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cy-cyborg · 5 months

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Dealing with Healing and Disability in fantasy: Writing Disability

[ID: An image of the main character from Eragon, a white teenage boy with blond hair in silver armour as he sits, with his hand outstretched. On his hand is a glowing blue mark. He is visibly straining as he attempts to heal a large creature in front of him. /End ID]

I'm a massive fan of the fantasy genre, which is why it's so incredibly frustrating when I see so much resistance to adding disability representation to fantasy works. People's go-to reason for leaving us out is usually something to the effect of "But my setting has magic so disability wouldn't exist, it can just be healed!" so let's talk about magic, specifically healing magic, in these settings, and how you can use it without erasing disability from your story.

Ok, let's start with why you would even want to avoid erasing disability from a setting in the first place. I talked about this in a lot more detail in my post on The Miracle Cure. this line of thinking is another version of this trope, but applied to a whole setting (or at least, to the majority of people in the setting) instead of an individual, so it's going to run into the same issues I discussed there. To summarise the points that are relevant to this particular version of the trope though:

Not every disabled person wants or needs a cure - many of us see our disability as a part of our identity. Do difficulties come with being disabled? absolutely! It's literally part of the definition, but for some people in the disabled community, if you took our disabilities away, we would be entirely different people. While it is far from universal, there is a significant number of us who, if given a magical cure with no strings attached, would not take it. Saying no one in your setting would be disabled because these healing spells exists ignores this part of the community.

It messes with the stakes of your story - Just like how resurrecting characters or showing that this is something that is indeed possible in the setting can leave your audience feeling cheated or like they don't have to worry about a character *actually* ever dying. healing a character's disability, or establishing that disability doesn't exist in your setting because "magic" runs into the same problem. It will leave your readers or viewers feeling like they don't have to worry about your characters getting seriously hurt because it will only be temporary, which means your hero's actions carry significantly less risk, which in turn, lowers the stakes and tension if not handled very, very carefully.

It's an over-used trope - quite plainly and simply, this trope shows up a lot in the fantasy genre, to the point where I'd say it's just overused and kind of boring.

So with the "why should you avoid it" covered, let's look at how you can actually handle the topic.

Limited Access and Expensive Costs

One of the most common ways to deal with healing and disability in a fantasy setting, is to make the healing magic available, but inaccessible to most of the population. The most popular way to do that is by making the services of a magical healer capable of curing a disability really expensive to the point that most people just can't afford it. If this is the approach you're going to use, you also typically have to make that type of magic quite rare. To use D&D terms, if every first level sorcerer, bard, cleric and druid can heal a spinal injury, it's going to result in a lot of people who are able to undercut those massive prices and the expense will drop as demand goes down. If that last sentence didn't give you a hint, this is really popular method in stories that are critiquing capitalistic mindsets and ideologies, and is most commonly used by authors from the USA and other countries with a similar medical system, since it mirrors a lot of the difficulties faced by disabled Americans. If done right, this approach can be very effective, but it does need to be thought through more carefully than I think people tend to do. Mainly because a lot of fantasy stories end with the main character becoming rich and/or powerful, and so these prohibitively expensive cure become attainable by the story's end, which a lot of authors and writer's just never address. Of course, another approach is to make the availability of the magic itself the barrier. Maybe there just aren't that many people around who know the magic required for that kind of healing, so even without a prohibitive price tag, it's just not something that's an option for most people. If we're looking at a D&D-type setting, maybe you need to be an exceptionally high level to cast the more powerful healing spell, or maybe the spell requires some rare or lost material component. I'd personally advise people to be careful using this approach, since it often leads to stories centred around finding a miracle cure, which then just falls back into that trope more often than not.

Just outright state that some characters don't want/need it

Another, admittedly more direct approach, is to make it that these "cures" exist and are easily attainable, but to just make it that your character or others they encounter don't want or need it. This approach works best for characters who are born with their disabilities or who already had them for a long time before a cure was made available to them. Even within those groups though, this method works better with some types of characters than others depending on many other traits (personality, cultural beliefs, etc), and isn't really a one-size-fits-all solution, but to be fair, that's kind of the point. Some people will want a cure for their disabilities, others are content with their body's the way they are. There's a few caveats I have with this kind of approach though:

you want to make sure you, as the author, understand why some people in real life don't want a cure, and not just in a "yeah I know these people exist but I don't really get it" kind of way. I'm not saying you have to have a deep, personal understanding or anything, but some degree of understanding is required unless you want to sound like one of those "inspirational" body positivity posts that used to show up on Instagram back in the day.

