#WHY AM I LIKE THIS WHY CANT I JUST DO THE THING IM SUPPOSED TO BE DOING !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Ppl who say charles is "a piece of shit" doesn't understand that 1: characters can have NUANCE and 2: these comics have a million different writers for each run with varying degrees of quality for each character and storyline. Some writers fuck charles up bc they dont like him/dont know how to write him. And i dont count those characterizations of Charles bc the "flaws" they gave him are in bad faith interpretation of the character. Now i love me some hypocritical asshole charles but thats not the point of his character, which is that he always struggles with trying to have a peaceful outcome which sometimes in order to get that, you have to be a manipulative asshole to bring the peace. Doesn't mean you have to like doing it either (subconsciously is a different story for a different time)
(Also sorry for giving you a wall of text lol i love your art hope you're doing well)
its just especially Interesting with charles because it's not as if Every Other Character is perfect and saintly and has never made a mistake. like i think everyone understands these characters have nuance and they'll never act 100% in the right, its only really with charles that i see people blow up his mistakes (and sometimes misinterpret his actions if not outright make up Bad Things hes done) and act as if he's ONLY ever done wrong and EVERY action he's done was done with evil or misguided intentions
#snap chats#what gets me is that charles' hypocrisy or martyr complex makes him such an interesting character#i dont want my characters to Always Do The Right Thing i want them to be interesting and thats what charles is#there IS a note here to be had about how charles is SUPPOSED to be The Goodest Guy To Ever Guy and thats why his mistakes are more harsh#idk there really is a lot to talk about with the 'backlash' charles gets that i think is genuinely an interesting topic#Unfortunately i am very much interested in ethics and the degrees and variations Of Ethics but im also hungry and cant think#in any case. can we agree that one x-men story where it was literally just killing multiple charles was funny#like if someone ever wanted a story that was about charles being evil and/or the origin of the universe falling apart#and therefore getting to kill him a lot theres your story#they literally made a version of him an inarguable Deadass fascist in that like im talking justifying working with hitler Girl I HOWLED#in that it WAS just a stepping stone in his bigger plan he DOES take down the nazi regime afterwards but still. I Howled#prob also a bonus thats the run where hercules is logan's boyfriend but this aint bout that we're moving on
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I have this one leatherjacket (my dad’s old one lol, very oversized on me but hoping in a cool way) that I’ve been meaning to take the shoulder pads out bc I’ve got enough shoulder as is & fits weird with those. But guess when do I decide to do it?
A) when I have ample freetime
B) when I have a very non-negotiable important deadline in a few days that I’m already behind on
#if you guessed B you’re correct#it’s 5:30am on sunday I haven’t slept bc I have to get this thing done today but yes this is a priority for sure#also like it’s not a quick process bc gotta sew it back together by hand bc obv I don’t have a sewing machine (I’m not that art&crafty of a#person)#(thinking I’m gonna go through the pocket and just sew the pocket back up bc seems the safest and one of the pockets is already ripped so#would have to sew it anyways)#WHY AM I LIKE THIS WHY CANT I JUST DO THE THING IM SUPPOSED TO BE DOING !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#but like it’s a good leather jacket and I don’t want to miss my chance to wear it this year#but sTILL#it could wait a week#but nnOOO IT COULD NOT NEED JACKET NOW SAYS BRAIN#april 2024#2024
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i really hate gettign so frustrated i get extremely irritatable and so full of ... energy of just wanting to cry and punch and kick something, and for some reason i also get incredibly itchy but in a way that it wont stop and i just want to scratch my skin off, like theres a little guy running over my skin and stabbing me with a needle in the same spots over and over, every little normal thing can send me over the edge, even thigns like typos, today it was cutting a little avocado that wasnt quite ripe yet, so i wasted it, and annoying ads on TV-
been trying for ages to draw literally anything, been trying to work on a new design sheet for links shiekah arm and i thought maybe i should ditch the sketch part since all things seemed to get stuck on it, but no, i dont know what it is, been trying to just get some of those shiekah squiggly design lines on it and its been three days without anything looking even remotely like i want and its so goddamn stupid, its just some wiggly lines!!!!! and now i am stting here in tears bc im so angry and frustrated about it, all this time wasting over and over and over im so tired of it, i dont want to not draw either though, i have wasted hours doing shitty grind quests in slime rancher, i have been helping with baking cookies, been folding little paper stars, all things i hoped would help me get out of this but it wont work, i am at my wits end
crying and kicking stuff so hard it hurts you cant be the right way to cope with this but all other things that have worked in the past arent doing that...................
