#and his untreated social anxiety

[abigailspinach]

When Matthew came to think the matter over he decided that a woman was required to cope with the situation. Marilla was out of the question. Matthew felt sure she would throw cold water on his project at once. Remained only Mrs. Lynde; for of no other woman in Avonlea would Matthew have dared to ask advice. To Mrs. Lynde he went accordingly, and that good lady promptly took the matter out of the harassed man’s hands.

“Pick out a dress for you to give Anne? To be sure I will. I’m going to Carmody tomorrow and I’ll attend to it. Have you something particular in mind? No? Well, I’ll just go by my own judgment then. I believe a nice rich brown would just suit Anne, and William Blair has some new gloria in that’s real pretty. Perhaps you’d like me to make it up for her, too, seeing that if Marilla was to make it Anne would probably get wind of it before the time and spoil the surprise? Well, I’ll do it. No, it isn’t a mite of trouble. I like sewing. I’ll make it to fit my niece, Jenny Gillis, for she and Anne are as like as two peas as far as figure goes.”

“Well now, I’m much obliged,” said Matthew, “and—and—I dunno—but I’d like—I think they make the sleeves different nowadays to what they used to be. If it wouldn’t be asking too much I—I’d like them made in the new way.”

“Puffs? Of course. You needn’t worry a speck more about it, Matthew. I’ll make it up in the very latest fashion,” said Mrs. Lynde. To herself she added when Matthew had gone:

“It’ll be a real satisfaction to see that poor child wearing something decent for once. The way Marilla dresses her is positively ridiculous, that’s what, and I’ve ached to tell her so plainly a dozen times. I’ve held my tongue though, for I can see Marilla doesn’t want advice and she thinks she knows more about bringing children up than I do for all she’s an old maid. But that’s always the way. Folks that has brought up children know that there’s no hard and fast method in the world that’ll suit every child. But them as never have think it’s all as plain and easy as Rule of Three—just set your three terms down so fashion, and the sum ‘ll work out correct. But flesh and blood don’t come under the head of arithmetic and that’s where Marilla Cuthbert makes her mistake. I suppose she’s trying to cultivate a spirit of humility in Anne by dressing her as she does; but it’s more likely to cultivate envy and discontent. I’m sure the child must feel the difference between her clothes and the other girls’. But to think of Matthew taking notice of it! That man is waking up after being asleep for over sixty years.

[anarcho-smarmyism]

genuinely my ex is all over reddit right now accusing me of doxing and suicide baiting him while I told him repeatedly someone had hacked my Google account and Tumblr and he refused to even consider he could be wrong about that, no matter what I said, just like he refused to believe that I would ever leave him for refusing to make ANY friends outside of me that he could talk to duing his constant nervous breakdowns, usually cumulating in threats of self-harm and suicide. he attempted suicide in front of me MULTIPLE TIMES and told me over and over that if I left him he would die because his wealthy, "respectable" abusive Mormon family wouldn't take him in (they did, immediately, as soon as he actually asked. Go figure). He hated everyone I introduced him to, insisted people were "glaring at him and yelling at him" whenever we went out even to the GYM, and would incessantly bother me every time I went out alone. he would accuse me of "yelling" anytime I sounded angry, even if I was speaking at regular volume. every time I said I wanted to leave him, especially if I was crying, he would give me this condescending look and remind me that I would lose my job and my housing if he stopped letting me borrow his car -the car his older, better sister gave him, BTW, because he has never (and probably WILL never) earn a single thing for himself in his entire life. when i did leave him, he was NONSTOP trying to use financial incentives and/or threats of calling the police to falsely accuse me of stealing that damn car to get me to somehow interact with him -even though I told him over and over that we shouldn't be talking at the moment because I was too stressed and angry to be civil. He didn't care; he wanted to manipulate me into staying and being his free nurse maid for the rest of my life however he could.

the last straw after roughly 5 straight years of this was when he refused to stop texting and calling me about where his fucking Playstation remote controller was, even though I told him getting notifications while I drive is dangerously distracting for me (I have severe untreated ADHD; if you're poor in the areas I live doctors straight up do not give a fuck), even though he knew I was working as a home healthcare aide and needed to focus on the needs of my physically disabled patient while I was at work he would NOT stop bothering me no matter what I said or did. Then when I finally managed to get my most important stuff out of that house and he wouldn't stop calling and texting threatening self harm again, and I called the local police telling them he needed to be committed to the psych ward again, the cops beat him up and left him there....which he CONTINUES to blame on me, as if I control the fucking police. The last couple times I talked to him he admitted he's been hearing voices for weeks but the local hospitals won't take him because he won't tell them he's suicidal. So which is it?

For years, he was literally only not accusing me of neglecting or abusing him when I was either working or at home, paying attention to him or whatever he wanted to watch on TV. He wouldn't even put noise canceling earphones on so that I could play video games while he slept (im loud when im having fun; he was raised with upper middle class Mormon suburban social mores, I wasn't). He didn't care what I needed or wanted in my life or from our relationship whatsoever; no matter what I did to improve my mental health or try to go back to school or encourage him to also take better care of himself, he always found a way to sabotage me so i ended up wasting my life sitting next to him on the couch, so he would never have to cope with a single evening of social anxiety by going anywhere at all with me or anybody else! I made the mistake of trying to help him with his mental health when no one else would, and he decided that meant taking care of him was now my life's work.

He ruined so many jobs and friendships for me this way, my family who took us both in cut me off for not leaving a man who would literally throw himself to the ground like a toddler if he was """having a panic attack""", and when I left him what does he do? Make multiple phone numbers to harass me while I was trying to stay away from him and secure housing for me and our cats (2 of which HE insisted on getting, all of which he wanted to abandon in a shelter instead of even just asking his stepdad if he could take HIS cat home with him!), multiple tumblr accounts to cyberstalk me, and go on Reddit to recruit these sexist, gullible mouth-breathers to try and ruin my life for something I didn't do but he actually did. I have proof of him ADMITTING to this, to going off his medications and not sleeping for over 7 days ("handling the breakup badly" in his words); I have proof of everything on the same device I finally blocked him on. whoever has my Google account used it to send my new email a threat that they would follow me to the ends of all worlds to make sure I'm known as a monster at the behest of this actual fucking admitted insane person who actually abused me, financially and emotionally, for years because he assumed he could trap me and I couldn't do anything about it. it got so bad he was trying to control my MEALS and insisting i was insane for not eating the way he wanted me to. Even now I'm struggling to get someone to let me borrow an actual working computer so I can secure ANY of my own stuff, and I'm being slandered as some kind of abusive criminal matermind by a bunch of idiots who armchair diagnosed me as a narcissist borderline psychopath ETC because redditors are easy to goad into an online mob against any Bad Woman, especially someone's ex. if you tell them someone's a crazy bitch, they just take you at your word.

so yeah. For the time being that's my side of the story, as loath as I am to dignify this and have an embarrassing messy public flame war with my ex, it's clear I can't just ignore it because him and his "hacker buddies" are actually guilty of what they're accusing me of.

[philsmeatylegss]

Fundraisers for people/families trying to escape genocide

Have come across so many Palestinian people and family struggling to find funds to escape (which is ridiculous itself). Wanted to compile a list of as many as I can find with a small summary for those interested.

A plea for Humanity to help my family escape gaza

Summary: Thaer Aburaida is a student completing residency in Germany. However, her family of 15 are stuck in Gaza. The youngest being triplet babies with little access to formula. There are also a 2, 3, and 4 year old. Funds will be used to help them escape as well as healthcare as they are currently sick.

Emergency: help me evacuate my family from Gaza

Summary: Rawan AbuMahady, a 30-year-old Palestinian-currently residing in Canada, is a social worker and researcher who grew up on Gaza. She is recovering from PTSD due to what she has witnessed. Her younger sisters and parents still remain in Palestine, however. Her younger sisters, Hadeel (24)and Ayah(22 years old), has been expereincing severe panic attacks and have no access to food or clean water. Her mom has Type 2 Diabetes and was scheduled for eye surgery. However, she has had no access to insulin or any medical care for the past 3 months. Despite Rawan’s relentless efforts to reach the Canadian embassy and multiple international NGO’s through various channels, she has not received any help. However, her family has found a way to escape to Egypt for $7,000 each. While Rawan is financially independent and proud of the life she has made, she cannot afford a fee this high. As her family needs more than just fleeing to Egypt. Funds will first go to passes to get to Egypt, and any extra funds will go to transportation costs between Al-Nusierat camp to Rafah City, costs for any more travel, and possibly helping with food and shelter.

