#I'm Batman. [Bruce Wayne]
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Headcanon where after so many arguments between the batkids and Bruce over his paranoia and complete disregard for his kids privacy, the entire family had compromised with (in the healthiest way possible) downloading life360 on their phones and that's how they all keep track of each other.
Now Bruce knew that this is mostly for his benefit and is supposed to be a healthy alternative for his unhealthy paranoia and helicopter parenting, but what he wasn't expecting was for his kids to start keeping track of him.
He's putting gas in his car and Dick calls him because apparently Dick has been watching him drive around on the app? And Bruce is currently at a gas station thats right around the corner from a Taco Bell and now Dick wants him to get food for everyone since he's already there.
He's driving home from a meeting and Steph calls him because her and Duke were shopping in the area and wants to know if he can pick them up, when he asks how she knew he was on the same street, he gets a "Oh I just like to stalk everyone on the app for funsies." as an answer.
Jason calls him and he can barely get out a hello before Jason cuts him off, "Bruce why the fuck is your phone battery on 5%, charge your damn phone" which completely stuns him because why does he know that. He clears his throat before answering. "Jason, what?"
"Everyone can see each others phone batteries on '360, now charge your phone." Is all he gets before Jason hangs up on him.
#I have more ideas in my head#but I didn't want to make the post too long#might repost later#might write a small fanfic off of this#I actually don't have life360 but my friend does and I'm basing this off of how she interacts with her mom#batfamily#batfam#headcanon#dick grayson#nightwing#bruce wayne#batman#jason todd#red hood#tim drake#red robin#cardinal tim drake#stephanie brown#spoiler#dc
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RIP to Bruce. Can't get a single night to himself smh
#dreamer doodles#batman#bruce wayne#hal jordan#green lantern#superman#clark kent#justice league#dc#yeah i spent an unnecessary amount of time on that my fair lady redraw#like a stupid amount i really shouldn't have#but it made me laugh so fuck you#XD#i'm also super proud of those candles
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Dick spent so much time climbing, hanging off things, or solving problems upside down that it became a joke with the Titans that Robins think better like that. Fast forward a couple of years and Jason threatens to shoot the next person who flips him upside down when he's scheming (Artemis gets Bizarro to do it). Tim nearly kicks Kon in the face for flipping him over. Kara does it when Stephanie's being annoying, but mercifully by the time Damian's there, no one does it to him. Still, occasionally one of the Bats will be upside down because they got caught like that or fell through a vent and have a Eureka moment and everyone will feel vindicated and it starts up all over again.
#I'm imagining someone trying this on Bruce I just know it's either Hal (malicious) or Arthur (egged on by someone) or Diana#batman#dc comics#batfamily#dick grayson#jason todd#tim drake#damian wayne#stephanie brown#stupid headcanons#batfam headcanons#robin dick grayson#nightwing
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"Weird Questions from a Weird City: Batfamily Edition
Duke Thomas: What’s your biggest fear?
Jason Todd: That I’ll never be good enough for anyone.
Tim Drake: Everyone hates me and talks about me behind my back.
Dick Grayson: Vampires.
Jason Todd: ...
Tim Drake: ...
Dick Grayson: I got turned into one once and nearly killed peoples. It's a bloodlust, you never know when you'll be fully quenched and every non-vampire is a succulent vessel... But I'm not a vampire anymore and that is in my past.
Dick eats his apple after that.
*silence*
Duke Thomas: Holy crap stick, Batman.
Tim: Can I change my option to Dick Grayson?
Jason: Same.
#duke thomas#batbros#batfamily incorrect quotes#incorrect batfamily quotes#batfamily#jason todd#batman#dick grayson#tim drake#there was a time where Nightwing got turned into a vampire and it looked awesome#batfamily shenanigans#batfamily fanfiction#batfamily funny#batfamily headcanons#yeah I'm not going to lie Nightwing as a hot vampire could nibble my neck a little#microfiction#drabble#"Weird Questions from a Weird City: Batfamily Edition#batfamily chronicles#jason todd and bruce wayne#batfamily microseries#multi part fic#script fic#flash fiction#batfamily comedy#headcanon batfamily#part of my batfamily flash fiction#batfamily fic#batfamily fluff#dc fanfiction
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"Bruce loves his children to infinity but sucks at communication" gotta be one of my favourite tropes.
What Bruce means: I miss you so much it hurts, you are a great hero, and I'm really glad that you still consider me as part of your life and share your thoughts with me.
What Bruce does: hums meaningfully in response to Dick's story.
What Bruce means: I'm sorry about everything that happened between us, I still love you and want to fix our relationship, I'm incredibly grateful that you don't avoid me.
What Bruce does: nods at Jason when sees him on the patrol.
What Bruce means: I deeply care about you, you are truly important to me, I worry about your health and I don't want you to repeat my mistakes, neglecting yourself for the sake of a mission.
What Bruce does: gives Tim a snack without any explanation.
What Bruce means: I'm very proud that, despite everything you were taught, you choose to be a good person and help people, you have a kind soul, and it's an honour to me to call you my son.
