#NOW OF COURSE…. WE MAY NEVER KNOW.
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So bc my brain is rotting and I’m rewatching inside job around the clock rn cuz I must consume it constantly;
I’m going through the first season finale rn and I truly think that, maybe, the plan was to maybe have Ron eventually remember Reagan again and we would at least see him again somehow. Through out the finale Reagan’s memories glitch and warp around what was altered by Rand’s technology. Of course a dive into her consciousness was what was needed for her to remember what she was forced to forget, I feel like that the way each season has in some way ended with themes of the past and the illusion of memories him remembering SOMETHING isn’t completely out of the question. While of course Rand’s technology was different from Ron’s, I also think it would be dismissive to also ignore the amount that wiping people’s memories affected Ron’s mental state. By forgetting everything he won’t remember that, but considering who was working on the show for the amount of setting up that was done for it to not mean anything.
#NOW OF COURSE…. WE MAY NEVER KNOW.#inside job spoilers#listen I could go one forever.#also before I say anymore I want Reagan to have love. like actually#like YES my girl doesn’t necessarily NEED romantic love but also I think she deserves to have love and both Brett and Ron have given her#that in some way. same with Gigi and Andre Dolphman and myc through both friendship and romance#i liked Ron a LOT and I also like Brett and what he has helped Reagon with too I think they’re both good people for her#i also would be stoked if she got a girlfriend she’s bi idc. but anyways-#Ron hasn’t slept well in years and I can only wonder with no -conscious- memories keeping him awake if his subconscious would step in#in the form of dreams.#even if he moved on or Reagan moved on I can’t help but think that maybe they would at least see each other again. or maybe I like BEING SAD#AND AGAIN OF COURSE NOW WE MAY NEVER KNOW 😭😭😭😭#but just like. thinking over how well Alex likes to wrap up those loose ends and applies conscious themes and motifs and messages well#i don’t think it’s far fetched to theorize#ANYWAYS. AAAAAAAA no one I know has watched this and I can’t shut up about it lol
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an idea i invite anyone else to write about / run with lol....
the premise that The Change gets all messed up for alberto, say it's something that can happen from stress, &/or happens rarely and you just have to wait for it to resolve itself....used as some parallel to struggling through some emotional turbulence / upheaval / questioning / Realizing Things, etc etc
#luca 2021#pixar luca#alberto scorfano#another idea i've failed to write for & so invite anyone else to run with: ciao alberto but what if he peaces out by swimming off lol#ends up in a coastal town maybe an hour's swim from genoa. but not Getting In Touch w/anyone for a while b/c plausibly he thinks that#giulia may not be a fan of him now by extension; just being too embarrassed asf to reach out to luca kinda lol....luca off doing his own#thing just fine & alberto not wanting to write him now like b/c i Ruined Everything again ahaha....#and by ''not in touch w/anyone for a while'' who knows. months; a few years even....might stumble across news of him b/c like.#say more sea folk are coming to land / more humans know abt them & not many places are as [harpoon]ly from the start anyways#portorosso exceptional in that way....maybe where alberto settles down they're like legendary but also considered Good Luck anyways lol.#anyways like some people know of him who might; say; swim down to portorosso. have their own teen who knows a teen who mostly lives on land#most convenient re sparking [wow could they mean Our alberto] if he doesn't go so far as to take up an alias lol. but why would he....#that difference in that massimo might figure that however alberto was surviving before; he could continue to do so now; but even though tha#is some comfort it's still Not Actually Enough....feeling way more Parentally towards alberto than his biological dad like that; obv#and anyways re: this [The Change gets messed up] idea it's more of an inconvenience lol but one that could still have some significance#like if he first finds out the issue exists via hopping right into the ocean; failing to change forms; never being human form'd in water b4#thee worst....crash intro course to the experience of drowning. observation of How Humans Swim / being able to grab any part of the boat...#and besides That unpleasantness it's like; hey. where's my nonhuman form at#or; of course; being in sea form even while dry....especially if he's still dealing with Nonsense on land. which is presumed.#&/or if there's an upswing in nonsense b/c of Other ways you're Othered...ofc we can consider like; tfw you're a gay fish & maybe that's no#something that on its own would be like Aah until it's like well a) i kinda wanna do things that would make this Visible and b) i've learne#that humans also Have Issues about this kind of thing....#appropriately my tablet was also all thrown off. no pressure sensitivity; input sensitivity overall was rough#but i would've had to restart my laptop about it lol like eh i'll just work around it
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I'm so proud of myself about finances in the past couple months. I still struggle with money but I did enough meditation and journaling and practicing about it to make myself able to actually face my loans and credit cards and savings and bills and start really truly organizing and addressing them for the first time in years instead of just flying by the seat of my pants.
Like. This is a huge deal for me. I've felt like I'm in deadly danger every time I've tried to think about money for years and years. I'm finally able to look it in the face and stare it down and start to organize and plan on purpose instead of just keeping up with the minimum to stay afloat. I'm so proud of myself.
