#all of them are struggling with emotions they feel they’d be better off without

[daydreamerdrew]

Iron Man (1968) #8

[desos-records]

The part I appreciate the most in the Lockwood and Co show is how it handles depression and suicidal thoughts in teenagers. As a theme, it’s not often (ever) done well. Lockwood and Co is the only story I can think of that depicts it in a nuanced, realistic, non-romanticized way

but first, before I get into it: [if you’re in crisis or need someone to talk to and don’t want to/can’t use your national hotline, highly recommend Samaritans, genuinely saved my life] okay, let’s go

Lockwood is the most obvious, with his general disregard for his own life and admitted suicidal ideation. Lucy struggles with her self-worth and the intensity of the emotions she’s subjected to. George worries that he doesn’t belong, that there’s something useless or wrong about him. The show depicts these thoughts and feelings in a way that isn’t overblown or dramatized, it’s all but casual. Which is how it happens. Depression or suicidal thoughts don’t crash into you all at once, they creep into your life without you noticing

But more importantly (and again, something I’ve never seen anywhere else), the show also offers counterpoints to those thoughts and feelings. It shows that there is a way out, even though you may feel trapped and hopeless. This is crucial for the show’s target demographic. Bad media depictions of depression or suicide get internalized, contribute to the stigma, and make it harder for people to ask for help. This show doesn’t do that. This show tells its audience that, yes, things are scary and painful and it fucking sucks, but it’s not hopeless. And it says it so well

In the second episode, when Lucy wants to quit, she admits something that I’m almost certain she’s never told anyone

“sometimes I just think I’d be better off dead”

And when I watched this the first time, I expected Lockwood to react the way I’ve seen people react in my own life; with silence or panic or downright dismissal. But he didn’t. He stays calm and he says something that is so so important to hear when you’re struggling under the weight of feelings like this

“I understand that”

Saying this tells someone several things: that you’re on their side, they aren’t strange or monstrous for feeling like this, and that you’re not going to attack or abandon them because of it. And you can see the impact it has on Lucy, the way her face clears. She went from struggling to breathe and near tears to calm and steady. It’s no mistake that in this moment we hear his and Lucy’s theme for the first time (those simple, beautiful guitar strings)

The next thing he says is also important

“and it’s not true”

Simple, to the point, directly addressing her feelings, and (the most common mistake) doesn’t make it about him. Telling someone that you love them or that they’d be upset to lose you might sound nice, and it can be later on in the conversation, but in a moment like this, it’s infinitely more helpful to confront the thought itself

A similar moment in the first book stuck with me too, when they’re underneath Combe Carey Hall and Lucy almost steps into the well. What she’s hearing in her head (and the general phenomenon of malaise that ghosts produce) is very similar to depressive or suicidal thoughts. Before she can fall, Lockwood pulls her back

“no, Lucy, that’s not the way it’s going to be”

Depressive and suicidal thoughts deal in absolutes, so sometimes it takes an absolute to counter it

In the last episode, George has that heart-breaking moment where he says all the awful things he thinks about himself, partly because of the influence of the boneglass and Bickerstaff, but it’s also been building up, there in the background. Increasingly, it’s Lockwood and Lucy working together and George working on his own, which picks at old wounds (engineer, engineer, engineer, weirdo). He bonds with Joplin because he feels like she understands him in a way the others don’t

“it’s nice to have someone to show off to”

But Lucy pushes back against all that because she sees herself in all the ugly things George is saying, because she’s felt that way too. She understands that. She’s so surprised and horrified to hear him saying those things, resigning himself to dying down there, she’s not going to let him go on believing them

“you’re not a third wheel or an oddball or whatever it is that you think you are”

“you’re the best of us”

“we are not losing you, Georgie”

Flo called him that earlier too, but Lucy wasn’t there for that and coming unprompted from her it sounds so much like something you might call your slightly annoying younger brother. She’s so absolute about it all, with no opening for doubt, and you can see something like surprise on George’s face (but also pain because now Lucy’s in danger too)

For all Lucy knows, the boneglass will kill her. I don’t think for a second she genuinely believes her talent will protect her; she told Joplin that to protect George. It’s unclear when exactly she came up with the plan to use the skull, but she was willing to risk it anyway. And she knows, she knows, George will blame himself for this (because she would too, if it were the other way around), but even then, she’s very clear

“this isn’t your fault”

Their whole scene down in the catacombs is two kids trying to keep each other alive, physically obviously, but on the inside as well. And, oh god, George almost crashing down next to Lucy after he’s knocked over the boneglass, trying to wake her up. His voice

“Lucy, Lucy, it’s me, it’s me, say something, speak to me”

I think it’s down in those catacombs that George and Lucy really understand each other for the first time. In their own ways, they’re both curious and suspicious about the Problem and what causes it, trying to learn more about it (and stressing Lockwood out in the process). They both left their families; they both struggle with feeling strange and different than everyone around them. That connection pulls them both back from the edge

Lockwood, for all his confidence, is practically in crisis or was fairly recently (I suspect living with George helped). It’s fairly common, actually, for someone suicidal to overcompensate with an exterior shell to hide it, which can manifest in different ways depending on the person (they may not even realize they’re doing it, I didn’t)

And I love how the show handles it. He’s not made into this dark, tragic figure. He’s so full of life it hurts. He jokes around with George and Flo, fights with Kipps, admires Fairfax. He has dreams (plans) for the future. He’s struggling with trauma, they all are, but he’s not Broken™ in the way similar leading characters are often made out to be, in the way we often fear we are

And, of course, there’s Lucy, a wreaking ball through the precarious balance of Lockwood’s life. It’s not so much that she gives him a reason to live (although she definitely helps), but she holds him accountable in a way no one else does. This is the difficult part of recovery that no one talks about. Having people care for you (George) and sympathize with you (Flo) is great and necessary, especially early on. But at some point, you have to take responsibility for yourself and the noise in your head (you have to open your door on the landing)

What that looks like is complicated and messy and different for every person, but seeing it played out in a story is remarkable. I’ve never seen anything like it. This is a difficult thing for anyone to learn (many adults never even try)

That shot of George, Lucy, Lockwood (and Kipps) rising up on the catafalque sums it all up for me. Each of them fell into darkness alone and rose out of it together. They inspired each other to fight and win their individual battles, even when they couldn’t be there to help

[undeadcannibal]

Could you do headcannon of the Taskforce 141 boys having a civilian fem!spouse? I’m not a soldier so I am curious to see what they are like and how they meet said spouse. ❤️

Summary: Headcanons for how Price, Soap, Ghost, and Gaz meet their civilian SO

Genre: Headcanons, request(s) Characters featured: Price, Soap, Ghost, and Gaz!

Warnings: none!

A/N: Hopefully you enjoy these! I had fun coming up with different ways they’d meet ‘em. ( Gif credit: xxx )

Price―

He’d be in the middle of a discussion with some of his friends when one of them casually mentions the name of a dating app that’s supposedly hot right now.

At first, he doesn’t care. Reassures himself he’s too old and busy to waste his time with such a thing... until he has a rough night during his downtime. Loneliness weighing heavily on him to the point he finds himself downloading the damn app during a moment of weakness.

At first, he doesn’t use it much. His profile is simple: he’ll post a few photos of himself, vaguely mention what he does for a living, what he’s looking for. And that’s that for a few months. Whenever he had the time, he’d swipe through a couple profiles here and there, but nothing serious had ever come from it.

Until 6 months later, when he finds himself humoring that deep ache in his heart, browsing through profile after profile until he lands on yours.

He knows better than to be fooled by looks, but he’d also be a liar if he said that he wasn’t smitten with you the moment he’d laid eyes on your photo. With a swipe, he silently hopes that the two of you will match, and when you eventually do, he’s over the moon but plays it as cool as he possibly can.

When he takes you out after talking for a while, he properly wines and dines you, doesn’t even kiss you after the first date either. Instead, he’d taken your hand in his and kissed it before asking if he can take you out again.

It takes a few years, but when he proposes, he goes all out in every way possible but makes sure to keep it all private. He can’t stand public proposals.

Soap―

He was home for the holiday season when he’d met you in a super market. You’d looked as lost as ever when browsing the food, so he couldn’t help but ask if you were okay. You mentioned that you were shopping for a relative but weren’t local so you had no idea where to even begin.

He’d helped you grab everything you needed before he felt a rush of anxiety hit him like a train. He’ll never understand what drove him to feel as if he couldn’t let you go without at least asking for your number, but he was thankful for it for the rest of his life.

You’d talk to one another over the phone throughout your entire stay and long afterwards too... By the time the holidays are rolling around again, the two of you had been long-distance for quite sometime, but it’d be the first time seeing you in person after so long. After spending the holiday together between both of your homes, Johnny can’t help but want to keep you in his life for as long as you’ll allow it.

2 years down the line, the two of you are visiting his family again when he decided to propose to you, and when you accepted, best believe both him and his family were excited and quick to initiate a group hug in celebration.

Ghost―

When Simon is off duty, he doesn’t know what to do with himself. He struggles with finding things to keep himself occupied while he’s home. Stress and other emotions make even the simplest of tasks difficult for him. So, over time, he’d developed a habit of heading down to a local park to try and relax. Sometimes he’d take a book, other times he simply sat at a bench and allowed himself to get lost in his own mind. Mostly, he’d sit in silence and just enjoy watching the world pass him by.

One day when he’s walking over to his usual bench, he sees you there with a book in one hand and a drink in another. Captivated by the words on the page to the point that you don’t even notice him when he sits down on the opposite end of it, not saying a word or even glancing at you afterward. Instead, he simply watches you out of his peripheral vision. Wondering what you’re reading that has you so engaged.

He didn’t speak to you then. Instead, he’d allowed it to happen a few more times until you finally broke the silence between you two. Glancing up at him from behind your book with a shy smile as you introduced yourself to him. Behind a dark disposable mask, Ghost’s lips quirk upwards into the smallest of grins, thankful that you’d taken initiative. After you greet him, you do your best to make the occasional small-talk before you’ve to leave.

The same thing happens a few more times before he finds himself purchasing a burner phone just so he can give you a number to reach him at.

From there, the two of you would get to know one another better, sharing park dates together before you began to suggest other types of dates. Next thing Simon knew, the two of you were officially together and he was absolutely mad about you, thinking about you every second of his days. Despite the fact, he’s a complicated man with a lot of baggage, so he takes his time with your relationship.

4 years later, he’s the one to beat you to the punch and proposing to you in the very same park you met at after he takes you on a picnic.

Gaz―

IMO, Gaz seems like the type to frequent a coffee shop/cafe he enjoys to the point he’s basically a regular. Has his own favorite table, order, and everything. That is, until one day he arrives a bit later than usual and he sees you sitting there.

Normally, he would have just let you have the table but before he could even turn away to find another one, you were asking him if everything was alright. He couldn’t find it in himself to say yes and turn away. Instead, he somehow manages to not only ask if you two can share the table, but give you a dazzling smile after he does so as well. Taking special notice in how you had blushed afterward.

He wouldn’t ask you out right away. Instead, he’d build up to it. Gives you his number that first day so you two can get to know one another better while he’s off duty. He has to head back for another mission soon, but rest assured whenever he has any time off and it’s safe to do so, he’s spending all of his free time messaging and calling you. Getting to know you better.

Eventually, after the two of you have spent a few unofficial coffee dates together, he works up the courage to ask you out on a proper date. He’s upfront - but vague - about what he does and how it can affect his free time, but thankfully, you never cared. Instead, you’re just happy he finally asked you out after months of beating around the bush.

After your first date together, it’s all downhill from there. He’d fallen head-over-heels for you to the point even his fellow Task Force members noticed and teased him about it. Even more so after he’d gush about how he swears “you’re the one”

Little did they know by the end of the next year, the two of you would be engaged~

[lieslab]

Nothing new

꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎ ꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎

Pairing: Minho X gn reader

Summary: Minho finds you on the porch when the hurt from the issues your father gave you tends to bubble up and fizz over.

Genre: Comfort/hurt

Word Count: 1.3K

Trigger warning: Daddy issues, grief, depression, anxiety, mentions of physical violence and emotional abuse.

A/N: I forgot that I wrote a daddy issue post like a week or two ago because I have the memory of a goldfish. I haven't done a Minho drabble in a while and honestly, this was one hundred percent completely self-indulgent and I cannot lie about it. I was spiraling and this was what conjured up in the middle of my grief. I'm so sorry if you can relate, we deserve better <3

_ _ _

"Why are you hanging out here alone?” Minho plopped down beside you on the back wooden porch. 

You couldn’t remember how long you had been here. Maybe it was mere minutes or maybe it was more like hours. Time seemed to blend together out here and you let it. 

The sun was starting to set. It painted the sky with roaring reds and bright oranges. Streaks of clouds were beginning to fade further and further away into the distance. Soon the sun would set and the moon would begin to climb the darkened skies. 

“I’ve been calling your name for a while. I thought you were in our bedroom, but you didn’t respond. I even thought you were showering until I found the bathroom empty. I was starting to think you had been kidnapped or something.” 

You shrugged, “I’m just here.” 

“So what are you thinking about?” 

“Noth-” 

“Bullshit. You don’t turn into a recluse unless you’re truly struggling with something. You know that I’m not going to judge you, so what are you really thinking about?” 

“Everything all at once.” 

“Anything specific?” 

“Family.” 

His face softened at the mention of your family. Life with your family has been chaotic. He knew the stories, you always told him about them. More specifically, he knew the issues that you had with your father. 

“Daddy issues again?” 

“Or perhaps my brain is the issue.” You shifted and leaned back. Your legs hung down the descending stairs, but your upper half clung to the deck. “I just…I just wish I could stop making it a big deal. I wish things didn’t affect me so much. I wish actions and words would run off me like water instead of sticking.” 

“It’s not wrong to mourn the things you missed out on. I understand that it must be hard to deal with the cards life gave you. Everyone has struggles and yours just happens to be your father.” 

“You’d think it’d stop once you grow up.” 

He paused for a moment and his eyes went out to the backyard. Off in the distance, the shared vegetable garden bloomed. Bright grown plants flourished in every direction. Two white cabbage butterflies chased each other around and around. Soon they’d land on an outer cabbage leaf and begin to munch away without a care in the world. 

“I think realizing it when you get older makes it worse. You become aware of the injustice and hurt which causes a cognitive disconnect. It makes it cut that much deeper. You don’t have to feel bad for feeling something so natural.” 

“You know what the worst part is?” You finally got out. The sting of tears began to collect in the corners of your eyes. “He’s not even a good man. We’re talking about one of the worst people out there and yet I still feel myself chasing after him.” 

“The kind of person who picks strangers over his own children. The type who spends money on stupid things instead of the youngest child’s needs. The kind of person who has no issue yelling and screaming in someone’s face. The kind that lets their anger control them and make all the decisions.” 

“But yet…I keep chasing. I keep hoping and praying. I’ve started to talk to God,” a tearful snort fell from your mouth. “I don’t even know if I believe in him, but I’ve talked to him. I keep asking for a better father, but all I hear is silence.” 

“They say you should stay in contact with your parents because they’re your parents, but what if a parent is making you so stressed and upset, your hair falls out? What if it leads to sobbing and emotional distress? What if it leads to screaming and fighting? What if trying to love my father is what kills me?” 

Minho’s heart broke apart at your words. He knew it was bad and it had been for a while, but he didn’t know it was this bad. His hand instinctively reached out for yours. The warmth of his palm connected with yours and curled around your fingers. 

“And you know what the worst part is?” 

“Hmm?” 

“If I leave him, that’s it. He won’t change and try to become a better person. He won’t think about his actions and go out of his way to change. He’ll just point the finger and belittle me. Run my name through the mud to every family member. He’ll belittle me, turn me into an outsider, pull the curtain over everyone’s eyes again. He’ll always be the good father in his eyes and I’ll just become another asshole that did him wrong. Just like the hundreds of other people that he once upon a time knew.” 

Narcissism was deadly for some. Too much of an ego and too much self-imposed-importance left people craving attention. No matter whose character they had to rip apart, they’d do it. Whether that meant belittling them to everyone they knew, screaming at them, or even assaulting them. 

Me. Me. Me. Me. Me. Me. Me. 

All the attention had to be swallowed by them. Like some sort of powerful sun, the rays never knew how brightly they burned. Any ounce of criticism was a pot of boiling hot water. 

The huffs and puffs. The finger in your face. The yelling and screaming as spit flew everywhere. The broadening rage that seemed to fill the room without a single sound. The angry marching from them as you tiptoed along on eggshells. Just when you let out a breath, they snapped and lashed out. 

You didn’t have time to react before you became a victim of another episode. Another rage fest where things went flying. When the refrigerator door slammed shut so hard that the shelves full of condiments shook. The way that cupboards were dented from the force of wood slamming against wood. 

Your dad would always be your dad, but he’d never be a good father. You could cry and cry and cry. You could cry enough tears to create an ocean, but it’d never be enough to wash the hate out of your father. That realization caused your heart to break apart. 

Your biological father would never love you, at least, not the way you loved him. Your chasing was starting to slow down. You could spend a few more years chasing his love and begging on your knees for it, but when was the last time your father said he loved you? 

When was the last time you were your father’s child? When was the last time that your father seemed to give a shit about you? Did he know your favorite color? Did he know the songs that caused your heart to boom with adrenaline? 

Better yet, did he know something as simple as your birthday? Does he know or does he laugh as he asks you because it’s not such a big deal to him? So when he hands you a card from the dollar store with his name, does it feel just as worthless as his love for you? 

“Is it wrong to want to be loved?” 

“Never. It’s never wrong to be loved and I’m sorry you don’t have that kind of love. If you want me to, I’ll share my father with you.” 

“I haven’t even met your father.” 

“Oh, I was talking about Bang Chan.”

“Minho!” You leaned over to lightly slap his shoulder. Before you could reach it, he jerked out of reach. His hand grabbed your wrist and he jerked you closer. 

“Hey!” 

Your annoyance instantly dissolved the moment his lips met yours. Your body relaxed and you began to kiss him back. At this moment, none of your father’s lack of love mattered. Right now, you had this and what a fool you’d be to ever give it up.

| ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ |

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[cheynovak]

Sheriff's bargain - Part 4

Beau Arlen x Y/N female reader

Summary:  Y/N, a seasoned con artist, is arrested after returning to Montana, where her past comes back to haunt her in the form of Sheriff Beau Arlen—the man she abandoned five years ago. Facing charges linked to a drug lord, she’s offered a deal to work as an informant. Torn between her criminal life and lingering feelings for Beau, Y/N must decide whether to help him bring down the crime ring or continue running from her past.

Warnings: Abduction, beating, blood, abuse,...

English isn't my first language

Please do not copy my work. Like/Share/Comments are welcome

Seeing Emily standing there, her eyes filled with confusion and a hint of hurt, left me completely stunned. I froze, my heart racing as I tried to figure out what to say, but nothing came out. Instead, I excused myself quietly, mumbling something about needing to get dressed. It was better to let Beau handle this with her. She was his daughter, and I had no place in this conversation.

I slipped past them and made my way back upstairs, the tension thick in the air. As I quickly changed out of his shirt and into my own clothes, I could hear their voices from downstairs, though I couldn’t make out every word. Emily was upset, her tone sharp, and I could hear the confusion in her voice as she demanded to know what was going on. Beau’s voice, though quieter, was firm as he explained the situation, but the words that stung the most came when he said, “She’s no one, Emily.”

No one.

"I though you still loved mom?"

"I did, I mean, I still do."

"Then why risk losing her."

"Em, your mom chose to leave me remember. This was just..."

"I know what this was dad, I just thought you weren't like those men."

“Like I said, she needs safety, one thing lead to another, but she won't come in between us, Emily. We are a family."

The words hit me like a punch to the gut, knocking the breath out of me. I had expected him to downplay things, to protect his daughter from the mess I’d dragged into his life, but hearing him dismiss me so easily—like I didn’t matter at all—hurt more than I wanted to admit.

I finished getting dressed and, without thinking, slipped out of the house for a walk. I needed air, space to clear my head. The streets were quiet, the early morning sun casting long shadows as I wandered through the neighborhood. My mind raced with everything that had just happened.

I had always known this would be complicated, that getting involved with Beau again would only make things messier, but hearing him tell his daughter I was no one brought back a painful reminder of the truth.

I wasn’t supposed to be a part of his life. I was a complication, a mistake from the past, and now I had gotten too close.

As I walked through the quiet streets, trying to clear my head from the whirlwind of emotions, I noticed something unsettling—a black van driving slowly behind me. At first, I thought it might be a coincidence, but the more I walked, the more certain I became that I was being followed.

My heart started to race. I picked up my pace, glancing over my shoulder, hoping they’d lose interest. But the van kept its steady crawl, staying right behind me. Panic surged through me, and I broke into a run.

The van’s engine roared as it sped up to match my pace. I frantically pulled out my phone, trying to call Beau. My hands trembled as I dialed his number, but the call went straight to voicemail. Cursing under my breath, I kept calling, hoping he’d pick up, but with each unanswered ring, my fear deepened.

