#I’m kind of stressing about it
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
OKAY TUMBLR I NEED YOUR HELP MAKING A DECISION:
It’s kind of a long story, but let me set the scene.
It’s 2021. I am working on the South Side of San Antonio. Unhinged, unmedicated, underpaid and still looking for dates on a stupid app because idk I was bored and sad or whatever!
I match with this girl, let’s call her Alexa. We’re texting and vibing it’s all going well and we decide to meet up. The date does not go well in my opinion—she didn’t ask me any questions about myself, talked over me frequently, and just generally gave me the vibe that she wasn’t looking for companionship so much as like. an audience. Date ends, she says we should do it again.
Let me preface this by saying I KNOW I WAS IN THE WRONG HERE. But as you can guess, my passive ass was like: sure! And then proceeded to ghost. Because I am The Worst I KNOW OKAY
Flash forward to 2023. New job on the East Side. I’m working closely with the theatre teacher at new job. She is from out of state—same place Alexa is from. I don’t think anything of it. Then she mentions her former roommate, Alexa.
It’s a pretty common name right???? Surely it cannot be THE SAME PERSON I GHOSTED THREE YEARS AGO??? I look up on Facebook. It is.
Theatre teacher and I are very close now. We are working besties. I have been invited to her birthday party. Where Alexa may or may not be.
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
friend wanted to see my tumblr, and when i told him i can’t show it to him bc it’s basically my personal diary he went “oh so I can’t see it but a bunch of strangers on tumblr can??” he literally does not get me. no one will get me like the people in my phone get me
#It’s just so different#even though it’s public it still feels secret and safe. i feel comfy sharing a lot more on here than I do in my actual day to day life lol#in my head I’m also just speaking to myself 90% of the time which helps#if a friend off tumblr saw my thoughts I’d feel so weird ab it#esp bc they might get the vagueposting about certain situations and tell mutual friends#no thank u. this is for me. I’m not about to start censoring my thoughts bc someone I know knows my tumblr#u guys literally saw me have LIVE BREAKDOWNS#meanwhile I’ll have the worst fucking day in history and tell no one about it. I’m already cripplingly private but way more so in real life#this is basically a low stress journaling outlet for me. it’s so important for me to maintain the separation#like this is actually my diary & has been so handy for letting out emotions / articulating thoughts / staying on track !!#& I’ve met so many kind people on here who actually get me. which is so hard to find irl bc I’m surrounded by pre-med gunners/overachievers#who are by standard not very good w emotion & can be competitive/judgmental. or at least it’s hard for me to be vulnerable in front of them#and I’m part of that crowd so I reserve my emotions only to a handful of very close friends#it’s nice to hop on here and express negative emotions!! or positive emotions!! just whatever I want and it’s low stress and people get me#I don’t have to worry about judgment or competitiveness etc etc#like everyone on here is so kind & nice & understanding. & just a breath of fresh air from the types I run w. it’s just nice to have this#so idk that’s why I think I’ll always be strict about keeping the worlds separate. it just works#p
7K notes
·
View notes
Text
I know Beardsley already alluded to thing but it was really sad and powerful when Kristen tells Cassandra that she knows “chaotic is not cute.” And then Cassandra straight up tells her, “I can’t rely on you.”
