I worry about you will be disappointed.

MC: So it has not been said.

After saying this, I took a long breath and felt that it was a lot easier.

MC: But now I also think that compared to these, we should cherish our time together more.

In order to show my determination, I picked up the phone on the table and turned it off without hesitation.

MC: Now I can't get distracted!

Xu Mo's eyes flickered, and then he turned off the phone just like me. He put his arms around my waist and raised his head slightly.

Xu Mo: Then we can say that, from now on, don't let anyone bothering us.

Xu Mo: Nobody can.

Seeing him add another sentence seriously, I couldn't help laughing.

MC: However, it is indeed my fault that I was always distracted before. Next, we can make up for this time.

Xu Mo: Hm? How do you plan to make up?

I looked outside and raised my eyebrows at him.

MC: Didn't you notice? The snow outside is getting smaller.

Xu Mo was a little puzzled, but he reacted quickly, and the corners of his lips curled up in a beautiful arc.

Outside the house, the original heavy snow in the sky turned into fragments of snowflakesㅡ

It fell lightly in the hot spring that was continuously rising, and melted silently.

After eating, Xu Mo and I were walking on the stone road in the courtyard. We could hear the gurgling water in our ears.

MC: It seems that the weather forecast is right, the snow is really much smaller.

Xu Mo: Hmm, but are you drunk? Actually, we can come later.

MC: Don't worry, I am fully awake.

MC: And I checked it online before, and two hours after a meal is the best time to soak in the hot spring!

Xu Mo just wanted to say something, but suddenly stopped. He stared at the hot spring pool in front of him, and his eyes flashed with surprise.

I followed his gaze to the open-air hot spring in front, and my eyes widened.

MC: This is...

I was surprised to find that there is no barrier between this private hot spring surrounded by stones.

  🍁

MC: Strange, I clearly remember that the pictures I saw on the website before were separated by wooden boards.

I looked at the hot spring pool, my ears were getting hot. Thinking of two people in the same hot spring, I can't help but feel a subtle sense of tension.

Just when I was about to say something to break the awkward atmosphere, Xu Mo's voice suddenly sounded.

Xu Mo: .. I'd better go back to the room first.

Xu Mo: I'll come back when you finish.

MC: Hm?

I subconsciously raised my head. Xu Mo still had a gentle expression, but his eyes did not look at me.

Is it...

Am I the not only one who is nervous?

Looking at the steaming hot spring, I involuntarily swallowed my saliva, emboldening myself in my heart.

MC: Now that you have changed your clothes... let's go together.

In the hot spring pool, Xu Mo was sitting opposite me, the water just covered our chests

Xu Mo: Does the water feel hot?

I looked up, my eyes swam disobediently from his bare chest to the collarbone, Adam's apple and thin lips, and then I didn't dare to go up again.

MC: No, just right.

I shook my head, suppressed the excessively fast heartbeat, and sat down a little bit, submerged my shoulders in the warm water, and couldn't help but sigh.

The snowflakes fell on the face one by one, bringing icy coldness sense of touch, but the body and mind are steaming hot, and finally melts in the heat.

Xu Mo flicked his hand across the hot spring, and there was a sporadic sound of water. He closed his eyes, raised his head and leaned against the rock wall.

Xu Mo: I suddenly remembered that the last time we took a hot spring, it was the same as today with snow in the sky.

MC: Well, I remember too.

There was a movement in my heart, and I couldn't help but remember the time when I wished Xu Mo's birthday a warm feeling came from the bottom of my heart.

MC: It seems that many of my good memories about the snowy days are spent with you.

Xu Mo slowly opened his eyes, and there was also a layer of chlorinated water vapor on his eyes, and the curvature of the corners of his lips seemed clear and moving.

Xu Mo: For me, it's not just the snow.

The gurgling water and his voice merged together, and fell into my ears through the mist.

Under Xu Mo's gentle gaze, it seems that the distant memories in my mind are being warmed up little by little.

Perhaps he had been watching for too long, and my throat was a little dry. My gaze fell to the side of the tray floating on the water, which was filled with wagashi and hot tea.

Wagashi are traditional Japanese confections that are often served with green tea, especially the types made of mochi, anko and fruits.

I picked up the teacup and took a drink. Obviously it's not alcohol, but it makes me feel a little drunk.

I patted my slightly hot face, trying to stretch my body, but my foot inadvertently touched Xu Mo's leg.

Xu Mo: ....

MC: .....

The breath and heartbeat went wild in an instant. In the pool water, it seems that every part of the body has become more sensitive.

I subconsciously looked at Xu Mo, his eyes flickered, and then faintly looked away, and picked up another teacup on the tray.

Xu Mo: The tea smell is very strong.

MC: Hm..

MC: This opportunities are rare. Why don't we "replace Sake with tea" and clink a glass?

As soon as I finished speaking, I bit my tongue viciously for the proposal I blurted out.

Xu Mo's hand holding the teacup seemed to shake. He looked at my red cheeks curiously and chuckled uncontrollably.

Xu Mo: Well, it's a good proposal, but...

Xu Mo: Clinking glasses is usually for celebration. What are we going to celebrate now?

I was asked all of a sudden. While thinking, an idea flashes over my mind.

MC: To celebrate...

Xu Mo: If you say anything like "Celebrate your winning in advance", I will be a little disappointed.

MC: Ha..

This person definitely has mind-reading skills!

I looked at Xu Mo's smiling eyes through the white mist, and my lips curled up.

The fine snow slowly fell, and the water in the pool was clear, but not as bright as his eyes. I suddenly felt everything in front of me, something unreal like a dream.

Such a good person is now opposite me, right in front of my eyes, drinking a tea with me and sharing the same snowy color.

Until I saw Xu Mo's eyes clearly reflecting my figure. I suddenly felt that this moment has already surpassed everything.

So I said almost subconsciously.

MC: Then celebrate the moment we have.

Under the misty surface of xenon hydrogen, the skin we touched lightly rubbed inadvertently.

The clear touch brought up bursts of electric current, causing ripples in my heart. I no longer stagger my eyes as before, but quietly stare at Xu Mo in front of me.

His Adam's apple slid, and a white warm mist made his dark eyes sparkle with water.

I suddenly had an illusion, as if Xu Mo could look straight into my heart through the hazy mist.

After a while, he chuckled lightly.

Xu Mo: Is it just for now?

MC: What?

Xu Mo didn't answer, but suddenly got up and leaned toward me. The chest that had been submerged was also exposed at this time.

