#also for the love of god get that man into AA

[miniaturesblog]

I really need my Kevin stans to sound off because why is a very important character to the plot being labeled as a fun little 3rd wheel. That boy LIVED and SURVIVED riko bitch face, rebuilt himself from scratch, and was in constant state on PTSD while doing so. So no, I don’t appreciate it when he’s portrayed as this whiny, arrogant boy when he’s an ambitious, brave man. Is he perfect? No the fuck not, none of the foxes are, but he deserves so much more.

I quite literally never do hot takes and will be deleting this in 24 hours.

[aro-arttorneys]

Babey I’m cooking

Currently designing a bunch of designs for a Very VERY specific crossover that appeals to like 3 people including me. The storyline is practically the same as Super Paper Mario, with some changes regarding character dynamic and cause -> effect events.

I am having a LOT of fun drawing these! I'm nearly done with the rest of the main cast. Might do a masterpost or just a Big Ramble about this AU/Crossover at some point teehee

[this-should-do]

me when i meet with my colleges first out trans teacher who is like a celebrity with me after one of my teachers puts me in contact with her again (i had interviewed said trans teacher 4 years prior and hadnt met with her since) and she tells me tjat my teacher had so many positive things to say about me, about how i was one of her brightest most well spoken students and that she (within like 5 minutes of having been talking) immediately sees exactly what my professor had been talking about and so many super implied positives about me that i would never had known about and i dod everything in my power to avoid prying for more details but even what i heard was soso nicies

[im-still-watching-anime]

playing aa trilogy: look how creepy and unsettling von karma is for taking in edgeworth, he was making nefarious plans from the start

playing aa investigations: he did it because he certainly wasn’t interested in parenting and knew franziska would need a babysitter

[honexjams]

my mother in law is so fucking goated found family win 💯💯💯

[lightofraye]

All right, fans, let's talk

This morning, a mutual sent me a link. The gentleman and lady with baby from the last couple of Jensen sightings had released more content. A TikTok video, in fact, and the woman had an IG story photo as well.

Actually, let me go back a bit. It was a link to a Twitter who had a 4 second video of Jensen smiling at the baby. At first I thought nothing of it, then I saw the AA had linked the original TikTok. Great, I thought. I could share that and not some piecemeal fan edit.

The full video showed the couple tailing Jensen for at least a block with a camera on the stroller. My mood dropped instantly.

What saddened me was how the majority of retweets, shares, comments, were all about how lucky the couple were, about how handsome Jensen was, about how the baby was also a Jensen fan.

On the TikTok, of 14 comments, only three expressed unhappiness at how the couple tailed Jensen for the sake of their content.

For the sake of making a point, I'll share the video... but not link to the TikTok. (Largely because referring links will reveal who shared and I'm not sharing my TikTok profile.)

Watched it? See the problem? I hope so. But the AAs and other stans don't and won't.

Another that bothered me? When I looked at the woman's IG, I noticed a lot of photos of her and the baby, her trying to show she's a good mother, a loving mother, and... yeah. I'm getting shades of Danneel.

Then I saw this in the video:

This pose alone makes me very uncomfortable. She practically curved her body into Jensen's. (Thank gods he has his hand on her upper back, not lower.) She tried very hard to appear sexy, as though he were hers to claim.

That look on his face? Screams not really wanting to do this, but he's a kind man and struggles to say 'no' in these situations.

The IG story photo?

All I'm getting from this is shades of Jenneel--Jensen tolerating the presence of an unwanted woman while the woman is smug and using his fame and looks for her advantage despite his unhappiness.

Poor guy looked exhausted, sad. Can we just give him some goddamned space already?

[thechaoticdruid]

[The Spawn Vs The Ascendant]

Astarion(s) x Tav

Plot: I made a post a while back about Ascended Astarion meeting Spawn Astarion via multiversal timeline shenanigans and legit maybe one person shared a fic with a similar premise.

So basically I was like *puts on infinity gauntlet* “Fine, I'll do it myself.”

Content Warning// 18+ for Sexual humor and suggestive themes. I legit have not been in the fanfiction business in years so go easy on me. 

Characters might be ooc. Spelling/Grammar mistakes may be present. A wee bit of blood and violence. Gale is made fun of. Tav is based heavily off my human druid Tav, Winnie and uses She/Her pronouns.//

Possible Triggers: Ascended Astarion, kidnapping, mentioned character death, possessiveness, obsession, AA touches Tav without her consent (not sexually tho), Galeshaming. 

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

Ah, the Elfsong. There was really no better place to unwind after a long day of adventuring. And there was really nothing better to help one unwind than a favorite snack, a cold drink and lovely company. Unfortunately for Tav she'd have to wait up on the company as her beloved was currently preoccupied with his nightly grooming. Gods only know how long that man will take doing his hair. The human female rolled her eyes and brought her wine bottle to her lips taking a few swigs before biting into some cheese she'd been nibbling on prior.  Tav lounged about on their shared bed wearing nothing but a black tank and red boxers. Despite the peace and relaxation she was getting pretty bored without her love to snuggle and gossip with. Tav finished off the last few bites of cheese before she pulled out the private journal she'd been keeping since this whole adventure began. Little doodles of her partner decorated the pages along with her chicken scratch handwriting. 

She had documented details of their adventure whenever she had the chance and also took the time to add various doodles of her companions and any monsters they encountered. (Some of her favorite drawings included herself opening a bottle and releasing a spectator. And of course a lovely little drawing of her and Astarion kicking the shit out of Cazador.)

As she waited Tav began to entertain herself by writing down a to-do list.  

“Ah lets see…Yep definitely gonna have to have a chat with that pompous prick who was threatening a kid the other day. Maybe I can invite him back to the tavern later? I'm sure Star wouldn't mind having a snack.” Tav hummed, scribbling down everything she had planned out as of late.

Shit I need to do:

‘Feed rich tit to boyfriend.’ 

‘Teach Shadowheart to swim.’

‘Buy Clive a best friend.’ 

‘Murder baddies.’

‘Wildshape into a pigeon and shit on Gortash's head.’

‘Buy boyfriend cute clothes.’

‘Take Gale shopping for wizardy stuff.’

‘Look into real estate in the Underdark.’

‘Take Scratch for a walk.’

‘Kill more bad people.’

‘Contemplate licking dead spider.’

‘Be screamed at by Gale for licking dead spider.’

‘Buy flowers for Karlach and Shadowheart.’

‘Buy boyfriend more cute clothes.’

‘Study wizard stuff.’

‘Help Moon Lesbians plan wedding.’

‘Research ring of the sunwalker.’

‘Piss off the Gods……Again…’

‘Remember to take Astarion on romantic beach date before fighting the Elder Brain.’

‘Unalive people of not goodness.’

‘Shave Gale’s beard while he sleeps.’

‘Continue writing smutty novel series so I can keep buying boyfriend cute clothes.’

“Tav, a word please.” Gale appeared from around the corner. Tav groaned, annoyed by the prospect of having to get up. Especially since Gale looked like he was going to scold her for something. Begrudgingly she hopped off the bed, leaving the comfort of her room to see what in the hells that damn wizard wanted. 

“What do you need, Gale? I'm kinda in the middle of writing down my to-do list.”

“Am I inclined to believe that you've been writing erotic novels that feature Astarion and I?” The wizard inquired.

“Pfft! What in the hells gave you that idea!” Tav laughed, her eyes staring off to the side nervously as she twiddled her thumbs. Gale pulled out a red leather bound book titled ‘Blood-Mage’. It was a ridiculously smutty novel about a young handsome sorcerer named Garrett Delarous who is reluctantly forced to team up with a dastardly, but world endingly beautiful Vampire Lord in order to save the world or some shit. (The book mostly focused more on smut than plot.) Amazingly the novel had made a killing after Tav had peddled it at Sharess's Caress. It seemed nearly everyone wanted a copy.  (Tav was also pretty sure she noticed Halsin was reading the book as well.)

“My series is about a renowned sorcerer and a Vampire Lord. There's a difference, Gale.” Tav crossed her arms with a huff. 

“You can't just profit off of other people's likenesses Tav! You at least need to pay them royalties!” 

“I always give half the money I earn to Astarion.” 

“I’m talking about me!”

“I think my beloved ‘gloves of power’ were more than enough payment for you.” Tav huffed before looking off to the side with a sad look.

I miss those gloves so much.

Gale sighed in annoyance, pinching the bride of his nose. He was used to Tav’s shenanigans at this point but this was just ridiculous. Not to mention while skimming through Tav's scandalous work he noticed the sorcerer was always on the bottom during intimate scenes. The audacity!