#ganondoodles talks#personal#i know these shitty vent posts are annoying#guess how annoying it is to be stuck in my body with my brain not being able to do literally anything#feeling more and more like you just want to explode#i have so mayn things i want and plan to do#but i cant even get one design done#WHY??????????? WHY WHY WHY?????????????#i have all the shit in my head and it seems so fun and then i try it and just want to gnaw my arm off#its been similar like this so goddamn long#what am i supposed to do when the only thing i truly enjoy and want to do sends me over the edge like that#art is my only lifeline to my sanity .......#even pondering if any of the meds i have here could somehow help me but i only really have .. painkillers caffein or alcohol#but the first i dont take for nothing - second im sensitive towards and it hasnt helped and lastly .... i dont like alcohol unless its-#-like a single chocolate thing with a miniscule amount of it#i honestly dont know what im goood at anymore#it was environment once- but that is long past#now i thought its character design but that went straight into the sun now too#no sketches no painting not even the shittiest doodle#i just want this to stop
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The interesting experience of being pro Sasuke, anti konoha, pro tobirama, anti Naruto ending, pro Sasusaku, anti Itachi, pro Sakura, anti SasuNaru, pro Tobirama×Izuna, anti Madara, pro karin, anti Orochimaru, pro Uchiha and anti Hashirama. And also as much as I hate the guy danzo was kind of hot when he was younger...
#I FEEL ITS VERY IMPORTANT TO SAY THAT I COMPLETELY RESPECT SNS TO THE ULTIMATE DEGREE AND I AGREE WITH THEIR SHIPPERS ON MOST THINGS#BUT THE SHIP STILL KINDA PISSES ME OFF IDK WHY IM SORRY IT JUST RUBS ME THE WRONG WAY I HAVE TRIED TO LOVE IT I REALLY HAVE BUT I CANT#AND MADARA HAD SOME GOOD POINTS BUT I THINK ITS SHITTY THAT HE ABANDONED HIS CLAN AND THEN PLOTTED THE END OF THE FUCKING WORLD#ALSO ITACHI HAD LIKE OTHER OPTIONS!???? WHY THE FUCK DID HE TORTURE SASUKE TWICE LIKE 😭😭😭#WHAT WAS THE POINT MY G WHY ARE YOU TORTURING HIM I THINK THE MENTAL IMAGE OF THEM DYING WAS ENOUGH DIDNT NEED TO GIVE HIM 500000 EXAMPLES#WE AS A SOCIETY DO NOT TALK ENOUGH ABOUT THE FACT THAT WHEN MADARA ASKED HASHIRAMA TO EITHER KHS OR KILL TOBIRAMA#TOBIRAMA GENUINELY THOUGHT FOR A MOMENT THAT HASHIRAMA WOULD GO AFTER HIS THROAT FOR LIKE- THIS GUY WHO HE USED TO THROW STONES WITH!???#ITS SO DIFFICULT TO FIND PEOPLE WHO UNDERSTAND SASUKES TRAUMA AND WHO LIKES SASUSAKU 😭😭#COS LIKE ILL 100% ADMIT THAT THE RELATIONSHIP WAS WRITTEN SHITILY AND SUCKED AND DESPITE THE FACT THAT THEYRE SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE BROTHERS#SNS HAS BETTER WRITING THAN SSK OR NRHN SOMEHOW???? ITS WRITTEN SO WELL PEOPLE GENUINELY BELIEVE THE ORIGINAL PLOT HAD SNS PLANNED#BUT ALSO SAKURA IS SO SILLY AND STRONG AND DID ANY OF YOU READ SASUKE RETSUDEN “Trapped by a body he knew perfectly”#OKAY SASUKE YOURE ON A MISSION??? CALM THE FUCK DOWN 😭😭#NO AND IN LIKE SSK FICS SASUKE IS SOME BAD BOY WHO JUST SMIRKS AND IS EMOTIONLESS AND SAKURA IS SOOOOO EMOTIONAL FUCK OFF YOU TWATS!!!!#SASUKE IS THE KITTEN!! SAKURA SO OBVIOUSLY RADIATES DADDY ENERGY YALL ARE FUCKING INSANE!!!#WHY DO WE GET KITTEN SASUKE IN EVERY OTHER SHIP BUT THE FUCKING CANON ONE!! AT MY FUCKING!!!! LIMIT!!!#FIND SOMEONE WHO UNDERSTANDS THE COMPLEXITYS OF SASUKES CHARACTER AND UNDERSTANDS WHAT TRAUMA DOES TO A PERSON YET DOESNT HATE SSK CHALLENG#Uh oh I went a bit mad there hahaha#I REGRET NOTHING SASUKE DID NOTHING WRONG SAKURA IS GIRL BOSS AND THE NARUTO WORLD IS EITHER UNEXPLAINABLY VIOLENT OR FAR TOO FORGIVING#naruto#naruto shippuden#itachi uchiha#pro sasuke#haruno sakura#Pro Sakura#Sasuke Uchiha#sasuke did nothing wrong#It looks awkward to just go from all those long tags to the iddy bitty ones#Moldy-flowers#Kitten and daddy? Tf am i on about I've been watching too much game grumps shi 😭😭
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is it an autistic experience to ALWAYS be the one in a friend group who gets left out, alienated, secretly disliked, then kicked out of the group?
