#all i am is a resource for ppl | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

whoreishghost · 3 months ago

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like how do i even articulate that no matter what i do and how hard i try its not getting better? i dont sleep rlly at all, maybe a 3 ish hours total on a good night given how often i wake up and how late i get to sleep. im not rlly eating either bc im never fucking hungry and everything feels idk Repulsive to even consider putting in my mouth even when i am. im in pain and it doesnt end no matter how gentle i am w myself. i am in a constant state of almost complete panic bc of how much i am having to manage in terms of admin and life issues bc those dont ever seem to end either. i havent been able to take my medication in almost a month bc of nhs incompetence and i Know its making me worse bc im so fucking irritable all the time. i feel so fucking existentially empty and devoid of purpose or meaning or justification for my existence. i am alive so that the like 7 ppl who only talk to me so i can get the hrt wont lose access. im only alive bc if im not itll be my fault if my wife dies and it doesnt matter if i wouldnt know it bc i was dead the thought, the guilt of it as a concept forces me to continue against every fucking screaming molecule of my body begging me to just fucking give up. im almost constantly overwhelmed by this feeling that is so completely indescribable that i dont even know where to begin to explain it to myself let alone to someone else. im in pain and its not just bc im overworked or burned out or whatever, the mental fucking suffering im forcing myself to endure every day so everyone else around me can be ok, can be happy, can thrive and do what they need feels like its fucking shredding my nerves and ripping through my flesh. and im fucking trying and no one fucking gets that. no amount of being told "the change comes from within" is going to do anything about the fact that this is as much as i can do this is as hard as i can try i have no more effort or energy than i am already forcing myself to keep using even when i feel like i am empty and there is nothing left for me to use to keep going. i do all the things i shld as much as i can. but the longer it goes on the harder it is for me to help myself and then i just get accused of "not trying hard enough to get better" as if i am not giving it my fucking all. u try spending every night alone, in pain, caught in spiraling obsession after spiraling obsession of ur own fucking inadequacy and failure and immorality. u try to manage the fucking effort of trying and trying and reaching out and begging for help and being so fucking explicit about how bad it is only to be told it cant be as bad u say or that its not bad enough for support but that even if it were ud be too damaged and unstable to access it. i feel like im dying, or more like, i feel like im fading, like soon there will be so little left of me of who i want to be who i put so much effort into being that even the fragments of damage that make up the core of who i am are coming apart and disintegrating. there is going to be nothing left and i feel like im watching myself slowly fucking evaporate and lose everything over and over again and vanish more and more from reality from existence from myself that it wont be much longer till theres nothing left to salvage. i try and tell myself its temporary. it wont last forever. i look at photos to remind myself when it wasnt this bad but i cant believe it i cant fucking trust that its true and even more than that i cant make myself understand that it can change, it can be that again. bc i know it cant. i know it at such a deep and intrinsic level of myself. and its not even like im gna kms. theres no point. what is left to kill?

#laila #laila.shutup #all i am is a resource for ppl #a place to get advice/support/whatever they might want #bc everyone knows that i wont say no #everyone knows ill do whatever is asked of me #bc at least if i do that #at least if i dont do anything for myself i can justify being alive #bc at least im doing something for the benefit of others #at least i have use #i might feel worthless and useless bc i know that i am and i know this wont last forever #ik that its only a matter of time b4 everyone realises how fuckig miserable and worthless and grating i am #so what can i do but make the best of what i have rn #hold onto the fact that at least ppl still talk to me sometimes #they might not care but they havent forgotten i exist #and the only reason for that is bc i am useful #i have nothing else #no other source of worth #i wish i wasnt a coward #i wish i didnt feel such overwhelming guilt #then maybe i cld just die and this cld end and i wldnt have to fucking live in this little bubble of hell i have constructed for myself #bc i know no one can help me #and even if they cld theres so few ppl who want to and none of them are in a position to do so #so the best i can do is give myself up to the needs of others until im finally disgarded for good and i can die in peace

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lotus-pear · 9 months ago

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bsd fic authors i understand yalls pain SO well right now why is it so fucking HARD to write dazai. like i have a whole fucking spreadsheet dedicated to tireless analysis i have done on my part so i can accurately characterize him but he is such an unpredictable and morally gray character that it's hard knowing his limits and boundaries and where he draws the line for himself.

