michelle|24|lesbian supergirl & supercorpwednesday & wenclairi make gifs sometimesLISTEN TO VIOLET BY HOLE
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i need more time to write insane emo poetry abt expelling a smaller demented version of myself out of my body that is covered in black slime so that i can heal between the psychic damage i take each day from being alive in general
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maybe the solution is to start doing hard drugs
#michelle speaks#i’m not allowed to do any drugs or they will take my ritalin away 😔 so this is a moot point 😔
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maybe the solution is to start doing hard drugs
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they should invent a version of being alive that doesn’t make u want to kill yourself
#michelle speaks#spent all day doing work now i have class tomorrow & am still behind on my readings i want peace so bad…….#i should NOT have done journal like here i am for WHAT? literally just to suffer. no other reason.#and i knowwww i will be on schedule after next weekend it’s just that i dont want to live in this world#can i just say that. like it is what it is.#unfortunately the joy of having my friend here was diminished by doing work that made me want to kms all day lol#i am sick of getting and receiving emails. i am sick of researching and writing. i am sick of reading and taking notes. FREE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!#legit was walking outside w my friend two days ago & accidentally said out loud to myself i need to get out of here & she was like what?? 😭#i was thinking abt being in class lmfao & also i didn’t want to walking outside anymore & i unintentionally said it to myself 😭#bur that is literally how i feel ALL the time. sick sick sick!!!!!! i need a lobotomy. maybe they were right.
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just remembered we have donald trump presidency tomorrow
#michelle speaks#when my friend came she had to get a new metro card bc she couldn’t find her old one#& they had a limited edition inauguration one & she was like do u want to see it pulled it out of her pocket#and it just had a big image of trump’s face on it 😭😭😭 she was like i feel like i have to hide it so no one can see it 😭😭😭😭#also she texted me when she got here like there are so many trump supporters at the airport & then she didn’t respond to my next text#and i was like omg did the trumpies get u??? and i was actually legit worried for a sec 😭😭😭😭😭#she is chinese ok……..and u all know trumpies are crazy it was a valid concern 😭#ANYWAY. we are really in it now. we are so deep in it now 😭
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miss my friend immediately ���� usually when i am finally alone i am like peace and love on planet earth but i am so comfortable w her around that i didnt mind not being alone at all 😭 i hope u all experience friendship as amazing & wonderful as the friendship i have w her i love her so much 😭😭😭
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Kara giving up her boyfriends (and William) vs. being unwilling to lose Lena
#an absolute BANGER from me!!!!! kara is quite literally queen of lesbianism#only regret is i should have included her shooting monel into space lol.#also could have included when she did not gaf when he was leaving again in s3 lmao…..#but these were different times i think u can have more than 10 gifs now idk. but not then!#supercorp#supergirl
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Ko-fi | PayPal
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literally could CRY!!!!! at how much fun ive had w my friend today i looooove her literally THE best 😭😭😭 like i can say anything to her in the whole world truly and we have the same sense of humor and she just listens to me yap on and on and she is so sweet and great to spend time w i love her omg 😭😭😭 we were watching the traitors which she has never seen before and was so invested in it w me like not just pretending to care even bc i was making her watch it bc the new ep came out like 😭 the guy that i hate came on screen who she doesn’t even know & she started going ugh when she saw him too lmfao 😭 she is just such a great friend i appreciate her infinitely.
#michelle speaks#me spending the whole time she is in the shower waxing poetic abt her on my tumblr blog 👍#the way smth was happening in the traitors and i said smth completely insane & she just finds it funny. that’s why i love her ❤️#most ppl genuinely would have been like why tf would u say that. takes a real one to appreciate it 😭
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going to get less than 6 hrs of sleep. for the bit.