It's still a refrain of "GUILT (funny link)" every time I think about money but I'm able to actually make spreadsheets and face the numbers and monthly tracking again, and even make a new full budget which I haven't been able to do in ages.
still feel guilt, overwhelm, and helplessness, but no longer feel as much deep elemental shame and terror. that's progress baby
#we don't need to talk about how many months and months of therapy visits and doctor appointments I put on credit cards#among other things#but I had to put my foot down about it a couple months ago and shout at myself a little saying HEY#I AM SHAKING YOU BY THE SHOULDERS I AM SHOUTING FOR YOU TO HEAR#OF COURSE IT WAS A TERRIBLE FINANCIAL DECISION BUT YOU WEREN'T EVEN EXPECTING TO BE ALIVE#THE CREDIT CARD DEBT WAS NECESSARY TO KEEP YOU ALIVE AND IT DID AND EVERYTHING ELSE IS WAY LESS IMPORTANT THAN THAT#why the FUCK are you feeling SO ASHAMED for making the best decision you knew how to make at the time???#just because you know NOW that you could have tried some other options doesn't mean you did THEN#you may have known enough to feel shame and guilt yes but you would never in a million years have gotten the help you needed fast enough#by attempting to go another route#you didn't trust anyone besides a very few handfuls of people and even them it wasn't fully#and the stress of running it through parental insurance was so terrifying to you bc you didn't know what that would do#and you never had cosigners for anything your whole adult life. it's OKAY#you fucking DID YOUR BEST#YOU HAVE LEARNED. YOU HAVE MADE CHANGES. YOU HAVE ALREADY DONE BETTER#YOU WILL CONTINUE TO LEARN AND IMPROVE OVER TIME#it is not the end of the world. even the utilities sending you to debt collections etc etc#YOU ARE FIGURING IT OUT ONE PIECE AT A TIME#MORE PEOPLE ARE ASHAMED AND AFRAID OF THEIR OWN FINANCES THAN YOU THINK#if the people who fought and argued with and shamed you for considering student loans much less taking them out#had wanted you to actually be financially safer and healthier#they could have just fucking helped out or cosigned your loans or actively helped you find other solutions#instead of spending months and months telling you it was the worst decision ever and would ruin you financially for decades and such#you made the best decisions you could with the level of terror and knowledge that you had. it was enough to keep you alive.#isn't that enough?#isn't it a victory to survive?? isn't that enough??????#god i'm cringing at sharing this but if it's been this hard for me surely at LEAST one of you has also made financial mistakes or regrets#and seeing me be honest that I fucked it all up too and it's a mess and I'm just climbing back through it as best as I can as I go#will hopefully make at least one of you feel a tiny bit less alone
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look. most people on tumblr, like most people everywhere, are just kind of innumerate, at least in slightly unexpected cases theyre asked to discuss on polls. they can't demonstrate an understanding of probability and they also don't understand compound interest. this is bad, but we can't fix it by explaining on the polls at length why they are wrong, because people on tumblr, in a specific manner but also still pretty much like people everywhere, think you are a fun-ruining evil stemlord who automatically loses the argument and should be put to death as the oppressor if you try to explain math to them
#i have noted those of you who are vexed by the interest one but acted like people were being dickhead killjoys about the probability one#and may i just say: yeah it's actually very frustrating isn't it. you can sort of see why i was pissy about it previously.#sorry you're now getting got. as we all will be got. in time.#it does also make sense to me that not everyone would respond to both because the probability one was only implicitly a math question#and had a great big ''who's ready to get cancelled for arguing that magic isn't real'' diversion attached#which. alters one's instincts. in various directions.#box opener#and conversely i actually found the interest thing mildly unintuitive until after i'd sat down with a calculator and contemplated what i#know about interest rates. so like. if you're not going to do that on a tumblr poll. and you don't think a lot about orders of magnitude#maybe you just say whatever sounds plausible and never think about it again#(until the hideous stemlords emerge forcing you to double down on the intrinsic moral rectitude of daily payments of course. but that#is not central to the point.)
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*sniffle* well, that's that then. voyager has made it back to the alpha quadrant (albeit i'm not the biggest fan of the "timey whimey antics save the day" means utilized but i've seen similar plots play out far worse so i'll accept it with minimal brow furrowing), my mind & heart are full with a new sci-fi obsession, and while i know i said i'm diving into TNG asap, i do think my little ticker needs a minute to process & say goodbye to the star fleet captain who-- no matter how good picard/other captains i can't wait to meet are-- will now forever be My Captain(tm), and her intrepid crew (i'll even miss the doctor!) of the U.S.S. Voyager o7
#i've been trying to draw it out (i did a good job at slowly watching the first seasons but by the last few i couldnt resist the binge lol)#gotta also put prodigy high on the list since the grapevine tells me janeway returns#although i think it got an early cancellation bc of course it fucking did#star trek voyager#lots to think on and maybe post about but thats for later#also ive heard conflicting reports about Sevens return in picard & autostraddle may have queerbaited me but idc whats canon i know what i k#what i know and i know that everyone that far in the future is bi until proven otherwise especially our girl#☝ distinguishing romantic partners based solely on gender is an imperfect parameter for efficient seeking of suitable individuals#dani talks about tv#1 question i still need answers to: what IS the star fleet hr protocol for what happens to tom & janeway in threshold????#love how some episodes are these cosmic horror displays that never get referenced again like WHOOPS hyperevolved me & my captain#& LEFT OUR ALIEN OFFSPRING ON THE PLANET we landed on. anyway now back to whatever shenanigans tuvok is up to!#haha it was great though. season 3 alone has a lot of my favorite episodes
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CHAPTER EIGHTEEN ; 1/3
TRANSCRIPT:
Some Nights Ago...
magdalena: [whispering] Your highness, why on earth did you drag me out here at this hour?
luca: Well, your majesty, I was laying in my bed, deep in thought—
m: Of course.
l: —when I realized that I never got a dance with you at your ball.
m: And?
l: And I plan on remedying that. May I have this dance, fair lady? ...Please?
m: …[lets out a lengthy sigh] Oh, alright.