The warm and slightly hot from hot springs steamed his skin a little red, and the water rippled and then fell again.

I touched the ground with my feet a little nervously, but a little unstable due to the buoyancy of the water, Xu Mo held my waist with one hand in time.

I raised my head and slowly looked at the line of Xu Mo's jaw, my fingertips sinking into the tight muscles behind his shoulders.

His hand slid across my back, tightening me up a little bit, and I unconsciously put my hand on his shoulder and against his chest.

MC: Xu Mo..

The light lines of the water wave healed our chest and back. Xu Mo lowered his head, his lips were close to my ears, his voice was stained with a low voice.

Xu Mo: What I want to say is, not just celebrating this moment. But...

Xu Mo: For every moment we have.

There seemed to be a touch of nothing on the earlobe, as if clusters of flames were lit from there.

The tea cups collided with a crisp sound.

Xu Mo took a sip of tea, pinched my chin and pressed it down

Seeing his face getting closer and closer, I can no longer care about the others, I can only instinctively close my eyes

Feel the numb touch on the lips, and the sweet tea fragrance reverberating in the mouth.

🍁

With a splash of water, Xu Mo got up and walked out of the hot spring pool.

Xu Mo: During the meal, our clothes were left out and dampened by the snow. I will go back to the room to get the clothes we changed in the morning.

MC: Wait, I'll go with you.

After I finished speaking, I stood up, Xu Mo stood there, his eyes stopped slightly when he looked at me.

I followed his eyes and looked down, the wet towels were tight clings to my body, clearly outlines the lines, dripping continuously.

A cold wind blew, and I seemed to have noticed something, so I hurriedly sat back.

MC: So cold...

Xu Mo laughed lightly, then nodded.

Xu Mo: Well, it will be a little cold if you just walk back.

Xu Mo: So, wait for me here, okay?

I touched my slightly hot cheek, smiled and nodded at him.

MC: Alright  

When Xu Mo returned with the clothes, I was eating the wagashi on the tray. He couldn't help but smile when he saw me.

Xu Mo: Are you hungry?

MC: A little. You see, these fruits are so delicate.

I pushed the tray towards him, Xu Mo squatted down and looked carefully.

Xu Mo: Well, indeed.

Xu Mo: I once heard a very skilled master say that wagashi can express anything, whether it is natural or human.

MC: Really?

Hearing his words, I put my arm on the rock beside the pool and curiously observed the wagashi in the plate.

MC: This is a special wagashi for Valentine's Day. I don't know if there is anything special.

Xu Mo: I think there should be.

Xu Mo also leaned down slightly and observed with me.

Xu Mo: Maybe we can guess by using our imagination?

He smiled and twisted one of the wagashi.

It looks relatively ordinary among the different shapes of fruits. The round shape is like a small steamed bun, but on the top. Covered with a circle of yellow marks.

Xu Mo: The surface of this fruit should be deliberately roasted to brown

After watching it for a while, Xu Mo handed it to me.

Xu Mo: Did you think of something?

MC: Hmm.. the yellow circle.

MC: Like a full moon?

I raised my eyes to look at Xu Mo, and he curled his mouth slightly, motioning me to continue.

As if being woken up, I looked at this seemingly inconspicuous wagashi, and seemed to understand the intention of the person who made it.

MC: The moon is a very important image in love and can be used to express many kinds of emotions...

MC: So it seems that this fruit really fits the theme of Valentine's Day.

Xu Mo: Have a taste?

Looking at Xu Mo's eyebrows, my heart moved slightly, so I leaned over and bit the fruit in his hand.

The sweetness melted in my mouth, and I was pleasantly surprised to see the red fillings of the wagashi under the white skin.

MC: It's red bean paste...

There seemed to be a trace of surprise in Xu Mo's eyes. After a while, he nodded thoughtfully.

Xu Mo: Specially choose red as the filling...

Xu Mo: Probably because the person who created it wanted to express the sincere emotions between lovers.

MC: It turns out that wagashi can really express people's feelings...

Seeing such an emotional Japanese fruit, a burst of soft emotions creeping in my heart, I subconsciously asked Xu Mo.

MC: You have a bite too?

As soon as I finished speaking, I suddenly remembered something, so I immediately changed my words.

MC: But you don’t like sweets so much, so it’s mine!

I stretched out my hand to take the wagashi from his hand, but Xu Mo suddenly pulled his hand

MC: Uh?

Seeing my puzzlement, he chuckled lightly.

Xu Mo: I really don't like sweets very much.

Xu Mo: However, I still want to taste such beautiful food.

MC: But...

Before I finished speaking, I saw Xu Mo's face enlarged before my eyes.

He put his hand behind my head and leaned down. In the blink of an eye, there was a warmth on the lips.

The scorching breath fell on the face, itching and numb, dispelling the coolness in the air.

The thick snow on the edge of the pool turned into melted water droplets and fell into the water, arousing small splashes.

After a long while, Xu Mo released his hand behind my head, with a slight smile on his mouth.

Xu Mo: Well, it's sweeter than expected.

🍁

After soaking in the hot springs, Xu Mo and I walked slowly back to the room. As soon as we opened the door, we stopped in unison.

A fancy "citation cake" was placed in the center of the table.

Under the two big letters "Certificate" written with red chocolate, there are also dark chocolates with a row of small letters one by one.

"Best Scientist Award".

Xu Mo raised his eyebrows and glanced at me leisurely. I coughed slightly awkwardly.

MC: Ahem. If I said that the waiter sent the wrong room, would you believe it?

At this time, the door was pushed open again, and the waiter put two knives and forks on the side of the tray.

Waiter: Miss MC, you are back, is the hot spring still comfortable?

Waiter: This is the special cake you ordered. Because the snow was a little smaller, the driver was asked to go down the mountain to retrieve it. Please enjoy.

The waiter cast a "won't disturb you" look, then bowed and walked out. After a short silence, I heard a chuckle.

MC: Well. This is actually another gift I originally prepared to celebrate your winning.

MC: I always feel that at this time of celebration, we still have to eat cakes to have more atmosphere.

MC: Although the appearance is a bit exaggerate, the taste should be good.

Xu Mo chuckled and nodded.

Xu Mo: Well, I believe this cake must be delicious. and.….

Xu Mo: I am also sure that you really care about this.

He paused for a while, then took out his mobile phone leisurely and turned it on.

Xu Mo: Since you want to know so much, let's watch it together.

MC: What?

Xu Mo: Don’t you really want to know the results of the awards? I remember the news you saw in the morning saying that the announcement should be postponed to the afternoon.

