#ifof: the umbrella AU

[ineffablefool]

I dunno if anyone out there is still hoping for the umbrella AU, but I have been thinking about it lately. I got nearly to the end before realizing that I needed to go back and restructure the beginning, and I (continue to) think the best way to address that is to print out the current version like double-spaced or something and write all over it, and just the printing alone felt like So Much Work for various reasons, let alone the editing. But I've used our current printer now! Several times! I printed out an entire book, one signature at a time, and nobody died! So now it feels easier.

My intention from the start with this AU was to not start posting until I had completely written it. That's sort of facilitated the multi-year run-up, but it also means that you guys weren't stuck with the version where I literally forgot to give Crowley any kind of existence beyond loving Aziraphale. 😬 (Which, excellent for some stories, absolutely, I've done a bunch myself and expect to do more someday. But not what I want for this one.)

Anyway! Just pondering instead of doing the simple approximately two-line change I need to make to this stored procedure in order to solve a ticket. (The people who originally wrote the software I now help maintain put,,,,,,so much of the logic into the sprocs, you guys. So much.)

[ineffablefool]

I have started the final chapter of my “Aziraphale and Crowley are humans who meet when Aziraphale shares his umbrella” AU five times now, and none of them were right -- I got stuck after a couple-three hundred words each time.  Yesterday I realized that that’s because the end of the next-to-last chapter is wrong.

So now I need to backtrack a bit, and that will hopefully let me write out the last chapter, and then I will have a multi-chapter AU completely written before I even start posting it!  I’m pretty sure I have never, ever managed that before.

Here’s some of the penultimate chapter from before the part that I need to fix.  Huge gigantic spoiler alert, Aziraphale and Crowley wind up in love and together and happy.  (It’s not a spoiler if you know me.  I ship these two fanatically and I don’t write sad endings.)

“Would you please call me that again?”

“Wh —” Crowley pulled back just far enough to look at Aziraphale. “A-angel.”

Aziraphale breathed out a long sigh. “Oh, you meant it.”

“P-pretty like an angel, aren’t you?” Crowley’s hands moved to cup his face, his round cheeks, thumbs brushing his skin. “Very first day I saw you. Wanted to talk to you, but I was — you were —”

He leaned in closer, and Aziraphale felt the thing in his heart shivering as their foreheads touched.

[ineffablefool]

Tell me more about umbrella au! I remember bits you've posted previously and it sounds DELIGHTFUL. Thank you please ☂️

(WIP ask meme) 

I was looking at this one again and I feel like it’s actually pretty close to done.  There’s a middle piece I need to fill in, and then lots of Soft Soft Soft to write at the end, but that’s one of the easiest parts for me.

They’re humans!  Crowley doesn’t own an umbrella!  Aziraphale owns a large white umbrella!  They meet at a bus stop in the rain!  The title is possibly going to be Wind And Rain And Shine. (That umbrella, they do indeed employ it.  Although I’m not sure the month of August will actually feature.)  It has a tag!

“‘Nother rainy one.”

Aziraphale looked up, more sharply than he intended. “Ah — Crowley —”

The thin face broke into a smile. “Hullo, Aziraphale. Thanks again for yesterday.”

He stood a few feet to Aziraphale’s left, just out of the shadow of the umbrella. This morning’s thin drizzle seemed to sap the color out of everything except his hair — short and probably very fashionably cut, although somewhat mussed, now, by rain and wind. It still flared as deep red as Aziraphale had remembered. He hadn’t imagined it, then.

Crowley wore what looked like a slightly warmer jacket today, anyway. A matching black scarf was wound around his neck, the messenger bag slung over top of that.

An appropriate reaction to being thanked by a stranger — they were still strangers, after all, they’d spoken for all of twenty minutes the day before — would have been a polite “You’re welcome.” Obviously. There was no room for real familiarity, no need for anything more demonstrative.

Aziraphale found himself sighing, rolling his eyes. “Oh, do get out of the rain, would you?”

[ineffablefool]

Who would like to share their thoughts on which AU I might start posting after 404 finishes up?

I currently have three AUs which I’ve been hacking away at for some number of months (started one last August, one in January and one in February).  None are finished, but all are still more or less alive.

I’m not 100% sure which one I want to start posting first.

This isn’t a poll, and I’m not asking anyone to pick which one comes next, because maybe everyone says one of ‘em but then I decide nope, I’m not feeling it, I’m feeling a different one.  But if anyone has Thoughts, I would like to hear them.  (I’m also hoping ginning up a bit of interest will help inspire me to A) keep writing all three of them, and B) finish 404.)

So in order of me rolling a d3 via random.org, here’s a little info on the fake dating AU, the umbrella AU, and the Little Mermaid/Shadow Over Innsmouth AU.  Behind a readmore.  Because long.

--

Fake dating AU (~13k words so far, mixed POV, very roughly half done) Human!Crowley and human!Aziraphale are “we talk every time we run into each other” friendquaintances; neither knows that the other is smitten with him.  For Reasons, they are actively practicing Being Boyfriends in preparation for a specific event, after which they will obviously go back to just being pals.  Each half of the duo is simultaneously broadcasting I Love You With Every Fiber Of My Being with his every look and touch, while also thinking Oh But He Could Never Love Me.  Like, I am actually going to put a disclaimer on this when I post it. I am writing it to indulge my enjoyment of Ridiculous No-One-Would-Ever-Actually-Act-Like-This Pining.  Oblivious dove, do not eat.

