#i have a long weekend coming up so i’ll probably chill out & play some animal crossing

[raiiny-bay]

drawing my favorite feral girl

[abbysfrenchbraid]

Daring - Chapter 2

This is part two of my Abby Mordern!Au, you can read Chapter 1 here.

Masterlist

Abby and the reader have dinner at Abby's place. There is music playing and referenced, so I'd recommend you listen to this playlist with all the songs playing in order as soon as the date night begins. About 10k words.

CW for alcohol consumption, mention of death/murder, mention of dubious consent (and possibly terrible grammar. It's 10pm, I just finished this, I don't have a proofreader atm)

Thyme and Tree Bark

“Don’t mess this up, airhead. Take care!”

“Yeah, yeah. Bye, idiot!”

You closed the door behind Mark as he vanished down the stairs and headed straight for your bed. Though you were less wobbly on your feet after devouring half of a perfectly cheesy pizza with just the right amount of jalapenos, it had thrown you straight into a food coma. Your angel of a brother had come over at noon with two chilled cans of coke and a large pizza from your favorite Italian place and not even ripped open the curtains as he usually did. Instead, he had thrown himself on the bed right next to you, handed you a slice, and demanded you start talking.

Of course, he already knew about Abby and your embarrassing shyness when it came to the buff blonde, so he was extremely proud of the progress you had made with your excruciating crush. You both agreed that Abby had definitely invited you over for a date this week - alone, without Manny there - and that it had to mean she was interested, too. He had laughed about the little bar stint when Abby had shut down your flirt with the hot waitress in an instant and was now 100% sure this was going to go great. As long as you kept it together and didn’t ruin everything. As you often did. This needed some tactical planning.

Mouths full of cheesy delight and laughing at each other’s stupid ideas, you and your brother had come up with a fairly foolproof plan. You would text Abby in 1-2 days, keeping it cool and asking when you should come over. Then, you would suggest making cocktails at home, already granting a fun activity and something to loosen the mood. You would keep it casual and bring over some nice liquor and maybe a bag of chips, perfect for watching a movie. You’d try to keep the conversation casual and try to speak mostly about Abby, asking lots of questions so you didn’t get tangled up in speaking about yourself. If you steered the conversation toward movies, you could watch something exciting and maybe even scary together so you could cuddle up on the couch together. And well, if you got that far, things would probably fall into place naturally. Foolproof. Y/N-proof.

You groaned as you reached over to grab your phone from your nightstand. You had a message from your mom asking if you wanted to come over for dinner next weekend and an email from your professor who wanted to submit your last essay to some kind of grant application. You’d have to answer her later, your head still felt like it was filled with cotton. Instead, you sent Leah a message.

-Hey, you still alive? There’s leftover pizza and coke over here.

Five seconds later, there was a delighted squeal at the other side of the wall and you heard the click of your roommate’s door before yours opened and Leah tiptoe-danced inside, beaming at you. She was wearing nothing but an extremely tight-fitting cropped wifebeater and a khaki thong, accentuating her long legs as she leaped right onto your bed and almost made you fly as her weight hit the mattress. You tried not to stare at her perfectly toned abs as she opened the gigantic carton and held up a slice of pizza over her head, letting the tip dangle in her mouth before biting down with a moan that made you snort awkwardly.

“Good morning, you animal.”

Leah just moaned again, making a grabbing motion with her hand and pointing toward the second can of coke on your nightstand. You laughed silently as you handed her the cold can, condensed water running down the sides and wetting your fingers. You wiped them on the blanket. The tall brunette swallowed hard and took a sip of coke.

“Good morning, womanizer.” She grinned widely. “I’m so proud of you, man. This is the first time I’ve seen you in action and I can safely say Abby was just as surprised as I was.”

You buried your face in your hands.

“Oh god, was I that obvious? Did I do anything inappropriate? I thought it went well, but now I’m not so sure.” You spread your fingers to peak at your roommate who was currently chewing on a ginormous bite, tomato juice running down her chin. No manners, that girl. She just shook her head and made a noise somewhere between protest and encouragement.

“No, you were fine,” she said with a full mouth, “very tipsy, but cute. I hope you remember Abby inviting you to her place.” She wiggled her eyebrows.

You ran your fingers through your hair, immediately getting stuck in a tangle of knots. God, you needed a shower.

“Yeah, I already went over it with Mark. We made a plan so I won’t embarrass myself.”

“Good. I hope it goes well, you two would be cute together. Hot, even. I mean, no one can deny the allure of those biceps. And her ass?! Godly.” She easily evaded the kick you aimed at her ribs, laughing and slapping your shin away.

“Come on, let’s not act like you’re not ogling her every chance you get. I am, too - the woman looks like a greek goddess!”

“That’s enough,” you giggled, aiming another playful kick in her direction but only lightly hitting her in the thigh. “I know what she looks like.”

“Right. And soon, you’ll hopefully see a lot more of her.” This time, Leah jumped off the bed before your toes could sink right into her side. You tried to suppress a grin as you two stared at each other for a moment before Leah sat back down cross-legged and began eating the last slice of pizza.

“I mean,” she said casually, “you have seen more of a woman before, right?”

You grabbed your coke and turned it in your hands before answering.

“Yeah, I have. It wasn’t… It wasn’t all that, though. Just one time and we were both so nervous it was just awkward.”

Now Leah looked at you with a mixture of shock and pity.

“Come on, Y/N. Only once? You’ve never seen stars because of a woman’s tongue? Never screamed into a pillow because of some skilled sapphic strap game? Never lost your mi-”

“Leaahhhh!” You groaned, feeling blood shoot into your cheeks. “No, okay? I… I made the other girl cum, but for me, it was just… it was too unfamiliar and I didn’t know her well enough to really let myself enjoy it.”

Suddenly a thought crossed your mind and you felt your eyes open wide.

“Wait. Has Abby…? Is she..?”

Leah paused mid-bite and thought for a second.

“Well, she does have experience with men, obviously. As far as women go… I honestly don’t know. She’s dated a few, but it never went longer than a couple of weeks. I don’t know how fast things go with her and she’s never gone into detail with me. I have to ask Nora about that.”

“Don’t you dare! She’ll know this is about me and tell Abby!”

“Oh come on, I’m interested, too.” She rolled her eyes. “I’ll tell you so you know what to prepare for, win-win!” She nudged your foot and gave you a mischievous half-smile.

“For god’s sake, do what you must.” You finished your coke and threw it perfectly into the bin beside your desk. Leah gave you an impressed nod. “And now I desperately need a shower. There is a literal nest on top of my head.”

“True,” Leah said and stood up, stretching her limbs as she walked to the door. “Thanks for the pizza. I’m gonna ask Jordan if he wants to come over, so don’t walk out naked if you don’t want a threesome.” She winked at you before closing the door, but a small part at the back of your brain knew that she wasn’t completely joking. You sighed and swung your legs off your bed. No point in lying around, it was past 3 pm anyway.

Grabbing your phone, a shirt, and some clean boxers, you headed for the bathroom. You took your time showering, detangling the mess on your head with lots of conditioner, humming along to Marika Hackman’s cover of I Follow Rivers as you stood under the hot stream of water and brushing your teeth for at least five minutes while waiting for a hair mask to do its magic. When you stepped out of the shower, the bathroom was filled with hot steam and you felt like a whole new person. You slipped into your fresh clothes and held the blow dryer to the mirror until your reflection was clear.

So. Here you were. Finally, you had spoken to the woman of your dreams and even flirted with her. She may have even been jealous of your short conversation with Ellie, the bartender. Tomorrow, you would text her, you would be brave and cool and not at all awkward. As you collected your clothes off the floor and took your phone, you suddenly realized something that would destroy your entire plan. You didn’t even have Abby’s phone number. Why hadn’t you asked her? Of course, you could ask Leah for it, but Abby would know because she knew she hadn’t given it to you. It would be a lot less cool and casual. Fuck.

You stepped into the hallway and ran straight into Jordan. Perfect. Good thing Leah had warned you.

“Oh, hi Y/N! You doing alright after all those tequila shots?” Jordan’s face was open and kind. You immediately relaxed. Just a guy, not a threat.

“Better than I thought I would, actually. What about you?”

“Well, I sent them back out the way they came as soon as I got home.” He grimaced and shrugged. “Just glad I’m still alive, to be honest.”

You had to laugh. “I’m glad, too. Leah would have been devastated.”

“I hope so.” He grinned back. The silence between you stretched a little bit too long.

“Anyways, I’m gonna see what she’s up to. See you later?”

“Yeah, sure!” You said, relieved that he didn’t make it awkward. You quickly slipped into your room and sank down on the bed, composing a text to Mark.

-Minor hiccup - I don’t have her number.

His reply came immediately.

-Shit. What now?

You let yourself fall back on the mattress and covered your face with your arm. Your phone vibrated again and you lifted it up, hoping for a brilliant idea.

-Hey, this is Abby. Are we still on for next week?

You almost dropped your phone on your face. For a minute, you just stared at the message. Then you rolled over onto your stomach and screamed into your pillow.

-Hi Abby. We absolutely are. Y/N.

You tried to suppress a fit of giggles as you texted your brother.

-Nvm, she just texted me.

-Omg what!! Play it cool, don’t answer yet. What did she say???

-Oops already answered. Still on for next week.

-Incredibly casual lol. Whatever, good for you!

-Shut up!

Another text by Abby came in and you actually started drumming your feet on the bed with excitement.

-Tuesday? I could cook for us

-Very impressive, I’ll bite. What time should I come over?

-Very clever. 6pm? Any allergies?

-Vegetarian, hope that’s okay. 6 is great, text me your address?

You watched the little text bubble pop up and vanish again for a good minute, getting more and more nervous for her answer.

- No problem. 2425 Constance.

There was nothing else to do but scream into your pillow again.

-

The next two days went excruciatingly slow. You spent the rest of your Sunday in bed, watching a terrible zombie movie and later ordering curry because you couldn’t be bothered with preparing any food. As it got late, you suddenly heard a knock on the wall. At first, you thought it was accidental, until the knocking started to continue in a steady rhythm. With a death glare that you hoped would reach through the concrete, you plugged your headphones into your laptop and continued watching your movie.

On Monday, you threw yourself into art history coursework and caught up on your studies, emailed your professor, and spent three hours on an essay about the depiction of blood in paintings of Judith beheading Holofernes. Lovely subject. Even though you got through a lot of your tasks for the day, you couldn’t stop yourself from looking at your phone every 10 minutes to see if you had missed a message. Of course, nothing came up. Around 4 pm, your phone buzzed and you leapt for it only to find out it was Leah asking you to buy toilet paper later. At 6pm, you shut off your laptop and grabbed your backpack to go grocery shopping.

Standing in the liquor store you realized you hadn’t asked Abby about cocktails.

“Looking for something in particular?” the elderly lady behind the counter asked. It seemed to be her own shop and to have been hers for a while, judging by the elegant wooden shelves and the warm, nice feeling of the room instead of neon lights and rows of white metal.

“Uh, yeah, actually. I have a date tomorrow and I thought we could make cocktails, but I forgot to ask what she likes. So now I don’t know what to bring.” You gave her an apologetic half smile. She stood up from her seat behind the register, growing not even 2 inches standing compared to sitting and made her way over to you. Her eyes twinkled behind thick glasses that made her look a little bit like an owl.

“Well, dear. I don’t know if I would go straight into the hard liquor on a first date. On my last first date, we had a delicious red wine, a Merlot. Couldn’t that be something? Are you going to eat anything?”

“Oh yes, she said she’d cook for us, but I don’t know what exactly.”

The shop owner gently put a hand on your arm and guided you to a shelf of dark bottles.

“Well, Merlot goes well with any food, so I think it would be perfect. Cocktails come later, when you dress up and go out together or after a night of theater.” You felt a surge of warmth spread through your chest. Theater? Well, why not? For a second, you began to trail off, imagining Abby in a perfectly tailored suit, you at her arm just as dressed up, every head turning as you entered the room and ordered Gin Tonics at the bar during the break. The voice next to you pulled you back to the present.

“If you’re cooking at home, wine is the thing to bring, trust me.”

“I trust you,” you said with a smile as you took the bottle she handed you. The label was a creamy white, with beautiful golden letters. Hopefully this wouldn’t bankrupt you. “Thank you for your help.”

The shopkeeper sat back down in her chair with a sigh and typed into the cash register. 15.99$. That wasn’t so bad. You paid and gently put the bottle inside your backpack.

“You know, you should come by soon and let me know how it went. I think that Merlot will bring you good luck. My wife and I still have it every Sunday.” Your head snapped up and your eyes met that charming, smart twinkle again, flashing at you out of dark brown irises. For a moment, all of the things you wanted to say were stuck in your throat, then you just broke into a smile.

“That’s wonderful, ma’am. I hope I can have that, in the future.”

“Of course you will, dear.” She really sounded like she meant it. A small lump suddenly appeared in your throat.

“Thank you so much. I wish you all the best.”

“Go get her!”

You laughed and waved at her again as you exited the shop, taking the warmth and comfort of it with you and tucking it right beneath the bottom of your heart and the top of your stomach where you knew it would fuel you for a few days. You had already decided that you would come back and make it your mission to befriend that old lady. What a wonderful woman.

Only 23 hours to go. That night, it was almost impossible to fall asleep.

-

You got through the next day by once again banning any thought of the evening from your mind and diving head first into your assignments. You were going to lead a discussion on different planes of language or communications in women’s art and literature and reading up on the historical differences between male and female narratives, beginning with the ancient poet Sappho. It was an exciting topic, something you were extremely thankful for. Otherwise you might have been looking at your phone every 3 minutes instead of every 20. Of course, no message from Abby.

The bottle of wine was standing on your nightstand, reminding you of your plans with an exciting tingle in your stomach. At 4pm, you gave up on doing anything productive. You spent forever in the shower, stealing some of Leah’s expensive pink body scrub, shaving everywhere and regretting it immediately because you felt stupid for assuming anything, entertaining the but what if thoughts while you thoroughly lathered your entire body in Leah’s shampoo and shower gel and spending a good 10 minutes just standing under the hot water because you weren’t ready to leave that fantasy yet. When you stepped out of the shower, the bathroom was an actual steam bath and you could hardly see the door through the thick waves of wonderfully scented fog. You took your time stealing some more of Leah’s skincare products, having come to the conclusion that if she noticed anything and scolded you for it, you might as well try out the whole arsenal.

When you finally opened your closet door, feeling luxurious and clean and fresh, it was 5.10pm. What the hell were you going to wear? You and Mark had agreed on casual, but what the hell did that even mean? You decided to ask him.

-Help!!! Freaking out over my outfit, need a definition for casual

-Jeans and T-Shirt, just your standard outfit. Imagine meeting me for sushi.

-I’m bringing red wine. It seems wrong to bring wine in jeans and a t-shirt..

-What happened to cocktails?? Trust me, keep it simple. You don’t wanna turn up in a dress and she opens the door in sweatpants.

-I don’t think I’ve ever seen her in sweatpants. Ughh fuck I don’t have time for this. Jeans and t-shirt it is. Lesbian grandma recommended wine, I’ll tell you about it tomorrow x

-Go get her x

You quickly slipped into some black jeans that were just the right amount of tightly fitting around your ass and a white shirt with a tiny pomegranate embroidered on the front. Then you put on your jacket and quickly threw your wallet, phone and keys into a tote before grabbing the wine and putting it in as well. With a last look into the hallway mirror and a yelled goodbye to Leah, you rushed out of your apartment.

The evening air was not as cool as you had expected and the sun was just about to set. On your way to the train station, you typed out an on my way! message to Abby and quickly deleted it again. No sense in sending it now when you hadn’t spoken since Sunday and were about to see her. The train ride was annoying, the wagon stuffed with commuters and some guy trying to convince you the apocalypse was upon you all. Zombies, not the last judgement - something different at least.

During the walk from the station to Abby’s house, you were sure it wouldn’t take much more for you to actually start levitating. Your heart was pounding in your chest and your throat was so cramped up it was hard to breathe. When you pulled out your phone, your fingers were actually shaking. Jesus Christ, get a grip. 5.58 pm.

And there it was, 2425 Constance. Just a normal suburban white house, like any other in the street. It actually seemed a bit weird, Manny and Abby living here in the midst of what seemed to be a family neighborhood with real adults . Then again, they both weren’t in college, so you supposed they actually were real adults. When you walked up to the front door, you could hear faint music from inside - jazz? You wouldn’t have guessed she was the jazz type, but then again you knew almost nothing about her. Right. Ask questions, keep the conversation about her. Be cool.

You knocked.

Abby opened the door, a wave of warm air hitting you from inside. It smelled delightful. Her face was slightly flushed, her lips parted as she took in a deep breath. She had tied her hair back in a low bun, but a few strands had fallen out and framed her face. One was standing up in a funny angle.

“Hi, Abby,” you said, trying to keep your voice level and not stare at her body. Fuck, she had dressed up. And she looked hot.

“Hi!” A smile slowly grew wide on her face. When she realized that she was blocking the door, she quickly shook her head and stepped aside. “Come in! Can I take your jacket?”

Oh God, this was hopeless. You already knew you were hers. Thanking her, you took off your jacket and she hung it in a closet next to the entrance. When she turned around, you got a chance to admire her fully. She wore wide dress pants that perfectly accentuated all of her muscles, topped with a loose white shirt with wide sleeves, reminding you a little bit of a pirate. Her jewelry rounded off the pirate look and you had to bite back a grin. She raised her eyebrows at you.

“What?” Her cheeks were still slightly red, but you attributed it to standing in a hot kitchen for probably the last hour, judging by the variety of smells overlapping and mixing together, already making your mouth water.

“Uh, I brought wine,” you said and held out the bottle. Eloquent as always. Abby took it and whistled through her teeth as she inspected the label.

“That looks classic. The sauce I made has some wine in it as well, this is perfect. Thank you, what a great idea!”

You were overwhelmed with her generous praise and didn’t know where to look, so you settled on her hands. You had always sneaked looks at her hands, at the way she held a glass or drummed on a table or clasped them when she was intently listening to someone. They looked strong and rough from work, but there was also a delicacy in their movement and you were sure her touch could be as gentle as the brush of a hummingbird flying past. Realizing you were staring, you tore your gaze away.

“It smells delicious in here, I can’t wait to see what you cooked.” You followed her into the kitchen, where she placed the bottle on the counter and took a corkscrew from a drawer. A big red pot was standing on the gas stove over a tiny flame, the lid still hiding its contents. Your stomach suddenly growled loudly into the silence.

“Someone’s hungry.” Abby gave you a side glance and an amused smirk as she screwed the silver device into the cork. “Everything’s already set, we can get started right away.”

You covered your eyes with your hand for a second before laughing.

“Yeah, I kind of forgot to have lunch earlier and then I figured I’d just wait so I could really savour this.”

“Smart thinking. I made patates au vin , a vegetarian version of coq au vin which is chicken in wine. It’s basically potatoes and vegetables in a thick brown sauce, served with some good rustic bread.” You couldn’t stop your eyes from rolling back at the thought of getting to eat home cooked french cuisine made by Abby in a few minutes.

“Oh my God, say that again.” You could barely stop yourself from moaning. Abby laughed and opened the wine with a loud pop.

“Here, take this over to the dinner table. I’m right behind you.” You took the bottle and followed her nod into the dining room. The wooden table was beautifully set with big and small plates, glasses for water and wine, candles, two blue glass bottles of water and a bowl of salad topped with what looked like apples, pomegranate seeds and feta cheese. You carefully placed the bottle of wine next to the water bottles and stepped aside for Abby, who came out of the kitchen carrying the heavy pot and placed it on a cork coaster in the middle of the table.

“Wait, let me just…” she trailed off as she grabbed her phone from the sideboard and changed the music. A saxophone led a jazz band into the song before a beautiful female voice set in, soft as butter and filling the room like the smell of roses. The voice was familiar to you, but you couldn’t quite place it. As Abby sat down, the music came to a crescendo before breaking off, the voice setting in again with a soft

is it a crime?

“Who sings this?” you asked as Abby opened the water bottle and filled your glasses.

“Oh, it’s Sade. She was my dad’s favorite.”

And I want you to want me too, the woman sang, and your eyes met over the table. You swallowed. Was? Not the right time.

“Sade? Oh, she sings Smooth Operator, right? I know that one, but I never checked out more of her music.”

Abby smiled at you and opened the lid of the pot.

“Yeah. This is the Promise album, my favorite. She is a force.”

A wave of steam erupted from the pot and you bent forward to look inside. Thick, roasted wedges of yellow potatoes lay in a bed of orange and purple carrots, mushrooms and tomatoes in a thick brown sauce, a stalk of thyme on top and a bay leaf poking out from the sauce. You weren’t sure if you were drooling, but you didn’t care.

“Abby, oh my God! This is fantastic.”

A spark had lit in her eyes when she heard you say her name. She elegantly stood up again, grabbed a serving spoon, and held out her hand for your plate. You watched her hands again as she plated an array of vegetables for you and used the spoon to draw a little sauce heart on the rim of the plate. Your ribs felt two sizes too small around your chest. This woman was actually going to be the death of you.

“Thanks,” you quietly said and waited as Abby helped herself to a plate. She sat down and gestured toward the small basket with thick slices of grey bread with a dark brown crust.

“Help yourself. Bon appétit.”

After a few moments of eating in comfortable silence before you showered the blonde in an array of compliments, this time not able to refrain from moaning when you bit into a tender, sweet purple carrot, the conversation began to flow. Abby complimented the wine, you talked about your studies, Abby told a few work stories in which both she and Nora were involved, you told her about your close relationship with your brother and she bittersweetly reminisced about her upbringing as an only child with a single dad. It had just been the two of them, moving frequently because of his changing jobs in different hospitals. He had been a neurosurgeon, and a brilliant one at that, but always humble and ready to help wherever he could. Abby sat up straighter when she talked about him, her chest actually swelling with pride when she told you about one time they had rescued an injured horse that had run away and been hit by a car in front of them.

“I think I was 16 back then. It’s one of my favorite memories of him. It actually wasn’t long before…” Her eyebrows moved into a frown and she bit her lip, pushing a small piece of onion around her plate. Fuck, maybe it would have been easier to talk about you, after all.

“We don’t have to talk about it. You can tell me when you’re ready.”

She looked up and you expected to see tears, but her eyes were full of love and her face smoothed out into a gentle smile.

“No, it’s okay. I’m still working on it, and part of my therapy is telling people who don’t know yet. You know, I don’t really have a lot of friends.” She suddenly laughed, easing the tension at the bottom of your lungs. “That sounds stupid, of course I do. I have Manny and Nora and Leah and Jordan and Owen, I guess. But the thing is, they all knew me before. I haven’t really made friends ever since my dad.. passed away. The idea of needing to open up to someone about all this so I can develop a real connection and friendship with them is just a lot to bear.”

“The mortifying ordeal of being known,” you mumbled, more to yourself, crumpling up your napkin in one hand.

“Sorry?”

“Oh, it’s this quote from a New York Times article that has been floating around the internet for a while. ‘If we want the rewards of being loved we have to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known’.” You looked up at her and inhaled deeply. “It’s something I’m also terrified of. Although it seems kind of stupid sometimes, because compared to you for example, I don’t really have a good reason.”

Abby looks at you like she’s just discovered something extremely interesting. She takes a sip of her wine before answering, her silver rings blinking at you in the candlelight.

“It’s not at all stupid. I’ve always been very careful with who I open up to, even before my dad died. It’s horrifying, laying yourself bare for a person, putting yourself on a silver plate and handing it to them and saying there, now do with it what you wish. Maybe they’ll look at it and say no, thanks. Maybe they’ll call everyone and say hey, look at this mad woman with her twisted insides, isn’t that funny? Maybe they’ll see it and think, I can do this, and then after a few years they suddenly realize they actually can’t and you’re way too much and so they leave for someone with a more simple, prettier silver plate. Maybe they’ll even take a few pieces with them as they go.”

She didn’t sound bitter as she said it, and she didn’t look terribly sad either, more as if she was making an observation about something she was mildly interested in. You didn’t know what to say except for show me your silver plate, please show me your all, and I will devour it, savor it, keep it with me forever. But you stayed silent, your tongue stuck to the roof of your mouth.

“I’m quite the handful, am I? Sorry, I shouldn’t have thrown all this” - she gestured toward herself - “at you during our first date.” Then her eyes widened as she realized what she had said. “Fuck, sorry, I just assumed… you probably don’t…”

Finally, movement came back into you. You jumped from your chair and were next to her in a few paces. She lifted a hand and you took it in yours.

“Of course this is a date,” you said gently and smiled at her. “Otherwise why would I have been this nervous for the past three days, thinking of nothing but you, constantly checking my phone to see if you texted me? And I brought red wine, come on.” That brought a smile to her face. She chuckled lightly.

“So I haven’t just ruined everything?” The hope in her eyes was mixed with real, honest fear.

“No, of course not. I’m glad you’re being open with me. You know, I planned not to reveal too much about myself tonight, fearing I would scare you away or say something stupid and make you suddenly lose interest.”

The current song ended and a soft, funky beat came on. There it was again, that twinkle in Abby’s eyes. Your hands were still clasped around hers and she made no move to pull back.

“Well, now I can’t wait to see what you have in store for me. Lay it on me. Over dessert, maybe?”

You raised your eyebrows.

“There’s dessert? You’re going to have to roll me out of here later.”

She laughed, warm and genuine, and the pride you had felt back in The Closet filled your chest again. You would do anything just to be the one to make her laugh every day for the rest of your life. She got up and you both started clearing the table together.

Never going to know

What fate is going to blow

Your way, just hope that it feels right

Could that Sade lady be any more on the nose? You risked a glance at Abby, who was smiling to herself. You followed her into the kitchen and she opened the fridge to produce a large glass dish, showing the several layers of biscuit and white cream, topped with dark cacao.

“Tiramisu? Seriously Abby, how much time did you spend in the kitchen today?”

She gave you a crooked grin before exiting the kitchen.

“Took the day off.”

You just sighed and went back into the dining room.

Such a fine time as this

“Here.” Abby handed you a small plate with a piece of her gourmet tiramisu. Your fingers brushed against each other and you both paused for just the blink of an eye.

What could equal the bliss

The thrill of the first kiss

You sat down and grabbed the small fork left next to your wine glass. On second thought, you took another sip of Merlot. It really was exquisite.

“Buon’ appetito,” you said and sliced off a perfect edge of tiramisu. The soft, coffee-drenched biscuit fell apart on your tongue, mixing with the heavy vanilla-flavored mascarpone. “Did you know where the name tiramisu comes from?”

Abby lifted her fork to her mouth and softly closed her lips around the piece of creamy dessert. You were entranced, watching her hand sink down to the table again, then her jaw moving and flexing as she chewed. She raised her eyebrows questioningly and you cleared your throat, taking another piece on your fork.

“ Tira mi su is Italian for ‘pull me down’. It’s the last thing you eat after dinner and the thing that makes you tired, pulls you right into the food coma. In restaurants, it rounds off the meal and guests will probably leave in the following hour because they feel they’re ready to go home.”

Never as good as the first time

Natural as the way we came to be

“Oh,” Abby said, her voice quiet. She looked up at you through dark lashes. “And are you going home after this?”

“No.” You said it without thinking, only knowing what was true in your heart. “I don’t want to.”