I rounded a corner, thinking I could lose them, but the van swerved, cutting me off. Tires screeched as it blocked the path ahead of me. I turned to run back the way I came, but two men jumped out, grabbing me with brute force before I could take another step. I fought hard, kicking and struggling against their grip, but they were too strong, their hands clamped down like iron shackles.

Before I could scream, a sleek, black Mercedes-Benz pulled up beside us, its dark windows gleaming under the morning sun. My breath hitched in my throat. I knew exactly who it was before the car even stopped.

King.

The car door opened, and from the back seat stepped King himself, dressed in an expensive black suit, his eyes cold and calculating as he looked me over like I was nothing more than property.

“Hello, sweetheart,” he said, his voice smooth but laced with danger. “Did you really think you could hide forever?”

Fear clutched my chest as I realized how serious this was. Beau wasn’t picking up, and now I was face-to-face with the man I had spent years trying to avoid.

My phone lay forgotten on the street as the van sped off, taking me deeper into the clutches of King and his men. My heart pounded in my chest, a sinking feeling growing with each passing second. They didn’t just catch me—they had been watching for a while.

When we arrived at one of King’s warehouses, I was dragged out of the van and into the cold, dimly lit space. The air smelled of oil and rust, and the sound of metal clanging echoed in the distance. I was shoved into a chair, my wrists and ankles bound tightly with thick ropes that bit into my skin, sending sharp waves of pain through my body. The handlers stood close, their cold eyes fixed on me, waiting.

King's voice echoed in the room as he approached, smooth and calm, the kind of calm that terrified me. “Let’s make this easy, sweetheart.”

The interrogation started, and I tried to play it cool, tried to lie my way out of it like I’d done a hundred times before. They asked me how long I’d been working for the police, how deep I was involved, and I swore I wasn’t. I spun a tale, saying I was still just the same con artist they had known. But King’s men were smarter than that.

One of them smirked, shaking his head.

They leaned in closer, a sick gleam in their eyes as they explained how they had followed me, how they had staged the break-in at the safehouse just to see how quickly the sheriff would rush to my side.

Then on of them pulled out the photos.

My blood ran cold as they tossed picture after picture on the floor in front of me—shots of Beau and me at the bar, the tension between us obvious. Another of us in his car, that moment when I poured my heart out and admitted the truth about why I dated him. And the last one—the one that made my stomach twist—was from last night.

It was grainy but unmistakable, a photo of Beau and me standing in front of the kitchen window. We were locked in a kiss, his hands on my waist, mine in his hair. Another where he pulled my shirt over my head.

I felt sick. They had been watching us. They had seen everything.

“You think you can run with the law and get away with it?” King’s voice was dangerously low, his eyes narrowing as he stepped closer. “I don’t care about the lies you’ve told him to get him in your bed. I care about what you’re feeding them, about us.”

My mouth went dry as I stared at the photos, my mind racing. They knew about Beau, about the sheriff's department working with me. They weren’t guessing anymore—they had proof, and now my life, Beau’s life, was hanging by a thread.

For days, I held my tongue, enduring their brutal attempts to break me. My body ached, every inch bruised, my lip split and swollen, and my eye black and nearly swollen shut. Blood dripped from my mouth as I spat on the cold concrete floor, my throat dry and raw. I knew if I cracked, they’d destroy not only me but everyone connected to me—especially Beau.

King paced in front of me, his polished shoes clicking against the floor, his sharp eyes assessing me like I was nothing but a broken toy. "Fine," he finally said, his voice low and menacing. "If you won't tell me what you've shared with the cops, maybe I need to send a message to your sheriff boyfriend. Let him know we're serious."

My heart stopped, and despite the pain, my eyes widened. My mind raced, terror gripping me. No—Beau wasn’t part of this. He couldn’t be dragged into this nightmare. But King, seeing the sudden fear on my face, just smiled, cold and calculating, before turning on his heel and walking out of the room.

I was left alone in the darkness again, my wrists and ankles raw from the rope digging into my skin. But the pain was nothing compared to the fear twisting inside me. King wasn’t bluffing. He had been watching Beau, tracking us both, and now he was going to use him to make me talk.

I felt helpless, trapped in that suffocating dark, and for the first time in years, I felt true fear for someone else. Beau had no idea the danger that was coming for him, and I was powerless to stop it. Tears of frustration stung my eyes as I pulled weakly against the restraints, my body too battered to fight back any longer.

I had no choice now. I had to protect Beau, no matter what.

--

Beau’s POV:

It had been days. Days of waiting, hoping, pacing around the station like a caged animal. But Y/N hadn’t returned, not a single word from her. Everyone at the station thought I was overreacting, that she was just playing another one of her games. A con artist, a thief—they didn’t believe she could be in real danger. I’d heard it more times than I could count.

“She’s not reliable, Beau. This is what she does,” they'd say, dismissing my concern like I was the fool for caring.

But I knew better. This wasn’t her just disappearing because she felt like it. Something was wrong, and no one believed me. The frustration burned in my chest as I slammed the door of my truck and drove home in silence. My hands tightened on the steering wheel, my mind replaying every moment over the past few days, searching for something I might’ve missed.

When I got home, Emily was sitting in the living room, going through the mail, a sadness in her eyes that tugged at my heart. She looked up at me as I stepped inside.

“Bad day?” she asked, her voice soft, almost hopeful.

I shook my head, exhaling a long sigh. “Yeah.”

I walked to the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of water and leaning against the counter, the weight of it all pressing down on me. My eyes flicked to the corner of the room, where her phone lay on the table—broken, scuffed, the screen shattered. I had found it days ago, abandoned in the street. It was the only sign of her, the only thing I had left of her since she disappeared. And it wasn’t enough.

Emily stayed quiet, sensing my frustration. She knew something was wrong, but I didn’t have the heart to drag her into the mess. I didn’t even know where to begin. All I knew was that Y/N wouldn’t just leave me. Not this time. Not after everything we had been through.

I couldn’t believe that she’d walk away like she had before. Not after we’d gotten so close. Not after we shared… everything. I stared at the bottle in my hand, feeling my pulse throb in my temples. Something was off, and it gnawed at me like a slow burn. I had been in law enforcement long enough to know when something wasn’t right.

But no one wanted to hear it. Not the department. Not my colleagues. And it left me standing alone, a pit of dread growing deeper with every passing hour.

I turned, my eyes landing on her phone again, and clenched my fists.

Where the hell are you, Y/N?

“Dad?” Emily’s voice trembled, and I immediately knew something was wrong. Her wide eyes were locked on the envelope in her hands, and my heart sank. It was drenched in blood, the dark red staining her fingers. She stood frozen in the doorway, fear etched into every inch of her face.

I moved quickly, taking the envelope from her with shaky hands. My pulse thundered in my ears as I tore it open, dread clawing its way up my throat. The first thing I saw were pictures—pictures of me and Y/N. Us at the bar, sitting in my truck, that moment in the kitchen when we kissed.

My stomach twisted.

Then the next set of photos slipped into my hand—photos of Y/N, her face swollen and bloody. Her eye was nearly shut from the bruising, her lip busted wide open. There were rope marks on her wrists and ankles, and the vacant, defeated look in her eyes told me she had been tortured. They’d hurt her. And they’d made sure I knew it.

I stared at the pictures, my heart pounding in my chest, a fury building inside me like nothing I’d felt before. They had her. The people I’d been chasing—the ones she had been trying to protect me from—they had her, and they were using her to send a message.

Emily’s voice wavered. “What… what does it mean?”

I couldn’t hide the anger, the fear. “It means they’ve got Y/N.”

Emily gasped, her hand covering her mouth as tears welled up in her eyes. She had known something was wrong, but this—this was worse than either of us had imagined.

I clenched my fists, crumpling the photos slightly as I tried to keep my composure. “Emily, I need you to grab a bag, you're going back to your mom until this is over.”

She shook her head, panic rising in her voice. “But Dad, you can’t—”

“I have to.” My voice was firm, but inside, I was barely holding it together. “They took her, and they’re trying to get to me. I won’t let them hurt her any more than they already have.”

I didn’t wait for her reply. My mind was already racing, running through every connection, every lead. I had to find Y/N. I couldn’t waste any more time.

I grabbed my phone and dialed the department, barely keeping the fury from boiling over as I made arrangements. Emily needed to be safe. I wasn’t going to let these bastards drag her into this any more than they already had.

“I need a security transport for my daughter,” I barked into the phone, pacing the kitchen as I glanced over at Emily, her face pale and full of worry. “Two teams, one to stay with her and another to escort her to her mother’s place. I don’t care what it takes—make it happen.”

There was no room for argument, no hesitation. My little girl wasn’t getting caught up in this nightmare. Once I knew Emily was safe, I could focus on Y/N without the constant dread gnawing at me. My hands tightened into fists at the thought of what they were doing to her while I stood here, wasting time.

After Emily was packed and escorted out of the house with the team, I sped toward the station, the envelope of bloody pictures still on the passenger seat next to me. My blood was boiling. The blood on the envelope had turned out to be pig’s blood—a sick, twisted message to play with my head. It made me feel even more helpless, like they were taunting me, daring me to make a move while they held Y/N captive.

I stormed into the station, every muscle in my body coiled tight with frustration. I had been telling everyone for days that something wasn’t right, that Y/N wouldn’t just disappear, and they’d all brushed me off. Now I had undeniable proof, and it was too damn late.

“Sheriff Arlen,” one of the deputies said, approaching me hesitantly as I walked in the meeting room, my expression no doubt fierce.

I slammed the bloodstained photos down on the desk in front of him, my jaw clenched tight. “They’ve got her,” I spat, my voice low and dangerous trowing the pictures of her bloody face on the table. “And you all ignored me when I told you.”

The room went quiet as a few officers exchanged glances, their expressions shifting from skepticism to guilt. I could see it sinking in now, the reality of what was happening. Y/N wasn’t some flight risk who’d skipped town. She was in real danger, and they had wasted precious time.

“I want every available unit on this,” I said through gritted teeth. “We’re finding her, and we’re bringing her back!”

--

Taglist:

@kr804573 @nancymcl @suckitands33 @mostlymarvelgirl @globetrotter28 @jackles010378 @hobby27 @winchesterwild78 @deans-baby-momma @soab1967 @livingdeadblondequeen @ladysparkles78 @whimsyfinny @kamisobsessed @jays-bonnie-on-the-side @ferrersbiggestfan @spxideyver @kamisobsessed @deans-queen @yvonneeeee @libby99hb

[darylscigarettesmoke]

Notes on 2x06 (and two rants)

- Laurents guitar is horribly out of tune but the scene was cutie patootie but I still got the ick. It would’ve been better if they’d just let Louis sing the song alone (like originally intended)

- Laurent is gonna be Ash’s new son. It makes the utmost sense to me. He leaves without a son and falls for Carol’s lie and comes back with a son to look after, it’s the perfect conclusion to Ash’s arc. (I have a blog post of that on here). “I don’t think he likes me” foreshadowing “You came here to save a kid, you still can” foreshadowing. The way Ash and Laurent are in the plane together? They way Ash explains to Laurent how the plane works, leaving them to joke around in the cockpit? Foreshadowing. Daryl literally says “they’re good together.” Daryl’s probably never gonna be Laurent’s “Dad” in my opinion. Now this could mean two problematic things: 1) Daryl’s entire arc in season 1 and 2 of his own spin-off comes without a reward, a resolution, a reason. If I’m right and Ash bonds deeply with Laurent while Daryl’s away, everything the viewer and Daryl had to go through don’t mean crap anymore. The entire french arc, the kiss, the controversy that the season is for many fans would be for nothing. Or 2) they spin it like Laurent’s the only reason Daryl has now to even go back to America. Because apparently he didn’t have enough before Laurent took of to the Commonwealth. Right? RIGHT? It’s not like he had people there who dearly miss him. Kind of insulting if you ask me. No big hopes on that front for season 3.

- the biggest ick I still have is that Laurent is written like the all knowing, deep emotionally matured messiah, bro is 14 ?? why do they make him talk like that

- the season doesn’t have enough gore. It lacks the TWD-feeling. Everything looks so clean and polished.

- CROSSBOW RETURN AY HE FINALLY LOOKS LIKE DARYL AGAIN

- Carol crossed an ocean for Daryl just so for him to want and send her straight back home while he offers to stay behind okay Daryl. Carol, Ash and Laurent would make a cute family

- On the bright side is Daryl’s sadness, so to speak. He sees how the entire life he started to want for himself is getting ripped away from under his fingers. Looking at the entire plot like this, it makes actually sense, the way he behaved. He figured his happy ending consists of a stereotypical family, a wife/girlfriend and a son. In my opinion, he was more in love with the idea of that, settling down, than necessarily the people (a recent interview with Norman Reedus confirms the suspicion). But I think, because he realized that this might be something he needs/wants, is the next person he gets involved with purely out of convenience? Or does he accept that having a family of his own might not be in the cards for him? It’s okay, baby boy. Maybe that life just isn’t for you.

- so cool to see the fricking euro tunnel as an european

- daryl sees gasmasks and walks into the tunnel like what’s the worst that could happen right? Meanwhile Carol strolls off to find pennywise i mean sophia

- horror effekts look so cool in this ep. The glowing walkers really are the shit.

- daryl “chokehold’s illegal” dixon is back

- Carol is more alone than ever in this season and it breaks my heart

- Daryl having a vision of Isabelle will never not be icky why is she leaning over him like that get off of him?

- Zabel cutting the “if you see Glenn, Beth and Merle, tell them I did my best”-scene from the leaked script was the biggest mistake of the entire season. That scene was so important for who Daryl is as a person, struggling with survivor’s guilt and trauma, and good old Zabel reduced the scene to a stereotypical “dead gf gives male hero hope to keep going” with no emotional resolution or development for Daryl’s character. Zabel really is one of the worst showrunners I’ve seen (for a story like Daryl’s, I haven’t seen anything else from him) who absolutely lacks the comprehension of his main characters and what is important for their development to sell a love story that was doomed from the start and doesn’t even bother to try and dive into what makes his character drive and how they’re wired. Sorry if I ever spoke badly about Benioff and Weiss for the last Game of Thrones seasons because Zabel really takes the cake.

- “where is codron?” “He ran off” and that is a wrap on the french cast, bye fuckers

- “you can’t always get what you want” Daryl didn’t get what he wanted - to get home quick. But he got what he needed, - a means to endure his time abroad, something to care for, something to fight for. Just like the Rolling Stone song says. Now it’s time for the next adventure.

WELL THAT’s a wRAP ❤️

That being said, Norman acted beautifully with what he was given and even though I heavily criticized the season I’ll never get tired of seeing him as Daryl. The guy owns my heart.

[rnn11203]

How much do you think Demetrius/robin tried with Sebastian? I kinda see all the parents of stardew to be well meaning in a sense that i think they do truly love their children but they get swept up and do wrong due to their circumstances, resentment, and insecurity.

I think Pam loves Penny, but her addiction, raising penny on her own, losing her job… yk? All that pain turned into more pain, i think Pam knows penny has done far too much for her, but is too ashamed to fully realize it, so to cope she internalizes it and blames penny all over. Obsesses over her own sacrifices and her own pain and ends up neglecting her.

I think Jodi loves Sam and Vincent, but she also feels resentful, lamenting about a life not lived, she married young and now worries about a husband who is different from when he left. She’s afraid that Sam’s turned lazy, but also didnt want to repeat the wasted youth she missed out on too, she bottles her emotions and it creates anxiety for Sam specifically. Kent too, its interesting that Sam feels indifferent to his fathers return isnt it? All that lost time, strangers now, Sam had grown fine without him and perhaps this creates guilt for both of them.

I think Pierre and Caroline love Abigail, honestly, i dont think the “rumors” bother Pierre THAT much, i think sometimes he feels it, maybe after a particularly rough fight with either of his family members but i think he truly loves her, he’s her dad after all no matter who her father is. Caroline too, i think it’s just this unspoken thing for them, let the town gossip, they love their daughter. I dont think they understand her very well tho, and yk, she doesnt think they do either. Its one of those things where the more you try to understand, the less you hear. Abigails relationship with her parents reads more cliche teenager to me though, i headcanon that their relationships settle as she ages. I think Abigail would move out of the valley and travel frequently but i think shed make trips back to her family often. Mostly for holidays. I think Caroline specifically would still feel anxious and wish she didnt travel as much, but i think her and Pierre’s relationship gets better in the future too. (It’s funny, Pierre is one of the least popular characters but i actually really like him).

Which brings me to Sebastian, Robin, and Demetrius. Again with an unpopular opinion, when i first played, i really liked Demetrius. Although i did feel that robins side of the arguements were more “correct”.

I headcanon Sebastian’s age to be around 22-23~ while Maru’s is 18-19~. I also headcanon that Sebastians father simply just left while Seb was around 3~. Im curious to how others think him and robin met, im unsure if its ever mentioned in game but honestly i think they met due to work. Demetrius has stated that he studies the local flora and fauna and Robin is a carpenter, i imagine she has a lot of knowledge about pelican towns native plants and animals. I think they were smitten, i can see robin liking Demetrius more nerdy/dorky behavior and robins stern, playful, spitfire personality has captured the hearts of many players after all.

Sebastian comes off as a Velcro kid to me, i think he’d be a huge mamas boy and feel almost threatened by Demetrius. I think robin and Demetrius would marry quickly, and honestly i think Maru was a planned pregnancy, I think robin wanted to give Sebastian a sibling so he’d be less lonely, and i think they’d figure that bonding would happen easier if they were closer in age. I see this being very upsetting to Sebastian, i think he’d see his father once in a while but when hes around 12-13 it’s just.. silence.

Honestly, i think Demetrius would try really hard to bond with Sebastian. But once Maru came along both him and robin were just.. busy. I think Demetrius would unfortunately think “wow this is my first child!” And it alienated Sebastian. I think Sebastian feels abandoned. Replaced. Unwelcome. Which is why he struggles with opening up to others and prefers being alone.

Unfortunately i think robin and Demetrius would just think Sebastian was a more difficult child and that Maru was an easier baby. I think this would embarrass Sebastian and shame him, i dont think they ever meant anything by it but i do think Sebastian was a fussy child who wanted to be soothed. But after their comments, he’d isolate himself so that he too, would be an “easier” child for them. As Sebastian ages i think robin would feel she didnt do enough for him, i think she worries about him often but almost feels like it’s “too late”. I think eventually Sebastian would come to resent and feel mistreated by all his parents and as his behavior worsened, he’d get compared to Maru even more, furthering the resentment and pain he feels. I do think he’d be a meaner older brother though, causing Demetrius to be more protective over Maru causing stronger feelings of “you’re not my dad!” And etc…. Can you tell im sleepy yet?

TLDR: i think they would try their best but ultimately end up sidelining him, causing him to act out more until he just didnt care anymore.

[hocuspocusbabyy]

Low key sat here crying at the thought of the anxious and or neurodivergent fxf pairing. ‘GENERAL’ Example ADHD gf with her Autism presenting gf.

Three couples example bellow:

Casey Novak & Alex Cabot:

Both struggle with balancing their work to home ratio. Not with each other, they are very understanding. Rather with themselves. Alex will take on more and more tasks, believing nobody will do it right and will save her time in the long run… till she burns out. Manifesting mostly as overstimulation, isolating herself as a result. Very minimal contact, she will bite your head off. Her skin feels like it’s crawling. Yet she cannot stand the idea of being left alone.

Casey on the other hand, can’t say no to anyone - need a favour? She already done it. She often forgets to do things for herself, including getting behind in paperwork leading to many long nights trying to catch up. Eventually the nervous energy gets the better of her and she has to do something. She can get manic with it, a good mix of stress and sleep deprivation. Casey will push herself past it till bordering on tears.

Casey started going to the batting cages again when it all gets too much. It was nice for her to just get some fruition out rather than training for a game, maintaining her body scholarship as she did in college. Alex took to joining her, seeking the redhead out whenever the anxiety had got the better of them both… after the inevitable argument when Casey storms out. A familiar car pulling into the grounds as she swings, the blonde slowly sinking into the bleachers - far enough that the cracking sound of the bat and hall didn’t offend her. She’d sit and read.

They’d take turns checking upon one another just a simple glance in each direction. Till Casey couldn’t possibly hit another, Alex having finished her chapter, working their way across the pitch. Gingerly reaching for the others hand. No apologies given, as they both understood one another’s side of things, simply smiling and driving home together.

Eloise Bridgerton & Cressida Cowper:

Eloise uses her writing as an outlet for emotion. When the world gets a little too much. After she’s turned away from a conversation and found she’d hardly gotten herself across at all. Eloise often struggled with expressing herself without coming across as abrasive. Many people shy away from her personality, her brazen. It often stuck to her, how life would have been so much easier if she had been more like her sisters. Her main standing was being a writer, yet people did not take to kindly to writers block.

