#main series: yeah they’re like siblings

[im-still-watching-anime]

playing aa trilogy: look how creepy and unsettling von karma is for taking in edgeworth, he was making nefarious plans from the start

playing aa investigations: he did it because he certainly wasn’t interested in parenting and knew franziska would need a babysitter

[xamiipholia]

okay y'all seemed to like the last one so here's a few more Horizon 3 thoughts:

Aloy won’t die. It would completely upend the series’ themes and just be really nihilistic.

Since Nemesis is a gestalt entity I think it’s a safe bet that we’ll see Sam Witwer, Carrie-Anne Moss, etc again. I’m curious how they’re going to do it because at least structurally, it’s basically a reaper. Maybe it’ll use different Avatars when communicating like the Leviathan in ME3. 

It's gonna take some work to make a flashback/dream/vision not contrived but I would love to see Varl and Rost again. I think we deserve that.

Minerva is gonna have its work cut out for it blocking access to both the dormant Faro Swarm and the ZD terraforming system. 

I wouldn’t be surprised if Nemesis has some sort of corruption function that becomes the equivalent of the corruption in HZD. It would be a really fun tech showcase if GG uses Zenith nanotech for machine corruption and leans into mechanical body horror.

If we’re going to Ban-Ur I really really hope they do the work to make the Banuk less problematic and more fleshed out as a culture. A quasi-Spartan society absolutely would not survive in an extreme environment, *especially* without megafauna to hunt. The Banuk characters are lovely and well-written; they deserve a society as well thought out as the Utaru or Carja. I’m honestly fine if there’s retcons or revamps to the cultural lore because the whole “outsider barges in and becomes chief” is rooted in racist, colonial tropes and we just don’t really need that imo.

The most recent footage of Death Stranding 2 (also running on Decima) has me SO excited for the visuals. GG’s gonna knock it out. The facial rendering and animation that Kojima Productions are doing looks industry-peak and I’m sure GG’s gonna match that. Aloy’s Gay Panic™️ scene on the beach in HBS is already top-tier nonverbal storytelling through animation. Digital Foundry actually just posted a really cool tech breakdown of the current Decima engine. I’m especially excited about the environmental stuff. The ocean simulations in HFW are already incredible and I hope they increase verticality in the world. I can’t wait to see the Sacred Lands in current gen graphics. 

I really love Kotallo’s DIY arm and it’s so so important to his development but Beta and Gaia now have access to Zenith nanotech, maybe give your buddy a sick upgrade hmm?

Speaking of, I can’t wait to see Beta come into her own. She’s one of the best parts of HFW and Aloy’s character absolutely shines in a sibling dynamic. 

I wouldn’t get your hopes up for a romance mechanic. Everyone’s feelings on that aside, it would be really odd from a game development perspective to just overhaul part of how the narrative develops Aloy’s character in the last act of the story. Yeah, there are flashpoints but I would argue that the presence of choice in Horizon is smoke and mirrors- cosmetic at best. Kentucky Route Zero (which you should play) does something similar where the player is given a certain amount of control over the substance of individual conversations and scenarios and it does absolutely nothing to alter the plot, by design. I think it’s the same here - this isn’t really a choice-based RPG, the flashpoints don’t really affect anything plot-wise or for Aloy’s character development. Olin is still out of the story, Nil lives, Regalla still dies one way or another. Aloy’s character development is pretty firmly on rails (think Jin Sakai, not Shepard - you get to guide some momentary character reactions but that’s it). I don’t think HBS is a testing ground either - If they were gonna introduce a romance mechanic I think they’d just do it, and not spend two years making a direct continuation of HFW’s main quest and establishing a specific romance hard-baked into the plot, complete with multiple leitmotifs for the character relationship (which is something they haven’t done before afaik) just to introduce a side quest mechanic coming in 5 years. I genuinely can’t think of any game or dev that has beta tested a major alteration to upcoming game mechanics that way - it doesn’t really make any sense in terms of developer resources, and these games are extremely time-consuming to make. I know this is a thing a bunch of people want and I can totally empathize with that! I just think it’s probably not on the table. 

I would bet money the series will bookend itself and the epilogue will involve a) the naming of Zo and Varl’s kid and b) Lis’ pendant. 

Mostly I'm just looking forward to being surprised. One of my favorite things that Horizon does is use carefully established elements in the world to pull the plot in unexpected directions and keeping the world grounded while they lean into speculative science fiction. I can't wait to see what Guerrilla is cooking up

[gwenllian-in-the-abbey]

I don’t know if I’m reaching here or not but when people say “Oh team black won because they’re bloodline continued” I can’t help but think of the fact that because of all the incest technically the greens blood did continue because Rhaenyra and the green siblings came from the same father and the king after Aegon was his nephew/cousin?? Like yeah they didn’t directly descend from them but this family is all about keeping it in the family so…

I think the discourse over who truly won the Dance is kind of silly, and the bloodlines argument is the silliest part of all.

No one "won" the Dance. Sure Rhaenyra and Daemon's bloodline continued but that's a pyrrhic victory at best. Aegon III spent the rest of his childhood isolated and miserable, his wishes disregarded by a power-hungry regency, and as king he was known forever as "Dragonsbane," because dragons-- which he hated-- died out during his reign. He did his best as king, but he was a deeply troubled man. Viserys II was raised in exile, married to a much older woman as a twelve year old, became a father at thirteen, and his children were absolute disasters, throwing the realm into decades of war. Neither of them make any attempt to rehabilitate Rhaenyra's legacy and she does not go down in history as Rhaenyra I, something they could have done for her posthumously, but didn't. If you asked Aegon III whether it was all worth it or not, I think there's a good chance he would rather have had his family alive and whole with his mother having accepted terms granting her Dragonstone, than this "victory" that put him on a throne he never asked for in the first place.

As for the long term, by the time the main series rolls around the Targaryens have been deposed and there's almost zero chance of a dynastic restoration. Daenerys is the last confirmed trueborn Targaryen alive, and while she has hatched her three dragons, it was only necessary to bring the dragons back because the Dance killed off all the dragons in the first place. The Targaryens doomed themselves trying to bring about a "prince that was promised," a prince that would not have been needed if they hadn't doomed themselves in the first place. That's the irony, the self-fulfilling prophesy of it all.

Overall, I think "who won" discourse really misses the point of the Dance. Wars of succession are ultimately terrible for the realm. My opinion about which side was "justified" is ultimately based which side I believe could have backed down with fewer long and short term repercussions, but regardless, a war over who sits the throne is unnecessary, and this one in particular was a disaster for both sides.

[raaorqtpbpdy]

More Danny Phantom fans should watch Generator Rex tbh, because it’s basically everything we wish Danny Phantom was. (Link to pirate GenRex once you’re convinced and another link to the megs file if that’s what you prefer ; )

Snarky superpowered teenage protagonist? Rex has that in spades (like Danny)

Parents experimented on him? Check (DP fans wish)

A mysterious thing that no one knows much about but it causes unexpected changes in a person? (Nanites are like ectoplasm but scarier imo)

Main character abducted and used by a terrifying government agency? Providence got their grips in him when he was like 10 (they actually caught theirs, take that Guys in White!)

Smart but a little crazy older sibling character? Meet Cesar (our chaotic neutral Jazz)

Scary and powerful mentor figure with a hidden soft side? That’s Six (and he’s actually a regularly recurring mentor unlike *select ghost you wish was Danny’s mentor*)

Main character is part of a highly discriminated against group which is generally not considered human? Here we call them Evos (they’re like ghosts except death would be preferable)

Main character specifically and almost exclusively fights his own kind? Yeah, and Rex can actually cure them instead of just sending them away for two episodes.

Arch nemesis with similar powers to the hero? Van Kleiss walks in, blood-red flowers blooming in his footsteps. (Vlad could never)

We’re initially led to believe the hero is the only good guy in the discriminated against group until it’s revealed that that’s not the case at all.

Plus, there’s kind of a lot of body horror. There’s betrayal. There’s peril. There’s sympathetic villains. Theres a deeply terrifying and yet incredibly intriguing world. A crossover with another series about superheroes (Ben 10, though, not DC). There’s a pile of dead bodies on screen in the first episode—that’s not even hyperbole I’m being 100% literal with you right now.

It even has some inter-dimensional travel shenanigans including a town being pulled into a pocket dimension and leaving no trace. No cloning as far as I can remember though, but it does have a giant mutant rabbit, and the main character even sucks at basketball!

As an added bonus, it was targeted to 10-13 year olds and eventually taken off the air because it scared children : )

It’s everything your average Danny Phantom fan spends hours reading fanfiction about! I’m telling you! I cannot recommend this show highly enough!

[bittasol]

The thinf you said about the mafia au and dynamics being unlocked is so true, another thing that I really liked about this chapter is the Opera/Ameri rivalry dynamic they have going and I find it really fun!! It's so different from what we're used to seeing from them (actually I don't remember if they've actually interacted that much in the original) (but them being rivals and fighting each other is so fun!!!! I love it)

YEAH even down to its bones the way characters are being presented is very different from the main series! Azz azz’s loyalty to Iruma taking multiple chapters, the age and manner in which Iruma meets Sullivan, Opera and Irumas dynamic being more sibling/partnerish than canon etc BUT it all feels true to the characters i think! Iruma still loves his family and is willing to do anything (even the impossible) to help them, love trio is still together with secrets between them, Kalego and Opera still have their beef)

THE OPERA AND AMERI DYNAMIC is sooo tasty omg…both are so protective (and a tad possessive) of Iruma! Plus they’ve both grown with him and protected him in the different eras of his childhood! It’ll be fun to see them squabble in the future. I’ve always compared their designs as two red/orangey demons with fuzzy ears, both strong and both people who are close to Iruma, so its extra fun to see them as rivals.

Mm yeah they’re sorta an underrated dynamic! Iruma kun has soo many characters to juggle, its easy to forget who and when characters meet. Thank you for the excuse to gather up their major interactions^^

Chapter 70: Walter Park

She’s in Opera’s group during the Walter park arc! They have fun playing dress up along with the misfit girls.

Chapter 81: Invincible Maiden

Ameri fights a mouse beast during the terrorist attack; Opera observes and compliments her bloodline ability.

When Ameri is discouraged, Opera encourages her, assures her shes quite strong with room to grow and even invites her to be a sort of assistant under them within the Sullivan household. I think this is an extremely high compliment! Opera’s a demon who’s been shown to be very protective of both Sullivan and Iruma, and who finds value and purpose in being able to serve them, so wanting Ameri to work with them shows a lot of respect and admiration toward her ability and person

(She turns down this request but then realizes this would mean she’d be around Iruma so she backtracks its very cute)

Chapter 143: Heartful Cooking Lesson

Opera teaches Iruma and Ameri how to cook after noticing they’re both terrible at it.

Chapter 167: The Sound of Anticipation

This one is small but I think its funny how they both set up to record the Misfits’s performance cuz they both love and support Iruma 110%! And Opera shuffling Ameri’s equipment over implies she’s got the best angle in the house, you could read this as a power move from them jeje.

Chapter 277: Opera-Sensei

When Opera becomes a teacher, they go around the school and greet everyone including Ameri. Ameri’s super excited, and because she values Opera’s strength, asks them to train the student council given they have time for it. I think this is such a sweet example of Ameri’s character; She’s strong, ambitious enough to ask for extra (hard) training, thoughtful enough to value their time and ask in a way thats not demanding. I think it also speaks of her respect toward Opera, who could theoretically be a poor teacher considering they’re new, that she trusts in them so much!