“I’m glad.” Taking a deep breath, Abby straightened up, then reached a hand across the table, her palm facing up. You stared at it for a fraction of a second before placing your hand in hers, feeling something fall into place inside you. The glances you exchanged said so much more than you could possibly dare to say out loud right now.

You used your free hand to stab the last piece of tiramisu. This time it was Abby who was watching you with hungry eyes as the fork vanished between your lips and emerged clean.

“This tiramisu could be the best thing I’ve ever tasted in my life,” you said after swallowing and Abby’s fingers twitched ever so slightly around your hand.

“Thank you. I’m really into French and Italian cuisine, as you may have noticed.”

You leaned back in your chair, careful not to pull back your hand.

“I couldn’t do it, honestly. Spending so much time in the kitchen. Especially not with a job like yours, on your feet all day. I’d probably survive off of pasta and takeout.”

Abby smiled and began slowly drawing circles on the back of your hand with her thumb. You were already hyper-aware of how your blood rushed through every vein of your body, a side-effect of the red wine, but now it came to a roar in your ears.

“I guess I need some kind of hobby besides lifting weights. It calms me down. And it’s not just about the end result, about getting to eat something, but also about picking the right ingredients, taking my time cutting them up, trying new recipes with new flavors, and learning more about food and culture, and honestly about myself. It’s like meditating.”

“That sounds…” you were at a loss for words, “unbelievable? I’ve never heard someone talk about cooking like that. And I’ve never felt that way about it, too. I guess I’d like to, though. It sounds nice.”

Abby brushed her thumb over your knuckles.

“Well, I could show you.” You tilted your head slightly. “I mean, we could cook together. Next time. If you want to?”

Sade’s voice, smooth as polished wood and dripping with honey cut into the moment.

How could I have doubted

Honey, it's with me that you belong

“Yeah, I’d love to. What do you have in mind?”

“Do you like lasagna? We could make a vegetable lasagna and substitute the meat for soy. I could show you how to make a béchamel.”

You laughed and squeezed her hand.

“I love lasagna, although I have no idea what a beshmel is.”

“You’ll just have to wait and see.” Abby’s face was glowing with happiness.

As the last two songs of the album played, you helped Abby clean up the table. You got into an argument about doing the dishes - Abby said she’d do it later but you insisted you would do them now or at least help because so far you had not lifted a finger.

“Come on, Abby, please let me help?” You tried your best doe eyes at her. She grinned and playfully slapped your upper arm.

“Okay. But I’ll put on different music.”

She vanished to the dining room while you began filling the sink with water. A high note filled the room before a man spoke.

You broke my heart / 'Cause I couldn't dance

You didn't even want me around

And now I'm back / To let you know

I can really shake 'em down

Abby stepped into your field of vision. The music set in, a delightful 60’s rock and roll melody, and Abby began dancing toward you with tiny steps and shaking shoulders. She was lip synching to the coarse voice of the singer and reaching out her hands for you. Snapping out of your frozen position, you shook your head, grabbed her hands, and were immediately twirled through the kitchen. A squeak escaped you as Abby pulled you back toward her and with another pirouette, you almost slammed into her chest. You both laughed out loud, continuing to dance through the kitchen with big, overexaggerated moves, flailing your arms and shuffling your feet across the tile.

I can do the twist

Now, tell me baby

Do you like it like this?

You quickly began singing along to the simple lyrics and both of you were giggling at each other’s dance moves. The next song was Stand By Me and you both settled down, beginning to clean the pots and dishes. You did the washing while Abby dried off the pieces you gave her and put them back into the right cupboards. Both of you were swaying and humming along to the music.

During the second chorus, both of you began belting along, filling the kitchen with the wonderfully familiar sound of slightly drunk women singing together. As the song ended, you both comically froze and waited for the next song to set in. When it was La Bamba by Ritchie Valens, you both continued singing along and showing off some probably terrible salsa moves. You were done in no time and Abby took your hand, pulling you into the dining room and sliding across the wooden floors with you. Your stomach hurt from laughing and you couldn’t stop smiling.

Next came the bittersweet Be My Baby by the Ronettes, a song you remembered from your childhood, vague memories of your parents slow dancing together after another terrible fight. You swallowed down the hint of bitterness creeping up from your stomach. Instead, you looked up at Abby, almost a full head taller than you, and dared yourself to step forward. You placed your right hand in Abby’s and your left on her tricep, coming unbearably and exhilaratingly close. Abby put her hand on your back, right below your shoulder blade, warming you through the fabric of your shirt. Your faces were incredibly close, her breath warm on your nose, and you could have counted every single freckle on her beautiful face. There was a slim ring of gold around her pupil, complimenting the green of her iris. She was breathtaking.

You couldn’t take this any longer. Should you kiss her? Everything inside you wanted to, but you couldn’t bring yourself to close the last inch of distance. It felt like wanting to do a handstand but pulling back at the last second every time because of a deep fear of failing and hurting yourself. It was terribly frustrating.

Instead, you leaned your head against the round muscle of Abby’s shoulder, turning your face toward her chest and pressing your temple to her collarbone. You could smell the herbs she had used to cook earlier in the fabric of her shirt, but her skin smelled like pine and something else, earthy and dark, like tree bark or wool. Abby rested her chin against your forehead and her low hum of contentment vibrated against your cheek.

A light waltz melody began, Unchained Melody, a song you knew from some commercial and had listened to for a few weeks straight after.

I need your love

God speed your love to me

You smiled to yourself and could sense Abby was doing the same. You kept slowly turning, dancing through the candle-lit room and swaying side to side. The band set in louder and you lifted your head again. Abby’s eyes were fixed to yours, but you couldn’t stop yours from wandering lower, finding those perfectly pink lips, hanging open ever so slightly. Your hand wandered upward, along her shoulder, and to the back of her neck. As the last verse of the song began, you stood on your tiptoes and brushed your lips against her. Abby inhaled sharply, her fingers spreading on your back and pressing against your skin. You gently pressed your lips to hers again and this time, she kissed you back. You dug your fingertips into the back of her neck, desperately wanting to come closer, to pull her down to you, hell, you would climb her like a tree if you had to.

Feeling courageous, you stuck your tongue out and ran the tip upward over her lips. Abby instantly reacted, opening her mouth for you and greeting your tongue with hers. She tasted like wine and cacao, and faintly like thyme. Releasing your hand, she wrapped her arms around your waist. You reached up and buried your hand in her hair. She gasped into your mouth. You tucked that sound away for later, swearing to yourself you would make her do it again as often as you could.

A few seconds of silence between songs were disrupted by your wonderfully frivolous wet kissing sounds and a small whine that escaped you when Abby’s hand wandered lower to cup your ass. The first guitar chords of Nights In White Satin vibrated through the air and Abby grabbed you tightly before lifting you off the ground and wrapping your legs around her hips. She carried you over to the dining table and set you down.

The dramatic crescendo in the song you loved so much began.

And I love you

Yes I love you

Oh, how I love you

The singer’s voice filled every corner of the room, his declaration hovering above you, the high voices of the background singers ringing in your ears and Abby’s hands everywhere, her body leaning over you, her hips pressed between your legs. You flexed your legs to pull her in closer, almost falling apart when Abby let out a low moan and rocked her hips forward against you. Then she suddenly slowed down and broke the kiss.

“Wait, let’s talk for a second.”

You kept your legs clamped around her, but relaxed back a little, brushing back a strand of hair from her forehead and giving her an encouraging nod to go ahead.

“I haven’t… I’m not that experienced with - with women. And generally. And I don’t want to rush things and do something wrong and lose you. I don’t really know how this works and I want to do it right.”

Her hands on your waist tightened slightly. You gave her a shy smile.

“Me neither. I’m scared, too.” You surprised yourself with your openness. “How about we take this slow, then? Talk about everything openly? And just go one step at a time?”

Abby nodded and pulled you closer again.

Holding Back The Years began playing.

“One kiss at a time.” She gave you a gentle peck on the lips.

“Oh, really? I would have never picked you as the sappy type,” you laughed against her lips.

“You wouldn’t?” She acted shocked. “Let me remind you of how I took the day off to cook a gourmet french dish for you.”

“True.” You shrugged and pulled her in for another kiss. “It’s probably the muscles. With those guns, you can do anything and still be taken seriously.”

Abby snorted and you realized that had been the wine talking. For a second, you were mortified, then she scooped you up again, holding your body with one arm as she ran her free hand through your hair.

“Oh, those? You know, they’re specifically for carrying you around all day. Anything for my - princess.” You had very well noticed the little pause there, but you decided not to say anything yet. Instead, you lifted your chin and eyebrows, imitating what you thought a royal would look like.

“Well, what does that make you? You’re obviously not a prince. My lady knight?”

Abby nodded solemnly.

“Sworn to protect and defend you. And to carry you wherever.”

“Well, do you have a sofa you could carry me to?” You tightened your hold on her shoulders and leaned in closer again.

“Of course, my lady.”

Abby carried you through a doorway at the back of the dining room into a cozy living room, equipped with a large sofa and a gigantic flatscreen tv, two vintage armchairs, a wooden bookshelf with at least 100 books, and a desk facing the window, medical books spread across the surface. The blonde sat down on the sofa and you knelt left and right of her hips, straddling her as you gave her another soft kiss.

“You know,” you began, “I’ve been crushing on you for months now. I thought you had absolutely no interest in me. I didn’t even know you liked women.”

Abby’s eyes widened at your confession.

“Shit, I had no idea. You weren’t exactly forward, you know. The first time we met, you already had this pull on me. But you were so shy and I didn’t want to jump you or annoy you, so I tried to keep my distance and wait if you would come around.”

“You have Leah to thank for that. Me coming around. I kind of forgot to come out to her until karaoke night and she told me you were dating women as well. She knows I’ve been a hopeless case when it comes to you, but she wanted me to figure this out on my own.”

Abby thought about this for a second.

“Yeah, Leah probably only told you because she knew I liked you, too. I haven’t been that open about dating women in the past, just because talking about dating in general was weird with Owen and Mel around and I also just don’t like everyone knowing my personal business.”

“I get that.” You nodded. “As I said, I hadn’t even been out to Leah. Mostly because I haven’t dated anyone in forever and the last time was a disaster not worth talking about.” You winced at the memory.

“You wanna tell me anyway?”

You thought about it for a second, then you climbed off Abby’s lap and laid down on the sofa, resting your head on her thigh. Her fingers immediately began brushing through your hair and massaging your scalp.

“Well, I met this girl during a freshman party at a sorority house the weekend before my first semester in college,” you began. You had felt weirdly out of place, but were determined to speak to at least one person. A few hours and an almost-lethal amount of tequila later, the girl you had talked to all night had dragged you into one of the bedrooms. You both had no previous experience, were extremely drunk and it was already 5am. You had fun making out and were both eager to try more, but it had been more out of curiosity than desire for each other and so the experience had not ended in the expected bliss of lesbian sex. Rather, she had come pretty quickly and afterward she'd begun crying and told you she had a boyfriend, and you had gotten dressed and fled the house. After that, dating in college was not really something you thought about much.

Abby listened to your story with interest and sympathy, laughing at a few parts and stroking your hair as you told her about the end of that fateful night. She felt deeply sorry for your experience of strangeness and betrayal, immediately promising to you that she would always tell you what was going on inside her head and what she wanted.

“Like you just did,” you smiled at her. “That was brave. It’s what I should have done that night.”

“I mean, I had a few weird moments, too, before I learned to speak my mind.” Abby’s gaze unfocused and she frowned as she clearly recalled some not very pleasant memories.

“Wanna tell me, too?” you asked, keeping your voice light. She nodded, looking down at you again.

“I mean, there's Owen, obviously. That didn’t work out well and now he is with Mel, leaving me wondering if he was interested in her while we were still together. After we broke up, Nora and I went on a little bender.” Your heart jumped into your throat. Did Abby and Nora...? A wave of jealousy rose from the bottom of your stomach, but you forced yourself to keep your calm, smiling at Abby as she continued.

“We spent every weekend at a different bar, and one of them was actually at The Closet. Nora was making out with a woman in actual overalls” - she snorted - “and I just hung out at the bar, drinking Long Islands and not brave enough to make eye contact with anyone. And then the bartender started talking to me.”

Suddenly realization dawned on you. You sat up and stared at Abby.

“Wait, Ellie? The short-haired one?”

Abby grimaced.

“Yeah. We talked for a while and I came back the next week with Leah and Jordan. They didn’t even notice I was spending a lot of time at the bar. Ellie and I met for coffee a few days later and I mentioned my dad and she got really quiet and strange. Turns out, she’s related to the guy that murdered my dad, so...”

You were pretty sure your heart stopped for a moment, all the air in your chest building up pressure as you tried to figure out how to breathe out. Abby noticed and gently guided you to lay back down, continuing to weave her fingers into your hair.

“It’s okay, Y/N. I’ll tell you the whole story another time. So yeah, Ellie and I. It was horrible, but we still stayed and talked for a while. She couldn’t tell me a lot about what happened, but she had no idea that I even existed and she was about to have a panic attack over it all. I helped her calm down and then she felt terrible for reacting so badly when it should be me panicking and I just told her that there’s nothing any of us can do now and we should probably leave it at that.” She sighed. “I hadn’t been to The Closet until a few days ago. I only came because I knew you’d be there.”

“Fuck, that’s terrible,” you mumbled. “I don’t think I could have gone back there. I’m still glad you did, though.”

“Me too,” Abby said, her voice gentle and honest. She leaned down to kiss you, deeply and passionately.

You stayed on the sofa for the next few hours, talking about school crushes and gay awakenings, about women constantly hitting on Abby and her being confused for a long time. She told you more about her relationship with Mel and you started to actually resent that woman. Who did she think she was? You told Abby about living with Leah and about your current research projects and she listened intently, asking a lot of questions about the art you were analyzing. You began diving into queer art and Sappho and your theory on the different languages of different social groups. Abby actually gave you some great new ideas and some good questions you couldn’t yet answer and you were actually beginning to look forward to writing tomorrow.

As the clock moved past midnight, it became clear you would have to leave at some point soon. Abby had to get up at 7 in the morning for a 10-hour shift, and you had stifled one too many yawns. You were cuddled up on the couch, kisses interchanging with long, deep conversations and more kisses.

“I can accompany you to the station,” Abby suggested as you looked up the departure times on your phone.

“You don’t have to. That’s sweet of you, but I’ll find the way.” You kissed her for her generosity, but she pulled back.

“Honestly. I don’t want you walking alone. I’ll go with you.” A sheepish smile appeared on her face and she did a tiny bow. “My lady.”

You rolled your eyes and got up, making your way to the entrance hall. Abby gently helped you into your coat and put on a black bomber jacket, a strange but hot combination with her fancy pants. She opened the door for you and you stepped out into the cold night together.

You held hands on the way to the station, stopping at every corner to make out, laughing together, and making plans for your lasagna night. You would come over on Thursday, promising to yourself you would finish all your coursework until then. Manny would come back on Friday, so you’d have the house to yourself again.

You arrived at the station way too soon, but your train was announced to arrive in two minutes. Heavy-hearted, you flung your arms around the tall blonde and she wrapped hers around your waist, lifting you up for another deep kiss.

“I can’t wait to see you again,” she whispered against your lips.

“I’ll even dress up next time,” you mumbled and she grinned at you.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in anything but jeans and a t-shirt. I’m excited.” Well, now you had to go shopping. Leah would be delighted to go with you.

You pressed a last kiss to Abby’s lips before unwrapping yourself from her arms as the train rolled into the station. As you stepped away, she caught your hand and pulled you back for another one, cheekily running her tongue over your bottom lip. You sighed and kissed her hand, wrapped firmly around yours, before stepping back and boarding the train. You waved at her through the window as you departed and watched her stand on the platform until she was out of sight.

Letting yourself fall into one of the seats, you pulled out your phone and texted your brother.

-We kissed!!!! Call me when you can

Then you texted Leah about shopping tomorrow, just able to send the text before your phone vibrated with a new message.

-You looked beautiful tonight. I’m the luckiest person in the world.

You tried to keep your squeal as quiet as possible. A woman a few seats ahead of you briefly looked up from her phone.

-Can’t believe I have a personal knight who will carry me wherever I want to go

The reply came in seconds.

-Anywhere and anything you want. Text me when you’re home!

-Can I text you before I’m home? I miss you already :(

You had to wait a few minutes before your phone vibrated again. This time, Abby was calling.

“Sorry, I was cleaning up and getting ready for bed.” She sounded a bit breathless.

“No worries,” you said. “What are you wearing for bed?”

Abby let out a surprised laugh.

“Really, now?”

“I’m serious. I want to imagine being with you.”

“Well, I’m wearing a gigantic black t-shirt with a ton of holes and boxers.”

You closed your eyes, envisioning Abby’s thighs straining against the hem of her shorts and the soft cotton of her shirt that you could bury your face in. She would smell like nature and like home somewhere far away.

“I wish I was there.” You noticed you were sounding desperate. Fucking hell, were you about to turn into a 13-year-old? You could hear the smile in Abby’s voice when she spoke.

“I wish you were here with me, too.” She paused for a moment. Then, “Do you want to sleep over on Thursday?”

“Uhm -” you had to think for a second, remembering you only had dinner plans for Friday with your mom. Before you could answer, Abby cut in again

“Fuck, am I rushing you? I didn’t mean - I just thought it would be nice, falling asleep together. But I totally get if that’s -”

“Abby! Of course I want to stay over!” You clenched your free hand into a fist, punching your thigh a few times in order to divert the explosion of energy inside your chest.

“Oh, thank god,” Abby’s shaky laugh was heart-wrenching. “I thought I messed up already.”

You stood up to exit at your station.

“No, not at all. I’d love to fall asleep with you.”

The way to your apartment was over faster than you wanted it to be.

“I’m home now. I think I should hang up, Leah is probably sleeping.”

“Yeah, don’t wake the monster.” Abby chuckled.

“Good night, Abby. Tonight was incredible.”

“Good night, Y/N. You’re incredible. Sleep tight.”

--

Author's note: Thank you so much for your comments and kudos! If you'd like to support me, you can buy me a coffee here

[stardancerluv]

Runs for Herself and Enjoys to the Protection

Summary: Things go awry for reader and her client. Roman has to make sure nothing like this happens again to his girl.

⚠️ 🛑 Special Note, Warning ⚠️ 🛑

— Since returning to work, I have been cursed out, screamed at...wished ill. This past weekend was no exception. So to work through this, I wrote this. Yes, for the story I made it more intense. I also based it off some horrible treatment I was at the receiving end of. Only, I sadly had no one but myself to fall back on.

So I am not trying to use anything in this for the sake of a story. Needed to get some feelings off my chest. (In the story there is...unwanted advances, unwanted & violent touches and mentions of blood, & a murder.)

“Come on beautiful, if you can give out to Sionis you can give out to me.”

“Umm, that’s not how it works.”

You shivered in disgust as you felt his fingers in your hair.

“If you can’t stop touching me, I will cancel the contract.”

“Listen, think of Roman and it won’t be so bad.” He laid his hands on your shoulders as he chuckled.

“That’s it. We are done here.” You turned to face him. “I’ll have my lawyer call you.”

Next thing you knew you were seeing stars in front of your eyes as you found yourself laying partially on the desk. You could only reason, you had bumped your head.

“Listen, no one has ever complained before.” He hung over you and licked his worm like lips.

“Get away from me.” You pleaded, kicking you landed on his knee. He howled in pain, that’s when you jumped down from the desk.

He grabbed you, “No you don’t.” He back handed you and then back handed you again. The pain exploded in your face and once again you were seeing stars.

You had to do something, you eyed the situation. You had to get away. You could do this. With all of your strength you pushed him. Tumbling back, you finally ran.

“Not so fast deary.”

He soon stopped you by grabbing your dress with one of his meaty hands. You fought, you to free your dress. Hope grew in you as the fabric began to give. The sound as it rip was loud and filled the entire room. With your heart hurting you continued to run.

Everything was a blur some of his men stirred from being hunched over a card game they were playing.

“Get back here. No one runs from me.”

“Louie grab her.” You ran faster.

You managed to get outside, you ran desperately to a cab you saw sitting at a red light. You practically tore open the door and slammed the door shut, you were grateful no one was in side. It was a struggle to calm your breathing enough to talk.

“Ma’am what are....oh damn. Um where do you need to go?”

You looked and saw one of the goons coming over. “Go, please go!” Luckily then the light changed and he pealed away. Thankfully the traffic was not so busy on the south side of Gotham. “Take me to the Black Mask Club.”

“Ok ma’am.”

You finally took a mental breath. Looking, at your dress, a chill came over you. You would not cry, you just had to get there.

Never had you been more relieved to see Zsasz smoking outside. His eyes grew when he saw you.

“Please pay the cabbie. I don’t have my purse.”

He took a long drag of his cigarette and nodded. “Sure.”

When passed each other he whispered telling you he was upstairs.

Inside you felt so hollow, so hurt. You had always dealt with all different walks of life in Gotham. No one ever did this. You slumped against the wall of the elevator. You didn’t dare touch your face, the pain was beyond belief.

You winced when the elevator dinged announcing itself. You questioned yourself the closer you drew to his office. Perhaps you should let it go and just call your lawyer cancel the contract. It was bound to happen dealing with all the types in Gotham.

“What the fuck happened? Look at me!” Barked Roman.

You shook, you heard him exhale and as he drew closer. How did he already know, but then you realized Zsasz probably texted him.

You looked up into the very hard face of Roman. His features were razor sharp in his anger. You could watch as his eyes softened.

“Oh baby.” You bowed your head as you felt his eyes move over you. Your view filled with him as he stood right in front of you. “Baby.” His voice was gentle despite the clipped under tone. “Don’t look away. We need to get you cleaned up and then I want you to tell me everything.”

“Ok.”

*******

The was cloth was warm and comforting as he wiped away the dried tears and blood. The fresh tears came when you finally saw your face. He drew you close and just held you. His heart beat hard and fast in his chest.

He held you out of the dress, which he told you he would bring to the incinerator. You would never have to see it again.

Later, dressed in something much more comfortable. He just held you and gently ran your fingers through your hair.

You were finally feeling better in a half dozy state after the roller coaster your emotions went through. You felt Roman stiffen as his phone buzzed in his suit jacket.

Blinking, you looked up at him, you watched as he swallowed. “I have to go and take care of this.”

You clung to him, you uncontrollably just buried your face into his chest. You wanted to disappear. His cologne, his solidness felt so safe.

“Baby, I’ll be back before you know it. I can’t let this go.”

It almost made you cry again when you realized he knew you were concerned about him.

Looking up, you sigh you closing your eyes as his hand gently held your cheek.

“You’re my girl. I have to protect you.”

“I know.”

******

After slipping his suit jacket back on over his holster you knew what he was about to go and do. You were not ill. You and Roman had been together for two years. Over those two years, good and bad things. He kept what he could away from you. It was his life, his business it was him managing his slice of Gotham.

You were there to love and support him. You were not clueless, what happened today was stepping over the line. With your business you were supposed to be able to move freely around. Being with Roman made you safer and gave you a freedom, you didn’t have before.

So after parting, you went to the window and waited. Downstairs the rolls was idling.

*****

He glanced up to the window and saw your silhouette. He waved then he slid into back of the car.

His blood was rushing in his ears as he made his way to bastard’s place. He has done some dark things, but seeing you. Watching as the bruises formed and marred your beautiful face he grew ill. No one his girl and would get away with it.

He did not call anyone else, he wasn’t going to get the permission of the others. It was time to act. And he was going to send a fucking message.

*****

Everything went smoothly, he just right in. Knowing, where to go he strode right up to animals office. He stopped just outside the door. He unholstered one of his guns. Faintly he heard giggling, it made blood boil hotter.

Turning the knob, he practically strode. He immediately saw the fuck sitting behind the desk with some bimbo perched in front of him on his desk. She screamed.

He took a breath and gestured with his gun. “Get the fuck out of here.”

She jumped down and ran.

“Here to punish me for what I did?”

Roman aimed and shot him in the knee.

“Yes.”

The man screamed in agony, blood blossomed between his hands has he held his knee. Roman, quietly came around his desk.

“What were you going to do if you caught her?”

The man looked up at him with a slimy smirk. “Enjoy her screams...” The rest was a gargle as he shot him in the throat. Blood splattered his face.

Roman holstered his gun as the man flapped, grasping at his throat. Zsasz walked into the room, looking over at him he smiled.

“Make whatever is left of his life miserable and painful.”

******

After canceling the contract, you desperately tried to distract yourself. It wasn’t working. You didn’t want to fret any longer so you took a hot bath and changed into a silken dress. You wanted at the very least look good for Roman. Your heart swelled greatly knowing that he was defending your honor.

You brushed your hair and dabbed a touch of make up on. Spritzing on some perfume and you began to feel worlds better. You were feeling considerably better after being comforted by Roman.

Going to the bar, you went and poured him a drink. You made yourself one as well. Lounging on the sofa, you were sipping on your drink when you heard the gentle purr of the Rolls.

You waited just long enough and then went over to welcome Roman home.

He looked as sharp as ever.

“Welcome home.” You said softly. “I’m sure you need this.” You handed him the glass of scotch as you looked him over.

“Thank you sweetheart.” A smiled played on his lips as his eyes moved over you. A sound of contentment came from him as he took a sip. He wrapped an arm around you and pulled you close.

“Let’s get you more comfortable.”

As you poured him another scotch, you watched as he settled comfortably in his over stuffed chair. Placing the drink down beside him, you saw the splatter of blood across his face. He patted his lap. “One moment, Romy.” Going back to the bar you grabbed a glass filled it with seltzer and a soft cotton cloth.

Coming back over you happily took a seat in his lap. “Oh? Where’s you holster?”

He shrugged. “Downstairs, so Zsasz can clean it for another day.”

“Oh, good!” You smiled.

He rose an eyebrow, “Did I get something on my face?” His lips wrinkled in disgust.

You nodded. “May I?”

“Of course.” He rest a hand on your thigh as you sat and he closed his eyes.

It wasn’t long before the seltzer turned a rusty red, as you dipped and rubbed the cloth across the contours of his face. You eyed how his lashes on rested on his cheeks and how relax his lips sat, incredibly kissable, your stomach fluttered. At the moment, you resisted the urge to finish cleaning his face.

His eyes opened, the blue was a turbulent shade. “He’ll never bother you or anyone again.”

“Good.”

“Y/N...”

“Yes.”

He squeezed your thigh. “I hate that you had to go through that,” He grimaced. “You are strong. I am glad you got back here so I could then take care of you.”

“I’ll always come home to you.”

He smiled and the mood shifted in his eyes.

“You’re my hero.” You whispered and finally you couldn’t resist his mouth any further and you kissed him.

You winced, pulling back.

“Allow me?” His lips curled delightfully.

Confused, you nodded. “Of course.”

Gently he kissed you but his lips didn’t linger their and your hear sped up as his lips drifted till they met your jaw. “I will always protect my girl.” He whispered in your ear.

