#actually excoriation disorder

[toomuchdivergentformyneuro]

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[the-sun-is-also-a-star]

if you're one of those people who are like "oh my god im so ocd!!" and then you just like to be organized, shut the fuck up. literally shut the FUCK up. You have no fucking idea what its like. Its like being trapped in a mental prison. Its being called weird and ridiculed by my own family because i have to wash my hands between helpings of food or because i have to run out of the bathroom when i flush the toilet or because even when i smell something awful i have to breath through my nose instead of my mouth because if i breath through my mouth it feels like i can taste it. Its developing conditions that accompany it, like excoriation disorder which makes me dig into my nails so hard they're permanently fucked up and look ghastly and sometimes even bleed and which means i have scabs on my head all the fucking time because i pick at them constantly, or misophonia which makes me flinch at every trigger sound, it gets so bad to the point where i start hitting myself and had to move away from walls because i was sure i was going to bang my head against one. hard. It's having violent intrusive thoughts, sick intrusive thoughts, thoughts that make you stay up into all hours of the night and fret over whether you're a good person, thoughts that make you think about death all the time. your own death, death of loved ones, how people will die, how people will react to you dying. It's having morality ocd, which makes you hate yourself more than anything after any minor mess up. It changes your life. Its fucking hard to live with. so i never want to hear "oh I'm so ocd" from people who aren't actually ocd ever a-fucking-gain.

[hussyknee]

I'm so fucking mad.

Yesterday I took 50mg of Atomoxetine (Strattera) out of sheer frustration instead of my prescribed 30mg which was doing nothing.

And then...I was like "get up" and I would get up. "Go find the electricity bill" and went and found the electricity bill. "Sort through all the mail and organise it" and just. Fucking. Did it. No getting stuck for half an hour and spiralling in anxiety because my executive commands weren't going through.

I went to the hospital and begged those fuckers to increase my dosage and spent half an hour trying to convince them that this is clearly my ADHD symptoms being exacerbated by anxiety that's fucking me up. They refused, said "Oh, but anyone would find it difficult to function in your situation", and increased my Venlafaxine (Effexor) instead, although that fuckin plateaus any further than the dosage I already take. My primary doc knows this, but I have better luck catching Bigfoot than her at NHSL anymore so I keep having to tussle with the junior dipshits.

Granted I seem to have overshot a bit, because I spent a while vibrating into the fifth dimension. Felt like I'd had six cups of coffee and needed to do three things at once. Perhaps I should have attempted 40mg first. But 50mg very much did catapult me out of this neverending rut.

WEEKS OF BEING TRAPPED BY THE STATIC IN MY BRAIN LIKE A ROOMBA ON A RUG. I couldn't get out of bed, eat on time, shower, make my bed, do my laundry, go to bed. The simplest fucking tasks like pushing a boulder uphill with a stick. Sitting on the bed doomscrolling and tearing the soles of my feet into strips so bloody that it hurt to walk. I don't pick at my feet anymore! Didn't even realize I hadn't until the end of yesterday. This is the first time I've stopped in months. I stock up on band-aids and keep them next to my bed because I usually bleed in about three places within a day. And I pick the scabs off the still-healing wounds. All stopped by 20mg more of Strattera!!!

In other medication fuckery, I stopped the anti-inflammatory meds I was taking for my back because 1) the total cost of my meds was getting insane and 2) I haven't been in pain the last two months. I looked up whether there were side effects for long-term use of NSAIDs and found that using any of them with Venlafaxine increases the chance of gastrointestinal bleeding?? The way I've been having all this time?? Was my rheumatologist ever gonna tell me?? I'm just so used to flares, so fogged in my head and so relatively pain-free that I didn't especially note it. Turns out– the only reason I haven't been in pain is because I was taking the fucking anti-inflammatories. Imagine that! So I can either take Venlafaxine (which I cherish like a child regardless of the wrath-of-God withdrawal any time I miss a single dose) or I can take NSAIDs??

*googles anti-inflammatory meds other than NSAIDs*

Internet: "eat pineapple idk. have you tried tumeric?"

