#bc at least im doing something for the benefit of others
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whoreishghost · 3 months ago
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like how do i even articulate that no matter what i do and how hard i try its not getting better? i dont sleep rlly at all, maybe a 3 ish hours total on a good night given how often i wake up and how late i get to sleep. im not rlly eating either bc im never fucking hungry and everything feels idk Repulsive to even consider putting in my mouth even when i am. im in pain and it doesnt end no matter how gentle i am w myself. i am in a constant state of almost complete panic bc of how much i am having to manage in terms of admin and life issues bc those dont ever seem to end either. i havent been able to take my medication in almost a month bc of nhs incompetence and i Know its making me worse bc im so fucking irritable all the time. i feel so fucking existentially empty and devoid of purpose or meaning or justification for my existence. i am alive so that the like 7 ppl who only talk to me so i can get the hrt wont lose access. im only alive bc if im not itll be my fault if my wife dies and it doesnt matter if i wouldnt know it bc i was dead the thought, the guilt of it as a concept forces me to continue against every fucking screaming molecule of my body begging me to just fucking give up. im almost constantly overwhelmed by this feeling that is so completely indescribable that i dont even know where to begin to explain it to myself let alone to someone else. im in pain and its not just bc im overworked or burned out or whatever, the mental fucking suffering im forcing myself to endure every day so everyone else around me can be ok, can be happy, can thrive and do what they need feels like its fucking shredding my nerves and ripping through my flesh. and im fucking trying and no one fucking gets that. no amount of being told "the change comes from within" is going to do anything about the fact that this is as much as i can do this is as hard as i can try i have no more effort or energy than i am already forcing myself to keep using even when i feel like i am empty and there is nothing left for me to use to keep going. i do all the things i shld as much as i can. but the longer it goes on the harder it is for me to help myself and then i just get accused of "not trying hard enough to get better" as if i am not giving it my fucking all. u try spending every night alone, in pain, caught in spiraling obsession after spiraling obsession of ur own fucking inadequacy and failure and immorality. u try to manage the fucking effort of trying and trying and reaching out and begging for help and being so fucking explicit about how bad it is only to be told it cant be as bad u say or that its not bad enough for support but that even if it were ud be too damaged and unstable to access it. i feel like im dying, or more like, i feel like im fading, like soon there will be so little left of me of who i want to be who i put so much effort into being that even the fragments of damage that make up the core of who i am are coming apart and disintegrating. there is going to be nothing left and i feel like im watching myself slowly fucking evaporate and lose everything over and over again and vanish more and more from reality from existence from myself that it wont be much longer till theres nothing left to salvage. i try and tell myself its temporary. it wont last forever. i look at photos to remind myself when it wasnt this bad but i cant believe it i cant fucking trust that its true and even more than that i cant make myself understand that it can change, it can be that again. bc i know it cant. i know it at such a deep and intrinsic level of myself. and its not even like im gna kms. theres no point. what is left to kill?
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guinevereslancelot · 2 years ago
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florist roses having no scent is actually so messed up. we bred the roses to look "perfect" and last a long time and but they have lost The thing that people have loved them for the most for thousands of years. now when u smell a boquet of roses all you can smell is the chemical scent of plant food unless they're actual garden roses. there's a metaphor in here somewhere
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daisybell-on-a-carousel · 1 month ago
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Jason, especially in that one Teen Titans comic, often complains about the lack of pants he has. And I'm haunted thinking about that at all times
#he clearer wanted to have pants. or at the very least. something more suited for cold environments#boy was in the fucking arctic. pantless. and then teased for asking how wonder woman wasnt cold. he cant catch a break 😔#its just so weird. so wild#im not sayijg. entirely. that bruce was forcing jason to have the same costume as dick with no changes for him#but also.#he was. like he was clearly stated in comics to be doing that with thw whole#makikg him go by robin making him wear the robin costume saying he is robin now. not acknowledging him as like a different robin#no villains really pointed out. only harvey bullock did. i miss harvey bullock so bad#like. its more of a subtle hes not allowed to change it. where i dont think he really thinks he can ask#wpuld jason habe been able to get pants if he directly asked? well.#i want to give bruce the benefit of the doubt and say yes#lets just say that#amd obviously this changed with tim#probably bc the writers wanted to steer clearer of making a possible dick clone or copy#but like in universe#bruce either realized making your kid dress uo as your other kid is kinda fucked. wanted tim to have more protection#couldn't stand tim looking like jason. or tim was firmer in getting a new suit where jason was more passive about for many possible reasons#or something else. who knows. its all up to you#he doesn't even have like a winter suit or something. dang. bruce you're a million billionaire or whatever#you can afford fancy heaters in both suits but you cant make robin some spare pants. he was in the arctic.#i dont careee they were just walking to the fortress which was warm. he had no pants OR long sleeves#when jason was left to his own devices to make his own suit he had covered legs and arms. the shorts is not whats in his heart#why DONT they have winter or colder weather outfits huh.#i can forgive the robin uniform because yknow running around working out working up a sweat#but my disbelief can only be suspended so far#when snows involved i simply cannot accept it#but thats leaning away from canon and more going into “if i could whatever i wanted and redesign them to be vaguely more practical”
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I Am Once Again Begging Y'all To Be Fucking Normal About People From Other Countries
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thedevotionaltour · 5 months ago
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I SHOULD HAVE GONE INTO RADIOOOOOOOO
#the only benefit of art school is MY FRIENDS!!! maybe i would be better at art now if i hadnt gone bc i could have kept it as a hobby...#but i do love everything i have learned. i really do. unfortunately i think more than anything i am just bad at existing and doing things#i used to be able to do things. in high school. existing i still wasnt good at doing that there either. but at least i did things on my own#and at the time felt i was good at them. now im just bad at existing and doing things and do nothing worthwhile that i love anymore#oh it sucks to have this realization every other day. to just know you are very bad at what you wanted to do so badly. and just feel like#all you can do is give up on it. i know i shouldnt. but it's very hard not to want to. when you see everyone else around you getting better#and still doing art on their own time. and you see your own stuff and realize you have gotten worse. dont progress. and cant even do it as#hobby anymore. when you see how far behind you are from everyone else and see how your work has lost confidence it just sucks badly. yknow#i wish my brain worked better desperately bc i do think that is part of it. but im just lazy. and bad at this. and have no drive for anythi#im not very good at any of this overall. and it makes me sad. im the only thing in my way of what i want but i dont know how to move forwar#oh well. one day something better will come my way if im lucky. if i do better. one day i'll do better. i hope. i really really hope.#static.soundz#vent.txt#SORRY i got whiney and self pitying in my tags even though i said i wouldnt well unfortunately I Am Not Strong and need to make posts#bc this is my diary where i say everything ever good and bad beneficial and detrimental bc what else should i be doing with this blog huh
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starswallowingsea · 11 months ago
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got a sudden anxiety spike about having to move out after next summer but did a quick google of rent prices in the area i plan on moving to and. its not unaffordable for one person. $600/month isnt that bad. even at $15/hr 35 hours a week at my current job i make twice that which will still allow me to put money on my loans, buy groceries (~$120/month) and get little things for myself every now and then. though i wont be saving that much for other things...