@darling-i-read-it @spn-obsessed-dean @vintagemichelle91 @xxxeatyourh3artoutxxx @ewanfuckingmcgregor @zodiyack @angel98624 @frenchgirlinlondon @emyliabernstein @thepeachreads @nebulastarr @itsknife2meetu @omghappilyuniquebouquetlove @poe-kadot26 @babydoll97 @hazel-nuss @vcat55 @feelthemadnessinside @johallzy @foreverhockeytrash @frostypenguinoz @starwarsslytherin @professionalclown @chogisss @shantellorraine @xxinvisiblexx @blondekel77 @saphic-stories @drarrylov3r @i-cant-hear-you16 @deadlymistress24 @yesqueenofthelight @generallj @thebeckyjolene

[wooyounghwa]

sleep schedule . kang yeosang

description: your roommate is having a loud party late at night. someone’s come to tell you to cut it out.

warnings: smut, oral (f receiving)

words: 3.5k

the music from your roommate’s speaker had been blasting through the walls of your dorm for the past few hours. it was around 2 am now, and you were sure the students next door would have been tired of it if they weren’t all in your dorm, some passed out on your bed, some on the floor, playing spin the bottle with your roommate, mina, and a few were standing by where you were, waiting for drinks.

you’d somehow become the ‘bartender’ of the party, even though it was mostly just them handing you containers and you mixing cheap alcohol with one of the random sodas that you’d bought at the 7/11 down the street earlier that night.

you didn’t expect anyone to snitch on your party, considering most of the hall were in your tiny dorm with you, but the walls were thin, as were the floors, and you did live on the 3rd story.

the knock from the door wouldn’t have been heard at all if you weren’t right next to it, considering the loud music that drowned out even words you’d tried to speak to the drunk college kids who you had been spending the evening with.

someone had to keep mina in check for the few hours the party was going on, so you weren’t as drunk as she was, but you would admit to having a few of the concoctions you’d made that people had walked away and forgot about.

you stumbled – just a little bit – to the door and opened it, meeting the face of your ra, who did not look happy at all. his blonde hair was sticking in all directions, it was so long now that it almost reached his jaw.

he was hot as fuck.

he literally looked like an anime character that had come to life, perfect big eyes and gorgeous sharp lips and cheekbones, and all the girls in your dorm constantly talked about him, which he fully knew about considering the girls drank often and they were not subtle at all.

unfortunately, yeosang was prudish about his private life with all of you, he barely talked to any of the girls in your dorm unless it was serious. you remember the one time you spoke to him outside of move-in day and the couple of times he’d texted you to keep it down, you’d asked him to bring you a pad because you were in the dorm’s bathroom and his room was practically next door.

you didn’t get to see his face when he eventually came and gave you one, considering he only stuck his hand with a pad in it into the door of the bathroom, but the next day seeing him on the staircase was a bit awkward.

think ‘half a second of eye contact and yeosang turning around and going back up the stairs’ awkward.

you blinked a few times before your eyes dropped to what he was wearing, a plain white t-shirt and black gym shorts that went to about mid-thigh.

he looked dangerous. even with no shoes on.

“i’ve been listening to your music for hours,” he was practically shouting because of the volume of it, “i decided to give you the benefit of the doubt and tell myself that you’d go to sleep after a while, i even texted you but nope!” his face was flat and his voice was tired, so you were guessing he wasn’t too mad.

..at least you know no one snitched.

“look-“your voice was too quiet for that.

you stepped out, accidentally getting a little too close to him in the process before he stepped back, but you closed the door behind you.

“mina was having a bad night and wanted to drink a little, i didn’t think everyone on the floor would wanna join in on our little party.” you tried your best to look sheepish, but yeosang was too tired to put up with it. “plus i wanna sleep too. i’m not a party drunk – i’m a sleepy one.”

yeosang winced and backed up a bit more.

“so that’s why your breath smells like that.”

you furrowed your brows and blew into your palm, smelling your breath before the door opened up behind you suddenly.

the music flooded out along with mina’s small frame, and she clung onto you before looking up at your gorgeous ra.

“yesnag- yeo- you know what i mean..” she pressed a finger to his chest. “you’re hot. y/n is hot. you and y/n should definitely fuck.”

yours and yeosang’s eyeballs practically fell out of your heads at her random statement.

you had to admit, it wasn’t like you’d never thought about it, and sometimes thought about him when you had the dorm to yourself when mina was gone for the weekend. but it wasn’t like that in reality, he was just a cute guy who was older than you and way more responsible, he’d never go for anyone like you.

“tell you what- if you take her to your dorm..” she slurred her words and slapped a hand on your face without looking at you, making you yelp, you shoved her hand away. “i’ll turn off the music and make everyone go home.”

“mina!! shut the fuck up- “you snapped at her.

“okay deal.”

you whipped your head in yeosang’s direction after the 2 simple words left his lips, and even mina looked surprised. “wait, really?”

“you didn’t say what the rules were for taking her to my dorm, i just wanna go to sleep. i have a class in the morning. i can sleep on my couch.”

you squinted at him before shoving drunk mina off completely.

“you have a couch? unfair..”

yeosang rolled his tired eyes at you and tilted his head to his dorm’s direction.

“so, are we doing this? come on, i’m crashing as soon as i step foot into my room.”

mina wiggled her eyebrows at you, and you glared at her, poking her chest and gesturing to your dorm room.

“go tell them to leave now. and turn the damn music off.”

“fine, fine!!” she clumsily threw her hands in the air, something you had to dodge, and opened the door before stepping a foot inside. mina leaned back out to look at the two of you. “jus’ so you know.. if you come back tonight, i’m turning the music on full blast. jus’.. ya know.. a warning.”

you groaned and pushed her face inside the room, closing the door behind her. as soon as you did so, you heard her start to yell at your dorm neighbors, and you assumed she was gonna make the one - who could stand - clean up a little before they left.

the music then cut off suddenly, and the two of you were left standing in silence in the hallway.

yeosang turned his head to look at you, and you realized you’d never seen him up close like this before. his jawline was sharp as all hell, and you couldn’t see a single pore on his stupid perfect face.

“ready..?”

you didn’t know what you were ready for, but you were glad your headache was starting to fade now that she had cut the music off.

“i guess..”

yeosang started off first towards his room and you meekly followed behind him, hands crossed across your chest. now that you were thinking, the pair of you were wearing similar outfits, something you regretted now that you were here with the most gorgeous man you’d ever seen, but it was too late now.

he stopped in front of the door next to the bathroom, opening it after sticking in a key.

“you locked it when you were going out for.. like 2 seconds? really?”

yeosang sent a glare your way and stepped inside, letting the darkness envelop both of you when he shut the door.

you thought it was bad when you were in a silent, lit hallway with him, but now that the two of you were standing in a silent, dark room, your stomach churning, you were so nervous you could practically feel the sweat coming out of your skin.

“are- are you not gonna turn the light on?” you could barely see his outline after he moved across the room, and his deep voice split the silence after you spoke.

“i don’t see a point, we’re just gonna sleep anyway.”

“okay yeah, but i don’t know where anything is.” your words came out as a laugh at the end of the sentence, and yeosang’s silence told you that he was realizing he was an idiot.

you heard shuffling and then suddenly, warm hands were gripping your shoulders in the dark. your body jumped so hard you probably could have teleported to a different dimension, but yeosang laughed softly before patting your shoulder with one of his hands. the laugh was a soft, nice sound, and if you had been sober you probably wouldn’t have gotten so worked up about it, but you were tipsy, and the deep laugh sent chills down your body.

“let me lead you.” he started to walk with your shoulders in his hands, and you smiled to yourself since he couldn’t see you.

“don’t say things like that.”

yeosang snickered and you felt him squeeze you gently before backing you up onto his bed. the back of your knees hit the bed and you slowly lowered yourself to the mattress, letting one hand slide down yeosang’s arm, the other one reaching down toward his bed.

you had to admit though, the feeling of his muscular arm under your hand was very nice.

subconsciously as he started to walk away, you reached for him, and felt your hands brush against the seams of the side of his shorts. yeosang froze in place, and the tension in the dark room felt so thick now that you could cut it with a knife.

under your fingertips, you felt yeosang’s leg muscle flex a few times, like he was tensing up as he was thinking before he stepped toward you again. your cheeks flushed in the darkness and you yanked your hands toward your body.

“sorry.” your voice was small, and you opened your mouth to speak again when you felt yeosang’s large hand land on your jaw, fingertips first and softly so that he wouldn’t touch you too abruptly.

you held your breath when his fingers trailed from your jaw to the nape of your neck, pushing through the strands of your hair.

“yeosang..” testing to see what he would do, your hand reached out again towards his thigh in front of you. fingertips pressed against the hot skin just as he stepped forward once more, caging your legs in between his muscular ones.

“you know.. when mina said that..” you felt his other hand touch the opposite side of your face, rubbing over your cheek to the outline of your top lip, his fingertip barely brushed over it before you felt him breath softly on your face.

and now he was right in front of you. you felt like a deer in headlights. there was no way in fuck that kang yeosang was inches in front of your face right now. no way that you were sitting on his bed between his legs. “i haven’t stopped thinking about it since we left your dorm.” you swallowed when his breath ghosted over your lips.

“but, we don’t have to-“ he suddenly sounded unsure.

“i want to. you have no idea.”

he chuckled and got closer, brushing his lips against yours before pushing his head forward to close the distance, and you closed your eyes instantly when his lips touched yours. his lips were soft, moving slowly against yours for a few moments.

yeosang inhaled deeply through his nose before deepening the kiss quickly, pressing his nose against your cheek now that he kissed you open-mouthed, tongue swiping against yours, leaning against you enough so that you leaned back and fell against the bed.

he climbed on top of you, and you quickly moved your hands to his muscular legs, now letting your fingertips slide underneath the fabric of his shorts and feeling him tense under you. at your touch, yeosang lowered himself onto you, and you sighed at the weight of his body on top of you, subconsciously pressing your hips up toward him.

he hissed through his teeth once you did that, rolling his hips into yours in response.

you sighed against his lips and pulled on the band of his shorts, attempting to pull him closer. he got the hint and pushed one of your legs against your chest, pushing his hips into yours again, but at this angle you could feel his length through the thin material of both your pants better than before, it felt thick against your heat, and him stroking it between your bodies was driving you crazy.

slipping a hand down between you, your hand found his length and he groaned into your ear, making your whole body heat up. you palmed him through the gym shorts before your fingers found the band of his pants, slipping your hand into them and relishing the feeling of the hot, lean muscle of his stomach pressed against your wrist.

just a little further down and your grip found his length, you stroked it before swiping your thumb over the head, spreading his precum over the top.

“fuck- “he groaned into your ear, rolling his hips into your hand. yeosang quickly moved a hand down your body, from squeezing one of your breasts through your shirt, to ghosting over your pants and into your underwear. once his finger began to prod at your hole, you jerked, and he grinned in the darkness.

“sensitive?”

you pouted and gave his length a soft squeeze, before spitting into your hand and bringing it back down, stroking him better now that it wasn’t so dry.

yeosang reacted harshly, breathing shakily into your ear as his fingers tried to keep up with your hand which was wrapped around him. he paused repeatedly because of the pleasure you were giving him, his hand stuttering on its own while his fingers were inside of you.

he pulled his hand out of your pants and away from you suddenly, and you were about to complain when he pulled your shorts down your legs, your panties along with them. he moved between your legs quickly and licked a long stripe up your dripping heat, replacing his fingers from earlier with his hot wet tongue.

you gasped at the contact and rolled your hips against his mouth.

yeosang circled the tip of his tongue around the most sensitive part of your heat, moving his head so he could lap up the wetness of your entrance, he wrapped his lips around your clit and sucked softly, using his tongue to press against it. you whined and slipped your fingers into his long hair, pressing his face deeper into you.

he gladly accepted this, moaning into your wetness. yeosang pushed his tongue into your hole and began tongue-fucking you relentlessly, you could feel his hot muscle inside of your walls, and his nose pressing into your clit.

you moaned louder and your hips stuttered against his face. your legs began to close around his head, when he pushed them up against your stomach and sucked on your clit, flattening his tongue against your folds and tasting all of your wetness.

just when you thought you were about to come, yeosang pulled away from your entrance and moved up your body to lock lips with you, you felt your juices running all over his chin and that turned you on even more.

“lay, “you sucked on his bottom lip, “down” you pressed a kiss on his mouth quickly, “now.”

yeosang smiled against your lips and flipped over onto his back.

you climbed over him, slipping your fingers under his shirt.

“off.”

yeosang chuckled and leaned forward enough so that you could pull his shirt off him.

“kinda bossy.”

you smiled and pressed a kiss against his collarbone, moving down to circle your tongue around his nipple. yeosang hissed and moaned unexpectedly, slipping his hands into your hair, pulling your head back.

“i’m done playing. ride me.”

at his words your heat throbbed, and you obviously weren’t going to deny him that.

it had been nothing but darkness earlier, but now that your eyes had adjusted to the darkness, it was practically heaven looking down at shirtless yeosang underneath you, nothing but the moonlight shining onto his skin.

your fingertips danced over his toned chest before you pulled your shirt above your head, yeosang’s hands immediately going to grab your breasts, watching while you unclipped your bra from behind.

once the bra left your body, yeosang sat up and pressed his face to your chest, pressing your breasts together and sucking as much of one of them as he could into his mouth. you softly moaned and grabbed him by his hair, fingers holding onto the strands before pulling his head back so he would look at you.

it was a sight to see, his mouth slightly parted open, eyes cracked open barely but still staring into your face.

“i’m gonna fuck you now.”

“i’m fine with that.”

you grinned at him, and pushed yourself up enough off his lap so that he could push his shorts off. yeosang leaned to the side slightly, reaching for his side table. you knew what he was looking for, so you waited and watched as he ripped open a condom wrapper with his teeth, tossing it to the side to be forgotten for the moment as he rolled it down over his thick cock.

you lowered yourself down, moaning as you stretched around him.

“fuck, you’re big.”

“fuck, you’re tight.”

you chuckled and wrapped your arms around his shoulders finally lowering yourself down all the way and letting him bottom out inside of you.

“it’s been a while- “you winced and lifted yourself before starting to go back down, before yeosang thrusted his hips into yours. “fuck yeosang!”

he wrapped his arms around your waist, pushing you down onto him while he met your hips. you barely had to do any work even though you were on top, but yeosang was way more muscular than he appeared, his arm veins showed while he slammed into you, and after about a minute he just flipped you onto your back on his bed.

you squeaked and laughed, and he grinned back down at you, before stopping both of your smiles once he slipped back into your entrance. a soft groan left his lips and his speed increased to drill his hips into yours, watching as your breasts bounced the faster he went.

his hand raised from your side to wrap around one of your tits and wrap his lips around the nipple. you groaned and held onto his shoulders for dear life, you began to see white all around your vision, you could feel yourself tensing up around his thick length, but he didn’t slow down at all.

“fuck!” you shakily breathed into his ear and finally his hips began to show signs of stuttering because of your reaction to him. you felt powerless under him like this, your knees were pressed up all the way to your chest and his weight pressed down onto you perfectly, but you wouldn’t have it any other way.

yeosang lifted his head to look at you, a fucked out looked in his brown eyes. you reached up and pushed his long hair back out of his face, whispering his name over and over like it was a prayer. he brought his brows tightly together, dropping his head against your shoulder. his hips stuttered again, and you could feel his thighs tensing under yours.

“fuck, fuck, fuck, y/n” he pushed inside of you and stiffened, letting his orgasm take over his body, emptying himself into the condom inside of you.

the two of you sat like that for a few moments, yeosang simply trying to catch his breath. he was heaving on top of you still, both of your skin was sweaty, and you were practically stuck together like this. you weren’t complaining.

he pulled himself out of you, looking down at the condom as he tied it and threw it in the same general direction as the wrapper.

“guys are gross..”

yeosang laughed and laid back on top of you, pressing his face into the crook of your neck.

“i’m just gonna stay like this, if that’s okay with you. I think it’s time for bed now.”

you nodded against the top of his head, wrapping your arms around him once again.

“that’s perfectly fine with me.”

[bnhabadass]

Stoner Head Canons Part 2

A request from my dear friend @mhastories​. Congratulations on 1,000 followers, love!

Head canons for Sero, Kaminari, Mina, Shinsou, and Dabi getting stoned.

Parings: Sero x reader, Kaminari x reader, Mina x reader, Shinsou x reader, Dabi x reader Warnings: Marijuana use

Sero:

If you ever wondered what Sero’s room smelled like, it’s probably some sort of exotic incense scent. You know, to cover up the weed smell.

The two of you are chilling in his room. He’s at his desk rolling the joint. You’re lounging about in his hammock.

The way he licks the joint is so enticing to you. You watch as a string of saliva connects his lips to the paper before he finishes rolling.

“You want the first hit?” he asked.

You nod enticingly as you reach for the joint.

He hands you a lighter that has is the same colors as his hero costume. He probably ordered it special online.

You put the lighter up to the joint and the joint up to your lips. You breathe in, sucking the drug up and hold it for a few seconds. When you finally breathe out, smoke leaves both your mouth and nose. Your eyes are already bloodshot when you open them.

Sero grins at you, his smile wide as ever and he hasn’t even taken a hit yet.

“You know,” he said before putting the joint to his lips and taking a hit. “You’re pretty sexy when you’re on drugs.”

“I could say the same about you.” You poked your finger against his chest as you felt the drug start to kick in.

The two of you spent the night playing Mario Kart and eating stale popcorn while watching movies.

Sero is the kind of person you would want to spend the night in with when stoned.

He knows how to have a good time without leaving the comfort of one’s bed.

If you’re feeling a little nauseous from all the food or you’re dehydrated, he’ll stop everything he’s doing to take care of you.

“I’ll make you some tea.” “No don’t get up.” “Want me to rub your shoulders for you?” are some of the most common things he’ll say in this situation.

He’s definitely someone you’ll smoke with often.

Kaminari:

He’s already an idiot, even without the weed.

Sero gave him some of his stash after begging for a while.

It was the weekend meaning you were allowed to leave campus. You and the other girls were at a restaurant when you got a text from Kaminari telling you to come to his dorm when you get back.

You were intrigued as to what he had in store for that night, and to be honest a little worried.

When you did get back you noticed that his room smelled like a Spencer’s Gift Store and more like a dispensary.

“So,” Kaminari said. “Wanna smoke up?”

Smoking with Kaminari isn’t very interesting until the weed really hits him and he goes crazy.

He’s really giggly. Everything makes him crack up.

He tried playing with his uvula. He almost threw up and you had to pull his hand out of his mouth.

He chills out after a while and the two of you were laying on his floor listening to music and just staring up at the ceiling.

There was a moment of existentialism that the two of you shared.

“What if we don’t make it as heroes.”

“I’m not good at anything else so we better make it as heroes.”

“Exactly! Like we’re pouring our heart and souls into this education and what if it’s all worthless.”

The moment stopped when you remembered a video you saw of a woman falling off a horse.

The rest of the night was spent watching Sea World fail videos.

Mina:

She’s really wild whenever she smokes.

She’s a fan of stick and poke tattoos, and will always try to convince you to let her give you one when she’s high. Either that or dying your hair. Basically any body modification she wants to do on you.

Sometimes she can get really emotional under the influence.

You guys watch a lot of shöjo anime while high. It always makes her cry, even when it isn’t a particularly emotional moment.

“(Y/n) they just love each other so much!!!”

If you guys are feeling super brave you might go downstairs and try baking something together. But most of the time you’ll eat all of the junk food she’s been hoarding in her room.

Conversing with sober people while high is really fun, so sometimes you guys will bother Bakugo together. He hates it so much because he’s usually trying to sleep, but let’s say he’s on the couch in the common room.

You guys go up to him and start poking his face with twinkies and other foods.

“WILL YOU ASSHOLES QUIT IT!”

The other girls don’t usually partake with you two. You got Jiro to join you guys once, but other than that it’s just you two, a fat joint, and a box of hostess cupcakes.

Shinsou:

Purple haze. That’s your nickname for him for obvious reasons.

He prefers indica blends. They calm him down and make it easier for him to fall asleep.

He can get super emotional and clingy if he smokes too much.

“(Y/n) you love me, right?”

“Of course I do, babe.”

“Right but you love me, right?”

Cuddling with Shinsou is one of your favorite things to do while stoned. He’ll rest his head in your lap and you’ll play with his wild hair, rolling it between your fingers. Sometimes you’ll be spooning in bed and the two of you just love feeling your bodies pressed against each other.

His favorite munchie snacks are wasabi peas.

You guys have even created a game out of it. You throw the pea at him. If it lands in his mouth that’s fifty points. If it gets stuck in his hair that’s twenty five. If it gets stuck in his clothing that’s ten.

You end up missing his mouth by a longshot because, well, you’re high.

You have wasted a lot of food over the months of smoking together.

Dabi:

“You wanna hit?”

You were surprised when Dabi handed you the joint he’d been smoking at the bar, but you took it nonetheless.

You sucked in and reveled in the sweet burning sensation that hit your lungs.

You didn’t realize this at the time, but Dabi thought that watching you take a hit from the joint and exhale a long stream of smoke was the sexiest thing imaginable.

He drank in your body, and he told you that you should take another hit when you tried to hand it back to him.

The next thing you know, the two of you are going on a wild-ass adventure through town stealing shit, drinking, burning people alive. The usual for him, but it was a whole new experience for you.

“It’s about time we ruined your innocence.”

You liked being his little accomplice that night. You and Dabi hadn’t really interacted much before then, and after getting high with him you never wanted the night to end.

It did end, however, when the two of you were kicked out of a Walmart (or at least the Japanese equivalent) for attempting to steal a bunch of food. I don’t blame you though. You guys had hella munchies.

[snakeboistan]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHIOTA NAGISA

Thank you, Nagisa, for showing me that being kind and gentle doesn’t mean that you’re weak and also that the parts about you that you hate can be turned into your greatest weapon. You have been a role model for me for the past four years and I strive to be as wise and caring as you. Keep doing what you’re doing, you adorable little assassin, we’re all so very proud of you. 😍😊

Yes, I know that Nagisa’s birthday is during Summer break but shhhhh

(25 unread messages) 

Akabane Karma: Hey there Nagi :) HAPPY BIRTHDAY BLUEBERRY! I can’t believe you are officially older than me. But don’t get your hopes up, just because you’re my elder, doesn’t mean that I will start listening to you. Just to show you how awesome I am, I decided to stay up late so that I can text you exactly at 00:00. But for real, I hope you have an awesome day and I promise to beat up anyone that ruins it for you ;) Nagisa, you are honestly the most amazing person I’ve ever met and you’re seriously like such a sweet and kind and honest and good person and I have no idea how someone as nice and forgiving as you ended up befriending someone as crazy and violent as me. You’re the only person who's never been scared of me and even though you hate violence you still stood by me and never tried to change me and you liked me for me. No one’s ever liked me without expecting me to change and I’ve never felt as comfortable being myself with someone as I have with you. Can’t wait to see you at school today - I got you a present. No I won’t tell you what it is and yes, you’ll definitely love it. See you soon.

Sugino Tomohito: Happy Birthday Nagisa! Hope that you have fun today! I just want to tell you that you are the best best friend that I could ever ask for and I am truly grateful for everything that you have done for me. When I first got kicked down to 3-E and was forced to leave the baseball club, I thought that it was all over but you came along and was the first person to actually sit down and listen to me and you offered to practice baseball with me and honestly, that really made my day. Dude, you are like this amazing blue ball of kindness and like seriously you are brilliant but you don’t nearly give yourself enough credit. I don’t know where you get your low self esteem from or what it is that makes you think that you are worth so little but I promise to remind you that you are cared for every single day until your next birthday and for the rest of your life. Okay, that probably sounded super weird but it’s early and my brain is like 60% baseball memes at this point. At first I hated losing my baseball friends and getting sent to this abandoned building on top of a death mountain but meeting you has made me realise that our crazy assassination classroom™ is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. From the day I’ve met you, you’ve been nothing but loyal and caring. You are the person I can talk and rant to and you’ll never judge me and you always know how to make you smile. And honestly, you are worth 1000 baseball teams. Don’t let your mother get you down. See you in class! Oh, BTW, my little brother says Hi.

Kayano Kaede: HIIIIII NAGISA! HOPE YOU HAVE A HAPPY BIRTHDAY FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART! I got you a gift and I hope you like it and no it’s not pudding but you will be getting some cake from that cafe we visited over the weekend. It’s not easy being the new girl and ever since I’ve joined the class, you’ve been nothing but an awesome best friend and you have always been by my side since the day we decided to have matching hairstyles (which might I say looks so much better on you than it does on me - UNFAIR!) I hope the rest of the year is filled with pudding and happiness and sweets and smiles and everything else you love 

Nakamura Rio: Happy birthday to our resident blueberry cinnamon roll! Have a wonderful day ‘Gisa. I’m sure you will when you see what I have in store for you ;). You are seriously the most mature, innocent, pure little bean I have ever met - and definitely the most fun person to play pranks on! Dont worry, as the birthday boy, you shall spend 24 hours completely prank free. Yes, yes I know, I’m the best classmate ever. Dont need to tell me something I already know, sweetie. See you later, my fellow English lover!

Maehara Hiroto: Yo, dude, Happy Birthday! Hope you have fun and enjoy what we’ve got in store for you (no hints!). Like seriously you are legit the most awesome person ever cause you’re so sweet and innocent and can turn into this super awesome secret badass whenever you want to. Youre like the class therapist/medic/person we can always rely on and you never complain when we drive you crazy (cause I know that we do). I’m super proud of you man. Never change Nagisa. See you at school. (BTW - We still up for karaoke next week?)

Isogai Yuuma: Happy birthday Nagisa! Hope you have a wonderful day! I can’t wait to see you in class later. When my siblings found out that it was your birthday, they insisted that they make you a card.You are an irreplaceable member of our class and I’m so happy that you are part of it. Seriously, if it wasn’t for you and your ability to calm people down and talk people out of doing whatever crazy idea they came up with, I’m pretty sure I would’ve lost my mind. You’re always smiling and always participate in class without complaining and you always see the best in everyone. Keep on doing what you do Nagisa, the world could use more people like you. ( Oh and come to the cafe later, I got an iced bun on the house for you)

Fuwa Yuzuki: AAAAAHHHHH HAPPY BIRTHDAY NAGISA! CONGRATULATIONS ON SUCCESSFULLY SURVIVING THIS LONG ON EARTH! OOHH IM SUPER EXCITED FOR YOU TO SEE WHAT I’VE GOT YOU! Thank you for always going along with and listening to my crazy anime/manga rants even when you have no idea whats going on. It’s so much fun hanging out with you cause youre chill and youre always up for anything and apart from Takabayshi you’re the person in the class that get my references the most. Youre an amazing main protagonist and you deserve all of the screentime and lines you get - heck even your own spin-off show. For someone who loves heroes so much, youre doing an amazing job of being one yourself. Youre the best Watson a Sherlock like me could ever ask for and a really good friend for this manga obsessed Otaku! Love you and see you later!

Kataoka Megu: Happy Birthday Nagisa. I hope that you enjoy the rest of the day. As someone whose job is to watch over our … interesting class, having you around makes everyone else bearable. I’m sure that if you aren’t here to keep the peace I would’ve murdered Okajima months ago. You have always been really respectful and kind and I appreciate having someone as hard-working and loyal as you in my class. I always enjoy having our talks about equal rights and you have always been like a little brother to me (honestly, I prefer you over my actual older brother). See you later and please continue to stay the way you are.

