#it never feels like enough. it probly never will

[transmechanicus]

I’m allowed one (1) vent of the colossal amounts of pressure my body and mind are under per month and i usually do my best to bury it in the early hours of the morning, so now that i’ve provided this valuable and important context:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[frankenstheythem]

barely woke up and got blasted by my friend begging me to go hang out sending me a shitton of reels and a nude pic out of nowhere(WHYYYYYY) like bitch do you think im watching all that shit. also creepy????¿? even if it was accidental. holy fuck cant i have a break from draining ass weird fucking people im done

[444sweetmourninglamb]

i will

˚𝜗𝜚˚notes ➵ satoru x reader. fluff! sfw! showering together. inspired by i will by mitski. not proof read. sleepy toru ;(

you had just arrived back from a mission, deciding to stop by your husband's office. satoru hadn't responded to any of your messages, so you figured he fell asleep at the school again. you walked in, seeing him asleep in his chair, his legs spread and arms resting lazily in his lap. "satoru?" you said softly, rubbing his shoulder to coax him awake.

"mmmh.." satoru groaned softly. his blindfold was still on, so you couldn't tell if he was awake or just making noises.

"satoru." you repeated a bit louder.

"'m up, 'm up..." he responded groggily. you ran your fingers through his hair, satoru humming at the feeling. "you're back?" his voice was deep and raspy from just waking up.

"yeah." you leaned down to place a soft kiss on top of his head. "let's go home, kay?"

"mhm..." he stood up and immediately wrapped his arms around you, hugging you tightly.

"oh-" you muttered, his sudden act of affection taking you by surprise. you wrapped your arms around him and rubbed his back. he kissed your hairline before resting his chin on top of your head. his embrace was tight, and you felt like you were going to fall backwards due to the amount of weight he was putting on you. "you okay?" you asked softly, your hands sliding up the back of his shirt to rub his skin.

"yeah, 'm fine. can't hug you?" he replied. "jus' missed my baby, s'all" he muttered.

"mmh...missed you, too." you said, pulling back to place a tender kiss on his lips. when the kiss broke you spoke again, "we really gotta go, ijichi's waiting."

"okay, okay." satoru said as you untangled yourself from his embrace. he intertwined his fingers with yours as the two of you walked to the car.

"when's the last time you were home?" you asked, looking up at your husband.

"not too sure...so many back-to-back missions n s'much paper work...not enough time to go home." he opened the car door for you before getting in behind you.

"probly haven't slept much then, huh?" you asked.

"yeah, but 'm fine." he said. you sighed when he tried to brush it off. you grabbed his hand and rubbed it, leaning your head against his shoulder. he rested his head on top of yours and exhaled softly. after a few minutes, you arrived back at you and satoru's shared penthouse.

the two of you went to the bathroom together, beginning to brush your teeth. you glanced over at the clock in the bathroom. it was early, thankfully, 12:34 am. you finished up and turned to satoru.

"'m gonna shower." you said, causing your husband to groan.

"noooo, just come to bed." he whined.

"no, i'm dirty. n you should probly shower too." you said, walking over to him and taking off his blindfold. you could see the exhaustion on his face, his eyes slightly red and faint dark circles visible under his beautiful cerulean eyes. you turned on the water and began undressing. "c'mon, you gonna join me?"

"yeah, 'm comin'..." he said softly, taking off his clothes as well. the two of you stepped into the shower, satoru sighing as the warm water hit his back. he looked down at you and cupped your cheek. "you're so beautiful." he said quietly before kissing your forehead. "i love you."

"i love you too, toru." you replied gently. you pulled away to begin shampooing your hair, watching as satoru sighed and leaned against the shower wall. he looked so tired, though he'd never admit he was.

"want me to wash your hair f'you?" you asked him softly.

"hm? oh. um...could you?" he replied quietly.

"mhm. come here." you said gently. satoru complied. walking over to you and leaning forward. you got more shampoo and began massaging it into his scalp.

"mmmh...feels nice." he murmured. you continued to massage his scalp for a little while longer before rinsing it out. you rinsed your own hair before applying conditioner to both of your hair. you grabbed the soap and began to lather it onto his body. "you don't have ta do that f'me" he said lazily.

"you're barely awake, baby. just let me take care of you, okay?" you replied, massaging the soap into his tense body.

"i'm fine, really." he tried to sound serious, but he sounded more tired than anything.

"shhh" you hushed him before rinsing him off. you washed and rinsed your own body before grabbing two towels to dry off yourself and satoru. the two of you finished up in the bathroom before walking into your shared bedroom. satoru immediately got into bed, not bothering to put any clothes on.

"please...lay w'me." satoru said lazily. you did as he asked, laying down with him. he scooted closer to you nuzzling into the crook of your neck. "thank you f'takin' care of me.." he murmured.

"you're welcome." you replied softly, rubbing his back before placing a gentle kiss on his shoulder. "i love you." you murmur to him.

"love you too" he muttered half asleep. the two of you fell asleep quickly, content in just holding each other as the night went by.

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

a

Yesterday i got the craziest message out of the blue .. My ex bf from 2011-2013's other ex gf who he was with before me hit me up to say that he got arrested?? And that her and like 5 other people are pressing charges against him for assault spanning across all different periods of time.. it's really wild idk how to feel. She said if i feel comfortable i can give my own testimony for when they go to court , even tho i dont live in england anymore.. Im like yeah honestly i will because like this dude is so unrelentingly violent and scary he legit almost killed me it was so extreme, i've known a lot of corrupt ppl but he is the only one i've always thought needs to be locked away from society like it's a murder scene waiting to happen not to mention he is just a straightup rapist

it's crazy too cus like 4 or 5 nights ago i had a dream that me and him and the girl who messaged me were all watching videos of ourselves in that time period like i even posted about it on here. i thought it was just a typical trauma processing dream not an actual premonition of something i would have to revisit irl

She said something about how she'd been looking back in her old fb messages with him to help paint a picture of the timeline so out of morbid curiosity today i checked to see if i still had ours. Sure enough i do, i've never looked at them retroactively before, but holy shit like... He is so much more of a monster than i even remembered, i dont get triggered easily anymore but it genuinely hurt my heart to see how horrible he was. Every conversation is just him snapping at me because i didnt respond to him fast enough or something so minor, and the whole time im just trying to apologize and de-escalate but it makes him more and more furious. the day before i was about to fly to london to move back in with him he was threatening to kill himself because i was going to my friends house to say bye to them. He was like "You're going to a party i just know it you're lying to me you'd never tell me you're really going to a party because you know i'm suicidal you've ruined my night you're a piece of shit" Like this was the NIGHT before i was about to leave everything behind just for him

i'm like rly shocked at everything i saw in that convo today im not even scratching the surface with this post. Anyways i guess it's cool that there is some justice happening right now and the people who survived him have been able to band together to try and ensure he can't hurt anyone else in the future. i rly wish none of us ever had to go thru any of that tho ugh i was so young i just really had no idea and it fucked me up for many many years afterwards. ive come a long way tho .

ill probly delete later cus idk who lurks this blog. i prefer not to show weakness :K But yeah.. just wanted to express this crazy unexpected life event and get it off my chest while its fresh

Peace and love !!!