. . .
m: Speaking of the ball… Will you finally admit how you recognized me?
l: Simple—the mark on your neck. I am the one who gave it to you.
m: What mark?! You gave me no such thing! I would surely remember—
l: [grins] The scar, your majesty.
m: Oh.
l: When we were children, the last summer before the war, we visited your family. Here, at this castle.
m: Yes… I remember now. You were quite the nuisance, even at that age.
l: And you were quite the prissy little girl.
m: [furrows brows] Touché.
l: Still, I developed a crush the moment you looked me in the eyes. I tried to impress you, of course, which only led to you liking me even less. So I found a dusty sword to show off my sparring skills.
m: [gasps lightly] It was you!
l: Indeed. There I was, practicing in the maze, and then there you were, skipping past my hedge.
m: You could have killed me!
l: I could have, and that is why I dropped the sword and ran. Luckily for me, all I did was cut your hair and a small section of the back of your neck.
m: …I was distraught over losing my long hair, you know.
l: But was it not impressive that it was a clean cut?
m: Luca!
l: [snickering]
#regal#ts4 story#thank you morri for making me sword poses for bby luca <3333#finally an explanation of how luca knew who magdalena was in the very beginning lol#how he only cut her hair and gave her a tiny cut on the back of her neck.................... the world may never know#✨ precision ✨#it's barely noticeable so it hasn't been a big thing ever in one of my posts#but of course luca would see it#as he was the culprit lol#maggie barely thinks about it because it was such a weird thing that she never had an answer to#didn't even really make a big deal about it#her parents thought she had cut her own hair (^:#it's hilarious to me that maggie thought luca was talking about a LOVEBITE#like............................................................. girl what goes through your head secretly#anywhoooooooooo#i wrote this scene as sort of a break from the absolute nightmare that maggie is going through right now#but it's something she is thinking about while sitting at his bedside so it's relevant#one those 'only a few days ago we were talking and smiling and dancing...' type things
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reflecting on how all of my other DMs have gone above and beyond to lovingly weave my and my friends' backstory elements into the larger worldbuilding of the campaign by contrast to all of the ways Elyss' DM has gone out of his way to suppress or excise any influences her family may have ever had on anything and I'm genuinely near tears over it
#'I'm so surprised that Elyss wasn't more interested in going to her mom's hometown now that you're in her homelands!'#YOU! CHANGED Nami's backstory so that she never traveled anywhere before having Elyss#and YOU decided that she never tells Elyss literally anything even when directly asked#because you're so desperate to make sure your players never know literally anything about whatever might happen to them ever#YOU made it feel not only unrewarding but as if it was actively unwelcome for you if I even talked to my mother!!#'we're making this very dangerous journey (that you've been retconned not to have made yourself so you can't spoil it)--#--assuming we survive can you please tell us anything at all about what to expect the other country to be like?'#'well. it is different than here. it may not be what you expect.'#'oooh why didn't you go to hometown' SUCK MY DICK I ASSUMED YOU'D BE ANNOYED IF I WENT THERE HOPING TO FIND ANYTHING#of course ELYSS wants to try to touch any part of her own heritage she can!!#do you think she doesn't wonder whether she has family there? do you think maybe it's weird that she doesn't already know??#when *I* built Elyss' mother I made her a traveler from a far-off land so neither of us had to worry about it#YOU decided to send us to THAT far-off land specifically and then REFUSE to let Nami actually TELL me anything about it!!#feels very much like you don't want me to engage with that! feels very much like you ACTIVELY don't want me to explore that connection!#and if it felt like *Nami* was being secretive about it then Elyss would be even more keen to investigate herself--#but it's just part of a well-established pattern of NPCs going 'it's a secret teehee' for very obviously no other reason than that--#the DM just doesn't ever want us to have information even if NPCs have that information and have no reason not to share it#anyway. tl;dr grief over elyss yearning her whole life for somewhere to belong#but not going to her mother's birthplace because she has no reason to believe there's anything there for her.#for purely stupid empty meta reasons.#'I'm surprised you didn't go there 👀' so maybe he had something!#but my mother-- through you-- was so cagey about whether her parents even exist that I kind of just figured you didn't! so!!#about me#my OCs#elyss
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any other systems / collectives / etc have alters / facets / headmates / etc who come out literally Just to do a bit. like the commitment to the bit is what they're here for