Okano Hinata: Hey there Nagisa. Happy Birthday! How’s it going, little dude! Hope you enjoy yourself and have lots of fun today. Thank you for being one of the only boys that I can actually stand. You are such an amazing person to have in the class and you’re amazing at being someone that we can all come to when we’re upset. Plus you let us brush your amazing godly hair (seriously I’m jealous at how nice it is). If any main campus kids try to ruin this special day - come to me and I’ll sort them right out :)

Kurahashi Hinano: HAPPY BIRTHDAY NAGISA! I HOPE YOU HAVE LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS OF FUN TODAY AND EVERY SINGLE DAY OF YOUR LIFE! CAN’T WAIT TO SEE YOU SO THAT I CAN GIVE YOU YOUR PRESENT IN PERSON AND THE BIGGEST BIRTHDAY HUG EVER! YOU ARE AN AMAZING PERSON AND I (AND EVERYONE ELSE) LOVE YOU SOO MUCH OKAY I HAVE TO GO NOW BUT BYEEEE 

Kimura Masayoshi: Hey Nagisa! Happy Birthday! Can’t wait to see you at school! 

Mimura Kouki: Happy Birthday Nagisa :) wish you the best :)

Yada Touka: Happy Birthday Nagisa! I hope you have a fun-filled day! You are a really sweet and nice person and I enjoy hanging around with you - especially when you join us girls on our girl trips to the mall. You’re like a little brother to me and I always feel comfortable when I’m with you. Love you and hope you have a nice day <3

Takabayashi Koutarou: Happy Birthday Nagisa. I hope that you enjoy yourself.

Hayami Rinka: Happy Birthday Nagisa

Okajima Taiga: Happy Birthday Nagisa. You are such an incredible person to have in the class. And thank you for always saving me from the girls when they get mad at me. Hope you have fun. I was going to give you some really cool magazines but when the girls figured it out they slapped me and said that they’d tie me up in the middle of the mountain and leave me there if I did so I’m just gonna give you something else that I made (with Sugaya’s help). I’ll show you it at school - I hope you like it.

Kanzaki Yukiko: Happy Birthday Nagisa. I hope you have a nice day and thank you for being such a good and reliable friend. See you at school.

Yoshida Taisei: Happy Birthday Nagisa! I’m so sorry for the grenade incident earlier and I am so happy Koro-Sensei saved you. Also like you are one tough guy, you know that right? Cause what happened with Takaoka, man you couldve beaten any of us up with your eyes closed any time. Stay awesome dude. See you at the mountain

Hara Sumire: Happy Birthday Nagisa. I’ve made some sushi just for you. I hope you like it. As your official unofficial mother, I hope you have fun today and I can’t wait to see you later. 

Sugaya Sosuke: Happy Birthday Nagisa. Thank you for being around and seeing the good in all of us even when we don’t see it ourselves. You always know how to inspire us and you are going to be an awesome grown up when you’re older. You always appreciate everyone and you know exactly how to pick us up when we’re down. I hope you like your present (you’ll get it later)

Okuda Manami: Happy Birthday Nagisa! I hope you have a wonderful day today. I just want to say thank you for being my friend and always encouraging me and helping me. You always know how to cheer me up and include me. See you at school.

Chiba Ryuunosuke: Happy Birthday Nagisa

Hazama Kirara: Happy Birthday fellow literature lover. I really enjoy talking about gothic literature with you - your analysis of themes and context is always very insightful and interesting and I enjoy spending time with you. If you ever need to escape, you can always come to me. PS - my offer to curse your mother is still up.

Muramatsu Takuya: Happy Birthday Nagisa. Hope you have fun. I made you some ramen (don’t worry its not my dad’s recipe so you’ll be good)

Terasaka Ryouma: Sup Shiota, Happy Birthday. I just want to say that I’m really sorry for being an a**hole and treating you like a jerk - especially forcing you to wear that grenade at the beginning of the year. You’re really good at assassination and you’ve got some serious moves. I dont really know what to say but you can always hang out with my gang whenever you want.

[plaidbooks]

Helping Others - an EDL Bonus

A/N: This is the second bonus chapter for Everyone Deserves Love. This takes place in the middle of chapter 12, but can be read before it. Just a date night that doesn’t end as planned...in the words of Rafael Barba, “no means no.”

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Tags: implications of smut, mentions of panic attacks, the briefest implication of child abuse (blink and you miss it)

Words: 2k+

Taglist: @the-baby-bookworm @beccabarba @thatesqcrush @itsjustmyfantasyroom @stardust-fray @averyhotchner @permanentlydizzy @mrsrafaelbarba @dianilaws

Devon walked down the hallway towards Barba’s front door. Their original plan was to spend last night together, into the morning, then Devon would leave to get ready for a fancy dinner that Barba had set up. They had been dating for four months now, but this would be their first real, public date, his work gala not included. They disclosed their relationship a couple weeks ago—well, Barba told McCoy; Jenkins didn’t really care, as long as it didn’t interfere with Devon’s work—and this was their first day that they were both off work. Most of their “dates” had consisted of either takeout, or Barba cooking an amazing meal, and them chilling at one of their homes, cuddling on the couch, watching whatever was on tv. Or the rare occasion when they went for a stroll in the Park. Both of them were slightly annoyed at not spending much time together. But they were not annoyed at each other. Never at each other.

Devon smiled as she made it to his door, using her key to unlock it and slip inside. Barba had mentioned coming to pick her up at her place, but she didn’t want to wait. We hardly see each other as it is; why deprave ourselves of even more time? she reasoned to herself. She closed the door silently, listening for where her boyfriend may be. She heard the faint sound of water. Shower still? We’re going to be late…she thought, shaking her head; Barba really could take forever getting ready. But wait a moment, she froze, hearing something else, barely audible over the water.

No way, she thought, sneaking down the hallway as best as she could in heels. Thank god for carpeted floors. She slowly opened his bedroom door, creeping in, trying to force her ears to listen harder. Sure enough, being this close to the bathroom, she could hear him clearly now; Rafael Barba was singing. In the shower.

She grinned, not in a teasing way, as if she caught him doing something embarrassing. Quite the opposite; he sounded…good. Better than good. She was actually shocked at how amazing his voice sounded. She felt her heart soften, her very soul melting as she fell more and more in love with him with every raise of his voice. Almost in a trance, she moved to his bed, perching herself on the edge, and listened.

Devon heard the water turn off, but his voice didn’t lessen. She couldn’t place the song; probably something from one of his theater plays he loved so much. Barba’s voice was muffled briefly—Devon assumed he was wiping his face with a towel—before he continued. The doorknob between the bathroom and bedroom finally twisted, door swinging open. Barba came strolling into the room, towel hanging off his hips, chest still slightly damp, voice still booming. That is, until he saw Devon sitting on the bed, smiling dreamily at him.

He jumped, swearing rapidly in Spanish, before saying, “god dammit Dev! What are you doing here?” He was panting and clutching his chest; it was such an animated response, Devon had trouble not laughing at him.

“I missed you,” she replied innocently, sticking out her bottom lip.

Barba regained his composure, moving to his closet to find clothes to change into, his face turning beat red. “We literally saw each other two hours ago.”

“That was two whole hours ago!” she whined. “Besides, forget that; why have you never told me you could sing like that?”

He dropped his hands to his side, refusing to look at her. “You must promise me that you’ll tell no one about that, okay?”

Devon was stunned at how serious, how sad he sounded. She got up from the bed, moving to lean against his side, uncaring that he was still damp, wrapping her arms around his bare waist, resting her chin on his shoulder. “But Rafi, you’re so good. Why hide that?”

He sighed heavily, turning to look Devon in the eyes. This close, their breath mingled, and Devon thought for the millionth time about how pretty his green eyes were up close. “Because, Hermosa,” he breathed. “That’s all behind me. A path closed off when I was a child. I…I don’t really want to talk about it right now, so can we just drop it? Please?”

“Of course,” Devon murmured back, kissing his shoulder. Questions still buzzed around in her mind, but she squashed them down; he’ll tell her when he wanted to. If he wanted to. And she’d be ready when that day was. “Now hurry up and get ready—you take forever.” She ran her nails over his back teasingly as she pulled away to wait by the bed again, and she saw him straighten, eyes darkening slightly.

“Do that again, and we’re going to be late,” he practically growled. He looked at her, eyes raking over every inch of her body; Devon was in a simple black dress, hem resting just above her knee, neckline plunging low, and hair swept up, exposing the soft skin of her neck.

She winked at him. “Take any longer, and we’re going to be late as it is. Besides, I like the idea of seeing you riled up all night. I feel like it may be worth my while to wait until after dinner.”

Barba chuckled, picking out one of his “fancy” suits, one that he swears is different than his court suits and his weekend suits, even if Devon thinks they look the same. “Fine, have it your way,” he said, voice dropping an octave. “But know that two can play this game.”

She could already feel warmth travelling south. Oh, she knew he was a master at this game, knew that he would most likely win it, too. But that didn’t mean she was going to go easy on him. She laughed lightly, heading to the door. She smirked when she heard Barba groan; he had just found out that her dress was backless, scars on proud display as well as exposing the back of her bra. From the wisps of black lace and hint of red roses that he could see, he knew that she was wearing his favorite pair of lingerie.

 *************************

Amazingly, they made they dinner reservations on time. Barba wasted no time in making his first move; as they exited the cab, he placed his hand on the small of Devon’s back, his warm touch shooting electricity through her. The rough pad of his thumb rubbed circles into her soft skin. This is going to be a long dinner, Devon thought, trying not to think about what else that hand was capable of doing. They entered the restaurant, the hostess leading them to a secluded table. It was lovely; a short vase with two roses were in the middle of the table, a candle lit next to them. The table was next to a window, giving them a view of a small park, couples walking through, huddled together. Barba pulled out Devon’s chair, then scooted her in when she sat, before seating himself. He chose an expensive wine from the wine list, then poured her a glass after the waiter dropped it off.

Devon knew that Barba loved doing this; he loved treating her, giving her things that he thought she deserved. Even if Devon was content with curling up on the couch with popcorn and watching a shitty movie. But he indulged in her ideas of “dates,” so she would indulge in his. Her only real problem was navigating the menu; everything on it seemed 1) too pricey and 2) too rich a palette for her…delicate tongue—the fanciest cuisine she had eaten before was when she put her Chinese takeout on a real, ceramic plate. She went with the safest option she saw on there; some sort of pasta in a reduction of something or other.

“It’s nice going out on a real date for once,” Barba commented after the waiter had taken their order and left them alone once more. He reached under the table, hand brushing against her knee, pushing her dress up slightly.

“I’d agree with you, but with how handsy you are tonight, it seems like you would’ve liked to stay in more,” Devon grinned back, covering his hand with hers and squeezing. He turned his hand over, clasping hers.

“We always stay in. Maybe I want to show you off.”

Devon raised her eyebrows in mock offense. “Oh? And who are you showing me off to, if I may ask?”

Barba smirked back. “Why, all of New York, of course.”

Food came and went, Devon and Barba talking about work things—no one was close enough to hear any of it—before switching to other, more mundane topics. At some point, Barba’s hand had resumed its spot on her knee, the pad of his thumb rubbing soft circles in the skin.

“God, you are beautiful,” Barba murmured over the low-burning candle. He moved his hand higher, fingertips brushing over the skin of her inner thigh.

Devon gasped, eyes fluttering for a moment. “Rafi,” she breathed out. He chuckled low when he felt her spread her legs a little more under the table. Right then, the waiter came up; thank god for long tablecloths.

“Would either of you be interested in dessert?” the man asked. Barba looked to Devon expectantly, but from the lust evident in his eyes, she knew his answer. You’re dessert, he practically screamed with his eyes.

“I’m good, thank you,” Devon said, smiling politely to the waiter. Before the waiter could respond, Devon’s phone went off. She glanced at it before answering “Motely.”

The waiter passed the bill to Barba, thanking them for coming in tonight, and left. Barba looked at Devon, who was looking concerned while listening to whoever was on the other end of the line.

“I thought we agreed no work things tonight?” Barba whispered to her in a huff.

“Hold on a moment,” Devon said before covering the receiver. “I know, baby; I’m sorry. I need to take this. I’ll be right outside, okay?” Barba nodded solemnly. She returned the phone to her ear. “I’m still here.” Devon stood and made her way out of the restaurant.

Barba paid the tab, then decided to give Devon some time, just in case she was still on the phone, so he went to the restroom before making his way outside. He searched the front until he saw Devon, standing a little way away from the entrance, leaning against the wall and talking in a hushed voice on the phone.

“—no, really, it’s totally fine that you called me; I’m actually glad you did! You can always call me. No, yeah, that’s why I gave you my number. Never be afraid to call me, okay? And if I don’t answer, just leave a message, and I’ll call you back as soon as I can. I promise…. No, you’re not bothering me, it’s fine, really. Are you sure you’re feeling better? Okay…okay good. Yeah, yeah I want you to call her tomorrow, okay? I’ll check in with you tomorrow. Okay, bye,” Devon hung up and leaned her head back against the wall behind her.

“Everything okay?” Barba asked, concerned.

She sighed, shaking her head slowly. “I hope so.” She stood up straight. “I’m sorry, I know we said no work things, but that was…an old victim, from an old case. She was in a child sex trafficking ring that I helped break. She was 11 when I found her; she must be 17 now. But, she has really bad anxiety and depression. She has a therapist, but she called her twice and couldn’t get a hold of her and she was having a panic attack and she still has my number so she called me and so I had to talk her down and—”

Barba wrapped his arms around her, pulling her flush against his chest. “It’s okay. I understand,” he whispered against her head, placing small kisses there. All the annoyance he had felt left him as he held her, focusing instead on how pure his girlfriend’s heart was, at how much she genuinely cared. He stroked the back of her neck with his long fingers, releasing some of the stress built up there. They stood like that for a few moments, Barba gently rocking them back and forth until Devon’s sobs stopped.

“This was supposed to be a night for us, and then I ruined it,” Devon mumbled into his chest.

“No, Cariño. You didn’t ruin anything. You help people; that’s what you do,” he murmured back. She pulled herself impossibly closer to him. God, did she love this man…and hate her work. Sometimes. Only sometimes. “Come on, let’s get you home.”

He led her to the street, waving down a cab. Once in the backseat, Devon voiced the other concern that was in the back of her mind. “I’m…uh, I’m sorry, Rafa, but I don’t think I’m going to want to, uh, do anything tonight. I…it was a really bad case…the things they did to that girl….”

“It’s fine, Hermosa. You never need an excuse with me. In our line of work, especially, you should know that ‘no’ is perfectly fine with me,” he put a hand on her knee, squeezing it lightly. Devon leaned into him, resting her head against his chest while he stroked her hair, whispering how much he loved her.

[flyingkiki]

Curiosity, Chapter 8

Well, this got interesting. *looks around nervously* 

~

“Mary Johnson, 46, born in Steel City, her family moved to Gotham when she was seven. Her father, Chester Johnson, was a real estate agent who was reassigned to Gotham. He died of cancer when she was 12. Her mother, Francine, eventually remarried a couple of years later to a guy name Carl Tomson. The three of them lived a pretty straightforward life. Mary has been in Gotham ever since, never moved once. She’s a veterinarian, owns a local practice in downtown Gotham and has zero bad reviews on Yelp. She likes animals, enjoys spending her weekends at the park, catching the latest movies at the cinema, and bowling,” Tim paused as he looked at the Batcomputer. Throwing both Raven and Bruce a wry grin he shrugged. “I pulled the last bit out of her Tinder profile.”

Raven crossed her arms and cocked her head to the right, and gave Tim an amused look. Bruce made a dismissive sound at the back of his throat. Switching her gaze to the smiling middle aged woman with ash-blonde hair, green eyes and horn-rimmed glasses, Raven found it hard to believe that this woman was a die-hard follower of the Church of Trigon. She looked more like a mother from a Sunday school.

“Apparently, aside from her interests in animal care and parks, Mary seemed to have a keen interest in the occult. In her junior year of college, she heard of a cult that was gaining popularity among the underground scene in Gotham. Long story short, Mary met Brother Blood, joined the church, and helped him grow the church, and prepared whatever it took to summon Trigon onto earth,”

Raven frowned and stared at the pictures of police reports that appeared on the Batcomputer. “How come she was never caught? We never saw her when the Titans took down Brother Blood,”

Tim’s brows furrowed a bit and his blue eyes swept over the huge screen in front of them. “She somehow escaped capture when the Titans took down the church. When all records were in custody, there was no record of a Mary Johnson anywhere in the church,” Tim replied. He pressed a few more keys on the computer. “Just a Lilith Morningstar.”

“Of course,” Raven pushed herself away from the railing she was leaning against with a loud huff of annoyance. Folding her arms across her chest, she walked up to the computer and looked at the grainy image of a middle aged woman dressed in a black robe looking at something off camera. Leave it to the fanatics to take on aliases related to Satan. “Wife of Lucifer,”

“She used Lilith as her alias all throughout her time with the Church of Trigon,” Bruce said. “Explains why there is no trace of her.”

Tim nodded. Typing on the computer, he pulled up pictures of Mary – Lilith – from different locations throughout Gotham and with varying timestamps throughout the span of 20 years. “I’ve run a face recognition scan through the city’s CCTV network. She’s been frequenting a couple of old bookstores and underground locations that are more popular among occultists,” explained Tim.

Raven stared at the multiple reports and images blown up on screen. She turned to Tim with a surprised look on her face. She knew that Tim was an excellent detective, but she did not know that he was that good. Didn’t he say earlier that he was up at three in the morning? “You pulled up all of this information at three in the morning? How are you even awake?”

Tim waved his coffee mug at her and grinned as he heard Raven snort softly at him. “Sleep is for the weak,”

Bruce frowned, ignoring the banter and keeping his eyes focused on the screen. “Do we know why she is trying to recreate Trigon’s summoning?”

“From what we gathered she wants to finish what Brother Blood has started,” said Raven. “The church promises that Trigon will purge the world and offer them sanctuary. His followers will live in his cleansed world with everlasting life.” She frowned and folded her arms tighter over her chest. “Or so the promise goes,”

“This is the warehouse district Frank mentioned,” said Tim as he pulled up an image of an old rundown warehouse. “I’ve been tracking movements within the district and within the last 48 hours, there’s been only one person who entered one of these warehouses,”

They watched as hooded person appeared of screen and walked up to one of the old warehouses. The figure opened one of the old rusty doors and slipped through them. “Whoever that was stayed there for a 68 minutes before leaving again but this time they got a companion heading out,” Tim sped up the video and they watched as two figures stepped out of the warehouse and walked off screen. Tim paused the video and looked over his shoulder at Raven and Bruce. “That’s one empty church, if you ask me,”

Bruce frowned and stared at the screen. “Pull up the underground layout of the district. Check if there are any underground structures or tunnels under that warehouse,”

Tim hummed and typed in a few commands. “Way ahead of you, B. Oracle and I pulled up the plans up underneath the warehouse. There’s a tunnel system that’s about a 600 meters deep and leads to a bigger hall with a couple of rooms,”

Raven frowned and stared at the blueprint. A chill ran down her spine and her fingers dug into her arms. She suppressed whatever memories that bubbled dangerously under her steely resolve. “Probably one of the older church halls from Brother Blood’s time,” she said.

Switching to the blueprint of the main warehouse, Tim pulled up details of each point of entry. “There’s a couple of windows at the east and west wing of the warehouse, if we enter from the forest side tonight. There are beams and parts of the roof that caved in, that provide good enough coverage for us,” Tim began to play through the structural details of the warehouse. “Entrance to the underground hall is somewhere to the northwest of the warehouse, we’ll have to find it – it should be likely hidden in the flooring or through a door in the back wall,”

Tim continued to pull up a few more plans and live footage of the warehouse. “I’ve programmed the system to send out an alarm for any movement in the area. Oracle is doing another structural scan so we have a better idea of the underground layout.”

Bruce nodded, satisfied with the details presented. “We’ll head out tonight during patrol,” He offered Raven and Tim a brief look. “Good job you two,”

Raven titled her head at Bruce, lips quirking slightly. “Tim was the one who barely slept,”

Tim chuckled and waved his hand absently. “Who needs sleep?”

“Someone who is going head on with a group of people who have a knack at summoning inter-dimensional demons,” Raven rolled her eyes and sent him an amused smile.

“Concerned?” Tim grinned swiveled his chair in her direction. He threw her an amused grin.

Raven made a dismissive sound and turned on her heels. She ignored the brush of his emotions against her. Sending Bruce a quick glance, she stuffed her hands into her (Tim’s) hoodie. “I’m going to do some reading and meditate. I’ll see you later tonight?”

Bruce nodded. He checked his watch and pushed himself away from the railing he was leaning against. “Right. Tim and I have a board meeting. We’ll be back before dinner and we can discuss plans before we leave for the warehouse.” Turning to Tim he eyed him expectantly. “Better get ready, we leave in 10,”

“Board meeting before we take down a church that summons inter-dimensional demons. Bruce Wayne keeps a very interesting social calendar,” Raven sent Bruce an amused smile as she passed him on her way out of the cave.

Not waiting for a reply, she slipped out of the cave and silently walked through the hidden pathway that connected the cave to the manor. Emerging through one of the hidden doors in one of the many sitting rooms in the manor (why Bruce had so many was beyond her), Raven towards the library. After the morning briefing, she didn’t feel particularly hungry for breakfast anymore. She hoped Alfred would understand.

Picking up some of the books she and Tim had been reading over the last few days, she slipped into the deeper corners of the library away from their usual reading space and settled into one of the reading corners at the back of the library. She needed some secluded alone time for herself. Settling into the plush reading chair, Raven pulled her feet under her and comfortably leaned back. Exhaling softly, she tried to release the tension that had settled around her shoulders.

Cracking open the book she had been reading, Raven tried to focus on the text in front of her. However, after rereading the same paragraph five times and still not understanding a single word from the passage, she closed it with a frustrated sigh and closed her eyes. Her head thrummed softly, a whisper of a headache crawling under her skull.

Raven was fairly certain that they’d be able to see this little ragtag church of her father’s at work tonight. From what they gathered so far, they stood a fairly good chance to put an end to this circus by tonight. A few words from the text swam in front of her eyes, sacrifice, death, gem, and she knew that there was absolutely no need for her to read anything more about the Church of Trigon – she already knew everything there was.

Folding her legs into a lotus position and placing the book into her lap, Raven’s fingers curled absently into the old tome. The edged of the book bit into her fingers, grounding her. Her mind reeled briefly as hot, stifling fire consumed her thoughts. Somewhere in the distance she could hear the chanting, Scath, Scath, Scath, and a distant strangled cry. She felt the sickeningly familiar text of Scath dance across her skin and singe her flesh. The curved script pressed into her arms and legs, and slowly burned her torso. Her lungs burned from the heat of fire all but consuming her –

“We need the gem.”

Raven inhaled sharply, allowing cool air to fill her parched lungs, and she quickly opened her eyes, eyeing her surroundings wildly for a brief second. She pushed the tome out of her lap involuntarily and sunk heavily into the plush cushions to calm herself down. A wave of irritation hit her as she thought of how easily the church got under her skin. She should have a better handle over the situation.

Closing her eyes and seeing the fire burn at the back of her eyelids, Raven sore she was going to burn the church to the ground tonight.

Getting into a comfortable lotus position, Raven exhaled softly and slipped into her meditative trance. This should help her ground herself and prepare her for later tonight.

She’ll be fucking damned before Lilith would get the best of her.

“Raven?”

Purple eyes snapped open sharply and quickly focused on Tim as he stood at a safe distance away from her. Feeling like the last dredges of Nevermore slip away from her consciousness, Raven blinked at Tim, who looked like he came fresh from work as he was still dressed in a business suit. How long had she been meditating?

“Alfred says you haven’t had breakfast or lunch,” Tim crossed his arms over his chest and eyed her curiously. “It’s past three in the afternoon,”

“Oh,” Raven breathed softly and unfolded her legs under her. Her leg muscles tingled from being kept in the same position for so long. “I didn’t notice the time,”

Tim tilted his head and watched Raven arrange some of the books in front of her on the table. “Alfred wasn’t sure if he could interrupt you for lunch,”

“Hmm,” Raven hummed softly. She threw him an amused look. “And you could?”

Tim chuckled softly and uncrossed his arms, visibly relaxing. “Well, I can dodge whatever attack you might throw at me a lot faster than Alf,”

Raven eyed Tim in his suit skeptically. It was ridiculous had good he looked in a suit – how come he did not walk around in a suit more often like Bruce did? Seriously. Bruce Wayne’s adult children could fit into a Men’s Health magazine easily – they probably did at one point. “I’m not sure you can in that suit,” she teased.

Tim snorted ungracefully, putting his public image as CEO of Wayne Enterprises to shame. He watched her stand up from the couch and pick up a book from the floor. “You’d be surprised what I can do in this suit,” he said playfully and threw her a grin. Raven released a small bark of laughter and Tim blinked as his brain finally caught up with him. “Okay, that sounded wrong.”

Raven hummed softly, trying to hide her smile as she gathered the books she had been trying to read earlier. Moving around the table with the books in hand, she joined Tim by the end of the bookcase aisle. “I’m a bit hungry. Do you think Alfred would mind if we get something to eat now before dinner?” she asked.

They began walking through the old bookshelves filled with old books. “He asked me to get you to eat something. I want you to eat something,” Tim told her. He shot her a concerned look when she did not respond. “Is everything okay?”

Raven stopped and looked at him curiously. “Everything is okay.”

Tim crossed his arms and stood in front of her, looking down at her with a calculating eye. “You missed breakfast and lunch. You at the very least would have had some tea. You’d rather not make Alfred worry by missing his meals. You walked off right after our morning briefing. And you ignored the messages I sent you today,” He raised an eyebrow at her and titled his head just a fraction of an inch. “Shall I continue?”

“Stalker much?” Raven pressed the books against her chest and raised her eyebrow in challenge.

Tim shrugged his shoulder nonchalantly. “I’m a keen observer.”

Raven rolled her eyes playfully at him. When she saw that Tim’s gaze was unrelenting and he was expecting an answer from her, she sighed softly. “Look, it’s nothing. This whole case has been getting under my skin and it’s just frustrating me,” she replied. She looked away from Tim and purposefully stared at some of the old books a couple of rows down as she felt her skin crawl unconsciously. “I thought I was done dealing with my father and his henchmen. The idea of someone else trying to do what Brother Blood did just throws me off. I told you last night, it just gives me bad memories,”

Tim’s drawn eyebrows relaxed and he looked at her with concern. “Hey,” he said and gently placed his right hand on her tense shoulder. “We’ll get this done tonight, no more Church of Trigon and no more crazy followers trying to summon inter-dimensional demons. We’ll get this done for your mother, I promise,”

Raven looked up at Tim and felt his warm emotions brush against her. She sighed softly and relaxed her shoulders. He was right, they would get everything in order tonight and this would be all over. She threw him a small smile. “Thanks,”

“Excellent,” Tim beamed and he took a small step towards her. “I for one want this over and done with so I can take you out on a date after this. You’ll go on a date with me, right?”  

Tim knew that whatever was going on between him and Raven was still pretty new. And while he knew that Dick was going to beat his ass for starting a relationship with one of his teammates (because getting this close to each other was definitely not part of the mission plans), Tim absolutely knew that he wanted to spend more time with Raven, even if it meant if he had to spend time in Jump once in a while. He could at least take her one date in Gotham before she had to go back to Jump – and then they’d have to figure something out from there. Would she even –

“You think way too loudly, Tim,” Raven raised an amused eyebrow at him. The corner of her lips raised lightly in amusement.

“Oh,” Tim released a breathy chuckle, embarrassed. Of course, Raven was an empath. He chuckled sheepishly and absently ran a hand through his long hair.