[kooki914]

I AM HERE

More incorrect quotes except there’s a few more characters! A few are from me and my friends

~~~

Spade: Never eat the ashes of the dead

Queen: I will

Spade: Nuh uh. I already did. I used them as popcorn seasoning

Queen: FORBIDDEN PEPPER

—

Asgore: Hey guys what should I eat?

Spade: Newborns

—

Spade: Go fuck yourself.

Asgore, smugly (and also probly drunkly): Sure, but only if you watch

—

Toriel: You're a lying piece of shit!

Asgore: Oh yeah? You're the idiot that thinks you can get away with everything you do, WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD!

Spade: I'm leaving and I'm taking Queen with me!

Rudy, gathering cards: Aaaaand that's enough Monopoly for today.

—

Asgore: Team A will consist of myself, Spade, Toriel, and Rudy.

Asgore: Team B will consist of Queen.

—

Toriel: If you put a milkshake in one yard and crack open a cold one in another yard, which yard would the boys go to?

Asgore: Schrödinger's boys.

Spade: FUCK!

Rudy: What about cracking open a cold milkshake?

Queen: As we all know, the milkshake brings the boys to the yard. The presence of the boys is a prerequisite for the cracking open of a cold one, but cold ones do not have any inherent boy-attracting abilities. Milkshakes, however, do.

Queen: All else being equal, the boys would proceed to the milkshake yard. While it is possible to announce the presence of cold ones in the hope of attracting some boys, the pull of the milkshake is much more powerful by comparison.

Toriel: ...

Asgore: ...

Spade: ...

Rudy: ...

Queen: Mind you, all of this nonsense hinges on whether or not the boys are back in town.

—

Queen: What makes you all smile?

Toriel: Friends and Family.

Rudy: Snacks.

Spade: Victory and success.

Asgore: Face muscles.

~~

He needs help

~~

Queen: What did you guys get in your yearbook?

Rudy: 'Prettiest Smile'

Toriel: 'Nicest Personality'

Spade: 'Most likely to start a bar fight'

Asgore: 'Least likely to start a bar fight, but most likely to win one'

—

Toriel: If you took a shot for every time you made a bad decision, how drunk would you be?

Rudy: Maybe a bit tipsy?

Queen: Drunk.

Spade: Wasted.

Asgore: Dead.

I actually got a bunch of ideas for the monopoly one so I feel the need to expand on it: Rudy takes the role of banker out of necessity, as no one else wants it, not even Queen, who can do all the necessary math in less than a second. Spade tries to cheat at multiple points in time but Rudy and Toriel keep catching him, Asgore is none the wiser. Because of this, Asgore is the first out of the game due to bankruptcy. While Queen's busy laughing at him, she ends up getting ousted from the game too, betrayed by her fellow queen Toriel. Rudy is just playing to survive while Toriel and Spade are at each others throats. Neither of them are letting up. Spade's been in jail more times than he can count but somehow it's not slowing him down. Toriel is beyond pissed. Insults start getting thrown, mostly by Spade. Queen and Asgore get caught in the crossfire. Rudy's the only one still staying at least Somewhat lighthearted with all of this. Then Toriel and Spade start screaming at each other:

In other news here's the yearbook shitpost that I included someone else into as well whom i will post about in the near future I Hope.

And last but not least:

[piffany666]

Ok just one more punk progeny wont hurt ~

Chapter 9: differences

(Ftm Bright eyes - uses he/him pronouns)

(Lovely demi girl - uses they/she pronouns)

Tw: underage drinking

Lovely gave a hesitant knock on Bright's door.

A few seconds later Lovely was met with a very agitated looking Bright eyes.

"What is it?....you brought wine...?"

Bright's tone was initially very defensive, until his gase made its way down to the noticeably large and decadent bottle in Lovely's hands.

"Yeah I found it on one of the shelves in the hallway, its not doing any good being up there so i thought why not use it to celebrate you becoming part of the solair clan? I know you're technically not old enough to drink but hey! I think spending eternity being 19 is way too harsh of a punishment to do sober, so what do ya say?"

Bright eyes looked stunned, but nonetheless, he answered.

"I say mind the empty boxes and get your ass and that bottle in here!"

20 minutes later:

Let it never be said that Bright and Lovely weren't lightweights.

They were both sitting on the bed, pouring wine that was older than both of them combined into mugs Bright had brought up to his new room.

The blush on Bright's face was a shade of crimson against his skin. Lovely's was a deep pink.

They giggled between slurred words as they housed down the wine.

"Ok ok so- im sorry i-i have to ask"

Slurred Lovely.

"Yeah? Hic* whats up?"

Bright eyes answered, finding it increasingly difficult to sit up.

"You and Porter?"

Lovely didnt even finish before they both burst into a cascade of giggles, she didnt have to. Bright knew what she ment.

"Whaaat?"

Asked Bright eyes, as if Lovely was judging him for his taste in men.

"Nothing nothing! It's just hic* I heard from alexis that you where hehe~"

Lovely playfully nudged Bright's side, he giggled and pushed her away in response.

"Dont be gross!"

"Haha! What? I was just asking! I mean you've only known him like less than 20 minutes"

Bright couldn't help but smirk at this

"Uhh actually hehe we had already met, at a bar hic* the other day"

"Oooh! So this was like a reunion? Got it"

"Hehe yeeah, wait hic* how dose alexis know about that?"

Lovely began pouring another mug

"Oh she said she walked in on you two going at it in the hallway"

Bright eyes nudged Lovely with his mug, gesturing that hed like a refill

"Oooohh that explains why he dipped out on me"

Lovely began pouring another mug.

"He's probably waiting for YOU you know? I bumped into alexis on my way here so he's defiantly finished talking with her soooo"

Lovely was done with refilling his cup however he nudged her arm while she was pouring, indicating that he wanted more than what she was allowing him to have.

Lovely stumbled a bit because of this and for a second she worried that the wine would spill onto the bed and stain it.

"Yeeaah but I'll be damned if i wait around for a man for too long so hic* i left after he was gone for like hic* 1 minute...?"

Bright took the mug from her without any consideration that it could spill, and to Lovely's relief it didnt.

"What you gonna do if he shows up here?"

"Hic* I dunno probly turn him away"

"Heck Yeah!"

Lovely high fived the hand that didnt contain a mug full of wine.

"You know how much me and vincent hate Porter? I'm not judging you buuut"

Bright scoffed

"Why tho?"

"Hic* long story, I can already feel a headache forming"

Lovely grabbed at the skin between her forehead. Her vision was begining to blur. So was Bright's

"Damn how'd you manage to get a hangover BEFORE you're done drinking?"

"Oh piss off!"

Lovely playfully pushed him but due to his state he fell backwards instantly, the wine splashed as he fell

"OH SHI-"

Bright exploded with laughter, ignoring the wine he spilled over himself.

Thankfully he didn't get any on the bed sheet.

Once they had both calmed down, Lovely realized something.

"Wait- Wait.... Porter told us that he was talking a 'newborn' to the summit as his plus one"

Bright looked stunned, then his brows furrowed.

"Was he talking about you?!"

The question caused Bright's previous expression to change into one of suprise and confusion.

"I mean....he didn't SAY anything to me about it...?"

Lovely pushed herself up from the bed

