#NOW OF COURSE…. WE MAY NEVER KNOW.
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So bc my brain is rotting and I’m rewatching inside job around the clock rn cuz I must consume it constantly;
I’m going through the first season finale rn and I truly think that, maybe, the plan was to maybe have Ron eventually remember Reagan again and we would at least see him again somehow. Through out the finale Reagan’s memories glitch and warp around what was altered by Rand’s technology. Of course a dive into her consciousness was what was needed for her to remember what she was forced to forget, I feel like that the way each season has in some way ended with themes of the past and the illusion of memories him remembering SOMETHING isn’t completely out of the question. While of course Rand’s technology was different from Ron’s, I also think it would be dismissive to also ignore the amount that wiping people’s memories affected Ron’s mental state. By forgetting everything he won’t remember that, but considering who was working on the show for the amount of setting up that was done for it to not mean anything.
#NOW OF COURSE…. WE MAY NEVER KNOW.#inside job spoilers#listen I could go one forever.#also before I say anymore I want Reagan to have love. like actually#like YES my girl doesn’t necessarily NEED romantic love but also I think she deserves to have love and both Brett and Ron have given her#that in some way. same with Gigi and Andre Dolphman and myc through both friendship and romance#i liked Ron a LOT and I also like Brett and what he has helped Reagon with too I think they’re both good people for her#i also would be stoked if she got a girlfriend she’s bi idc. but anyways-#Ron hasn’t slept well in years and I can only wonder with no -conscious- memories keeping him awake if his subconscious would step in#in the form of dreams.#even if he moved on or Reagan moved on I can’t help but think that maybe they would at least see each other again. or maybe I like BEING SAD#AND AGAIN OF COURSE NOW WE MAY NEVER KNOW 😭😭😭😭#but just like. thinking over how well Alex likes to wrap up those loose ends and applies conscious themes and motifs and messages well#i don’t think it’s far fetched to theorize#ANYWAYS. AAAAAAAA no one I know has watched this and I can’t shut up about it lol
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an idea i invite anyone else to write about / run with lol....
the premise that The Change gets all messed up for alberto, say it's something that can happen from stress, &/or happens rarely and you just have to wait for it to resolve itself....used as some parallel to struggling through some emotional turbulence / upheaval / questioning / Realizing Things, etc etc
#luca 2021#pixar luca#alberto scorfano#another idea i've failed to write for & so invite anyone else to run with: ciao alberto but what if he peaces out by swimming off lol#ends up in a coastal town maybe an hour's swim from genoa. but not Getting In Touch w/anyone for a while b/c plausibly he thinks that#giulia may not be a fan of him now by extension; just being too embarrassed asf to reach out to luca kinda lol....luca off doing his own#thing just fine & alberto not wanting to write him now like b/c i Ruined Everything again ahaha....#and by ''not in touch w/anyone for a while'' who knows. months; a few years even....might stumble across news of him b/c like.#say more sea folk are coming to land / more humans know abt them & not many places are as [harpoon]ly from the start anyways#portorosso exceptional in that way....maybe where alberto settles down they're like legendary but also considered Good Luck anyways lol.#anyways like some people know of him who might; say; swim down to portorosso. have their own teen who knows a teen who mostly lives on land#most convenient re sparking [wow could they mean Our alberto] if he doesn't go so far as to take up an alias lol. but why would he....#that difference in that massimo might figure that however alberto was surviving before; he could continue to do so now; but even though tha#is some comfort it's still Not Actually Enough....feeling way more Parentally towards alberto than his biological dad like that; obv#and anyways re: this [The Change gets messed up] idea it's more of an inconvenience lol but one that could still have some significance#like if he first finds out the issue exists via hopping right into the ocean; failing to change forms; never being human form'd in water b4#thee worst....crash intro course to the experience of drowning. observation of How Humans Swim / being able to grab any part of the boat...#and besides That unpleasantness it's like; hey. where's my nonhuman form at#or; of course; being in sea form even while dry....especially if he's still dealing with Nonsense on land. which is presumed.#&/or if there's an upswing in nonsense b/c of Other ways you're Othered...ofc we can consider like; tfw you're a gay fish & maybe that's no#something that on its own would be like Aah until it's like well a) i kinda wanna do things that would make this Visible and b) i've learne#that humans also Have Issues about this kind of thing....#appropriately my tablet was also all thrown off. no pressure sensitivity; input sensitivity overall was rough#but i would've had to restart my laptop about it lol like eh i'll just work around it
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look. most people on tumblr, like most people everywhere, are just kind of innumerate, at least in slightly unexpected cases theyre asked to discuss on polls. they can't demonstrate an understanding of probability and they also don't understand compound interest. this is bad, but we can't fix it by explaining on the polls at length why they are wrong, because people on tumblr, in a specific manner but also still pretty much like people everywhere, think you are a fun-ruining evil stemlord who automatically loses the argument and should be put to death as the oppressor if you try to explain math to them
#i have noted those of you who are vexed by the interest one but acted like people were being dickhead killjoys about the probability one#and may i just say: yeah it's actually very frustrating isn't it. you can sort of see why i was pissy about it previously.#sorry you're now getting got. as we all will be got. in time.#it does also make sense to me that not everyone would respond to both because the probability one was only implicitly a math question#and had a great big ''who's ready to get cancelled for arguing that magic isn't real'' diversion attached#which. alters one's instincts. in various directions.#box opener#and conversely i actually found the interest thing mildly unintuitive until after i'd sat down with a calculator and contemplated what i#know about interest rates. so like. if you're not going to do that on a tumblr poll. and you don't think a lot about orders of magnitude#maybe you just say whatever sounds plausible and never think about it again#(until the hideous stemlords emerge forcing you to double down on the intrinsic moral rectitude of daily payments of course. but that#is not central to the point.)