Xu Mo: The time should be right now.

MC: But...

Seeing his calm movements, my eyes widened, but I looked more nervous than him.

Xu Mo: If you don't let you know now, you will keep thinking about it.

As soon as his voice fell, with a few minutes of reminder sound, countless messages flooded into Xu Mo's phone.

Looking at his cell phone that kept vibrating, my heartbeat speeded up. Xu Mo seemed to be a little surprised by it.

Xu Mo: A Ming, sent fifteen text messages and made six calls.

He frowned slightly.

Xu Mo: It seems that I told him to be good at "focusing" things, but he doesn't take it seriously.

MC: ....

MC: I also question the way you "focusing" at this time!

Xu Mo tapped the screen twice until everything was calm again, but there was no expression on his face.

MC: How?

I looked at him with anticipation and ambition.

After a moment of silence, Xu Mo suddenly leaned over to me, buried his head in the socket of my neck, and let out a light sigh.

Xu Mo: ....

My heart jumped suddenly.

MC: No, it doesn't matter...

I just feel my brain is blank, and my words become stumbling.

MC: It may be because the selection criteria have changed this year. They have to take other factors into consideration.

MC: And this is their loss! You are so powerful, they will definitely regret it in the future!

Xu Mo: Is it?

MC: Yes!

I replied categorically, as I was about to continue speaking, but suddenly caught a murmur of laughter, and then I was surprised that something was wrong.

MC: .. Why are you lying again!

I straightened up from Xu Mo's arms at once, but he grabbed my wrist with a smile, and pulled it into his embrace again.

Xu Mo: Where am I lying.

Xu Mo: It seems unfair to say that.

Xu Mo: I didn't seem to say what the result was.

Seeing the successful smile in his eyes, I bit my lip unwillingly. After thinking for a while, I had an idea, pretending to be angrily and got into the blanket beside me.

Although the news of Xu Mo's award made the corners of my mouth almost fly into the sky, I still constricted my smile and adjusted my tone of voice.

MC: I'm so nervous, but you still want to tease me!

MC: Originally, apart from Sake and cake, I also prepared a third gift for you. Now I have to consider it!

The low laughter in the ear was suddenly paused.

I secretly laughed and counted down silently in my heart, 3, 2, 1 until the last number fell, I really felt a pair of hands hugging me from behind.

Xu Mo: Sorry, because you looked so cute just now, I couldn't help but want to tease you.

Xu Mo: So, can you tell me what the gift is now?

Xu Mo waited for a while, but when he saw that I still didn't answer, he suddenly coughed.

Xu Mo: (cough)

Xu Mo: It seems to have been outside for too long and some have caught a cold

I listened to Xu Mo's deliberate coughing. I was startled first, and then laughed uncontrollably. I didn't expect him to think of such a childish way.

Hear my laugh, Xu Mo also laughed.

The arms around my waist tightened a bit, and when he spoke again, his tone became more serious.

Xu Mo: MC.

Xu Mo: Actually, I don't value this award that much.

My heart beats, this is the first time I heard him say that

Xu Mo: Because all the things I wanted to obtain were obtained the moment the research results were published, or even earlier.

Xu Mo: Any praise from the outside world, to me, is nothing but brocade icing on.

His voice paused, as if thinking of something, and then he smiled softly.

Xu Mo: However, everything you did for me today, I am very happy

Xu Mo: Whether it is a gift to me or your sincere words to me, I really feel how important I am in your heart.

Xu Mo rubbed my forehead with his chin across the blanket

Xu Mo: I feel happy, nervous, or even sad from the bottom of my heart

Xu Mo: Probably there is only you silly girl.

The soft words fell in my heart, and there was a drop of water.

Xu Mo: I think the reason why I always can't help teasing you, maybe it's just because I want to see you more and show off because of me.

Xu Mo: In a certain way, I can also be regarded as a special "collector".

Xu Mo: No matter what kind of meal it is, I want to have it.

Xu Mo: With that said, can you forgive me?

The delicate tenderness was sewn on him slightly, I still did not answer, but responded to him with action.

I lifted the blanket and kissed Xu Mo's face with his surprised eyes.

I ran my fingers across his fine hair and stopped on his face. Then I pulled him tightly and tightly toward me.

Heavy breathing sounded in the room, as if confused, I kissed his cheek closely and pressed against his auricle.

MC: I am not angry, you are a fool..

I followed his ear bones all the way down, and after hearing a short gasp, I turned to a thin rub.

I don't know how long it took. When I met Xu Mo's eyes awkwardly, I later realized that I was extremely ashamed of my bold actions, and subconsciously shrank back.

But Xu Mo did not allow me to retreat. He put his hands on my waist together a few inches, pressed them to my forehead, and looked at me deeply with his eyes.

Xu Mo: Is this the third gift?

The thin, hot breath entangled, I panted lightly and shook my head.

MC: ....It is a promise.

I calmed down my breath and slowly said the words that had been brewing in my heart for a long time.

MC: I want to wait for the results to come out, whether you win or not, I will tell youㅡ

MC: In the future, I will stay with you and spend every memorable moment with you.

MC: Remember the flower with crystals you gave me?

MC: I think the same as you, every moment we walked together is very precious to me

MC: Although I can't make such a romantic gift like you, I can only express it in ordinary sounds.

MC: But this is my truest thought.

The evening wind slowly passed by, and behind Xu Mo, the sky full of red leaves fell. I felt in a daze that we at this moment are closer than ever.

Xu Mo lowered his eyes, looked straight at me for a moment, and laughed a little.

Xu Mo: MC's ability to talk about love is really getting better.

My cheeks suddenly became red when I met the narrow gaze in his eyes.

MC: I'm just talking to my heart!

Xu Mo: Yes, I know.

Xu Mo: I don't think what you said is ordinary. On the contrary, it means a lot to me.

Xu Mo: However, although I received such a beautiful promise, I thought about it for a while-

Xu Mo: When you say this, aren't you also sorting me out?

MC: !... I

Seeing that I was speechless for a while, Xu Mo smiled, his eyes moved down, and landed on my slightly opened lips. The emotion in the deep eyes is unclear.

Xu Mo: Sometimes actions are more explicit than words.

He raised his hand and squatted down my lips with his fingers,

Xu Mo: The sincerity contained in the promise, maybe in another way... can make me feel more directly.

He whispered, and suddenly raised his eyes to look at me, dark light circling in his eyes.

Xu Mo: Are you willing to?