And Kristen and the entire audience have to agree. It’s really humbling for me as an audience member but I’m guessing also for Kristen in that moment
#it kind of reminds me of the beginning of acoc when the cast realized oh FUCK this shit is serious and we might all die#chaotic is not cute#at least it no longer is junior year#both of my junior years were really quite stressful#oh damn they’re talking about that same sentiment in the adventuring party#it’s really weird cause normally I as an audience member side with the party and the intrepid heroes#but I was fully on Cassandra’s side#poor Cassandra#dimension 20#d20#fantasy high#fantasy high junior year#fhjy#fhjy ep 3#fantasy high spoilers#fhjy spoilers#not all who wanda are lost spoilers#not all who wanda are lost#fantasy high cassandra#I’m a bit scared for kalina’s return#live reaction
301 notes
·
View notes
Text
its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously
#I have an assignment that was due a week ago and I really really dont want to do it. I have to but i dont want to#im probably making it worse because my brain has built a wall around it so now i can’t do literally anything else until thats done. but#because I don’t want to do it I’m just kinda stuck. turns out this is what they meant when they said emotional regulation is part of#exec dysfunction.. I’ll have a thought like if I get a little bit of it done now i can get it over with. I can just submit something#and then not even 5 minutes later itll be like ugh but I have to draw all the assets out. I have to write things and make spreads ugh#and its just flopping between those two things. i hate it when ppl are like well how much time do you need to work on one thing#because BOY id love to know too. I’d love to know exactly when my brain wants to cooperate with me and work around that but I cant#even my period can’t decide when it wants to punch me in the stomach. which is kinda funny in the grand scheme of things but still#its so weird im just lying on my bed thinking abt all this like damn.. the time will pass anyways no matter what I decide to do.. damn….#if I submit that assignment now and take the L I literally won’t die. it’ll just be a deduction on an assignment nobody will ask me about#I know this but I’m still stressing myself about it so my thoughts aren’t really connecting to my body. weird#maybe its because Im having a hard time looking forward to things. theres definitely a lot I should be living for but I don’t really feel#a strong attachment to it I guess? it’s been like this for a while with holidays and meeting with friends so I just don’t#I kinda figured its because im pretty passionless and its more like passing interest. but it’s not very fun when it feels like I’m going to#be living distraction to distraction for the next 70 years or so lol#idk it kind of feels like slowly bleeding out. which is funny because I actually did experience blood loss this week#had a 30 minute nosebleed and literally could not stand. also it felt like someone was pinching the back of my brain which was interesting#yapping#does this count as vent#vent#Ive just been making an oc carrd and contemplate changing my blog header for the past 3 days honestly
174 notes
·
View notes
Text
decided it’s time to cut myself a break when i “overreact” to something, because there’s basically always an impressive number of things in front of it that i’m not reacting to. which is probably true for everyone on earth actually.
#i have Clinical Wild Mood Swing Disorder and can't get my meds refilled#and am trying to maintain a professional reputation of being super stable and positive and non-reactive#so you can imagine the kind of stress that i am under#like please let me get upset about something for five minutes without it redefining my whole personality#i was going to say stick a fork in me i’m done but actually maybe remove a fork or two and see how i do
56 notes
·
View notes
Text
you know how in school they’d always make you (still make you) like choose random topics to give class presentations on while everyone politely clapped even though they didn’t really care about your powerpoint on fungi or whatever bc they’re too worried about getting their own over with. tumblr is like if every single person in the room was paying full attention and was absolutely stoked about it and gave you wild applause and wolf whistles at the end. you can just get on stage and talk about coelacanths and you become a celebrity for a few minutes. like on tumblr it’s on your own terms so it’s like oh snap education is actually supposed to be fun