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and when i live on my own ill be able to decorate like real life decorate ive never gotten to do that in real life b4
#like im not barred from doing it Nd i do like. a little bit kind of but its like. Idk my entire life is a very transient thing and im rly#rly rly not used to being in one place for a long time so as a kid we never rly decorated ever#and like obv i wont be Owning a house or anything like that so itll still have to be moveable but i can like. but furniture that i like and#stuff... ive never gotten to do that b4 even in um. wa. i didnt rly get to do any of the decorating even when i was in the actual house bc#him and the roommates umm. did all that. Okay well now ive sort of freaked it by making myself think of that so im going to go stare#longingly at the floorplan i did#bc umm. well ideally id like to move into one of the apartments thats right across the way bc theres a couple of apt buildings like right#there 5 min walk tops and one of the places Has an open one but no floorplan#i wont be movjng out for ages i just wanted to look at floorplans yk#but like i said no floorplans BUT theres one a bit further away not rly walkable bc its umm#youd have to walk on the interstate and stuff and um. no sidewalk and everything but theeeeeeeeee thing had a floorplan#still very close by like 2 min drive but yk. but i still did my little mockup floorplan with that apartment instead#i want it to be closeby so everybody can come visit and so that i dont die and explode . i dont rly want to continue living in this town#4ever once km like Normal and have savings and ive got everything worked out i wanna maybe move to chicago or something since il is better#for the transgenderisms. + ive always wanted to try living in a big city at least once and i think itd be awesome#but thats Ages and ages away like maybe 5 years depending on how good i am. weeee will see if 5 years in the future is like on the table 4#me LOLLLL 24 year old connor seems rly crazy to imagine. but anyways....#but itll be nice to move out and still be in town bc then i can have the same job yk . and maybe ill know how to drive atp and i can like .#buy a car ..or something . if i do know how to drive#which i probably should since this town very car dependent and i dont want my mom to have to drive me to work esp if umm. i dont live with#them ... im just rly rly rly rly rly fucking scared of driving but i know also in my heart that when i do know how to drive the bond between#me and that car will be crazyyyy like. idk how many of you followed me last year but you may remember my insane bond with angel my cart from#work and there was a lot gokng on woth that <- was Very delusional at the time and i was convinced that she was a sentient thing and had the#power to make my life better or worse if i upset her so i said good morning and goodnight to her every single day so that i could have a#good day . looking back on it probably was something to be concerned abt but whatever.... she is still my best friend and i do miss her#deeply#her bathtub and heater were my besttt friends when i was in wa LOL. i was quite unwell#bathtub is still in my room tho yayyy. heater lives with lamp now and angel is of course at my old job....#bathtub currently is holding a project i gave up on. everyone say thank.you bathtub im looking at her right now
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finished helluva boss and now i have Thoughts
#random thoughts#hell#give me more fat characters. where is the body diversity 🔫 stop showing me twinks#i don't like that stella is so monstorously evil. like i enjoy it but i think stolas would be a more compelling character#if his cheating wasn't excused by the narrative#i think she should still be evil but less of an idiot about it#like for the first whatever years of their marriage they're partners who work together to raise their daughter. like platonic life partners#and stolas is like 'Yes this Must be what love is' because he Does care for her but he doesn't have the life experience to quantify it#so when he and blitzo meet (btw i Do think the 'they were childhood friends' thing is. lame? it's lame)#he gets swept away by just how much he's feeling#so he has an affair which he's hiding from his wife until some pictures of stolas and blitzo hit the tabloids#nothing TOO incriminating so the cat's not out of the bag but enough where he's like 'shit man i have to tell my wife'#so he does and he's thrown off by how much more worried she is about their image (and how stolas may ruin it)#than she is about their relationship#so she's preparing all this damage control and he's like '? excuse me? i CHEATED on you are you? are you not getting that?'#and then she reveals that yeah of course they're in a loveless marriage she thought he KNEW#the IMPORTANT thing is not risking their REPUTATION stolas!!!#so basically she's been kind to him all these years to make the best out of a bad situation and doesn't really actually like him as a person#so she's like 'you can fuck your little imp all you want just keep it where no one can see you'#and when he eventually DOES divorce her she's PISSED because how DARE he ruin the life SHE worked so hard on???#and that's when she starts trying to get him assassinated before the divorce can be finalized (so she can inherit)#(i know there's different inheritence laws in universe but i don't remember then rn okay sue me)#and maybe if she's afraid of octavia inheriting before her she could be like 'actually she was never his so we never had a true heir'#because she HAS cheated on him before and oh god now i really like the idea of octavia not being stolas's biological daughter#basically my ideal stella is hannah gill but one who thought truman was aware their marriage was a sham#haha 'you thought we were in love? that i loved YOU? i knew you were sheltered but i didnt think you were that STUPID'#the closest she gets to being upset about the affair personally is that he cheated on her with an IMP??? are you TRYING to make her look BAD#but back to octavia because now i'm like a dog on a bone and i NEED to explore the idea of her not being stolas's#it's revealed by stella during the show and when octavia comes of age she gets some sick new secondary traits from her bio dad#her sperm doner (as she calls him) is some kind of predator to owls
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*sniffle* well, that's that then. voyager has made it back to the alpha quadrant (albeit i'm not the biggest fan of the "timey whimey antics save the day" means utilized but i've seen similar plots play out far worse so i'll accept it with minimal brow furrowing), my mind & heart are full with a new sci-fi obsession, and while i know i said i'm diving into TNG asap, i do think my little ticker needs a minute to process & say goodbye to the star fleet captain who-- no matter how good picard/other captains i can't wait to meet are-- will now forever be My Captain(tm), and her intrepid crew (i'll even miss the doctor!) of the U.S.S. Voyager o7
#i've been trying to draw it out (i did a good job at slowly watching the first seasons but by the last few i couldnt resist the binge lol)#gotta also put prodigy high on the list since the grapevine tells me janeway returns#although i think it got an early cancellation bc of course it fucking did#star trek voyager#lots to think on and maybe post about but thats for later#also ive heard conflicting reports about Sevens return in picard & autostraddle may have queerbaited me but idc whats canon i know what i k#what i know and i know that everyone that far in the future is bi until proven otherwise especially our girl#☝ distinguishing romantic partners based solely on gender is an imperfect parameter for efficient seeking of suitable individuals#dani talks about tv#1 question i still need answers to: what IS the star fleet hr protocol for what happens to tom & janeway in threshold????#love how some episodes are these cosmic horror displays that never get referenced again like WHOOPS hyperevolved me & my captain#& LEFT OUR ALIEN OFFSPRING ON THE PLANET we landed on. anyway now back to whatever shenanigans tuvok is up to!#haha it was great though. season 3 alone has a lot of my favorite episodes
