#Umbrella Gags

[theomenmedia]

The Umbrella Academy Season 4 Bloopers

Dive into the laughter and chaos of The Umbrella Academy Season 4 Bloopers! Watch your favorite supersiblings goof up in the most adorable way. #UmbrellaAcademy #Season4Bloopers #Netflix #GeekedWeek #FUN #TVShows

Link to the full story: https://www.theomenmedia.com/post/laughter-amidst-chaos-the-umbrella-academy-s-final-season-bloopers-bring-joy-to-fans

[realbeefman]

As a morally gray woman enjoyer, what are your thoughts on the handler as a character from tua? If you don’t mind me asking

brother i have been down bad for that woman from the moment she stepped on screen my GOD im obsessed with everything she’s done. the fact that she is specifically such a mirror to grace in particular is SO tasty to me… imagine being five 50 years into the apocalypse, his only memories faded and distorted by the curse of time and then creepyweird mother figure who definitely kind of wants to fuck you pulls up and offers you a way out… she’s everything to me. the impact she had on my psychosexual development as a teen CANNOT be understated. i want her to put those cigarettes out on me and break my ribs so i think about her everytime i breathe. the fact that she has power over LITERAL TIME AND SPACE and yet her greatest strength is emotional manipulation is sooo sick she actually makes me shiver.

[ineffablefool]

I dunno if anyone out there is still hoping for the umbrella AU, but I have been thinking about it lately. I got nearly to the end before realizing that I needed to go back and restructure the beginning, and I (continue to) think the best way to address that is to print out the current version like double-spaced or something and write all over it, and just the printing alone felt like So Much Work for various reasons, let alone the editing. But I've used our current printer now! Several times! I printed out an entire book, one signature at a time, and nobody died! So now it feels easier.

My intention from the start with this AU was to not start posting until I had completely written it. That's sort of facilitated the multi-year run-up, but it also means that you guys weren't stuck with the version where I literally forgot to give Crowley any kind of existence beyond loving Aziraphale. 😬 (Which, excellent for some stories, absolutely, I've done a bunch myself and expect to do more someday. But not what I want for this one.)

Anyway! Just pondering instead of doing the simple approximately two-line change I need to make to this stored procedure in order to solve a ticket. (The people who originally wrote the software I now help maintain put,,,,,,so much of the logic into the sprocs, you guys. So much.)

[imjustavenuxwithaboomerang]

guys....i am currently watching the tua finale through my fingers and with the brightness down because i just know that ben looks so atrocious and scary

[labyrynth]

(ambiguous mention of non-standard eating disorder)

my mom asked me about treatment the other day and i am just. so not ready for something like that, let alone something i would want anyone else involved in, but.

i mentioned the picky eater’s recovery book to her and she ordered a copy. and it arrived.

and like. it’s something that i would like to work on. i don’t hate the way i exist by any means, but it would sure be a lot easier and more fun if it wasn’t something i had to worry about.

like i’ve wanted to go to japan since middle school, and it would be so much more enjoyable if i actually, you know. could eat rice.

and like omelettes look so good and sausages smell amazing, so like. i would really like to be able to actually eat them someday.

the thought of all of the work and anxiety that i would have to force myself to push through, though…it’s just so overwhelming.

i’m not really going anywhere with this. i just wanted to get some weird feelings off my chest.

[blackkatdraws2]

[Toon x Mobster] Chapter 1: First encounter.

Next - (chapter list)

Jack Desmond was running under the heavy rain with a bag over his head as he had given his umbrella to an old lady on his way home, an act of generosity that wasn't out of place in the whimsical place of cartoons.

He had almost missed the dark shape sprawled out in an alleyway. Nothing too unusual, maybe some ne'er-do-wells or a goofy character caught in some mishap, but somehow, his gut told him that it felt different. Disturbingly out of place.

Hesitant yet worried, he trudges closer, his shoes being tainted with red as he knelt down beside the dark figure. “Hey, buddy, you alright?” he called out, voice full of concern. His fingers tentatively touched the man’s shoulder.

Jack gasped, pulling his hand back quickly. His fingers were smeared with something deeply red and thick. His brain blanks out as he processes what he's seeing. Ketchup? Paint? No, wait-

His spine crawls at the sight and he jolts up, gripping his wrist as if he'd just been burned by fire, confused eyes shaking yet staying transfixed on the injured person as he stumbles backwards. He takes a closer look at the man's face- or, just his entire self for that matter. Staring back at him was his face twisted into a harsh scowl, unconscious. Deep scars crisscrossed his face, making him look rather villainous.

This guy wasn’t a Toon. The thick dark coat, those scars- the blood. This man was from another genre, one that didn’t belong in their streets of lighthearted fun.

This was when Jack's mind remembered the news he'd been seeing lately. Reports of dangerous men, bad guys, causing unease in the city. His eyes caught sight of the gun tucked into the man’s coat, confirming Jack’s fears.

The Guktav, one of the biggest and most influential criminal syndicates in the Grim genre where this gloomy-looking person probably came from.

He wasn’t just hurt, he was dangerous. There were already plenty of news about these people doing serious harm to the citizens of this city, not even including the ones that's not covered by the media yet, and this man here was probably one of them.

His heart pounded in his chest, unsettled. “...S- serves him right.” Jack muttered, more to convince himself than anything else.

But the more he stared, the more the puddle of blood spread.

Jack’s stomach churned. He’d never seen anything like this in his life. The slapstick gags and violence he was used to always ended with a quick laugh and a bounce back. But this? This wasn’t funny. The sight made his insides twist.

Jack glanced down at his hands, still stained with blood. The rain hadn’t washed it away, no matter how hard it came down.

He slowly starts to walk away, ready to head home and call the authorities…. when his heart pounded in his chest, the conflicting battle of his mind and heart finally crashing down on him.

