#so what can i do but make the best of what i have rn

[mariasont]

maria's fic recs

i have realized how most of these are smut & idk what that says about me but alas this are some super super amazing talented people who write crazy cool stories!!!! check them out!!!!! make sure to follow, reblog & comment on these fics if you like them!!! these incredible fic writers deserve it! i will also probably be adding more as i read follow my fic rec page for more @mariasficrecs if anyone mentioned in this post wants to be removed let me know <3

spencer reid

cedar - @parfaitblogs summary: in which compatible bodies does not always mean compatible minds, but spencer reid is all too kind when you're like this, so perhaps you're allowed to forget that for a night. 

this is the fic for the girlies who have loved someone more than they should, more than they loved you back and more than was every healthy. this is the kind of fic that makes you reread certain lines just to punch yourself in the chest a second time. masterpiece in pining, delusion, and tragic devotion. the most gorgeous piece of writing truthfully

in my dream im fixing your crutch - @notlongtolove summary: most nights, spencer wakes to the sound of your sniffles—unlike most nights, he doesn’t have to ask why. the reason is visceral, tangible—staining the sheets when the wound dressing wasn’t tight enough, seeping and pooling right between the both of you where an ocean of your guilt already lies.

this and everythingggg p writes is so incredibly SHATTERING in the best way possible. i truly need everyone to follow rn! and reader everything written by them! but this one specifically wasn't just a fic it was an experience. it's so painful and beautiful and so unfairly written. the duality of intimacy and violence is insaneeeeee like shakespearean level.

into the rose garden; for evermore - @notlongtolove summary: months of hope, weeks of ache. you’ve stayed. you’ve waited. you’ve stayed in the waiting. more pathetic than poetic if you’re being honest. but now, with him standing here with his heart in his hands, it doesn’t feel simple.

might be my favorite fic ive ever read if im being honest. everything about it had me sobbing like a baby. it's not even angst at this point it's a biblical reckoning. p has made heartbreak into a single character, personified pain and i felt every freaking piece of it actually! every single line was freaking perfection & you get to choose your ending!!!!!!! because user notlongtolove is so cool and so creative.

i can do a lot with fifteen minutes - @reidrum summary: in which you and spencer don't make it out the door on date night

i love a sabrina reference (clearly) and this was just the perfect smut fic literally like poetry disguised as desire. i have read a lot of smut (u got me). but nothing compares to a good intimate zipper scene. i will eat it up everytime!!!!!!! and a mirror scene!!!!! double whammy. fantastic 10000/10

hypothalamus - @reidrum summary: in which spencer gets creative on helping you study for your exam

godddddds to have spencer reid talk nerdy to me in bed. so in character. essentially the anatomy lesson of the gods actually. so amazing

sobriquet - @siriuslylantsov summary: spencer reacts to you calling him a nickname for the first time.

so sweet, so fluffy, a love letter to everything good in the world, essentially love seeping into mundane which is my favorite genre!!!! waking up with spencer!! being in love!! angel!!!! i love spencer calling the reader angel girl!!!!! <3

sweeter - @siriuslylantsov summary: in which, you and spencer try out foodplay, through use of whipped cream.

whipped cream!!!!!!!!! i dont have many words other than that! must read

white noise - @brattyspence summary: spencer x reader -- a situationship defined by white noise; a metaphor for how we pacify ourselves and make stupid decisions to experience comfort, even when it hurts

visceral, soul-shattering, gut wrenching agony. that's about it. slow burn destruction that will have you crying. no doubt. this fic literally lulls you into a false sense of security and then u realize that spencer is white noise and that you'd rather have whatever this is than nothing at all. LOL! definitely did not almost kill me while reading. most accurate portrayal of a situationship

chateau lobby #4 - @burymagdalene summary: Whilst trying to navigate romantic relationships after prison, Spencer finds himself in love and caught in an all-too-serious non-relationship with reader. Wanting to break this streak, he asks to spend Valentine's Day properly with a real date. Afterward, they find themselves desperate with trying to express their love for each other.

so as you might be able to tell i have a pattern of reading situationship spence! call me a masochist! but this one had a happy ending okay!!!!!!!! and a reference to father john misty? yes. immediately. i also just love post prison reid because he's so complicated and different but still him and he doesnt think he deserves soft things and soft love and it's so devastating. reading the date literally felt like falling in love in real time. so good.