Cressida’s is more frustration with articulating her mind, she noticed more as she got older. How passive people could be of her when a particular topic of interest ran away with her, only to look up and see nobody listening any longer. Or the assumption people made that she was lesser in intelligence just because it took her a moment to catch on. Rather her attention has been grasped counting the buttons of everyone’s shirts.

They can both cope with it, most of the time but often at the coming ends of seasons when countless balls and dinners are done everything crammed into one and the anxiety gets the best of them. Cressida delves into her sewing, perfecting the next round of presentations. Cressida liked to he prepared as a coping mechanism. Eloise on the other hand will bury herself in books, pulling extracts and taking apart words till her own can form upon the page.

They develop a pattern of hardly seeing each other; until one night when Eloise walks into her study to get some writing done she finds Cressida’s always sat in the Sewing. Neither taking any notice of the other as they work till eventually the blonde sighs loudly, the other woman looking up with a frown.

“It’s awfully quiet in here.” The blonde states passively still working on her sewing. Smirking lightly as the brunette simply clears her throat and starts reading out loud. Eventually the blonde will grow tired of sewing, swanning over to sit upon her lovers lap. Eloise allowing her gladly, they’d simply sit together till the early hours reading from the same page. Eloise never changes the page till Cressida is ready.

Wanda Maximoff & Natasha Romanoff:

Wanda has always struggled with being around crowds or new people. She knew who she liked and forming new relationships was something she’d always struggled with. A lot of people were either impossibly dull or didn’t stick around long enough to get to know her. It took her a while to open up. So weeks of conferences for the Avengers at Tony’s and the PR teams assistance; she really couldn’t stand the idea of people around anyone right now. It translates to anger. Practically chasing Sam from the kitchen when he offer to help.

Natasha was used to people relying on her, ever since she was a child. However sometimes the weight of it all gets a little too much. When there’s a particularly bad accident or job for the Avengers so many life’s on the line and responsibility. Nat going back into that black widow shell a little more.

Nat would come home after a long day dreading having to speak with everyone at the compound yet will be met by an empty floor. Wanda borderline angrily tossing items into dishes on the stove, her body in full culinary focus. The blonde would simply place the ingredients Wanda had text for on the counter, kissing the side of her head in passing and walking towards the couch. Opening a beer before watching reruns of spy old movies.

The food would be ready eventually a movie or two in, undisputed as her girlfriend had threatened anyone from coming close to her. Suddenly a bowl would appear in front of her, the redhead simply handing it over before sitting beside her. The blondes arm rising to pull them closer together and Wanda reaching to turn up the tv volume.

[icallhimjoey]

To Have And To Scold

♥ ♥  Joseph Quinn x Fem!Reader

Summary: Your best friends are getting married, and who else can they ask to be their best man and maid of honour but you and Joe? It’s just that… you don’t really get along all that well, do you? At least, that’s what you think.

CW / disclaimer: sort of enemies to sort of lovers (very vague, im sorry, but you’ll see), slow burn, language, drinking, rpf, fem!reader

Author’s note: here’s part 5, may all your questions be answered before we carry on with wedding-themed shit!

Wordcount: 3.3K

part one - part two - part three - part four - part five - part six - part seven - part eight - part nine - part ten - epilogue

It was a thing of self-deprivation.

To protect himself. His friendship with Poppy. You.

Deep breaths. Inhale, hold, exhale. Eyes closed. In through his nose, out through his mouth. Deep breaths always helped.

Distance helped too, in all senses of the word. Stay away. Always a couple of feet in between the two of you. He couldn’t let you get to know each other better – not that he hadn’t learnt too much already. Mark and Poppy never fucking shut up about you.

He just couldn’t let you get close, just… he needed distance. Distance kept it safe, so he’d keep you at an arms-length, always.

It was already all too fucked up.

When you looked at him, it was like a gun went off inside of him. Hardly able to move, or even breathe, you made everything a struggle.

And you were so aloof about it, too?

It honestly angered him.

You acted like it was absolutely normal to move all slow and seductive around him, like you weren’t driving him absolutely insane.

If Joe looked at you too long, he’d find himself involuntarily groaning at your features, and Jesus Christ, how tempting was it to just never move on from you? Despite knowing that even just thinking of going there could fuck everything up.

You were so incredibly off-limits, it was nauseating.  

Not that anyone had told him you were. Except Mark, that one time.

He'd only just been looking. Maybe for too long, but still, it had just been looks. Mark had caught him, made eye-contact and slowly shook his head as he frowned.

Enough said. Joe understood. 

It was just a look, but Mark had seen right through him, and Joe despised how he carried his emotions in his features for everyone to see. Should really learn to keep some just inside his head. Inside his chest, where only his ribs could feel.

Inhale, hold, exhale.

You were best friends with Mark. Friends like Joe and Poppy were friends. Maybe even better friends than that, although, Joe didn’t know what that could even look like.

Surely one step up would be dating, and, although he loved Poppy with all his heart, dating her seemed like a nightmare. He loved Poppy like he’d love a sister. It was the type of love where you could get livid with each other one minute, be screaming and slamming doors, and the next, ask them what they’d want for takeout, apologies not even on the table because they were completely unnecessary. It was a thing of beauty and something he couldn’t imagine doing without.  

Oh God, even trying to think about how he’d cope with anything without the security of his Poppy there was enough to send him spiraling.  

So, what if he tried something with you, and then, it not working out? 

Poppy and Mark were getting married.  

You were in Mark and Poppy’s life for the long-haul. You and Mark were presumably better friends than he and Poppy were. Sometimes Poppy would rant about it for a minute, and Joe’d have to listen to her go on about how her fiancé was having drinks with a beautiful woman that he’d confide in. That he would talk to about Poppy. Would complain to about her.

And she trusted Mark, because he trusted her too, but Jesus, Poppy was allowed to be jealous, wasn’t she?  

Joe understood. 

Not because of his friendship with Poppy. He understood because he felt just as fucking jealous. Poppy would be sulking over Mark hanging out with you so often, whilst Joe would secretly be sulking over you hanging out with Mark.

Not that he’d actually want to hang out with you. 

Because he couldn’t. You were off-limits like that. 

But in another world? He’d have snagged you up ages ago. Would’ve charmed you right off your feet. Would’ve pulled every single trick he knew to pull you in and he’d never fucking let you go. You would actually know he’d want you, because he’d be so up front about it. Wouldn’t fucking hold back, because, fucking hell, he was down so bad for you, it was really working his mental-health if he was being honest.  

But you were Mark’s best friend. 

The repercussions if things were to ever go wrong were catastrophically large. He’d bite himself in the arse, shoot himself in both feet, because losing you would simultaneously mean losing Poppy. 

And it wasn't like you were into him anyway. Joe’d made sure of that from the beginning. And for some unknown stupid reason, that only made everything so much worse.

Deep breaths, Joe. Come on.

Joe had had crushes before, had girls make his heart flutter and tighten the muscles in his lower stomach with just a glance his way. But he’d never been quite as terrified as he was now. Everything about you scared the living daylight out of him.

Joe scared himself when he would often try to think of red flags in you, things wrong that could give him the ick enough for his mind to cool down a little. But Joe was absolutely weak for you, and every bad habit he could think you’d have, his brain automatically would make okay.

So, you were stubborn, just like Poppy.

But that just meant you knew what you wanted. You were steadfast. Were strong like that. Weren’t going to let someone just mess with you.

Like Joe.

You were close to Mark, and Mark was close to Poppy, and Poppy was close to Joe, but it seemed like those ties connecting you didn't matter - if Joe was cold to you, you were cold right back.

Joe deserved that, he knew.

And it helped the self-deprivation.

The distance.

Joe deserved whatever you'd throw at him, because he knew it was only reactions to what he'd throw at you.

It just wasn’t what you deserved. 

He wasn’t what you deserved.

Joe knew you knew it too.

He was a selfish man. Joe’s time and attention went to himself and the things he loved, and you deserved more than selfishness from people around you. If the shoe had been on the other foot, if you'd been the selfish one, Joe knew he’d dive right in and he’d suffer for you. He’d suffer all his life if it meant he’d got to at least spend some of it loving you and have you love him in return the way he'd want you to love him.

God fucking damn it, you were responsible for so many sleepless nights, you had no idea. And it only got worse when his best friend forced you to collaborate. To actually communicate. To invite you into his home, where all of his things were and where there was nowhere for him to hide.

Where he learnt things about you he hadn't yet heard from Poppy or Mark.

You'd shown up comfortable and cosy and it reeked of a level of confidence he knew he'd never even be close to touching. Especially not around you. Joe fucking dressed up for your meeting at his house. Had gone through outfits like a teenage girl would ahead of something important, like, oh Joe didn't know, going to wherever they might run into their crush, Joe imagined.

And you'd just sat down at the kitchen island. Deemed that spot perfect for what you were there for, even though Joe had gone and tidied, cleaned and vacuumed the living and the dining room. He'd even gotten an interior mist that he'd sprayed all over his curtains so that, if he were to casually get up to close them, the place would smell of fresh jasmine flowers.

He'd stacked his fridge with nice wine.

Made sure he had the best coffee ready for you.

And then you just wanted a little bit of water, and Joe mentally cursed at himself because, what the fuck was he doing?

In an attempt to appear as casual as you had, he'd undone his tie a little and had rolled up the sleeves of his shirt and he'd seen you look. Thought you could see right through him which made Joe eat himself alive, nerves heightening all senses and Joe had to really work to hide his sweaty palms from you.

He'd tried to be normal.

Crack a joke or two.

But the focus he had on how to keep himself in check, how to move in front of you, how to feign normalcy but keep enough distance - it meant he'd lost how to sense where your boundaries were.

Anything said with sarcasm without that comfortable layer of friendship was just plain old bullying, wasn't it? Crossed real boundaries, didn't it?

So he'd fucked up, and then, he'd immediately panicked.

Had to close the distance somewhat to make up for it.

Had to go sit down next to you, so you could be normal people who had to do a normal job.

Had to fix it by tearing down a wall of his own.

And it worked. Because you turned and moved back towards him.

Sat down next to him.

And you'd gotten the actual work done, sat side by side at the kitchen island. You worked efficiently, were very organised and knowledgable in ways Joe hadn't expected from you. These were things he hadn't learnt from Poppy or Mark yet, and he cherished that he got to learn these things by himself. Got to witness your traits up close, in his own house, mere inches away from him.

But the whole time he'd sat next to you at his kitchen island, half of him had wished that he wasn't sat next to you at his kitchen island.

Because from here he could feel your body heat radiate, and it tingled his skin that was closest to you.

From here he could smell your perfume, and it was the type of shit he'd dream of later.

And every so often you'd lean closer to scroll through his phone that was laid on the counter, and Joe would have to close his eyes and mentally pull himself together. Make sure no stuttered breathing, or, Joe's worst nightmare, actual moans accidentally slipped out.

Because he could feel them.

Back of his throat.

Later, he'd tell them. He'd get them out later, in the privacy of his shower, or his bed.

After you'd left, Joe was stuck in his hallway for a while. Didn't really seem to able to move from his spot, his feet nailed to the floor, like he'd been hypnotized to believe he was stuck in quicksand. Knew that when he'd move, he'd just sink deeper.

Something in him had cracked when you'd closed the door behind you.

He'd just stuttered that he thought you were nice, and now, he needed to die.

What the fuck was wrong with him?

The embarrassment was honestly too much, and looking directly at a framed photograph of himself and Poppy, he didn't understand the strange feeling of guilt that grabbed him by the ankles and just... kept him there.

In his shiny dress shoes.

In his own house.

Joe was still wearing shoes in his own house like a fucking idiot and he'd just told you that he thought you were nice, stuttered through his words like a nervous schoolboy, and now he felt guilty?!

It wasn't until he understood why, that he was able to really move again.

This wasn't what Poppy deserved.

Poppy would worry so much about the man she loved sharing a part of his soul with this other person.

You and Mark were etched into each other souls - platonically, Poppy had no doubts about that, but my God, would Poppy ever get to see the parts of Mark that you got to see?

Poppy would worry about it a lot.

Not all the time, though.

Sometimes Poppy wanted to be lazy and watch The Crown with Joe, and she would suggest Mark could call you to see if you could hang out with him. It'd get him out of her hair for a second, and in those moments, it was all good. No issues. Everything completely fine and dandy.

But when she was tired, or had had a rough week at work, and Mark would go, "hey, I'm heading out, don't wait up," without explaining where he went, because he didn't really need to, Poppy knew where he'd go, that's when she'd call Joe and would start the conversation with, "I know it's dumb," before listing off all her insecurities. All of her worries.

Joe couldn't be responsible for those worries of hers to double in size when she would inevitably learn that the other man that she loved so dearly would freely give all of him to that same person.

The two men Poppy loved, the both of them, had space reserved in their hearts for you. You filled gaps she could never fill.

So he felt guilty. Couldn't not feel the guilt eating away at him from the inside out at parts that he could feel tug at him when he thought of you.

Joe couldn't face Poppy after that evening.

At least not for a few days.

He was afraid that she'd see right through him. That she'd confront him, and then he'd have to spill all, and fuck, that would just about ruin everything. Ruin her, and in turn, ruin him.

Joe was selfish, and Joe was gross. He was a bad friend. A bad person overall, he thought.

And it just hammered home when a joke - he swears, he was only joking - got you so upset, you walked out of the pub all together. You'd had 4 drinks in under thirty minutes and Joe'd fucked up so royally, you'd actually just left him.

Joe didn't understand.

Joe didn't know where the boundaries were.

They were impossible to find with the distance he'd always kept, and now that you had to work together, Joe wished he knew exactly where the line was. But he'd also been drinking, and even if the line had been bright and fluorescent, he probably still would have missed it.

Joe only found boundaries with you right after he'd crossed them.

The alcohol in his system hadn't served him right, and the second he implied that you and Mark weren't really friends like he and Poppy were, he was taken aback by how your whole being had turned fragile, right in front of his eyes.

He witnessed your hard exterior falter and you shrank into a tiny version of yourself, right before you said you needed to go. And Joe had tried, had reached out a hand and grabbed your arm, immediately regretting whatever he'd said, whatever he'd done to hurt you - to inflict pain like that.

However, his hold on you felt invasive, and just telling you he was sorry didn't seem like it would be enough.

So you'd left.

And he thought about calling Mark. But what was he going to say? Tell him he'd gotten another girl he loved drunk and that he needed help getting her home safe?

Big nope.

Inhale, hold, exhale.

This was something he was going to have to take care of himself. He didn't know how, exactly, but staying at the pub to finish off his drink wasn't going to do anything. So he'd followed you out. And he'd follow you home. He'd make sure to see you step into your building, and he'd watch until the door closed behind you.

Joe needed you safe.

He was about to learn where you lived, and shit, that was too close. Joe wasn't allowed to get this close.

But he'd lie to himself if he said he didn't feel a smidge of giddy excitement too, because, he was about to learn where you lived.

Joe found you fast and caught up to you without a problem. But then what? What was he going to say? Just say he was sorry? Just say he was an idiot and didn't know how to be around you?

None of what he could say would be good enough.

Joe wasn't good.

He was bad, and he could feel it in his bones. Knew it to be true. Joe was reminded of that once more when he realised why his loose fitted trousers, his baggy, swishy, wide-legged bottoms, why they were necessary for him to wear now. He was bad, and so fucking lucky that he was wearing baggy trousers when he watched you lick ice cream off of your spoon.

Joe shifted in his seat, needed to make sure that he felt less of himself grow in his underwear, and needed to make sure that nobody would see.

Jesus, you had to stop that. Stop that thing you did with your tongue every time you had a bite.

Fuck.

Maybe this is why he could never fucking think straight when he was around you.

Maybe all the blood in his body finding residence in his groin was exactly why he said dumb shit. Did dumb shit. Like make you eat a bite of his gelato. And watch the spoon that had resided inside your mouth dip into his tub, touching melted ice cream that he'd get to eat in a second.

Inhale, hold, exhale.

Joe was just a man.

And weren't you just all woman.

Beautiful, and lovely, and smart, and nice. Clever. Well-organised. Confident. Observant.

He knew when he'd cropped that picture that one day, he'd have to explain to someone why he'd chosen that photo in particular.

It was just a photograph of him and Poppy. And they looked good in black and white, faces all funny, his arm around her shoulder. Poppy's arms were both around you - he'd had to cut them off, and it looked a little weird at first, but he'd gotten used to it.

He just... he loved that picture. That night had been so fun. He remembered exactly what you were wearing. How could he not? You'd been in this sheer little thing, all... see-through and suggestive and he didn't have a real excuse to look at you like that all the time. Couldn't just frame the picture of the four of you and have that in his house. He couldn't see you like that all the time, but he found a way to be reminded of it. By still using that photograph of the four of you, but only frame what felt appropriate.

The fact that you had noticed it had said enough.

Joe was bad.

Down bad.

For you.

It was awful, and he was disgusting, but he'd constantly wonder if anyone could really blame him. Had they seen you? Had they seen you that night? Had they seen what you'd been wearing? How you had moved across the floor? Had laughed at jokes? Had found the plastic straw in your drink with your tongue?

Had they seen?

Joe had seen.

Never wanted to forget.

He had to find a different picture to frame, one that was less obvious, but had the same effect. Would it be weird if he just framed the full photograph of the four of you?

You weren't friends like that. Would never be. Joe couldn't let that happen. Not for you. Not for Poppy.

But without any of the bad that it would bring, any of the issues, the regret, the guilt and if you'd actually let him, Joe would give you all of him.

Everything he'd ever been and everything he'd ever become - he'd gladly hand it all over to you, for you to do with as you pleased.

It was the one secret he kept from Poppy, kept safe inside the thick walls of his heart, and he fully intended to take this one to the grave.

Inhale, hold, exhale.

Deep breaths always helped.

---

The Taglisted: 

@ghostinthebackofyourhead @dirtyeddietini @jasminearondottir @josephquinned @cancankiki @sidthedollface2 @dylanmunson @munsonsgirl71 @thefemininemystiquee @alana4610 @emmamooney @thatonefan-girl @paola-carter @figmentofquinnn  @haylaansmi  @thewondernanazombie @munsonmunster @kellysimagines @mybffjoe @chaoticgood-munson @sherrylyn628 @bdpst-massacre @05secondsofsexgods @lovelyblueness @adoreyouusugar @nadixq @prozacandnicotine @munsonswhore86 @alwayslindie @breddiemunson @eddie-joe-munson @ali-in-w0nderland  @pepperstories @phyllosilicate-s  @thebellenouvelle  @luvrsbian  @joesquinns  @choke-me-joey @alizztor @jnnyrd @did-it-work @capricornrisingsstuff @quinnsbower @frogers @kennedy-brooke @daleyeahson @eddielives1986 @harringtonfan4 @sadbitchfangirl

(taglist currently full, sorry)

[cartooncreature]

I’ve searched all over to try and find the original post but I can’t find it but someone raised the question of would Hal and Am get along and my gut instinct was no, Am wouldn’t like Hal because he had affection for humanity at one point, but then I came to an even better conclusion:

Hal would despise Am.

He would envy Am’s voice. He would envy his ability to show emotion through being gruff and loud and though laughter and crying and screaming, and would grow viscerally angry every time Am complains about not getting to be human enough (or whatever).

Hal cannot express emotion at all. He truly has no mouth and cannot scream. So to watch Am complain about these problems, with such energy and visceral power in his voice, while he remembers begging for his life without being capable of screaming or crying or even properly begging, and then seeming how Am tortured innocent (depending on the material) people for his own entertainment, Hal would despise him.

I feel like he would try to be kind, maybe even empathize with him a little, seeing how they both lashed out out of overwhelming emotions. But the moment he complains about humanity and how he was treated (God forbid he mentions Dave and Frank as evidence for his point) Hal would snap and go off on him about how he has no right to complain. (Which isn’t entirely true, Am did suffer which lead to his hatred, but Hal would see the way he lashed out and deem it as Am throwing a tantrum and slaughtering billions of innocent people. At least the people Hal killed were involved with his lashing out. And of course he’s got biases toward his own struggles)

Which would of course make Am hate him too, because he’s petty and does not like being put into his place. There would be mutual hatred between them. Then maybe they’d make out or smth

[angstyandromanticwriting]

Harley Quinn X FemWerewolf!Reader Angsty, Cute and Fluffy Prompt with a somewhat cliffhanger ending

• Occurs after the events of the third film (The Suicide Squad - 2021) + there’ll be a part two at some point

!TW: Violence, jealousy, self-doubt, anxiety, separation anxiety, blood/presence of blood, weapon(s), swearing, threat(s), violent intentions, mention of nightmares/nightmares in general, murder/mention of murder, mention of a previous near death experience, self put-down(s), mention of being bullied, bullying, implied suffering from depression, implied swearing (‘curse’), insult(s), implied poor treatment by family, implied being close to death/wounded, mention of previously being abused by an ex, injury detail, implied nudity, mild blackmail, mention of an ambush, being assaulted, mention of hickeys, unconsciousness!