Be wary when using cultural beliefs as a reasoning. It can work, but when media uses cultural beliefs as a reason for turning down some kind of cure, it's often intending to critique extreme beliefs about medicine, such as the ones seen in some New Age Spirituality groups and particularly intense Christian churches. As a general rule of thumb, it's probably not a good idea to connect these kinds of beliefs to disabled people just being happy in their bodies. Alternatively, you also need to be mindful of the "stuck in time" trope - a trope about indigenous people who are depicted as primitive or, as the name suggests, stuck in an earlier time, for "spurning the ways of the white man" which usually includes medicine or the setting's equivalent magic. I'm not the best person to advise you on how to avoid this specific trope, but my partner (who's Taino) has informed me of how often it shows up in fantasy specifically and we both thought it was worth including a warning at least so creators who are interested in this method know to do some further research.

Give the "cures" long-lasting side effects

Often in the real world, when a "cure" for a disability does exist, it's not a perfect solution and comes with a lot of side effects. For example, if you loose part of your arm in an accident, but you're able to get to a hospital quickly with said severed arm, it can sometimes be reattached, but doing so comes at a cost. Most people I know who had this done had a lot of issues with nerve damage, reduced strength, reduced fine-motor control and often a great deal of pain with no clear source. Two of the people I know who's limbs were saved ended up having them optionally re-amputated only a few years later. Likewise, I know many people who are paraplegics and quadriplegics via spinal injuries, who were able to regain the use of their arms and/or legs. However, the process was not an easy one, and involved years of intense physiotherapy and strength training. For some of them, they need to continue to do this work permanently just to maintain use of the effected limbs, so much so that it impacts their ability to do things like work a full-time job and engage in their hobbies regularly, and even then, none of them will be able bodied again. Even with all that work, they all still experience reduced strength and reduced control of the limbs. depending on the type, place and severity of the injury, some people are able to get back to "almost able bodied" again - such was the case for my childhood best friend's dad, but they often still have to deal with chronic pain from the injury or chronic fatigue.

Even though we are talking about magic in a fantasy setting, we can still look to real-life examples of "cures" to get ideas. Perhaps the magic used has a similar side effect. Yes, your paraplegic character can be "cured" enough to walk again, but the magic maintaining the spell needs a power source to keep it going, so it draws on the person's innate energy within their body, using the very energy the body needs to function and do things like move their limbs. They are cured, but constantly exhausted unless they're very careful, and if the spell is especially strong, the body might struggle to move at all, resulting in something that looks and functions similar to the nerve damage folks with spinal injuries sometimes deal with that causes that muscle weakness and motor control issues. Your amputee might be able to have their leg regrown, but it will always be slightly off. The regrown leg is weaker and causes them to walk with a limp, maybe even requiring them to use a cane or other mobility aid.

Some characters might decide these trade-offs are worth it, and while this cures their initial disability, it leaves them with another. Others might simply decide the initial disability is less trouble than these side effects, and choose to stay as they are.

Consider if these are actually cures

Speaking of looking to the real world for ideas, you might also want to consider whether these cures are doing what the people peddling them are claiming they do. Let's look at the so-called autism cures that spring up every couple of months as an example.

Without getting into the… hotly debated specifics, there are many therapies that are often labelled as "cures" for autism, but in reality, all they are doing is teaching autistic people how to make their autistic traits less noticeable to others. This is called masking, and it's a skill that often comes at great cost to an autistic person's mental health, especially when it's a behaviour that is forced on them. Many of these therapies give the appearance of being a cure, but the disability is still there, as are the needs and difficulties that come with it, they're just hidden away. From an outside perspective though, it often does look like a success, at least in the short-term. Then there are the entirely fake cures with no basis in reality, the things you'll find from your classic snake-oil salesmen. Even in a fantasy setting where real magic exists, these kinds of scams and misleading treatments can still exist. In fact, I think it would make them even more common than they are in the real world, since there's less suspension of disbelief required for people to fall for them. "What do you mean this miracle tonic is a scam? Phil next door can conjure flames in his hand and make the plants grow with a snap of his fingers, why is it so hard to believe this tonic could regrow my missing limb?"

I think the only example of this approach I've seen, at least recently, is from The Owl House. The magic in this world can do incredible things, but it works in very specific and defined ways. Eda's curse (which can be viewed as an allegory for many disabilities and chronic illnesses) is seemingly an exception to this, and as such, nothing is able to cure it. Treat it, yes, but not cure it. Eda's mother doesn't accept this though, and seeks out a cure anyway and ends up falling for a scam who's "treatments" just make things worse.

In your own stories, you can either have these scams just not work, or kind of work, but in ways that are harmful and just not worth it, like worse versions of the examples in the previous point. Alternatively, like Eda, it's entirely reasonable that a character who's been the target of these scams before might just not want to bother anymore. Eda is a really good example of this approach handled in a way that doesn't make her sad and depressed about it either. She's tried her mum's methods, they didn't work, and now she's found her own way of dealing with it that she's happy with. She only gets upset when her boundaries are ignored by Luz and her mother.

