#If you need to cope with something and you identify as that character then that’s copinglinking in and on itself

[copinglink-culture-is]

(very specific) confused copinglink culture is seeing people using copinglink bots on discord and wanting to copinglink as well because you feel like it could help you, but not knowing what characters to link and how it fully works. is it acting like a character? is it feeling like a character? and not knowing because it's so hard to find good info on it.

‎ 

[horreurscopes]

the whole adhd going trendy thing that's now being discussed in, like, npr podcasts (insofar as tiktok is an extension of "the mainstream") is fascinating because that was basically a stage of self actualization that tumblr went through, like, at least three or four years ago. y'know; that's not a symptom of adhd, that's a common human experience. everyone forgets to eat produce in the fridge sometimes. everyone's mind occasionally wanders during a conversation, and so on.

but at least in circles of tumblr with critical thinking skills this has led to better insights, "culturally" (as in - people here don't have to go looking themselves for anti-psychiatry literature to encounter these ideas; it is something that can be absorbed via osmosis if one is interested in social justice and sees relevant topics on the dashboard, which i think is generally a good thing), about the systems of oppression that lead people to attach themselves to these medicalized labels; why, for example, a diagnosis that means "there is something broken in my biological make-up that makes me ontologically unable to complete tasks, and therefore it is not my fault, nor a moral reflection of my character, if i am unable to work myself to exhaustion" might be so appealing to so many people in a society where creating capital for the ruling class via wage slavery is a sign of virtue; and what incentives the psychiatric institution may have to both diagnose and medicate people to fix "can't work" syndrome.

(and yes, people here still debate to exhaustion what "actually adhd" vs, lets say, "culturally adhd" means; but that's not what this post is about. to me it is very similar to the chemical imbalance model of depression: is it likely there are certain individuals who one day, simply and for no reason, experience their ability to feel joy "turning off"; or even individuals who are more genetically vulnerable to becoming depressed when faced with adverse circumstances [the way a tendency towards alcoholism can be inherited]; but these are a small number in comparison to the great majority of depression sufferers who would not be labelled "mentally ill", were it not for the systemic circumstances one is unable to escape, and consequently, cope with.)

and yet now that this conversation has reached the "mainstream", it boggles the mind that the conclusion even the most liberal cultural outlets reach all basically amount to "we need better, more accurate diagnostic tools" and a call for more nuance in psychiatry, so as to better distinguish those "real" sufferers of broken brain disease, who are then allowed to use stimulant drugs to be shaped back into the rank and file (aka, people who have a magical brain that reacts in a special, morally acceptable way to stimulant drugs as long as they are not used recreationally), from the "fakers", who need to grit their teeth through their personal failure to make themselves do shit they would not choose to do were it not for the threat of starvation, homelessness and death, and pull themselves up by their bootstraps (aka, people who have normal non-magical brains which respond to stimulant drugs in dirty, hedonistic, cheating-the-system ways).

and not, you know, the fact that "working yourself to death doing dull boring punishing work" culture might be the biggest cause for people identifying with "really struggle to work myself to death doing dull boring punishing work" syndrome, or than an institution founded on categorizing people via their inability to conform to a set of social norms that do not exist in an apolitical vacuum, might have an incentive to create a label for it.

[beekeeperspicnic]

Advanced warning that this made me cry when I thought about it, and then I shared it with friends and it made them cry too, but I think it's ultimately a nice thought so I want to share it. Sorry if it gives you the sniffles.

I'm always cautious when it comes to parasocial relationships - with actors I don't actually want to know the ins and outs of their lives, they are strangers to me and that's how it should be.

But like a lot of Sherlock Holmes fans I've ended up becoming a Jeremy Brett fan to some extent, because first you love his performance, then you find out the sheer dedication he put into that role, and then you find out how he did so while coping with significant mental and physical health problems, and then you hear story after story which suggests he was a lovely man whose mind seemed to put barrier after barrier in the way of him getting to experience the full extent of the joy he put out into the world. And I think a lot of us identify with that.

There's a quote from "The Jeremy Brett - Linda Pritchard story" floating around on Tumblr where Pritchard describes how one thing which really bothered him at the end of his life was that he couldn't give any more performances for his fans. Apparently hearing that the Sherlock Holmes series was on video (something he hadn't considered because he didn't own a video player), and his fans could watch him over and over again, made him happy.

And of course, my first thought when I heard that is I think he'd be so happy to know we're still watching them and dissecting his every movement and expression.

But it also hit me because during Beekeeper's Picnic recording sessions, Jeremy Brett is mentioned so often. Ok we've got at least one actor who worked with him (and indeed reports unsurprisingly that he was "lovely"!) but also people my age who were kids or not born yet when that series aired - they're professional actors, for whom Jeremy Brett remains 'their' Holmes, their point of reference for the character.

I can't wait for all of you to get to hear our amazing Holmes actor James Quinn, but it wouldn't be feasible to get him in every recording, and so often our actors have to just read his lines and respond. Once, one of them said "I'll just imagine Jeremy Brett," and I love that so much. Somewhere baked into my little game, is an Imaginary Jeremy Brett, called forth by an actor needing a Holmes to bounce off.

Jeremy Brett's performance isn't locked in amber, a thing of the past. It's fresh for each new generation that sees it, and it inspires new performances and new art. He'd adore that, I'm sure.

And to get even more philosophical, I think that goes for all creative work - and anything else you do in life. No matter how big or small the action, you never know how big your ripples you leave behind are. It's worth remembering.

[skarlaya]

8x17 Reaction

I’ve seen some… interesting takes on the episode, so I thought I’d share my thoughts after watching it twice because I think in the heat of the moment some people misconstrued a lot of what went down during the kitchen argument. This is going to be long so sorry about that in advance:

1- Eddie did not “almost raise a hand” to Buck, not even close. I watched this scene again multiple times after seeing the appalling takes people were sharing online… and they are completely unfounded. He grabbed his shoulder a little roughly (probably more roughly than Eddie himself intended to) and pointed a finger in his face… was this jarring? Yes. Was it violent? Absolutely fucking NOT. Could someone who has a history of trauma be triggered by that split second rough movement? Of course… just like I’m sure there are people who get trigged by something weekly on this show. If Eddie grabbing Buck’s shoulder while angry triggered you, then I can only imagine how triggered you must have been by Bobby slamming Buck into a wall in S1 while threatening him, and Chimney punching Buck to the floor in S5, Athena slapping Harry or Buck nearly breaking Eddie’s ankle because he was so caught up in his jealousy that he wasn’t in full control of himself while playing basketball. None of these actions make these main characters violent abusers. You know who was a violent abuser? Doug. There’s no comparison.

2- Buck was not afraid of Eddie in this scene and he did not flinch; we don’t even see Buck’s face when Eddie gets in his space but his head does not jerk back and he doesn’t move away, nor does his face show any sign of fear or discomfort when the camera cuts to his face when Eddie steps back. He doesn’t even show annoyance or anger about it, because he never for a second was worried Eddie would hit him

3- Eddie was not the only one being a dick in this argument. Buck came home with groceries that he picked up despite knowing Eddie intended to do the shopping, and he did that intentionally because he was mad that he found out Eddie got the EPFD job from Ravi. He’s mad and hurt that Eddie is leaving again but deep down he knew he would be, mostly he’s just mad and hurt that Eddie yet again didn’t tell him he was leaving (and this time he told other people first). Buck and Eddie have very distinct patterns when they argue and those are on full display here: Buck is passive aggressive with his intentional remarks and prods at Eddie to get a reaction, and Eddie lashes out and says harsh things

4- What leads Eddie to point his finger in Buck’s face is that Buck accuses Eddie of not being sad enough over Bobby’s death when he passive aggressively says “I’m sorry I’m sad that Bobby’s dead”. This is not Buck defending his own grief, this is him attacking Eddie’s grief by saying Eddie isn’t sad enough or not as sad as Buck. That accusation is what makes Eddie lose his cool for half a second, which is exactly what Buck intended because arguing with Eddie is easier than dealing with their shared grief

5- Buck actually IS making everything all about him right now, and I admit on my first watch I was pretty annoyed with Eddie for this line but on my rewatch it was obvious that Eddie is right. I think it’s hard for us to see that at first because we identify with Buck’s grief easier since Bobby was our “captain dad” like he was for Buck, and we also felt Buck’s helplessness at watching Bobby die. Leading up to the funeral, Buck was leaning on Maddie somewhat and was there to talk Chim into attending the funeral, but it seems like once the funeral was over and there were no more items on the checklist to get through he caved in on himself. We don’t see him reaching out to Athena or May or Harry to ask what they need or looking for ways to support them… he isn’t talking to Hen about her unique experience of having been in the lab quarantine with Bobby vs his own guilt over not being able to save them all or trying to help Chim cope with the knowledge that Bobby chose Chim’s life over his own… he isn’t letting Eddie work through the guilt over not being there when they needed him (and in light of this scene, it adds new context to Buck’s light and dismissive “hey, you’re here now” when Eddie told Ravi he should have been there… Eddie is trying to reach out and Buck is dismissing his pain, without realizing it). Ever since the funeral, he is spiraling exactly as Eddie said… he’s seeing the fact that the 118 isn’t eating together as his family abandoning him instead of recognizing that they all just need some time to process their grief in their own ways. He’s evaluating his friends to give their grief a score, and subconsciously he’s judging their grief scores against his own and each other’s instead of opening up and sharing their grief together. And he’s not happy for Eddie about the EPFD job, even though he would have tried to be before Bobby’s death (as much as it made him sad to think Eddie really wasn’t coming back now)… he’s judging Eddie for leaving again even though he knew Eddie would have to go back to Chris eventually, because how can Eddie leave him again after Bobby died, how can Eddie just move on when Bobby is dead? And he automatically accused Eddie of not thinking he did enough to save Bobby, when what Eddie is saying is that he blames himself for not being there when the team needed him. Grief is selfish, because it’s impossible for your feelings not to hang over everything else including how you think you’re looking after your loved ones. Buck is trying to live up to what Bobby told him in that the others would need him, but the way he is going about it is all wrong - he’s focusing on it through making sure he’s doing enough and not on what anyone (including himself) actually needs.

6- Eddie did not imply that Buck didn’t do all he could to save Bobby, that is not what “I don’t know, Buck, I wasn’t there” means. It’s not Eddie doubting Buck, it’s Eddie voicing yet again that he blames himself because he wasn’t there. He knows Buck did everything he could, but he also knows they can’t know how things would have gone if Eddie had been there inside the lab. But Buck has been so focused on his own grief that he still isn’t hearing Eddie when Eddie is trying to get him to understand how much he’s hurting over not being there so Eddie throws out a passive aggressive parting shot of his own

7- We’re not going to see a more in-depth apology for the kitchen argument because it’s not necessary for the narrative and we can assume they had a discussion off-camera in which Eddie reiterated that he was a dick and didn’t mean to be so harsh, and Buck in turn apologized for intentionally provoking a fight and being cruel with his passive aggressive words. They’re both at fault- Buck started the argument on purpose and Eddie ended it by being slightly more of an asshole. When Buck came home to find that Eddie came back, he forgave him instantly simply because Eddie came back - he saw him at his worst (see passive aggressive cruelty) and he came back anyway. He was absolutely going to still be a petty bitch about the note right up until he saw Chris, but he’d forgiven Eddie the moment he realized Eddie came back

8- The note was petty AF but Eddie is petty as is Buck. I’m sure Tim and the writers wanted the symbolism of Buck waking up to a goodbye note from Eddie like Eddie did from Shannon, but where Shannon never came home Eddie came back to Buck and he brought Chris. Buck should absolutely be a petty bitch about the note from time to time, though, because it’s Buck

Grief is messy, but like Buck once said to Maddie you lash out at the people you know will always forgive you (the people who love you). That’s simply a part of human nature, we’re flawed creatures.

[creatureheart]

Decided to update my "a basic look into the nonhuman identity" post.

All of it is basically the same as the old one, but with a few minor tweaks here and there. =D

All pictures have ALT text included, plain text under the cut.

Nonhuman as an identity: To identify as not human either fully or partially. (hate/trolls will be reported and deleted)

Reminder: These are all personal identities and why someone identifies as nonhuman and what term someone decides to use for themself is exclusively their business. In the end it is what makes the most sense to the individual and not up to others. Now, onto some of the communities that are included under the nonhuman identity:

Nonhuman: To identify as not human either fully or partially. Used both as an umbrella term, and a standalone identity. How specific you get with your identity and what terms you use is entirely up to you. Sometimes "nonhuman" is enough.

Otherkin: from the term "otherkind" - an identity which typically encompasses being wholly or partially a nonhuman entity. Usually understood to cover those who identify as mythical creatures and other fantastical things, but these are not the only things otherkin covers. Also encompasses non-creature/being nonhuman identities.

Examples of non-creature/being based identities: Conceptkin: an identity where one identifies as a concept such as the concept of night or fire. Objectkin: and identity where one identifies as an object. Songkin: an identity where one identifies as a song. Phytanthrope or Plantkin: an identity where one identifies as a plant.

Examples of creature/being based identities: Therianthropy: usually shortened to therian - where one identifies AS a nonhuman animal. Some will say that this term refers to only earthen animals, living or extinct, but it has never only encompassed earthly animals. The community's language came from those who identify as werecreatures.

