#like giving permission to not give a fuck or do anything abt whatever is being discussed

[ouroboobos]

A lot of of (primarily white) grown adults hide their complacency and complicitness behind the schtick of "I'm sorrrryyyyy its just because I'm so anxious and smol wahhh I'm so pathetic I'm such a pushover I'm so dumb" to try and keep you from holding them accountable but it's time to stop coddling them and just be like yeah you are pathetic and stupid.

[chocolatespyro]

Me learning to not give people the benefit of the doubt when they've been given the benefit of the doubt about 50 times already

(III 15 edition. Spoilers under the cut if you still haven't seen it somehow.)

EDIT: Took out the part about them not mentioning her disability since Bot does say that they wouldn't want Cabby to forget iirc, also about them not thinking kids would understand disability since I wasn't happy with those points and I feel they were inaccurate or somewhat off-topic. That's pretty much it though.

The more I think abt it the more I can see how the Bot apology sucks lmaoooo

Dunno if this was a point made on Twitter (I've heard there's been discontent there? I dont have Twitter tho but I'd LOVE to hear more from other Cabby fans abt what's going on there. u can leave comments on this post if u want or u can just rb and do it thru tags.)

Anyways, to my main points: Bot just says they're sorry for... forcing Cabby to get permission to use her files?

What about them lying to Cabby? I don't believe they ever really apologized for that. OR TOLD HER THAT THEY LIED??

Bot also doesn't really apologize for the other main points people were upset for I think?

I don't think bot ever really takes full accountability for judging Cabby either. No one does really. Like... at least an

"I'm sorry. I really screwed up, and so did a lot of the other contestants. We were too harsh and judgmental towards you for no reason, and our insecurities shouldn't have gotten in the way of you being able to remember. This was supposed to be a fun and welcoming environment and vacation... but it became a nightmare for you instead. I know this won't make up for all the damage done, but I hope this file is useful to you."

(maybe reworded some to fit Bot's personality better, but the apology shouldn't have just been this quick one-off moment taken to the side like in canon.)

To kinda add to the above, I also think it would've been nice if Bot fully noticed and acknowledged HOW other people haven't been treating Cabby very kindly too by giving examples of where nobody stood up for her. Lifering was a great supportive person in the episode, but Bot was there for some of the shit that was pulled against Cabby, ESPECIALLY in episode 7. I so wish that that was acknowledged here. And the fact that Test Tube went directly behind Cabby's back to do that. Where does Bot think Test Tube got those files from?

There's also the fact that Test Tube never approaches to apologize for judging Cabby for no reason. Like she just stares at Cabby and Bot hugging for a few seconds after Bot apologizes that's it. And she... doesn't accuse Cabby. That's the barest fucking minimum she could've done.

Also... the "inaccurate depictions" thing wasn't even true outside of Baseball's file... and that was a bunch of contrived bs. Like Suitcase literally had this whole thing where she stood up to Nickel and I guess... Cabby glossed over that somehow??? I can't suspend my disbelief this much sorry all. Idk where the "Manipulated by Balloon" shit came from. Correct me if I'm wrong bcus I haven't seen season 2.

The only reason why it was inaccurate with Bot is because Cabby thought Bot was Bow, something Cabby IMMEDIATELY corrected herself on. Bot coulda just... reminded Cabby that it wasn't her fault because she didn't know Bot and Bow were two different objects and told Cabby to just... start a new file like others said??? So that shit didn't make sense.

The apology just... kinda feels shallow. Cabby didn't do anything wrong here. She's beaten herself up over this shit. It just hurts to watch.

Bot only really apologized for a single thing and we don't get any acknowledgement towards the lying or the mistreatment or Cabby destroying Bow's file as some sort of garbage symbolism attempt.

Bot's apology was kinda supposed to tie everything together and top everything off nicely in a better and at least slightly more satisfying way than whatever the fuck 14 did, but it just... doesn't. It barely acknowledges the issues. They don't really show how seriously they screwed up with Cabby.

I wanna believe that AE has the best intentions here, but they're on very thin ice in my eyes. If they screw up any next steps with Cabby and/or never address Cabby's issues with Test Tube ever again, I think I'm done having any kind of faith in AE. Even Cabby winning wouldn't save it.

Yeah sorry this got really depressing, this situation is just sad

[burning-sol]

BIG EXANDROTH POST

this is my big post where i ramble abt exandroth. spoilers for all of apotheosis.

(HEY THIS IS XANDER HERE) (I'M POSTING THIS EARLY SO THIS IS NOT COMPLETE NOR MOST ELOQUENTLY PUT) (IF SOL GETS AROUND TO IT THEY'LL FIX THIS POST THEMSELVES) (BUT I THINK IT'S BETTER THAT THIS GOES OUT THERE RATHER THAN JUST GET BURIED IN SOL'S DRAFTS AND NEVER SEES THE LIGHT OF DAY) (SO HERE YOU GO) (I ADD NOTES THROUGHOUT WHEN I THINK IT'S NEEDED)

Exandroth /neg

Okay so I figure before we move onto ANYTHING else in this post, we're going to have to talk the fucking WORST thing about Exandroth. You know it, you hate it, it's Exandroth's relationship to Peter. Because this needs to talked about so we all know we're on the same page about Exandroth being an asshole.

I think there's a misconception about Exandroth that Exandroth wants to actively hurt everyone, that she doesn't care about anybody and will do whatever it takes to achieve its goal - or something along those lines. But I think it can be more accurately summarised as the following quote.

Episode 2: Charlie: He seems like he's absolutely being serious about killing these blights, and it's pretty apparent from the battle earlier...that he's like just kind of will do whatever to Peter to get there.

It's not that Exandroth doesn't care about others, it doesn't care about Peter. Exandroth makes fun of Thanatos and teases Rumi, but that sort of actual hurt and intended abuse is always directed at Peter. Outside of any sadistic delight Exandroth gets from killing combatants, Exandroth enjoys harassing Peter and bullying him and does not mind that Peter gets hurt in the slightest. Exandroth cares about Peter to the extent that Peter is a vehicle necessary to navigate her surroundings, and will keep Peter fit enough to function but doesn't take any measure to make sure Peter is comfortable.

To give Exandroth the tiniest of credit, possession in Exandroth's case cannot be completely absent of pain. Regardless of who Exandroth had chosen, Exandroth can't control if Peter gets intrusive 'visions' (briefly mentioned in episode 2, they're not confirmed to be caused by Exandroth but I think there's a good chance they are), or if Peter's time being possessed he can only see fire, or if the magic Exandroth casts causes pain to the host. Anyone who is a host for Exandroth is going to experience pain and discomfort presumably because a human (or what have you) body is just not fit to host a celestial being.

HOWEVER, Exandroth is a fucking shit head who has committed the following:

Exandroth did not inform Peter of what the possession would entail and moreso just forced itself on Peter, making this possession built on a very not consenual agreement.

Constantly and forcefully takes control of Peter without permission. In episode 6, Peter elects to give Exandroth some control and suggests setting up boundaries. Exandroth COMPLETELY ignores Peter and takes full control. Exandroth is not at all respectful of Peter's autonomy.

Exandroth refers to Peter as "just a wand" and generally just dehumanises Peter, viewing him as a tool to achieve her goal rather than someone who she should be collaborating with as an equal.

Using magic causes pain to Peter that Exandroth never addresses, apologises for or attempts to mitigate.

When Peter talks about the idea of trying to get Exandroth to use its magic to help people (episode 4), Exandroth starts to LIQUIFY Peter's leg. YIKES.

I believe it's episode 7 that the worm place is introduced; which becomes a place of torment Exandroth sends Peter, and is shown to very much traumatise Peter to point of being discomforted (you could presume even triggered) by the mention of worms. Peter brings up only seeing fire or blacking out previous to this, which I interpret as being a baseline, meanwhile the worm place is something Exandroth actively inflicts on Peter.

We don't know every little detail of Exandroth's time possessing Peter, but Charlie does say that Exandroth made Peter's life a living hell and ruined his life and I don't believe that's an exaggeration in the slightest. I may have missed things, I'm very sure that there's more I could talk about, but this last point summises everything pretty well.

Exandroth is a DICK and DEFINITELY Peter's antagonist. Peter absolutely needed Exandroth out of his fucking life because Exandroth was a constant tormentor. And I'm going to bring up the idea of Exandroth being redeemed later, but let it be known that in no way do I think that entails Peter forgiving Exandroth or making any effort to help Exandroth better itself. Peter doesn't have to be associated with this thing. Peter shouldn't be expected to associate with this thing. Peter shows Exandroth more kindness than what Exandroth deserves and Peter is absolutely amazing.

I love Peter and I wish to crush Exandroth cause what the actual fuck is wrong with this guy, she's such a prick.

I also think it is absolutely messed up that after all of Exandroth's bullshit, when shit hits the fans and Peter dies, Exandroth blames Peter and calls him a "feeble insect". But that's enough on that.

The narrative Rumi tells

Rumi is not a reliable narrator and they act with a subconscious (or conscious) need to maintain their identity. Nobody missed this, we understand this, but let's take this and apply this to Rumi's relationship with Exandroth. Because Exandroth never appeared in Rumi's visions. Rumi only ever saw Peter. How does this affect Rumi's perception of Exandroth?

My interpretation is Rumi probably subconsciously saw Exandroth as a threat far before any confirmation of Exandroth's character. Exandroth is an uncomfortable outlier; and Rumi could either accept that outlier - accepting their visions weren't entirely correct - OR they could force it to fit in a role that doesn't threaten their identity.

Firstly, through the rejection of Exandroth entirely. It's notable to me that Rumi entirely ignores Peter's comments about Exandroth even as he shows obvious signs of possession (dramatic change in body language, the voice, eclipsed eyes, the horrors, etc). Rumi makes comments praising Peter, "Peter, that was fantastic," You're monstrous Peter!" and it's an entire hour into the episode when Rumi first acknowledges Exandroth; not by his name, but as "the angel inside of you [Peter]". And if this seems like a strange comment, just know that in comparison it took Thanatos DRAMATICALLY less time to latch onto Exandroth's name and use it without issue. For me, it goes past being a bit to feeling like it's something Rumi is skirting around.

In the next episode, Rumi does ask to talk to Exandroth and introduces themselves but soon after delves into a line of questioning surrounding Peter and if Exandroth can transfer her power. This isn't to say that these are unreasonable questions, but I would pose that these questions prioritise Peter more than actually getting to know Exandroth. And Rumi also asked whether Peter was the master of Exandroth or Exandroth was the master of Peter (IN that order) which just seems like a kinda fucked up thing to ask imo.

Obviously, there is a certain point where Exandroth's actions speak for themselves, and Rumi would be right for judging Exandroth harshly, but many of these early interactions can be interpretted as being skewed in Peter's favour.

When it comes to how Rumi treats Exandroth, I percieve things progressing as follows: Exandroth is treated as an entity that doesn't exist; Exandroth does exist but it just an accessory to Peter; Exandroth is an UNWELCOME accessory to Peter; Exandroth is a thing for Peter to conquer as a way for Peter to become a strong individual.

The emphasis being that in each case Exandroth is NOT an individual. Because if Exandroth was an individual that exists then that means Rumi's visions don't line up properly. It was never meant to be FOUR god slayers, it was MEANT to be Rumi, Thanatos and Peter. So even before the outright sabotage of Rumi's visions, Rumi was set up to view Exandroth poorly. Although we agree with Rumi that Exandroth is no good, Rumi did not necessarily follow the same line of thought as we did. This wasn't JUST Rumi looking out for Peter, it was Rumi protecting their identity.

I think this also clears up in my mind why Rumi would have a sort of double standard when it comes to Thanatos. Thanatos IS more redeemable than Exandroth, for fucking sure, but this ONE line I obsess over because of the sheer dissonance of it.

"Thanatos, unlike Exandroth, I've observed has some semblance of a liking towards the living. Starting with that Lizard, and perhaps your family in the past."

It really throws a wrench in this whole 'Thanatos is redeemable but Exandroth isn't' thing when you use an example like that. Because, if you don't know, Exandroth LOVES Lizard and has an OUTPOURING of affection towards it. Exandroth BLESSED Lizard, CONNECTED a part of itself Lizard... What is the difference between Thanatos' affection for Lizard and Exandroth's? I turn this over in my mind repeatedly.

More On Dehumanising Exandroth

Okay but let's REALLY think about how Exandroth is treated. Obviously there's all of Rumi's case I lay out earlier but even generally speaking NOBODY really treats Exandroth with the same level of individuality as they would each other. A lot of talk around Exandroth was about his use as an asset to the team; about it being attached to Peter and what that meant for Peter; or about Exandroth's role in the attack on the celestial realm. Times where the god slayers are being introduced, Exandroth has gotten left out more than once.

When Exandroth was out and about in episode 10, she commented that he actually felt like staying out for a while and seemed to have been enjoying socialising with everyone: only to then be told to go away because Tristan(?) found Exandroth annoying. And the others didn't disagree.

This is something that became more apparent as I watched back over the clips and realised there was just SO much talk ABOUT Exandroth but not a lot of talk TO Exandroth. And when there WAS talk to Exandroth, you can be sure that it didn't really amount to much on a personal level. And this is not even bringing in the outright hostility towards him.

Exandroth is very tolerant of this and at worst just gets a bit defiant, saying that he's not going to leave of his own accord. He doesn't act hostile towards the others at all... He did say he could turn Thanatos into spiders if they were in a fight. Recited "boil" repeatedly in response to Rumi trying to use a command spell. He joked about killing Rumi when she was carrying them in the air. But an actual direct and hostile threat? That it initiated? Never. If anything, Grizzly and Condi in a Just Rolled expressed that they wanted to kill Exandroth and take its power. Fun.

Grizzly makes the a comment in episode 12 that Exandroth is a sort of "flaw for Peter". (HEY I'M NOT EXPANDING ON THIS BUT THE POINT SOL WAS GOING TO MAKE WAS THAT EXANDROTH WAS PLACED MORE AS AN ASSET TO PETER'S CHARACTER AND THE GENERAL PLOT OF APOTHEOSIS RATHER THAN HIS OWN CHARACTER) (EXANDROTH IS NOT CONSIDERED A CHARACTER WITH HER OWN ARC, EXANDROTH IS IN SERVICE TO THE OTHERS IN THE STORY) (THAT WAS THE JIST OF IT) (I'M SURE THERE'S SOMETHING ELSE SOL WANTED TO ADD HERE BUT WE'RE MOVING ON)

Let's talk about episode 13

SUMMARY OF EXANDROTH IN THIS EPISODE:

We open up. Exandroth is shifting in form and is "not fully intact" before settling on being Rumi, confusing Peter in the process. Exandroth speaks in a way that's unusual for him and even describes himself as wanting a "perfect" vessel to become god (Exandroth has not shown any fixation on being "perfect" before now). Exandroth attempts to possess the sword before being interrupted. They fight. Exandroth uses her sword for attacks, it continues to come off as very not Exandroth.