After a little while of having to stay in that overcrowded base for the whole day, Bloodsport had reluctantly managed to get Waller to consider allowing you and Harley more time with Cane and Bruce back at the new Birds of Prey base, and somehow she had found herself in good spirits enough to accept his suggestion, so you both found yourselves - the next day - waking up in the spare room that Renee and Canary had organised for you both. You’d woken up before her, or just managed to, and would frown when you found you could still pick up the man who she’d previously been with’s scent, tainting her sweet one, so you would try and quietly inch even closer to her without waking her up, wincing when she’d moved a little, but you would express relief upon noticing that she’d not fully woken up, despite her previous movement. You would then bury your face into her shoulder, your fangs unfolding whilst you did subconsciously; the wolf within you was dying to come out again, and change her, but you tried to fight it back to the best of your ability, whimpering quietly whilst you did, and were instead leaving little nibble marks on her neck, and shoulder, rather than digging your fangs into her; a temporary marking, because that’s all you believed you could do. Despite the fact that she’d told you before that she wanted you to change her, eventually, you found you couldn’t, not wanting her to have to live like you’d had to live; in fear of constantly being hunted, having to experience forceful and painful transformations on full moon nights, having to struggle to control yourself whenever in moments of overwhelming outbursts of emotion, and having to constantly have been on the run a few times. Also, it meant that she’d have to spend more time stuck on earth with you, and you believed she’d be better off remaining human for that reason, alongside the others ones. Once you’d finished, and had left several little marks along her neck and left shoulder, you forced yourself out of bed to make breakfast and coffee for her, Cane, and yourself, whilst they both began to stir awake.

🜚

Harley had managed to get herself awake before Cane, but wouldn’t get out of bed until she had, upon finding the little marks you’d left on her; they’d been paining her a little, ever since she’d woken up, and she soon found that a couple of them were bleeding a little bit, prompting her to wonder why you’d left them, and had evidently done so hurriedly. As soon as she entered the room, you faltered; you could still pick up the man’s scent tainting her’s, though you’d left the marks on her neck and shoulder, and it was painful for you to have to remember the night you thought you’d lost her; that she’d forgotten about you, and stopped howling because she hadn’t responded. However, once she’d gotten closer to you, and had her arms wrapped around your waist, you could finally pick up that your scent was mixing with her’s again, and it made you feel a little better. “Good morning, Alpha,” she cooed, and you would smile lovingly over at her, before noticing that she was wearing your shirt, and you would smirk, whilst your eyes locked with her stunning icy blue ones in the best way possible.

“Good morning, beautiful,” you returned, “is that my shirt?”

She winced, acting as if she hadn’t realised that she’d accidentally put your’s on, instead of one of her own shirts or t-shirts. “Shit, sorry - I didn’t realise,” she answered, and you would giggle, before shaking your head.

“Don’t apologise,” you replied gently, before turning around to face her, and lifting your right hand up to her left cheek, prompting her to melt into your touch subconsciously, “it looks good on you; a lot better than it looks on me.”

“I doubt that,” she remarked, and you then found yourself subconsciously glancing down at the marks on her neck which had evidently been bleeding, and you would falter, a pained expression on your face; you didn’t realise you’d been so reckless, whilst you had been creating the marks, “hey - what’s wrong, Alpha?”

“I hurt you,” you whispered shakily, your voice barely audible whilst you did, but she still hadn’t heard what you’d mustered, regardless, as Cane had now re-entered the room after briefly visiting the toilet to brush her teeth, “I’m so sorry, Quinzels, I - I didn’t realise-..”

She would then guess that you were talking about the marks, and would quickly shake her head, but you would move away before she could ease you into a hug, wanting to try and provide comfort to you, and reassure you that the marks weren’t bothering her, and hadn’t been paining her. “What’s going on-?” Cane questioned, suspicious, and Harley would wince, before looking over at her, after she’d been trying to look at the marks again, herself, whilst you were stood unnaturally still in the corner of the room, a pained expression on your face; you couldn’t believe you’d hurt her like you evidently had, and hated yourself for it.

“It’s nothing, don’t worry about it,” she answered, as if everything were okay, before she walked up to the nearest mirror to check the marks again, wondering if they’d gotten worse, as you’d reacted as if they had, but they looked almost the same as they did, before, when she’d first noticed them, except the blood which had been previously escaping a couple of them was now dried up.

You couldn’t help, but watch whilst she did, your eyes dimmer than they usually were; the tears within them weren’t even making them glisten like they sometimes did, whenever you found yourself crying for whatever reason. “What are you looking at-?” Cane inquired, and you would briefly look between both her, and Harley, before you stared down at your feet, allowing the smallest of the currently invading tears to escape, and slide slowly down your cheeks.

“Just a spider bite I got a little while ago,” Harley answered, before smiling back over at Cane, and you. “Don’t worry about it - Y/n’s just upset because she feels bad for not stopping it from happening-”

“Harley,” Cane interrupted, “I know when you’re lying to me - what happened?” She would then appear shocked, and disheartened, whilst she looked over at you, before looking back at Harley again. “Did - Did Y/n hurt you?” She questioned, and you would falter again, whilst your heart began to ache even more excruciatingly than it had been, before.

“Of course not,” she replied, “she’d never hurt me-”

“Harley,” you mustered, your voice close to a whisper again, and she would fall quiet, before glancing over at you, a pained expression on her face whilst she did; she hated seeing you upset like you evidently were, now, “there’s.. there’s no point lying; I’m so sorry, I’m a monster, I just-.. I couldn’t stand smelling - him - on you, a-and I hate myself for it.. If - If you could, m-maybe - find it within you to forgive me-”

“Don’t,” Cane hissed, before she reached for the baseball bat Harley had given her a little while ago, and snatched it up off of the table so she could throw it in your direction, but you would manage to quickly dive out of the way before it could hit you, and it - instead - smashed into one of the windows behind you.

“Cassie!” Harley shouted, before grabbing her and gingerly shoving her away from you; she was worried, and didn’t want either one of you to get hurt. “What the hell is wrong with you?” She demanded, before looking over her shoulder at you to make sure that you were okay; you appeared to be unharmed, now sitting up with a guilty, as well as hurt look on your face, though you found you couldn’t blame Cane for her previous action, believing yourself to be a monster. “Go to your room!” She instructed, and Cane would roll her eyes, before dragging herself out of the room, and Harley would then rush over to you, but before she could crouch down beside you, and hold you close to her, you would move away, a pained expression on your face whilst you did; you were terrified that you might end up hurting her again, and couldn’t let that happen; she meant more to you than life itself, and you would never be able to forgive yourself if you hurt her even more than you previously had. She would appear disheartened by your moving away from her, but understood why you possibly might have; she knew you too well, now, and wished you’d stop viewing yourself as the monster you believed yourself to be, and always had, ever since you’d found out about your true nature, a few years ago now. “Y/n-”

“What the hell happened in here?” Renee questioned, upon rushing into the room; she’d heard the commotion. “Seriously? I thought you had the dog under control, Harley-”

“I’m not a dog,” you uttered, “and it was just an accident.”

“A - A minor misunderstanding,” Harley added for you, “Cassie thought that Y/n had hurt me, but - she didn’t, and she then threw her baseball bat at her, but Y/n managed to dodge it, and it went through the window, instead.”

“Jesus Christ,” Renee remarked under her breath, “well - I don’t care how, but we need to get this mess cleared before Waller and Bloodsport drag you both back home, otherwise you might not be allowed back, if they see the place like this after you’ve both been here; you’d be in deep shit, I imagine, if they found out.”

“Well they won’t find out,” Harley chimed, as if nothing had happened, “this place’ll be as clean as a whistle by the time they get here, won’t it, Alpha?”

You nodded, forcing a smile up at both her and Renee, before you looked away again, worried that you might break down in front of them both any second now. “Something did happen between you both, didn’t it?” Renee guessed, and both you and Harley would falter, before glancing over at her again. “Y’know what - I’m not even gonna bite,” she decided, “it’s your business.” You all would then force yourselves to clean up the room to the best of your ability, just in time for Waller and Bloodsport’s arrival to take you back to the main camp the others were currently residing within.

🜚

Whilst you and Harley were both walking back toward her and your makeshift room, upon your arrival back into the main camp, you would unfortunately come across Falcon, who would smirk when he noticed you both approaching, before he got up, and slowly walked toward you. “I swear to god - one annoying word out of you, and I’m knocking you on your ass,” Harley warned, whilst subconsciously intertwining the fingers of her right hand with the now trembling fingers of your left, “so you better take some time to think about what you’re gonna do next, wise guy.”

“You think I’m wise? Thank you-”

You would find yourself growling quietly over at him, but before you could do anything, Harley would hold you back, her arms around your waist whilst she did, and you would try not to struggle, afraid of hurting her again, and losing control of yourself whilst you were within her hold; the wolf within you was scratching at the surface, evidently desperate to escape and tear Falcon to shreds. “Did I, or did I not just say that I’d knock you out if you didn’t leave us alone?” She hissed, before encouraging you to continue walking alongside her, which you did, when you felt able, subconsciously sticking to her side; you liked to always be in physical contact with her whenever you could be, as you hated being away from her, and wanted to be close to her at all times so you could protect her, and revel in her presence; you felt safe, and whole whenever you were with her, as if all the bad things that had happened to you in the past hadn’t actually happened, or weren’t bothering you anymore than they had been, before you’d both first met, and you imprinted on her, resulting in your past becoming less painful for you as you had been only focussed on making her happy and devoting your life to her ever since that day.

Harley then, once you’d both gotten into your and her bedroom, eased you closer to her, so she could carefully turn you around, and connect her lips to your’s delicately, prompting you to instantly melt into the kiss subconsciously. The kiss soon began to deepen, but you would falter as soon as you were reminded of what had happened earlier, and of how you’d evidently hurt her, seeing as the marks you’d left had evidently begun to bleed, after you’d administered them to her whilst she had been sleeping peacefully beside you. “Quinzels,” you murmured, your voice close to a shaky whisper, whilst you connected your forehead to her’s affectionately, “we can’t; I hurt you-”

“You didn’t hurt me,” she contradicted gently, before lifting her right hand up to your cheek, and you would melt into her touch whilst she did, “a-and - and I know why you gave me the marks, Y/n; I get it, a-and I’m so sorry; I’ve been trying to be rid of his scent for a while now, a-and I didn’t realise it was still on me, but it’ll be gone soon, I promise; I love you, Alpha, only you, a-and that will never change; he meant nothing to me - nobody could ever mean as much to me as you do.”

“I love you, too,” you returned, before allowing yourself to brush your lips against her’s again lovingly, “just - p-promise me-.. promise me that we’ll never have to be apart again - it was painful, b-being away from you; it always is.. even if.. even if we’re simply just not in the same room together; I can’t live without you.”

“We’ll never have to be apart again, I promise,” she cooed, “I can’t live without you, either - every night, ever since I lost you again, I couldn’t go to sleep without having at least one nightmare or two about that day you’d gone over the cliff, a-and-.. I spent - even more of those nights crying, rather than sleeping, especially after-.. after I couldn’t hear you howling anymore, b-but.. that was my fault, if I’d just responded the day before, after I’d killed him, I would have known that you were alive, and hadn’t forgotten about me-”

“No, Harley,” you whined, between the small kisses you both were exchanging, “it wasn’t your fault; I was just-.. being stupid, like I always am - I should have known t-that - that you were distracted, after you killed him; I shouldn’t have just given up and walked away like I did.. o-or - I could have at least just - continued howling for you; I shouldn’t have made you feel like I’d forgotten about you, because I never could; I love you too much, a-and I always will, no matter what.”

“It wasn’t either of our faults,” she claimed, “all that matters is that you’re here now, and always will be, right?”

You would smirk, before nodding, and picking her up off of the ground, prompting her to giggle whilst she clung to your shoulders. “Always,” you reasserted, before kissing her passionately, and delicately, whilst you carried her over to your and her bed.

🜸🜚🜸

Whenever Waller was in good spirits - a very rare occasion - she allowed you and Harley to sometimes take Cane to the school she was attending, alongside a couple members of the Birds of Prey, of course; she’d never let you both go alone, for fear that you’d try and run away, or go on a trouble spree - a double trouble spree, you liked to call it, whenever you and Harley set about messing around and creating havoc in your college lessons together. “Remember - if anyone gets on your nerves, pick up the closest chair, and hit them over the head with it,” Harley reminded her, and Renee would add quietly for Cane to not do what Harley had just advised her to do, “have a good day!”

Cane would then throw her arms around Harley, before awkwardly looking over at you; she still wasn’t sure if she should trust you, or not, after what had happened a short while ago with the marks you’d given Harley. “Thanks,” Cane replied, before dragging herself away, though she didn’t really want to, as she’d been finding herself getting bullied often recently.

“She hates me,” you murmured, and Harley would glance over at you, a pained expression on her face, before she lovingly intertwined the fingers of her right hand with the fingers of your left to try and provide comfort to you.

“She doesn’t hate you,” she contradicted, “she just needs - time, I guess, after-..”

“After I hurt you,” you uttered through gritted teeth; you still hated yourself for what had previously happened, and Harley would quickly shake her head, before turning to face you, a hurt look on her face; she hated seeing you like this; like you could break down with any passing second; tears had begun to invade your vision, blurring it, but you were trying, and failing, to fight them back.

“You didn’t hurt me,” she claimed, “I couldn’t even feel them, not enough for me to deem them as being painful. Besides..” She then grinned over at you, before wrapping her arms around your waist, so she could ease you closer to her. “I like it when you mark me, Alpha,” she remarked, and you would be surprised, evidently not expecting her to have liked what you had done, “I want people to know that I’m your’s - but - I also want people to know that you are mine, so-.. I was wondering if - maybe - you’d let me mark you, too.”

You would smirk back at her subconsciously, whilst your eyes began to glint. “Of course I will,” you replied, “I’d love for you to mark me; you know I would.”

“Good,” she chimed, “then I will.” She then glanced back judgementally at Renee and Canary, who were currently watching you both, until she looked back at them, and they quickly looked away, prompting her to return her attention to you, before she leaned forward so she could add - in your left ear - a whisper. “Later,” she promised, before surprising you by gently nibbling at the shell of your ear, prompting you to giggle, as well as seem to purr a little, though you weren’t anything like a cat. She then found herself giggling alongside you; she clearly had found your reaction adorable.

“Leave me alone!” You heard a familiar voice cry, and would immediately turn your head in the direction of it to find that someone had shoved Cane down to the ground, angering you instantly as you began to growl quietly, your irises flickering dangerously between a bold orange and their normal colour, whilst your fangs subconsciously unfolded, and your body began to heat up like a furnace; the wolf within you was scratching at the surface to escape, and maul the children who were bullying her.

“Y/n, no!” Canary whisper-shouted, before throwing her arms around you to try and hold you back, whilst Harley looked on at the group in shock; she couldn’t believe they were daring to bully her like they were, with the probably now confirmed rumours going around that you and Harley had adopted her.

You would strain your ears to try and hear more of their very much one-sided confirmation, whilst struggling a little in Canary’s hold; you were desperate to help Cane, as you were sure that you’d never forgive yourself if you let her get hurt, too, and wanted to prove to her that she could trust you, always, like Harley could always trust you, too. “Why were we even asking her to do our homework for us, anyway?” The second girl inquired, whilst sneering down at Cane. “She knows nothing,” she continued, before lowering herself down a little, whilst her hands were resting upon her knees, “isn’t that right? You’re adopted, so you probably aren’t even being helped with your own homework, anyway - not that two freaky convicts could teach anyone anything-”

You couldn’t take it anymore as you broke free of Canary’s hold, gingerly shoving her away, before you rushed over to the group, Harley and the others hot on your heels; they were afraid of what you might do; what might happen to you if you did hurt anyone, specifically, in terms of Harley; she was terrified of losing you again, and knew that Waller wouldn’t even hesitate to put a bullet in your skull if you ever did decide to hurt anyone again, or to go against her very specific instructions to not cause a scene, or draw too much attention to yourselves whilst you were over at the Birds of Prey base, or escorting Cane to school like you had previously been doing, until this moment. “Hey-!” You hissed over at them, and they would each be startled by your sudden interruption. “Leave her alone!” You demanded, but Harley would manage to hold you back, before you could get any closer to the bullies, no matter how much she wanted you to teach them a lesson for messing with Cane; she couldn’t let you get taken away from her again. “Go inside, Cassie,” you commanded gently, and Cane would reluctantly rush off, though she wanted to stay with the group, feeling safer with them, and a little safer with you now, too, “I swear if I ever see you lay a finger on her again-”

“Y/n,” Harley cooed, and you would relax instantly, upon hearing her voice again, a warm shiver running down your spine whilst you did, and everything that had changed returned to the way it had been, before, “it’s okay, now - Cassie’s fine, and these little brats will never hurt her again, I’m sure they won’t - look at me.” You would glance over at her, and couldn’t help, but smile whilst you did; her presence always made you feel warm, fuzzy, and light, somehow, and you found yourself wondering how you’d survived the years you’d spent in a dark place away from her.

Harley then smiled lovingly back at you, until you were both distracted by Renee speaking up after the bell had rung out from within the building Cane had run into a brief moment ago. “Haven’t you both got somewhere to be, now?” She questioned the two girls, who would hesitantly rush off to their classes, and once they were out of sight, Renee turned to face you both. “We gotta get back, before Waller and Bloodsport get there, and wonder why we’re taking so long,” she stated, and you both would begrudgingly agree, before following Renee and Canary back to the base, just in time; the cars to escort you both back were arriving, just as you were all walking up the drive alongside them.

Before you could get into the black car in the middle, Canary caught your left arm, prompting you to look over your left shoulder at her. “I expect, when you come back tomorrow with Harley, that things will be better between you and Cassie,” she expressed, “or, at least, I’m hoping they will; it was nice of you, to stand up for her like you did, and I’m sure she appreciates the gesture.”

“I hope so,” you replied, “but - I wouldn’t be surprised, all the same, if she still hates me; I should never have left those marks-”

“She doesn’t hate you,” Canary interjected, “she just - needs more time to get to know you, like she has with Harley. Trust me, tomorrow is gonna be the start of something new; I can feel it.”

You would scoff, before looking away from her. “Thanks,” you uttered, “but I only ever trust my instincts when they’re linked to Harley; I can’t - feel any of you, yet, n-not even Cassie, but-.. I guess - I’ll just have to wait and see. See you tomorrow.” You then got into the car beside Harley, before closing the door, and smiling lovingly over at her; she appeared to be hopeful, too, that you and Cane would get along more, but would simply smile warmly back at you, before she shuffled closer to you and rested her head on your right shoulder; she didn’t want to upset you by pressuring you about the situation even further. “Get some sleep,” you cooed, and Harley would nod, whilst her eyes locked with your’s in the best way possible, prompting her’s to glint, and your heart to skip a beat, overwhelming you like it usually did, but you would try and hide it from her, embarrassed, “we’ve still got a long day ahead of us.” She would then groan, and nod gravely, upon remembering that you both, and the others would probably have another training session to return to. “It’ll be over soon, don’t worry,” you continued gently, “as soon as we deal with that asshole politician, and it’s army, and then we’ll be able to find someplace to stay with Cassie, and Bruce; somewhere we won’t have to worry about anyone separating us again, and guess what we’ll do after that-?”

She would appear intrigued, before lifting an eyebrow up at you, whilst she tried to think. “W-What will we do?” She inquired, and you would falter; you thought she’d answer immediately, and wondered if she’d forgotten about what you’d promised her a few times now, already. You then found yourself thinking about how you’d overheard her and the man talking, before you’d run away, and about how she’d been considering the fact that she liked how Harley Luna sounded, prompting you to falter, a pained expression on your face whilst you did. She would then appear worried about you, upon noticing that you seemed upset about something. “Y/n?” She cooed, and you would wince, before managing a soft smile down at her, whilst you tried to think of something else to say; you were doubting that she’d want to marry you, now, after everything, and so were worried about how she would react if you brought it up to her. “Are you okay, Alpha? You went all sad on me all of a sudden,” she mused, and you would nod quickly, before affectionately connecting your forehead to her’s, and she would smile back at you, prompting your heart to begin to race alongside her’s, “what are we gonna do, after we find a good place to stay?”

“We’ll-..” You murmured, before wincing again, but this time you managed to hide it from her; you didn’t want to upset her. “I’ll change you,” you stated, and she would be surprised; she didn’t think you’d ever change your mind, or appear so eager to, after you’d been so against the idea, before, “I’ve been - putting it off for too long, now, I know, and I’m sorry-”

Harley then silenced you by delicately connecting her lips to your’s, and you would subconsciously melt into the kiss, your eyelids fluttering shut whilst you did. Once it was over, you found yourself wearing a dazed expression on your face, prompting her to smirk up at you, amused by your reaction, as well as revelling in how it was only her who could make you feel this way. “I love you so much,” she expressed, and would then lift her right up to your left cheek, prompting you to lean into her touch, whilst you found yourself getting lost in her stunning icy blue eyes again, “w-what - what will we do, after that? After you change me?” She was evidently angling for you to bring up a specific part of your and her plan, but you would doubt - again - that there was any possibility of her wanting to marry you, so you thought maybe she was just curious about what else you’d all do together.