Gaza: Help my family afford emergency surgeries

Summary: Nouran is an artist whose family has suffered injuries during the bombings. The injuries are brutal. Her brother lost his right eye and ear, and suffered a skull fracture. Shrapnel has destroyed his right ear canal, and he’s completely deaf on that side. Nouran also lost her right eye. She also suffered major soft tissue trauma to my forehead and scalp. Her dad has completely lost his right calf muscle and can no longer walk without support. He can’t get surgery right now because there are no doctors here that know how to give epidural anaesthesia. Her mom has an untreated broken jaw and can no longer eat solid food. In the time since she was injured, she has lost over 14kg. All donations will go to treating their wounds. Medicines like antibiotics, anaesthesia, and pain relief are extremely expensive and difficult to get because of supply issues. They are also low on food with savings going fast. She has family in Ireland who can help with travel after they can escape, but they need help immediately with their health.

help a family have a chance in life

Summary: Dr. Haya Ahmed Hegazy is a 28 years old Obstetrician and Gynecologist. Despite her and her family themselves having to flee, she has been doing everything she can to provide free healthcare to fellow refugees, including helping woman give birth safely. She needs money to escape with her family where she hopes to complete her studies and return to help with more knowledge

Help Abdallah Zaqout and Family of 10 Evacuate

Summary: Abdallah Zaqout, a young man who has recently watched his friends be martyred, and his family of 10 need help escaping Gaza. His family includes multiple young children, sleeping in leaking tents and suffering intense anxiety. You can find Abdallah @/abdallah_zaqout on Instagram and the creator of the fundraiser is taking questions on their Instagram, @/tigerlily4448

Help me and my family to escape from Gaza war!

Summary: Thaer Inshasi, is a radiologist living in the Gaza Strip. He has five siblings, one with a two year old child. All ten family members are currently living in a 3*3 room with no electricity, gas, or human toilet as well as no access to clean water or food. He is trying to find asylum for him and his family in Belgium. He needs $40,000 to get to Egypt and $40,000 to get him and his family to Belgium.

Help Moaiad escape Gaza to become a Doctor

Summary: Moaiad Aljamal, 21, lives in Gaza and is a 3rd year medical student trying to immigrate to Egypt to complete his degree. When attending school in Palestine, he was in the top 2 percentile of his classes. He plans to be a Cardiothoracic Surgeon. He has a family of nine all still stuck in Gaza, living in a refugee camp close to the border. The $8,000 will be used to help Moaiad cross into Egypt where he plans to finish education and hopefully make enough money to help the rest of his family leave.

Help my family evacuate Gaza

Summary: Rana Muneer is currently stuck with his family of five in the Gaza Strip, including her husband and three children. Her husband is supervisor in the ministry of heritage and she is a teacher. She has been forced to flee several times and is very low on supplies, including supplies for their two year old who still needs diapers and milk. They also have little access to medicine, food, and water. All funds will be used to buy supplies immediately for survival and to help flee.

Help Evacuate My Family from Gaza

Summary: Mahmoud Zaqout is attempting to raise money to help him and his family flee to Egypt. His sister is living in inhumane conditions in a refugee camp after recently giving birth. Her, her husband, and three other children are all sick, starving, and traumatized.

Help me rebuild my life & rebuild my family's home

Summary: Ali from Gaza is raising money to pay off debt from his bombed clothing store. His home has also been bombed. He and his family, including young children, are desperate to escape and, though he’s already done so much to work tirelessly for his family, is willing to do it again to resettle his family. He is looking to escape and have a safe net of money to recover as he starts over.

Help my Arabic teacher and his family flee Gaza

Summary: Mumen and his wife, Aya, and their 5-year-old daughter, Zaina, lived in Gaza City until the extreme bombardment started in October, along with his two parents, Ghazi and Zainab, and 10 siblings. Mumen, Aya and Zaina fled by foot, walking south, with nothing but whatever money they had on them. Along the way they were shot at "mockingly" (shooting at the ground just by their feet) by Israeli soldiers - one of many traumatic experiences they have endured. They have received the news their home has been destroyed. They have come to selling Aya’s jewelry to get by. They have almost raised enough money to cover the cost for him and his eight family members to escape to Egypt, but they still need basic necessities. In the event they cannot escape, all funds will be used for necessities

Help me REUNITE with my family.

Summary: Ola Masoud, her husband, and her children were very fortunate to escape to Egypt from Palestine before it was too late. However, her brother, Mostafa Masoud, and his family remain stuck in Gaza. They are relying on wood to make fires. They are a family of nine, two children studying medicine, all with dreams. Each member of the family needs at least $6,000 CAD for each family member to leave Gaza. All money will be to pay for permits for them to do so.

Help my family to escape GAZA

Summary: Sondos Maher, 27, is a mother of three. Her and her husband have studied hard to achieve their dream life. However, she has been forced to leave her husband behind and flee with their children. She is hoping for raised $7,000 for the Rafah Crossing permit, $500 for the fees of travel and transportation from Gaza to Egypt, and $20,000 will go towards shelter/house rental in Egypt, resettling, buying clothes, urgent healthcare, and other humanitarian needs for a few months up to 1 year.

Sondos ran a YouTube channel showcasing their family. Please check it out.

Help My Family Escape Gaza: A Journey to Safety

Summary: Mohmad Abumery is raising money to help his family of six escape Gaza, including 11 year old Farah, medical graduate, Faiza, and his grandma. His family has started showing symptoms of mental illness, specifically PTSD. Both his father and grandma suffer from hypertension and are facing constant low stockage of the their medication. His mother is a humanitarian who raised $2 million for humanitarian projects in Gaza. However, she currently resides in the Netherlands and is in great suffering wondering if her family will live. Funds will cover airplane tickets, egyptian border security clearance, living expenses in Egypt, and moving expenses to the Netherlands to reunite with their mother.

Help Somaia Escape War

Summary: Somaia Adunada, 29, resident of Palestine, was preparing to travel to the USA to pursue her master's degree in English literature when October 7 happened. An air strike killed her sister and injured her and her family. Basic necessities have been a struggle from the start. The only way for Somaia to travel now is to pay "coordination" fees for travel permits, which have risen from $300 to $9,000, an amount she cannot afford. The funds raised will cover the coordination fees, the cost of her flight to the USA, and any other associated expenses.

Help My Friends' beloved Family Escape Gaza

Summary: Run by a friend, this fundraiser is for Mahmoud Shakshak. He is a student currently living in Türkiye, however, he is originally from Gaza where his family is still trapped. Funds will be used to help his family cross the Egyptian border to find refuge. This family consists of retired Sadi, 65, and his wife, Amna, 57, Mohammed, 33, his wife, Hanan, 33, and their children, Sadi Jr., 6, Ahmed, 5, and Mohammed Jr., only 101 days, Walaa, 35, Muhannad, 36, Bashar, 8, Raed, 27, and Zeena, 15. They are project managers, computer engineers, social workers, and beloved family. Funds will be used for travel fees, housing, and medical treatment, specifically for the months old child.

Help my family and I to evacuate from Gaza

Summary: 17 year old Shaymaa Abudalu is stuck in Gaza with her family, including her parents, her siblings Sarah, 12, and Lana, and Layan, 9. They need $50,000 CAD, mostly to help escape to Egypt, but also for visas, and basic necessities such as food, clothing, medicine, and shelter

Help my mother and sisters escape war in Gaza

Summary: Hasan Abuolba is a licensed realtor in Buffalo NY and a permanent resident in the US, however she has been separate from her family since 2014. Her five sisters, mother, aunt, uncle, and their children are all still stuck in Gaza. Her mom is a single mom of five children. They have had to walk everywhere with only a backpack of supplies. Three weeks ago, their refugee camp was bombed. She is trying to raise money to help her increasingly traumatized family escape, starting with her sisters, the youngest 12 and 13. Any additional funds will be used to help her aunt, uncle, and their minor children.

HELP REEM & HER FAMILY ESCAPE GAZA

Summary: Reem lives in Rafah with her husband, four children, and mother in law, 80. Funds will be used to escape with her 9 family members. Specifically, passport fees, Evacuation Fee/Egyptian Coordination, visa application fees, transportation to get to the border, Flight from Cairo to destination, and other living costs. Make sure to not give any percentage at checkout to Gofundme. She is allocating over $3,000 in assumption to go to Gofundme.

Help me get out of Gaza To save my life

Summary: Ola Louz has been a resident of Palestine her whole life. She has been displaced four times and has dealt with a lifetime of trauma. Ola has received a scholarship at the Asian University in Bangladesh. The scholarship would help her complete her university studies, which she can not continue in Gaza. All donations would be used to helped her escape to Egypt and then to Bangladesh.

Help our family evacuate Gaza and find safety

Summary: Ramzi Saud and Sarah Tahhan are attempting to help their family flee to safety. They are now living in Khan Younis in a house of 60 people with scarce food, no potable water, and no electricity still with constant bombs. Funds will go to Rafah border crossing for 9 people, Passport fees for 9, and money for rent and living expenses for two months. They have currently raised enough money to start setting up their escape, but still need more.