"So you're telling me that asswhole said he was bringing you to the summit WITHOUT EVEN ASKING YOU FIRST?!"

Lovely recalled just how stressed Vincent was over inviting an additional vampire to the sumit, them being a newborn made things even more inconvenient, but the fact that the person he was inviting was not only already invited but they were the god damn guest of honour?!

Lovely was pissed, in more ways than one and it showed.

"Hey chill out! He probably didnt even mean ME i-im I was....just a one nighter i mean come on!"

"Dont play dumb! I saw how he looked at you today in that meeting, heee likes youuuu~"

He agressive tone from before had vanished and turned into a juvenile one, the kind youd expect to hear at a 12 year old's sleepover"

"Please stop"

They went back to laughing hysterically.

4 mugs of wine and 1 black out later:

"You know...I was a foster kid"

Bright was just coming to when he heard this.

"Really?....how did you know I was one too?"

"Vincent told me"

By this point they were both close to falling asleep at any moment, however, this was something Lovely had wanted to talk to Bright about since the moment Vincent had told her this piece of information, so she pulled herself together and took another sip, hoping it would keep her awake despite it being the thing causing her fatigue.

"Vincent told me that you told him"

"Oh Yeah, I remember"

Lovely once again was lost on how to continue this conversation.

"D-do you have any siblings?"

"Well-"

Bright hesitated.

"I don't know what it was like for you but in the homes i went to we all considered each other 'siblings' but biological? No. Not that I know of"

"Huh. Do you still keep contact with any of them?"

Lovely couldn't tell if he looked sad or just tired.

"I did. With one of them. But then she just...stopped"

"I'm really sorry"

For a moment they just layed there, quiet and still.

Until Bright got up and poured himself another, seemingly doing the same thing Lovely was attempting to do.

"What about you? Got any sibling?"

Lovely seemed to perk up at this.

"Yeah actually. Biological but they got adopted before me, the parents only wanted them"

Bright scowled.

"Tipical, honestly, they should do two for one deals with these sorts of things?!"

Lovely assumed he was joking due to the serious nature of the topic of discussion, so they laughed.

"Yeah Well, I was lucky enough to keep contact with them the whole time online, last year I got to meet them in person tho since I started going to damn and theyd been going there a little while before me"

Bright gave a warm smile. He seemed genuinely happy to hear that lovely was able to see their sibling again.

"They're doing good for themselves too, they have a nice boyfriend, a good friend group and they're so damn talented with magic!....I'm glad they ended up ok even without me"

Lovely gently touched his arm.

I'm hoping that even with your rough start, you can do the same"

His smile dropped as his lips parted in suprise, he didn't know how to respond. So he didn't.

He just clicked his mug with hers and continued to sip it.

The brim hiding his smile.

Vincent was still in shock in regards to what happend.

He would be lying if he said he hadn't seen Lovely angry before but this was....diffrent.

He also felt bad that Lovely had inadvertently made Sam feel like he needed to leave.

Vincent thought that the best thing to do would be to go and confront her.

But that was before he saw her and Bright laying on Bright's bed wasted.

"What the-?!"

"Ok ok so old wine....is good wine hic*"

Lovely didnt seem to notice Vincent standing gob smacked in the doorway.

"Yeah ok ok but hic* expensive wine....is good wine also-"

"What are you guys doing?"

Vincent finally got Lovely's attention.

"Oh hiiiii~ hey vinc hic* whats up?"

"A-are you drunk? Why are you drunk?!"

"Relax, I just thought we could use a drink is all"

Lovely was desperately trying to sit up, luckily her cup was empty so she didnt need to worry about spillage.

"We just established that Bright isn't old enough to even drink!"

"Oh chill out grandpa, Lovely here already got a headache"

Lovely, still stumbling over herself, pushing Bright eye's leg before falling over herself and eventually being caught by Vincent.

She looked up at him for a moment then smiled sweetly.

"Hi~"

She went to kiss him but she could barely keep herself up so she didnt succeed.

Vincent decided to excuse the absurdity of the situation and prioritise getting Lovely to bed before it got too light outside.

"Ok time to get you to bed, say bye to Bright"

"Byyee!~"

She waved lazily at him, he did the same.

Given Lovely's state, Vincent thought it was wise to ask Bright how he was holding up.

"Hey, you gonna be Ok?"

"Yeeeaah ill be fine"

Vincent trusted Bright not to do anything too stupid between now and night time.

"Alright then"

Vincent proceeded to carry Lovely into their bedroom a floor up.

Bright tried to sleep off the feeling swimming throught his head......But he couldn't.

Epilogue:

A knock on the door caused Bright eyes to jolt up from his bed.

He wasn't asleep, however he was still suprised by the sound, especially since the intoxicated state he was in amplified all sounds.

He groaned as he felt himself moving from his bed on the door.

"What?"

He slurred, voice thick with sleep.

He opened the door to Porter standing in front of him.

"I apologise for the late arrival~"

"Yeah? Why'd you run off before then? Cold feet?"

Bright had previously been told the answer to this question, however he still wanted to tease him, and see if he would tell the truth.

Porter winced at the implication that Bright had thought this entire time that Porter had left him due to "cold feet". Despite this, he coughed then gave a small slightly awkward laugh.

"N-no I do apologise for leaving its just....alexis saw us. I knew she would tell vincent and i really dont fancy having my head removed before I could get a chance to ask you something important, you understand?~"

Bright didnt answere, he did however share a kiss with Porter once he had finished apologising, he wasn't entirely sure who initiated it but he reciprocated nonetheless.

"Hmm~ may i come in?"

Bright could feel Porters breath against his lips.

Bright eyes smiled.

"No".

Then he closed the door to his room.

@darlin-collins thank you for proof reading as usual ♡

@anexistingexistence @you-think-i-care-mate

[tinypandacakes]

Helloo! I love ur fics sm u genuinely make my day better whenever u post. Ur such a talented writer and I can see how much work u put into ur writings and I admire u a lot. Ty for giving us some amazing art to read *chefs kiss* BUT ANYWAY enough of the sappy stuff lol I had a question abt König from ur series ‘Trapper Keeper’ and was wondering abt his past relationships or lack there of. Has he ever been intimate with another woman besides reader or were any of the women he has been with (if he has) were intimated by his size (also how big is he) and didn’t want to have sex?

Hi! Ahh thank you for saying so ☺️ you’re very sweet!

mildly NSFW and spoilers below for people who haven’t read yet ~

I’m not diving super deep into his social/sexual history in this story, but I HC König in his late thirties or early 40s. personally, I like him on the older end of that range, but I leave it vague so you can imagine what you like :3. probably some relationships here or there. he makes a comment about not meeting the right person when Hase asks if he has a spouse, so the assumption is he has never married.

