#no other source of worth

[whoreishghost]

like how do i even articulate that no matter what i do and how hard i try its not getting better? i dont sleep rlly at all, maybe a 3 ish hours total on a good night given how often i wake up and how late i get to sleep. im not rlly eating either bc im never fucking hungry and everything feels idk Repulsive to even consider putting in my mouth even when i am. im in pain and it doesnt end no matter how gentle i am w myself. i am in a constant state of almost complete panic bc of how much i am having to manage in terms of admin and life issues bc those dont ever seem to end either. i havent been able to take my medication in almost a month bc of nhs incompetence and i Know its making me worse bc im so fucking irritable all the time. i feel so fucking existentially empty and devoid of purpose or meaning or justification for my existence. i am alive so that the like 7 ppl who only talk to me so i can get the hrt wont lose access. im only alive bc if im not itll be my fault if my wife dies and it doesnt matter if i wouldnt know it bc i was dead the thought, the guilt of it as a concept forces me to continue against every fucking screaming molecule of my body begging me to just fucking give up. im almost constantly overwhelmed by this feeling that is so completely indescribable that i dont even know where to begin to explain it to myself let alone to someone else. im in pain and its not just bc im overworked or burned out or whatever, the mental fucking suffering im forcing myself to endure every day so everyone else around me can be ok, can be happy, can thrive and do what they need feels like its fucking shredding my nerves and ripping through my flesh. and im fucking trying and no one fucking gets that. no amount of being told "the change comes from within" is going to do anything about the fact that this is as much as i can do this is as hard as i can try i have no more effort or energy than i am already forcing myself to keep using even when i feel like i am empty and there is nothing left for me to use to keep going. i do all the things i shld as much as i can. but the longer it goes on the harder it is for me to help myself and then i just get accused of "not trying hard enough to get better" as if i am not giving it my fucking all. u try spending every night alone, in pain, caught in spiraling obsession after spiraling obsession of ur own fucking inadequacy and failure and immorality. u try to manage the fucking effort of trying and trying and reaching out and begging for help and being so fucking explicit about how bad it is only to be told it cant be as bad u say or that its not bad enough for support but that even if it were ud be too damaged and unstable to access it. i feel like im dying, or more like, i feel like im fading, like soon there will be so little left of me of who i want to be who i put so much effort into being that even the fragments of damage that make up the core of who i am are coming apart and disintegrating. there is going to be nothing left and i feel like im watching myself slowly fucking evaporate and lose everything over and over again and vanish more and more from reality from existence from myself that it wont be much longer till theres nothing left to salvage. i try and tell myself its temporary. it wont last forever. i look at photos to remind myself when it wasnt this bad but i cant believe it i cant fucking trust that its true and even more than that i cant make myself understand that it can change, it can be that again. bc i know it cant. i know it at such a deep and intrinsic level of myself. and its not even like im gna kms. theres no point. what is left to kill?

[aratoop]

[imgoingtosetmyselfonfire]

and if i told you my new interest is the new fairly oddparents.

be warned the tags are a psychoanalysis of his character

[whimsithea]

You deserve to make room for yourself the same way you do for others.

⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ⊹ ꙳ ⁺ ‧ ⨯. ⁺ ✦ ⊹ . * ꙳ ✦ ⊹

Just like others, you are a person! If you are struggling to love yourself, consider how you treat yourself. Would you authentically love someone who talks to you the way you do? How can you expect to love yourself when you wouldn't even be friends with someone who treats others that way? It is an act of self-disrespect to ignore your own needs and desires.

I don't say this to make you feel ashamed of your self-talk, but rather to invoke a look outside for a change. We are always looking inside ourselves so often that we don't notice our simple worth as a person, a human, a being on the earth. Millions of people consider themselves the one exception.

You deserve to eat yummy foods like our friends do. You deserve to be treated with respect like our peers do. You deserve to feel the sun on your face the same way a flower does. You deserve to forgive yourself for things that you regret. You deserve more than "I'm used to it." You deserve to move your body the same way a dog deserves to be taken on a walk. You deserve to live a fulfilling life where your needs are met.

It's time to apologize to yourself. It's time to take accountability for all the ways you antagonized yourself. It's time to mend the relationship with your own body and your own mind. You don't have to keep fighting with yourself, you are allowed to repair things that have been broken. Offer yourself grace and kindness, just as you would for others. Forgive yourself by making it up to yourself.

[nerdgirlnarrates]

On the one hand, being a doctor gives me a sense of purpose. It’s a clear way for me to contribute to the world, and I’m grateful for that. On the other hand, it means that when I feel like I’m not doing a good job, my sense of purpose is also threatened, which makes it much easier to spiral out.

[little-candy-store-of-horrors]

If this has been done then I'm sorry for beating a dead horse. Or a dead. Assless twink.