"Oh-! Applesticks!" Jack curses, turning back with a huff and stomping to the man. “This is a bad idea.” He muttered to himself, shaking his head as he bent down again-

Jack's heart nearly leapt out of his chest when the man's gruff hands grabbed unto his arms and pulled him down, bloodshot eyes glaring straight at him. Jack's legs felt weak, his knees buckling and harshly hitting the bloody floor, terrified as the man's stare told him all he needed to know.

Do anything bad and he'd kill him.

The man's eyelids twitched, pupils rolling back. His large body collapsed on top of the smaller man, making Jack stutter as he fell on his bum, unable to balance himself. Jack lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding, staring at the unconscious man lying limp on his stomach, staining Jack's suit with his blood.

Jack Desmond swallows hard, his heart wavering. Was he really about to do this?

[santinacedes]

the squid game reality show is so deeply unserious

[iisasxia]

Stubborn!Bakugou who completely denies the idea of possibly liking you when Kirishima asks.

“Like hell. Who would like some idiot like that?”

“Whatever you say man.” And Kirishima can’t help but smile knowing the truth.

Stubborn!Bakugou who secretly watches as your desk fills up with chocolates and love letters on Valentines Day. A silent scoff in disgust at the guys who fawned over you.

Stubborn!Bakugou who laughs at you for coming back to the dorms soaking wet because you offered your umbrella to someone else and now you’re drenched and cold.

“No one told you to be nice.”

After he walked away he leaned against the wall asking himself, “Why the hell did I say that??”

Stubborn!Bakugou who gags when you show him your Halloween costume, you decided to dress up as a witch. A cute pink little witch hat, your dress that was pink and black, tight at the top and loose at the bottom and it wasn’t too short either, black tights and cute little black flats. You even had a candy apple to offer.

“Tsk.” He got up from the couch. “Halloween is for babies.” And he walked away turning the corner.

What you didn’t see was him clenching his heart to keep it from jumping out of his chest. “So fucking cute.” He thought to himself in attempt to keep himself together.

—

“Kats-?” You look up at him as you open your room door.

He stood there for a moment, frozen in place.. what was he doing here?? Why the hell did he-

and you just kissed him.

You knew exactly why he was being fussy.

He didn’t push you away either, his hands wrapping around your waist to pull you even closer and that was confirmation you were right. Kirishima had told you about it because he expected Bakugou to never say anything, probably letting the feelings build and spill over.

“I like you too dummy.”

[sweetangelanon]

O MY FFUCKING GO D THOS WHA WHAT YOU WHERE WORKING OTN THE WHEL TIME!?!? IM GO IFGBHVDHLHDFU;SDG;SVDBHIDK HELEP HLWP LHELEW O IM GOINGT OLOSE MY MOODN IM LOSING MY MARBLES IM LSISING THE ABILITY TO THINK IM SCREMAING OH MY GOD THE MENACING AURA THI FUCKING MAN HAS

THE THE FUCK FUCKING UGH YOU GOT IT RIGHT THE TONE I CAN HEAR HIS TONE OF VOICE RN IN EWWWWWW I HAGE HIM !!! I LOV EHIM I HATE HIM I LOVE HIM !!! HHHNNG "are you done with the tantrum now kiddo?" IM GOING TO THROW UP HE'S LIKE THAT HE IS SO LIKE THAT AND HE'S JUST LOOKING AT HIM LOOKING AT OZ WITH THIS SMILE THIS MSILE THAT I HATE THAT IM GOING TO PUNCH OF FHIS FACE AND HES STOP LOOKING FRIENDLY WHEN YOU'RE ACTIVELY TERRORIZING A CHILD CHALLENGE!!!!! BE NORMAL CHALLENGE!!!! HE CAN'T SEEMINGLY DO THAT !!!!!!

I honestly hadn't come up for a reason why he had the scar didn't give it much thought. I just remember seeing that scar in cas and thinking yeah give him some pzazz <3 Sims 4 is SUUUUUPER bad about not having a lot of scars to pick from or where to put them you have to find a lot of cc for detailed stuff like that. Anyway

*clears throat*

I LOVE IT THIS IS NOW CANON THIS IS HOW HE GOT HIS CHIN SCAR TRYIING TO RUN FROM WILLIAM IN THE RAIN AND JSUT UGHHGHGHH THE MENECEING THE MENECING AURA THAT FOLLOWS HIM AND THE UMBRELLA HE HAS HOLDING OVER IT OVER OZ AS IF TO STOP HIM FROM GETTING WET WHEN THE KID'S ALREADY SOAKED TO THE BONE MISRABLE-

@sweetangelanon teehee 🤭

First drafts <3

[redroses07]

The Umbrella Academy Season 4 Fix It Fic // Five Hargreeves x Reader Edition

WC: 3.1k

CW: Canon accurate violence, swearing, kissing, use of Y/N, Y/N is a bad ass, domestic fluff, angsty af.

Summary: A Five x Fem!Reader rewrite for the end of season four because I absolutely hated the ending. Five and Lila are not a thing in this fic, because that made me literally gag.

A/N: Hey luvs! I worked my ass off writing this fic because I needed to have a better ending for season four. In my mind this fic is canon. I hope y'all like it because I truly love how it turned out! Have an amazing day and enjoy! - Claire ♡

Five sat on the empty train, riding round in aimless circles. He had no intention of ever stopping. Perhaps he would die here, if death was even possible in this endless void. There was no reason for him to continue, they were out of options.

All he wanted to do was save his family, save you, but he couldn't even do that. At least this way he could escape having to witness the end of their lives.

He couldn't help but feel as if this was all his fault, if only he had listened to Reginald when he told him never to time travel. So much pain, so many lost lives, it never would have happened.