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reflecting on how all of my other DMs have gone above and beyond to lovingly weave my and my friends' backstory elements into the larger worldbuilding of the campaign by contrast to all of the ways Elyss' DM has gone out of his way to suppress or excise any influences her family may have ever had on anything and I'm genuinely near tears over it
#'I'm so surprised that Elyss wasn't more interested in going to her mom's hometown now that you're in her homelands!'#YOU! CHANGED Nami's backstory so that she never traveled anywhere before having Elyss#and YOU decided that she never tells Elyss literally anything even when directly asked#because you're so desperate to make sure your players never know literally anything about whatever might happen to them ever#YOU made it feel not only unrewarding but as if it was actively unwelcome for you if I even talked to my mother!!#'we're making this very dangerous journey (that you've been retconned not to have made yourself so you can't spoil it)--#--assuming we survive can you please tell us anything at all about what to expect the other country to be like?'#'well. it is different than here. it may not be what you expect.'#'oooh why didn't you go to hometown' SUCK MY DICK I ASSUMED YOU'D BE ANNOYED IF I WENT THERE HOPING TO FIND ANYTHING#of course ELYSS wants to try to touch any part of her own heritage she can!!#do you think she doesn't wonder whether she has family there? do you think maybe it's weird that she doesn't already know??#when *I* built Elyss' mother I made her a traveler from a far-off land so neither of us had to worry about it#YOU decided to send us to THAT far-off land specifically and then REFUSE to let Nami actually TELL me anything about it!!#feels very much like you don't want me to engage with that! feels very much like you ACTIVELY don't want me to explore that connection!#and if it felt like *Nami* was being secretive about it then Elyss would be even more keen to investigate herself--#but it's just part of a well-established pattern of NPCs going 'it's a secret teehee' for very obviously no other reason than that--#the DM just doesn't ever want us to have information even if NPCs have that information and have no reason not to share it#anyway. tl;dr grief over elyss yearning her whole life for somewhere to belong#but not going to her mother's birthplace because she has no reason to believe there's anything there for her.#for purely stupid empty meta reasons.#'I'm surprised you didn't go there 👀' so maybe he had something!#but my mother-- through you-- was so cagey about whether her parents even exist that I kind of just figured you didn't! so!!#about me#my OCs#elyss
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any other systems / collectives / etc have alters / facets / headmates / etc who come out literally Just to do a bit. like the commitment to the bit is what they're here for
#i put real ramble in tags like always but#i was in the car and listening to music and yknow. much like any singlet i know you get the music videos! in the brain.#but. the thing is they're a group project now. you understand.#its different than *me* (s) just imagining a music video like playing with dolls. of the mind. this... its participatory. you get it.#anyway t is pretty much a frequent flyer only because he's constantly deciding he's the star of brain music videos#also. ok. if u havent like stalked this blog u may not know but our basement in headspace is a karaoke bar bc i heard another system had on#and we were like “you can do that???” so we built one#and now. much of the time. it is a Performance for many a song#this isnt just t btw. every fictive. and two npcs(?) all from the same source (of course.) are like. it's my time to shine#and again it is very much different than when like i choose to imagine a music video cause i do that often too. but im never Surprised#by the music video im making. bc im making it! im making conscious artistic choices#but when t or n or m just Appear to make the song about them. im surprised. i oft laugh at their sudden choreography. yknow?#also t will sometimes just steal the mouth for one second to blurt out a bad joke and then run away leaving me to deal with the consequence#if ur gonna badly flirt w our irl partner you have to at least stick around. take responsibility!! you dick!! /lh#anyways#system stuff#s post
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funnily enough i think moreso than distasteful jokes or willful misinterpretations what really bothers me when it comes to representations of Her are people not picking up on the fact that shes a freak alt girl
#ill get screenshots tomorrow but like what do we know about her personality wise?#1. purportedly the sort of person who would greatly enjoy kirumis lab on an aesthetic level#2. weird and incredibly intensive creative hobby#3. presumably a vkei fan???#4. even more purported but most likely contains some kernel of truth: notably sad and gloomy due to miserable life#5. Her Bangs Covering One Eye Hairstyle.#of course this may not always come through in sense of dress but i can tell when people draw her and think shes not like.#a teen girl who has never interacted face to face with another teen girl and is convinced shes Ophelia From Hamlet in real life#t3tw#im so taken by the madness right now its not even funny . im literally taken by the madness btw
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mused on some thesis about how billions uses Indignity to illustrate that something someone does has failed / gone wrong in one way or another, and how the way this punishment is an Emotional one means that it can't land if the character just doesn't Feel that punished by it, or at least doesn't like attribute the supposed failure to something inherent enough to them to particularly stew on it, see for example people heightening/escalating their efforts to embarass someone if even that person doesn't Seem to sufficiently externally react in embarassment. winston able to truck along while (a) consciously crafting or maintaining some persona, of eternal and irrefutable dignity or whatever else is associated with "merit"/status, isn't much of a priority, when to him his skills speak for themself even though to others this is about their own merit in recognizing independently if winston's skills Happen to have use, and putting him down if he tries to speak to that anyways, and (b) he's also just able to move along from L's handed to him, whether he thinks it was warranted (like that he'll accept it doesn't count if he only thought it but didn't say it) or not (why can't you count to loyalty), when even if this resilience To How Others Treat Him isn't exactly peak realistic, that he thinks of himself in such a way that he doesn't need to be striving for some paramount official status, or think he's defined by never failing or indeed never possibly able to be seen within a "wow undignified / embarassing" framework so long as this winningness is recognized, or so long as anything is anything, is sure feasible enough.