I’m sure theres more tiny bits of them but it’s been a while since I’ve properly read or watched iruma kun.

My thought process is a little scattered but I did wanna mention that I think these two would meet and be good buddies even without Iruma kun’s presence in their lives! Sullivan being the head of Babyls, and Ameri being a top student as well as a child of a 13 crown, I dunno I feel like they would have ended up training together at some point anyway. Probably not with Opera as an offical Babyls teacher, considering they only become one to keep an eye on Iruma, but in some universe where Iruma isnt in the picture and Ameri reaches for the Demon King’s seat yk? a private lesson or two!

Cannot say the same for Mafia AU tho… Iruma’s the reason those two are doing what they’re doing, and I think it’ll be up to him to get them to get along lol.

[newtonsheffield]

As tumblrs resident Anthony person, can you explain why folks relate Anthony to Eloise?

Is it because they are super stubborn people?

Am I…? Tumblr’s…? Resident…? Anthony…? Person? Is that me? Is that the reputation I have?

I’m happy to give my opinion on this for whatever that might be worth (Possibly very little)

I have spoken at length that the siblings that Anthony probably has the closest relationship with are Benedict and Daphne. And IO think it’s because Benedict is the closest to him in age and likely never truly looked to him as a father figure and Daphne I think it’s because as the eldest son and eldest daughter they’re both fulfilling importantly roles in their family. Anthony is providing for the family and Daphne needs to marry well to set the precedent for the rest of the girls and also as the first sibling to get married she’s cementing the social sphere for the rest of them in a way.

But the Bridgerton Siblings in general fall into two main groups (and so do their spouses but we’ll leave that for now). There’s the logisticians and the dreamers.

The Logisticians are- Anthony, Eloise, Francesca and Hyacinth

And the Dreamers are- Benedict, Colin, Daphne and Gregory (Gregory is the biggest dreamer of them all which is hilarious because Lucy is the most extreme logistician in the series. Literally polar opposites. She has no idea what to do with him)

Anthony and Eloise I think, both have a quite blunt, no nonsense attitude. Even though in the book Eloise ran away to meet Phillip without telling anyone she still did it for a really practical reason. She felt lonely and her best friend who she thought she’d be a spinster beside got married and Phillip had already suggested through his letters that they should meet and see if they would be suited for marriage. The path was laid out for her. And She went for it.

Anthony feels he should marry Edwina because she’s the diamond. So she must be the best woman™️. She is polite and not stupid and pretty so he decides to pursue her. Then he married Kate because he couldn’t bloody well leave her alone and he had to. So he just got on with it. And he had a conversation with the girl he was about to marry who already felt like a burden about how she shouldn’t expect him to fall in love with her.

That’s how blunt and forthright these two are. That’s what I think it is.

I think as well that Eloise was only… eight? When Edmund died? She was probably one of the first of the siblings to need Anthony so there’s that relationship as well. Really though, Anthony dotes on all his siblings. He can’t even really bring himself to be firm with Gregory when he’s telling him he needs to be productive. He’s more just like

“hey. You upset my wife by not turning up for dinner and now I’m being forced to have this conversation with you. Very not cool!”

So ah… yeah. Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

[koichi-nomura]

You mentioned absolutely adoring "Ask Her A Question" from My Fair Hatey for a lot of reasons. Was that partially exaggeration, or do you actually have an analysis to dish out?

Much love!

Yeah definitely some exaggeration lol and it’s basically just the sound of it, I adore all the songs on there but judging purely by how they sound, (not the narrative purpose) of all of them that one’ my favorite.

Voice acting is incredibly important to me, across all my favorite shows that’s the first thing I think about, I’m obsessed with line delivery and with identifying voices (I pride myself in being the best out of my siblings at identifying who’s voice it is first lol), so the main thing for me really is that Wander has my favorite voice in the series, his singing is so nice and it’s interesting how (for this song at least) he doesn’t do it with a lot of volume or anything, it’s relatively calm for him. He’s half-singing half-talking too and his line delivery is amazing. You can hear the giddiness in his voice at some parts, he does it so well lol. And his accent and the inflections he puts on certain words I love it. Namely his “ab-out:”

I can’t explain why I’m so interested in voices (probably just autism again) but along with comedy, art, and animation it’s one of my favorite things.

I’ don’t know a ton about music other than “this sounds good to me, this doesn’t” but I’m still very opinionated on it, my enjoyment of music tends to be more based on unique singing voices and variability in the music. Some cartoons have very lazy, uninteresting soundtracks and Wander is definitely not one of them, even if you’re talking about just the normal soundtracks, not the songs. it’s great how each if the main characters have their own background themes and even some sung theme songs lol. I can’t tell you what I like about specifically the music of “Ask Her a Question” I just know that I really like it.

In a narrative sense it’s obviously fun seeing Wander’s philosophy on romance and watching Hater go along with it lol. For the story overall I think it’s meant to be pretty significant that Hater would be interested in someone else enough to ask about their opinions, we saw how terrible he was on “The Date”.

The animation is visually interesting as usually with a lot of great stretching from Wander.

This is also my favorite kind of musical; “everyone knows they’re signing” instead of “nobody’s actually singing, they’re just conveying the emotions and storytelling through song for the audience’s eyes only.”

Woy in general is just exemplifies all the ways I would love to do things if I could create a cartoon;

The music is spectacular, so is the voice acting, the voice actors can sing instead of needing stand-in singers, the character designs are so recognizable, I love everyone’s names (‘Major Threat’ is such stupid and funny wordplay lol), the characterization is so good and interesting for everyone (infinitely kind characters are my favorite tho) the comedy is great and I like a lot of the gags but what’s especially great is the character-driven comedy; jokes that are funny just because the characters have funny personalities and interactions. The animation is spectacular too, I’m usually not at all a fan of flash animation but they utilize it in such a way that I didn’t used to know it was flash, the squash and stretch they do with the characters is so fun and interesting without looking grotesque or unappealing, they just look silly (there’s so many moments where it’s too fast to really get a grasp on what’s happening and if you look at it frame by frame it’s super impressive).

Sorry for rambling, this is what happens when I get questions and no character limit, much love back!! :]

[thatgoblin]

~::~ Summary: After a drunken night with a man name John, Reader finds herself in a position they had never thought they would be in. ~::~ Fem!Reader, 1st POV.

[WARNINGS: Brief pelvic exam, swearing, grief, sibling death, family issues, vague speak of abortion, cursing, unplanned pregnancy, vague-ish descriptions of drunk sex]

::AN-This is just part one of the series, I'll go through the whole pregnancy and maybe after. Enjoy!::

Tequila was always responsible for my mistakes. I should have kept my promise of never having more than one shot, but that quickly went out the window when I bumped into him. He was tall and handsome and smelled of scotch and tobacco. I was pretty sure I complimented his mutton chops and that’s how it started. A few beers and more than a couple of shots later, I was pressed against his door as we kissed like drunk college students during Rush Week. Eventually we made it into his house with giggles and drunk stumbling, at least getting to his bed before the main event. 

I was going to have beard burn by the end, but that wasn’t important. What was important was that I was half undressed as the man ate me out like he’d been starving for it. While I don’t remember every single detail, the broad strokes of the night were there, I knew I had had a good time at least. It probably wasn’t the olympic level of sex I thought it was at the time, it was still pretty good. The next morning, he made me coffee, told me his name was John and if I ever wanted to have another fun night again to give him a call.

“So, why haven’t you called him?” My friend Jesse asked as we sat at a table in a cafe, once I'd finished telling him about John. I had called him and asked for some adult talk because holy shit did I need it. 

“Because I honestly forgot, but now I really do need to call him buuuut I lost his number,” I said. 

“Oh no, did you get the clap?” He asked, shirking away.

“Worse,” I groaned, leaning back in my seat. 

“Ew, herpes?” He asked, scrunching his face up.

“Even worse,” I said, putting a hand to my belly. “A lot more noticeable than herpes in the next few months.” 

“Oh. . . Oh shit,” he said, raising his brows. “I mean, are you sure it’s his?”

“I’ve only slept with one person in the last four months thanks to my ex, so yeah, I’m sure it’s John’s,” I grumbled. I knew that would be everyone's question, probably even John's, but it still didn't feel great to hear.

“Sorry, just checking,” he said, holding up his hands. “So what are you going to do?”

“I don’t know. It’s. . . It’s still early and it’s not like he HAS to know as I’m not sure I want to keep it,” I said, poking my sponge cake with a fork. “I don’t even want kids. I never planned on it, not even with Paul and he was my longest relationship.”

“Oh Paul,” Jesse said wistfully. “It’s all his fault that this happened. If he hadn’t cheated on you so many times, then you wouldn’t have been looking for a rebound.”

“Well the tequila didn’t help either,” I snorted. “Doesn’t make a difference. I’ve still got to make a decision and it’s getting close to the deadline for the permanent one.”

“Have you gone to a doctor yet?” Jesse asked.

“Yeah, right after I took the pee test at home. I wanted to make sure so I didn’t panic over nothing,” I said. “They said I’m about 7 weeks along. I didn’t want to do any tests other than the blood lab, and since I could give them the date of my last encounter, they were able to figure it out from there.”

“Man, that’s wild. Have you told anyone else? Your family?”

“Absolutely the fuck not,” I choked out as I sat up. “They will never know if I can help it. No matter the outcome, they are not in my life for a reason.”

“Because they’re fucking psychotic?”

“Because they’re fucking psychotic. Damn right,” I huffed. It had been so long since I’d had any contact with my family. My parents were still back in Inverness for all I knew and my older brother was somewhere with the military. Last I had heard was that he’d made it to Sergeant in SAS and that was because I had run into an old friend from school. It had felt so sad to find out through gossip essentially. Someone I had been so close to growing up was now a complete stranger.

“So, if you keep it, can I be the Daddy?” Jesse asked with a grin.

“Jesse, you can barely keep your rabbit alive, I’m not letting you parent my fake plants let alone anything that comes out of me,” I groaned, shifting to sit up.

“Hey, Sassafras is doing amazing and he’s even getting a brother soon. Don’t be bad mouthing my babies,” Jesse pouted. 

“Sorry, sorry,” I said, rubbing my face. “I shouldn’t be taking the stress out on you. That’s not fair and I’m sorry.”

“Those hormones are messing you up, BAD,” he said. 

“Yeah, they are. I don’t get sick at least, but the mood swings are giving even ME whiplash." I was silent for a moment, contemplating the possibility of telling John. The good, the bad, and the more than likely to happen heart break if I made an attempt to have something outside of our one night stand. 

Paul had done a number on me. We’d been together since secondary school on and off, but the last four years we had become so close and in tune with each other. We could tell when the other needed something without saying anything and were genuinely happy where we were. I had been at least. It turns out he’d been fucking some hen from his work the entire time and had gotten her pregnant. When that happened, a switch had flipped and I didn’t know the man anymore. He moved out when I had gone to work one day, leaving me in a lurch with rent and a place that I had so many happy memories with him in. 