Think about how the healing magic is actually working

If you have a magic system that leans more on the "hard magic" side of things, a great way to get around the issue of healing magic erasing disability is to stop and think about how your healing magic actually works.

My favourite way of doing this is to make healing magic work by accelerating the natural processes of your body. Your body will, given enough time (assuming it remains infection-free) close a slash from a sword and mend a broken bone, but it will never regrow it's own limbs. It will never heal damage to it's own spinal cord. It will never undo whatever causes autism or fix it's own irregularities. Not without help. Likewise, healing magic alone won't do any of these things either, it's just accelerating the existing process and usually, by extension making it safer, since a wound staying open for an hour before you get to a healer is much less likely to get infected than one that slowly and naturally heals over a few weeks. In one of my own works, I take this even further by making it that the healing magic is only accelerating cell growth and repair, but the healer has to direct it. In order to actually heal, the healer needs to know the anatomy of what they're fixing to the finest detail. A spell can reconnect a torn muscle to a bone, but if you don't understand the structures that allow that to happen in the first place, you're likely going to make things worse. For this reason, you won't really see people using this kind of magic to, say, regrow limbs, even though it technically is possible. A limb is a complicated thing. The healer needs to be able to perfectly envision all the bones, the cartilage, the tendons and ligaments, the muscles (including the little ones, like those found in your skin that make your hair stand on end and give you goose bumps), the fat and skin tissues, all the nerves, all the blood vessels, all the structures within the bone that create your blood. Everything, and they need to know how it all connects, how it is supposed to move and be able to keep that clearly in their mind simultaneously while casting. Their mental image also has to match with the patient's internal "map" of the body and the lost limb, or they'll continue to experience phantom limb sensation even if the healing is successful. It's technically possible, but the chances they'll mess something up is too high, and so it's just not worth the risk to most people, including my main character.

Put Restrictions on the magic

This is mostly just the same advice as above, but for softer magic systems. put limits and restrictions on your healing magic. These can be innate (so things the magic itself is just incapable of doing) or external (things like laws that put limitations on certain types of magic and spells).

An example of internal restriction can be seen in how some people interpret D&D's higher level healing spells like regenerate (a 7th level spell-something most characters won't have access to for quite some time). The rules as written specify that disabilities like lost limbs can be healed using this spell, but some players take this to mean that if a character was born with the disability in question, say, born without a limb, regenerate would only heal them back to their body's natural state, which for them, is still disabled.

An external restriction would be that your setting has outlawed healing magic, perhaps because healing magic carries a lot of risks for some reason, eithe to the caster or the person being healed, or maybe because the healing magic here works by selectively reviving and altering the function of cells, which makes it a form of necromancy, just on a smaller scale. Of course, you can also use the tried and true, "all magic is outlawed" approach too. In either case, it's something that will prevent some people from being able to access it, despite it being technically possible. Other external restrictions could look like not being illegal, per say, but culturally frowned upon or taboo where your character is from.

But what if I don't want to do any of this?

Well you don't have to. These are just suggestions to get you thinking about how to make a world where healing magic and disability exist, but they aren't the only ways. Just the ones I thought of.

Of course, if you'd still rather make a setting where all disability is cured because magic and you just don't want to think about it any deeper, I can't stop you. I do however, want to ask you to at least consider where you are going to draw the line. Disability, in essence, is what happens when the body stops (or never started) functioning "normally". Sometimes that happens because of an injury, sometimes it's just bad luck, but the boundary between disabled and not disabled is not as solid as I think a lot of people expect it to be, and we as a society have a lot of weird ideas about what is and isn't a disability that just, quite plainly and simply, aren't consistent. You have to remember, a magic system won't pick and choose the way we humans do, it will apply universally, regardless of our societal hang-ups about disability.

What do I mean about this?

Well, consider for a moment, what causes aging? it's the result of our body not being able to repair itself as effectively as it used to. It's the body not being able to perform that function "normally". So in a setting where all disability is cured, there would be no aging. No elderly people. No death from old age. If you erase disability, you also erase natural processes like aging. magic won't pick and choose like that, not if you want it to be consistent.

Ok, ok, maybe that's too much of a stretch, so instead, let's look at our stereotypical buff hero covered in scars because he's a badass warrior. but in a world where you can heal anything, why would anything scar? Even if it did, could another healing spell not correct that too? Scars are part of the body's natural healing process, but if no natural healing occurred, why would a scar form? Scars are also considered disabling in and of themselves too, especially large ones, since they aren't as flexible or durable as normal skin and can even restrict growth and movement.

Even common things like needing glasses are, using this definition of disability at least, a disability. glasses are a socially accepted disability aid used to correct your eyes when they do not function "normally".