a closed mouth doesn't get fed - @burymagdalene summary: When reader notices Spencers dark circles and glossy eyes, they store away their pressing need for him in bed. This desire locked away forms into a wet dream that escalates their prior expectations substantially.

one of the best portrayals of sleep-deprived, love-drunk, desperate sex. that's it. that's the tweet. also when he switches the reader's straw like why was that so sweet to me im crying

xoxo - @pathologicalreid summary: in which your daughter goes to the BAU to hand out her extra Valentines

peak domesticity. i love girl dad spence so much it's not even funny. it's everything he deserves. like i can only hope in some alternate au this is the ending reid got <3

to talk is to bare - @esote-rika summary: three times you've never felt enough for Spencer Reid—and the three times he rectified it immediately

one of the most painfully real depiction of navigating self worth in a relationship with spencer. like exactly what i feel like it would be like to be with someone so brilliant and like so unattainable-seeming, while feeling ordinary and yet spencer makes the reader feel so special ugh

in infinite universes - @nereidprinc3ss summary: in which spencer reid picks up uni!reader from a party. you're drunk, and he's in love with you

there is not a single thing (cannot emphasize this enough) that i won't read from nereidprinc3ss okay? everything she writes is actually literary gold. but this one was so beautiful it almost hurts to reid because it's literally a love letter to inevitability!!!!! and the dialogue is so funny and flirty and so spencer and ugh it's so raw and real.

spencer reid & aaron hotchner

unknown territory - @minswriting Spencer walks in on Aaron going down on you. So he watches the two of you have sex.

had to take multiple breathers after reading this! everyone knows i love hotch and reid and even more so i loveeeee a why choose. also everything min writes is so hot, 10/10 recommend checking out her account. "reid, if you're going to stand there and watch, you can at least come in and close the door" hello????????? immediately yes.

aaron hotchner

crazy - @kimstills summary: after one heated and spontaneous night together, aaron can’t seem to get his pretty subordinate (or her pussy) out of his head.

i did in fact read this bad boy like three times because it's that good. it perfectly mirrors hotch's mental state which i love love love. and i just love a smutty fic that has the best escalation of tension, like it builds until hotch physically cannot take it anymore and shewwwww so hot. exactly what i want in a hotch smut fic

savor - @kimstills summary: after being compromised to working a case the next day, aaron decides on savoring your current moment together for when he’s gone.

maddie is just always going to make the hottest aaron hotchner smut. the fact that this idea comes to aaron mid fuck is wild and i love it LOL.

morphine - @luveline summary: you get a good dose, confess your affections, and leave poor, oblivious hotch to fix things up neatly. 

so if you follow my fic rec blog you know i literally reblog absolutely everything jade writes because it is just that fantastic. and this one is just soooo tender and so perfectly in character with hotch. if you are looking for truly amazing characterizations of hotch and reid !!!!! right here besties !!!!

filthy flat-pack thoughts - @alinathinkstoomuch summary: you had taken the day off to get yourself settled into your new apartment, not expecting hotch to show up at your door and offer a hand.

hey so firstly im just obsessed with the title, idk why it scratches something in my brain. and i feel like this fic should be illegal because it's not just smut-adjacent, it's foreplay with no touching, sexual frustration in furniture assembly and poor decisions lolol and again everyone who knows me knows i eat upppppp sexual tension and this fic was just that. there is literally no kisses no sex nothing and it's still one of the hottest fics i've ever read (there is also a smutty part two so go check that out as well)

can't lose when i'm with you - @aureatelys summary: You work as a beverage cart girl at your local country club and your dad ropes you in to make him look good during a business meeting with his new best friend.

dbf hotch is my weakness. the slow burn!!!!!! possessive hotch!!! daddy hotch!!!! this is the gold standard for dbf hotch truly. felt like i needed a cigarette after and i don't even smoke

red light kiss - @aureatelys summary: You haven't had sex in a week, you're stuck in the car with your new boyfriend/boss, and he's wearing that damn Kevlar vest. How could you resist?

hey yeah so i was positively feral after reading this actually. that damn kevlar vest is right. idk how you managed to make a blowjob in a government vehicle feel romantic but you did so bravo

tyrant - @solardrop summary: Hotch lets you take some anger out on him after he disrespects you on a case.

my favorite genre !!!!!!! making hotch shut up by sitting on his face! mhm mhm mhm. absolutely amazing use of free will was you writing this because i've read it at least 5 times minimum. i was forever changed after this

salt & pepper - @dudeitiskarev summary: dad bod and insecure Hotch. That’s it.