#i hate when ppl make him out to be a sadistic villain with no remorse. like did we read the same manga 💀#but at the same time he is NOT crying abt all the ppl he sent to the grave. he sleeps just fine at night knowing he committed atrocities #yes he feels remorse? but he isn't like kunikida to weep at someone's grave for failing to save them #and then we have his emotions themselves #dazai isn't emotionless. far from it. he has difficulty expressing affection but yk he finds someone endearing when he trusts them #trust is very important to dazai and is one of the aspects of human emotion that he can fully grasp #but like everything else is in a hazy gray area that he does not feel like exploring. he feels alienated from his humanity bc of this #AUUUGHH can someone help me with character analysis PLEASE #I WASNT PAYING ATTENTION TO THIS MF UNTIL RECENTLY SO I MISSED OUT ON A LOT OF IMPORTANT DETAILS #see i would go and reread a few light novels but like i don't have time for that #and this is for dazai specifically. i am very well versed on his relationships w other charcaters #but just like asigiri himself said: it's very difficult to write dazai and write him WELL #so yeaaa i have a lot of smart ppl following me pls help #bsd #ALSO MY FRIEND STILL HAS NO LONGER HUMAN UUUUGHHHHHH I NEED THAT BACK BC I TABBED IT A SHIT TON #FOR LIKE CONNECTIONS TO YOZO AND BSD DAZAI AND WHERE ASIGIRI DREW INSPIRATION FROM YOZOS CHARACTER FOR DAZAI #THAT WOULD BE SUCH A VALUABLE FUCKING RESOURCE BC I DID SOME ANNOTATIONS IN THEM TOO BUT MY BOOK IS ANOTHER FUCKING STATE #I HATE IT HERE FML

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puppyeared · 4 months ago

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started stardew valley for the first time. born to remember villager likes and dislikes forced to immediately forget it the moment i take my eyes off thw wiki

#HELP. HEEEELPP <- THE FORGETTER #i have 18 different tabs open and im pretty sure half of them are duplicates. i have not made anything past 5000G i am so cooked #rn im at summer 11 ish?? i cant remember dates in real life either jesus christ GRIPPING THE COMMUNITY CALENDAR WITH MY BARE HANDS #my ass really went into this like “ill just take it easy and go into it blind so i get the newborn baby deer experience" completely ignoran #to the fact that i get anxious disappointing ppl and not having any background knowledge going into smth new. like a FOOL #also the walking speed is just slow enough to make me space out and forget where i was going and what i needed to do head in my hands #ive had to backtrack all over pelican town so many different times im in fucking adhd hell. resource management hell #im saying this like i hate it but its actually pretty fun and engaging when im not gripping my head trying to remember what i was doing #i got linus' 2 heart event and it made me whimper a little. LINUSSS LINUS I LIKE HIM. AND WILLY AND MARNIE THEYRE SO NICEYS #marnie kinda like.. reminds me of my friends mom even her face is pretty similar. shes sweet i like her. also willy calls me lad hes cool #i think im just gonna start a new save and NOT rely on the fucking mixed seed forages bc my ass was too stubborn to buy seeds #i just got sebastians 2 heart event too ughhh ive never had to work so hard for an emo boys approval. but it was satisfying #corn will fix me. its a replenishable summer-fall crop corn has to fucking fix me PLEASE #i also. made a stardew valley farmer. the one im playing as. their name is cosmo they have a backstory and everything im making #him a ref. his backstory is so fucking funny just wait #yapping #diary #puppy plays sdv