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jvzebel-x · 1 year ago
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🦋
#hmmmm.#so as a rule i say thank you when i go out. a lot. bc i was told once that saying thank you instead of im sorry#would make ppl feel less uncomfortable so i swapped the phrases out.#similarly i was told once that compliments make ppl happy&also if im specifically looking for Good Things#i will find them-- as opposed to letting my head do whatever it wants bc given the extremely violent intrusive+obsessive thoughts#directing it towards Good Things works out for everyone if ppl enjoy compliments.#im also like. extremely aware that these facts-- along w my fervent occasionally manic insistence on being Nice when interacting w ppl#(bc i thought we all were told as kids to treat others the way we wanted to be treated??? lmao.)#-- all add up to make me seem insincere at times or to some ppl. i. dont care. LMAO.#its too exhausting to care. like ppl find whatever they want to find&if ppl are so set on my being a certain way#so much so that my being a nice person can only be explained by nefarious intent (to acheive. what. kindness from others? lmao.)#how in the fuck can any of that be my fault or-- MUCH more importantly-- my problem???#however lately its like ppl have been getting like. Offended. by the impulses. which is becoming... boring. for me. lmao.#bc it isnt like i dont mean it when im extensively polite&complimentary-- i mean everything i say bc even when anxiously filling silence#i dont like wasting my time on like. lying for no reason lmao.#its more so that if it becomes a hinderance to be myself ill go the route that benefits me which is the one of least resistance#&i will ALSO mean it when i make someone cry w exactly the same amount of effort lmao#bc proving a point-- even if its proving someone elses point-- correct is extremely easy either way lmao.#its weird to me that ppl would think seeing good in something means that seeing bad in it isnt possible lmao#the same way its extremely confusing to me that ppl would think kindness&abject cruelty cant like. coexist lmao.#i feel accepting that on a micro level would help ppl accept it on a macro level.#either way i know it would save me some time in having to deal w ppl biting off more than they can chew#before realizing that i will rip chunks out of them&lick the tears up like a dog if they insist on tempting me like one LMAO.#at the very least it might help more ppl appreciate the fact that regardless of how vivid the fantasies#i have yet to hit anyone repeatedly w a baseball bat to relieve some stress.#... lmao.
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captainshyguy · 7 months ago
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its because theyre the closest thing the fandom has to twinks and fandoms explode if they cant ship two little skinny guys or something
I finished Super Paper Mario earlier today for the first time after 16 years of owning and adoring the game and
I have a question for any Limentio / Dimigi shippers out there.
Why
#sorry my friend sent this to me and we both laughed bc like🤝yeah same. anyway this is my mean and mostly true answer#my answer where i give people benefit of the doubt is- (and i apologise for the length lol)#a lot of people are already drawn to spm because ofthe whole 'its the darkest mario game' and the high stakes of it#so getting to explore a fan favourites “dark side” is something people are already interested in- which is why mr l is so popular#and then dimentio usurping count bleck and in a lot of peopels eyes like 'being the chessmaster' gives him a layer of danger and intruigue#which is why he's so popular too. then u put these two 'heehee dark themes- high stakes' cocepts together into super dimentio#people lose their minds. they see it as a window to explore a dark side of a beloved character- with dmentio being a sort of corrupter i th#then it spirals from there into....whatever the hell they do with them. i dont get the fluff lol#personally i think that 'idk i get gay vibes from them and maybe somethig happened in the time they worked together' isnt like...#idk its a bit of a leap but its not the wildlest leap this fandom has made. people do 'heehee they hate each other- enemies to lovers' a lo#but i think i ur gonna do that u really need to own the ick of it. examine what it means#the 'guys. luigi isnt...himself right now he is literally hypnotised' like if ur gonna use that to further their charcters#by using it as a device to show dimetio cutting his bridges with people and deciing he's gonan hurt everyone aroudn him and do what he want#and then use it later for luigi to have to recover from and examine- both the trauma of being taken advantage of in such a moment#and 'why was hypnotised me about that. why did he go along with it' etc like idk i can respect that. bc its not abt the romance#its abt what it does to them and says abt them#BUT THE CRUCIAL THIGN IS YOU CAN GET THAT FROM OTHER PAIRINGS TOO!!!!!#you want to explore dimentio deeply hurting and manipulating someone to see how far he's falling? o chunks. floro sprout#you want luigi angst about him getting hypnotised and recovering from that. NASTASIA DID IT FIRST!!!#but o chunks is a big ole bear and nastasia is a woman and the fandom just arent into them. they have the least attention by far#and at the end ofthe day a lot of fans will go back to the guys theyre into- which...is usually the skinny twinks#i do NOT get dimigi outside of that shallow answer though im sorry. luigi just doesnt like him its entirely twink corruptign yaoi#or 'redeeming dimentio through luigi bc i want him to live or something'#also i say this as both a twink and a big enjoyer of mlm myself lol (and someone whos fave is dimentio)- it just doesnt make sense#i guess at my most charitable i could see- 'the person who dimentio hurt the most helpig him redeem himself' could be compellig#but that leading to romance doest interest me at all and also i think luigi deserves better than to have to reform that bastard lol#also i think its way more interesting if he never comes back lol i like the tragedy of it. he just hurts everyone around him#and then he's gone and they have to live with it#also side note if any shippers want to debate this with me i do not sorry <3 im giving my perspective then running thank u#mario
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pinkaditty · 4 months ago
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hey baby... i was uh wondering....
if you could do geto x reader x gojo for me 😍
i would love it as a birthday gift !!!
mwah xoxoxo
- big daddy
Three's A Crowd (Geto x Reader x Gojo) Pt 1
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*rubs hands together and does the DreamWorks face and laughs like a witch* yessssssss.... yessssssssss!!!
everyone say hi 2 my roommate (the ask) 👐🏾 love her im her biggest fan
a/n: *kills self* I AM SO BACKED UP WITH THESE ASKS BRO THIS ONE WAS DUE LAST YEAR... IT'S FAWKING JULY 😭😭 im so sorry y'all so much has happened in my life im not even in my home country rn yall... yea... the good news is that I TOTALLY GRADUATED COLLEGE EARLY WHIPPEEEEE!!! joining the dreaded workforce come August, but for now... enjoy my works. I promise y'all, I see your asks, im working on them. jus a lot going on rn but I WILL DELIVER I PROMISE!
summary: you and gojo are friends with benefits... sorta. but why's geto, gojo's best friend, paying you extra close attention lately? (basically my REALLY self-indulgent studentbodypres!geto x dom!bimbo!reader x sportyclassclown!gojo fic)
cw: MINORS DNI, fem!reader (im sorry! i had to do fem for this one,,, a gift) dom!reader (my pref + my roommate's pref 🙏🏾 she gets me fr), gojo is a sporty himbo, submissive!gojo, smut, mentions of penetration, sexual acts, gojo whimpering, reader is a bimbo bc i said so (very little dialogue so they don't talk much but just trust me), fem undergarments mentioned, some choking, NOT PROOFREAD (there may be some mistakes), perhaps slightly ooc? andddd idk what else.
NO MINORS ARE ALLOWED TO INTERACT! PLEASE RESPECT MY BOUNDARIES!!
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The two of you never really hung out in public, at least not on campus. It was an unspoken rule. He was the campus wrestling star, huge class clown, but overall popular nice guy. You were the rumored slut with an enormous body count. Gojo didn’t mind, of course, but you did, fearing how your reputation could bring down his with you. So you insisted on being separate on campus. He was fine with that, if a little reluctant. Besides, not only was he the most attractive guy on campus, he was also best friends with the student class president and other most attractive guy on campus! No way could he ruin his rep by hanging out with you; or at least that’s what you deduced.
The student class president was Geto, probably the other most popular guy among college campus. He was a little self-righteous and airy, but he had his down-to-earth moments, and made an effort to be sweet when it mattered. So, of course, when running for pres, all it took was the sweet charm and he won in a landslide. You didn’t know him, not like Gojo did, but recently you had become curious about him. You’d had your fair share of run ins with him, like in the hallways, or in the cafe, even passed by him in your dorm once. Gojo had been talking about him a lot recently, and that sparked your interest. You had to admit he was strangely attractive. Not conventionally, like Gojo, but rather mysteriously. Maybe you just had a thing for guys with long hair, or maybe you liked his slim eyes? Who knows. Regardless, most of campus agreed with you.