Theriomythic: an alternate identity term for one who identifies in some intrinsic was as a mythical creature, typically refers to those with animalistic characteristics. Paleotherian: an identity term for one who identifies as a now extinct earthly animal, like a dinosaur or mammoth.

Cladotherian or Cladokin: an identity term for one who does not identify as a distinct species, but a broader identity encompassing an entire genus or larger grouping. Cladomythic: an identity term for one who identifies as a group (clade) of animalistic mythical creatures.

Fictionkin: an identity term that covers all things fictional. For those who identify as something fictional like characters, animals, species, objects, etc. These can be from books, shows, video games, etc, but not always! Original fictional characters and such are also possible. No all those who are fictionkin identify as nonhuman.

There are many other identities that fall under the nonhuman umbrella which is why it's important to do your own research to figure out if a certain term works for you. While these identities are experience mostly involuntarily, the line between voluntary and involuntary can sometimes be incredibly blurry and hard to explain and figure out.

While the already mentioned identities are mostly involuntary, here are some identities that fall under being voluntary. Copinglink or Otherlink: an identity where one voluntarily identifies as nonhuman. Able to be changed as need dictates. This could be for a number of reasons, some examples being simply wanting to identify as nonhuman or as a consciously created coping mechanism. Copinglink was coined by Who-is-page, who made an official definition post in 2016, the definition detailing that the term is for all that want to take on a voluntary nonhuman identity, and not just for coping reasons.

A lot of people may also say that it is impossible to become a therian, otherkin, etc. While the identity is mostly involuntary, things like trauma and neurodivergence can cause an individual to take on a nonhuman identity when they had not had one previously.

Most will usually see people explain that these identities are spiritual or psychological, but these are only some of the ways that individuals may experience them. Some other experiences of nonhumanity: Symbolic, Metaphorical, Ancestral, Physical (Yes this is an actual reason for some and they are just as much a part of the community as anyone else. Physical and Ancestral nonhumans are part of the community's history and some of its founders.)

For those looking for more information, and community places, here are some places to check out! Werelist, Nonhuman National Park, Alterhuman Archive, The Chimera's Library. The above are forums and archives of information on the community. Most archived information is thanks to who-is-page, liongoatsnake and frameacloud on tumblr.

While this is a brief look into the nonhuman identity that I could share, I do hope it has been helpful in some way. Remember to be true to yourself, and don't let anyone tell you how to feel. Ignore, report, delete and block the haters! Yeen out~

[rin-and-jade]

Look Who's Here! : A Starting Guide for Fictives

This guide's specifically made mainly for Fictives, but Introjects are also welcomed to interact with this post!

You're just one step way from officially functioning in this world--so let's get you prepared before that, yeah?

Come on, Click below to start right away.

Introduction & Table of Contents

Here's the rundown that you'll go through step by step:

Identifying your Source

What characteristics you've obtained 2a. How to look for those hints 2b. Concluding the reason 2c. An explanation on Systems

Addressing Source / Pseudo Memories

Acclimating you to the real world 4a. How life works out here 4b. Basic tutorials for day-today living

Searching your Origin type 5a. Understanding Symbolism vs Coping

Two ways of Integration 6a. How to coexist with your Source 6b. How to do Source Separation

General life tips

Welcome to the World!

(WIP, Coming soon!)*

This guide will help you navigate common fictive-related challenges at any stage of your system journey, equipping you with awareness, confidence, and the preparation you need to face them head-on.

Are you not a Fictive? If you're lost, click Here for a redirect to the Alter Guide!

Identifying your Source

A fictive is a term to describe a part or an alter who identifies/relates to a character from any fictional works such as books, movies, tv shows, games, or even OCs, mythological beings and to historical figures--there is lots'a more sources that i didn't mention too.

Fictives are often formed from needs such as seeking the same strength, positivity, ideals, or traits the system felt lacking. Another reason why fictives can form is for personal comfort, or found a sense of connection, or to understand deeper about who they are by mirroring a source.

Lastly, fictives can have varying degrees of awareness. They can be fully knowledgeable of their own source, or feeling confused with their origins.

What Characteristics You've Obtained

If you don't know how ya got here or vaguely grasp what appearance you have inherited, this is where we will go through the process to start mapping in a more detailed, step-by-step to fully understand who you are!

First off, how would you describe your personality in one word? Once you got that down, go deeper on what feels natural about that. This helps you pinpoint what kind of vibe you've got.

Second, how would you interact with the world? Are you passive, social, strict, shy--and how well do you handle stress? What do you like doing the most? It helps you figure out your own strength and weaknesses.

What talking style do you have? Expressive? Chatty? Sparse? Nonverbal? Those are just examples, oh, and, what kinds of words do you use: casual or have your own niche? That'll answer what speaking style expresses you perfectly.

Any morals or values do you hold? Like, Do No Harm, or something. What do you consider right or wrong in your reasoning? It'll uncover what principles you have, and help you grow better.

Can you write down any rough and soft skills you have retained? Write just well? Adjusted with moving your physical body? To troubleshoot any skills you still need to refine, you know.

These 5 main questions will help you give an overall preview of who you are in the long run, it's also best to document any other consistencies that you've found outside of what i've wrote to understand yourself better. (2a)

Despite being a fictive, you can retain any other traits outside of your source since your origin acts to complete your identity and fill in the rest of the gaps. It's best to understand that you're allowed to act outside of your origin, or if you have a different response/thinking compared to the canon. (2b)

This is because a system is based on multiple expressions of identities that shares one body and mind, each and every member compliments to the whole dynamic with their own strengths and perspective.

To shortly brief you, a system consists of three main things:

Internal communication: the interaction between each other through internal dialogue, thoughts, or emotions

Switching and completing others: parts may take on different roles or tasks to get through the daily life

Individual agency: alters maintain their own agency and sense of self despite being in a collective with one mind and body

This will help you navigate the situation easier. If you felt like a stranger amidst the crowd of your system--don't worry, warming up to them would be a great start to ease the awkwardness away! (2c)

Addressing Source / Pseudo-memories

Most of the time, fictives will retain source memories alongside the introjected qualities, but it's also possible for them to have no source memories or only faint glimpses of them.

These memories are different from regular memories, because they’re often fabricated to fill in gaps caused by amnesia or dissociation that blocks the fictive from recalling real experiences. So, while they might not be completely accurate, that doesn’t make pseudo-memories a fake memory since they can still be used to reflect or reprocess things you’ve actually gone through in real life.

It’s also important not to mix them up with real memories. They're fragmented reflections of your experiences, not real things that had happened at the past. So i'd suggest you to be more observant to discern them better if you couldn't differentiate source memories from regular memories.

Acclimating You to the Real World

If you came from a source that’s very different from this world, it might feel pretty shocking at first--reading this will help you adapt better and faster, so i'll try to brief you as simply as i can:

Chronological time First, refresh your memory by checking what time, day, month, and year it is right now.

Home, and it's members Next, take a look at any existing notes or ask other alters about where you live, who you live with (and yes, pets count, they’re family too), and what role or career you currently have in life (like school, work, etc).

Play Spot the Differences If you notice something you don’t recognize at first, chances are it’s something you never learned about from your source memories. That's how you can start telling apart what belongs to this world and get familiar with it! (4a) If you’re not sure how to use something yet, i have wrote a section on how to use the most basic (and most important) items just right below it:

Phones: They are small technological devices that give you access to a lot of functions, like long-range communication (calling and texting), finding information (browsing the internet), and other extra features like ordering food or watching entertainment. These little slim boxes need a battery to run. You can see which charging cable it uses by looking at the hole (or port) on the side or bottom of the phone. Most phones are protected by a code or password before you can access everything, so make sure to memorize it carefully!

Money: people use these to trade for things they need or want like food, clothes, or etc. It’s a currency based on value; you give a certain amount of money, then in return you get the thing you want. There are two types of money--physical and digital. The physical currency are rectangular shaped paper that has numbers and designs on it, they're called bills,, and the smaller, metallic circles are called coins. You'll have to hand them to a register, and any excess you're given back is called a Change. The digital currency exists in your phone, often through an app or a bank, or a card with long serial numbers--that's either a debit/credit card. They have a different method compared to physical money, you'd have to swipe or tap them with a sensor your phone has been equipped with.

Home appliances: These are machines that were installed inside your house, they help you perform tasks such as cooking, preserving ingredients, and cleaning spaces. I'll teach you three kinds of machines you'd often interact with, Microwave: Heats up food fast. Usually, you just put your food inside, close the door, and type/dial how many minutes you want, and press “Start” (Be careful.. the food can get very hot) Refrigerator: Keeps food cold so it doesn’t spoil. You can put milk, meat, vegetables, or anything else that needs to stay fresh inside it. They prevent any potential microbes from growing that would make you sick. Broom: A simple stick with soft bristles at the end. You need to hold it upright and sweep it across the floor to collect dust and dirt into a pile, then scoop it up with a dustpan if you have one. Do put those debris away into a trashcan. If you see a long-tubed machine used for cleaning--that's a vacuum cleaner, and i don't recommend them if you're still struggling to adjust to the real world, so lets keep it simple like this. (4b)

The rest that are not written here should be guided from assistance, learning hands-on with another headmate is the best way to familiarize yourself in this world.

Searching your Origin type

Some fictives can be naturally aware on why they existed, so if you're not sure about where you came from, or why you're alive, finding your type of origin will help you understand the situation more.

For simplicity, i separated it to two main categories:

Symbolism: Symbolism is when your mind uses images, characters, places, or ideas to represent something you went through. It can be literal or abstract. E.g, if you feel like you came from a castle, that might actually symbolize feeling trapped, lonely, or important. Not about truly living in one of them.

Coping: Coping is when your mind creates things to help you survive or deal with hard stuff. Sometimes your identity, story, or memories are created as a way to handle emotions that would have been too overwhelming to directly face them. (5a)

Sometimes, fictives can be a mix of both, or switch between both types (E.g. originally formed for coping, then became a part of self expression, aka, positive symbolism). Remember that these are just descriptions to understand yourself, they are not literal boxes or categories.

Two Ways of Integration

There are no right or wrong ways to integrate, and any source you came from is valid and real. This section will brief you with two different paths of growing with your sense of identity: Source Integration and Source Separation.

One day, the identity you have right now will be limiting your sense of self and expression,, this is when integration can be done--most importantly this should NEVER be forced or done out of pressure, rather it has to come from the need to grow and expand from your current self.

--

I'm happy with my Source, how to Coexist?

If you have no issues with your source and facilitates your self expression and wish to keep certain positive traits, appearance, or personality, thats great! Here's three main steps on how you can make your new self based on your original source:

Identify which traits, key appearances, and any other things you truly resonate with

Replace the traits you prefer/resonate less, (E.g. blue hair color) with something you like more personally (make your hair red because you love the color's meaning)

Change your name, if you want to,, and embrace any favorites (like food, music) you have outside of the source--or explore them if you haven't done so

After that, the rest is up to you. BE FREE, RAHH!!! (6a)

--

I wish to Deviate from my Source, how?

If your source had been causing yourself some harm or more confusion, hatred, or enabling bad habits, or just general distaste,, anchoring to something else outside of your current source will ease most of those problems. Here's three main steps on how to separate and grow a newer self that truly aligns with your identity:

Acknowledge that you can be everything else outside of the appearance, personality, or habits you have adopted from your source. This helps weaken the grip on how you should act or be based on the past

Explore what you like and dislike without pressure or expectations, see how you truly feel and act accordingly--not based on your source anymore

Be consistent without needing to pivot your sense of self externally, following your internal compass and intuition instead. This builds a solid sense of self with time and patience

Things will take time to unlearn and replace your habits, it is also a good time to explore who you truly are when your source do not fully depict you well anymore. No need to rush. (6b)

General Life Tips

Seek out and explore, find what you like, what you don't like, what you find comfort in and who you can confide with. This will broaden your experience, deepen your emotional richness in your life, and ensure you can thrive in the long term!

Not all challenges can be overcome alone--actively search for information, ask other people, and go through trial and error. Sometimes being a fictive will give a mismatch from what you've learnt to a world that operates really different, brute force is not the only solution!

Be flexible and open to your identity. No one is forever static or unchanging, new experiences and new things will rewire you and it can't be unseen once done. You'll grow at your own pace so always remind yourself that you're you no matter what, and don't let past labels or boxes dictate how to act or live!

Life may felt jarring at first, but you'll get used to it, this takes time + patience and you'll confidently and comfortably get through the days like a seasoned commoner in earth, remember to have fun and crack jokes too!

And Finally..

Welcome to the World!

You're briefed with everything important that ya should know, you'll feel at home in no time,, the first day's the most memorable don't you think?

If you still got any questions, concerns, or confusion regarding the guide, or how to function and perform daily life tasks,, feel free to write them down here and i'll assist you as fast as i could!

Lastly, you're fully prepared. Now... run like the wind and hope you don't accidentally smash into a glass--or don't run, just chill out for the remainder of the day. They got soft blankets and chocolate drinks,, go enjoy life in your own taste man.

--

* Having trouble on figuring your role and job task after reading this guide? A separate post will be linked here in the future, stay tuned for part two!