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woundedearth · 8 months ago

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kind of annoying that ppl are still so heavily promoting the ~daily clicks~ for palestine, which means ostensibly tens or hundreds of thousands of ppl have been participating in that campaign daily…….. and the only documentation i’ve seen is ppl proudly announcing it raised a grand total of like $300 dollars of ad revenue over 3 months? numbers like that coming out should be discrediting not encouraging tbh. i don’t want to diminish the ‘little things’ and i guess everyone needs hope to keep going with other activism but that is such an insultingly infinitesimally small number when escaping gaza costs $10k+ a person and millions of dollars are being crowdfunded elsewhere. i just…. genuinely don’t think US americans should feel good patting themselves on the back for doing nothing

#i’m sorry if this is harsh but it’s very disappointing to see ppl continue to promote it as if it’s effective in any way shape or form #i’m not saying this from a preachy place i am poor and not able to do nearly enough to support gaza for my complicit role as an american #but honestly folks don’t need or deserve the false comfort of feeling like a savior for doing virtually Nothing #like donate $8 esims if you have limited resources but really want to help where you can #but there is zero tangible difference between clicking the ads and doing nothing at all. it’s a fantasy to believe otherwise ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#i’m sorry

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reanimatedgh0ul · 5 months ago

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because i've seen that there are some dp artists that struggle with how to draw fat ppl i'm now going to share some sources that i have found that i think could help other ppl out

#1 tutorial

#2 tutorial

#3 tutorial

#4 tutorial

#5 tutorial

a link to how you can access morpho: anatomy for artists (fat and skin folds) for free

lastly this website is also another great reference source but you will have to request permission by the ppl in charge of it in order to gain access first as it's protected

this should be a good starting point and i encourage y'all continue to seek out other sources where you can👍

#basically i made this in response to seeing ppl talk abt how ppl not knowing how to draw the fat characters in the show aka val and jack #while i do get we all gotta start someone and by no means am i myself an expert on how to draw fat ppl #but love of god ppl pls use resources if you don't know how #like the point is you can learn and practice you just need to actually do it and seek it out is all thank you #anyways hope this helps #if anyone has anymore tutorials similar to the ones i listed feel free to add #danny phantom #robi rambles

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fisheito · 3 months ago

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Started playing NuCarni 2 weeks ago it's so fun i love everything. But I wanna know is there any way to access past event stories??? I wanna read them and learn more abt the characters but obviously bc I wasn't there for them they're. Locked. And I can't read em. Idk man I've been an enstarrie for 4 yrs and counting so I'm used to every event or scout story being available somewhere on the internet so I can binge read to my hearts content so maybe I'm just being silly rn but I can't find anything so I'm asking u (bc ur blog makes u seem like a nucarnival god tbh praise be)

2 weeks ago!!! wow!! welcome to this pit of eternal suffering!!!!!! (i'm actually having quite a nice time don't tell anybody)

i bet my followers know more about nucarni than i do AHAHA (pls chime in if yall want!!)

i have no helpful advice... because any events i DID miss when i started playing (White Storm/Zest of Life)? i was still playing when the reruns happened the following year so ...i got em... thru accidental waiting......yeah.... sorryy..........

#i can see your yearning for the lore #to dive right into the juicy brains of all the characters and see what they're about #idk how fast you're going thru the main story?? or how much money you may be throwing at the game??#(i assume that ppl who throw money will progress faster than F2P)#but i personally would recommend going thru as much of the main story as you can before u get into past events #i feel like when i started #i didn't understand everything the events were referencing... so they didn't click much #i was just given the two featured characters (kuya and garu at the time i started) while everyone else was sorta background #and i was wondering... who are these two? umm whwat is eiden's history with them??#but when i moved further in the official chapters #i was like OOOHHHHH i see. that's why garu and kuya interact like that. or why eiden treats them like THAT #but! well! if you're the type to enjoy all the events up front then you can do that too!#but . uh. i don't know where the events would be #do people post them online? on yt or smth? is that discouraged? i know the devs don't like it when ppl post H scenes #but do they feel as strongly about the events? 🤔#*shrug* unfortunately i am a creature that lurks alone in the woods and clicks aggressively at my workshop orders #i do not know much about the outside world.... or where people hoard resources like scenes 💦#feesh answer