#autistic#autism#actually autistic#autism things#asking autistics#i want/need a friend group but it ALWAYS GOES BAD!!!!!!!! AND ITS SOMEHOW ALWAYS MY FAULT?! idk what im doing wrong. people suck.#but i need people and i hate that about me. why cant i split myself in half a few times#or learn how to do group activities alone....like playing tennis. going to the amusement park ive wanred to go to since i was a kid.#drive alone on long trips where i will fall asleep but talk to myself so i dont or something. walk on the park trails alone where people#get kidnapped and stuff when alone. go to a convention and cosplay a group of characters alone. one for each finger....#if you cant tell im being sarcastic. and doing a bad job. sighs. i hate that i have to do everything i need/want a group for alone because#i cant make friends or make groups keep me in them. assuming because im autistic and they hate me 🙃#eother that or im a piece of shit and dont realize it!!!!! how am i supposed to know when no one tells me!!!! 😭😭😭😭#so is it actually me and my fault or is it because im autistic and people just do this to us for some reason#autism stuff
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can someone nice (!!) please please please adopt me im begging you im requesting you (huge word vomit and vent in tags, pls dont read if u dont want to!! and if you don't want this stuff on this blog PLS lmk!! i dont wanna make anyone uncomfy! )
#tw vent#yes ik i have a vent blog#but idk why i dont wanna go there#ill prolly delete this in a while + if i vent here (which ill try not to) ill always tag it#but if any of yall aren't fine with it pls do lmk!!! ill stop <3#Anyways.#fucking hell i hate this.#dude#i very specifically told them to hurry the fuck up THEY were the ones making us late#i have told them a hundred times the minimum time i jeed to get ready#i told them this morning too that you guys make us late then put it all on me#nad she went like oh no dear dont worry that wont happen#WELL GUESS WHAT BITCH#and like the lecture and huge ass scolding and then cold shouldet ive been getting from BOTH of them before i left for coachinh#im just tired atp#idk its not even that big a deal this happens everyday#i dont know how to feel#idk if im even rly feeling anything atp#its just that i really fucking hate being here#I wanna get the fuck out#but thing is this makes me feel kinda guilty occasionally#for eg a few days ago i was rly sick and she took care of me kinda#and then that made me feel bad for hating her#but then things like this happen and i cant help it and i feel so conflicted#i dont want to stay here i know that for sure but i feel guilty for it#if i speak im being rude and backtalking#if i dont speak im being rude and ignoring#the fuck am i supposed to do????#she always tells me to 'stay silent and just hear it'#and when i do that she keeps shouting again and again and finally i say smth bc although its extremely fucking dumb of me to open my mouth
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I get hating certain political systems and trying to abolish totalitarian regimes but at the same time many of them are so interwoven with our history and society they have become tropes and when I consume media with a setting where the monarchy is absolute and revered then I am playing my part and sucking that princeling off
#litchi.txt#there are games that address this kinda stuff! and thats good! its good that there are games talking about how this is bad!#but at the same time when I go into a game knowing I will be the prince's sword and shield I dont expect the game to be anti-monarchy#despite having pretty strong opinions on many a thing I tend to put most of them away the moment I engage with media#imperialism bad. monarchy bad. doesnt mean I cant enjoy roleplaying in a game where I help these systems#because guess what its fictional and not everything needs to be a strong statement about politics#sometimes we just... wanna vibe with a setting#I am so very thoroughly exhausted from the politics in this country and where things are going I just kinda need that no brainer gameplay#even if it means working as the secret police for an emperor#even if it means replacing one dictator with another#because its still a game#a lot of people talk about imperialism-monarchy-colonialism with these things because they are a big issue even today#and they are important to talk about!! in real world!!#but I rarely see people be this upset about like religion etc which like. thats also a massive problem.#idk Im just tired of trying to look at fanart of all my fantasy medieval games and people being upset that the games#are not super anti-monarchy despite the marketing being literally 'you are the emperor's bestie. you help him out and go on a quest.'#'your quest is to manipulate local government to support the emperor and do his bidding'#like idk how That is supposed to be a game that addresses it properly#and maybe it does but ig since the MC doesnt look at the player and go REMEMBER KIDS! THIS IS EVIL AND BAD AND WHY MONARCHY SUCKS#it doesnt count??? I guess???