“Besides I use the money I make from this for not only myself and Astarion, but the rest of the camp as well. Adventuring ain't cheap ya know?” 

“You can at least give me a small percentage of the profits. Say thirty percent?” 

“Ten percent.” Tav said flatly.

“Twenty percent?”

“Ten percent.” Tav repeated.

“Fine.” Gale gives in, causing the shorter of the two to smirk triumphantly. Tav watched smugly as the wizard slumped off in defeat before quickly adding another note to her to-do list.

‘Give 10% of book money to the stinky wizard.’

Tav finished off her list as she felt a pair of cool arms wrap around her form from behind, her cheeks tinting light pink. “Do you really need to take five hours in the bath?”  She hummed, turning her head to meet her partner’s crimson gaze. His hair was dry and looked rather soft and silky and he was dressed in this eccentric red silk robe with fluffy black trim.

“You can't rush art, darling.” Astarion purred before nuzzling his cheek against hers. “You know if you were getting impatient you could have joined me in the tub. I would have loved the company.” He murmured huskily.

“In these tiny ass bathtubs? I'd have to sit on your lap and even then I doubt we'd have enough room to really do anything.” Tav replied, nuzzling back against him. 

“We could still try.~” The vampire cooed.

“Tempting, but the others have whined enough about our night time activities. Apparently we're noisy.” 

“Then perhaps next time I shall have to gag you won't I?” 

“Alright! I'm ending this conversation here!” Tav said quickly, face burning up at his teasing. 

“Besides, I’ll need some sleep for tomorrow. Gortash won't kill himself, unfortunately.” Tav said with a yawn.

“Really? Now? I was hoping you'd at least cuddle with me before bed.” Astarion pouted.

“Oh you poor thing. Fine, we can cuddle till I fall asleep. Cutie.” The human female smiled sweetly before planting a kiss on her lover's cheek, receiving a content hum in response. Tav turned to pull away from the elf's embrace before suddenly feeling herself be scooped up and tossed over his shoulder.

“Hey! What did I say about picking me up!?” She whined, squirming a bit as she hung over his shoulder. “I don't like being manhandled!”

“But you're so adorable like this.~” Astarion teased, his hand gripping her ass as he carried over to the bed. Despite Tav’s complaints she did little else in protest besides pout and blush as she was whisked away. The two of them soon settled on the bed, Tav immediately nuzzling into Astarion's chest and relaxing. Astarion’s clawed fingernails found their way into her messy locks, caressing and running through them as the two snuggled together. His skin was cold to the touch, but honestly Tav actually liked it. It kinda reminded her of the cool side of her pillow. Even though there was the constant threat of death around every corner the two of them were still able to cherish their time together, and hopefully now that Astarion had been freed of his master they would continue to do so.

 There was still the tiny issue of an evil alien brain thing that could turn them into soulless squid monsters, but they'd be able to take care of that sooner or later. A part of Tav wanted to put it off as selfish and dangerous as it could be. Because as soon as they destroyed the brain, they'd destroy the only protection Astarion had against the sun. Tav wasn't about to give up on finding a way for her love to enjoy the sun, but for now she'd at least make the time he has left in it special. 

“Star….” Tav murmured aloud, her head tilting upwards to meet her partner's eyes.

“Yes dear?” He hummed.

“You know there's actually something I've been meaning to talk to you about. We've been together for a while now and well…we haven't actually had a real date….I mean I guess it's understandable considering we have to save the world and shit, but I was thinking maybe if there's time we could do something together....”  Tav bit down on her lip as she sat up on the bed. She felt nervous all of a sudden, not used to asking for stuff like this. Astarion had always been the one to initiate most of their romantic activities. The best Tav could do was a kiss on the cheek or a hug and even that had taken a while for her to get comfortable with. 

“What about all our little late night trysts? Do those not count as dates?” Astarion raised an eyebrow though his tone was playful.

“Ehh…well…rolling around in the dirt in the middle of nowhere isn't exactly what I'd call a date.” Tav said awkwardly, earning a chuckle from her vampire. 

“I suppose you're right. We've never really had any bonding time without you being pinned underneath me.” He joked before quickly clearing his throat and finally trying to be serious. “What do you have in mind, darling?”

“I just want to take you out somewhere…We could go out to eat or just walk in the park….” The human female twiddled her thumbs as she trailed off, feeling butterflies in her stomach. “I'd be up for anything really as long as I'm with you.” 

“I…would like that very much, my love.” Astarion cupped her cheek, his eyes soft and full of affection.  He pulled her into a sweet chaste kiss, allowing her to return it before she pulled back and rested his forehead against hers.

Thudd!

Tav quickly pulled back from Astarion's embrace as she heard a noise. She looked around frantically for the sound.

“Tav? Is something wrong?” Astarion asked.

“I just heard something…” She said before suddenly her eyes landed at the window near their bed.  On the opposite side of the window seat a small white bat could be seen looking through the glass. Its little red eyes stared at the human with an intense gaze. “It's a bat.” Tav pointed towards the window. Astarion looked over at the little creature before internally groaning.

 No. She better not even think about it!  

The bat blinked, looking at Tav a few times before curling its left wing against its body. 

“I think its wing is injured!” Tav exclaimed with concern.

“Ugh leave it! We've taken in enough stray beasts!” Astarion scoffed, but Tav immediately ignored him, rushing over to the window. 

“Tav! Don't! It probably has some horrible disease or something!”

Tav quickly opened the window, her eyes going soft as she looked down at the small animal. She moved to scoop it up into her arms but before she could the bat simply fell back. 

“Shit!” She shouted. 

“Thank the gods, it's dead. Now come back to bed, darling.” Astarion said, patting the spot besides him. Tav just glared at him silently before suddenly she wildshaped into a raven and flew out the window.

~•~•~•~•~

While Tav didn't preach about nature 24/7 like Halsin did she was still just as much of a druid as he was and couldn't bear to stay by while an injured animal was in need. (Much to her lover's dismay.)  She'd flown out the window of their room and circled around looking for the little bat. 

There was no sign of the winged beast anywhere near the elfsong, but at least that was a sign it likely hadn't fallen to its death. Tav kept searching, eventually straying further from the tavern until she was forced to land and give her wings a breather, returning back to her human form.  

“Dammit it's so dark I can't tell where I am. Everything looks different at night.” Her eyes strained as she struggled to make out any familiarity. Despite having lived in Baldur's Gate for about ten years Tav had always made it a point not to roam about at night. Her lack of dark vision made night time prowling even more dangerous, especially in this city.

She decided to reserve her strength instead of wild-shaping again. From what she could make out in the dark she'd found herself in one of the back alleys. Tav kept stumbling around in the dark for a while until at last she began to consider heading back. The bat likely wasn't dead since she had seen no hair or hide of it and she really wasn't in the mood to find herself in trouble. It constantly seemed to follow Tav these days it seemed. Last time she wandered around the city by herself she got into a fist fight with some stuck up noble lady who had referred to her as ‘a fat ugly little boy’. (The others were not happy about sneaking her out of prison that day.)

Just as Tav was about to assume the form of a beast fit for the night she noticed some light up ahead. The graveyard had been illuminated by a couple of lanterns. Tav approached hoping it would help her map out her way back if she just remembered how to get to the Elfsong from there. However as soon as she got close to the light someone was waiting for her. 

“Astarion?” Tav called out as her silver haired lover stepped out of the darkness. She expected nagging, and complaining about having to come out here looking for her, but instead Astarion just stared at her intensely as if studying every detail of her face. “Are you okay?” She asked with concern. Something was very strange about this. Astarion being quiet for long was never a good sign. Tav scanned him over, almost immediately noting his elegant attire. A black and red suit with silver bats embroidered on it. Odd. Tav had never seen him wear this outfit before. And he was always quick to show off any new clothes to her, seeking her praise. Astarion moved towards her quickly and out of nowhere pulled her into a crushing hug. 

“Yes of course. I was just worried about you, my sweet.” His grip on her was almost uncomfortably tight, as if he was holding onto her for dear life. 

“I haven't been gone that long….” Tav stiffened. There was an abnormal warmth to his body. Sure he was able to raise his temperature after feeding, but there was hardly a decent supply of beasties for him to nibble on in this city, not to mention he would have had to have found one pretty damn fast before seeking her out.  

“You’ve always been such a brave little thing, haven't you?” He let out a chuckle, his grip on her didn’t falter. His tone didn't seem threatening, but one thing for sure set off an alarm in her.

Thump-thump. 

Thump-thump.

Thump-thump.

Tav immediately ripped herself away from him and took a few steps back, her eyes glaring daggers.  “Who the hells are you?” She snapped. 