"Maybe it’s better if I just don’t tell him,” I said softly, shaking my head. “I mean, we could be really bad together. All I know is that he’s in the military and is never around. If I wanna raise anything, I want my partner to be there with me and I already hate being alone. I’d probably lose my mind if it was just me and it on our own. Besides, he probably doesn’t want something like this. Otherwise he’d have it by now.” The man was good looking, funny, and with a military career, he could have married someone and had kids with them by now. 

“True, but what if you guys work really well together?” 

I went quiet, trying not to let a fantasy of me and John form. Paul proved that it doesn’t matter how long you were with someone or how close you got, they will still break your heart when you least expect it and act like it was nothing. 

“Don’t let him ruin your future, Boo,” Jesse said, reaching over to take my hand. “He’s taken enough from you. There’s no reason to let him have more.”

“I know,” I said softly, squeezing his hand. “I just wish I knew what to do. If someone could tell me for sure if me and John would work out or not, that would be amazing.”

“Well, I’m sorry that I left my crystal ball at home,” he said, letting go. “But maybe give it a try. At least you can say you gave it a go.”

“Yeah, but I have to find the guy first and I don’t remember his number or where he lives,” I said. 

“Well, how about putting that detective brain of yours to work? You watch all those crime dramas, why not use it in real life?” He asked.

“Because this is real life and not DCI Banks,” I said, giving him a pointed look.

“Just retrace your steps. Do you remember the bar you met him at? Maybe he’s a regular,” Jesse said, rolling his eyes. 

“True. That’s actually a really good idea,” I said, tapping my chin in thought. “I mostly remember what he looks like too. Well more than mostly, I could probably pick him out in a lineup. He was really good looking.”

“Oh yeah, that’s definitely going to help you find him. Just ask the bartender for the really good looking guy,” Jesse snickered.

“Shush. Well, it seems that the, uh, Shit, what do I call it?” I asked. 

“Are you asking me what to call the fetus inside you?” Jesse asked, raising his brows. 

“Yeah.”

“Just call it Bug. You know? Or even Bean. It’s like, what, the size of a grape?”

“Little smaller. I think the internet said it was the size of a blueberry.”

“That would be cute, but it also sounds like a safeword,” Jesse snickered.

“English people do really like beans,” I said. “Let’s go with Bean.”

“You’re English too!” Jesse cackled.

“No I’m not! I’m Scottish! There’s a difference!” I cried, throwing a napkin at his face that he easily caught. “Fucking American with your Mountain Man accent telling me I’m English. My Last name is MacTavish, that’s not fucking English.”

“I’m Appalachin, Darlin’. I’m not just any Mountain Man,” Jesse grinned. 

“I’ll be sending you back by punting you over the ocean if you don’t knock it the fuck off,” I hissed. 

“The mood swings are going to be killer with you,” Jesse snickered.

“Don’t,” I sighed. “Just don’t. But it seems I'm keeping the Bean after all."

“Good luck. I mean it. Being a single parent ain’t easy, but you’re not on your own with this. Even without John, okay?” He said, reaching over to squeeze my hand again. 

A few days after my lunch with Jesse, I was at the bar that I had originally found John at. It was packed for a Thursday night and the thick smell of alcohol was making me nauseous. Getting to the bar, I flagged down the bartender in hopes they would know him.

“What can I get ya, Love?” He asked, leaning in so he could hear me. 

“I’m actually looking for someone,” I said, climbing up to kneel in the seat so I could lean over the bar. “I don’t know if he’s a regular or not, but I figured I’d try.”

“Sure, what’s his name?”

“John. I don’t have a last name, but he’s tall and built, has dark sandy hair with a mutton chops beard. I think he’s in the military,” I said.

“Oh yeah! John Price! He and his men are regulars,” the bartender nodded. “Just saw him a few days ago actually. What do you want him for?”

“Well, I’ve got something for him that he left when I last saw him and I only got his first name and haven’t been able to find him,” I said. “You wouldn’t happen to know where I could find him other than here, could you?”

“Sorry, I only know him from here. Maybe if you come back tomorrow he might be here. He usually shows up a bit earlier than this,” the man said with a shrug. I nodded and thanked him, giving him a few quid for the help. I decided that I could hang around and see if he still shows up that night while I dug around to see what I could find on social media. 

Getting a Shirly Temple, I grabbed a corner seat and spent about an hour trying to find him online, but the man was a ghost. Nothing. No Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, not even a LinkedIn. What was I supposed to do? Give my number to the bartender and hope he remembered to give it to John? That is if he would. He’d probably just toss it. There was no way I was leaving my number on a board in hopes he’d see it. That was how I would end up on a true crime Youtube channel. 

About to call it a night and escape the bar that was building a headache in the base of my skull, I shot a text to Jesse to let him know I tried the bar and at least got a last name. As I turned to put my phone in my purse, the chair opposite of me was pulled out. Looking up, I couldn’t believe my dumb luck.

“Heard you were looking for me,” John said with a chuckle. His deep, gravelly voice was just like I remembered it as he was grunting in my ear while he-

“Yes, I am,” I said with a nervous laugh. “I, uh, know that it’s been a while since we last saw one another and I planned to call you, but I lost your number.”

“You know you don’t have to make up a story if you want to have a pint with me,” he said, a soft smile peeked from under his whiskers. 

“Oh, no, I really lost your number,” I said, straightening up in my chair. “I also have the memory of a goldfish, so when I realized I had lost it, it was too late. But you’re here now.”

“That I am,” he said, nodding with a hum. Almost getting completely lost in his shining blue eyes, I quickly gave him my full name. 

It was very clear as to why I had started to flirt with him in the first place. The way he looked at me, making me feel like he knew exactly what he wanted and it was me. 

“It’s nice to get a full name, after almost two months,” he said. “It’s lovely to meet you, I’m John Price.” He held out his hand for me to shake and damn it, I was melting into his touch. His hand was warm and rough, but firm. “So, were you seeking me out for an introduction or maybe I could buy you a drink?”

“Uh, I was actually looking for you because. . . Well. . .” It felt like the words were getting stuck in my throat, trying to choke me to make me leave and pretend nothing happened. 

“You want another go where we’re a bit more sober and able to have more fun?” John offered with a wink as he leaned forward to sip his beer he’d brought over with him.

“I’m pregnant,” I blurted out. He furrowed his brow, staring at me.

“Congratulations?” He asked slowly.

“That’s why I was looking for you,” I said with a heavy sigh. “I’m pregnant and about 7 weeks along. If you do the math. . .”

“I see,” he said, nodding. Sitting back in his chair, he fiddled with a coaster, staying quiet for a moment. I didn’t want to push it or scare him, so I was patient. “And you’re sure it’s mine?” 

I had prepared myself for that question, made sure it wouldn’t bother me by asking myself that same thing over and over, but hearing his tone and seeing that flash of doubt on his face made me want to hide in shame. I didn’t shame people for how many people they had slept with and while I didn’t have sex with strangers, it felt like suddenly I was this ‘loose’ person that was trying to get every single dick they could and use the system to get free stuff. The next nine months were going to be hell on my body, but sure, I only did it for free stuff and to control a man I had met ONCE.

“You’re the only person I’ve slept with in the last four months. So, yeah. I’m very sure,” I said, feeling my chest start to tighten. Anxiety began to twist my stomach like I was wringing my hands under the table. “I don’t want anything,” I added, nearly choking on my own spit. “I mean, I don’t want you to feel like you owe me or the Bean anything. I just wanted you to know, so if you did want to participate at all, you could. If you don’t want to, that’s fine. Again, I just thought that you had a right to know.”

“That did go through my mind,” John said with hesitation. “I know you said you don’t want anything, but it wouldn’t feel right if I didn’t help out at all. A support check at least.”

“That. . . That’s up to you. I’m not going to take you to court over it. I figured if you ever want a relationship with the Bean, then we can work something out. I’ll keep you updated on anything you want to know or I can just leave you alone,” I said. That part was hard. I didn’t want to be a single mum and I didn’t want to be alone, but I also didn’t know John. How many relationships went sour because two people had a kid and chose to stay together instead of separate because they thought it would be better for the kid? Too many. 

“I think I’d like to know,” he said, looking up from the coaster to me. “I’d like to be involved as much as I can be.”

“Okay,” I said, twisting my napkin more. “Okay, we can do that. Um, I have a doctor’s appointment next week. If you want, you can come. It’s just a general check up.” 

“Yeah, I can do that. Just let me know the time and place. Do you want to meet there or I can pick you up?” He offered, that look coming back again. John knew what he wanted, but I couldn’t tell if it was me or the Bean. That wasn’t something I thought I would need to worry about. Would he think I wasn’t fit to be a parent by myself? Did he have family that could raise the Bean and think it would be better if they did? The prospect of being betrayed to have the Bean taken away was suddenly very real and terrifying.

“We can meet there. Here’s my number, so you can keep it and I can’t lose it again,” I said, sliding my phone over to show him my number. He added my number to his phone before adding his to mine then sliding it back to me. “I’ll go ahead and send you the details. Um, okay, I just realized how, well, how silly this sounds, especially after me giving you my information, but I just thought of it. You aren’t a crazed serial killer, are you?”

John let out a bark of a laugh, his shoulders shaking as he chuckled. “No, no. Nothing like that. I’m just a captain in SAS.” 

“That’s what it was,” I groaned. “I knew it was military, but I couldn’t remember exactly what it was.”

“To be fair, I didn’t exactly tell you,” he said, leaning forward again, much more relaxed by my ice breaker question. “So what is it that you do?”

“I’m a restaurant manager for an Italian place on the south side of town. Ciao Bella.”

“I’ve heard of the place. Always good things. I haven’t eaten there before, but now I might,” John said. 

“It’s a pretty good place. I recommend it and not just because I work there.”

The longer we talked, the more comfortable I felt with him. I still wasn't sure if he wanted me or the Bean, but it was starting to look like both of us. When I was ready to go home, he offered to drive me home and when I declined, not for lack of him trying, he walked me out to hail me a taxi. There was a bit of awkwardness at the good night part. Did we kiss? Did we high five or wave? In the end, I gave him a one armed side hug that he happily returned. 

Once I was in the taxi and down the street, my phone buzzed with a message. 

'I forgot to ask, but why do you call the baby The Bean?' I snorted and shook my head. 

'Because you English really like beans and that's the size of it right now.'

'You're English too.'

'No, I'm Scottish! There's a difference!'

'You’re right. Out of curiosity, are you related to or know a Johnny MacTavish?'

Fuck.

'Is he from Inverness, Scotland?'

'Yes. You know him?'

I had screwed up. I had seriously screwed up. I couldn't bring myself to answer him, not even when he called once I got home. It had been almost a decade and I still couldn't bear to think of him. He was supposed to be the good one. He was supposed to help me and comfort me and instead he abandoned me. If John knew him then I couldn't be around John. I couldn’t put myself or the Bean through what I had gone through the last time I’d seen him.

Once inside my flat and my door locked, I turned off my phone so I didn't have to listen to it buzz with calls and messages. How could I explain to him even the very basics to begin with? I couldn't without giving away every dirty, dark detail of why I cut him out of my life to begin with. 

Laying in bed as I felt sick, I couldn't help but think that I made a mistake. I never should have looked for John and I never should have told him. It could have been dealt with quietly and quickly and I wouldn't be so attached to it. Wrapping my arms around my belly, I started to cry. Why did I try and do the ‘right thing’ for myself? It never worked out, it wouldn’t be any different from Paul. He’d find out and he’d either leave or take the Bean or worse, would make me believe he was a good person till I truly needed him and it turned out to be a lie the whole time.