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twinknote · 4 days ago

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managed to eat some sad excuse for a breakfast even though i did Not feel like it

#his protein died but that’s ok. he will eat protein for lunch #i had buttered toast and now i am moving on to some grapes and strawbbs #that’s all i have in me #i think i will be sharing some food resources later today bc i have a feeling that many ppl are going to struggle w eating

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bladesoflightandshadow · 1 year ago

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is it an unpopular oppie (cute way of saying opinion) to think that stories with only 1 or 2 gender customisable LIs is kind of the way to go moving forward for choices 🧍

like the main issue ppl have been having seems to be the quality of the books n their subject matter, n the quantity of LIs won't fix that? back when it WAS the norm to have 3+ LIs per book every non-whiteman LI would get sidelined and treated like shit by the plot. at least now when the plot railroads you into spending more time w one LI u can choose their gender/appearance, and it's easier to split screentime equally between 2 LIs compared to for example 4

plus limiting it to less LIs allows the story more time to flesh out characters n ur relationships w them. it's easier to incoprorate LIs into the plot n make them important + impactful when there's less of them

OBVIOUSLY none of this is ideal and their whole business model is a bit garbáge, these are simply my thoughts !

#playchoices #im of the belief that this app is a bit of a sinking ship and i am not super hopeful that things will improve in the way a lot of ppl want #but the 1-2 LI model has worked best for their recent books considering their propensity of hurling all their resources toward developing #ONE li and their romance w mc and centering the entire plot around them #like open heart wouldve been so much more bearable if ethan was customisable id enjoy being scolded by a hot woman doctor a lot more #same w beckett #they have an issue w making lis very generic in later books too n this kinda solves that #easier to write 1 or 2 unique romances for a book than 4 #im working within the confines of what i think r realistic for this game obvsly but ya. idk i don't mind it so much as long as the book #itself is interesting enuf to catch my attention #which unfortunately it is not. and that is the main issue 4 me #plus vip boooo me and my homies hate the vip model booo #stfu nisa

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lucky-clover-gazette · 2 months ago

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i have the type of adhd that makes me try aggressively harder until it consumes me when it’s extremely difficult to acquire medication, instead of giving up because phone calls scary

#an hour and a half of my work day has been dedicated to this #honestly at this point it’s out of spite i take like 10mg twice a day #some insane part of me is like ‘oh there’s a shortage? this bullshit is def making other ppl with adhd give up but i am the alpha’#‘and i will persist and acquire the limited resource’#is this the medication or just my personality and the way i’ve developed with condition? who can say #but i’m not going to be beaten here #i will choose to go off of it but only if i genuinely think it’s the right call #and not bc i’m unwilling to do what i need to do to get it #only allowed to refill the day i run out every single month? i’ve got it hand me the phone and calendar #insurance changing coverage guidelines? doctor’s appointment made to get prior authorization or otherwise change dosage #widespread shortage? i will call every pharmacy in the area to figure out who has it this month #and call my doctor’s office as many times asking them to send it there #until they get it right after two inevitable failures #all in the same 7 hour period bc i’m legally only allowed to fill it when i’m literally about to be out of it #all while i have FUCKING ADHD

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bunnyboy-juice · 4 months ago

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blah blah blah blah blah

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bbael · 5 months ago

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Oh I just remembered that very early during the pandemic or a little before idk I had a dream on which I was living on a beach town and working as a teacher and I looked very different (long dark hair, prettier, just more mature, normie & put together in general ?) and when I woke up was like haha that's never going to happen, I could never work at a school or get out of the gastronomic system, I'm doing this for life + moving out is impossible anyway with my salary. And now... 5 years later (that felt like much less??) I'm doing (nearly) all that :|