Five looked out the window, he didn't know what exactly for. Everything looked the same. Round and Round again, each identical station feels more hopeless than the last.

After an immeasurable amount of time, days? years? who knows. Something caught Five's eye.

He jumped up from his seat, following the dark figure out into the station.

Was that? No.

"Hey, wait!" Five shouted, chasing him down a staircase.

He rounded a corner, seeing a dimly lit cafe filled with all too familiar faces. The place was filled with several alternate versions of Five himself. It was an odd feeling for him to see himself this way.

Nonetheless, he took a seat across from the Five he had followed.

No more than ten seconds later, another Five served up two pastrami sandwiches. Five number two began to complain about the amount of sauerkraut on his sandwich, staring intently at the meal.

"What is this place?" Five asked, reaching for the cup of hot coffee next to him.

"It's a gas station. What the hell does it look like? It's a Deli." He could see that the alternate Five share his love of sarcasm.

He went on to explain how this was a place where all of the Five's from alternate timelines end up while trying to fix the "broken timeline" issue.

"Okay, so what shattered the original timeline?" Five asked.

"Not what. Who? I'll give you three guesses." Alternate Five held up three fingers.

"We did!" Another Five yelled.

Five wasn't surprised, everything always seemed to be caused by him.

"By we, do you mean my siblings?" Five asked.

"Yep, the morons."

Five rolled his eyes.

"When we come into existence, the timeline is shattered, and then we're stuck trying to save the world. How many times was it again?"

"145,412."

The number seemed almost impossible to fathom, but the more alternate realities, the more opportunity for the world to end. Alternate Five pointed at the wall, which was filled with every possible way the world had ended. Viktor's attempt at blowing up the moon was front and center. Seeing it gave Five an unpleasant sense of nostalgia.

Five came to realize that the commission was created by an alternate Five in an attempt to fix the timeline, but it was never successful since the Hargreeves siblings were the root of the problem.

"I have to get back." Five turned, rushing out the door. He heard the alternate versions of himself begin to speak, but his overwhelming thoughts drowned it out.

Five ran as fast as he could, getting back on the train and returning to his rightful place. With his family.

As Five entered the abandoned shell of his former home, the room's occupants turned to look at him.

The first person he noticed was you. You watched him with sad eyes, eyes he thought he would never have to gaze into again. Yet here he was, and undeniably, he had a plan.

You watched Five scan the room. Dark hair hung in front of his eyes, his chest heaved from running, or perhaps from anxiety.

"I didn't think you'd be back." You purse your lips, giving him a sour look. '

Facing your bitterness was the hardest part of all this for Five. Of course you had every right to feel that way, he had just up and left you. Although, in his mind that was better than having to watch you die.

"Yeah, neither did I." Five muttered.

Everyone looked at him, obviously awaiting an explanation.

"We caused this." Five began.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Alison sighed.

You stared at Five intently, wondering what had changed since he decided to ditch you and everyone else.

"The marigold that infected our mothers bringing forth our births had a side effect, it fractured the timeline, bringing forth the end of the world."

Five looked from person to person, attempting to read everyone's emotions. They were unreadable.

"Extracting the marigold from our bodies is the only way to stop the cleanse, and in short, fix the timeline."

Silence settled over the room. You weren't born with marigold as the Hargreeves were, but due to Ben's antics, this now concerns you too.

"Okay, but how exactly do we do that?" Diego asked.

Five looked over to Viktor.

"Viktor, you can use your powers to extract the Marigold from our bodies. Unfortunately Ben and Jennifer are too far gone to be saved, but their sacrifice will have been for the greater good."

Viktor let out an elongated sigh, and with little to no hesitation, he agreed.

"Okay, let's get moving before it's too late." Viktor said, speeding out of the room.

You followed closely behind, trying your hardest to avoid Five's gaze.

"Y/N, I-" You cut him off, this was not the time to be talking about all the mistakes he had made. Even if those mistakes led to the answer for all your troubles, they were still mistakes.

"We can talk about this later, if there is one."

Five sighed and watched you exit the room, not even bothering to look his way. He had fucked up big time.

You watched Viktor head towards the monster that was Ben and Jennifer. The creature growled, as it hurdled towards your group.

You turned back as you felt someone grab your arm, Five was standing behind you. You saw something in him that you had only seen a few times before, fear.

"Please. If we don't make it through this I want to make sure we're okay." Five begged for your forgiveness.

In any other circumstance you would not have given in this easily, but the dire situation has just begun to settle in. This could be it.

Neither of you wanted to leave this world with so many words unsaid.

Your gaze softened, and you followed Five away from the other Hargreeve's.

"I know what I did was wrong. With every bone in my body I feel that it was wrong."

He spoke loudly enough to drown out the oncoming chaos, but softly enough to omit any sort of aggression.

Five reached for your hands, and you reluctantly let him take them.

Five paused for a moment, trying to find the words that would mean the most, considering he was dealing with limited time.

"My worst fear is to see you suffer, and at the time, running away seemed like my only escape. I feel like I've already caused so much hardship in your life, and the thought of any more terrified me." His eyes stayed glued to you.

Five was the whole reason you had joined The Commission to begin with. He helped you to believe in a cause that you otherwise wouldn't have, and the two of you hadn't left each other's side since.

You didn't regret it per say, but you couldn't deny that you often wished for a different life. You would never blame any of your circumstances on Five though, and you hated how he always chose to blame himself.

"Nothing that has happened to me, or to anyone, is your fault. I think all of us share some responsibility, but blaming yourself is just wrong." You squeezed Five's clammy hands.

Five let out a sigh of relief as he was able to recognize forgiveness in your eyes.

"I love you." He said, fighting the tears that began to form in the corners of his eyes. The phrase was reserved only for you, as it is a concept that has always been hard for five.