When I had ghosted John, I don’t know why I thought he’d just disappear. Why would he, after finding out I’m pregnant with his Bean, not do anything to track me down and make sure I wasn’t dead in the gutter or smuggled to another counter? While I had no information to go off of to find him other than a bar, he had plenty for me. Between my phone number, my place of work, all the information on my social media, and the doctor’s appointment that I had given the details to, I was somehow surprised to find him waiting for me at the front of the clinic the day of my appointment. It had been almost a full week since I’d seen him and had been ignoring his calls and texts in hopes he’d either talk to Johnny and find out why it was better that way or would just give up. 

“Ah, shit,” I groaned under my breath, seeing him sitting on a bench as I walked down the street from my bus stop. John had already spotted me before I could try and go another way in, giving a wave as he stood up to meet me. 

“Do you want to talk about why you pulled a Houdini on me before or after the appointment?” He asked, meeting me halfway.

“Afterwards. I haven’t eaten today and I don’t have the energy to explain everything in great detail like you’ll want it to be,” I said with a sigh. 

“Why haven’t you eaten?” John asked, frowning a bit.

“I woke up late after pulling a double shift. Turns out when you’re pregnant you get tired much more easily and if you stop moving, you do fall asleep no matter where you are,” I said, rubbing my tired eyes. There were dark circles under my eyes for sure and I probably looked like I had rolled out of bed after a week of doing nothing. My clothes were wrinkled, my trainers dirty, and my hair unwashed for the last week. John meanwhile looked put together and had done everything on his to-do list for the next month in six hours. 

“Alright, yeah. We’ll go for food after this and we can talk,” he said with a nod. Turning, he opened the door for me, letting me lead the way to the receptionist. After checking in, we found a pair of seats together in the corner. As I looked around, I felt more shame creeping up. It was a government run clinic, which meant people who weren’t well off were there and that meant stereotypes. The mum with two kids screaming while pregnant with a third, one who didn’t look older than 15 with her own mother, and one who looked like she had nicotine patches on her arms as she bounced her leg and scowled at the room. It was what I could afford as I didn’t have private insurance and John didn’t seem the type to have been in a place like that before. At least in the UK. 

I began to worry if he was silently judging me, reconsidering everything about me because we were there and not some posh doctor’s office with pleasant music playing softly while pretty people with white, toothy smiles were all around. 

“Ms. MacTavish,” a nurse said from the door to the exam rooms. Standing up, John and I followed. She took my vitals and weighed me before taking us to a small room. 

“Do you want me to hold anything?” He asked softly, minding how the room made our regular voices sound like we were shouting. 

“Oh, yes, thanks,” I said, handing my purse and jacket. I hopped onto the exam table as he held my things, moving his chair closer to the head of the table instead of at my feet. At least he was being polite. We waited a bit in silence, but it was actually comfortable. It was odd, given most people would be talking about anything and everything to avoid the fact that I was about to have to take my pants off and have someone else stick their fingers inside my fanny. 

The doctor came in after a bit, knocking then coming in without an answer from me. She immediately went to wash her hands before looking over my chart, not looking at me yet. “Okay, Ms. McTavis, you are here for a regular pregnancy check up, and is this the father of the child?” She asked, misspeaking my name. The woman looked like she was either going to ask for a manager or call the police on someone for being too loud two houses down. 

“Yes, this is John,” I said, not even bothering to correct her. I probably wouldn’t see her next time, so it didn’t matter.

“And how long have you two been sexually active together?” She asked, continuing to read over my chart and make notes. 

“Um, just once,” I said, earning a raised brow from her. “We had a one night stand. What does that have to do with the visit?”

“Ah, are you sure he’s the father?” She asked, looking down at my chart to write a few things and ignoring my question.

“Yep, the only person I’ve slept with in four months.” This was a nightmare. It was one thing to go through this with just myself, but having John there to see and hear the questions was humiliating. If we had been married or a committed couple, it would be different, but because we weren’t, I was the irresponsible one.

“All it takes is just once with no condom or pill and here you are. Alright, go ahead and take your trousers and pants off and we’ll do a quick pelvic exam.” Instead of leaving the room, she drew a curtain around me after handing me a gown. I just tried to keep any signs of embarrassment to a minimum so we could get through this. 

“I can hold those for you, Love,” John said softly, once I was changed. He was standing up with his eyes down, but holding out his hand for me to give him my clothes. 

“Thanks,” I said in a near whisper, handing him my things before getting back on the table to put my feet in the stirrups. Letting out a breath, the curtain was drawn back and the doctor scooted in on her rolly stool with gloves on and ready to go. “Lube’s a bit cold,” she said, smearing it a bit before pushing in a finger then two. It felt so uncomfortable and hurt slightly, making me even more embarrassed that John was there to see it. She had to adjust my legs, spreading them wider and higher, making it harder on my body as she did the exam. 

This was completely different from him having his head buried between my legs or him seeing me completely naked on top of him. Part of me began to wonder if I was just stupid for offering to have him at appointments with this happening. I had probably scared him off for good. Parents who wanted kids, who were trying for them, this wouldn’t bother them. We had an accident and this was forcing us to be much more intimate in an alien way.

“I need you to stay there for a moment, I forgot to grab something from the supplies,” the doctor said, pulling the curtain so I wouldn’t flash anyone when the door opened. When it closed, I tried to keep my sigh quiet, but again, those fucking rooms made a whisper sound like borderline yelling. The quiet fell over us once more, but this time, John stood up to move his chair closer. Sitting back down, he was right next to the table. He reached up and took my hand in a loose hold, giving it a quick kiss as we waited. If I wasn’t so anxious or ready to throw up, I would have cried at his sweetness. 

Once the doctor came back, she finished her exam and said everything looked good and she’d see me in four weeks. After finishing her job, she closed the door behind her after letting me know to take my time if I needed to and just leave the door open when I left. John stood up, letting go of my hand, to grab some paper towels for me. I quietly thanked him as I cleaned up myself before taking my clothes back to dress. When I was done, he took my hand in his and walked me out of there. 

Outside, I felt better, but only so much. The close interior of the clinic and the chemical smell from disinfectants were not longer trying to smother me along with my embarrassment at least. Now I had to explain everything to John and expect him to be okay with it after making him sit through that?

“If you’d like, I could get you on my health plan and you could go see a different doctor,” he offered as we kept walking. I wasn’t really paying attention to the direction as my hunger was starting to overshadow everything else, my hands getting a bit shaky had him stopping us. He looked over my face as he held both my hands, silently taking stock of where I was at. “Let’s get some food in you before we talk about anything else, yeah?”

“Please,” I said, nearly bursting into tears. Goddamn hormones. Putting his arm around me, he led us to his car to drive us to the nearest restaurant. 

After we were inside and food was ordered, delivered, then devoured, that was when he started to talk again. 

“I meant it earlier,” John said, using a napkin to wipe his face clean of crumbs. “I can put you on my health plan and you’ll be able to go to a different place.”

“I appreciate it, but this is fine,” I said, tearing up pieces of bread to sop up any juices left from my meal. “It would be a mess to change providers and this is the easiest place to get to from my place by bus.”

“You know you can ask me to take you to your appointments. It’s not a problem,” he said, looking over my plate that I practically licked clean. “Want anything else to eat? My treat.”

“I feel like a broken record a bit, but it’s fine. I’m good,” I said, fibbing a bit. Ordering a small portion didn’t exactly work in my favor, but I didn’t feel comfortable relying on him much more than I already had allowed myself to. “As for my appointments, you won’t be able to take me all the time and when I hit 28 weeks I go every other week, then at 36 weeks it’s once a week. It’s a lot to ask of you and I can do it on my own. I promise, I’m an adult.”

“Even adults need help from time to time, besides, I said I wanted to be involved,” he said. When the waitress came around to ask if we wanted anything else, John turned to look at me and waited patiently. The waitress seemed to understand what he was waiting for as she turned to look at me with a sweet smile.

“I’ll have a burger and fries. Adult portions, well done,” I said after a few seconds of panic deliberating. The man seemed unable to stop himself from trying to take care of me as much as possible. That should have been a sign to me that he was a good person and would do anything for me and the Bean. He probably did that to a lot of people around him as well. The waitress took my order with a nod then was off.

“Now, about the health plan,” John said, picking up his mug of coffee. I could see the slight smile he was hiding behind it and wanted to slap it out of his hands. Ugh. He was going to drive me insane with being so nice and helpful.

“As long as I don’t have to marry you or move in with you to be on it,” I said with resignation. 

“Done,” he said. “I’ll get you the paperwork for you to fill out and that’ll be that.” 

“Sounds good,” I said. 

A quiet fell over us as he stared at me and I refused to look at him. I knew what he wanted and until he asked, and even then, I wasn’t going to offer it up. 

“So,” he said, setting his mug down to lean against the table on his elbows. 

“So,” I said, picking up my fork to swing a bit in my fingers as I leaned back in my chair.

“You’re Johnny MacTavish’s little sister?” 

“Depends on who you ask,” I said with a shrug.

“If I were asking you?”

“Then I would say that I don’t have any siblings or immediate family.”

“And if I asked him?” I looked at his words. John was watching me, every movement, every small twitch or tell. The man was waiting for me to lie or to tell him the truth.

“Then he’d tell you he had two younger sisters. One is deceased and the other is one that he and his parents don’t talk to or see,” I said, shifting in my chair. “You didn’t tell him, did you? About me or us or the Bean?”

“No,” John said, shaking his head. “I thought you two might be estranged partners at first, but I did my own digging.”

“Yeah? What’d you find out?” I pulled my legs up in the chair to sit criss cross, unable to keep his gaze for too long. 

“I found out you went to secondary school as Johnny was starting the military and your sister was working at a local shop. Once you graduated, you went a bit wild, I would say. Partying and such. Then your sister died in a drunk driving accident and you disappeared for a bit,” he said. “But I’m still not getting the answer as to why you ran when I mentioned Johnny.”

“That is because he and I don’t speak. I haven’t spoken to him or my parents in almost a decade. Basically since our sister died,” I said, keeping my gaze on the paper straw cover that I was folding. John was quiet, letting me get the words out on my own time. “I had been at a party that night and had been drinking. So, I called Saoirse to come pick me up. All my friends were pretty pissed at the time, so I thought I was doing the right thing, you know? Not leaving with the drunk people and getting a sober driver.” I swallowed hard, feeling my chest tighten as I tried not to let the images of that not conjure up in my head. I didn’t even get to know what happened fully till my cousin Mike told me and that was nearly two days later. 

He and my other cousin Seamus were the only family I still considered to be family. They were military like Johnny, special forces in SAS, but they were older. Mike was nearly 60 and Seamus was pushing mid 40s, but they had always been kind to me and never treated me differently. Especially Mike. He’d send presents for Christmas and my birthday, things I actually wanted while my parents would give me the bland socks or clothes that I hated. He still did when he could. All he had were his brother Paulie left as his parents were gone with no spouse or kids of his own. Mike got me through the grieving, but he never spoke up like Saoirse did. 