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WHOEVER THE FUCK IS RECOMMENDING MED PPL TO GO INTO RADIOLOGY JUST CUS IF THE MONEY, IM GONNA FUCKING gET YOU
#first i had ai dictacting schedules and now the radiologists just thought there was a AHHGGRHHH#YES. YES U CAN MAKE MONEY GOING INTO RADIOLOGY. BUT DO NO T. JU ST. GO INTO IT. for the MONEY#MEDICINE IS FKING PAIN BCS BUSINESS IS A PAIN & PPL ARE IN PAIN & PPL ARE A PAIN#like it is Very. ppl orientated it's FKING MEDICINE and even if ure a vet or whatever theres obvs usually humans attached fo animals#so like u might not always be dealing with the ppl but ur coworkers who are also being directly accounting#for the ppl SURE AS HELL DO#like yea ppl die all the time but ure telling me u dont gaf when u couldve done something to stop a LIFE#a HUMAN LIFE that was DEPENDING ON U just doing a like tiny action in the grand scheme of ur things#but ends up a major life changer to them even if they dont always have the knowledge to recognize it#and u let them die bcs of the money#i cant fcking STANDDDDDD IT ohmy GAWD.#also like radiology is not all that hunky dory like radiactive is part of the fking name like#UGHHHH LIKE IM SUPPOSED TO BE SCOLDING MY PTS WHY TF AM I SCOLDING MFS FOR MY PTS#anyways yea tho totally just join medicine for the money it's tofally not a massive damage to u n society#but also . fuck society for making ppl feel like they only have this choice or it's starvation bcs thats also so fking real fuc that#but bro at least try not to fuck ppl over once u gain a position just bcs u happened to be in a bad mood today like#medicine is Literally. horror. it's not that 'i watch pimple popping videos haha i can handle it' horror . it's literally.#the horror of treating humans like humans while never allowed to be one urself kind of horror#it's watching a little girl crying and a big bulky father weeping like a small child bcs his wife died#&then u step out the room and a pt throws his poop at u bcs he keeps lying to u abt not having any alcohol &wants to go home but has no ride#wants a million opiods and has been absolutely wailing at ur staff and if he leaves ama it docks u so now u gotta#peruse a bunch of legal documents to try and figure out a loophole on how to get him outta here while also dealing with 60 other pts#on the brink of death or intensely septic and the whole time ure trying to save them u got bitches screaming in ur ear abt the#north carolina fluid shortage like btch fuck that im giving this kid the shit they need to survive fuck off#especially funny bcs theres fluids available but we refuse to buy them bcs theyre for a higher price than our og supplier like ok#anyways#love my life
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because im curious
#vote and reblog 😠#my answer is mostly to jork it but sometimes it depends on the day#i have been reading so much smut the last few days (im on my period + kinktober + its all tumblr recommends)#but like so many smut fics read the exact same like they have the same exact beats the same actions the same everythings#like i cant read most of my smut fics bc i hate how they feel so copy pasted like i wish i put more effort into them#anyway i just wonder why they all seem so samey when like if im reading this to jork it its kind of repetitive#and if im reading this for the story ive already read this same exact thing tons of times#the real answer is smut is the only thing that gets any notes worth value so its easier for me to just write whatever smut yall want#instead of spending four months working on a masterpiece only to get like 22 likes and 1 reblog with no tags#but also like . i read the smuts . yeah a lot of them are very similar but i am reading them .#anyway im just curious + am working on smut fic so i want to know what readers think i suppose#obviously none of the things are bad like im not judging fic writers or asking for anything im just making observations like thats it#like im mostly judging myself plus i realize this is simply my experience and is not an overall truth yap yap yap#do i make sense. do u understand me.
