#INCORRECT QUOTES

[crows-rook]

Vorgoth: I HEAR YOU ARE IN A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP WITH MY CHILD

Emmrich: Yes and I shall treat them with the utmost respect and kindness. I utterly adore them

Vorgoth: I AM COMING TO DINNER TO MEET MY NEW SON IN LAW

Rook: maker preserve me....dad-I MEAN VORGOTH

Vorgoth: *sobs spookily* YOU CALLED ME DAD

Rook: ...

Vorgoth: I WILL BRING WINE

[metallictastinglifesupportliquid]

Soap: So I've seen you spending a lot of time with Y/N recently Ghost: Its not what it looks like Soap: Oh really? So no reason to be jealous? Ghost: No youre the only one for me Soap: Is that so? Ghost: I promise. Y/N and I are just dating ok? Soap: So there are no best fiend feelings involved? Ghost: You are still my one and only best friend. Theyre just the love of my life ok? Y/N: Gaz: Good luck

[incorrectbatfam]

Jon: Oh, oh! I-I-I think I'm having... ah, what do you call it? A headache with pictures?

Damian: An idea?

[steddieme]

eddie: stevie, would you still love me if i was a worm?

steve, without looking up from his magazine: i hate worms

eddie: but would you love ME if i was a worm?

steve: i'd keep you in a little jar, put you on my nightstand and cry myself to sleep because you'd be right there but i'd never get to hear your voice or hold you again. and i could do nothing about it.

eddie, tearing up: joke cancelled, i want cuddles

[sayangrafayel]

MC: Hey, wanna take a shower with me?

Sylus: I have a gun in that nightstand beside the bed. If I ever say no to that question, I want you to take it out and shoot me because I’ve obviously gone crazy.

[incorrectsterekquotes]

boyd: (about stiles and derek) they match each other's freak to a degree that is dangerous to the public

[dollishsz]

WE LISTEN, WE DON’T JUDGE TREND ── .✦

A/n: so there’s this trend on TikTok where it’s like “we listen we don’t judge” and I couldn’t stop thinking about batboys doing this (here’s the trend -> trend) SO UM YEAH.

(tags: batboys we listen we don’t judge trend.)

All of them: we listen, we don’t judge.

jason: "I once stole the Batmobile because Bruce wouldn't let me drive it, then parked it in front of Crime Alley like it was a trophy."

Dick: "And you’re proud of that?"

Tim: "He said we don’t judge."

Damian: "But I am judging."

── .✦

All of them: “We listen. We don’t judge.”

Dick: "I once did an entire patrol in sequined tights because I forgot my suit, and honestly? Gotham didn’t notice."

Jason: "They definitely noticed, man."

Tim: "Still doesn’t top the mullet plus, discowing, plus-“ *cue dick shushing him with his finger aggressively*

Damian: "Disgraceful, I don’t associate with you imbeciles.”

── .✦

All of them: “We listen. We don’t judge.”

Tim: "I once fell asleep on a rooftop during patrol and woke up to pigeons sitting on me, back when I was robin I think.”

Jason: "Bro, how do you survive Gotham?"

Dick: "Better question—how did we not find you?"

Damian: "this is why I try to escape you guys.”

── .✦

All of them: “We listen. We don’t judge.”

Damian: "I once released a venomous snake in the Batcave to test Father’s reflexes."

Jason: "See? This is why nobody wants to come near you within a 6 mile radius."

Tim: "I still have nightmares from Bruce’s screams.”

Dick: "Bruce does too, I heard him screaming about snakes the other night, no wonder why.”

── .✦

All of them: “We listen. We don’t judge.”

Duke: "I once wore a full frankstein suit to school for spirit day... because I forgot it wasn’t Halloween and like mixed up Halloween and spirit day up.”

Jason: "I’m so proud of you."

Damian: "Jason can go dress up like frankstein because he doesn’t need to color the scars or stit-“ *cue jason leaping from his seat towards damian*

Dick: “WHAT THE FUCK-“

── .✦

*video ends with jason and Damian sitting on the couch in full body casts.*

[cod-dump]

Soap: ... can you at least look me in the eye when we're talking?

Ghost: I'm saving eye contact for after marriage

Soap:

Soap: You're wha-

[luxustextbox]

xehanort

everyone shut the fuck up i’m trying to focus on my diabolical homosexual thoughts

[metallictastinglifesupportliquid]

Price: Has anyone seen Ghost and Y/N? *all at once* Soap: They're joking around Roach: They're arguing Gaz: They're making out Everyone: Soap: Uh when I saw them like 20 minutes ago they were joking around together and laughing outside the mess Roach: Well when I saw them like 10 minutes ago they were throwing hands and pointing fingers at each other, like viciously arguing over something Gaz: Well when I passed them by literally 5 minutes ago they were very heatedly making out against the Lieutenant's office door Price: Yeah that sounds about right

[incorrectbatfam]

Okay since Thanksgiving is coming up.. how would the Batfamily be like during Thanksgiving dinner?