“She was on her way there when one of the guys that was at the party left, and he hit my sister when he was trying to race someone else that was drunk. When my parents found out where I had been and why she had been there, they blamed me for her death. Johnny wasn’t around much because he was off doing military stuff, so the only story he got was from them. I never got to explain to him what happened or find out what our parents told him. He wouldn’t look at me even at the funeral when the family was gathered together. I ended up drunk halfway through and left. No one followed me aside from my cousin Mike. He let me stay with him till I could get my own place. My parents didn’t try to find me or talk to me, neither did Johnny.” 

“I’m so sorry, Love,” he said softly, reaching over to take my hand that was starting to pick at my cuticles. “That must have been. . . That’s so hard.”

“Yeah,” I said with a snort, trying not to focus on it too much and have a melt down before I got my food. “Johnny never reached out to see if what they said was true, just trusted them despite the bullshit they always pulled with me. I have no clue what I did to them, but my parents always treated me differently. It wasn’t outright abuse, but I know they never did like me, let alone love me. Saoirse always stood up for me, whenever they gave me a hard time, she’d call them out on it. Johnny didn’t get to see much of it because he was always busy and he always believed our parents. They had never done anything wrong to him, so how could they be so bad?”

“Have you tried reaching out to him? Try explaining anything to him?” John asked, rubbing my palm. 

“I did once, but he acted like I was. . . Like I was some druggie asking for help to get their next fix. It was maybe six years ago. I saw him in passing in Glasgow. He said I needed to get help and stop asking for money, before I even said anything. Johnny told me that I was an adult and couldn’t live off of mum and dad forever. Apparently our parents had been telling him that I was constantly asking for money for beer or drugs or whatever and he didn’t question it. We used to be really close, you know? Right before he turned 16 and tried to join the military, we’d always be around one another. Him and me and Saoirse. I don’t know what changed, but once he was gone, he wasn’t my brother anymore. Just a stranger who didn’t have time or want for me.” 

Just as it was getting too much to talk about, my food arrived. While I didn’t have that much of an appetite after explaining myself, even leaving a lot out, I still needed to eat. John didn’t ask any more questions as I ate, though I’m sure he had some. Finished with my food in just a few minutes, I let my meal settle before asking my own question. 

“So, how do you know Johnny?” I asked, knowing it was something that we would have to work with instead of around.

“He and I are on the same deployment team, specialized task force if you will,” John said. “We work together and see each other almost daily when we’re not deployed.”

“So this is something that he will find out about,” I said, nodding as anxiety made my stomach roll. 

“I know you two aren’t on good terms, but I can’t hide this from him. I also didn’t know how. . . Sensitive it was,” he said. “I can tell him myself or we can tell him together, but he has to know.”

“Which means my parents will find out as well,” I said, feeling like I was losing any sense of control I had over the situation. It was quickly going into a very upsetting and unwelcome direction. 

“Possibly,” John said. “I know that this is asking a lot from you, from carrying the baby to having to speak with family you cut out of your life, but I want to make this work. I want to be there for our child and you.”

“You’re right this is asking a lot,” I said, nodding as I stood up. “I can’t do this John. I’m not even sorry, but I am being asked to do so much, no I’m being told to do so much. I know you want to be in Bean’s life, but I am sacrificing everything and you get to just waltz in like the hero with the medical plan and the money and the car to take me places. I’m not-I can’t. No, it’s not happening,” I said, walking out. John cursed before following me out. 

“Love, just wait,” he said, grabbing my arm. 

“No! You wait!” I snarled as I turned on him, yanking my arm away. “I am expected to give up everything and sacrifice my sense of safety and self worth for you! Not Bean, but you! Because you work with my brother who I haven’t seen in years and because you want me to go to the nice medical practice and you want me to do this and that and I don’t want to! I don’t have to! So just leave me alone and forget I ever found you again. I’ve been on my own long enough that I can take care of myself and Bean without you.”

“You don’t have to though,” John said. He was frustrated, scrubbing his face as he looked around to see people staring at us because of my outburst. “Just-”

“No, no justs!” I cried. “I want to be left alone. Don’t call me, don’t follow me, don’t message me, nothing!”

He looked so heart broken, so desperate to help, but didn’t know how to handle being denied. Part of me wanted to just break down into tears and hug him, plead for him to never leave me, but I knew. . . I fucking knew that this was a pipe dream. Anything he and I could ever be or have was a fantasy. As soon as Johnny or my parents found out, they’d poison John against me. Help him take the Bean if they wanted to. 

I stared hard at him for a few moments before turning to walk away. I was miles from my place, but I didn’t care. The walk would help me get rid of these feelings and wants and pointless dreams. It should have been clear from the start that I wasn’t going to have a house with a yard and a bright red door with a shining white archway. No 2.5 kids with someone I loved and an old dog or cat we found while dating. I saw who I was at the clinic. The mum with two kids screaming, a third on the way while trying to handle it all on their own. That was my future.

Days passed and John kept his distance. I didn’t attempt to contact him and he did the same. After a while it felt normal again aside from getting sick at the slightest strong smell. I hadn’t escaped the dreaded ‘morning’ sickness after all. Work was hard, but I got through it, even if it meant leaving when the food began to be cooked and coming in early. Hitting 10 weeks felt like it took forever. The mood swings were still awful and my breasts were tender and swollen. I was getting a more noticeable bump too. It was easy to hide, but standing in front of a mirror in my underwear showed that there was indeed a Bean growing inside me. 

The worst part was my blood pressure. Somehow I had very low blood pressure despite the stress I was under. Low enough that if I was still for too long I would start to pass out. A quick clinic visit had me upping my salt intake and water. It wasn’t bad if I was at home, I could just sit in the floor till the feeling passed. I hadn’t experienced it outside of the house, yet. 

Mid week 11, I finally went to the store instead of eating out. I wasn’t feeling great, but I was doing what I could. Pushing the trolly up the bread aisle, I was looking for the one type of bread I knew I could stomach when fate decided that it was time for things to come to a head. 

As I was reaching for the bread, standing as tall as I could on my tippy toes, a hand reached up and grabbed it. 

“Here you go,” a familiar voice said. I turned to look at the person with wide eyes, both of us having a moment of disbelief. 

“Hey, Soap, don’t forget the-” 

Son of a fucking bitch.

“Oh,” John said as he saw me and Johnny staring at one another. “Everything alright?”

“Yeah,” Johnny said, never taking his eyes off me. “Just helping this nice lady get some bread.” 

I never had a hair trigger to cry before, but the moment he said that instead of saying he knew me, it broke me. Bursting into tears, I couldn’t even leave. I was sobbing so hard. 

“Soap,” John said with a growl. I tried to brush his hands away, to try and get some space, but John wasn’t letting me leave. 

“Do you know her, Cap?” Johnny asked, sounding anything but pleased. 

“Easy, Love,” John said softly, pulling me close and stroking my hair. It shouldn’t have made me melt into him so easily, I should have tried harder to leave, but I was just so damn tired. 

“Price?” Johnny said, getting gruff. 

“I know who she is, Soap,” John said. “I know who you are to her. We can do this here or we can do this in private, Sergeant.” His tone left no argument or even a choice. The three of us left the store empty handed. John had me tucked under his arm the whole time we walked to a nearby house. It was just a few blocks from mine and when Johnny pulled out his keys to open the front door, I began to sob all over again. He had been so close this whole time and we never once ran into each other. It meant we either had very bad luck or he knew where I was the whole time and never said a thing. 

John offered soft words of comfort and reassurance as he guided me to a sofa. Sitting me down, he looked off to the side and told someone to bring him a cool wash cloth and to make tea. 

“I’m not fucking English, I don’t drink tea,” I croaked between sniffling sobs. 

“Yeah, but I am and so is the Bean,” John said, giving me a smile that made his cheeks round and his eyes crease. It was the same one he’d given me that first night we met. 

He had been sitting at the bar, nursing a scotch when I came up wild and loud, climbing onto a stool so I could kneel on it to be able to lean onto the bar so the bartender could hear my order. I glanced at him and flashed a smile and a wave. ‘Hi!’ I said, giving him my name. ‘Do you like tequila?’

‘Hi, I’m John and I do like tequila.’

‘It’s grand to meet you, John! Have a shot with me!’

“Who’s Bean?” A voice asked, bringing us out of our small daze. Looking up, there stood a man with dark eyes and a curious look. 

“Gaz,” John said, clearing his throat. “Not the time.” The man nodded, handing him the wash cloth that he turned to wipe my face. Letting him clean me up, I was able to calm down and at least stop crying. The headache that came after didn’t help at all. I couldn’t take any medication for it either, so I only had a bag of frozen peas that Gaz had grabbed at John’s request to help soothe the pounding behind my eyes. 

“Seems we’ve calmed down enough that we can talk,” John said as Johnny joined us, standing in the doorway, leaning against it with his arms crossed and his face sour. “There’s no good way to say this, so I might as well just say it. Johnny, your sister and I had a one night stand and now she’s pregnant.”

“Bullshit,” Johnny scoffed. 

“Sergeant,” John growled in a warning. 

“She’s not pregnant,” Johnny said, not backing down. “You two may have fucked, but she’s not pregnant. She’s just trying to get money out of you.”

“I went to a fucking doctor’s visit with her. She is pregnant and she’s been trying to avoid me and push away any help I offer her because you and your parents seem to have it out for her,” John snarled, standing up. “Now, I don’t know what your parents told you, but your sister has done everything in her power to make sure I’m not in my child’s life because you and them treat her like a plague rat. She has not once asked for a damn penny, let alone any large sum you’ve made up in your head.”

“You don’t even know if it’s yours!” Johnny cried out, pushing off from the doorframe. 

“I’m the only one she’s been with, you fucking muppet! You’d know that if you’d talk to her like a decent person, let alone a decent brother!” John snapped, getting in his face. “I have been trying to do everything I can to make sure I have a relationship with my child, at least, because it is impossible to get close to her after everything you lot put her through! I gave you the benefit of the doubt even. That you were just fed lies so much that nothing else made sense! No, this is willful ignorance now and I won’t stand for it. Your sister has been alone needlessly for years. Be a fucking man and own up to your mistakes.”

The room was deathly quiet as the two men stood there, seething as they stared each other down. 

“You know shit ain’t been addin’ up, Johnny,” a low, gruff voice said. A man with a skull balaclava stood off to the side as he watched everything. Had he been there the whole time? “It hasn’t been for a long time.” Johnny turned away from John to look at the man then to me. His snarl faded as he kept our gazes locked before walking away. “I got him, you take care of yours, Price,” the man said, calmly walking after my brother. John nodded, letting out a breath he’d been holding. 

“I. . . I’m sorry, Love,” he said softly, taking a seat next to me, his head hanging as he stared at his hands. “I know you didn’t want any of this and I’ll take you home if you want me to.”

“John,” I said, reaching over and taking his calloused hand in mine. “Thank you.” He looked from our hands to my face, his brows relaxing a bit from the worried scrunch they’d been stuck in.

“You’re welcome,” he said softly, leaning in to kiss my cheek. 

“I think maybe we should try things differently,” I said, bumping his head with mine. 

“Yeah?” He hummed, pulling me close to rest against his chest. 

“Dating. We should date. Start there and work our way up,” I said, nuzzling against his chest. He was wearing a soft cable knit sweater and I wanted to climb inside it with him. 

“I think that’s a good idea,” he said, his voice rumbling deep in his chest as he put both arms around me. 

