#bc at least if i do that
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yeehaw, baby!
#if u know me u knew this was inevitable#kon el#conner kent#tim drake#timkon#im gonna ramble after the boring tags ok#dc comics#fanart#western au#superboy#OK !!!! ITS TIME#so kon. obvs is a cowboy here#definitely a bit of a magnet for trouble but not an outlaw#still not the sort of person the son of the drake family's supposed to be talking to but yk kon's gonna try anyway#on tims end it pretty much follows the same events as the comics bc if it aint broke dont fix it#<- in terms of the whole sneaking out at night to do his own secret detective work thing at least#i have a whole silly story for the rest of it but im not gonna get into it all here lmao#but yeah i love cowboys and actual cowboy history vv much so this probably wont be the last u see of this au ദ്ദി ˉ꒳ˉ )✧#for now this post's rlly just for goofing around with design ideas#my art
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like how do i even articulate that no matter what i do and how hard i try its not getting better? i dont sleep rlly at all, maybe a 3 ish hours total on a good night given how often i wake up and how late i get to sleep. im not rlly eating either bc im never fucking hungry and everything feels idk Repulsive to even consider putting in my mouth even when i am. im in pain and it doesnt end no matter how gentle i am w myself. i am in a constant state of almost complete panic bc of how much i am having to manage in terms of admin and life issues bc those dont ever seem to end either. i havent been able to take my medication in almost a month bc of nhs incompetence and i Know its making me worse bc im so fucking irritable all the time. i feel so fucking existentially empty and devoid of purpose or meaning or justification for my existence. i am alive so that the like 7 ppl who only talk to me so i can get the hrt wont lose access. im only alive bc if im not itll be my fault if my wife dies and it doesnt matter if i wouldnt know it bc i was dead the thought, the guilt of it as a concept forces me to continue against every fucking screaming molecule of my body begging me to just fucking give up. im almost constantly overwhelmed by this feeling that is so completely indescribable that i dont even know where to begin to explain it to myself let alone to someone else. im in pain and its not just bc im overworked or burned out or whatever, the mental fucking suffering im forcing myself to endure every day so everyone else around me can be ok, can be happy, can thrive and do what they need feels like its fucking shredding my nerves and ripping through my flesh. and im fucking trying and no one fucking gets that. no amount of being told "the change comes from within" is going to do anything about the fact that this is as much as i can do this is as hard as i can try i have no more effort or energy than i am already forcing myself to keep using even when i feel like i am empty and there is nothing left for me to use to keep going. i do all the things i shld as much as i can. but the longer it goes on the harder it is for me to help myself and then i just get accused of "not trying hard enough to get better" as if i am not giving it my fucking all. u try spending every night alone, in pain, caught in spiraling obsession after spiraling obsession of ur own fucking inadequacy and failure and immorality. u try to manage the fucking effort of trying and trying and reaching out and begging for help and being so fucking explicit about how bad it is only to be told it cant be as bad u say or that its not bad enough for support but that even if it were ud be too damaged and unstable to access it. i feel like im dying, or more like, i feel like im fading, like soon there will be so little left of me of who i want to be who i put so much effort into being that even the fragments of damage that make up the core of who i am are coming apart and disintegrating. there is going to be nothing left and i feel like im watching myself slowly fucking evaporate and lose everything over and over again and vanish more and more from reality from existence from myself that it wont be much longer till theres nothing left to salvage. i try and tell myself its temporary. it wont last forever. i look at photos to remind myself when it wasnt this bad but i cant believe it i cant fucking trust that its true and even more than that i cant make myself understand that it can change, it can be that again. bc i know it cant. i know it at such a deep and intrinsic level of myself. and its not even like im gna kms. theres no point. what is left to kill?