#i put real ramble in tags like always but#i was in the car and listening to music and yknow. much like any singlet i know you get the music videos! in the brain.#but. the thing is they're a group project now. you understand.#its different than *me* (s) just imagining a music video like playing with dolls. of the mind. this... its participatory. you get it.#anyway t is pretty much a frequent flyer only because he's constantly deciding he's the star of brain music videos#also. ok. if u havent like stalked this blog u may not know but our basement in headspace is a karaoke bar bc i heard another system had on#and we were like “you can do that???” so we built one#and now. much of the time. it is a Performance for many a song#this isnt just t btw. every fictive. and two npcs(?) all from the same source (of course.) are like. it's my time to shine#and again it is very much different than when like i choose to imagine a music video cause i do that often too. but im never Surprised#by the music video im making. bc im making it! im making conscious artistic choices#but when t or n or m just Appear to make the song about them. im surprised. i oft laugh at their sudden choreography. yknow?#also t will sometimes just steal the mouth for one second to blurt out a bad joke and then run away leaving me to deal with the consequence#if ur gonna badly flirt w our irl partner you have to at least stick around. take responsibility!! you dick!! /lh#anyways#system stuff#s post
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funnily enough i think moreso than distasteful jokes or willful misinterpretations what really bothers me when it comes to representations of Her are people not picking up on the fact that shes a freak alt girl
#ill get screenshots tomorrow but like what do we know about her personality wise?#1. purportedly the sort of person who would greatly enjoy kirumis lab on an aesthetic level#2. weird and incredibly intensive creative hobby#3. presumably a vkei fan???#4. even more purported but most likely contains some kernel of truth: notably sad and gloomy due to miserable life#5. Her Bangs Covering One Eye Hairstyle.#of course this may not always come through in sense of dress but i can tell when people draw her and think shes not like.#a teen girl who has never interacted face to face with another teen girl and is convinced shes Ophelia From Hamlet in real life#t3tw#im so taken by the madness right now its not even funny . im literally taken by the madness btw
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I've heard a good deal about how ADHD makes it hard to regulate muscle tension the way a "normal" person would, and I've never really thought too hard about that until literally today, as I intentionally relaxed muscles which have been tensed since before I knew how to speak this language, and took a breath twice as deep as any I ever remember taking.
My shoulders are a different shape. They always felt the wrong shape, and tried as I might with pinning them back like I'd been haphazardly instructed, all I could achieve was a weird caricature of healthy posture. And now suddenly the muscle and fat, which has been a daily trigger for persistent, low-level dysmorphia for years, looks... right.
Why
#why aren't we TEACHING KIDS this sort of thing?#laziness?#bold fucking actions for people who call being so overstimulated you cannot think “laziness” too#we know this#I know we know this#because how the hell would we have specialist surgeons on the damn topic if we DIDN'T KNOW HOW THE BACK SHOULD BE ARRANGED#WHAT ABOUT THE HIPS? THE POSITION OF THE LEGS?#ARE YOU TELLING ME I'VE SAT THROUGH YEARS OF AVOIDABLE PAIN#BECAUSE YOU COULDN'T BE FUCKING BOTHERED TO MAKE SURE ?#as you may be able to tell#I have been Experiencing things#the need for effective breathing#and for a posture which does not make my lower back hurt after an hour standing or 2 hours walking#has been growing for a while now#And I am of course now faced with a world#as we all are#where the people with power and knowledge never#ever#use it for good - unless they are the minutia of upper crust society#who have preserved some human decency#a rare sight#hello down here#have some relevant tags:#ADHD#actually ADHD#I think#it's a bit of a rough ride when the average medical waiting list here is over a year#“are you free in June 2026”#no Sharon sorry I'm going to be attending the GP's funeral#of course after I personally throttle the politicians who keep funneling
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mused on some thesis about how billions uses Indignity to illustrate that something someone does has failed / gone wrong in one way or another, and how the way this punishment is an Emotional one means that it can't land if the character just doesn't Feel that punished by it, or at least doesn't like attribute the supposed failure to something inherent enough to them to particularly stew on it, see for example people heightening/escalating their efforts to embarass someone if even that person doesn't Seem to sufficiently externally react in embarassment. winston able to truck along while (a) consciously crafting or maintaining some persona, of eternal and irrefutable dignity or whatever else is associated with "merit"/status, isn't much of a priority, when to him his skills speak for themself even though to others this is about their own merit in recognizing independently if winston's skills Happen to have use, and putting him down if he tries to speak to that anyways, and (b) he's also just able to move along from L's handed to him, whether he thinks it was warranted (like that he'll accept it doesn't count if he only thought it but didn't say it) or not (why can't you count to loyalty), when even if this resilience To How Others Treat Him isn't exactly peak realistic, that he thinks of himself in such a way that he doesn't need to be striving for some paramount official status, or think he's defined by never failing or indeed never possibly able to be seen within a "wow undignified / embarassing" framework so long as this winningness is recognized, or so long as anything is anything, is sure feasible enough.