“Whatever, ever do you mean, pet?” His voice was full of false innocence, it reminded her a lot of how Astarion would often speak whenever accusations were hurled at him, but this person was definitely not her lover. 

Tav’s first instinct was to assume he'd probably been one of the shape-changers they'd been attacked by in the past, but there was this gnawing gut feeling that this time was different. 

“Drop the act. I've already met enough shit heads running around wearing someone else's face. Who are you really?”

“I’m Astarion. Really dear, I'm disappointed you have so little faith in me that you'd think I'd allow some lowly shape-changers near you.” He took a few steps forward. 

“Stay away from me…” Tav growled out through gritted teeth. Damnit. She didn't have any weapons and was literally in her sleepwear. 

“You seem tired, love. Perhaps we should head back so you can get some rest?” He extended his hand towards her.  Tav was about to say something else before suddenly an arrow came out of nowhere, nearly hitting the Astarion look alike in the shoulder. He was able to dodge just in the nick of time.  Tav gasped in surprise before quickly turning back to see another…. Astarion?

The two looked identical aside from their clothing. The imposter was wearing his elegant suit and the other one (whom Tav hoped to the gods was actually him) was wearing a familiar red and black doublet. 

“Hells teeth.” Astarion spoke up as he looked over at the two.  Tav immediately sniffed air around the second Astarion. The tiniest whiff of death hit her senses and immediately she ran over to him. 

“Star!” Tav was by his side in an instant. His arm quickly looped around her hip protectively before he scanned over her face. 

“Are you alright?” He asked, receiving a nod in response.  Astarion then looked over towards his look alike. “My, aren't you just beautiful? I must admit I'm quite flattered you chose to imitate me.” 

“Is that what you think of me? I'm hurt.” The other vampire laughed. “I am no mere imitation. I am you…..well a better you.” 

“You're not making any sense!” Tav hissed, her jaw clenching as she suppressed the urge to let out an animal-like growl.  

“Allow me to shed some light on it then. I come from a reality where instead of choosing to remain weak and pathetic we became who we always wanted to be.”  Tav's eyes widened at the revelation, though she was still debating whether or not to believe all this madness. Of course she'd been to hells, the shadowfell and even fought a god so maybe this wasn't too far fetched.

“The Vampire Ascendant.”

“If you're telling the truth then why are you here? You have everything you want don't you?” The vampire spawn quirked an eyebrow. Meanwhile the Ascendant’s face suddenly turned cold. He almost looked sad. 

“I did. Wealth, power, pleasure, everything I could ever dream of. I was on the cusp of dominating the entirety of the sword coast. Everything was mine. But none of it mattered without the one thing I cherished most. My beloved consort. My Tav.” His eyes suddenly locked into the human female. She felt small, cornered, like a rat caught between a cat’s paws. “He was taken from me…” 

Tav stiffened, taking a step back. She really did not like where this was going. Her lover kept a gentle hold on her, staying between her and the other vampire.

“And now you're here to take my Tav I presume?” Astarion scoffed, “you obviously didn't care very much about yours then if you're already looking for a replacement.” 

“HE WAS EVERYTHING TO ME!” Before Tav could think her lover was knocked off his feet. A punch had come at him faster than he could react. The Ascendant stood over him, shaking with anger. Tav moved over towards the vampire spawn as quickly as she could, checking him out. He seemed alright, albeit a little winded, possibly bruised. Astarion huffed, getting back to his feet. Tav was quick to cast cure wounds on him to help perk him back up.  

The Ascendant took in a breath, regaining his composure. While the spawn swiftly tossed Tav a spare dagger from his pack. A fight was likely inevitable now. 

“I’ve searched across thousands of timelines. None of these pathetic excuses for adventurers came even close to my beloved. That is…until I found you of course…” The vampire lord pointed a clawed finger at the druid.  “You're the only one who resembles him in the slightest, albeit you are a bit more…voluptuous than he was.” He chuckled a bit. 

“Okay hold on a minute! You can't just come here and take someone else’s Tav because you lost yours!” Tav pointed her dagger shakily towards him.

“My dear, I don't think you understand. I am the Vampire Ascendant. I can take whatever I want!”

“I don't care if you're the fucking god of gnomes I'm not going anywhere with you. I have my own Astarion.” Tav gripped the blade tightly while her free hand prepared to cast a spell.

“I had hoped you'd come quietly, but it seems we'll have to do this the hard way.” With a flash of pink light Tav was hit with a sleeping spell and fell to the ground unconscious. Her dagger dropped to the ground with a clatter. The spawn was quick to move in front of Tav taking out his rapier and aiming a swipe at the other vampire. 

The Ascendant stepped back just as the thin slender blade nicked a cut across his attire, just barely missing his flesh. The spawn took another swing at him, nicking his side and gaining a kick to the ribs in return. The spawn huffed, quickly recovering before moving in for another attack.

However the Ascendant’s clawed hand struck first, slashing through the armor surrounding the Astarion's shoulder and slicing his flesh. The spawn cried out and gripped his arm as his counterpart smirked smugly, bringing his finger up to his lips and basically tasting his own blood. 

“Mmm…Delicious.~” He purred. The Ascendant’s crimson eyes trailed over towards Tav before beginning to glow red. “To me, now.” He said as if issuing a command to unseen soldiers.

Within seconds two oddly familiar figures appeared out of mist. A sickly pale looking Halsin and Shadowheart, both with glowing red orbs for eyes.  

“Gods below. You've turned your own friends into spawn!?” Astarion gasped, his face full of disgust. 

“Eh…I wouldn't exactly call them friends…. Though they are much more compliant this way.” The vampire lord replied with a toothy grin. The spawn felt sick to his stomach. To think he could have ended up this way.  

“Take care of my inferior self, would you darlings? I have places to be…” The Ascendant gave a small wave before quickly scooping the unconscious Tav up in his arms. 

“Yes master.” The undead Shadowheart and Halsin replied, a bright red light shone around their bodies as they were compelled to attack. 

“Farewell beautiful.” The vampire lord gave his spawn self a wink before quickly vanishing into mist, taking Tav along with him.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

“Astarion….” Tav muttered tossing and turning in her sleep as she slowly began to come to. She shot up in a cold sweat, her heart pounding.

“Ugh…That was a terrible dream. Star you wouldn't believe…” Tav went silent as her eyes scanned her surroundings. It in fact was not a dream. 

“Oh gods damnit.” She huffed.

 Tav was in a large elegant looking bedroom, lying upon a purple queen size bed adorned with fine silk sheets. Maroon red walls surrounded her and were decorated nicely by paintings and other fine wall decor.  The first thing the druid noticed after taking in her surroundings was the pressure around her neck. Her hands quickly reached for her throat feeling what seemed like a tight choker of some kind. She quickly hopped off the bed and looked into the mirror of a nearby vanity that sat west of the bed. “Fucking hells.” She breathed out as her eyes laid upon a black and red collar adorning her neck. There was this unnerving glow surrounding the collar. Most likely some kind of magic was placed on it. Quickly she curled her fingers preparing to use a spell in order to tear this damn thing off of her, but nothing happened. 

This thing must be silencing my casting somehow.

Tav for a moment before forming an idea. She could probably wildshape into something small and squeeze out. Maybe. The druid sighed before getting on all fours preparing to transform into a rat. She let out a grunt, but nothing happened. 

“Oh fuck you!” She shouted before rolling and desperately trying to yank the collar off.

 Tav growled and pulled on the neck piece, yanking as hard as she could, resorting to gnawing on it. 

Knock knock.

The druid immediately ceased her actions at the sound of the door. A shiver went down her spine at the thought of it being that so-called ���Vampire Ascendant’ again.  Her eyes flickered around the room before she took hold of a candle stick and stood next to the door, back pressed against the wall. 

The door creaked open and a small figure walked inside. Tav prepared herself to strike down whoever had entered, but froze upon seeing the person. It was a small blonde haired half-elf woman, dressed in a house keeper's attire. 

Tav quickly looked into her eyes, letting out a sigh of relief as she noticed they were blue. She set the candlestick down on the vanity and looked at the half-elf curiously. “Who are you?” She asked.

“My name is Abigail, milady. The master sent me to help you get dressed and make sure you come see him.” The small woman piped up in a small soft voice.  Abigail was petite and quite short, probably about an inch or two shorter than Tav was, though the druid estimated the half elf was probably around the same age as she was…well physically anyway. With elves you could really never tell. 

“And exactly where am I?” Tav crossed her arms. 