Growing up with Reginald as a father, and a family that could win an Olympic gold medal in dysfunctionality, Five didn't exactly have a positive outlook on love.

"I love you too. We've been through worse, we'll get through this too."

Five pulled you into a tight hug, breathing you in as if it was the last chance he would ever get to hold you. The two of you were versed in the end of the world, this was not the first final hug you had shared. Five placed a soft kiss on the top of your head, and he didn't miss the small cry that escaped your lips.

You rarely cried, and when you did it was always around Five. He was the only person you felt comfortable enough with to show vulnerability. It was the perfect moment, and the past few days had worn down your patience. You reluctantly let a few tears slip loose.

"Get your asses over here love birds, Ben is here." Diego called from the other side of the room.

You and Five exchanged a look before running over to the center of the room and rejoining your family.

Ben growled ferociously, the red goo that dripped from his body falling around the room.

"Just so you guys know, I have no idea what the hell I'm doing. So if we all die, I apologize in advance." Viktor said, clenching his fists on either side.

His newly improved orange power began to swirl around his body. He squeezed his eyes shut, clearly focusing on the task at hand.

You reached for Five's hand, interlocking your fingers with his. If these were to be your last moments, you wanted to make sure he was with you.

Five gripped your hand with everything he had in him, every bit of strength was to remind you of his presence.

With each moment that passed, the colorful plume of Viktor's powers grew, encasing not only Ben and Jennifer, but all of you.

You and Five watched as the all too familiar gold marigold specks began to float through the air. It felt odd, it didn't hurt, but it wasn't a particularly pleasant feeling. It was like your whole body was being poked by a prickly cactus.

The air turned cold, and all other sounds were overcome by the rumbling of Viktor's power.

An unbearable wave of exhaustion washed over you, and it became hard for you to keep your eyes open.

You looked over at Five, making eye contact with him one last time. He gave you his signature smirk, funny how in spite of everything he could still be himself.

The last thing you saw was Ben falling to the floor, the marigold protruding from him filling the whole room with a deep yellow glow.

And just like that, the world turned black.

· · ─────── ·☂· ─────── · ☂ · ─────── ·☂· ─────── · ·

Five opened his eyes, the bright light of day overwhelming his vision. The ground beneath him was soft, the tall grass tickling his fingertips.

Five sat up slowly, his eyes adjusting to the sun. He looked over next to him, and there you were. Just as you had always been, right by his side. Your chest rose slowly, a thankful sign that you were still alive.

Five looked beyond you, to see his siblings all scattered around the lawn. They were all exactly where they had been before the blackout. The empty patch of grass, of course, was where the Hargreeve's mansion used to stand.

Without the existence of their powers, The Umbrella Academy was never formed. It was strange, to know that what Five remembered, no one else did. It was like waking up from a strange dream.

However, one thing was missing, Ben. And of course Jennifer. Five wasn't surprised that they hadn't made it, considering how their bodies were overtaken.

Five watched as his siblings slowly began to rise from their temporary comas, their eyes heavy and glazed over.

Five nudged you slightly. Unable to wait for you to wake, wanting to share this beautiful moment with you.

You opened your eyes and felt as if you had awoken from a decades long slumber. The first thing you saw was Five next to you, a genuine smile on his face. That was something you had missed.

"Are we in heaven?" Klaus mumbled, rubbing his eyes.

"Well if this was heaven, I'd be awfully disappointed." Lila replied.

You laughed to yourself, and stood up on wobbly legs.

You all had done it.

"Viktor. I think you might have just saved the world." Luther announced.

Viktor smiled and looked down, maybe eventually he'd let himself take the credit.

You began to take in your surroundings. The sound of traffic in the distance, the wind stinging your cheek, the smell of spring air. It was all so normal.

"Guys, where's Ben?" Klaus asked, and your heart dropped.

"Klaus...we all knew he probably wouldn't make it.." Alison said sadly.

Just then, something caught your eye. Something yellow that stuck out in the patch of green.

"Guys, look!" You pointed at the unique plant.

"Marigolds." Five said softly, and you felt his hand close around yours.

Two beautiful yellow flowers sprouted from the earth, a reminder of what was sacrificed. A reminder of what had to happen for all of this to exist, and a symbol of hope.

~~ Two Years Later ~~

You awoke to the sound of birds chirping outside your window, a song that was often your wake-up call. You rolled over to see Five sleeping peacefully next to you. You weren't surprised. He always slept late, after all, he was an old man at heart.

It had been two years of living freely in the new timeline. You and Five now share an apartment next to Lila and Diego and their three kids.

Life wasn't without its challenges, but compared to everything else the two of you had been through this was paradise.

Viktor had started his own Cafe, a small shop on a street corner that had quickly become a local favorite.

Alison had landed a big movie role not long after everything returned to normal. Ever since it hit the big screen, she had no problem with job offers. She didn't even miss her power of persuasion.

Klaus still lives with Alison. He doesn't really do anything specific, he often refers to himself as 'self-employed'. But he was happy, and that was all that really mattered.

Luther had somehow reconnected with Sloane, who had re-appeared after the timeline was fixed. Of course she didn't remember anything, but it must've been fate because they got to fall in love all over again.

Diego decided to put his skills acquired from his power to use and now taught axe throwing classes.

Lila had decided to help people who had ended up in a mental hospital, similar to how she had. She was working on getting her degree in psychology.

As for you and Five. Five kept his CIA job, and you decided to join him in his career. As the two of you had always done everything together, why not this too?

You felt Five stir next to you, letting out a series of groans. He slowly opened his eyes, a smile spreading across his face the moment he saw you.

"Good morning, beautiful." His morning voice is thick and deep.