What Bruce does: gives Damian an intensive head pat.
Should I say that Cassie is a blessing?
They stare at each other's soul for a solid five minutes and it's basically a full ass conversation.
#Boys definitely adopted his habits#and every time they do it they are like#oh fuck I'm just like my dad#batman#batfam#batfamily#bruce wayne#batdad#dick grayson#jason todd#tim drake#damian wayne#cassandra cain
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Bruce died(?) again
Jason: Well, it's my turn.
Dick: What are you talking about?
Jason: Everytime Bruce is gone, one of you starts to act just like him, pushing everyone away, acting as only you can be right, and fighting anyone that gets in your way. Dick did it, Tim did it, even Cass kind of did it. So, this time, I will do it.
Tim: Isn't that how you act all the time?
Jason: Whoa, fuck you. You are so banned from historical drama movie nights.
#jason todd#dick grayson#tim drake#cassandra cain#batfam#bruce wayne#batman#dc comics#my ramblings#incorrect quotes#once again I made up this one#but like look at me and tell me that I'm wrong when Red Robin comics is rught there#Dick it's in Future State where he acts just like Bruce it's an au but like it's in character af for him#Cass ran away to Hong Kong so she kind of pushed them away and the second part she's always like this#Jason invites his siblings to his place to watch hustorical drama and criticizes the accuracy and if they are adapted from a book#how well of an adaptation they are#of course he is the one making most of the commentaries on the subject#is tim wrong? let's discuss
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Harsh consquenses.
Pt. 1
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"i've just been working on a... celebrity impression. it's for a sting operation of sorts i've been putting together. yes as a matter of fact it WILL keep me busy tonight—"
#RETROBAT. WESTBAT. WHATEVER. SORRY EVERYONE. this is very directly spoofed from a bit from the show#bc i'm always delighted to see this freak switching between brucie mode and bat mode in rapid succession#juggle your conflicting identities for my entertainment boy. FASTER. SILLIER. NOW DO IT ON ONE LEG#art#comic#dc#batman#bruce wayne#superbat#batman 66
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DC x DP Prompt: Bruce is bad at emoting but at least ghosts are empathic (too bad bat kids are not)
Was reading Twincognito on AO3 when I stumbled across this gem again:
~
" “Danny, Tim. I was just…checking in. Is everything alright?” Curse his inability to make meaningful conversation when it wasn’t a life or death situation.
They glanced at each other and shrugged.
Then Danny hauled himself out of the bed and walked over to Bruce.
Bruce tried not to let too much excitement show on his face. "
~
Now I really want to read a story where Bruce adopts Danny post Meta trafficking and is being his usual emotionally constipated self. His kids keep getting mad at him because he's treating their new meta brother who was trafficked poorly (generally being stilted in conversation with him, walking away hurriedly mid-conversation, avoiding Danny when he's feeling really awkward, etc). They think Bruce is discriminating against Danny for being a civilian, meta, dealer's pick, but really it's just Bruce being horribly socially awkward. Danny knows this because of ghost empathy and find the whole thing hilarious. The whole thing comes to a head with the Bat Kids staging an intervention in the Bat Cave.
#dpxdc#dc x dp#dp x dc#dcxdp#batfam#batman#danny phantom#danny fenton#bruce wayne is a good dad#bruce wayne#bruce is terrible at feelings#the whole thing comes to a head with the bat kids hosting an intervention in the bat cave#maybe like a five plus one set up?#each time one of the bat kids thought bruce was discriminating against danny#and one time where they realized 'no#he is just that awkward'#dealer's choice if alfred thinka bruce is discriminating or not too#thinking this is either before adopting duke or not long after#because its one thing to be a light and shadow meta and another to be as OP as Danny is#also i'm thinking they don't know danny is a halfa#like they think he's just an unfortunately useful meta that got trafficked#could also have danny encountering his new siblings in and out of uniform knowing who they are without them revealing it for extra fun#idk#couldn't get this out of my head#my original post#fic prompt#story prompt#prompt#please guys i have no spoons but i want to read it so bad#🥺
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never made one of these before but it seemed fun ^_^
#dc#dc comics#incorrect quotes#i'm definitely going to make more this was fun#batman#bruce wayne#jason todd#ghostmaker#minhkhoa khan#red hood#wally west#kid flash#the flash#nightwing#dick grayson#robin#tim drake#damian wayne#martian manhunter#catwoman#selina kyle
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thinking about a Damian who was raised his entire life hearing how much he looks like his Father, how he's the blood son, how he's better than any other child Bruce Wayne has taken in, starting to buy into it like a kid does, only to hit puberty and turn out looking like 80% Talia.
#you know how some kids look like one parent until adulthood?#that's what i hc for damian#he looks like bruce until puberty#as an adult he looks like talia#bruce wayne#batman#damian wayne#talia al ghul#dc#batfamily#thoughts#something something social currency but only within the batfamily#it's a sore subject#and they roll their eyes when damian says dumb shit like this#because they know ra's and talia fed it to him since infancy#but then he grows up and slowly stops saying it#and they have to wonder if damian is disappointed#or if he's grown past caring#maybe this is a wild hc idk#i'm just rambling in between meetings#i KNOW he looks like bruce in canon as an adult#but like#i want him to be 5'8 and look like talia#I find it such a satisfying book end to the emphasis placed on him as the blood son#and I think he deserves to be more than just a bruce clone you know#even if the transition stings
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The amount of anime screenshots I stared at for this one a;dslkfsa;lk
Obligatory click for better quality.