Peter cracks open Exandroth's form to reveal the form of Peter. Exandroth's mannerisms and fighting becomes dramatically more Exandroth-like, though he does sound nasally like Peter would. Exandroth comments that he's going to take everything Peter loves. He also has a bag of rocks but Exandroth has painted them all to be Rumi. As Exandroth takes more hits the form wobbles and stretches like someone were manipulating vertexes in Blender.

Exandroth mutters 'he didn't want to do this' before his body EXPLODES into light as his angelic form peels out from the body. And then she fights epically with Peter. And it loses. The end. Kill your gays trope real, Exandroth confessed love for Rumi and got sent to superhell. Very sad. END OF SUMMARY.

What I'm SO intruiged by in this fight is the forms that Exandroth takes, particularly that Exandroth takes the form of Peter of all people. The worm. The imperfect vessel. I mean obviously it makes for a really epic Peter vs Evil Peter scenario. It's also like "WOAH if Exandroth is taking the form of Peter, that's a testament to how strong Peter actually was this whole time". But aside from that, maybe it's reflective of how Exandroth has grown attached to this version of itself.

In terms of phases, you could theorise that there's a progression of what Exandroth wanted to be (Rumi) -> what identity Exandroth had grown attached to (using Peter's body as a vessel) -> and what Exandroth actually is (the Archangel of Justice and Retribution). A desperation to cling onto a sense of humanity, to cling onto these new memories and experiences and emotions. "I didn't want to use this." Why not, Exandroth? Hasn't all this time Exandroth been playing up their prowess, their superiority, their celestial power over the duration of the series? Aside from it being a cool last phase, last resort of power... Maybe Exandroth has grown a distaste towards their celestial self.

It WAS an entire year Exandroth spent attached Peter. So it's not so far fetched to assume that Exandroth started to identify itself with Peter's body.

(ALSO MAYBE EXANDROTH'S TAKING PETER'S FORM WAS LIKE) (IT WAS MAKING OF SHOW OF HOW EXANDROTH WANTED TO STEAL PETER'S LIFE) (IMPERSONATING PETER) (YEAH I THINK THAT WAS SOMETHING ELSE SOL WANTED TO BRING UP)

Exandroth was in LOVE

There is not much to this point. It just. It means something to me that Exandroth was able to pick up on a human emotion. And sure, it didn't know what the fuck to do with that emotion and expressed it in an unhealthy way... But it was SOMETHING. And how much more could have Exandroth picked up on? Could Exandroth have become more than just retribution, rage and sadistic delight?

Exandroth was an ally of humanity, Exandroth walked alongside people, and Exandroth was becoming more human itself. Going to LOSE my marbles.

(INSERT MORE EXPANSION ON THIS POINT) (BUT YEAH EXANDROTH WAS DEVELOPING EMOTIONS IT DIDN'T HAVE BEFORE AS A CELESTIAL) (THAT'S COOL)

Loveable Idiot

Okay but if I may be sooo silly about this thing he is SOOO stupid and I love it. She had fuckinnnggg no awareness about him it KILLED me.

I love when he just fucking gets distracted by a squirrel and INCINERATES it. This thing doesn't have an attention span like.

Also I just find it very cute that Exandroth it jsut a sleepy lil' thing. Described as napping on several occassions. Going absolute sleepy mode. Now that I think about it you could probably interpret some of Exandroth's incomprehensible speeching as a result of the sleepiness.

(UM YEAH SOL WAS GOING TO GUSH MORE HERE)

Some other notes

In episode 2 when Rumi is going off about how Peter is a part of the trio, Exandroth tries to come out but doesn't manage to get a hold of the reigns. I can only imagine that Exandroth wanted to tell Rumi that he was meant to be Rumi's comrade, not Peter, but didn't get the chance to. And a reminder that Zuen had picked Exandroth as a chosen so yeah I linger on this first interaction a bit.

A clip I'm OBSESSED with is this one. I just think that Rumi and Exandroth could work SO well together in a horrible way because. Rumi doesn't want to directly kill anyone... But Exandroth does!! And if THIS sort of interaction happened more often? Ooooo I love it. I love it SO much. Something something Exandroth will take blood on its hands that Rumi doesn't want. Something like that.

Exandroth's first encounter vs Exandroth second encounter with Rymir is a VERY stark comparison. Exandroth's first encounter with Rymir he just couldn't contain his sheer rage at Rymir (who imprisoned him after Exandroth's treason, which is deserved but ofc Exandroth would be upset over it). Exandroth FORCED himself out and went for the throat. But Exandroth's second encounter he didn't try to crawl his way out, he only came out when allowed. Not only that but he... Sat there. Just. Made some your mom jokes and left as quickly as she came. Maybe it was pacified by Rumi? Maybe Exandroth just was holding themselves back? Up to your interpretation.

Exandroth barely had a prescence in episode 12- even during the fight which is very uncharacteristic of Exandroth. The one time Exandroth used magic was to help Peter dispell the Moon Beast of all things. Just think about that. (SOL ALSO BROUGHT UP IN ANOTHER POST ABOUT EXANDROTH WANTING TO BE FREE AND ALSO FREEING THE MOON BEAST) (SIDENOTE: ALSO SOMETHING ABOUT HOW EXANDROTH SORT OF IMPRISONS PETER)

I posted this clip where both Exandroth and Rumi use their commands spells to say "obey" which. Yeah. You know. That's something!

Exandroth's expulsion from the celestial realm

For me I initially had the theory when I first started Apotheosis that the reason he was cast out of heaven in the first place was because he liked his job too much. He was the Angel of Retribution, but took it to a point where he was giving punishments that even the Gods thought were a little much. He's shown to be extremely sadistic, so it made sense to me. -Shiloh205

Answering the easiest part first: Exandroth wasn't cast out of the celestial realm by the gods.

Exandroth, as part of a plan agreed on with Zuen, went down to Earth(?) 15 years ago and had a hand in the creation of an army of Thanatos that would storm the celestial realm. At some point, Exandroth returned to the celestial realm and was imprisoned for its treachery by the gods for the next who knows how long. It was during the attack on the celestial realm that Zuen unchained Exandroth and set her free, Zuen destroying the celestial realm (the sky disappearing as a result) and leading into the events of episode 1. Zuen let Exandroth free as a part of their deal and because Zuen had selected Exandroth as one of his "chosen". (Zuen wanted there to be a fight of ideals between Exandroth, Rumi and Thanatos but this didn't pan out most likely because of Peter's presence - who was NOT chosen by Zuen but instead chosen by Exandroth)

Why did Exandroth do this though? Here are quotes that I think are relevant.

Episode 2: Thanatos: What does Exandroth seek? ... Exandroth: ...to kill the blights that plague this land, using the body of this boy and my immense magical power. I shall cover the world in Exandroth's light and show it the true meaning of retribution.

Episode 3: Exandroth: I have big beef with the gods. Their hubris will be their undoing. You see, they've made a deal with me that I can stand against them and test their might. But they look down on upon me. And I will earn my freedom from them, with my power. Rumi: Oh, so the gods enslave you, Exandroth? Exandroth: Ouh, they suck. Ough. Thanatos: You seek to destroy them? Exandroth: For sure.

Episode 5: Peter: I don't know, maybe- maybe I can be shaken out of it. But it's.. I don't think it'll be easy. Especially not if it's something like killing a blight, that he's really trying to do... And I- And I feel that anger.

Episode 10: Thanatos: You were the first to assault the gods? Exandroth: Oh they have been laying waste to everything for a long, long time before I took my job as Archangel of Retribution to its word and commenced a great reckoning.

Episode 10: Rumi: But I recall you saying that once all the gods are dead, you will be in control? Exandroth: I mean, yeah, 'cause the gods won't be there anymore, so we will all be in control of our own destinies. Rumi: Is that the goal Exandroth, I thought the goal was to um.. Exandroth: It's to kill the gods first of all... It's to retribution.. It's sort of my thi- whole- the entire thing is retribution so..

Episode 10: Charlie: Condi, unless I'm wrong, retribution is his whole thing. Like, he's pissed at basically the gods for fucking with him for so long.

Episode 10: Rumi: Exandroth, once all the gods are dead, you're going to leave humanity alone and go away? Exandroth: I mean unless it like... Unless it would want something I guess? But like I'm not- You know, I'm an angel? I- I'll retribute if someone's like a fucking ass. I'll fuckin- I'll blast 'em! ... Rumi: So you're saying once we finish killing all the gods, you'll free Peter and leave humans who are not evil alone? Exandroth: I mean, yeah, we can talk about it. ... Exandroth: That's pretty much it. Really just retribution. Fuck 'em up real bad.

From these quotes I think it can be gathered that Exandroth had three motivations behind betraying the gods. The first being that Exandroth was constrained in some way (maybe not letting him do what he wanted or maybe an physical constraint, we don't know the details) and wanted freedom from them. The second being that it seems that Exandroth has something to prove, that he wants to be a force that rivals the gods by challenging them. The gods definitely have a streak of acting condescending, even specifically towards Exandroth, so I'd say this also checks out. The third being that Exandroth is an Angel of Retribution and Justice who judged the gods as deserving of retribution, and carried out whatever it would take to enact this retribution. In general, we know that there was definitely SOMETHING that the gods did to Exandroth other than chaining him up, because he is described as being VERY upset at them - filled with an anger that Peter can feel too. So maybe there was that personal need for retribution outside of the Gods' neglect of the people in general.

I know someone might comment that becoming god was also a motivation for Exandroth. To me, I don't find this nearly as clear as everything else listed. Exandroth definitely wanted to be god post being stabbed by Thanatos; but, as I said before, I think this is more symptomatic of Exandroth attempting to embody Rumi and misconstruing what Rumi's goal was. Outside of this Exandroth doesn't say whether or not his goal from the start was to become a god. If anything, he more strongly insists that he just wants to be a force of retribution in the world - which is backed up by insight checks made by both Bizly and Grizzly at different points. Which falls under the previously listed motivation.

This isn't to say that Exandroth didn't want to become god, just that there isn't evidence to say it was his initial motivation or even a primary motivation. It may have been a side effect of his other motivations, similar to Rumi's situation, but it was not Exandroth's driving force. Maybe Exandroth would have even been open to negotiating his position if, "I mean, yeah, we can talk about it," can be taken optimistically.

That is what I have gathered on Exandroth's situation in the celestial realm - concerning what events happened and what his motivations are.

(ALSO, ZUEN DID MANIPULATE BOTH RUMI AND THANATOS INTO POSITIONS AS CHOSEN) (AND EXANDROTH ISN'T EXACTLY THE MOST SMART OF THE GROUP) (IT'S NOT CANON BUT I THINK IT'S EASY TO EXTRAPOLATE THAT EXANDROTH WAS MOST LIKELY MANIPULATED BY ZUEN TOO) (PERHAPS EVEN TO A MORE STRONG DEGREE LIKE RUMI HAD BEEN)

So is Exandroth a static character?

If it were up to my judgement, my answer would be no.

Context behind this question: Charlie in the Just Rolleds had expressed that he didn't want to play Exandroth because he was a "static character". This was as late as Just Rolled episode 12, and I think you can easily gather from my points above why I'd be arguing that this is wrong. As much as I think the Rolleds can give better insight into Apotheosis, they AREN'T Apotheosis. I don't agree with the Council when it comes to Exandroth and I think there's enough textual evidence to back me up. I'm sure to Charlie this made sense to him as the player, but actually watching through Apotheosis as a viewer is a very different experience.

One thing that I think COULD possibly refute this is similar to what Bizly tried to argue with Thanatos' character. That being, was there an actual internal change or did Exandroth just learn to approach things with more "finesse"? Did Exandroth change or were there just other factors at play?

At the very least, regardless of where you stand, I hope that we would all agree by the end of this essay that Exandroth is at the least a dynamic character.

(THIS WAS A QUESTION FROM MOCHITOASTER TOO BUT SOL HAD ALREADY PLANNED TO INCLUDE THIS) (THE QUESTION ITSELF)

I would really like to hear your thoughts on Exandroth being a static character. Like do you think that’s true? Is the only growth it has based in fanon or is there more to it than it’s given credit for?

(FROSTYCOLA WAS ALSO IN THE TAGS WANTING ME TO DISPROVE THIS SO YEAH) (I HOPE WAS OF SOL'S ESSAY COULD CONVEY STUFF)

(CURRENTLY THE END OF THIS POST)

(SORRY) (THERE WAS SO MUCH MORE SOL COULD RAMBLE ON ABOUT BUT THIS IS WHERE IT GETS CUT SHORT) (IF YOU LIKE THIS OR HAVE ANY MORE SPECIFIC QUESTIONS YOU COULD SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS WITH SOL) (WHEN HE GETS AROUND TO IT HE COULD TALK MORE) (THERE WASN'T NEARLY ENOUGH ON EXANDROTH'S ACTUAL DEVELOPMENT GAH) (I'M SORRY SOL WASN'T ABLE TO FINISH IT AT THIS POINT IN TIME)

(MOCHITOASTER'S OTHER POINT THAT I'M SORRY SOL DIDN'T ANSWER)

Also I wanna hear about Exandroth’s relationships with the godslayers. This is kind of branching off the first point but I want to hear what you think about it being in love with Rumi and impersonating them and it’s relationship with Peter and the sort of strange maternal thing happening with thanatos badically I wanna hear everything but those especially I think idk I need to rewatch apotheosis and die all over again

(THANK YOU ALL FOR LISTENING TO SOL THOUGH) (I DO THINK THEY HAVE A GOOD UNDERSTANDING OF EXANDROTH AS A CHARACTER) (I HAD SOL'S PERMISSION TO POST THIS) (AND I'M GLAD BECAUSE I THINK SOL SHOULD REALLY BE ABLE TO GET THEIR IDEAS OUT THERE) (THEY GET REALLY BOGGED DOWN IN PERFECTIONISM) (BUT WHEN THEY PUT THEIR IDEAS OUT THERE THEY CAN BE DOPE AS HELL)

(ANYWAYS)

(HEY YOU ASKED FOR STUFF HERE YOU GO) @2o5 @mochitoaster @frostycola

[jade-parcels]

Heya! Can you write nsfw hc for osial and azhdaha? I'm mostly wondering abt first times with their s/o and what they like/what they do thank u!