#laila#laila.shutup#all i am is a resource for ppl#a place to get advice/support/whatever they might want#bc everyone knows that i wont say no#everyone knows ill do whatever is asked of me#bc at least if i do that#at least if i dont do anything for myself i can justify being alive#bc at least im doing something for the benefit of others#at least i have use#i might feel worthless and useless bc i know that i am and i know this wont last forever#ik that its only a matter of time b4 everyone realises how fuckig miserable and worthless and grating i am#so what can i do but make the best of what i have rn#hold onto the fact that at least ppl still talk to me sometimes#they might not care but they havent forgotten i exist#and the only reason for that is bc i am useful#i have nothing else#no other source of worth#i wish i wasnt a coward#i wish i didnt feel such overwhelming guilt#then maybe i cld just die and this cld end and i wldnt have to fucking live in this little bubble of hell i have constructed for myself#bc i know no one can help me#and even if they cld theres so few ppl who want to and none of them are in a position to do so#so the best i can do is give myself up to the needs of others until im finally disgarded for good and i can die in peace
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sometimes u just gotta remind yourself that while ace attorney is about law and justice and stuff it is also about a bunch of young adults living in [CALIFORNIA]
#ace attorney#phoenix wright#apollo justice#klavier gavin#ema skye#maya fey#aa4#lana skye#mia fey#gyakuten saiban#klapollo#sorry this is so dumb i have a sad comic planned so i have to get my sillies out#my art#cw drug use#also before anyone yells at me abt how klavier wouldn’t smoke bc of his voice#a) he’d do it very rarely and probably almost always socially#and b) u know he made phoenix put ice in that bong. you KNOW he did#meanwhile ema keeps at least 2 cartons of cigarettes on her at all times#shes just like me fr
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been thinking about jason being petty towards bruce. like, oh, you spend time with your other kids, but not me? tire privileges revoked! it would be over stupid shit too.
like there’s one time bruce decides to take damien to the movies, and jason is just beside himself.
like the conversation would be like:
JASON: So, let me get this straight—you took Damian to a movie.
BRUCE: He asked.
JASON: Oh, and I wouldn’t have wanted to see Kung Fu Panda 4 with you?!
BRUCE: You were busy.
JASON: Busy taking down a cartel. Which, by the way, I learned from you. I deserve quality time!
BRUCE: Jason—
JASON: No. No excuses. You’ll learn.
Jason storms off. Five minutes later, an alert pops up on the Batcomputer.
BATCOMPUTER: Warning: Batmobile rear tires have been removed.
BRUCE: …Jason.
Cut to Jason outside, rolling two Batmobile tires away, cackling.
#this isn’t the last time jason steals the tires#bruce keeps doing stuff with the other batkids#and Jason is like look at this opportunity#like imagining if tim gets arrested for something bc i mean come on tims a menace#then bruce just bails tim out and just the week before jason was arrested and bruce let him sit in jail for like two days#jason blew up something so like bad jason#either way jason is like i warned you batbitch and he steals the tires from the batmobile again and then who knows what happens to the tires#unfortunately it gets worse#bc bruce then takes dick to a fancy ass dinner#and it’s to one of Jason’s favorite stakehouses#Like it was the only fancy food place he could stand#good steak is good steak#and jason’s like this is crossing a line#so instead of stealing the tires again#he just takes the entire batmobile#how? no one knows#no one sees the batmobile again or the tires#at least until Batman gets a call from various members of the JL asking him why pieces of the batmobile have been popping up in the city#however it’s about the car itself#no one knows where the tires are still#jason calling Oliver up and saying like i don’t like you man but like we both don’t like batman want his tires?#jason todd#bruce wayne#dick grayson#tim drake#dc universe#batman#batfamily#batfam#damian wayne
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I politely ask for more of the vague modern AU art :3 they're so silly I LOVE them
They’re playing sister location, specifically night 4
#this is from real experience#me and my sister had to give up playing the game because that’s literally just impossible#modern aus are great bc what do you mean I can project my interest onto my blorbos#but viktor has spent like at least a few nights attempting to explain fnaf lore to Jayce#maybe even#five nights#my art#ask#arcane#Jayce arcane#jayce talis#viktor arcane#jayvik#jinx arcane
