#Crack

[ohsux]

Vlad is fighting for his life

https://archiveofourown.org/works/64428121

DP x DC Prompt:

Jason, after meeting Danny and falling for him, offers the other batkids rewards/favors for each time they punch Vlad Masters at a gala, and for each time they punch him in the face specifically he will come to the manor for dinner on a day of their choosing on top of what he offered them for punching Vlad. Bruce isn't even upset about this. He's happy that his little boy is coming over more.

The rest of the batfam don't know about Danny or only know very little very vague information about him. (Like maybe they just know that Danny's cat had kittens recently and Jason adopted 1 of the kittens.)

[daffi-990]

Eddie: *about to give his first blowjob*

Buck: “do you - have you ever?”

Eddie: “No, but don’t worry, I saw this in Afghanistan”

[woppsvt]

Needy during the flu

seventeen's maknae line.

genre: crack, funny, fake text, established relationship, dumb and dumber

tw: mention of body parts, sex talk, course, little bit of angst, mention of disease

[space-blue]

Tedesco exorcism bling knuckles, for when the Bible isn't enough

[fawnwilde]

sadie adler u will always be famous | RDR2 text post 7/???

[plasmazkiss]

Chaos Ensues

── .✦ CW: Gn! Reader, u beat up gojo, this sucks, idk what else, images used do not determine readers gender, sorry for any mistakes💔

── .✦ ⛧ ᴀᴜᴛʜᴏʀꜱ ɴᴏᴛᴇ: SIGH HI EVERYONE IM SOSOSOSOSOSO SORRY FOR NOT POSTING</3 I’ve been very busy and stressed out but I’m back🫶🫶 (maybe) and I hope y’all enjoy this…💔

⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘

ᴀʟʟ ʀɪɢʜᴛꜱ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ʙᴇᴇɴ ᴅɪꜱᴛʀɪʙᴜᴛᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ©ᴘʟᴀꜱᴍᴀᴢᴋɪꜱꜱ. ᴘʟᴇᴀꜱᴇ ʀᴇꜰʀᴀɪɴ ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴄᴏᴘʏɪɴɢ, ʀᴇᴘᴏꜱᴛɪɴɢ, ᴛʀᴀɴꜱʟᴀᴛᴇ, ᴇᴛᴄ.

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

[walkingstackofbooks]

When Bashir gets himself kidnapped just before the conference on Romulus, Luther Sloan's first response is a ginormous surge of irritation. He doesn't have time to go rescuing Julian Bashir. But, after a second's thought, he realises that this might actually be a chance to get in Julian's good books, and show him how fortunate it is that Sloan's been keeping such a close eye on him.

(Though not close enough, clearly. He'd have to correct that, when they get back.)

However, when Luther finds Julian, the stubborn doctor starts accusing him of arranging this kidnapping, and he is forced to explain at great length how grateful Julian should be that Sloan's taken it upon himself to act as his guardian angel. Unfortunately, his recital is cut short when his reflexes tell him he is being attacked, and all too soon he finds himself locked up alongside a now extremely irate Bashir.

Of course, Sloan's far from the only person to have been keeping track of Julian's whereabouts. With the advantage of having his own spaceship, he'd beaten Garak to Julian's position by a couple of hours, but it's admittedly a relief that the Cardassian's weird fixation on the doctor has brought him here in such a reasonably timely fashion.

Garak, however, does not seem convinced that he should allow Sloan to go. It's sweet to hear Julian begging for him - "I like him even less than you do, Garak," (Luther will ignore that bit), "but we can't just leave him here, he needs immediate medical attention. I can't let him stay here too die." - but he wishes the Cardassian would show some more consideration in hurrying the fuck up and getting them all out of here, before—

Their captors return. Wonderful. They give Bashir a taster of what will happen to Garak if the doctor doesn't start co-operating soon, then leave the three of them alone to stew for a little longer. Julian's soft hands seem to caress all the places Luther's hurting - he's really hoping the doctor had been exaggerating how close he is to death to better persuade Garak - but all too soon they're gone. Luther is somewhat glad he can't move his head; he does not want to see the doctor fawning over the Cardassian right now.

"Please tell me you let someone know where you were going," he hears Julian mutter.

"I'm sure Captain Sisko and Constable Odo have their own methods of ensuring I don't get... lost. They're surprisingly capable, on occasion."

That's a 'no', then.

"Garak," Julian groans softly.

[lurafita]

Alec: "I'm not predictable."

Izzy: "Alec, please, you are the most predictable man on earth." then quickly crosses her arms over her chest and mimics as Alec does the same and says ""No I'm not.""

Alec frowns: "That doesn't proove anything."

Izzy smirks: "I mean just look at your clothes! You still choose your outfit according to the weekday."

Alec: "That's ridiculous."

Izzy: "Oh yeah? Then you wouldn't have any trouble wearing that sweater tomorrow, a tuesday, would you?"

Magnus, just then steps into the room: "Ah, there you two are. Clarissa just announced that she and Jace will be inviting us out for dinner today."

Alec: "Magnus, what do you think of my sweater?"

Magnus, smiles: "Looks just as good on you as it does every monday, Darling."