but anyways thought about it like this thesis is just "i am cringe but i am free" like yeah that works
#winston billions#just lifelong recognition that like the [the way they are means they generate comedy] type like peripheral characters are the ones like#yeah of course That's who's relatable; never the like supposedly aspirational and/or peak relatable central/main characters#and that can extend easily enough to the [basically just a running joke] Outlier Single Weirdo Always Just Doing Their Own Thing#like boy we all know people like that huh eyesrollingemoji like yeah. we sure do lol#but also like I Love You any time smthing using comedy is like; look: Everyone is funny & ''weird'' & ''uncool'' & ''doing things wrong''#like yeah they and we are lol#billions is creating what we Get to see or hear of in the first place / what info we get; how a character is shown to us....#and boy it just so happens that the characters who aren't epic enough to be brought further into the center of things#also just so happen to inadvertently or advertently Spontaneously share more info abt themselves for ppl to have negative reactions to#while we may be ''surprised'' that axe sucks b/c huh wasn't he so externally epic seeming???? like on what planet; first of all....#meanwhile winston is not here to be like as ambitious as possible & is more like. sometimes he'll play around; since he's here....#but this joie de vivre spontaneity is never Cool(tm) of him & maybe he'd be Cooler if he was like (scrolling) ''beneath me; beneath me...''#(he would not be lol. he's not allowed; fundamentally! it's not Merit in there or out here. nobody has a Deserved greater Air of Dignity)#(but he's getting to have a bit more fun now and then; he'd be punished for his inherent inferiority anyways. and even if like#basically his continuing to be present; continuing to choose to do shit; unacceptably flies in the face of the theory that someone's#inherent superiority will just Make It So that inferior ppl are shunted out of their way or w/e; means that ppl lash out about that by at#least trying to momentarily take Whatever away from him: positive emotional motivation; space to speak unpunished much less be listened to;#space to guaranteed have a Presence unpunished &/or unignored....like well that's the tradeoff to that versus if he tried going for the#tradeoff of much lower highs on average and maybe slightly higher lows on average. not up to You The Individual to simply ''correctly''#strategize your way out of anyways. e.g. rian has to Choose to treat him with basic respect for his being a person. or someone else has to#Choose to intervene in such a way that lends enough support to winston / thwarts the means with which rian can torment him.)#and in the meantime he apparently can only be peripheral & [funny; little] b/c his Dignity is low stakes. no Arc to ''restore'' it in eithe#anyone else's eyes or much more usually the character's own perception of themself. winston will just be like eh yeah i suck then lol#(when like basically the way He Sucks that ppl give him shit for = his being autistic like ofc he can only roll with / ''accept'' that)#and then he can go whee yippee wahoo & have a blood orange flavored doughnut & ppl can go my god if i were him i'd die#mafee i guess exemplifying this too. Generally able to scuff his foot on the ground like aw gee :( yeah i effed up cringefail style huh#and then move on without it really being much of a whole damn thing. even though it's also Often abt taylor likewise being the one like#[head in hands over mafee fucking up having the collateral or direct damage for them] but they're not here to be fueled by grudges#& ofc this all being Perspective; everyone in billions Is cringefailing lol; but not everyone gets continual [joke at their expense] for it
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ok so today I had one of the most fascinating and enlightening discussions maybe of my life and I need to share bc it blew my MIND (warning: long)
here's the context. there is a friend I have. they are a pretty good friend of mine that I've known for many years now and I appreciate them as a person very much. lately I have noticed that they've been texting me fairly frequently. which, from my point of view, is once every couple of days. not because they had something specific to say, but just saying hello or asking how my day was.
I'm sure this was well-intentioned, but this was starting to get a tiny bit grating for me. we just met up in person literally two days ago! and you had texted me not long before that, too! nothing new has happened since then! my day has been quite boring, actually! I thought, in my mind, as I swiped away the notification—and immediately felt like an awful friend.
I knew from past experience that responding to the message would invite an immediate and not easily escapable conversation that, due to my poor multitasking skills, would distract me from work or require me to context switch away from whatever else it was I was doing at the moment—cooking, doing chores, watching TV—and worse, amount to little more than idle chit-chat about the same boring quotidian complaints as usual. I am not one of those people who thinks they're above small talk or don't see its social value, but I found myself thinking, am I the one who is being not normal here in not enjoying having this specific kind of interaction MULTIPLE times a week with the SAME person?
so recently, I've been finding myself routinely avoiding opening this particular friend's messages for fear of hurting their feelings if they saw that I had left them on read for a prolonged period of time. I had even gone so far as to avoid posting in a group chat in which we're both participants so that they don't realize that I have, in fact, been online, just not responding to them, specifically. my hope was that after enough slow responses, this friend would eventually get the hint and give up on trying to maintain a steady steam of conversation, but somehow this has not worked so far.
this was starting to weigh on my conscience. I realized that I will have to eventually fight my conflict-avoidant tendencies and just confront this friend directly, for the sake of both my sanity and our friendship. but how to do this gently? tactfully? without implying that I don't value their friendship or that I perceive them as needy or annoying? that was the tricky question. because I know that my friend isn't doing anything wrong! if anything it is probably me that is weird and antisocial and I probably just need to work on my social skills!
but not wanting to feel like a total asshole and hoping to go in with an informed and reasonable mindset (knowing full well that my understanding of social norms isn't always the keenest), I asked a different group chat for their opinion, hoping to gain some perspective on what boundaries they generally considered normal and acceptable to exercise. I phrased my question thusly:
how many friends* would you say you have where you text on a regular basis (say, multiple times a week) 1:1 just to say hi, about nothing in particular *explicitly a friend, not a family member or SO
y'all. the responses were eye-opening.
there were four people who participated in this discussion, all four of whom were in different camps and had wildly different experiences:
0, and assumed most others were the same
0, but assumed most others were not the same
multiple, and assumed most others were the same
multiple, but assumed most others were not the same
1 was me; in retrospect, I am realizing that because I had assumed that these kinds of interactions were not typical, I had interpreted my friend's gesture as something much more significant than it probably was in their mind, which is to say something that they just happen to do with everyone they know and like—which created a sort of pressure in my mind not to let them down and caused a sense of intense anxiety when I found myself struggling to reciprocate. I am absolutely floored at the revelation that it is apparently normal and common for people to have MULTIPLE friends (not even partners!!! or family!!!) that they are talking to on a constant ongoing basis at any given time, and at the possibility that I was treating my friend's feelings with kid gloves when it REALLY wasn't that hashtag deep for them.