Help Salma escape agression on Gaza,secure insulin

Summary: Hayam Abu-Shaaban, 37, is residing with his family on the Gaza Strip. She is a mother of five, the older 15 and the youngest 4. One child, Salma, has suffered with diabetes since age 2. There is a constant low stock of insulin and the price continues to rise. Funds will be used to relocate to Egypt, purchase Salma’s insulin, and to get settled with necessities.

Help me to evacuate from Gaza

Summary: Khaleel Al-Najar, 29, is a husband and father to his baby daughter, Ghazal. He needs 30 thousand dollars actually to be able to leave Gaza and to reach Egypt with his wife and daughter, and another 10 thousand dollars to live in Egypt for a year until finding any suitable job there would be greatly helpful.

Help Shahd's Family Escape Gaza!

Summary: Arabic teacher, Shahd Safi, 22, and her family are trying to leave Gaza for Egypt. Egyptian officials require $5,000 to $10,000 USD for every family member, a number frequently fluctuating. Shahd’s family consists of herself, two brothers, one sister, and her mother. Once in Egypt, her mother will no longer be able to receive her salary. Funds will be used to help escape and resettle while the family finds a new source of income.

Help Ula escape Gaza

Summary: Ula ElHindi is a Palestinian feminist activist who has dedicated her life to fighting for peace and women's rights in the Gaza Strip. She needs $7,000 USD to escape to Egypt and leftover funds will be used for relocation and necessities.

Help us evacuate our family out of Gaza

Summary: Awesta and a few of her family members escaped to Egypt as the genocide began, but her brother, his wife, and his children, Hamdi (11), Hala (9), and Amir (3), have been stuck, along with her parents, her father which has a heart condition and is running low on medication. In total, Awesta needs money to help six people escape to her. Hamdi, Hala, Amir, their mother, father, and grandfather out of Gaza. She plans to show receipts of where the money is spent as it comes in.

Emergency: Help Sukar’s family get out of Gaza

Summary: Fundraiser on behalf of a family in Gaza trying to cross into Egypt. They are a family of 7 and are comprised of 2 elderly parents, two young men, a young girl, and a set of twin boys under the age of 18. For them to get through the border, it will cost around $7,500-8,000 USD (10,000-11,000 CAD) per person. Currently, they are waiting for a registry list to open so they can sign up to leave. It’s a little difficult because there are people who are scamming Gazans out of their money.

Help Yousef escape Gaza and treat his cancer

Summary: Youseff Abu Saeed is a photojournalist from Gaza. He has cancer and only began chemo briefly before the genocide. His cancer has a recovery rate of 95%, but with a bombed home and spotty access to chemo for over 100 days, he is suffering. Funds will go to him and his family escaping Gaza and to fund his treatment.

Rescue the Tanani family from the Gaza War

Summary: Ali Tanani is trying to save the rest of his family from Gaza. Though he has the ability to leave, his wife, who is nine months pregnant, and their children are not. Him and his friends have broken down costs to the following: Legal Fees from immigration attorney, Administrative and consulting fees, US Customs and USCIS filing and priorty fees, Petition to Michigan Congress and other outreach efforts, Transportation out of Gaza and into safe zone, Medical care, Temporary lodging, shelter and food supplies, and income loss results in them needing $52,980 USD

Safe Passage for Nadin

Summary: Nadin is a young girl who, from age 10, she was 10, has fought for Palestinian rights and she got a special title from the International Commission to Support Palestinian Rights (ICSPR). All funds will go to helping her and her family of 8, including her father who was brutalized by occupiers, finding refuge in Egypt and money to help them start anew.

Follow Nadin @/nadinabdullatif on Insta

Supporting Mohammed

Summary: Mohammed, affectionately called Mo, left his home in Australia last year to spend time with his family in Palestine. His plan was to stay a few years, get a job on an NGO and give back to his community. However, his plans were stopped on October 7. Mo is the current caregiver to his elderly parents, who he thankfully able to help evacuate to Australia. However, much of his family, including his siblings, remain stuck. He and his families are still in shock and are overwhelmed. All money will go to helping his family escape.

URGENT EVACUATE: GazaWar Destroyed My Family Again

Summary: Hasan Alaloul is currently trying to raise money for him and his family in Gaza escape. They have been suffering since 2021, where they were previously attacked by Israeli forces. His father, Dr Mooein Al-Aloul الله يرحمه , and his mother and little sister were also seriously injured. Their house was finished being rebuilt only six months before October 7, 2023. The funds will be used for travel through the Rafah border crossing to Egypt and essential needs such as temporary housing, food, medical care and basic necessities for his family until they can establish a more stable situation where we can begin the process of rebuilding their shattered lives again.

URGENT: Evacuate My Diabetic Kid Out of GAZA WAR

Summary: Mariam is a wife and mother of three children, one of whom is a 7-year diabetic kid. Her twin children are also two years old are also deprived of diapers, milk, and medical check-ups, drugs, and clean water and food. Kenan, the diabetic child, dreams of being a scientist, but is currently beyond suffering. Funds will be used to help Mariam, her husband, and her children cross the Rafah/Egypt border, which she needs $8,000 USD each, visas, passport fees, airplane flights, and basic living costs for six months, including Kenan’s insulin.

URGENT: HELP US ESCAPE GAZA & STAY ALIVE!

Summary: Dr. Nusaiba fawzi Abu Mustafa is a 24 year old on an internship MD from Gaza. However, she had to stop her studies due to the genocide. Her and her family, including 4 girls, two children, and a 92 year old grandmother, are currently very near the Egyptian border. $5,000 are needed for them to cross. All funds will go to that.

Urgent: Help My Family Escape War in Gaza

Summary: Bahaa Alsawalhi is a Gazan and a current master's student in Medical Systems Engineering in Germany. He needs help with funds to help his family of 15 escape to him. His family has been separated to different refugee camps and are desperate to reunite. Their homes are bombed. They are married with children and pets they deeply love. $80,000 is needed for all of them to obtain a Rafah Crossing permit

This is his Instagram

[three--rings]

thought of a story that I haven't told that tumblr may enjoy.

So I majored in psychology in undergrad, right, and when you take psych classes they almost always require you to do a certain number of hours of being an experimental research subject, right, because professors have to publish and need someone they can force into their studies without paying, right?

And like that's fine if it's 4 hours for one class, but when you're doing an entire psych major in two years like I did, that's a LOT of hours of research studies.

And we all dreamt of getting in those fun social psych experiments where they fuck with your head, right? And not the ones where they make you sit in front of a laptop and do math for an hour. (They made me DO MATH Y'ALL. "This is an experiment in how well you learn under certain conditions." Conclusion: you suck at this.)

Anyway, you'd get funny things like one time I turned up on campus on a freaking SATURDAY for a study and sat around in a courtyard with like 30 other people while nothing happened and all of us talking about like "hey, uh, do you think THIS is the study? Like to see if we leave?" But no, just no one turned up for us and we didn't get our freaking hours.

But one time I DID end up in one of those freaky social psych studies. So to be fair, I had insider knowledge, because again, psych major. So I signed up intentionally to my social psych profs study. Hoping at least it wouldn't be math.

And I arrive and am greeted by...the TA for my social psych class wearing a fat suit.

It's like IDK April or something and Texas and 80+ degrees and she's in a long skirt and a sweatshirt. And also she's MY TA. I recognize her. I even say "Oh, hi!" like I would when seeing someone I know on campus. And she greets me like she vaguely recognizes me. But, normally she is not approximately 280-300lbs.

So, I'm, like REALLY REALLY sure it's a fat suit. Like....99.5% sure.

But not 100%.

And so what the FUCK do you SAY to THAT? Well, obviously you don't say FUCKING SHIT. You pretend nothing is fucking weird, right? Because the very, very small chance that you are WRONG and this isn't a normally thin girl in a fatsuit but a real person who is shaped like that is still...NOMINALLY THERE and OMG what if you comment on it and you're WRONG?

So I get ushered into this little room and shown a bunch of pictures of people and asked to rate them on various things like competency and attractiveness, this is normal social psych survey stuff, except I'm SURE the experiment is does the person in the room with you and their appearance change your ratings.

And the whole time I'm distracted as FUCK, cause I'm just sitting there thinking "am I wrong and this isn't my TA somehow? no, no, pretty much ALMOST certain I'm right...etc." And "why would anyone be wearing a sweatshirt in this weather/building if they WEREN'T wearing a fatsuit?"

But MAYBE the point of the experiment is "will this person call out an obvious fake fat person?" And should I do so or not? Is this social pressure to conform and not speak the truth I know? Should I say something? I, uh, may have had an unknown and untreated anxiety disorder at this point in my life so, yeah I'm LOSING MY MIND and probably acting like a FREAK.

So anyway, eventually I decide okay, obviously you can't say anything because yeah...but you will be debriefed once this is over and you'll FIND OUT THE TRUTH. You won't have this lingering doubt in your mind when this is over because they will debrief you.