- c

[ambiguous-avery]

Regrets and Second Chances

Sam Winchester x fem!Reader/You | Word Count: 2848

Summary: After hunting side by side with the Winchesters for a few months, you thought that you had been reading the signs between you and Sam correctly. The lingering touches, the shared glances, the late-night conversations on the hood of the Impala. But he turned you down. And even with a broken heart, you’ll still come running if it means helping him.

Tags/Warnings: Angst, open-ish ending, pining, unhealthy coping mechanisms, drinking, canon-typical violence, no beta we die like men

A/N: Alright this thing has been in my drafts for literal months. I think I’ve finally gotten it into a spot I’m happy with.

Sam didn’t drink.

Not often, at least. And when he did, it wasn’t much. So this was an extra special low for him. A different night for him. Which was why Sam found himself seated at a dimly lit bar, setting the empty shot glass back down in front of him. He didn’t get how Dean could drink this stuff like water. It burned all the way down and tasted acrid on his tongue.

Like a mix of regret and gasoline. Like a reminder of something better left forgotten. And tonight? Forgetting was exactly what Sam needed. He waved down the bartender, asking for another shot of whatever he just had. Whiskey, he was sure. He might have been well built, but Sam didn’t have the same tolerance for alcohol like Dean did. And even if he did, he wasn’t sure Dean would’ve been completely unaffected by three back-to-back shots. By now, Sam was already nursing a very comfortable buzz. But a buzz wasn’t enough to forget.

“I really like you, Sam. Do you think… do you think you’d wanna try the whole boyfriend-girlfriend thing with me?” you had asked, looking over at him while wringing your hands together. It was so out of character for you. He knew you as the capable hunter who had run with them for the past several months.

You had always been able to keep up with them. Surpassed both him and Dean occasionally whether it was by identifying the creature they had been hunting before them or putting it down before it could harm someone else. It was impressive. And he would be a damn liar if he said he didn’t feel any attraction to you. Though, he couldn’t fathom how someone like you would be interested in someone like him. You could’ve had anyone you wanted. And you’d pick him, of all people?

“I’m sorry, but I don’t think it would be a good idea,” Sam replied quietly. Your soft, “oh” was more than enough to break his heart. He only saw the briefest moment of disappointment cloud your eyes before he couldn’t bear to watch it, and he turned away. He was too weak to look you in the eye.

“Is it because of the hunting lifestyle?” Your voice was barely louder than a whisper, and if it hadn’t just been the two of you outside on the hood of the Impala, he might not have heard it. “Because I’m willing to try and make it work, Sam. I care about you more than anything else.”

“It’s not just that,” he muttered. Of course you would fight. It would’ve been so unlike you to just roll over and accept that open-ended answer. “I don’t feel that way about you,” he said. Like a liar. He felt a pang in his chest, his own words wrapping around his heart and constricting it. It was hard to breathe. He wanted to be anywhere but there. To say anything except the words he was saying. But it was for the best.

You had stopped hunting with them shortly after that.

It had been for your protection, he kept telling himself. To shield you from the darkness that clung to him and his brother like a curse. But now, sitting alone in the crowded bar, he questioned if that really had been the smartest choice. He knew that he cared about you far more than he was willing to admit. But it was too dangerous. He didn’t exactly have the best track record of romantic partners. Everyone eventually was taken from him. Sam was determined to keep you off of that list.

He knocked back the shot that had been set in front of him and tapped the bar for another. The alcohol seared his throat, but it couldn’t hold a candle to the pain of telling you no. Even if it was the right thing, it didn’t make it any easier. What was done was done. You had left, and that was probably the best decision you could’ve made. The further away you were from him, the safer you would be. The alcohol made it easier to believe. 

Another shot burned through him. 

The things he would give to turn back the clock and try it again. Maybe it didn’t have to be an outright declination. Maybe he could’ve given it a chance, and when it crashed and burned on its own, the two of you could’ve remained friends. He could’ve done something differently that didn’t lead to the bridge between you burning to ashes. 

His phone was in his hand, a message typed out before he caught himself. Was he desperate enough to beg you for another chance? Swaying slightly on the bar stool, he blinked a few times, as if it would clear his vision. It didn’t.

Miss tpy in sorry olease come bacj

His thumb hovered over the backspace button before a voice next to him drew his attention.

“Sam?”

And he turned to see you sitting on the bar stool next to him, looking just as perfect as the day you had walked away from him. His heart pounded in his chest, the alcohol taking hold in his system and making it hard for him to discern whether this was real or a figment of his imagination. Sam reached out tentatively, his hand trembling as it hovered in the air between you. You smiled softly at him. He breathed your name, as if saying it too loudly would shatter the illusion.

“I shouldn’t have left things like that,” you said softly, taking his hand and pressing it to your cheek. He sighed audibly at the contact, and you drew closer, half sliding off of the stool you were on. “Could we maybe try a do-over?”

His eyes went wide, disbelief warring with hope as he met your gaze. A wave of emotions flooded through him, the path made easy by the alcohol. It felt like a dream, something too good to be true. But your warmth against his hand. The earnest look in your eyes. Those were real. You were real.

He couldn’t be bothered to question the logistics of it all. Couldn’t be bothered by the little voice in the back of his head screaming that something about this whole thing was off. The universe was giving him another chance, and he wasn’t about to squander it.

He wet his lips, and a flicker of something ignited in Sam’s chest, partially dispelling the numbness that had begun to sink into his bones. A hesitant smile tugged at the corners of his lips as he nodded slowly. The weight on his chest lifted slightly, replaced by a fluttering sense of anticipation. A do-over. A chance to make things right. To let himself feel what he had been denying for so long. He leaned closer to you, whispering,

“A do-over sounds good.” Your smile widened, and you pressed your lips against his.

It was better than Sam ever could’ve imagined.

The kiss was soft, tentative at first, as if Sam were worried that showing you too much of his desperation would cause you to turn and run. But then something shifted, a mutual understanding between you. Your hand slid up to cup Sam’s jaw gently, deepening the kiss. And – oh – there it was. Warmth bloomed within Sam’s chest, chasing the alcohol in his veins like wildfire. This was right. You were right.

Why had he ever fought this in the first place? His hands found your waist, pulling you closer until you were practically in his lap. Everything about you was intoxicating. Your scent. Your taste. The way your fingers threaded through his hair. The bar around the two of you disappeared. The noise dulled to a distant hum. All that was left was you.

The kiss broke, but you didn’t pull away completely. Your forehead rested against his, breaths mingling in the space between you. He was sure you could smell the whiskey on his breath, but in that exact moment, he couldn’t muster up the energy to care. You were there. You had been willing to give him a second chance, and the world was set right again.

Things were going to be okay. Until they weren’t. He saw your brow furrow. It was a brief, subtle thing, but Sam had watched you for long enough that even if he had an entire bottle of alcohol coursing through his system, he was confident that he could pick out all your mannerisms.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, mirroring your concerned look.

“There’s a girl in the corner booth who keeps looking at you.” You glanced over your shoulder, likely in the direction of the girl in question, but when Sam followed your gaze, he didn’t see anyone. 

“She’s no one, baby,” he said, looking back at you.

“She’s looking at you like she’s someone. I just got you, and I don’t want to have to share you with someone else.” Sam gently cupped your cheek with a hand, guiding your eyes back to his.

“Then let’s get out of here.”

The motel door couldn’t have closed behind him fast enough, and he pressed you against it, kissing you like you were the only thing in the world that mattered. Because you were. He had you, and he wasn’t about to give you up for anything in the world. You tangled your fingers in his hair, and he groaned when your nails raked along his scalp.

Your skin was soft beneath his fingers as they roamed over your body, and Sam fought through the alcohol to memorize every curve and dip of you. His lips trailed down your neck, reveling in the soft sigh you let out. For the briefest moment, Sam regretted the fact that he had drank so much. But as he felt his cock stir in his pants, his concern over potential whiskey-dick flew out the window. 

A sudden pounding on the door startled the two of you apart, like two teenagers who had just been caught by their parents.

“Sam!” came a muffled voice from behind the door. “Sam, open the door!” Sam pulled you away from the door, carefully tucking you behind him as he eyed the door warily. Somewhere in his drunken haze, he thought he might have recognized the voice. 

“Stay behind me,” he said quietly. He peeked through the spyhole of the door and knit his brows together. Maybe the alcohol had hit him harder than he originally thought because Sam was seeing double. He tentatively cracked the door open a few inches. Lo and behold, there you were standing in front of him, a grim look of determination etched into your features. “Who are you?” he asked before he could stop himself. That didn’t make any sense. He already had you in the room with him.

Your expression shifted, changing to a mix of hurt and confusion.

“It’s me,” you said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. Sam shook his head.

“No you’re not,” he argued. There was a faded scar across your cheek that you had gotten when a ghost got you real good with a vase. And the you in his room didn’t have that. She was perfect. You were perfect.

“Sam, it’s me. You need to listen to me,” you insisted, bullying your way into the room and reaching out a hand as if to grab him. Sam flinched back instinctively, unsure of what was happening. His mind raced, trying to make sense of what was going on, but it was like he was moving through honey. The alcohol slowed his thoughts. He wasn’t as quick as he normally was.

“You were here on a hunt, weren’t you, Sam?” you asked him. He turned around to look at you, and you were stunning. You always were. He nodded slowly.

“Yeah, a hunt,” he echoed. Why had he gone and gotten drunk on a hunt? That was incredibly irresponsible of him. Your expression grew serious.

“It’s the same reason I’m here. I was following the same clues you were. You got too close, and now that thing is here to kill you.” And suddenly everything made sense. The people suddenly killing those they were closest to? And now for the creature to take on your appearance? How had he not seen it before? God, you were so smart and incredible. He loved you.

Your hunter instincts kicked in moments before Sam’s did, and as he rounded on you suddenly with a raised fist, you ducked to the side, tugging the bronze dagger from the sheath strapped to your leg. Without hesitation, you spun around, the blade glinting in the dim motel room light. Sam tripped forward, unbalanced by his own momentum.

You sidestepped his next attempt to grab you, his movements clumsied by the alcohol. He overshot his grasp and instead got nothing but air. The alcohol had slowed his reflexes, and you intended to take full advantage of it. Without that, Sam would’ve outpaced you with his height and weight.

With another swift movement, you lunged forward, throwing your shoulder into his chest, and since he didn’t have the best footing to begin with, he stumbled backwards, catching himself much less gracefully than normal. You swiped with your dagger, aiming for a clean strike at Sam’s side, but he managed to sway out of reach just in time, the tip of the blade just barely grazing his shirt. His eyes went wide as you advanced, your movements fluid and controlled and practiced.

Without his usual coordination, Sam’s long limbs were a curse, and you needed to press that advantage before the adrenaline sobered him up. You made a feint to the left then dipped right when he committed to his movement and dragged your blade across his bicep, mentally apologizing as he hissed in pain. You went for a second pass, messily smearing his freshly-drawn blood along his arm and your dagger.

The other you in the room had made a slow but steady path to the open door, and as you turned to her, she booked it. She might have been quick, but you were quicker, and you tackled her before she made it out of the room, your dagger plunged deep into her back. She crumpled to the floor, letting out an inhuman screech that sounded just enough like you to send a shiver down your spine.

Sam stared at the creature then at you, his eyes wide with confusion and the lingering effects of alcohol. His hand pressed against the cut on his arm, blood seeping between his fingers.

“You…” he started, swaying slightly where he stood. “How did you know?”

You wiped the blade clean on your jeans.

“Dean figured it out pretty quickly once you guys came into town. Lots of similarities to your first siren hunt. He said you weren’t doing so great… so he called me.” You dropped your gaze to the motel carpet.

“And you came,” Sam said. You wet your lips, nodding slowly.

“I… wanted to make sure you were okay.”

Sam stared at you for a long moment, his gaze softening. You glanced up at him, frowning. He was looking at you like he was seeing you for the first time.

“You’re amazing,” he murmured, and the energy in the room shifted, turning into something dangerous. More charged. Your breath caught in your throat. No. He couldn’t do that to you.

Sam drew closer to you, and you brandished the knife in your hand, its blade parallel with your forearm. It didn’t deter him. In fact, he leaned down until the blade was pressed flush against his neck, his pulse pounding beneath his skin against it.

“Don’t fuck with me, Sam,” you warned, though the heat in your voice wasn’t as searing as you had liked. “I am not in the mood to be fucked with right now.”

The weapon trembled in your hand. All of you trembled as he focused his attention on you. That’s all you had ever wanted. Just not like this. He moved – slowly, in case you decided to draw more of his blood – to cup your cheeks in his hands, his warmth seeping into you, grounding you. 

“I’m sorry. For everything. I was wrong,” he said softly. And you could see it in his eyes. The longing and desire and care and every sign you thought you had seen before deciding to confess your feelings to him in the first place. They were all still there. You hadn’t been imagining it. “Please, let me love you.”

And the words broke you.

The knife slipped from your fingers and dropped to the ground. 

“I thought that’s what you’ve been doing the last few months,” you managed to get out before the first sob wracked your body. You wanted to look down, not let Sam see you cry over him for a second time. But he tilted your face up to meet his gaze.

“Then let me love you better.”

---

Likes, reblogs, and comments are greatly appreciated!