2 clarified that they never initiate these kinds of chats, but when others initiate with them, they're fairly comfortable with simply letting these kinds of pings go unanswered, assuming the other person will just move on to someone else without taking it personally.
3 confessed to me that they once tried to do something similar with me, and eventually gave up, but had felt a bit hurt and rejected at my lack of enthusiasm, because they assumed that I was doing this with other people, just not them specifically. they sympathized very strongly with my friend.
4 also recalled that they had at one point tried something similar with me, but sort of got that I wasn't one of those people who would be receptive to this style of communication and wasn't particularly bothered by this, agreeing with 2 that the expectation is not that the recipient HAS to respond, and that my friend should probably pay closer attention to the face-saving social cues I was sending by not responding or responding slowly.
but yeah, the takeaway from this conversation is that people's preferences and experiences and expectations when it comes to digital communication are WILDLY varied, and because both communication technology and the social conventions surrounding them are changing CONSTANTLY (just a few examples: are read receipts good or bad? what about typing indicators? online status? are emoji reacts or gifs/stickers an acceptable substitute for an actual reply? group chats vs. 1:1 DMs? synchronicity and formality of various communication methods like email and chat and video? are phone calls are still socially acceptable?) there are either no agreed-on norms or different camps of people have vastly different understandings of what the norms are
among the other highlights/a-ha moments of this discussion:
Friend 4 asked another friend who is even MORE extraverted than they are what their # was and they reported somewhere in the ballpark of 20-40 people in any given week which is absolutely buckwild to me (importantly, all four of us in the original group happen to be software engineers, a class of people notorious for their lack of sociability, so I have no confidence that I have captured a representative sample size even within this particular group—the numbers both 3 and 4 gave were still both in the single digits, though they are definitely the warmest and friendliest of the bunch)
I realized that one difference between me and 3/4 was that we fulfill our social needs quite differently? specifically, I mostly connect with friends over group chats, of which I have a handful that are quite chatty and at least one or two that I'm actively posting in on any given day. I also typically have at least one, often multiple, real-life social plans every week! I am, in fact, very satisfied with my social life, to the point where it is almost maxing out my social quota (especially recently now that I've started dating someone)! but anyway—I find group chats to be my ideal form of day-to-day communication because there's less urgency and pressure for any individual person to contribute if they're not feeling up for it, and ALSO in the case of group chats where at least one member is a straight man (which is the majority of them for me, and I call out straight men only because they are the only demographic I have historically had this issue with) there is less room for platonic interactions to be undesirably misinterpreted as romantic
3/4 expressed that they prefer 1:1 conversations because they feel more personal and they can be more vulnerable about sensitive topics, which I would generally agree with—though in several of my group chats, I personally do feel comfortable enough with all the members to share things about myself with the entire group just by virtue of having known everyone for a long time and having built group camaraderie, but they seemed to not be comfortable with this without having previously established a consistent 1:1 pattern of day-to-day communication (or maybe they meant they were uncomfortable with the group forum itself, even if they were cool with sharing with everyone individually)?
they also expressed that for them, frequent unsolicited checkins and 1:1 attention from a friend would feel exciting/flattering/validating for them, whereas for me it would feel overwhelming, especially if we weren't THAT close
I do use 1:1 DMs also, but for a very different set of use cases: 1) if I haven't caught up with someone in a while (read: weeks or months), in which case we'll often just not text super long and make plans to call or meet in person instead, or 2) if I have something specific to say, like "here's this meme/song/piece of news I think you'd like to see" or "I need advice on X" or "guess what happened that made me think of you" or "I heard X happened, are you OK?"
I found that whereas I have a very clear distinction between communication preferences with a friend (someone I talk to on a regular basis but don't have a constant line of individual communication with) vs. a significant other (more or less willing to do this, unless they preferred not to), such a boundary between a platonic and romantic relationship does NOT exist for all people which boggled my mind
but yes anyway. I am learning so much about the way people view socializing in the digital age and I am so curious to know more and I kind of wish more people talked about this more openly (specifically among friends! because in my experience this is something that is fairly common to sort out explicitly in a romantic context) because I think this is probably the kind of thing that no one talks about because people are either afraid of potentially hurting feelings or everyone is just kind of assuming by default that their takes are universal without realizing that no actually, many people have strong opinions on this that are the polar opposite of theirs
but my gut feeling is that there is a lot of completely unnecessary friction that could just be resolved if only we could agree that it's cool to be more upfront about what our communication preferences are without worrying about that being taken extremely personally by the other party? bc idk, every single person I talked to about this today was like holy shit this was a whole fucking revelation actually, I can't believe I hadn't thought about this before thank you for bringing this up
#cam thoughts#I still have to talk to original friend#but am thinking maybe doing this next time I see them in person bc I find it so much easier to convey tone not when typing#bc there is an external factor that I suspect may have to do with why they're suddenly reaching out so frequently and I want to be sensitiv#but now I want to know the answer to this question for literally everyone I know. Im SO curious what is actually objectively normal/typical#but my gut tells me that this is like#inherently a delicate question to ask bc it can really make it uncomfortably clear if 2 ppl are not on the same page re:their friendship#also I realized that most of this group are specifically SWEs who have worked ON a chat application in the past.#so of COURSE we all have super strong opinions about literally all of this which is hilarious#also I didn't want to say it but have I definitely been thinking *meme voice* is this attachment theory? this whole time? lowkey mayhaps.#also also if you're reading this and I ever left you on read please do know that I do feel bad about it and I am sorry#final postscript I do not mean to suggest that I never want to be reached out to or checked in on. just. my capacity for social threads#is extremely low so please don't take it personally if I cannot prioritize your message right away or scale back chatting to a slower pace#tl;dr everyone is normal and fine and just different and the sooner we realize this the healthier our digital social lives will become.