Izzy: "See?"

Alec, annoyed at his sister, takes off his sweater in a huff: "There! Anything else you don't like about my clothes?"

Magnus, surprised but an opportunist at heart: "To be honest I'm not a big fan of those pants."

Alec's hands move towards his belt, Izzy throws her hands in the air: "I'm outta here."

[knivxsanddespair]

Gambit: *Enters Hank's Lab*

Gambit: *Opens his mouth*

Beast: No Remy, I am definitely not making a super powered condom that will nullify Rogue's powers.

Gambit:

Gambit: *Leaves*

@a-roguish-gambit

[gerbfukc]

An isekai au with Kazula

Prompt: After passing out from submitting an essay she procrastinated on, Katara wakes up in one of those stereotypical harem fantasy worlds. In this world, she is apparently the protagonist who is set to lead the villainess, Azula, to her demise.

It should have been easy to let everything play out the way it seemingly should have. One swoosh of her sword, and Azula's life would have been forfeit.

So there's no one to really blame except for herself when Katara decides to run away with the villainess instead.

(Extra note: the title of course would be either "Help! The Heroine Won't Stop Flirting with the Villainess!" OR "The Absurd Heroine has Kidnapped the Shockingly Calm Villainess?!")

[demonsandpieohmy]

Thanks for the rec! Snatched was some of my favorite unhinged writing

Hiiii! Thank your for your hard work, lovely mods!

I have a bit of a broader ask which makes filtering a bit difficult. I'm not looking for a specific fic or a specific trope but for fics that are a bit 'silly' (or maybe crack treated seriously) in one way or another while still set in the GO universe (so no human AU). Like 'One Night in Bangor' where there's an office party of Heaven/Hell or, or 'Do you know what eternity is' where Crowley fake proposes to set up a real proposal or those fics where one of them sets up a social media account (and accidentally confesses online - I've looked through the social media tag already :)). I hope you get what I'm trying to say. If any fic springs to mind that is a bit silly I would be glad to hear your recs :)

If this was too vague an ask that's also alright. Have a lovely day!

Hey! We have #crack and #social media tags, and I'd also recommend our #outsider pov tag as those fics often have a silly element to them. Here are more to add to the crack tag...

Game Night by amtm1017 (T)

Crowley strides back to the table with purpose, setting the sherry down in front of Aziraphale with a little more force than necessary. “You’re going to win this, you’re going to win trivia.” “Well, my darling, thank you for the enthusiasm, but what’s brought this on?” Crowley exhales, pressing his fingers to his temples. “I just got trash-talked by a man who sells cheese for a living, angel. Looked me dead in the eye and told me you weren’t smart enough to win a stupid pub quiz. Man probably spends his entire life talking about stilton, but apparently, we’re the ones who aren’t intellectually prepared.” Crowley leans in, bracing his elbows on the table. “I need you to crush them. I need you to obliterate them. I need you to make cheese-man question his entire life’s purpose. I need him to wake up at three in the morning for the next six months and think, I should never have doubted Aziraphale Fell." ---- Or It’s game night in Whickber street, and Aziraphale just wants to have a nice evening of trivia. Crowley, on the other hand, has somehow declared war on a local cheesemonger. things escalate. rapidly.

Snatched by demonsandpieohmy (M)

Aziraphale couldn’t just leave the body here. But what to do with it? A cemetery burial? He didn’t think Crowley would like being six feet closer to hell. Cremation? Absolutely not, he didn’t need to be burned again. Maybe he could arrange a burial at sea. Or shot into space - did humans have that technology yet? All this, while Crowley was still alive. Hell would never give him a new body. Crowley was going to be stuck down in that awful place forever, unless… ---- Crowley gets himself discorporated, so Aziraphale has to engage in a wee bit of body snatching.

What We Do in Tadfield by AetherBunny (T)

A Good Omens parody fic a la What We Do in the Shadows. There are demons living together in a house in the English countryside. A documentary crew follows them around for a while and discovers MUCH more than they bargained for! This is an AU that’s hard to describe in a few words, but easy to understand in the course of the story!

Cursed Creatures by MurphysScribe, pommedepersephone (T)

Hastur hits Crowley with a nasty curse, dooming him to a flu where he coughs up bizarre wild animals. Yes, you read that right. Aziraphale takes care of a miserably sick Crowley, and has to figure out how to get rid of an increasingly weird series of fauna. Because of course, miracles are off the table. (Note- tagging for nausea, but more of what happens is coughing, and more fantastical than bodily graphic)

The Art of Prestidigitation by DiningAtTheRitz9 (T)

Crowley invites Aziraphale to a costume party in the eighties. Shenanigans and feelings ensue.