“I also need the insurance papers again. . . I lost them,” I said, tucking my head under his, happy in the warm and safe spot I’d made. 

“Of course,” John said, chuckling. 

“Also. . . That was really hot, you standing up for me. I don’t think I’d ever been so turned on before,” I said, hiding my smirk.

“Brat,” he snorted. “Do you want to go home?”

“Can you come with me and stay?” I asked, pulling away to look up at him.

“Wild dogs couldn’t keep me away,” John smiled, leaning down to kiss me. 

Series Masterlist

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Taglist: @birdstoprey @sebbytheraccoon @pricescigar @alwaysshallow

[this-aint-massachusetts]

My future man au is finally done!!! After 1000 million years, so now ima yap about it. Warning for a long ass post.

First imma say all the characters that will be in the series:

Josh Futturman

Gabe Futturman

Diane Futturman

Ty-Anne ‘Tiger’ (her real name is Ty-Anne but goes by Tiger because I felt that made sense and would be less confusing for another character)

Cory ‘Wolf��� Wolfhart

Stu Camilo

Ty-Anne (I’ll explain this later)

Elias Kronish

Lucy ‘Lugnut’ Wolfhart (yeah she doesn’t canonically have a ‘real’ name but I gave her one cuz I can)

Jeri Lang (yay she’s not a bloody pulp!!)

Joosh Futturman (once again I’ll explain later)

J26 (will once again be explained later)

The Cluster (they might be taken out later though because I’m not quite sure how they’d fit into this au)

Marigold Kronish

[more might be added or removed later]

Here Biotics do still exist but they’re more calmer and less murdery so humans and Biotics now just coexist without wanting to kill and so there’s also no resistance. As well as Tiger still has part biotic in her.

So to explain a few character ‘duplicates’; Joosh, Josh, and J26 here all are separate people despite looking similar. Joosh is a far off cousin to the Futturmans who is still famous off his video games and energy drinks (and is still an asshole), J26 was another kid in the foster system like Josh he just got adopted way before him. As for Tiger and Ty-Anne, they’re both cousins, Ty-Anne being Stu’s daughter still and Tiger only living with the two because her mother is currently missing and/or just dead.

Following up with the foster system, this au is inspired by @dottsdraws foster au so J26 and Josh were both adopted yet J26 was adopted way before Josh was so he’s around 17 while Josh is 14.

Speaking of ages, this is kinda like a high school au so I think I should get into that a bit.

The school is a k-12

(The only ages that follow canon is Kronish, Marigold, Diane, Gabe and Stu so I won’t be putting those down) The ages in this is:

Josh - 15

Tiger - 15

Wolf - 15

Joosh - 23

Ty-Anne - 17

Jeri - 16

Lugnut - 13

J26 - 17

So Jeri is still a biotic yet since biotics are more peaceful here they don’t have the bombs in their necks anymore yet I still wanted to involve some kinda explosion thing for her so I made it that she has an interest in explosives because I’m silly like that.

Josh here also still has a crush on Jeri, she doesn’t like him like he likes her but like in canon she’s still a bit manipulative so she kinda screws around with him but doesn’t like him at all.

Now here is where I get into some headcanons for this so if you don’t like that you can skip this part or don’t yet please don’t be an ass about my headcanons.

So it’s implied in this au that Tiger is sapphic, it’s not really said directly and she doesn’t have a love interest but she is sapphic. As well as she’s nonbinary yet still uses fem pronouns (remember! Pronouns ≠ gender!). Josh is trans FtM that’s a main plot point of his character arc so it’s more main, as well as he’s bisexual. Like Tiger it isn’t directly said but Wolf is bisexual as well and his also FtM trans yet that also isn’t very much of a main plot point. For Jeri I wouldn’t consider her aroace but she doesn’t have interest with getting with anyone but still flirts with basically everyone no matter gender so I guess maybe she’d be demisexual and aromantic? And she’s transfem because I’m js silly like that.

K now that I’m done with that ima move onto some family relationships.

As said earlier, Tigers mother and father are either dead or missing so she lives with her uncle Stu and her cousin Ty-Anne. Lugnut and Wolf are siblings but Wolf is technically her legal caretaker because like Tigers parents they’re either dead or missing. Josh and J26 are both adopted siblings by Gabe and Diane as well as Joosh being a far off cousin.

Now ima get back to the school au thing for a second.

So since it is a school instead of Kronish and Stu being scientists, Kronish is the principal and Stu is the vice principal. Jeri is the class president yet Ty-Anne keeps trying to take that role over. J26 is there yet everyone in the school thinks he’s dead because he just hides in a classroom all day.

Not related to much but Josh has a pet chinchilla named Chimmy :3

Everyone except for Josh has a sorta love-hate relationship with Jeri. As well as in the story it won’t be brought up much but it’s implied that Jeri and Tiger dated briefly but it ended up in a messy break up which is why Tiger doesn’t like her all to much. (Oh and the explosives too, she doesn’t like her explosives)

Okay that was… a lot…. But that’s it for now. Like I said more will be added/removed if I decide to but that’s all I got for now. I’m tired see y’all sometime

[opheliaweeps]

so I just finished reading ‘the oleander sword’ by tasha suri. I’m at work, so I finished the book, stared at my laptop for a minute, then came to the bathroom to cry and write this post (yeah, I’m in the bathroom right now. I’ve been crying for five minutes).

I’m crying because reading this book (which is book #2 of suri’s trilogy ‘the burning kingdoms’) has been… cathartic almost. the plot is high fantasy and political unrest, but the setting, the worldbuilding and careful nuances of the story are based on historical india, the country and myths and history I grew up with. somewhere inside me, the young girl who never saw a book that had a character that looked like her is sobbing in grief and gratitude and vindication, because an author like her decided to write this story. and it’s everything.

I’m crying because the relationships in this series are complicated and heartbreaking and human. siblings, friends, lovers, and the tangled webs in between - they’re so beautiful to read about. the pain of betrayal and bittersweetness of love, in a time when nations are at war and the characters are torn between their duty and their heart (an age-old story, the original tragedy). the delicate details that show the madness of corruption, the humanity in even the most twisted of villains, and the pain in hurting those you love so that they can live.

I’m crying because not only does this book speak to my desi heritage, it’s a queer story, setting a princess rebelling against her dictator-emperor of a brother and a temple-elder of a conquered nation of flowers and eldritch worship on a tumultuous path. their bond is fraught because of what they must do to serve their own countries, honour warring with the desire and love for each other in their hearts. a sapphic desi-high fantasy series - that’s something I never thought I would see.

I’m crying because the side m/m romance is pure tragedy and yet, it’s so beautiful it hurts to read. while the main heroines are separated by treachery and prophecy and gods of old, coming back to wage war for their glory, these two boys are separated by something much simpler: death. one dies (for his honour, for the men he leads, for his sister), and the other lives. the other lives to grieve and push forward, and isn’t this the oldest story? someone must always leave first, but we are never prepared, and I was not prepared for this death. because the one who lived had already lost so much, bled out for an empress he is bound to and her brother whom he loved. and he was taken away from him.

I’m crying because I love the world that has been built here, the stories woven and characters that suri has breathed life into. I’m crying because of the story, the pain, and the representation I never thought I’d see. but most of all, I’m crying for the love that this story holds, and the hurt that always follows bliss, because no good thing can ever be felt without unwanted anguish to sweeten these brief, tender moments.

[yeosboba]

12.51am

I'm transferring this fanfic from my main blog, @yeosluvr.

_____________________________________________________________

Featuring: Yeosang

Genre: Angst, big brother Yeosang, mentions of San, Wooyoung and Felix (SKZ)

A/N; This is an idea I’ve been thinking of for a long time, and is actually part of a series that I’m currently (slowly) working on, so for now, just enjoy the random word spill huhu. Do leave some feedback and reblog&

Disclaimer; this is just a fanfiction and doesn’t portray how kang yeosang or any ateez and stray kids behave irl.

...

She quietly rests her head on his shoulder, him leaning his cheek against her hair. The Kang siblings stare at the raging storm ahead of them, fingers intertwined with each other’s. She misses this feeling of being calm and at peace and she knows that only Yeosang is able to provide. 

Even now, when they’re both introverts and have the mutual habit of keeping things quiet with each other; it’s only because they know what the other feels without having to tell. 

“I miss you, Yeo,” she says first, bringing his knuckle to her lips and gently kissing it. He copies her actions and smiles when she looks at him. It’s pained, sort of sad but also blank. She kind of realises that this must’ve been the face that he’s seen her with all along.

“You’re always gonna be stuck with me, sis,” he sighs, eyes trained on the storm. His black tank top is now a bit wet from the bits of rain he evaded earlier, but he doesn’t shiver even for a second as he gently tightens his grip on her fingers. “We only have each other now.”

“A lot happened,” she replies.

“I noticed.” Yeosang chuckles sadly. “In just a span of what, six years–”

“Five, Yeo.”

“Even worse.” He points it out. “What happened to you, baby?”

“Too much, apparently.” He knows. He knows it. He doesn’t even have to ask.

“How’s Felix, sweetheart?”

Yes. How is Felix? “I’m sure he’s fine,” she smiles at him.

“Did you guys fight?”

Fuck Yeosang and his observation.

“He’ll be fine.”

“I know that.” He nods.

She repeats the way he nods, and eyes him suspiciously afterwards. “I took those pills on time, Yeo.”

“That you did,” he smiles. “It means you’re not fine, y/n.”

“Yeosang.”

“Y/n.”

She groans.

“I really can’t watch you be in pain anymore.” The way his voice softens at this pains her more than she could bear. She loves Yeosang. He’s the only family, the only brother she could trust. He understands her in ways people don’t, even Felix. Evidently why Yeosang’s the one with her right now, not Felix.

“How much do you know, Yeo?”

“Enough.” He shrugs.

She sighs. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”

“It’s fine, honestly.” Yeosang smiles at her. “I just wanna make sure you’re okay. I only have you besides Wooyoung and San, you know?”

“Yeah I know.”

The elephant in the room is too huge for him to leave it alone apparently.

“I’m also frightened that you’ll do it again.”

She looks at Yeosang, who looks as unfazed and nonchalant as ever, but the grim look he has in his eyes, despite not even looking at her, is what makes her heart clench in its place again. She didn’t mean to do it, it’s just too much to bear. The pain, the voices, the heartbreak.

“Hey, sis.”

She looks at him.

“You still have me." 

She hums.

"If you don’t trust me, you can always go to Woo, or San. I don’t care. Just–”

“…just don’t leave you?”

“Exactly.” He smiles again. It’s almost creepy how he smiles so easily. “Please try to live. However you want. Just don’t keep it to yourself if you feel like you can explode.”

She hums, smiling. “Thanks, Yeo.”

“Hey, what are siblings for, hmm?”