Barbara: We're here!

Dick: And we brought mashed potatoes!

Jason: What? I already brought potatoes.

Dick: You know Barbara and I always do the potatoes.

Jason: Maybe I wanted to shake things up. Why should you be the only one to bask in the potato spotlight?

Damian: I also brought potatoes, obviously, since I was not going to bring the meat.

Cass: Me too. Harper helped.

Tim: Uh...

Dick: What?

Tim: Bruce told me to do something. So I made potatoes.

Jason: Unbelievable.

Bruce, carrying a bowl: Hey kids. I just finished the potatoes. Don't worry, I followed a recipe. Also, Kate and Selina called. Turns out they both made potatoes too. What are the odds?

Dick: Did anyone bring something other than potatoes? Duke?

Duke: Sorry, dude.

Dick: Steph?

Steph: I'm part Irish. What do you expect?

Barbara: At least Alfred took care of the turkey.

Alfred: Actually, the shops sold out, so I replaced it with potatoes.

[sayangrafayel]

Sylus: If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple "thank you" is all I need.

Sylus: Not all this "How did you get into my house" business.

[starsandscribbles13]

I 💚 the Good Place and handyman bill so I just had to reblog this :]

Did somebody say Bill shouldn't be allowed to swear? I think somebody said Bill shouldn't be allowed to swear. Thanks to that, have these retooled The Good Place jokes:

The "powers that be" can refer to either the Theraprism staff, the Axolotl, or just. Ya know. Disney in general. Or all three! Whichever you think is funniest. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

The "party" Bill's referring to is Weirdmageddon, of course. He was quite the ashhole to everyone back then.

Ford has probably gotten pretty good at the 'tune out your psychopathic ex with dank memes' challenge.

It must be very cathartic to be able to make Bill shut up whenever you want with just the press of a button. I'm sure Ford doesn't abuse this ability at all.

Oh, sure, 'Not now,' he says, before he immediately backs out of the newly-made hole in the Theraprism wall. 🙄

Don't worry, Bill doesn't get far.

also yeah i know this one doesn't have an attempted swear - i just wanted to use the joke because of the massive stink-eye involved in it because it makes me laugh

⬇️ More goofs beneath the brief ramble if you wanna skip it lmao⬇️

Why is Ford even there, you might ask? Well, he either decided he preferred to watch Bill suffer in person over being distantly and repeatedly harassed with the same evil desperation book for the rest of his life, or he got roped into some kind of contrived community service for 1.) all his many counts of interdimensional thievery, and 2.) his ignoring all the very clear warnings to NOT summon Bill in the first place (which I like to imagine is also illegal). Theraprism staff were just like, 'Wait, this guy matters to Bill? Ooh, we can USE that! It might be the only thing that can help him want to get better!' It is not considered that throwing Ford at Bill so soon after Weirdmageddon could instead make them both WORSE - in new and altogether special ways! :D

Anyway, I'm calling it the Community Service AU, and I am most likely not going to do anything else with it beyond appropriating these silly Good Place jokes. So, feel free to adopt the concept if y'all wanna??? Just make sure that Bill is still not allowed to swear, no matter what, full stop. It's gotta be a real linguistic corkblork of a situation for him, is all I'm sayin'.

Finally, have these bonus Good Place jokes, but with Handyman!Bill this time:

'Opposite tortures' doesn't sound so bad...at least until it's an all-powerful chaos entity known for torture saying it.

you may think i forgot mabel's cute pink cheeks but the truth is that i did in fact forget but then immediately stopped caring which makes it okay, SHHHHHHH

And, finally:

lmao this is shit

True facts, if you cram Season 1 Eleanor Shellstrop and Michael into a singular triangle shape, they turn into Bill Cipher. This is science, look it up. Or don't, and just trust the source that is me, bro.

Anyway, I should be in bed, y'all have fun with these, I guess. Tune in after like a week or so and maybe I'll have an addendum to my comic about how Bill was drawn naked for karaoke night. Because him actually being naked was not the only thing I considered as a plausible explanation. XD

Also if you see any inconsistencies or errors in any of these comics, No You Do Not :D

Also also, reblogs are rad as hell and I appreciate every single one, just don't repost, please and thanks. Every time a repost is made, an artist somewhere cries. :,)

[911-incorrect-quotes-dispatch]

Eddie: Dude, that kiss was amazing- Buck: I'm gonna stop you right there. Eddie: You didn't like it? Buck: I did, but my tongue was down your throat a minute ago, and you're calling me dude? Eddie: Oh, sorry about that, babe? Buck: That's better.

[pjotwitter]

500 followers post special featuring all the characters that have been in my posts + a few new ones ! ty for 500 followers 💖

[cod-dump]

Ghost: Do you think if I baby talked to Soap he would implode?

Gaz: Honestly? He would stroke out, foam at the mouth, and then maybe implode

Ghost: hmm.... I'm going to do it when we're doing recon in the forest

Gaz: I'll have my phone ready