Sam taglist: @jollyhunter @sorryitsmyfirstdayonearth @voodoochildthings @sir-thisisadndserver @colours-of-thewind @kiddieclaws @theamuz @mostlymarvelgirl @rurwu @imalapdog

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[icanseethefuture333]

PAC: How you see your appearance vs how other people percieve your beauty 🤍

Please feel free to leave a tip $$$

"I see your true colors shining through. . . And that's why I love you 🌈"

Pile 1:

Shufflemancy -

Platform Shoes by Slayyyter

Splish Splash by DreamDoll ft. Cupcakke

Say Yes To Heaven by Lana Del Rey

Ace of Water, The Emperor, & Seven of Water "Illusion"

You are just tooooo cute, Pile 1 💞! Literally the embodiment of sugar, spice, and everything nice. I feel like you are a very cute and adorable person. Your appearance could be feminine and clean. I'm thinking of the pink, coquette aesthetic. I also see glossy lips, nail sets, and long eyelashes (you could wear extensions or need to go get them filled in again). You see yourself as gentle and caring. You may think you are fragile or dainty? Or resemble characters from those 2000s movies or you remind people of a novel love interest. Your style could be either soft, mcbling, or y2k, possibly a mixture of them all. You could use like childhood movies, stuffed animals, or shopping for comfort or as a coping method. There is also something unique about your appearance, perhaps you have beauty mark, freckles, a crooked tooth, round cheeks, etc. You have something that makes you stand out! Which is really cool :D! How people percieve your beauty - they think you are unreal somehow? They think you are like "Hollywood star" beauty. Even though you are not "perfect" it makes you likeable and relatable. For those who have a social media influence or popular regarding to their school, hometown, etc. Some might even wonder if you had plastic surgery done. Also for those wondering if you'd look good with plastic surgery - yes you would! I'm not seeing anything too extreme as regards to plastic surgery but for those who like the "bimbo" look they could totally rock it. Or you are able to transform yourself with makeup. People who identify as more masculine or men find you so attractive. You could be popular amongst mascfems, studs, or men who are comfortable with their masculinity. It's giving "my girl can wear whatever she wants because I know how to fight". For any men reading this 🥰 I feel like people are so in awe or you! Like you would be the prettiest man anyone has ever seen in their life. (Clarified by The Moon. Faking It by Sasha Alex Sloan). Aw you really are a sensitive person deep down, pile 1. I feel like not many get to see you when you are down or know about the late nights you stayed up crying. You may have had your heart broken before or had your heart broken by someone more than once (I'm so sorry :(!). I feel like when you have your moments of depression or feel sadness you feel really self conscious. So you could use makeup as a mask to cover to what you're feeling down. You don't have to fake a smile or portray being happy, baby. Try to practice some self care and focus on your inner beauty when you feel deep down. Spend time with a trusted friend and tell then what's been on your mind. Practicing affirmations and mirror work can also help past wounds. Take care of that precious, tenderheart of yours my little carebear 🐻!

Pile 2:

Shufflemancy -

I Am Who Am (Killin' Time) by Mac Miller ft. Niko Randa

Wake Up by Logic ft. Lucy Rose

Wife You Up by Russ

King of Fire, Adjustment, & The Sun

Pile 2, I feel that you are a natural beauty! You're not one for wearing lots of makeup or styling your hair too much. I see that you just really like to be comfortable. For how you view yourself, you could really like your facial structure :)! Your cheekbones might be defined or you have a nice jawline. On a typical day to day, your everyday style would consist of your hair pulled up into a ponytail or bun, wearing sweats, or a t shirt and jeans. You could also be a hard worker or your job requires you to have shifts early in the morning. For some of you in this pile, you could work in a café and make coffee, tea, boba, smoothies, or anything to do with drinks. People at your job love coming to you because you give great customer service. Also they see you as "girl/boy next door type". A friendly, good citizen. For how others percieve your beauty - they think your features are balanced and harmonious. Perhaps your face is quite symmetrical or your beauty feels familiar. You also have a very radiant smile or your laugh could be unexpected! You are a very bright and charming person ☀️! (Clarified by Four of Earth "Stability". Baby Girl by Chloe x Halle) I feel that you have been putting off a dream or haven't been paying attention to your inner child. pile 2. What have you done for yourself lately? You should take a break and focus on doing some fun activities to take care of your spirit. You are very generous towards others but seem to neglect your own needs sometimes! Try to go for a nice walk or be in nature, it'll do you some good! Also don't be afraid of being silly, you don't have to be so serious all the time. Perhaps doing volunteer work at a children's school or museum could let your playful side come out to play. Your inner child also wants to do some coloring or dancing. For some people in this pile, leap frog could be significant or a favorite childhood game 🐸.

Pile 3:

Shufflemancy -

Stretch You Out by Summer Walker ft. A Boogie Wit da Hoodie

Masquerade by Siouxxie Sixxsta

Test Drive by Ariana Grande

Two of Earth "Change", Nine of Water "Joy", & Nine of Earth "Gain"

This pile is very specific. I'm seeing dark hair, dark eyes, and fair to medium skintones. Your hair could be straight and black or dark brown (some of you have dyed your hair a wine red). Your eyes are almond shaped and your eyebrows are arched. If you identify as feminine, you really give off like 2014 ig baddie vibes, pile 3! Some of you could be black, Hispanic/Latin, or Southeast Asian descent. I'm reminded of those tiktoks of girls doing "chicana" makeup, so that could be how you like to do your makeup. For the fellas, you could have nice eyebrows, and a moustache that compliments your full lips. I feel very strongly that you have Scorpio, Sagittarius, or Virgo in your big 3. For how you view yourself, you don't like to stick with one look, you are always changing up your appearance 😂. I feel like when you are sticking to one thing for too long you're like "ugh I need to dye my hair" or "I need a new tattoo". You always have a different style. You like to switch it up every now and then. For how others see your beauty, they see you as very abundant! You may wear high quality jewelry (diamond earrings, gold necklace, etc.), luxury brands, and expensive shoes (some people here are sneakerheads 👟). They could admire as well that you're generous with your wealth and you could do a lot or provide for your family. (Clarified by Four of Water "Comfort". Again by P-Lo, E-40, & LaRussell). Some of you could like to party?! LMAO. In my card there is otters here and I feel that you have a group of friends that you hang out with on a daily basis. Some of you could like to go out clubbing and enjoy drinking alcohol? 😂 You usually have to be responsible in your family but with your friends you get to be the one who can be reckless instead. There's something about a car so if that doesn't resonate with you, either you or your friend take turns being designated drivers. Be careful when driving, pile 3! Have fun rolling with the homies 🚗

Pile 4:

Shufflemancy -

Unique by Miliyah

Smoke Weed Eat P*ssy by Ängie

Roof by Rico Nasty

Four of Fire "Perfection", Ace of Earth, & Four of Air of "Truce"

Pile 4, you are really confident in yourself! I'm seeing that you don't really care what other thinks about how you look and live to please yourself. Your style could be alternative, you have bangs, and your hair has layers. Perhaps you have a mullet, curtain bangs, or a feathered layers. Some of you have your hair dyed with highlights such as green, blue, blonde, etc. For your makeup, your eyeliner could have a thick wing, or you have a signature smokey eye look. You could also like to have wear faux freckles or you have actual freckles. Your lips could often be seen with black lip liner and a signature cherry red lipstick. You could have piercings, I'm seeing specifically a septum piercing, snake bites, or gauges. There could also be a tattoo on your shoulder, forearm, or back, even possibly a sleeve. There could be Aries, Taurus, or Aquarius in your big 3 as well. You could also be apart of the LGBTQ+ community. How people perceive your beauty is that you have a tough exterior but deep down you are a calm and peaceful person. Which is interesting in comparison to your appearance. Your aura is comforting and nice to be around :D! (Clarified by Six of Fire "Success". Falling for U by Peachy!, MXMTOON) This is so cute 🥺! So there is someone who secretly has a crush on you or you have some secret admirers. Possibly someone in your friend or group you interact with on a daily basis. They are super shy around you and wish they could tell you how pretty/handsome that you are ☺️. If you already know who this is and feel the same way, perhaps encourage them a bit or flirt with them so they could confess their feelings 💞 (*sniffles* I ship 🤧😍)

Pile 5:

Shufflemancy -

Use Your Heart - Interlude by SWV

Love You Down by Ready For The World

Freakend by Megan Thee Stallion

The Empress, Ace of Water, & Temperance

Okay Pile 5, I know this is tired and old but... Mommy? Yes. Mommy? Yes. I cannot 😭 Some of you could give off milf vibes and you know this. You are either mature for your age or this pile is for my ladies in their 30s and up (It's giving "Damn Ms.Parker finer than a motherf*cker, I'd knock the dust OFF that p*ssy!" 😂😂😂). This Pile is very feminine and sensual. Your body could be very curvaceous 😏 body shaped like a figure 8 fr. Your lips could be plump and kissable as well 😚. If you identify as a masculine (either pronouns, style, gender, etc). You are just a very beautiful man. You could possibly get babied by the female figures in your life lol. Perhaps you have older sisters or a lot of women in your family. You just appear as the people would say "written by a woman". You could like to wear long flowy dresses, heels, cardigans, blouses, etc. Some people here could love the 80s/90s aesthetic. I'm visualizing somebody with big fluffy curls. Also you could attract partners who are younger than you or crave someone who is maternal in their life 🥴. (Clarified by The High Priestess. So Much More by Xaiver Omär) For how people perceive your beauty, you are down to earth, and just naturally stunning. You could have a good heart as well and possibly do some sort of service for the community. You could be great with kids or love animals as well. Religion or spirituality is significant in your life. So your devotion to God or your faith in the spiritual realm is admirable. People find you wise and want to gain knowledge from your life lessons. I feel that some of you may worry people only consider you just a pretty face with a nice body but that's far from the truth. The people who do appreciate you think you are so kind and memorable to them. Also if you ever feel insecure or lonely, your spirit guides want you to know how much they love you. So if you ever need someone to comfort you in a time of need, call upon your deities, angels, etc.

Pile 6:

Shufflemancy -

Girls by Kid Cudi ft Too $hort

Single by The Neighbourhood

겨울 탓 (Winter) by SAAY ft. Woo

The Tower, Eight of Earth "Circumspection", & Ace of Air

Trigger warning

This is interesting. So Pile 6, I see that your appearance actually makes you feel stress or turmoil at times. You could be really self conscious about how you look. For some of you, you could have experienced some sort of traumatic event, or had an injury which drastically caused for you to change. For example, you could have burn scars, large bruises, etc. Some other messages coming through that your self image is warped due to experiencing some sort of abuse (either from a partner, bullying at school, etc). I am really sorry for everything you're going 🥺! I wish you healing and hope you can grow to learn to like how you look. Just know that what other people said or done to you is never your fault and just projecting their own self hatred and insecurities onto you. Now to talk about your physical traits that stand out. You have wavy light brown hair, brown to hazel eyes, and textured skin (sun spots, freckles, wrinkles, etc). For how people perceive your beauty, I see you have some supporters who find your story very motivational. People in your family know the hard work and the steps you took in order to survive and they commend you for it. This is a selective message for only of a few of you but your ancestors have been with you since the beginning of your journey. In this card there is a family of elephants, animals who are known to never forget. Your guides want you to remember the people who did you wrong but also learn to not hold grudges because it will hinder your growth. Practicing journaling, shadow work, and using prompts could help improve your self esteem and provide clarity as to why you have such negative thoughts about your appearance. Also maybe asking your loved ones what makes you beautiful could you help a boost of condience. (Clarified by Mother of Earth. Glitch by Buddy ft. Tinashe) I feel as you get older, you are going to appreciate yourself, your life, and the lessons it had for you. I'm even seeing as you age you will look even more beautiful! One day your will develop wrinkles in the corner of your eyes and see gray hairs at your roots but you will find yourself to be happy about it. Gratitude is a big thing here. The reason why it's because you have to think about not many people live a long life so the fact that you will be blessed to do that, is amazing! Also for some of you I could see that you will look into manifestation. Perhaps you will use law of attraction, subliminals, or affirmations to work on your confidence and feeling more beautiful. You will start trusting your intuition and experiencing "glitches" in the matrix. You will see life doesn't have to be so hard or always be difficult, there can be wonderful moments as well.

Pile 7:

Shufflemancy -

January 28th by J. Cole

AMERICAN GURL by Kilo Kish

EARTHA by Jamila Woods

Six of Air "Knowledge", Five of Air "Conflict, & The Hermit (reversed)

Pile 7, I feel that you are just now acknowledging how beautiful you are! Perhaps you went through a period of being a wallflower or were very shy. You are coming out of your shell and taking steps in embracing your beauty :D! Awesome! Your appearance could be very ethereal. I'm getting that you have features that stand out and you are beautiful with an eclectic style. I'm reminded of like a alien or stars in the galaxy (some of you could be interested in starseeds, sci-fi, or conspiracy theories). This message could be only for some but there was either a friend or ex partner that you had in your life that was jealous of you. They would put you down so you wouldn't feel confident in yourself (Yuck! What a hater 🙄). This caused you to feel self conscious and out of place but now you are taking back your power. You are realizing this person was just projecting their own issues onto you. If this person is still in your life, I highly advise that you cut this person off! They don't wish to see you happy or succeed. I am sure you know who this person is as well. (Clarified by The Star. Vamp by Father ft Tommy Genesis) Oh yeah this person is gonna be fucking miserable 😂. You are gonna experience a huge glow up, Pile 7! I feel like this person has been giving you the evil eye and your spirit guides are not playing that shit. They are gonna get what's coming to them for trying to dim your light and sabotage you. The energy vampire will be gone 🧛🏽‍♀️! You are going to be healing your self esteem and from the past wounds people have inflicted onto you. You get to shine bright and be the star that you are my lovely, pile 7 🌠 Congratulations!