;) ignore any errors, I wrote this in one sitting and posted without rereading :)

- NOTSFW!! Minors don’t interact with this post! -

————————————

Azhdaha:

Azhdaha is definitely more primal. He’s a gentle giant of course but with all the growling, grunting, clumsy pawing, biting…yeah, he’s a dragon alright

Azhdaha fully devoted himself to Rex Lapis centuries ago and followed him around like a puppy. Now that he is called ‘Zhongli’ and has retired from archon duties…Azhdaha has devoted himself to you. He’d do anything you asked. He’ll take you roughly from behind, fingers digging into your skin hard enough to leave long lasting bruises. Or…He’ll fully submit to you, allowing you to do whatever you please with his body

Azhdaha is soooo sensitive to your touch, he’d do anything to have your warm hands trailing over his skin, your pretty fingers wrapped around his throbbing cock oh archons-

When Azhdaha in his submissive mindset, he will truly obey your every command. He’ll lay back as you torture his weeping cock with featherlight touches and kisses, sobbing as you tell him not to come undone until you give him permission

As long as he gets to sink himself into your tight hole or into your welcoming mouth, he’s happy, he doesn’t care how it happens because whenever he gets to have sex with you, he’ll always treasure that time with you

He does enjoy being rough too though, don’t get me wrong. He adores the sight of you on all fours for him, begging him to fill you up. Once you start begging like that…You’re In for a long, wild night with without breaks 0-0

For your first time together he refuses to be rough with you, he’s gentle, murmuring sweet compliments against your skin as he litters your neck and cheeks with kisses. Though the sweet mood is kinda ruined when he thrusts up into you for the first time and you feel how far he’s stretching you…ouch…but…not a bad ouch…

Keep in mind…He’s like 6’5…huge, muscular…And he’s got a fat cock, he’s got length, girth and veins 0-0

He is the king of aftercare, very clingy but very kind. He’ll change the sheets, get you washed up and in new, clean pajamas. Then you’re in for the cuddle of your life! You’re wrapped up in those strong arms, face smothered into his tits chest…ah…What a nice life to live

Osial:

Osial is very good at controlling his urges but when he’s horny he’ll let you know

It doesn’t matter where you are, he’ll lean over to whisper obscenities in your ear, keeping a straight face the whole time. He thinks it’s cute when you get flustered

He tends to take things slow just cause 1. He’s a tease 2. He’s old fashioned

He takes good care of his clothes, he folds them when he takes them off, yours too. At least you get an opportunity to admire his beautiful markings that lifted his arms, chest and back. Then he’ll run his cool hands all over you, rubbing your nipped between his fingers with one hand, teasing your hole with the other. All while telling you how stunning you are, a sight for only him to see

Again, Osial is a bit old fashioned. He wants you on your back, looking up at him while he fucks you slowly….He doesn’t have much experience, he didn’t get with people the way other archons did. So he knows one position that he likes very much. You’re gonna have to show him some new stuff-

The first time you ride him, he’s so surprised by this new sensation that he comes very quick..and he’s fairly embarrassed. But you guys are sharing firsts together, it’s kinda sweet!!-

Show him how to eat you out PLEASE he has a forked tongue for a reason!! He’s a quick learner ;) yank on his pretty long hair, boss him around, clench your thighs around his head, he’ll love every second of it and may decide to surprise you this way some time…In the morning before work maybe ;)

There are days where he gets frustrated, maybe by Zhongli’s incessant rambling, Azhdaha’s loud laughter or clients coming to him to complain about merchandise they purchased weeks ago. He’s all pent up now and needs a way to release this tension so of course he goes to his favorite place besides the beach: the bath tub. He’ll simmer in his anger until you get home, then he practically demands you get in the tub with him

The water is his domain, he controls it effortlessly. He can shape it into a ball, a sword, a ring…Anything. He can restrain you with just water or pleasure you with sensory play. When he’s upset though, he won’t be playing nice. He’ll leave you shaky and gasping for breath between orgasms, water sloshing out onto the bathroom floor as his ruthless thrusting sends you up and down, small waves crashing down over your shoulders and the edge of the wooden tub

He isn’t super nice with the aftercare. He does what needs to be done, wraps an arm around your waist and passes out. Of course he loves you, he’s just tired and wants to sleep. He fucked you real good and then cleaned you up…What more did you want lmao

[introloves]

dom sakusa spitting kink plssss i luv u 👉👈❤

*rubs hands together* this ones abt to get a lil freaaakyyy

there’s hints of degredation nd dirty talk

sakusa couldnt curl the tinge of disgust at your request, but you had him weak.

you were rutting againts him so hard that he buckled just a bit, hips dipping down to drop against the couch you had pinned him in. you knew this would drive him wild bc how dare you touch him without his permission?

you had him riled up now, not only was your request already borderline too much, but the way you smiled, actually laughed as he groaned at your hips rubbing against his crotch had him livid.

truthfully you hadn’t planned this out too well, in three seconds flat he had thrown you off him, pinning you to the couch. his height and strength made it easy and as he settled between your legs, one knee pressing down on your crotch, you whimpered out a measly ‘fuck.’

“what were you thinking?” sakusa hissed out at you, his hair draping his face while he stared you down. there was no way you were getting out of this now. you were royally fucked.

“i-“ he cut you off with the press of his knee. you flinched back slightly but it was accompanied by a shiver, he wasnt using too much of his weight, just enough to keep you on edge, enough to remind you of what could happen if you stepped out of line.

“you get off on me treating you bad?” he questioned, and you just stared, heart thumping in your chest.

it was embarrassing at how horny you were getting. seeing him pissed of and threatening to hurt you- to punish you for being bratty made you throb.

“cmon answer me.” he barked, gripping your jaw.

“yes. yes i do.” you cried, it was pointless to answer because he knew and you knew that you did. if you didnt you wouldn’t have started all of this, you wouldn’t have asked him to spit in your mouth like a degenerate.

with the way you looked under him, mouth slightly ajar with your panting, eyes wide, looking at him like he owned you, he got the inkling that you were on to something.

with your jaw still tightly gripped, he pressed his index and thumb to the hinges of your jaw. the bite of your teeth pressing against the inside of your cheek had you opening your mouth.

his lips curled up slightly at the whimper that left you, your hips rutting against his knee.

you were acting like an animal in heat, a chuckle left him at the thought that you being naughty would get you what you wanted.

as he gathered his saliva, he could see you vibrate below him, your heartbeat and panting accelerating, whole body giving out signs that you were desperate for this, you would do anything for this.

and sakusa complied, watching you swallow his spit as it landed in your mouth.

you breathed out a shaky, “thank you.”

it made him shiver, wondering what you had done to him to find this so incredibly hot. he would never find something so nasty and desperate as hot as he did with you, in the same way his presence had you nice and compliant, you seemed to unhinge him.

he wanted to know why you made him feel this way, tipping everything he thought he knew on its head.

he grunted as he let you go, hand caressing your side as he stared on, thinking that whatever it was, he knew he liked it.

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

Hello yes, could you elaborate on the Comte wedding event pleease. Crying and fangirling and dying are all acceptable. I missed it and I adore your rambles about Comte? Thank you either way.

!!! I’d be delighted to!! And awww, I’m so glad :D I love to write about him in any capacity, it makes me so happy to know people enjoy it when I do! Tysm for the full license to cry/fangirl/die because lbr it ain’t a Comte event if all three of those things don’t happen .Please don’t worry, I don’t mind talking abt it anyway! 💕💕💕

Okay my fellow Comte stans, you know the drill! I’ll be placing the details of the Wedding Story Event (jpn version) below the cut! Please don’t read if you want to wait for the official translation, and I hope you enjoy if you do take a peak! c:

AIGHT Y’ALL in fair Verona where we lay our scene-- This event begins on a lovely summer day with Comte and MC at a boutique picking out a wedding dress for their upcoming ceremony. As usual, she provides a bit of background as to how we got here. Comte doesn’t have a proposal event (as far as I know) like the other suitors because he actually proposes marriage in his MS. I won’t go too far into details just in case, but they essentially swear their love to each other in a church at night--just the two of them. (I’m not 100% sure, but I think this event takes place on the anniversary of the vow that they shared, what Comte called becoming “a vampire’s bride.” Yes it’s as hot as it sounds AND I LOVED IT). Now, despite their private promise to each other, Comte does specify that he fully intends to have a public wedding whenever she feels comfortable doing that. As such, this event is picking up from there.

With all the nitty gritty settled, it’s time to get to the fun bits. So Comte is weaving in and out of the dresses, trying to find the perfect one for his beloved. MC is equal parts exasperated but amused, and she notes that it reminds her so much of when she first debuted in high society (reference to the beginning of Comte’s MS). Back then, when she agreed to debut, he told her that he would immediately send word to his tailor to make the necessary preparations. It’s a kind of nostalgic moment; she remembers how thorough and excited he was (”I’ll be sure to show off your every charm”), and he’s effusing that energy in the boutique too. Eventually he settles on two of them and requests that they both be prepared, and MC sputters. She’s like Comte???? W H Y we only need one dress???? And he insists that, since it’s a special occasion, there’s no harm in it is there? He also goes on to say that it is in line with her culture’s tradition of “dyeing the bride in the husband’s colors.” MC shoots back that the tradition doesn’t entail several wedding dresses for the bride, but he pays the correction no mind. Y’all. I loved this part because it just emphasizes how much of a LIL SHIT he can be. Like he’s 100% harmless but I was like BOI IF U DON’T--I WILL KISS UR CUTE FACE. YOU STOP THAT.

I find it interesting especially because it remains in line with a trend about Comte that is so arresting for me, something that I find so endearing about him. I’ll note other places in the event I find it, but in this moment he is revealing something critical: for all of his capacity to play with the language and expectations that other people have/use, he only ever uses it for good. Here he’s purely being playful (with a stark note of respect and awareness); he has no intention of overwhelming her or undermining her cultural expectations of what a wedding means. Especially because MC, even in her monologue, isn’t truly upset--she honestly seems to find it adorable and funny more than anything. It’s also clear that Comte is working within her comfort zones. While he would buy the entire damn boutique if she let him, he settles on two because he knows it would stress her out otherwise (MC tends to be p pragmatic, not really about extravagance she is a mood).

And so they make their selection and exit the boutique, and they’re walking arm in arm back to the carriage. Comte laments narrowing it down to only two, but he’s happy they found something nice. MC thanks him for bringing her along, but he says it’s only natural--he wanted to pick out the dress the world would see together, he would never be happy with it otherwise. MC melts (WHO WOULDN’T) and says she’s really looking forward to wearing them, and he’s shook AF. 

(OKAY BUT I NEED TO SCREAM ABOUT THIS. DOES HE UNDERSTAND HOW TOUCHED I AM. DOES HE KNOW. His route hammers home this idea that for Comte, being with someone absolutely means being on the same page. It means being there for each other yes--but it also means making sure the other person feels wanted and included. He could have so easily just picked his favorite and been like “yeah this is what we’re going with.” But not only does he not do that, he refuses the very idea of a ceremony without it. He wants this to mean something for both of them, and he’s more than willing to put in the time and effort to ascertain that. I’M FUCKING TENDER OKAY. HE CARES SO MUCH AND I SOB)

He asks her if there’s anything else that she really, really wants for their wedding, and she thinks it through. It’ll be a reasonably sized wedding, with the men of the mansion in attendance and most of their closer high society friends. They’ve picked out a dress, the venue is set, the people closest to her will be there...she really can’t think of anything else? So she asks him if he has anything he really wants to do for the wedding, and he replies in the negative too, saying that “My only ideal wedding can be one in which I can see you at your most happy." ARE YOU KIDDING ME--Before MC can recover from that, he goes on: "Even now, I'm enjoying the preparations, and I want to do whatever I can for you." MC feels like she can never win against his sweet affection, so she nearly kills him with her answering line: "It’s more than enough. More than anything, being able to swear our love together again--to renew our vow--is the best part of it all." Comte is visibly shocked and is quiet for moment (MAN DOWN!!!!!!!!! VAMPIRE DOWN GET THE DEFIBRILATORS!!!!! LEONARDO PUT THAT LIGHTNING ROD AWAY I SWEAR TO GOD--) before he just replies with a “Is that so :>>>” And translating this nearly killed me [At the sight of his gentle smile, I smile back.] IM GOING TO SCREAM THEY ARE JUST SO TENDER IM SOFTE????????????

As they’re walking, Comte asks MC to tell him about weddings in her time. What were they like? He wants a reference point. She goes on to describe how ceremonies really range from formal to more informal affairs, and gets to a little custom that’s apparently held in Japan. When a groom intends to marry a bride, he will go to the bride’s family to ask for their approval. Comte visibly seems concerned about it, and I’m pretty sure he feels bad denying her that experience; not only did he propose to her without knowing any of that, her family isn’t within range to be able to honor it properly now. Even so, he keeps listening and comments now and again with a great deal of interest, paying close attention. He asks, what happens if the groom is rejected by the family? MC goes on to say that it’s a kind of test of perseverance: the groom is expected to ask/prove himself until he gets an answer in the affirmative. Internally, she notes that such a thing rarely ever happens irl--it’s mostly dramatized in movies and TV shows. She used to dream of how thrilling it might be to have someone do that for her, but it was mostly just a silly little fancy, nothing she was obsessed over. Comte, being a literal fucking legend, senses this emotional shift in milliseconds, and starts musing about something. When she tries to ask what’s up, he’s like not to worry leave everything to me.

PLEASE CUE THE CIRCUS MUSIC. BECAUSE THIS IS ABSOLUTELY GOING TO TURN INTO A CLOWN FEST.