“The Crimson palace milady. My lord has taken up residence here while he stays in your realm.” Abigail replied before scurrying across the room, towards a closet. “It'd be best not to keep him waiting, my lady.” The half-elf rummaged around through the closet before taking a couple of different outfits to choose from and spreading them out over the bed. “My apologies if you'd prefer a dress, but this is all we could bring with us from our world.” 

Tav blushed a bit in embarrassment as she realized she was still only wearing a tank and boxers. She looked over at the bed and took note of the three suits that laid out in front of her. 

“These belonged to Master Tav. Master Astarion said they'd likely fit you, my lady.” 

“Now hold on, I have questions! How did you all get here, and what is this thing!?” Tav demanded as she tugged on her collar once again.

“I'm sorry I can say no more. Please miss, just get dressed.” Abigail pleaded,a hint of fear was in her tone. Tav was hesitant, but begrudgingly she slipped off her tank before sliding into one of the suits, a red one that felt a little snug on her, but actually not by much. The only issue being that she couldn't get the top three buttons of the white undershirt that went with it to button.  It left her cleavage slightly exposed. Her eyebrow twitched in annoyance.

“Okay, I'm ready.” She said, Abigail nodded and began to lead the druid out of the room. 

Perhaps this was her chance? She could make a break for it on their way out! Tav braced herself to bolt only to be met with a shockingly familiar face as she exited the room. Lae'zel.  Or well a vampire spawn that looked completely identical to her githyanki companion aside from a pair of glowing red. 

“Dear gods, Lae'zel, what happened to you? Did Astarion do this?” Tav gasped in shock. 

 “She's not your Lae'zel, milady.” Abigail spoke up.

“I was told to make sure the master’s new pet came quietly, not to answer questions.” Lae’zel simply replied.

“Come on, let's go.” Abigail took hold of Tav’s arm, giving her a gentle smile before tugging her along. Lae'zel quietly followed, a seemingly permanent scowl on her face as she watched Tav's every move, almost daring her to run for it.

The three walked down a long corridor for what seemed like hours. The sound of footsteps along with her own heartbeat seemed to be the only thing Tav could process as a gnawing anxiety set in. Her chest tightened, her throat felt dry and she could feel this nervous pain dancing across her spine. She wasn't sure why but something about this other Astarion scared her. This Vampire Ascendant.  She had never been afraid of her beloved spawn, hells she wasn't even afraid of Cazador or any other vampire she had come across on their journey, but something about her lover's counterpart made her skin crawl. 

“Well aren't you just precious?” A seductive pur tore Tav from her thoughts, forcing her to look up and realize she'd been dragged out into the ballroom. It definitely was a lot cleaner than the past time she'd been here. All the blood and wolf corpses had been dealt with.  Just how long has this other Astarion been here?  He couldn't have just started squatting here, found and kidnapped Tav, and had time to clean everything up on the same day!  The Vampire Ascendant sat upon Cazador’s old throne, looking down at Tav. His eyes trailing over her.

Tav took a deep breath before clearing her throat and trying to appear confident.

“Where is Astarion? And I mean my Astarion.” 

“You needn’t concern yourself with him any longer. You're mine now and I will give you so much more than he ever could.~” The Vampire Lord stood up and stepped towards Tav slowly. 

“I’m not your Tav. I can never be him.” The druid backed up a little, however with Lae’zel’s presence behind her she didn't have much room to retreat. She wasn't sure if reasoning with this alternate version of her lover was possible, but it was worth a shot if nothing else. However instead of listening he swiftly took her hands in his. 

“No need to be modest, my pet, you're practically like him in every way. You have his eyes, his face, the same little quirks and ticks. Granted, you're built a little different anatomically, but that's not something that ever deterred me.” Astarion moved in closer, briefly pressing his lips against her knuckles. “And now that I've found you, nothing will ever part us. Not again.” Before Tav could speak she was pulled in for another tight hug. She squirmed a bit, conflicted feelings of pity and fear were arguing back and forth in her mind as she felt him nuzzling his face into her neck. He was clearly dangerous, but he also seemed heartbroken.  He wanted anyway to have his lover back so badly he crossed time itself to see them again. Or at least someone who resembled them. 

But Tav knew deep down she wouldn't be enough to fill the void left by her counterpart. Gods, she hoped there would be a happy ending to all of this.

~•~•~•~•~•~

A little note from ChaoticDruid: I really hope it didn't suck! I haven't published a fanfic in so long >~<  This idea had just been swimming around in my brain forever I just had to get it out!  I got the idea from the PS5 launch party animation and seeing Launch Astarion and EA Astarion flirting just made me go okay but what if it was Ascended Astarion and Spawn Astarion?

I don't know if I will continue it. I have other things I wanna write and my ADD makes this stuff so freaking hard. But maybe maybe not 🤞🤞 

Part 2: LETS GOOOOOOO

[midnight1nk]

This week's episode...

[spoilers below cut]

HELL YEAH another Three and Four episode!!! Time for my live reaction:

woah we're starting out here? i seriously did not expect that. sleepy little guys :)

also don't think i didn't spot Four's cowboy hat in the corner there (yes, i know it was shown in other episodes too)

Four, why are you busting into Three's room like that? Four?

guys, I think the "dating behind the scenes" might be true

Wait, hold up he did the same pose as Three's statue

I know this whole back-and-forth about the statue being Three or Four. Personally, I think it's Three, just the textures (his beard) didn't apply, but the fact that Four did this pose for a split second... c'mon...

"are you ready to make magic?" "what am i doing in your bed?" [*presses the pause button*] ...am I in the right episode? ...Four you can't say these things... c'mon dude...

lawyer meggy hi!!!!! :D can we bring her back please?

just the way that Three looks at Four's hand when Four held his shoulder is driving me insane

"the rosemary to my bread" that is the most romantic thing I have ever heard... (well aside from "hey dud listen to me" speech from IGBP and "the sight of that man shines brilliantly in my eyes" line from AA)

and indeed you can make bread with rosemary

alright everyone, time to make some rosemary garlic bread

well from the last episode, Four did have a theory on Mario being jesus/god so.....

Three: "me? :O" sorry I just love the delivery on that, also the flushed emoji image on his face. i can somehow see Three's face underneath it idk how to describe it...

Actually uh Four, why are you so eager to do a romantic episode, huh? And also imagining Three, huh? Four, you did confirm that Three has rizz from the elevator episode. You can't deny it dude, you love him.

THEY CAN'T KEEP GETTING AWAY WITH THIS

bro Four really is a hopeless romantic my god he's just like me fr fr

i swear they drive me insane. like you can argue that it's just luke and james having fun but i do like the idea that Four is the only other person besides Eggdog who can make Three laugh and smile. And Three being the one who can make Four laugh ever so much as memes can. it just makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside :)

they're in love, your honor 💙💜

I too just fade into a room when i am needed

LET FOUR RIDE THE TEACUP RIDE

AYYYYY GAY LAWYER DADS GAME GO BRRRRRRR

we need to get my boyfriend back (yes Four totally said this)

NO THREE DON'T DROP THE SOAP

oh hi Chris and Swag!!

"And they drive off." [*the meme machine just flies straight up*]

Three: "Man.. I think... he was my dad. :("

Four [*remembers that they came out of the USBs*]: "...ok."

Nah Four, let him COOK

Four: "we're never doing this again" CAP

Congrats windr31 for being at the end credits!

👏

It's crazy that literally every SMG34 artist drew this scene, I mean how could they not. btw every one of them is so good!

Man, I really loved this episode, just some silly chaotic fun with a side of SMG34 crumbs!!

I know the SMG4 and SMG3 episodes aren't associated with the plot or anything but it's really nice to see Three keeping his promise from IGBP:

Three: "We can make another."

And they did, multiple in fact.

It's really sweet how much their relationship changed over time and I think it might come into play somehow in WOTFI. Until next time, my dear fellows, take care!

[hazeystar]

5x9 live reaction

i was screaming and crying and that’s not a joke

also impressive the asteroid wasn’t brought up but now i’m just more scared for next week

praying for tarlos and firefam safety that’s all i want

-

yay judd in aa PLEASE

and owen is there yay

bring back grace we need her

oh sweet jesus judd you’re really going through it

-

nancy! marjan! tommy!

tommy i’m crying with you baby it’s alright

marj and tommy we don’t get enough of them

it’s marjan/natcha’s boyfriend i love this

tk shopping for beds i love him

i want chicken and waffles now

oh no not the afd calendar

and welcome back wyatt

we don’t have multiple swat teams?

judd you idiot don’t you do this

judd

judd i fucking swear

one time i say thank god for owen strand

fuck it flashed over

holy fuck judd how many bullets hit ya?