I hate my life.

[dissociache]

Game-changer for those who suffer with skin picking/dermatillomania:

I truly cannot recommend the Walmart/Equate variety pack of assorted bandages enough!! These stay on better than any other bandages I've ever used (including Band-Aid brand which have always sucked imo) and come in several different sizes. They're super resilient and stay on during showers, sweaty/oily face days, etc. I buy these so infrequently and they cost less than $7 for 120 of them!

I hope these can help someone else as much as they've helped me over the years. I've had zero urge to pick at my scabbing/open wound spots with this solid of a barrier, plus I've had the same bandage on for hours without having to reapply it or anything. This is the first time I've used these on my face and as a greasy gal with oily skin I just had to let y'all know!

[ashersbraincell]

Trying to calm down my fear of infection and loosing my hands like…shh shh it’s okay it’s okay…we’ve been through worse trenches…if ya didn’t loose your fingers back during lockdown mainly finger centered dermatillomania you won’t loose em from picking at the edges of your nails now…surely

[echosandroses]

Maybe one day,

Instead of picking my face,

I’ll wash it and it’ll feel so much better

[nervous-like-a-wild-dog]

The universe was really like “let’s give this dude a skin-picking disorder and plop him down in a mosquito-infested area”

[psychwardpatio]

Also just spent way too much time digging a literal hole in a hair follicle on my boob with a sewing needle

[shigarakisslutbag]

So I have shigaraki brainrot. So bad LOL. And I'm a huge fucking simp so I would like to say some things about my (our) mans. Before I do tho y'all should know that my therapist made my love for shigaraki so much worse because I very briefly talked about him while we were talking about coping mechanisms for PTSD flashbacks (long story LOL)

ANYWAYS-

I know he's just a character, but this is Tumblr and if I wanna babble about nonsense then I think this is the place.

I want to talk first about how it still rubs me the wrong way sometimes when people make fun of his skin and "crusty-ness". I think a lot of people forget he has a skin disorder (excoriation disorder). Before AFO his mom put (what looked like to me) prescribed ointment and medications for his itching.

I mention this because so many people act like he just... looks like that because of bad hygiene or something?? And it's not. He has a medical condition that he can't properly take care of because he doesn't *exactly* have the resources for that.

Speaking of hygiene, I see lots of people say that he probably smells (even in headcanons for fics), and while he probably doesn't have an entire hygeine routine, I'm sure he at least bathes because his hair is??? So fluffy?? LOL. Because I've had hair his length before (in the beginning of the manga/anime), and let me tell you, unless he's just that perfect (I mean he is, but not my point), he would have to wash at least semi frequently to keep his hair from getting oily and flat. And that man has FLUFF.

LIKE??!

AND??

His hair has a mind of it's own.

It does get flat/oily in later seasons, but he's outside a lot and most likely doesn't have anywhere to shower like he probably did in the beginning seasons.

My brother actually has issues with dry and itchy skin as well and one of the most common things he does to relieve the itch is to shower and moisturize, but no amount of proper hygiene is going to fix shigaraki's scarring.

I will admit I havent finished the recent seasons or am up to date with the manga, but I still stand by what I said. I feel like y'all are too harsh on this man's looks (especially before the "glow up"). Again, I know he's fictional, I just wanted to write about it because I'm bored and don't have much better to do lol. He's been my favorite character since highschool and I'm 21 now:'). I think I will defend him until I die tbh lol.

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

Since your chat settings prevent me from responding to you, I'm going to do it publicly. Because I can and I choose to.

Right off the bat, let's get this out of the way: the word is "your."

I find this attitude fascinating. Don't misunderstand, it doesn't reflect on me, it reflects on the smoothbrains spewing Ad Hominems.

But let's do a little analysis on the topics of my non-"anti-religion" posts, shall we?

I post about opposing medical mutilation of kids who are overwhelmingly gay, autistic, traumatized or just gender non-conforming. -- Are you saying that accurately diagnosing autism and trauma, letting gay kids be gay, not giving kids pornography in schools, and not cutting the breasts of tomboys or the testicles off femme boys is "MAGA"?