[unofficial-book-of-quotes-tm]

Taskmaster New Zealand series 1 summary

So, I finally caved and decided to expand to Taskmaster NZ and I have to say, I like it a lot, which I didn’t exactly expect, to be honest. I know a lot of people like TM NZ and have been recommending it to me non-stop, so yeah. It’s genuinely brilliant. Paul Williams and Jeremy Wells are great choices in my opinion for the assistant and the Taskmaster. They aren’t at all like Greg and Alex which I find quite refreshing. Don’t get me wrong, I adore Greg’s and Alex’s dynamic and it’s a huge part of why I adore TM UK so much, but I’m glad they didn’t try and replicate it. Jeremy is a lot quieter, more lenient and nicer when scoring the contestants, and whereas Greg has rarely a nice word to say about Alex, Jeremy basically showers Paul in praise. It’s so different, yet I think that’s why it works so well. I’m a BritCom kind of guy through and through, so I don’t know any of the NZ contestants, but everyone won me over so fucking fast. The first series is always difficult, and TM UK was already a household name when TM NZ got its first series, but I think they pretty much nailed it. The first series of TM UK holds a special place in my heart, but TM NZ slots in so easily alongside it. I expected some awkwardness, and especially Jeremy seems to struggle a little to find his footing in the early episodes but I don’t mind. I also think the Taskmaster Ranch is a nice location and so much bigger than the Taskmaster House, allowing more variety in scenery even when they’re just in one location, and I really think they nailed the tasks too. As far as I’m aware, Alex writes the tasks for TM UK himself and it’s just him who does it whereas for TM NZ they have a team creating them and it’s somewhat noticeable on occasions, but I don’t mind either way. I don’t have anything negative to say about the first series. Sure, there were things they could have done better, but who cares? I was also quite lenient about TM UK’s first series and I think they’re both highly entertaining, which should be the main point, right? The cast is also just really wholesome and I appreciate that when showing the VTs, the editors don’t just stay on the VT but intercut it with the reactions from the cast and you can also hear their reactions throughout the VT, something I miss in TM UK (I know they did it in earlier series, but why they stopped I don’t know (I mean, Tim Key’s reaction to Romesh smashing the watermelon on the ground lives in my head rent free)). Jeremy’s scoring feels sometimes even more arbitrary than Greg’s and introducing half-points in the first series could have gotten messy, but it didn’t. And I like his use of bonus points. As I know none of the cast, I basically couldn’t give less of a fuck about who won, so, yeah, I’m down with Jeremy’s scoring. As a side note: A funny thing I noticed was in episode 4 and 5, there was a guy in the audience who really, and I mean really, enjoyed himself. He was there to cheer and cheer he did. Good for him.

I love Angella Dravid. She’s so awkward and anxious but she has some prime responses / one-liners. She and Guy are the contestants I thought were funniest and she seems to be a genuinely sweet person, the way she interacted with Paul and the other cast. I thought about comparing her to Joe Thomas, but they’re on opposite ends of a spectrum for me in terms of awkwardness. I think she might be my favourite contestant overall (at least at this point in time).

I don’t know if this is a controversial opinion or not, but I think Guy Williams is a better Iain Stirling, as in, Guy did annoy me slightly, but he was also genuinely hilarious to the point where he managed to combine these things perfectly, and he was a joy to behold, especially him and Paul bouncing off of each other. You really do feel the sibling dynamic there.

I don’t know enough about Leigh Hart to conclusively determine whether he was just being nice when he offered Paul a drink anytime he was leaving to get stuff or if this is a joke I don’t get. I think I laughed each time he hit his head on the shed’s ceiling (and I feel kind of bad for laughing). Also, I loved Leigh’s feud with the blender and mixer. He seems to be one of those inoffensive white guys every iteration of Taskmaster has had at some point, so yeah, quite competent without doing anything too memorable — although that cheese sandwich looked fucking delicious, admittedly.

Watching Brynley Stent attempting most tasks was like watching an overexcited puppy, peaking in episode 7 with her crawl whilst carrying the frisbee in her mouth. I got to say, VT Brynley and studio Brynley are two entirely different people for me, like, how are they the same person? My brain can’t compute that at all. I did enjoy watching her, even though some of her ideas felt a little unhinged, overall she had a rather innocent brand of comedy about her. I liked that.

Madeleine Sami looked quite handsome in her suit, didn’t she? As I loved Leigh’s feud with the blender, I also adore Madeleine’s love story with the leaf blower. I don’t have much to say about her otherwise. Madeleine was very average, in my opinion, despite coming second with a massive lead over third place, I don’t remember much of what she did, although I have since gone on to watch Deadloch, specifically because Madeleine Sami is in it.

And I think it’s wild to have that many musically talented people in one cast. Anyway, that was TM NZ series 1. I’m not going to follow this up with series 2 immediately and put my focus back on TM UK for the time being, although series 2 and 3 were hilarious as well. But yeah, I’ll figure out a way to change it up a little every now and then. Thanks for sticking around!

[shockersalvage]

Salvage Showcase: Isshiki Madarai

An attempt by yours truly in trying to be active once again here! And what better way than by talking about the characters in Danganronpa that don’t get as much love from the fandom, mostly due to appearing in media that weren’t officially translated or just aren’t that well known. I’ll be giving my analysis on their role in their respective material and my thoughts on them!

So whose up first?

Oh.

Summary

Well, let’s start with a brief explanation. Isshiki Madarai is from Danganronpa Zero and is the Ultimate Bodyguard and is a member of the Hope’s Peak Student Council. On-paper at least. In actuality, despite officially being on the council, no one considers him a true member, instead regulating him to just being a bodyguard. Something they’re painfully aware of.

‘They’re’? Yeah, Madarai is actually one of eight octuplets with the collective talent of ‘Multiple Birth Siblings’ (henceforth will be known as MBS because that full title can take a hike). They all act under the ‘Isshiki Madarai’ name and are reoccurring antagonists for the events of Zero. Their main goal is to gain vengeance for the Student Council’s demise, with their intuition leading them to believe Ryoko had something to do with the incident and relentlessly hunting her. In the end, all eight end up being murdered by either Mukuro or Junko, with their deaths being covered up by the school as them being expelled.

Personality wise, the Madarai are all fairly similar to each other: merciless, stubborn, prideful, and ego’s easily wounded. They’re also detrimentally violent, which leads to their downfall on multiple occasions. Overall, they’re a clan that feels insulted over the Tragedy of Hope’s Peak and will stop at nothing to find the perpetrator of the incident. They also hold keen intuition and can be cautious, but they're opt to use brute force like torture or murder in order to get their way.

The Rundown

Now, the good I will say about the Madarai is how they fit in with Danganronpa Zero’s theme of identity. Or rather, lack of identity. Not to mention a theme of irrelevance (I’m not making of fun of them, being serious). As well as being contrasts to both Yuto Kamishiro and the Despair Sisters. The first thing that comes to mind is Madarai’s sibling gimmick, where eight individuals are acting as one person, effectively suppressing their own individuality for the sake of a lie for intimidation purposes.

However, in doing so they had also effectively stunted themselves. In exchange for uniformity, they had become utterly predictable to the point that Ryoko herself, a scared amnesiac, was able to knock one out after being exposed to their fighting style for long enough and Mukuro even chided that being the reason she can kick their asses so easily. In a series where Ultimates praised over their own unique individual talents, their choice to be the same effectively doomed them. This uniformity also goes against the Despair Sisters. While they may be twins, both are extremely different in terms of personality and skills - you can’t approach one like you do the other and trying for anything conventional against them is bound to get you hurt.  They’re existence pretty much slaps the Madarai’s methods in the face and given their major feat of ENDING THE WORLD you have to admit their way worked best.

As for Yuto? In general, both of their desire was to figure out the truth to the Tragedy of Hope’s Peak, albeit for different motivations. For the Madarai it was for the sake of their own wounded pride and vengeance. For Yuto? A way to increase his own fame. While the Madarai’s methods are flashy and brutal, with the culprit in their sights given their intuition- its largely ineffective and doesn’t gain much in the way of practical information and only results in them being taken out knowing nothing useful. In Yuto’s case, befitting his nature as a spy (though not his personality), he gains credible evidence and extremely useful knowledge into stuff regarding details like Izuru Kamukura. However, he is physically weak, so when he gets in way too deep, he ends up killed for his efforts. It’s one of the case where, if both had known about the other’s intentions and opted to work together, they probably could have covered way more ground and be able to make up for the others weaknesses.

What’s interesting about both is how they relate to the identity theme of Zero - or the lack of it. Yuto is the Madarai’s polar opposite. Yuto design and purpose is to be fairly simple and forgettable, much to his chagrin. But its in this lack of identity where he finds strength to get things done and showcase his information gathering skills  and become fairly close to the truth. In contrast, the Madarai’s design is supposed to stand out (for better or for worse) with his  elaborate snake-like monster design and serves as a plot roadblock. Yet, his effects on the plot when you look back is rather paper thin. At best, their attempts are good for highlighting Ryoko’s competence and Mukuro’s power. At worst, which to me they hit that way often, they are aforementioned roadblocks. Any interaction one would want to see further or plot details you want to see developed end up getting derailed with their whole invincible shtick and their own story of revenge concerning the Council’s demise. They’re purposefully made to be intrusive in the story, yet its also on purpose that their storyline never successfully goes anywhere. It ties back into their secondary theme of ‘irrelevance’.

The Madarai, technically, would have been ‘16th student’ of the Student Council killing game, but weren’t there because Junko never considered them one. She wasn’t the only one to consider this. The Headmaster, Steering Committee, Soshun Murasame, hell not even themselves if Mishiki bitterly remembering it is to go by. No one considers them a true councilman beyond just being a guardian and they had no use in-story beyond that. Mukuro even points this out that she actually doesn’t want  to fight the Madarai since it just creates more victims and it was better for the remaining Madarai to go away since the story had nothing to do with them (I’ll talk about DR0!Mukuro at a later date). To put it simply, they aren’t wanted in-story since they have no relevance to the bad guys’ plans and for, well Hope’s Peak aren’t really good guys, the administration side the Madarai’s worth as people aren’t considered beyond their talent. Once they failed no one even bats an eye at them. Even DR3 shows that, even in spite of that guardian role, no one in the Student Council bothered to alert the Madarai they received threatening messages or bring one along. It’s one of those things that retroactively gives the impression Madarai’s presence was quite the afterthought in-universe and adds a layer of a bitter tragedy to it. They stand out and have utility, but no one sees their potential and layers beyond that. Their gimmick would be interested in a more action oriented series, but in Danganronpa (a murder mystery fiction) brute strength takes a back seat for brainpower. And given DR’s nature, where Ultimates who excel in combat more than them exist (like the Ultimate Soldier) or excelling in intelligence, like the Despair Sisters the only thing awaiting a character like the Madarai is cruel defeat and to be swept under the rug just as fast.

Personal Thoughts

Now I’ll be blunt: I don’t like these guys. In fact I think they just might be my most hated Danganronpa characters of all time. Remember the whole ‘they’re intrustive’ bit I went into earlier? Yeah, them showing up again and again with the strategy of ‘we’ll beat you up until you fess up’ quickly wore thin. I know they’re supposed to be bitter hotheads and I know them acting the same is intentional, but God did it not make their antics bearable. “Yes, let’s threaten this guy’s life! Yes, let’s attack the principal’s daughter! Surely this won’t backfire on us, assuming we don’t die ourselves”. Ugh.

Side note: Also hate their designs. You want to make a snake like student? Sure designers go ahead! But you need to make sure they look decent.

Making them ridiculously buff isn’t making them decent!! It clashes with the motif and just makes them look jarring to look at it! You can have a character be strong, but this goes way overboard.

His concept art is a major improvement that I wish the other illustrations stick to.

This ends the first showcase, next time I post I’ll be going on about a character from the Danganronpa Kirigiri side of things!