It’s definitely possible his height and dick have intimidated partners in the past though 😭 and while he has learned to play nice through the years, his personality can come across as way too intense, so there’s that too

ive been trying to show that he’s definitely not some shy virgin, but it has been a while since he’s been with someone. Hase would assume that he’s probly only jerked off for the ~ two years he’s been at the cabin :( abusing his poor cock with his rough and calloused grip

He seems to know what he’s doing sexually but was rusty and anxious around her in the beginning [his hands shook the first time he undressed her when she was sick, when he touched her in the bath he was too rough/fast on her clit until she guided him] But now that he’s comfortable with her, he doesn’t want to take his hands off her. :3

He is not a sex god or something in this fic but is aware that he is bigger than average and doesn't want to break his toy before he's even gotten to play with it properly, y'know? That wouldn’t be fun for anyone. And the chase is half the fun, anyway….

But he is very eager and interested in making Hase pliant feel good! She is conflicted but internally admits to sort of liking it when he’s a little rough and scary, which :) suits König just fine :) because :) he does seem :) to have a teensy bit of sadistic streak in him…. :)

But really...it’s not his fault that Hase is so adorable when her big doe eyes are wide and full of tears, and she’s just looking up at him, willing and waiting for guidance 🥺 poor little thing...lost and confused. good thing König knows what she really needs 🐇💕

[an-ecu-harrypotter-au]

TCS Part 3: Welcome Home Kwimpers

Ah'm woken up one day ta Pop gently shakin me.

"Toby. Time ta wake up."

Ah move round in bed an open mah eyes.

"Wha's happenin Pop?"

"Gotta go ta the courthouse today. Judge's gonna decide if Ah can adopt Holly."

"Oh. Can we get breakfast first Pop?"

Pop starts headin ta the door.

"Yeah it's why Ah woke ya up. Wanna make sure ya have enough time ta eat. Dunno how long it's gonna take at the courthouse so Ah don't want ya feelin hungry."

Ah sit up in bed yawnin.

"Ok Pop."

Pop leaves the room an Ah turn ta see that Holly's awready up.

"She's probly one a them early birds."

Ah get outta bed an get dressed. Ah think Ah smell bacon an pancakes. That's always a good sign cause it's bacon an pancakes.

"Good mornin Toby."

Ah stop an see Holly cookin at the stove. Ah sure wasn't expectin that. Pop comes outta the bathroom an sees it too.

"Aw now ain't that nice. Ya didn't have ta make us breakfast Holly."

"But Ah wanted ta do it. Ya've been so nice ta me that Ah wanted ta return the favor."

Pop chuckles an we both sit down. Ah dunno if this'll mean he's gonna like Holly more than me now.

"Ah hope y'all like it. Ah've been workin on mah cookin badge the past couple weeks."

"Well the kitchen ain't on fire an nobody got hurt so Ah'd say ya done a good job so far Holly."

Ah look at mah pancakes an bacon longer than most people do. Ah know Ah don't do this wit food but Ah feel like everythang's jus not fittin right.

"Is there somethin wrong wit yer pancakes, Toby?"

Ah look up at Holly an she looks real concerned. Ah know it ain't her fault, but Ah ain't feelin right bout this at all.

"Doncha worry bout Toby now. He's been so used ta not havin a momma that seein a girl actin so motherly's gonna be a lot ta get used to."

Ah realize that's it. Even though Jacklin'd care bout me Ah never really saw 'er as a mom. She's always been mah friend an nothin more. Ah don't really remember much bout mah momma so havin someone actin like one's a lot ta handle.

"Can ya handle eatin breakfast Toby?"

Ah look at Pop which Ah think's a win cause Ah know Ah was gettin upset an used ta jus completely melt.

"Ah'll try Pop."

Ah pick up mah fork an try ta eat mah pancakes.

"There ya go son. Jus take one bite at a time."

Ah take a bite an realize nothin's wrong.

"Well?"

"Pancakes're pancakes Pop."

"Attaboy Toby."

Ah look over at Holly an she seems ta feel better too. Ah'm startin ta realize that she really is doin this so me an Pop'd like her. Ah don't think she wanted ta do it so Pop'd like her more than me.

"Thanks for the pancakes, Holly."

She just smiles like she won somethin real important. Ah just go back ta eatin mah pancakes an bacon.

"Man that was real good. Thank ya Holly. What'd you say that badge was that ya was workin on gettin?"

Holly takes our plates an starts washin 'em.

"Mah cookin badge. Ah have ta prove Ah can make simple meals an practice basic kitchen safety."

"Well now ya did a good job a makin a simple breakfast Holly. Ah'd say next time ya have a meetin you'll get that badge."

Pop gets up from the table an gets his stuff tagether for the judge.

"Now ya kids better go on an brush yer teeth."

"Ok Pop."

Ah go ta the bathroom an gotta share a sink wit Holly.

"Are you feelin better, Toby?"

Ah spit out the toothpaste in mah mouth.

"Ah finished all the food ya made if that's what ya mean. Ah got scared Pop was gonna like ya more than me cause you were doin a lotta nice thangs."

Before she can say somethin Ah wipe mah mouth an finish what Ah'm thinkin.

"But then Ah realized yer only doin this cause ya just want Pop ta like ya enough so it ain't a big deal ta have him adopt ya. It ain't like yer gonna be doin all this forever ta make Pop think yer his favorite."

Holly shakes her head like Ah completely messed up on what Ah said.

"C'mon kids. Time ta get down ta the courthouse."

Ah look at Holly an she looks real nervous as we go by the door. Ah dunno why cause Pop said none of us're in trouble.

"Pop? Are ya sure the judge's gonna let ya adopt me?"

Pop sits down so he can look at 'er better.

"Don't worry bout a thang Holly. Ah've been workin hard wit yer grandmomma's lawyer. Ah got all mah papers in order. Yer grandmomma signed all her papers so all tha's left ta do's ta take it all ta the judge. Judge's gonna look at it an ask a couple questions."

"They're not gonna be hard are they?"

"No. Only question the judge'd might ask ya's if ya think Ah'm a good person ta take care a ya. Tha's somethin only you can answer."

Ah just stare at Pop cause Ah really ain't understandin anythang he's sayin. Ah guess Holly's different than me cause she's noddin like she understands Pop.

"Now ya better jus take deep breaths an start headin out ta the car Holly. We gotta get ta the courthouse on time an get this taken care of."

Pop stands up an we follow 'em out ta the car.

"How long ya think we're gonna be at the courthouse Pop?"

"Oh Ah don't rightly know son. Mah papers for a judge's real easy ta understand. It ain't like we're in trouble for anythin. This' jus a hearin ta make sure Ah adopt Holly the right way since we ain't her kin."

Ah nod cause Ah at least know it ain't gonna be like those court cases ya hear on tv that take days ta go through. Ah remember Pop watchin one a couple years back but Ah dunno what it was about. All Ah remember was that it was bout a girl with the same name as Jacklin an Pop sent me ta bed cause he didn't want me hearin it.

Time Skip

"It is the opinion of the court that Samson Kwimper is fit to complete the adoption process of Holly Jones. With her next of kin having signed the forms surrendering her custody of Holly, I am hereby granting the custodial request."

The judge bangs his hammer.

"Good luck, Mr. Kwimper and family."

The judge leaves the room an everybody looks real happy.

"Pop wha happened?"

"The judge says it's ok fer me ta adopt Holly an raise 'er like she's mah own daughter."