"I love you." You whispered, pushing his messy hair out of his eyes.

Five leaned up to kiss you but you counteracted it by jumping out of bed. You pulled the blanket off of him and he whined in protest.

"Time to get up, Gramps, Lila wants us to drive the kids to school today."

Five rolled his eyes at the nickname. You snickered and kissed him on the cheek before heading to the bathroom to get ready.

After the two of you grabbed breakfast, you met Lila outside, Grace and the twins behind her.

"Thank you again for helping us out with this, I don't know how I'd ever get to work on time without you." Lila gave you a quick hug.

"Of course, whatever you need." You ushered her away, signaling that you could take it from here.

You were used to driving the kids places, and they always said you were their favorite aunt. Five however, could not surpass Klaus for favorite uncle.

"Alright guys, who's ready for school?" You said as you jumped in the driver's seat.

There was a chorus of enthusiastic cheers from the back, and you laughed.

"I was never that excited about school when I was your age." The kids had no idea how long ago that actually was for you.

You made sure to put on some kid friendly music, anything but Baby Shark. You dropped the kids off and made sure they all got inside safely.

"Anything else on the schedule for today?" Five asked you.

"Nope, we're both off today so I think the rest of our day is free."

"Great, we should do absolutely nothing." Five's eyes lit up with excitement.

You nodded in agreement and drove towards your home.

Once you arrived, the both of you threw on pajamas and cuddled up in bed. Five flung his arms around you and rested his head on your shoulder, simultaneously letting out a big sigh.

"I love you." He mumbled in your ear.

Even after all these years he still made you blush every time he said those three little words.

"I love you more." You pressed a kiss to Five's nose and he scrunched it up before responding with a chaste kiss to your lips.

After breaking apart you and Five settled into each other's arms, excited to spend a calm day together.

He reached for the remote and flicked on the TV. The small kiss he placed on your forehead didn't go unnoticed.

As Five settled into this new life, he found it hard not to expect a new life altering crisis to pop up at any moment. But it never did.

As the day dragged on, nothing out of the ordinary happened; and you could almost say that it was an ordinary day.

Taglist: @xreader-writing @dorkyfangirl24 @dinorawrss @anne-oop @ladynaviamin @i-amtrash @patchesofdreams @sarbear33 @marinalor

[alexaloraetheris]

On the subject of being your own zookeeper, I've been trying it out and it WORKS. One of the obvious ways is to ask 'Have I watered/fed/medicated the beast?' and take care of those needs, and it's great, but another thing I haven't seen mentioned is the Stressors.

So, being a bio grad student, means I also know actual zoologists and zookeepers. And talking with one blew my third eye open. One of the questions the zookeeper always, ALWAYS needs to keep an eye on is 'What is stressing the beast out, and how can I remove it?'

In human terms, it's basically 'This thing is causing me a minor amount of stress, but stress is cumulative, so how many small stressors can I remove so the Big Stress doesn't drain so much of my energy?'

Say you're stressing about an exam/interview/visitors. There's ways to prepare for that, but before you get to that point you also need to look out for small stressors that add to the overall feeling of stress, and the goal is to reduce them FIRST.

Example: You have a big test and it's the day you need to take it. You are already baseline anxious about taking it, and the goal here is to stress as little as possible on the way to school.

You can't eat breakfast because you're late/nauseous? Keep small energy bars in your purse, snack on the way. Gives you a bit of sugar for your brain, doesn't take up time and always on hand. Haven't had time for coffee? Caffeine pills/espresso chocolates. It's cold/raining? Ditch your sneakers and wear rain boots and a warm coat, worry about fashion later. I even carry around a foldable cushion so I can sit while I wait for the bus without freeting my butt off. Haven't had time to brush your teeth? Gum, mints, breath fresheners. Nervous? Fidget toys. Worried about losing an umbrella? Get one of those plastic sleeves so you can put it in your purse even if it's wet. Too damn hot? Mini fan, or even a folding paper fan. Noise level grating on your nerves? Silicone earplugs, or noise-cancelling earbuds/headphones. (I have a big purse I carry all this stuff in so I don't forget, a blessing with ADHD)

Things like that. Small things to mitigate the microstressors so you arrive to your destinations with as little misery as possible.

Apply that to the rest of your life. You have to eat vegetables for your health but you hate them so damn much? Find a way to prepare them in a way that doesn't make you gag. I just throw a bag of frozen pre-chopped veggies in the pan and then throw in spices I like. If I can taste the vegetables in my veggie stir-fry, I haven't seasoned them enough.

Make little medicine bag, the size of your palm. I carry nasal degongestant spray, ibuprofen, eye drops, mini bug spray, a pad and a tampon, a few alcohol wipes and hand cream. Those tiny tester tubes of hand cream? A godsend. Adjust to your needs.

I hate washing dishes. Back hurts and my skin literally peels off my hands from the dryness. Get a bar stool and sit, wear WELL FITTED dish gloves. I got those that go all the way up my elbows in S size and now my kitchen doesn't look like a disaster.

Vacuuming is a pain? Handheld vacuum cleaner you can push around for 15 minutes every day. Expensive? Get a broom and a good dustpan. I emphasize GOOD because it does make a difference. Back hurts if you bend over? Get the dustpan with a long handle.

It's amazing how much difference it makes. Neutralize Murphy's law. A bunch of small stuff going wrong will absolutely tank your energy you need for the big stuff.

TL;DR Identify the things that cause you daily stress, find easy ways to neutralize them. Save your energy for the big stuff. There is nothing noble in suffering. Take care of your zoo animal.

And if you need it, ask for help. Zookeepers often work in pairs.