Geto seemed to be all you could think about as you headed to Gojo’s apartment, just across the street off campus. It didn’t make sense. You’d only had a few run ins with him, but then Gojo starts running his mouth, and now he’s all you can think about? You shake your head, and decide to just wait out front; Gojo would come down soon.
It was a lukewarm night in mid September. The cool wind cut through the warm temperature and humid air. It was comfortable enough for you to wear something nice; a cute hot pink crop top, low enough to show off a leopard print bra. It matched with your leopard print boots with hot pink laces. A simple jean skirt worked today, but of course, you had a sparkly, cute pink belt to match. Not your best outfit, but cute. Besides, it was all going to be tossed around anyway.
Your earrings and bracelets make little clinking sounds as you look around for Gojo, and your nails tap against the screen of your phone as you text him. Finally, he arrives, wide goofy smile spread out across his face as he held the door open for you. He’s wearing a light blue oversized jersey with navy cargo shorts. Sorta matches, but anything worse and you wouldn’t want to be seen with him. You step inside and he leads you to the elevator.
“So how are you, Pink?” He calls you by your endearing nickname, one he very proudly came up with. You’ve been friends with him for years, and were pretty close, at that… But it was only recently when this new development happened.
You shrug in response. “Like, I'm fine. As fine as ever.” You jokingly motion to yourself exaggeratedly, and Gojo laughs.
“I can see that!” He quips, his eyes taking you in over his sunglasses. “Never a day where you aren't dressed to impress!”
You laugh and wave him off. “Whateverrrr.”
You and Gojo had met in high school, and had been good friends ever since. You were both now juniors in college, studying in your own respective fields; him in Kinesology and you in Fashion and Design. Despite such differences, his sense of humor and some shared interests kept you around. You weren’t close with him like Geto was, though… The two of you were close in a different way.
Really, it started in freshman year of college. The two of you had attended a party, gotten a little tipsy, some hidden truths were shared and after one night, it kept happening, even sober. You were just friends, as that was what was comfortable… but, the benefits weren’t ever undesirable.
As you finally reach his apartment, he lets you in with his usual dramatic flair, and you laugh at the familiarity. Upon reaching his room, you both know what you’re here for, but it doesn’t feel awkward anymore. It stopped feeling awkward after the first five times. Now, it was as normal as ever.
As soon as you step in and Gojo closes the door behind him, you set down your purse and start taking off your boots. He follows suit, slipping off his shoes as well. As you both get undressed, he asks, “How were your classes today?”
You laugh and say, “Satoru, we don’t need to catch up, like, allllll the time, you know? You’ve already heard about my classes over text anyway!” You shake your phone in hand while undoing your belt and slipping down your skirt, reminding him of how often the two of you talk in a day.
He nods, smiling. “True, true. But I do like to hear it from you directly. I prefer your voice anyways!” He pulls his jersey over his head, revealing his bare torso before unbuttoning his shorts.
You roll your eyes, smirking. “You could literally just call me, you coward.” You slip your top off, trying to pull it over your hair without ruining your style or makeup. Thankfully, your bracelets and nails don’t get caught on the fabric.
He visibly pouts, moving to pull off his black boxers. “I don’t see why I can’t just talk to you on campus… In real life… As friends do!” He complains again, kicking his boxers to the side and approaching you, his ridiculous circular sunglasses still on.
You shake your head, slipping your bra off and quickly sliding out of your panties. “You know why.” You move to approach him in turn, smiling familiarly. You reach up and pluck his sunglasses off the bridge of his nose, placing them on his desk behind you. His blue eyes gaze at you softly, and an equally soft smile graces his features. You trace your fingers under his chin and walk towards his bed, sitting on the edge. “Come on, hotshot.” You call to him, smirking. “Don’t tell me you aren’t horny after a rough week.”
He shakes his head, sighing. “Can’t deny that.” He approaches you, pressing a knee into his comforter and curling an arm behind you, trapping you on the bed. You lean back, allowing him to hover over you on the bed. “Wrestling has been tough lately.”
You fling your legs around him and grab his arms, rolling over on the bed and pulling him with you until you were positioned over him. He simply smirks, rolling his eyes. “You know, if I were to ever use my wrestling techniques, I’d win.”
You roll your eyes. “Well, sure. You have the strength advantage here. But I know you won’t do that.”
He narrows his eyes, goofy smile spreading on his face. “And? What makes you so sure that I-” You cut him off, running one of your long nails down his throat. His adam’s apple bobs under your touch as he swallows harshly, his eyes widening and breath catching. His eyes flick between your face and your nails, as though waiting for you to do something more. When it became apparent that was all you were going to do, he whines, pouting. “Come on, you can’t just do that! Totally unfair, especially when you have the advantage.”
You smirk. “Sure, but it’s not my fault you react like this every time. At a certain point, I just find it funny.”
His pout turns into a slight frown, though you can tell he’s exaggerating to get what he wants. “You’re just making fun of me.”
You decide to lay into him, biting back just as well. “Well, duh!" You laugh in his face, and he only pouts further. “It's no fun if I can't make fun of you."
You laugh, shifting position a little. As you do, he grunts, and you feel something press into your thigh. You suppress a giggle.
“Hard already? Loser."
“Shut up. You're naked and on top of me." His eyes narrow as he says this, and you can tell he's trying to look serious, but then he bites his lip, betraying himself. He huffs impatiently and grips your hips, digging his fingers into your soft flesh. You simply smirk and stay over him, waiting for him to cave. “Come onnnn!" He whines at last, twitching impatiently. “It's been a whole week…”
At his exaggerated pout, you finally relent. You stroke his cheek with your hand and with the other, you trail your long nails down his neck to his collarbone to his chest. You lean in and gently kiss him, his mouth opening excitedly the second you swipe your tongue on his lips.
You pull away and whisper in his ear, “Good boy."
He whimpers again.
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You spring upwards, suddenly waking up after your deep sleep. You blink blearily a few times, making sense of your surroundings. You were not in your own bedroom, but you knew this room. This was Satoru’s room, and the soft snoring next to you was evidence of that. You turn to look at him, and there he lies next to you, oddly positioned with his mouth wide open, snoring muffled in his pillow. Shaking your head amusedly, you yawn and stretch, slipping out of bed. You were naked, but it's not like Satoru cared if you went around his apartment naked. Sunlight streaked through the windows, but it wasn't quite early morning. If anything, it looked to be noon, the sun high in the sky, bathing everything in even sunlight. You pad over to your purse, where your clothes from last night still are, and rummage around, pulling out the spares you packed. A cute bodycon dress. Maybe you'd wear this next time you came over. Satoru suddenly grunts, and you turn, seeing him twitch his arm before blinking awake and looking around for you. Upon spotting you, he plops back down on his bed, humming in satisfaction.
“Very glad you haven’t left yet. I wanted to at least give you something to eat before you go this time.” His voice is thick and heavy with sleep, and he rubs his eyes, rolling over and forcing the sleep from his limbs.
You smile at him, placing your spare clothes on his bed and heading for his shower. “Yeah, yeah. Don’t get too excited though, I’m hanging with friends today.” You close the bathroom door behind you, very aware that he could still hear you.
You hear some shuffling, assuming Satoru is getting out of bed. “What, and I’m not ‘friends’?”
You roll your eyes at your reflection and sigh, wrapping your hair up for your shower. “Not today you aren’t!”
A wounded sound comes from the other side of the door, and you hear dramatic stumbling and a final collapse on the bed. You bite back a laugh. “One day… One day I'll permanently be your friend.” He fake sobs for dramatic effect.You give an audible pity laugh. “Ha! Sure.”
You turn on the water and you are about to step in before you notice an unfamiliar hair comb sitting on Satoru’s bathroom counter. For a moment, you’re puzzled, until you recognize the few, barely visible black strands in the comb.