Pile 8:

Shufflemancy -

BIBI Vengeance by BIBI

Icy by Kim Petras

Do You? By Troyboi

The Magus, The High Priestess, & Mother of Air

Pile 8, honestly you are cool as fuck 😎! You could be a model or into fashion, if not, you totally should to start pursuing something along those lines of a career because you have such a chic aura! I'm seeing that you could have sleek hair, slanted eyes, and a prominent facial structure. I'm being reminded of models like Sora Choi and Anok Yai. You could have cool toned skin and wear colors that contrast well with your undertones. You have almost like a ice queen/king presence. People could be intimidated by your presence or find you very intriguing. You could have a popular social media presence or would be eventually be big on the internet. I believe you are aware that because of your appearance it could be marketable or know your looks could attract financial wealth. For how others perceive your beauty; They consider you mysterious, smart, and strong. (Clarified by Two of Air "Equilibrium". DICTATOR by REI AMI.) I'm being reminded of Azula from The Avatar: The Last Airbender. She was raised to be a weapon by her father but was just only a teenager. She began to crack under pressure and suffered a mental breakdown in the dual with her brother Zuko and Katara. You could have a duality to yourself. On the outside, you are stoic and regal - but deep down you could be sentimental and nervous. You could be nostalgic about some things in your life and possibly worry about if you are making the right decisions. Some of you could have parents with strong expectations as well. Please don't be so hard on yourself, pile 8! It's okay to make mistakes for that is how we learn. I know it can be scary to be vulnerable but try to let others in and get to know you for the real you. You could have a avoidant attachment and often doubt others when they try to show their love for you. You don't trust many people and either stay alone or only have a few close friends that you adore. I'm seeing also that you are artistic and have a strong work ethic. For some of you, you could have anxiety, which affects your mental health. Try to pick up a hobby to help calm you down or ease those racing thoughts of yours. Being in nature, socializing with animals, or going to a art class could be helpful or significant to some of you.

Pile 9:

Shufflemancy -

Press Your Number by Taemin

Deja Vu by ATEEZ

Pretty by FAKY

Daughter of Fire, Ace of Fire, & Wheel of Fortune

Omg pile 9, you are my hotties 🥵😍!!! You know you're the shit and nobody could tell you different (period!). You really have the mindset of being the "main character" and live life to the fullest. You could have short hair, buzzcut, or part of your head is shaved while the rest of it is long (Word to Doja: "Lost a lil' weight, but I ain't never lost a tushy. Lookin' good, but now my bald head match my 🐱"). You could also have a prominent nose, plump lips, darker skin, piercings (eyebrow, nose, or lip? Possibly all 3!), and a tummy pouch (you could have a belly button piercing too). Some of you could be proud of your booty or like to twerk, don't matter the size 😂. You wear bangles, crystals, waistbeads, and gold hoops. As for your style you dress like it's summer all the time. You could wear tube tops, crop tops, denim shorts/capris, baggy jeans, flip flops, and sneakers. You could get compliments a lot and be told that your style is "fresh". For how people perceive your beauty, they think you are lucky, blessed, and a joy to be around! I'm getting a vision of someone rub their hands 👏🏽. So people want to rub off some of your luck. NSFW but some people want to feel up on you 😂. They think your skin looks radiant and soft or want to touch your curves/muscles. (Clarified by The Sun. Going Off by P-Lo) Idk why I'm hearing "Step outside hoe. Step outside!" 🤣 You are enjoying your freedom and letting loose. You could be the type of person people always see on social media traveling places or partying. If any of you still live with your parents, y'all are stressing your mfin' parents tf OUT 😭💀! You could have to sneak out or lie about where you're going with a cover up outfit just to go places. You get away with a lot though because of how much they love you 😮‍💨 I'm getting some of you could be the youngest child. Your family think you can be a knucklehead but they love your energy and you make them laugh and smile during the hard times. Also this could be a message for a select few but some of y'all need to stop getting into fights or arguments 😭! Please learn to pick and choose your battles lol. Make sure to handle your substances responsibly (Mary Jane by Rick James came on so if you guys like to smoke weed or drink alcohol, be careful of your surroundings 😅!).

[ilikekidsshows]

"Even good person make bad decision sometimes."

True.

"Therefore Marinette is not a bad character."

That, is arguable.

Because I'm at this point where I would questioned where's the line that make a character "bad" and where's the line that make a character "just misunderstood/misguided"

Because if Chloé is bad character because she bullied Marinette and Lila is bad because she's a liar who manipulate others... then where's Marinette stand when she has done both?

Her bullying and humiliating Kagami (in extend Lila and Sublime) isn't even stemmed from misunderstanding, it's her own jealousy that told her "everyone who get close to 'her Adrien' is her enemy."

Her choosing to manipulate Cat Noir to reveal his identify isn't stemmed from misguided attempt, she get sick of Suhan keep nagging her about Cat's identity!

And I'm not even talking about the "Gabriel is hero who died sacrificing his life to saved her's." BS.

So yeah, where does she stand then? Because it's hard for me to see her as someone who "misguided" when everything she do is stemmed from her own jealousy and insecurity. She knows it's bad, she just choose to say "Who cares? I don't. 🤷"

---

Yeah, for all Miraculous brands itself a romantic comedy series, the protagonist isn’t motivated by love, not really. Because the thing Marinette wants even more than love is control. She wants to control how people see her, think of her and feel about her. I’ve been calling her a control freak even before she started manipulating and gaslighting her most beloved people, because the need for control is that integral to who Marinette is as a character, a fictional person.

Almost anything Marinette does that isn’t motivated by her Love Quest, and even many parts of her Love Quest, is motivated by the need to gain control of a situation and nothing makes her freak out more than a lack of control. “Marinette has good intentions”, isn’t a defense to begin with, but, in addition, Marinette’s “good intentions”, when they are even present, are just a mask for her true motivation, to control something.

Because, like, even if we apply the most good faith interpretation to Marinette's behavior, that she has an uncontrollable, untreated anxiety disorder stopping her from learning how to handle social situations with any amount of reasonability, that still doesn't make her look flawless. I know the writers and the passionate stans think Marinette having trauma absolves her of all guilt, but she is responsible for how her coping mechanisms hurt other people, it's her responsibility to get help when she has repeatedly seen herself hurt others.

But, like, when we look at how Marinette's interactions are written, it's clear the intended reading is that Marinette feeling bad about doing bad is all that's needed for her to be absolved. In-universe, the characters around Marinette tell her everything she does is instantly forgiven because she feels so bad about it, that she's a good person because she feels so bad. It's hard to blame Marinette for not seeing there's a problem with the way she behaves when people are literally telling her that, as long as she's the one feeling the worst, she's a moral paragon even when she hurts others.

As much as that kind of thinking would make sense, I still wouldn't see Marinette as a good person if that was the canon. On my pettier days I see Marinette as a bad person, but, that's not accurate either. She is toxic and exhausting, though. Still, if I saw someone in real life be as manipulative as consistently, regardless of their motives, I would not want anything to do with them. That's the problem with watching a show and seeing a character act the same way year after year. It doesn't matter if the TV show wants you to think her "mistakes" aren't in continuity, that you're meant to see them as episodic, disconnected, separate stories, all the while muddying the waters with a serialized continuity that increases as the story goes on. I'm still seeing her constantly do the same things but worse.

I also can’t see Marinette as a good character, because her writers are telling me she is a good person despite them writing her as a self-centered and petty person out to manipulate everyone around her, especially the ones she cares the most about. A character has to be truly badly written to have one of her defining traits contradict what the storytellers are trying to say about her this completely. Some of it is the awful mishandling of the show's episodic versus serialized nature, but some of it is just the writers not thinking about their show as a cohesive whole. It's also why their attempts at "refreshing the formula" don't actually change anything about the formula.

[scary-grace]

Hi, two questions if it's not too much trouble.

I love Designated Villain, and I noticed something in the second chapter that has me scratching my head. Reader doesn't notice that Magne needs or is on Estrogen, but in canon we have no clue she's Big SIS until she's dead, because the story itself misgenders her and she isn't really what I could call passing. Is she visibly different here, or is Reader just more oblivious than me (who failed to even realize Magne was trans until reading the wiki a week after the manga chapter)?

Could I get some insight on your opinion of Gran Torino? You seem distinctly unfond of him and I'm curious as to why. I don't particularly care for him myself, so please feel free to rant if you want.

Thank you!

Hi! Thank you for the ask — I always appreciate questions about the fics + headcanons in general!

1) Regarding Magne in Designated Villain, there are two things. The first is that I really didn’t like the way Magne was drawn in canon. I feel like she was something of a stereotype or caricature of a trans woman and I wanted to remedy that a little bit if I could. I also think there’s a chance she’d have more regular access to estrogen/better quality estrogen in the system than outside of it. The second thing is that the reader in Designated Villain is particularly unobservant at this point in the story. She’s really wrapped up in herself and coping with her predicament, and she’s not good at noticing what’s going on around her. All of that combines to her not picking up on Magne being trans until it’s actively pointed out to her.

2) Regarding Gran Torino in general, I feel like he’s a perfect representative of the old/current system in BNHA society — myopic, unable to recognize a need for change, unable to see humanity in people who are different from him. But my main problem with him is the influence he exerts over people like All Might and Midoriya. Both All Might and Midoriya have a natural instinct to save everyone, and as we see from All Might’s initial response to learning about Shigaraki’s true origins, everyone includes villains. All Might correctly identifies the problem in Shigaraki’s situation, as well as the reasons for Shigaraki’s grievance — he and Gran Torino left the Shimuras vulnerable in spite of knowing what All For One was like (note: Shigaraki is taken by AFO well before All Might’s first fight with AFO). His impulse is to seek Shigaraki out and try to help him. Gran Torino instantly quashes it, and dehumanizes Shigaraki in the process, essentially stating that Shigaraki is not a person, just a villain. This trend continues with Midoriya, who also identifies Shigaraki as someone who needs to be rescued. Once again, Gran Torino steps in to check this impulse, stating that killing Shigaraki is the best way to save him. While Midoriya is initially resistant to that viewpoint, it’s the one he ultimately follows — copping out by “saving Tenko’s heart” rather than taking on the more complex and important task of saving Shigaraki as the person he’s become. To me, though, the final nail in what should have been Gran Torino’s coffin is during the PLF War and his brief one-on-one fight with Shigaraki, when he states that Shigaraki’s existence pains All Might and that therefore he needs to die. Not Shigaraki’s actions, not his mission or plans — his mere existence is the problem. Which, naturally, reinforces everything All For One’s groomed Shigaraki to think about himself: He exists to cause suffering to others, and doing so is his natural state. TL;DR, Gran Torino’s a relic of a time BNHA needs to leave behind, and his influence on other characters is a big problem as far as the message BNHA initially presented itself as sending.

Thanks for the ask! This was fun to answer, and I hope you’re having a good day 😌

[madelynhimegami]

Sig Guide

That this was finished on Crimmus was basically a coincidence, but honestly I've put it off for long enough. accompanying image is in Puyo 20th style instead of my normal style because this continues to be the best Sig I've ever drawn.

Also, your regular reminder that these posts are not intended to be the absolute truth of these characters, but based on my observations of them in official media. You are encouraged to re-interpret as you see fit.

Sig is a tired boy that doesn't want (and doesn't want to be) trouble.

He's actually a transfer student that relocated to Primp between Fever 1 and Fever 2.

What prompted his transfer is currently unknown.

When I say he's a tired boy, I mean he is tired. He moves and acts and speaks like he just rolled out of bed. He has similar levels of energy, too (read: not much).

Sig doesn't really talk a whole lot. Just enough to get straight to the point, when he can be assed to speak up in the first place. And when he does, it's usually pretty simple. In Japanese, he speaks with the simplest possible grammer using the simplest and fewest number of words.

Still, Amitie once pointed out that Sig's not the type to say something he doesn't mean. If he decides to speak up, it's to say something that he feels is important enough.

All that said, he can infodump very extensively about bugs when he's properly incentivised to.

As you might guess, his entomology knowledge is very extensive. He can rattle off scientific names of whatever bug he's got in front of him (and then some, a lot of some) from memory.

When he's especially engaged in infodumping, he actually speaks quickly and uses bigger words. In Japanese, he even says complete sentences!

Speaking of how he speaks in Japanese, Sig is unique among the cast-- and most people that speak the language in general-- to never use a personal pronoun/identifier. If he absolutely has to refer to himself in a way to make himself clear-- for example, "stay away from me"-- he'll say "right here" instead.

He struggles with studying, unless the subject is bugs.

Sig seems to really want to discover a new species of bug-- or, failing that, extensively study the behaviors of a bug that isn't as well-documented.