Now to be fair, in reality, there are several definitions of disability, most of which include something about the impact of society. For example, in Australia (according to the Disability Royal Commission), we define disability as "An evolving concept that results from the interaction between a person with impairment(s) and attitudinal and environmental barriers that hinder their full and effective participation in society on an equal basis with others." - or in laymen's terms, the interaction between a person's impairment and societal barriers like people not making things accessible or holding misinformed beliefs about your impairment (e.g. people in wheelchairs are weaker than people who walk). Under a definition like this, things like scars and needing glasses aren't necessarily disabilities (most of the time) but that's because of how our modern society sees them. The problem with using a definition like this though to guide what your magic system will get rid of, is that something like a magic system won't differentiate between an "impairment" that has social impacts that and one that doesn't. It will still probably get rid of anything that is technically an example of your body functioning imperfectly, which all three of these things are. The society in your setting might apply these criteria indirectly, but really, why would they? Very few people like the side effects of aging on the body (and most people typically don't want to die), the issues that come with scars or glasses are annoying (speaking as someone with both) and I can see a lot of people getting rid of them when possible too. If they don't then it's just using the "not everyone wants it approach" I mentioned earlier. If there's some law or some kind of external pressure to push people away from fixing these more normalised issues, then it's using the "restrictions" method I mentioned earlier too.

Once again, you can do whatever you like with your fantasy setting, but it's something I think that would be worth thinking about at least.

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mossy-opal · 11 months

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Must Be Doin' Somethin' Right

Kai Chisaki x Reader

Content Warnings: Depressive Thoughts, Murder Mentions, Child Abuse Mentions, SMUT, Dominant Reader, Edging, Guided Masturbation, I think that's it, it I missed something tell me

The legal system was no help after his release, even if he was deemed "harmless". Despite knowing full well what he was capable of, they still put him back out on the streets, on probation of course. They kept him under lock and key for the most part, if he went anywhere or did anything, someone would know about it. He had to report to his probation officer once a week, and every visit was as uneventful as the last.

After all, what could a man with no arms manage to accomplish? It was pathetic, how far he'd fallen from grace.

He needed help, more help than anyone was willing to give. In order to get help, legally at least, he needed to sign certain forms. That would work, if he had arms.

Kai Chisaki, once a man whom many feared to cross, now lay in his dingy, disgusting apartment, in dirty clothes, with stubble on his face, just a moment away from putting himself out of his own misery.

Hearing a knock on his door, he didn't even get up, if it was his probation officer they'd let themselves in regardless. When a new person walked in with a smug look on their face, that got his attention. He sat up, looking up at the individual with a glare.

"Who are you and what do you want?"

They laughed, leaning against the wall, "From you? Nothing. I'm actually here to offer you a deal, Overhaul."

Hearing his old villain name got his attention, his eyes widening.

"You'd better be careful with that name, who knows who could be listening…" He warned.

The stranger shook their head, "Not to worry, I'm actually a family friend of your probation officer, that's why and how I know where you live! Now, do you wanna know why I'm here, Chisaki?"

He didn't answer, only glaring.

"Well, I'm here to offer a deal, like I said. Favours for favours, if you catch my drift…"

Kai thought about it for a moment, then shook his head, "I have nothing for you here, you can see yourself out-"

"Oh but you do! Y'see, I find myself in a bit of a pickle," They started walking towards his bed, squatting down to his level. "I'm not exactly the strongest person in the world y'see, and you, well you have seen better days- But I can help you if you can help me! I need a handyman, a workin' man, if you wanna call it that- You can be my man!"

Kai blinked, ".... Uh huh… Well, as I said, I'm not exactly in the position to be, as you so eloquently put it, a working man."

As he said that, he lifted what's left of his arms, before glaring at the stranger again.

"Now, get the fuck out."

The person stood up, stretching, "Alright, alright, I'll leave you to wallow in self pity- Didn't even give me a chance to state my half of the bargain…"

Kai grunted, not interested in whatever this person was selling- "Would be a real shame though, I could get you some amazing prosthetics. I know a guy."

They shrugged, turning on their heel. "But, you said no, so-"

"Wait."

They stopped, a grin on their face before turning back to Kai, who was now standing.

"Yes…?"

He hesitated, which from what the stranger had heard, was very unlike him.

"I'll help you with whatever you need me to help you with, so long as I get those prosthetics first."

"Oh absolutely! I'm not a monster, I wouldn't make you do shit you can't do, just for my own amusement! When you get your nice new prosthetics, then we can shake on it- Deal~?"

He glared once more with a sneer, before he nodded.

"Deal."

That was how he met you.

From then on he was, unfortunately, indebted to you. You had him moved from his crummy apartment and into your own house, on a farm. It was no wonder you wanted help, there was a lot of work to be done. Despite him insisting he didn't need to know anything about you, you went ahead and told him nearly everything about you and your life. It was like nails on a chalkboard, being in your presence, even if you helped him. To make matters worse, many of your ideals aligned with his own, just to a far less extreme.