Geto.
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For the rest of the day, as you hang around friends, you do your best not to think about it. But unfortunately, even the brand new pink and highly-deco’d acrylics you got with friends on your spa day do nothing to soothe your thoughts. Geto visiting Satoru was not remotely the problem. The problem was seeing Geto’s comb and having to repress the flaring heat that seared through your body all at once. You imagined him in that same bathroom, just as naked as you were, smirking at you in the mirror, alluding to the night before. You imagined him picking up that comb, watching as he runs it through his uneven black strands, smoothing it out after you’d spent most of the night pulling at it. The thoughts nearly sent you over the edge. You plop down onto your dorm room bed that night, wrapping yourself in your blankets and squeezing your legs together, trying to distract yourself from the thoughts. You hadn’t even thought of him in that way before. Why did it have to happen when you were naked, in Satoru’s bathroom? How embarrassing is that? You kick your feet and audibly groan, pulling the blankets around you tighter. This wasn’t working. You decide to go for a walk, get some fresh air, grab a snack or something. You hurriedly toss the blankets off of you and scan through your closet, throwing on a see through hot pink sweater dress and your favorite knee-high boots. You only bother grabbing your wallet and keys before walking out of the dorm, too out of it to pay much attention to your surroundings.
You notice it’s cooler than usual the moment you step outside, the cool air easily penetrating your dress. You cross your arms, wrapping your hands around your sides. Barely anyone is out tonight, besides a few stragglers. Not surprising, though. Usually on Saturday nights, everyone’s at a party or something. You walk in the direction of the campus convenience store, hoping to grab something and head back to avoid being in the cool air for too long.
As you are walking, you notice someone heading the opposite direction on the same path ahead of you. You don’t pay them much mind until they pass underneath a street light and you notice their visage looks eerily similar to Geto’s. You squeeze your sides tighter and pray to whatever higher power is listening that that isn’t Geto, and that you’re just seeing things because it’s so late. You keep walking, acting as nonchalant as humanly possible, wishing you’d grabbed your phone as a means of distraction before you left the dorm. The person slowly draws closer, and it is all you can do to not freeze in fear, trying to look everywhere except at his face. You breathe heavily, looking to your side as he approaches, and hope this will pass without incident.
“Good evening.” His deep voice greets you, and you know it would be rude now if you didn’t look at him, at least. You turn as he says it, and are almost rooted to the ground. It was indeed Geto. He was smiling at you kindly, continuing his pace as he briskly walked past you, like it was nothing.
Internally, you sighed with relief. The danger had passed.
“You’re Satoru’s friend, aren’t you?”
You freeze in place, gripping your sides in surprise. How… How did he know that? You turn around, trying not to let the fear show on your face. He was standing some ways away, turned at an angle, as though his phrase were an afterthought. Something told you, however, that he’d been meaning to ask you this in the way he looked at you. While his smile was handsome and kind all the same, his eyes were similarly kind but expectant, like he had predicted several outcomes to this conversation already. You felt seen, and not just because your dress was see-through. It was, for the first time, uncomfortable to be scrutinized. But, some part of you didn’t mind it so bad… The expectancy in his gaze almost felt like hunger, and to be wanted by Geto, student class president on campus? Well, that wasn’t so bad.
“Uh… y-yeah. Yeah, I’m friends with him.” Your answer comes out uncertain at first, and you want to smack yourself for it, but soon it comes out even as you’d planned as you gain confidence. Geto probably wasn’t here to hurt you anyway, regardless of how intimidating he seemed now. You hesitantly smile back. It was a little awkward, but you hoped the softness of it made up for it. His eyes narrow and he seems to scrutinize you further, his smile widening. Before anything else was said, he turns, and the building heat in your body dissipates as quickly as it appeared.
“Have a good night, Satoru’s friend.”
You couldn’t tell if the last part was meant to be a subtle dig, but you doubted it. The teasing lilt in his tone said otherwise.
“Yeah, you too!” You say hurriedly, watching him as he continues on his way. You wonder if he will look back, but you decide not to stick around long enough to find out. You continue on your way to the campus convenience store, still determined to get a drink regardless of your mood.
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The following week passes as slowly as ever, but simultaneously super quickly. On one hand, you had to drag yourself to classes this week, your body feeling oddly more run-down than usual. Of course, that only fueled circulating rumors, and no matter how much you tried to ignore them, it just got to you this week. On the other hand, your head swimming with thoughts of Satoru and Geto as you watched them from afar made your week seem to zoom by. Not to mention the few times you passed by Geto and he greeted you with a stellar smile and curious eyes. The building pressure of it all was enough to weigh you down some. You text Satoru that Friday after class to let him know you’re coming by early, to which he excitedly agrees to shoo away anyone he may have over right now. Idly, you wonder if Geto is over, but you shake those thoughts away. No more thinking today. You just wanted to fuck Satoru silly and forget all about this week.
It’s a bright afternoon, the sun setting earlier as the days pass on. The rumbling dark clouds in the distance signal a rainy evening, which brings you some joy. Even more of an excuse to stay with Satoru. The wind picks up, as though blowing you towards your destination. You wished you had a longer jacket to protect your body from the winds, but unfortunately the cropped brown leather one would have to do. At least you wore your brown knee-high boots with it, keeping at least a part of your legs warm.
When you finally arrive at the apartment building, Satoru is there, waiting for you. He’s dressed as casually as ever, black tee and grey sweatpants, but you couldn’t be bothered to care much past that. He waves in greeting, and as you approach, you collapse forward into his arms, to which he holds you up.
“Woah,” he exclaims, one arm around your shoulders and the other steadying you by your waist. “Rough week?”
You lean into him and sigh miserably, pressing your cheek against his chest. His chest rumbles with light laughter, which brings a smile to your face. “You already know this.”
He simply chuckles and squeezes you close for a moment, before releasing you and heading inside. “Sure I do, but it’s always good to check.” He holds open the door for you, trademark goofy smile spread across his face again. “Your Majesty.”
“Ha!” You laugh at him and walk past him. “‘Your Majesty’ is a new one. Mmmm, can’t say I totally dislike it.”
“I was certain you’d like it. It suits your attitude sometimes.”
You scoff, biting your lip to unsuccessfully hide a smile and stifle a laugh. Some of your lip gloss rubs off on your teeth. “Fuck you, Satoru.”
“I’d ask when and where, but here we are.” He opens the door to his apartment and steps aside to let you in. You don’t even bother going to his bedroom. The tension had been mounting in your body since you saw him.
“Here and now, then.” You announce, dropping your bag beside the couch. You walk back over to him and grab the collar of his shirt, leading him to the couch. He obediently follows, albeit confused. You push him down on the couch, and he falls with an ‘oomph’. You give him no time to adjust before straddling his thighs and hugging him, pressing your body flush against his. You hold him like that for a while, before he clears his throat.
“Someone’s eager.” He commented, noting how quickly you’d pushed him onto the couch. “Don’t you usually like to do this in my bedroom?” There was concern laced in his voice, which you appreciated, but you glossed over it rather quickly.
“Oh, who cares!” You whine and push yourself away from him, your hands firmly gripping his shoulders. The words start before you can stop them, and you find yourself admitting more than you’d like to. “Rough day, rough week, and the walk here was cold. I don’t want to do anything except fuck you silly and stay wrapped up in your warmth for the entire weekend. Come on and pull your pretty little dick out so I can forget this week and remember how it feels to have my cervix bruised.”
He stares at you in awe for a moment, blinking rapidly. His lips part to say something, but nothing comes out. He switches between opening and closing his mouth before sighing and laughing at you. He moves his hands to squeeze your hips before reaching for his belt buckle. “Yes, Your Majesty.” He teases you, but you can’t be bothered to care.