If you don't know human research, debriefing is when, after all the experiment data collection is over, they inform the subject of what the topic of the research was and explain any tricks or deception or anything to them. (We played distracting music to see how you did on the test...) If there was any potential distress involved it should be dealt with by examiners, etc. Usually in practice you are handed a slip of paper that explains the purpose of the study and what you did.

Usually you don't care and barely read it. But I was dying to be debriefed. I wanted her to be like "yeah I am wearing a fatsuit" and me to be like "lol, yeah I know, cause like, I know you right?" And if the secret purpose of the experiment was actually "will you say something" then I will be told that and get to explain why I didn't.

Like sometimes debrief also involves follow-up questions that helps determine why you gave responses you did or whether you should actually have your data thrown out for some outlier reason (like the person faking being fat is my fucking TA).

So we get done with all the questions and leave the small room. And we're in the antechamber and the TA is like "okay, cool, thanks bye" and directs me to the door. And doesn't hand me a debrief slip or mention debriefing AT ALL.

And now I'm fucking SPOOKED. It's a TRICK and they want you to SAY SOMETHING and you're going to try to leave without saying anything and they will then stop you and debrief you. So I wait, for like...several seconds, waiting for her to remember debrief and just get stared at so I go "oh okay" and like stutter-step my way to the door of the office and like open it and turn back and she's already gone, and so I like, step out into the quad and am like "what. the. fuck."

And I literally stand there like "should I go back in and ask to be debriefed?" Literally I knew enough to know that THIS IS THE PURPOSE OF DEBRIEFING to not leave subjects wondering about shit like this and not leave them with nagging doubts and questions.

And the only really mysterious experiment of my life just failed to debrief me.

But of course I don't do anything but walk slowly away.

And it's now 20+ years later and I never did find anything out. Except you can DAMN well bet I confirmed at my next class that 1) yeah that was TOTALLY my fucking TA, I was right and 2) NO she was actually really slim.

So I'm sure it was about how a fatsuit (or *cough* sorry "attractiveness") of an interviewer changes responses to surveys. But I'm STILL mad I wasn't debriefed because it's fucking annoying and violates HRB standards and I could have gotten them in serious trouble over that by reporting it. And also my data should have been thrown out.

Also this is why you shouldn't trust psychology studies because the subject pool is SHITTY AS FUCK. "Psychology is the study of the average American college sophomore" as one of my profs quipped and then didn't change his method of getting subjects.

[shehangsthemoon]

To anyone out there that may be reading this… hi.

My name is Sam. I am 33 years old, married, and drifting through life like a plastic bag. Which might sound negative, but it’s not all bad. I create stained glass from my home, and I’ve been trying to build and run a brand new business with absolutely no prior experience or knowledge. I also also work a part time job at the zoo, and I do gig driving when needed.

Lately I’ve been avoiding glass to do literally ANYTHING else. Escaping into the worlds of Witcher III or TOTK, painting/watercolor, digital art (Procreate), photography, taking long baths, doom scrolling, ordering craft and “cosplay” supplies from Temu, creating blogs, etc.

I actually am glad the idea of a blog came to me today. I struggle with depression, general and social anxiety, PTSD, and lord knows what else. I’ve gone untreated for a majority of my life, and pretty recently started my journey to becoming better.

The reason I am bringing this up is because, this morning, while having a mild meltdown about finances, I realized I needed to make a change, for myself, and for my business.

Social media (Meta) has become a monster to me. It’s too polarized; I get interaction one day, the next, nothing. And it doesn’t lead to sales. I, like most people, don’t understand the algorithm, and I know it’s not designed to be understood. It’s also too competitive for my baby business, and if we’re being completely honest, I have been relying on those likes and follows WAY too much. When I don’t receive that instant gratification or feedback, I fall into negative or fearful behaviors/thinking, and none of that is conducive to my, or my business’ growth.

I’d like to use this platform to share my glass work and trials and tribulations of running a small business in a recession, but I would also like to utilize it as a kind-of-journal. I promise I will not be sharing extreme or in depth details from my life (unless asked), but my therapist told me to put my feelings down somewhere. He probably very explicitly meant somewhere private, but whatever. Oh god, is this the introvert’s answer to starting a podcast?

Anyway, some other things that you can probably expect to see or hear from me:

- Any creative projects I am working on, including my own photography and editing,

- fantasy,

- art, music, television, books I like,

- gaming,

- self realization and integration,

- self love and self care,

- burn out and compassion fatigue,

- tarot/astrology (I’m a beginner),

- pictures of my cats.

If you took the time to read this, THANK YOU. Please stay a while.

Sam

[jessepinkmansdirtybong]

jesse headcanons

(general + sfw & nsfw)

general

he has adhd that has gone undiagnosed and untreated his entire life. its one thing that really fed into his addiction on top of an addictive personality in general.

his parents are the kind that “don’t believe” in mental illness, hence why he went undiagnosed forever

he has a bunch of shitty stick n pokes he did as a teenager

very sensory seeking, especially on an auditory level. silence is deafening and anxiety inducing to him.

picked up the drums in high school but didn’t end up going far with it after a bit

has the most shit hand writing ever

sfw

in a relationship, jesse is more of a show rather than a tell guy. remembering how you like your coffee, remembering all the important dates you tell him about, remembering all the names of the random people you tell him about and how the fit into your social circle.

shy with affection in public, but in private, he’s like a magnet is slow motions as he slowly inches towards you and somehow ends up Right there next you to every time. he won’t mention anything about it

he likes just being near you even if you’re not doing anything that involves one another.

king of yapping. he tells you just about everything that goes on with him or how he’s doing in the moment

he never forgets an anniversary or valentines or any important date, he always draws up cards for you too along with hand written notes on notebook paper. the first few ones were kind of janky but he’s gotten pretty good at them

likes to cuddle a lot, preferably with you laying on top of him with your full body weigh on him

does a lot of pebbling with you, brings you random shit that he found cool or pretty, or if he sees something while he’s out that makes him think of you, nine times out of ten, he will get it for you

nsfw (+18)

god he is a HARDCORE switch, he likes being done as hard as he likes to fuck

it’s always the skinny guys with the huge cocks. jesse is no exception, he’d be rockin a solid 6 inches with a good amount of girth. when he gets hard too, tip of his cock is blushed a nice pinkish red color.

speaking of his dick, he definitely has a dick piercing—frenum piercing to be exact. he doesn’t remember getting it, woke up from a bender with a pierced cock and like 3 hookers

he’s been more dominant in bed but only because he hasn’t gotten the chance to be submissive

loves femdoms a lot (MILFs, MILFs, MILFs!)

sex with him is always at least a little kinky. it’s rarely ever slow or sappy

he LOVESSS when you take control or initiate sex, especially if you boss him around or give him orders? makes his cock leak with pre cum. tends to get whimpery too when he’s enjoying himself

likes when women are more experienced than him, but if he’s with anyone masc, he tends to be more of a brat. purposely getting on their nerves or teasing, just for the rough punishments of course.

was reluctant to get fucked and was even more reluctant to admit how much he loved it.

[themousefromfantasyland]

Is the problem in me or in my parents?

Okay, I need to settle some things that are bugging me.

For those who don't know me, I’m a very shy 24 year old still living with my parents.

I’m very antisocial, and I never had any friends growing up.

Actually I have a bad case of social anxiety. I can’t say five words to a random stranger without stuttering.

But when I’m with people who I actually like or that I'm comfortable with, I’m a very different person. I’m goofy, energetic, joyful, childish, with a very absurdist and nonsensical sense of humor.

My parents don’t like that very much.

Even in casual situations, when I try to be goofy, my parents shut me down, saying I’m acting like a child. I’m not talking about being silly in public. I’m talking about being silly in my own home with loved ones.

We are not in a business or live-or-die situation, why can’t I be spontaneous?

They say I’m lazy, overly forgetful, and too awkward.

My father says I should act more like a man.

In his defense I’m a very cringeworthy guy. Dancing when I’m happy, making silly songs to annoy my younger sister, making faces when trying to tell a joke.

The problem is that I don’t have any friends, and anxiety makes opening up to new people extremely hard. Some social rules don’t make sense to me, even if I try my hardest to understand them.

My options are either allowing myself to be goofy and annoying with people I’m familiar with, or just staying like an unremarkable statue to everyone else.

I think I may have autism or ADHD, but I’m undiagnosed and untreated.

Several women from the last place I worked used to tell me that I acted and looked exactly like their autistic children. Maybe it’s because I acted like the stereotypically autistic gifted child at work. Quiet, obedient, and stilted.