So it cuts to them back home and Comte is asking Sebastian to give MC’s hand in marriage. Sebastian is utterly bEWILDERED and is like “I mean I understand I’m probably the closest relative she has right now but also WHAT!? YOU’RE MY BOSS/LORD I’M YOUR BUTLER FOR CRYING OUT LOUD”. Comte 100% is undaunted by this very normal reaction and insists that class/status has no place in matters like this, and Sebastian and MC are desperately trying to stop him from bowing his head/kneeling. MC notes she never expected him to take it to heart, tells him "Comte, you really don't have to go that far, it's a custom not a duty--" (IT’S SO FUCKING FUNNY????? YOU CAN FEEL THEIR MOUNTING CONCERN AND I CAN’T BELIEVE COMTE WAS STRAIGHT UP JUST “i am not above begging” AND THEY’RE LIKE YOU SHOULD BE YOU SHOULD BE ABOVE BEGGING)

The circus only escalates when Leo comes in LAUGHING HIS ASS OFF "damn...bahahahhahahaaaaa now THIS oughtta be good/interesting." MC (and I simultaneously) start yelling at him and he replies "What? Comte's already ready and willing, why stop him?" For whatever reason, this gives Comte an idea (NEVER A GOOD SIGN) and he’s like you know what? That’s actually perfect, get everybody in here I’m gonna ask them for permission too :D

Several things I want to say about this. 1. COMTE LITERALLY DOES NOT EVEN REACT TO LEO’S MOCKING HE JUST “omg ur face was useful for smth for once this gives me an idea” 2. META TIME. First and foremost, I seriously can’t deal. This man knows MC has nothing because of her traveling through time, no friends or family--he’s always so, so aware of what she’s sacrificing to be with him. It is never outside of his thinking. Not only does this decision solidify her presence as a member of their family (I’m just so UGLY SOBBING about the fact that he does not consider them all ANYTHING LESS--THEY ARE HIS CHIRREN AND HE LOVES THEM AND I’M SOFT) this is also such a brilliant, strategic move on his part. Not only is he doing this to fulfill her younger wishes of having someone be so confident in their love for her that they would insist on it in front of her family/loved ones--his doing this also solidifies her presence as his wife within the mansion from here on. There can be no mistake; this is an unquestionable statement as to how her identity has shifted in meaning, a powerful allusion to his possessive streak. (and WE LOVE THAT FOR US HELL YEAH) 

Furthermore, I continue to be fascinated by the way he keeps subverting traditional or expected forms of supplication. While many could see this as a yielding of his pride (and in some ways he undeniably is) this choice to acknowledge her culture’s customs yields much more valuable dividends for him. 1. MC--notorious for never betraying the things she wants, having trouble asking for anything--is have her dreams fulfilled even if they were just silly little fantasies from when she was young. He’s actively making her happy, and he gets to openly gush about how much he loves her (FOR HIM THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF A WIN-WIN YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND--) 2. This is a way for him to make amends and do proper respect to the marriage customs of her place/time, and that’s infinitely important to him. He’s trying to set a precedent; that even if he ever does make a mistake or neglect something (even if accidental) he will do his utmost to make it right, pride and money be DAMNED. 

While it can be argued that he’s just being silly and over-the-top, when you look closely this is 100% a clever, very mindful approach to their future. While it may partially have been executed on an emotional/excited whim, he is also claiming MC as his own in the most clear and respectful way possible. And tbh that’s the hottest thing I’ve ever seen 

So, after Leo walks in on them everyone else starts filing in one at a time (OKAY YOU CAN’T CONVINCE ME THAT THEY WEREN’T ALL HUDDLED UP TO THE DOOR SQUIRMING TO HEAR WHAT WAS GOING ON AND AT SOME POINT LEO SAID “omfg i gotta see this dumbass bitch on his knees” AND BLEW THEIR COVER/MADE THEM EVEN MORE CURIOUS):

Jeanne: "It's so noisy in here." 

Mozart: "What's going on?"

Comte: "Ah, excellent timing. I want to get permission from everyone."

Vincent: "?????? Did you do something wrong Comte?? What could you possibly need forgiveness for?"

Isaac: "A mistake made/wrongdoing by Comte?...Why am I dreading what it could be..."

Dazai: “Ah yes, yes I see, you are asking for a young lady's hand in marriage” (IM WHEEZING BC EVERYONE ELSE IS SO LOST AND HE'S JUST 100% ON THE BALL KNOWS EXACTLY WHAT'S GOING ON THE NARRATIVE DISSONANCE IM CRYING)

Theo: Young lady??? The hell are you going on about

So things are getting increasingly chaotic and MC is just [jfc this is getting out of hand, Comte they don’t even know what you’re asking them to do]. She tries to explain but falters, and Comte puts an arm around her--signals that he’ll give  them the context. So he tells them "You all know that our wedding day is approaching. As such, I'm asking you all for your approval in taking MC as my bride. No matter what happens, I promise to make her happy forever--for every moment, every second of our time together. Please, forgive my taking her" (WHEN I TELL YOU MY HEAD WAS IN MY HANDS IDK HOW MC DIDN’T DIE ON THE SPOT S I R. SIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) MC: [...Comte...My heart melts at his confession, at his earnest plea. It feels like every single iota of our feelings are infused in every word he speaks, teeming with the love shared between us in overwhelming measure.]

For a little while silence falls until Napoleon speaks up, and honestly? It was so sweet ;-; I tear up every single time: “Forgiven. You know how much I dislike formalities anyway. And besides, who could say no to le Comte?” MC notes that everyone murmurs in agreement and a kind of warmth settles in the room. Arthur notes that MC will be a Comtesse very soon and MC just. I’m going to be a WHAT now (”C-c-comtesse??”). And it’s so FUCKING FUNNY YOU CAN FEEL THE RED EYE EDIT MEME ON COMTE WHEN HE GOES “Oh? Is there anything wrong with that? Everybody said yes, after all :>” MC internally accuses them of ganging up on her, but reveals that more than anything she’s a little overwhelmed by the outpouring of love in the best way:

MC: [Overwhelmed with feeling; touched, a little shy, embarrassed, but also full of joy--my eyes burn at the edges with tears] “I'm glad everyone approves c:”

Comte: Agreed :> your country/homeland has a nice custom. A v important step to inviting my loved one into my life as my wife :>>>>

So it then cuts to them in Comte’s room after the circus and MC thanks him for the sweet confession in front of everyone, tells him how happy it made her. He insists that it was only natural he would, and that it isn’t even enough.

Comte: “I am the one...your life, your time as a human being; I'll be taking all of it from you.”

MC: [...Comte? He took my hand with a very serious expression]

Comte: "As I said before, I will make you a vampire someday."

MC: “Don't call it that--a price. I want to live with you too!”

MC notes that while she hasn’t made the leap yet, she knows she’ll be ready for it soon enough. 

Comte: “Thank you. But the last thing I want is to take things from you, I want to do everything I can to make you happy, to make you smile. Whether that means weddings, requests--anything in my power.”

COMTE REALLY SAID "she is entrusting me with her future and that means I have the responsibility of not only ascertaining her happiness, but proving my unwavering devotion to it" AND IM HOLLERING????? LADIES GET YOU A FUCKING MANS. MC finally begins to understand this, and she’s like OMFG is that why you went off so hard this afternoon???? And Comte’s like :>>>> guilty as charged, though I think I'm also just still excited about the wedding too, haha! They hug it out (YESSSSSSS LET ME H O L D) and MC asks him again if there’s anything he wants for the wedding too. Aight y’all I would be irresponsible if I didn’t warn you beforehand, get fucking tissues. I’m still upset abt his answer and I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL. He thinks about it for a bit, before kissing her forehead and saying “I suppose, can you pray for my happiness too? That's enough."

AIGHT IMMA GO BACK TO THE EVENT IN A SECOND BUT I GOTTA SAY. BITCH. BITCH ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME????? COMTE THAT ISN’T OPTIONAL THAT’S A GOD DAMN PREREQUISITE?????????????????? OFC WE WISH FOR YOUR HAPPINESS WHAT THE FUCK??????????????? THE A U D A C I T Y. I’VE NEVER BEEN MORE INSULTED IN ALL MY LIFE. OKAY RANT OVER.

MC is surprised but naturally agrees to it, having wanted that for him even without prompting. She continues to think on it, insisting that she wants to do something for him too. An idea sparks but it only says that she made preparations without telling him anything for now, preparing a tangible sign of her love for the wedding.

The premium end begin here. She’s getting dressed for the wedding, and she’s--as usual--in awe of his perfect selection of accessories/jewelry to go with the gown. She’s about to put on her shoes when she notices something odd, and there’s a knock at the door. Comte enters to ask if she’s ready, and they both freeze and stare at each other. They both sheepishly admit to being completely taken with the sight of the other, and they laugh about it together. Comte tries to ask if she’s ready again, and she assures him that she is--just that she found something unexpected in her shoes.

He explains that the coin is an English six pence. Sebastian told him that they are no longer made in her time, and Comte explains he acquired it about three hundred years ago in England when he was living there (he says that he kept it back then because he liked the design on it). He explains that there is a tradition, that the English would put a six pence in a bride’s left shoe in the hopes of wishing her good fortune and prosperity in her oncoming union. MC has her understandable and customary (JESUS I FORGET HOW OLD THIS MAN IS SOMETIMES) and he places a hand over hers that’s holding the coin when she starts staring at it. 

Comte: "Hey, MC....Time goes by, and various things will continue to change. Among them, it is only vampires who survive without dying or changing."

MC: "Comte..."

Comte: "I used to think that made it--made us--empty. But...I don't think that's the case anymore. I'm proud of being able to keep this undying, unchanging love for you."

[He put the coin back in my left shoe, and offered them to me--gentle as though they were made of glass(Cinderella's)]

MC spends this exchange on the verge of tears, but keeps it together for the wedding. It depicts their loved ones all around them as they walk down the aisle, and skips to the end of the ceremony. The priest tells Comte he may now kiss the bride (WHEN I WAS TRANSLATING IT SAID “KISS YOUR BUSINESS” AND WHEN I TELL YOU I WHEEZED), but just as he’s about to lift her veil--she stops him in his tracks. He’s confused, and says her name, but she reassures him that she just wants to offer him a wedding gift before he lifts it. Hidden in her bouquet are two pins that she had made, and she pins them to his jacket. They were made from preserved flowers, encased in metal to render them undying/everlasting. 

MC: [Me too...I want to wish for your happiness...]

MC: “For you, things might feel fleeting--like they just pass you by, are lost before you can grasp them. But even so, my feelings won't change; just like this preserved/undying flower and the life of a vampire--dedicated to [Comte's real name] in everlasting love."

COMTE.EXE HAS CURRENTLY SHUTDOWN. REBOOTING.

MC notes that his eyes get misty and he leans his forehead against hers.

MC: [Comte's real name]? 

Comte: .................I want to hug you as tight as I possibly can, but I'd hate to ruin the flowers/your gift to me

BITCH WHEN I TELL YOU I SOBBED. WHEN I TELL YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 1. I CANT GET OVER THE FACT THAT HER GIFT IS NOT ONLY CANON BUT ITS LITERALLY ON HIS WEDDING SPRITE, HER LOVE IS A VISIBLE MANIFESTATION ON HIS PERSON ALWAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 2. THE FACT THAT SHE ONLY ADMITS TO BEING THE HAPPIEST SHE CAN BE WHEN SHE SEES HIM SO HAPPY TOO. THIS IS SO MUCH. SO M U C H

And so Comte lifts her veil and kisses her gently uwu cover ur eyes chirren, the hall erupts in raucous applause and the crowd starts congratulating them!! Comte then encourages everyone to have fun, and the reception takes on the vibe of a kind of social gathering. MC notes that he seems to prefer this level of interaction, just relaxed and everyone chill, and she turns to tell him that it seems like it’ll be fun! Before she can finish her sentence, he kisses her fiercely before leaning back with a sigh, "It's still not enough, but I'll save the rest for later tonight." BITCH!!?!?!??!??!? HOW THE FUCK CAN ANYONE FOCUS ON A STUPID PARTY WHEN YOU SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT, HELLO???????MC notes: [Everyone from the mansion that saw the kiss made fun of me endlessly, and I hid my face in my bouquet] SAVE HER. Once again, it skips to the end of the reception and they’re now in Comte’s room. (I will blink twice if I think you need tissues BLINKS TWICE) 

Comte: "Yup, perfect." [He places the flower pins I gave him next to THE hourglass in the room, looking pleased HNGNNGNGNNGGNGN MY EYE HOLES ARE SUFFERING

MC: "I'm glad you liked the gift c:" 

Comte: "It is proof of your unchanging love, of course I cherish it :>"

She’s just so happy to see him so delighted with it. He asks how she liked the ceremony, and she gushes about how much she loved it. He hugs her (AWWWWWWWWWWWW) and then he notes that while it was fun to celebrate, all he wants now is time with his wife (AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA). He starts kissing her like the world is ending, and she says she needs to get changed--but he doesn’t care, says she’s fine as she is and that he wants her right now.

Aight usually I don’t get into epilogue territory, but honestly, this shit was JUST too good. Now this man made of magic asks MC if she’s wearing her bridal garter (you know, the one that usually comes with the whole bride ensemble in Western tradition). And she’s like ???? Uh, yeah, of course? Why... He says that he saw something interesting at a friend’s wedding reception once upon a time, and explains that the garter is usually removed and thrown to the bachelors (analogous to the bride’s throwing her bouquet, and whoever catches it will be the next to get married). PLEASE NOTE HE IS KISSING HER FOR LIKE 90% OF THIS IT’S AMAZING

MC: "So it's like the bouquet toss?" 

Comte: "Yes. Now then, how did he remove the garter...?”

HE DUCKS DOWN AND SHE’S LIKE COMTE!?!?

Comte: “...Ah yes, the groom removes it with his teeth >:D”

And so this man HAS THE TIME OF HIS LIFE tugging it down slowly under her dress, caressing her legs and loving every part of her. MC’s face is on fire, and she’s torn between being turned on and embarrassed. Eventually he reappears after teasing her MERCILESSLY and admits that he didn’t do it at the reception because he didn’t want anyone else to see her reaction. Blushing, shy, desirous--all of these feelings are his to keep and enjoy. (I!!!!! LOVE!!!!!!!!!! HOW SUBTLY POSSESSIVE HE IS AAAAAAAAAA) MC notes internally that she feels the same way about him, how he only shows this intensely passionate side to her. Comte is uncharacteristically impatient and frenzied that night, and they both go at it.