You immediately pull off your jacket, stripping down and maneuvering around your clothes. Having gone braless today, all you do is pull up your leopard print crop top for easy access. If Satoru wasn't painfully hard already from your earlier tirade, he's painfully hard now. He pulls his pants down just enough for his dick to spring free, already twitching in anticipation. You reach down and simply lift your jean skirt and pull your panties to the side, not wanting to waste any time. He squeezes your hip with one hand, cautious. “Whoa, so early?" You get it, he just wants to make sure you're alright. But today, that's not doing you any favors.
You reach out and hold his throat with your right hand, applying light pressure on it. His eyes widen and his breath catches, his eyes rolling back upon feeling the pressure. “And who are you to question Her Majesty's judgment?"
He murmurs incoherently for a moment, whispering moans, before he straightens up some and looks back at you, hazy look in his eyes already. “Mmmm… Nothing but a mere knave, I suppose…” He trails off, biting his lip, looking up at you, his dick twitching fervently for attention and his eyes just as insistent. You can’t help but roll your eyes at him. Who knew it only took so little to get him all riled up? Not like you could say anything, though.
You play into it a bit more, teasing him. Besides, you started it. Why not continue this roleplay? “That’s right. And as a mere knave, you ought to know your place, right, boy?” You release his throat and grab him by the chin instead, tilting his head upwards to directly face you, a small whimper escaping him.
“Yes…” He murmured, shivering at the intensity of the moment. His eyes focus on you, but are glazed over. You can tell he’s already partially gone from enjoying this roleplay so much.
“Then, let me show you where you belong, bottom rung servant.” With that, you position yourself above his twitching dick, more than ready to push itself inside you.
He grips your hips, helping you steady yourself directly above him, and he glimpses up at you, eyes still hazed over. “Yes, Your Majesty…” He can’t help but roll his hips in anticipation, your soft heat only milimeters away from his aching dick. He whimpers, biting his lip impatiently and rolling his hips upwards again. When you don’t yield immediately, he whimpers a small “Please” and continues doing it, his voice whiny enough to almost shake your resolve.
Satisfied with his pitiful moans, you took it upon yourself to take up your end of the bargain. You shift closer to Satoru, perfecting your position over him. You reach out to hold his dick in place, and gently lower yourself onto it, feeling the familiar stretch. You never got sick of this feeling. Before you know it, a moan has escaped both you and Satoru, and both of you begin to move in unison: you riding his groin, and Satoru rolling his hips upwards. This particular session was impromptu and messy, so neither of you really cared. You threw your arms around him, giving him no time to adjust before you kissed him deeply. Of course, such an action was welcomed by Satoru, who only whimpered thankfully and continued rolling his hips into yours.
The two of you become so lost in your own world: nails gently scraping against partially clothed skin, lips pressed together as saliva glossed your lips and chins, hips rolling into each other with fervent need, moans loud and muffling everything else that you both fail to notice Satoru’s doorknob creaking open until it’s too late.
“Hey, Satoru. I left my-” Geto stops in his tracks, staring at the scene before him. Upon hearing his voice, the two of you snapped out of it and turned towards the door. Satoru is still twitching inside of your heat. The kiss was rudely interrupted and shared saliva coated your tongues. Your tits were out, his shirt was up, and your bodies joined together were only somewhat censored behind the arm of the couch. How do you explain to your FWB’s best friend that sometimes you screwed him? For a moment, that time he greeted you for the first time flashes in your mind. Chilly air, chilly wind, and a chilling, knowing smile. Perhaps he knew then. But, if he knew, why was he so surprised now?
Geto continues to stare blankly for a while, before footsteps down the hall snap him out of it. He hurriedly enters the apartment, securing it behind him. He stands stiffly at the door for a moment, as though nervous to turn around. After an audible gulp, he does, slowly turning to survey the situation. You didn’t want to get off Satoru’s dick with Geto present, and Satoru seems equally pleased with that idea, so you stay put, staring at him, quite mortified. Gojo stammers, and you see his eyes flicker from Geto to you, widened with panic. He can't settle on an excuse, but neither can you, staring at Geto wide-eyed like a deer in headlights. Yet and still, even now, despite your mortification, at his shocked yet curious gaze, heat flushed through you once more. You nervously tighten yourself, biting your lip as you curl your nails into Gojo's shoulders and squeeze your insides around his still hard cock. His stammering comes to a sudden halt and he moans pathetically, a tomato red blush spreading across his cheeks before he looks away from the both of you, even more embarrassed than before.
You realize it is up to you to speak.
“U-um…” you pipe up nervously, forcing the words out, and forcing yourself to maintain eye contact. Your voice is shaky and uncertain, the words you've heard it in years. You rack your brain trying to think of what to say, when Geto himself speaks, and the phrase he says makes you tighten again, reliving that chilly night.
"Hello again, Satoru's friend.”
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a/n: "everybody say yippee yo or yippee yea!" *mind explodes* holy shit the AMOUNT of EFFORT i put in2 this... brace urself bbys bc im making this multiple parts as a way 2 make up 4 my lateness 💔 anyways i hope you all enjoyed! please leave a like, comment, reblog, or an ask for more content! I love when you all let me know what you think of my writing!! please do let me know if you liked it!! tbh... im not super confident in this one lol
@maruayase hope ya love it babes 💕
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gale-dekarios · 4 months ago
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I think Gale is a touchy feely person who needs to keep his hands on the Tav whilst they make love. He's gotta believe they're real, that they're with him, that it isn't a hallucination or a dream. He strokes their hair, he plants kisses along their neck where the heartbeat is strongest, and feels their breath against his shoulder. Even the simplest act of fingering or stroking them is a way to know they're truly in front of him. Tasting their arousal just to have evidence of their existence. He loves knowing that this is his newfound life. His new purpose. His new reason to live and not give up so easily as he almost had. Mystra wanted him to die for her. Tav wanted him to live for himself. So forgive him if he constantly needs the littlest of reminders to know Tav is truly real, and not just a hopeful dream.
retrospective edit: hi im charlie and welcome to my tedtalk. 50/50 on whether or not any of this makes sense, because i did in fact pop 9mg (prescribed) sleeping aides a half hour before writing this, so i could wake up tomorrow and realise this was all gibberish. or maybe not! i should not be the judge of that rn
regardless of how you or your character feels about the line, i truly believe that gale believes that tav/his romantic partner is a god/dess, and it's the things like this that cement it for me.
when you think about it, (traditional) worship is very much devoting your life to a diety, and receiving some benefit back, which could really be a range of things from feeling comforted and secure about your place in the world, to moreso your clerics with actual divine gifts bestowed upon them, to chosen, like gale, who, (at least in his case) gets to kind of... tap into the wellspring of that god's domain and understand it more than any other mortal could.
this type of devotion is even purer than his devotion to mystra. the reason being is that whilst i dont believe gale ever was devoted to mystra for nefarious self-serving purposes, it would be remiss to gloss over that he did enjoy certain luxuries that he wouldnt have if he wasnt so close to his goddess, and whilst tav offers a lot more than mystra ever could both emotionally and in the service to him living an actually good and normal enriched life, this doesnt translate to any practical benefit that could compare to a literal deity -- (clumsily worded, but again, in this case im referring more to endless knowledge and immense mastery over the weave and recognition of status among his peers rather than curling up on the couch companionably).
which is to say -- i promise there's a point -- a tav, in all of their mortalness, that gale truly worships, with all of his devotion (which is a lot, he practised), must be very special for him indeed.
so gale gets ""nothing"" in return for the same if not a higher level of devotion than he ever shows mystra (i mean, when it literally comes down to it, he completely ignores her, an actual literal goddess's, direct orders bc you asked him to, so theres no doubt who wins that particular fight.) BUT -- and this is the point that i promised -- the real clincher here is that tav ASKS for nothing. well, again, not in the way that a deity asks for something. a deity asks a devotee to give them their life, what tav asks for is that gale HAS his life to do with what he chooses, and for that, gale chooses tav.