#i remember the feeling of knowing i didnt have time or resources to go into practice and i didnt want to either. i had had a crisis idk #2 years earlier about all that and bareky finished my lit degree #at the time #i was also working 12 hs shifts for less than minimum wage #ik 5 years seem like a lot but i also am not sure how i went slowly building up to where i am currently ;_#there had to be a gradual progress but i just think things were happening very suddenly and i was pushed into situations very thoughtlessly #when i didnt even want to be in them. and i just went with the flow only to not remain stagnant #like i quit bakeries and moved to other bakeries until i hit my archival job that gave me the push to both get serious about my #second degree and also being surrounded by so many ppl in professional fields and researchers made me feel bad abt myself so much that i #started doing better lmaoo #finally getting insurance after so long being in gastronomics (hell) was so good to me too....#getting treatment for my mental health took me out of the gutter too omg. thats more recent development but if i hadnt done that i feel lik #i would be rotting...#but yeah i was pretty hopeless and with no money. lived very poorly and rly without prospect even after getting my degree anddd yeah...#what im doing now seemed like the kind of things that a much more successful people would be doing. i felt much like a kid working dead end #jobs so i didnt have to move back with my parents #not like an adult at all #anywho i should write this on my journal. im proud of myself still :'3

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fuwaprince · 1 year ago

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...

#waiting ever so patiently for ppl to fall asleep so that I can microwave some mashed potatoes...#in the past two days I have not had enough food #yeah that's all the time and yes the calorie deficit is kicking my ass #but fuck I am so hungry rn and have been since early this morning #once ppl are in bed I'm going to warm up potatoes and peas #pls godoka let there be a little more for me #in my own place I'll be able to use the bathroom and eat food whenever I want #I won't even have to expect shame #I won't worry about earning my food by working my ass off for someone else #I'll just get to eat when I want and in peace not in the dark and as quiet as a mouse #I'll light myself a candle because why not and help myself to homemade soups #i really want to cook for some reason but using the kitchen pisses ppl off bc they can hear the sounds of my existence #i hate that if i don't do enough to them that they think i just lose the right to eat bc they perceive me as a waste of resources #i stood up all night and wandered around crying over the same old same old... came home at like 5am #i let myself sleep in and ik they think i haven't contributed enough to earn any food today #“what good is a man if he only eats and sleeps?”#that's all they see #trying not to smoke and trying to cope in other ways like writing about it #at least school is tomorrow and I'll get to see my dear profs again #i cried reading their happy thanksgiving messages over email last night

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aropride · 2 years ago

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like what the fuck am i supposed to do

#tw transphobia american politics etc #like. in terms of meeeee its all about me all the time. whatever.#like my state currently isnt looking super bad legislation wise & im very lucky & very grateful #but we've seen how fast things can go downhill #and it's like . i dont know what the fuck i'd do if things get bad in my state #like. where would i get t. bc there doesnt seem to be any resources for it online because it is a felony . & ppl will be all 'oh just diy i #' as if resources for diy hrt for trans men Exist or are nearly as easy to find as those for trans women. Which they arent because it is #a FELONY !!!!!!!!!!!! for trans men. But even if i were able to get t and start t whatever #if things got bad after that. idk. ive made my peace with probably never passing in no small part due to nvr pass by she her hers #go stream . but that would make me a very obvious target & there is Nothing i can fucking do abt it bc that is just how my body is #and i dont know. if my state passes anything like mo just did. im fucked man like completely fucked #but im not gonna not transition out of fear. But its like what would i do.#Anyway in terms of not-me. How am i supposed to help people in other states Like theres no real material way i can help other than #sharing information but its like am i even accomplishing anything if i cant provide a way to help as well. but i dont know how to help.#and things just keep getting worse in my country & around the world & i cant help & i cant fix it & i dont know what to do #Anyway. whatever #text