[number-1-kuaidul-fanboy]

Yugioh Best Friends Ranked

So YugiohEverything did this recently and I’ve ranked both the protags and the main girls so I figured, why not? I need something quick and easy to write this morning. Also, since there’s some debate on who counts as the best friend character in each show and I have some notably weird opinions on this, I’ll say right out of the gate which characters I’m including: Joey/Jonouchi, Sho/Syrus, Crow, Shark, Gongenzaka/Gong, Soulburner, and Luke. (Of whom I’m going to use whichever name I’m more to used to using.)

7 Gongenzaka

Honestly, Gongenzaka being the lowest here isn’t a slight against his character at all. There isn’t a bad character from this set to me. Gongenzaka is definitely the weakest but I’ve actually really grown to respect him. I think his style of duelling was really cool, especially the growth of him learning synchro summon despite it being against the traditions he was brought up with. That’s really neat. And the one time he ever did use an action card was against Z-Arc, in an attempt to save his friend, which is a really compelling moment. The only reason he’s the lowest is because I don’t feel like his personality is all that interesting, I definitely like him more for his duelling. He is a very good friend to Yuya though, as I’ve also come to appreciate in my most recent watch of Arc V. So just know, I respect Gongenzaka, I just like these other characters more.

6 Sho Marufuji

Betcha didn’t see this placement coming. I go on and on about how much I love GX and for every other character ranking, GX’s pick would be near the top, if not the top. Sho meanwhile… I do really like him, especially his relationships with Judai and his brother, Ryo and his growth in the series, especially season four but I like the other characters much more.

Still, people dunking on Sho is news to me. People really hate this guy?! Jeez, what did the dub do to him to make him deserve this? (Okay, maybe it is based on the sub but considering how the GX dub is and that it’s one of the more watched dubs, it definitely stands to reason that the dub just screwed him over.)

5 Luke

Luke is a weird one because I feel like he’s probably more like the rival character but out of the main friend group, Yuga undeniably has the closest connection to Luke. So I’ll count him as the best friend. Luke is a lot of people’s favourite character from Sevens and while I do prefer Yuga and Romin, I do enjoy Luke’s dorkiness and even some of his more arrogant moments when they’re done right. It is annoying that he basically never loses but I guess it’s to counteract Yuga, who loses and wins quite evenly. So overall good character.

4 Shark

Yeah, I’m counting Shark as the best friend instead of Bronk. Because Shark is far more prevalent, far more interesting, has more development and purpose in the narrative, and it’s his connection with Yuma that’s given the most focus in the climax of Zexal II. In my mind, Kaito is the rival, he just got screwed by part two. And you know what? I think Shark is a really neat take on the best friend character. He’s definitely Yuma’s friend, and shows that care often, if begrudgingly or in a strange gruff way and that’s really fun and a great counterpoint to Yuma. Also, do I even need to talk about their final duel? Feels out the wazoo.

Honestly though if “main girl” wasn’t a stupid arbitrary category for these shows, I’d argue Kotori is Yuma’s best friend because they actually have a really good platonic dynamic and they make a point of her mere presence boosting Yuma up in the final part of the Barian arc. But for this list, I say and argue Shark.

3 Joey Wheeler

Man, how I’ve grown. Once upon a time, a young man was in quarantine with his younger sibling and, being very bored and needing a distraction, the man agreed to watch a few episodes of this show his sibling liked, of which he’d only ever seen memes of and thought sounded stupid as shit: Yugioh Duel Monsters. On that first watch, the man could not stand Joey, due to his voice, inflated ego, and lack of duelling skills and while the man did grow to respect Joey as a duellist later in the show, he could never bring himself to like his character. Now, two years later, I question what the hell I was thinking because Joey is easily one of the most compelling characters from the original series. Out of everyone on this list, he’s easily the most supportive as a friend. He always has Yugi’s back, up to and including jumping off a cruise ship to save Yugi’s Exodia cards and sacrificing his life for Yugi’s after he breaks free of Marik’s mind control. Heck, he’s willing to die for Mai as well in Battle City and his whole motivation in Duelist Kingdom was to use the prize money to afford his sister’s eye surgery so she wouldn’t go blind. He is such an ideal best friend it’s hard not to respect him, especially my absolute favourite moment of his: surviving the full force of the Winged Dragon of Ra and coming out of it still on his feet. Joey is literally just an average scrappy guy with a deck he threw together and some street smarts and he is duelling on the level of gods. It’s hard not to admire that.

2 Crow

This one and the last one are honestly kind of interchangeable. I like Joey’s role in the narrative better than Crow’s as I will concede that Crow too often took the spotlight away from other characters. This didn’t really annoy me that much outside of WRGP which was just terrible on literally every front and either way. Personality wise however, I do prefer Crow. He is an absolute sweetheart and his backstory was honestly heartwarming, especially that part in the dub where it’s implied he didn’t have a name so one of his first friends named him after one of his cards. I know I’ve brought that up before but it honestly is one of my favourite moments from 5Ds, and Crow is one of my favourite characters in 5Ds. Heck, I even love him in Arc V, despite him being notably more aggressive there. I think it makes sense considering the change to his backstory, which is still really cute, though I will admit his 5Ds backstory is better. I might also be a little biassed because I watched Arc V before 5Ds so Arc V was my first exposure to Crow and I loved him there.

1 Soulburner

Hahahaha, I’m gonna get burned for this one :)

I’m so sorry.

I debated whether I wanted to include Soulburner or Kusanagi on this list because there are good arguments for either of them being the best friend. However, I decided to go with Soulburner since A) I prefer his character and B) 5Ds has been the top pick for one of my lists like this before. So here we go, Soulburner. The adorable sweet dorky bean who sucks at technology in a technology based show and is the one horrifically traumatised character in VRAINS that got proper closure and whose backstory was one of the biggest tearjerker scenes in VRAINS for me and that is saying something considering how much this show made me cry. I really love his dynamic with Yusaku, of being one of the first people Yusaku trusts and of course, Soulburner and Flame are adorable. I love their sassy back and forths and Flame’s death tore me to shreds partially because of just how hard Soulburner took it. Soulburner is just so… outwardly positive and sweet that seeing him break hurts me so deeply, and gets me more invested in his character. I relate to him in a lot of ways, from his little quirks to the way he reacts to those traumatising events he was put through. Also, I didn’t talk about it when I first saw it (because I was still so broken up over Roboppi and was anxious about Ai) but Soulburner vs Revolver is one of the best duels in VRAINS and was a really good resolution to Soulburner’s character arc. So overall, Crow and Joey are probably better best friends but I personally like and relate to Soulburner more so he gets the edge here.

[dreamii-yume]

Well i'm thinking about Izana kurokawa ,he's was very obssesed with Shin back then.

or Mitsuya takashi , a loving bro but better not make him angry.

or Haitani bro, just love the idea of reader being the older sister and Ran and Rin jump on her to take care of their needs 'cause it's her job🫡

MMGH Finally someone is talking about Tokyo Revengers in my inbox 😩 Warning : This might contain some slight spoilers for the manga ♥︎ Though I might even say things wrong cause it’s been a long while since I read it

Izana was fucking crazyy in the manga ☠️ I feel like a younger sibling Darling fits him so much, like—When he was in the orphanage or something, he would’ve probably been mad protective of them because their the only ones he had left. He might raise them purposely clueless about the world, so that they would have no one else to rely on but him lol He might even use violence (like Taiju) as a way of discipline, like physically hurting them and give them permanent scars to discourage them from disobeying him again. He’s the perfect Menhera Yandere Big Brother—The “I will hurt you and myself if you don’t listen to what I say” kind of manipulative.

Mitsuya was my best boi in the series, I mean—He’s handsome, husband-material, gentle but really tough?? 😭😭 What more would you want from a man, but yeah, one of his main characteristic is that he’s a really talented big bro. BUT—But, what if he had an older sibling? Or even more, like a twin? Just a sibling close to his age that he can share his burdens and relate with, because they basically became the substitute parents for their younger sisters even at a young age…and he starts to actually take that kind of pretend family seriously?? Like, he’s now treating Darling like a stay-at-home wife, giving them kisses, and sleeping in the same bed as them 🫠✨ and when Darling is kinda creeped out and tells him to stop—Haha, well, yeah…Mitsuya doesn’t really look nice when he’s mad lol I hope you like breeding, honey~

The Haitani Brothers…Well, um—I’m not really a fan of them, not because I don’t like them but because I personally don’t think they had that much screen time for me to actually know them in a deeper level? Like, they’re stylish and strong, pretty nasty and…That’s it, right? They’re not really someone I’d fuck around with, although they are indeed, very pretty ✨ At this point the sinfics about them have more lore than their actual lore ☠️ BUT I do agree that them having an older sibling that they are obsessed with for the wrong reasons is magnificent 😋😋 They were very close when they were young, poor Big sibling did everything they can to raise their brothers properly but along the way—They’re just…naturally unhinged and they couldn’t really do anything about it. They try to tell the brothers to stop their gang activities, they’re worried because it’s dangerous, only to find themselves at the brothers’ mercy ☠️

[quibbs126]

This is the finished product of that circle btw, specifically it was Venus’s head

Anyways, so I talked about Ralia before, right? Well these are three of the characters

These are all redesigns of them, though it’d take quite an amount of digging to find their originals, given they’re either on my computer somewhere or drawings in my old sketchbooks as I used to draw traditionally a lot more in the day, which are in boxes in my room somewhere

Venus looks the most similar, Mercury is relatively similar, other than changing his orange hair to red, but Saturn was the most radically changed. He was originally grey with dark brown hair, as well as heterochromia with blue and brown eyes

They’re all siblings, oldest is Venus, middle is Mercury and youngest is Saturn

While Venus and Mercury are relatively close in age, around 2 years apart, there’s a more significant age gap between them and Saturn, as they’re both adults while Saturn is a young kid, around 10 or so

Their parents died when Saturn was young, so Venus and Mercury basically had to raise their younger brother

Their father was a blacksmith, and they inherited his smithy, and Venus mainly runs the shop. Mercury helps too, but he’s had less of a role since he joined the city guard

Their uncle and cousin live in town too, their uncle being a doctor. They moved in after their parents’s death. They’re from their mom’s side

They all also have weird psychic powers, Venus’s being green, Mercury’s blue, and Saturn’s purple. They get them from their mom’s side, who had red. Their uncle doesn’t have it though. They’re generally considered one of the weird families in town because of it, it just gives off a weird vibe around them. I’m probably gonna experiment with it more this time around, seeing as how they were just normal telekinetic powers before

Venus and Saturn were more side characters, while Mercury was a main character, dealing with a mysterious vigilante

Though I should probably preface, Ralia was more an anthology series, Mercury isn’t the MAIN main character, there really isn’t one, he’s just a main character in his story

But yeah, I might try to do this with other characters in Ralia as well, but given me, I make no promises. But next is probably Autumn (she’s part of Mercury’s story)

Anyways yeah, hope you like

Oh, and here’s a fun fact: originally, the Ralia characters were almost all ripoffs of Sonic characters, mostly because I liked to draw Sonic characters, but then there was this one kid in one of my classes that said I couldn’t draw Sonic characters for a week, so out of spite I redesigned them to be “original”. Over time though they became their own characters, most barely recognizable as their counterparts

While Venus and Saturn weren’t based on any characters, Mercury was. Wanna guess who?