He can sleep pretty much anywhere. And while standing. He can even fall asleep with his eyes still open if he can't be bothered to close them.

Apparently his antennae actually are antennae. At the very least, they aren't just part of his hair.

His red left arm is not only bigger than his right arm, it's also much physically stronger. Careless use can cause injury to others.

It's also slowly getting redder. This is generally interpreted by fans to mean that the red part is spreading to more of his body.

Sig is very bothered by his red arm. The idea that it may spread all over his body (even as a joke) visibly stresses him out.

The soul that sticks out of his body seems to be visible to others. Sig may or may not be able to see it himself, though.

I've seen it interpreted by more than one person that it means he's dissociating. Makes sense to me, honestly.

Sig is has the ability to commune with other worlds. Part of that means he can interact with extraplanar entities around him.

Sig isn't lazy or apathetic, he's just tired and needs to be properly motivated to step up.

He actually knows Raffina and Klug's names, he just gets the former wrong and calls the latter "Glasses" as his way of teasing.

Teasing aside, he dislikes actively causing trouble, even going as far as to not communicate what he's struggling with so it won't become somebody else's problem.

(He's gotten a little better about it, but…)

His main method of coping is to just ignore the problem. If he acts like he doesn't care, neither will anybody else.

His secondary coping method is to stay far away from the something causing him trouble. And if he's the trouble, he isolates himself.

Sig enjoys banter, whether it be watching or participating. It's fun to see his friends bounce off each other.

Of course, sometimes he'll say something weird while not actually engaging in banter. He's just on his own train of thought. Or genuinely not paying attention. He might be too tired to try.

(this extends to getting Raffina's name wrong. Sometimes he genuinely can't be bothered to say it correctly)

He doesn't really try bantering with Lidelle, though. He tends to keep himself fairly grounded around her.

It seems that Lidelle does like to learn about bugs from Sig, especially butterflies.

He claims that Lemres gives him a bad feeling. What kind and for what reason isn't clear.

Sig's normal laugh is just him saying "ha ha ha ha" in his monotone. Despite it sounding that way, it's not fake.

(He also has a soft, more genuine-sounding giggle when he sees or hears something especially funny. As far as we know, only Amitie has heard it)

He genuinely does want to help people, especially his friends. He'll take more initiative when he's decided he's capable of helping.

Sig does not take kindly to acts of cruelty and will bite back at people that hurt others.

He also considers violence towards bugs acts of cruelty, whether it be feeding them to animals or using them as material components.

He once tried to hype Amitie up the same way she does to others. Energy-wise, it was still very Siggish, but he found it embarrassing to do.

Like Amitie, Sig often has supplementary classes after normal school hours. He's not especially happy about it.

Sig can think quickly on his feet in the face of immediately-impending danger, letting him fast-talk his way out of it. We saw this in the second Tetris 1 dream story, when he managed to trick Schezo into not taking his arm.

Speaking of which, him saying that he has bugs live in his left arm was a translation mess-up. In Japanese, he claimed that he was holding a bunch of bugs clutched in that hand. He then basically tells Schezo, "no backsies," so to me it sounds like he was bluffing to creep out the creeper.

[wisteria-lodge]

bird primary (badger system) + slightly burnt lion secondary (invisible badger model) (snake model)

Hi! I figured I'd just answer some of the prompts you had listed and see what happens! I do have an idea of what I am, but I really just wanted to try and describe myself without my "mask" as much as possible.

Oooh, does this mean we're going to get a lot of models?

I can be very polite and can err on the side of being a doormat to keep the people around me happy

Invisible Badger? Or if this is your mask... Invisible Badger model?

and hide my more "intense" character traits,

"Intense" is very often a Lion word (either primary or secondary.)

and developed a habit of lying to try and hide my neurodivergent qualities, like being forgetful and not completing things on time, but I'm unsure if those things are actually me, since both of those qualities can feel like a prison in the way of actually getting to know me, one that I force on myself out of habit and a feeling of necessity.

I don't diagnose over the internet, that's impossible and unethical, but it does sound like ADHD. Lying to cover up the fact that you forgot something, very normal ADHD thing, and not getting things in on time... ADHD is certainly one of the places that can come from. I would agree that these things don't say anything about your personality, they're disabilities you eventually build coping strategies/works around for.

and I will lie to get an extension on something I forgot to do (and can be quite clever in my lies,) and I just wanted to put those two qualities out there, since you probably won't hear much about them going forward.

In terms of this system... yeah, that "habit of lying" definitely sounds like a Snake secondary model you built as a coping mechanism. You love it, and it's useful, but it's something you did have to learn.

I love being helpful

This could be coming from a few places, but on the surface the energy is either very Badger secondary - or Idealist primary.

Anyway, sorry, it's long, but this is also a form of therapy, in a weird way.

When you really get down to it, basically every personality system is.

As a child, I was always described as "bossy" and a "know-it-all" by those that didn't like me, and "intelligent" and "empathetic" by those who did. I do think they're all accurate, though, and have been working on "reclaiming" the bossy description. I identify as a woman, so that can be tough to deal with.

You sound like Hermione. I definitely think you've got Lion somewhere - could definitely be secondary, or possibly primary. Young Idealists (Lion and Bird) often come across as 'bossy' and 'know-it-all.' Intelligent could be anything, and so could empathetic... although I'm already starting to see some Badger Secondary language coming in, and "empathetic" definitely fits with that.

Lol. Some examples of each:

Love examples.

For Bossy:  I was well-known as a kid for talking "at" people rather than with. My very best friend from preschool (and through to fourth grade, when her family moved) was a girl that had moved there from Mexico and didn't speak a lick of English, at first. My two reasons for befriending her when everyone else was avoiding her was 1) I knew she needed a friend, so I would be that friend.

Very cute. Although this impulse seems to be coming from your primary, which is interesting. ("It is RIGHT for me to be her friend.) Could be a Badger primary. Could also be Idealist.

2) (remember, I was FOUR) since she didn't speak any English, I could just talk, and talk, and talk and she would just listen. Lolol! As she became fluent in English, we discovered we had EVERYTHING in common, and I learned to let other people speak. (Sorta.)

The tendency to steamroll over people... can be a Lion secondary thing. An Exploded Idealist primary thing. An Authoritarian Badger thing? Just, it can come from a lot of places, because it can also be a neurodivergent thing, especially if you're concerned about memory stuff. Then talking over people can be related to working memory - you interrupt is because the worry that if you don't, the thought will just fall out of your head completely.

For the "know-it-all" aspect: I've been a dancer since I was a kid, and I skipped a "grade" in my dance classes early. Usually, it would go predance, kinderdance, and then Ballet 1, which would be your first "real" year of ballet instruction. I did predance and was immediately put in Ballet 1 with the older kids the next year. Yes, it was partially because I was very talented, but the most likely reason was that, when all the other kids during our classes and performances were goofing around or waving at their parents, I would become extremely huffy and try to remind them we were "serious performers" and would wind up pushing the other kids around to what their next position was and generally try to direct them in what came next.

That chip that you've got to take it seriously, you've got to follow the rules... that's the authoritarian etiquette thing you do see from Badger Primaries for me. Even the sweetest Badger primaries, your Snow Whites, gets strict and bossy when there's a job to do and people are messing around. It can also be very Black-and-White Bird - I get it, I'm doing the right thing, why isn't everyone else? I could see either making sense for you. But I am thinking you're an External Primary (Bird or Badger.)

I think they figured I'd be more "stimulated" in a class where I actually was learning instead of goofing off, and I was. Lol! I also had trouble with correcting people at inappropriate times that took me a while to figure out.

Welcome to neurodivergence. Every time I hear someone do the Titantic "I'm king of the world thing!" there a part of my brain that wants to say "um, actually, he says 'I'm the king of the world." No - bad impulse.

I'd correct people's grammar or spelling or if they got something wrong, thinking I was helping them, and then become very confused when they'd get angry and defensive. But, I figured out when I should just keep my mouth shut eventually. Lol.

Okay, I'm starting to have a theory about you. Because of the grammar policing specifically. All the police behavior I know comes from young Bird primaries. And I think it's because - grammar is a system, right? You're taught that this is the system, this is correct. Birds love systems. But English grammar specifically is a... bad system. These rules we're taught are arbitrary, recent, half of them only apply some of the time, and they don't reflect common usage (which changes anyway.) But a young Bird secondary is going to take a second to get to the point where they realize that. I would expect a Badger primary to police language in more community-of-practice ways - don't swear, that word is offensive, don't use the Lord's name in vain, etc - instead of really getting into the nuts and bolts of the actual language stuff.

For Intelligent: Well, it's the fact that I knew all the stuff I said above. Lol. I was a voracious reader and just absolutely absorbed knowledge like a sponge. I was eventually banned from participating in my class' spelling bees because I won too many times, so my teacher would have me sit with the word list and check if my classmates were right. Lol.  In case you haven't picked up on it, I was a very intense, passionate child. Lol.

It's very interesting that you locked on to spelling and grammar specifically. It seems like there may have been a puzzle aspect there that you liked.

For Empathetic: I pretty much formed the entirety of my friend groups out of other kids I felt had been pushed aside by the "popular kids," like my previously mentioned friendship. I'll never forget the moment I knew I'd be on the opposite end of "popular" for my whole school life: I was invited to a cool girl's party, but she told me my friend would not be allowed to go. I'm so proud of my younger self as I remember without even thinking making a scrunched up face and telling her I didn't wanna go if my friend couldn't go. That girl never liked me again, and since I went to a small school system (as well as some of my unfortunate social skills, which definitely came from my later diagnosed ADHD and potentially diagnosable autism, which I suspect but don't know for certain)

Oh, I called it! Anyway... I'm really doubling down on Idealist (almost certainly Bird), because of the specifics of this friend group. You built it like a Cause: "these people deserve a friend group." It's like a little revolutionary group, what you have in common is being Outcasts. It's a very Badger-flavored cause, sure, but this isn't how Badger primaries make friends. A universal Badger would absolutely invite the loners into the group, but it would be about inviting loners into the main group. For a Badger to specifically only trust loners they would have to be quite burned... and I'm not getting Burned primary from you at all.

I'm also doubling down on Lion secondary. You really like just planting your feet, speaking your truth, and if other people don't like it - that's a them problem. You didn't even have to think about it, and that made you feel strong and powerful - not nervous or anxious.

If I'm playing a video game, it's a super easy answer, but not one I like admitting. I just go the easiest route, which is often, from a meta standpoint, a guide.

Easiest, most direct point to the finish line? Just smash on through? LION.

Lol. I'm the same in pretty much all of my low-stakes problem-solving: Whatever solves the problem the quickest and the easiest is the best way to go. I LOVE short cuts, but not if they're overly complicated.

LION.

I'm also the type to think that doing something myself is faster than explaining my situation to someone else and ask for help.

I really think this is a Lion secondary thing. They just GO, and only ask for help if they've tried first and failed.

For a really difficult decision, if I'm given too much time to think about it, I usually flounder for hours or days or months or years until somebody finally puts a deadline on my decision. Suddenly, I go into "problem-solving mode" and I just choose SOMETHING.

That's Lion too. And there's a lot of power to that, honestly. But Lions have a kind of on/off way of operating at either 100% ('problem-solving mode' as you call it) or 0%.

Is it always the best choice? Honestly, I'm not sure there really ARE best choices at this point. Just the choices you make and how you prune them to your liking afterwards. I'm at my best making a decision when I have zero time to make it.

You're not a Prep-Work secondary. Thinking too long about a decision makes you feel worse, not better. You're getting in your own head, and psyching yourself out.

As an example, I do theater, and I LOVE the feeling of having to problem solve backstage, you have literal SECONDS to come up with something, ANYTHING to fix a problem, and whether the solution is perfect just goes out the door and all that matters is that SOMETHING happens, and there's nothing more freeing, since I have a tendency towards perfectionism or analysis paralysis. Where others freeze up, I'm sprinting across the stage, suddenly zeroing in on EXACTLY where the missing prop is, and putting it back in place JUST as the curtain rises. It's a rush like no other, and one of the few places I feel really, truly competent.

There are a LOT of jobs where this ability is ABSOLUTELY key. So long as you're in the right place, doing the right thing, this is a superpower. This is why we love Lions.

My fantasy is always finding a place where I feel really competent, where I can feel safe, have stability, and be able to be useful for that place.

That "useful" thing - that's you're Idealist primary talking. The "competent" thing... that's a key thing for you, this idea that you want to feel competent, and that you don't as much as you would like to. Your current problem solving strategy isn't so much fiery Lion as it is doormat Badger. I think it's likely that your secondary is a little Burnt (which is why you feel incompetent) and you've started modeling Badger to compensate.

Success and being seen as such is also part of that fantasy.

Having a lot of thoughts about being publicly recognized for your success... I mean yes of course it's a human thing, but it hits harder for young idealists.

Theater can be that for me, but stability is also part of my fantasy, and we live under the crushing weight of capitalism, so I could never make enough money to live while putting in all the time and effort for it that I'd want (at least, not right now, I haven't totally given up.) I still give as much of my time as I can to theater and the arts, like writing and creating. I love the theater because of the fast pace, and how I grew up in it and understand the process from top to bottom. Those in that community see me as incredibly competent in turn, instead of as "odd" or "forgetful" or "decision-phobic."