everything cat writes is just so crazy good but everyone knows i have such a weakness for dad bod hotch & this is the absolute perfect fic for it.

we can't be friends (wait for your love) - @cerisereids summary: down on your luck after a huge betrayal, you return to live at your father's house with your tail between your legs. you're humiliated, thoroughly convinced nothing good could come from returning home. then you meet aaron hotchner.

there are three parts to this masterpiece and i need everyone to read them all okay? because it's just so good. hotch flustered is my roman empire and grrrrrr this man was literally on his knees for the reader internally through out the whole thing & once again dbf!hotch!!!!! arghhh obsessed

[gay-dorito-dust]

Could I request some platonic batboys comforting their bestie after the bestie has to break up with someone? Going through it rn </3

I got you! Fuck your ex partner if they were a dick to you, fuck them for breaking your heart and you will come out of this with a healed heart and a sense of self because you deserve everything and everything! I also added Bruce as a bonus.

Dick would have you come over to his house, saying that Hayley was ready to also help you heal pass this relationship, all the while putting the dog into your lap and encouraging you to cuddle the blue staffy because Hayley was there to provide extra comfort beside him.

Dick had been through relationships himself and would offer the most advice to you in your time of need the best out of all the boys, he understands how your feeling in the moment, as if your life was coming to an end but he would remind you that’s not the case and that you were just not use to being independent.

‘You might feel like you’re dying right now, but you won’t feel that for long.’ He says as he rests a hand on your shoulder. ‘you’ve just grown a custom to being with someone that being without them feels as though you can’t function but I’m here to tell you that you can. You were independent before and you’ll be independent again. So I wouldn’t fret about things that’ll soon become irrelevant.’ He adds as he presses you against his side, kissing your forehead like he always did when he needed to calm your racing mind.

‘Okay?’ He asks as he looks you in the eye, smiling. ‘We’ll take care of you won’t we Hayley?’ He then looks at his dog who had long fallen asleep on your lap, letting out a little snort as you both laughed at the cuteness of Hayley and the hilarity of the moment. Dick would make sure that you were getting out and would have you come on walks with him and Hayley, or just getting coffee together, anything he can do in order to help you realise that just because your relationship didn’t work out it didn’t mean that you have to give up being happy all tighter.

You can be happy on your own as you can be happy in a relationship, you’ve just gotta find the right people to be happy independent alongside with.

Jason would also solicit similar advice as Dick, seeing as he’s been in a few relationships himself, telling you that you might feel as though you’ve lost apart of yourself but in reality it was you hiding that part of yourself in fear of your true self being rejected.

‘Such isn’t what a relationship should be, you should see each other for your best and worst, not just one or the other and you should feel comfortable being yourself with them too.’ He says to you as he throws his arm over your shoulder as you both overlooked Gotham together becuase you couldn’t enjoy the stars with all the light pollution. ‘You’ll get back up on your feet sooner or later but for now eat your food before it goes cold.’ He then scolds as he gestures to the food he had made for you before dragging you to the rooftops for fresh air.

He wants the bash the idiots head in, but he knew you needed a shoulder to cry on right now and that’s what Jason will do, for you were in a vulnerable headspace and were prone to doing stupid stuff; and Jason felt it was his duty to make sure you took care of yourself properly and would do things that you didn’t or couldn’t do if the breakup hit your mental health hard.

Jason would make sure that you and your ex’s paths never cross as he acts as a blockade between you both, having much against the ex for being a uncaring bastard for hurting you while making sure your day went by undisturbed by anything or anyone. He’s looking out for you and most of your time is spent either in a bookstore or in his apartment, where you two would watch shitty reality television, before making predictions on who’ll get kicked out tomorrow nights episode.

Damian

‘Shall I end them for breaking your heart?’ He says as he puts a hand on your shoulder, obviously not use to being the one to comfort another, but with the help of Dick he hoped he was being at least somewhat comforting for you in your time of need.

You raise a hand to pat his hand on your shoulder, weakly chuckling at the seriousness of his tone, for while he might say it out of a need to bring you some assurance that he will be by your side. Damian wasn’t one to half ass his words and was most likely not joking about taking out your ex boyfriend for breaking your heart. ‘Thanks but no thanks dami.’