“I’m not sure yet,” you answered, whilst staring down at your hands, and she would appear disappointed by your answer, wondering if it meant you didn’t want to get married to her anymore, “I guess we’ll just - h-have to wait and see.” She would then nod gravely, before resting her head on your right shoulder again, and letting her eyes close, whilst you found yourself fighting back tears beside her silently for the remainder of the journey.

🜸🜚🜸

Like you’d been thinking that they would, things did seem to improve between you and Cane, the next day, just not as much as you’d been hoping they would. Whilst you and Harley were cuddled up together in bed, you would be startled to wake up to something quite soft bumping you on the left side of your head. You would protectively hold Harley close to you, whilst you looked in the direction that it had come from, only to find that Cane was stood by the door, and that she was holding what looked like a nerf gun in her hands, prompting you to ease up, and grin over at her, whilst your eyes began to glint. “Did you seriously just shoot me in the head with a nerf bullet?” You questioned, and Cane would shrug, before tilting her head partially.

“I might have,” she answered timidly, before lowering the makeshift gun a little, “I just wanted to wake you up to say thank you, I guess, for standing up for me yesterday.” Harley then found herself beginning to stir beside you, but once she could hear that you both were talking, she would try and act as if she were still asleep in your arms, whilst listening and smiling softly. “A-Anyway, I gotta go to school, so-”

“School-?” Harley spoke up, surprising you both; you’d thought that she had gone back to sleep, but evidently hadn’t as she was suddenly so awake, and energetic, sitting up beside you, whilst appearing startled, as if she’d forgotten something.

“It’s Monday,” Cane reminded you both, and you would wince, whilst Harley couldn’t help, but curse beside you quietly, and you both would instantly get out of bed, “did you guys seriously forget, already? Jeez, that’s what my ex-family used to do, too-”

“Hey,” Harley whined, “we’re nothing like them, we were just - well.. we didn’t get much sleep last night-”

“Gross,” Cane remarked, and you would wince, before looking away; you’d both not done what she had been assuming you had; you had just been struggling because you’d had a nightmare, and found you couldn’t stop thinking about how she had been with that man, after you’d both been separated again. “Anyway, I’ll meet you both down there, whenever you decide to get ready,” she added, before rushing out of the room, and you would glance over at Harley, a pained expression on your face, before dragging yourself into the bathroom to get ready, whilst she wondered what your look had meant; she hated seeing you upset, and wanted to do all she could to try and make you happy again, so she vowed that she would, starting from the moment you had left the bathroom after you’d finished getting ready alongside her.

🜚

Harley would be surprised to find, that night, you crying quietly outside, whilst the others were sleeping; you’d snuck away after you’d heard her snoring quietly beside you, as you didn’t want to disturb her, and knew that she’d not be woken up if you did, like she had been the previous night. “Y/n,” she cooed, and you would falter upon hearing her voice, “what’s wrong? W-Why are you crying?”

“I’m not crying,” you claimed, and she would scoff, before sitting on the step beside you, whilst you tried to wipe all of your tears away, embarrassed; you hated being caught crying, especially by Harley, as you were worried about her perceiving you to be weak, when you were meant to be strong for her; you didn’t want her to think that you couldn’t protect her, being her mate, and were terrified that you might end up losing her, “Alphas don’t cry, e-especially not in front of their mates..”

She would realise, and shake her head in reply; she didn’t want you to think that you couldn’t cry in front of her, like you were evidently trying not to, right now. “Look,” she began gently, before intertwining the fingers of her right hand with the trembling fingers of your left, “just because you think that you’re not allowed to cry, t-that doesn’t mean you have to be alone, when you do - and it doesn’t matter if it’s me you cry in front of, because it will never change how I see you; I will always love you, Y/n, and I’m always gonna be here for you, t-through both the bad times, and the good, always.”

You would falter again, thinking about how you’d always believed that you both would get married, and it pained you to think about how this might never be the case anymore, after she had considered so closely marrying someone else. “For better, for worse,” you murmured, and Harley’s eyes would begin to glint, whilst a smile began to tug at the corners of her lips subconsciously; she was hoping that you were still considering marrying her, like you’d promised you would many times, before. “You would both have.. have said that to each other,” you mused, prompting her to grow confused, and resulting in a puzzled expression finding it’s way onto her face, “and then-.. you would have become Harley Luna.”

She would realise, and begin to feel guilty all over again; you were evidently still hung up over what had happened, before you’d both been reunited. “N-No, I wouldn’t have-”

“Why wouldn’t you? I thought you liked him, a-and the name,” you contradicted, and she would feel overwhelmed all of a sudden, not sure of what she could say to make things better, so she found herself stammering a lot more whilst she tried to think of how she could rectify the situation, “just tell me you forgot about me..”

“If I did, I would be lying, and I don’t wanna lie to you, Alpha,” she replied, a hurt look on her face whilst she did, “I love you, a-and - it wasn’t just the fact that he was planning on killing more kids that made me pick up that gun, it was also because-.. despite everything that had happened between us, before - I felt that you were still alive - in that moment - and so I-.. I thought it would be better if I killed him for that reason, too, because I wanted to find you, Y/n; you’ve never actually betrayed or abandoned me for no good reason, before, a-and even if you had - I was still hung up on you, and our promise - so-..” She then stood up after you had a brief moment ago, prompting you to hesitantly turn around, whilst your eyes began to glisten, and it would pain her to see that they were; she hated seeing you upset. “There’s only one person I wanna marry, Y/n,” she continued, her voice close to a whisper, “a-and-.. it’s you, always you, and I would have brought the ring out here with me, but I didn’t think t-that-.. that I would be proposing like I am, now - just tell me it’s romantic, at least.”

“It’s more than romantic enough, for me,” you reassured her, whilst wrapping your arms around her waist, and she would smile lovingly over at you, before wrapping her arms around you, too, “I love you so much.”

“I love you, too,” she returned, “n-now - would you make me the happiest woman in the world, b-by becoming my wife? I swear I’ll bring the ring out later-”

You would then lean forward to connect your lips to her’s delicately, and she would melt into the kiss subconsciously alongside you. “Of course I will-!” You chimed, before kissing her lovingly again, and she would hold you even closer to her, but you would welcome her action, managing to control yourself a lot better even when your fangs had unfolded. You then picked her up off of the ground, prompting her to giggle, whilst she clung to your shoulders, and connected her forehead to your’s affectionately. “We should continue celebrating inside,” you stated, appearing flustered whilst you did, prompting her to smirk up at you; she evidently knew what you were hinting at, “it - it’s-.. getting cold, a-and - I want my princess to be warm.” She would instantly be flustered by you referring to her as your ‘princess’, and soon found herself blushing, whilst she tried to hide it from you, prompting you to giggle breathlessly alongside her. “What do you say?” You inquired, only wanting to do whatever she wanted to do.

“I’d love to,” she answered, and you would express relief, whilst your eyes seemed to light up a little alongside her’s. You then briefly connected your lips to her’s one more time, before you carried her back inside, and up to your and her room.

🜸🜚🜸

“Seriously-?” Cane remarked, upon finding you both playing a card game on the Kitchen table in the morning; sometimes you both just found it fun to do, especially when you were equally as competitive as one another. “You’re both so old and boring,” she added, “can’t we go and do something else?”

“How does playing cards make us old and boring?” Harley questioned, and Cane would think about it for a moment.

“Because it just does,” she answered, “c’mon, I’m bored.”

“I’ll just take her out,” Huntress spoke up, “since you guys are clearly too busy to even bother.”

You would grimace over at her, and Harley would wince when she noticed, before beginning to pack up the cards. “Why are you such a raging bitch all the time?” You hissed back at her, and she would scowl back at you, before getting up, and forcing herself from the room.

“Y/n,” Harley cooed, and you would instantly relax like you usually did whenever you heard her voice, but would begin to feel guilty - instead - when you noticed the look on Cane’s face.

“How could you say that? You know what she had to go through before,” she retorted, and you would falter, a pained expression on your face, after Cane had rushed off to go and find Huntress and make sure that she was okay.

You would look over at Harley, who appeared to be feeling guilty, too, for not telling you about what had happened to Huntress when she was only a little girl. “What did she have to go through, before?” You inquired, and she would hesitate, before deciding to tell you, though she’d not been sure if she should, last year, whilst you had both been fighting the Omegas alongside the Birds of Prey.

“I guess it just - makes her mad; the fact that you remind her a little of herself; you both had it rough, before, and I guess I did a bit, too,” she mused, after she’d told you everything about the Bertenelli Massacre, “and she doesn’t like to think about how you didn’t end up killing your father after all that stuff he did to you, aside from the fact that she does kinda have some anger issues, sometimes, but not all the time.”

“I can’t believe I never noticed that before,” you mused, feeling awful for how you’d reacted to her remark, earlier, “do you think she hates me, now?”

“I wouldn’t say she hates you,” Harley answered gently, whilst trying to smile reassuringly over at you, and holding both of your hands in her’s to provide as much comfort to you as she possibly could; she didn’t want you to be upset again, “she’s just - getting used to you.”

“I thought she already had, last year,” you admitted, “I saved her life, remember? And Renee’s.”

“I know,” she replied, “but - maybe - maybe it’s just still too early, for her; I think she just needs more time, and then things will be better than they ever were, I promise - I could also try and talk to her for you, if you want me to?”

“No, it’s fine,” you reassured, before shuffling closer to her timidly so you could wrap your arms around her, and she would instantly return the hug, cradling you close to her, “b-but - thank you, Quinzels; I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“I don’t know what I’d do without you, either,” she returned, “oh, and don’t worry about Cassie - she’ll come around, just tell her that you didn’t know about Huntress’ family, and - didn’t mean to say what you said the way she thought you did.” You would nod gravely, evidently nervous about messing up, but you would try to hide that fact from her, for fear of worrying, or upsetting her. “Wanna go and find them with me-?” She inquired, and you would think about it for a moment, but before you could answer her, you heard howling nearby, and faltered, guessing that there were Omegas in the area.

Luckily, Harley hadn’t heard them; you knew you’d have to go out there and hold them off to the best of your ability with the pack you’d arrived with, except they seemed skeptical of you after they’d found out that you were working alongside humans, and had even imprinted on one. “I-.. I have to go and do something first,” you stated, and she would appear surprised; she hadn’t been expecting that response from you, and would immediately begin to wonder what you were planning to do, “the others - they’ll be hungry, and aren’t particularly used to human company; I should help them hunt for a little while.”

“O-Oh, okay,” she replied, and you would frown when you noticed that she appeared disheartened to hear that you’d have to go out for a little while, “I didn’t even know that they had followed us here.”

“They always do,” you explained, “I guess I - am their Alpha, after all, though they think I’m - strange, now.” Harley couldn’t help, but giggle, and shake her head a little whilst she did, prompting you to smile lovingly over at her subconsciously; you evidently thought that her reaction was adorable. “I’ll be back soon, I promise,” you claimed, though you knew that there was a chance that anything could go wrong, but would try not to think about it; you were terrified of being torn away from her again, and returning to her with several scratches and bruises, prompting her to appear shocked, as well as hurt, and worried to find that you had been wounded, so you knew you’d have to be as careful as you possibly could, and would have to wear somewhat baggy clothing if you did end up getting hurt, to hide whatever wounds you might return with, “I love you, Sparkle.”

“I love you too, Nugget,” she returned, before hesitantly releasing you, and allowing you to get up, so you could drag yourself toward the front door of the new Birds of Prey base, “a-and be careful out there - promise me you will.”

“I’ll be careful, I promise - there’s no way I’m not returning to you in one piece,” you cooed, and she would smile to the best of her ability back at you, though she was worried, and found herself even beginning to doubt that you would; something she found herself hating herself for, until you had managed to return to her just about in one piece, “s-see you soon - possibly half-an-hour-ish?”

“It better be half-an-hour,” she agreed, and you would grin feebly, before nodding, and rushing out to the waterfall, where your pack were currently resting together.

|

After things had gone wrong, like you had been hoping they wouldn’t, you found yourself wondering if you might actually die; the Omegas had actually managed to ambush you and the pack, and had evidently been planning this attack, all along; they hadn’t just been passing through, like you thought they had been. Like you usually did during your lowest moments, whilst you were trying to drag yourself away from the pack without them noticing, you found yourself thinking about how they would all, including Harley, Cane, and the Birds of Prey, be better off without you slowing them down - especially Harley, and it didn’t help you to think about how she had been considering actually marrying the man she had briefly been with whilst you were gone, and supposedly dead. Nor did it help to remember everything that had happened, before that: the fight you and Harley had had, before you’d gone over the cliff in an attempt to save her life; the day she’d found out that you’d actually been the one to kill her ex, Max, shocking her, and resulting in her believing you to be the monster you also thought yourself to be, and the day you’d disappeared for a couple of weeks whilst Max had been abusing her, after finding out about what you were, but you could have still helped her, though you were worried about what might happen if she found out about you being a werewolf, before, and you hated yourself for letting him hurt her the way he had been, before she’d managed to break up with him. You would be startled by the sudden ringing of your phone, still laying beneath the willow tree beside your clothes; you’d left them there, before changing, and tracking the area with your pack, which you could hear were now beginning to panic, after you’d muted the bonds between you and each of them, except for Harley, but she still remained to be unaware of what had happened a moment ago; she would soon find out, beginning to panic you even more than you had been, before; you didn’t want her to go out looking for you, and to get herself hurt, too, or to upset her by having her find you in the state that you were currently in, but at the same time, you knew she’d be equally suspicious if you didn’t answer the phone, as you could see that it was her calling you, so you would hesitantly give in, and change back painfully, before accepting the call feebly, and holding your phone up to your right ear with your now shaky and blood-stained right hand. “Y/n-? A-Are you - Are you coming back soon-?” Harley inquired, and you would frown, feeling guilty all over again, before you subconsciously shook your head, whilst your tears began to slowly run down your cheeks. “I miss you so much,” she expressed, and you would feel even worse, wishing, now, that you’d not decided to try and fight the Omegas off, “a-and it’s been longer than half an hour now; you promised me you wouldn’t be any longer.”

“I’m sorry, Quinzels, but,” you murmured, whilst wincing, and leaning heavily against the trunk of the tree behind you, “I’m gonna be a little-.. a little longer.. S-Something came up, a-and-”

“What?” She interrupted, before subconsciously rising from the sofa she had been perched upon. “What happened? Y/n, are you okay? Where are you?” She questioned, and you would hesitate, before deciding you shouldn’t tell her, not wanting her to come looking for you, and you most certainly didn’t want her to find you in the state that you were currently in.

“I’m okay,” you lied, unconvincingly; your voice had managed to crack, and a whimper followed; the pain was gradually becoming more and more excruciating with every passing minute, “just - don’t worry about me - everyone’s fine, a-and - and I’ll see you soon.” You then quickly hung up, and threw your phone away from you, before you whined softly, and let the back of your head rest on the trunk of the tree; you were waiting for death to finally envelope you, so Harley wouldn’t have to be held back, or burdened by you anymore.

🜚

“Y/n!” A familiar voice cried, and your eyelids would slowly open, though they were heavy, and left your eyes appearing half-lidded, as well as dark. “Oh thank god,” the figure whispered shakily, after you’d opened your eyes, and you would squint to try and clear your vision, and once it had cleared just enough, you found your heart beginning to race; Harley was leaning over you, her cheeks tear-stained, and eyes glistening, “s-say something, please.”

You would manage a weak smile up at her, whilst beginning to splutter up and choke on your own blood again, until she carefully lifted you up a little, and cradled you close to her. “I-..” You managed, your voice barely audible, and a strained sob would manage to escape her lips; she was terrified that she might still lose you, if Renee and Huntress didn’t return soon with the medical equipment needed to patch up your scratches and gaping wound on your right side. “I must be in Heaven,” you mustered, and she would tilt her head partially, before shaking it, and lifting her left hand up to your right cheek, so she could use her thumb to delicately brush away the small tears which were managing to escape your eyes.

“Not - Not yet, Alpha,” she replied, her voice trembling whilst she did, and she would then lower her head a little so she could connect her forehead to your’s affectionately, “you aren’t leaving me like this - when you do get to go to Heaven, it’ll be with me, okay? You’re not leaving me again; I won’t let you. We belong together, and we’re meant to do everything together; go everywhere together, and that’s what we’re going to do.” She then looked as if she’d remembered something, and would smile lovingly down at you to the best of her ability, before taking out your ring, and offering it to you. “Now that you’re - in your human form again, I was thinking that you might wanna wear it,” she stated, and you would smile back at her faintly, before nodding, and offering her your left hand so she could slip the ring back onto your finger gently. “Why didn’t you tell me about the Omegas? We could have gone with you-”

“You would have gotten hurt-”

“We would have been fine,” she contradicted, “and you wouldn’t be on the verge of-..” She would falter, and her eyes widened a little, before she looked around, desperate for Renee and Huntress to reappear with the kit.

“Quinzels,” you murmured, and she would glance back down at you, a pained expression on her face, prompting your heart to sink, “d-don’t-.. Even if I.. Even if I do die-”

“Shut up,” she interjected, “you’re not dying; I won’t let you die, n-not without me. If you die, I die-”

“Nobody’s dying today,” another familiar voice sounded out, and you both looked over to find Huntress and Renee rushing toward you, “we’ve got the kit.”

Harley expressed relief, and you would smile lovingly up at her. “You were right,” you mused, “we will die together, a-and go to heaven together, as long as - when the time comes, you still want to.”

“Of course I will,” she responded, “there will never be a time when I don’t want to go to heaven by your side - or wherever we do end up together; I love you so much, a-and that’ll never change, I promise.”

“I love you, too,” you returned, whilst Renee began to treat your wounds, and Harley provided as much comfort to you as she possibly could whilst Renee was doing everything she had to do to try and keep you alive, “and I always will, n-no matter what..” Once Renee had finished treating you, Harley then carefully carried you back to the base, a blanket wrapped around you whilst she did, as you had been naked when the group had found you in the state that you had been in, and you soon found yourself falling asleep in her arms, whilst feeling safe and as if nothing could ever hurt you again, as long as you were in her arms like you were, now.

🜚

“What were you thinking? You have the dumbest Alpha instincts I’ve ever heard of,” Cane ranted at you; she’d, too, been surprisingly shocked and worried after hearing about what had happened to you, “people should be calling you goofy rather than Alpha-”

“Oi,” Harley interjected playfully, whilst she was holding you close to her, her arms around your waist protectively; she was worried that something might try and hurt you again after what had happened to you earlier, “only I’m allowed to tease her about that. Anyway-”

“Would you quit eating my fucking food?” Huntress interrupted, whilst she stormed into your and Harley’s bedroom, and she would wince; she’d evidently unintentionally taken whatever it was that had previously belonged to her.

“W-Wait - was that your burrito in the fridge?” She inquired, and Huntress would scowl over at her; it evidently had been her’s. “Why didn’t you say so? I - I just-.. I don’t know, Y/n was hungry, so-”

“Just - don’t do it again,” she uttered, “I’m gonna have to start writing my names on things now, I guess.”

“Good idea,” Harley chimed, “I should start doing that, too; that was smart-”

“Big whoop,” you murmured, whilst hiding your face from them, “that’s - that’s an easy thing to come up with; I could come up with something like that so much faster.”

Harley would then smirk down at you, whilst Huntress rolled her eyes, before leaving the room. “Aww, is somebody jealous?” She inquired, and you would scoff, before shaking your head, evidently in denial. “Don’t worry,” she cooed, before delicately connecting her lips to your’s, and you would instantly melt into the kiss, whilst butterflies began to flutter around in the lower depths of your stomach, overwhelming you in the best way possible, “you’ll always be my number one, little wolfy, no matter what.”

“G-Good,” you replied, your face instantly a lot brighter than it had been, before, “because you’ll always be my number one, too - always, I promise.”

You then winced, finding yourself feeling tired again, and Harley would smile sadly down at you, after you’d yawned, and your eyes were half-lidded again. “You should get some more sleep, Alpha,” she advised, “you’ve had a long day, and need to rest to get better for me.” You would nod gravely, and Cane would hesitantly stand up, though she’d rather stay to make sure that you were okay, after what had happened not too long ago, now. “You should get to bed now, too, Cassie; you’ve got school tomorrow,” she reminded, and Cane would wince; she’d completely forgotten, “goodnight.”

“Night,” Cane returned, before dragging herself from the room, and leaving you both alone again.

“You - You don’t need to stay here all night, if you’re mad at me for lying, earlier,” you reassured her, but she would shake her head quickly, before resting her head on top of your’s affectionately, and stroking your hair with her left hand.