The heat surged to my cheeks, and my mind was chaotic. In the next second, Xu Mo clasped my wrist tightly and pressed me on the tatami.

MC: Wh-

The soft tip of the tongue pried my teeth away inch by inch, and grinds together delicately and long. It seems to wear out all the heat and lingering.

While my consciousness was cloudy, I tasted the faint fragrance of tea that still remained in his mouth, but it was like a very high alcohol wine, which made me feel drunk.

His head raised passively. Xu Mo squinted his eyes slightly, and gradually reduced his strength by pressing my hand.

His fingers rubbed the skin on the side of my wrist gently and slowly, letting my body gradually relax

The surrounding temperature rose sharply, and I instinctively caught his neck and responded to his tossing and turning.

Just when I felt a little dizzy, Xu Mo let go of me, a familiar chuckle sounded in my ears.

Seeing that I was a little weak, Xu Mo held my waist and let me sit on him.

I rested on his strong abs with one hand, and grasped his messy clothes with the other weakly.

MC: Xu Mo....

I lowered my head and saw what seemed to be suppressed in his gloomy eyes, so I subconsciously leaned down and pecked his chin.

Xu Mo: ....

The light and shadow in Xu Mo's eyes flickered, his eyes darkened.

Before I could react, his hand that was touching my hair suddenly pulled me towards him and kissed me again.

Unlike before, this kiss was overwhelmingly aggressive.

The tingling sensation of the intertwined lips and teeth ran through my body like an electric current, and the blood seemed to boil.

With warmth in Xu Mo's palm, he shook all the way down my spine.

His senses and thoughts were all occupied by him, and in a trance, I felt the kiss gradually slip and strengthen.

There was a slight tingling pain from my collarbone, and I couldn't help but exhale softly, and there was a warm and humid touch.

A layer of fine sweat oozes out on the tightly adhering skin, giving it an intimate and sticky feeling. I inserted my hand into Xu Mo's sweat-drenched hair and looked down at him.

He closed his eyes, his concentrated face was stained with the color of red leaves.

His sight seemed to be burned to the point of nowhere to rest.

Perhaps because of my tension, Xu Mo's lips bend slightly. He lifted his palm up to cover my eyes.

Xu Mo: Close your eyes .

Extremely strong, but with extreme gentleness.

I slowly closed my eyes and surrendered myself to him. The last image remaining on the retina is Xu Mo deep eyes.

And a brilliant red.

🍁 🍁 🍁 END  🍁 🍁 🍁

I’m sorry if there’s some mistranslation. Kindly tell me if you found some :) thank you for read it~ ^^

[falloutjay]

Stan x anxious/compassionate reader (kind of has a little canon divergence)

After giving up on Wendy (around Season 12), Stan and us start dating, we were always worried about him (no we weren't dating him out of pity, we were just a very anxious person). Some people find of clingy, others find us adorable but We've never left his side:

Ex: We were by his side helping with whales (Whale W)

We were the only one who didn't leave him when he got depression (You're Getting Old/Ass Burgers)

Next to Heidi, we became social pariah because we didn't want to dump Stan (this even made Wendy guilty)

But him moving, really gets to us, the coronavirus makes it worse. We get worried about him, then we start getting worried about everyone else as everything falls apart (Kyle, Kenny, Eric, Butters, Tweek, Craig, Scott, etc.) And we pass out of stress. About waking up in the hospital, we find out, everyone was worried about us. And Stan is the most worried of all, he spends the whole day with us. We tal-no vent about all the happened to the both of us. By the end of it, we agree that whatever happens we'll do it together.

Guess whos back! :D

Well, while it's not my best work, in my humble opinion, I sure hope you enjoy and like it. Again sorry for the delay! ಥ_ಥ

And if it's not that clear, because I know I can write a little cryptic, there is a time skip. You can either have all the show events happen when they are children and have the time skip between Covid and the memories or between you getting together as kids and the memories. Choose however you like! ^^

_________________________________________

Stan x anxious!compassionate!Reader

Tiny eyes watched the scene unfold.

Normally, Wendy was the one to break up with Stan, but not this time around. Stan was actually telling Wendy that he had no interest in her anymore.

“What changed Stan?” Wendy asked, obviously confused.

“I think I like someone else… I don’t know yet…”

Wendy gave him a smile.

“I wish you all the luck Stan, say if you need anything!”

“I will.” And with that, Wendy took off to be with her friends, while Stan turned a corner and told Kyle and Kenny how it went.

Cartman was there too, but he only wanted to know if she cried, because “she would deserve it.”.

You closed your locker and felt your heartbeat like crazy. Ever since you changed school a few months ago, Stan captured your little ten-year-old mind.

He was kind and showed you around when you had no idea where to go. It was a little crush you developed, and you never felt as scared and excited as now, since that Stan had broken off with Wendy.

This newfound feeling almost made you dizzy but you quickly snapped back into reality when you heard your name.

“Y/N?” Stan asked and waited patiently for his answer next to you.

“Oh, sorry, I was thinking, what did you want?”

“Would you maybe like to hang out some time?”

Stan almost got a heart attack when you suddenly squealed but was happy when you managed to get a high-pitched “YES!” out.

“Okay, what are you betting Kenny? Some Pennies or a dead rat?” Cartman almost fell from his chair laughing about his shitty joke, while Kyle and Kenny rolled their eyes.

“Don’t you think it’s weird how clingy they are?” Kyle asked his blonde friend, while they kept watching you and Stan, who were seated at a separate table at lunch.

“Honestly, I think it’s pretty cute.” Kenny said with his muffled voice.

You held his arm and hugged him from the side, while he happy kept on eating his lunch.

Eric, who had now calmed down from his laugh attack eyed the couple critically. “I’m giving them a month max.”

He said lazily and looked around. “I say longer than a year.” Kenny said, throwing a crinkled five-dollar note on the table.

“You two are horrible.” Kyle shook his head before he threw 10 dollars on the table.

“Four months.”

Kenny was a happy man after a year, because despite everyone believing you two would eventually break up, you never did.

You were always by his side, no matter what.

His desire to desperately save whales with the help of a braindead ship crew?

You were always right by his in the interviews he gave.

His horrible depression that even drove Kyle away? No chance, you stood strong and helped him through the whole thing and even help reuniting the gang.

Even during the protest against Skanthunt42, you chose to sit this one out, despite you absolutely hating that the troll photoshopped a dick into your mother’s mouth.

At least you and Heidi got close due to you guys both becoming social outcasts. When Wendy heard this, she was impressed by your dedication and felt somewhat guilty for obviously not trying as much in her former relationship.