Ah oughta know what this all means but so many thangs was said Ah'm feelin slow.

"So that'd mean when ya adopt 'er she's gonna be mah sister?"

"Exactly son. Ain't that nice ta have a siblin now?"

Ah gotta really think bout that. Ah ain't used ta sharin an Ah'm still tryna get used ta girls even wantin ta talk ta me. Ah don't even know if Holly's the type a girl that'd even like frogs. She didn't even meet Trevor yet.

"Do ya think Holly's gonna like Trevor? Cause Ah dunno if we'd get along if it turns out she don't like frogs."

Pop pats mah back as she pulls Holly in for a hug.

"Aw don't worry bout it Toby."

"Yeah, Toby. Ah'm a Girl Scout Junior. Ah'll be a Cadette real soon. Ah have all mah badges for workin outdoors, wit animals an even first aid."

Pop chuckles like he got everythang she jus said.

"See Toby, she's used ta the outdoors. Frogs ain't gonna bother 'er a bit."

"Good cause Ah ain't gonna be gettin rid a Trevor. Never."

Pop pats mah shoulder agin as we walk outta the courtin house.

"Now all we gotta do's meet the nice lawyer an sign some papers. Then we's gonna celebrate real good."

"Ya mean wit milkshakes Pop?"

"Yeah son. We's gonna be gettin milkshakes."

Ah smile an realize somethin good's comin outta this adoptin business. Ah mean sure it's nice that Holly's gonna be mah sister, but gettin milkshakes? Thangs just get even better.

Time Skip

We're back at the hotel after takin care a everythin.

"Can Ah change outta mah good clothes Pop? Ah'm gettin hot."

"Course ya can son. We're all done for today."

Ah go ta the bathroom an change outta mah good clothes. Ah feel a lot better now an put mah clothes away. Then Ah start ta think bout grandmomma an granddaddy movin outta the nursin home.

"Pop? How's we gonna get all a grandmomma an granddaddy's stuff ta Ireland?"

"Me an Cousin Wilma's been slowly sendin their stuff all the way ta Uncle Travis' house. Gonna have a lot more people ta keep 'em compny there. We's gonna be too busy movin out ta our new house."

"How've ya been able ta afford all this?"

Pop chuckles.

"Fishin business' been better than ever. It's how Ah've been able ta buy the house ta begin wit. Burton family gave me an advance in money ta cover all the movin expenses."

"Oh yeah that's right."

Holly sits down on the couch after changin her clothes.

"How far's this house Pop?"

"Oh it's a bit aways but it's gonna be by the water. Called Jacob's Island."

Mah eyes light up.

"Ah bet it'll look like one a them paintins where it's got a house by the beach."

"Then yer gonna really like it son. You an Holly both."

"Wow! Ah've never had a house by the beach before. Ooh that reminds me a somethin."

Holly runs outta the room then comes up ta Pop wit a piece a paper.

"Pop Ah finished mah list."

"List a what?"

Pop takes the paper an looks at me.

"Holly's gonna be havin 'er birthday next week."

"Pop said Ah can write a list a things Ah want."

"Ok. Ah gotta finish readin mah letter from Pacer."

"Awright then Toby."

Ah go through mah suitcase ta find it.

"There it is."

Ah open the envelope since Ah didn't have a chance ta read it before. Ah don't even remember what Ah asked him.

"Dear Toby, Tank you for telling me that we need to vait for you to come back from Florida. I vould like to know vhat your new house is like. Maybe ve can come visit you before we leave go back to school."

Ah smile at that. Pacer wants ta hang out at mah house. Never had that happen before. Ah wonder what ya gotta do so it turns out fun. Anyway Ah gotta focus on finishin the letter.

"As to your question of course I'll answer it. My wand is hazel. Very fitting because ve believe in Chakras. If your mind is not vell, if your body is not vell and if your soul is not vell, then this wand vill know. Hazel wands do not vork vell if you are upset so it's important to keep your Chakras balanced."

Ah think Pacer's writin bout an Indian thang cause Ah never heard a that before.

"If you vant to get me someting for my birtday I vould like a book about a phoenix. Dey are very powerful creatures in our culture and I vant to learn more."

Ah heard a phoenixes before but Ah never really read bout 'em. Maybe Pop'd let me buy it wit mah allowance money when we get books fer the year.

Time Skip

"Pop? Is this the house ya was tellin Toby about?"

"Tha's right Holly."

Ah start wakin up from mah nap an look outside Pop's Montego. Ah was right bout the house bein like somethin outta some paintin. Small lil cottage goin right ta the water wit a tall cliffside.

"Whoa. Ah love this house!"

"Ah knew you kids'd love it."

We all get out the car an start gettin our stuff inside.

"Ah need ta send owls ta Jacklin an Pacer when we're doin unpackin, Pop."

"Awright son. Make sure ya figure out where ya want yer room ta be."

Ah walk round the house ta see how the rooms look. Holly's followin behind me.

"The sun rises in the east an right now it's behind us. That makes this part a the house east."

"And?"

"Do ya like wakin up wit the sun peakin through yer window, Toby?"

Ah shake mah head.

"You take this room. Ah wanna have somethin quiet so Ah'm takin the one upstairs."

"Ok."

Ah start walkin upstairs an Ah knew Ah made the right choice. Ah get a good view a the water an mah bed's gonna be away from the light when Ah wake up. Ah start ta find a place fer Trevor's tank.

"Welcome home Trevor."

He jus croaks but Ah know he's happy ta be in one spot agin.

"Toby didja sent yer letter ta Jacklin yet?"

"No Pop. Why, was Ah spose ta?"

"Nah. Ah wanna add somethin ta it. Ya gotta tell Jacklin ta ask 'er daddy bout how adopted kids get their Hogwarts letter. Cause the British govment ain't gonna know that we got Holly an Ah don't want 'er ta miss gettin a letter."

It takes me a minute ta figure out wha Pop wants.

"Ok Pop. Ah'll write it in mah letter."

So Ah write it in mah letter best Ah can an send it ta Jacklin. Ah hope it gets ta her soon.

"Wait a minute. How'm Ah gonna send mah letters? We don't have an owl."

"Hmm. Tha's a good question. Ah gotta really think bout that one son. Jus hold onta yer letters till Ah come up wit somethin."

"Ok Pop."

Tagging: @arrolyn1114, @nemos-rapture, @xanatenshi, @briefpandatimemachine, @hooked-on-elvis,

@vintagepresley, @aliengoth3, @smokeymountainboy, @bigdaddyelvislover, @mercsandmonsters,

@pledgingmylovee, @presleysgirl6, @thetaoofzoe, and @elvispresley4life.

[clarabowmp3]

I hope Taylor isn’t so insecure she feels like she needs strangers validation to be happy but I fear that’s Probly true, if I were a celeb I would not want any private pictures on line. It’s interesting how much external validation seems to motivate her in this era

fr! I think this links to smth that doesn't quite sit right with me (I think I've talked abt this before), how she dedicates the archer to the fans now that her and joe are over. there's nothing wrong with changing the meaning of a song/applying it to a different person, but I don't think its very healthy to dedicate such a deeply personal and vulnerable song to millions of strangers. it's essentially a 'will you love me at my worst' song and by worst she's to talking about sales or commercial success but very intimate flaws, and the kind of support that song seeks is one of a romantic partner or a close loved one, not from a crowd of people you'll never know even superficially. i don't know if its her who started this or the fans, but either way it only contributes to the toxic parasocial relationship, the archer is not quite in the same category as songs like change or long live