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fine dining at the blushing mermaid. with the boogieboys
#bg3#baldur's gate 3#wyll#karlach#astarion#durge#oc: noon#danse macabre the best summon for having fun<333#might not have done exactly This ingame but i just wanted to combine 2 vibes bc they were regulars at the mermaid#and i had to do one illustration ft. the ghouls lol#they usually took the boys to daycare to philgrave's mansion (after beating up the lich obv.. repeatedly)#little everyday rituals <3#(also i'm writing in past tense bc i finished the game a while ago :-(:'-):-( </3<3)#(i still have at least a couple of pics of this lil series i wanna do)#(psa I MISS THEM)
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midsummer’s night dream redraw/study/whatever but its utenanthy
original reference under cut
#my art#revolutionary girl utena#rgu#utena tenjou#anthy himemiya#utenanthy#arghhhh so happy with this…..#i was fearing rendering the background but it turned out well i think#rendering utena and anthy was also pretty fun :)#procreate canvas info says the time tracked was 6.5 hours but im not sure if tracked time means all the time i had the canvas open or not#bc i did sit with this canvas open and doing nothing quite a few times#so. this took 6.5 hours at most and maybe like… 5 at least? idk#im bad at estimating this#2024
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have doodle lol
functionally, i am alive, emotionally?? idk about that work has me crying almost everyday now chat idk if i can do this anymore
#sonadow#? i guess#sonic the hedgehog#shadow the hedgehog#sth#sth fanart#sonic the hedghog fanart#my art#sketch#sonic to shadow after shadow generations#but dw guys i’m doing fine#work it just so fucking stressful we’re getting scheduled understaffed and ofc no one wants to come in so we get call outs every day#30 min wait times to make a caramel macchiato?? yes ma’am ITS BC I’M THE ONLY ONE ON BAR RN#like dawg idk if you can tell but we’re in the middle of a giant shopping center ofc we’re gonna be busy#just expect you’re drink to take awhile to make#ESPECIALLY if the line is A BLOCK OUT THE DOOR#DUDE OFC WE’RE BEHIND HAVE YOU NOTICED WE HAVE ONLY THREE (3) PEOPLE WORKING RN???#WE SHOULD HAVE AT LEAST 6#anyway probably gonna have to start going back to therapy#i’ll be fine lmao but damn this holiday season is fucking traumatizing
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I don't know who needs to hear this, but as a creator -
I am fine with "the audience" -
downloading my fics
printing my fics
copy/pasting or screenshotting my fics
sharing your saved copy of my fics with anyone else who might want them in the unlikely but never impossible case that my fics are no longer available on ao3
making a book of my fic(s) and running your fingers across the pages while lovingly whispering my precioussss
doing these things with anything I create for fandom, such as meta, headcanons, au nonsense like 'texts from the brodinsons,' etc
I am not fine with "the audience"
doing any of the above with the purpose/intent of plagiarizing my work or passing it off as their own in any capacity
feeding my work into ai for any reason whatsoever
Save the fandom things. Preserve the fandom things. Respect the fandom things.
Enjoy the fandom things.
#fanfic#ao3#archive of our own#fandom things#tumblr things#i may have said this at some point#i'm sure i have#but whatever - just in case#i don't say this with the presumption that i'm so amazing and people are clamoring to save my fics#but just if anyone is so inclined that's all#ftr i don't intend on ever removing my fics from ao3 or deleting fandom things from this blog#i've always shared my fandom things with the intent of keeping them shared bc that's the whole point of posting#but the fandom atmosphere and ao3 constantly being under attack who knows what can happen#not that this applies to anyone but should all else fail you can also reach out to me and i will personally give you a copy#at least of fics bc i save everything#not so much the tumblr things but this is a good reminder to myself that i should do that for the things i care about#that i've made or done and only posted here#anyway sorry i have now used up my quota of the putting words into sentences doing for today#i have plans to stare into the void now
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dad issues
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(I think they were all fundamentally affected by what they saw and just collectively decided not to share the upsetting details)