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notjanine · 1 year ago

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spent the summer prepping for and taking the worst exam of my life, riding out the lease at the worst place i've ever lived,* then being temporarily kinda homeless,** and getting dozens and dozens of job applications rejected. i had some fun in there, but my anxiety has been through the fucking roof on top of my regular summer depression.

then the last two weeks of august happened 😳

everything happens so much. somehow, i managed to find the perfect apartment for a reasonable rent, and now me and Books are living (together!) in a fantastic and charming new home- lots of space, big kitchen table, a balcony facing undeveloped woods, just off one of the major roads in the city that has my favorite grocery store and our favorite sandwich shop (where we were already regulars). plus, i've gotten not one, not two, but three (three!) job offers- and i can take them all!!! one is with a hospital where i did my favorite internship rotation, and i'm so excited that i get to go back there and get paid to do that job, it was a blast. another is right by my new place and it's similar to the other hospital, but it's slightly bigger and sees more complex cases, so i'll be comfortable and confident, but i'll still get some new, specific clinical experience in areas that i'm interested in.

and the third position is... literally my dream job. it's the job that's been the end goal since the moment i chose my field of study. grad school and the internship made me rethink all of my professional goals and push them back, thinking i wouldn't be able to get to them for so long because i'd need ~more experience~. but now i'm. uh. i did it. i did it??!

the two hospital jobs are just part time, but they both pay well. the other won't start for a few months bc my boss*** has to get insurance approval to add me to her private practice,**** but that's okay, because i have a lot of reading and learning i want to do in the meantime to prepare! and then it will start as part time working up to full time as i build up my case load, but i'll also get to decide my own hours and do some work from home. i'll get to work with my favorite kinds of patients! and i'll get fantastic professional development opportunities for specialization, if i want to. the other dietitians in the practice seem lovely, so i'm excited to work with them. and the pay is realllly good, gosh, for being fresh out of the internship, it's nuts.

so things will pick up as i go through orientation and onboarding for the two hospital jobs next month. but it'll get calmer again after that, so i'll have the time and energy to prepare for the more challenging work that starts later, which is really nice.

and in the meantime, i'll be tending the wee garden on my balcony and playing board games with the love of my life 💗

#* all of my windows faced a wall. the walls were so thin i heard a neighbor yawn once #my air conditioner literally broke ten (10) times in three months. they just stopped fixing it. i just didn't have ac. in june. in texas.#** like i was fine i stayed in an airbnb for a week and then with Books which was not ideal bc they were in a 200 sq ft studio but hey #*** this woman is... something else. she was also one of my preceptors during my internship #on my first day with her we went over the assignments i had the option to do and one of them was about my main terrible chronic illness #and i mentioned oh yeah i am very familiar with that bc i have it. and this woman. was EXCITED #like she was interested in and valued my perspective as a sick person. which is wild #also that was my last rotation and i got really sick during that time. i had a flare up and didn't finish any of my assignments on time!!#bc of that illness! which she is now familiar w bc i did an assignment about it! and yet. and yet #SHE reached out to ME months later to be like. hey i have this position open if you want to apply here's the link :)#and then i had to interview with her and she did not pull any punches it was the longest interview i've had and she asked killer questions #and at one point she asked the question. what do YOU bring to this profession w YOUR perspective. and i just...#i said fuck it i went for it i answered honestly and said i'm autistic and autistic ppl understand each other in ways nts don't #(but like. framed intelligently w references to published research and good resources)#and you have autistic clients already and you will have more in the future bc all of us are weird about food!#and. she hired me. this woman knows i am 1. physically disabled and 2. autistic #and she hired me anyway. scream. remarkable woman. i want to know more about her.#and i don't want her to regret her decision so i gotta be on the ball!#**** it's private practice but the boss the one whose practice it is she's on a soft maternity leave so she's not seeing clients rn #so she's managing the practice. and on top of that there's also one woman who's job is just admin and insurance and billing etc #so after i finish the onboarding paperwork (almost done already) i won't have like... any more boring paperwork #it's a private practice job and i don't have to worry about billing which is the nightmare everyone dreads. incredible INCREDIBLE #ANYWAY gosh. it's all a lot! but good!#oh AND it's Books' birthday next week!!!!! we're gonna go out with their family one night then with their friends then just us #and i know exactly what i'm gonna wear (a tiny slutty dress) and i just got their gift (which i know they'll like) so everything is so !!!