“I’m a boring date,” Raven said, tilting her head just a little bit at him. She felt the familiar press of his emotions against her and she silently sought more of it.

Catching her teasing tone and easily feeling the atmosphere shift around them, Tim laughed softly and crowded her personal space. Dropping his gaze to her lips, he ducked his head just a little bit to level her gaze and he watched in satisfaction as her eyes widened a fraction of an inch and her breath caught in her throat. Gently cupping her jaw, he drew her closer and he smiled.

“You’re anything but boring, Raven,” Tim whispered softly to her.

Raven felt that familiar, satisfying purr of emotions inside of her as Tim’s warm emotions practically wrapped themselves around her. Her eyelids dropped softly and she watched as Tim hovered so close to her. “Oh?”

As Tim crowded her space, Raven felt herself get drugged by the delicious press of their emotions. The familiar smell of sandalwood overwhelmed her senses and Raven felt the all too familiar press of lips against her own. Humming softly in satisfaction, she gently leaned into the kiss, silently asking for more.  

Somewhere in the back of her mind Raven wasn’t sure how she’d ever be able to explain to Dick, her team leader who had 100% faith in her that she would not fuck this mission up, that she had somehow completed the mission he had asked her to work on and come back with a potential relationship with his brother. She wasn’t sure if she was overachieving or asking for trouble. She faintly wondered what Batman would think.

But that, like her earlier worries over Lilith and her father’s church, did not seem to matter right now as Tim continued to kiss her. Raven felt the gentle swipe of his thumb against her cheek as he titled her chin to get better access. The kiss was gentle and needy, nothing like this morning’s hot and frenzied kisses. Theses kisses warmed her body and had her seeking for more.

Tim gently pulled back and inhaled softly, relishing her tantalizing scent of lavender. Staying within her personal space, he stroked her cheek once more and smiled as he watched her hooded eyes look up at him. “So?” he whispered gently. “Is that a yes?”

Raven blinked through the haze and gave Tim a confused look, which he thought looked cute. “Hmm?”

Tim chuckled and offered her a smile. “A date. Tomorrow?” Grinning triumphantly, he tucked a few stray strands of purple hair behind her ear and pulled away fully. “I take that as a yes?”

Taking in the twinkle in his blue eyes, Raven teasingly quirked the corner of her lips up at Tim. “Careful, you’re getting cocky,” she teased and slipped out of his arms. Side stepping him, she threw a small smile at him over her shoulder. “Will you wear a suit again?”

Tim’s eyes widened in amusement as he watched her walk towards their reading table and drop off the books she was carrying. Tim was sure he was imagining the light sway of her hips as she walked towards the table. He grinned brightly at her as they resumed walking out of the library. Giving her a sly grin, he leaned into her just as they were about to exit the library. “So you like the suit?” his voice held a playful tone in it.

Raven snorted and nudged him away with her shoulder. “It looks nice,”

Tim threw her another teasing grin. “You said I looked nice, I’ll remember this,” he said with a lilt in his voice.

Raven rolled her eyes at Tim in mock annoyance but secretly enjoyed the attention. “I said the suit looks nice,” she replied as they entered the kitchen. “Don’t put words into my mouth,”

“That’s what she said,” Tim grinned.

Raven narrowed her eyes at Tim in warning as they caught sight of Alfred standing dutifully over two steaming mugs and a plate of, in Raven’s opinion, the most beautiful sandwiches she had ever seen. Cyborg would be jealous. Stopping by the kitchen island, she offered Alfred a small smile.

“Miss Raven, you missed breakfast and lunch. I am glad that Master Tim was able to convince you to finally have something to eat,” Alfred sent her a stern look as he watched the two settle by the kitchen island.

Raven offered Alfred an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry, Alfred. I must have lost track of time,”

Alfred looked unimpressed, obviously having heard the same excuse throughout his lifetime at the Wane Manor. “I’ve prepared some light sandwiches for you, these should tide you over until dinner before you all head out. This family has a tendency to forget the essentials of partaking in meals on time before breaking up deadly crime rings,” blinking at the pair once, Alfred continued. “I expect you all for dinner later before you decide to put an end to a church that summons inter-dimensional demons. It’s a terrible idea to go out on missions on an empty stomach,”

Not waiting for their reply, Alfred stepped away from the kitchen island. After brushing off some imaginary lint from his right sleeve of his suit, he straightened and cast them a long look. “Now if you will excuse me, I will tend to our garden before starting dinner,”

Raven watched Alfred step out of the kitchen before staring at Tim with a surprised look. She watched Tim take one of the beautiful cucumber sandwiches. “Is he always like that?” she asked while watching him take a bit out of a sandwich. “That’s mine,”

“Since I was a teenager,” Tim shrugged and gave her an amused smile, completely ignoring her and picked another small sandwich. “He’s made it a mission to get Bruce and everyone else to eat on time,”

Raven plucked one of the cucumber sandwiches from the tray and took a bite. Her stomach churned painfully after finally getting something into it. She forgot how hungry she really was.

“Where’s Bruce?” she asked Tim, giving him a curious glance. She took a sip of Alfred’s special English tea which Raven had come to enjoy over the past few weeks. She faintly wondered if Alfred would be kind enough to share the recipe with her.

Tim nursed his cup of coffee and picked up another small sandwich from the platter. “Wrapping things up at the office. Our board meeting lasted a bit longer than we planned, I left as soon as I could,” he answered.

“The Wayne’s certainly keep a very interesting social calendar,” commented Raven.

Tim snorted and threw her a wry grin. “You should see us during budget season,”

Raven looked at Tim in amusement before finishing up her sandwich. “I can’t imagine what it’s like juggling crime fighting and managing a multi-million-dollar business,” she said.

Tim hummed loudly into his coffee mug as he finished the last of his coffee. Placing the mug on the kitchen island, he shrugged absently. Balancing his day job and their nightly activities was pretty tiring, especially when reporting to the office after a particularly bloody night out. After years of working with Bruce, both as Red Robin and as Senior Management at WE, Tim had gotten a handle of managing the demands of both jobs. Though, he’d love to get a day (or maybe a week) off. Perhaps Raven would be interested in going on vacation with him? Europe, maybe? He mentally shook his head; he was getting way ahead of himself.

“Scheduling can get a bit messy,” joked Tim. He leaned back in his chair and stared at the curious Raven. “Bruce was able to do it for years. When I joined, I guess I just got engrossed into everything and I haven’t slept since,”

Raven raised an eyebrow at him. “That can’t be healthy,”

Tim laughed and nudged his empty coffee mug away with his fingers. It slid across granite countertop. “Tell that to my obsessive work ethic,”

Pushing her chair back and standing up, Raven eyed him curiously. “Well then, I guess your obsessive work ethic won’t mind we go through tonight’s plans one more time?” she asked.

Chuckling, Tim followed her suit and they made their way out of the kitchen. “I was hoping you’d say that,”

Throwing a teasing look over her shoulder as they approached the old grandfather clock in the living room, one of the many hidden entrances to the cave, Raven’s purple eyes danced. “You sure?” she asked, a teasing lilt in her voice. She felt the curious press of Tim’s emotions against her. “And it’s not me hoping your obsessive work ethic won’t mind a day off tomorrow for a date?”

Reaching over her shoulder to type in the code into the hidden panel of the grandfather clock, Tim threw her a wide smile. He got a soft whiff of her lavender shampoo, and Tim was sure that he could get used to the warm scent around him. “So that’s a yes to tomorrow?”

The door to the cave opened with a soft swish. The noise barely covered Raven’s chuckle. “Let’s put an end to my father’s church, and then we can talk about tomorrow,”

“Gladly,”

~

The evening was muggy and warm as Raven stood hidden in the shadows of one of the warehouses. As a soft breeze hit her, she could smell the impending rain. She just hoped it wouldn’t rain while they were taking down Lilith and the church, it was always such a bother to fight in the rain. Purple eyes scanned their marked warehouse in front of her, trying to catch any movement. Batman and Red Robin were on their way with the Batmobile and Tim’s motorcycle.

Raven watched the trees by the forest rustle as another silent breeze swept past. An uneasy feeling settled in the pit of her stomach as she considered how things may turn out tonight.

“We need the gem.”

Raven released a shuddering breath as the whispers of her dreams brushed against her mind. She had bad feeling about tonight.

She felt Batman and Red Robin approach her position and she looked over her shoulder to see both men jump onto the roof silently from out of nowhere. It always amazed her how for humans, Batman and his team moved with such graceful stealth.

“Anything?” Batman asked when they joined her at the edge of the roof.

“I don’t sense anyone inside right now,” Raven answered, her purple eyes glowing faintly as she stared at the old warehouse in front of them.

“Entrance is northwest of the warehouse. We can go in now,” Red Robin tapped a few buttons on his computer on his arm. Closing the program, he dropped his arm and looked at his companions. “Shall we?”

Raven nodded and they sprang into action, silently taking off from their hiding place on the rooftop and jumping onto the roof of the old warehouse they’ve been staking out. Flying over to the forest side of the warehouse, Raven spotted the windows Tim briefed them on and slipped through the broken window. Batman and Red Robin easily followed her.

From their vantage point on the second floor landing, the warehouse was bare save for some old wooden crates lined up in the far corner. It was dark, except for the yellow light of the lamppost that streamed through the broken windows. Raven scanned the empty warehouse warily, drawing her body into her cloak involuntarily as the silence settled around her uneasily. It smelled musty and the whole warehouse creaked softly in the soft summer evening wind.

She eyed the rusty warehouse doors up ahead of her. She faintly wondered if her mother passed through these doors years ago?

“Here,”

Tim’s voice was soft in the night and Raven turned around, surprised that Batman and Red Robin had slipped down the landing and were crowded over a trap door hidden behind a few crates.

Flying down the landing silently, Raven joined the two men. Red Robin pulled open the trap door and the smell of incense overwhelmed her senses. The uneasy feeling in her stomach churned angrily. Quickly exchanging looks with Batman and Red Robin, she nodded and instantly released her soul self, wrapping the three of them in the dark matter. This would allow some form of protection over them while they slipped through the cavern.

Quietly walking down the stairs of the trap door, Raven kept her eyes trained in front of her. The cavern was empty and sparsely lit by torches that licked the stone walls. She could hear nothing except her own breathing. How could the GCP have missed this place when they first took down Brother Blood?

After a few more minutes of walking and taking turns through the cavern, they eventually found a door up ahead. Light streamed through the cracks of the door. As they approached, Raven quickly cast a glance over her shoulder and caught Batman and Red Robin’s eyes. Nodding silently, she turned back to the door and briefly touched the basic steel door. No one seemed to be behind it.

Gingerly touching the door, Raven took a surprised step back as it slid open with a soft hiss under her fingers. The heady smell of incense assaulted her senses once more as they stepped into the large, warmly lit hall.

The hall was built like a church, several pews lined up and facing a white, marble altar. They tentatively entered the hall, their bodies tense and alert for any movements. Torches lined the stone walls that emanated an ominous glow over the church. Dark wooden beams ran over the walls and arched under the ceiling. Dark red markings ran along the cobblestone floor that lead towards the altar. Above the altar, the mark of Scath was etched into the wall. It glowed darkly down on them as they cautiously approached the large altar.

“Well, shit,” Red Robin breathed next to her.

Raven felt her insides freeze and she drew herself deeper into her cloak as her emotions bubbled under her skin. There, in the middle of the white marble altar, stood a little white picture frame and a bronze dagger next to it.

Staring up at them from the picture frame was a picture of Raven.

[slash-em-up]

A Second Chance: A Logger Fic

Ben gets a second chance to make a life for himself.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

1951

Ben grimaced at his shabby reflection in the store window.

Despite his best efforts to clean himself up in the river earlier today he still looked more like a bear than a man.

His beard was patchy and uneven; having been cut with a knife and the reflection of his small hand-mirror instead of a proper razor and scissors. He probably should have done away with it altogether; but the recollection of the men in the logging camps calling him ‘baby-face’ and ‘sweet’ stayed his hand. His brown hair was overgrown and hung in shaggy curtains over his ears; and the single spare outfit he was currently wearing looked like it had spent the day being beaten against a rock and sun-dried.

Probably because it had.

But after… three, maybe four weeks in the woods it was the closest to sane he could make himself look.

Only slightly rabid… Still, more likely to be arrested for loitering than not.

He pulled his coat tighter and shivered against the chill night air. His legs and back ached from the weeks of near constant travel. His best guess was that he was about a hundred miles from the site of his massacre, and he hoped that was far enough. The heavy pack over his shoulder was readjusted, and the tall man continued down the street.

The small Washington town was one he vaguely remembered having traveled through on his way to Seattle once or twice. Not much more than a main road and a handful of cookie-cutter suburban homes. A clinging relic of the past centuries mining operations and the last decades of logging.

Ben thought it was charming, in the way that most people unfamiliar with small-town living often do.

A vending machine filled with the local newspaper caught Ben’s eye, and he made his way over - quickly scanning the front page for anything pertinent to his search for information.

Nothing. No article or mention of anything untoward in the state besides the usual problems that came hand-in-hand with society.

This allowed the man a sliver of hope; but reason told him that nearly a month past in a small town miles and miles away might not be the best temperature check for his situation.

The sound of a heavy door opening brought Ben back to the present, and he involuntarily tensed as a pair of drunk-looking men stumbled out of a building across the street then shambled down the sidewalk.

Now there was a thought.

Swiveling his head from side-to-side, Ben stepped into the street and crossed. He glanced at the neon-sign covered window displaying a multitude of alcoholic beverage names as he approached the building the men had just exited.

The large wooden bar doors had an enjoyable weight to them, Ben thought as he stepped into the dark interior of the building… and upon inspection, he found that was about the nicest thing he could say about the place. A man sitting beside the door - assumedly the bouncer, although the three other patrons in the open room seemed far too drunk to offer any resistance if they were to be escorted out - gave Ben a once-over as he moved further into the bar before flicking his magazine back open and continuing to peruse the pages.

The walls were a mess of more neon interspersed sporadically with posters of scantily clad women drinking one of the advertised beverages. A dart board near the back of the room hung sadly askew against a ply-board wall.

Ben grimaced at the feel of his boots sticking to the cheap carpet covering the floor.

An old rifle sat entwined in the antlers of a mounted deer’s head over the back wall behind the bar; and Ben raised a brow at what looked like a pipe stuffed in the poor animals’ mouth.

An older man in a stain-covered apron approached Ben as he took a seat at the bar, jacket catching on the rough wood covering the top.

He didn’t seem the least bit concerned at Ben’s raggedy appearance, and silently the younger man concluded that he probably wasn’t the first odd ball to cross his path tonight.

“Evening. What can I get ya?”

Ben dug around in his jacket pocket, producing a crumbled $5 bill, which he placed on the counter before answering.

“Whatever whiskey’s on well. Double. Neat.”

The bartender nodded, grabbing the money from the bar and moving with practiced ease to pull a slightly cloudy glass and a bottle from behind the bar; pouring the alcohol before returning to place it in front of Ben.

The logger sipped the glass silently, contemplating how to frame his inquiry to the bartender before he jerked back as a massive grey head popped up over the bar and barked straight in his face.

“Roosevelt!! DOWN, god dammit!!”

With a whine and a sad look, the gigantic dog dropped his paws off the bar and trotted around the structure; coming to a halt beside Ben’s stool and sniffing him curiously.

Ben’s lips twitched in a small smile as he offered the large animal his hand to smell.

The bartender looked exasperated as he returned to the loggers’ side.

“Sorry about him. He’s friendly, just doesn’t know when to stop being a pest to customers.”

“Not a problem…” Ben murmured, clearing his throat before continuing, a bit louder this time. “… Nothing wrong with a friendly dog.”

He scratched Roosevelt behind his floppy ears, making the dog close its eyes in bliss as its long pink tongue lolled out.

Smiling, the bartender refilled Ben’s glass, which had sloshed across the bar when he’d jerked away from the sudden canine appearance.

“What brings you to town?”

Ben paused, thinking through the question, before deciding that as close to the truth as he could get would be the best way to play this.

“Passing through. Looking for a place to settle for a bit.”

The older man chuckled.

“Well, congratulations on finding us. It’s a little remote up here unless you’re moving through to Spokane.”

“Seems like a nice town.”

The man nodded.

“It is, it is… Been on the decline over the last few years as the mines started to close; but the logging keeps us afloat.”

Ben contemplated his next question.

“… Any problems with the loggers? Looked pretty quiet coming in; but you hear stories…”

Another chuckle.

“I don’t think a big fella like you has anything to worry about; but no. Generally, they only come down on the weekends looking for a drink. Otherwise the town’s mostly left to its own devices.”

Roosevelt huffed and placed his head on Ben’s thigh. The grey-haired man smiled down at the dog as Ben continued to slowly rub his soft ears.

So, nothing, that was surprising… and good… it wasn’t exactly a fool-proof inquest; but if the bartender didn’t know anything about the killings, Ben didn’t want to be the one to bring it up.

“He likes you… Yup, we’re just a couple of old men tryin’ to keep the bar afloat. Ain’t fancy; but it’s honest work. Right, Roosevelt?”

The dog’s ears perked at the sound of his name and he let out a small ‘whuff’ against the fabric of Ben’s pants.

Ben laughed lowly at the dog’s antics, then lifted his gaze to grin at the older man.

“Sounds pretty good to me.”

The bartender extended a hand over the expanse of the bar.

“I’m James; but most folks around here call me Jimmy.”

Smile growing a bit wider, Ben reached over and shook the man’s hand.

“Ben.”

Jimmy released Ben’s hand and set his own firmly against the bartop.

“Well, Ben, let me be the first to officially welcome you to town.”

“I appreciate that, Jimmy… You wouldn’t happen to know where I could get a bed for the night, would you?”

Jimmy huffed, looking vaguely annoyed before nodding.

“I do. There’s a little hotel a few blocks down… but I’m gonna tell you right now, looking like you do, Arlene - the lady who runs the place - won’t let you in the door much less rent you a room.”

Ben hummed. He thought that might become a problem at some point.

“That’s alright. Just have to wait and visit the barber tomorrow…”

Hopefully the rain would hold off until the morning so he could get a dry night’s sleep. One more night in the forest wouldn’t kill him.

Jimmy’s mouth pressed into a line and he seemed to be contemplating something as he stared at Ben.

“Am I right in assuming you’re gonna be looking for work around town?”

Ben blinked.

“Yeah…?”

The older man tapped his fingers a few times against the bar as he continued to watch the younger man.

“Alright. Here’s the deal. I need a hand doing the heavy lifting around here - I’m not getting’ any younger - and in exchange I’ll let you crash in the back room until you find a place of your own. Sound good?”

Ben straightened up, looking seriously at the man.

“…What’s the catch? That sounds a bit too good…”

Jimmy laughed.

“Trust me, it ain’t. The back’s colder than an ice-chest and the hours are long… but like I said, it’s honest work. I’m puttin’ an awful lot of faith in you that you won’t just get drunk and bolt once I close up.”

Ben’s brow furrowed.

“Why? You don’t know me.”

“Roosevelt likes you… and sometimes you gotta have a little faith in people. Let ‘em surprise you.”

The logger’s mouth opened, ready to let the man know that was the dumbest thing he’d ever heard before he paused. A memory of his mother, back before she’d gotten sick, surfaced in his mind. He recalled her telling him something similar - that was something she’d always tried to instill in him, even as a child… Faith in people.

Ben clenched his fists under the bar.

The last decade had done a number on any modicum of ‘faith’ the young man had. Death and loss and violence were what he saw. Faith was for the blind. But maybe… once more… for Rebecca…

“Alright. Deal.”

Jimmy smiled broadly, slapping his wrinkled hands against the bar.

“Good! Glad to have you on, Ben.”

The brunette nodded, letting a small grin slid over his lips as Roosevelt began to thump his tail loudly against the thin carpet.

Maybe this would work out after all.

[punkwithpaints]

The Rammstein Magic!AU no one asked for

Sorry this is kinda Richard heavy. I originally was just going to use him as an inspiration for a single character, but the deeper I went for his character, the more I started pulling in the rest of the gang until I decided it was easier to call it an AU. This is absolute word vomit and spit balling an idea, but I’d love to hear what you think and some feedback! Pardon the rambling and sorry if this makes zero sense.

 Richard: Alright, so, basically he can summon spirits/entities things like that. He knows about the forest’s darker secrets. Think of those spooky writings that are like “If you’re in the woods and hear 3 knocks, knock back but leave immediately.” Like, this fucker knows every old spirit, good, bad and unknown that go through the forest. He knows all the do’s and don’t’s and people come to him when they manage to get curses put on them or their families. He also knows about monsters that lurk around at night and other things.

With summoning, it’s a skill where at first it’s overwhelming since he starts to see and hear spirits and all that, so it’s a hard power to learn. Most summon animals or things that are living, not the dead. Most people’s minds can’t handle the added effect of seeing and hearing that stuff constantly.

He goes to churches or houses that people are like, “Uh, What is happening in this place?”. And he can strut in, look around and be like, “lmao that’s a demon, I see you fucker.” And he’s gotten so good at summoning that he can kinda reverse uno whatever it is, causing to it to be able to be seen by everyone else as well.

Problem is, when he first started learning, he got cocky and ended up fucking around with something way stronger than what he could handle at the time and basically got possessed. For years he is basically a dick. He’s dangerous, reclusive, hurts his friends and those around him, yadda yadda. Finally, he has enough will power to try and stop this thing, but the only way he knows how to get rid of it is to kill himself. Because without a living soul/body, the demon has nothing to feed off of or a place to stay. So he attempts by trying to slit his wrists, however, the demon is so impressed with his willpower and determination he offers a deal. It basically says, “Listen, I’ll make you a deal. You will have free will over your body and mind, but I get to stay.” Fine. Demon doesn’t let him die, heals his wounds, but there are scars obviously.

Richard now has a demon inside him. Fantastic. Richard and the demon can converse back and forth. So, Richard will be like, “Yeah, looks like you’re dealing with *insert demon thing here*.” And suddenly his voice will change and the demon is like, “I don’t know, it seems more like *other demon thing*”. Freaks people out pretty bad usually, if they aren’t expecting it. Richard also has a regular eye and a blind eye. Regular eye is just a regular eye, but his other blind eye is what gives him the ability to see the spirits. It’s like a right of passage for his type of people, where they have to blind one of their own eyes somehow.

ANYWAY

With the demon inside him, the demon has the ability to bring things back from the dead. Hence why Richard was able to come back after attempting to kill himself. Technically speaking, Richard is sorta permanently dead but living. I considered giving him no heart beat but I’ll get back to that in a sec. So, Demon and him slowly start working together where he lets the demon influence and strengthen his summoning powers and summon the actual dead as well as see them. Now he has necromancy.

When the demon made his deal, he tells Richard he can summon him if he needs him, but it’s gonna be hella taxing. Richard has to summon him exactly as he did the first time. AKA, slit his wrists to activate it. So, demon would take back into control causing Richards magic to get stronger by God knows how much. Obviously, he can’t do this very often or for too long, but if shit really hits the fan, this could help him make it out alive. I mean, the demon really doesn’t want to lose his flesh home.  I’m thinking this is where the heart beat thing comes into play. Where he’s sorta half dead, his heart would stop when he activates the demon to take over.

  Till: TILL. THIS GUY. So, I figured where Till likes the water/swimming/animals so much, he’d live at the edge of the forest by the ocean cliff sides. He’s specialize in familiars and mythological creatures. Like, he’s BFF’s with the local sirens and mermaids. He’s the opposite of Richard. Till has the magic that I forget the name of but it revolves around communicating with animals, knowing what the area is saying through them, that kinda stuff if that makes any sense. He likes growing special and rare herbs for potions and rituals. He’s pretty quiet and doesn’t like being around people, so he keeps his magic on the down low usually and spends his time talking to the sirens and mermaids, creatures/animals around him. Tends to his garden and such. He sells it at the weekend markets where he does fine since he’s one of the few that can offer certain herbs. I think he would have a shapeshifting ability or have a familiar he could change into. I’m thinking a bear or a griffin. Druid-ish????

Although Till loves the water, he’s actually specializes in pyromancy. He doesn’t use it too often, since he keeps his magic mainly hidden, but hey, he can start a camp fire or his stove with it, so that’s nice. He loves to gossip with the mermaids and sirens. They were a little confused when their tricks and songs didn’t work on him, well, they did a little, but not completely. But then they put 2 and 2 together and go, “Oh….Wait….I don’t think he likes girls as much as some of the other sailors we’ve met.” So now they just accept him as their bestie and like talking to him about their crushes and the newest dumb sailors they all lured in. They both share fish catches with each other, and Till does sketches of the market/forest so he can come and show them what it looks like since they’re curious.

He also owns a dragon. Not a big one. One that’s the size of a parrot. It likes to chill on his shoulder and likes crackers and grasshoppers. He raised it from an egg. Everyone is all like, “Dude yeah he’s scary omg, I heard he has a whole dragon!!” and they stop by, only to find this burly dude having a cup of tea with the mermaids and a tiny dragon nibbling a graham cracker on his shoulder.

However, his herbs/garden is what links him to Paul and Flake.

 Paul/Flake: So, these two bois live together (Definitely no homo going on here) and Flake is even more recluse than Till. They have a cloaking spell on their cabin. You have to absolutely know a certain tree with a ritual attached to it or a spell/password sorta deal to gain access/the ability to see it.

They’re in an open field/prairie area. Flake would be a healer and very good at protection based spells and rituals. He always buys a lot of his herbs from Till so him and Till are close because 1.) Both reclusive as fuck and 2.) P L A N T S.

Meanwhile, Paul has telekinesis and mind reading. He’s a cocky boi but he does care a ton. Even if everyone wants to smack him half the time. I keep thinking their first meeting was something along the lines of:

Flake brings him along when he goes to Till to stock up on herbs, and Paul meets Richard for the first time since Richard stopped by to visit. It’s probably pretty fresh after the whole “Tried to kill myself to yeet the demon out of me and now we’re roommates” deal. And They have barely shaken hands when Paul is looks smug and goes, “You regret you didn’t die but you were honestly too scared too as well.” And Richard is like “ALRIGHT I HAVE TO KILL HIM DON’T YOU DARE READ MY MIND LIKE THAT”. So, Paul and Richard hate each other for a while. Well, Richard hates Paul, Paul doesn’t mind Richard, he’s just waiting for him to come back to him cause that’s usually how first meetings go for him.

Later on, as they start to talk, Paul confides in Richard (after apologizing) that he understands what Richard felt and that he had attempted before as well. Being able to hear everyone’s thoughts and feel their emotions is horrible when you first start out, and is incredibly overwhelming. Over time, Richard and him end up connecting pretty well. Richard still hates the mind reading thing (so does Till), but despite the differences, they’re friends.

Paul can also temporarily slow/reverse time in a certain limit around him. Maybe like, 15-20 foot radius? For about 30 seconds? Let’s say Till decided to use his pyromancy towards him, Paul can decide to halt it and slow it, or it can begin to reverse itself. Richard sends out some hellhounds, Paul can cause them to slow way down once they get close so he can duck around them and hurry off somewhere else.  