Everyone admired your patience and endurance. No matter what obstacle came, you managed to get through it.

“You don’t need to be sad, Y/N. I won't be that far away.” Stan said, holding your hand.

“B-But it's outside of town. You need ages by bike to get there and vice versa.” You said, holding back tears.

Randy walked past you and you desperately pleaded to him.

“Please Mister Marsh, please stay in town!” Randy put the box he carried into the car, before turning to you.

“Real sorry, dear Y/N. This town is…How do I put it… Absolute shit and I really want to get away.”

He patted you on the head and went back into the house to get more boxes.

“Told you, you cant talk to him.” Stan said and shrugged.

“But it’s unfair. We won’t see each other as much anymore.” Stan pressed a kiss onto your cheek, which made you blush intensely.

“Don’t. Worry. I will make time for you.”

With that in mind, you didn’t feel as sad, when the car with the Marsh Family in it left for their new home.

“I will make time for you, my ass.” You mumbled while you sat at a bench near Starks Pond. Letting out a deep sigh, you leaned back and just enjoyed the warmth of the setting sun.

Covid was one hell of a bitch and just had to have this big impact on everyone’s life. Stan and you now saw each other less and less.

It was just a horrible feeling that tainted your heart and made you worry a lot.

Maybe he was feeling just as bad as you are, maybe even more?

Maybe he just didn’t want to tell you how he felt?

Were you maybe a bad partner? Your mind began racing and your train of thoughts became unrailed.

So many bad thoughts manifested themselves and it made you almost gasp for air.

“I need to check on him.” You mumbled getting up from the park bench.

You began walking and you kind of hoped that maybe just the walking would get your mind in check, but sadly it didn’t. Involuntarily you had to think about all the other stuff that happened during this horrible time.

The precious Broship was more fragile than ever. You had become such good friends with Kenny, Kyle and Cartman over time that it hurt you a lot too.

You also saw Covid take a toll on your other friends, like Craig and his group, who now took Cartman into their gang after the split up.

However, that came to be…

The girls were also pretty divided, so hanging out with them meant picking sides which wasn’t your thing, you kinda just want them to get along again.

Everything felt like it was falling apart. Your parents had fights ever so often, all your friends had problems and your beloved boyfriend was stuck on that stupid farm.

God how you hated that stupid farm and Randy.

When he gave you one of those plushies that looked like him, you functioned it into a voodoo doll. But sadly, it didn’t seem to affect him, no matter how many needles you rammed into it.

Your heart felt heavy, and it seemed hard to breathe, but you brushed it aside.

You had already reached the busy streets of South Park and mingled between the newly vaccinated people.

Everywhere you looked, the people seemed happy.

Everyone was happy except you and the people around you… Maybe…You were the problem?

You shook your head. No, you didn’t allow those kinds of thoughts.

You much rather think about Stan. How you miss him and how amazing your dates were.

Oh, how much effort he put into all the small things… Well… At least he did.

Now that you thought about it when was your last date?

It feels like it had been ages. It has been ages. Everything had been ages. Going out with him, hanging out with your friends, your family not fighting… How long has this been the new normal? You can’t help but wonder.

Your heart clenched again. “Stop it, stupid heart.” You mumbled under your breath.

An exhausted sigh escaped your lips when you thought about how you maybe had to walk all the way up to the farm… It would take ages, but you really craved being held by the person you adored so much.

So, you continued walking down through the street when an elder lady stopped you.

“Excuse me, but you look rather sickly, are you alright?” Confused you raised an eyebrow. Did the vaccines make them delusional?

“No, I’m fine.” You answered, somewhat snippy, even when you didn’t know why you were so agitated.

“But you look rather pale, maybe you- I am fine.” You interrupted her and continued your path.

Were all people in this shitty town stupid or- The thought could not be completed, due to you suddenly losing consciousness.

When you woke up again, you immediately recognized one of the Hells Pass Hospital rooms, once your eyes had adjusted to the bright lights. Around the bed were your parents and more importantly Stan and his mother.

“Thank God, you’re awake again!” Your mother said when she went for a hug.

Confused you asked why you were here.

“Well, seemingly you were so stressed out, that your body basically shut down.”

Somewhat shocked you looked around. Was it really a surprise to hear that? Not really, but it still felt odd knowing that it happened.

“Well, I’m glad you’re fine, Y/N.” Misses Marsh commented and smiled warmly at you. She had always liked you and you felt the same. She was always nice to you and you felt like she was the only one with a brain in the family…

Feeling a sudden sensation of warmness on your hand, your eyes darted down to it. Stan held you hand while answering something your dad had asked him.

“Well, Sharon, you wanna accompany us to get some hot chocolate for us all?”

Your mother said with an odd wink, which made you and Stan roll your eyes.

The three adults left the room chatting happily. Stan looked at you with a stern expression, which kind of surprised you.

“I swear, whenever I think I couldn’t get more worried about you, your parents call me, to tell me that you’re in the hospital.”

“Worried? About me? I should be worried about you?” You laughed to which Stan shook his head.

“Listen, everyone has been super worried about you since you seemed so down and just exhausted. Like, Kyle already called me earlier to ask if you’re awake again. I don’t know why you worry about me; I am really fine babe. Promise.”

With that said, the door opened, and your parents came back inside.

“Y/N, the doctor said they would like you to stay the night, so they can check that you’re really alright.” Your father informed you and you were immediately annoyed.

Well, you had no choice but to oblige. Your parents left after an hour, wanting to get you some clothes and other things you’d need.

Sharon also bids her goodbye and so you and Stan were left.

And just like you wished, you got to cuddle with him. He held you close, and you vented to him, how worried you were about everything and everyone, while he told you just how worried all of your friends had been since you were acting so out of character.

“Even Cartman?”

“Yup, even when he would never admit it.” Stan laughed. He held your hand tight, and his content smile never left his face.

“I think we should talk more about feelings and being worried and all that. I know I’m not all that good at it, but I don’t ever wanna have to visit you in a hospital again.” Stan said, giving your hand a squeeze.

“That sounds good. But you gotta accept, I worry a lot, because I care a lot about you, okay?” You said sternly and Stan nodded. You two looked fondly at each other and just enjoyed the time you got.

“Together forever?” You asked and he whispered “Forever.”, before he pressed a sweet kiss onto your lips.

[waitineedaname]

6 for some roommates??

6. Accidentally ending a phone call with your roommate with a casual ‘I love you’ seems like a very good reason to move out.