but anyways thought about it like this thesis is just "i am cringe but i am free" like yeah that works
#winston billions#just lifelong recognition that like the [the way they are means they generate comedy] type like peripheral characters are the ones like#yeah of course That's who's relatable; never the like supposedly aspirational and/or peak relatable central/main characters#and that can extend easily enough to the [basically just a running joke] Outlier Single Weirdo Always Just Doing Their Own Thing#like boy we all know people like that huh eyesrollingemoji like yeah. we sure do lol#but also like I Love You any time smthing using comedy is like; look: Everyone is funny & ''weird'' & ''uncool'' & ''doing things wrong''#like yeah they and we are lol#billions is creating what we Get to see or hear of in the first place / what info we get; how a character is shown to us....#and boy it just so happens that the characters who aren't epic enough to be brought further into the center of things#also just so happen to inadvertently or advertently Spontaneously share more info abt themselves for ppl to have negative reactions to#while we may be ''surprised'' that axe sucks b/c huh wasn't he so externally epic seeming???? like on what planet; first of all....#meanwhile winston is not here to be like as ambitious as possible & is more like. sometimes he'll play around; since he's here....#but this joie de vivre spontaneity is never Cool(tm) of him & maybe he'd be Cooler if he was like (scrolling) ''beneath me; beneath me...''#(he would not be lol. he's not allowed; fundamentally! it's not Merit in there or out here. nobody has a Deserved greater Air of Dignity)#(but he's getting to have a bit more fun now and then; he'd be punished for his inherent inferiority anyways. and even if like#basically his continuing to be present; continuing to choose to do shit; unacceptably flies in the face of the theory that someone's#inherent superiority will just Make It So that inferior ppl are shunted out of their way or w/e; means that ppl lash out about that by at#least trying to momentarily take Whatever away from him: positive emotional motivation; space to speak unpunished much less be listened to;#space to guaranteed have a Presence unpunished &/or unignored....like well that's the tradeoff to that versus if he tried going for the#tradeoff of much lower highs on average and maybe slightly higher lows on average. not up to You The Individual to simply ''correctly''#strategize your way out of anyways. e.g. rian has to Choose to treat him with basic respect for his being a person. or someone else has to#Choose to intervene in such a way that lends enough support to winston / thwarts the means with which rian can torment him.)#and in the meantime he apparently can only be peripheral & [funny; little] b/c his Dignity is low stakes. no Arc to ''restore'' it in eithe#anyone else's eyes or much more usually the character's own perception of themself. winston will just be like eh yeah i suck then lol#(when like basically the way He Sucks that ppl give him shit for = his being autistic like ofc he can only roll with / ''accept'' that)#and then he can go whee yippee wahoo & have a blood orange flavored doughnut & ppl can go my god if i were him i'd die#mafee i guess exemplifying this too. Generally able to scuff his foot on the ground like aw gee :( yeah i effed up cringefail style huh#and then move on without it really being much of a whole damn thing. even though it's also Often abt taylor likewise being the one like#[head in hands over mafee fucking up having the collateral or direct damage for them] but they're not here to be fueled by grudges#& ofc this all being Perspective; everyone in billions Is cringefailing lol; but not everyone gets continual [joke at their expense] for it
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ok so today I had one of the most fascinating and enlightening discussions maybe of my life and I need to share bc it blew my MIND (warning: long)
here's the context. there is a friend I have. they are a pretty good friend of mine that I've known for many years now and I appreciate them as a person very much. lately I have noticed that they've been texting me fairly frequently. which, from my point of view, is once every couple of days. not because they had something specific to say, but just saying hello or asking how my day was.
I'm sure this was well-intentioned, but this was starting to get a tiny bit grating for me. we just met up in person literally two days ago! and you had texted me not long before that, too! nothing new has happened since then! my day has been quite boring, actually! I thought, in my mind, as I swiped away the notification—and immediately felt like an awful friend.
I knew from past experience that responding to the message would invite an immediate and not easily escapable conversation that, due to my poor multitasking skills, would distract me from work or require me to context switch away from whatever else it was I was doing at the moment—cooking, doing chores, watching TV—and worse, amount to little more than idle chit-chat about the same boring quotidian complaints as usual. I am not one of those people who thinks they're above small talk or don't see its social value, but I found myself thinking, am I the one who is being not normal here in not enjoying having this specific kind of interaction MULTIPLE times a week with the SAME person?
so recently, I've been finding myself routinely avoiding opening this particular friend's messages for fear of hurting their feelings if they saw that I had left them on read for a prolonged period of time. I had even gone so far as to avoid posting in a group chat in which we're both participants so that they don't realize that I have, in fact, been online, just not responding to them, specifically. my hope was that after enough slow responses, this friend would eventually get the hint and give up on trying to maintain a steady steam of conversation, but somehow this has not worked so far.
this was starting to weigh on my conscience. I realized that I will have to eventually fight my conflict-avoidant tendencies and just confront this friend directly, for the sake of both my sanity and our friendship. but how to do this gently? tactfully? without implying that I don't value their friendship or that I perceive them as needy or annoying? that was the tricky question. because I know that my friend isn't doing anything wrong! if anything it is probably me that is weird and antisocial and I probably just need to work on my social skills!
but not wanting to feel like a total asshole and hoping to go in with an informed and reasonable mindset (knowing full well that my understanding of social norms isn't always the keenest), I asked a different group chat for their opinion, hoping to gain some perspective on what boundaries they generally considered normal and acceptable to exercise. I phrased my question thusly:
how many friends* would you say you have where you text on a regular basis (say, multiple times a week) 1:1 just to say hi, about nothing in particular *explicitly a friend, not a family member or SO
y'all. the responses were eye-opening.
there were four people who participated in this discussion, all four of whom were in different camps and had wildly different experiences:
0, and assumed most others were the same
0, but assumed most others were not the same
multiple, and assumed most others were the same
multiple, but assumed most others were not the same
1 was me; in retrospect, I am realizing that because I had assumed that these kinds of interactions were not typical, I had interpreted my friend's gesture as something much more significant than it probably was in their mind, which is to say something that they just happen to do with everyone they know and like—which created a sort of pressure in my mind not to let them down and caused a sense of intense anxiety when I found myself struggling to reciprocate. I am absolutely floored at the revelation that it is apparently normal and common for people to have MULTIPLE friends (not even partners!!! or family!!!) that they are talking to on a constant ongoing basis at any given time, and at the possibility that I was treating my friend's feelings with kid gloves when it REALLY wasn't that hashtag deep for them.