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i just want this to be over already
#i HATE being closeted#i hate it i hate it i hate it#but what the FUCK am i supposed to do about it?#come out and utterly destroy my own life?#thats just fucking stupid#i KNOW im better off closeted#i know im safer this way#i know the risks if i come out or am outed#i know the possibility of it ruining my entire life#but i also DESPISE being closeted#i despise lying and i despise keeping secrets and i despise feeling like no one really knows who i am#why cant things just be easssyyyy and make seeeeennnnnsseee#threee pigeons in a trench coat
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Really feeling that post abt how yearning and loneliness is great until you're curled up on your bed whimpering at the ache in your chest like a wounded dog. are we cooked chat.
#in the words of dad rock icons shinedown: ITS 4AM AND I CANT SLEEP#why am i haunted by things. things of the past and of the present#is it missing people who stopped thinking about me long before i stopped thinking about them?#who in the daylight hours i can disdain and scoff at but at night i can admit i miss the ease with which we once existed?#i wonder how they're doing now. i see their updates from a distance things i would have once celebrated alongside them#im happy for them. it shadows me. im happy i know theyre well. i wish i never heard of it#or is it the overthinking of the now? is it because of the past?#is everyone doomed to be ghosts. is there beauty in that#is it anxiety to feel so out of place in places and people that felt. feel. like home#do i know what home is meant to feel like? to miss? i suppose ill find out soon.#is it just because of the fact its 4am? is this just the fact i havent eaten much recently. am i not exercising enough or drinking enough.#how can i stop the loneliness that never seems to go away before i become a ghost haunting my own life#OR is it all just bc i read a really bittersweet and haunting fanfic that ruined me#haha gotcha im actually big chillin and sad abt fictional lil guys (said very unconvincingly)
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hoping the "um did u know ada rook is problematic" type remarks will remain few and far between because im not gonna stop listening to a person's music or feel the parasocial let down just because she stole some money or was unpleasant about it
#i understand why some people feel extra bad about this bc that art was deeply moving for them in a way it cant be for me#but for my part i never really had a pedestal for rook so its pretty easy to keep doing the same thing i been doing#like what am i supposed to do...witch hunt her? pretend i dislike her music over financial drama? ok#i honestly feel uncomfortable even being clued in on the situation since it was already settled legally#feel like im watching women taking pot shots at each other over something very personal involving the money of fans#but that's like just me lol
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one piece is crazy fr like what do you mean you’re following up Everyone’s Dead™️ with Objectifying Women: The Arc™️
#bruh :/#im bout to vent cause im mad about it rn sorry#op fans there are many good elements to your series outside of this and i love u sorry im about to talk shit about it#pls abandon ship now and stop reading my tags to avoid if you want#anyway#once i put a certain amount of time into something i usually commit to finishing it#but this arc is like 👌 this close to making me abandon the whole series like wtf is this#i know i KNOW sexist shit is like practically unavoidable in anime but this is a LOT jesus christ#i want to punch a WALL#like wtf do you think women ARE#i want to attack and kill#everyone who has ever told me that naruto is worse than one piece about women owes me 500 dollars rn#like it’s BAD and i would have been mad about this either way#but i think im extra salty because ive had SO many people praise one piece women at me#and i was like doubtful cause ya know LOOK at them#but i LISTENED because everyone was so insistent the women are good and it’s not bad with that kinda thing#which was a BETRAYAL because seriously wtf is this😤#ughhhhh i CANT watch this HOW am i supposed to watch this#why do i have to watch the creepy island of women cluelessly mess with unconscious mans dick trope i canttttttttt#the answer is i DONT have to watch it and i want to STOP#how are yall watching this i still havent even forgiven thriller barks invisible man nami bath scene#like yall i canttttttttt#my ‘fiction that treats women like shit’ tolerance is too low for this#ughhh really at a loss here because so much time already committed and i was enjoying it aside from this#but i really CANNOT keep watching if the bar gets any lower and idk if it even CAN get lower#sorry sorry okay vent over this just#REALLY pissed me off#cause it kinda blindsided me i think
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the difference between good whispangle and bad whispangle is the difference between trusting each other the most and only trusting each other. between getting stuck in the past or letting the future embrace you. between holding a close bond and being desperate for each other’s company. between being a pair and being a unit.
