#abuse survivor support

[nothing0fnothing]

Abusive parents using the "well there's no book on raising children" argument when faced with the tiniest bit of accountability from their children is such a wild take to be honest because.. what do you mean you needed a book to tell you that abusing people.. is bad?

Are you genuinely arguing that you had no idea that hitting people smaller and weaker than you is wrong? Not the long term effects abuse has on the developing brain, or the specific types of mental issues it can cause, or how exactly hitting children has worse outcomes in later life. What you're saying is that you had no idea that it was morally wrong to hit people since there was no book saying so. And since you never brought it up till your kids did, you're also expecting them to believe that this book of obvious truths conveniently came out right around the time your adult children asked you what the fuck you were thinking.

Like, you unleashed some of the most vile torrents of emotional abuse you could muster onto a literal eleven year old. You know not to say that shit to your boss, right? You know that when you're at brunch with your girlfriends, or at golf with your buddies, that it's not appropriate to speak that way to them, right? So why would you need a book explaining that it's wrong to speak that way to a child?

It's such a stupid argument because it's essentially saying "I didn't know any better and shouldn't have been expected to learn." But you did know better. The criticism isn't levelled against how few parenting books you chose to read. Nobody was expecting you to become the Albert Einstein of parenting. Just the bare minimum of decency, dignity and respect would have been enough, and you failed.

[nothing0fnothing]

I really hope you all know that anger is a normal human emotion. Every person ever has experienced anger. Literal Jesus Christ, the communist hippy made famous by the Bible, experienced anger.

If you're in recovery anger is a part of your healing journey. In your recovery you will have to learn how to embrace and manage all those emotions you don't like, and anger is one of them.

Be patient with yourself. Your feelings are valid, but they're also just experiences, they don't make you who you are. Take it one step at a time. You'll be okay, I promise.

So many people treat anger as something inherently toxic that you have to repress, but it can actually be a sign of growth and recovery. If you have been through trauma and abuse, reaching a place where you're able to go "your behavior is not acceptable and I'm not going to tolerate it because I know I deserve better" is very much a GOOD thing

[the-bar-sinister]

repeatedly sobbing "do what you want forever" as I desperately try to convince myself that it's okay to make small decisions about the short term direction of my life without concern for the opinions of other people.

[neuroticboyfriend]

get in bitches, we're surviving rock bottom no matter how much further we dig. one day we'll put down the shovel and climb out of this for good. we have to. as long as we're still alive there is hope.

[give-grian-rights]

hey guys how SHITTY OF A RESPONSE do you have to make, for DreamWasTaken to make a better statement than you? x

i always thought of Wilbur as a fantastic writer and how the fuck did this guy MAKE SUCH A BAD STATEMENT that he got upstaged by DREAM??

This is one of the best things i've ever seen come from Dream. Words, actions, and intent, and to have someone who, for better or worse, has such a big platform support Shelby is just amazing to see.

[nothing0fnothing]

No for real because I've been abused and I've worked with other survivors of abuse and the way "I experienced worse" is such a regular defense abusers use suggests to me there must be something in their psyche that is shared among most/all abusers.

It's almost like they believe that they are special or important or different for being victimised, and so their own victim needs to prove that they can be too.

abuser: what do you mean I abused you? Am I not the most special person on the planet? Should I not get to do this, at least? You should feel honoured you were picked for this!

[axolotlclown]

We need to remember that Shubble stated that Wilbur would manipulate and gaslight friends and family. With this, we must be patient with streamers that were close to Wilbur. This was likely surprising and shocking for them. They may need time to come to terms with what has happened.

I have been vocal about how important it is for men to be critical about abusive behaviors. However, Wilbur had many close friends—some would even consider him family—and now they may feel they hardly knew him at all.

There is a deep stress felt by viewers. It is difficult to think we have given any amount of time or money to an abuser. Could you imagine a close friend right now? The pain and betrayal must sear. They need time to understand what has happened and come to terms with it. Many of them may not be live in the coming days (weeks even).

That being said, as time passes, criticism may be necessary. Complacency is not an option. Men that are willing to ignore abuse to protect an abuser are just as pathetic as the abusers themselves.

Let's give this situation time to breathe. I ask that we give patience and courtesy to those close to Wilbur at this time. But please do not forget that this happened. There may be a few streamers hoping to lay low and then drop a collab in a few months. Do not let them. This is too important.

[mirroringshards]

"narc abuse has nothing to do with npd!!" "narcissism isnt npd" then please explain that to the other people in your community like this.

be real. its about npd. the other people in your community fucking argue so. narc abuse = npd and its fucking harming us stop pulling "nArc iS aN aDjEcTiVe!!" out of your fucking ass and grow up.