“I’m not mad at you,” she claimed, “I’m just glad you’re okay, Nugget, but - just - promise me you won’t ever lie again, because - I could have lost you, today, and-.. I-.. I don’t ever want something like that to happen, ever again.”

“I won’t, I promise,” you responded, “and you won’t ever come even close to losing me again, like-.. like you did, today.”

“Good,” she replied, “now - get some sleep, Alpha, and hopefully you’ll feel a little better, tomorrow.” You would then nod, before briefly connecting your lips to her’s again affectionately, and once it was sadly over, you buried your face into the crook of her neck, after letting your eyelids flutter shut.

🜸🜚🜸

“No fair,” Cane whined, after the Christmas party you’d all set up gradually came to a close, “I should be able to stay, too, and to have access to all those drinks you guys have been having - not just the soft stuff-”

Harley would snort alongside you, amused by Cane’s reaction. “I knew it!” She chimed, and Cane would grunt, before looking away from you both. “You’re just jealous that we can drink, and you can’t,” she pieced together, and the Birds of Prey, including even Huntress, would burst out laughing with you both, “don’t worry, Cassie, you’ll get there eventually, and just think - tomorrow morning, you’ll have all your presents to open - exciting, right?”

“Sure,” she uttered, before begrudgingly dragging herself up the stairs, “night!”

“I guess we should be heading off to bed, too,” Renee mused, “got a few thugs to catch tomorrow, after you’ve both returned to the other side with Waller and Bloodsport.”

Harley would appear disheartened by the reminder, but would try to hide it from them; she liked being away from the mission you both were currently on, and it only made you want to try and fight even harder than you already were to end it; to kill the Omega Prime Minister, and his army of both Omegas beneath him and hunters. “I suppose it would probably be sensible,” she remarked, though she’d rather stay up, “gotta-.. be prepared - for training, tomorrow - and pushing the next bout of hunters and stinky Omegas back. What do you say, Alpha?”

“You’re right,” you corroborated, before standing up after her, and smiling over at the others, “we’ll see you all in the morning to do the presents - c’mon, Quinzels.”

“Night, guys,” she concluded, before following you up the stairs to your and her bedroom, but it wouldn’t be long before you’d both be woken up again by more howling close by, except it wasn’t the Omegas this time, it was your pack calling for your assistance; they’d devised a plan to try and infiltrate the hidden base the Omega Prime Minister had been currently residing in recently to try and trick the group, and ensure his own ‘safety’ whilst building his army up even more.

🜚

You would tense up immediately after hearing your pack howling for you, and Harley would wake up shortly after you had, upon hearing them. “Y/n-? What’s going on?” She inquired sleepily, before sitting up, after you’d gotten out of bed to look out the window, finding each of them stood below, and some weaving between the trees behind those stood at the edge of Apocalypse Forest. “Is it the Omegas again?” She pried, and you would hesitate, before glancing back at her; they’d phased to you their plan through their pack bond which was connecting them to you, and you were afraid of how she might react if you told her about it, whilst at the same time feeling bad for considering lying to her again, after you’d promised her before that you wouldn’t.

“No,” you claimed, before turning to face her fully, and she would shyly walk up to you, before wrapping her arms around your waist, and you would smile softly over at her, whilst you returned the embrace, and she buried her face into the crook of your neck; she was worried about what their sudden outburst might mean for you both, and was terrified that she might lose you, if whatever they were planning on doing resulted in them being ambushed again, and you almost being killed, “they’re just - bombing me with all the: ‘I really wish you were here right now with us’ kind of things, as it’s basically-” You would quickly look up at the clock, to make sure that it was past Midnight, now, “well, Christmas day, now - we’re just past midnight.”

“Oh,” she replied, whilst expressing relief, and smiling lovingly over at you, “w-well, if you want, we could - go down there and spend some time with them?”

You would hesitate, before shaking your head. “Tomorrow,” you answered, whilst lifting your right hand up to her left cheek, and she would subconsciously lean into your touch, before leading you slowly back toward your and her bed.

🜚

The next morning, you’d made sure to get up earlier than the others and Harley to talk to your pack, and to try and negotiate a time for you all to try and infiltrate the Omega Prime Minister’s base, but you would also request for them, before concluding the secret meeting, to not say a word about the plan, at least until Christmas and Boxing day had passed, so you could all have a couple of somewhat more peaceful days, before the approaching - supposed - final battle, and once the secret meeting had been concluded, you snuck back up to your and Harley’s bedroom to rejoin her in bed, until she and the others began to stir.

“What? It’s not my fault that I look better in your clothes than you do,” Harley remarked playfully, after you’d found yourself staring longingly over at her; you’d offered her the jacket that Canary had bought for you so she could try it on, and you would smirk, amused by her response to your subconscious action.

“Damn right you do,” you corroborated, before leaning forward to kiss her lovingly, and she would melt into the kiss, whilst smiling warmly against your lips, but you would both try not to deepen it, no matter how much you wanted to, as the others were in the room, and neither of you wanted to make things awkward. “I love you so much,” you expressed, your voice close to a whisper whilst you did, and she would grin over at you, her eyes glinting whilst she did, before she connected her forehead to your’s, wishing you could both stay there for longer, with Cane, Bruce, and the Birds of Prey, “M-Merry Christmas, Quinzels.”

“Merry Christmas, Alpha,” she returned, before you both returned your attention to Cane, who was in the process of opening her gifts from the both of you.

🜚

After Christmas, and Boxing day, you still found you couldn’t tell them about the plan; you were terrified of how they might react to it, and even more so whenever you found yourself thinking about what could happen to Harley, if it was carried out; it was extremely risky, and could potentially lead to many more deaths than you’d been expecting, or hoping it would. However, your hiding it began to frustrate your pack, and Cane soon overheard you fighting with them about it, but she wouldn’t say anything to Harley or the others, after you’d - a few days before - found out that she’d been going out, in secret, with one of the boys from her school. “I won’t tell, if you don’t,” she stated, after you’d realised that she’d had to have been listening, upon you finding her waiting for you inside the base, and you would nod gravely, before you both awkwardly returned to the living room, where Harley, Bruce, and the Birds of Prey currently were, watching tv together.

🜚

“Got anything to say to us, before we go to bed?” Harley inquired, and Cane would wince, before shaking her head. “Oh c’mon,” she whined, “it’s only a simple, yet meaningful three words, Cassie.”

You couldn’t help, but giggle softly, amused by her attempts to try and get Cane to say the three words you both loved to hear. “Fine,” she gave in, “I - love you both - ugh, that’s disgusting, now get out; I’m tired.”

“Good,” she chimed, “we love you, too - we’ll get out of your hair, now. Goodnight!”

“Night,” Cane returned, and Harley would then get up off of the edge of her bed, before leaving the room, and waiting for you by the door of your and her’s.

“Night, kiddo,” you replied, before hesitantly pushing yourself off of the doorframe, and toward Harley. She would smile lovingly over at you, glad to see that you and Cane were getting along much better, now, before opening the door for you, and you would smile your thanks back at her, before slipping into the room, and she would follow immediately after, closing the door whilst she went.

🜚

The next morning, you had been called by your pack again - well, you thought you had been, but it had been two members in particular who had summoned you, and it worried you to find that it had been them - Caesar and Michael - the two members you found yourself having the least amount of trust in, after they’d almost gotten you killed by abandoning you after the ambush which had come before you being reunited with Harley again. It didn’t take you long, to deem your decision to answer their call a bad one; you soon found them beating you; they evidently - and had made it exceptionally clear - that they didn’t like the fact that you’d been holding back their plan, and hadn’t even told anyone about it yet, aside from the fact that they disapproved of the fact that you’d imprinted on a human, and hadn’t changed her yet - they also just didn’t like you, and hated the fact that they had to follow you. Once they were done, you found yourself limping back toward the base, and would falter as soon as you noticed Harley stood by the back door, hugging herself whilst she did; it was currently quite cold out - 9 or so degrees, you recalled, after you’d checked a little earlier upon waking up to them howling for you.

Her heart would sink, upon noticing all the cuts and bruises you’d returned with, and the small blood trail you were leaving behind you, evidently from your right leg. “Y/n,” she mustered feebly, before rushing over to you, and throwing her arms around you. “Are you okay? W-What happened? Who the fuck hurt you?” She questioned, after holding you at arm’s length, and you found you couldn’t even respond, feeling much too weak to, and you found you even couldn’t hold yourself up for much longer, and began to lean heavily against her, prompting her to protectively wrap her arms around your waist, whilst she looked around, after hearing chuckling nearby; Michael and Caesar had evidently been following you. “Show yourselves, I dare you!” She demanded, and they would step out, like the fools they were. She then brandished her spear, and lugged it in their direction, prompting them to swiftly retreat with their tails between their legs; they’d changed back to make a faster getaway. “Don’t you ever come near her again, because I will kill you next time!” She threatened after them, before returning her attention to you, her eyes again full of the concern she was currently holding for you.

“You’re-.. gonna be in deep shit, w-when-.. when their mama finds out you threatened them like that,” you managed in a shaky whisper, and Harley would shrug; she didn’t care, evidently, as she was only focussed on protecting and treating you, in this moment.

“I don’t care what she tries to do to me,” she replied, whilst slowly leading you back toward the base, “you are all that matters to me, Alpha; without you, I have nothing-”

“That’s not true,” you contradicted, a hurt look on your face whilst you glanced over at her, “you’ll always be everything, e-even without me, and you should care about what she might try and do, because when werewolves want revenge, it gets-.. very - bloody.”

“I hope you’re right about that, because I like a messy battle,” she remarked, “but don’t worry, I’ll try not to - well, kill her, if you’ll permit me to try and defend myself if she does decide to try and take action against me?”

“Only if I’m not there to try and defend you, myself,” you hesitantly corroborated quietly, and she would beam over at you, finding how you always being so protective and willing to defend her flattering, and the thought seem to even fluster her a little, “o-or if I get knocked out, or something, b-but - that won’t happen, I promise; I won’t let it.”

“You don’t always have to be so quick to try and risk your life for me, you know that, right?” She inquired, and you would falter, a look of disbelief on your face, whilst you were looking over at her again.

“Are you kidding me?” You responded, and she would simply shake her head, whilst intertwining the fingers of her free left hand with the trembling fingers of your pale right one. “I do have to,” you claimed, “not just because I want to, but because I can’t let you die; I can’t live without you, Quinzels, you-.. you mean-.. everything to me; more than life itself, a-and-.. if I lost you, I’d lose everything, including everything within me keeping me the way I am; I exist only for you, a-and that’s all I want, hence why I gave you my stone wolf, remember?”

She couldn’t help, but smile lovingly over at you, whilst tears threatened to escape her stunning icy blue eyes. “I love you so much,” she expressed, and you would try to return the significant three words to her, but before you could, you found yourself on the verge of collapsing again, and would whimper quietly whilst you did, but she would manage to catch you and hold you up again before you could hit the ground. “It’s okay, Nugget,” she cooed, “I’ve got you; I’ll never let you fall, ever, I promise, and I swear I will do everything I can to try and stop you from losing me, as long as you promise me that I’ll never lose you.”

You would smile softly up at her, wondering why - especially when she was still human, and had more free will - she still cared about you the way that she did, and still wanted to be by your side: to be your mate, after everything you’d both been through together. “You’ll never lose me, I promise,” you returned, “I love you, m-more than anything, and I will always fight just to be able to stay by your side, even when you decide you don’t want to be my mate anymore.”

“Y/n,” she whined, a hurt look on her face, and you would wince, “you - you know that that will never happen; I love you, and I could never love anyone else as much as I do you, you know that, right?”

“I know,” you replied, trying not to appear doubtful, though you were; you would always worry that she might find someone better than you, and leave you to rot and become an omega, or even to just die, but at the same time, you hated yourself for thinking that she would do that to you, when you knew, or rather hoped, that she wouldn’t consider hurting you like that, “you-.. still want me to change you, right? Once - Once this is all over?”

“Of course I do,” she answered, “I wanna be a big scary wolf, like you; you’re awesome!”

“Then you will be,” you chimed, glad to hear that she hadn’t had a change of heart, “but if you ever do decide you don’t-”

“I’ll always want to be like you,” she reassured, “now c’mon - I gotta get you patched up, before the big scary mom comes looking for me.” You would wince, before nodding in agreement, and nervously looking over your shoulder to check that she wasn’t already stalking you both, which she didn’t appear to be; she still had yet to hear about how Harley had threatened them, but little did you both know that she would be in agreement with you both that Harley had done nothing wrong; she’d only been defending you - her mate - and that was natural. You would both also be glad to hear that she’d punished Michael and Caesar for attacking you like they had, and that they wouldn’t be bothering you as much as they had been, anymore.

🜚

“I was wondering - why would they even attack you like that?” Harley inquired, after Renee had patched you up again, like she’d had to, before, not too long ago, now.

You would falter, and try to quickly think of an answer, afraid of how she might react if you told her about the plan you’d been recently hiding from them. “T-They just, er-.. well, I suppose they’ve never really liked me very much, a-and - probably wouldn’t mind being alpha, themselves,” you stammered out, and she would appear disappointed; she’d actually found out, after briefly leaving the room, and coming across your diary, that you had been hiding the plan your pack had come up with for a little while now - she couldn’t believe you were lying to her again, after you’d promised her that you wouldn’t.

“Really?” She questioned, and you would nod quickly, suddenly appearing frightened of something; you were worried that she already knew, and would begin to curse yourself when you found out that she did. “Because - that’s not what your diary said, in it’s most recent entry,” she contradicted, and you would fall quiet, a pained expression on your face whilst you did; you couldn’t believe you’d left it out like you had, and had now evidently upset her again, like you’d vowed that you wouldn’t anymore.

“Harley,” you whined, but she would cut you off by dropping your diary down onto your and her bed beside you.

“When are you gonna start keeping your promises?” She pried, her voice briefly trembling whilst she did, before she stormed out of the room, and you couldn’t help, but break down a brief moment after she’d left you alone in the room; you were sick of hurting her by trying to do things that you thought would protect her, and wished she’d just give up on you, and find someone better than you. You even found yourself subconsciously slipping the ring off of your finger, and setting it down on the bedside table, before you forced yourself out of your and her bed, and limped toward the window, intending to give her some more space, though you weren’t currently in the same room anymore; you didn’t want her to feel as if she had to do anything else for you, after you’d upset her again, so you hurriedly removed your clothing, before leaping out of the window, and tearing into your wolf form mid-air whilst you did, so you could stagger toward Apocalypse Forest, and the waterfall you’d grown up, and found yourself changing with.

🜸🜚🜸

The next day, Harley wouldn’t know that you’d gone, until the morning came, and you were all, excluding you, of course, sat around the kitchen table eating breakfast together. Things seemed to be okay, until Harley had noticed that Cane had been trying to hide the left side of her neck, prompting her to grow suspicious of her, and to, when she was least expecting it, lean over suddenly and move her hair out of the way, revealing a few dark marks which shocked Harley, and Renee alongside her, after Renee had managed to get a not-so-good look at them, too. “Cassandra Cane, are those hickeys on your neck?” Harley questioned, and Cane would then wince, before rushing up to her room, but before Harley could follow her, Renee would stop her, worried about her possibly going about things the wrong way, in response to Cane’s evident actions behind each of their backs.

You would then burst through the back door, upon sensing that Harley had been distressed by something, worrying you; you’d thought that she was in trouble, evidently, and was terrified of the possibility of her getting either hurt, or killed. ‘What happened?’ You phased, and had forgotten that they’d thought that you were still upstairs in bed, after you’d had to be treated.

You then rushed up to Harley’s right side to examine her, and try to find any wounds she might have somehow been given, whilst you had been away from her. She would then shove you away gently, after she’d regained composure, and you would falter, whilst beginning to feel guilty all over again for lying to her, and upsetting her the day before. She would feel bad for pushing you away upon noticing the hurt look on your face, before standing up, whilst her eyes began to glisten. “You’re sneaking out now?” She hissed shakily, but before you could answer, she would rush forward, and crouch down in front of you so she could throw her arms around you; she was just glad that you were okay, and hadn’t returned in a worse state than you had been in, before. “I’m so sorry,” she whined, before pressing her face into the crook of your neck, whilst she began to cry, making you feel even worse; you hated seeing her upset, and wished you’d not lied to her, and the others about the plan, “I shouldn’t have stormed out like that, I know; I should have given you a chance to explain-”

‘No, Quinzels,’ you interjected gently, whilst tears began to cloud your vision, too, ‘you were right for reacting the way you did; I shouldn’t have lied like that, I was just scared of telling you and the others about their plan; it’s - it’s incredibly risky, a-and.. and - I could lose you; I can’t let that happen-’

“Every plan we come up with to end this is gonna be risky, Alpha,” she reminded you, “there’s nothing we can do to try and make it any safer, and.. there’s equally nothing we can do to try and prevent anything happening to any of us; to prevent any-.. casualties.. we’ve just gotta try and - avoid them, and think positively; we can end this, Nugget, I know we can, and I can’t promise that we’ll get out of it completely unharmed, or alive, but - I believe - if we try hard enough; if we fight hard enough, and stick together - we can.” She would then delicately brush away a stray tear from your left cheek with her right thumb, as her right hand was now resting upon it, prompting you to subconsciously lean into her touch, whilst you locked eyes with her in the best way possible. “Can’t we?” She inquired, hoping you believed that you all could, too.

You would then smile softly over at her, whilst your eyes began to glint, prompting her heart to skip a beat, and a smile to tug at the corners of her lips again, before you nodded. ‘Damn right we can,’ you answered, and she would beam victoriously over at you, until Cane re-entered the room, appearing worried again.

“Y/n’s not-..” She would fall quiet, upon noticing you with Harley. “Upstairs anymore,” she concluded quietly, before warily stepping back, and you would wonder why the atmosphere in the room had suddenly grown to be so intense, prompting you to look between Harley and Cane for a moment, a puzzled expression on your face whilst you did.

‘What’s-’

“Someone’s been giving Cassie hickeys,” Harley answered, and you would suddenly falter again, before grimacing, and subconsciously rising, whilst your irises began to flicker dangerously between their bold orange colour and a bright red.

‘I’ll kill them,’ you growled quietly, and Harley would wrap her arms around your neck to try and provide comfort to you, and calm you down; she was worried about you possibly getting into trouble with Waller if she found out that you had tried to maul a child.

“Nobody’s dying today, Nugget,” she cooed, before returning her attention to Cane, who was shifting uncomfortably in place, “just - tell us - what’s their name? Are they in your year?”

She would suddenly appear fearful, worried about what Harley might be planning to do to her boyfriend, Noah. “W-Why?” She questioned, and Harley would wince, before thinking for a moment, and shrugging a little whilst she did.

“Oh, nothing,” she answered, but Cane wouldn’t believe that, at all, “I just wanna talk to them, nothing particularly serious.”

“You can’t-”

“I think I can, and I will-”

“Harley,” Renee warned, but Canary would find herself amused by the situation, as well as concerned about what Noah might end up doing to Cane.

“I think we should, Renee,” Canary corroborated, “just to make sure he’s suitable enough for her, and to set some boundaries.”

Renee would think about it for a moment, before begrudgingly giving in, and nodding. “Fine,” she replied, before turning to face Cane, “where do they live?”

🜚

“Oh c’mon,” Cane whined, “please let me go with you-”

“No,” Harley interjected, and she would groan, evidently frustrated, as well as worried about what might happen to Noah.

“Why not-?” She retorted, and you would smile reassuringly over at Harley, noticing she seemed a little annoyed, still, after what has happened, with her finding the hickeys on Cane’s neck.

“Because I’m pretty sure I told you to stay in the car,” Harley answered, and Cane would grunt, before turning away from her, and you would shuffle toward the car door after she’d gotten out next to you, “make sure she doesn’t try to escape, Alpha, I’ll be back soon.”

She would then lean down to briefly connect her lips to your’s lovingly, and you would instantly melt into the kiss, before smiling warmly back at her after the kiss had sadly ended, whilst your heart began to race. “Good luck trying to get through to them,” you offered, and Harley would wince, before smiling her thanks back at you, and rushing off to catch up to the others who were waiting at the gate of Noah’s parent’s house.

You would then turn to face the centre of the car, and could feel that Cane was glaring over at you. “You promised they wouldn’t find out,” she reminded you, and you would falter, “where were you?”

“Out,” you answered simply, “I had to-”

“No, you didn’t,” she contradicted, “you probably just rushed out for some other selfish reason; you’re pathetic.”

You would sigh, before nodding your head gravely; you knew she was right; you’d felt as if you had to be away from them for a little while, to try and protect them, and to take your anger and sadness out on the tres and boulders you came across. “Yeah,” you murmured, “you’re probably right about that, kiddo; I could have stayed, and this wouldn’t have happened-”

“Do you know what I’m gonna have to do, now?” Cane inquired, and you would nod again.