“I’m so sorry I can’t make it! It’s just- The flight got delayed, and now I’m going to miss my connecting flight, so I’m stuck in Chicago overnight, which means there’s no way I’ll be there in time, and-”

“Tommy!” Darnold could hear Tommy’s anxiety building through the phone and tried to cut it off before he could work himself up further. “It’s okay, really! It’s just a conference, nothin’ special.”

“Yeah, but-” Tommy’s voice took on a whine, “You’re presenting.”

“Anything I say at this presentation is guaranteed to be something you’ve heard before.” Darnold couldn’t help but smile fondly. “You let me infodump about this experiment to you every evening for the past several months, I’m surprised you wanted to come to the conference at all.”

Tommy’s huff was barely audible through Darnold’s phone speakers, but it was clear he was no longer on the brink of tears. “It’s not every day I get the chance to see my roommate present his- present the world’s first evil flavored drink!”

“Well, I wouldn’t say that.” Darnold covered his mouth, as if there was anyone in the hotel lobby who cared enough to listen. “Don’t tell anyone, Dr. Coolatta, but this is only the first in a long line of flavors I have planned!” Tommy obligingly let out a loud, fake gasp on the other end, as if he hadn’t been involved in the planning process from the beginning. “I know, it’s shocking. I understand if you want to sit down. But yeah, this sure as hell won’t be the last time I’ll be presenting, I’ll tell you that. Maybe next time, you’ll even be presenting alongside me!”

“I’d like that,” Tommy said with a slight laugh. “Alright. But! I’ll- I’ll be cheering you on the whole time! Just… from the plane! And, um, I’ll take you out for celebratory drinks when I get there.”

“You don’t gotta do that,” Darnold said, Southern politeness keeping him from taking the offer without protest.

“I’m going to,” Tommy’s retort came immediately, more than used to that polite instinct. “Okay, I- The plane seems to be boarding? So, I gotta- I should probably get going. Good luck, Darnold! See you soon!”

“Safe flight, Tommy. Love you, bye.” Darnold tapped the end call button, then stared at his reflection in his phone screen. Did… Did he just say that?

Okay. Calm down Dr. Pepper, he thought to himself. Think this through rationally. Freudian slips were something everyone did. It’s only logical that the level of intimacy and domesticity created by living with someone who was probably his best friend would result in some crossed wires, resulting in him accidentally saying “I love you.” No reason to think about it too much.

But… he couldn’t help but think about it too much. Because that wasn’t the whole story. The thing was, Tommy was a handsome guy. No shame in admitting that. He also understood Darnold in a way very few others had. Both of them being neurodivergent ace-spec scientists in their mid-thirties meant they got each other a lot better than most. Not only that, but also Tommy was just… a great person. He made Darnold laugh on a regular basis, and he was more kind and compassionate than Darnold thought possible, though that didn’t mean he couldn’t be sarcastic and snappish when he wanted to be. Darnold appreciated that complexity in him. Darnold appreciated a lot of things about Tommy, if he was being honest. He’d been avoiding thinking about it, but once he started, he couldn’t stop. There was no denying it at this point: over the course of their friendship and cohabitation, Darnold had been slowly but steadily falling deeply in love with Tommy Coolatta.

For Christ’s sake, he could not be dealing with this right now. Not when he would be presenting one of the biggest accomplishments of his career in an hour. He would just have to shove the past minute into a box in the corner of his brain and unpack it later.

Yeah, that didn’t work. His thoughts were buzzing the whole time he walked around the conference until his presentation, and he was jittery with nerves for a reason wholly unrelated to stage fright. It was a marvel he made it to the presentation at all. He avoided his phone like it was cursed, unable to bring himself to check and see if Tommy had texted him at all. For a single, unhinged second he fantasized about moving across the country, changing his name, and starting anew so he wouldn’t have to deal with his feelings, but he spent the next second internally smacking himself for that idea. No need for melodramatics.

His hands shook the whole time he presented his evil flavor, though he was proud to say his voice remained steady. It was a little easier to avoid thinking about anything else when he was presenting something he was so proud of. The audience was suitably impressed by his work, and every bout of dignified applause felt like the most raucous of cheers to Darnold. He couldn’t stop the smile on his face as he stepped off the presentation stage to allow them to set up for the next presenter. He was shaking hands with one of the scientists from the audience who was congratulating him on his work when he glanced to the back of the room and spotted Tommy.

Tommy, somehow immediately knowing Darnold had seen him, waved and grinned. Darnold bit back a laugh at how much he towered over everyone else around him. He excused himself and rushed to the back of the room.

“Tommy!” Darnold exclaimed. “I thought you weren’t gonna get in till tomorrow afternoon at the latest?”

“I, uh, I got in contact with my dad! He gave me a hand,” Tommy responded evasively. Knowing Tommy’s father, that could either mean he hired a private jet for him or he literally teleported him across the country. Darnold couldn’t bring himself to care about the details right now. “I’m glad I could catch your presentation! You did- You were amazing.”

“Well, gosh, it ain’t anything,” Darnold said, as if he wasn’t preening under the praise.

“Can I still take you out for those drinks?” Tommy asked, reaching for Darnold’s hand. Darnold’s heart warmed as he squeezed Tommy’s hand. Tommy wasn’t big on physical affection unless he initiated it, so Darnold cherished it whenever it happened.

“If you insist,” Darnold teased lightly.

“I do! And, uh, also…” Tommy trailed off, rubbing his thumb over Darnold’s hand, “I… was thinking about making it a date? If you like?”

Darnold’s eyebrows shot up. “Really? Like, an actual date?”

“Yeah! Is- Would that be okay?” Something vulnerable flickered through Tommy’s eyes, and Darnold was quick to brush it away.

“That would be more than okay.”

Tommy had this way of literally lighting up the room when he got happy, and this was no exception. Darnold pitied any of the scientists around them that weren’t used to it. “Great!” He said, already tugging Darnold towards the hall.

As they exchanged potion ideas over cocktails that evening, Darnold found himself feeling the happiest he’d been in a long time. Maybe an accidental love confession over the phone wasn’t that bad.