Flake, despite the hatred of being around people, is actually a pretty great guy once he warms up to you. He’s someone you can have a good cry with but also, he can absolutely fuck up your whole day. I’d think since he can do cloaking spells, he’d understand spells about portals and rifts. To make something ‘invisible’ (AKA, their house), he’s more so just shifting the dimensions people can see, making it into one that they can’t. And sometimes, you got to yeet your idiot friends through portals to somewhere safe cause they don’t know when to shut the hell up. One of my inspirations for his powers was the music video to the song Falling to Pieces by David Guetta, specifically around the 2:55 mark. I’d imagine that, instead of getting obliterated like the people in the music video, it more that he’s shifting every part of that person into different portals/dimensions. I mean, technically, yeah, they die. BUT HEY, who can say they died via getting blasted through different portals and shifts down to a molecular level? Flake can’t do it a lot obviously. It’s hard enough opening one or two portals, so to pull a stunt like that could kill him if he isn’t careful enough. So many times everyone has had to be like FLAKE NO HEY CHILL WE ARE OKAY DON’T DO THAT.

I imagine Flake and Paul have been friends since they were teenagers, so they watched each other’s powers develop. Once Paul starts figuring his powers out, it starts becoming too much. Flake tries his best to be supportive and encourage him and keep him sane, but Paul can feel how much he’s scaring Flake and making him worry. Paul finally tries to end it (in a similar fashion to Richard, so they have matching scars which is another bonding point for them), but Flake finds him in time. However, Flake hasn’t quite got his healing abilities down yet, but the fear and adrenaline of losing his best friend is what flips the switch to finally allow him to completely channel it. Paul heals up and startles back into reality and is like “EXCUSE ME, I THOUGHT YOU COULDN’T DO THAT” and Flake is shaking him like, “YOU DUMBASS IF YOU EVER DIE IM GOING TO KILL YOU.”

 Ollie: My tall boi. I’m thinking he’s part wood elf. His magic is based off of using the environment such as tree roots or trees, manipulating and summoning eco life around him. Wanna get beat by a root system? Ollie is your guy. His powers are kinda like Till, but not as animal heavy. I know there’s a word for this magic too but my ass cannot remember it for the life of me. He’s probably one of the rarest of the bunch to spot, but unlike Till or Flake, he doesn’t put up much of a fight when it comes to seeing people or going out. People are intimidated by him cause, I mean, this fucker is 6’7 and came out of the woods like some magical sasquatch lumberjack.

But he’s very down to earth (Pun intended). Ollie crafts armor or blades in his spare time. Sometimes he’ll join Till at the market and sell his stuff or take commissions from anyone who needs new weapons/armor, or if they need anything repaired. He knows how to lace objects with magic so it can do a better job with protection or heighten the users own abilities. Ollie is able to know what’s happening in his neck of the woods. He lives in the deepest part of the forest, Richard isn’t too far from him actually. But Ollie’s area is more of a calm area of the woods, not the spooky ass weird area Richard stays in.  Ollie has way more ALIVE deer, first off. No wendigos. What a difference.

I don’t know how to phrase this without it sounding dumb as hell, but basically he talks to trees. He can tap his magic into the systems of the trees and plants and pick up on conversations miles away from him. The trees become his eyes and ears, if that makes sense. It’s never super sharp or in focus (Dream like maybe?), but he’ll know when you’ve entered his section of the woods. He can sometimes tell roughly how many, and catch snippets of your conversations. He’ll make sure to keep an eye on you.

Schneider: My boy. I’m thinking he’s a witch mage kinda guy who has visions and predictions. He fucking loves crystals, tarot cards, special odds and ends, things like that. Reading the stars kinda guy. Schneider actually gets called in by the king or whomst the fuck ever is running this world I’m coming up with, to predict the futures of queens incoming babies, wars, decision making, yadda yadda. He’s hella guidance and damn good at what he does. His visions are never in perfect clarity, but with the aid of his other doodads and such, he can give you a pretty good estimate. He’s like Turbo Tax, but with life choices.

I’m thinking his powers would probably be something along the lines of a copy cat? He can usually tell what your about to do a few seconds before you do it. Somethings are super easy for him to predict (like a punch), other things are harder (complicated magic). I think he might fit under the title Warlock with a Vestige pact? Where the souls/echos of his ancestors that have passed on stay with him. They’re the ones that help him see glimpses into the future make sure he’s protected. They’re also why he can replicate (roughly) most spells that are done towards him. For example: If Paul tried to levitate something and toss it at him, there’s a chance that someone before Schneider, in his linage, had some kind of knowledge of that form of magic. If Schneider reacts fast enough, he can reverse uno that shit back at Paul or toss it somewhere else. Sometimes, it’s more of a canceling effect. So, if Richard tried to resurrect something to attack him, he could undo the resurrection spell, making the dead thing fall back apart, since you can’t double bring something back to life.

Him and Richard went through a similar process to gain their abilities. Richard is a host and dealt with/is dealing with being possessed, and Schneider is temporily possessed/influenced by his ancestors when needed. For a bit, they’re tense around each other cause both felt they were better than the other. Schneider felt like Richard “cheated” to gain his necromancy powers, while Richard is pissed that Schneider had it “so easy” compared to what he went through.

Like Paul and Richard, Schneider and Richard finally have a sit down and Schneider admits his whole ritual/process of gaining his abilities.

To gain access to all the souls/echos, Schneider had to ‘live’ through each ones most painful times via his visions. So, easily 100+ memories that he has to go through in one go. No stopping, feeling/seeing/hearing everything that happened to these people, one at a time. Sometimes it’s their deaths, sometimes it’s a fight or injury, sometimes is verbal things. It totally wrecks with a persons mind and body. A lot of times, the people who go through this process don’t make it because they try and kill themselves afterwards or during. If they stop the line of visions, they cannot ever be started again. They usually develop a severe fever and cold chills, and the process can take several days. So if the fever or themselves don’t kill them, they might make it. So him and Richard bond over that.

I know it sounds stupid, but Schneider lives in a cave. Once you enter, it’s lined with different crystals, crystal balls, dices, maps, star charts, ornate rugs on the floor, silks all over the place, just really nice and cozy.

Overall, each one could work together and combine powers. Examples include: Richard and Till combining Richard Necromancy and Till’s Pyromancy to create a physical embodiment of hell and scare the absolute shit out of anyone.

Ollie (Controlling trees/roots) and Till (connections with animals and mythical beasts) deciding to just use a whole ass forest all that lives in it to really fuck up someone’s day.

Schneider and Paul staying 50 plus steps ahead of the game. Even more so, could Schneider have Paul slow time so he could have a better chance of knowing what’s about to happen/copy a spell?

Flake and Paul working together to slow time, then open portals for enemies to run head first into at last second.

There’s some other ways but there’s a few! I’m so sorry this is so long.

[ayellowcurtain]

Spare us a follow-up to your VDS fic? May I have some more? // Could you write a VDS (a bit of smut) reunion?

The smut will come later... 

Part 3?

Jens doesn’t want to be in a relationship. Even though he’s completely over Jana, he still feels like it’s too soon to commit himself to someone again. The honeymoon phase is amazing but then comes the little lies and the excuses to be alone for a little and it gets boring really fast.

But why is he always thinking about Lucas? Jens is constantly talking to him, they hang out almost every day (or night, it really depends on their needs) and going home for the weekend starts to get a little annoying. Sometimes Lucas manages to convince him to at least leave on Saturday morning instead of Friday night so they have an extra night together.

Nobody really knows about them, but Ralph isn’t dumb. Jens is very careful not to let him see his texts and who he’s talking to, but while he’s texting Lucas, saying that he has to go home tonight, Ralph is quiet in front of him, just staring with knowing eyes and a little smile.

“I’ll throw a party the day you two decide to become official.”

“Shut up,” Jens says as he shoves his phone inside his pocket, looking around them, avoiding looking at Ralph and his stupid smirk.

“I’m serious. I’m not even in this relationship and I’m already tired of watching you two think you’re being sneaky and nobody is noticing how one is always around the other and how all of a sudden, Lucas is not eating girls’ faces left and right.”

Jens rolls his eyes, wetting his lips with his tongue, not knowing what to answer to that. It does annoy him the way Ralph talks about Lucas hooking up with a bunch of girls. He knows Lucas and his friends like to have fun, they’re always at every party and Jens saw way too many times Lucas hooking up with someone else, so Ralph is not wrong, but now they spend most of their night together, hiding inside Lucas’ bedroom or Jens’.

He watches from across the courtyard Lucas talking to his friends. Jens received his text a minute ago but didn’t check yet, hoping Ralph will have to go to his class soon so he can read it in peace.

There’s something going on between Lucas and his friends. He’s oddly quiet, sitting on the table as the other two talk nonstop between each other. Lucas mostly watches, looking a little sleepy and maybe upset.

Jens grabs his phone, making sure to write when Ralph is looking around, probably trying to find some cute guy.

Can’t you go tomorrow?  

Lucas sent to him and Jens takes a deep breath. He could, but he’s needing to go home, get shitfaced with his friends, forget about his feelings for Lucas for a day or two. And Jana is throwing a party this weekend and she’s an amazing host.

Sorry…

Are you ok? 

He can’t fully act like an asshole, like he’s not seeing how Lucas is clearly not having a good day. Jens watches as Lucas sits straighter on the table, checking if his friends are still ignoring him right there and he grabs his phone, giving Jens a look that last just half a second before he’s typing.

Yeah. I’ll see you later then

Have fun :)

Jens looks up and Lucas is looking at him again, but then the boys around him start to move and he slips out of the table, grabbing his bag and going inside. Lucas is not the passive-aggressive type, but Jens has the feeling Lucas is having a bad day and maybe he’s one of the ones to blame.

“Problems in paradise?” Ralph asks as he throws his tote bag over his shoulder, waiting for Jens so they can go inside. Since he doesn’t have an answer either, he decides to just look at Ralph as he gets up, walking with him inside.

-

The music is so loud it makes his body vibrate from the inside out, ringing his ears. Jens feels like he’s usually a very chill guy, but tonight he’s just off. Moyo and his dumbness and Aaron and his constant conversation about Amber almost make him lose it with them both. And seeing Robbe being so clingy and in love makes him so mad he almost has to say how ridiculous it is that Robbe and Sander can’t live without each other. They lived perfectly fine for almost two decades without each other and yet, now they just can’t, they can’t spend a night without sucking each other’s faces off.

“Where are you going?” Robbe asks and Jens doesn’t understand how he was able to see Jens walking out of their circle when he was so busy kissing Sander again.

“Out.”

He gently pushes some people out of his way to the balcony. He has an entire, fat joint in his pocket and he intends on smoking by himself tonight.

“Oh, sorry!” For the first time in the night, he runs into the one who organized tonight’s party. Jana looks fucking perfect, but by knowing that, Jens gets even more frustrated.

“It’s okay.” She’s smiling and Jens knows she’s drunk. Jana knows how to throw a party and she knows even better how to enjoy it. Crazy to think that she’s like this. A party animal when she was so shy and insecure when they were together. It’s probably Jens’ fault. He’s suddenly thinking too much about the what-ifs, but it’s just that it feels intimate when he pulls him in for a hug out of nowhere, as intimate as when they were together. She hugs him too tightly, their bodies too close.

-

It feels oddly the same, like Jens was still in 2018, kissing Jana in dark corners at parties. She was the one to find him for the second time in the night. He was alone again in the balcony, finishing his joint and Jens could see her walking towards him and he just waited like the asshole that he is. Everyone else is inside, not caring about whatever they are doing here. He hears the glass door opening, but Jana is the one to turn to see who it is and Jens does the same afterward.

“I was looking for you,” Lucas says and Jana frowns, they don’t know each other and it’s her party, so she’s a bit confused, but Jens doesn’t care to explain.

“What? What are you doing here?” Lucas doesn’t try to play nice either, he leaves again and Jens looks around, noticing Robbe watching everything from the inside.

“Who is he?” Jana finally asks stepping back, still looking at the door.

“Lucas.” Jens leaves her and the party behind, going after Lucas outside. The stairs are too dark, but Jens runs down, finding Lucas when he’s opening the door to the street.

“What are you doing here, Lucas?” Jens manages to grab his arm, making him stop and look at Jens.

“For a long time, all the way sitting on the train to come here, I thought that I had fucked up, acting like a kid for no reason, but I guess it doesn’t matter now.” Lucas’ passive-aggressive tone kind of annoy Jens, but he’s a little too happy to see Lucas right in front of him to give Lucas the answer that he deserve for being so ridiculous.

“Come on, say what you came here to say.”

“I already did. I was right in the end.” Jens sighs, really trying to play nice. Jana doesn’t know about Lucas, but he knows about her. Or at least parts of it. When you’re constantly with someone, you end up talking about random things that may include your ex-girlfriend. Lucas is sure Jens likes Jana even though he told him so many times that it’s definitely not the case. They just spent a long time crushing on each other and then dating. A big part of Jens’ last few years has Jana in it.

“No, you weren’t. Don’t be a fucking asshole.”

“Do you like her?” He asks so bitterly that Jens has to roll his eyes even though he knows Lucas hates when he does that.

He’s making Lucas walk back and when his back finally hits a wall, Lucas puts his hand on Jens’ chest, acting like he wants to keep his distance.

“Do I like her, Lucas?” He holds Lucas’ wrist, putting it down, away from his chest so he can come closer. “You answer me.” Jens looks down, making Lucas tilt his head to the other side with one hand, slowly licking all the way from his collarbone to his jaw, feeling when Lucas pushes his hips forward, away from the wall. He doesn’t answer, but their eyes finally meet and Lucas looks up with that look on his eyes that always send shivers down Jens’ spine.

“You’re very high.” Lucas states and he touches Jens’ forehead, putting his hair back so he can properly see his eyes and how blown his pupils are.

“Maybe.”

“Can I finally meet your bedroom tonight?” Lucas asks, looking up through lashes.

“Yes, you can.”

[chittsu]

college!au with Johnny

haro evlyone!

Here’s my another attempt of writing that I believe you’ll enjoy. I won’t annoy you with a long introduction, just - alexa, play ‘radio romance’ by NCT

strangers to friends to kinda lovers to strangers to friends to lovers; that was complicated but you have to read it to see; bulleted scenario; fluff; slight angst?; pretty funny if you ask me; 6,7kthey just keep getting longer

summary: Johnny desperately needs someone to host a love-related podcast with him on the campus radio; and by accident, you start working with him - you, the only person that can resist his charm… but for how long?

enjoy! :)

Night Night is everyone’s favourite campus radio show broadcasted every Tuesday and Thursday evening

people love it because it touches many everyday problems of college students and-… stop

who are we kidding

people love it because of Johnny and Jaehyun - the DJs that are officially considered the ultimate boyfriend materials

every person currently failing with finding love on campus turns on the radio just to listen to their voices and feel a little less lonely

ever since Jaehyun successfully saved Taeil’s relationship through Night Night, people started sending a lot of love-related requests; Johnny made a drastic decision to create a new show called Lovey-Dovey dealing with those concerns

the problem was that none of them felt intelligent enough to talk about that stuff

and Johnny was worried about it; honestly, it’s not that difficult for a boy to offend girls’ feelings without even knowing - but while giving them love advice, the probability is skyrocketing

he met you for the first time on a party

well, technically it wasn’t the first time you two met - Johnny was frequently asked to be a DJ at parties and your closest friends Ten and Yuta were party animals, so you followed them often

he remembers going to the bathroom when he heard your conversation with a drunk girl that you didn’t even know

you were drunk too and alcohol turns you into a psychologist? suddenly, everyone tells you about their problems and you just solve it for free

the amount of money you could earn from that… girl, you’re either stupid or your heart is too big

Johnny just stops right behind you when you tell the girl to stop depending on this asshole so much because every man is trash and they’re just not worth it

and he’s like… ummm false alarm

but you manage to make this girl smile and calm down; she’s not sobbing anymore so you finally understand what the problem is and you form your opinion on it seriously this time

and Johnny’s like… that’s what I need

but he also needs to go to the bathroom like NOW

and when he’s DJing later, he constantly looks for you in the crowd; well, it’s a little hard since he only saw you from behind and he’s getting worried that he lost his chance

he spots the girl that you were talking to though, so he thinks that’s good enough

he stops her later and almost earns a beating from her boyfriend that seems to be extremely jealous - and all that for nothing, because the girl claims she doesn’t know you

‘but she had a blue bracelet with a star, like a friendship one if that helps’

‘oh, I know exactly who that is now, thanks’

she doesn’t understand the irony in this and goes away genuinely thinking she helped while Johnny comes back to his apartment shared with Mark and Jaehyun feeling very disappointed

he even develops some kind of obsession? he stops people randomly and asks if they attended Taeyong’s party and that’s so embarrassing for Jaehyun

‘Ten! don’t you know like, everyone here?’

Jaehyun looks at Johnny unamused for the 52nd time this week

but Ten’s eyes are already sparkling; where’s drama there’s Ten, especially when Johnny’s involved

‘oooh who are we looking for?’

‘Johnny is looking for some girl that he fell in love at first sight at the party but he only saw her back so I don’t know how that happened’

'Suh! she must have had a REALLY pretty nape, huh?’

and the clowning continues for the next two weeks

in the meantime, Jaehyun manages to indirectly tell one of the listeners that she’s stupid if she thinks this one boy likes her and that’s exactly why Johnny needs to find you

and then, Yuta throws a party

it’s not the best time for you to have fun - you’re stressed about life, you have essays to write and exams to pass and on top of that, your older sister is getting married in a week

so instead of dancing or witnessing Ten’s stupidity, you chill in Yuta’s kitchen while sipping wine; the music is muted here and the alcohol is slowly getting to your head

that’s when the almighty Johnny Suh enters the kitchen

well, that sounded like you don’t like him

you’re probably the only person that feels neutral about him because everyone else adores him regardless of gender, age or opinions on politics

he walks in confidently and gives you a small smile out of courtesy and you nod slightly, not really looking at him

he starts looking around for something to drink before his eyes land on the bottle of wine in your hand

'someone’s been through a rough day, huh?’

you force a smile

'nooo, where did you get that idea, life is amazing, my grades are fantastic, I’m on time with everything especially the essay due to tomorrow oh, and I definitely have someone to take to a wedding this weekend, and how are you?’

he smiles at your rant and he opens his arms saying

'just tell me when and where and I’ll be waiting for you in my best suit’

he’s drunk isn’t he

'i don’t know why but I want you to help me with the essay more’

and he gasps dramatically and puts his hand on his chest and looks at you with big eyes

'are you embarrassed to show me to your family? do you think I’m not good enough to be your partner?’

'let’s just forget this conversation’

your straight face makes you unapproachable now, so he shrugs and continues looking for something to drink and get drunk even more

and he opens every counter possible and he makes so much noise that you just close your eyes and breathe slowly to calm down

before aggressively grabbing a cup and pouring your wine in it

'here’

you give it to him and he looks at you for a few seconds and squints his eyes suspiciously

'is it poisonous’

'drink and see’

'okay’

he takes the cup from your hand, but his eyes land on your bracelet; blue braided bracelet with a star

it’s crazy but… maybe?

'hey…’

'it’s not poisonous just drink, God’

'first of all, my name is Johnny. second of all, is it possible I saw you at Taeyong’s party two weeks ago?’

'depends on your eyesight but I was there if that’s what you want to know. why?’

'were you talking to a girl on the stairs?’

’… don’t tell me you’re her psycho boyfriend’

'I’m not but he nearly punched me so I guess you could say we’re friends’

'interesting criteria’

'do you like Night Night?’

you snort and lean back on the counter, showing your side profile to him

'is that your best pick up line?’

'I’m not flirting now…… unless you want me to’

he then manages to WINK at you and you hate it

'what do you want from me exactly because I’m very confused since the moment you spoke to me’

'I want you to host Lovey-Dovey with me’

and you look at him for a while, blinking a few times; he looks back at you and it suddenly turns into some weird staring contest but you don’t even know the rules

'are you ghosting me but like, in real life?’

'is it working?’

'not exactly. so? what do you say? me and Jaehyun are too dumb and everyone’s talking about love, losers if you ask me, and we need someone to help’

you’re not thinking clearly and you forget to use sarcasm while saying

'so I’ll be able to tell people what to do? that’s my dream, I’m in’

and after that, you both observe a couple that stumbles into the kitchen while making out and it’s extremely awkward since you and Johnny didn’t even notice how close you’re standing to each other so you clear your throat, take your bottle of wine and evacuate

'Johnny, hi. y/n, remind me to never get a girlfriend. this one couple started fighting and it’s so annoying, jeez’

the both of you look at Ten that catches you right when you exit the kitchen; you look at the couple again before saying

'they didn’t exactly look like they were fighting, also there’s no a girl stupid enough to date you, Nine’

'you know each other?’ Johnny is drunk and confused

Ten raises his eyebrows with a smug face before grabbing your wrist to show off your friendship bracelets

'are you asking me if I know my best friend? weren’t you the one to tell me I know everyone?’

'Eight, you’re embarrassing me’ you roll your eyes before snatching your hand away from him

'call me Ten or I’ll tell Yuta you hate our friendship bracelets’

'he knows I hate them, Seven’

'JOHNNY let’s get a drink or I’ll go to jail today for murder’

and before he knows it, Johnny is following Ten and he never sees you again for the rest of the party - may be because you fell asleep in Yuta’s wardrobe

you’re VERY surprised when Johnny finds you on Monday standing next to your lecture hall

so are all students in your major because since when do you know the almighty Johnny Seo?

he rests his arm against the wall next to you and smiles at you cutely; I mean, that’s what he thinks

'you didn’t even tell me at what time the wedding starts and I realized I would look terrible in your mother’s eyes if we were late’

and you raise your eyebrow

'you actually remember that we talked? I’m impressed, I thought you are the type to get amnesia after drinking’

'of course I remember, especially the part where you said you want to host a radio show with me’

'I was drunk, don’t use words I said against me’

'what? hey, it’s a matter of honour, you can’t take back what you promised’

'I’m friends with Ten, we even wear those stupid friendship bracelets - do you think I know what honour is’

you expect another remark from him, but he bites the inside of his cheek and looks at you with furrowed eyebrows; it was indeed stupid of him to think you’d agree to that right away

'what about visiting me and Jaehyun at the studio tomorrow? just to see how it really looks like before you reject the offer. what do you say?’

'are you actually serious about this? you don’t even know me’

'well, I hope I’ll get to know you along the way’ he winks and titles his head to one side, his long hair falling on his face softly

and when you see some girls whispering to each other while looking at you two, you really don’t want them to get the wrong idea so you say to them

'he’s not actually flirting with me’

that earns a laugh from Johnny but suddenly he stands straight and looks at you with big eyes

'oh, and how do you know?’

'can you just leave please’

'wow, you really don’t want to be associated with me! I knew that was the reason why you didn’t want me to be your wedding date!’ he continues dramatically and you just shut your eyes

and those girls whisper more eagerly now

'AGAIN he’s not serious now’

Johnny laughs at suddenly he finds himself wanting to ruffle your hair? well, that’s a normal gesture between him and his friends

and then it’s the time for your lecture to start and you’re so thankful for that, so you go in but you hear him for the last time

'tomorrow at 7 pm, don’t be late!!’

you have no plans to go there at all and surprisingly, Johnny knows that

so he uses his secret weapon - Ten; he tells him that he actually looked for you all this time and again, Ten clowns it for him because why would anyone purposefully want to interact with you

anyways, Johnny complains about the situation for a while and since Ten has a soft spot for him, he blackmails you into visiting Night Night’s studio

Johnny seems focused on work so he’s not even annoying you today; Jaehyun is very nice towards you, probably because he thinks you’ll save him from losing more boyfriend points

and you find yourself fascinated by how the radio works? I mean, it seems like a fun and memorable experience and since you always felt like you were missing a hobby, that seems like an opportunity

you start to understand why the boys need you with them when they start answering love-related questions and you cringe hard

when they ask you again if you want to host the radio show, you pretend to be hesitant about that and that gains you a free coffee at every broadcast

and you officially become DJ Blue - you tell them that you want to stay anonymous because people can be strange sometimes, especially when you tell them what to do and that’s a big responsibility

and you host Lovey-Dovey with Johnny every Monday

you make lots of mistakes at first; you actually have to learn a few things

your biggest fail was when you forgot to turn off your mic and started ranting about that one professor you hate with Kokobop playing in the background; Johnny had a blast while you were so stressed that someone might recognize you and snitch on you

but listeners are satisfied with the new addition; they like the way you form your opinion and how you always try to be fair and honest

Johnny shows you listeners’ comments saying that they’re thankful for your advice and that it worked or you were right

and you see a comment saying 'wow I wish I knew who you are because you seem like the perfect girl’

and you look at the nickname and your smile fades face because it’s the guy that’s been playing you for months before saying that you’re not someone he wants to date

Johnny stops scrolling and asks you what’s wrong but you wave your hand at him

'you’re not experienced enough to help with my love life yet’

Johnny has to admit you’re a hard nut to crack; you don’t share too much about yourself and when you do, it’s all sarcastic and he’s not even sure what’s real and what’s not

your relationship for the first few weeks is based on bickering and him flirting with you jokingly and you rejecting him in every way possible; listeners LOVE your conversations - when you have to host Lovey-Dovey with Jaehyun, everyone immediately asks for Johnny to come back

it takes Johnny a few months before he gets you to open up finally; well, honestly it takes him 3 bottles of alcohol to do that

because one time, you’re both tired of studying and living in general and Johnny offers you alcohol

and you think he’s crazy, you’re about to start the show

but how can you say no?

and yes, that’s your most popular broadcast; you don’t even remember it but you know you two were crying from laughter while talking about a mysterious hat and you aggressively danced to My Chemical Romance and you even started some role-playing about bread but that’s when Jaehyun came in running to the studio and turned all the mics off

he ended the broadcast while you and Johnny started hitting each other in the corner pretending to be karate kids

that was…. wild

and you got into so much trouble because of that

and you were so afraid to face Johnny the next morning but you just burst out laughing when you saw each other

but then you quickly shut up because it was too loud and your heads were POUNDING

also, you were clowned AGAIN by all of your friends for that little rebellion

anyways, Johnny feels a sense of accomplishment because now you smile at him and it’s not forced

he never told you this but he wanted to become friends with you ever since you answered a question that really hit home for him; he was going through something similar to a break-up and you were the one to ease his pain without even knowing

well, you also start to understand why everyone likes him so much - he’s such a chill guy, ready to help anytime and he’s actually very funny

you’re impressed with his photography skills; you knew he was a film student and that kinda fits together, but when he’s taking photos his aura is so different than usual

he started walking you home after the broadcast some time ago and sometimes he randomly takes pictures of you; and because you’re awkward with this kind of things, you make ridiculous poses and then you two look through the photos in front of your apartment while wheezing and waking up your neighbours

it’s nice sharing new music with each other because you have similar taste

and he’s so random with his plans and hangouts

he just comes to you and says 'oh by the way i booked us a flying yoga class on Friday so get your yoga pants ready ’

and that’s kinda smart because he knows you like to excuse yourself out of many things and if he has already booked or paid for something - you have no choice but to go

also, eventually you all hang out together - and by that I mean you, Johnny, Yuta, Ten, Jaehyun, Mark and sometimes more

Yuta teases you a lot about your friendship with Johnny - he says it’s amazing that you don’t notice how he looks at you

and indeed, you failed to see that

'this is Lovey-Dovey, your favourite radio show. hello to new listeners that joined us. I’m DJ Johnny and we seem to have a little emergency here because DJ Blue fell asleep. I don’t know how she managed to do that while listening to EXO’s Monster but yeah, that’s why I’m whispering now’

Johnny smiles, his lips lightly touching the microphone; he starts looking through questions sent by listeners

'so let’s quietly answer another question now. someone called Iced Latte asks how to confess to your friend. great question. I wish DJ Blue was awake, sorry that you’re stuck with me’

'I think that honesty is the key? you don’t need roses or gifts or romantic setting… you just look at the person you like-’ his eyes find your sleeping figure ’-and you feel that this is the perfect moment, that you’re sure that whatever’s going on in your heart is real. you definitely should be honest with this person and with yourself’

he falls silent for a moment; it’s funny how he doesn’t listen to his own advice

you wake up after his ending ment and you’re very confused

'did I seriously just fall asleep’

'yeah, amazing how you slept so long with that pencil digging into your cheek’

'you should have woken me up’

'i couldn’t, you’re actually pretty cute when you don’t talk’

you scoff while rolling your eyes and you throw the pencil that caused you discomfort at Johnny earning a laugh from him

you both get up and start cleaning up the place a little bit as you usually do

Johnny stops organizing the papers on the table and looks at you

'hey, remember that one drunken podcast we did?’

you automatically smile at him and turn around to face him

'why? do you want to do it again?’