2 clarified that they never initiate these kinds of chats, but when others initiate with them, they're fairly comfortable with simply letting these kinds of pings go unanswered, assuming the other person will just move on to someone else without taking it personally.
3 confessed to me that they once tried to do something similar with me, and eventually gave up, but had felt a bit hurt and rejected at my lack of enthusiasm, because they assumed that I was doing this with other people, just not them specifically. they sympathized very strongly with my friend.
4 also recalled that they had at one point tried something similar with me, but sort of got that I wasn't one of those people who would be receptive to this style of communication and wasn't particularly bothered by this, agreeing with 2 that the expectation is not that the recipient HAS to respond, and that my friend should probably pay closer attention to the face-saving social cues I was sending by not responding or responding slowly.
but yeah, the takeaway from this conversation is that people's preferences and experiences and expectations when it comes to digital communication are WILDLY varied, and because both communication technology and the social conventions surrounding them are changing CONSTANTLY (just a few examples: are read receipts good or bad? what about typing indicators? online status? are emoji reacts or gifs/stickers an acceptable substitute for an actual reply? group chats vs. 1:1 DMs? synchronicity and formality of various communication methods like email and chat and video? are phone calls are still socially acceptable?) there are either no agreed-on norms or different camps of people have vastly different understandings of what the norms are
among the other highlights/a-ha moments of this discussion:
Friend 4 asked another friend who is even MORE extraverted than they are what their # was and they reported somewhere in the ballpark of 20-40 people in any given week which is absolutely buckwild to me (importantly, all four of us in the original group happen to be software engineers, a class of people notorious for their lack of sociability, so I have no confidence that I have captured a representative sample size even within this particular group—the numbers both 3 and 4 gave were still both in the single digits, though they are definitely the warmest and friendliest of the bunch)
I realized that one difference between me and 3/4 was that we fulfill our social needs quite differently? specifically, I mostly connect with friends over group chats, of which I have a handful that are quite chatty and at least one or two that I'm actively posting in on any given day. I also typically have at least one, often multiple, real-life social plans every week! I am, in fact, very satisfied with my social life, to the point where it is almost maxing out my social quota (especially recently now that I've started dating someone)! but anyway—I find group chats to be my ideal form of day-to-day communication because there's less urgency and pressure for any individual person to contribute if they're not feeling up for it, and ALSO in the case of group chats where at least one member is a straight man (which is the majority of them for me, and I call out straight men only because they are the only demographic I have historically had this issue with) there is less room for platonic interactions to be undesirably misinterpreted as romantic
3/4 expressed that they prefer 1:1 conversations because they feel more personal and they can be more vulnerable about sensitive topics, which I would generally agree with—though in several of my group chats, I personally do feel comfortable enough with all the members to share things about myself with the entire group just by virtue of having known everyone for a long time and having built group camaraderie, but they seemed to not be comfortable with this without having previously established a consistent 1:1 pattern of day-to-day communication (or maybe they meant they were uncomfortable with the group forum itself, even if they were cool with sharing with everyone individually)?
they also expressed that for them, frequent unsolicited checkins and 1:1 attention from a friend would feel exciting/flattering/validating for them, whereas for me it would feel overwhelming, especially if we weren't THAT close
I do use 1:1 DMs also, but for a very different set of use cases: 1) if I haven't caught up with someone in a while (read: weeks or months), in which case we'll often just not text super long and make plans to call or meet in person instead, or 2) if I have something specific to say, like "here's this meme/song/piece of news I think you'd like to see" or "I need advice on X" or "guess what happened that made me think of you" or "I heard X happened, are you OK?"