(for eg with atw10! she talks abt how the fans have changed what that song means for her which is much healthier because its about a group of people resonating so deeply with a song and its meaning, which transformed an otherwise rather unbearably painful time as just another chapter in her life)

as for her need for external validation, imo i dont think that's anything new like even in miss Americana, her response to reputation not being nominated for any grammys was that she just needed to create a better album. we see it in the intense commercialisation of her brand in the past 2 years, with taylor nations tweets/her social media marketing + pandering to gen z. she is no longer special or revolutionary in any way (even tho she used to be to a certain extent imo) because she now she's just catering to/adapting to what's hot and what's not. i think she desperately needs to stay at the top of the game, sales wise and public favour wise, to feel validated as an artist and person (even tho it is inherently problematic to tie one person's morality to the public's opinion of them).

(however, she's at a pretty interesting part of her career where instead of having to constantly justify herself, she's built a strong enough fan base to do the jumping through hoops *for* her, so she doesn't seem to care as much abt maintaining a positive public image. forget tree, her publicist(s) are the diehard swifties now lmao)

[galacticghoste]

Was inspired by Head- ache (Really like ur idea of a what if child was more alien soooo did my own for Silho)

Ok heres the story it will remain the same as my YouthLegacy Au but with a twist at around 3 years old Silhouette would be kidnap by egg mans robots when she and her brother where in the playground on their own since it was near by their home.

The reason they went for Silhouette was the fact she looked more like her father and showed early signs of having his ability's as well as Amys strength

In the YL AU She would be rescued by her father and mother... BUT In this AU they failed to rescue her in time and Egg man would disappear for 8 years.

During that time her family and friends spent years trying to find them to no avile

Many wondered if its possable that she is dead Shadow and Maroon knew that wasnt true they could sence her still they are just not sure where

Maroon would feel immense guilt for not being strong enough to protect his own sister and freezing up that day

So what happend to Silho during those 8 years?????

She would be experimented on. Once Egg man realized she was more flawed then expected seeing that she cant go long without food or water, she needs sleep, plus she can get sick meaning she is likely mortal.

So instead of-trying to steal Maroon thinking its probably not worth the risk, he desides to completly change silhouettes DNA to fit more into his vison of the ultimate life form.

It would eventually be a success using some of Black arms DNA he came across a while ago and all the painful tests she had to endure over the years has made her vengeful and angery towreds her family specifically her brother.

These test slowly and painfuly turned Silho little more alien like with gaining a thired eye and growing a tail and her blood becoming green.

During this phaze where she was slowly becoming more ailen like she would constaly grow very ill and weak seeing that her small body could not yet accpted this new DNA her body was basicly rejecting itself so egg man needed to work quickly if she was to survve more test. She would eventually become stabel and showeds signs of her new self being diffrent like now she dosent need to eat or drink much water, or sleep and she can no longer get sick.

But she felt resentment towreds her brother and her family .

For in her eyes they never even bothered to look for her and probly forgotten all about her. While her brother got to live a normal life she had to endore many test by force . Egg man feed into these feelings she has and told her lies to make her despised them even more.

After every test he would tell a lil lie about how her familys doing great with out her and having the time of their lives telling her they dont need her or care about her.

But he dose he says that he saw potential in her and that if they really cared they would have gone to save her ages ago

Her strenght was never an issue though she was quite powerful but egg man realizes she dosent have control of this streghts, so inturn but multapul inhibitor rings specifically made to limite her strength as well as her chaos enegy since now with the new DNA in her body amplify her chaos enegy.

On her 11 birthday she would finaly be allowed to leave on stealth missions for him.

These stealth missions later lead to rumers going around of a strange little girl causing trouble.

She never ran way and remans loyal to egg man for in her eyes though he did terrabel things to her she truly belives he's the only one who cares about her. plus she knows theres no going back to her old life and her oldself.

[casspurrjoybell-17]

Heart’s Choice - Chapter 31 - Part 2

*Warning Adult Content*

Carlos martinez

I don't consider myself a stupid guy, usually.

Sure, I couldn't read til I was eight but I knew the internal combustion engine inside out by the time I was five.

I'm a quick learner and self-motivated, as proven by the fact I basically taught myself high school, enough to pass the GED and get a diploma, anyway.

Toni hadn't been the most involved home-school teacher.

On the other hand, as my friends have noted in the past, sometimes it takes me too long to put two and two together.

Over the next hour, Alejo serves me two more drinks, another beer and something he calls an ángel caido, a fallen angel.

His own creation, he claims.

I'm not a heavy drinker but I'm not a lightweight, either.

I've got nothing on Aunt Toni 'never challenge her to tequila shots' but I can hold my own.T

wo beers and a cocktail should be nothing, so it's weird that I'm reeling by the time Alejo's shift comes to an end.

In fact, I feel like I did the last time he served me drinks,and as he guides me from the bar and out back to his car, something finally clicks into place.

"Fuck..." I catch myself against him as I miss the step at the door and almost fall.

"The fuck was in that drink? Did you... fucking roofie me?"

Alejo laughs.

"Nah, I just gave you a taste, man. A sample. Nothing to worry about."

"Did you... drug me last time, too?"

He props me against the hood of his car as he unlocks it.

"Not enough for you to notice. Just enough to make you feel good."

I feel like puking but giggle drunkenly instead.

"In that case, it didn't work."

Alejo scoffs.

"Bitch, please. You were begging for it. And now you're back for more. But don't worry, like I said, it's just a taste. Don't freak on me like Kyle did."

"You're... dealing drugs."

I curse myself for not texting John.

I knew if I did, he'd text back and I'd get excited and distracted and blow my cover.

A good bartender knows how to read people and Alejo is good at what he does.

So, I'd kept my cell-phone in my pocket, resisting the burning urge to check my messages.

I hadn't dared slip away to the bathroom, either, afraid that, given what happened last time, Alejo would take it as an invitation and follow me.

"Calm your tits, man," he says, circling around to the back of his car and popping open the trunk.

"This shit isn't even illegal. Probly should be but it's like, made from some kinda fuckin' herbs, or some shit. My cousin hooked me up with the supplier. Sells for more than cocaine, to the right buyers. C'mere."