It skips to midnight where the two are cuddling in the aftermath, just being cute and happy. Comte, the absolute MADLAD is already thinking about how to celebrate next year--and she just giggles at him (he’s a wackadoo but he’s her wackadoo LMFAO MOOD) and he laughs with her. They essentially swear to promise their love over and over in the future, and it just ends on that wholesome note :>>>

Also can I just. The fact that he lived for so long alone, but was always, always paying attention to all of these little things that are done with a person’s loved one ;-; that he would remember his friend doing that at his wedding and be like BROOOOO I WANNA DO THAT IF I EVER GET MARRIED!!!!!!!!!!! I just. It’s so heartbreaking and touching at the same time, I just want to hold him forever ;-; the fact that he doesn’t seem to worry as much about his own happiness, seems absolutely floored that MC would do anything in return. I JUST LOVE HIM WITH EVERYTHING INSIDE OF ME 

THIS IS WHAT PEAK PERFORMANCE LOOKS LIKE

[trickstarbrave]

big hot topic on tiktok that has been talked abt often that i wanna throw my two cents in abt the discussion but will do so here bc its going to be way easier than condensing it in 60 seconds and ppl will get even more mad abt it on there. under a cut so you can just not look if you don’t want to as it’s probably long and no one likes this discussion 

disclaimer: im not jewish. culturally or religiously at all. so i do not have the best of insight of jewish folklore and i will mainly be repeating what i have heard jewish ppl say on it but you listening to jewish ppl on it will invariably be way more helpful. ultimately i am not talking to make an argument for or against lilith worship bc i can’t make that call, mainly just that arguments for it i see tend to be deeply flawed. ive seen jewish people who say they don’t care if people worship her and ive seen jewish people who are very much against it and frankly no one needs my non jewish ass giving them permission on it, i just don’t like some of the harmful arguments and at times BLATANT anti-Semitism i see in the discussions

“lilith isn’t a closed practice!!! she cant be closed!!! she’s a being/deity we can all recognize!!!”

this i feel starts with a misunderstanding of what “closed practice” means. a closed practice is a very broad term to describe any practices, typically spiritually in nature that are not freely shared 100% openly, usually due to trying to preserve cultural or religious practices. you can learn about most of them--if you go to a primary source. many people of closed practices are open about talking about it and teaching it to people who are interested, and some cannot due to years of oppression and theft of those said practices. some require initiation, and a lot of them are passed down with heavy cultural ties. and most importantly “closed practice” is a relatively new understanding of cultural preservation after colonization. 

judaism isn’t a ‘fully closed’ religion, but it does have a set conversion order in place, and typically while converting you will learn under a rabbi or teacher. a lot of jewish mysticism, magic, and folklore are passed down culturally, so even converts may take a very long time to learn all the ins and outs of it. and a lot of times jewish practices, beliefs, texts, and folklore has been wholesale stolen by western new-age spiritualists, occultists throughout the ages, and demonized by people who seek to harm jewish people as a whole. 

the pure fact of the matter is that unless you are learning from jewish people theres going to be a lot of things about lilith you don’t know. your understanding outside of the cultural jewish understanding of her is very different, yet you are the one who also constantly equates them as the same being with the same stories, with some modifications. yet time and time again whenever a jewish person would express anxiety over it (as she can be viewed as a very HARMFUL spirit to jewish people and not a deity for them) you talk over them and call them sexist, and when they try to correct you over misunderstandings of her stories you tell them you know more than them. 

with closed practices what doesn’t matter is your bloodline or your skin, it is about the information you have access culturally, and that information may be kept from people like you so that the faith in question can be preserved because it has been threatened. and yes, jewish people have had their cultural, spiritual, and religious practices threatened. it isn’t about keeping you out because they don’t like you, its about the fact that you don’t know everything and the way you are going to learn it will be difficult and very different. ive seen white voodou workers who are actual recognized practioners (sorry for the lack of proper terminology on this i know they have proper words/titles but i dont know them), and they didn’t just look up whatever they could find online, they had to seek out a priest to learn from, and it took a lot of time and training. 

there is a way to approach closed religious/spiritual practices, and someone saying ‘this is closed’ is not them saying ‘go away you cant even look at or be interested in this thing it is not for and never will be for people like YOU’. and ultimately HOW you go about approaching it will be decided by someone in that culture, and not however you feel would be the best way to do it as an outsider.

“how could so many people, if they aren’t actually contacting the “real lilith” be wrong? if shes from a closed practice she couldn’t reach out to so many people right? so they aren’t doing anything disrespectful” 

spirits, deities, and other entities from closed practices do reach out to outsiders on occasion and the correct course for dealing with that is to immediately find a person of religious/spiritual authority and trying to work with that person to better understand why. again the point above: you do not have the cultural knowledge to work with them, you do not understand how to identify them, what practices best suit them, the multitudes of stories around them, and history of them working with humans. if you actually value them as an entity it is imperative you understand from a PRIMARY source all of this information, not just second and third hand accounts of outsiders. 

and also a lot of colonizers have claimed to be personally connected or contacted by entities from a closed practice and use that as an excuse to not only not learn, but speak as an authority figure about them. there are people who claim to work with shinto spirits with absolutely 0 actual knowledge on shintoism yet feel like they have an authority to speak on it. there are people who claim to have been contacted by voodou, hoodou, and vodun spirits/entities and know nothing about it yet speak as authority figures on it. i’ve seen someone do it for a polynesian god. they did not care about actual learning, they cared about their own beliefs, validating those said already existing beliefs, and getting validation online. am i saying everyone is doing this with lilith? no. but saying “people wouldnt just lie/be wrong right?” yeah. yeah it happens all the time. 

“they don’t even like her, they fear her, she’s a demon to them and is actually from babylonia, we are NOT worshipping the same version as her and they don’t even want anything to do with her so why does it matter” 

in terms of actual cultural study a lot of jewish and christian stories are born from the cultures their people have had contact with. historically yes, jewish people have been in babylonia, assyria, and that area, and have made cultural exchanges with those people. a lot of cultural sharing has occured throughout history, but the jewish tellings of the stories have particularly jewish cultural knowledge and heritage in them. also we frankly do not have a lot of concrete surviving stories of lili, lilu, and lilitu, so i know you are not basing the meat and bones of your practice on those unless you have access to that cultural knowledge that not even archaeologists and anthropologists even know exists. most of it is on middle ages mysticism that developed her further based on jewish folklore and religious stories. 

also just because a culture doesn’t worship and revere a spirit doesn’t mean it is yours for the adopting and taking. we see this with the cannibalistic spirit i will not name from algonquin tribes and shapeshifting spirits/witches i also will not name from navajo. these are not spirits you’re supposed to mention or talk about, and even more so because their culture has such intense, negative stories around them means you should probably give it a little more thought. 

the last point i am going to make is the general, overt anti-semitism i see. stop comparing judaism to christianity. stop saying they are evil and misrepresent her because judaism is inherently sexist. stop saying they are oppressing your culturally christian raised ass. stop saying jewish people have no culture of their own and its “all stolen from pagan traditions” (which are somehow all equally open for you to take from too i suppose, as though middle eastern practices are exactly the same cultural weight as all white european ones)

again im not for the forceful closing of practices and i cannot give you fucking permission as i sure as shit do not know but i don’t think any of you even understand what “closed practice” means and why jewish people might have even the slightest misgivings about you working with or worshipping her and it really shows. if you have been heavily studying the occult, jewish traditions, and are doing so respectfully then i sure as hell am not here to argue with you about it so don’t come at me for it. what i am saying is a lot of people who do not have that and are absolutely disrespectful towards judaism and jewish people as a whole really keep making an ass of themselves on witchtok and are absolutely insufferable towards any jewish person who voices their thoughts and feelings on it, and i have a problem with that. 

[if-the-crown-fits-translate-it]

Discord pt 84

[Date: 16/03, 8:40 PM GMT - 16/03, 9:06 PM GMT]

CONTENT WARNING: Mild body horror

[Direct continuation of pt 83]

kateza: “only thing i can think of is getting like

plant cutters?”

donti (e): “we can somehow simulate the exact opposite of what syd went through...?”

[kateza: “only thing i can think of is getting like]

donti (e): “potentially attached to brain”

[kateza: “plant cutters?”]

Renboo: “oh so weed killer is a no but plant cutters? yeah sure do that- /sarc”

[Little-K1ng: “alright how about damage mitigation? jack, you knew syd. you knew her through the..... uh... "process". do you have anything to share?”]

Jack the Observer: “Just. She had a headache. Bedridden. The warden said it was like red strings tying down her mind.”

kateza affectionate: “... right, right. sorry.

ignore me.,”

llyr: “you’re alright kate, it was worth suggesting. we’re just brainstorming for now”

Jack the Observer: “You could try wire cutters, actually. That’s not. A horrible idea.

I don’t know if it’s good.

But not like. That bad.”

Renboo: “how durible is gold anyway-”

[Jack the Observer: “Just. She had a headache. Bedridden. The warden said it was like red strings tying down her mind.”]

Little-K1ng: “speaking of bedridden i need to sit down or something, marcus, can you bring me 2 pills from the bottle on my desk ?”

donti (e): “good is an incredibly soft metal

and is usually impure to prevent bending”

kateza: “but with how fast it seemed syd's grew...

i don't know sorry sorry”

Little-K1ng: “i mean, syd had direct contact with crown outside of being a court member, right?

these boys kinda dont have that”

[kateza: “but with how fast it seemed syd's grew...]

Jack the Observer: “It was four days of headache at least before the trial

She was really ill”

donti (e): “... so we potentially have two days left?

dreaming: “we should try. cutting them off or something? it might delay it”

Void: “is it possible that crown needs to be around for it to grow and that's at least part of why you found him around your house?”

kateza: “might hurt him”

donti (e): “it might hurt max tho”

dreaming: “we could try and if it hurts we stop”

Maxwell: “please no”

[Void: “is it possible that crown needs to be around for it to grow and that's at least part of why you found him around your house?”]

donti (e): “point”

Jack the Observer: “Can he feel through the buds? Or would it be more like cutting hair/nails”

dreaming: “okay”

Little-K1ng: “oh yeah those footprints and handprint..... i heard about those

i still need to check those out now that its daylight, but i cant really do it like this”

donti (e): “can marcus do it?”

llyr: “it’ll likely just grow back, though. in order to get rid of weeds, you have to pull it out by the root, which in this situation might not be possible”

[Maxwell: “please no”]

Little-K1ng: “max, come sit on the couch with me ?”

[dreaming: “we should try. cutting them off or something? it might delay it”]

Renboo: “wasn't there a very brief mention of it hurting whenever someone so as touched whatever the thing is? just imagine how painful using wire or plant cutters would be- and with the possblility of it growing back too i dont think theres anyway to cut it without hurting max a lot”

[Little-K1ng: “speaking of bedridden i need to sit down or something, marcus, can you bring me 2 pills from the bottle on my desk ?”]

Marcus: “Of course! Sorry I was lost in thought”

[Little-K1ng: “max, come sit on the couch with me ?”]

Maxwell: “okay okay--”

kateza: “i don't think i can help with anything else here so i think i'm going to... go. /ic”

llyr: “ok, bye kate. i hope you have a good day :3″

kateza: “... i'll try. i just don't want to piss anyone else off”

dreaming: “okay that's logical won't do that then”

Little-K1ng: “dont worry, kate. we're not mad

at least im not, and you can keep that in mind”

kateza: “fetch was, marcus wasn't happy that i just said what was going on”

Little-K1ng: “in a way it works out”

kateza: “i just don't want it to happen again, y'know?”

Marcus: “I’m not mad

I just...

Max is under a lot of stress”

kateza: “i also remember when you smacked me down as Viscount so seeing it happen again kind of... i dunno”

Marcus: “All of whatever just happened wasn’t helping”

[kateza: “i also remember when you smacked me down as Viscount so seeing it happen again kind of... i dunno”]

Marcus: “I did what”

Jack the Observer: “Understandably so. This is a stressful situation.”

Renboo: “viscount what-”

donti (e): “it's definitely going to hurt him if unaddressed though”

kateza: “verbally smacked me down

not physically

although i was kind of being a little shit but it was because i just did not know what else to do”

Marcus: “I don’t... i did that?”

kateza: “frankly i kinda deserved it and anyone that saw it could probably corroborate that I deserved it”

[kateza: “verbally smacked me down]

Renboo: “okok i thought viscount like smacked the shit out of you or something-”

Maxwell: “You know....this...almost reminds me of when i was a kid, or well i guess younger....whenever I was sick or scared I would curl up on the couch with someone, even when I was anxious I would still do it.....I haven't done it in so long....”

Marcus: “Let me get you some blankets, Max. Ultimate comfort pile”

Jack the Observer: “Calm yourself”

Marcus: “Man, it would be really cool to just be able to create blankets when we need them”

Maxwell: “how....are we gonna get rid of em”

Renboo: “completely off topic but do you think we could all like group up or something and like- storm crown's mansion? like even if we only had a group of like 20 there's only abt 5 of them so they'd all have to fight 4 of us each like do you think that'd have any effect on anything like if we kidnapped crown or something do you think that we coud get him to tell us something”

Jack the Observer: “No

Barrier blocks.”

donti (e): “bad idea... remember the last time someone suggested it?”

Renboo: “no”

donti (e): “so many reasons no”

Jack the Observer: “so many reasons no.”

donti (e): “many many reasons”

Marcus: “...it wouldn’t be the best idea

I don’t know if you’ve noticed”

donti (e): “we don't even know the full extent of his power”

Grimm: “You would regret that immediately for multiple reasons”

Marcus: “But Crown has more powers than Ranboo does”

Renboo: “i completely forgot crown and ranboo have the same body nvm”

Maxwell: “fuck my heads hurting again”

kateza: “marcus i dunno if you wanted to see it but it was back when I honestly didn't know what else to do and viscount decided he'd had enough of me”

donti (e): “MAX u ok”

Marcus: “Okay turning the lights off”

[kateza: “marcus i dunno if you wanted to see it but it was back when I honestly didn't know what else to do and viscount decided he'd had enough of me��]

Marcus: “I don’t...I don’t remember”

Maxwell: “im fine just....hurts again is all”

kateza: “i won't send the link unless you give me explicit permission to, alright?”

Marcus: “What if I massage your head but steer clear of the buds? Do you think that might help? It’s kind of like growing pains right?”

[kateza: “i won't send the link unless you give me explicit permission to, alright?”]

Marcus: “I...don’t know if I want to”

kateza: “that's perfectly fine! your comfort is valued and I'll do my best to make sure that it stays that way”

Maxwell: “you could try if you wanted, i hope its just after pain and nothing new growing in...”