[franzivonkarma]

I desperately need people to understand that Franziska's whipping thing really isn't solely a silly character gimmick. Of course it is to a degree, just like Godot and coffee and Klavier and air guitar in court, but so often I see people dismiss Franziska's whipping trait as an annoying feature that adds nothing to her character and I cannot stand it. This is a bit of a rant and I touch on gender inequality and the way I see a lot of men treat her as a character a decent amount within this because I feel like the fact that she is a woman is actually very important to this element of her character, and her treatment is also a lot of the reason why I feel compelled to talk about this in the first place.

Firstly what you need to understand is that not only is Franziska a woman, she is also laughably young when she becomes a prosecutor. She's a 13 year old girl trying to hold the attention of a courtroom of mostly grown men and be taken seriously. It's no secret that misogyny does exist in the Ace Attorney universe of course (see: Godot), but aside from this, maybe it's just because I've been playing Ace Attorney Investigations recently, but she is just very small all around. It's a running gag in Turnabout Reminiscence that she is short, she's small, she can't see things Edgeworth can - although granted Edgeworth is definitely fairly tall, most estimates I've seen linger around 5'8-5'10 (around 170-180cm). And of course, she is only 13 here, she's not done growing, but it's at this age that she actually did begin to prosecute. Naturally, she'd often be underestimated, and we can see a strong desire to prove herself during Turnabout Reminiscence, even just to her father; I can only imagine that this would extend further into her trials as a young girl. Secondly, she's the daughter of Manfred von Karma, whom she idolises to a godlike status and who teaches her everything she knows about prosecuting, and also a lot about life in general - he's her father. There's a lot I could say about their dynamic, but I feel that much of it doesn't need to be said in this specific post if you're already here dedicated to Franziska enough to bother reading this post.

Manfred's courtroom (and often, regular) behaviour revolves a lot around him taking complete control of the entire courtroom, with him even speaking over the judge, overruling objections he does not like and sustaining his own, and instructing witnesses himself. He also often snaps his fingers to direct attention to himself and his point. Franziska learns this, but how does a literal 13 year old girl follow her father in this regard? Well, by force. Whipping someone is a very clear way to get their attention. Not only the person it hits but the people around - whips cracking are loud, they take up a lot of visual space, and they also obviously cause harm to the person they hit. These are all things you can't really ignore - it forces you to look at her and pay attention to her and gives her control of the room exactly like Manfred. I've also been thinking a lot about the end of Justice For All in relation to this. She's lost to Phoenix multiple times and she couldn't beat him even once just to prove that she was better than Edgeworth as she so desperately wanted to. This brings me to another point about her use of her whip. While I think control is a huge aspect and is my main focus here, I think it falls more under the umbrella of Franziska's own perceived shortcomings. We also know that she doesn't believe she lives up to her father's genius, and that she consistently feels like she's walking in Edgeworth's shadow, she says it herself:

I think at least some part of the reason her whip is so important is because she believes she could very well be less than equal to others in the room in terms of certain traits. She sees her father as a genius, knows she isn't equal to him, and internalises this (whether she is actually less intelligent or not I personally don't know what I believe, I haven't played Justice For All in over a year and a half and I would have to replay it to decide my thoughts).

In having to be perfect, there are many expectations she cannot live up to, and this leads to many ways in which she falls short of what she believes she should be. By using her whip, again, she can account for her perceived shortcomings in other areas - control, her intelligence, her ability as a prosecutor. I think this last scene of JFA actually introduces us to the idea that Franziska is somewhat self-doubting in some ways and compares herself a lot with others, not just Manfred, but also Edgeworth, which we see more of in Ace Attorney Investigations during Turnabout Reminiscence, where we see her at 13 attempting to prove that she can "out-logic" Edgeworth for the entire case, and essentially, that she is "more perfect" than he is.

But to come back to her whip, control, and the end of Justice For All.

She is left with little of who she was before and doesn't know how to move on - everything she was taught to be from the moment she was born, she no longer is. She is 18 here, prosecuting for 5 years already and desperate to be prosecuting for even longer. As far as her life was set out, this was basically it for her - become a perfect prosecutor and prosecute perfectly just like Manfred - the ideal prosecutor in her eyes.

A Von Karma is perfect, but she is not - she lost, just like Edgeworth, whom she shamed for the same thing. She gives up her whip here, and I feel that it's truly symbolic of how she feels like she's completely lost control of herself, her life, her relationship with her father and most obviously her occupation as a prosecutor. How could she continue being a prosecutor when she no longer lives up to the idea of it that she's had her entire life? What use is her whip if she will not need to hold the court's attention any longer?

I'm sure a million other people have thrown their coin in the pot on this exact topic, and I'm sure many have said the same thing as me and many have said something different, but I needed to write my thoughts out about it because I couldn't stop thinking about her. This is one big reason why I feel like I see a lot of men who don't understand Franziska and see her as very annoying, gimmicky, and my least favourite - a "female Edgeworth." She is a woman who steals attention and space forcibly; both from characters in-game, and also from the player with her animations that take up time in trials and a lot of the visual space. Of course this makes her unpopular with a lot of men. I'm not saying that if you dislike her or the whip it comes from a place of misogyny, I am saying that I think her whipping trait is reduced to a stupid, annoying gimmick more than, say, Godot and his coffee, because a lot of people don't really care to see that there is intention behind it that reveals a lot about her character, just like how Godot's coffee problem is relevant to his backstory.

[safination]

Masterlist

|ao3 link here| Taglist|

The universe you will read from Hazbin Hotel/ Helluva Boss all belong to Vivziepop. I have no legal claim over her story. This work of fanfiction will closely follow canon to the best of its ability.