#this is to say i got a big presentation out of the way today that i was stressing about#or rather i should say i thought about it as ‘getting it out of the way’#but then once i completed it and was ready to present i was like wait this is actually so cool i’m so excited to present#like i was waiting patiently for my turn#and i had a GREAT time yapping for eight minutes about parthenogenesis in sharks#and i’m like aw i’m kinda sad the project is over… :(#maybe i will yap about it on here some time#i love genetics it’s sooooo cool to me i love you punnet squares i love you genes and reproduction#peach rambles#ALSO i got complimented on the presentation by the girl i wanna befriend sooo bad#like holy snap we have similar energy and we both get way too into this class …#and then we yapped for like 15 minutes more on stuff bc we had to do a ‘group discussion’ for something unrelated in that class#and we were literally the only two people in our section doing that thing#we were only like half on topic lol#can’t beat the ADHDemons#then i had Another presentation in the class right after that and it was kind of terrible bc i can only prepare for one thing at a time smh#but it was much lower stakes so#but like WHEWWWWW i can’t believe i got a chain of massive assignments out of the way…. it’s been a wacky past 48 hours
26 notes
·
View notes
Note
When i very first started reading this I was really excited xisooma was in it but was a wee bit disappointed in how littel he was, BUT I TAKE IT ALL BACK YOUR SERVING ME SOME GOOD STUFF!! Like like him and doc prioritizing each other and him seemingly getting closer with him and eaaaahhhhhhh thanks :>>
EEP yeah!!! Yeah, I’ve very much fallen in love with xisuma throughout this process. It’s been a joy to have him so prominent in this part of the au, and I love him so much, so I must give him the special angst treatment >:]!! If this is any consolation, Xisuma strikes me as someone who doesn’t SEEM as strong or intimidating or scary as you might expect because of how soft he speaks and how kind he is and how DERPY he is, but throw him in a stressful situation and he does a total 180. Let me just say that, if it were anyone else being slammed to the ground like that by a blood thirsty corrupted android, they would not be doing so well. Xisuma is strong— way stronger than he lets on, imo. He’s holding Etho back from doing who knows what, and I think that’s plenty impressive. HES EVEN ASKING IF DOC IS OKAY WHILE HOLDING ETHO BACK!!! Idk man I have a lot of feelings about him
I’m also really happy people are noticing him and doc prioritizing each others’ safety. It’s really special to me 🥺 I just think they should be research partners who care a lot about each other!!! That’s all!!!
#dbhc#dbhc ask#ask#anon#dbhc xisuma#dbhc doc#listen don’t get me started#xisuma is goofy and kind and little bit empty headed when it comes to certain things but#again#put him in a stressful situation and he goes 180#not that I’m currently writing him frustrated and stressed and scared and high on adrenaline#and am learning that he is so absolutely the type to get totally fed up with something and sigh and grumble and#I’m fine about xisumavoid#not that I think he would maybe do the occasional curse in mental narration#but yknow#I just think he’s a complex character and someone should (try her best) to do him the justice he deserves#DRBNDFGBKCGHN#okay I need to shut up now
142 notes
·
View notes
Text
Tangled The Series would have been very different if Varian were voiced by John Mulaney, huh?
#“You want it? Go get it” *chucks the scroll into a gutter*#“ I told you I’m worried about Corona too you know like a liar”#*almost gets murdered by Andrew twice* “now we don’t have time to unpack all of that”#“Varian why didn’t you do anything when the Saporians took over?!?” “I was over on the bench”#“Is Frederic a good king?” “Whose to say”#*sees Quirin in amber in a red rock induced hallucination* NOO THATS THE THING IM SENSITIVE ABOUT#“Because this is Old Corona and life is a fucking nightmare”#“No offense Varian” “NAWT FUNNAEY”#“I am very small and have no money so you can imagine the kind of stress I am under”#*sees an automaton* “I smell a robot- prove prove”#*gets his fathers acceptance and pride* “THIS IS THE HEIGHT OF LUXURY”#@Andrew “beat it bozo”#Raps fights back against him using the rocks “YOU HAVE THE AUDACITY”#@the fear rocks “everything else is so goddamn weird this might as well happen”#Varian making that bottle rocket that explodes eggs#@Cass during Nothing Left To Lose “you have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair”#“Eat ass suck a dick and sell drugs”#tts#tangled the series#rapunzel's tangled adventure#varian
39 notes
·
View notes
Note
You’re the resident chilchuck expert, so I was wondering about it there’s any canon evidence that he did smoke or drink alcohol when the kids were younger. I always thought it was something he picked up due to the strain of long jobs, when the kids were already older, but you seem to think differently and I was wondering if there was anything in canon that made you think that way!