[57sfinest]

something that’s been on my mind a lot also is like. the potential for conflict between kim and harry because of harry’s can-opening. 

kim is obviously deeply repressed and while that’s not necessarily a good thing, and he’s not necessarily happy about being that way, it’s also not up to harry to decide that he needs to be exposed. harry can be good for kim in this context if and only if it’s kim making the decision to open up. it can be good for kim if kim is like “there is no way i can ever be as openly fucked up and embarrassing as this guy. he is a freak and a disaster on a level i could never aspire to. so i guess it’s fine if we’re friends. he can know me a little bit.” then it’s great and they foil each other well and their relationship can be healthy and fulfilling for them both!

but there’s also a version of their relationship that starts out okay but goes down in flames because harry just can’t help himself. he either can’t or won’t stop the prying and kim has no inclination to let harry in. there’s a harry that will push kim’s buttons and provoke him and say or do awful things just to see how kim reacts. there is a kim that has no tolerance for harry’s behavior, no desire to play along, and not enough patience to give him more than one or two chances. and kim wouldn’t be wrong for that! kim has no obligation to give harry chances and no obligation to be vulnerable just because harry wants to know he smoked weed back in his 20s (which is a small complaint of mine. as funny as that dialogue is, i kind of wish that even passing that check didn’t actually give you a secret. kim deserves to be able to say no and doing so is way more consistent with his character.)

yes, sometimes kim NEEDS that little bit of pressure from harry so he has an excuse to do something he wants to do anyway, but that’s exactly it: it’s something he *already wants to do*. like the jackets or the dancing or the cryptid talk. harry’s blundering lack of reservations is an excuse for kim to loosen up on his own- it absolves kim of ultimate responsibility, protecting him, and that allows him to *do* things, freeing him. done this way, the dynamic can be healthy and mutually beneficial. but it’s also good to acknowledge the ways in which harry can try to expose kim in harmful ways that drive them apart.

[jils-things]

to love someone is to heal someone

[dailykugisaki]

Day 121 | id in alt

They're recreating something that happened on a mission. Gojo is invested. Fushiguro? Lightly shaken.

[morgana-ren]

Man, people are once again getting really upset about the lack of content for some characters and fandoms as opposed to others. Like 'howling to the moon' angry about how there's no content on the characters they like or the things they like or ideas they like. We're talking 'conspiratorial' angry.

Baby, be the change you want to see in the world. If you want content, make it. Row the boat all the fuck by your lonesome if you have to. A lot of people have, and they're literally the reason that there is even content for less popular ships/ideas/characters! That's how things get popular! People taking the initiative and just doing it. Don't wait around for someone else to do it for you.

Most of us work for free and are just posting on a whim from our heads. If you love something, write it. Draw it. Post about it. Make the content you want to see. Be the reason someone else has content to turn to if it's important to you. Don't stamp your feet and get upset that something doesn't exist.

Make it. Produce it. Draw it. Imagine it. Do it. Lead the tag. Make the content. Fuel the fire. Do it badly. Just do it. You won't regret it.

[longagoitwastuesday]

Every day I wake up regretting getting emotionally invested in Jujutsu Kaisen

[voidedjuice]

Btw is3 pro tip:

The annoying flying seaborn, like all the low altitude flying enemies, lose their ranged attacks and become pathetic sopping messes when stunned. Kroos the keen glint prioritises flying enemies, and her talent gives her a chance to stun enemies on hit, with her skills making her hit way more (basically quaranteeing she will knock down those bastards with her skill up).

Put your faith in this silly rabbit ⬆

[legolasghosty]

🐑 Alternate Universe- Magic, Mutual Pining, Demonic possession, Furbies

Oh dear...

Alex is attending one of the most prestigious magic academies in the country, on the orders of his parents of course. Even though Laiz Fier Academy reviles even the name of the only type of magic he's ever been good at. His parents swore he'd find another specialty here, and he'd let himself believe them, like the idiot he is. He's scraping by in classes. Barely. At least he's managed to make a couple of friends and figure out how to sneak into the library stacks to find books that will actually help him hone his skills.

However, Alex realizes now there's a reason why it's not recommended to do your first summoning alone. Because, while he does manage to summon a demon, it doesn't exactly end up in the silvery urn he'd laid in the center of the pentagram.

So now he has a talking, demonic Furby to hide. One that, despite its too-wide eyes and disconcertingly smooth voice, Alex thinks he might be developing feelings for.

(Fake fic ask game!)

[sickfreaksirkay]

yeah <3 (from Between Knights: Triangular Desire and Sir Palomides in Sir Thomas Malory's "The Book of Sir Tristram de Lyones")

[kojoty]

realized last night that getting into stained glass... i can make stained glass pendants, too... jewelry with stained glass...

[carlottastudios]

YES FELLOW KAEYA ENJOYER 🙌🙌🙌🙌 I woukd LOVE to hear your thoughts its so hard to find anyone talking about all of kaeyas lore and implications

HI FELLOW KAEYA ENJOYER!!!!

Thank you so much! I have actually started the process of writing down my thoughts and even realized that, because of how much all of Kaeya’s lore and implications and references connect together, a mind map might actually be a better format for listen all of my thoughts than just a text post. But then, ah…I started the VERY rough draft for this mind map and I’m realizing it’s already getting so huge and complicated, I’m actually worried about whether or not I’ll be able to make it cohesive and readable.

I think that might be why it’s so hard to find anyone talking about ALL of Kaeya’s lore & myth connections & implications. THERE’S JUST SO MUCH!!! Kaeya, you have so much going on!!!! And, like, good for you, beloved, but it’s not easy for the theorists!

Anyways, in case anyone is curious, here’s a look at what I’ve got so far for the super-rough draft of a mind map for all my unhinged Kaeya lore thoughts:

Thank you for the nice message, anon!