Partners in Death...and Life

Summary :After a seven-year absence, you find the man you were married to in life, not only back in town, but also helping . . . *checks notes* . . . the Princess of Hell run a hotel aimed at rehabilitating sinners who were sent to the bad place for a reason.

|Part 1: Radio's Not Deadl |Part 2: Radio Will Be Dead if He Doesn't Explain Himself| |Part 3: Not Everything You Hear From The Radio Should be Trusted| |Part 4: The Radio Stars’ Co-host Just Wants To Do The Dishes| |Part 5: Glimpse of Me and You: Part I| |Part 5: Glimpse of Me and You: Part II| |Part 6: Radio’s Last Broadcast| |Part 7: Me and You in Eternity| |Part 8: The Calm Before the Fall| |Part 9: The Vow That Binds Me| [Finale]| |Part 10: After The Glimpse [Bonus]| | Part 11: Before The Last [Bonus]|

The Competitors

|The Wrong Competitor|

TLDR: The Hazbin Hotel decides to hold a masquerade party. Despite his better judgment, Alastor sends an invitation to his wife even if he’s aware of Vox’s attendance, who’s keen on competing with Alastor for his wife’s attention….If only Alastor knew how much you and Vox would gag at the idea of him flirting with you. It’s not his wife’s attention that Vox competes for. It’s not even Alastor who he’s competing with. Actually… Alastor isn’t part of the competition.

|The Actual Competitor|

TLDR: Why is Alastor competing with his wife for his best friend’s affection? Actually, why is he competing with his wife? What’s even weirder is that…it seems Alastor will also have to compete with his best friend for his wife’s affection. + A fluffy lazy morning because I say so.

For Your Heart

Harana – a traditional form of courtship done during the night where men will go to someone’s window with an instrument, usually a guitar, along with some of his friends to sing. TLDR: Sometimes all you need is a guitar and a song to catch hearts…and well, Alastor has a guitar and a voice perfect for singing. The beginning, the middle, the end, and the new beginning with a guitar and a song (feat. Ben&Ben) |Part 1: The Beginning| |Part 2: The Middle| |Part 3: The End| |Part 4: The New Beginning|

|Smell of Rain Through The Window Pane|

TLDR:  Acid rain stings, and destroys everything it touches. Still, Alastor decides that it’s a good day for a walk because fate made him your husband. So, surely fate would find a way for him to hand you this umbrella because you always seem to forget to bring one. Alastor will find a way to hand you an umbrella, even with the deal preventing you from seeing him.

|The Second Time Around|

TLDR: Alastor prides himself in being a gentleman, yet here he is now, living with his not-really wife but still his wife without rings around your fingers. It’s time he changed that.

|Darling, I'm an Overlord|

TLDR: Alastor's worried you'll be late for dinner, but he promised to be patient, and such control deserves an award [Suggestive]

|Smoke and Shadows|

TLDR: Someone is bothering you. Alastor intervenes.

|The Tell|

TLDR: It's been seven years since you've last seen Alastor, and here he is pretending he doesn't have a tail that tells you how happy he is to see you

Adam

|Brining The Rain To You|

TLDR: It doesn't rain in Heaven, but sometimes all you need is that one, special person, and maybe, fake rain isn't so bad after all.

|Sweet Sinner O' Mine|

TLDR: Adam finds you with a guitar, and some bonding ensues. Also, size difference.

|Mother of Mine|

TLDR: After Alastor's death, you find a young child. Cold and frightened, maybe you'll find a family together.

|Little Things|

TLDR: There are days when Alastor just doesn't want to be touched, and you totally understand that. You're on your best behavior to not touch Alastor. Surely, with such an attentive partner, no misunderstanding will occur.

|You, Me. and These Idiots|

TLDR: It’s cold, and Alastor has blankets to spare.

[ovaryacted]

Ok giving Leon a head while we're on our period? That's hot af girl <3

MDNI/18+. NSFW

I don’t know why the phrase “that’s hot af girl” made me laugh when I first saw this but yeah, I think it’s just a thought I had that would be a possibility. Overall, I don’t think Leon is the type of guy to ask for sex either (unless he’s very pathetic and needy and just can’t help himself). But when it comes to you on your cycle, he’s especially considerate and does things on your terms, as he always does.

He’s a sweetheart and a gentleman through and through, and if you ask for him to be a little handsy or rougher with you in the bedroom he’s willing to accommodate. When your cycle hits, he’s gentle, careful not to squeeze or touch you too much unless you ask. Focusing on tending to your needs, he feeds you, comforts you, and is intent on keeping you occupied as a distraction from your cramps. He likes cradling your head as you rest on his lap on the couch, watching some reality TV show you’re both binging.

It’s relaxing and calm, but his touches also make your body tingle. Your period made you hypersensitive to things like certain scents and materials, hence why you mostly wear baggy cotton clothes when you’re on your cycle. Leon touching you also falls under that umbrella, and you quickly go from wanting comfort to craving something else.

Rubbing yourself against his lap, you hum as he massages a certain spot at the top of your head, his thick thumbs pressing into your cranium so deliciously it is enough to make you want more. Unintentionally, your mouth started to water at the thought of having him in your mouth, mind growing distant and no longer paying attention to the show on the screen. Discretely, you press your cheek closer to his pelvis, your nose almost against his crotch.

“Want something?”, he’s coy when he asks you, as if he doesn’t already know what you were thinking. This was just his way of checking in on you, making sure you were alright. Your eyes looked up to him, his hand caressing your cheek and keeping you right where you were.

“Really want to suck your dick”, the vulgarity of your words makes him genuinely laugh, deep from within his chest. It takes him off guard sometimes, but it also turns him on just enough to entertain you, his cock already twitching in his sweats.

“Go ahead, baby. Take what you need”, in his mind, he’s doing it more for your pleasure than his own, wanting to cater to your desires and curb your oral fixation. Anything you want, he’ll gladly provide, and more.