“Um.  We should probably work out, er.”  Crowley couldn’t quite make himself meet Aziraphale’s eyes.  “Uh.  Touching?”

Aziraphale stared at him without answering.

“If you don’t want to at all that’s fine,” Crowley added, all the words coming out in a rush.  “Fine.  No — no problem at all, why would there be.  We don’t have to —”

“Oh, but we should,” Aziraphale interrupted.  “That is — it would be more believable, would it not?  We wouldn’t want your mother thinking we were — well — on the outs, as it were.”

Crowley looked down at Aziraphale’s hand on the table again.  “Yeah.  No, we wouldn’t want that.”

“No.”

--

Umbrella AU (~12k words, Aziraphale POV, also very roughly half done) Human!Aziraphale (the lovely large arms version) and human!Crowley meet on a rainy day, at a bus stop, when Aziraphale shares his umbrella.  They continue meeting at the bus stop every morning, sharing the umbrella (wind and rain and shine), and Aziraphale is very dismayed to find himself falling for Crowley.  He’s never been on a date or anything -- nobody has ever found him attractive -- so obviously that isn’t going to be changing *now*.  Crowley is awfully nice, though.  And he touches Aziraphale, sometimes, little touches on the arm and things, and those are nice too, and.  And there’s that nickname he seems to have given him.  Oh dear.

“Oh, do stop.  I don’t know why I put up with you sometimes.”

“Because I’m so charming, probably.”  The words were light and teasing, spoken through that same broad grin.  “Said so yourself, you have, and I’m going to hold you to it.”

Aziraphale tried to scowl, but it insisted on becoming a smile.  “I was horribly mistaken, I’m sure.”

“Nope, nope, too late to take it back now.  I’m charming.”

“Oh, good Lord —”

“Maybe enough t-to even charm an.  An angel.”

The laughter dried up in Aziraphale’s throat.  It was already gone from Crowley’s voice.

--

The Little Mermaid/Shadow Over Innsmouth AU No One Asked For (except nicnacsnonsense) (~25k words, Aziraphale POV, very roughly two-thirds done) Aziraphale and Crowley are immortal magical beings, but they’re not an angel and a demon, they’re an amphibious fishman thingy and a no-longer-amphibious former fishman thingy.  Six thousand years of pining (including alternate versions of most bits from the Hard Times cold open), now with more gills.  Crowley’s side has been trying for a while to bring about a final catastrophic war with Aziraphale’s side, via a variety of plots that Crowley doesn’t begin to know all of.  He knows about the one that’s involved a series of not-quite-human children over the centuries, though, because he and Aziraphale have been godfathers to every single one.  The latest one lives in Tadfield.  (Also, Crowley flirts A Lot and Aziraphale blushes at it every time even though I’ve literally only just realized after eight months of writing this that that probably isn’t how his circulatory system works.) (I really wish there was a place to write Hastur and Ligur in as Flotsam and Jetsam but... there really isn’t.  There isn’t even a place for a Fritz The Dolphin. (Flounder who?))

Crowley’s hand on the back of the sofa twitches, and the arm pulls back until his bony jaw is resting on his palm.  “We should visit the kid.”

Something in his voice makes Aziraphale close the chocolate box.  “Goodness.  He must be almost eleven now.”

“Almost.  Couple more weeks.”  Crowley nabs the chocolates from Aziraphale, opens them up again, and tosses one onto his own tongue.  “I don’t think he’s going to turn,” he says around the mouthful.  “Not going to come into his power.  Same as all the other ones.  Too normal.”

“Well, that’s good, isn’t it?  No Final War?  No having to…”

To stop this… whatever it is that they’ve been doing.  To become enemies again.

“No.  Yeah.”  Crowley shifts a little, moving farther away on the sofa.  “No, it’s good.  We still… yeah.”

--

So that’s 50,000 words of Hmm What To Start Posting Next.  Thoughts?  Questions?  Random observations?

[ineffablefool]

Arms anon here... I wanna say that I absolutely adore your writing, and the pieces you’ve done/doing that showcase a Very Fat and Large Armed Aziraphale are something I hold so very, very close to my heart. I really just cannot thank you enough and you’re such a beautiful, kind person

I was just thinking about you today, arms anon.  The art from the story you requested picked up a new like, so I was looking at it again and hoping you and your arms were having a good day.  I’m so happy to hear from you.  Thank you.

Here’s a little bit of umbrella AU just for you.  (Everyone else can see it too I guess.)

(Spoiler alert, Crowley is not suddenly getting awkward because he doesn’t like anything about what just happened)

[ineffablefool]

My brain had other ideas about what I should write today. Aziraphale POV, Round Arms, accepting and appreciative of his own fatness. And they're gonna fall in completely-asexual love, because hi have you met me my name's Jack.

[ineffablefool]

Aziraphale: "Wow, he's hot. But also he's a disaster."

(Crowley is probably currently thinking something like "oh god he's pretty he's so so pretty ah fuck I don't want to fuck this up also jeez I'm cold".)

[ineffablefool]

Anyway here have some cuteness I wrote for umbrella AU today. Crowley and Aziraphale are waiting for a bus to take them to the bookshop; Aziraphale is in the process of moving to the being-renovated flat above the shop, so he's ferrying stuff over by hand each day that he goes over there to open. Today it's part of his record collection.