-

what’s wrong with judd’s hand? why has it been wrapped?

yea no man it’s mildly concerning how long you stayed standing there

yay marjan and joe

i love the purple and green it’s gorgeous together

im dying like joe here oh my god

joe i love the man that you are

MARRIAGE PROPOSAL OMG

bruh what do you mean marriage isn’t love what the fuck

nope nevermind im dying from the second hand embarrassment someone get me out of the restaurant HELP

please move on

please someone have another plot line

please 

oh dear god send help it’s a roller coaster i’m on

let’s go back to anyone else

thank you judd and your meetings for saving me from dinner

oh no judd are you lying? 

judd…. that’s not trying to get sober please

i actually don’t know which plotline right now is worse

because this hurts

charlie is with the grandparents?? oh no

judd let’s move you in with owen

omg i fucking called it

-

god joe is really trying and marjan babes your parents 

wow ‘are you a firefox or a mouse’

they’re right, where does your happiness rank in this

yay paul in charge

god true sibling behaviour

tk you danger magnet of course you know how casts work

steph goddammit you were so close

HA nancy with the connection you go girl

yea judd part of you definitely resents grace

wait that was actually heartbreaking 

i mean yes that seemed like a sign but try, try again please judd

-

welcome back wyatt

oh shit is that the reverend

tbh back to the call we could have explained that better

ems are you here in time?  

thank fuck he’s awake

round 2? please

save me now

yay be brave marjan you got this

YAY

yes marjan tell them! fight for your future!

YESSSS

OMG WEDDING

THIS IS WHY TK IS IN A SUIT IN THE PROMO

WEDDING TIME BEFORE THE END OF THE WORKD

-

firehouse wedding

YAY TARLOS

yes carlos the arch is thin in the left your so correct

shut up this is gorgeous

pause the tarlos colour palette i love it

marjan you look stunning

OH RAFA WITH THE STUBBLE IM IN LOVE

YAY JOR AND MARJAN

bro who allowed firecrackers in the fire house

paul and mateo took their jobs very seriously

tommy baby are you okay

yay joe and marjan

i’m always thinking about grace me too buddy

rafa in that yellow shirt im in love, tk with the off white 

that cake looks amazing

-

owen you really should have just moved him into your house

GRACE MY BELOVED COME BACK PLS

joe and marjan holy shit you guys are gorgeous

how lucky you gotta be to actually play the role with your partner

THE HAIR THE HAIR HOLY SHIT GUYS

i’m joe frfr right now

judd buddy, go to bed

judd what the hell man

be better

dump it in the sink

do it

omg the phone

is it gracie

GRACE MY LOVE

GRACE

grace was the real mvp of this episode and she wasn’t even here

[halogalopaghost]

OKAY NOW IM GONNA TALK ABOUT SPOILERS FOR THE HELLBOY THE CROOKED MAN MOVIE

FIRST OF ALL, WHEN HB SHOT THE CROOKED MAN IN THE HEAD AND THERE WAS AN EXPLOSION OF COINS?? I LITERALLY GASPED. I WAS STIMMING SO HARD DURING THE WHOLE END SCENE WITH THE CROOKED MAN.

LIIIIITERALLY HELLBOY SAID GET FUCKED AS HE ROLLED THIS GUY DOWN MULTIPLE FLIGHTS OF STAIRS. AAAHAHAH I WAS LAUGHING SO HARD

And this movie UNDERSTOOD HELLBOY FUNDAMENTALLY. Like, with the Crooked Man giving him prophecies of doom at the end?? I literally cheered for that, that's the kind of cryptic shit my boy gets after every big bad fight. And and! When he grabbed the shovel and said "that'll work" GAWD. And when he called the Crooked Man a howdy doody fuck!! That would have admittedly had a little more punch if he hadn't already said fuck like five times but meh

but the big one!! the big one was when he heard a baby sobbing its guts out, knew that it was a trap and there was likely no baby, and went in there anyway! oh my gosh! the way they understand that he will run into a burning building to save a baby that isn't there! and the way he walks off those wounds! oh mgoysh!! Yall have no idea how fast im typing right now. Character who feels the pain of mortal injuries but cannot die by one fuck me UPPPPP. The way he just walks it off and says "it won't kill me" not "it doesnt hurt" or "this doesnt suck" just "it won't kill me" baby boy I undersTAAAAAND. AA!!

At first I wasn't really sure I was on board with the talking about his mom thing,, we don't see a lot of him discussing his mother in the comics! From what I recall he kinda finds out about his mom's story, goes "wow that's pretty fucked up" and then moves on, we don't really hear him say much of it. And with the knowledge that this is a younger Hellboy too! It's the 50s, he's only like. Fuck, he's like 20 at the MOST I think?

The way they go on with the scenes with his mother and the "I hated ME! I hated MYSELF!" and transferring that hate to her...Mignola has been known to use moments like this (the ability to retcon an earlier decision he made when he didn't know what the consequences of it wouold be for the larger canon) to reframe or restate a point he made when he was establishing Hellboy's larger story early on. That's very much what this felt like to me, this felt like it came from Mignola's hand to say "hey, wouldn't it just be a little fucked up if this is how he felt?" and yeah. he's right. The way it gets hellboy to put his gun to his own chin. yeah. he's right. And we know that wouldn't have killed him but that's not the point, is it? It's the knowledge that he's really internalized that much about his being a monster and that the crooked man would have gotten one over on him. It was the mindgames, that was the point. When he grabs the kid after and ruffles his hair like,, yeah you're real alright. God. Way to remind me that this very fucked up looking indestructible guy is so very soft and human inside.

also when he ate the fucking cigarette butt that was so funny. that was so fucking hilarious can we PLEASE acknowledge that. I'm incorporating Hellboy "eats cigarette butts so the pigeons dont have to" Bruttenholm into my worldview posthaste.

I honestly even really liked the character of Bobbie Joe!! I started to roll my eyes a little bit when they hinted at a romance plotline and fully was dreading the cringy "now we have to kiss" scene at the end, but it happily never came!!!! It was left sort-of-ambiguous in a really kinda sweet way. And again, when we remember that this is a 20 year old hellboy, it comes across differently. This is a kid with a crush essentially and it's so well handled. She seems like an amalgamation of several BPRD characters and again, is very well done. I love how several times she goes "this isn't real/this isnt how this works/this isn't happening" and the people around her who are more willing to believe in the paranormal just go no,,pretty sure it's happening. (That's not binding!! ehh, it's pretty binding?? I laughed so hard please)

Anyway I'm gonna be insane about this forever and ever <3

[vdragon-creations]

TMayNT Day 13: Best Don

Day 13 of @tmaynt Prompt: Best Don!

Oh my sweet, how I've waited for this day! It should probably come as no surprise to anyone who fallows me or anyone who saw my Day 1 entry that Donnie is my favorite turtle! Hands down, no contest!

But here comes the hard part. Choosing my favorite! Gunna be honest, it's a very hard decision. Each Donnie has a quality to them that I just adore! Intelligence! I don't like to think of myself as that smart, at least not in the way Donnie is! And I love me some soft nerdy types! And when it comes to personality, it gets even harder to pick, because literally ALL of them are just precious.

87 is smart but a bit of a dork! 2003 is...goals. Sweet, kind, has a tiny bit of spice to him, and still has the skills to pay the bills! 2007, while not having much screen time, is a reliable man.

IDW, tbh, I've yet to read the comics in full, but from what I can see, he seems a lot like a mix of both 2003, 2007, and 87 Don. As in, while he's a little more softspoken then the others, he can still hold his own in a fight! And despite having been through some clearly otherworldly shit, he's a skeptic when it comes to magic. But I love the way they wrote him! (And his death scene still makes me cry! And seeing him still deal with pain from that incident is just *Chef's kiss*!)

2012....well...I don't have much to say about him. Frankly he's my least favorite out of the bunch, and all because the writers really wanted to play fanfic writer and they leaned whyyyyy too hard into the nerd stereotype. Resulting in making him borderline creepy to April. (Not that she's perfect either because goddess on a stick I'm not getting into that today.) The one thing I'll give him is that his sarcasm in this one made his very funny to hear in banter, and I apricate that they were trying to do more then just change the skin colors to make the boys stand out from one another. (But guys...really....the gap in the teeth was just not necessary..)