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really want to read more and more literature (esp classics!) aghhhh yesterday iirc i was on a walk with my mom and twin and an old guy (not a weirdo dw) who was jogging or walking too actually asked what book i was carrying and it's a little funny bcs uhm he just went "oh a classic!" you see. i was carrying dante's inferno. which i still haven't properly started to read but anyways he might... if my mom is right... be the local parish guy so oopsies !! LMAO anyways yeah really interested in lovecraft for a while now! horror scares me and gives me paranoia but i also enjoy the writing of it? and i remember once that something/someone said my writing is kinda similar to his. hm.
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#i never talk about literature here but hi i grew up reading books and i really love literature. both fiction and non-fiction! admittedly i#less prefer modern books because i prefer classics and all that? and i kinda fucking hate people who only like boring and/or famous#literature lmfao fuck you but anyways putting my bitterness aside! arthur conan doyle with 'sherlock' of course & 'a dream within a dream'#dazai with 'no longer human' is something i think i'll really enjoy reading one day as well and hmm#i never properly read 'lord of the rings' despite my relative having the books and i borrowed it once? but didn't make the time to actually#read it unfortunately :(( 'the great gatsby' is something i also have yet to read and then jane austen's works!#and then. louisa may alcott ... i asked my mom right now about her books that we have/had and i did not fucking know we had#'little women' all this time holy shit. i remember reading 'a modern cinderella' but also i am unsure now... but yeah. that/those too!#shakespeare's works are of course a must-read hehe we do have 'the tempest' and i've read a couple of his works but only a little bit#either based off the knowledge i just. know. or for school back then! but yeah. you probably know his works already lmao <3#and then uhmm 'phantom of the opera' we have now as well! bought it alongside yk. 'the tempest' 'inferno' 'paradise lost & regained'#a few months ago but tbh i haven't made it very far in reading any of them yet but i really want to sometime! and learn more guitar!#and get back to playing piano and also finish and play more games but anyways. yes.#george orwell's books! we have a few if i'm not mistaken (love my family fr) i really want to read them. my dad keeps recommending#his works for us to read. especially 'animal farm' but i've heard '1984' is really good. i also really want to read more of narnia!#only ever read the first book and wow it meant a lot to me tbh? with. growing up and all. and then i read a bit of another book hmm.#'to kill a mockingbird' was something i have wanted to read since i read 'the hunger games' as a kid because i for some reason connected#the two in a way because of the word mockingbird. and then uh other books that i don't think are as... classics. idk what are classics tbh.#BUT okay yeah i still haven't read 'a monster calls' but i know it made my twin and mom cry! and then 'the fault in our stars' we have but#i also haven't read it... haven't read the witcher books either and then george r. r. martin's stuff. tbf i'm not an adult yet so lmfao.#'the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy' i know my dad really wants to read and i know my tita has it but i'm not completely sure if we have#it ourselves too now? but yeah. really interested in that book as well. and then i have yet to read 'frankenstein' and then i'd love to#reread books from my childhood from authors like roald dahl !! and then man i should read more from#neil gaiman ... i've read his short stories? and a book. or few. i can't really remember.#anyways. okay. running out of tags but i really love literature ..... <3#also want to read more of modern literature tbh! the ones that are actually good tho <33
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really hate how they/them pronouns have lost all meaning as a neutral pronoun. like everyone, especially queer people see them as 'third gender' pronouns. and .... that really does defeat the purpose now doesn't it
#people can have whatever emotional response they want#but degendering and misgendering are two different things .... except no they aren't not anymore#and now it's suddenly possible to misgender someone using the supposedly neutral pronouns#meaning they were never neutral to anyone anyway#scraping the bottom of the barrel here for linguistic ease of use and it's still not enough#i've been so raw lately and keenly aware of the ways in which binary trans people will shit all over non binary people#and they seem to think it's punching laterally but ..... women and men are majority genders#women may be persecuted but they are not a goddamn minority and to be in a gender minority constantly getting dumped on#by normatively gendered people even the ones who were supposed to be our allies in the fight against gender essentialism#it's wild#binary trans people always seem to hate having shared umbrella terms with us#oft citing that we 'don't mind' being misgendered ... as if that's not a requirement to survive in our society#we have to be willing to misgender ourselves just to move through the world#and to act like using neutral pronouns is prioritizing the nb experience over the binary one is willfully oblique#i hate when they say 'you're just inventing a new binary' well unfortunately some of us have shared médical needs and some don't#how is it wisdom to deny that fact ... in order to what distance yourselves from us wishy washy nb types?#im also very raw cause im so aware of the way that afab trans people are just erased from#history across the board#many many cultures had third genders or third gender communities .... none that i know of included afab people#yes - amab people are the targets of all the violence ... but they are also the ones who are being societally acknowledged#bit of a self fulfilling prophecy there#its just annoying? to see yourself erased in the present and past and to see your supposed allies join in because it suits them more to be#separate from you than in a coalition with you#the oppression olympics starts immediatly of course
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Sometimes, we hurt our friends. And even though we apologize many times, that doesn't erase that fact. We still hurt them either way, and it's not our place to choose whether they forgive us or not because the one who got hurt was them, and not us. We may not even know the full amount of pain that they felt in that moment, and that's real.
So just apologize, but don't expect forgiveness.
