killianczuba

[killianczuba]

Irritable Bowl Syndrome isn't wrong

[killianczuba]

The energy I'm bringing to 2025 is somewhere between this:

And this:

Or maybe not so much "between" as "both."

[killianczuba]

It really says something about the modern world that "Tubthumping" has been the evergreen Song of the Year since ~2017 (2016 was mostly filled with promise, as we tragically recall). And we were only 2% away from a 2025 "Femininomenon", too.

[killianczuba]

The metaphorical wall in my house is bearing the imprints of many a limp spaghetti.

Nothing consistent, naturally. Consistency would be crazy! Who needs it?

[killianczuba]

Upon seeing the absolutely hilarious meme of Bush at the inauguration, I would like to say that, though he did some, you know, war crimes, his "kids trying not to goof off in church" energy is exactly what I needed today. Inspiring.

Who knew that George W. Bush would bring me joy one day? Teen Killian would be extremely confused by 2025. (I mean, adult Killian is confused, too, but the culture shock of time traveling from 2005 to 2025 would be a total nightmare.)

[killianczuba]

The millennial curse is that we haven't been cool since before we were born, so follow your heart and say "I am le tired." Really lean into the Homestar quotes when you checka your emails. Enjoy your pb&j with a baseball bat. Say "badger" a billion times. Only say "Yeah" like Lil Jon. Together, we can enjoy the moon--though not as much as a spoon.

The cringiest late '90s and early '00s media will carry us through the next four years, just as it carried us through The Bush Years.

Hold onto your butts.

*reposting this from my own instagram story so I can reflect on mine own wise words for the next (what will feel like) million billion gazillion days.

[killianczuba]

scorpion = stabby crabby

you're welcome

[killianczuba]

Hygienist: The gum recession is related to tooth grinding and clenching your jaw. Do you have a night guard?

Me: Um, I probably need a new one at some point, because I, um, yeah, I chewed through it.

[killianczuba]

In further medical news: I have upgraded my thoughts on acupuncture from "it can't hurt" to "either acupuncture very much scientifically works or my acupuncturist is a literal magician."

[killianczuba]

I haven't settled on any resolutions, but my body has settled on my doctor prescribing a low inulin diet for six weeks.* Maybe my resolution should be to throw spaghetti at the wall as much as possible? That could actually be kind of a good resolution.

*my doctor is rad, don't get it twisted. we're doing this out of joint desperation.

[killianczuba]

Whilst listening to the excellent Franz Ferdinand cover of "Good Luck, Babe," it occurred to me that it totally sounds like a Pulp song. Not in a derivative way--in an excellent way. A bunch of the songs on the album would offer amazing cover opportunities. In fact, this goes both ways. Imagine Chappell covering "Pencil Skirt." Like, come on. Perfect. Few are the vocalists who can do dirty like Jarvis.

Holy moly, imagine if the two of them did a song together. I think I'd pass out. Seriously. My brain would briefly freeze and I'd fall right on over, like a bisexual Victorian woman stumbling into a dance club in pre-WWII Berlin. Couldn't compute. Too much. Too good. Too sexy. RIP.

[killianczuba]

It's 11:53am, and I have already run the dishwasher, started a load of laundry, and made an appointment with an allergist over the phone. Don't mind me; I'll just be over here, taking the rest of the day off because I rocked the morning so hard. 😎

[killianczuba]

My nightly dreams as of late are not unlike the deeply imagined horrors of Sid & Marty Krofft.

🧚‍♀️🪈🦸‍♀️🦸‍♀️🐙🎩 iyky unfortunately k

(But seriously, who gave the green light for Lidsville? Living hats. Hats that are alive. Big, living hats that have legs and a town and are hosting a trapped human child.)

[killianczuba]

Well, I think I have some cavities. My dentist is the only person I call intentionally who makes me feel like a failure. Which, oddly, says good things about my family. Sadly, that does not make the call any easier.

I hate getting upset right before bed. I didn't need this, mouth. I really did not need this.

(⁠╯⁠°⁠□⁠°⁠）⁠╯⁠︵⁠ ⁠┻⁠━⁠┻

[killianczuba]

Uh oh, we've got a real Grumpy Gus over here! *points at self*

[killianczuba]

I've had it installed for so long, it brings me so much joy, please don't take this from me

[killianczuba]

I'm moving to Chemult, or any of its immediate southern environs.

The train from LA to PDX meant that it got light around Mt. Shasta, and since then, it's been beautiful. But between Chiloquin and Chemult, the snow has been piling up in feet of fluff, and I want to give it little kisses.