Marcus: “I don’t think they’d grow that fast, im sure it’ll be alright. We’ll figure this out

Okay, just let me know if it hurts too bad alright?”

Maxwell: “okay....

im....kind of tired...can i have a nap.....?”

Marcus: “Max, of course

You don’t need to ask to nap”

Maxwell: “just....wanted to be sure....thank you...”

Marcus: “Of course! Monas already asleep I’m sure she won’t mind if you use her as a pillow”

[mrs-nate-humphrey]

idk how far along you are watching "you" but do u think Joe's just a meta progression of dan. I don't. Gossip dan? sure but otherwise no. Also I feel like if one has a dan hc chances are there's a Joe scene for that lol. But they are wildly similar just attitude wise.

agreed! i do not think joe is a progression of dan. i know penn has joked about it and about like, joe being “dan with a knife”, but he’s talking about gossip girl dan specifically, and i REALLY think he’s being sarcastic and joking because he is talking about how gossip dan doesn’t make sense. THIS QUOTE! the sass. i love it.

so, to me, I think having to consider that reality which obviously the last ten minutes of an entire series wasn't able to do, you know to whatever degree that anybody wants to connect those dots and draw the parallels and connect the... make a throughline (?) - maybe it exists a little bit.

sorry abt linking this interview KLHDKLFH i couldn’t resist! it is just so good. elizabeth lail’s reaction to everything penn is saying about gossip dan is just. SAME!!! okay, enough piggybacking on penn badgley’s opinions, time to do the ivy-blogging now.  

i think the person joe pretends to be is the person dan actually is? bookstore clerk, nice to kids, “hey, can i recommend you a book,” look at my garden, bruh, i am so cottagecore, *stares intentely at people with those doe eyes* - these are all dan humphrey traits! they are all joe goldberg traits, too, but joe is actively using them as a cover. 

joe to me is - i haven’t watched enough of you, im just 9 eps in, so this is based off that, of course - he’s like. violent on the inside, but actively presents as non-threatening and sweet in order to get away with it? (which is what abusers irl do, which is why i actually LOVE the show because im like. yes! it’s a show about abuse that shows people how FUCKED up abuse is while also playing around with the whole idea of “romance”!!! fascinating stuff. ) 

dan on the other hand isn’t pretending to be sweet or anything, dan cares about being a good person. but when things get fucked up for dan, he can be sneaky and resort to behaving in shady ways, which isn’t who he wants to be, it’s just a coping mechanism (not justifying, just analysing.) so i would maybe even say that like dan is the opposite of joe in that way - he cares so deeply about people and wants to help them and loves so much, too much, and to shield himself from getting hurt, he can resort to being shady and doing things that he knows are wrong. on the contrary, joe is past caring about people, the part of him that cared about people just doesn’t exist anymore (if it ever did, i have to watch more of this show to say?). joe uses being nice as a cover to hide that he is evil. and dan uses being evil as a cover to hide that he is actually nice!! 

this is only tangentially related, but i gotta say it. my friend @mydearestprongs​ said something jokingly about how s6 dan is actually joe, and conversation moved from there to like, the idea of a post s5 au in which joe kills dan and pretends to be him, which i think was her idea, but i haven’t been able to stop thinking about. it makes so much sense! joe goldberg is gossip girl!! remember how he lurks on social media to stalk beck? this is a skill he canonically has! and he is evil enough to actually do everything gg did and feel no remorse!

anyway.... it’s been months since we spoke about this and she did sort of give me permission to write a s6 au in which dan is dead and joe is pretending to be dan. this is also a concept my sister and i discussed in great detail. we came up with the following:

serena would also end up dying. RIP. i just think that joe would kill her, but i hate that. maybe after the derena wedding. uh... “derena” wedding. joerena wedding? dksllkfhfg goodBYE.

nate would be the only person who realises something is wrong with “dan.” the moment joe realises that this is what’s happening, nate is killed, too. 

there was some subplot involving blair and chuck that i don’t remember 

i think jenny kills joe in the end.

yeah, you can see why i didn’t write it. WORSE ENDING THAN S6 FINALE AND BOYYY, THAT’S REALLY SAYING SOMETHING! :(

[luvbug724]

hiii ive been thinking abt neil running post-tkm whatre ur thoughts on that 🤨 i feel its not Too common but it comes up often enough in fandom and is always triggered in neil by something so he runs and either comes back or doesnt but i cant rlly see that happening? also similarly do u think neil would have some troubles w accepting permanence in his life? i was thinking hed def have some habits he wouldnt need anymore but w main threats gone + a life he wants to keep it wldnt be a huge issue..

WAIT my last ask when i say like permanence ex: neil panicking abt captaincy in tkm do u think hed have similar experiences later on w similar aspects of living in one place? (and this maybe triggering the need to run in turn)

holy cow first of all i got so excited when i got this ask you don’t even know. this has definitely been something that’s been sitting in the back of my mind but it was never something that bothered me enough to share online. SECOND of all, i mean absolutely no disrespect to anybody who might disagree with me on this or has written neil in this scenario-- it’s all fiction we’re all having fun here and my characterization may differ from yours and that’s fine! even if i might not be a fan of the concept i still read and support fics that include it if i like the writing :) this got very long and some people probably won’t be interested in reading it, so my response is under the cut :’)

but as for your question, anon, i completely agree with you. when i got this notification the first scene my mind went to was chapter nine of tkm right after wymack offers neil the vice captaincy. this was, probably, one of the worst sequences of events that could have possibly happened to neil: some of his most fundamental lies are exposed to his team, he’s confronted with his past, he has to reveal some truths that he never planned on saying, and now here’s his coach insisting on a future he so desperately wants but doesn’t think he’ll live long enough to have. neil should have already had a new name in a new country three months ago and instead he’s at palmetto state in the public eye right for the moriyamas and wesninskis to watch. 

and what does he do?

He didn't remember pulling it from his pocket or making the decision to dial out. He lowered it and tapped a button, thinking maybe he'd imagined things, but Andrew's name was on his display and the timer put the call at almost a minute already.

Neil put the phone back to his ear, but he couldn't find the words for the wretched feeling that was tearing away at him. In three months championships would be over. In four months he'd be dead. In five months the Foxes would be right back here for summer practices with six new faces. Neil could count his life on one hand now. On the other hand was the future he couldn't have: vice-captain, captain, Court. Neil had no right to mourn these missed chances. He'd gotten more than he deserved this year; it was selfish to ask for more.

He should be grateful for what he had, and gladder still that his death would mean something. He was going to drag his father and the Moriyamas down with him when he went, and they'd never recover from the things he said. It was justice when he'd never thought he'd get any and revenge for his mother's death. He thought he'd come to terms with it but that hollow ache was back in his chest where it had no right to be. Neil felt like he was drowning.

Neil found his voice at last, but the best he had was, "Come and get me from the stadium.”

andrew grounds him, comes for him, and makes sure that neil can’t run. but this was just one very extreme situation, so here’s how i think his future may play out: no matter how much neil wants to go, he needs to stay even more. and, unlike the above situation, neil now has explicit permission (a command, even) to stay with the foxes, to stay with his family. i think he will be fine for a long while until there comes a moment where he realizes that he’s here to stay and he has a home and he has the foxes and he has andrew and it’s honestly a toss up as to how he would react. the first option would be that it’s overwhelming in a very, very good way and nothing much changes. the second option (which seems way more in character for neil) is instead: he panics, and he needs something to keep him tethered to psu. he might seek out andrew like he did in canon or he might try to hide it to not worry him, but i’d place my bets on somewhere in the middle where he makes sure andrew knows whats going on but tries to downplay its importance. 

anyways, i wrote all this before i even checked with nora’s ec to see if she’s said anything in a similar context and she DID and and it was pretty much compliant with my ideas which i am very happy about:

“He’s more likely to walk away or tell Neil to get over it or look right past whatever existential/psychological crisis Neil is having. Neil’s grumpiness after a loss are brushed aside unimportant, and his aggravation over uncooperative teammates is nothing to pity him for. 

But once in a long while Neil will hit a ledge he has to be pulled back from, and that’s what Andrew does. Like in Baltimore, when Neil is trying to say Do you want me to go, and Andrew catches hold and tells him Stay. This is how Andrew comforts: by being a stabilizing force, an anchor to keep Neil at home, a place to rest his weight and his secrets. Honestly, that’s what Neil needs.” (Andrew comforting Neil)

“Impatience kind of worked in Baltimore, but I guess it’s not a one-size-fits-all kind of ordeal. Forced eye contact and Look at me and a ruder calm down right now. ((Thanks Andrew, really sympathetic of you)) Andrew gives Neil the weight to connect him to the real world: a hand on the back of his neck or fingers hooked in the collar of his shirt to drag Neil home to him.” (Andrew re: Neil’s panic attacks)

now, as for neil adjusting to just a plain stationary life, i think he’d adjust relatively easily. his entire life was fitting in which i don’t think he’d have a big problem with, but the new element of how he’s not pretending anymore, he’s just neil josten, might throw him off a little bit. there’s likely going to be some habits he picked up that he can’t shake and some associations (alcohol isn’t for fun, it’s an anesthetic is one that comes to mind) that he never quite gets rid of but despite how much might get thrown at him, after everything he survived freshman year it’d take a fucking lot to push him to his breaking point.

[sunsetsover]

Thoughts on Callum slowly discovering the freedom of being able to initiate physical contact with Ben (in private initially) and the comfort he finds in it? Like coming home and finding Ben there, lying on the couch and he realises he can just lie down, with his head on Ben's chest, if he wants.

please this is so sweet to even think about i’m so soft….. i could probably ramble abt this forever but let me try and be coherent 

callum is very tactile. it’s something he’s always kind of known about himself, despite never really being in a place where he experienced much physical affection - not at home, not at school, certainly not in the army. he hadn’t even really had a proper relationship before whitney, so by the time he’d met her he felt kind of awkward about the whole thing. he didn’t really know how to touch anyone, especially not a woman. he didn’t know how to be touched.

and yes, him and whitney were physically affectionate, and it was nice. but it also always felt a little bit off, somehow. like a picture on a wall that’s not quite hung straight. a shirt that doesn’t quite fit you properly.

so by the time ben comes along, callum is massively, massively touch starved - and he doesn’t even realize it, is the thing, because he has whitney. because she gives him everything he needs. or at least that’s what he’s convinced himself.

but then ben touched him that night in the park - and it was barely even a touch, truth be told - but it was enough to have every wall callum had ever built around That part of him turn to sand, rendering them completely useless. it was enough to have him craving. to have him suddenly realizing what it is that he’s been missing.

and there was a long and messy road between then and now - now, where they’ve been dating for a few months, where everything is good and steady between them, where every touch still sets callum’s skin alight.

but the thing is, callum can tell ben is holding back - not because he wants to, but for callum’s benefit. he’s said all along that it’s up to him to dictate the pace of their relationship, including the physical aspects of it. which is something callum has been incredibly thankful for, but…. he’s starting to feel antsy now. because ben touches him (when they’re alone and in private, because callum still isn’t ready for PDA yet) but it’s almost always light and fleeting and cautious - like he’s trying not to overwhelm callum. which was nice at first, but now it’s starting to drive him mad.

and callum isn’t exactly sure what to do about it. it’s not like he can sit ben down and go ‘i really appreciate you being considerate, but i’d really like it if you could stop tiptoeing around me now’, is it? (i mean he could, but as if he ever would lmao)

so he thinks about it. he thinks about it a lot. and then he comes to the realization that he doesn’t necessarily need to wait for ben to be the one to initiate it. he can initiate it himself. he can touch ben, if he wants to. he can touch his boyfriend; can hold his hand and stroke his hair and pull him into a hug just because.

problem is, that’s a lot easier said than done.

for a little while, callum just kind of hopes that ben will just Know somehow. that he’ll figure it out. which ofc is silly and unrealistic and callum quickly realizes once again that if he wants anything to change between them, he’s going to have to take matters into his own hands (literally)

and he overthinks it at first and tries to like… plan it out. as though that’s how it works. as if holding your boyfriend’s hand is something you plan out ahead of time.

but eventually he manages to scrape together enough courage to just kinda…. stroke the tips of his fingers along the back of ben’s hand one day when they’re sat together at home. thankfully ben cottons on pretty quickly and turns his hand over, but he doesn’t do anything more than that - just holding out his hand for callum to take, if he wants to. it’s on him, still. so callum presses their palms together and links their fingers and ben smiles at him and pulls their joined hands into his lap. he doesn’t make a big deal out of it. callum’s glad.

after that, callum is a little emboldened. it’s still hard for him, but he starts taking ben’s hand without asking for permission, or running his hands through ben’s hair as he listens to him talk, or putting his arm around ben’s shoulders while they’re sat together on the couch. 

(which is something that ben particularly likes, because he kinda likes feeling small next to callum (though he’d die before he’d ever admit it), and after it has become almost a habit for them, ben starts leaning back into him, yknow? allowing himself to be held. and one night in particular callum does it and ben kinda half turns and presses his back into callum’s chest. by the end of the evening they’re full on cuddling, ben in between callum’s legs with his arms wrapped around his waist, and it’s so warm and safe and callum has never get more content in his life. the solid feeling of ben’s masculine body pressed against him - holding him - fills him with something he’s never experienced before in his life; something he can’t quite put words to, but it’s good, whatever it is.)

it gets easier after that. ben seems to realize, too, that callum isn’t gonna spook every time he tries to touch him, so he stops holding himself back as much - he’s mindful still, but he also stops tiptoeing around callum so much, which is exactly what he had wanted (and it turns out he is just as touchy as callum is lmao). and it makes callum feel better u know! more confident! knowing he’s not alone in this. knowing ben wants to touch him just as much.

and it’s when he sees ben lying on the couch, fiddling with the tv remote that he gets hit with this overwhelming surge of just… happiness. knowing he can go over and touch ben if he wants to. that he doesn’t have to hide it anymore, he doesn’t have to bury it, pretend he doesn’t want it.

so that’s exactly what he does - walks over to the couch and lays himself down on top of ben, presses his ear into his chest and listens to his heart beating. one of ben’s hands comes to settle between his shoulder blades, thumb absentmindedly rubbing at his skin through his shirt as he continues looking for something to watch. once he’s found something that satisfies him, ben drops the remote and brings his other arm around callum, presses a kiss to the top of his head, shifts callum’s weight between his hips slightly and settles in.

callum has to close his eyes for a moment and take a breath just so he can take it all in. thanks his lucky stars that he has this, because he never thought he would. he never thought he’d get here. and he’s so fucking glad he is.