#so i hurt a friend#i was playfully raising a fist against him as a joke#i didnt know he was traumatized by that action because of his father#we dont really talk about that stuff because well he never days anything#but still#it doesnt erase the fact that i hurt him#whether i knew it or that it was unknowingly#i still did#and i am not going to invalidate that#he explained right after to me that he was uncomfortable with that action of mine#and i apologized#but i suppose it wasnt enough#he wants to distance himself now#and i respect that#we might never return to what we used to be#and i get that#but of course it doesnt mean that im not sad about it#i made a mistake#and i hurt my friend#even i cant forgive myself#i was wrong to think that just because we talk and that we send reels to each other#meant that we were now fine#that was presumptuous of me#i think#it may be best to begin distancing from this one too
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The discussions around whether or not to vote for Kamala keep being dominated by very loud voices shouting that anyone who advocates for her “just doesn't care about Palestine!” and “is willing to overlook genocide!” and “has no moral backbone at all!” And while some of these voices will be bots, trolls, psyops - we know that this happens; we know that trying to persuade progressives to split the vote or not vote at all is a strategy employed by hostile actors - of course many of them won't be. But what this rhetoric does is continually force the “you should vote for her” crowd onto the back foot of having to go to great lengths writing entire essays justifying their choice, while the “don't vote/vote third party” crowd is basically never asked to justify their choice. It frames voting for Kamala as a deeply morally compromised position that requires extensive justification while framing not voting or voting third party as the neutral and morally clean stance.
So here's another way of looking at it. How much are you willing to accept in order to feel like you're not compromising your morals on one issue?
Are you willing to accept the 24% rise in maternal deaths - and 39% increase for Black women - that is expected under a federal abortion ban, according to the Centre for American Progress? Those percentages represent real people who are alive now who would die if the folks behind Project 2025 get their way with reproductive healthcare.
Are you willing to accept the massive acceleration of climate change that would result from the scrapping of all climate legislation? We don't have time to fuck around with the environment. A gutting of climate policy and a prioritisation of fossil fuel profits, which is explicitly promised by Trump, would set the entire world back years - years that we don't have.
Are you willing to accept the classification of transgender visibility as inherently “pornographic” and thus the removal of trans people from public life? Are you willing to accept the total elimination of legal routes for gender-affirming care? The people behind the Trump campaign want to drive queer and trans people back underground, back into the closet, back into “criminality”. This will kill people. And it's maddening that caring about this gets called “prioritising white gays over brown people abroad” as if it's not BIPOC queer and trans Americans who will suffer the most from legislative queer- and transphobia, as they always do.
Are you willing to accept the domestic deployment of the military to crack down on protests and enforce racist immigration policy? I'm sure it's going to be very easy to convince huge numbers of normal people to turn up to protests and get involved in political organising when doing so may well involve facing down an army deployed by a hardcore authoritarian operating under the precedent that nothing he does as president can ever be illegal.
Are you willing to accept a president who openly talks about wanting to be a dictator, plans on massively expanding presidential powers, dehumanises his political enemies and wants the DOJ to “go after them”, and assures his supporters they won't have to vote again? If you can't see the danger of this staring you right in the face, I don't know what to tell you. Allowing a wannabe dictator to take control of the most powerful country on earth would be absolutely disastrous for the entire world.
Are you willing to accept an enormous uptick in fascism and far-right authoritarianism worldwide? The far right in America has huge influence over an entire international network of “anti-globalists”, hardcore anti-immigrant xenophobes, transphobic extremists, and straight-up fascists. Success in America aids and emboldens these people everywhere.
Are you willing to accept an enormous number of preventable deaths if America faces a crisis in the next four years: a public health emergency, a natural disaster, an ecological catastrophe? We all saw how Trump handled Hurricane Maria in Puerto Rico. We all saw how Trump handled Covid-19. He fanned the flames of disaster with a constant flow of medical misinformation and an unspeakably dangerous undermining of public health experts. It's estimated that 40% of US pandemic deaths could have been avoided if the death rates had corresponded to those in other high-income countries. That amounts to nearly half a million people. One study from January 2021 estimated between around 4,200 and 12,200 preventable deaths attributable purely to Trump's statements about masks. We're highly unlikely to face another global pandemic in the next few years but who knows what crises are coming down the pipeline?
Are you willing to accept the attempted deportation of millions - millions - of undocumented people? This is “rounding people up and throwing them into camps where no one ever hears from them again” territory. That's a blueprint for genocide right there and it's a core tenet of both Trump's personal policy and Project 2025. And of course they wouldn't be going after white people. They most likely wouldn't even restrict their tyranny to people who are actually undocumented. Anyone racially othered as an “immigrant” would be at risk from this.
Are you willing to accept not just the continuation of the current situation in Palestine, but the absolute annihilation of Gaza and the obliteration of any hope for imminent peace? There is no way that Trump and the people behind him would not be catastrophically worse for Gaza than Kamala or even Biden. Only recently he was telling donors behind closed doors that he wanted to “set the [Palestinian] movement back 25 or 30 years” and that “any student that protests, I throw them out of the country”. This is not a man who can be pushed in a direction more conducive to peace and justice. This is a man who listens to his wealthy donors, his Christian nationalist Republican allies, and himself.
Are you willing to accept a much heightened risk of nuclear war? Obviously this is hardly a Trump policy promise. But I can't think of a single president since the Cold War who is more likely to deploy nuclear weapons, given how casually he talks about wanting to use them and how erratic and unstable he can be in his dealings with foreign leaders. To quote Foreign Policy only this year, “Trump told a crowd in January that one of the reasons he needed immunity was so that he couldn’t be indicted for using nuclear weapons on a city.” That's reassuring. I'm not even in the US and I remember four years of constant background low-level terror that Trump would take offence at something some foreign leader said or think that he needs to personally intervene in some military situation to “sort it out” and decide to launch the entire world into nuclear war. No one sane on earth wants the most powerful person on the planet to be as trigger-happy and careless with human life as he is, especially if he's running the White House like a dictator with no one ever telling him no. But depending on what Americans do in November, he may well be inflicted again on all of us, and I guess we'll all just have to hope that he doesn't do the worst thing imaginable.
“But I don't want those things! Stop accusing me of supporting things I don't support!” Yes, of course you don't want those things. None of us does. No one's saying that you actively support them. No one's accusing you of wanting Black women to die from ectopic pregnancies or of wanting to throw Hispanic people in immigrant detention centres or of wanting trans people to be outlawed (unlike, I must point out, the extremely emotive and personal accusations that get thrown around about “wanting Palestinian children to die” if you encourage people to vote for Kamala).