I found that whereas I have a very clear distinction between communication preferences with a friend (someone I talk to on a regular basis but don't have a constant line of individual communication with) vs. a significant other (more or less willing to do this, unless they preferred not to), such a boundary between a platonic and romantic relationship does NOT exist for all people which boggled my mind
but yes anyway. I am learning so much about the way people view socializing in the digital age and I am so curious to know more and I kind of wish more people talked about this more openly (specifically among friends! because in my experience this is something that is fairly common to sort out explicitly in a romantic context) because I think this is probably the kind of thing that no one talks about because people are either afraid of potentially hurting feelings or everyone is just kind of assuming by default that their takes are universal without realizing that no actually, many people have strong opinions on this that are the polar opposite of theirs
but my gut feeling is that there is a lot of completely unnecessary friction that could just be resolved if only we could agree that it's cool to be more upfront about what our communication preferences are without worrying about that being taken extremely personally by the other party? bc idk, every single person I talked to about this today was like holy shit this was a whole fucking revelation actually, I can't believe I hadn't thought about this before thank you for bringing this up
#cam thoughts#I still have to talk to original friend#but am thinking maybe doing this next time I see them in person bc I find it so much easier to convey tone not when typing#bc there is an external factor that I suspect may have to do with why they're suddenly reaching out so frequently and I want to be sensitiv#but now I want to know the answer to this question for literally everyone I know. Im SO curious what is actually objectively normal/typical#but my gut tells me that this is like#inherently a delicate question to ask bc it can really make it uncomfortably clear if 2 ppl are not on the same page re:their friendship#also I realized that most of this group are specifically SWEs who have worked ON a chat application in the past.#so of COURSE we all have super strong opinions about literally all of this which is hilarious#also I didn't want to say it but have I definitely been thinking *meme voice* is this attachment theory? this whole time? lowkey mayhaps.#also also if you're reading this and I ever left you on read please do know that I do feel bad about it and I am sorry#final postscript I do not mean to suggest that I never want to be reached out to or checked in on. just. my capacity for social threads#is extremely low so please don't take it personally if I cannot prioritize your message right away or scale back chatting to a slower pace#tl;dr everyone is normal and fine and just different and the sooner we realize this the healthier our digital social lives will become.
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if tf:e bee is my problematic fave then so be it. I'll be the tf:e bee apologist
#spoilers btw#u ppl are Mad mad at tf:e bee? For real? You have genuine hatred in ur heart for yellow man?#u ppl are serious . for real ?#2 times ive seen ppl actually declare they hate him for. a single dark joke#that they wouldn't bat an eye for if it was like another character making that joke#like if it was whirl or blitz they'd be like ''OH HOW QUIRKY OF THESE GUYS joking abt death lollololol''#but if bee does it and goes against their reductive interpretation of bee just being the ''silly baby boy''#then bee is cancelled cancelled for million years#like ur operating on the assumption that the autobots caused sounds to be starved. there is no evidence of this#for all we know both sides could have been starving#and projecting a familial relationship between the casettes & sounds#thats not likely to be the case based on how frenzy talks abt how theyre ''free'' from him now#and then assuming bee was actually fine with this and not the chance that bee was joking to cope with that trauma#like a lot of the rise of the t.mnt crew worked on this and. u know smth#first episode leo made a comment on how he jokes to cope#this concept is probably not lost in tf:e#and bee literally had his upbringing be wartimes like u dont come out of that without being at least a little fucked up#like of course he would have dark humor hes seen the horrors of war for his entire life#but even then these are all still assumptions#we DONT KNOW all the details of this event and why bee reacts in that certain way and we may never know !!#it drives me a lil crazy that characters like whirl are allowed to be like this#but bee is not allowed bc hes supposed be only be nice and a baby with no depth#I'll die on this hill btw#bc i am The bee apologist i will defend him#ive been advocating for tf:a bee already. whats one more#🐝 could you repeat the last part? 🟦
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really want to read more and more literature (esp classics!) aghhhh yesterday iirc i was on a walk with my mom and twin and an old guy (not a weirdo dw) who was jogging or walking too actually asked what book i was carrying and it's a little funny bcs uhm he just went "oh a classic!" you see. i was carrying dante's inferno. which i still haven't properly started to read but anyways he might... if my mom is right... be the local parish guy so oopsies !! LMAO anyways yeah really interested in lovecraft for a while now! horror scares me and gives me paranoia but i also enjoy the writing of it? and i remember once that something/someone said my writing is kinda similar to his. hm.
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#i never talk about literature here but hi i grew up reading books and i really love literature. both fiction and non-fiction! admittedly i#less prefer modern books because i prefer classics and all that? and i kinda fucking hate people who only like boring and/or famous#literature lmfao fuck you but anyways putting my bitterness aside! arthur conan doyle with 'sherlock' of course & 'a dream within a dream'#dazai with 'no longer human' is something i think i'll really enjoy reading one day as well and hmm#i never properly read 'lord of the rings' despite my relative having the books and i borrowed it once? but didn't make the time to actually#read it unfortunately :(( 'the great gatsby' is something i also have yet to read and then jane austen's works!#and then. louisa may alcott ... i asked my mom right now about her books that we have/had and i did not fucking know we had#'little women' all this time holy shit. i remember reading 'a modern cinderella' but also i am unsure now... but yeah. that/those too!#shakespeare's works are of course a must-read hehe we do have 'the tempest' and i've read a couple of his works but only a little bit#either based off the knowledge i just. know. or for school back then! but yeah. you probably know his works already lmao <3#and then uhmm 'phantom of the opera' we have now as well! bought it alongside yk. 