devotion, with gale and tav, is both freely given, but also freely taken. not selfishly, but in acceptance. gale had no choice, really, but to follow mystra's orders, but he followed tav anyway. how does that make tav anything less than a deity? that level of blind faith? tav accepting gale's devotion by virtue of just loving him is such a beautifully mundane piece of godhood, and comparing that to something as shallow as the ambition mystra offered is like comparing night and day.
so of course gale treats tav like he caught lightning in a bottle. he spent his whole life in the service to a goddess, devoting his whole life for the celestial equivalent of breadcrumbs -- as awesome (and i use that word as its original meaning) as godly power can be, nothing that was ever given to him truly cost mystra any real exertion -- but with tav, there is no expectation of exchange, only the full weight of one man's worship, and that is what would cause gale to treat them like an illusion. of course it does. gods that ask for nothing but for you to do the things that are in your best interest are not a thing. but tav does exactly that. how wonderful is that? how pure is that? is there truer devotion? so unmarred by any external benefit?
touching divinity is something that gale's had the extraordinary luck of having twice, but that does not make those experiences equal. his deity, that allows him to run his hands through their hair, to kiss their eyelids, and yes, indeed to also have desperate, sweaty, mortal sex with, without ever once asking for anything in return except that he remain whole and healthy? by fucking god will he make sure this is real.
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starii-void · 4 months ago
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there were other ways calypso and leo’s relationship couldve been written, in this essay i will
this isnt a hot take at all but caleo just has. so many problems. im not gonna list em but anyone who’s read hoo and toa knows
so how could it have been written better? here are my (a non writer who has shit articulation) opinions, please be nice
1. They date, then break up
this feels like a likely thing to happen bcs as we know, leo is notoriously flirty and seeking relationships and calypso falls in love REAL easily. so ofc, being stuck on an island together with no other company for like weeks on end would lead to a relationship of some kind. though i think that relationship would most likely be. unhealthy.
so yeah, theyd get together, but itd probably start showing problems very quickly as we see in TOA. but from there, i think they shouldve broken up. maybe it could be caused by an outside intervention from someone who. maybe has better experience with healthy relationships. jiper being an example, since they broke up after piper realized their relationship was basically started with lies.
once they broke up, leo could learn that romance isnt a cure all (cough rick cough) and that he doesnt need a partner to ‘fit in’. the whole seventh wheel thing was a big part of his characterization so i think unlearning that whole mess would be a good thing for him, esp since TOA had a lot of ‘growing and developing and changing’ as a theme. he could learn to define and support himself outside of his relationship with women (mommy issuesss)
calypso could also learn to support herself and have relationships with people that arent unrequited crushes, what with how her only human interaction was with random men who couldnt stay.
2. They stay as friends
Basically same character benefits as the last one, just different methods.
Leo realizes he doesnt like calypso in that way on the island during that time itself, maybe due to self reflection or something. maybe they have an intervention/impromptu therapy session or something and figure themselves out. not like they have much else to do on the island
this way, we get to see him figure out (is that the right word?) that being friends w/ women isnt automatically a gateway to romance. that its not so simple. that he can have close friends without having to date anyone (+ possible aro rep here but thats just me projecting) then from there, he can develop this further and come to terms that he doesnt need a romantic relationship to be loved etc etc
3. They stay together, but it’s established as. not good
now for this one i think its less likely since this entire thing is still sorta a kids book series and authors dont usually include these types of topics without it being resolved, but it is something to think about
caleo’s relationship in TOA felt pretty icky at least to me, so i imagine it isnt setting the best example for kids if its portrayed as normal/a good thing
in this method, their relationship could stay but just be more established as not normal and unhealthy bcs. it kinda is
anyways thats my ted talk. please dont kill me im bad at articulating
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badendfriendstournament · 3 months ago
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Contestants submissions currently open!
Some rules and clarifications!
So, i think the criteria for this tournament needs to be shared, since its not only the classic bad end friends but we also got wayyy more characters here and i would like include your suggestions for the next year's poll.
Rules and basic criteria to count a character as a BEF
I decided to separate this characters in categories so its easier to explain:
"Main/secondary character is now evil!!!"
I think we all get this one. Certain characters end up on the other side of the battle, by choice or maybe bc he didn't have one!! Betraying their morals and everyone else. They maybe became crazy and/or are being mind controlled/ possessed
Now, this has its own subcategories to take account:
"Oh no! I got possesed or mind controlled!"
Very self-explanatory, character that is now controlled by the villain/antagonist.
"Multiversal typa shit"
CANONICAL AUs where the character has turned up evil/in an antagonistic role, by any reason
"TRAITOR!!!!"
When a character changes sides by "choice," they might still be themselves but felt betrayed/are being manipulated/they simply decided to betray the rest for their own benefit.
"Hell nah, they went feral"
Character that got turned into a monster/some kind of creature
"Evil alter ego takes control"
A second personality fully controls the character now.
"Ain't evil, just a failure"
As the tittle "bad end" suggests, we also include characters that ended up meeting a depressing fate without necessarily becoming evil
This one has some restrictions obviously:
The character needs some sort of appearance change
Something REALLY REALLY BAD has happened to them, a significant defeat.
DOPPLEGANGERS
To make it short, a character that is a replica/clone of the mc and their goal must be replaced/ defeat the original one. Its not necessarily required for them to be explicitly "evil," but if they wanna replace the og, they sure do count.
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FANON BAD ENDINGS
There are lots of fanon bad endings on this AU, but the general rule is that it has to have some sort of logic on the character's original lore, or at least be based on a fate that is kinda plausible to happen. So we don't end up accepting every single Sans AU that comes across, lol.
These characters can't come out of nowhere. It needs a valid justification to make em accountable. "Theres a chapter where the villain tells the hero to become evil aswell bc they're their father, so in the canon says no, but the BEF is that he says yes." See? It was plausible and justified.
(There sure might be some exeptions to this rule such as Wirt and Marco, but at least Wirt making a deal with the beast doesnt come out of nowhere, technically talking Tom did curse marco on the original series, i know that their whole deal is too stretched but they have been here since the beginning so who are we to kick em off.)
NOT ALLOWED:
Creepypastas: we tryin to stick with canon here, you know? Creepypastas often just turn characters evil and into demons just because, thats not what we are going for!
Role swap AUs: Those definitely are not even considered. Since they're way too far from the actual canon.
Completely non-canon/very unlikely situations: "but he can get possessed by the villain!!" So as every other character, if its extremely rare for it to happen, don't even bring it up.
Robots (in a doppleganger sense): yeah obviously this rule doesn't talk about robot/android characters like murderdrones or something, but it's about robotic clones with not really their own conciousness Just, machines.
Fanon media in general: stuff like comics, fangames, or any fanmade product of any existing media with a bad ending will not be counted. No, you can't submit your fnf mods. im sorry
ABSOLUTELY NO OCS: no original characters, im being REALLY CLEAR WITH THIS ONE. No, your shadow2 the hedgehog original character do not steal cannot be counted.
NO PIBBY GLITCH.
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Now that its all clear!
How do i submit a character?
Simple! You just have to send an ask with the character, their media, some of their backstory, and any detail you think is need to be mentioned!
So that would be it! Hope to see your submissions soon!
The submissions will end on april 1st 2025!
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chirpsythismorning · 2 years ago
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Stranger Things has a HUGE fandom. I think just one way we could come together and make an impact is by donating to the Entertainment Community Fund (they mention it specifically on the WGA Strike site).
Something fandoms do all the time is come together and manage to donate hundreds upon thousands of dollars, and bc there’s so many of them, each of them don’t even have to donate a lot.