But if you're advocating against voting for Kamala, you are clearly willing to accept them as possible consequences of your actions. That is the deal you're making. If a terrible thing happening is the clear and easily foreseeable outcome of your action (or in the case of not voting, inaction), in a way that could have been prevented by taking a different and just as easy action, you are partly responsible for that consequence. (And no, it's not “a fear campaign” to warn people about things he's said, things he wants to do, and plans drawn up by his close allies. This is not “oooh the Democrats are trying to bully you into voting for them by making him out to be really bad so you'll feel scared and vote for Kamala!” He is really bad, in obvious and documented and irrefutable ways.)
And if you believe that “both parties are the same on Gaza” (which, you know, they really aren't, but let's just pretend that they are) then presumably you accept that the horrors being committed there will continue, in the immediate term anyway, regardless of who wins the presidency. Because there really isn't some third option that will appear and do everything we want. It's going to be one of those two. And we can talk all day about wanting a better system or how unfair it is that every presidential election only ever has two viable candidates and how small the Overton window is and all that but hell, we are less than eighty days out from the election; none of that is going to get fixed between now and November. Electoral reform is a long-term (but important!) goal, not something that can be effected in the span of a couple of months by telling people online to vote third party. There is no “instant ceasefire and peace negotiation” button that we're callously overlooking by encouraging people to vote for Kamala. (My god, if there was, we would all be pressing it.)
If we're suggesting people vote for her, it's not that we “are willing to overlook genocide” or “don't care about sacrificing brown people abroad” or whatever. Nothing is being “overlooked” here. It's that we're simply not willing to accept everything else in this post and more on top of continued atrocities in Gaza. We're not willing to take Trump and his godawful far-right authoritarian agenda as an acceptable consequence of feeling like we have the moral high ground on Palestine. I cannot stress enough that if Kamala doesn't win, we - we all, in the whole world - get Trump. Are you willing to accept that?
And one more point to address: I've seen too many people act frighteningly flippant and naïve about terrible things Trump or his campaign want to do, with the idea that people will simply be able to prevent all these bad things by “organising” and “protesting” and “collective action”. “I'm not willing to accept these things; that's why I'll fight them tooth and nail every day of their administration” - OK but if you're not even willing to cast a vote then I have doubts about your ability to form “the Resistance”, which by the way would have to involve cooperation with people of lots of progressive political stripes in order to have the manpower to be effective, and if you're so committed to political purity that you view temporarily lending your support to Kamala at the ballot box as an untenable betrayal of everything you stand for then forgive me for also doubting your ability to productively cooperate with allies on the ground with whom you don't 100% agree. Plus, if the Trump campaign gets its way, American progressives would be kept so busy trying to put out about twenty different fires at once that you'd be able to accomplish very little. Maybe you get them to soften their stance on trans healthcare but oh shit, the climate policies are still in place. But more importantly, how many people do you think will protest for abortion rights if doing so means staring down a gun? Or organise to protect their neighbours from deportation if doing so means being thrown in prison yourself? And OK, maybe you're sure that you will, but history has shown us time and time again that most people won't. Most people aren't willing to face that kind of personal risk. And a tiny number of lefties willing to risk incarceration or death to protect undocumented people or trans people or whatever other groups are targeted is sadly not enough to prevent the horrors from happening. That is small fry compared to the full might of a determined state. Of course if the worst happens and Trump wins then you should do what you can to mitigate the harm; I'm not saying you shouldn't. But really the time to act is now. You have an opportunity right here to mitigate the harm and it's called “not letting him get elected”. Act now to prevent that kind of horrific authoritarian situation from developing in the first place; don't sit this one out under the naïve belief that “we'll be able to stop it if it happens”. You won't.
#politics#us politics#american politics#us election#election 2024#2024 elections#2024 election#us elections#2024 presidential election#project 2025#agenda 47#antifascism#please vote#your vote matters#voting matters#harris#kamala#kamala harris#my posts
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no idea why but for some reason i feel like the next episode of dr who's gonna be one i'll especially want to be caught up for? again no clue why i feel that way since i'm currently behind - it's not even like i've seen the teaser for it yet or anything - but fwiw the last time i had that feeling was before fugitive of the judoon, and love or hate that episode i'd say i was right about needing to experience it in real time. i've never been one to care about spoilers much but i do very clearly remember making a point of staying off dr who related internet spaces until i got home from work the day that one dropped (and having any feelings that remind me of pre-pandemic 2020 is already a trip in itself wow) & i kinda think im about to wind up doing the same this weekend (since i already know im not gonna be able to watch it right away)
#i will however try to catch up now so im at the right point to watch it soon as i do get a chance (& thus return here)#oh & i should state for the record i am not one of the people who thinks jonathan groff is gonna be playing jack somehow#(i realize that could sound like the implication given the otherwise very random comparison i just made. trust me i meant it to be random)#to be honest i would love to see his character be something like the one jamie parker voiced in plight of the pimpernel#(i mean if it has to be like anything we've seen before that is. which of course it doesnt)#again i have zero reasoning for this#i mean aside from simply having enjoyed that audio#but who knows perhaps once i catch up to where rogue actually falls in the season i'll have taken that back#it was a rather dark twist i could easily see it not being appropriate to drop in the middle of just any old season#depending on what the vibes of the surrounding episodes are i mean#i get the sense the most recent one was about racism no?#so for all i know maybe now is actually the time for a lighter one#still cant believe how far into this season we are#then again i cant get used to these short seasons anyway & i dont intend to either#8 episodes is honestly disgraceful it does NOT get credit just for being longer than flux#at least that had an excuse#anyway on the off chance anyone's been wondering - this is why i've not been posting much about current who lately#i've been too busy to keep up but hopefully that changes this week#the david tennant specials i also watched far after the fact & never bothered to formally comment on them#i think i may have thoughts on the first & last ones typed up in my drafts somewhere but im p sure we're done discoursing about those#so i was planning on just letting it go for now anyway#we'll see
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