'actually..’

he smiles and his hand travels under the table

'don’t tell me…’

'no, I don’t hide alcohol here but I wanted to see your excitement’

'you shouldn’t make fun of people dealing with addiction’

Johnny shows you his cute smile; he straightens up and comes closer to you, suddenly standing right in front of you

'that podcast… it was very special for me, you know? I had such a blast that I didn’t want that evening to end. at first I thought it was because of the alcohol, but then I realized that it’s always this fun when I’m with you’

you can feel your body tensing; you can sense that he’s serious and you don’t like where it might be going

he looks into your eyes and his eyebrows furrow; you turn your attention to his lips when they seem to get closer to you

you feel his soft lips on yours and sudden warmth overtakes your whole body; you melt into the kiss when his fingers run through your hair

he pulls away from you and his eyes are glistening with hope

but you can’t bring yourself to say anything; your mind is completely blank and you just really don’t want to make a mistake

Johnny takes a step back, his face falls for a moment but he smiles soon after

'I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have put you into a situation like this’

'Johnny…’

'it’s okay y/n. it’s fine’

and you really want to say more but oh God, why is it so difficult?

you observe Johnny gathering his things in silence and you follow his actions; he still offers to walk you home but you decline and he just nods silently

you’re not able to sleep that night

you start analyzing everything he said to you, every action and wondered how could you miss the signs that he might like you; Yuta was right and you’re ashamed to admit that

the worst thing about it is that you have no idea if you feel the same; well, technically you rejected him today so is it even important now?

you know that you enjoy spending time with him, that he’s a good friend and that he became a big part of your life

and that terrifies you because, what will happen now? how will the two of you act around each other?

you stay with your thoughts alone, not sharing them with your friends which is a problem

because, the next day, you see Johnny and Jaehyun ordering their drinks while you and Yuta are already drinking your coffees at the table in your favourite coffee shop

he calls them even though you hush him

and you catch Johnny’s gaze when he’s approaching your table; a shiver goes down your spine and something in your stomach starts shifting dangerously

but he says hi and tells you that he has to go now, taking Jaehyun with him

Yuta squints his eyes when he looks at you; you keep your best poker face but then he points his finger at you, then at the door, then at you again

'something’s not right’

'everything’s fine, I don’t know what you’re talking about’

'DID HE DO IT’

you look at him with big eyes, feeling exposed

'you’re literally so dumb, I was constantly hinting that he likes you and you didn’t believe me. and now, I’m assuming you rejected him so that makes you twice as dumb’

'I’m leaving’

you even grab your bag but Yuta stares at you through his long bangs before speaking up seriously

'you don’t like him?’

'I don’t know, okay? I was sure that I’m safe with him, I mean… I was sure that there’s nothing going on between us so I blocked the thought of liking him from my brain’

'so if he likes you, it’s not safe anymore?’

and you stop for a moment because that’s a brilliant question that you don’t know an answer for

talking with Yuta calms you down; he doesn’t give you direct advice but he asks you questions that are worth thinking about

and Ten is pissed when he finds out that you told Yuta about this situation before him; but after that, he starts comforting you by saying that you can be sure that Johnny won’t make it uncomfortable

and he’s right, but Johnny needs time

for a week, you don’t even talk to each other; yes, you meet on the corridors or at random places but besides saying hi and sharing a few awkward looks, that’s all

you are informed on Sunday that Jaehyun will host Lovey-Dovey with you tomorrow and that’s when you think that you messed everything up

and Jaehyun is really bad at giving love advice, so your podcast is basically you disagreeing with each other for 3 hours straight; the comments are flooded with listeners begging for DJ Johnny to come back

in the middle of the broadcast, Johnny actually visits you; and you just stare at him because he looks different? he’s wearing a blue striped shirt with ripped jeans - such a simple outfit, yet he looks so handsome?

Johnny clears his throat and Jaehyun seems to be amused

'I’ve heard a bit of the show and I think there’s something wrong with Jaehyun’s mic, I’ll check it real quick’

'so you heard how bad our chemistry is?’ Jaehyun asks and Johnny looks at him for a second before turning away

'I wasn’t really listening’

and those words make you sad but you focus your attention on the new comments

he leaves after fixing what needed to be fixed and Jaehyun looks at you while smirking

'he looked nice, didn’t he? hmm maybe he has a date and that’s why he couldn’t do this broadcast?’

'maybe’

'next Monday we should…’

'we’re not going to host Lovey-Dovey ever again’

'you don’t like working with me?  why don’t you complain to Johnny, you might be able to catch him still’

and you’re THIS close to try and suffocate him; he knows it and just smiles showing off his dimples proudly

but luckily, Johnny hosts the show with you next time

he even comes to say hi to you when he sees you studying in the library and asks you how are you; it’s awkward for you to suddenly talk like that with him but you know he’s trying hard so you have to try too

so after a month, everything seems to be okay

you may not hang out outside of the radio studio, but you talk

also, whenever his shirt’s unbuttoned enough to show his collarbones, you can’t focus on hosting and you catch yourself recalling the softness of his lips

you make scenarios in your head, thinking what would be happening now if you acted differently that one evening

but you stop when you see Johnny smiling at another girl, the way he used to smile at you

you really don’t want to act like that, but you go to Ten and ask him about this girl; he says that she was very close to becoming Johnny’s girlfriend a few months ago but she chose her ex-boyfriend over him

'her boyfriend probably broke up with her again and she’s using Johnny as a rebound’

'or he’s using her’

you look at Yuta that suddenly appears next to you, eating chips casually and Ten just grabs a whole fist of them and no one protests

'what did you say?’

'um I don’t know, what did I say? did that interest you?’

you curl your fingers into a fist

'what Yuta tried to say is that Johnny is probably still not over you and you’re an idiot’

'I’ve been called stupid so many times lately that I even start to believe it’

'oh, so you didn’t know that before?’

'do you want to die Three?’

and just like that, you find yourself in this very strange situation; you want to spend more time with Johnny and get closer to him as you watch him getting more involved with this girl

you hate yourself for that because why do you have to hurt yourself like that? you were the one to reject him so why does it feel like you are the rejected one?

it hurts when you hear that Johnny won’t be meeting you and your friends today, because he has other plans; it hurts when he posts a photo of this girl on his social media when it used to be your photos; it hurts when he has his eyes glued to his phone when there’s a music break in Lovey-Dovey; and when he smiles to the phone, you realize you haven’t made him smile in a while

and the worst part of it all is that you know very well that you have no right to feel that now

another Monday, another Lovey-Dovey broadcast

Johnny is currently telling a story about the last movie he watched and you know he watched it with her so to distract yourself, you search for another question to answer

and you find someone called Chaito; before you can read the actual question, Johnny is done with his story and asks you to pick another concern to solve

so you just go with it, but you’re suspicious - for a reason

'hello Lovey-Dovey’s listeners! DJ Blue, could you help me because I think I’m too much of an idiot to sort it out myself… my friend confessed to me but I rejected him unsure of my feelings-’

you stop reading; your face is getting so hot and you can’t even bring yourself to look at Johnny even though you can feel his stare on you

you don’t want to finish it but you know it’s too late; surprisingly, it’s Johnny that continues reading

'he found another girl and I’m SO frustrated whenever I see them together that I have to take it out on my poor friends. is it possible that I like him? what do I do now?’

your heart is racing at this point and your eyes are shaking; you can’t believe that Ten and Yuta did that to you and you search your mind for a way to get rid of dead bodies

but first, you have this question to deal with

Johnny doesn’t know what to do as well; he looks at you a few times but you don’t look back and time is ticking and you can’t go on without saying anything for too long

'that’s a difficult question’ you start 'our listeners must believe that I know it all but I’m sorry to disappoint - I make mistakes too. actually, someone confessed to me a few months ago and I said nothing. I made a decision without knowing. it still occupies my mind. I’m wondering what would I could have said but does it matter? we shouldn’t dwell on lost opportunities too much, the past is the past. in this case, Chaito, I think you should think about this person’s happiness first and step back. this person is trying to start again and you should let that happen’

‘I think-’ Johnny’s voice startles you and you let yourself look at his calm face ‘you all know what my motto is, right? you should always be honest with others and yourself. I think there’s nothing wrong with saying how you feel, even if it won’t change anything. at least you know that you did everything you could. maybe that girl is just a friend? maybe you’re misunderstanding something? you’ll never know without talking about it’

'umm SO, you got two points of view on that. pick the one that fits you better. now, shall we listen to NCT’s Knock On?’

you quickly turn on the song and you exhale loudly; your eyes find Johnny’s instinctively and you’re surprised to discover that Johnny is fighting back a smile

when he sees your straight face he can’t hold back anymore and his eyes make a crescent shape while he grins

‘shouldn’t you be focusing on your phone now, as always?’

‘why, does it bother you?’

‘do you want that to bother me?’

‘don’t reply to a question with a question’

‘why? because it’s your speciality?’

‘you seem frustrated, are you taking it out on me now?’

‘and you seem overjoyed, can I possibly know the reason?’

‘I’m just happy that you have great friends’

‘I have no idea what you’re talking about, and that conversation is making me uncomfortable so I’ll avoid it by saying I have to go to the bathroom but I’ll actually go home and never come back, so excuse me’

‘go ahead, just one little thing before you go - this girl wanted something more but I told her I’m not interested because I still like you’

and you stop dead in your tracks and you just look at Johnny like it’s the first time you see him; he just tilts his head and copies your expression perfectly

‘weren’t you supposed to go to the bathroom tho?’

'I don’t need to anymore’

you stand up and make your way towards him; he watches you patiently and the softness of his eyes reassures you

you sit on his lap and put your arms around his neck, pulling him into a tight hug; his hands find their place on your lower back, pulling you even closer to his body

you can only whisper 'I’m so sorry, I didn’t know how to react back then and it all turned into that mess that I never wanted’ into the crook of his neck

'I’m sorry too, that confession was too hasty and I acted like an idiot because I was just so disappointed’

'I guess we’re both idiots then’

everything is perfect and then, Johnny’s phone starts vibrating like crazy; he groans as he reaches for it, with you still in his embrace

he picks up the call and you hear Jaehyun’s voice

'congratulations on your marriage! your mics were on the whole time IDIOTS’

you kinda feel like dying at that moment but Johnny just laughs and goes with the flow

'our dear listeners, I hope you’ll be able to understand that we end Lovey-Dovey earlier today due to the circumstances’

and when he turns off everything, he looks at you and his eyes are smiling

'so does it all mean that you like me too?’

'no, I’m sitting on your lap because my chair was uncomfortable’

and he laughs with throwing his head back and oh, you just love when he does that

he takes your face into his hands and plants a kiss on your lips; this time it’s long and it’s just so meaningful and makes you all fuzzy inside

'okay, you know what? I think like you’

'so will you finally accept me as your wedding date????’

'with your dance moves? forget it’

and next day, when you’re leaving your apartment, you see Johnny waiting for you at the exit; he gives you one of his flirty smirks

'what are you doing here?’ you ask as you approach him

'I guess I missed you or something, I dunno’ he shrugs with the most nonchalant face expression he can make

'didn’t you leave my apartment like, 3 hours ago? you’re the clingy type, huh?’

'not my problem, you could have just rejected me AGAIN’

'I didn’t reject you I just-’

'oh yeah you GHOSTED ME’

and you roll your eyes and try to go past him because how many times is he going to remind you that

but of course, he grabs your hand and uses force to make you bump into his chest; he looks down on you and you smile at each other

'hey hey hey, where’s my morning kiss?’

so you hold hands when you enter the university building; Johnny tells you to be prepared to run as soon as you see Ten

and just then, Ten and Yuta appear in front of you with stupid grins on their faces

'oh, is that DJ Johnny and DJ Blue? I’m your biggest fan!! my name is Ten and I’m one of the friends you were talking about yesterday’

'and I’m Yuta! I have a complaint tho - how can you two solve everyone’s problems but you suck at sorting out yours?’

'don’t offend me or my girlfriend y/n please’

'you didn’t even ask me if I want to be your girlfriend’

'well, I assumed… yesterday we did things that only couples can do’

Yuta gasps dramatically and Ten puts his hands on his ears

'WHY DID I NEED TO HEAR THAT’

'One, shut up, he’s just joking’

'One?? the number keeps on decreasing, you must really hate me now huh’

basically, Johnny is still as annoying as he used to be, but he’s also the most caring person you know

he remembers to buy you coffee when you don’t have the time to and he carries an extra scarf in winter just in case you forgot

and honestly, at first you’re both very clingy - it’s like by that you want to make up for the lost time; you hang out with your friends less and less and it gets to the point that Ten calls you out

and you realize that it’s not healthy and that you should have separate lives while dating; you still spend a lot of time together but you also meet your friends and have your own hobbies

about that - you’re a little hesitant about continuing as a radio host now that you and Johnny are together but it turns out that listeners support you a lot and they want you to stay

well, now everyone knows who you are - they heard your confession and now Johnny’s holding your hand so it became clear that you are DJ Blue; that suddenly made you popular? it’s nice because now everyone wants to share their notes with you but you also had a few unpleasant incidents of people blaming you for their break up

luckily, you have Johnny and his positivity; you learn to be more optimistic from him and you don’t care about what others say that much anymore

it’s very cheesy but you know how people say 'you’re my vitamin’? that’s honestly how you think of Johnny, he makes everything better

what you love the most are your spontaneous trips; every few weeks you just go and explore the world surrounding you - Johnny’s admiring the views through his camera while you’re admiring him and those trips calm you down so much

also - he has a car so that makes up for the fact that he makes fun of you all the time; he feels invincible now knowing that his lips are your weakness

oh, and he still reminds you that you rejected him whenever you don’t want to kiss him

and even though Ten promises that he’ll never get a girlfriend because he nearly throws up when he sees you and Johnny - you’re all shocked to discover that he actually finds himself a girlfriend…. or does he? well, that’s a story for another time :)

disclaimer 1: my inspiration for Yuta was him calling Taeyong dumb when NCT 127 was playing the mafia game disclaimer 2: drinking game! drink every time you read stupid/dumb/idiot :) disclaimer 3: if you liked it, please let me know by liking this post or reblogging disclaimer 4: if you REALLY liked it, you may be interested in my masterlist?

[newstanmarshblog]

The Average and Unusual Couple: Chapter One

   It was night time as Stan Marsh was talking to his best friend Kyle through Skype about able to see each other soon in person for the very first time since South Park went though a long lockdown during the events of a recent global pandemic. After on having a lot of people getting vaccinated to combat against the deadly disease, the pandemic was finally declared over by every government official around the world which means daily lives can get back to normal. Along with the news on announcing the town being one hundred percent safe from the virus, the Mayor of South Park has also announced that all schools will be back into its regular programming starting after labor day. And Stan couldn’t be more than happier to hear such news because he hated being separated from his friends and school for such a long period of time since he still has to deal with on being stuck living at Tegridy Farms.

   Stan: Ah man, dude, I’m so excited to able to see you guys again ever since before we all went through this harsh lockdown. How did your brother and parents react to the news?

   Kyle: Just as happy as you are, Stan. My parents are celebrating by having a glass of wine together, and Ike can’t wait to get his education in person again because he had a really hard time learning through online classes. How was your family’s reaction?

   Stan: My sister is pretty excited to able to date with her boyfriend again, my mom is relieved that things are back to normal and plans to meet up with my uncle Jimbo this weekend, and my dad is super pumped to get back to his plans on opening his first expansion Tegridy store at main street.

   Kyle: Your dad still isn’t over with his weed products yet, huh?

   Stan frustrated: He never shuts up about it! If it wasn’t for his successful online sales of his Tegridy products during this lockdown, we would’ve moved back to South Park by now. *sighs*

   Kyle: Sorry if my question got you upset, dude.

   Stan: It’s alright, you didn’t mean it. It has been about over two years now since my dad got obsessed with Tegridy weed, and I really don’t know when he’ll get tried of it. Usually he’ll be obsessed with something for about up to at least serval days and then moves onto the next one, but his fucking weed seems to be the one obsession that finally made him to become something like Gollum from the Lord of the Rings series.

   Kyle: Well, I’m sure that your dad will get over of the weed stuff eventually. Anyway, have you heard anything from our other friends on their reaction to the news?

   Stan: Only Kenny so far through text messaging on our phones. He wants to all of us to gather together at Stark’s Pond this Saturday and then probably eat out at Chill’s.

   Kyle: That’s sounds exciting! I’m completely free for this Saturday anyway.

   Stan: Me too. I’ll give Kenny the text that you’re in.

   Kyle: Great! *yawns* I gotta get ready for bed now.

   Stan: Same. Until then, see you on Saturday. Good night.

   Kyle: Night.

   After logging out from Skype and then giving Kenny a quick text about their plans on Saturday, Stan got onto his pajamas and heads to bed.

   Stan: So far, only half of my life is back to normal.

   As grateful as Stan was to able to see his friends and going to school in person for the first time since the lockdown began, he still doesn’t full completely happy just yet. While he’ll be continuing to struggle with living at Tegridy Farms and wishing too come back to South Park, the one other thing that he desperately wanted is to be with his old girlfriend again. For a long time now even before the pandemic started, Stan has made serval attempts to get back together with Wendy, but to no avail. Wendy has became more interested in becoming a woman activist, getting people into healthy shape, and is even dating with Bebe. Even though Stan and Wendy are still good friends with each other mainly because of their love for board games and animals, seeing his old girlfriend becoming more and more busy with her life along with learning the news that she’s now in love with Bebe was just enough for Stan to give up on winning her back. As much as Stan is really happy to see Wendy helping out a lot of people, he also seriously misses that fun side from his old girlfriend, and she seems to be no longer that type of person as often then back in their elementary school years. And still from the very moment when he learned that he can’t no longer have Wendy as his girlfriend, his heart remains to be very broken by it.

   Just thinking about on wanting to live back at South Park and being together with Wendy again was enough to break Stan into tears.

   Stan sobbing: I just want my entire life back. I want it all back.

   He continues to cry for a few moments, cheers himself up, and then gets himself some sleep.

   Meanwhile at a home in a town called Peaceful Pines, Lydia Deetz is finishing up packing up her stuff into package boxes as she and her parents are preparing to move out from their home. Her mother comes in to check up on her.

   Delia: Oh Lydia, how’s your packaging coming along?

   Lydia: It’s all set, mother. Did father heard about the news yet as he came home from his last day at work?

   Delia: He was told about it just before he left. He’s relieved that the pandemic is finally over just as much as anyone else on Earth. I’m just very happy that our long road trip to our new home will at least be safe.

   Lydia: Yeah, same. Anyway, I’m pretty exhausted from all the packing and would like to get one last peaceful night here before we move out tomorrow.

   Delia: Sure thing, sweetheart. Sleep well.

   Lydia: You too. See you in the morning.

   Just like with South Park, Peaceful Pines also went through a very long period during its lockdown. Lydia was one of the very few students that didn’t mind online teaching very often during the lockdown because despite of being bummed out on not able to learn in person and not seeing two of her friends at school, there was one thing that the pandemic couldn’t take away from her, and that was spending her quality time with a ghostly best friend name Beetlejuice. Very often everyday even before the pandemic took the world by storm, Lydia teleports herself to a very spooky place call the Netherworld where she and Beetlejuice would do a lot of fun stuff together such as playing a game of slam ball, going on crazy adventures, or even take a nice relaxing drive with their living car name Doomie. There’s also some days where she and Beetlejuice will have some simple fun things at her bedroom like watching horror movies or playing video games. 

   While Lydia was able to get through the pandemic just fine, her parents had a rougher time in comparison. During the the first few months of the pandemic, Charles was working from his home on his computer as he was real estate developer. But by the next spring, his workplace had to layoff some of its employees in order to save money, and Charles was one of those unfortunate employees. He shortly afterwards found a new job at a hardware store. Even though his new job doesn’t earn him as much money as with his old job, it was at least just barely enough to pay the house bills. Delia meanwhile once ran her own small business as a sculptor before the pandemic hit. But by shortly after Christmas, her business went into bankrupt and became unemployed. After filing for unemployment, she was receiving stimulus checks up to at least six hundred dollars every month by the federal government.

   Because of the financial struggles that the Deetz family were dealing with, a decision was made that they must find a new home where the payment bills weren’t as expansive as their current house, and nearby jobs where it’s best suited for them based off from their past experiences. Delia was browsing through the internet when she found a house up for sale in South Park Colorado where its house bills weren’t as nearly expansive as their current home. She also learned that there was a job opening at the town’s middle school for an art teacher that’ll be perfect for her, and a job opening at a nearby local real estate business that’ll be perfect for Charles. After going through the paperworks during the summer, the house was recently bought and the Deetzes have now just finished packing before their long trip ahead of them. They expect to reach their new home during Labor Day weekend just in time for Lydia to get ready for her first day at South Park middle school.

   Earlier today, the Deetzes held a goodbye party at their house for their neighbors and friends along with Beetlejuice crashing into the party in disguise as Betty Juice. For Lydia, saying goodbye to Bertha and Prudence was the hardest thing for her as they were the only friends that she ever had at her old school and she’ll definitely miss them most of all when she leaves Peaceful Pines tomorrow. Lydia’s last words to them was to keep on being themselves, be positive, and to stand tall and brave whenever Claire Brewster bullies them.

   It was now night time, and just as Lydia was getting ready for bed, Beetlejuice pops up onto the screen of her cellphone.

   Beetlejuice: Psst, Babes!

   Lydia picks up her phone.

   Lydia: Hi, Beetlejuice.

   Beetlejuice: Is the coast clear for me to pop up?

   Lydia: All clear, but promise me on not being here for too long as I need to have my last peaceful sleep here before I hit the road tomorrow morning.

   Beetlejuice: *raises his right hand* I swear across on my mother’s heart. Now, say those B words and let’s chit chat.

   Lydia: Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice!

   Beetlejuice pops up from the cellphone screen and floats around in the bedroom.

   Beetlejuice: So, Lyds, are you at all nervous on living in a new town?

   Lydia: The only thing that I’m nervous about is if I’ll ever make new friends at my new school. 

   Beetlejuice: Don’t sweat it, Babes. I’m sure that you can at least make a friend or two. And even if you don’t at all, you still got me and my lovable armpits! 

   His stinky armpits hits Lydia’s nose.

   Lydia disgusted: Ugh! Thanks for the reminder.

   Beetlejuice: *chuckles a bit* People remembering my smelly armpits, you know I love it. *does a couple armpit noise*

   Lydia: Anyway, if I ever make a new friend, then I can’t wait to show off that friend my collection of my horror films, photo works, and my studies on bugs.

   Beetlejuice: Just don’t show off the bugs that I plan on eating.

   Lydia: Whatever. And maybe we can even take a trail walk around the natural wonders that South Park has to offer. I’ve always wanted to see a wild elk since I heard they have a large elk population in Colorado, and there’s never any wild sightings of them around here.

   Beetlejuice: *laughs* I wonder why? *smells at himself*

   Lydia: Is there anything that you’re excited to see at South Park, Beetlejuice?

   Beetlejuice: Nah, but I am excited to offer them by saying this quote to sum it up…*impersonate Jack Nicholson*… Wait until they get a load of me.

   Lydia: *laughs* Oh I bet they’ll never see you coming by a mile. *yawns* It’s getting late. I better head to bed. And Beetlejuice, remember what I told you while I’m on the road.

   Beetlejuice: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I remember. I promise not to check up on you until you’re finally settled into your new home. You have my words.

   Lydia: Thanks, BJ.

   Beetlejuice: Besides, I’m over due to play a new prank on the Monster across the street and his pet mutt. Maybe I’ll get them to reenact that bear scene from The Revenant.

   Lydia: Just as long as you keep yourself busy until I say your name three times, okay?

   Beetlejuice: Will do. See ya!

   Lydia: You too.

   As Beetlejuice disappears back to the Netherworld, Lydia lays into her bed.

   Lydia: *sighs* I hope I’ll make a friend with someone that loves to have fun with life just as much as me. Or even maybe find someone that’ll love me for the way that I am.

   She closes her eyes to get as much sleep as she can before a new chapter into her life can begin.

    In the next chapter, Stan hangs out with his friends, and Lydia moves into her new home.

[serenity-writes]

A Whispered Wish (IkeRev Fenrir - NSFW)

Fenrir never thought he had a chance.

“I’m in love with her.”

They’re simple words, set adrift into an evening air that whisks them away with a decisive breeze, leaving them only in memories. They are words spoken definitively despite their dimmed volume, the tone carrying not a single trace of hesitation or doubt. They are words that form a declaration worthy of a king.

“Finally admitted it to yourself, huh?” Fenrir can always rely on his trademark grin in times like these. It punctuates his words as he drops his weight onto the balcony railing to the familiar creaking of aged wood. He’s not surprised; his friend can’t hide anything from him. Fenrir tilts his head back, sparing himself from following Ray’s gaze into the ballroom, alive with melody and dance.

“Yeah. Took me a while.”

Fenrir’s eyes are locked to the waning moon, but all he can see in the pale light is a bolt of brilliant blue. “What are you goin’ to do?” Even though he’s the one asking, he has a sudden urge to plunge his fingers into his ears like a child.

“I don’t know yet.” Ray just barely finishes his sentence when the rotunda doors burst open, swinging eagerly on their greased hinges. Music and chatter spill forth to irrevocably stain the intimacy, like wine from a tipped glass upon a white carpet.

“Here you two are!”

A few hurried steps bring her close enough to grab a wrist from each of them. “Come dance! Come dance!” She beckons with light, but persistent tugs.

Fenrir is too focused on the way her dress floats, undeniably envious of the delicate silk that clings to her, closer than he’s ever been. He misses a meeting with her sapphire eyes; he looks up only when she settles upon Ray, misreading that she’s been there all along. Of course.

“I need a partner!” Her smile is ever optimistic, a killer when paired with her champagne-induced rosy cheeks. “So, who’s it going to be?”

“Ray.” Fenrir casually shakes his arm free, chilled by the wind that sweeps in to replace her. “You two go! Have fun.”

“You sure?” Ray asks, but the glimmer in his eyes says the opposite.

“Totally sure!”

She frowns, but not enough. “Okay, but you’re next, Fenrir!”

What can he say, except, “of course!”