News articles popping up that it’s been reported the fund received hundreds upon thousands of donations over a short time, likely as a result of ST fans coming together to do their part, feels like the least we can do right?…
Im trying to explore all options here.
Most of us live nowhere near the studios so protesting isn’t an option.
Spamming Netflix social media with our qualms seems like a lost cause bc they deal with fans hounding them every other day for canceling their favorite shows and don’t bat an eye, granted those fandoms obviously weren’t too big in the first place otherwise the shows probably wouldn’t have been canceled in the first place so that’s not saying a lot. Regardless, that also feels like a dead end, assuming our help starts and ends with us spamming Ted Sarandos’ instagram, that won’t go very far.
My point is, we don’t have that many options.
We can spread the word and hopefully those that do have the ability to do something more active in person will be inspired to.
We can do what we can online to be heard.
But it only goes so far.
I feel we are fortunate to have a HUGE fandom, so the prospects of focusing on spreading the word about the strike and encouraging fans to donate to that fund, is something that feels substantial, that would 100% make an impact in terms of it directly benefiting the writers.
I personally don’t have much money to give and I know that’s the case for a lot of people. But I could do it at least once and if we managed to pull together hundreds upon thousands of fans to do the same, that’s gotta be worth something?
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determinate-negation · 1 year ago
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im not jewish myself so i could be very wrong, but the current situation in palestine and gaza and israel seems like itll be bad for jewish people and antisemitism the world over. it seems like a lot of antisemites could use the world's response to israel as an excuse for antisemitism/"proof" that jews control the world or something. furthermore, israel calling anti-israel/anti-zionism stuff antisemetic i think could confuse well meaning but ignorant people on what is or isnt antisemetic. also, it seems that some people (mainly tumblr bloggers cause thats the only social media site i use (unless youtube is social media)) are using it as an excuse to be antisemitic while pretending to be propalestine.
wanted to hear your thoughts on it cause afaik your jewish and im like 90 percent sure youve talked about something like this before, if you dont mind.
ive been making and reblogging a few posts about this that generally sum up what i think because yeah
this is just actually so awful. we do not need to ontologically define our safety and identity and very existence in relation to a genocidal ethno nationalist state that is being propped up by the forces of american imperialism. it is so morally wrong and were choosing to side with an oppressor that doesnt actually have any commitment to us and supports israel for political economic and strategic reasons, rather than siding with oppressed people. also israel and pro israel organizations puts a lot of effort into redefining criticism of israel as antisemitism, and you can see reflected in everything the ADL puts out (more info here) and also the IRHA working definition of antisemitism that has been critiqued for this. i havent seen any antisemitism on tumblr in particular, but i think thats just bc of who i follow. in general the the radical right always is quick to capitalize off of how tightly controlled news on israel is and the left needs to have the real analysis. i also have seen instances of increased antisemitic attacks, in tunisia, france, and germany, and its really terrible but im glad at least to see a lot of organizations and popular pro palestine people denounce it and tell people that jews arent equivalent with zionists and this isnt a religious conflict, SOMETHING THAT ISRAEL IS ESSENTIALLY ARGUING THE OPPOSITE OF by the way. the us government and us media's relationship with israel is literally dangerous to us. but also, israeli politicians have connections to european neo nazis and shit. they benefit from jews in the diaspora feeling unsafe and being persecuted because it means people are more likely to settle in israel
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ifitmeanslosingyouthenno · 1 month ago
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when everything was lost
day 3 whumptober prompt: "set up for failure"
neil and andrew have known each other for longer before neil is taken by nathan
they might have met younger, like maybe seattle and mary happened earlier, and neil ended up around san francisco at the time andrew still lived with the spears, maybe they met before andrew went to juvie, maybe they met at juvie
or maybe neil is able to stay at palmetto for a few more years, maybe he’s not a fox at all, maybe he’s just a casual resident at palmetto that andrew meets outside of exy and they end up becoming friends, and then something more, and then something more
(actually the second alternative seems nicer lol lets go with that)
shit with the foxes is simultaneously worse and better, worse exy wise, bc if there’s no neil, they never unify as a team, and they still fight and they’re still a mess, and they don’t get quite as close to finals
but better bc with no neil, riko’s schemes are not as lethal, not as violent, not as traumatic 
but the foxes are not the point oops sorry
the point is that neil is just a random resident of palmetto who pretends to be a student to reap from the benefits of a college campus, and who happens to have something with andrew minyard, and who’s still on the run from nathan
and like, meeting andrew was not something he ever expected, meeting someone with whom he instantly connected, even if it wasn’t positive at first, was not something he ever expected
bc neil doesn’t have the money to pay college tuition and he doesn’t get a scholarship in this universe, so he just lives around palmetto but since he looks like he’s college aged, he’s realized ways of sneaking into the library, and the gym, and even the cafeteria if he’s lucky
it’s by chance or maybe fate that they keep running into each other: at the gym early in the morning before anyone else has arrived, at the library during the afternoons so that he can at least read up some books and use the computers sometimes, at the nearby cafe late at night
and the thing is that andrew clocked him the moment he noticed him stalling outside the gym one morning, waiting for someone else to use their student id to open the door and ask them to hold it for him, and the moment he caught him doing it twice
their first interaction is andrew calling neil out on his bullshit
bc andrew finds him so endlessly interesting while high out of his mind and well he’s kinda hot so 
and well, when they keep running into each other and andrew always reminds him of the fact that he knows the truth, neil can’t help but to tease him and fuck with him a bit, bc he literally only has sarcasm as his weapon at the time
and like, neil doesn’t notice it and andrew doesn’t admit it until after he comes off the drugs, that the more they run into each other, the more used they grow to each other’s bullshit and they actually look forward to running into each other
one night at the cafe andrew sits on the booth in front of him and just goes for it, just asks neil the truth, asks him why he keeps on pretending he’s a student, asks if he’s homeless
and neil throws all of mary’s teachings out the window bc let’s be real if andrew wanted to hurt neil he would have done it a long time ago, admits that yeah, he’s homeless at the moment, and that he’s going to make use of PSU’s utilities until someone who can actually report him figures him out 
andrew asks him why, and neil, tired and honestly done with the circus show that is his life, tells him, while looking him straight in the eye, that his father is a psychopath who murdered his mother after years of abusing them both and he’s on the run from him, figuring that andrew wasn’t a threat to him
and boy andrew is a sucker for honesty
andrew offers him safety, and neil warns him against it, “im more trouble than im worth”
andrew kindly disagrees
idk the logistics but he starts sneaking neil into the foxhole court at night so he has a place to sleep, to shower, to rest
(wymack knows btw lol he just gives andrew a knowing look after there are missing sports drinks from abby’s fridge, and looks the other way, bc he knows andrew wouldn’t be housing someone who could be dangerous for them just for the fun of it. and if he starts leaving food and snacks in his office well that’s no one’s business)
slowly, through months of meeting up for coffee or a drink or at the library or at a diner, or whatever, they grow closer, they start trusting each other with truths here and there, and neither has ever had this before, never had anyone they could trust and rely on and know that wouldn’t judge them for what they’ve done and wouldn’t pity them for what they have been through
it’s until one night, halfway through andrew’s fourth year, that neil kisses him, bc the’ve both been pining for each other for way too long and neil is fucking tired of waiting for andrew to take the first step
things are good for him, he has a boyfriend, and he meets some of the foxes, and if he starts staying the night at the dorms the only person who starts complaining is aaron (who gets over it when andrew drops their deal) and well
he’s happy, he’s not in the spotlight, he hasn’t seen any of his fathers people for years
he’s safe
he should have known better
the countdown comes at the end of andrew’s last year and he knows, even if he has no proof, that this is it
he runs the moment it hits him, how he could have had this, how he’s been troublefree for years, and now that he has something, someone, who makes him look forward to waking up everyday, it all comes crashing down on him
he can’t stop himself from going back tho, bc if he’s going to lose it all, he might as well enjoy his last days
ultimately, he knew he never should have hoped for a happy ending, he knew he was set for failure the moment he was born, the moment he grew up and didn’t have his father’s murderous desire, the moment his mother took him and ran, the moment she died, the moment he decided to settle here
he knew he was never meant to succeed, he was never meant to survive this war
his end was bound to happen, one way or another, eventually
they come for him when the foxes (when andrew) is away for a game, when it’s only him at the dorms, when a message with a dooming 0 arrived just before andrew left and neil kissed him with enough force to bruise 
he doesn’t make a fuss when they come, just makes sure his phone and bag are in the couch, with letters explaining the full truth inside the duffel, with letters apologizing and guiding andrew to the very last of his money, with clear instructions of how to call the police and his uncle stuart and what to tell them
when lola comes knocking, he crosses over the door with teary eyes but nothing but defiance 
he may be going down tonight, he may be losing this fight, and he may be losing the most important person he never dreamed to have
but if he’s going to lose it all, if he’s going to lose this, if he’s going to lose andrew, then they’re going to lose too
it doesn’t make the hours of torture any easier, it doesn’t make death easier, it doesn’t take away the knowledge that he came close to having a happy ending and failed in the end
(what hurts the most is the knowledge that he’s left andrew behind, with nothing but a burden of the truth)
sorry i kinda lost track of what the prompt was lmao
not my favorite thing i've written but it is what it is
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7nsomnia · 3 months ago
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can i ask, what’s wrong with dcc? i always hear that they kinda suck as a company, but from the vlogs i’ve seen, they’re one of the better companies. i’m not really as into dreamcatcher as some of the blogs on here even though i consider myself a stan, so i might not have the right information
okay. I feel like this is like opening my personal pandora box so this might be long. I'm pretty tired today so apologies in advance if this isn't very coherent asdkjh
dcc are a pretty decent company on a surface level, they treat the members well (which should be like the bare minimum for any company but I know that in this industry that's something to genuinely praise) and they actually change according/respond to negative feedback from the fandom etc when they or the members mess up (or they used to anyway).