good whispangle is tangle helping whisper stay in the present and future, and whisper being a guiding hand, a steadying of tangle’s impulse, and the both of them making choices that help and comfort the other.
bad whispangle is tangle getting dragged into dwelling on the past with whisper, is tangle being made to overstep instead of minding the lines she should be able to see, and whisper sinking into a mire that tangle follows her into instead of pulling her from. is putting them together ‘because they’re whispangle’ and forgetting why they were loved together in the first place. is keeping them together because they’re whispangle, even when they trod on the other.
and the difference is,
that if it starts out bad and becomes better, it’s satisfying, heartening.
but to start out excellent and then get worse and decay, feels like a smear or a stain on top of a beloved work.
a natural decay can be done, but we want them to be good together, to bring out the best in each other instead of enabling the worst. if we want to see decay, it is because it makes sense for one or both of them to be driven off-balance and start messing with the other, we want one or both of them to realize this, and we want them to have to jump-start and kick aside and course-correct and come out all the better, for having broken their flaws open and mended them with gold.
we don’t want to see them broken apart and stuck back together with cheap glitter glue.
#somewhat critical so im not tagging them. and its under a readmore. if you see this thru search i love early whispangle &#im not sold on recent dynamics with the ‘neo diamond cutters’ (please use any other name - even if it sounds stupid like ‘ruby tusslers’)#some of them. some of the other bits of their recent dynamic are so good. but it’s a mixed bag#mostly i am a person who loves characters to be capable of being independent. and functioning by their lonesome#idk like i can see tangle being desperate & wanting whisper to stay. what i CANT see if her going ‘lets be the diamond cutters!’#esp without asking whisper.#like you can try and justify it ‘shes trying to keep their memory alive as a positive reminder instead of a dead name’#and i agree that that is justifiable but i just dont like the decision. it doesnt add enough for what it takes away to me#additionally i feel like if tangle & whisper were just the main characters they wouldnt have so many issues (ha. issues. comic)#but because they’re sometimes just absent for 3-10 issues at a time because other characters get a turn#& important developments or open-ended storylines are left bare as bone. (what did tangle do to search for whisper? where did she go?)#if you’re trying to give tangle complicated feelings and have her muse over things & explicitly be supposed to#be considering reforming a ‘diamond cutters’ during the time she’s missing whisper. she should have explicitly been considering that#instead of 0 to ‘lets reuse the traumatic name with no warning’. whisper not knowing? sure. the audience having no clue? bleh.#fair warning i am typing this at 12:30am with a mild headache so maybe i dont make sense#naturally a disclaimer that if you like this go you!! i would be interested in hearing why you like it#but i don’t like it the way i’m currently seeing it
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am i so hard to care about?