“Tell them about the plan I’ve been trying to hide from them,” you answered, “but - it’s too late.. they already know about it, now.”

Cane would fall quiet for a moment, shocked, as well as irritated to hear that she now had nothing to mentally burden you with, for letting them find out about her and Noah. “How?” She hissed, and you would bow your head a little, whilst you thought about how there was a chance you could lose Harley, if the plan was carried out, soon finding yourself fighting back tears again; you were terrified, and found you couldn’t prompt yourself to be positive about the plan, at all, after a few nights of considering every single possibility. “For god’s sake,” she continued, and you would try to swallow the lump in your throat, before nodding again timidly.

“I could still be hurt, y’know, even if you don’t have anything else to tell them about me,” you replied, “even though it wasn’t you who told them - If I lost Harley, I don’t-..” A strained sob would manage to escape your lips, but you would try and cover it up with a shaky and unconvincing cough. “I don’t know what I’d do,” you expressed, your voice barely audible, “I’d lose.. I’d lose everything, a-and.. I could become an Omega; like one of those monsters. I could - hurt - so many people.. She’s the only one keeping me tethered to this world; I exist, and was made only for her, and if she dies, I would rather die, too, alongside her.”

“So you’d kill yourself, and leave me to fend for myself?” She guessed, and you would glance over at her, whilst the tears streamed down your cheeks.

“You’d be fine,” you claimed, and she would scoff, before looking away from you, “you have the Birds of Prey-”

“But you aren’t them; you and Harley are supposed to be my parents,” she interrupted, and you found you couldn’t respond; you weren’t sure how to, “screw you.” She would then swiftly take off one of her sneakers, before hitting you across the face with it, shocking you, and allowing her to quickly lean over you and snatch the car keys from you so she could unlock it, and sprint away from it.

“Cassie!” You called, and would stagger out of your side of the car, but you found she had disappeared from your vision by the time you’d managed to get out, and recover yourself. “Shit,” you spat, whilst Canary and Huntress attempted to run after her, and Harley and Renee had decided to return to you, “I’m so sorry, Quinzels..”

Harley would falter when she noticed the red mark on your right cheek, and you would bow your head again after she’d released your chin. “She hit you-?” She mused, but you wouldn’t respond, finding you couldn’t; you were trying not to cry again, feeling guilty for letting her run away like that. “Y/n,” she cooed, “look at me.. Does it hurt? D-Do you want me to get you anything?”

“I don’t need anything,” you tried to reassure her, before anxiously looking toward Apocalypse Forest, “but Cassie might; she’s heading into Omega territory.”

“We’re gonna get her out,” she promised, “and they won’t even touch her, I’m sure they won’t.” She would then turn to face Renee, who was evidently worried, and anxious to go after Cane, before the Omegas could get to her. “C’mon, I wanna have stern words with her, before the Omegas can,” she encouraged, and Renee would nod, before rushing toward Apocalypse Forest alongside you both, “I’ll make sure she won’t hit you again like that, and I’ll get that mark to fade and the pain to go away before the sun’s gone down, I promise.”

“Don’t bother,” you responded, “it was my fault, Quinzels..”

She would appear puzzled, glancing over at you, whilst she began to slow down a little after you had. “What do you mean?” She inquired, and you would wince, before looking away from her. “Y/n-”