Many thanks to @ashoss for helping me keep my sanity while I was working on this one. Couldn't have done it without them!
Meme reference and clean versions under cut
If you haven't seen The Good Place yet, you definitely should.
I just wanna show this panel off. I put WAY too much effort in it, but I don't regret it :3c
#dreamer doodles#batman#batfam#batfamily#dick grayson#nightwing#jason todd#red hood#bruce wayne#i'm gonna go pass out now#so fucking happy i'm DONE with this one#i can finally know peace#i know this looks messy#but I literally cant work on this anymore#pfffttt
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Bruce showing someone his kids' pictures from when they were little: "And this is Jason--"
Jason: "That's a picture of Tim, actually--"
Bruce, fumbling with his wallet: "This is Barbara when she was younger--"
Babs: "Steph isn't even a redhead, how are you messing this up?"
Bruce: "This is Cass--"
Steph: "That's literally a cropped baby picture of you. What are you doing?"
Bruce: "You can't see it fully but this is Alfred with Dick--"
Damian: "That used to be a picture of me and Grandfather."
Bruce: "Here's a picture of Tim."
Batkids: *examining it*
Tim: "That... actually could be anyone."
Damian, simultaneously: "It's not ugly enough for Drake."
Bruce, oblivious to the fight breaking out: "And this is Duke."
Duke, spitting out water when he sees it: "How the hell do you have that?"
Dick: "Well at least he's two for ten."
Jason, going through the photos: "Why are some of these fucking stock photos?"
Dick: "You think that's bad? He's got a picture from the circus with Tim circled in the crowd."
#batman#personal#bruce wayne#batfamily#dick grayson#jason todd#Crack#Shitpost#Batpost#textpost#Long post#Damian wayne#Duke thomas#Stephanie brown#barbara gordon#Wow that's a lot of people to tag AHHH#I give up#I'm too weak
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That was actually a good deed, Jason.
Jason Todd walked over to Bruce Wayne scrolling through photos on his phone. He tapped the man on the shoulder.
Jason: You want baby pictures of Damian?
Bruce spat out his coffee in shock. Jason chuckled.
Jason: You have to pay me.
Bruce (frantic): You better not be lying to me because if you have baby pictures of him I will pay you whatever price you ask.
Jason: Um okay I have about 10 I can give you now so $10,000 for each one.
Bruce: Stay there, gotta get my phone and I'll transfer the funds to your bank account.
Bruce ran out of the room leaving Jason Todd with Alfred watching the entire interaction, impressed.
Alfred: Jason, how did you get baby pictures?
Jason: Remember, I knew about his existence before Bruce ever did. I visited the kid for the first 9 years before Bruce found out about him. Talia paid me to take photos of him for memories.
Alfred: That's very wholesome of you.
Jason (confused): I said Talia paid me.
Alfred: Money or not, you did a good deed. Now Master Bruce can have a few photos and trust me, he's been begging Talia for baby pictures for years. Be proud of yourself.
Jason smiled.
Jason: I appreciate you saying that.
Alfred: I mean every word of it. You're welcome.
#batfamily#batfamily chronicles#batman#jason todd#batfamily shenanigans#bruce wayne#talia and damian#damien and jason#damian wayne#batfamily headcanons#headcanon batfamily#batfamily wholesome#bruce paying jason for the pictures of his son is a headcanon I fully agree with#alfred pennyworth keeping the family together#alfred pennyworth#microfiction#batfamily comedy#script fic#batfamily fanfiction#batfamily feels#batdad#dc robin#batkids#jason todd and bruce wayne#jason todd can do good things#me depicting Jason doing something kind in my headcanon upset someone and it's like#i'm not sure what to tell haters like that I'm not depicting Jason as a weaker man#lol don't like don't read over sending hate but I know not everyone is like this#flash fiction#part of my batfamily flash fiction
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Part 7! Next part with more of Bruce, Ollie, and more's reactions will be out soon!
Prev ~ Beginning ~ Next
#twitter au#btw I'm making it so Jasons about 25 in this au and Roy's about 28 and they had about 2 interactions before Jason's death/resurrection#dc batfam#jason todd#batfam#batfamily twitter au#dc#richard grayson#tim drake#stephanie brown#social media au#timothy drake#batfamily#roy harper#oliver queen#green arrow#speedy#ollie queen#batman#bruce wayne#duke thomas#cassandra cain#jayroy#what happens in vegas#bruollie
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In-universe, the Waynes are probably described as "if the Kardashians were also the Addams family"
#dc#batman#batfam#bat family#bruce wayne#do I tag everyone#dick grayson#jason todd#tim drake#cassandra cain#damian wayne#duke thomas#+ everyone else cuz I'm lazy
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