#michelle speaks#behind on my readings…….two mental breakdowns over my comment#only 4 hrs between my last class and when i was supposed to go to sleep…..didn’t complete the 1 pt assignment for my second class that’s#due at 11am bc i couldn’t finish the reading bc i had no time…….didnt even listen to music on the metro bc i was too busy hyperfixating#on my comment (legal paper not like in a convo) and the issue i was having w it and then i wasted 45 mins sitting on the floor over it……….#it’s bleak it’s so bleak out here. hello. can anyone hear me. i have to do it all again next week 😶🌫️
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i love that in 1923 the supreme court in adkins v children’s hospital stated that women were no longer oppressed. and then in 2022 the supreme court decided women didn’t have a right to their own bodily autonomy.
if only we lived in the beautiful world the supreme court hallucinated in 1923:
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i am having a depressive episode where i genuinely wish i could crawl out of my body through my eyes or smth i just felt so weird and not like myself at all today i was wearing my literal favorite thick flannel that is so comfortable and i just felt like so weird & out of place & i have not felt so like not myself since i used to try to dress more feminine in college idk wtf was wrong w me 😭 i was not dressed feminine either the flannel i am talking abt was legit from the men’s section. and it felt extra off bc as i have said i am masc leaning for sure & a lot of that for me is the way i present and hold myself bc women are taught to make ourselves smaller while men take up space and i like to have that sort of more idk presence to me & bc i felt so off my demeanor was also off and that just made me feel even worse bc i was like i can’t even hold myself correctly which then made me feel like i did when i was trying to be more feminine which made me even more uncomfortable. so like idfk i’ll just wear the most masc thing i can put together tomorrow and maybe that will heal me 😩
#michelle speaks#this is going to sound weird but i think it comes down to the fact that i did not want to wear the pants or shoes i was wearing#they didn’t make the outfit feminine it’s just like i need to pick out smth i actually want to wear and if i dont i feel uncomfortable#this was worse than usual idk. but it’s an outfit i have worn many times before too. just was sitting wrong w me yesterday for no reason#an outfit has come together in my head rn that is making me feel better ❤️ so yeah.#i do in fact have to decide what i’m wearing the night before i just know every piece of clothing i own off the top of my head#if i don’t decide i will spend 10 mins staring at my clothes it’s a serious issue. i have been late many times bc of that 😭#also this is me just stating how i felt i don’t believe in mind body dualism. like i AM my body i’m not in it etc#but my depression makes me feel very disconnected from my body a lot despite me knowing i am my body bc depression is irrational 👍
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dw everyone i saged my apartment and now i feel like my spirit is lifted suicide postponed 👍
the way i was suicidal by 11:30am today and it was only my first day of the semester 😭 didn’t expect it to be that bleak to be honest.
#michelle speaks#wouldn’t kms anyway bc my friend is visiting me in 2 days so i would have to live for that#and then i told my other friend i would hang out w her next weekend so then i have to live for that too#so at that point i won’t even want to kms enough anymore. unless? 👀#that’s a joke…….i’m sure i would find SMTH else to live for. like seeing derrick lose on the traitors? 🤭🤭🤭🤭#unfortunately i think i let the smoke go too long w the door closed tho. my window is open but still think i got too much smoke in here 😭#expelling the negative energy by making sure there is no room for it bc the room is filled w smoke ❤️
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the way i was suicidal by 11:30am today and it was only my first day of the semester 😭 didn’t expect it to be that bleak to be honest.
#michelle speaks#not a good sign when day one of the semester i am entering my apartment talking to myself abt how#i should have just killed myself when i was 14 like that should be at LEAST a week in omg 😭#it wasn’t even bc of my classes it was smth else school related lmao. not even a big deal i just have severe emotional dysregulation!!!!#thank u adhd!!!! u always have my back in making everything so much worse than it already is 😊#i TEARED UP in the library. i am ALMSOT 25!!!!!!!! having adhd is insane 😭😭😭😭#and i wasn’t even mentally that upset it is so. i can’t even speak on it truly.
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i was going to say that my friend is going to witness a terrible side of me when she has to watch the traitors w me on thursday but then i remembered she was there when i was watching the supergirl series finale so no i think she has seen a worse side of me before
#michelle speaks#she took the video which holds the iconic clown nose pic of me when i realized supercorp would not be endgame. a time.
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i lose my mind more and more each day i fear
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the way i was looking at my readings for this week & immediately thought to myself and what if i didn’t go to class?
#michelle speaks#it is simply that. i am already behind. but that’s fine. i’ll be going to bed on time maybe!!!!!#could they invent a class that makes u not want to kill urself? or is that impossible?
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