Reluctantly, I push myself away from his car and walk towards him unsteadily.

He'd parked in the alley behind the bar and except for a row of trash cans and a few other vehicles, it's deserted.

Given how low I've been scoring on the smart meter so far, I'd be only half surprised if he knocked me out and threw me in his trunk but instead he lifts the cover off the spare wheel-well and sets it aside.

Instead of a spare tire, the space is filled with a donut-shaped container made of dense, black Styrofoam.

Lifting the lid, he sets it aside, revealing hundreds of small, cylindrical glass bottles nestled in fitted depressions within the foam.

He pulls one out, holding it up between his finger and thumb to show me the clear liquid within.

"It's called possession," he says.

"One drop of this, and you feel good, like you do, now. Two drops and you're open to suggestion. Three and you won't remember your own name in the morning, much less mine and you'll do anything I say. More than that gets dangerous."

"It's a... date rape drug?" I gasp, unable to hide my disgust.

Alejo rolls his eyes and puts the vial away, re-covering the container and closing the wheel-well.

"It's a party drug. I'm not responsible for how it's used."

I feel the blood literally drain from my face as something clicks into place.

"If you gave someone enough of this and told them to kill themselves, would they do it?"

Alejo laughs.

"There's a sick thought. I dunno. Probably, if you did it right. It's not like it completely destroys your sense of self-preservation. But if I told you that you could fly, you'd believe me. Now, you want in or not? I offered to cut Kyle a share but he said he was done with 'trouble.' Wanted to 'go straight.' Look where he is now."

"You killed him?"

I back away, cursing my stupid mouth and the fact I can't seem to stop myself from saying whatever comes to mind.

"What?" Alejo gawks at me.

"Fuck, no. I'm no fuckin' killer."

"Who have you sold this shit to?"

I stumble and catch myself on a trash can, knocking it over with a clatter and falling on my ass.

Alejo looks down at me with a frown.

"The fuck should I know? It's not like we exchange business cards. Wait a minute... Is this some under-cover shit? Are you working with that cop?"

"No, I..."

He grabs the front of my shirt, hauls me to my feet and throws me against the back of his car, leaning over with his face close to mine.

"I swear to God, cabrón, if you try to fuck me over, I will fuck you up. I will make you forget your own damn name."

"Everything okay out here?"

Alejo spins at the sound of a new voice and I lurch upright and put a few steps of distance between us.

The speaker is the vaguely familiar dark-haired guy I'd seen at the bar, who seems to have just emerged from the back entrance.

"Yeah, everything's fine," Alejo says, shooting me a warning glare and brushing invisible dust from his jacket.

My would-be rescuer turns to me for confirmation and I nod.

"Yeah. Just a misunderstanding."

To my surprise, the man's eyes go wide and he points at me.

"Oh, hey. It's you."

I squint, trying to make out his features better through my somewhat swirly vision.

"I don't..."

"It's Rafael... the guy who's truck almost creamed you the other day," he laughs.

"You okay?"

"Oh, yeah. The landscaper, right? Yeah, I'm okay."

"Good."

He grins and turns to Alejo.

"Anyway, I just came out to see what was going down."

Alejo shoots me a warning glance.

"How much you want this time?"

"How 'bout... six."

Alejo's brows raise and he whistles.

"Fuck, man. Alright."

He checks that we're alone before opening the trunk again.

As he does, more gears click into place.

'Landscaper. He was on Lucille's street. Lucille could have been coerced into performing the ritual on herself while under the influence of this drug. He's buying this drug. Lucille left her house to a gardener. A landscaper is a gardener of a kind, right? Maybe she was open to suggestions about her will, too.'

Fuck me.

I don't know how the ritual of Feasts fits in to all this but I need to get away and call John.

Money exchanges hands.

Alejo packs the vials in a slim box, like one might use to gift jewelry and Rafael slips it in his pocket.

I begin edging towards the door and the safety of the bar as Alejo carefully repacks his stash, leaning over the open trunk.

I'm about halfway there when Rafael pulls a pistol from inside his jacket and shoots him in the back of the head.

The shot is surprisingly quiet.

Alejo slumps like a puppet with cut strings, half in the trunk of his car.

Rafael rifles in his pocket and retrieves the roll of bills. 

I stand frozen in shock.

Then, as Rafael straightens and turns, I bolt for the door.

Somehow still alive, I reach it, grasp the hand and pull hard.

It's locked.

My blood turns to ice.

I shut my eyes. 

Nothing happens.

Slowly, I turn back and find Rafael watching me.

He holds the gun loose at his side.

"Locked it on my way out," he says.

"I knew when you followed him you'd put it together."

"Put... what together?"

My lips are numb with fear but I force myself to speak.

The longer he talks to me, the longer I live.

He smirks.

"Alejo couldn't keep a secret any better than he could keep his dick in his pants. I knew he'd show you the drug and tell you how it works. You'd think of Lucille and maybe Kyle, how he was kept alive so much longer than should have been possible. Even if you didn't, you'd tell the cop and the cop would think of it. And then Alejo would squeal."

He shakes his head.

"Good thing I been keeping tabs and followed you tonight. I wasn't ready to take you yet but I guess it can't be helped. Hope the demon doesn't mind an early supper."

"I don't... know what you're talking about," I gasp.

It seems a bit dumb to pretend ignorance at this point but I got nothing else.

"No?"

He turns at the rumble of an engine.

For a moment, my heart leaps with hope as a dark, boxy van pulls across the entrance of the alleyway and stops.

Then Rafael grasps my arm and presses the gun to my side, pulling me along as he walks me to the van.

The side door slides open and Rafael pushes me inside.

The driver leans around her seat and I find myself confronted by a familiar shock of purple hair above a pixie-like face.

"Rexi?"

My mind swirls and I wonder if Alejo gave me a bigger dose than he thought.

Rafael steps in and shuts the door, keeping the gun trained on me as he takes his seat. 

"You wouldn't know it, Carlos," he says, looking down at me.

"But our families go way back. We got some catching up to do."

He nods at Rexi and the van lurches into motion and carries us into the night.

[xehabaldera]

God. Not really visible yet especially compared to the chin hair, which is probly from a mix of our low ass dose (still not even on enough to ease our periods, n we're comin up on 2 years on T) n our general hormone fuckery pre-T, but we're finally gettin some body hair growth- arms n legs are crazy already, swear to god you'd almost feel like you're pettin a pretty coarse-haired dog if you touched em, but we got chest/belly area growin in real slow now too.

Only really get to see it when we're showerin, n our phone camera can't catch it no matter how we play with lightin n angles n filters so a transition timeline there's not gonna happen til it grows out or at least gets darker in color. But the first hairs we noticed were big, dark, long ones on our tits n that's really funny to me in a way.