[doberbutts]

hey, if you have a minute, would you mind if I picked your brain about a decision I'm currently trying to make? I've found a cattle dog breeder I really like, who has produced nine working SDs so far, and she has a litter on the ground with a puppy she's identified as a good SD/sport prospect. this is really exciting. but also: I am in the process of trying to buy a permanent house rather than renting, and this litter will be ready to go home Mar 1. I don't have house in mind yet, tho. (1/?)

complications: the puppy is male, and SSA is really common in cattle dogs. I have one older female mix (10yrs) and one 20mo male ACD/pit mix (neither intact). I have plenty of experience with resource guarding, managing expression of feelings, and practicing impulse control, but I haven't owned two dogs of the same sex in my entire life and the spectre of potential SSA is pretty intimidating. Personality-wise, young male dog is much softer, more submissive, and more forgiving than old lady.

complication two: there will be another litter in the fall, and while there are two people ahead of me in reservation line for THAT litter, everyone wants girls because of the perception that SSA is way worse in ACDs for boys. (I think I would rather deal with SSA between two boys than two girls, but I am worrying about worst case scenario.) both of these other people want girls only. (The candidate puppy in THIS litter is available because litter was mostly boys.)

so I think what I am asking for advice on is that I see three choices ahead of me: 1) jump on bb Candidate Puppy even though the timing isn't ideal, maybe delay house buying plans? my lease isn't up until August, I just wanted to start looking for houses now that I've decided I do want to stay in MN for a couple of years. I have no idea if my landlord would be cool with Yet Another Critter but my existing two dogs and three cats are okay, so.

2) ask breeder if she would not mind holding Candidate Puppy a month or so longer, possibly in exchange for boarding fees, while I buy a house and move into it. 3) wait for next litter, hope enough girls with a promising temperament are born. 4) wait for next litter, agnostic about sex, make decisions based on who is born when.

Hmm. This is a bit of a difficult situation tbh. I was kind of in a similar situation- a friend offered me a puppy from a litter I was genuinely interested in, shortly after Creed died. However I was already in transition to moving in short term with a good friend of mine while I continued my hunt for a house, and then I also had no idea about when I would actually be able to close on a house. The puppies were scheduled to go home actually right about now and uh. I'm still living with that friend waiting to close on my house lmao. I at least have a tentative closing date and like an actual plan at this point but I'm still not anywhere near ready to bring home a puppy yet.

I ended up asking my friend if she could hold onto the puppy for a handful of months until I closed and finished moving in. She agreed, mostly because she was really excited that one of this breeding would be coming to live with me after watching me with Creed.

The litter ended up not taking and so it all turned out to be for nothing, which is a bit disappointing but also significantly less stressful to know that I'm not having to rush getting all this shit together for a hellion to come home pretty much the second keys are in my hand. She's tossed around the idea of repeating the breeding to see if we actually get anything this time and I'm still on the list for that, but at the same time no guarantees it won't end up the same. This litter would happen after I'm already moved in and settled so much better timing for me.

If this is a puppy/litter you feel strongly about, while you're in transition like this I would honestly see if the breeder could hold onto him or if you can find somewhere to board/train him with someone you trust while you figure out your life circumstances if you can afford it. The good news is that even if litters don't turn out- which listen I've been there for both the aforementioned puppy and even for Sushi there were some failed attempts before she was finally born- there will always be other litters and other puppies. Don't feel like you have to rush. It should feel right to bring your puppy home. If you have to force it? Then it's not the right time yet.

[peachyteabuck]

remember what you love like

summary: is a lunch date still a lunch date after you leave the restaurant?

a commission for @buckysbunny

pairing: natasha romanoff x reader

words: 2,014

trigger warnings: allusions to compulsory heterosexuality, fingering, fluff, mentions of sexting

ask box / masterlist / commission info / ko-fi

Natasha’s hands are tangled in your forest green cardigan, one hand on the small of your back while the other is pressed into the back of your neck.

“You’re so beautiful,” she murmurs when you pull away to gasp for breath, head spinning as a trail of spit connects your mouths in a sight you wish you could see in one of those giant oil paintings that draw large crowds to art museums. “My beautiful little Bunny.”

You preen under her praise, your own hands shaky as they find purchase in her hair, the beltloop of her jeans, anything you can grab as she pushes you into your apartment, pressing you against each and every surface she deems fit. Somewhere between your front door and the wall directly opposite said entrance you lose your cardigan and your shoes, clothes falling to the floor as you’re pushes down the hallway and, finally, onto your bed. You’d made it that morning hoping your lunch date wouldn’t end after you’d left the restaurant just as you had cleaned the rest of your apartment. In truth you’re not sure whether the frantic scrubbing and organization of your kitchen was to impress her or distract yourself for how nervous you were, considering you and Natasha have been dating for about three months now and hadn’t done more than cuddle and today, today of all days felt like the right to rectify that. The two of you had spent all night sexting after you’d sent her a picture of you in your new bra – a pale pink one that made your tits look exquisite. Things had only escalated, you shoving your hands down your pajama shorts to get yourself off at her direction.

So yeah, given all of that, you were decently confident that you would end up with her tongue down your throat and her hands groping at your tits – a thought that left you some weird mixture of overjoyed and frightened.

As your back hits your girly, patterned comforter your heart beats against your ribcage, each chamber trying to rip itself from the rest of the muscle just so that it can travel to each of your limbs and make them shake. Something – someone – is screaming in your ears, the high-pitched sound nearly loud enough to drown out the woman who’s crawled on top of you.  

Nearly.

“Hey,” Natasha coos, peppering small kisses along your face and jaw and neck as her center presses into yours. “Hey, Bunny-“

You finally meet her eyes when that pet name – her pet name for you - falls from her lips. Only then does she notice how terrified you look.

“You good, Bunny?” she asks, her own heart now picking up not because her fingertips are on fire and your skin feels just as hot. “Is everything okay?”

“I, uh-“ you struggle to find the words, wishing you kept your blanket-like cardigan on so you could hide in it. “I haven’t done this with uh,” you trying to swallow despite your dry mouth. “With women.”

Natasha exhales deeply, face visibly softening. It doesn’t feel like pity, though, which suppresses a tiny bit of your nervousness; the last thing you want is for the woman responsible for the menagerie in your stomach each time she texts you or says your name or worms her way into every passing thought to think of you as some sort of charity case.

“Oh, babes,” she places each hand flat on either side of your jaw, both thumbs rubbing soothingly into your heated cheeks. “You know I’m okay with that – right? I don’t want you any less just because you haven’t done with women before.”

You sniffle, trying to keep the tears that prick the corners of your eyes in their spot. “A-are you sure?”

Natasha nods, leaving a small kiss on the center of your forehead. “Of course I am, Bunny. I don’t care how many women you’ve had sex with.”

“E-even though I’ve had sex with guys?” your eyes are big and scared, petrified of rejection.