💞💞💞

[littlespoonevan]

we fall apart as it gets dark

hahaha what’s this??? who knows!!!! basically i got a serious urge to write this morning and it didn’t go away but i’m still at a lost as to what to write so here’s my go-to scene i think abt when i’m trying to fall asleep of andrew and neil staying in the interrogation room the night after baltimore. (also somewhat inspired by @nickyklose‘s post bc i think that’s what spurred me into thinking about this scene in the first place months ago???) title from i love you by billie eilish. i hope u enjoy <33

*

They ride to the police station the FBI are working out of in silence. And normally, Neil wouldn’t sit in the middle when there’s a perfectly empty seat to his left but the press of his knee against Andrew’s is grounding. (For both of them, he thinks).

Fuck, he can’t believe this. He can’t believe he can feel the heat of Andrew’s body next to him – that Andrew is next to him at all – when he was convinced 24 hours ago that he’d be dead by now. He’d said his silent goodbye to Andrew in Lola’s car, eyes closed as he’d braced himself between burns.

But now, he’s so tired he’s delirious and his head is throbbing but Andrew is here so breathing feels a little easier than it has been.

The car jolts to an unceremonious halt sometime later outside a nondescript station and their hands brush as they both reach to release their seat belts. Even through the bandages, Neil feels the slight pressure of Andrew’s fingers squeezing his for half a second before they’re gone.

Despite his exhaustion he forces himself to talk once they’re in the interrogation room, revealing everything in excruciating detail and answering every question the FBI can throw at him. Andrew’s gaze burns a hole in the side of his head as he talks but Neil doesn’t look at him, lest he lose his nerve.

After what feels like hours the questions stop and two cots are shoved into the interrogation room for them to sleep. They’re given a measly meal of sandwiches from the local deli, vending machine snacks and crappy coffee but Neil’s too tired to be hungry enough to be annoyed about it. Eventually the guard who’d been stationed in the room with them leaves with their food wrappers and doesn’t return, giving them their first moment alone since the game.

Neil stands stock still at the end of his cot, fingers catching on the scratchy blanket draped on top. Andrew’s standing opposite him and seems to be at war with himself until he takes a decisive step forward, digging his fingers into Neil’s shoulder and pulling him in for a crushing hug.

Neil is frozen for a beat before he hugs back, sinking into Andrew’s embrace and breathing in his familiar scent.

“If you ever fucking do that again, Josten-“ Andrew warns, voice bitten off and furious.

“I won’t,” Neil promises before he can finish his threat.

Andrew pulls back enough to meet his gaze. “I won’t save you,” he says and Neil believes him.

Andrew won’t save him because he’ll be too busy trying to save himself from feeling anything.

“You won’t have to,” Neil murmurs and there’s that look again – like Andrew’s fighting whatever he actually wants to say.

“You need to sleep,” he says and with that, he lets go.

*

There’s only a couple of inches between their cots. Andrew can’t remember if the guard left them like that or if he moved it himself. Either way, he’s lying on his side facing Neil and he’s too afraid to close his eyes in case he disappears again.

Neil’s also on his side – the less damaged side, without the burn on his cheek and less bruising. Andrew drinks in every inch of his frame like he’s trying to commit him to memory. (As if Neil in all forms hasn’t already been seared into his brain for all eternity.)

The sickening knot he’s felt in the pit of his stomach since Neil went missing is finally loosening, unfurling just enough that his anxiety about his feelings for Neil can take the forefront instead. He doesn’t think he can hide it anymore – not from himself at least. The thought of losing Neil had been so unbelievably unfathomable Andrew was very nearly sick with it. He’d felt the darkness creeping back in, consuming the parts of his heart he’d let go soft in all the quiet moments where Neil had prodded at his barriers.

And now? Andrew feels the beginnings of a panic attack just at the thought of being without him.

Neil’s eyes are closed, his features relaxed for the first time in what feels like forever. Andrew doesn’t know what compels him to do it but there’s a single curl laying across Neil’s forehead and before he can stop himself he’s reaching a hand out to brush it back off his face.

He’s hardly touched Neil when Neil’s eyes are opening and his fingers are wrapping around Andrew’s wrist to hold his hand in place.

They share a look and Andrew doesn’t think he’s ever seen understanding in anyone’s eyes the way he does with Neil. His hand rests against Neil’s hair, thumb sweeping out to brush against the skin just above the edge of the bandage that’s covering the burn on his cheekbone. Neil turns his head, just barely, until his lips graze the palm of Andrew’s hand and Andrew feels a light inside him that he wasn’t sure existed anymore begin to flicker.

He swallows back the words on his lips, the thoughts that almost spring forward without his permission, and gently pulls his hand back. Neil lets him.

“Goodnight, Neil,” he whispers, voice rough with something that he’s not sure is tiredness.

Neil stares at him, a penetrating stare that gets right to the heart of him and lays him bare, and then he smiles. Just slightly. “Goodnight, Andrew.”

*

[skold]

aight so here’s tim’s partial chart which you don’t have to know how to read i’m just putting it here for the people who do

putting a read more for length

sun in sagittarius - yr sun sign is the one most people know cuz it’s by birth date and you can just google it. the dates don’t change year to year the way others do. it’s yr sense of self, yr individuality, yr outward personality. sag suns tend to be rly social, active, honest to the point of hurting peoples’ feelings lmao. known to talk Too Much. impulsive. bad at foreseeing the consequences of their actions. bridge burners. HAAAAAATE being restricted in any way.

moon in capricorn - moon sign is more your internal self and people can often feel more closely aligned w/ their moon sign than their sun sign. moon sign can tell abt someone’s sensitivities and their instincts and where they find security. moon in cap generally indicates somebody who finds fulfillment in being useful to others and has an insane work ethic. has trouble cutting loose. cap moon folks tend to have a lot of insecurities wrt feeling ignored or useless. they want outside approval but can’t depend on it.

mercury in sagittarius - mercury rules over communication and intellect. indicates how someone interacts with other people. ppl with merc in sag fucking love traveling which y’know, considering tim travels for his job AND as a tourist. checks out. mercury in a fire sign can make them seem like they constantly have a fire under their ass pushing them forward. merc in sag have a talent for languages (tim speaks two fluently and at least two more enough to function).

venus in capricorn - venus is yr love language planet. it indicates how ppl feel and experience love/sex and also their feelings on what they find generally pleasurable in life. people with venus in cap can be rly withdrawn and often aren’t up front with their feelings in general but especially wrt relationships. this is PROBABLY why tim doesn’t talk abt his marriage much at all. they want loyalty and stability over all else. often attracted to partners with venus in a fire sign bc they tend to be more forward and initiate things and venus in cap doesn’t want to risk getting hurt. really slow to earn their trust.

mars in libra - mars is abt action and energy and assertiveness. it’s about drive - sex drive, ambition, what gets ppl fired up. ppl with mars in libra cannot make a fucking decision to save their lives but y’know, this is libra we’re talking about. libra placements suck at making decisions. i can say this as a libra moon who cannot commit to anything but i digress. mars in libra folks aren’t usually very social. they want permission from other people to make big moves. tend to be submissive in relationships both in general and in The Sex Way. ppl with mars in libra tend to attract more aggressive/forward/energetic partners.

jupiter in leo - jupiter symbolizes growth and expansion and how someone’s faith and ethics are. also sometimes associated with luck and fortune. ppl with jupiter in leo tend to have healthy self-confidence. they can be kinda arrogant but depending on other placements that arrogance is often not backed up. this can look like delusions of grandeur and often leads to people disliking their attitudes. as a fire alignment, there’s a lot of energy there, but it ends up being misplaced sometimes.

saturn in pisces - saturn is a bitch ass motherfucker. rules over restriction/order and maturity over time. saturn is basically that planet who will hurt you to teach u a gd lesson. the leather daddy of the planets if u will. people with saturn in pisces wanna make other peoples problems their own problems because they want to offer their emotional support, but it happens at the expense of wearing themselves thin. often really secluded private people. they have to find that balance between prioritizing themselves and prioritizing others, and if they can’t find it saturn will hurt their gd feelings.

uranus in virgo - so uranus is such a slow planet to orbit it doesn’t move sign alignments very often and can remain in the same sign for years and influence an entire generation. uranus rules over originality and freedom and revolution. ppl with uranus in virgo can be perfectionists. can be interested in things like ecology, the wellbeing of animals, and alternative medicine. gestures at tim’s 800 rescue animals and the fact that he goes to an acupuncturist. often left leaning to the point of seeming radical (this depends strongly on other placements though). big on social justice.

neptune in scorpio - neptune is also one of those slow planets. neptune rules spirituality and fantasy/imagination. ppl with this alignment can be into the occult. a huge amount of creative potential is there. this is why we saw a lot of rly influential art and music coming out of gen x folks!!

pluto in virgo - the slowest of planets. pluto is abt power and transformation. ppl with pluto in virgo can be critical and analytical. super methodical abt how they do things.

so those are the planets. there’s also a lot of other celestial bodies and points in the chart we look at also!! here they are

north node in taurus south node in scorpio - the nodes are mathematical points opposite each other in the chart. south node indicates your comfort zone and north node indicates what somebody wants out of life and has to go out of said comfort zone for. this alignment indicates somebody who struggles between holding onto things and letting shit go. TRUST ISSUES. also rly strong sexual energy that fucking asshole.

lilith in pisces - lilith is a fictional point opposite the actual moon. in mythology, lilith refused to submit to adam, rejected the world of adam & eve and decided to go chill with satan instead. which, lilith did nothing wrong but whatever. so yr lilith alignment can show what you have fascination with and what you reject about yourself. lilith in pisces people often have a fascination with self-sacrifice and often feel connected with EVERYTHING, which then leads to a lot of suffering. vulnerable to alcoholism/drug issues. people tend to find ppl with this alignment captivating but also can be intimidated/unsettled by them.

chiron in pisces - chiron is an asteroid btwn saturn and uranus. in mythology, chiron was an immortal centaur who was a healer and a teacher. he was injured by a poisonous arrow by heracles and it should have killed him but due to his immortality, he was suffering in excruciating pain but couldn’t die. he gave his immortality for prometheus and upon being sent to the underworld, zeus showed mercy on him and raised him up into the heavens as a celestial body. chiron symbolizes unhealable trauma but can also indicate how one can accept their suffering and move forward. people with chiron in pisces tend to feel the weight of the world on their shoulders and feel they’re all too aware of the suffering of other people and things like violence and injustice. these people often respond to this by helping others in some way.

SO NOW I’M GONNA GO INTO ASPECTS. which is basically how certain planets align in the chart and interact with each other. i don’t have time to describe what these terms mean cuz i’ve already been writing for an hour so just use google lmao

sun conjunct venus - highlights feminine characteristics of all genders and sexes. artistic, creative, optimistic. often fashionable. 

sun square saturn - folks with this alignment either give up at the first sign of a challenge or power thru that shit and learn from it. if this person has lower self esteem it’s generally improved by the fact they’re gratified by their own hard work.

sun square uranus - individualistic, eccentric. independent. can be inconsiderate of others. NEED to be different and NEED people to see they’re different. issues with authority.

sun square pluto - stubborn assholes. tend to be bossy and subconsciously manipulative.

moon sextile saturn - emotionally stable, reliable, helpful.

moon trine uranus - needs considerable emotional independence and freedom in a relationship and within ones family. often lead unconventional lifestyles (read: don’t work a 9-5, have polyam/open relationships, etc). MOOOOOD SWIIIIIINGS

moon sextile neptune - these folks want explanations for the world and will turn to things like religion or the occult to get answers. self-sacrificing and people tend to take advantage of them. messy home. perceptive and sensitive, especially wrt the arts

moon trine pluto - experiences emotions very fucking deeply. will express their opinions even if it’ll hurt the other person’s feelings. often closer with their mother than their father.

mercury sextile mars - quick thinkers. analytical, fast, practical.

mercury trine jupiter - open, sensitive, optimistic, kind. often into philosophy. big on traveling.

venus square mars - impulsive and enthusiastic. can be prone to losing their temper. often want impossible things.

venus square uranus - this aspect tends to complicate relationships because they literally see relationships as a loss of personal independence and autonomy. unconventional, eccentric, very original in their artistic/creative pursuits.

mars sextile jupiter - GOTTA GO FAST. always wants to be learning new things.

saturn opposition uranus - oof. these folks are often big chaotic and unpredictable. their logic sometimes only makes sense to them and it can seem they look down on other people unfairly, but it’s only because others don’t understand their thought process behind why they dislike someone.

saturn trine neptune - these people try to turn their dreams into their careers. spiritual but not necessarily religious.

saturn opposition pluto - DO NOT KNOW WHAT THEY FUCKIN WANT. they have big ideas but don’t know how to get them going. can be a difficult personality type to deal with.

uranus sextile neptune - reinforces one’s sense of fantasy. can influence inspiration and originality and innovation in one’s creations.

uranus conjuction pluto - a generational alignment due to both planets being slow moving. strong, original personalities. big ideas.

neptune sextile pluto - also a generational alignment. depending on other alignments, it influences big transformations on a global scale. see: gen x

there are parallels and contra-parallels i could go into but like i have already been at this for forever and i think We Get It. and this is only half his chart without going into the houses cuz i don’t have his birth time!! that’d give us 12 more alignments to look at and tons more aspects!! so like!!! astrology is more than just yr sun sign folks. this has been me reading the fuck outta tim skold for 1600 words see ya

[lovebunnie]

fr the poem questions: all of them >: )c

jared... only for you...

the tyger – are you a taker of calculated risks or do you enjoy playing with fire? would you rather ask for permission or forgiveness?

i am a major rule follower, i am not at all adventurous and i like to stay in my comfort zone. my life is a mix of staying true to my comfort zone and doing what I feel is right, first instinct. 

i carry your heart with me – do you believe in fate? what’s your secret to living a good life?

i tend to not believe in fate, it tends to make people not take responsibility for their actions and it leaves a bad taste in my mouth; predestination takes away humility from us. and i wouldnt say that im currently living a good life, its getting there but more often then not i would not describe my days as ‘happy’, more so just another day. but to make a day not outwardly bad, i firmly believe in having a really good breakfast in the morning and taking a shower at night. both of those really make my days better.