@ariel-seagull-wings @thealmightyemprex @mask131 @tamisdava2 @princesssarisa @theancientvaleofsoulmaking @the-blue-fairie

[notknickers]

in the last few days, i have been rotating the big austrian lad in my head relentlessly and, even though i may change my mind about some of these, or have mutually exclusive headcanons cohexist in different renditions of him, i feel like he is starting to take more deifinite shape in my mind. therefore, i want to write a list of my interpretation and share it, both for personal reference, since i'm juggling two different fics, and as modest contribution to fandom. i'll try to keep things coherent, but...

in spite of the misleading banner, which portrays a silly, cartoonish version of tentakönig i had a lot of fun doodling specially to embellish this post, the following is about human!könig, military contractor. that is just to give an idea of how much he has been bouncing in my skull as if my brain were a trampoline.

♛ he is between forty-two and forty-five years of age;

♛ his untreated social anxiety only increased during his military recruitment and gradually exacerbated into full-on PTSD during his career as contractor; he is afflicted by dissociative episodes, panic attacks and night terrors, as a consequence, which he keeps hidden at any and all cost and manages covertly, sometimes through questionable means;

♛ he is very quiet, pensive and observant. as such, he loathes using more words than he needs to and uses as little as he can, trying to avoid long conversations and small talk alike;

♛ his mask is the only remnant of his pre-military life. he clings to it as a reminder of his own humanity, of the person he used, for good or ill, to be and as acknowledgement of how far he has come from the scrawny, fearful lad he was, even when sometimes, he wishes he would have made different choices;

♛ under his mask, the features on his face are slightly uneven, such as one of his ears, which hangs at a slightly different angle than the other and his left cheekbone, still crooked from a past injury that healed poorly. he also has some deeper disfigurement, the scars of which still remain, less and less visible as time passes, and his lips are ruined. these are the consequence of both maltreatment and bullying during his childhood and adolescence, from both callous peers and neglectful parents, and of injuries incurred on the job. ironically, the worst are not from his military career, however. as such, he barely ever removes his mask, chiefly when alone or on leave.

♛ his hair is light in colour, kept cropped very short as it tends to grow quickly and get matted under his mask and helmet, but beyond the slightly receding hairline typical of men his age, he is nowhere near starting to bald; ♛ his eyes are grey. not blue, nor black. grey. sometimes lighter, sometimes darker, sometimes glittery and glassy, but always grey, according to his state and the light conditions;

♛ even though he is barely average in attractiveness and the presence of keloidal scar tissue, which often ranges from being off-putting to instilling repulsion in others, he is noticeable in size. some would find the mass of packed, rounded muscles in more than 2m rather interesting. however, given that very fact, he probably has or will soon start experiencing heart issues as he ages. realistically, he will probably die younger than his peers, in spite of being in top shape;

♛ his approach is practical and detached: if he's on a rescue mission, that's what he will focus on; what happens afterwards is none of his business, as long as his job is done and he gets recognition remuneration for it. if, on the other hand, civilians or competitors are a liability, he will not hesitate to take care of the situation in the most expedient way, the way that will not impair the status of his mission;

♛ this strong preference for detachment and pragmatism is not to say that he does not take pride in his skills, even though his job is nothing more than a means towards an end, or, well, more than one. namely, a paycheque to live comfortably and never fear poverty or food insecurity again; isolation from people or controlled interactions with predictable scripts, when necessary; the rules that apply, which are different from those of society at large, in which he always struggled and still struggles to fit in;

♛ when engaging the enemy, he is not reckless, but he is beastly and brutal. he displays a sort of controlled berserk mode. he has no particular respect for life and under those specific circumstances, allows himself to delight in carnage. he otherwise appears in control of himself, even though he spends as much time as he can alone, so others only know him so much;

♛ he is not beyond torture, even the disfiguring, excruciating kind, the kind that carries long-lasting, when not permanent effects on body and spirit alike. however, he merely sees it as a means towards an end. he is not the type to waste time threatening and warning: he thinks practical demonstrations are more eloquent that any word. as such, his methods tend more towards the crude, than the sophisticated, but they are equally effective in half the time;

♛ when on leave, he lives frugally and anonymously, barely leaving his abode unless necessary; he lives below his means as a matter of habit, a consequence of his childhood poverty, even when he could afford much, much more;

♛ his modest flat is a pigsty and he likes to leave it like that to break out of the stifling rules and expectations of his job. this is also reflected on his shabby sense of fashion: better to be a practical slob than an elegant buffoon who wastes his hard-earned money on impractical peacocking attires;

♛ whilst true that his height, build and scars attract stares in public, he has become very adept at shutting such rudeness down with one of his strategic, whithering looks. out of combat, he is just some bloke and that is all he cares to be until he is called back from leave;

♛ he compartmentalises a lot his civilian persona from his military persona and, even within his military persona, there are more subdivisions to be found (coold-headed, reserved, collected and calculating vs murderous, bloody and savage in conflict.) to be clear, he is not ashamed of what he does for a living, but his profession also requires a lot of discretion on his part, which makes the compartmentalising already so natural to him an external necessity;

♛ he's a smoker and a drinker: as long as he still performs well on the field, he has no interest in denying himself the scant pleasures only vice can offer;

tentakönig rolled and bounced all the way down here to say: "if you do not wish to find out what i'm like sexually and romantically, do yourself a favour and do not read below. proceed at leisure, otherwise."

🗡 perhaps not every single time, but more often than not, he cries when he comes;

🗡 i get submissive vibes, with a dash of unpredictability. for now, let's say that, with his lovers, occasional and less so, he knows how to be both rough and rash or gentle and devoted. sometimes, even within the same session, all depending on mood and circumstances.

🗡 i'm toying with the idea of him having a specific type of mummy kink, the kind expressed by seeking the gentle, comforting touch of a willing-enough woman who he will address as mummy, in german, only to end up weeping on her tits as he greedily sucks on them... i may have already begun writing a fic along this lines... >.> i did and more are coming. this is both a promise and a threat.

🗡 when he gets desperate and/or fuckdrunk during his sexual encounters, he starts muttering nonsense in austrian german, incapable of focussing his brain enough to maintain some coherency; it's very endearing to see him lose control like that. if the sex in question is happening with a very lucky woman (lucky according to whom?!) who he trusts enough to be that vulnerable, besides giving in to his native tongue, he will probably also cry, as mentioned above;

🗡 when on leave, he occasionally pays for sex when he can't (or won't bother to) find anything on his own, or when he has something particular in mind and prefers to put himself in the hands of a professional;

🗡 even though he does not consider himself queer, when mercenary sex isn't in the cards, he frequents local gay clubs. as a tall, athletic, middle-aged and moderately hairy man, it is hardly challenging for him to find a willing man to fuck in the face or the arse, even though he never reciprocates;

🗡 though more or less settled in his reality full of idiosyncrasies and resigned to it, he occasionally allows himself to wander off his established path to seek companionship outside of the above-mentioned methods. he knows he could hardly stand a regular life with wife, children, pets and a less dangerous job. yet, there is a part of him still curious, which would like to discover whether he could get what everyone else allegedly seems to want, what he feels he should want but is not sure he actually does. as such, he occasionally tries and manages to establish a relationship in between deployments, but it often collapses or remains in the early stages. the older he gets, the harder he finds to make them happen, especially when he is very much not everyone's cup of tea;

🗡 nevertheless, i believe he would appreciate to know what it's like to see himself through the eyes of someone genuinely infatuated with him and not see them recoil in disgust or reflect back the image of the mindless killing machine with little depth left he considers himself to have become;

may add more in future. apologies for any potential mistake: it's very late and i don't have time to reread everything. thanks for reading.

[keezybees]

Hi! I follow you across social media and I really love your art and am super looking forward to reading Hello Sunshine! I wanted to reach out because I'm also Bipolar and I really appreciate the work you do to spread awareness about it but there's something that I find kind of harmful in how you talk about it, and it's just the insistance that it absolutely can't be treated through non-medical means. I fully understand that meds are life-saving and that depending on the severity of symptoms, length, and frequency of episodes, going without medication can be lethal. However, as someone with Bipolar I but controlled symptoms (and frankly symptoms that seem a lot less disruptive than yours, I'm sorry), hearing that there's no path forward without medication would easily have triggered suicidal thoughts when I was younger. There are a lot of reasons why people can't be medicated (for me it was a combination of family control and financial struggle), but hearing at your lowest that there's no way forward without something that you can't have is really damaging. I think it's totally possible to stress the importance of medical access and the need to work with your medical provider without erasing the ways that non-medical treatments can also be life-saving, depending on a person's situation/symptoms/etc and that some people can live full lives even if their symptoms aren't fully controlled. Anyway, I love your work and I just wanted to raise this alternate perspective because I think you're helping a lot of people, but I also think a lot of people can be harmed by this rhetoric, especially marginalized people who can't seek medication for any number of factors beyond their control.