I post about the low quality evidence in so-called "gender affirming care," as demonstrated by the reviews in multiple European countries. -- Are you saying that a dogged commitment to science and evidence is "MAGA"?

I post about how, while gender dysphoria is a demonstrable medical condition, "gender identity" even conceptually is based on stereotypes, contradictory and self-refuting (if it's a "social construct," your "gender identity" would be different in a different society), and a "gender identity" that is untethered from all biology is ultimately indistinguishable from the Xian notion of a "soul" that is untethered from all biology. -- Are you saying that skepticism of things that can't be shown to be real is "MAGA"?

I post about Claudine Gay being protected from criticism for her skin color, despite demonstrated career-long plagiarism, overseeing the steadfast suppression of free speech (as shown by FIRE's rankings where Harvard got a zero) and imposition of a specific postmodern orthodoxy, and her hypocrisy over her retreat regarding antisemitism at Harvard to the same "free speech" she systematically suppressed. -- Are you saying that consistent expectations, consistent standards, is "MAGA"?

I post about racial discrimination in STEM programs which disproportionately disadvantages Asian kids. -- Are you saying that opposition to racial discrimination is "MAGA"?

I post about male suicides, male victims of domestic violence, male victims of sexual assault, male victims of false accusations, and the statistics surrounding them that don't get the attention they need. -- Are you saying that equality and recognising statistics and evidence to inform reality and public policy is "MAGA"?

I post about how authoritarianism, narcissistic personality disorder, controlling others and even mistreating others are reliably the motivations for activists who don't have a pro-social motivation. -- Are you saying that not submitting to or giving power to those with malevolent, narcissistic and psychopathic intent is "MAGA"?

I post about how Kendi and Gay promote a victimhood and defeatist mindset in black Americans based on a grand conspiracy theory, one which perpetuates problems in society, solves nothing and only serves to inflate the standing and bank balances of elites who don't understand the actual problems or causes (e.g. crime, fatherlessness, literacy), don't care to, and will call you names if you try to. -- Are you saying that responsibility, empowerment, and the rejection of "god did it" faux-answers is "MAGA"?

I post about how nuts it is for western college students and even LGBT people to support a terrorist organization that has the explicitly stated goal of conquering the world and forcing everyone to adopt Islam, who would be thrown off the nearest roof if they ever actually stepped foot on their territory, while excoriating and chanting for the destruction of the only country in the region with the same values as they pretend to hold. -- Are you saying that not supporting religious fundamentalist terrorists and not endorsing a global jihad is "MAGA"?

I post about MLK Jr's speech-writer being frustrated at King's message being lost, with people pretending that nothing has gotten better, and with current-day messaging that society is irredeemably damaged (sinful) and preaching a form of nihilism that the same results that they use to justify their ideology in the first place (self-fulfilling). -- Are you saying that black empowerment and personal excellence is "MAGA"?

And the one I strongly suspect instigated this in the first place, but I wasn't about to let you get away that easily... I post about Chris Rufo working to reinstate merit, color blind policy ("the content of their character"), outlaw racial discrimination, rejection of both left-wing and right-wing identarianism, and refocus institutions back to their original mission, which is inquiry, knowledge production and the pursuit of truth, and away from their current obsession with producing nothing but grievance-motivated identity politics bullshit and fragile, mentally ill activists. -- Are you saying that merit, colorblindness, rejection of racial discrimination and the pursuit of objective truth are "MAGA"?

You may wonder why I read, share and endorse a post from a conservative. Aside from this being literally the Genetic Fallacy, I have a much better question: why do I have to? Why do I have to go to a conservative like Chris Rufo to see a commitment to objective reality, non-discrimination, freedom of speech, academic integrity, institutional neutrality and, you know, stuff like adhering to the U.S. Constitution and the Fourteenth Amendment in higher education institutions? And why am I not seeing it from cheerleaders and publications from "the left"; the once, but possibly no longer, "trust the science" side?