i wandered lonely as a cloud – what does nature mean to you? where do you feel most at peace?

nature for me is what comes to us instinctively and what we turn to for comfort in trying times. i feel the most at peace either at summer camp or in my bedroom with my cat :3

blackberrying – what were your early years like? do you miss being a child?

my early years were very happy, i was a very happy and funloving child. it was a time where i wasnt told about any of my family drama so i lived in blissful ignorance. i definitely miss being a child, all the way up to about 7th grade. its just been downhill from 8th grade and on.

ode to a nightingale – how do you feel about your own mortality? do you believe in life after death?

my mortality is something of a burden i carry with me everyday, a reminder that every minute is precious and this is the only life i get, i have one shot to not fuck it up. i dont believe in the afterlife, the concept of death is something that if i think too hard about then itll fuck me up.

hope is the thing with feathers – what gives you hope? what would you tell your 10-year-old self?

hope comes from those news stories about good news, like charity donation goals being hit and remembered anniversaries and flower bouquets in public, there is good in the world and sometimes its hard to find but its always there. to my 10 year old self, i would tell her to not hold too tightly to those around you, and that life constantly changes so dont get too attached or comfortable because itll prevent you from growing in the future.

the road not taken – do you find it hard to make decisions? what regrets do you have?

its really hard to make decisions because i always assume that my ideas are wrong or bad so if someone else takes the lead, i cant be blamed. as far as regrets, i wish that in my past, i just put myself out there more. i couldve spent highschool actively seeking for possibilities instead of sulking and wishing they came to me. they dont ever, you have to find them.

still i rise – what's your relationship with yourself like? what are your best qualities?

i have a bad relationship to myself; if i admire one trait about myself, the other traits must be less than. for example, if i think i look nice one day, then i remember abt my grades or my writing and how much i hate both of those. i can never be fully at peace, it will never be enough to sate my psyche. my ‘best’ qualities depend on the day, right now i think i have nice eyelashes.

howl – can you express yourself freely? do you feel smothered by societal norms?

i struggle everyday to be my genuine self. its not so much societal norms but my own mind; i want to look nice but i dont want to attract too much attention. i want to be remembered but not for how good my ass looks or whatever. my biggest fear is that people see me as something desirable but only sexually so i want to dress how i feel but i cant because im terrified of the gaze of men on my campus.

the raven – are you in touch with your feelings? how would you describe the relationship between emotions & rationality?

im extremely in touch with my feelings. i can acknowledge when i am angry or sad or happy, even if i dont know why. i allow myself to feel my feelings and then let them pass, i hate bottling those things up. between emotions and rationality, i use my emotions 9 times out of 10. i ask myself, ‘what do i want?’ and the first thing i come up with, i know is what i truly want to do. 

sonnet 116 – how do you define love? what qualities do you look for in a significant other?

i think love is everything; its the warmth of hanging out with familiar people, its when people remember facts about you, its a meaningful hug and its ‘this reminded me of you’. its different for everyone but i feel love in everything i do. in a significant other, the biggest thing is being able to make me laugh, if youre funny than im sold.

to autumn – what's your favorite season and why? what cherished memories do you associate with that season?

my favorite season is winter because it has lots of holiday warmth, good food, pleasant childhood memories, and comfortable clothing. also i love snow. i have very vivid memories of a blizzard in maryland when i was 11(?) years old, my neighbor tied a sled to the back of his ATV and dragged us around the cul de sac, it was so much fun!!

the waste land – do you like big cities? if you could choose any place on earth, where would you settle down?

i love big cities, they evoke so many feelings of love and the atmosphere being surrounded by people makes me so happy! if i could live anywhere, i think it would be san francisco, i love the city and the weather and the public transportation!!

o captain! my captain! – what are your aspirations in life? what motivates you?

in life, i want to give a tedtalk. i would also love to publish a book but i dont like what i write so if i ever did, id end up hating the book anyway in a year or so. i want to teach people the joy of public speaking and i want to give kids the joys i had given to me by my teacher when i was their age. my motivation comes from, this has to be done and if no one else will do it, it might as well be me. i have the passion and everything else will follow after that.

she walks in beauty – what's your aesthetic? how would you describe the relationship between inner goodness & outer beauty?

id describe my aesthetic as lovecore, i love the color pink and red and hearts and flowers and teddy bears and dresses and sparkles and valentines day and i love everything stereotypically ‘cute’. and i feel there is no outer beauty without inner goodness, if someone has bad intentions or a rotten core, their outward appearance will reflect.

one art – how do you deal with loss? do you write diary entries, poetry or prose?

thankfully i have not had to go through tremendous loss in my life but when i feel an emotional loss or general low point, i tend to move towards art, aimless doodling to take my mind off of situations. it centers me.

work, sometimes – how does your favorite weather make you feel? what is happiness to you?

my favorite weather makes me feel SO happy, all smiley and giddy and like things are going to be okay, just for one day, i will make this a good one. happiness to me is comfort and joy, its something that makes you laugh until your sides hurt and its art that you look at and feel. happiness isnt a huge moment, its little moments scattered throughout the days.

acquainted with the night – do you think there's such thing as the right time? what’s your outlook on the world?

no, i dont like to set things off for the thought of there being a right and wrong time. time isnt real and we only have so long on earth so there is no time but the present. go get that tattoo, ask them out, eat that snack. my outlook on the world is that there is a lot of bad shit but there is also a lot of good shit you will never see but it important nonetheless. you cant change the world in a day so you might as well take it one day at a time, working everyday to make it as good as possible.

if – do you daydream a lot? are you volatile, or do you stay calm when conflicts arise?

i love to day dream, it helps me determine what i really want and its a lovely distraction when the goings get tough. i try to avoid conflicts in every situation possible but if i were pushed, id either accept my mistake and apologize and work towards a better future; or i would tell the other person how im feeling and what i can do to help them feel better.

what would i give? – do you cry often? if you could change anything about your past, what would it be?

things make me sad but rarely enough to cry, things more so tend to weigh me down then break me. i let the sadness take me however it sees fit. and if thats to cry, so be it. if i could change anything about my past, i would just say that you will only get this chance to start over in a new state once, the years will go by quick so to TAKE OPPORTUNITIES WHEN THEY SHOW THEM SELF TO YOU!!!!!!

[theboyz-kr]

A to Z nsfw| choi chanhee

genre: smut, sub! new dom! reader

requested? nope

-

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

this boy, he's a whole baby boy so you'll be the one taking care of HIM. He loves being taken care of even out of the bedroom.

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

he loves your boobs/chest if you don't have tiddies he loves laying down on them/if after sex, he loves touching them/it and kissing them/it... and as for his favorite body part of his own....his mouth, knowing he's able to please you with his mouth makes him so excited

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

as he is your baby boy he cums wherever you ask him to, inside of you? on your ass? chest? mouth? stomach? back? literally anywhere

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

he secretly wants to dry being in charge for one night. he wants to claim you as his sub

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

I feel like he hasn't had much, or any at all. he's a fast learner tho ;)

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

fuck. he loves topping just as much as he loves you topping. ((refer to kinks for more))

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

he's more passionate. all he wants to do is please his mommy/daddy/dom

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

I see him as someone who likes to keep his nether regions clean

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

very romantic. he wants to make you feel like a queen, like I've said a lot. he's a pleaser not a teaser

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

he's a good boy. he doesn't please himself without asking for your permission...sometimes

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

praise (giving and receiving) he loves when he gets praised for making you feel good . he also loves praising you just as much of not more

Pegging (receiving) he loves when you bring out the strap on (if you ain't got a dick already)

Marking (recieving) he wants you to literally claim him as yours

Mommy/daddy (giving?) don't gotta explain this tbh

Overstimulation (receiving) he loves when you overstimulate him to the point where he's in tears

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

anywhere, sure doing it in public is risqué but it makes him all the more wanting for you

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

it's not that hard to turn him on tbh. call him baby boy and he's whining begging for you to take him

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

he absolutely will not try threesomes, you're his mommy/daddy and his only. he's not a bratty sub but if you brought up the idea of one prepare for him to throw a bratty fit. he doesn't like sharing his dom he's clingy ok

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

he prefers giving. but he's always down for you to reward him ;)

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

you're the one in charge so 🤧 he likes whatever pace you prefer

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

he's not particularly big on them mainly bc he spends 40 minutes alone on giving you oral and playing w ur chest but if it came down to it he would do it

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

fsjsjd he loves taking risks and experimenting. he is a sub after all, he doesn't call the shots in the relationship at all in or out of bed...you fo

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

depends on how much you've edged him. he's actually good at lasting long, but if you edge him prepare for cum to go everywhere and he can last for abt 2-3 rounds max

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

he loves toys, on himself of course he loves when you get the vibrator out and stick it to his tip....or when you're out in public and you got a remote control vibator in his underwear...causing him to literally shake from how good it feels I-

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

....he hATES teasing you, he's a pleaser type of sub but loves to be teased until he's sobbing

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

loud, he's loud, moaning, whining, panting....mhm

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

he loves wearing chokers, and cute little underwear for you. preferably in pink.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

he's average ....a bit more thiccer girth wise but length wise he's abt average or so

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

oh jeez. he's not too hormonal but he's hormonal that's all I'm saying

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

it doesn't take him long. he falls asleep knowing he's made you happy and that you've made him happy by taking care of him!

[butterscotch-brigade]

fuck it. im too lazy to draw my warriors ocs so here are some of them that i made w this amazing picrew

flowerfur: basically my self insert/sona. riverclan medicine cat whos Big Gay and loves collecting things to decorate her medicine den. curious, sweet, and almost childlike despite being medicine cat for many seasons, she likes to see the good in every cat, and her natural pacifism is partially what lead to her becoming a medicine cat. loves helping other cats and detests conflict; ignoring the fact that shes a healer, shes not very good at de-escalating conflict to begin with. gets very nervous whenever fighting occurs and is very protective of her mate, nightfeather (yes ik medcats cant have mates in canon but thats a stupid rule so fuck you its MY self insert oc so i can make her gay)

nightfeather: flowerfur’s mate, a grumpy riverclan warrior who i adopted from my lovely gf @charcolor​ (she was her self insert oc when she was a kid askldjff but she gave her to me and i changed her personality bc shes My Character Now and i have Permission To Do That). nightfeather is secretly very anxious, but she hides it very well with her standoffish, gruff exterior. the only cat shes willing to let herself be vulnerable with is her mate flowerfur, ofc. shes not really the best at fighting and tries to avoid it whenever possible; instead, she feels a greater sense of fulfillment hunting for her clan. often brings flowerfur things like flowers or shells to decorate her den with and helps out around the medicine den occasionally (though she needs to be tutored on it bc she doesnt know much abt herbs and healing, being a warrior and all)

blossomstar: leader of a fanclan that ive been working on, blossomclan!!! blossomstar is a genderfluid cat who uses he/she/they pronouns, any is fine for them. being the leader of a brand new clan may seem like a daunting task to any other cat, but not to this determined warrior. charismatic and confident to a fault, blossomstar cares deeply about their warriors and believes that a positive attitude is the key to success. even in times of distress, they always manage to bring hope and cheer to their warriors. this doesnt mean you should underestimate them in battle, however; they are actually a fierce fighter and can surprisingly get somewhat......carried away when fighting. fighting is thrilling and fun to them, and sometimes they dont know their own strength. thankfully, their deputy (who i.....havent decided on a name + design for yet askljf) serves as a calm and wise “brain” to their “brawn.”

warblerstalk: ok so. i got this name from a generator so dont judge me. ANYWAY this thunderclan deputy is SUPER edgy. like on purpose. she doesnt give a fuck if you think she looks ridiculous bc she does whatever the fuck she wants (in my mind shes actually 10x more edgy.....she has like. red eyeshadow and emo bangs w a red streak n shit aksljsad but i couldnt do that in the generator so just. deal w this for now). BUT despite her edgy appearance shes actually a pretty effective deputy. shes a bit more forceful than her leader and waaayy harsher towards intruders than necessary, but thats bc she secretly has a crush on a riverclan warrior named lilylake and she doesnt want anyone to suspect anything. has a surprisingly strategic mind and has won many a battle, and she enjoys showing off her cool battle scars to the apprentices.

lilylake: can u tell riverclan is my favorite clan. ANYWAY lilylake is a fun loving and optimistic warrior who loves to take it easy. this easygoing mindset has gotten her in trouble in the past, as she was caught shamelessly flirting with the fucking DEPUTY of thunderclan, warblerstalk. thankfully she was only let off with a harsh warning, but that doesnt stop her from continuing her advances when the two of them are alone. despite their relationship, however, lilylake cares deeply about her clan and actually hopes to become leader one day, though she knows itll probably never happen as long as her relationship w warblerstalk continues. will she choose her heart or her clan?? Who Knows! thats for Me to decide!

blazeheart: a brave and energetic shadowclan warrior, blazeheart was adopted into the clan as a kit along with his sibling icepelt. their mother was a rogue who died giving birth, so they were taken in by a generous queen named frostwhisker (design pending). blazeheart is loyal as any warrior could be, and is fiercely protective of his sibling. he has kind of an overconfident and reckless streak and believes that hes more powerful than he actually is, especially since he became a warrior. loud and somewhat hyperactive, hes a better fighter than he is a hunter, and some wonder if shadowclan was really the right place for him since stealth and secrecy is something they value. nevertheless, he works hard to protect and defend his clan and family, even if he ends up getting himself hurt in the process.

icepelt: the polar opposite of their brother, icepelt (she/they) is very quiet and seemingly stoic. however, their “stoicism” is really just a mask they put on; they are actually socially awkward and have an incredibly difficult time forging friendships with other cats besides their brother. blazeheart is the only cat who can convince them to come out of their shell, and hopefully someday theyll be able to make more friends. they are actually a very competent warrior who understands shadowclan values and hunting/fighting techniques better than blazeheart does, and if it werent for their shyness, they would probably be a very popular warrior. maybe the more time they spend around other cats, the more outgoing they will become......someday.....

stormsong: my newest guy!!! im still working on his personality bc hes so new, but im thinking hes an older senior warrior whos highly respected in windclan. he has a habit of saying whatever pops into his head at any given moment and is known for being brutally honest, but this isnt to hurt people; rather, he just believes in not holding back and standing up for what you believe in. he is very fond of apprentices and loves being able to mentor his own. he looks forward to retiring to the elders den so he can tell stories to them of his glory days. for now, though, he is content to remain a warrior and serve his clan however he can.