Hi Anon! I totally hear what you're saying, and so I just wanted to run through a few things to clarify my stance, both for you and for others who might be reading this (omg I am SO sorry this is so long though haha):

I do emphasize treatment a lot, because I think it's really important for people to work with professionals to find ways to manage their illness. This is partly due to my own experience (I avoided treatment for a looong time) and anecdotally, but also because the research we have is pretty clear--untreated bipolar has much, much worse outcomes for a vast majority of people. However! When I say treatment, I don't necessarily mean medication, and certainly not only medication! I absolutely think some people (though it is sadly rare) can find ways of managing their illness medication-free. I just feel that it's best to do this work with the help of professionals + peers (whether that's a psychiatrist, psychologist, therapist, social worker, support group, etc) who can help you find your way, and help you manage symptoms that do crop up (this is especially true if you're currently on medication and choosing to go off of it, since that can come with physical risks). I could definitely stand to make this distinction a lot clearer though, and I'll try to be more mindful of it in the future.

I also can definitely see how my words could imply that I think non-medication ways of treating bipolar aren't valuable, and I'll work on my phrasing going forward, because they absolutely are! My aim is not to dismiss stuff like self-help or lifestyle changes or meditation or exercise, because I think they're great--for example, that kind of stuff has helped a ton with my anxiety and overall quality of life, and I know for a lot of people they help with their bipolar symptoms. But for me, these things simply don't have much of an impact on the bipolar, and our culture's emphasis on them frustrates me because it prevented me from getting proper care for a very long time, and made me feel like a failure for not being able to control my symptoms despite working so hard. So I'll also try to be more clear in the future about whether I'm venting about my own situation vs speaking broadly.

I also definitely hope I've never said anything that implies that our symptoms are inevitably life-ruining! My symptoms aren't completely controlled (particularly my lows), either, and I like to think I live a pretty good life. I think for many people un-treated bipolar can be life-ruining, and I've just heard too many stories about people who thought they could manage on their own only to have an absolutely devastating manic episode to not warn people of the risk. But most of us will continue to experience some degree of symptoms throughout our lives, absolutely.

I totally understand why someone would want to go med-free, or at least try it, and I in no way think the medications we have now are flawless haha. Side effects are awful, life-changing, and can even be life-threatening (I've had some horrible experiences with side effects myself); the meds we have now aren't very effective against depressive episodes for a lot of people (myself included), and for some people they're not effective at all; meds for most people don't completely eradicate symptoms, etc. I'm fully on board with the med struggle, and I honestly spend a lot of time criticizing the options available to us, though less so publicly, since I don't want to further stigmatize the idea of taking psych meds in general!

One of the reasons I emphasize medication (when I do emphasize meds, specifically) is because when I was younger, I was terrified of even the idea of them. I avoided it for years and really, really suffered because of it. I think our culture does in general look down on psych meds, particularly the kind we usually take, so I'm trying to destigmatize the concept of them, and emphasize for people with similar fears that taking meds can be just as life-saving and healing as they are harmful and frustrating, and that it's at least worth trying.

I'm a YA cartoonist (and former teacher, barista at a youth coffeehouse, tutor, I worked for a kids' gaming website...actually all of my jobs apart from dishwashing have involved kids, now that I think of it lmao), so a lot of the time when I'm talking about this stuff on social media, my target audience is sort of...very young people and kids who think they have bipolar (or may have even been diagnosed) but are afraid to seek help and/or don't think they need help and/or don't think help is going to actually help. So my goal is to demystify and normalize the idea of taking meds and/or seeking treatment for those people, and to emphasize that just because they're able to manage their illness now, that might change in the future, and imo they need to be aware of the very real risks, which includes things like an incredibly high suicide rate for unmedicated individuals, and the reality that the illness can be progressive (episodes can get worse and harder to treat the more you have them--they certainly did for me, and I wish I had been more open to the idea much earlier).

On a similar note, it's also important to recognize that a lot of things can look like bipolar, and a lot of people don't really know what bipolar actually looks like to begin with (particularly if you're getting your info from tiktok or similar). So if you've self-diagnosed and never explored treatment options (emphasis on options!) you can easily be missing stuff like thyroid issues, epilepsy, brain tumors, vitamin deficiencies, or a myriad of other treatable mental illnesses that mimic bipolar, and I strongly believe that people deserve care and help for whatever they're struggling with, including the possibility that it isn't bipolar at all!

Finally, I truly hope I've never said anything that comes off like I'm looking down on or judging people who choose to not be medicated for whatever reason! If it works for you then that's phenomenal (I'm jealous tbh) but it's honestly none of my business haha. When I talk about this stuff I do try to stress most people, because we're of course not a monolith, and when I say something like 'a majority of people with bipolar will need some form of medication to flourish' I don't mean to dismiss those who aren't in that majority. It's more that I want people to be open to the idea that they're not failures for needing meds, that they're actually in very good company, as well as to combat the 'just meditate! or try harder!' narrative that's so prevalent in our culture.

Edit: one last thought, which is that part of my target audience is also parents or guardians whose kids might be struggling--kids are obviously the group with the least access to treatment on their own terms. My hope is that talking about my experiences and discussing the risks will help motivate guardians to get help for their kids, and also help motivate kids to seek their own treatment as soon as they're able. Most people develop bipolar in their late teens and early 20s (though my first hypomanic ep was at 16), so it's a relatively small percentage of folks in this situation, but I do see how a kid whose parents aren't willing to help them could take my words badly, so I'll try to keep that in mind!

I'm definitely going to be more careful about how I phrase things going forward, because I can absolutely see how my intent could be lost. Hopefully this clears things up a bit (although it's also possible that we simply disagree, and I think that's okay too--like I said, our community is not a monolith, and a lot of these conversations are fundamentally ongoing)!

tldr; I'll make an effort to watch my words so that it's clear that my target audience really isn't my bipolar peers, and that the target of my criticisms is anti-medication wellness culture + psych med stigma, not the concept of non-medication alternatives or additions in general. And I'll try to do a better job of highlighting when I'm speaking only for myself vs our community as a whole!

[ladyseidr]

So, as you may know from his muse page, Rory has ( obviously undiagnosed ) ADHD. I wanted to delve more into this ( and project some of my ADHD onto him lmaooo ).

so, we'll start heavier and then move on to the mostly lighter stuff: yes, his ADHD is disabling. no, he does not know that. yes, he's thinks he's just lazy and stupid ( he's not </3 ).

no, his would-be-shitty-no-matter-what parents do not help the above, although his mom's emotional abuse / judgment actually gives him the bigger complex abt it

he does struggle academically despite the fact that, talking to him about his interests / stuff he's knowledgeable about, he clearly comes across intelligent. he struggles with focus, some memory issues, plus general test anxiety despite claiming to not care about school. he hears a lot of "try harder" despite, like, actually putting effort in for many years of his schooling.

he graduates high school, barely ( as in, highly considered dropping out for 101 reason, including the ADHD ). no, he doesn't even consider college.

the combination of untreated ADHD, C-PTSD, and definitely an ( un ) healthy dose of depression make it hard for him to work "traditional jobs," so he does mostly odd jobs. at some point after getting his own place, i def think he starts diving into his art a little more. can aspen write a muse who isn't a creative? tune in next time to find out.

unrelated, but i am serious about the band idea. about him joining some local, semi-decent band as a singer.

ANYWAY some lighter stuff now: guy who always has one major ( months and months long ) and one minor ( 1-2 weeks ) hyperfixation going on at all times.

his common types of hyperfixations tend to be: specific comic book series or characters, specific bands, D&D, video games, and so forth.

he does get pulled back to previous hyperfixations sometimes, especially favorite characters ( like batg.irl, green ar.row, nightc.rawler, spid.er-man, etc )

please let him infodump at you. please let your muse find it endearing when he talks for 30 minutes straight about the latest Batm.an series. or about his new spray paint. or about anything.

btw i'm adding this just to be petty because i brought up comics but i promise you he called in and voted for jason not to die. i think older rory read "Under the H.ood" and felt the most validation he'd ever felt in his life. this isn't even fn.af-related anymore, let me get mad about D.C for a second—

( actually let's be real rory relating to jason big time is Real and Canon to me. anyway hayla, if you're reading this—)

sometimes his brain moves faster than his mouth and he literally can't say what he wants to say fast enough to get it out coherently ( real real real ).

he does miss social cues sometimes, but how much of that is ADHD vs him just not being properly socialized prior to school is debatable. pre-bite, he's able to laugh it off when someone calls him on it.

projecting big time but i think he should be a rocker ( as a stim ). if he's sitting down, he's probably rocking or bouncing his leg or something. if he's standing, he's shifting foot-to-foot constantly. that's not to say he can never be still, but he stims quite a lot. it's not always ( or even often ) a sign of nerves, he just gets restless.

in fact, honestly a lot of his idle behavior can scream "nervous" if you don't realize he's simply restless.

his recklessness is honestly not something i'd attribute to his ADHD. he has little care for his own safety, but i think that's a lot broader then ( or even wholly unrelated to ) his ADHD

does he ever get diagnosed? it's probably well into his 30s before he can even be convinced to try therapy, but yeah, i think eventually he gets diagnosed and tbh i think he probably cried the first time he read the, like, symptoms of it and realized it fit him. also when he gets on medication. this is supposed to be a happy bullet point but AGH </3

anyway rory infodumping at your muse starter call when?