for me it started in 2020 and how they handled handong's return. like the way they handled her absence was fine (good even, I would say), but the lack of hype for her actual return made things feel so underwhelming even though it was supposed to feel like a relief that she was finally back. I can't remember all the details anymore, but I do remember that the first time I felt like things were actually alright with dc was when they did the online concert crossroads in march of 2021. on that note I think most ppl were expecting ttol and dlm to be repackaged with ot7 versions and yet it's 2024 and they still haven't released them.
the handong stuff atp is water under the bridge tho, the group is fine, the members are fine, etc, I'm only mentioning it because that's when things started to feel really off for me.
so now we get into the actual things that happened that have left the fandom feeling burned out/frustrated/disconnected etc etc, whereas this happened to me at the end of 2022, I'm seeing more people now going through what I did back then:
I think the most pressing thing was that dcc didn't capitalize at all on dc's first win. they got their first win in april 2022 and didn't even do anything special in korea to commemorate it. it was a HUGE moment and they did nothing with it. usually after a group gets a first win you'll see them getting more promotions in korea, magazine photoshoots, mc deals, etc but dc just went on ahead to do festivals in europe and have a usa tour, these things are not bad but it was the lack of promotion in korea that in turn just made it all feel useless. that year dc also weren't invited to any end of year awards if I'm not mistaken so it all felt really disappointing and like all of the work we had as a fandom had been for nothing. I have to reiterate, dc/insomnias had been getting screwed over on music shows since 2019 with deja vu to get that first win, like I don't want to talk about the injustices the group and this fandom suffered through the years but it was a true story of resilience, so getting that first win in 2022 was a huge relief. to see it all going to waste was just... heartbreaking honestly.
when it comes to tours...... god I don't wanna get too much into it, but 4 tours in the usa in the span of 2 years is not normal. specially when they're prioritizing that over having a proper asia tour and the likes (AND promoting in korea??). latam tour is practically sold out rn and they're getting no merch or m&g benefits like the usa tour. I don't think doing exclusive things for a specific tour is bad per say, but you have to treat all your fans semi equally at least, specially for a group whose fanbase is majorly international (this will be important later), or it will happen what is happening rn which is ppl will leave the fandom. This is the first latam tour since 2019 (2017 for brazil!)... they've waited a really long time so personally (even tho this doesn't affect me bc I'm european) I feel like it's really disrespectful but wtv, onto other things.
now, speaking of the fanbase being majorly international, if this is the case, you'd think the company would make an effort to stream important events to their fans, like hmm the 7th anniversary concert perhaps? but nop, that didn't get streamed. a repetition of the dumbassery they did in 2022 where they split the concert and the members' solos in 2 days and only streamed one and so intl fans couldn't watch half the solo stages? and don't get me wrong, I think it's important that they have events that are korea only like they have the fansigns etc, but something as major as their 7th anniversary? when they've gotten here thanks to their international fans? that stings a little.
and lastly (maybe), we have dcc's usual lack of promotion during comebacks. fans always paying for ads, intl fans always doing the most for digitals even when it's Not their place (because this is smth that the korean fandom and dcc should be responsible for), fans having to reach out for vendors etc... Justice cb truly has been the culmination of the very worst promotions dcc has done tho and there have been some really bad promotions before... no radio shows, minimum interviews, barely any variety... were there even any ads? usually it's always fans paying out of pocket for ads. it just feels like throwing the members' and the company's work out the window for no good reason? Virtuous is one of their best albums and yet it feels like they just dumped it to go on tour again. I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing btw, having short promotions in korea is fine but like... promote for real? give your fandom content that they can watch and rewatch for however long it takes your group to have another cb? specially now that it seems that they're shifting to one album per year (not sure this is their wisest decision tho all things considered), you have to make sure that you promote that album properly? which kinda also goes with like, giving your fandom enough time to save for what you release and put out, specially if you're not trying to grow the fandom anymore. if they're dropping an album then don't announce a tour on top of that, and if they're announcing a tour then don't announce a photobook on top of that, and if they've just released an album then wait longer than a month to announce a photobook, and if they've just dropped a photobook then wait a bit longer until announcing the re print of albums the fans have been begging you for 6 years to re print LOL bc all this does is frustrate fans who can't make that much money in such a short time and it's stupid. like. in 2018 I dropped like 200 euros for like their very first photobook BECAUSE I had time to save that amount from their you and I cb (may) to whenever it was announced (I think it was august), and that was the highest tier (so you could get it for much cheaper) and bc back then it was like. well they barely release anything other than albums, so it's fine (also shipping was sooooooo much cheaper I miss it everyday, ofc this is not their fault tho but anyways).
lastly actually, oh my god. that stupid ass app where fans pay a subscription to message the members privately? has been the fucking worst thing to happen to this fandom and the members imo. if fans weren't respecting their boundaries before, it's even worse now. but it's also like. yeah the members should be reinforcing those boundaries, and I get wanting to at least make a buck of those problematic type of fans but I just don't think it has been good for the members at all. I won't elaborate too much on this because it will genuinely piss me the hell off but bottom line: that app has been hell for everyone genuinely there is no bright side to it other than dcc makes money out of it. and there's better ways to make money :))))))))
anyway this is over 1k words atp and somehow I feel like this all just the tip of the iceberg and I probably have forgotten many things bc tbh in the past year I've just. been trying to make peace with it all and just accept things for what they are because dc have been really special to me for such a long time and I just don't want dcc's decisions to make me throw all of that away (like I almost did). I love their music, I love the members, and so I will continue to celebrate wtv right decisions dcc makes but I'm not going to pretend that they're a good company when it comes to business decisions bc they're really not
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