Natasha just smiles, pulling you closer to her. “Yes, Bunny. Your sexual history certainly doesn’t define you as a person and doesn’t change how I feel about you. Okay?”

You smile back, leaning into her arms as you sniffle once more. “O-okay.”

“Now,” she smiles as she pulls back, readjusting herself onto her side as you stay on your back.  “Where were we?”

And just like that – with fear quelled and uncomfortable twisting in your stomach now loose and simmering below your skin – she returns to her original mission, one that involves ghosting her fingers over your clothed chest before thumbing at the hem of your denim skirt. “You’re so cute, Bunny,” she murmurs. “Such an adorable little Bunny all for me…”

Natasha then pushes your skirt up to your stomach, keeping it in place with her forearm as she begins rubbing the two middle fingers of her right hand along your clothed slit. Your chest heaves as she grins down at your scrunched eyes, furrowed brow, and kiss-swollen lips.

“So beautiful,” she murmurs into your neck, teeth barely pressing into the bruises that deepen with each passing moment. “So good for me, Bunny…”

Lewd moans fall from your mouth as circles your clit, the adorable pink cotton panties you had specifically chosen that morning hoping and praying this would happen now completely soaked through. They’re rough against your sensitive, desperate clit – pussy pulsing around nothing as you buck your hips frantically.

“P-please,” you moan, voice nearly unrecognizable now. “P-please N-Nat!”

She presses a firm kiss to your lips, smiling as she moves her hands to rub at your pussy under your panties. The feeling of her hand there without anything between her skin and your is intoxicating – her fingers easily finding your clit once more. “Call me Mommy,” she murmurs, free hand pushing the sweaty hairs from your forehead. “Call me Mommy, sweet Bunny.”

“Mommy, oh fuck-“ you gasp, the feeling of her hands and the mention of that title you’d been discussing the night before shooting another bolt of lightning through your nervous system, hands bunch the sheets in your palms – your fingers nearly numb as all of your blood rushes to your core. “Oh fucking shit!”

For the first time in what feels like hours you find the courage to open your eyes – another moan deep in your chest filling the hot, thick air. You always wondered why people described being fucked as being consumed, as being the main course in a large meal presented to some rich, old-timey monarch after they return from visiting the more desolate parts of the territory they rule over.

Now, though, under Natasha’s heated gaze with three of her fingers stuffed inside of you while the other hand presses into your stomach – you feel like some prized pig slathered in glaze and placed onto an obnoxious silver platter with a whole apple placed into your waiting mouth as fruits and vegetables circle your flesh. If you had ever felt desired, it certainly didn’t match up to the fire in Natasha’s eyes as she devours each time you twitch, moan, beg for more.

“You sure you want more?” she purrs, fingers stroking that spot inside of you that makes your legs shake and eyes tear up once more. “Does my greedy little Bunny want her Mommy to give her more?”

You nod furiously, mouth barely able to keep up with your racing thoughts. “Yes, fuck Mommy please please please I want-“ you moan as she fucks into you harder, reveling in watching you fall apart. “Please I’ll take anything you want to give me Mommy please!”

Without further delay Natasha moves between your legs, maneuvering you so that one of her hands fucked in and out of you while the other circles your clit in hot, tight circles. Your eyes don’t know where to focus – on the sight on Natasha’s hands working you into some kind of putty or the woman herself, whose smug grin and furrowed brow are almost intimidating in their determination.

“M-mommy,” you gasp out, legs trying to shut themselves involuntarily, stopped only by the woman between your legs. Your toes curl, spine bending forward as the white-hot pleasure in your stomach curls itself tighter and tighter around itself. “Mommy, Mommy, I’m gonna, I’m gonna-!”

You come with a guttural moan you almost don’t recognize as yours – a sound so animalistic you wonder if Natasha had rewired your brain into some pre-human thing incapable of speech. It’s hot, so hot, and in your post-orgasmic bliss you wonder if life could get any better.

“How you feeling, Bunny?” Natasha asks, trying to find some signs of life behind your glazed-over eyes.

“So fucking good! I feel so good, Mommy!” you gasp out, mouth dry and lunges seemingly devoid of oxygen.

The woman above you just laughs, though, throws her beautiful head back and laughs and oh God – oh God you need to find it in you to tell her to stop doing that because you’ve only been dating for a few months and her beauty radiates with the power of the sun and you weren’t born with UV-protection in your retinas and if her light doesn’t burn you to a crisp first you think you’re going to fucking explode.

“I’m glad,” she tells you, running her now-wrinkled fingertips over the inside of your trembling thighs. Silence settles of you both as you feel your bones…vibrate? Or maybe that’s chest your heart again – the stupid thing incapable of handling this much joy and pleasure at the same time. It takes a long while for Natasha to speak again, not wanting to spook you in your fragile state. “Hey Bunny?” she asks, watching to make sure you’d heard her. “I’m gonna get you some water, okay?”

You give her a small “okay,” body still as she climbs off your bed.

You’re boneless – inert as you lay there with your arms flat at your sides and your legs in the same bent position Natasha had left them in before she had oh-so meanly abandoned you. Just as before, your chest rises and falls as if a forty-pound weight was pressing into it – each inhale painful and a struggle with the exhales happening all too quickly. It’s unfamiliar, being so satiated. Being with men had left you feeling fine, maybe a little out of breath, but with Natasha? God, you wouldn’t be able to move if the fire alarms went off; you’d just lay here, vision fuzzy around the edges as the smell of smoke came through the air vents. (Then again, given the state of Natasha’s arms, you think she’d be able to carry you out of your apartment building just fine.)

She returns – just as she said she would – with a mug of cold water that she holds as if it was priceless and not something you thrifted for less than a dollar when you had moved from your last apartment.  

“Thanks,” you croak as she hands it to you, watching as you sit up and wince ever so slightly as your sensitive pussy presses into the sheets. You’ll need to change them – and soon – but somehow that feels like an impossible task as you gulp down what, in your state, tastes closer to ambrosia than the shit in your Brita. When you’re finished Natasha takes the now empty mug from you, placing it on your nightstand before hugging you to her chest and pushing you back until you hit the sheets once more, lying down next to you and throwing her arm around your waist.

“You good, Bunny?” she asks again, a part of her always worried about you no matter how much euphoria pooled in your veins.

You nod as you curl into her side, leaving a kiss on her collarbone as you listen to her heartrate slow as it returns its resting pace. It’s calming, that combined with the feeling of her fingers twirling in your mused hair lulling you into the deepest sleep you’ve had in weeks.