Now that you mention it I guess it’s true there’s no evidence he did. Smoking we literally only know he does at all because of one post-canon panel where he has a pipe, so no, maybe this stick-looking thing in the panel below too though, I’m not familiar with medieval blunts eh. We’ve only gotten one panel of him and his daughters interacting when he was younger so that’s not too insightful on that end, and every time we see him young and freckled it’s in a job context so again not really where we’d expect him to be drinking. The earliest proof (/heavy implication since we don’t see inside his cup I guess) is 3 years before canon when Laios hired him, where he’s at a bar, classily placed in front of all the bottles ✨
Yes alcohol is almost certainly a way through which he copes especially with stress, so if we go with the theory he started around when work got stressful, well… Chilchuck started working as a dungeon diver ~10 years ago so when he was ~19, making Mei, Fler and Puck ~6 and ~4 respectively, so from that draw the ‘stressful enough to start drinking’ line wherever. We don’t know what he did before that with any certainty, and it could be he did odd jobs, lived off mostly mutual aid and community work, or just focused on only raising the girls. Half-foots tend to be poor and I see a lot of that in Chilchuck specifically so I don’t think he could have afforded to not have some paying work though.
Alright, so then why do I think he did drink when the girls were younger?
I give a more complete rundown of the info we do have on his alcoholism & his family with panels and references + all the speculation I make from it here. But the most targeted and objective answer I can give is:
Of course there’s just very very little we know of Chilchuck’s life with his family, and I think that’s by design too. I think the details being up in the air is to allow more nuance of the topic, like, will trying to reconcile go well, is their relationship salvageable? We don’t know, because we don’t know. So the message of giving hope a chance even if it’s a long shot, that things could truly go either way, is more relevant, impactful and meta in that way. How long was he usually away for work travels into dungeons here and there? How did he act with them? All we can really do is "it’s likely that", it’s a game of which way we think it’s more implied. There’s no right and wrong answer, it’s all Marcille-like larping the events out.
My main reason for thinking he did is that his father died from overdrinking and Chilchuck is very aware of that. He mentions his death casually in the extra about their stance in alcohol and in his Adventurer’s Bible profile, etc. He acts towards the alcohol presumably the same way his father did: with abandon, uncaring for the health effects, probably happily too considering Chil says "dying doing something you love is a good way to go". Very nonchalant. So you see what I’m saying here right, wether he started early or late, his view of alcoholism is very influenced by what he saw of his father growing up, it’s something he’s always been aware of and saw in a mostly positive light, something that was inherited you could say. It’s something that was normalized to him from a young age. Regardless or where it goes from there I do think this part is pretty inarguable. If he views it positively and we know that in the present alcohol is his favorite food that he loveees, why would he have held out on it? Personally that all makes me think he started drinking very young, especially since I don’t think they limited alcohol to age as much as modern standards (and I mean, teen drinking is obviously still a thing). And here you could argue, maybe his father only started being more alcoholic later when Chilchuck moved out, or something! And to that there’s nothing I can say except I think that’s a strained theory, and that Chil might even have largely cut contact with his family after moving out (since he and siblings are listed as almost strangers and he doesn’t seem to have much emotional attachment to his parents, but also we know he rents out his place to "a relative"), but it’s true we have no evidence. "I’ve picked up the same unhealthy substance abuse as my father haha! No big deal right haha" repeated several times to me just reeks of intergenerational trauma, & the alcoholism gene as they call it. Like effortless sliding into drinking as if it’s second nature, it’s natural after all, it’s normal after all, it just makes sense, it makes you feel good and that’s what matters.