‘You’re better off without them. They were weak and couldn’t keep up with you, they were intimidated by your presence and how you easily prove yourself as a powerful individual who can look out for themselves and was scared of your power.’ Damian replies as he sits down next to you, setting aside his sword as he has Titus draped across your lap and Ace lounge next to your side, knowing how much you loved the dogs as much as he did.

And you know he’s not lying becuase Damian saw no point in lying to you, it’s ridiculous and serves no purpose whatsoever other then to guard another persons feelings, nope Damian says it as it is and needles to say he didn’t like your ex and now they’ve proved that feeling he had right by breaking your heart. While you said that he couldn’t kill him, Damian would oh most definitely stand outside their window menacingly without really trying.

However until he gets the opportunity to scare the shit out of your ex, he’s by your side with you throughout your healing journey as you realise that Damian wasn’t joking about you and your power. Your heart might break but it’s still beating and to Damian you alleys proven you were stronger then your ex ten times over. Hell you might even spar if you’ve got some anger to let out…Damian will use this as an excuse just to say;

‘Imagine their face and attack with everything you’ve got until there’s nothing left.’

Damian is an advocate for expressing how you fell in whatever form you can available to you, whether it’s through art, writing, music or otherwise just let it all out because how can you feel better when your repressing your emotions; thus hindering your own healing.

Tim has ice cream, your beloved fluffy blankets, your favourite show and or movie queued up on his computer with take out on the way the moment you had told him the news of your break up.

He doesn’t waste time and tells you to put on your most comfortable clothes because you were staying over the night to recover from a rather lacklustre relationship, away from someone who didn’t deserve you in the slightest, though this is very dependant on what relationship you had with your ex partner but the message remained the same with Tim: movie night with a side of gossip session where you shit talk about your ex partner and their glaring red flags now you were out of that mess.

Seriously by the end of the night you are no longer crying tears of sadness but tears of laughter every time Tim had something to say about your ex partner, easily roasting them into oblivion while your grasping at your stomach as it ached pleasantly, before joining in on the roasting yourself by giving him some insider information that his hacking skills could never give him.

Bruce ‘I’m rich’ Wayne who takes you out on shopping sprees to heal your heart by attempting to make a dent in his wallet.

After all what wouldn’t heal the heart faster than spending ridiculous amounts of money on comfort foods, items and clothing of various kinds.

Seriously this man will tell you to get the biggest, most expensive jellycat plushy the shop had, only to tell you to get like two more of similar sizes before gifting you his card and telling you to go nuts on what you want. That or he’d buy you it himself when he sees how hesitant you are with sending his money, quickly to pick up the things you side eye for too long or wince at the price tag of and buying it in bulk for you without hesitation.

He’s treating you to a expensive dinner afterwards with expensive drinks being brought to your table bottle by bottle along with good food, not that Bruce cared in the slightest as the night was far from over for the both of you, far from it as by the end of the night you would’ve completely forgotten about your ex when your rich friend spoils you rotten.

No friend of Bruce’s will cry over a broke loser, this man will remind you of your worth but in a less threading way like a certain son would, even if the encouragement was there in spirit.

[humongousgothskeletonfarm]

TGR CHAPTER 22 THOUGHTS

and spoilers!!!

GUYS I THINK THIS IS THE LAST POST I JUST WANTED TO SAY IM GLAD THEY WERE SUCH A HIT AND U ALL LIKED THEM I RLLY THOUGHT IT WOULD BE SOMETHING THAT ONLY I WOULD SEE BUT IM HAPPY UR ENJOYING MY RAMBLING AND STUPID COMMENTS

- THEAS HERE???

- HOLY FUCK GUYS ANDREWS LETTING AARON DRIVE HIS CAR THIS IS CRAZY OMFG WHAT A DEVELOPMENT ARE WE ALL EXCUTED ABOUT THIS PROGRESS????

- NEIL CAUSING DRAMA FOR THEA AND NOT GIVING A SINGLE FUCK ABOUT EXPOSING THE FACT THAT THIS IS HER SECOND VISIT TO THEM IS SO FUNNY HES SOOOOO UNSERIOUS HE LEGIT JUST DIPS OUT LEAVING A TRAIL OF CHAOS BEHIND HIM

- “Not her first visit to the Foxhole Court,” the reporter guessed. ​“The court? Unknown.” Neil gave a careless shrug he immediately and obviously regretted.