#i need to vent and i know u guys cant stand me because i can feel it (and certainly from the anon hate) but i think im gonna have an ulcer#if i dont put this out somewhere#SH s*icide tw !!!!!#i need some advice or opinions because i feel like im losing it#i dont understand why my friends cant care about me#i know !!! i know i seem out of touch and insane because i say this so often and the question to someone reading would come natural: maybe#it is just ur perception…. maybe u suck ass as a friend too#and i do ponder about that!!!!!! i take those possibilities into consideration i do. and i genuinely dont think i suck as a friend. i always#check in. if they seem off i ask how they feel. i ask updates on their stuff. i dont think i deserve this tbh#but especially when i am struggling they just disappear#like even when i reach out and let them know im doing bad. they clearly read my measages and choose to ignore them#these are supposed to be my best friends#these days ive been so bad. and trigger warning again#i just feel so suicidal and i have been hurting myself in the desperate attempt to cope and manage these thoughts#and i dont tell them these things#i dont share the details because 1) it is too much to dump on someone and 2) they dont show any interest even on the surface level of my#problems so i just wouldnt tell them the deeper issues#i am just in so much pain. and i also feel a lot of anger because of their behavior. i feel so so hurt by it. so many years of this going on#of them just not even acknowledging my struggles while i was in the midst of them and trying still to support them and be there for e#whatever they had going on. and getting nothing in return#i hate that i feel so angry but i do. and ive been swallowing this anger and pain for so long i feel it eating my insides#even my therapist doesnt understand why i am friends with people that dont care about me#i dont know what i should do#i want to say something#actually i already talked about this to one of them one year ago exactly and i told her all these things and she just said she didnt know#why i was ignored. and then still kept being a part of it#the thing is i am so upset and my mental health is so so so bad. i am supposed to spend new years eve with them in two days but i dont know#how i can do that feeling like this#but if i speak to them about it i think it will also ruin the mood#if someone has any thoughts or advice it would be very welcome….
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i am really never going to understand why people post "shifting antis dni" in the astral projection tag. "here practice that constantly gets appropriated by us and used as a weird justification for a new set of beliefs that aren't really based in the same reality you work with, and that also gets completely misunderstood by our community because we don't care to understand what you do and just pretend we know it's what we do like christians saying other religions worship the christian god, have a post! Also dni if you don't like our practice that has nothing to do with the one whose tag we just shoved this into"
if you're not astral projecting don't put shit in the ap tag. if you don't even know the difference between AP and RS I dont think your opinion holds enough weight to counter the pushback against flooding a separate practice's tag with "if you dont like the practice I'm talking about in your tags dni"
#I mean on the other hand I sure am Not Interacting my god#Im not of the opinion RS isnt a thing. I know its a thing - its a complex programming of mental spaces that branches off of#actually. I wont say it branches off things. Its its own thing like autovisions dreams mindspaces and other simulations - but it is#ultimately mindwalking - or whatever term someone else would want to use I just coined that for myself. It's travelling and projecting#into the Mental Realm. which is. explicitly. not the Astral realm. It's still a thing! It's not lucid dreaming or imagination. Very much th#early stages of it and experiences of those who cant programme the reactive mental into settling are gonna be lucid dreams and#imagination - just like what happens when youre not good at AP. but like. it's. a fucking. separate practice#and i do not understand flooding tags that arent what youre talking about and then saying ''dni if you dont like what im talking about''#like yeah theres an element of ''dont blame people for how others treat them'' - its not a case of ''you piss people off and then expect#them to not hate you?'' its explicitly a case of... you are continuously misunderstanding AP and using it as a backing#for your own practices and mixing up the two showing you have fucking No idea what youre doing with AP... so how else are we#supposed to take RS other than ''its a complete misunderstanding of AP and clearly it isnt even developed enough as a practice nor#based on enough truth to have its practitioners have the slightest clue about off-plane and OOB practices... if this is what RSers think of#the world and how it works and this is the depths of their understanding of it I cant support Shifting as anything more than#fantasy with vague references to established practices used incorrectly as justification''#~abyssal murmurs#like. tldr. youre putting it in the way of a tonne fo Anti Shifters because a) youre putting it in the tags of an art your art steals#justification from and chronically chooses to misunderstand and walks all over and b) you're showing a complete disrespect to the#practice of AP by posting this in the tags showing that your ''information'' and ''teaching'' is so misinformed you think AP and RS#are the same thing... so of course people are going to see that and think negatively of your practice. Not out of spite - but as a reaction#in the way of you are showing us that your practice is shallow and misunderstood#Look! If i walk into a jewish theology lesson and the speaker is convinced christianity and judaism are the same religion#to the point that when they post on social media they tag both when they talk about either... it looks like that speaker is clueless if the#cant even getthe basics of ''So what is it that I'm teaching about?'' answered right. If you cant even define the boundaries#of your practice as ''this is our practice this isnt'' then why is anyone going to think what youre teaching is real and grounded#and worth listening to and anything more than a crock of shite based on sounding mystical and Love and Light and freeing#at the cost of turning your mind off to just Believe what youre doing is grounded outside the mental??? why would people NOT#see these posts and BECOME antis
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