The Bayverse Donnie was one that had to grow on me a little, cause I'm part of the crowed that thought they looked a bit rough. But I agree that that's kinda the point, they're mutants. They more then likely would be a little rough looking irl. But after aa bit, he does start looking pretty cute anyway! And his voice is on par with 2003, in that he just sounds so sweet! I wanna hug him! (PLUS, THE FUCKER IS 6'8"! I'M 5'3"! And I do have a weakness for taller dudes. Bonus if they wear glasses! :3)

Now, for Rise. I was once part of the Cowaboomer crowed that thought that since RISE was so different from the other versions, it was there for ruined. I've since watched it, and the movie, and if anything, I've proven that I no longer think this way! RISE Donnie tho...he had to grow on me. At first I really didn't like him. His personality was such a stark contrast from all the other versions that it was almost like he was a whole new character! And with the art style of RISE being so different, his design was quite a jolt too. (The eyebrows are...a choice.) But after a while, that smug fucking smile had me feeling a type of way. The way he'd make me laugh was starting to become infectious! And the next thing I knew, I fell for this version too! Pretty hard I might say. And while 2003 Donnie is the sweetest bean to ever grace my screen, RISE became the living definition of the meme "I'm a luxury few can afford!"! And I love him!

After that, we had the batman cross over that brought us another Donnie! Once that I'm happy didn't lean too heavy on the other versions. He looked a little like 2012, but was like a gentle mix or 2003 and Bayverse! He also got a lot more lines and personality in that movie! (As well as a broken arm! RIP)

Then Mutant Mayhem showed up, and oh my god if he isn't the same insufferable anime fan I was when I was a teen! He made me laugh, and was still an adorable little dork!

And then we have Fortnite Donnie, who...i gotta be honest, I don't play Fortnite. So I'm not sure if he or the others get much of a personality or story outside of the same story of the turtles that we all know by now. So i can't judge him based on personality. But...I do like his design. Tho I will continue to say Fortnite had NO RIGHT to make him THAT damn fine!

In the end, I love all Donnies! Some more then others, but they all mean something to me! And it was hard to choose! but in the end, I chose the two that had the most influence on me!

[doug-meat]

parts of the npmd soundtrack that scratch my brain perfectly (act one)

this soundtrack is so good. this is a long post so its all under the cut Part two coming soon. also i alternate between chara names and actor names idk why i do that. i hope this is even slightly comprehensible

HIGH SCHOOL IS KILLING ME

the little grace note in the piano bit in the last line of the piano melody before richie starts singing in (i hope this makes Sense)

jon's voice for real . just through this whole show

"a thread" and "i'm scared" happening at the same time

the violins(??) coming in when ruth starts singing

richie and ruth's harmonies during "the weight has got me sweating" bit

the "and i can survive it for only so long" harmonies

steph's "shit"

the way steph says "couldn't fuckin' study"

FOR THE CLASS OF TWENTY TWENTY WURN

agh Agh AGH!

the whispered "i'm so fuckin' dead"s underneath steph and pete's dialogue

steph and pete's repeated "my melody"s

the howling

the second delayed vocal line underneath the last bit of the last chorus

LITERAL MONSTER

the "HUH" at the start

the guitar riff motif

the little guitar squeal right before pete starts singing

the way pete says locker

richie's little riff on "seduce her"

the chorus harmonies

everyone knows how he BANGS!

the "and we pray and we pray harmonies"

you better you better!

kims voice in the he roars part <3

the harmonies in this song in general

will branners voice in this song SO GOOD

the "HUH HUH"s behind max's i roar bit

max's "don't need no one to tell me" verse UGH so good

NO ONE'S GONNA STOP ME!

max's harmonies on kind, size and rise

I WILL CLAIM WHAT IS MINE!

COOL AS I THINK I AM

the piano motif Can you tell i love motifs

i bet this song'll suck!

oo woah oo woah oh Oh

when the violins come in especially their little BA DA DUMS after "princess leia told me"

what if i were King of the hill!

the drums kicking in after the one oowoahoowoahoh oh

ensemble coming in

the little growl on the second "i'm as cool as she thinks i am"

THEN AGAIN I'M DERANGED

she's the brawn i'm the brains!

the electric guitar kicking in

IF I CAN FINALLY BE COOL I WILL KNOW THAT I'M NOT A LOSER

I'M THE RULER!!!!!!

DIRTY GIRL

the synth and drums

the way max says behave and be-betray me

baaaabe I'mma love ya all night lOOOooooong

THE LIKE MORE SYNTH KICKING IN HALFWAY THROUGH THE FIRST CHORUS UGH SO GOOD

the way grace says classroom

you want me cant be skipping skewl!

grace's "be-behayveee" UGH <3

THE GROWL ON "on your knees pray along"

the chorus harmonies <3

I DONT CARE ABOUT YOU!

the bridge harmonies

AA AAAGH!!

i'm a i'm a i'm a good girl!

WHO ON OCCASION GETS DIRTY!!!!

I WONT CAAARE ABOUT YOU!

BULLY THE BULLY

the snaps coming in

we'll make him shit his pants!

the riff on that line ^^

the jager-man??????

what's our budget?

the growl on "he's just a nerd in disguise"

stephie gonna lure him in with her charm

yeah?

JAGER GONNA JAGER OUT!

chorus harmonies!

standing for the nerdy the prudy!

WE'RE GONNA CUT OFF HIS NIPS!

AAAAHAaaAaaahh

the guitar bits in the back

we're gonna keep the beans cool! that whole sequence

BEAN SCHOOL? EXCELLENT!

THESE CHORUS HARMONIES ESP STEPHS

pete's and our problem's solved

richie's and the school can evolve

AND THE SCHOOL CAAAAN EVOLVE!!!

ugh jon and joey sound so good on the "we're gonna get the jock pleading"

the last guitar note

BURY THE BULLY

oh god she's snapping again...

this is a lot!!!

the whole hack all his limbs off bit

YOU WANT ME TO FILM THIS?

tape him up after dousing with bleach!

the chorus harmonies. every bit of these choruses i cant even isolate its everything

steph's little "bury bully line up stories NEVER HAUNT ME!"

i just cut off his nips

GRACE TELLING RUTH TO GIVE HER MAX'S NIPS

GO GO NIGHTHAWKS

the way ruth says shiny

IT'S LIKE THE START OF A NEW YEAR!

jon's higher range <3

jon's harmony on "and now i don't eat all by myself"

the trumpets behind the chorus

all the squawks

the HUH after who knew footballs a team game

corey's voice sounds so good on the "or hit u with a saturated towel"

the no more bully ball harmonies

the HUH! after no more bully ball

We're all givin the butt slaps YEAH HEAH!

the way jason sings cause we care <3

AND NOW I CAN PEE ALL BY MYSELF!!!!

the overlapping vocals coming together for "in hatchetfield high school"

N! I! G! H! T! AWK AWK! KSSSS!

NIGHT! HAWKS! NIGHT! HAWKS! NIGHT! HAWKS! FLY!

FUCK YOU CLIVESDALE GO GET FUCKED YOURE FUCKIN LOSERS AND WE'LL KILL YOU (KILL YOUR ASS)

fuuuuck you cliiivesdale gooo get fuuucked

the watch us fly harmonies

NIGHT! HAWKS! FLY! AWK AWK!

NERDY PRUDES MUST DIE (my fave song in the soundtrack be warned)

the "watch these nerds run for their lives" guitar riff before max sings

will branners voice augh

the little synthy ba duh duh duhs in the back

the BAMS! after every line in verses

the way max says "hallway safe" and "break you"

ugh the guitar kicking in and the double BUM BUM for the second verse

YA BITCH!

WOAH UH OAHHH

SHOULDA JOINED THE SMOKE CLUB YA NERDY PRUDE

the whole chorus

the watch those nerds run for their lives melody Ugh loved it in axe man loved it here

YOU PUSHED ME OFF THE EEEDGE

the way he says crusade

and youre too weak to be enSLAAAAVED

the drums AUAUDUAAUAU

CLEANSING OF YOUR KIND!!!!

the way he says anti socialites

the entire repeat after me bit. its actually incredible i cant just isolate one part of it its so good

the ensemble kicking in

IIIIM NOT A LOOOSERRRR

But you have lost. Everything.

THE HATCHET TOWN MOTIF

UGH I LOVE THIS SONG. THE NMT MOTIF

[clintbartonswife]

i achoo you

Pairings: Peter Parker x Wade Wilson Summary: Peter is sick and Wade is smitten. Whumptober prompt #26 : working to exhaustion / 'you look awful' Notes: i love this pairing so much ill cry. (also, peter is mid 20s) masterlist   || whumptober2023

"I'm totally 100% definitely dying."

Peter stretched out on the couch, sniffling woefully. His phone was pressed against his left cheek, sticky with sweat.

"Is it that even possible?"

"Yes. Yes it is. And I've got two college essays due in this wee-ee- ACHOO"

Matt let out a laugh, "You know spiders cant actually sneeze?"