THIS DAMN NEAR SENT ME INTO HYSTERICS HIS NUMBER ONE HOBBY WAS NEVER EXY IT WAS ALWAYS FUCKING WITH REPORTERS THATS HIS TRUE LIFE CALLING

- good lord i fucking despite jeremy’s family. i hope he can get out of there soon i rlly do

fuck u warren

- cat and jeans matching bikes i love them😭

- jean being so proud of his bike is everything and so is jeremy saying “Jean was more interesting by far.”

- JESUS FUCKING CHRIST ANOTHER RAVEN IS DEAD. this is actually just sad.

- ANOTHER TWO? one of them being cody’s cousin which icl i completely forgot about BUT WHAT WHY TF WAS NOBODY KEEPING AN EYE ON THEM

- laila riding a motorcycle to get to jeremy coz he needed her :(

- “She was saying something about loosening every screw on Bryson’s desk and chair.” CATALINA ALVAREZ PLS MARRY ME UR SO FUNNY AND COOL IM SO IN LOVE WITH U

nora if ur listening i am currently requesting a neil, jean, cat teamup. they could be unstoppable!

-“But I will choose you every time. You, and Cat, and Laila, every time. I will lose them all if I must.” GUYSSSSSS DONT PLAY WITH ME RN THIS MEANS EVERYTHING TO ME. JEREMYS HEART JUST EXPLODED BTW IDK IF YALL CAUGHT THAT

CHAPTER TWENTY THREE

- istg, nora making jean ride a motorcycle was one of her best decisions. i never would’ve expected it and i love it. i wish i was as cool as jean

- oh ew that’s so fucking disgusting. poor lyle.

- “Some of it… It was very long and very boring.” — me when i’m asked if a read the terms and conditions to literally anything

(sorry, now isn’t the time or place to be joking)

- “It is hideous, but it is better than wearing black.” ohhhhh he’s SO bold now,, i remember a time when jean moreau would’ve never dared to every think that let alone tell a raven that. he’s progressed so much 😭

- “Thank you for visiting. It is a rare treat to see Jeremy happy.” guys stop i love william actually he’s an honorary member of the group now

- “If she doesn’t know you enough to trust you now, she never will.” “You don’t know that.”

he said what he said, clock it jean! nah in actuality this shit is so sad poor jere constantly fighting for his mothers approval, going along with her demands to please her rather than doing what’s best for him. he keeps trying, keeps pushing himself for a shred of her love :(

- jean 🤝 neil: having the most boring fucking favourite colours

(i can’t judge i always say black)

- “Brown like the gaze that sought Jean out in every room, but that last thought wasn’t one he could linger on.” KICKING MY FEET RN GUYS

- the daffodil artwork :(

- jean brushing his fingers through lailas hair because he knows it is a sign of affection between the girls and he knows laila needs some comfort. when will nora stop inflicting this pain upon me

- TANNER IS JEANS DUCKLING

- “He slowly separated her hair into sections. It’d been years since he’d done this for Elodie; he could barely remember how it was supposed to go. He tried and failed and tried again, until he got far enough to understand what he was doing.” DO I HIGHLIGHT THIS YELLOW FOR HAPPY AND SWEET SCENES OR BLUE FOR MADLY DEPRESSING SHIT????

- “But the braid in his hand was a rope back to sunlight and solid ground” they’re his safe place :(

- “She prayed for a dragon to save her.” ​Laila’s tone was gentle, like she thought he’d retreat if she spoke too loudly. “Not a prince?” ​“A dragon could tear our house apart to free her and carry her far away.” OH NORA STOP UR JUST TORTURING ME AT THIS POINT LET ME LIVEEE

- “He had a feeling he knew the answer, but it worth a try anyway: “Peaches are trees?” Her nod had him grumbling discontent into his water” bruh he’s so fucking cute i wanna squish his face

- what’s the bet that now that jean has agreed to a dog, the dog they end up getting loves jean the most out of all of them (jean will slowly warm up to it)

CHAPTER TWENTY FOUR!!!!!