BUT from my interpretation then we have a whole other layer: Alcohol is of course not all bad always. I think he’s always liked alcohol and drank it on occasion and it brought him joy etc etc, but I think here the implication in the question is, how much effect did his drinking have on the family relations and how early? And that isn’t so much about when him drinking started but when the alcoholism started. Addiction is defined by a habitual need, that has negative effects from filling that need (physical, psychological, social, etc) and negative effects from withdrawal. If Chilchuck drinks to cope and he can’t not cope without it, that’s addiction, if it affects his relationships, if it’s a need he has, it’s addiction. Addiction can be very insidious or look very casual, and how much people around the person are affected by it is case by case. Cheerful drunks can be sooo annoying and uncomfortable though let me tell you. Drunks are drunks. And this sounds harsh, but even if people around them don’t mind drunks it’ll still have some effects here and there, living with one can be such a challenge, ily drunks good luck with everything much like Chilchuck you deserve good things 🫡
Ok so with the dad thing and the "ok well maybe he’s always drunk casually but it grew worse with time around when he started working as a dungeon diver" precision made, the other bit of info we have that can inform this is that Chilchuck is on a harsh diet and that alcohol is a hunger suppressant. We know Chilchuck "used to be fine not eating for two days", that literally on screen to quench his hunger so it doesn’t keep him awake he goes to drink water, drinking is his instinct to hunger. Again alcohol is a hunger suppressant and if you want info on that the internet has a lot of research and anecdotes about it. He diets to be light enough to not trigger traps, so it’s something he’d have started after dungeon diving most likely. Between the stress and the diet, yes it’s extremely likely he started going harder on alcohol after he started working in dungeons. There’s arguments on wether two days without eating is less bad for half-foots than humans, but apart from smaller portions there’s nothing that indicates half-foots should get less than 3 meals a day. They need less food but that’s because their bodies are smaller: the need is proportional to the body, not smaller than others’ races, the % of need is similar even if the kg amount of food isn’t. There’s also a popular headcanon with support basis that half-foots run hot and have a faster heartrate and whatnot, and that points towards a faster metabolism rather than a slower one: a bigger need for eating rather than a smaller one. He has the same bmi, 18, as Mickbell, but perhaps because Chil is much taller he’s less intensely visibly underweight with ribs showing than Mick during the bath extra, it’s most apparent when he becomes tallman.
Alcohol is something so important and omnipresent in his character that I have trouble believing it’s something that was part of only a small fraction of his life. It’s his immediate go-to, his no-brainer solution to a good time, I’ve sort of always assumed especially after looking at his family that it’s something he discovered decently young. Like he just acts like someone who’s always had alcohol to fall back on and started young idk. Alcohol is one of his 5 keywords. Alcoholism is very ingrained into his world view and life, his "it doesn’t matter" stance his ‘work hard play hard’ mentality his idea that the world is harsh so you get relief where you can, so it just makes sense to me that it’s always been in his life, if not actively then at least looming.
So yes, in summary, my take: Alcohol was always something he wholly enjoyed to an unwise level, but it could have been considered casual until he started working into dungeons and his need for it on a regular basis intensified. Alcohol has always had positive association to him as far as we see, so when it started being a problem he didn’t see it as such. To quote him, "I drink anytime I get the opportunity to". Why always? Approval of father’s alcoholism. Why alcoholism at all? Diet + stress & coping mechanism & emotional stunting + relationship issues, and she decided she had enough after they went out for drinks.
Conclusion
Chilchuck having drunk from a young age makes sense to me and it’s the strongest narrative angle I see on the table, but that’s objectively a me opinion, yes! There’s no evidence, moreso there’s canon basis and supporting info, but it’s all very left up to interpretation. I’ve made my own interpretations of things from the scraps we see, like everyone else making Chilwife and daughters content. Wether you have a stance on the topic or prefer to leave it vague in your takes, it’ll be a matter of what you think makes most sense, or what you’d rather believe I suppose (which is literally fine)
There’s a lot of subjectivity in even just setting up causal links like you probably noticed during this and I was careful with my word choices, because we’re just extrapolating from what we see and unless Kui states it explicitly from a reliable mouth all we can do is have informed opinions on most things. This particular interpretation is influenced by other details I’ve come to form about my interpretation of Chilchuck too, the more psychological and emotional sides of him and the timeline and how his marriage even happened, unplanned pregnancy imo. Like I hope you see what I mean, this wasn’t supposed to be a speculation post just a quick simple answer but there’s sort of just no other and concise but complete way with the subjectivity nuance to put "maybe it could be yes because of this but maybe it could be no because of this" haha
Edit: Wait the phrasing on this… Interesting. "In recent years"— This does imply that if not just his alcohol consumption increasing then the diversity and quality of it did, so either he indeed did start drinking more (not necessarily meaning he didn’t drink before) assumedly because of his wife leaving, or he started drinking other/more different kinds of alcohol maybe due to the union he formed + his experience gave him greater salary than he had previously (and no wife and family to provide money for), a mix of both perhaps.