You've heard that ADHD people make great entrepreneurs? Not many people actually enjoy that fast-paced, freelance lifestyle. I think you'd be a great event co-ordinator, great at fund-raising and advertising, great production assistant... and those are only the fields I know something about. Don't let the haters get you down. You don't have to model Badger all the time.

As a kid, I was really drawn to Beauty and the Beast because of Belle's oddness, her ostracization from her own community, and her fulfilling my fantasy of finding a magical place with other "odd" people who accept her, see her as competent, accept her quirks, and keep her far, far away from the people who shun her. :)

She's also a really REALLY loud Lion secondary.

I also really identified with any girl character who was the sort of "rich, bitchy girl who's actually misunderstood and just wants friends." I didn't grow up especially rich, but I grew up with a terrible home life, people who shunned me because of me appearing "bossy" and "mean" when it was all a misunderstanding, and I also grew up feeling incompetent and out of my depth in "normal" situations like most poor little rich girls are shown when they try to adapt to life outside of their mansion. Examples are Elle Woods and Pacifica Northwest, among hundreds of others. The final type is Katara from Avatar, who I relate to based on where she feels most competent, in the "heat of battle," and how she struggles with learning to accept her own intensity (my bossiness or my tendency to wanna cut straight to the point, while also being someone filled with empathy and a love for certain levels of traditionally feminine self-expression.)

It makes a lot of sense that you identify with Katara. She is also a very fiery Lion secondary... who feels culturally pressured to model this caretaking Badger. And clearly she's extremely empathetic, and VERY idealistic. But she's more successful when she gets comfortable with her Lion.

(Sokka had a similar journey, learning he doesn't have to be a "warrior guy" Lion secondary... and instead leans into his natural Bird secondary. It's clearly something the show was interested in exploring. Also, now I really want to write a sorting of Legally Blonde. Because I would be VERY surprised if Elle is not a Lion secondary also.)

(also I've never really thought of as "poor little rich girl" as fun fictional way of exploring neurodivergence, but it honestly hangs together really well, especially for autism. More thought is needed.)

I feel powerful whenever I'm feeling competent, which if you can't tell is a really important word to me. Lol. I've been seen as incomptent in so many ways: clumsy, forgetful, socially too intense, too bossy, too much of a doormat when I try to turn down my intensity, etc... So, being seen as and feeling competent is my ultimate fantasy, like being a "boss babe" (cringe) where I'm walking around an office or a theater making quick decisions and talking about some deadline is part of my power fantasy.

It's not cringe. It makes you special. Like me? Oh no, that's not my fantasy. That sounds so stressful.

Lol. I work in a community serving position which I do like, but I hate how much "being nice" is involved, where your tone is monitored and you could get in trouble based on the way you said something, which can be a blind spot for me (though my history and passion for acting has helped me a bit in this.)

This definitely explains where the "doormat" Invisible Hufflepuff is coming from. You work in a job where "customer service face" is really, really important. But I bet your Idealist primary likes the... idealism of it all.

I think I'd feel more "free" and less caged in if I worked somewhere where your tone didn't matter quite as much.

I agree! And even within the community service/non-profit organization sphere, there definitely are jobs that are less public-facing.

I feel most powerful solving problems and jumping last minute on set changes in theater, or learning lines or a dance to fill in for a part in only a few hours. "Prep-time" can almost be a prison to me, when the ADHD/perfectionism creeps in and messes me up.

It is weird that "perfectionism" is so often treated as a cute quickly flaw. It a curse, it it the enemy of art... all this stuff I don't need to tell you. But yeah, this all sounds like Lion.

I've had a lot of difficult times, and all of them have come down to losing my community. I have had to walk away from friends and family due to ab*se and walk alone MULTIPLE times

On the surface this looks like a community-driven Badger primary, and like... it could be. It absolutely could be. One of the interesting aspects of this submission was how little you talked about primary, and how much you talked about secondary. I'm getting that your secondary IS your focus right now. You're looking for a place where your skills are needed, where you feel competent, useful, and secure. Once you've got THAT in place... you can start dealing with the metaphysical stuff.

I've failed at trying to make myself competent in places that didn't serve me, and I've been searching for a place to land ever since. I've found my community in some aspects of my life, but in others I'm still looking, but I haven't given up. My most important relationships are my friends and chosen family. I'm much more suspicious than I was as a kid, just inviting anyone I saw who needed a friend to be mine, but the people I have let in I truly cherish. :)

So my best guess... is that you're a Bird primary with a pretty Badger looking system. It's a system you're just letting sit at the moment, it's working fine. But to me, the way you write about switching communities here that match you Bird, not Badger. The process of leaving was terrible, but you're going to find a place that suits you (and your Lion secondary) better... next time. And you absolutely well.

Thank you so much!

You are so welcome.

Thank you to rinamars for such an excellent submission. If you’d like a Sorting of your very own, commissions are open on my ko-fi. :D

If you’d like to read more about the system I’m using, my explanation is right here.

[eddiegettingshot]

Tbh I was radicalized this summer when you said we have progressed past the need for eddie therapy spec and fics. i havent read a single one since and probably wont again and my life has been so peaceful since… he literally does not need that. He just needs to feel secure and open with his feelings, needs to let people love him fully, and maybe some grief counselling/a support group to go to occasionally. If frank was going to help with that he would have in s3. (no offence to people who write/read therapy fics Im sure they are wonderful and profound and frank is actually good at his job in them)

helpppp good. thank you for giving me an excuse to talk about my beloathed therapy eddie because i think it’s so so so funny that after 8x06 the predictable response was that eddie needs to go to therapy. which i feel like there are soooo many things happening on both the character and the story level. like what’s funny is that frank really could not be a good therapist on screen because that’s not interesting tv. i’m not a therapist but i imagine that in fear-o-phobia he should have probably like. worked with eddie to decide on who he’d try to contact, figure out how the conversation might go, work on coping strategies, etc. but obviously eddie had to blow up. it’s funny because all of the other presumably “good” work frank does is completely off screen. because it’s uninteresting. so eddie wouldn’t have the kind of therapy arc people think he should have anyway, it’s quite literally just something people demand because they need a virtue signal that eddie is “trying” (and of course therapy is the only picture of “trying to heal”). the fact that he’s growing and dealing with stuff outside of therapy is like, not acceptable i guess? i think it’s also funny that as far as fic goes eddie is pretty much always in therapy but it is truly once in a blue moon that we see buck or really any other character talk about therapy.

anyway on the character level. obviously people who relate to eddie’s experience might find therapy really useful but i am not talking about real people i’m talking about a character who is fake. something that is very funny and interesting to me is that in the fear-o-phobia scene eddie is pretty much being resistant and mean and a bitch the whole time but when frank says “you can’t put all your feelings in a box eddie because someday it’ll blow up” and eddie literally already knows what’s going on (“…and take me with it”). actually eddie pretty much always knows what’s going on when he’s having issues it’s just he packs it all down. so seeing a character like this do the internal pathologized work of therapy with just. A Therapist. is… soooo boring to me. it’s funny because i do think frank was right. like in the end i think it’s sort of indicated that eddie is not only feeling this survivor’s guilt/pointlessness but that he also fears he’s going to end up like all the other people who share his pain. so he does need that sort of external pathway to dealing with his issues, like… exactly what you said… leaning on the people in his life… loving them and letting them love him… perhaps a support group or volunteering or whatever… in terms of an actual story these things are soooo much cooler and more fun than what therapy stuff can offer eddie specifically (like… strategies? identifying various cognitive distortions? idk). because he’s already a character who’s always in his head… it’s so much better. To Me. to see him work through things in other ways. such as by talking to a gay priest.

[cyanidas]

🃏 Kokichi Ouma Age-up Timeline 🍇

Here, I've used his initial designs as inspiration! I like looking back at older designs cause for a lot of them, it's like watching them grow up!

Headcanons under cut (HUUUGE SPOILER WARNING FOR DRV3)

(Content Warning for child abuse, mental illness and disorder, self harm, generally dark and unsettling topics ahead)

-=-

First off, I'm firm in my take that Tsumugi was lying about everyone being fictional. There's a lot that doesn't match up, and the local V3 fandom celebrity responsible for the Amalgamate fic has helped me tremendously in solidifying my stance. I think they absolutely do belong to the DR universe, but the memories they get that aren't part of their backstory are completely fabricated.

If there's any additional input on V3 in Raincode, don't let me know because I haven't played yet ;w;

That said, there's many things I, like Kokichi, will refuse to clarify or elaborate on. His character demands mystery, and it would be a trivialization of his writing to just. lay it all out there. I think approaching his writing with the mindset of knowing the whole truth would be to bastardize his integrity and simplify him in a distasteful way - so all my headcanons here will be written and are intended to be seen as broad strokes as opposed to finely tuned detail.

-=-

I like to think of his past as muddy and confusing, even to him. There's not a lot he can remember clearly, and constantly confuses different takes on his memories. To me, it's clear that lying is a huge trauma thing to him - I would assume multiple sources would be responsible, like authority, family, and peers.

He's been lying as a means of survival, with multiple layers of how he feels about it - despite what he says, there's not actually one truth. Multiple truths exist for one single thing, and I think that mindset is something that scares him tremendously - he'd probably say that reality is just a lie you tell yourself, in order to justify trivializing and minimizing both feelings/emotion and trauma.

In his head, there's so much wrong with him that he can't even begin to unravel himself and understand everything that's happened to him, why he does what he does, why he feels what he feels... so on. He feels multiple things that often contradict each other, and he doesn't know how to understand that, so he often switches his justifications to suit whatever narrative he needs to cope.

In general, however, he claims he's just lying. There are in fact, genuine times he does actually lie... but rather than being a true compulsive liar, he is actually a compulsive method actor. He's so empathetic to everything and everyone, that he can easily switch his masking techniques to suit whatever he or others need, and does so involuntarily most of the time, though he does know how to "switch it on" purposefully.

In his earlier ages, he may have suffered from a guardianship similar to what those who have DID had gone through (not me projecting lol /hj). He's been bred and born into tragedy, not unlike Komaeda but absolutely distinct from him in that I do not believe this boy has had any good luck with anything in his life - not family, not friends, not money, nothing. I might even go so far as to assume that, similar to Yasuhiro having an unnaturally high good luck, Kokichi is suffering from unnaturally high bad luck.

I noticed that, on a lot of his designs, he seems to have always had *something* covering at least one of his hands - and even on his final design, though it could just be a design fluke or something weird with perspective I misunderstood, you can see the smallest scrap of fabric underneath his right sleeve that could be seen as another hand/wrist covering. When lined up with the other designs, it could very easily be taken as a wrist bandage - at least by my eyes. So, I (and a lot of others it seems, especially those who identify with him) have taken this to mean he may in fact be self-harming, and has been for a long while. Anyone who hyperfixates on this guy wouldn't be surprised in the slightest if that turned out to be true.

I think that age 11 is probably what Kokichi himself would think of as his 'turning point', just going off of my little chart here; something tremendously awful happened to him, then. To fuel speculation and abide by his character rules, all I'm going to definitively say is... he likely wouldn't even trust doctors with a needle, let alone his life.

So, the hardest year of any modern kid's life... 12 years old. In my family especially, it's the worst year you'll ever face, and my god was that true for me. So I think this year fits him for gaining his... as the creators put it, 'otherworldly' expressive nature. This is the year he completely stops putting effort into trying to understand the truth, and fully embraces the chaos that is his reality. He's fine!!!!!! :)))))

He mellows out around 15, and I like to think of this year as his cringe-fail-iest year to date. This motherfucker would likely be seen in Hot Topic, jamming to MCR, glomping his friends, verbally roleplaying, so forth. His phone signature is a series of kaomojis. Idk if there's a similar equivalent of being a cringe baby weeb for Japanese who are my age, so I'm really just basing this on my own experience of being 15 in 2011. But whatever the equivalent is, he is absolutely it. 15 year old Kokichi is current Kokichi's most embarrassing time ever.

However, it's also likely the age he started his talent's namesake - of becoming the Ultimate Supreme Leader. Which, I choose to believe is, much like Kokichi in general, both true and false. Same for his actual group, DICE. Both is good ;o)

Following his talent, he has a natural command to his voice that feels as though you're forced to hear him speak. No one can really talk over him unless their ability to do so demands it - say for example, Sonia, the SHSL Princess. Due to the nature of their talents, I think Sonia's voice and ability to command would absolutely trump Kokichi's. However, due to the aforementioned bad luck, people are compelled to not trust him - even if what he's saying is true. (Kokichi voice: oh pythia we're really in it now)

Also, you can't really tell because of all the scarring, but 15 and 19 are the ages where he stopped going outside so he's paler and paler, lol

And my last one, I love to imagine that due to his talent, he's actually intensely adept at fighting, especially dodging. In fact, I think he's even way smarter than he'd like to believe!

[pacific-rimbaud]

i was reading your thoughts on how fans felt about l&oha and while i concur it is a perfect piece of work in my head and have reread it 5x, i wonder if you think fans tend to be harsher/more critical of hermione and let draco slide? i see it a lot in fics where he's more of an alphahole type

Oh, man. Okay. The can is open, the worms are loose. Rant under the cut.