[wtf-amiru]

God I hate having to do this but living through a natural disaster is rough, yo.

[the tldr is my handicapped family and I are living through a wild time of crisis and are asking for help]

I know I’m not on here as consistently as I used to be. This year has been rough on my son and I and I just haven’t had the bandwidth to be here much; it’s been the skin of our teeth since January due to emergency vet bills.

But let me just tell you about right now. Right now I am living through a natural disaster as two massive forest fires rage around me. Two communities have been evacuated to my town and we’ve been given notice to have a 72 hour kit ready to go.

Most of you don’t know I have a 15 year old son in a wheelchair but I do, he was born a full month early and has cerebral palsy, he’s very fortunate that it only affects his motor skills but it means a vastly different lifestyle for us than most are accustomed to. I can't go anywhere if he’s at home, regardless of his age, I can quickly run to the corner store but I cannot go anywhere because I don’t have a vehicle to load him into. I can’t work an ordinary job, living up here means I don’t have the resources I would in a city for work and also means i am constantly on call for anything he might need. The last job i had i lost because i kept having to leave for my son.

And me, I have adenomyosis, something akin to endometriosis but they don't like to operate with adenomyosis because it's actually less likely to kill you if you don't. The pain and agony you feel is the same, but it won't kill you [as quickly]. So I cannot work a typical job because of that either. I also have severe social anxiety and untreated adhd, and multiple joint/skeletal problems, life is just hard for us here in my house.

We get by, my son is incredibly smart and capable, a whiz on the computer and a pixel artist; and i run a small resin business out of my basement and we get by, roughly but we get by pretty ok.

Right now I live in the middle of a natural disaster epicenter, the only "safe" city for about 3 hours due to massive raging forest fires circling around us, and our safety changes with the wind.

The last 3 days were spent spiraling down a panic spiral as literally every form of communication was cut off. No cell phone, no internet, no landland; I had no idea what was happening outside. They were spent spiraling because my family is completely unable to comprehend the situation my family specifically was in, the one day my mother did come in to check if we were okay she only brought up the same anxieties i had been panicking about the day before and stormed out of my house when i asked for actual help [can you call our providers and make sure it wasn't a missed bill, i have diagnosed memory issues that feed a good portion of my anxiety] so again I was back in our little spiraling anxiety hole worse than before. What does this mean and why did I say i hate doing this at the beginning, well I'm here to ask for help lol.

My currently situation is "swamped with bills and unable to restock my online store" due to literally everything that's happening right now. I'm here to ask for monetary help and business help. Over the next day or so I will be posting my /ENTIRE/ inventory to my tumblr blog at a discounted price. Prices will already be discounted from their normal store price, I can ship to anywhere in north america and most overseas places although that is currently really up in the air due to fires but do please inquire on anything if you are overseas, i'll get back to you asap with if i can ship to you or not. Anyway currently posting my entire inventory and, honestly, asking for donations through my paypal to get my family through this crisis and back on our feet. I am the sole guardian here and as you can see/know/am learning/have a vague idea about I am fairly handicapped myself.

[I will also be accepting discounted dice tray commissions]

[also please be patient and understanding with me, severe social anxiety sometimes means it takes me a few tries to respond :3 but I'm trying my best here]

[my PayPal qr, the email is also brokenmoldoddities@gmail.com or @brokenmoldoddities ]

[actuallycassidyiambusy]

I am so sorry you have such severe BPD. I suffer from it too, but damn it sounds like you've been through some serious stuff... If you don't mind me asking... What other diagnosis do you have? Do you portray those in your writing as well? If not in fanfic, like in your original stuff? I feel like you could bring some serious awareness to the darker/scarier sides of BPD and other stuff. Not to scare people but to show just how difficult these things are to live with.

You don't have to be sorry. I've come to terms with it. Some days are harder than other, but the fact that I've got more control makes it all easier.

I've been diagnosed with

BPD — Borderline Personality Disorder

IED — Intermittent Explosive Disorder

PTSD — Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

Plus the stuff that goes hand in hand with those. Depression, anxiety and paranoia. I struggle to trust people and bite hands that reach out to me (metaphorically)

I absolutely incorporate it into all of my writing. You can see all of those in the version of Buggy I write in my fics (a character I already deeply connect to emotion wise)

I have original characters that have them too.

Zeke and Blake are actually an (on again off again) couple that have IED (they're definitely my two most toxic ocs) Blake (green hair) also has Narcissistic Personality Disorder and BPD

Talon my main OC, he has PTSD and BPD. He struggles with a lot of trauma just like I do and I depict that very seriously in my series.

Ash (pink hair) and Matt (brunette) are two of my characters that suffer from depression and social anxiety. Matt and Ash are also ftm trans but still present themselves as feminine. Matt struggles with his body image and major fear of rejection because he's been attacked in the past, but he also has a strong personality and both sides of him often clash.

Scourge (Dimitri) is an ex-assassin who suffers from BPD and Antisocial Disorder. He's extremely possessive of Ash (who he was supposed to kill when they met) and kills people behind the scenes if they get too close to the pink-haired boy.

And then there's Samael who has Schizotypal Personality Disorder and Narcissistic Personality Disorder. He also has a pretty annoying God complex.

I have a handful of other characters with disorders that I bring light to in my series, but I don't want this post to go on forever lol

I show all sides, treated and untreated. I show how messy the mentality of a person can get. My series definitely isn't for the light-hearted. I'm very up front about a lot of things that most people turn their heads from.

Though it's not pretty, I don't like to stay in the dark with what I have and what others struggle with. I like to be loud and show others that we're people too.

I've had people tell me writing about it glorifies it. No it fucking doesn't. It just makes them uncomfortable because we fucking exist. I'll deal with MY disorders however I decide to, and I'll speak for those too afraid.

I'm actually glad you asked this, anon. Thank you for being both curious and respectful🖤 and I hope you can cope with your BPD. Like I told my friend in the last post, I'm here for whoever needs me.

[mynameisnotsoda]

A Brief History of Studentbur (according to me)

After recent events I'm renaming studentbur to Adam Will Bishop, it's not a big change but i don't wanna use Wilbur as a name for the bursonas anymore. I'll probably give the rest their own names as well at some point.

Adam's parents are heavily Christian, growing up they never let him express himself as he wanted to. He used to ask for dolls, girls clothes, etc. generally more "girly" things cause pink was his favorite color as a kid. Eventually he learned to stop asking, and to shut up and be grateful for what he was given whether he liked it or not.

Adam isn't allowed to do ANYTHING with his hair, he prefers to keep it short (which his parents want anyway) but he wishes they would let him cut it differently or dye it.

One time when he was younger (maybe 4/5) he got nipped with scissors while getting a haircut and he cried so hard he threw up. He was so scared of getting cut again that he refused to go for months, which only made his dad pissed, so he started cutting Wilbur's hair himself.

As the only child Adam receives ALL his parents attention, good and bad, he feels suffocated by them. His mom is overbearing with severely untreated anxiety and his dad is a very.. traditional man. He's the cause for most of Adam's distress with being himself.

He's gotten REALLY good at bottling up his emotions until he explodes. Usually his pent up emotions just lead to him sobbing uncontrollably for hours, while hiding away in his room after everyone's already gone to bed, just so he doesn't get punished for having feelings.

Adam went to this k-12 Christian school up until sophomore year. He was really isolated since EVERYONE knew each other they basically grew up together. So he didn't have a chance at making more friends after a while.

For the longest time he had trouble making and keeping friends, he was the obnoxious weird kid and eventually his parents and his peers broke him down. He's horrified of social interaction and the genetically inherited anxiety disorder doesn't help either.

Once he switched to public school he was noticeably less stressed. Even his parents noticed the improvement so they didn't bother pestering him about going to a different Christian school instead. If it weren't for his mom he probably would've been sent off somewhere he didn't choose, she's not a great parent but definitely the lesser of two evils.

Adam tried to befriend Tommy at first but once he saw how loud and annoying he was he kinda backed off and tried ignoring him (except Tommy wouldn't allow that because he needs to know EVERYONE)

He didn't befriend Charlie until after he started going by "Chad Bussy" and became one of the cool kids. (Ps. Charlie's the foreign exchange student and Ran moved there when they were younger) Charlie immediately liked Adam and basically claimed him as his best friend the moment Adam started trying to get to know him. He loves yapping and Adam loves listening, although a lot of the time he'll trick Adam into talking about himself and his interests.

Adam and Charlie have been best friends for two years, that's when he finally confesses after having feelings for Charlie for maybe a few months

This is so messy but yeah !!!! Here's some other miscellaneous stuff about the au that doesn't completely revolve around Adam

Adam's parents hate Tommy, he's too loud, too vulgar and is very disrespectful (in their eyes). They like Charlie but he despises them. They hate Ran just cause they're queer. They are kinda indifferent to Bill but he doesn't like them so he avoids going to Wilbur's place when he can.