You didn't have a quirk, your family never had quirks, and you believed the stereotypes of quirks and the society built around them was flawed. Even in passing, you had mentioned how much better things would've been had quirks never appeared.

However, despite the similarities between the two of you, Kai was certain that he hated you.

You were loud, obnoxiously so. You were far too lax for your own good. Eventually, acting the way you did would either get you hurt or killed- He couldn't wait for the day. You weren't messy, which was a good thing, but still, you were simply gross. Being in your presence alone would've given him hives, had he not been in poor living conditions prior.

He told himself that often, almost as if he was reminding himself you were gross. His mantra was said even more often while you were helping him around the farm. You took your shirt off far too often, each time you did so made him nearly vomit. That habit being a part of that relaxed personality that he despised.

Even if you helped him, he was as cold and cruel as you'd heard. It posed a challenge to you, but eventually, you got bored. He wouldn't let you in, which was fine, he didn't have to- But having him around was to help with that loneliness you felt. Your parents were long dead, and with no other real family, you were bored. You were lonely. Even with Kai around, he was only there to fulfil his debt to you, he made that abundantly clear.

Oh, well there's an idea.

If he didn't want to get to know you or share with you, that was fine, but he owed you. Why not cash in? Maybe indulge a little? With your intentions known, Kai… Didn't know what to do. You started asking him to do many other chores around the house, practically kicking back while he took over cooking and cleaning. It disgusted him, how much of a "house-husband" he had become. Despite that, you were still rough with him, a vast difference from anyone else he'd ever known. The people he surrounded himself with were always useful, obedient to him, never looking him in the eyes.

You, on the other hand, practically looked down your nose at him. He didn't know how to handle your demands, he wanted to bite back, more than anything, but… But he didn't. He never bit back with more than a snide comment or a grumbling insult, but he never raised his voice or his hand against you, and it left him baffled.

It wasn't because he respected you, it wasn't because he felt so indebted to you that he didn't fight back. It wasn't because he wanted your praise, he never-

"Such a good boy~"

You had said it in passing, more like a joke than anything, but it still struck something in him. A chord that's never been strung, a new song they played in the back of his mind. He'd been praised before, but never like that.

It was disgusting, how he had a physical reaction such as that, he was ashamed of himself, how violated he felt.

That was when he bit back with more force.

"Don't you dare speak to me like I'm a fucking dog!"

"Oooh, careful pup, might have'ta muzzle ya because of that bite- Haha!"

Your nonchalant response proved it was, in fact, supposed to be a joke. But the visceral reaction he had was very much serious. He's never felt such a jolt before, not even when he had his first successful test of the quirk removing bullet. It felt similar to his first intimate interaction with a woman, but he hated how that felt. So in turn, he hated how he felt now.

How dare you.

All because you seemed to enjoy torturing him, you had the audacity to start teasing him more often, which he was not happy about in the slightest. It made him feel sick, it made everything feel too hot, it made him feel clammy, it made him grind his teeth, and he despised it, but not as much as he despised you, because you kept doing it.

So why didn't he just leave?

You had given him prosthetics, let him freely roam your farm land, given him more than enough payment for his work so he could survive on his own- But there was one problem.

He was still on probation, and he would be for the foreseeable future.

Who's to say you wouldn't take him to court for not paying you back for the prosthetics you so graciously provided him? If you did that, and you would, he would be put right back into Tartarus to pay for his crimes. Then he would really be a shame to the Shie Hassaikai, more than he is now. No, he had to see this through to the eventual end. It would take a long time, but if there was one thing he was confident in, it was his patience.

Although, that in it of itself was a tall task. You pressed him, you pushed him, and he couldn't do a damn thing about it. The only thing he could do was whatever you asked him to do. Help you with the farming and yard work, help you move lumber and firewood, help you keep your chickens in place, clean up… Whatever you needed, he would begrudgingly do for you.

Unfortunately, it all came to a head one day, while his probation officer was in for a visit. You usually stepped out for them, but decided to stick around today, for whatever reason.

Now, truth be told, he wasn't very fond of his probation officer. They were far more rude to him than you were, making snide comments while asking questions, brazing remarks when he didn't answer fast enough. Well, their behaviour didn't change, even with you in the room. If anything, it was more harsh than usual. You were oddly quiet for the most part.

"Well, good to know you're finally on a leash-"

"Can you stop?"

When you spoke up, Kai looked over at you, as did his probation officer, who scoffed.

"What? It's not like you treat him any differently. He's a murderer-"

"Yeah well he's still human, and I'd appreciate it if you spoke to him in a better tone. You are in my house after all."

"Pfft- Better tone? As if! He doesn't deserve a better tone, and who the hell are you to tell me how to speak to him? You do the exact same thing!"

"I really fuckin' don't, you can believe that! He may have done some horrible shit, but so far he's come a long way, no thanks t' you! It was only after I stepped in he actually started making the changes your court system says he has to make!"