#Also he’s a lot like my own dad so to me with how he is it’s just an immediate “oh yeah he has always drunk duh of course”#So i can admit to bias. Or to specialized knowledge and authority on analysis idk in which way that tips the balance in my favor or not lol#Dungeon meshi#chilchuck tims#meta#alcoholism#This post was meant to be short :|#-slaps chilchuck’s family- this baby can fit in so much projection#I have like 3 chil alcoholism & chil family fic wips rn weeeeee#I’m the kind of alcoholic’s kid who grew up to never touch alcohol btw so like. Ik Chil could not have drunk young i just think he did#Can we appreciate the alcohol opinion & resistance chart actually. So often in media it’s either “alcohol’s a source of fun yippee” and#“alcohol is evil”. Thank you Dunmeshi for diversity of opinion thank you for nuance i rarely feel so seen#Izutsumi deserves to tell Chilchuck he stinks#AND BY THE WAY I hope you don’t feel talked down on anon. Ik you seem to have your own interpretation already & that’s good#sometimes i was adressing like. The General Public TM more than you which is why I spent time on some things like ‘think what you want’ etc#Okok i hope that covers it. Help where does the time go#It’s the sort of thing that makes Kui’s masterful storytelling by implying things here and there until it forms a big picture frustrating#for meta. Like! You can’t prove Chilchuck has been poor/grew up in an empoverished family/environment. There’s no evidence#but also you cannot tell me with a straight face that he isn’t and hasn’t like omg. But then it takes 30 pages to explain how he’s coded#Stop showing and not telling Kui smh /j#Ask#I think a lot about the trolls comic and man he was already so tense and grumpy and yelling. I do think that guy was stress relief drinking
38 notes
·
View notes
Note
I don't like when people talk about politics in fandom spaces
I don’t like it when my puppy dog eats trash and gets a sick tummy dude it sucks. She only does it occasionally but I’m like woah dude what’s up with you and she just looks all guiltily at the trash can and I’m like oh aren’t you a little garbage girl and she’s just like… yeah…. I may be… you mind if I puke a lil….
#I’m not in a fandom space what are you talking abou#I do understand the sentiment of#I don’t want to be stressed with politics during my free time or my wind down time#but if you’re talking about my blogs and or streams i truly do not get up on my soapbox and yell about how I feel about politics very often#and when I do it’s kind of just common sense stuff#support others in the community#support queer lives#you don’t have to engage with anything I post or stream just move on past it little buddy
20 notes
·
View notes
Text
Feeling a certain way about that latest bsd interview concerning Akutagawa and the treatment he suffered
(that way is bad.)
#I was concerned about this kind of thing tbh trying to think of how this whole dynamic could narratively go forward#I’m not encouraged that he’ll ever be called out now.#listen. the orphanage director thing I was fine with. It’s fine to cry over someone who hurt you#it’s fine to have learned things from abusers. guy was the only ‘parental’ figure atsushi ever had even if he sucked#and that it was dazai saying all this introduces a layer of uncertainty also#was uncomfortable with aya having ‘learned’ from her abusive father (but you know fair I guess we still pick up on#and recall things in stressful moments. you can still learn from people who treat you horribly and it doesn’t mean you owe them shit)#but this makes me very uneasy and I’m uh. not happy. if this shit keeps up I just. :/#won’t main tag this rn#storyrambles
104 notes
·
View notes
Text
On the topic of self-sustainability, I genuinely think a HUGE amount of us could benefit from this - just like in many other past situations - and especially now. The joys of being self sustainable is that you can go as deep into it as you want or just do a few things that make you feel involved or good!!! You could hone-in and build your own damn root cellar, then go the food preservation route and understand to not rely on big market chains anymore that are becoming more unreliable - or you could simply watch some people from afar who do partake in being sustainable and support them. You could understand food waste, you could contribute to making your own clothing out of your own harvested materials, you could simply have the mindset that - no matter what, there is a way… there is so much you can do. And so much of it, genuinely, will make things so enjoyable or otherwise so much more clear for you. Trust me.