That’s how Leon found himself in this position, keeping your hair out of your face as you sucked him off. It’s like you’re giving him something new to watch, your spit dribbling out of your mouth and making a mess underneath you. Your jaw was growing sore from how hard you were working over him, slippery hands twisting his length as your tongue circled the very tip of him. The show was quickly forgotten, his entire focus now on how your mouth felt, moaning under his breath with every tug you gave him.

“Yeah, this is what you needed, right sweetheart? Just something to keep your mouth busy?”, his voice dropped an octave, no longer holding the mellow baritone you were used to but more gravelly than before.

You offered him a hum, pulling your lips off of him before going to lick at his balls, something that made him groan even louder. Hell if you asked for it, he’d happily fuck your throat, he was very close to doing it but not without your say. Instead, he lets you use him to your heart’s content, quickly turning into a mess of drool as you work faster over him.

His hips shift upward in a gentle motion, bringing your attention back to the tip of his cock. Moving away from his balls, you slip him back into your waiting mouth, nuzzling your nose into his pelvis until you were deep-throating him, audibly gagging from the force of it and Leon’s ears perked up at the sound.

You didn’t plan on stopping until he spilled his cum deep down your throat, or stains your pretty face with his spend. Leon wants to see that wide-crazed smile you give him after you finish him off, your eyes all glazed over and satisfied with your work. He knows you’d rather have him fuck you properly, slipping him inside your tight wet body and keeping him snug there until you wanted him to leave. But for now, this was enough for you, and if you wanted more, Leon would be quick to oblige. He doesn’t mind getting a little messy anyway, it’s what makes things fun.

[a-leg-without-fear]

Leg's Tuna Tober

this is the masterlist post for all of my tuna-tober posts!!! starting october 1, expect either a fic or a drawing almost EVERY DAY of the month :) here's the link to the prompt list if you'd like to participate!!

🩸= set in the NFW universe, in which the reader is a blood bender born in 1905 🔥= SMUT 18+ 🌧️= angst 🪻= fluff 🎨= drawing 📖= writing

Day 1: Reading to Each Other🪻(Duke Leopold Mountbatten x f!reader) 📖

Day 2: Threesome🔥(Worst!Wolverine x f!reader x Deadpool) 📖

Day 3: Insomnia🩸🌧️ (Logan Howlett x mutant!fem!reader) 📖

Day 4: "Are You Blushing?"🪻(Jack Clancy x f!reader) 🎨

Day 5: Begging🔥(Logan Howlett x f!reader) 📖

Day 6: "You Can Sleep Here Tonight."🪻(Gabriel Van Helsing x f!reader) 📖

Day 7: Nightmare🌧️(Worst!Logan Howlett x f!reader) 📖

Day 8: Overstimulation🔥(Robert Angier x f!reader) 🎨

Day 9: "You Don't Need To Do That." "I Want To."🪻(Duke Leopold Mountbatten x f!reader) 📖

Day 10: "I'm Not Good Enough."🌧️(Charlie Kenton x gn!reader) 📖

Day 11: Sharing an Umbrella🪻(Duke Leopold Mountbatten x f!reader) 📖

Day 12: Sneak Peek🩸🌧️(Logan Howlett x mutant!fem!reader) 📖

Day 13: Playful Kiss🪻(Wolverine x Deadpool) 🎨

Day 14/15: Break Day 🎃

Day 16: Scent Marking🩸🔥🌧️(Worst!Logan Howlett x mutant!fem!reader) 📖

Day 17: "I'm Not Leaving You."🌧️(Gabriel Van Helsing x f!reader) 📖

Day 18: Pillow Fort🪻(Charlie Kenton x f!reader) 🎨

Day 19: Gags🔥(Robert Angier x f!reader) 📖

Day 20: "Who Did This To You?"🩸🌧️(Logan Howlett x mutant!fem!reader) 📖

Day 21: Flustered🪻(Gabriel Van Helsing x f!reader) 🎨

Day 22: Aphrodisiacs🔥(Wyatt Bose x f!reader) 📖

Day 23/24: Break Day 🎃

Day 25: Playing With Their Hair🪻(Logan Howlett x f!reader) 🎨

Day 26: Under The Desk🔥(Frank Tassone x m!reader) 📖

Day 27: Sneak Peek🩸🌧️(Logan Howlett x mutant!fem!reader) 📖

Day 28: Hair Pulling🔥(Gabriel Van Helsing x f!reader) 📖

Day 29: Forehead Kiss🪻(Jean Valjean x f!reader) 📖

Day 30: Road Trip🩸🪻(Old!Logan Howlett x mutant!fem!reader) 📖

Day 31: SANGUINE🩸🌧️(Logan Howlett x mutant!fem!reader) 📖

hope you all are as excited for tuna tober as i am!!!!

Want to be on the taglist? Fill out this form!

[ovaruling]

i think it’s also a huge problem for women that as a sex we are not really very concerned with how obsessed we’ve become with “smelling good” bc it is evidently a unique aspect of beauty culture that doesn’t apply to either makeup nor quite does it fall under the umbrella of rigorous skincare or visual alteration of the body

i’m not talking abt using standard deodorant and basic hygiene or washing oneself regularly

i’m talking perfume culture, scented body lotion culture, scent-layering routines, ensuring that our hair smells like a bouquet, body mist, oils, powders, creams, butters, etc

in addition to attracting lots of insects the second you step outside, i think this is one of the more evilly genius fingers of capitalism. who’s going to object to women wanting to smell like vanilla? no one. so keep buying things that make you smell like vanilla

idk. idgi. i don’t even find it romantically plausible—intimacy would be so interrupted for me if i got a face full of lavender oil or strawberry body butter or pomegranate shampoo instead of just the basic clean scent of my partner. and maybe im just different i have no idea. but i would gag tbqh