"He is a child abuser and a murderer, not some project for you to work on!"

"Oh as if you give a shit about children! How many murderers are running that stupid fuckin' government funded 'hero agency' you fuckin' worship!? Get outta my house, the next time you come here, you better behave yourself, or I'm reporting you for misconduct!"

"Get bent, you stupid bitch!"

Practically shoving his probation officer out of your house, Kai watched the entire thing with wide eyes and confusion clearly on his face. Of all people, he wouldn't expect you to stand up for him. You never once excused what he did, you reminded him more than he reminded himself, he was a bad person. Yet, you defended him from mistreatment.

"Why did you do that?" He asked.

"Do what?"

Kai rolled his eyes, "Don't act like an idiot. Why did you defend me?"

You shrugged, "Good question- I dunno, suppose I just don't care for unnecessary bullying."

Kai shook his head, "You bully me all the time-"

"Well yeah, but like I told them, it's different."

"How is it different?"

"I don't mean for it to actually hurt you, just t' sorta… Remind you of where you stand~"

That answered no questions for him, and as he watched you walk away, he didn't expect to have any of his questions answered.

However, it didn't matter much as time went on. The two of you worked in somewhat synchronicity with one another, your teasing being met with his own, eventually. His probationary visits had also been lowered, from once a week, to once a month, due to his good behaviour. That only aided his high spirits, taking him one step closer to being a truly free man once again. Time moved on, day by day, the two of you only being visited quarterly after some massive improvements on Chisaki's attitude. As well as a change in his probation officer. That rude individual had been replaced with a kind little old woman. He didn't want to question why or how that happened without his knowing, he knew you wouldn't answer.

You were odd to him. Your bullying was far less harsh now, if you could even call it bullying. Kai wouldn't call it bullying, because it really wasn't at this point. If anything, it was an odd way of flirting. The most troubling new development, was his inability to descern if he hated it or not. He was certain your flirting was annoying, but it came to his attention, eventually, that he enjoyed it. You flattered him, made him feel- Odd.

But as much as he hated to admit it, he couldn't bring himself to hate the treatment. So much so, that he found it odd when you didn't flirt with him. Everything about the situation was just downright strange. He still didn't understand why you would help him like this, why you would defend him, why you would flatter him the way you did, why-

"It's getting cold out."

His attention snapped from the food he was making, to you coming inside from the evening.

"What?"

"It's getting cold outside, we gotta make sure the harvest is good, get some supplies from the city, then we should be set for the winter."

That was another thing you did that he found odd. You told him about your plans, and expected input from him, as if he had a choice.

"So, wanna come with me this time?"

He looked back at you, confused. "What?"

"Jeez, do I need to get your hearing checked out or somethin'?"

He clicked his tongue, "I heard you fine, what do you mean when you ask-"

"What the hell do you think I mean? I'm askin' you if you wanna join me to go into the city, not for your hand in marriage! It's not that complicated~"

Kai rolled his eyes and shook his head, "No, thank you. I would need to fill out a form in order to leave the property, and frankly I don't want to."

Your talking and teasing was drowned out after he said that, as he was thinking to himself about the realisation he just came to. He didn't want to leave. Despite everything…

But, you were right about it getting cold outside. The summer months slowly turned to fall, the leaves turning colour, and the sky darkening sooner. The two of you were able to harvest nearly everything before the first snow fall, and that was when Kai noticed just how badly the cold made him feel. Before, he was used to the cold, if anything, he preferred it. But now, it hurt him. It made his arms sore, as if they were heavier than how he was used to, and it was honestly horrible. Not only that, he felt useless now, watching you go in and out to retrieve fire wood or eggs, while he sat inside and did near to nothing. Despite your reassurance, he still felt… Disappointed. He wasn't sure if he was disappointed in himself, or disappointed that he was disappointing you. It never mattered before, how you felt about him, at least that's what he told himself, so why did it matter now?

What's worse, you noticed.

"Seasonal depression kicking your ass?"

He looked up from the fire to you, "What?"

You sat down next to him, handing him a mug of hot chocolate.

"Well, you've been real quiet lately, even after I annoy you, so something must be up."

He blinked, never having really paid it much attention before now.

"I…. Think I'm just not used to feeling this way. I hate feeling this way."

"Oh I getcha, I could only imagine how bad you must've felt when I found you-"

"That's just it, I think now I feel worse."

You looked at him, and he looked at you.

"When you found me, you… Gave me a new chance, an opportunity to help myself. As much as it pains me, I'm grateful to you, for that… But now, I can't help you. I can't do anything but watch you work, and it makes me so angry because… Because if I can't help you, what am I good for?"

You were silent, only making his thoughts run rampant.