#being really into self sustainability and me learning more about it and taking the steps to partake in it directly#has no joke made me feel so much less stressed about this entire situation (the election and the similarities)#I’m not by any means saying this is the number one thing that will make you not depressed over this or anything#but I am saying that self sustainability has done what it needs to do for FOREVER. literally lifetimes upon lifetimes#in all kinds of different situations that were almost always beyond nasty#we can do this!! find your way!#dog talk#self sustainability#sustainability#election 2024
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
i think i’m one ‘o them relationship anarchy enjoyers
#marzi speaks#been thinking abt how much less stressful being social has gotten#since i’ve decided to stop giving a shit abt romance and sort of like. accepted i’m arospec#n don’t get me wrong i’m still a hopeless romantic or whatever. but i don’t Need to date someone#and any time i get the opportunity i just get uncomfortable#it’s not the commitment i’m afraid of— i’m very ride or die#i just hate labeling shit like that. if i care for you deeply do i need to identify whether that love is romantic#can i not just love you#idk. shit got easier when i coukd just tell my friends i adored them without worrying abt being misinterpreted#i’m not romance-averse or anything. i’d say i’m romance-favorable#like if someone i really care about says they want to start doing couple things with me. sure 👍#but i don’t like the idea of calling something an explicitly romantic relationship#i’d rather it just be. oh yeah that’s so-and-so we’re close. we’re tight#like i feel like putting a word on a relationship restricts what it’s allowed to look like to a specific standard#and i HATE restrictive standards they drive me nuts !!!#so much less overthinking when it’s just like. ‘ah yes i love xyz person.’ does it matter what kind of love it is. it’s strong either way
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
Having a very difficult evening, would any of you happen to have spare silly muppet images……
#barks#well. nothing much actually happened#someone just ate the food I was saving for dinner and I was already very stressed about multiple incidents in my real life#so I kind of just burst into tears#I did a lot of important things today so I’m going to try and watch follow that bird if my brain cooperates and calms down enough here#I gotta be up early tomorrow so it better happen quickly
136 notes
·
View notes
Text
“Being an adult isn’t that bad” CAR INSURANCE!!!
#and car upkeep and gas money and doctors appointments and jobs and#hhhhhh#I’m kinda. feeling a little stressed.#panicky. actually.#I’m sure I can handle it and I’m sure it’ll be fine but the weight of it all kind of hit me#so now I’m just sitting here trying not to freak out and feeling stupid about it#it’s just a car#geez#delete later
18 notes
·
View notes
Text
I’m allowed one (1) vent of the colossal amounts of pressure my body and mind are under per month and i usually do my best to bury it in the early hours of the morning, so now that i’ve provided this valuable and important context:
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
#my stuff#i need to be beaten to death i need to be eaten alive i need to be slashed and stabbed and burned to ash#nothing i do will ever EVER be enough to make up for the existential guilt that gnaws at my soul#i’m hungry i’m tired i’m stressed about work and the safety and well-being of my family and friends#i miss my goddamn ex over a year after the end of a 6 month relationship like a pathetic wretch#i will never be pretty the way i wanted to be as a child and can only make myself enough of a freak that i don’t care#i want to be brutally harmed so the flesh of my body will show a fraction of the damage i feel inside#these wounds do not heal no matter how much i try to treat them with friendship and food and music and life#it is all insufficient. i was not supposed to live this long.#i try every day to be kind and to make the world a better place so that maybe just maybe i can say i earned the right to live that day#it never feels like enough. it probly never will#i’m so angry i’m so sad i feel incurable lonely no matter how much time i spend with friends#as soon as the call is over or i head home the darkness washes right back in and i feel like an abandoned cat on the roadside again#i want everything to be okay. It’s not right now#i want everyone i love to be warm to be safe to have enough to eat but I AM NOT GOD#i can’t fix everything no matter how much it makes me writhe inside#i’m a broke fucking grad student with a useless fucking project and they should bury me alive in the field research camp#perhaps a vegetable would cause less despair
8 notes
·
View notes