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ouroboobos · 1 year ago

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A lot of of (primarily white) grown adults hide their complacency and complicitness behind the schtick of "I'm sorrrryyyyy its just because I'm so anxious and smol wahhh I'm so pathetic I'm such a pushover I'm so dumb" to try and keep you from holding them accountable but it's time to stop coddling them and just be like yeah you are pathetic and stupid.

#♥︎#like?#i keep seeing posts about various issues that are worded like #'its ok if you dont have the energy to give a shit abt marginalized ppl!! take care of urself first you cant pour from an empty pot 💛'#and 99.9% of the time its a post written by a white person about other white people #like giving permission to not give a fuck or do anything abt whatever is being discussed #its so nasty and also just fucking weird? why do we think we're in a position to do that #also its always like ''you cant take care of other people if u dont take care of yourself first 🥺''#as if the type of people internalizing those messages would ever use even one ounce of their resources or energy for the cause lmfao #you know what i mean? does this make sense?#its always the type of person who could have all the money in the world and limitless time and energy and still wouldnt do anything #because its ''bad for their mental health'' or the situation makes them ''sad''. am i making sense #practically everyone who behaves this way has every opportunity to educate themselves but they will refuse #because theyre simultaneously spineless and cruel #this is primarily abt palestine but its also about everything

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pepprs · 1 year ago

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awesome so today we (my colleague besties and me) were potentially exposed to covid by two different people we spent the morning with because nobody gives a fuck anymore and we’re all going to get sick and die. awesome! i love being alive in fall 2023 when nobody gives a single shit about covid anymore and this nightmare country has apparently decided to move on even though the danger has not subsided and arguably has increased and we no longer have access to resources or information to keep ourselves and each other safe. fuck the world

#purrs #covid19 #delete later #one person (who thankfully was wearing a mask) was recently exposed to ppl who have now tested positive and wasn’t showing symptoms but #decided to show up anyway and not tell us about it until we were already unmasking to eat lunch 3 hours into the program. didn’t have the #decency to say it beforehand. and the other person who was not wearing a mask has apparently been testing positive for a WEEK asymptomatic #ally and it’s unclear if they are still testing positive so 😃😃😃😃😃😃😃 luckily i had to leave early bc my cramps are destroying me mind body #and soul but i am so fucking angry and despondent rn. there is apparently a huge spike on campus and in my state and there is NOTHING from #the campus about it and so few news articles about what’s going on. i cannot get covid and i cannot see the people closest to me get covid.#my anxiety about covid which is already through the roof will be INFINITE and exponentially worse if i or anyone i seee on a daily basis #gets covid. when we still don’t know what long covid even is or when you get it or how you get it. i am so miserable. FUCK THIS PANDEMIC!!!!#also the second person didn’t share this information until THE LAST FEW MINUTES OF THE PROGRAM after everyone had been together in a room #for like 6 hours 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 again i left early but i am fucking terrified and furious 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰#like the way there is a massive spike and instead of using the tools and resources available to us to track and predict the spread and #protect people we decided to fucking chop off all of it because awww boohoo everyone’s tired nobody wants to think about it anymore 🥺 SHUT #YHE FUCK UP PEOPLE ARE DISABLED PEOPLE ARE DYING THE DANGER IS NOT OVER AND NOW WE ARE FIGHTING IT IN THE DARK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK!!!!!!!!!!

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