"Lucky for the-em- ACHOO"

"This is pathetic, even for you."

"Wow, thanks Red. This is the last time I ever call you for advice."

"Yet you'll call me next week over a stubbed toe no doubt."

Peter could practically hear the eye roll in his voice, frowning as shivers once again decided to wrack his body.

"I dont have any other semi-responsible friends that I can talk to, and I - I dont want to bother May -"

"Dont make me feel sorry for you, or I'll really regret sending the backup."

Peter groaned, "Oh god, who?"

"Blasphemy - and he should be arriving any time now. Foggy's just arriving at the office so I've got to go. Drink lots of water, okay?"

Matt hung up before he could answer, a knock at the door occurring seconds later.

"It's op-ehh-eehhh-ACHOO"

"Say it, don't spray it baby boy!"

Peter groaned again, louder this time, and threw his arm across his eyes. "Why you?"

"That's not a nice way to greet someone bringing you soup!"

Peter made a pathetic noise, halfway between a sniffle and a cough, moving his arm so he could sneak a peek at the merc as he made himself at home in the kitchen.

"That's a pathetic excuse for an apology, but I'm willing to accept it due to your pretty face." Wade was humming quietly to himself as he rummaged around in the cupboard, taking out a bowl with flair and transferring the soup in to it in one smooth motion.

"That wa-aa-as -" Peter paused a moment, waiting to see if the sneeze was about to escape him, continuing as the urge dissipated, "was the most elegant thing I've ever seen you do."

"I dont fuck around with my food," He replied, walking towards the couch, "Unless it's in a sexy-I'm-going-to-lick-chocolate-off-your-body-way, which I'm totally down for any time."

"Charming." Peter rolled his eyes, fighting against his tired muscles and moving into an uneasy sitting position.

"Always for you, baby b- wow. Petey pie, you look awful."

Peter let out a hoarse laugh, accepting the soup with a sarcastic smile.

"Not holding back, huh?"

Wade collapsed backwards on to the ratty futon opposite the couch, throwing his feet up on the coffee table. After wiggling in to a comfortable position, he lifted his mask to just under his nose and popped a bright pink unicorn lollipop into his mouth. "So, how did the amazing spider-man come down with the common cold? I thought you were immune to shit like that."

Peter shrugged, gulping down the soup.

Wade looked around the room for a few moments, sucking loudly on the lollipop. "How about this for a theory: you worked your pretty little butt off, on your daily patrols, part time job and now... college?"

Peter paused his eating for a moment, "Bio-chem."

"Smart and sexy, the whole package!"

"How you find me sexy right now, I have no idea."

Wade slurped extra loudly on the lollipop, looking Peter up and down. "Those hello kitty pyjama pants look good on you. Plus I can't get sick."

"Is that so?"

"Scientifically proven, baby boy. My skins so fucked up because my cells are dying and reproducing every second. Ergo, can't get sick."

"That... proven how, exactly?"

"Trial and error." At Peter's questioning look, he smirked, "There's only so many times you can regrow the majority of your body and not realise that something's funky."

"Funky is one word fo-oor-ACHOOO."

Wade jumped up from his seat, running to his bag and pulling out a disney themed box of tissues. "I came prepared!"

"Princesses? Really?"

"Yes, and look there you are!" He replied, pointing at Cinderella.

"Okay... I'm going to need an explanation."

"She's broke, you're broke. Twins!"

Peter rolled his eyes, though accepted the tissues. Wade laughed, "I guess you're just lucky that I'm here, your knight in shining armour, offering to be your sugar daddy."

"Oh god - don't phrase it like that. I've been getting by on my own just fine, tha-ahhh-ahhh-"

"Bless you."

Peter glared at him. "You jinxed me."

Wade pouted, "Want me to kiss it better?"

At this, Peter threw the tissue box, successfully hitting him in between the eyes.

"Ow!"

Peter grumbled something under his breath, placing the empty soup bowl on the table and burying himself once more into the couch.

"I take back the Cinderella comparison. You're much more like Grumpy Peg-Leg Pete."

Wade laughed at the offended noise emanating from the sofa, finishing his lollipop with a satisfied sigh and jumping up from his seat. "Well, if my assistance is no longer needed..."

"Wait."

Wade grinned, holding his hand up to his ear mockingly, "Sorry what was that? I didn't quite hear you."

Peter huffed, sticking his head fully out of his blankets, enunciating his words clearly. "Don't leave... please."

Wade's grin widened, throwing himself on to the end of the couch, grabbing Peter's feet and placing them on his lap. "I knew you needed me Petey Pie."

"How did you know," the boy replied, sarcasm strong in his tone, "I want you, I need you, oh baby, baby."

The merc's smile didn't drop, relaxing into the chair as he began massaging one of the spider's feet. "Jokes on you, your sarcasm just turns me on more."

"You're insatiable."

"For you? Yes. I'm all the big words. Unquenchable, titillated, concupiscent." He gave a look off to the side, "Thanks for the tutoring Prodigy."

"You -" Peter tried to see what he was looking at, writing it off as one of Deadpool's quirks, "whatever. You missed a word though: persistent."

"How else am I going to get you to admit your deep and passionate love for me?"

Peter rolled his eyes, though didn't offer a rebuttal, instead allowing himself to melt into the pillows as Wade's fingers methodically worked out all the tension in his feet. He let out a sigh, arm thrown over his eyes once again as he willed for the grogginess to leave.

"What's troubling you, baby boy?"

"College essay is due in three days and I still haven't started it."

"Oh?"

"'S all about chemical bonding agents and I - aaaACHOO -" He paused, using his webs to grab the tissue box from across the room and blowing his nose with a pathetic lack of energy before continuing. "I just think that if I think too long about one thing I might die."

"And you can't get an extension?"

"No."

"What about if Bea and Arthur ask?"

"You're not going to threaten my professor with your katanas."

Wade sighed dramatically, but let the issue drop. Now bored, he began to tap out the tune of Grace Kelly on Peter's legs, humming quietly under his breath.

In that moment, the weird domesticity of the scene hit the student, peaking out from under his arm to watch Wade. It felt comfortable, safe in a way that he hadn't felt since developing his powers. He felt cared for. Loved.

Eyes flaring slightly, he pushed that thought away.

"Thank you, 'Pool."

"Hm?"

"Thank you. For coming to look after me."

"Anything to spend time with you and your tight little ass, Petey!"

He snorted, rolling his eyes fondly at the intentional lewdness, gently kicking his chest with his foot. "I mean it."

Wade pressed both hands to his cheeks, shoulders raising as he let out a squeal. "Oh em gee, are you saying what I think you're saying?"

"This is what I get for trying to be serious -"

To Peter's surprise, Wade paused for a moment. When he next spoke, it was with a certain genuineness that he rarely heard from the merc. "I'll always be here for you, no matter what. There's nothing to thank."

Breath caught in his chest, Peter allowed himself to sit up, looking at Wade with new eyes. Without even realising it, his hands had moved to lie on the edges of the mask, waiting for an answer.

"Webs -"

He could feel Wade's breath brush along his palms, finally removing the mask as the merc let out a hesitant nod.

Wade's eyes were blue, deep and endlessly curious.

Mask laid to the side, Peter's eyes rushed to drink in every detail of the man's face, fingers moving across the textured surface with barely restrained admiration.

"I think you're my favourite person."

The confession escaped him, surprising even him with the certainty behind the words.

Wade's eyes sparkle when they smile.

"You're going to make me blush, baby boy."

His eyes flickered to his lips.

"Did you mean what you said... about not caring that I'm sick?"

Wade's eyes widened, wordlessly nodding.

"Good."

Their lips clashed together with unbridled passion, Peter pushing away any doubt he held on to and clinging on to Wade's deceptively strong arms for balance.

The merc met him eagerly, gleeful as he buried his hands into the boy's hair, gripping just hard enough to send a shiver down Peter's spine. At his reaction, Wade smiled, nipping at his lower lip in order to pull another delicious response from him.

The spider had to pull away first, cheeks blazing and chest heaving.

Wade moved one hand down from his hair to cup his cheek, thumb caressing the smooth skin as his eyes searched for any sign of regret. "Webs..."

"I think - I think I lo-oo-ACHOO." He quickly turned away, sneezing into his shoulder.

Wade roared with laughter, offering a tissue as Peter's blush deepened.

"I achoo you too."