"I can't seem to do anything correct, because everytime I've tried to do something meaningful with my life, it lands me right back at square one- Where I feel useless and pitiful, and frankly I'm disgusted with myself for allowing myself to feel this way, again. You found me and… Gave me a purpose. You put me to work, and as much of a bitch as you are, you've helped me…"

You snorted at that.

".... But now I'm sat here on your couch, in your house, wallowing yet again, because I can't help you more than you've helped me."

With that off his chest, he felt marginally better, but that darkness surrounded his mind yet again, before you spoke up.

"Well, if it makes you feel better you don't owe me anything anymore."

He looked at you again, "What do you mean?"

You shrugged, "I said what I mean, you don't-"

"No, that's not how this works, these prosthetics alone have costed you-"

"Don't worry about it, think of 'em as a gift."

He thought for a moment.

"And the allowance?"

You shrugged again, "Payment for your labour."

"And the room?"

"A place to stay that's not rat infested~"

"And the clothes? And the food? What about everything you've done for me- My probation being altered! I know you had a hand in that as well! So what do you mean I don't owe you anything? There is no way-"

You suddenly grabbed his jaw, something you've only ever done to fluster him on purpose, but it certainly shut him up.

"Will ya just shut your mouth and take what I give you? Fuck, you act like I saved you from some final destination death or whatever- I'm just being nice. Is that such a foreign concept to you?"

When you let him go, he was still silent. Did you not grasp the concept of debt? Especially for someone like him, whose whole life surrounded the teachings of the Yakuza, and how debts must be repayed. What you were doing for him went against everything he was used to, everything he'd ever known, and yet… He was somewhat okay with it.

Not entirely, he still had many questions, but he tried to ignore his nagging curiosity.

You were odd.

After that you made it a point to be as obnoxiously helpful as possible, to the point where Kai just had to look at something, and you would get it for him. It was annoying and it made Kai want to yell at you for making him feel so- So…. Pampered. In the end, that's all you were doing for him. Of course there were limits, you wouldn't help him with his prosthetics or get his clothes, but you were still helping him with damn near everything. He would ask you why, and you would shrug as per usual and give a half-hearted excuse,

"'Cus I wanna!"

But never more than that. Never a full explanation for why you did what you did. After all, you didn't have to. You teased him about it as well, making him flush and feel embarrassed, even if he knew you meant no harm in it. With the new development, came a new feeling Kai had been ignoring for quite some time.

…

By no means was Kai Chisaki a virgin. In his pursuits, he was sure to experiment at least once, despite the very particular parameters his paid-for partner had to follow. He was aware that sexual intimacy was nothing to write home about- It was far too complicated of a process to really get into it or pay more attention to it then he needed.

Unfortunately, this time with you had his curiosity reignited. His mind began to wander to places he had never ventured before, that prospect scared and intrigued him all at the same time. He wondered how your bare skin would feel against his. Would your hands be soft against him, or hard? Which one did he want more? He wondered how it would feel if he surrendered to you completely- Would you be kind, or would you be cruel?

Why did he hope for the latter?

So many thoughts would come to mind, and often at the worst of times- Sitting next to you, at dinner, while he would watch you chop firewood out in the cold, your jacket taken off to account for your labour, despite your red nose and rosy cheeks- That was the safest time for the thoughts to arise. When you were too busy with something else, when he could watch you for hours, and you didn't even notice.

At least, that's what he had originally thought.

"Hey, why have you been starin' at me?"

That question made him nearly choke on his food.

"Ha! What, didja think I wouldn't notice? Why else would I take off my shirt in this cold ass weather~?"

"H-how long have you known…?"

"Eh, a few weeks I think."

He scoffed, before getting up.

"Hey, where ya goin'!?"

"To my room."

You got up after him and practically started chasing him down, before you were finally able to get a proper hold of him. He didn't struggle much, it would hurt if he did.

"Let go of me-"

You laughed, "Nope! Not until you tell me why you like to stare at me~"

"Fuck you, you know why!"

"Oh we will, soon as you tell me~"

He stopped moving, looking at you.

"What?"

"What~?"

"What did you just say?"

"Mmmm, I don't think I'm repeating myself~"

Kai was lost on how to feel, unsure if he should feel scared or aroused by you… But, he was far too curious for his own good.

"And what if I was staring at you because…. Because I find you attractive?"

You moved closer to him, your warmth giving him goosebumps, as you breathed against his neck.

"I think I'd do something about it… I don't like being stared at~"

Kai had to bite back a shudder, cursing himself for stuttering, "W-what are you going to do… About it…?"

With a smirk, you dragged him to his room, throwing him inside. Without even closing the door, you followed him inside, unbuttoning your shirt. It was nothing new to see you topless, that was something he needed to get used to, but when you started taking off your pants, that's when he looked away.

"Uh uh, look at me."

The demand in your tone made his eyes look at you, struggling to keep his eyes in one place. He saw you smirk, which made him flush more.