#dungeon meshi#aj art#chilchuck#chilchuck backstory stuff#sorta#comic#tw alchoholism#tw death#tw parent death#dont generally tag for death stuff but in this he straight up dies on screen so I thought I should#Uhh I think they all had extremely grim visions bc I think that’s sort of the nature of ghost attacks#I mean Laios’ was basically just him being like “I should’ve died no one would care if i died”#I think Marcille’s would be. Horrifying. Given all her baggage around death.#Tho iirc this would be before Falin’s backfired resurrection#But anyway the mentioning of his father got me thinking#Since at least judging by Laios’ vision#They focus on people who’s death you have baggage around#Especially since Falin wasn’t ever like. Dead dead.#And Chilchuck does mention his father multiple times#Specifically he mentions his death and how he died#Like it seems like that specifically is a notable memory for him#Like you never see him like “my dad taught me to do this”#It seems like he remembers his dad *for* his death#So I anyway I made an extremely grim comic about it#beabell
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who is your favorite AA character? 👁️👁️
ziska… I hope capcom brings her back someday
#shes cool as fuck to me bc when I first played jfa I found her really frustrating to deal with#not just as Phoenix but I mean like on a personal level she is challenging because she’s so thorough#and yet I also find it fascinating that she breaks the character she’s built for herself once in a while#i 100% believe that I don’t think she would have caught on to what Phoenix was trying to do while stalling for time with engardes trial#so it’s probably a good thing edgeworth subbed in but she literally busts her ass to bring evidence to court#almost right after having a bullet extracted from her WHICH SHE ALSO PRESENTS AS EVIDENCE. thats metal as fuck ok#especially since she would technically have nothing to do with the case after edgeworth fills in and she still decided to do that anyway#maybe it was blind faith to use that evidence to win since she wasn’t there for most of the trial but still#and even if canon doesn’t give it to me I still firmly believe there’s be at least some chemistry between her and Maya#like especially if you hold it next to wrightworth that works bc there’s already a history there and majority of Phoenix and miles trying#to relearn their relationship is Phoenix coaxing out that side of Miles that he remembers from fourth grade#but with Franmaya it’s something new and they’re basically strangers to each other and one of them almost got the other convicted#and I still think that’s fascinating and it’s a damn shame thay half of the fics I find for them on ao3 is background in wrightworth fic#i did find a good one that touched on Franziska trying to win pearls approval because Pearl does hold a grudge against her#and seeing that trying to live up to perfecting even her personal relationships without getting to know Pearl to even know#why it wasn’t working feels believable when I think abt her as a character yk#myart#my art#doodles#aa#ace attorney#franziska von karma
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btw shoutout to those who feel they are aspec because of their autism. To the aros, aces, apls, afams, and everyone else who feels their orientation is a direct result of their neurodivergency. Your feelings are valid, and you're not "just reinforcing stereotypes" by being yourself, bc you're not a character in a story, but a real person with real, lived experiences. I see you and I feel you
#saw some youtube comment be like 'autism and asexuality#are (always) separate things' and like#don't get me wrong i get where the sentiment is coming from#and i do agree that you shouldn't assume someone's aspec#just bc they're autistic (or neurodivergent)#but sometimes the two ARE tied together so inseparably#that it's odd to say they are separate things#at least. on an individual level. everyone's experiences are different ofc#neurodivergent#actually neurodivergent#autistic#autism#actually autistic#asexual#aromantic#aplatonic#afamilial#loveless#aspec#ace#aro
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biased but my favorite bits from the official twst artbook 🥰🫶
#the english version is a hard cover for some reason? unlike the japanese one#personally i prefer it HSHJFJF esp cus the price is not to far off ( at least in the store i went )#anyways#tis how i found out the tube thing on lab ortho is a camera#<fake fan#also lots of notes on ortho’s robes ueueueue#aceyuu crumbs in ace robes 🤭🤭🤭 TEEHEE#and the lab one.. he bit more than he can chew…#i hope they do more cards where deuce is a bg character bcs he always looks stupid silly#like in dorm ortho & dorm trey HAHDHDJKF#jackie boy… they gotta make the holes on the hood standard man… for the beastmen….#ofc sebek got the best notes#cus its sebek#twst#twisted wonderland
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"Now, the vow will be honoured, and my Lord brother's soul will return."