- “You don’t even have a bed yet,” Jean complained. ​“I have a face she can—” you have a what sorry cat??? i think u got cut off at the end there

- jeremy being so excited for the dog is fucking adorable

- JEAN HAVING A STARING COMPETITION WITH A DOG, LOSING, AND THEN RESORTING TO TELLING THE DOG HE DOESNT SEE THE APPEAL IN HIM IS SO HILARIOUS HES SUCH A BITCH

HES FULLY BEEFING WITH A GERIATRIC DOG RN CALLING IT OUT FOR ITS HYGIENE AND GETTING OFFENDED FHAT IT MIGHT UNDERSTAND FRENCH

NOW HES TELL THE DOG ITS PARENTS ABANDONED IT

“Maybe it perfectly timed its own to his and that was why he always missed it.” i think this is paranoia jean, the conspiracy theories r a step too far

“Jean stared it down, refusing to lose to a beast he could easily shove inside his backpack. He lost” genuinely might have to be the funniest part of the whole book

- Jean v Rex the saga continues: jean bullies rex over his name. jean is clearly more affected as rex is a dog and cannot understand english. “He is not a dinosaur”

- “studying Jean’s face like the secret to the universe was just out of reach.” oh!

- “He’s asleep.” ​“He’s faking it,” Jean said. ​“He likes you,” WHAT DID I TELL U

- “We do not,” Jean corrected him, but both men ignored him.” jean getting ignored by dogs and humans alike today

- “He almost asked, then decided he didn’t need to give the impression he cared.” yessss jean! ur so nonchalant rn i promise.

- “Embrace fatherhood.” nothing to say just that this whole chapter had me so delighted. a very welcome tone change from everything else that had just happened

- “Not for me, Jean warned himself, but for one moment, just this moment, he would let himself pretend.” AHHHHHH GUYSSSS ITS HAPPENINGGGGGGG

AND THATS A WRAP GUYS WTF THANK U FOR JOINING ME ON THIS JOURNEY I HOPE U HAD FUN. THE BOOK WAS GREAT THANK U MS NORA SAKAVIC AS ALWAYS. ILL SEE U ALL AGAIN WHEN BOOK THREE IS OUT!!! IM GONNA GO READ SOME FANFIC NOW

[genericpuff]

The FAQ link sent me straight to the inbox. Do you have a Patreon? (Sorry if you've answered this before.)

Oops, that's not supposed to happen!! I'm at the shop rn but once I'm home I'll take a look at it, I recently changed my site theme so the link might have just broke 🤣

I do have a Patreon, and a Ko-Fi now too as well!! (just recently started a secondary page for Ko-Fi, I haven't finished sprucing it up yet but it's at least setup enough to function lmao) Both are setup for monthly subs, but Ko-Fi is frankly my favorite as it also allows for one-time donations, it supports community goals (which Patreon got rid of, bleh) and its fees are WAY lower, meaning more of what people send me actually gets to me!

That said, I do want to include a disclaimer for anyone finding out for the first time:

Obviously with the nature of Rekindled being fanfiction, I can't directly profit off it, so I'm limited in what I can offer in terms of tier rewards. I'm not exactly keen on running the risk of offering stuff like early access pages or sellable digital downloads of the comic itself, that sort of thing, as it could be held against me as selling Rachel's characters / story / etc. for my own profit. While Patreon overall does offer the "legal grey area" of operating as more of an optional tip jar than a commercial storefront, I would still rather mitigate the risk of legal consequences before they've happened, rather than push my luck and get screwed for it later LMAO

Aa such, most of what I post rn are backlog Twitch VODs from past streams (which includes live footage and commentary of me making "new" episodes) and time lapses of completed episodes ! Stuff that contains Rekindled goodies without it being a direct sales item ;p

Aside from balancing on legal tightropes, I've also just... learned the hard way from past experiences that I'm not the best at maintaining a robust and regular tier reward system 🫣 (thanks ADHD) If I were able to do this as my full-time job, maybe, but ultimately I prefer keeping my crowdfunding platforms simple so I can focus on making what people are really paying for - the continued production of more episodes!

Sooooo with that big disclaimer / explanation aside , if you do decide to check it out, just keep in mind that both platforms are operating more like optional tip jars, with the odd piece of bonus content every now and then from what I can feasibly (and legally) provide !! I try my best to upload regularly enough for the monthly subscription to be "worth it", but that's why I also have a Ko-Fi setup now too, for people who would rather just make one time donations or don't want to deal with another monthly subscription cost (mood)

Regardless, all the money that I earn from Patreon, Ko-Fi, and Twitch goes back into Rekindled in some way or another! Whether it's helping cover costs for my drawing software or paying for new brushes / assets, or even just helping with our Internet bill so that I can keep posting LMAO I'm super grateful to those who have or are currently tucking some extra change into my pocket to help support my work and get me by, every little bit counts 🤗💖