[eveningdove]

i just finished gideon the ninth and while after the 'how-to-make-a-lyctor' reveal, the ending felt inevitable

I AM STILL DEVASATED

I LOVE GIDEON SO MUCH

SHE IS MY BUTCH OF ALL TIME

spoilers under the cut 😔

SO IN LOVE WITH GIDEON MYSELF I DIDNT AT ALL SUSPECT DULCINEA BC IN MY MIND OF COURSE SHE FOUND GIDEON CHARMING, WHO WOULDNT SHES A BUTCH KNIGHT AA.

man I totally expected dulcinea to have been secretly way more powerful than we thought or found a way to be a lyctor already, but I did not see the malicous impersonation by an old lyctor thing coming lol

god and gideon had been setting all of us up for her last act, the way she would put herself in harms way for the benefit of harrow, "all you ever had to do was ask," "butter me up," etc

ugh and the tragedy of gideon dying in service of the ninth house? but it was willingly? and for harrow? it was never for the ninth?

and how in the last chapter we think 'maybe this is how lyctorhood is, we get to hear both necromancer and cavalier," but NO ITS ALL JUST A FUCKING HALLUCINATION WHICH IS EVEN WORSE

#CRYING

ALSO I MISS PALAMADES ALREADY, SEX PAL MY BEST FRIEND SEX PAL, RIP SEX PAL YOU WOULDVE LOVED RED WINE SUPERNOVA lmao

god and the way both gideon and harrow were denied an ending with each other

ugh back on the hallucinated last words, these are all then how harrow views gideon, and "don't look at my body, I can't handle that" being an expression of harrow feelings not gideon, crying again help??

i don't have anything productive I just wanted to type it all out incoherently 👍

also?? I would say they started out hating each other, but idk if that's really true, I think I can say they couldn’t stand each other pretty confidently though. And then like, by the time they get to the pool seen they become inseparable "I am undone without you" and making some of the only comforting physical contact either of them has had in probably a decade? and they start moving as one, their relationship just building delectably, all to culminate in a willing sacrifice? realest one flesh one end for sure and its love alright but fuck me man that hurts and I miss her!!!!!!!

[lover-of-mine]

Anna! Hi! Hello!

I literally just joined tumblr today to be able to anon ask you. I think I should be the anxiety anon (aa is for sure in honor of Capt. Dad Bobby Nash and not in bad taste) because even typing this makes me feel way too seen. Does this count as human interaction? Guys, is it gay social anxiety if you only have inside thoughts because the idea of having outside thoughts makes you unwell? I'm not shaking--no, check--I am totally shaking rn, which is making it hard to type. But, I feel like I have reached critical mass on my Buddie thoughts and I will explode if I can't share them.

It is probably very rude to bust through the wall of your house like the Kool-Aid Man, so I want to say that I love your voice--your characterization and dialogue, particularly how you use humor in your fics is just *chef's kiss* for me. I have read them all but can't anon comment. I love your color theory and costume meta, too. Your takes are so measured and thoughtful and honestly just logical in a time where 9-1-1blr feels kinda sorta unmoored in reality. Fuck Twitter, your spy network tag is now my news feed because fandom reading comprehension and critical thinking scores have plummeted recently. Lou Who knows why?

Some things that are making me laugh/cry/cry-laugh rn:

The cockfighting ring call in Bobby Begins Again (2x16). Let's talk about closet space, bro: he-who-must-not-be-named canonically full-body flinched at literal cock coming at him. Somehow this is his gayest canon moment to me even though he has 2 canon full-on face assault man-on-man kisses.

The bridge call finale in Season 6, which I haven't watched in a minute, so I welcome fact-checking. I can't recall if it happens at the end of Love Is in the Air (6x17) as a cliff-hanger or if it is in Pay It Forward (6x18) proper, but right before the truck hits the bridge and triggers the collapse, Bobby is on the medical call on the bridge and he verbally instructs "K*nnard" to do something. The extra, presumably 1 of the old man retired firefighters they use to fill-out the 118 ranks, is wearing the "K*nnard" turnouts that nobody needed since 2x16's very accurate "Fairwell T*mmy. The 217's Loss is Our Gain" cake. So, how's that for invisible string debunker costume meta. As of 6x18: K*nnard was literally just an unused turnout coat on a hook in the costume dept. "Who cares?!?" is the 118 and 9-1-1's motto, fr. Like, nobody remembers gaf that he's a pilot, too, in an episode where Lucy flies off in the air ambulance, never to be seen again. Is "becoming a pilot" 9-1-1's way of telling your kid the dog "went to the farm" when you really had it put down while they were at school?

My change.org petition is for Buck and Eddie to have OS and RG's tattoos. I know makeup has been covering them up for years, but it has been bothering me so much since the ABC switch. It's like they're using the same tone of cover-up for RG and OS and it reads so yellow-orange that I consider it color theory outlier. Like, real talk, what do yellow-orange arms mean for the data, Anna? Tattoo-having people are known to get more tattoos. This is normal. RG and OS have so many more tattoos now than in Season 2 that Season 7 and 8 Buck and Eddie look like they have skin conditions that stop at their watch-straps and somehow in Season 8 RG is getting forehead-only orange foundation? Listen, I consider myself fandom-standard unhinged, not completely deranged, but like the full body Ken-doll spray tan on OS in Masks (8x05) has pushed me over the edge.

My Ted Talk is titled "Hey, ABC: Buddie = Fiscal Responsibility" because, wtf, just stop paying superfluous guest actors to be love interests and let the 2 mains shack up like God T*m M*near intended. (I lowkey think that smart cookie JLH is a girlboss genius who tied herself to KC, yeah yeah because of chemistry, Madney forever, of course, but also as job security when she said that Chimney was what she wanted for Maddie.) Seriously, let's reallocate the bullshit love interest slush fund money and bring the kid home. I hardcore head canon that Ravi saw Gerrard from the buffet line at the medal ceremony and just noped the fuck out of there indefinitely.

I'm just gonna leave this all here and back away because I've maxed out on all the human/social interaction accepted fandom love language of hyperbolic ranting that I can partake in before I turn into a full-blown thunderstorm chihuahua.

Can someone please Uber me a clown car home?

My love, hi. This was so fucking great to read ksoskaoakoakaoaa I'm literally on the floor laughing. Thank you for the compliments on the fics and metas. When someone says they like my characterization, I ascend to a better plane of existence. Honestly, the cock fight calls is really something else kspskapakoaa and they just didn't bother checking if they had written someone off before using the turnout because they needed more people there I guess.

The tattoos one had me howling tho, the cover-up of Ryan's hand tattoo this season has been AWFUL and the fact that they just wax Oliver all over to cover him in orange foundation drives me nuts, like please, just let them have the tattoos. (I was actually informed that they would need to license the tattoo from the artist for every use of it depending on the tattoos they decide to keep and that's probably why don't let them keep them, but if we are not letting them keep them, please color match better).

Honestly, they just need to get together already, please end this madness, it's been long enough, let Ryan be paid to make out with Oliver like he's been wanting all along kspskspakaokapa

Anyway, I'm obsessed with you, thank you for this one 🫶🫶

[dullahandyke]

you awakened the beast i haaaayte. athena redesigns . her design is

1) full of loose accessories! her ponytail, earring, ribbon, and widget necklace are there to move dramatically to flex that they can make 3d models now. imagine how much worse her animations would look without her expressive outfit

2) not “formal” because she’s a young adult that rushed through life too fast. YES she’s competent and intelligent but she’s also relatively speaking an immature young lawyer raised in a space station so why would you put her in a boring 2 piece suit like phoenix?? FOR SHAME

3) easy to overhead kick in.. seriously the game never tries to sexualize her based on her clothes why are people CONVINCED that a girl wearing a skirt is bad. i want to see every athena redesigner try martial arts in some fuckin jeans. atrocious

STOP!shaving her ponytail off and ruining her color scheme by making her entire suit banana yellow. For the love of fucking god

YEAHHHH YOU GET IT... like I'm looking at her rn and shes so full of colours and shapes that work together rlly well? Like one thing I rlly like is her cropped jacket (+ cuffed sleeves) > shirt not tucked in > short skirt I think it has some really cute layering going on. Trust me I'm a danganronpa fan I know what an OOC Feminine Skirted design looks like and athena is just. Cute! She feels fresh and modern in a way that rlly suits aa5

Like I had an AA OC with a yellow suit and do you know how hard it was to balance that without making her feel lopsided or look like the man in the yellow hat from curious george? It was roughhhh yellow is hard to work with but athena just looks bright

Another sticking point for me is where exactly you shove widget in a redesign. I get the compulsion because I think it makes the tie look a bit awkward, but like, having it on her chest makes her sprites where she uses it work better than they would if it was off to the side somewhere, and getting rid of it entirely is boring