"Well, come on pretty boy, you gonna take your clothes off, or am I gonna have'ta do it for ya~?"

"I- I don't-"

The way you sauntered up to him made him trip over himself, falling onto the floor.

"Don't tell me big bad Yakuza is a virgin~"

"I-I'm not-"

You put your foot on his crotch, making him gasp out a sharp moan.

"Then take your fucking clothes off~"

Slowly and shakily, he started taking off his shirt and pants, leaving on his briefs. He… Didn't exactly like the way he looked now, his arms being mostly synthetic, making him extremely self-conscious. Your voice snapped him out of it.

"Hey, quite gettin' in your own head and get over here!"

He hadn't even seen you get on his bed, laying on your back, your legs spread. He felt his face heat up, before he made it to you.

"Quit starin'."

"Yes…" His head snapped down, and he closed his eyes when he realised it.

You had him wrapped around your finger, and you knew it.

"Now what am I gonna do with you… Usually you're so obedient, it wouldn't feel right to really punish you… But, you have been staring at me for a while, huh~?"

Kai nodded, "Fuckin' answer me when I talk to you!"

You were always loud, but not like this. It made him… "Fuck- Yes, I've been staring at you for weeks…"

You purred, moving to sit up in front of him, while he sat on his knees.

"You dirty little slut, you probably got off while watching me work, huh?"

He could feel his dick twitch when you spoke to him like that, but he answered.

"N-no, I didn't…."

"Why?"

He didn't answer you for a moment, and you raised your voice again, "Answer me, slut!"

"I haven't touched myself with these hands…! I…. I can't."

You laughed cruelly, "Ooh, poor little bitch hasn't been able to get himself off because he's scared~"

Why did he like this so much? He couldn't even think of an answer before you spoke again, "Well, here's your chance~"

He looked up at you at that, confused.

"Don't give me that look, I know you're not fuckin' stupid. I want you to touch yourself~"

This had to be a joke-

"I'll even help you, because I'm so nice~"

You moved again, getting up and moving behind him, and before he could ask what you were doing, you pushed him down. Kai caught himself on all fours, but feeling you press against him made his questions die in his throat. He felt your hands trail from his shoulders to his deltoids, before trailing down his prosthetic arms, grabbing his wrists.

"I know you know how to do this, but I'll give you a reminder~"

After you whispered that, you moved your hand and his, stopping right at the line of his briefs.

"Come on, take your dick out."

Kai did as you told him, holding his hard cock in his hand, your hand wrapped around him as well. He shuddered at the feeling, simultaneously feeling more aroused than ever, and humiliated all the same. Feeling you squeeze his hand, and in turn his dick, he let out a breath he didn't know he was holding.

"Do I have to do everything for you? Christ, I literally have to hold your hand while you jack off, this is fuckin' pathetic you know~"

Feeling you pull his hand up his dick, and back down, he shuddered again. While you moved his arm, your other arm wrapped around his chest, pulling him back to sit on your lap. You kept guiding his hand at a slow pace, which was torture while you grinded on him and bit at his neck. His gasping only increased while his eyes rolled back.

"Ha, you're drooling princess- Gross~"

He shut his eyes while you sped up, your other hand playing with his nipples. His breathing got faster, and his gasps slowly turned in to quiet moans, his eyes shut tight while his mouth opened and-

When you suddenly pulled away his hand, he cried out in protest, tears pricking his eyes.

"No no no please please f-fucking please don't-"

"Who the hell are you to be making demands~?"

He couldn't even see you behind him, but he could feel you grinding against his ass, your hold on his wrist tight. He whined again, small tears falling while he caught his breath, coming down from what was almost the best orgasm of his life. He heard you laugh, before he felt you lick his tears.

"Don't be such a cry baby, sweetness… This is your punishment~"

You pushed him down again, getting him off of you, so you could get up and get dressed. You were really going to leave him like this…

"Don't worry, if you're good, I'll make sure you get a reward, but for now, deal with it."

When you turned to walk out, you stopped.

"Oh, and if I find out you touched yourself again, and you cum? You can bet your sweet ass I'll be punishing you a hell of a lot worse."

He nodded, before you snapped your fingers, making him look at you- He bit back a squeak.

"Y-yes… I won't- Won't touch myself…"

You smirked, "That's a good boy~"

Tags: @slayersins @shadowsandshapes @dabislittlemouse @shockinglysubmissive @elias-fable @starstruck-flames @mostlyheinous @daniidil

#bnha x reader #mha x reader #bnha smut #kai chisaki #overhaul mha #kai chisaki x reader #kai chisaki smut #overhaul x reader #overhaul smut #tw depressing thoughts #tw child abuse mention #are you ready for inaccurate representation of the justice system!?#BECAUSE THIS IS FULL OF IT #anyway enjoy #or don't #i don't control you

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