(and ofc for those who don't have the means to support with money - reading my work, commenting on it, reblogging it, etc. is super helpful too!!! All your kind words and fun discussions and theories in the tags and fanart and everything in between are their own form of compensation, because it brings me immense amounts of joy and constantly reminds me why I do what I do 🥺💖)

[twinkbasement]

like how do i even articulate that no matter what i do and how hard i try its not getting better? i dont sleep rlly at all, maybe a 3 ish hours total on a good night given how often i wake up and how late i get to sleep. im not rlly eating either bc im never fucking hungry and everything feels idk Repulsive to even consider putting in my mouth even when i am. im in pain and it doesnt end no matter how gentle i am w myself. i am in a constant state of almost complete panic bc of how much i am having to manage in terms of admin and life issues bc those dont ever seem to end either. i havent been able to take my medication in almost a month bc of nhs incompetence and i Know its making me worse bc im so fucking irritable all the time. i feel so fucking existentially empty and devoid of purpose or meaning or justification for my existence. i am alive so that the like 7 ppl who only talk to me so i can get the hrt wont lose access. im only alive bc if im not itll be my fault if my wife dies and it doesnt matter if i wouldnt know it bc i was dead the thought, the guilt of it as a concept forces me to continue against every fucking screaming molecule of my body begging me to just fucking give up. im almost constantly overwhelmed by this feeling that is so completely indescribable that i dont even know where to begin to explain it to myself let alone to someone else. im in pain and its not just bc im overworked or burned out or whatever, the mental fucking suffering im forcing myself to endure every day so everyone else around me can be ok, can be happy, can thrive and do what they need feels like its fucking shredding my nerves and ripping through my flesh. and im fucking trying and no one fucking gets that. no amount of being told "the change comes from within" is going to do anything about the fact that this is as much as i can do this is as hard as i can try i have no more effort or energy than i am already forcing myself to keep using even when i feel like i am empty and there is nothing left for me to use to keep going. i do all the things i shld as much as i can. but the longer it goes on the harder it is for me to help myself and then i just get accused of "not trying hard enough to get better" as if i am not giving it my fucking all. u try spending every night alone, in pain, caught in spiraling obsession after spiraling obsession of ur own fucking inadequacy and failure and immorality. u try to manage the fucking effort of trying and trying and reaching out and begging for help and being so fucking explicit about how bad it is only to be told it cant be as bad u say or that its not bad enough for support but that even if it were ud be too damaged and unstable to access it. i feel like im dying, or more like, i feel like im fading, like soon there will be so little left of me of who i want to be who i put so much effort into being that even the fragments of damage that make up the core of who i am are coming apart and disintegrating. there is going to be nothing left and i feel like im watching myself slowly fucking evaporate and lose everything over and over again and vanish more and more from reality from existence from myself that it wont be much longer till theres nothing left to salvage. i try and tell myself its temporary. it wont last forever. i look at photos to remind myself when it wasnt this bad but i cant believe it i cant fucking trust that its true and even more than that i cant make myself understand that it can change, it can be that again. bc i know it cant. i know it at such a deep and intrinsic level of myself. and its not even like im gna kms. theres no point. what is left to kill?

[knifearo]

being aromantic is like. hey btw you're going to live a life that is the culmination of most of society's worst nightmares. sorry lol ✌️ but then you turn around and take a really good hard look at it and it turns out that living in that nightmare is fucking awesome and you get to wake up every day and take that fear that other people have and laugh and hold it close until it's a great joy for you instead. and being happy is a radical act that you define instead of someone else. and you're sexy as fuck that's just a fact of life i don't make the rules on that one

[mintypsii]

not a part 2, but here's a prequel to this sanuso comic I did last month !!! (takes place the night before ,, technically after the first three panels)

[bloggingboutburgers]

Tbh I feel like going to the US while the Nazis are in power is suicidal. So of course I don't understand your choice of going instead of your SO coming to Europe. But while I don't understand, I wish and pray for you to be safe. Whatever you choose, I hope you guys will be okay

You might be right. I have no idea what the future has in store or if I'll come to regret it. But I've already stated my reasons. As it stands, with the year-long process we've already started and that we can't just flip on a dime overnight, my partner can't come and stay in Europe legally just like that. Legal immigration is not that easy in one way or the other. Also... Yeah, I've stated that before, but one shouldn't underestimate how shitty things have been getting in Europe for the past few years as well, and how the influence of the US (which is huge) is likely to make things worse. So again I'm not 100% sure whether that'd have been better anyway.