'the tempest' 'inferno' 'paradise lost & regained'#a few months ago but tbh i haven't made it very far in reading any of them yet but i really want to sometime! and learn more guitar!#and get back to playing piano and also finish and play more games but anyways. yes.#george orwell's books! we have a few if i'm not mistaken (love my family fr) i really want to read them. my dad keeps recommending#his works for us to read. especially 'animal farm' but i've heard '1984' is really good. i also really want to read more of narnia!#only ever read the first book and wow it meant a lot to me tbh? with. growing up and all. and then i read a bit of another book hmm.#'to kill a mockingbird' was something i have wanted to read since i read 'the hunger games' as a kid because i for some reason connected#the two in a way because of the word mockingbird. and then uh other books that i don't think are as... classics. idk what are classics tbh.#BUT okay yeah i still haven't read 'a monster calls' but i know it made my twin and mom cry! and then 'the fault in our stars' we have but#i also haven't read it... haven't read the witcher books either and then george r. r. martin's stuff. tbf i'm not an adult yet so lmfao.#'the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy' i know my dad really wants to read and i know my tita has it but i'm not completely sure if we have#it ourselves too now? but yeah. really interested in that book as well. and then i have yet to read 'frankenstein' and then i'd love to#reread books from my childhood from authors like roald dahl !! and then man i should read more from#neil gaiman ... i've read his short stories? and a book. or few. i can't really remember.#anyways. okay. running out of tags but i really love literature ..... <3#also want to read more of modern literature tbh! the ones that are actually good tho <33
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the universe is so very inconsistent sometimes. like can't he choose something and just go with it instead of doing ups and downs three times a week i need to know what mental state i should have
#yeah you are top of the class on this test. not on this one you fucking bitch youre soooo bad at school. last place. oh look first one again#yeah youll never have this master dont dream of it lmao its one of the best of the country and youre mid at best. but also and listen liste#what if we let you meet an english teacher that teached this very course for 30+ years like totally out of the blue lmaooo#at least its positive for now. but the entropy is strong. may go down tomorrow. or may go even upper. who knows. definitively not me
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1850s Tumblr Dashboard Simulator
👸🏻 girlbossladyjane Follow
It really makes me sick to see people giving money to penny weeklies when Franklin's expedition STILL has not been found 😭 There are good men out there trapped in unimaginable temperatures and literally all that's needed is a little more funding for another rescue mission yet all you guys seem to care about are your vulgar little stories...
🧔🏻♂️ queerqueg Follow
the franklin expedition is dead as hell
👸🏻 girlbossladyjane Follow
Disgraceful thing to say but I'd expect nothing more from a M*lville fan
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👨🏻❤️💋👨🏻 hartgrindisreal
Sorry for posting so much about Tom Gradgrind/James Harthouse from Hard Times lately. It turns out that I was getting arsenic poisoning from my wallpaper? Anyway I took a seaside stroll and I'm normal now. Check your walls y'all
#whyyy did i assume they were committing unlawful actions together like where did i even get that from lol #hard times isn't even that good by dickens standards tbh
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🎨 asherbrowndurand
Just painted this
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ss-arctic-girlie-deactivated18540927
RIP Napoleon... you may have been unable to conquer Alexander's Russia but you sure as hell conquered Alexander's bed
🖼️ preraphaelitebro Follow
HERITAGE POST
📝 shakespearesforehead Follow
How does this have less than 100k notes you could literally not avoid this post back in the 20s lol
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🌄 loyalromantic Follow
poets just aren't dying young in mysterious water-related incidents like they used to :/
#as useless and degenerative as i find 'the living poets' and i'm glad we're finally moving on from them #i have to agree with op in this respect
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🎀 thefopdiaries Follow
I finally got a daguerreotype of myself ^_^ Porcelain urn for scaling
📜 bartlebi-thescrivener
i think i hauve consumption
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🐋 whaler4life
They found oil in the ground??? WTF. THIS IS LITERALLY THE WORSTTTT. FUCK MY LIFE FOR REAL THIS TIME
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🌿 naturesnaturalist Follow
I swear this website has 0 reading comprehension skills. Darwin NEVER claimed we "evolved" from apes like if one of you guys actually bothered to open his new book you'll see all his arguments are backed up by evidence. He actually makes a lot of sense
#sure there's nuance like i don't fully agree with all of it #but his general theory of natural selection seems pretty sound imo
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🤵🏻♂️ byronicherotournament Follow
🙈 butchbronte Follow
Of course these are the finalists lmao this website is so predictable. Anyway vote Heathcliff if you dont i'm going to assume you're a phrenologist
📖 sapphichelenburns Follow
It's not problematic to acknowledge the fact that Heathcliff was a brute like he literally killed dogs in case you forgot. #rochestersweep
🙈 butchbronte Follow
I love the implication here that Rochester never did anything cruel either. He literally locked his wife in the attic and lied to Jane about it 😭 like that was a pretty significant thing that happened
📖 sapphichelenburns Follow
And? God forbid women do anything
#why'd you have to pit two bad bitches against each other #anyway i'm not attracted to men but still went with rochester #bc in terms of living quarters thornfield hall > wuthering heights easily
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👨🏻❤️💋👨🏻 hartgrindisreal
Not the Russian tsar dying immediately after hartgrind became canon
#i know dickens hasn't technically confirmed it yet but like. SOMETHING was strongly implied ok #see: my previous post #dickensposting
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👨🏻❤️💋👨🏻 hartgrindisreal
LORD HELP ME. THE BODY LANGUAGE. THE WAY THEY'RE LOOKING AT EACH OTHER. AHHHHHH
#this installment!!! im-- #dickensposting #i can't fucking cope #dickens wants to KILL us he wants us DEAD....
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⭐️ newamerican
Hi guys sorry I haven't been posting lately it's been so difficult getting to California 💀 I'm finally here now though just need to find a pickaxe and soon I'll be digging! :-) wish me luck lol
#gold #gold rush #gold rush grind #california #adventure
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