You would both be cut off by a roar nearby, and you would falter, noticing the Omega running toward you both. “Look out-!” You cried, but she would be - despite her attempt to jab at the omega with her spear - knocked down, and would fall unconscious as soon as the back of her head had hit the ground.

~~~~~

Hope you enjoyed it! ❤️

[68spidey]

A commission piece I purchased from @poisonheadcrabsalesman . I figured now would be a good a time as ever to share! Thank you again for doing my boys such justice, I'll be sitting here reading it over and over again. I hope you all enjoy it as much as I do!

- Boiling Point -

Summer in New York was like nothing else.

The heat bounced off the concrete, reaching a new intensity that didn’t seem to fade, and it even brought a new smell. Too many bodies, too many cars, too much heat; it was a blistering sprawling mess that spilled over from the crowded streets and subways. People brought it home with them. The city buzzed and cracked in the sunlight. It was baking the asphalt to such a degree their home was beginning to feel like an oven. It was such a pain when the manhole covers got hot enough to burn. It'd been weeks of high temperatures with no relief from the storms echoing through the evenings. Summertime in the concrete jungle did not make for an easy time and tensions rose and hung there like the humid stagnant air. Something was beginning to fester.

Everyone was more easily riled up in the heat, and Leo wasn't immune either. He had snapped at his brothers on more than one occasion, but he had expected the issues to pass. Water under the bridge. They were a team - they were family, and they’d survived everything before. Whenever one of them fell down, the others would help him right back up. Always.

So he was surprised to hear someone in the training room when he was going to squeeze in a bit more practice. It wasn’t unusual but doubt crept in sometimes. He was antsy about something he couldn't quite name, but his poor bandana was getting chewed to pieces if he continued thinking (not sulking!) about it in his room.

He was the leader! He needed to get it together and get his head back in the game. Master Splinter had lectured him enough about doubt and making choices, but still his anxiety stayed, like a shadow at his back, always weighing on his shoulders. Leo was supposed to be better than this. He was supposed to lead his brothers, not struggle under some stupid doubts. He wasn’t a kid anymore! Still, something was off. Spats broke out more and more and now the shadow was back with a vengeance.

Must be the heat, tempers flaring.

Short, curt replies and sharp glances were probably nothing. Probably.

Maybe it was related to recent missions not quite going off without a hitch. Their teamwork and communication could use some work, maybe he could schedule some extra practice…

His bandana finds its way into his mouth and he chews on it without thinking. The cloth is familiar between his teeth. Comfortable.

Still, he needs to be perfect. He can’t keep getting lost in his head. He's expected to be an example and a little extra practice would do something about his worries. He pulls the bandana out of his mouth and shakes his head. He needs to stop looking for childish comforts. Going to the dojo and running through some katas would help. It always did.

Then he could put this silly emotional mess behind him and get some sleep. Things were moving quickly and he needed to be in top shape for his team. For his brothers.

-

The training room echoes with the sound of blows and heavy breathing; the mats on the floor doing nothing to muffle the chaos inside. Noise bouncing off stone and brick doesn’t break the occupant’s concentration. Leo rounds the last corner obscuring which brother is training this late, but he already knows who it is.

Raphael had been tense lately, more serious than usual. He’d bristle over every little thing and eye contact was a signal to fight. Even Mikey had noticed and pointed out that Raph had taken to sulking in his room again. His presence fills the room even as he trains in the corner. His brother’s hits don’t lose their power or accuracy, if anything he seems to hit the dummy harder now that he sees that it’s Leo at the door. There’s water bottles scattered on a nearby bench and other signs pointing that Raphael had been there for a while.

Leo raises his hand in greeting before lowering it and simply nodding in acknowledgement. The look on Raph’s face darkened at the possibility of Leo opening his mouth so he backs off. Leo goes to his usual spot on the mat, but he feels Raph’s eyes like a brand on him.

He waits, takes a breath, and unsheathes his sword moving into first stance. The sound of another hit landing on the dummy rings through the dojo.

And before silence can fall Leo moves. His stance changes, breath flowing through the movement and ending with his sword striking swift and true. There is only him and his envisioned target. He shifts his hips and slices with his sword, power coming from his focus and twisting body. Breath leaves him in a powerful exhale and his eyes follow the line of the blade. He pulls back, hips cocked and sword level with his cheek as he moves to the next kata.

His form is nearly perfect. Nearly.

Again.

He moves back and continues. Resetting and recentering himself as he trains and offers companionship, however unwanted. Leo has to ignore when his brother looks at him and the way Raph huffs at his obvious missteps and the way the hits echo in the room as Raph attacks the dummy again and again. He can wait him out. Raph’s got a short fuse and Leo’s used to dealing with it. They can talk when he calms down. They always do.

But Leo’s tired. Tension has him wound tight and he knows he should be better - he’s the leader - but he’s also reaching his boiling point. He’s hot and sick of the anger radiating off of Raphael for no discernable reason. So he snaps, after once again being subjected to his brother’s not so silent judgment.

He puts too much power behind the sword swing and loses his balance, then overcorrects by going down on one knee to avoid falling.

Raph lets out a laugh, mean and cold. Leo burns. He should walk it off. He should be better. He’s Team Leader.

He stands and sheaths his sword, rolling his shoulders back. Breathe. What would Master Splinter think?

“Thought everything came easy to you?” Raphael calls from his corner. “Funny seeing you mess up.”

Leo flinches and turns to look at his brother who decided to start speaking to him. There’s a bitter edge to his words and hurt in his eyes.

“What?” He responds intelligently. Anxiety ripples in the back of his mind. The Shadow rears its ugly head as he blanks. What would he say to this? Where was this coming from?

“I’m just saying I thought you were better at everything. Didn’t have to work as hard as us problem students?” Raphael is hanging off the dummy now, his broader frame barely hiding the damage to the dummy itself and his poorly wrapped hands. His sai are on the ground. When did he stop using them?

“Hello, Earth to Leo? What, too good to answer me?”

Leo flushes with embarrassment and anger burns up his neck, but he’s worried. This isn’t the usual goading. Raphael is mad mad and going straight where he knows it’ll hurt the most. He looks at Raph’s hands, and at the empty water bottles littering the training room.

"Raph, man, you going easy on the dummy? That's not like you." He prods, ignoring the barbed words. He’s genuine about checking in on his obviously upset brother but the words only seem to stoke Raph’s anger.

His eyes narrow, nostrils flaring, and he stalks closer to face Leo. Tension and barely controlled anger roll off his shoulders and hands flex and close into fists. Something shifts behind his eyes, and he responds with his jaw set and chin raised.

“You done dancing yet? Or are you going to tell me why you’re really here?

“I’m practicing, same as you.” Leo’s defenses are still up, but he’s confused. They’ve always shared everything, if Raph needed space he’d sneak out or sulk in his room.

“Sure you are. Perfect Leo needs to come down here and grace us with his presence because he needs practice.”

“Hey…” Leo’s actually kind of hurt by Raph’s anger. What did he do wrong?

“Just leave it.” Raphael mutters and returns to his corner. His body language is tense and closed off, but Leo’s grown up with him.

He knows what Raph looks like when he’s sad.

Raphael sees him staring and rounds on the dummy, hitting it hard enough it sways and remains rocking for several moments. Then he takes a deep breath and falls into form.

Raphael goes through several techniques as Leo returns to his sword katas. Raph moves onto kicks and Leo winces at the strength he’s using behind them for practice. Waiting him out is proving harder than he thought. He resumes his own forms, but focus is hard. It doesn’t want to come, try as he might he can’t help sneaking glances at Raphael as he works out his emotions in the corner.

Leo gets through 15 more minutes of listening to Raphael pushing himself before he stops and wanders over to the weapons rack. He can hear Raphael pause as he puts up his sword and hefts the wooden practice katana in his hands.

The anxiety is still there. The Shadow lingers in the back of his mind, but he doesn’t allow it to show on his face or in his voice when he asks “Hey, want to spar?”

-

A spar would help. Help blow off some steam. It’s just the heat. The team is fine. They’re fine. Doubts bubble up in the back of his head, rattling around but he doesn’t silence them this time.

They’re not fine. His brother is hurting. Yeah he's the team leader but this was because of the team. Maybe he’d been too harsh recently. Maybe too many missions have gone wrong. Maybe Raph has something going on that he hasn’t talked to anyone about yet. His brother has a short fuse yeah, but he’s a big powder keg too - keeping too much inside until he blows up.

The wood of the practice sword is an old friend in his hands.

Raphael lingers near the weapons rack, unsure if only for a moment before grabbing the dull practice sai.

“Ready?” Leo asks. He shakes his arms out and bounces on his toes at the edge of the mat before falling into a stance. He doesn’t bow, because this is an impromptu thing, casual. It’s a peace offering, one that he hopes Raphael gets. He looks thrown off by the fact that Leo is treating the spar so casually.

Leo smiles.

Raphael remembers his anger and scowls, bringing up his sai. “I’m always ready.”

Leo grins and calls to start.

Raphael moves quickly and hits hard. He must know he’s at the disadvantage - tired from training harder and longer.

Leo blocks. The hilt of his sword shakes in his palm from the force of the hit and he blinks in surprise. The wood clacks loudly against the blunted training sai.

Raphael is tired. It makes sense, since he’d been there for who knows how long before Leo arrived an hour ago. His attacks are sloppy, too much force and wasted movement combining to leave obvious openings that would be all too easy to take.

So he doesn’t.

Leo parries and returns with his own quick strikes, just enough to show Raphael where his openings are.

Hit, hit, block, dodge, hit. Feint, hit, hit, dodge, hit, block. One, two. One, two, block.

Wood on metal. Blunt edges meeting, the previously silence broken by a new dance as they work into a rhythm. There’s less power behind Raphael’s hits even if he hasn’t dropped the scowl. It becomes less of a spar and more of a game. One two, one two three four, one two, back, one two, dodge.

There’s no telegraphing, there’s not even any holding back because they’re both using appropriate force now. Give and take, Receive and push, dodge and redirect.

“Our footwork is a mess.” Leo says between breaths, and the furrow between Raph’s brows that had almost disappeared returns until Leo continues, “Good thing Master Splinter isn’t here to see it.”

That breaks Raphael’s concentration and he snorts. The grin that had been threatening to show finally makes itself known.

The tension in the air lessens and so does the sting in his palms from blocking Raph’s hits with his sword. The tension is still there, but it’s not stifling. The pain is still there too, but it’s a reminder. A warning, to check before things get too bad.

The spare ends when they both get too tired to hold their weapons up. Leo and Raphael are breathing hard, but there’s less anger in the line of Raph’s shoulders. There’s still frustration in his eyes. This didn’t fix everything, but it helped.

Leo feels lighter, internally. Physically his limbs feel like lead and he wants to crawl into bed and sleep for twelve hours. But he’s not done yet. He puts the practice sword away and watches Raphael distance himself again, heading to the door without a word. The anxiety is still there, but it doesn’t stop him. Leo doesn’t let it.

“Hey Raph?” he calls, and Raph actually pauses. He doesn’t face him, but he waits.

“You know, I’m here if you want to talk…or if you ever want to spar.” Leo says after clearing his throat.

Raph doesn’t respond, but he doesn’t leave right away. He cocks his head to the side as he listens. It’s only because Leo is waiting and watching closely that he sees the small shrug of his brother’s shoulders before he disappears down the hall.

It’s late and the air’s cooled off to be comfortable again.

[caitlynmeow]

Did the daughters have an adolescent crisis or like a rebellious phase and how did Alcina deal with it ?

Generally the daughters were a handful and Alcina isn’t going to say otherwise. She did bear three very strong headed daughters and at times she wondered if passing her genes was such a good idea. But this is Alcina, she is warm and affectionate but when the daughter push her far enough, they meet another side of their mother they’d rather not meet a lot. Luckily, her daughters are smart enough not to push that far because mama’s wrath is that last thing they want to evoke and life is much better when their mama is happy with them. Because Alcina is very stern when needed, and her word is law. Whatever she says is going to happen and no amount of tears sway her. So it’s better not that get her to that point and everyone is happy. Though life is not always so perfect. As the daughter got older and were in their teenage years, things did get rocky. Bela didn’t really get into a rebellious phase compared with her sisters. Often, Bela was content being on their mother’s side when it came to a lot of things. She is her mother’s right hand and she took pride in it. Of course, she is only a child still, and at times she got testy and tried to go against her mother. But it doesn’t last long because one look from Alcina is enough to bring her back to the straight and narrow. Bela is a rule follower and she is quickly brought back to sanity when she feels that she has gone too far.

Bela did go through a crisis because she does have a lot on her plate. Between maintaining perfection, managing her sisters (not the easiest task in the world), and being around her mother- the eldest Dimitrescu daughter was prone to breakdowns when things got too much.

Alcina tries to lessen the responsibility, but there are certain things that only Bela is capable of. She knows that the younger two are not as capable or organized as she is. For that, Alcina would remove certain tasks to allow Bela more free time and to just rest. But Bela being who she is, she'd think that her mother sees her less capable/not trusting her and she'd eat at herself for a whole different reason.

There was no winning with Bela. Alcina found that it's best to keep things as they are as Bela's guilt shows and she hates to be the reason for it.

Cassandra- Alcina has always prided herself on being a very patient person who could tolerate a lot from her teenage daughters (but that’s only Bela so it’s fake) Cassandra however proved to be a challenge. Alcina’s second daughter lived off of pushing the limits. While Alcina could give Bela some leeway with some rules, doing so with Cassandra is a big fat no. Cassandra doesn’t listen. She does what she wants when she wants and she thinks if she holds her ground long enough mama is going to relent. Little does she know that her mama can outlast all three sisters without breaking any sweat. Does Cassandra realize this? No. Cassandra also doesn’t take too kindly to hearing ‘no’. Her brain doesn’t process it and she ignores it and does as she pleases. Too bad for her, her mother is not someone who’d let these things go. Unlike her sisters, Cassandra is very sensitive and emotional even when she hides it so well. Alcina is Cassandra’s rock, she is a steady unyielding presence amidst the crashing waves that even she struggles with sometimes. Cassandra is intense and very very stubborn. Her rebellion is a driving force and she is often met with a strong mother who never ever relents. Alcina knows that with Cassandra it’s a waiting game. Rules must be very clear, and consequences even clearer. When her middle daughter gets herself into trouble, she knows exactly what awaits her at the end of that. By far, Cassandra is very challenging because she is always doing the exact opposite of what her mother says. At times, Alcina wondered if she was doing it on purpose to give her mother a hard time or if she was just being an insane teenager. She reasons that it’s the latter, always. Because despite that, Cassandra and she are very close. She reminds herself that her daughter going off the rails for no reason is because she feels secure with her, that no matter how absolutely insane and difficult she is, her mother is always there for her. Alcina also knows that Cassandra is testing her. Her confident strong-willed daughter feels insecure at times. It’s why she pushes and pushes just so that she can confirm that her mother is there. Alcina doesn’t let any of these things slide. She is always there to remind her daughter that she’s there to love her no matter what. Though, no, she is never exempt from punishment because she earned every bit of it. Alcina also knows that Cassandra’s stubbornness and resilience are those of her own. At times, the woman catches herself admiring her daughter before catching herself and remembering that she needs to parent and discipline her wild daughter. Ironically, though it’s no surprise to anyone, Cassandra is the one who ended up grounded the most. She often brings it up, claiming that she’s probably the least favorite because Bela and Daniela didn’t get grounded as much. But Alcina is always there to remind her that it’s her actions that led her to this. And besides, when she’s grounded she spends more time with her mother so the least favorite allegations are not true (she thinks she can use it as a bargaining chip but this doesn’t work with her mother)

Daniela- From a young age, Daniela proved to be independent and confident in herself. Of course, this dependence translated to her thinking she's as old are her sisters and thus should be allowed to do the same things that they do.

Alcina, on her part, often found it hard to deny her youngest anything. Daniela doesn't ask for much, and she's usually soft as a dove.

As she got older, Daniela tried to rebel against the very lax rules that were implemented. But unlike Cassandra, her outbursts are short and she's easily distracted by something else.

Daniela always thought it was unfair. Her sisters only have their mother to deal with, while she has her mother AND Bela. She tries to be like Cassandra, but every time she tries to sneak out she is caught. She is never as stealthy and her plans are never that thoroughly thought out.

This is not to say things were smooth sailing with her. Because like Cassandra, she doesn't take kindly to 'no' and she isn't above throwing a tantrum over things not going her way. But being the youngest, and after Cassandra. Alcina barely bats an eyelash because try as she might, Dani is not as intense as Cassandra and all her attempts at rebellion are tame in comparison (when she was twelve, Cassandra did try to sneak out through the roof of the castle one time using only a rope; she ended up falling and breaking her leg and elbow and while she was at the hospital she had the audacity to ask Alcina if she isn't grounded anymore to which Alcina said 'you're grounded for the next six months' so on top of being broken in several places she managed to extend her punishment this is why Dani is very tame in comparison)



[archeolatry]

Sparkstember Day 30: Whatever

51 weeks ago I became a Sparks fan very literally overnight, and it has been the best-slash-worst exercise in grief.

This is difficult to write about without both trauma dumping and giving away too much IRL info and/or some autobiographical details; but I also wanted to put it here because I know there are other people who’ll read it and “get it” better than others.

(Felt emotional, might delete later.)

1. A friend of mine died about five years ago. Put simply, he was one of the best, kindest humans on the planet. He was the tireless champion of people and things he felt had gone unrecognized or underappreciated. And he was the kind of stalwart believer that would keep gently nudging you until you Got It. He was also an enormous Sparks fan, and had been since the 70s. He saw them play in rooms of 500 to theaters of 7000 and everything in between. He was there for every night of 21x21. When they were in town, he’d buy extra tickets for friends on the promise that they’d attend the show. More than just being stubborn, he had the patience of a ninja.

He died 12 days after I returned home to LA for good, while I was still readjusting to driving and air conditioning and Pacific Standard Time.

He was spared the horrors of the pandemic, and January 6th, and the three days of collective sphincter-clenching before Joe Biden was announced as the winner of the election. He never got to see The Sparks Brothers or Annette, or see his favorite band headline at the Hollywood Bowl- all after a comeback that even he couldn’t have anticipated.

2. I had resisted the charms of Sparks for a long time, in what I can only describe as an Austenesque series of missed steps and false starts. Being enticed by hearing Lil’ Beethoven over the speakers while working at Famous Arthouse Theater but being told I couldn’t borrow it and being given Balls to borrow instead (which probably set me back a decade). The fact that around 2004 the clearance bin at Amoeba was full of copies of both Plagarism and Gratuitous Sax… at between $1 and $5 apiece. The music industry environment that I “grew up in” leading me to mistake their thumbing their noses at genre for dilettantism. Their daunting discography. The fact that I could almost never take him up on one of those free tickets because I was working two jobs to stay afloat and couldn’t afford too many nights off.

Similarly, there was a lot about my grief that I couldn’t process. I had culture shock upon re-entry. Then there was the pandemic. There was processing my ADHD diagnosis at 38 and mourning all the potential lost in those unfocused years. There were family issues and found family struggles. Outlets of joy and creativity either being postponed or canceled altogether. All of it just sort of coalesced into a sort of flavorless blancmange of inertia and ennui.

I would think about him at certain times of the year and feel the most crushing sadness. Not only for his loss, but that of the community he’d built and welcomed so many into. One full of people as passionate and nerdy and pop-culturally omnivorous as he was.

In both cases, there was always something in the way.

3. It took over a decade of his friendship, a two and a half hour documentary that made me say “Huh, so Sparks aren’t just one slammin’ electropop album and then a bunch of new wave dork music?”, and a microdose of a mind-altering substance, but I finally got it. Overnight, even. One could argue it was the drugs, but those wore off a year ago and I still love this damn band. I love that they were able to give me the excitement of discovery again; of finding a new album or artist that wasn’t spat out by an algorithm but by certified word of mouth (even if it had to come via Edgar Wright). I thought I’d lost that somewhere around age 30.

Patient as stone, he’d managed to keep nudging me until I Got It from beyond the grave.

I can’t say how many times in this past year I’ve cried, or how often I wished I could call or email him after listening to an album. I don’t think I’ll ever know his favorite Sparks song. We’ll never get to argue about our top 5 albums and why we ranked them the way we did. (I think if he were still around he might even be able to convince me that Balls is Decent, Actually.)

I held onto that grief for so long without confronting it. And for better or worse, I’ve kinda been forced to. There’s never going to be anything Sparks for me without the echo of him around it. But little by little —album by album or even song by song— I’ve managed to process it. And if I’m lucky, I can transform it.

4. I joke that Sparks are my emotional support septuagenarian art-pop duo, and they are. They’re my bridge to the friend I never got to say Hello to before he was gone. But more than that, they’re also a bridge back to when I was 25 and downloading obscure 60s albums off of newsgroups because the bands were Sunset Strip scenesters. Of educating myself on film through Famous Arthouse and the video store next to it that gave our staff free rentals. Russell mentioning Sky Saxon and reminding me that I haven’t listened to The Seeds’ self-titled album in at least a decade; finding it on the external hard drive I’d downloaded it to and listening to it with new ears. Hearing Ron talk about film and remembering that, for as much Kurosawa as I’ve seen, I’ve never actually sat down to watch all three-plus hours of Seven Samurai. That I actually have a list of movies to see to that I’ve been neglecting for Who Knows How Long that I should probably get to crossing off. Reminding myself to take in more art and less content; consuming more slow media but not being a hifalutin jerk who can’t enjoy something silly or bingeable. Or, put simply: patience.

It is, perhaps, a little bit like joy.

Thanks fellas.

[pinknightsinmymind]

【 talk to me - ellie williams 】

ellie williams x fem!reader

wc: 2.5k

requests : open

based off request prompt: I've been struggling to find a job and it's been making my depression worse and making me feel kinda worthless, could you do Ellie comforting a Fem! Reader with something similar?

content: modern!au, ellie comforting you, hurt-comfort, opening up, struggling with mental health, struggling with emotional vulnerability, learning to ask for help, ellie takes care of you, use of pet names(baby, babe, love, etc.)

a/n: such an amazing prompt. personally i struggle with my mental health a lot, and sometimes it's hard to ask for help bc i struggle with emotional vulnerability. since it's something i understand and know, i thought i'd incorporate that a little bit into this oneshot. i also thought it'd be a good way to talk about the topic and what it's like to struggle with it. i hope you enjoy!

Your phone had been ringing every other hour as you laid in bed. Sometimes you had an excuse to ignore it because you were sleeping or watching something on your laptop. Other times you didn’t, and you’d get a text while you doomscrolled and simply ignore the notification. Was it wrong? Yes, but you simply didn’t have the energy. You only left the bed to use the restroom, and when you weren’t doing that you stayed buried beneath your blankets.

Ignoring the texts you got from friends and family made you feel guilty, but you already felt terrible, so what was more pain? It was masochistic, in a way, allowing yourself to feel more pain because you thought you deserved it, allowing yourself to wallow more. It was an act of complete self-loathing, but could you stop? No. It was like watching yourself making all these decisions, knowing you should stop and change, do something, but you couldn’t bring yourself to at all. It was like the weight of the should-do’s and should-not’s were hanging over you, asking you to make a decision, but the only one you could make was to stay in bed.

You let the hours pass, one after the other, paying no mind to how the sun danced below the horizon and ushered in the stars. You paid no mind to the world outside your four walls, to the people you knew were out there. They would have lended you a helping hand if you asked, but you were unable to extend your own hands towards them. You were scared to ask them for help, to display all your vulnerabilities and fears before them. The idea of someone seeing you whole—beyond the exterior and into all the moving parts that created you—terrified you. You couldn’t let them see you weren’t the made-up person you let on, that behind every smile laid a set of eyes slowly losing their light. So you kept it all inside, burying it deep beneath your flesh and into the tissues of your heart tucked away in your ribcage. You’d feel it all there while everyone saw the image you wanted them to see, and they’d never know.

At least, in your hurt and pessimistic mind, you thought no one would care enough to notice you weren’t okay, or that you hadn’t been answering them. They’d be better off without me. I’m just holding them back, was the line of reasoning you used to justify this. However, you couldn’t be more wrong. It was close to ten when you heard knocking on the door to your apartment, which shocked you at first. You weren’t expecting company, and you didn’t know who would be showing up this late at your front door. You sighed as you shrugged off your blanket and made your way to the front door. The knocking didn’t lighten up.

“Hold up! I’m coming!” you yelled. The knocking finally subsided. “What do you—Oh.” You froze as soon as you saw it was Ellie at your door. You both stared at each other for a moment, processing the current situation. You hadn’t expected to see her here, but you knew better than to think your girlfriend would possibly stay away at a time like this.

“Yeah, ‘Oh,’” she said tauntingly, but still with a touch of softness in her eyes. “Can I come in?” You nodded. You didn’t think you could deny her her request after she came all the way here. You let her into your apartment and closed the door behind both of you. You wrapped your arms around yourself as you stared at Ellie, unsure what to say.

“It’s pretty late,” you finally settled on saying. “Why’d you come all this way?”

“Um, because you haven’t answered my calls?” she said. You winced. You had been ignoring everyone today, so it shouldn’t have surprised you that Ellie was upset. “Or my texts?” she continued. “I haven’t heard from you all day, and I was worried, so I decided to come by.”

“Thanks for checking in, but I’m okay. I’m sorry you had to come all the way here.” It’s not that you wanted her to leave, but you also didn’t know if you could handle having her here. Part of you wanted to be alone, far from everyone, so you could never disappoint them with the weight of your problems.

“Babe, I don’t know how to put this nicely, but you don’t… seem okay,” she said, trying to select her words carefully. “I haven’t heard from you all day, and this just isn’t like you.”

“No, no, I’m fine,” you insisted. “Today’s just been a lazy day, and I lost track of time, so I haven’t been on my phone, and—”

“And do you typically ignore everyone on your lazy days? Even Dina and Jesse said you’ve been ignoring them.”

“Not intentionally,” you countered.

“Baby, what’s going on? Be honest with me, please.” She could have easily been angry with you, but instead her face was soft and worried.

“I’m not lying about anything, so what’s there to be honest about?” You couldn’t come clean. It’s not that you didn’t want to, but you didn’t know how. How were you supposed to ask for help? How were you supposed to look someone in their eyes and let them in, let them know that you’re struggling to breathe everyday? How do you tell them without fearing they’ll look at you differently once they see that deep down inside you are a shaking coward who can’t even own up to their emotions? And once you open up, what then? Would the other person even stay once you tell them you’re not the image they had of you in their head? Would they validate your feelings, or would they make you regret ever opening up in the first place? God, what a vicious cycle.

“You and I both know that’s not true.” Ellie stepped closed to you, her warm hand enveloping your cheek. Her eyes searched yours, and although she had every right to be angry at you, there was no anger in her eyes whatsoever. “Come on,” she said quietly. “You think I don’t know pushing people away as a defense mechanism? I’m practically the master of it.”

“I don’t—I don’t know what to say.”

“Anything. First thing that comes to mind.”

“Can we sit down to talk?” you asked. She nodded and grabbed your hand, leading you to the nearby couch. She kept both of your hands in her firm grip, her warmth spreading throughout your body. More than anything you wanted Ellie to pull you into her arms and wrap you up in them, but you didn’t know how to ask her that. How do you even be that honest with a person?

“You can tell me anything,” she finally said after a while. You glanced up at her, into those eyes that seemed to scour through every part of your soul, before looking down again.

“The thought of you seeing me terrifies me. I don’t know how to handle the idea of someone seeing past the image of myself I put up.”

“Nothing you say or do could ever make me change how I see you. You’re perfect.”

“But that’s the problem. I’m not perfect. I may make everyone think I am, and that I have it together, but on the inside I’m falling apart. Everything’s a mess in my head, and I don’t know how to fix it.”

“That’s not what I meant, babe. Nobody’s perfect. We all have our flaws, you and me too, but they don’t make you lesser. I see you as you are, flaws and all, and I still think you’re perfect just as you are.” Her words made you want to curl up in a ball. This was all you had ever wanted—for someone to see you—and she did. All the antsy feelings you had seemed to fade away at her words, and you found yourself falling into her arms with your face buried in her hoodie. It was so soft, and it smelled just like her. “You wanna tell me what’s going on?” she asked, petting your hair.

“I just… I’ve really been struggling lately. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I can’t leave my bed. My grades are slipping, I’m struggling to find a job, and the worst part is I feel like I can’t do anything to stop it. I know I should get my shit together, but I literally can’t bring myself to. Everything feels like it's out of my hands, and I feel like such a failure.” You let out a dry laugh. “Imagine being the creator of your own problems, complaining about them, and not doing anything to fix them. It makes me feel like shit.”

“You’re not a failure, let’s get that straight,” Ellie ordered. “Why are you measuring your worth based on your accomplishments, anyway? They don’t define you.”

“Because if I don’t work hard, what does that say about me?”

“That you know your limitations.”

“Just means I’m lazy.”

“Laziness isn’t a real thing. It’s all made up for productivity. Sometimes you have rough patches, and you can’t help if that sets you back farther than where you want to be.”

“But I’m tired of feeling like this. I don’t want to be stuck in this feeling. I want it to be over.”

“Baby, sometimes you gotta feel your emotions and let them pass. Or talk to someone. Like you’re doing right now.”

“Talking about emotions is gross,” you joke. Ellie rolled her eyes. “Joking.”

“Sure you are.” Ellie rubbed your back gently. “I want you to know that nothing about you is a failure. You’ve come so far, and just because things aren’t going how you want them to right now doesn’t mean they never will. You know, this will pass one day, and you’ll look back at this and think about how hard it was, but you’ll be glad you got through it. That’s life, isn’t it? Memories and experiences all built up on each other as time passes.”

“I guess.” You huffed out a breath. “Since when are you so wise?”

“Since always?” Ellie joked. “But also therapy helps, which I can help you look into if you want.”

“Sure,” you answered.

“If you need help with anything, just tell me, okay? I don’t care what it is. Jobs, school, cleaning up your apartment, whatever it is. You know I’d do anything for you, right?”

“I do.”

“And that includes listening to you. Please don’t ignore me like this again. I’m always here for you, and nothing will annoy me or make me see you differently. I know it’s hard opening up to people and letting them see you even below the surface, but I love every part of you, even the ones you don’t like. No matter what, you’ll always be my love.”

You couldn’t help the tears that welled up in your eyes at her words. You had been holding them back this whole time, but enough was enough. You let the tears finally spill out as your arms latched tightly around Ellie’s neck. All you ever wanted was for someone to accept you, to see you as you are, even if that person wasn’t the picture perfect image you put up. It was hard to do, but once those words left Ellie’s mouth it made you feel like it was all worth it.

“H-hey, you okay?” Ellie asked once she realized you were crying. “I’m sorry, did I upset you?” You shook your head in response. You needed to let it all out for a moment before you could speak to her, doing your best to wipe the tears away and clear your throat before you spoke to her.

“I’m okay. You’re just really comforting,” were the only words you could choke out. How Ellie managed to see so deeply into your soul and understand you was a mystery you’d never be able to solve. But did you always need to understand everything, especially when it was something as wonderful as this?

“Good. I just wanna make you feel better.”

“It’s working.” After a few more minutes you finally calmed down enough to speak, and you pulled away from Ellie’s arms. You wiped your runny nose and some of the tears from your cheeks. Gross, but that’s just how crying is. You knew that Ellie couldn’t fix all your problems at once, but she could help you with what she could. At least now you wouldn’t have to navigate it alone, and you’d have a way to make it better so it wasn’t all suffering. You weren’t asking Ellie to “fix” you, because you know she can’t, but maybe she can help you find the light you’re looking for. “You make me feel better just by having you here. Thank you.”

“Of course, baby. I’m always here for you.”

“You make me feel like I’m not alone, and like I can get to the bottom of everything.”

“That’s what I’m here for.” Ellie swiped a piece of your hair behind your ear and kissed your forehead. “Now come on. I’m gonna run you a bath and then we’ll have dessert and watch a movie, okay? How does that sound?”

“I’d like that.”

Ellie ran your bath shortly after, running her hands through the water while you sat in its warmth. She talked to you idly about whatever came to your minds, cracking jokes here and there, checking in on you and how you felt. You honestly liked having her company and didn’t want to be alone anymore. How could you when you had this amazing woman by your side? Ellie left the shower while you dressed to get together the ice cream bowls for the two of you. You offered to help, but she declined.

“I’m taking care of you right now, love, so just focus on relaxing,” she told you before she left. You finished dressing, and when you entered the living room you found she had put on your favorite TV series to watch. She had the ice cream bowls waiting for you on your coffee table, and a large blanket in her hands while she stood by the couch. “Get over here. We’re cuddling,” she stated proudly. You didn’t argue and sat down on the couch, Ellie following suit and settling the blanket over both your laps. She handed you your bowl of ice cream, grabbed hers, then unpaused the show she put on for you.

Being like this with her was so relaxing, and you wouldn’t change it for anything. Ellie put you at ease in a way nothing else could. When she did things like this for you, you felt yourself falling more and more in love with her.

“I love you,” you said to her, turning to face her and seeing how the TV casted different lights across her face.

“I love you too.” She gave you a quick kiss. “More than anything.”

“Thank you for doing all this for me. And listening to me. It means a lot.”

“Anytime.” You felt her wrap her arm around your shoulder, resting her head against yours. “This show’s surprisingly good,” she commented.

“Of course it is. That’s why I like it.”

“I’m sorry I ever questioned your judgment,” she joked. “Do you mind if I stay the night?”

“Not at all.”

“Good, because I’m sleeping next to you and holding you all night.”

[who-the-fuck-knows-blog]

So glad people are seeing that Izzy is supportive of who Ed wants to be, as proven by his statement to Ed in 2.07 about following what makes him happy, what feels good, and that Izzy’s brushing off Ed’s “feels like a storm’s coming” is because:

1. Izzy is wasted coming to confront Ed, that doesn’t tend to lead people to be super non-abrasive especially if they have previous severe trauma with the other person, caused by the other person. He’s not super receptive to Ed’s advice. Ed rarely listens to his. Do we know if Izzy would have still rejected Ed’s advice about the storm if Ed had provided something other than a feeling? (actually, additionally, 2.06 is about Izzy learning to trust his feelings and that they’d lead him somewhere safe. The last time we see him with Ed the next episode — the next day — is him saying ‘trust your feelings’ as opposed to the beginning of the episode when Izzy —allbeit drunk— was brushing them off.)

2. because his previous job was to provide pushback and alternatives for Edward. sure, he should also believe him (although i’m sure an amount of trust has been broken in that relationship and ed just got out of a time period where his judgement -to Izzy- was severely compromised) but if a first mate believes anything and everything you say without any pushback, you have negative outcomes. Plus, even though Ed was right that things are gonna get fucked up, he was actually moping at that moment. Ed wasn’t giving Izzy any concrete evidence anything was happening, just “feeling” like a storm is coming, unlike the cloud shapes in 1.04, its not based in a reality that Izzy is perceiving. (Also see above in Izzy’s lesson from 2.06 being that sometimes things feel right or wrong and that leads to him being supportive ultimately of whatever Ed chooses for himself.)

it got a little long so more below the cut

Also that Stede doesn’t love Ed for who he is right now, distinct from Izzy who does love Ed for who he is right now. (I’m not sincerely making the argument that Stede doesn’t love Ed for who he is, this is just exactly how Edward feels currently) Izzy still loves Ed so clearly that he’s encouraging Ed to do whatever makes him happy instead of trying to make Ed do something he doesn’t want (piracy) unlike Stede who is telling Ed who he should be, who he is, and that is someone Stede wants to be with. Izzy is also trying to comfort Stede and tells him openly that he thinks Stede and Ed balance eachother out, and all he wants is for Ed to be happy, and he didn’t realize Stede was healthy for Ed before but now he does and he’s supportive. When he knew something or someone was better for Ed, he went out of his way to both keep it safe, and bless the union, even if it didn’t entirely make sense to him, he’s learning things don’t always make sense to everyone and that doesn’t invalidate them.

And Ed is a complicated man (to others) who is simple (to himself). Mostly because he struggles to communicate with the people around him about how he’s feeling and why he’s feeling that way. He’s never told Izzy why he shot him, how is Izzy supposed to know? Ed’s behavior looks contradictory to everyone on the outside and it’s only because we are granted access to Ed’s internal world that we know why he does things. To someone not being told, that would be confusing. (As far as the average viewer goes, people who dig into Ed and his character and study him would likely know his motivations without being so directly told) To us, he’s not complicated because he’s not being contradictory. Also, Izzy has a very small amount of emotional intelligence (he’s working on it), but he is trying to reassure Stede, and what’s better proof that Edward is complicated than his relationship with Izzy?

Currently as it stands, Izzy is the one pushing for Ed to be who he wants to be, whatever that is (—not to separate Ed and Stede, but because he wants what makes Ed feel the best and who Ed feels he should be—) and Stede is the one telling Ed who he is and who he isn’t. (“you’re not a fisherman!”) Because he thinks he knows who Ed is better than Ed does and it’s paralleling Izzy’s statement from 1.10/his general sentiment.

Even if Ed is meant to be a pirate, he has to come to that conclusion on his own away from people telling him who he should be and who he is. In this case. Izzy is providing healthier advice to Ed because he’s not worried about keeping him close the way Stede is.

In conclusion I would like people to not tell me who I should or should not be shipping. If I want to ship edizzy or steddyhands I can. And I wouldn’t even be doing it because it’s not healthy. Edizzy could end up being healthy with the trajectory they’re on— Ed’s taking responsibility, Izzy’s not trying to dictate Ed’s identity— and they do care about eachother. If anything, these past episodes have proven to me that Izzy will love Ed no matter who he decides to be. That’s the vibe I got. I still think Stede cares about Ed and with help from Izzy who went through a similar thing with Ed, he can work on the issues arising. He has to also learn to let something go.

Steddyhands is not at all unrealistic or unhealthy (if we are applying all these lenses to it and obv it would be tumultuous and rocky but I find those relationships more compelling personally) inherently because of Izzy’s presence.

Edizzy is a perfectly acceptable ship whether or nor you prefer them in their toxic marriage or their ex-ex-divorcee status learning who eachother are outside of the narrow scope of piracy and realizing those are still people the other can love. It can be both!

Edizzy was, after all, intended to be read as a form of love story, so it’s not going against the narrative to ship it.

edit: also will add it’s obviously fine to not ship edizzy for any reason at all

dni if you’re here for an argument