I would probably disagree with Mr. Rufo on a number of topics, but I don't care. What I know is that while he's a conservative, he's a liberal conservative. Yes, that's a thing - "liberal" as a synonym for "left-wing" is an American oddity.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Liberalism

Liberalism is a political and moral philosophy based on the rights of the individual, liberty, consent of the governed, political equality, right to private property and equality before the law. Liberals espouse various and often mutually warring views depending on their understanding of these principles but generally support private property, market economies, individual rights (including civil rights and human rights), liberal democracy, secularism, rule of law, economic and political freedom, freedom of speech, freedom of the press, freedom of assembly, and freedom of religion, constitutional government and privacy rights.

Liberalism doesn't prescribe "progressivism" or "conservatism," much less that you are one thing all the time, rather than being generally "progressive" or "conservative" on an issue-by-issue basis.

Which is how I find myself often having more in common, generally, with Mr. Rufo than with liars, frauds and con artists such as Kendi, Gay, DiAngelo, Turban, Montgomerie and their ilk. Because while we might disagree on how to do liberalism, we at least agree on its shared values as a starting point. Liberal progressives and liberal conservatives can actually communicate and work together. Illiberal fantasists, grifters and authoritarians - on both sides - are irrational zealots.

I'll pick a conservative liberal over a radical, social constructivist, relativist, illiberal windbag every. single. time. Without any guilt. Because I'm not a tribalist. I think for myself, and I don't just "go along" in order to obtain and keep the tribe's approval, or out of fear of tribal retribution if I don't signal the acceptable ways. For I am not a sheep.

During the nonsense that was the 2+2=5 war a couple of years ago, an insane activist said, and I quote, "you know who else is deeply invested in math's 'neutrality'? Literal white supremacists." Sure. Because the KKK and Nazis were absolute sticklers for objective reality, evidence and empiricism. That sure sounds right. /s

You sound the same. As I said in the beginning, taking merit, color blindness, rejection of identarianism, removal of authoritarian thought-police, adherence to constitutional law, reinstatement of academic freedom and integrity, and pursuit of truth... and then casting them as values of "MAGA" reflects on you, not on me.

How the hell did you get here? How did you become so morally confused? Do you even know?

[ Source: Colin Wright ]

I'm where I've always been. Posting the above topics and posting "anti religious views" are entirely, completely consistent. They're based on the same values. For example, Xian creationism isn't any more true than the so-called "sex spectrum" - both are a denial of evolution.

Somewhere, only you can determine where, you absolutely lost your way.

One thing I do find amusing is that you're not really doing yourself any favors here. Calling people names so that they want nothing to do with you will only result in you wailing and crying when you find nobody wants to align themselves with you. It's self-defeating and deranged.

Unsurprisingly, it's also a tactic adopted by Hollywood.

Note that this is fake, but is the same "strategy" consistently adopted by Hollywood for every project in recent iterations of what-used-to-be-Star Wars, what-was-once-Marvel, what's-called-but-is-no-longer-Doctor Who: attack the fans who made the franchise what it was, call them names and say they're not welcome, then pretend you're the victim rather than the villain when your project fails. DARVO means Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender.

Xians call atheists "sinners' and "wicked" in order to convince them to convert to Xianity. You know, because atheists who don't believe in a magical space imp sure believe in the magical space imp's dungeon. That's the same tactic you're using. How's that working out for them, and how's that working for you?

What I would also point out is that the people who were calling everyone "Nazis" (e.g. people who know that 2+2=4) and declaring for themselves an unchallengeable right to physically assault anyone they decided was one... turned out to be the real Nazis, marching in the street, calling for the extermination of Jews.

Something to think about in regard to where you're heading.

[the-sun-is-also-a-star]

took liking snakes as my favourite animal to such an extreme that i started shedding my skin

[wyrmoftheweb]

i need more stim toys to bite because excoriation disorder is a *bitch* and i am accruing human bites (from my me) that keep getting infected (because human saliva is full of bacteria or whatever) but the silicone ones really don't work for me. does anyone know if anyone makes wooden bite things for adults, or have recs for wooden bite things for kids that don't look super babyish? thank... it would need to be on amazon bc i don't actually have money i have an amazon giftcard.