The Ineffability of Fanfiction by HedgePodge (T)

Officially Muriel still works for heaven observing Aziraphale, but heaven's been quiet about it lately so they have time to work at the bookshop. One day, a human girl catches Muriel watching Crowley and Aziraphale pine at each other and invites Muriel to her writing group. A fanfiction writing group, specifically, whose primary subjects are Crowley and Aziraphale. Crowley and Aziraphale are too busy hopelessly pining for each other to notice the writing club at first, but nothing stays secret for long. Surely a bunch of fictional romance stories won’t have any real effect on Crowley and Aziraphale’s relationship. Then again, it could be the push they need to finally sort themselves out. (Set mid season 2. Features lots of fake fanfiction and real Aziracrow)

- Mod D

[balrogballs]

i'm a writer irl (can't say who because my agent would rightfully put me into a blender and press the button if i go and out myself as "balrogballs") and honestly the funniest and most humiliating incident of my life was the time my finished manuscript triggered a plagiarism flag with the publisher for two lines of prose in my literary fiction novel...

.... which was word for word similar to a paragraph in a certain explicit work on FFN starring elrond and his batsman from the hobbit films, aka that one elf that looked like he ate panic attacks for breakfast (i forget his name but it's Figwit II) where the lord of imladris bends said twink over his writing desk and gives him the battering ram treatment.

and if you think i had to sit in front of one if the biggest publishing companies in the world and admit that it was, in fact, me who wrote the fic where the lord of imladris bends said twink over his writing desk and gives him the battering ram treatment in order to avoid being wrongly flagged for plagiarism, you would be absolutely correct.

(yes they published the book)

[cheeseanonioncrisps]

An adaptation of Sherlock Holmes set in a world in which the fictional character/literary juggernaut Sherlock Holmes, and all the subsequent adaptations thereof, still exist.

Sherlock Holmes (pronounced Holl-mess, as he is constantly reminding people) just had the misfortune of having parents who really liked the books, and his attitude towards his fictional counterpart is pretty much the same as that of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.

Sherlock runs a Youtube Theory channel called Mysteries Unwrapped with Sherlock Holmes. He has received no less than seven cease and desist letters from the Conan Doyle estate, all of which he has so faded managed to rebuff by pointing out that that's literally his name.

(No he won't change his name. He's Sherlock Holmes the real live human person. Let Sherlock Holmes the non existent fictional character change his name.)

John is Sherlock's flatmate. Sherlock almost refused to live with him once he realised that it would mean staying with a medical student named John, and only gave in once John pointed out that: a) he's a biomedical student, which is completely different from an md, and b) his surname isn't Watson.

It's now been three years, which is long enough for them to have developed a genuine friendship, and for John to have a) started working towards his PhD in biotechnology, and b) for him to start dating somebody with the surname Watson.

Sherlock can feel the narrative closing in.

His Youtube channel is meant to be focused on lost media, fan theories and stuff like that, but he keeps accidentally stumbling upon and then solving genuine crimes.

His brother Mycroft may or may not have chosen that name after he transitions specifically to annoy him.

He doesn't even live in London, but somehow the only flat they could afford was on a street named fucking Baker Street.

Sherlock Holmes and the Unescapable Power of the Narrative.

[fanaticalthings]

Bruce Wayne except he texts like an ominous boomer

wdym you can't tell if he's threatening them?

Based on this post by @mysterycitrus :)

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Bonus:

Happy birthday, Tim 🥰

[everwalldigan]

Hear me out: Robin Dick would be the biggest Bruceman supporter and shipper.

This boy hates any of Bruce’s love interest with a passion because then his dad guardian spends less time with him and that’s obviously UNACCEPTABLE, SCANDALOUS even, so when rumours start circulating that Bruce Wayne is in a relationship with the Batman, he jumps right on the wagon.

Reporter, thirsty for a story: Mr Grayson what do you think about the rumours that Bruce Wayne is dating the Batman?

Dick: What do I think about my dads you mean? My very married very taken dads? My very faithful to each other plural dads?

He would fuel the rumours both as Robin and as Dick Grayson, punching criminals for talking bad about Wayne enterprises as Robin (“THAT’S MY STEPDADS COMPANY YOURE TALKING ABOUT!”). He would be on online forums all day talking about how Bruceman is the only Batman ship that makes sense and Doxxing people who disagree.

Bruce is so exasperated because this is happening at a time where only Alfred and Dick know his real identity so he can’t even do anything with ANYONE without making either Bruce Wayne or Batman look unfaithful.

Throw Reporter Clark Kent into the mix who has been sent to scope out the Bruceman story, who Bruce makes the mistake of flirting with at a gala. Both Clark AND dick are scandalised.

Dick, making a scene: HOW COULD YOU! BATMAN IS WAITING FOR YOU AT HOME AND YOURE HERE FLIRTING WITH SOME… SOME REPORTER??

Bruce, sighing: Dick-

Dick, tugging on Bruce’s suit and looking up at him with fake tears in his eyes: Dad, are you and dad getting a divorce? :(

Clark, panicking: NO NO THEYRE NOT GETTING A DIVORCE PLEASE DONT CRY

Meanwhile:

Bruce, crying in the corner: he called me dad

He would even go as far as insisting that Robin is his step sibling

Principal: how do you explain that whenever Robin is injured, Dick fails to show up at school the next day?

Dick: Robin and I are twins :) so when he’s injured I’m injured too and we have to stay home together!!

Bruce, whispering: I’m sorry, they’re not really twins but neither I or Bats have the heart to tell hem