They're super thin but dark enough to be visible, you'd think they're stray cat hairs from Dionysus that stuck to us at a glance. There's like three of em, all on the left one, n it's just. It cracks me up every time I see em. "Genie grantin a wish that ain't specific enough" type hair growth.

We've had issues with weird minuscule body/facial hair growth since probly mid puberty, though. Up til we stopped shavin the scruff we got now, we'd occasionally get this single sharp hair pokin out of our chin. We didn't shave our face til last year, but the hair was botherin us since, what, 15 years old? n of course, we've got the weird autism-OCD combo, so we'd scratch and pick to pull it out n end up with the area scabbed over, then it'd grow in the same way, so on so forth til we just... Stopped shavin a few months ago after startin early last year. n it hasn't come back sharp since.

Anyway- got on this cuz I was thinkin bout transition goals to get my mind off the pain from that shit goin on. I don't wanna reblog em right now cuz of the suggestiveness, got weird brain goin on, n just linkin em feels wrong, but there's a couple artists who have the sorta path we seem to be goin on down pat. Not quite fat but lil more than average weight n distributed in a way that makes us look a bit chubbier, just lettin the body hair do its thing, n no top surgery (though we're still back n forth there n will be for a long time). n it feels so fuckin good.

We didn't have a full on "goal" in mind cuz we never really had a sense of self, bein transmasc n wantin T was the clearest we got for years, but seein the body take the road it is n seein it mirrored when people go "hey, let's make this vessel of his trans as fuck" is just... That's genuine euphoria right there.

n hell, it's even made us start feelin more comfortable with all the shitty scars n sorta-subtle deformities we got. People find that fucked up old thing hot, they'd probly get a kick outta this one. n I've got a weird relationship with that, people findin us hot n all cuz of the trauma, but it feels fuckin incredible to think about, at least.

We're finally becomin the man we wanna be in more ways than one... n I'm findin comfort n representation in others' works n lives without makin them my entire existence n role. Maybe that's healin too.

[pikl-ooc]

Desire fear heartbreak for whichever troll of your choice

gonna go 4 estria cause i dont talk abt her enough and trollstrology is almost a year old now and woag awesome anniversary yiiippee yahoo

desire: What's one thing your OC wants more than anything in the world? Are they open with that desire? Why or why not? What would they do to fulfill it? - tbh she mainly just wants to like. Not Be in a jade cavern anymore cause she thinks its all boring and stressful n shit. shes probly considered breaking out a few times but shes kind of a weenie and afraid of being caught

fear: What is your OC's greatest fear? What do they do when confronted with it? Are they open with their fear, or do they hide it away? - I feel like she gets scared a lot about her friends (esp. her cavernmates + the other trollstrology mods) secretly hating her tbh. messaging the group chat at 2am after a minor disagreement occurs like Are you guys still mad at me :(

heartbreak: Have they ever had a relationship that ended badly? Experienced some other kind of heartbreak? What happened? - probably never Had one but shes most likely Caused a lot of them cause of her doodoo abysmal inconsistent dating advice. trolled

[nvrtrust-naims]

i want to fucking die i always feel like nobody loves me

i always feel like im throwing away everything n wasting opportunities n not doing good enough n im losing myself over time or im just killing myself by being around

ive always felt like im on a time limit n i always feel like im losing everything i love

n theres so many things i love n things n ppl i would die for but its so hard for me to ever express that bc i always feel like as soon as i show what i love to the world or to anyone that itll disappear or get stolen or ill be hated or shamed for loving

im always holding everything together in my waist in my abdomen all tied up w a shoelace n ribbons n i feel like soon something is just gonna unravel it all n ill spill all over the floor

like im sure everything is going well probly n im well adjusted but it never feels that way i keep thinking when was the last time i felt calm

anyways i feel like when i show what i love its like im scooping into my chest w both hands and presenting my heart still pumping and attatched w entrails n when im showing it to them they grab it from me and squeeze until it bursts

breaking my heart or something

ERM BUT ANYWAYS FUCK IT WE BAWL !!!!

[moondonky]

Probly shouldn't

Why not... I praise God.. but I don't really tell anyone.. yet I listen to peoples interpretations, as if it's a person,, or a name, or a figure like a being, people will talk about karma and spirituality, but to me that's consequences of actions and understanding ur body, can seem magical but not really, the universe is energy.. vibrations and occilation forming,, I do believe God is living like a guiding feeling, god wants u to keep living, theres pattern and order, there is a perfection to everything, it could not have happened any other way, our existance is a miracle, theres a mystery, people will talk about simulation and matrix as if we're trapped in sumthing, a way to explain things, because there is design in things, everything we knew and know is always changing, as if we know nothing, why we are living is what is random, and people blame God for things, why would God let this happen, why does God not intervein, why would God do this to me, yet the world keeps spinning and life keeps living, that miracle is your environment that was full of bounties.. u have freewill, it only gets as bad as u let it,, shepards... nature does not sin, but people do, to me that is satan cruel, sinners that's people, when u fight Satan u fight yourself the temptations, it destroys, sin repent repeat as I like to say excuses, energy does not die it only transfers it only reforms, praise God be a good person and life keeps living, u get to see God in its beauty and its captivating.. I look at people and I see beautiful people or ugly people good people or sinners, like I look at nature, doesn't matter what it looks like, it's either filled with life or it's dead... u look out at the universe and it's infinite, u look at anything close enough it is infinite.. but we are here, we are energy it never dissapears, people think there just gonna hop on a spaceship and travel for millions of years, or build a new planet, I'd rather stay here, I'd rather fix here.. I'd rather be a good person,, wheat and tares u can plant them both but only one regrows, and the other becomes it dirt.. tree of life, God does not punish, people punish people, god doesn't control,, people control people, God does not hate, people hate... and destroy, and kill, people are Satan the system they created, heavon or hell that a choice people create...

Effin millenial why not, takes knowledge to understand this,, or alot of stories and metaphors.. sometimes u gotta use ur imagination, sumtimes u just help others be good people and hope it trends

[necklacings]

None of the labels will probly get back to me but I'm kinda too old n so not photogenic enough to put out music anyway. I'm fine w making up lil poems as long as they com out, before another long drought.

At least I kno my brain is still here lmao. The depresh slowness made me feel like I'd gotten dumb! N I was depres so long I forgot I WAS depres.

I thought I was never gonna be able to write another lil thing again