Radahn stans keep winning, but I personally am in Miyazaki's walls rn
#my art#shadow of the erdtree spoilers#sote spoilers#shadow of the erdtree#elden ring#godwyn prince of death#godwyn the golden#miquella the kind#miquella the unalloyed#promised consort radahn#fromsoft#i do not think critiques of radahn are as shallow as “pay $40 to fight a boss we already fought”#the dlc is good right up until the final boss#most of the new bosses are good#i loved midra and metyr and messmer and the dancing lion#radahn as consort just comes completely out of left field and just seems like a huge disconnect between the dlc and base game#radahn's story was done with the festival#and it's a good end! i like the festival and the base game radhan fight#but here he shows up again out of nowhere when godwyn is the obvious choice and a godwyn boss fight would be new and interesting#you can even still have your villain miquella story#puppeting his brother's living-but-soulless corpse unable to accept#that just because godwyn is breathing and follows his command like a deprecated computer program#even godhood can't bring his brother's soul back#his body must be slain and he must die a true death#we could have at least gotten a line of dialogue from radahn but nope#ok rant over#this pic is sloppy but idc#no cleanup we die like men#yes i know miquella's model technically has only three arms but i gave him four bc three looks silly
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friend wanted to see my tumblr, and when i told him i can’t show it to him bc it’s basically my personal diary he went “oh so I can’t see it but a bunch of strangers on tumblr can??” he literally does not get me. no one will get me like the people in my phone get me
#It’s just so different#even though it’s public it still feels secret and safe. i feel comfy sharing a lot more on here than I do in my actual day to day life lol#in my head I’m also just speaking to myself 90% of the time which helps#if a friend off tumblr saw my thoughts I’d feel so weird ab it#esp bc they might get the vagueposting about certain situations and tell mutual friends#no thank u. this is for me. I’m not about to start censoring my thoughts bc someone I know knows my tumblr#u guys literally saw me have LIVE BREAKDOWNS#meanwhile I’ll have the worst fucking day in history and tell no one about it. I’m already cripplingly private but way more so in real life#this is basically a low stress journaling outlet for me. it’s so important for me to maintain the separation#like this is actually my diary & has been so handy for letting out emotions / articulating thoughts / staying on track !!#& I’ve met so many kind people on here who actually get me. which is so hard to find irl bc I’m surrounded by pre-med gunners/overachievers#who are by standard not very good w emotion & can be competitive/judgmental. or at least it’s hard for me to be vulnerable in front of them#and I’m part of that crowd so I reserve my emotions only to a handful of very close friends#it’s nice to hop on here and express negative emotions!! or positive emotions!! just whatever I want and it’s low stress and people get me#I don’t have to worry about judgment or competitiveness etc etc#like everyone on here is so kind & nice & understanding. & just a breath of fresh air from the types I run w. it’s just nice to have this#so idk that’s why I think I’ll always be strict about keeping the worlds separate. it just works#p
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[ID in ALT] I've made posts before about Talia/Dick co-parenting Damian moments (will never happen but let me dream) and this came to me in a vision. Took me ages to finish for some reason 😭 and then even longer to post
#dc comics#dc#damian wayne#dick grayson#talia al ghul#batfamily#dc robin#nightwing#anyway. yes im a self-indulgent ''dick as damians secret third parent'' truther#like i DO think it's way more complex and nuanced than the schmoopy affectionate fan portrayal of it#they're brothers they're father and son they're partners they're the dynamic duo except only in past tense etc etc#but consider! I'm not immune to schmoopy affection in fanworks. it compells me despite itself#anyway it's technically not that crazy when it comes to dick and damian. they hug! often! at least they did#it's not as big a leap to these types of scenarios#also talia ''somewhat absent for complex reasons on both her and damians part but very loving and loved by her son'' al ghul#you will always be famous to me#son of the demon origin...bwahhh#anyway. someone made a comic kind of like this/like a post i made abt this topic#but way funnier bc dick and talia starting trying to beat each other up#so go look at that as well#anyway. it's been a somewhat difficult few weeks so I'm. desperately trying to take it easy#i got some reading with me (first vol of kevin smiths GA run that i found second hand and jaimes BB run vol 2!)#so we'll see how far i get through those. considering there's demons in my head telling me to re-read things (LET ME OUT!!!)#when i finish GA and BB i do plan on rereading robin 2021. as a treat to myself#it's a run I've really warmed up to as time went on#I'm keeping up w/ the current b&r run even though it is. admittedly very slow w/ some weird dialogue#i read it for the damian content more than anything. also nikas back so that's neat :]#idk I have a feeling that after absolute power shakes out we might get some more creative team switch ups#so if anyone at dc is interested in taking over the reigns on b&r...that could be very neat#mine
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