I'm actually going to set men aside entirely. Just. To the side with you. I desperately need more realistically complicated men, too, but that's a whole separate discussion. Right now: women.

There must be whole dissertations out there on the phenomenon of readers hating female characters with negative traits. I'm a fandom old, so I didn't grow up identifying with Hermione, and wouldn't have even if I'd been young enough to. I did that "which character are you" test just now and my top three matches were Janis Ian from Mean Girls, Jughead from Riverdale and April from Parks and Rec, which, massive grain of salt, etc. BUT gives you an idea. I am not a Hermione and never was, so she's never been a comfort character or self-insert for me. Some of my favorite fictional women are Sophie Hatter (mean, irrational, petty, old and mostly loving it), Harrowhark Nonagesimus (evil stick), Phryne Fisher (zero fucks to give). What I like about Hermione is how imperfect she is. I'm a "cleverest witch of your age I've ever met" truther (book!Lupin is absolutely saying "you're the canniest 14 year-old child I have personally met, saying this as a guy who doesn't get out much," not "you are a once-in-a-century genius"), and from my perspective, she's often wrong and often a dick, and not in a fun and fiesty burn-down-the-world BAMF way. Which. Good for her! Be human.

And that's the thing. I personally don't want Hermione to be perfect, I want her to be what I think she is, textually, which is intelligent, hardworking, loyal, competitive, compassionate, controlling, belittling, rude, petty, insecure, vindictive, volatile. She has the right to be that way, because she's human. The desire for perfected women (or unapologetically and unstoppably awful ones, another brand of female power fantasy) is not limited to Dramione fandom. I think it's amplified in DHr by many readers who DO identify as former gifted children, books-as-coping-mechanism kids and Strong Female Personalities who felt marginalized in childhood and want to see Hermione have it all: she's slim, she's tiny, she's fragile as a bird, she'll break your neck, she'll step on your throat, she'll tear down the system, she'll heal all wounds, she does not need help, she holds all the knowledge, she holds all the cards, she is forever wronged, she can do no wrong, her vagina is tight, her nipples are hard, her hair is on point, her waist is tiny, her tits are bouncing, her ass is in the style of Now. And like. This isn't at all unique to DHr and Hermione. It's pervasive in fiction written by and for women. Female power fantasies are obviously feeding a massive hunger. It's just not what I personally want. Personally, I find it alienating and uncomfortable, which I know equates to, "That is wrong and shouldn't exist" to a lot of people, but that's its own tale as old as time.

There's a disconnect that happens too often where a reader wants one (1) thing from their fiction, and receives something else, even when the contents are clearly labeled on the tin. In this case, wanting a female power fantasy and encountering a woman who's written with flaws makes people upset. And maybe if we could be more honest with ourselves about what we're looking for when we read, work to accept that not everyone wants the same experience, and learn to close a book when it's not working for us and say, "No shade, this isn't for me," it would be less upsetting when we encounter a character who isn't written to meet our personal expectations. I will open a book, realize the FMC is a female power fantasy archetype and close it, because that's not what I show up for. I like my women gritty and weird and foolish and vulnerable and liable to hurt people and feel terrible about it. Give me all the exhausting chatterers and evil sticks and jocks with swords and their hearts on their sleeves (their hearts ripped out), give me shy Anne Elliot and her suitcase full of regrets and the ugly fuckup who never has a glow up, give me dirtbag stoners and Fleabag and Alicent Hightower apologetics and every role Natasha Lyon has ever played. It's not a moral high ground, it's about a preference for seeing actual, demeritus flaws on the page and on the screen. Blame that woman. It's her fault. She has so many faults. Then show me how to forgive her so I can figure out how to forgive myself.

The thing is, I love women. I love women so fucking much. I want to be around them, to get to know them, to read about them, to watch them on TV and see them in films. And personally, I like them ugly. Physically. Spiritually. Morally. Give a woman a Bad Personality and watch her succeed in the most self-injurious way possible, fuck you. Give her a gaping chest wound and line it with teeth. Stick a piece of grit in that girl's tightly sealed shell so that a pearl is her only option. Make her love other women, make her fuck it up, make her have to earn them back.

Thankfully I do feel like we're getting more ugly women in fiction, especially BIPOC, queer and marginalized women who deserve gross, weird, nasty representation and not just didactic moralism, patronization and misguided sainthood. Some readers won't want that, and that's fine. Again, personally (it's all so personal, please, please remember that when you hit that comment button), I'm here for it. If you write about women like this, know that you have a thirsty reader here. I'm swallowing them up. I'm smacking my lips. I'm smashing my mug on the cafeteria floor and calling for another.

[notsomania]

Deltarune theory: Our choices do matter but the characters' don't

First I wanna admit that I personally never liked the cope that "toby fox is lying" when it came to theories. However it seems at least possible that the "there is only one ending" claim isn't fully true.

This is probably gonna sound fandom-y in some parts but it'll probably make more sense as it goes on...

"Your choices don't matter" is a metanarrative plot of the game, not a rule to the player. Here's why...

Do OUR choices not matter?

From the start this game wants you to know that "your choices don't matter". For example, before Chapter 2 was released. This would show up before you download Deltarune Chapter 1:

Then, after giving a name to the vessel you created and yourself, a second voice (who has yet to be identified) trashes it before telling you that "No one can choose who they are in this world".

That's not the last time we're told something like this. After bullying Kris, Susie cuts you off and tells Kris "your choices don't matter".

An important detail about this is that the battle system in Deltarune is different from Undertale's. One of those differences is that when we attack enemies, they'll run away instead of getting killed. Because of this, people assume "your choices don't matter" simply means that the player can't make any long-lasting choices.

But this is NOT the case, because Ralsei tells us that our choices do in fact matter.

So far, the "Your choices don't matter" motif seems comparable to the infamous "kill or be killed" from Undertale.

But if our choices DO matter, then why is the message "your choices don't matter" so relevant in Deltarune?

Because the player's choices do matter. It's the characters' choices that do not.

What Spamton is really about

Spamton is usually associated with the player, and it's reasonable to assume why. He's mainly puppet themed, and he connects the most with Kris.

But this begs the question... how exactly he's getting controlled??

It's not like there is literally another character directly controlling his actions. He clearly has free will.

So then why does he talk like he doesn't? Why does he see himself as a puppet?

Because he doesn't represent being controlled by Kris's soul.

... he represents being controlled by fate itself.

Remember, we were told that no one can choose who they are in this world. He doesn't get to choose to be a "big shot" again. His life fell apart, and he can't do anything about it.

Spamton was written to be doomed from the start.

... So "freedom" must mean the freedom to choose your own life.

Then, after breaking the strings from Spamton NEO, he says something that can actually give you a whole different context on his battle if you look into it. He tells the whole party that they could be strong enough to remove their own strings.

This line wouldn't make sense at all if he was talking about the player's soul. We all know Kris is being directly controlled by US, but Susie and Ralsei aren't. They can do whatever they want...

... Right?

What Gaster represents

Let's talk about the legend now. In Chapter 1, Ralsei tells Kris and Susie that it was foretold by "time and space".

Time and space has been mentioned before in Undertale:

And deltarune.com looked like this in like 2015:

Translation: "THREE HEROES APPEARED TO BANISH ANGEL'S HEAVEN". and "THIS EXPERIMENT SEEMS VERY VERY INTERESTING."

W.D. Gaster told Ralsei this legend.

This confirms (if it hasn't for you already) that Deltarune is an experiment run by Gaster. Furthermore, he's the one who sends us this game in the first place.

It's also strongly implied that he met Jevil and Spamton, and was the reason they have gone insane.

Why does the obvious need to be said? Ralsei says that the legend foretells EXACTLY how your adventure is destined to go, similarly to how Spamton's failure seems destined to happen.

Gaster chooses what happens to everyone in Deltarune, including the main characters.

Again, it is told to us that no one can choose who they are in this world. Gaster is choosing for them.

But why is he doing this?

Could it be because he wants the player to be the only person in Deltarune who can make certain choices? After all, he wants us to play Deltarune. His experiment is the game itself.

That sounds an awful lot like a game developer, huh? It's possible that Gaster is a metaphor for game developers, similarly to how Flowey is a metaphor of the player in Undertale.

That's why Gaster knows exactly what will happen in the heroes' journey. He decided that they will be fated as heroes of a legend.

None of this means the characters aren't real people (in-universe). But it means that everything that happens to them is chosen by Gaster, whether they like it or not.

Except when it's the Snowgrave route, though...

The heroes and the angel

Now that we know the characters can't control what happens, you would think this means the game would only have one route, right?

Except it doesn't. There is a secret alternate route that has DRASTICALLY different events from the main story.

Remember, Ralsei says the prophecy predicts their exact journey, and yet we have the option to make Noelle kill both Berdly and Spamton.

The "your choices don't matter" motto does NOT apply to Noelle nor the player.

In fact, this can be proven by the Spamton NEO battle in this route, in which he tells us himself that this route will in fact give us freedom.

Meaning the alternate route is not supposed to happen on Gaster's part.

So how did we change the story? We know that the soul can apparently hold the fate of the world, but how did Noelle get freedom?

Well, Noelle is a special case of a character. For one, both Queen AND Spamton wanted to use Noelle for their plans. It's implied that she's actually very powerful.

This is further proven by her fatal spell that costs 200% TP if you don't have the Thorn Ring.

This means the alternate route can only happen with Noelle. (sorry... no chapter 3 firegrave lol)

But how does Noelle have freedom, like the player, while others don't?

Because both the player AND Noelle are the "Angel"

(he notably says "angel" twice. could be because both of them are right in front of him...)

This brings me back to Spamton. This is why he got obsessed with the NEO form. He thought it would give him this power to have freedom as well.

This also explains why Spamton used to spend all of his time praying in the basement.

He was praying to become an "angel" like Noelle and the player.

This could also give us an idea on what "Heaven" means. Could Heaven be a place outside of the Deltarune world, such as real life? Or something less dumb than that?

A place where Gaster isn't choosing what happens in his life?

Okay now back to this scene. Even though Spamton finally admits that he'll always be a puppet on strings, he says that the main characters could be strong enough to break their own strings.

What does that mean? Why are Kris, Susie and Ralsei so special?

Maybe because they're the only characters who can act in their free will. That's why they're chosen as the heroes of light.

(For reference, "free will" and "freedom" are two different things. The heroes of light have free will, meaning they could do major actions completely unscripted from Gaster. Noelle and us, the players are angels, which is a character that has the freedom to change fate in Deltarune, even if it goes against what Gaster wants.)

After all, we have seen Kris tear out the player's soul in both ending cutscenes, and do things on their own sometimes...

And Kris isn't even the only one who does things like this. Susie interrupts and even ignores the player multiple times.

These details are why the heroes are the only ones who can stop Gaster from choosing their fates.

Ralsei and the shadow crystal bosses

If each chapter has a character like Jevil and Spamton, then secret boss characters are the result of what happens when Gaster tells Darkners the truth about Deltarune's world. But every time, they go insane.

Except for one.

It's been speculated for some time that Ralsei is hiding something. He is.

As mentioned previously, Gaster has told Ralsei the entire story of the game. That doesn't seem to be all he told him, either. Ralsei is implied to know a lot more than he lets on.

So what is he hiding and why is he hiding it?

It's not obvious, but Ralsei knows just as much as the shadow crystal bosses do. He just hasn't gotten insane from it.

One of the biggest piece of evidence for this is when he suspiciously tells Kris and Susie to ignore everything that Spamton says.

Ralsei clearly doesn't want them to know any of this.

Ralsei is also shown favoring the player over Susie. Especially in Chapter 1. For example, he's completely fine with attacking enemies as long as we're the one who commands them to... but lectures Susie for doing the exact same thing if she's on her own.

In this chapter, Ralsei is in general very open with whatever we choose to do in the game, even though he encourages ACTing and being nice. But he wants Susie to completely go against her nature to act like a "regular hero".

Lastly, he is shown to intentionally let the player make all the choices in scenarios, whereas Susie often doesn't:

He knows that the players exist, so he goes out of his way to let us make all of the important choices.

Of course, none of this means that he's evil and that he doesn't care for Kris and Susie. He admits that he became appreciative of Susie's personality in Chapter 2 and shows signs of realizing the complexity of personalities as a whole.

... However, he still feels the need to treat the player as top priority, while limiting freedom from Susie and himself.

After all, he even admits that he doesn't know what his own personality is like.

Makes you wonder... is Ralsei just being nice to us to encourage playing the game as a pacifist?

Anyway, how did he even learn all of this while staying completely sane, when the other 2 turned into straight up killers?

... Because unlike them, he accepted it.

The difference between Ralsei and these characters is that both Jevil and Spamton reacted by trying to reach what they see as "freedom", while Ralsei does the opposite and strictly follows the legend he was told.

Does Ralsei have to simply accept everything that happens to them in order not to lose his mind, instead of attempting to gain freedom like Jevil and Spamton did?

Ending...?

Yes, it has been said more than once by Toby Fox that Deltarune will only have one ending.

However, if "your choices dont matter" is actually more important to the game's story than we think...

... Mmmmaybe this could be teasing a secret ending in the alt route where we challenge this?

Thanks for reading