Also also... Ima be real, I've shared that before, but the time where I was separated from my partner due to the travel ban was the only time in my life where I had actual suicidal ideation. I don't want this to happen again. That's why I'm making moves so it doesn't, first and foremost.

[extravagav]

AND WE JUST DONT TALK ABOUT THIS?!?!?!!????

[sleepyyghostt]

any time i remember that trump supporters are in any way associated with christianity i feel fcking insane

[yappacadaver]

i just need to survive until i get my period but the alignment of hormonal cycle madness, rent being due without me being sure i can afford it, the inauguration/current political environment, and social media imploding just as i was starting to get a foothold is really sending me like. idk if im going to make it and that is 100% genuine

[buttercupshands]

My emotionally immature ass still doesn't understand a thing of how people can pity characters

Not like I don't try to understand it! I just... Can't? Understand that??? At all???

Like why would you pity a character for their sad backstory or whatever, and poof suddenly a character is pitiful as hell, and suddenly they're understandable because a person can call them a wet kitten under their care

And that's something I can't do for some reason

And again, not like I didn't *try*, it's just a thing I can't understand at any capacity other than 'some people do that to show their affection of that character, that's their way of caring

Granted talking to more people makes you understand them better! Doesn't help much! But it's something!!

[enhanced-operatives-division]

Prism's concept art has been. Deeply on my mind. They had some killer ideas for her and ummm.....sobs in my hands. I love her?

[sk8erama]

Day 1 of spending no money was a success but idk how much of that can be contributed to me since my grandma paid for my lunch and my dad paid for my dinner 😝

STILL THO I think before I got to bed tn I’m gonna dec out my new bag so I can finally start using it, and I think I’ll put my wallet minus credit cards in there.

I know this won’t be the biggest help since most of my big frivolous purchases happen online but still, i think it’ll be good to at least remind me that I can’t be as careless about it as i used to be.

ALSO I finally got my bathroom all cleaned up and organized 🙏 I knows it’s just one small part of my room but I’m so relieved to have SOMETHING done. I’m still proud of how clean the living room/kitchen is but those are spaces I’m gonna have to continuously clean so I can’t be happy w it for tooo long (esp since I’ll be moving my bedroom shit in there to help w organizing)

REGARDLESS THO I think tmrw im gonna try to focus big time on cleaning my bedroom and closet, calling my dad to see if he can come install some stuff for me, and tidying up in the living room and kitchen before my Roomate comes back

Ghhrrr I’m so ready for everything to be in order, and I *know* that might not be possible to get done, but I’m REALLY hoping I can make a noticeable improvement, once I get the harder parts done it’ll at least be easier for me to finish up the next day 🤙

[another-faceless-girl]

okay trying to be coherent now. (it wont work cause its night and i cant be normal at night)

so as soon a silco meets powder he just... hugs her and accepts her willingly without any alterior motive like it would better for silco to leave powder but he doesnt because as soon as he meets her he decides that this is his daughter and he is going to keep this child.

now my father cant even accept me now. after fucking years of me trying and working my ass of for his approval he just cant be bothered i guess. but silco just does it and freaks me the fuck out. because a father!??!?! loving his daughter!?!?!?!? unconditionally!?!?!??!

and jinx is also comfortable around silco. she does his eye drops because he trusts her and she trusts him and i think my father would rather naw off his own leg than let me do that to him.

my father pretends to be a good man around other people. he loves children, hes funny hes smart hes good with his own kids and everyone believes him because who would believe me over him? hes a bad father though. a terrible father he doesnt listen to me he doesnt care about my interests and i feel like i cant tell him anything i cant do anything to make him proud. but hes still - however much I hate it - a 'good person.'

but silco is a terrible person and he doesnt even try to hide it. he hits he bribes and he doesnt care who gets in his way because he is getting what he wants if you like it or not. but around jinx hes - im not going to say good because he can do a lot better - a father to jinx and him and jinx are father and daughter no matter how fucked up it might be. he accepts he no matter because to him she is perfect even if its a rubbish concept of perfect. so silco is a terrible person and a - kinda - good father.

because i imagine when you watch it as someone who has a good relationship with your father you think silco is terrible and he is! but to me hes everything a father should be even if hes a monster. Hes protective hes caring and he trusts her he actually likes spending time with her and not just because hes her father and its a duty because he isnt jinxs father. so maybe i sound like a broken record but silco is everything i want my father to be and my father is still himself.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...