[canyourlawnmowerdothis]

Well now I gotta ask. what DO you use for your skin

ok so i am about to become insane. here is my Current routine after. too long of wading through skinfluencer bullshit. all drugstore brands because one who has the money and two no one needs the expensive shit. and no retinol im fucking 18

i have combination, acne prone skin and excoriation disorder and my goals are to get my dryness and acne under control so im not always walking around with blood under my fingernails etc etc. overall the active ingredients that have been the most helpful are salicylic and hyaluronic acid. the actual info is under the cut because theres Too much

i use the cerave hydrating foaming oil cleanser (water based for classification reasons, it just has oil in it) in the morning. i used to use the cerave normal foaming cleanser but i switched pretty quick because it doesnt dry me out as much

at night i use the neutrogena hydro boost exfoliating cleanser. pretty solid, nothing to complain about and i like the smell but i likely won't repurchase now that i have non-physical exfoliants in my routine because physical ones can lead to irritation

the clearasil stubborn acne control 5 in 1 pads with salicylic acid have been crazy helpful for generally keeping my acne under control. i still have tiny blackheads but thats not something i really give a shit about so no complaints here really

the elf pure skin toner, my newest addition a few days ago, has really exceeded my expectations like i mentioned in the og post. it's marketed as a soothing, hydrating toner but it does have glycolic acid which isnt mentioned which means some people dont end up liking it. i read reviews before buying shit though so im having an awesome time with it, i had two Awful pimples and various active breakouts before starting using it and currently a whole third of my face has No active breakouts which is Insane for me

the new cerave moisturizing gel has been really nice, does its job and the niacinamide has done good work on reducing the appearance of my pores in the relatively short time ive been using it

i use the cetaphil moisturizing cream for dry skin on my cheeks bc theyre dry And in spots over any places ive picked at badly to give it the best chance it can get at healing

ok thats it. hope anyone who stayed this long enjoyed. if anyone ever wants advice dm meeeee im obv not a pro but i have a hyperfixation and nothing but free time

[domesticadventures]

lately i've been experiencing a surprising amount of sympathy from coworkers About My Condition, and like, not that i'm advocating for disclosing personal medical info at work, but it turns out that if you go to enough doctor's appointments, people start to think that maybe you're dying, and if you tell them no, not dying, i've just had a headache every second of every day for the past 20 or so years and i'm really trying to do something about that, they seem to be rather horrified. in my defense i didn't know this was going to be their reaction and also don't think of it as something that's that big of a deal, probably in part because i've been dealing with it for so long and also probably in part because from the time it started my parents simply never treated it as a big deal. like i love my parents and truly don't attribute any malicious intent to them, but also, if you asked me what i remembered about my headaches from my childhood, i would tell you i don't remember ever seeing a doctor about them, and actually the only thing I do remember is the time when i was maybe 11 or 12 and told my parents i had a headache, so they gave me some advil or whatever and then when i couldn't swallow it my dad berated me about it until i cried. like there's just this sort of pattern of indifference or dismissal or whatever you want to call it that as an adult i just find really baffling, e.g. when i repeatedly complained that my eye hurt like there was something in it they told me there was nothing there (diagnosed in adulthood with filamentary keratitis), and when i complained about textures or sounds or sensations they told me i was being picky or rude or annoying (diagnosed in adulthood with autism), and when i picked incessantly at my skin they tried to shame me into stopping (diagnosed in adulthood with excoriation disorder). and all of those things are largely manageable for me now that i know what they fucking are!! but the headaches, goddamn, turns out it's really hard to do anything about them when you don't seek treatment until you've had them for a couple decades

[up-to-some-good]

Coverup

Written for @jilymicrofics prompt April 4th - broadcast. Projecting a little onto James Potter today… but all my love to anyone who relates to him in this one. CW: dermatillomania (skin picking/excoriation disorder), brief scar mention

June 1977

The first time Lily made her way to Godric’s Hollow was in the middle of summer. Her parents didn’t trust her to apparate and sent her on the bus instead. By the time she reached the small village, her shirt was sticking to her back despite the numerous cooling charms.