Tommy has a few friend groups he's apart of but really likes sticking with Adam, he loves annoying the shit out of him. (And his brother, Techno, is 12 years older than him. So. He likes having a brother that's closer to his age)

Dr. Hilton and Mr. Marriot are two separate people who look oddly similar. Dr. Hilton was Adam's abuser at his old school but hasn't seen him since.

Mr. Marriot is just the goofy English teacher who desperately wants to be seen as the "cool teacher" by his students. He's painfully aware of Adam's discomfort towards him and has no idea why (because he never wants to talk about it)

Adam's the only person who's allowed to call Charlie, Charlie. Everyone else has to say Chad Bussy or Charles (Charles being mainly just for the teachers)

Adam, Charlie, Tommy, Bill and Ran end up being close friends!! (They end up staying friends after highschool too :3)

Once the squad (courtesy of Charlie and nobody else having a better group name) graduates they basically follow Charlie back to America. Charlie's parents are actually pretty wealthy so they stay with him for college !

This has been in my drafts for weeks 😭😭

[thelampisaflashlight]

Some thoughts on my (mostly) human OCs, but it's just Bea, Jeremy, and Quincy. Let's go.

-Background wise, Quincy had the most "normal" upbringing, growing up in a very traditional, Christian household, but, like, the kind of Christian where you're told to hate everyone and everything that doesn't fit into the ideals of the church... or more accurately the ideals of the shitty pastor that thinks everyone who doesn't think the way he does is going to Hell.

After Quincy, Jeremy had the second most normal upbringing, having been raised by a single mother, he was a troubled kid who acted out due to a combination of social pressures and actual, undiagnosed/untreated behavioral issues which only got sorted out once he became an adult... but not before he ended up having a kid when he was nineteen.

And then there's Bea.

Bea grew up more or less homeless, going from strangers' couches to the back of her mother's car, and the occasional motel room, and when she did finally wind up in a more permanent housing situation, it caused her so much anxiety thinking she would lose it all over night that she developed hoarding tendencies, and has a hard time sharing her space/personal belongings with others.

Basically; They're all kind of messed up from going through a LOT of traumatic shit from an early age, but Bea's just ever so slightly worse off than the other two.

-Respectively, each of them represents a different part of being human, in some way or another; Quincy is the mind (librarian), Jeremy is the body (custodian), and Bea is the soul (groundskeeper) and each could be assigned a different element as well.

Quincy being quintessence, Jeremy being water (his actual "element" as a ghoul is blood, but that's a different story), and Bea's would be earth.

Another OC of mine, Alma, is air.

-Quincy is the only one out of the group that hasn't been arrested and/or detained in some capacity by law enforcement.

-Bea was hired/scouted by Sister Imperator for reasons unknown, although Bea does suspect the reason she was chosen instead of other candidates is because she has no living relatives and has no friends outside of the ones she's made at the abbey since her arrival.

While she is aware of the fact that her placement there is suspicious, and her time may be limited, Bea has more or less accepted this, even though others have shown concern for her safety.

And lastly;

-Their feelings towards ghouls can be broken down as follows;

Bea: "Ghouls..." (derogatory)

Quincy: "Ghouls~!" (affectionate)

Jeremy: "Ghouls...?" (confused)

[asurrogateblog]

do you think roger waters is a narcissist? im frequently thinking about this specially because of the things gilmour says about him

I think the term "narcissist" as a noun is thrown around a bit too loosely nowadays (in the same way that "psychopath" is). I would certainly say that roger has an ego – he's narcissistic, but whether he's pathologically -a- narcissist is a different question.

pulling out my degree in psychology and my DSM-V (which obviously is a flawed classification of mental health but that's a different conversation), if I were to give my least forgiving interpretation of roger's behavior, he -might- qualify for NPD. but I honestly don't think he does. first of all, most people who suffer from this have a very dulled sense of empathy, and if anything roger suffers from too much empathy. he seethes with rage at the mistreatment of others and clearly yearns for genuine human connection. additionally, there's a caveat with the listed symptoms that the narcissism has to be unwarranted. it's up to your interpretation whether him being responsible for what is largely considered to be some of the best music...ever..."warrants" a bit of a chip on his shoulder.

I've also talked about this before, but I really think his issue is that he has severe untreated social anxiety which he overcompensates for with displays of arrogance and aggression. it's not an excuse for how he's treated people of course, but that's also a completely different thing from NPD.

so tl;dr, no. I do not personally think that roger is a narcissist. he's just a tortured soul with a god complex in a non-clinical way

[animeshrink]

Do you think Kakashi has OCD? The whole handwasching thing looks like a compulsion to me.

Ooh, good question!

*First, as a caveat and disclaimer, it’s hard to diagnose a fictional character and I am not making light of any IRL diagnoses, as OCD can be debilitating. So any and all answers are for entertainment-educational purposes only. If anyone suspects they may need additional services or therapy, please seek local professional help or if in immediate crisis, in the US, call 988*

As for your question.

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder is considered an anxiety disorder or part of the anxiety family. Kakashi does have numerous symptoms of anxiety: he has anxiety attacks; displays symptoms of social anxiety; uses a security object in Icha Icha; has self-derogatory behaviors,  etc….So with that said, there is such a thing as trauma-induced OCD, in which a person can develop OCD or OC symptoms following a trauma, and Kakashi has a ton of trauma. Couple that trauma with someone who already has a genetic predisposition to anxiety and depression (his dad displayed severe anxiety and depression) and you will have someone who is at increased risk of developing trauma-induced OCD.  

For OCD, you have the obsessive and/or compulsive components. For example with the handwashing there’s usually an obsession that yields distress or discomfort, (e.g., being dirty, feeling contaminated, or something to that effect) and the compulsion, or action to relieve the distress of the obsession (e.g., the handwashing to remove the contamination). So, for Kakashi, what was his obsession? He had intrusive thoughts of seeing Rin’s blood to where those intrusive thoughts became an obsession. Would his washing Rin’s blood off be seen as a compulsion? Yes. It relieved his distress associated with intrusive thoughts of seeing Rin’s blood on his hands. What was his reasoning for the handwashing? To relieve distress.

When treating OCD, one of the first things assessed is if there is a history of trauma because untreated intrusive thougts can become obsessive thoughts.  So,for Kakashi, did he have intrusive thoughts – Yes, definitely. Did the intrusive thoughts become obsessive – Yes.  Now, here’s the tricky part, to be diagnosed with OCD, the person needs to have the presence of obsessional thoughts and/or compulsions, which Kakashi did have. However, the obsessions and compulsions must: 1) be time-consuming, last more than an hour a day, and 2) cause significant distress, and 3) impair work or social functioning. Does Kakashi meet this criteria? Yes, he had obsessions and compulsions. Do we know how much of his day they occupied – later we do, but more about that in a minute. Or how much his work and/social life was impaired? More about that later, as well.

If left untreated, OCD symptoms potentially last YEARS or even a lifetime. And we know how great nonexistent a mental healthcare system the shinobi world had, so Kakashi's would have been untreated. So, theoretically, if Kakashi has OCD, his symptoms would have lasted for years, into OG Naruto and into Shipudden, right? So, did his compulsions last for years? Or was it a one-time thing? More on that later. I know, so much left for later discussion, huh?

Obsessions and compulsions are often (spontaneously) replaced with new ones – it’s typically not just one and true OCD usually does not just go away on its own, just the obsessions and compulsions tend to cycle, with new ones appearing to replace the old ones, so, to outsiders, it looks like the disorder disappears.  So, his handwashing may not have lasted years - that we know of. However, and a big HOWEVER, one can argue that he replaced his handwashing with visiting the graves of his loved ones for HOURS. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY and that DID, in fact, last for years and DID affect his work and social life functioning – he was HOURS late to everything because he was arguably compulsing at the gravesites/memorial stone.

Along the same line, the reasons he was at the graves - he has obsessive thoughts about being considered a "bad person," as demonstrated in the war arc when he keeps repeating that he's trash and scum and tells Obito he's right. Odds are those thoughts are always present, or preoccupy a lot of headspace and time, but he doesn't verbalize them publicly (usually only at the graves/memorial stone). That would be considered obsessive behavior.

One can potentially argue that wearing his mask in public could constitute OC behavior - as it appeared to cause marked distress to him if he was faced with removing the mask - even at an early age. Note it's not uncommon for adults with OC behavior to display OC behavior as children, but that's another answer... And yes, he doesn't wear a mask as Sukea, but he wears makeup and gets to "hide," so in essence, it's another mask.

So, all of that just to say in this very long answer, that, yes, in all likelihood, Kakashi has symptoms congruent with trauma-induced OCD with potential OC symptoms/behaviors beginning in early childhood. Or you could say that he already had OC behaviors as a kid, but trauma made it worse.