[lousydrawingsforgoodpeople]

[nothing0fnothing]

All those "allies" to your abuser, the ones who came out of the woodwork when you ended the cycle and tried to strong arm you into shutting up? They've been groomed. All of your abusers "friends" who say that what happened to you was "so out of character"? They've also been groomed. All those people who say "that wasn't my experience of them, so I'm not taking sides"? You guessed it, they've also been groomed.

They're assholes for not beleiving you and choosing to do your abusers bidding, but that doesn't make them any less groomed.

Yes, some abusers are belligerent and abusive to every person they meet, with nobody in their lives who can vouch for them. For most of us though, that's not the case. When we are abused by people who mistreat us for fun, the types of people who take the time to wear us down before subjecting us to emotional torture, they know they need to be smarter than that.

Narcissistic abusers treat mistreatment like an edurance sport, the fun is seeing how long they can go on. They curate their image. They cultivate thriving, seemingly normal social lives. They live double lives where the person they are publicly doesn't flash a glimpse of who they are behind closed doors. It's high effort high, rewards to them, because when one of their victims has the strength to speak out, they have a preselected group of allies at their fingertips to defend them at a moments notice.

These people are primed and ready to dogpile and gaslight you, shutting you down and shielding the abusers image from the consequences of their actions so they can do it all again to the next person who falls prey to their trap. It's a part of the abuse and it's supposed to make you feel small, scared and powerless, even at a time where you've taken their power over you away.

Don't let it get to you. Remember they might not be abused, but just like you, they've been groomed by your abuser.

[unicorn-onion]

guys, let's not speak for tommy. although i get looking back at "signs," and i also can't help but feel bad for tommy, his story is his, not ours. we can be concerned, and we have every right to be concerned, but being intrusive isn't helping him. what will help him is listening to him when he's ready to speak.

[nothing0fnothing]

Narcissistic abuse has nothing to do with whether or not your abuser had diagnosable symptoms of a disorder. It's about how warped their personality is by narcissism that it makes them capable of some pretty heinous and unthinkable shit.

Like I feel like some people think narcissistic abuse survivors were just like, hit a lot or called a dumb slut a few times. No. There are survivors of narcissistic abuse who will never speak about the specifics of their abuse in to their partners, therapists or even confide it in their own diaries because its some next level unspeakable shit.

Trying to gaslight us by claiming we just want attention for experiencing a "special different type of abuse" is just not even close to it chief.

I've had conversations with women who have experienced some straight up POW, Stanford Prison Experiment, Abu Ghraib shit in their own homes. This isn't "my husband came home drunk and belligerent" shit. This isn't even "I was afraid he'd kill me" shit. These are women who were not abused, they were tortured.

So yeah like not all gamers or whatever, but the people crying that the label negatively impacts diagnosed narcissists, I seriously need you to take a deep breath and try for once to comprehend how unquestionably and infinitesimally little this has to do with you.

[awkwardandeccentric]

I see your “Angel needed to learn how to stop pushing at people’s physical and psychological boundaries in episode 4” and raise you a “Husk needed to learn to not come at people’s emotional boundaries with all the finesse of a wrecking ball. No one will want to be authentic around someone who has a history of constant eye rolling, sarcastic gripes, and calling them out in public.”

[nothing0fnothing]

Anger is a super important emotion and you'll usually feel it soon after getting out of your abuse. It's normal even though it can be scary. It's just your body processing what it wasn't safe to while you were in constant survival mode.

Getting angry at your abusers isn't inherently toxic and unhealthy. It's actually an important part of healing from what they did to you.

[the-bar-sinister]

I am a full person with my own independent goals, desires and concerns.

It is not my duty to be interesting, entertaining, helpful, convenient or productive for others at all times.

I deserve rest. I deserve to engage in my own pursuits without regard for the preferences of others.

I am allowed to be unhelpful, inconvenient or annoying.

[neuroticboyfriend]

if someone is regularly cruel to you, that's not okay at all. it doesn't matter if they do good things sometimes. they're hurting you, repeatedly. they probably aren't even giving you genuine apologies, right? at best, they just keep trying to justify their actions and wrap it up in pretty language and confident tone, don't they? does that sound like love and care to you? does that sound like anything other than self preservation and an attempt to keep control over you, so they can keep abusing/neglecting you without consequence?

that's not love. that's never been love. you deserve infinitely better, and i hope someday the both of us fully understand what it means to be safe and loved, as a mundane part of life. because that's how it should be. this is not all there is.