James was waiting to walk her to his house at the bus stop, armed with a bottle of water for each of them and sweating profusely in a faded Gryfffindor sweater.

She took the water without speaking and gulped down half the bottle as they started walking.

“Why, in the name of God, are you wearing a sweater in this weather?” she asked incredulously.

He didn’t answer immediately, instead scratching the back of his neck and ruffling his hair briefly.

“Just felt a bit cold, I guess,” he muttered. “It’s no big deal. How’s your summer been so far?”

She entirely disregarded his question.

“You’re dripping with sweat, James. I’m not buying that. Try again.”

James tried to walk in front of her, determined to avoid answering, so she grabbed his hand and dragged him to a halt.

“What’s going on, love?” She tried a gentler tone as she held onto his hand.

“I don’t like wearing short sleeves, okay?” he responded. “It doesn’t matter. I’ll cast a cooling charm.”

Thinking about it, she had never actually seen him in short sleeves, or even with his sleeves rolled up, like Sirius always seemed to do. James was always in sleeves down to his wrists.

“Is there a reason why?” she asked. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but you can trust me. I promise.”

He sighed and looked up at the sky, ensuring no eye contact with his girlfriend while he spoke.

“I pick at my skin sometimes if I have nothing else to do with my hands,” he admitted. “It’s gross and I don’t like to broadcast it, so it’s just easiest to not wear t-shirts.”

Lily struggled to process what he was saying for second. By the time she had fully understood, he had already taken his sweater off, revealing a t-shirt underneath as well as his arms. From his shoulder to his wrists on both arms, there were small scabs and old scars in various stages of healing. James rubbed his hands together anxiously as Lily stayed silent for a moment. Eventually, she reached out and brushed her hand over his arm, feeling the uneven texture and places where her fingernails would catch.

“Thank you for telling me,” she said quietly. “If it helps at all, I don’t think it’s gross or ugly. It’s just another part of you. You don’t ever need to hide from me, love.”

He smiled a little and reached for her hand again, twisting their fingers together before leading her back down the road, sweater tied around his waist and forgotten.

[cyncerity]

AAAA HOLY SHIT VENT TIME OK

(not super serious i just wanted to complain real quick)

tldr for all of this is that there’s a diagnosis that i’ve had for what i can only assume has been years and no one told me till yesterday, despite it being linked to problems im having rn :)

I WAS ON A ZOOM THERAPY MEETING YESTERDAY AND I WAS RETAKING MY LITTLE “DO YOU HAVE DEPRESSION/ANXIETY” TESTS AND OH MY GOD

ok so the depression one is irrelevant but the anxiety one was kinda low so my therapist said “your test scores are surprisingly low for someone with adhd and an anxiety disorder, maybe your meds are helping with that” FOR SOMEONE WITH A WHAT NOW

IVE APPARENTLY HAD A DIAGNOSED ANXIETY DISORDER THIS WHOLE TIME?? HUH???

truth be told i wouldn’t even care if it weren’t for the fact that i’ve been suspecting i have something called “dermatillomania,” aka excoriation disorder, which basically means i obsessively pick at my skin and i’m now covered in scars mostly at my shoulders and arms.

and the thing with dermatillomania is that it’s generally an anxiety related mental illness.

i’ve always thought “well since i generally don’t have anxiety and it’s an anxiety related issue, i must be misdiagnosing myself. I know i have adhd, but this is more closely related to ocd, which is an anxiety issue i don’t have, even if it is commonly associated with adhd. if it’s not related to my psychologic problems, it must be something i can easily get over and im just not trying hard enough.” BUT NO I DO HAVE AN ANXIETY THING AND IT IS LINKED TO THAT WHICH MEANS THAT THIS LIKELY IS AN ACTUAL DISORDER AND NOT JUST SOMETHING I CAN TALK MYSELF OUT OF.

GODAMMIT

AMERICAN HEALTHCARE SYSTEM WHY DO YOU REFUSE TO TELL ME THESE THINGS