When the couple joins the crowd on the floor, Fenrir’s waving hand drops with his grin. He watches Ray wrap a familiar arm around her waist, supporting her while keeping her close. He sees her hand link with Ray’s, so entwined that every inch of their palms touch. It leaves no space for anyone, anything else. Ray leans in, whispering something into her ear that has her dissolving into laughter, as animated as she is breathless while they circle in clumsy harmony.

She makes a beautiful queen.

Fenrir exhales, his breath but wisps in the darkness, and decides he needs another drink.

------------------------------------

Fenrir does his best to avoid her for the next few weeks.

He knows it’s a silly thing to do, that they’re not children caught in an endless game of hide and seek, but he’s playing anyway. When he’s not training, he’s out and about, lost in the crowd of friends that always manage to distract him for a little while. He thinks she won’t notice, not when she’s being courted by the King of the Black Army. Fenrir’s seen firsthand how women coo over Ray, inviting him to share their bed for glory and reputation. It’s customary for Ray to turn all of them down, and now Fenrir knows why.

They’ve always had similar taste.

BANG! BANG! BANG, BANG, BANG!

Five shots. Five seconds. It’s all he wants. All he needs. His mind focused solely on hitting the mark, everything else becomes white noise.

In speedy succession, Fenrir makes hollow shells of his opponents: metal cans that topple over onto the ground, new holes burned into the sides. He allows himself an easy grin of victory as he sprints over to pick up his targets. “Aw, damn,” he says, realizing these ones have become too tattered to be called cans any longer. He drops them into the pile of a few dozen more, listening to them clank with some satisfaction.

“Fenrir, are you hungry?”

Her voice cuts across the field of crisp green, and he stops. He stumbles for a second, hands unsure what to do with themselves. He ends up holstering his guns, hastily plastering on a grin before turning. “Hey!” He jogs to the bench she stands in front of and drops down, his muscles thankful for the relief. He wipes a sweaty brow with a hand. “What are you doin’ here?”

She’s holding a plate with what appears to be meatloaf. With a free hand, she gestures to the sun, well on its way to melting into the horizon. “You missed dinner, silly!”

“Oh, shit, sorry! I didn’t realize how late it was.”

To his relief, she accepts that explanation. “Here. I tried to keep it warm.” She hands him the plate and a fork. “Don’t worry, I made sure there were no tomatoes!” She laughs, probably thinking about the face he makes when accidentally tasting those red demons.

His heart thumps at that eye-crinkling smile. He returns it. “Thanks. You’re the best.”

As he cuts into the loaf with the side of the fork, silence falls over them. But it’s a comfortable blanket, one worn and slightly frayed, settling over them as easily as it always has. Simple. Effortless.

“It’s really nice out, huh.” She’s staring out across the field, the sunset reflected in her eyes.

“Yeah! It’s a perfect day for goin’ out.”

“Central Quarter has been gorgeous these past few days. Oh! I forgot to tell you, I went the other day to pick up some cakes from the new bakery, and they started having those seasonal cakes, you know, the ones with the adorable icing flowers that I like. They let me try one they were just testing, and oooh, the lemon frosting was absolutely delicious. I really wish I could have brought some back for everyone.” She takes a deep breath to regain some oxygen, then her eyes widen. “Oops, sorry! I rambled all over you. Fenrir, you have to stop me when I do that, you know.”

“I don’t mind,” he mumbles, half to himself. “I like listening to you talk.” He chooses to keep the endearing dulcet of her tone to himself.

She makes a miniscule noise of surprise, suddenly shy as her cheeks color with the unexpected compliment said in a tone that is so unlike the Fenrir she’s come to know. This ushers in the quiet once more, and they settle for listening to the leaves of the nearby trees scatter, the last vestiges of fall drawn away by a persistent wind.

“So, what’ve ya got planned for the weekend?”

“Tea! With Blanc. He promised to show me a new blend that he thinks I’ll like. And I think Seth wanted to take me shopping. By then I’ll be exhausted, so I think I’ll just want to curl up with a good book in my bed.”

Fenrir grins, imagining her snuggled between the sheets, cozy and warm as she dives into those novels she so loves. “That sounds fun.”

“What about you? Are you going out too?”

“I think I’m going to have another great weekend of training! Oliver’s hooking me up with some new guns, and I’m gonna test those babies out on some more cans. They’ll never see me coming!” He pumps his fist into the air, but there’s no real gusto behind the action. “And I think—”

“Hey Fenrir, are you okay?”

Her fingers play with the hem of her skirt as she holds a breath, awaiting answer.

“Huh?”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt you, I just… are you okay?”

To his credit, he manages to keep his cool. “What do you mean? I’m fine!” He sounds utterly convincing. Too much so, even.

“…Are you sure?”

“Of course! I’m totally fine, like always.” Fenrir hardly tastes the meat he just swallowed. His tongue feels heavy, sinking into his mouth. “Why do you ask?”

“I… I don’t know!” She’s struggling alongside him, trying to articulate her thoughts but it feels like grasping for floating letters. “Maybe I’m being crazy or paranoid. But… lately, somehow, you feel different. Distant, I guess. You’re always training.” Her fingers press into each other. “I-I know you always train hard, but it’s… way more than usual. And you’re always missing lunch and dinner even though you love eating. More than anyone in the world.”

He gives an awkward laugh, but lets the sound die when she doesn’t join him with her own. “You don’t need to worry about me. I’m fine. Really.”

“I don’t have to worry, but I will. Because you’re… important. To me, Fenrir.”

As important as Ray? Whatever rational part is left in him holds back the pettiness before it can slip from his lips. At least until he turns to respond, and her face is close. So close he can count the constellations of light freckles swept across her nose. His jaw falls slightly ajar on its own, whatever sound he was about to make crumbling like ash, blown away by the next breeze.

He wants to kiss her.

He wants to touch, graze, crush his mouth to hers, trace the curve of her lips with the tip of his frantic tongue, carve the forbidden taste of her into his very skull until breath itself is shorn from them, the only oxygen they need found in the other’s arms. He’s vaguely aware his hands are trembling as they shift from the plate, destination unclear as they move up, up, up—

“Hey!”

Their heads whip back toward the sound of the familiar noise. Fenrir’s arms drop. From far away, Ray is crossing the field, imposing cape draped over his shoulders. “There you are! Oh, Fenrir, you’re here too.” Broad strides bring Ray quickly to the bench. He smiles at the pair. “Hey partner, we missed you at dinner.”

“Yeah, sorry ‘bout that. Lost track of time.”

“As long as you ate something. Don’t work too hard, okay?” Then Ray shifts his attention to her, his grin softening just a smidge around the edges. “Are you ready to go?”

“Yup!”

Fenrir fidgets with the end of his fork. “Where are ya heading?”

“Just to Central Quarter. I want to try one of the new drinks at the pub! They say it’s made with seasonal fruit. I can’t wait!” She’s practically beaming, the tension in the air now fully shattered.

“Come on then, or I’ll leave you behind.” Ray teases, turning to make good on that promise, heading towards the path that leads to the world beyond the barracks.

She’s about to join the king, but turns back to Fenrir one last time. “Hey.” A friendly hand on his lap beckons his eyes back to hers. He finds her warm. Much too inviting. “You can tell me anything. I’ll always be here for you.” She stands, leaving him one last smile before she runs off after her date for the evening.

“Yeah.” Fenrir swallows the last mouthful of now-cold meatloaf. “I know.”

------------------------------------

All those endless days of harsh training and keeping himself too busy pay off a few weeks later, in the form of a vicious sickness. It forces Fenrir to finally rest in the comfort of his bed, the covers drawn up tightly around his neck. He is a ghost, drifting in-between states of consciousness as he fights off whatever bug has made his body its home.

A crack of light invades the darkness when his door opens, silently pushed by a careful hand. She steps with her toes, not wanting to wake the patient she’s come to see. Her lips droop into a frown when she sees how he trembles, shivering with the chills despite the heat that swirls around him. Taking the cool cloth from his forehead, she’s about to replace it with the fresh one she’s brought when his eyes flutter.

“You’re here?” His voice cracks, throat too dry to articulate anything better.

“Yes, I’m here.” She speaks in whispers, turning to hand him a glass of water. She finds him trying to sit up on his own, failing when his shaking limbs betray him. “Ah, Fenrir, be careful! Let me help you.”

Eventually, they get him upright, though he’s slightly gasping for breath by the end of it. She flicks on a dim lamp. Then she sets to wiping his forehead of sweat, careful to soak up every last drop before she hands him a tiny pill and his cup. “Drink.”

Fenrir swallows the medication, but dribbles water over his pajamas when his fingers struggle for purchase on the ceramic. “Shit,” he mutters, watching as she removes the cup and wipes down his top. “I’m so uncool right now.”

“Is that really what you’re worried about, Fenrir?” But she can’t help a slight laugh that always seems to appear when he’s around.

“Of course. Gotta play my part. I’m the coolest Ace around.” He tries to wink, but only succeeds in making both of his eyelids twitch. “Did that work?”

Another giggle. “Nope.”

“Ah… I’ll try again in a few days.” Fenrir brushes hair from his eyes, feeling somewhat stronger already. “Hey. Thanks for coming and checkin’ on me.”

“Of course. Now, you should go back to sleep.” She turns, sorting away the various things on the bedside table.

Don’t go. “No, no, I’m fine. Improving, really. I’ve been real bored, so having someone to talk to could really help.” He flashes what he hopes is his most convincing smile, though it currently looks a smidge lopsided. “Don’t you wanna help me heal?”

“…You’re really feeling better?”

“Yeah!”

“Okay! Then I’ll be right back.”

There’s a clacking of heels, and then she’s disappeared through the door. Part of Fenrir fears she won’t come back, but he decides to give her more credit than that. True to her word, she returns a few minutes later, with a bowl that sends steam into the stale air.

“If you’re feeling better, then you can eat! Here. Luka made some porridge, specially for you. It’s very light on the seasoning, so it won’t upset your stomach.”

Fenrir pulls a face.

“Can’t I have meat or something? Or at least more salt?”

“Nooope.” She sets a tray on his lap, adjusting until it’s as steady as it can be. “Eat up.”

Fenrir has one last card to play. “Only if you feed me.” He figures that even if he says anything weird, he can just blame it on the meds.

“Uh-huh.” But she acquiesces. She pulls the bowl into her own lap, scooping a spoonful of the thick porridge. In true nurse fashion, she blows on the surface, trying to cool it down. She doesn’t notice Fenrir’s easy smile as he watches her, working so intently. “Open up.”

Fenrir is more than happy to play along, opening his mouth wide to receive. As he eats, she begins to talk, filling the space with music. He swallows bite after bite, barely registering flavor as he listens. Not that there’s much to taste in the first place.

“Luka’s been experimenting with some new recipes lately. I can’t wait for you to get better to try them! There’s the one with the marinated lamb, then the one with the cream sauce, and my favorite, an absolutely addicting fried cutlet.”

“And you only brought me porridge?!”

She only gives a light shrug in the face of Fenrir’s mock outrage. “To give you incentive to heal up and never get sick again. Anyway, Seth’s been leading the training in your absence, and all the soldiers are working hard! But I can tell, they can’t wait for you to get back.”

A drop of gruel lingers at the corner of his mouth. Before he can wipe it away, she does it for him with her thumb, brushing past his lips, almost as lightly as a kiss. He coughs, and she instantly looks down to get the next spoonful.

“Sirius is busy as always. I wish he’d take a break before he also works himself into sickness, but he keeps telling me he’s perfectly fine.” She’s scraping the bottom of the bowl now, catching the last dregs of the meal. “And Ray… Ray’s doing fine too. But he misses his partner a lot.”

“I miss him too.” The spoon slips between Fenrir’s lips and he swallows the final spoonful. He’s truly regained some strength as the medicine fully enters his bloodstream. He meets her eyes, and she can see that a flicker of their former flame has reignited. “Thank you. I mean it.”

“No problem.” She sets the bowl down. “I… miss you too, you know. It’s too quiet around here without you. So, I guess I have an ulterior motive for nursing you back to health.” They share a chuckle, joined by the noise of soldiers chatting as they walk past the door, still ajar.

Without warning, she shifts closer, and Fenrir’s heart hops. Her lips are moving, but Fenrir can’t quite hear what she’s saying. She just keeps coming towards him, leaning over the bedspread, and Fenrir isn’t sure if he’s hallucinating this entirely, or if she’s somehow read his mind for his most hidden wish.

His reaction time is still delayed; he doesn’t close his eyes before her forehead meets his.

“W-What…”

“I need to check your fever, silly,” she whispers, so close he can feel her breath on his skin.

“How is it?”

“Still running hot.”

Their eyes are captured by each other, holding the stare as electricity seems to crackle in the room, the tension coming to a boiling point.

The bed creaks as she starts to push back, and Fenrir’s hands move on their own. He’s not thinking as he cups the back of her head. He meets no resistance when he pulls so slightly and crosses the rest of the distance himself, and finally, finally, his feverish lips meet hers.

She is every bit as soft as he’s imagined.

He’s breathing in her in lieu of air. His nose presses lightly against hers, effortlessly intimate. His addled brain can only spur him on, deepening the kiss as the flame in his very soul threatens to burst. This. This is what he’s been dreaming of for so damn long. And it was worth every second of the wait.

That is, until she shoves him back.

“F-Fenrir!”

“I—”

He can offer no excuse or explanation. He can only watch as she throws the bowl and cutlery back onto the tray. She gets to her feet in such a hurry that everything rattles. “I… I’m sorry. I’ll be back to check on you later, I just—Sorry!” And with that, she flees, leaving the door open an inch in her wake.

Fenrir stares at the sliver of light. He feels a sudden weakness, left by waning adrenaline, and slides himself back into a sleeping position. He’s finding it hard to focus, his blinks forcing his eyes shut for longer with each subsequent one. Her scent still lingers in the air, delightful torture. He hopes he doesn’t forget her lips in the morning.

It isn’t long until he slips into a dreamless sleep. And when she checks on him again, he doesn’t wake.

------------------------------------

A week later, Fenrir’s back in action. His trigger-happy fingers are just as nimble as ever, and his beaming smile is slipped into place to all his soldiers. He’s welcomed back to the squad with applause and cheers. He’s rejoined them at the dinner table, but he sits across from Luka instead, citing it to be the best place to get the freshly made food. She doesn’t say anything, and settles in to her usual spot, beside Ray.

Fenrir tries his best to act normal. He really does. Seeing them together is really just a natural thing that he needs to get used to. Now, sitting in middle of this roaring pub with the rest of his buddies, it feels so banal that Fenrir actually believes what he keeps telling himself.

“Hey partner, your drink’s empty!” Ray claps Fenrir on the back, jolting the latter from his thoughts. “What’re you thinking so hard about?”

“Just what kinda bullets I’m gonna get Oliver to make next!” The two men share an easy grin.

“And here I thought it was how to rid our world of tomatoes forever,” Ray says with a laugh.

“Damn, I really wish. But somehow, I think the lil’ things will pop up again, just to terrorize me.” Fenrir grimaces, but soon he’s back to smiles.

“Another drink?” The waitress that pops by is a bit too friendly, with her batting eyes and waning smile. Fenrir finds himself thinking that she’s attractive. Maybe that’s what he needs. An attractive distraction.

“Yeah, sure!”

When it comes, Fenrir wastes no time in taking a huge swig of the alcohol, letting it run through his system to cause a pleasant numbness throughout. He doesn’t realize the foam’s clinging to the top of his lip, causing a rather prominent mustache. When he catches her eye, she giggles at it.

“Have you been growing that long?” She points to her own lip.

When he touches his hand to where she’s indicated, he’s surprised to come away with foam. “Yeah, for years! Do ya like it?” He pouts, showing it off.

“Of course!” She’s a bit tipsy in her own right, all giggles as she thrives in the bustle around her.

“Gosh, Fenrir, maybe you should actually grow one~ ☆” Seth turns and fiddles with the foam to change it into a thin, curly mustache. He leans back to admire his work, absently running his fingers through his ponytail. “I’ll even style it for you.”

“Ugh, please don’t.” Luka rolls his eyes.

Ray returns with a round of fries for the table. The drunken army members cheer for their king before they dive in, grabbing at the golden potatoes. Fenrir’s one of them. He’s stuffing his face with the sticks, but he happens to look up to see Ray whisper something into her ear. And then, he watches her slide out of her seat.

Meeting Fenrir’s gaze, Ray gives him a thumbs-up as he moves to join her. He’s all smiles, looking happier than Fenrir’s seen him in some time.

Be happy for your friends.

Fenrir shoots him some finger guns, then stuffs more fries in his mouth.

 When he’s back in his room, spread starfish over his bed, his ears are still ringing. The pub will do that to you. Sometimes, that’s just what you need. He came back just a handful of minutes ago with the rest of the guys; the pair that disappeared halfway through never returned to the table.

“Ray’s probably confessed by now,” Fenrir mumbles to himself. “I hope they’re happy.” He rolls over, and the clock tells him it’s almost one in the morning. “I should sleep…” His sobering mind tells him to change, but he’s too lazy. So, he settles for stripping off his uniform jacket, then his top, and he’s just about to tug his pants off when there’s a subtle knock on the door.

At first, he thinks it a figment of his imagination. But the knock comes again, quietly, politely insistent. Fenrir doesn’t hesitate to jog over in his state of undress.

He yanks the door open, and there she is.

Damn it, is his first thought. He shouldn’t have kissed her. Now, he only wants more.

Clasped hands drop as her jaw does. “Fenrir!” She’s obviously flustered, not expecting to be faced with his bare body. “Umm, sorry, am I interrupting?”

Fenrir looks down and realizes. “Oh, right, sorry. No, it’s fine. I was just getting ready for bed. That’s why,” he gestures to his chest, “this.” He steps aside, to clear a path for her. “Come in, come in.”

She does, ultimately deciding to take a seat on his bed as his chair is currently occupied by a pile of clothes. Typical. It makes her smile. “You don’t need to change, it’s alright. I won’t be long.”

“Okay. So, what can I do for ya?” The bed creaks with his weight as he plops down next to her.

She’s changed into a nightdress and thrown a robe over it for modesty. Absently, she kneads the soft strap of the robe, parting and unparting her lips before she finally speaks. “Ray told me he loved me tonight.”

“Oh.”

The noise slips past Fenrir’s lips on its own. He’d been in the process of sobering up, but now he’s fully there, brain whirring to process what she’s just said.

“Wha… What did you say to him?” Say no. Tell me you said no.

“I said I needed time. I’m… I’m not sure.”

“Why?” That morbid part of him forces him to pry, even when he’s afraid each uncovered word will be a new needle slipping between his ribs.

“We’ve been spending a lot of time together. And I… I like him. I do. I just don’t know how much. I don’t want to hurt him, so I feel like I have to at least consider it.”

Fenrir wishes he had a gallon of water to calm his desert throat.

“But Fenrir. I… Our kiss… I just…” She doesn’t even stop to breathe. “I need to ask you. I can’t get it out of my mind, and I just can’t keep pretending it didn’t happen. I-I have to know, Fenrir, what did it mean?”

Fenrir knows exactly what he should say. It goes along the lines of ‘it was a mistake. Ray really loves you, so you should say yes.’ Then she’s off, her mind satisfied. And he’s fulfilled his duty as best friend. The duty he’s upheld for so long.

In the span of three seconds, the space between them is vanquished, and Fenrir is answering her question with a kiss. This time, his calloused hands weave into her hair. He feels her move beneath him, cycling through emotions: shock, surprise, then desire. She leans into his starved touch, both of their eyes pressed firmly shut, as if this would all vanish if they dared to reaffirm with a gaze. “Choose me.” Fenrir ghosts the words, lacing them into his fingertips as he strokes the nape of her neck, then a smooth shoulder revealed by the scattered robe.

A part of him wants to blame it on the drink, but they both know better.

He dares to trace her lips with the tip of his tongue, and she opens for him. He finds her just as intoxicating as he remembers. The sweetest wine he could savor and sip for an eternity, deliriously drunk on even just the scent. She matches his every lick, every stroke. Their heated sighs fade into one -- and damn, does it feel like he's truly living for the first time.

His hands tug at the strap of the robe, and lets it fall utterly onto the bedsheets. How many times has he imagined doing this, going over each step in his mind only to let the daydreams slip away into obscurity? How many times has he buried these errant thoughts in bullets, slammed into whatever targets he can find?

“Fenrir,” she whispers, shy when his eyes stare at her with such intensity, taking in the thin nightdress that clings to her frame. It practically hides nothing from view. “I… We…” Her lips glisten with proof of their kiss.

In this moment, he realizes he would give anything to fasten his mouth upon her silk-silhouetted peaks until she cries out for him, and only him. “Can I touch you?” Reason is slipping from his mind like fine gunpowder through parted fingers, and he doesn’t think he’s ever been so afraid. So afraid that what she says next will shatter this illusion and return him to earth.

“…Yes.”

There is no hesitation in the arms that envelop her now. He lays her upon the blankets, the sinew of his arms working with a gentle ferocity that only those closest to him are privy to. He urges the fabric of her dress out of the way, impatience swelling with each new inch of skin he uncovers. Involuntarily, she shivers, realizing how yearning is not dusted, but carved into eyes that possess her in such reverence. She’s only caught glimmers of it before, at dinner, in meetings, but now they have her captive, refusing to break the hold. Pint bumps prick her arms, and he pauses.

“Are you okay? Cold?” He asks, tracing the slightly-raised skin with a thumb, thinking even this is adorable. He gathers the sheets around her, intending to cover her bared limbs, but she shakes it off. She touches his shoulder instead, a silent summons that he heeds by dipping his head and covering the swell of her breast with his lips.

She rewards him well: a noise that is more exhale than moan, but it’s more than he could have ever hoped for.

He strokes so gracefully with his tongue, leaving traces of himself behind with each persuasion of song. His battle-worn hands trace down her stomach, the sides of her waist, memorizing each curve, each dip. “You’re beautiful,” he murmurs, flicking his gaze up to watch her flush rose-pink. And not mine.

“S-Stop, don’t say that,” she replies, her voice effortlessly sensual, enticing in its coyness.

“It’s the truth.”

His breath tickles her senses when he releases, to not leave the other unattended. When he returns her to the heat of his mouth, she is arching. Her body meets him to subtly whisper that her passion remains unsated, fiery yet. And while he wishes to savor, to let sit the dessert of her yearning on his tongue until it melts into saccharine cream, his fingers are not nearly as obedient. They find her damp, honest.

“Fenrir…”

He’s too aware that he strains against his pants, and her feverish moaning of his name only contributes to this torture. On his knees, he sculpts a path down her body, testing where his kisses tempt the most cloying of mews. But what does he hope to accomplish here? Would any of this make a difference? Is this just a result of their weakness?

She twitches when he takes her inner thigh into his mouth, sucking hard enough to leave blossoming evidence behind. He soothes the mark with his fingers, tracing, outlining the color. It’s an action as juxtaposing as he, the noble against the wild, the control against the release. Tomorrow, will he wake alone?

“Fenrir, stop teasing me…!”

He hooks a finger into the final piece of resistance, thin fabric he entices away. Arousal practically dribbles from between her thighs.

“Hey, I think you like being teased.”

A squirm, a giggle. “Shut up.”

“Hehe.”

And for a second, everything feels normal.

Then he lowers his mouth, and has his first taste of her.

He swears he’ll dream of the way she bucks for him, raising her hips only to let them fall, conducting him in the unpredictable rhythm of pleasure. His blood seems to be locked in a southbound race, his arousal so firm in its aching for her. The whimpers that spill from her are infinitely precious but lost upon the bedsheets that surround her with his scent.

It’s only in this liminal space between friend and lover, the public and the private, that Fenrir allows himself to be honest. “I can’t hold back any longer.”

“When have you ever?” and she smiles.

He sits back onto his heels, his belt and pants obstacles that are dealt with by the next minute. They hit the floor, crumpling as he surges forward. There’s no awkwardness here despite their nakedness, the vulnerability of it all. When he hovers over her, she feels nothing but comfort. Then, his arousal is pressed firmly against her.

Fenrir shifts. She parts for him. He’s engulfed by heat. A sole thought comes: this is where he belongs.

He sinks deeper into her, wanting, needing to know her very core. Her name falls from his lips, a mantra that he can’t stop repeating, reminding himself this is real. She tightens around him every time he does.

Fenrir kisses her chest, making his way up to her mouth as her arms come around him, hugging him close. “Does it hurt?” He asks quietly, not daring to break the hush.

“It feels good, Fenrir. So good.” The final fragment is pressed into his skin with a kiss.

He’s hilted, enveloped, drowning in a pleasure that is so familiar yet frighteningly new. It’s here that he can forget. His king, his duties, his friendships. He lets it all burn away with each stroke, each time his body meets hers in the name of bliss. Beneath him, she is breathtaking. She moans through their kisses, through his gasps.

“Fenrir, if you keep—oh, Fenrir…”

It’s him she’s thinking about. Him, and no one else. He fucking loves it.

The bed creaks under their shifting weight, rattling slightly against the wall. Fenrir obeys every desperate ache that runs through his veins as he rocks into her. Hating that he’s close. Hating that his body betrays him when he needs it most. But she’s beckoning him in deeper with the murmurs of pleasure against his shoulder blade, moving to his collarbone, exploring.

This can’t end.

He’s not ready for the warmth of her skin to fade from his fingertips, for time to erode his memories of this night until all that remains are fragments, bits and pieces he can’t quite use to form a finished portrait. God, she feels incredible. Tight around him as if she needs him just as much as he does her. He could make love like this, madly, possessively, for a lifetime.

I won’t let this end.

When clarity returns, will she leave? Will she be satisfied that it’s out of her system, that she’s had one last wild tryst? He strokes her hair, letting the strands ultimately fall from his fingers. His lips land wherever they can, on her forehead, her cheek, her sweetly moaning mouth. Here, in the dim, unsettled darkness of this room, bared skin against skin, she is his. And he is always hers.

Please.

“Fenrir, I…!” She unravels with a cry of his name, and nothing else matters. He watches, feels her come, ankles crossed behind his back to demand him go deeper. He knows he’s gone. Control has been lost. So, Fenrir surrenders.

“Me too.”

His final thrusts are done right against her, kneeling, grinding. It’s a bliss he has no right to know, but has partaken of just the same. He tucks himself into the crook of her neck, lightly capturing the skin between his teeth only to release. And as he spills the vestiges of sin, he makes a silent confession.

I love you.

Suspended in time, the pair can do naught but hold each other as their breaths slow, pants subside. They remain wrapped in each other, in the magic of the night, in the sanctity of these bedsheets. They connect with a stare, a silent meeting of cobalt and magenta that dissolves when Fenrir bites his lip and turns.

He rolls off her, fetching a handkerchief from his bedside table. He wipes it across her sweat-drenched skin, so delicately he’s hardly touching her. His chest rises and falls, heavy. His eyes are devoid of something. They’re clouded, lost.

What has he just done?

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?” She sits up, her dress falling down back into place. She replaces a thin strap on her shoulder.

“I…” A bitter taste lingers on his tongue, where once was honey. “I probably shouldn’t have done that.” All he can picture is Ray’s face, fallen with disappointment. He never wanted to be responsible for that look.

Her brows knit. Her fingers shake as she picks up the robe from the floor. “Fenrir, do you regret this?”

She waits longer than she should for an answer, but he has none to give.

So, she makes one for herself. Taking the cloth, she soaks up every last drop of him left inside her. She slips the robe back on, hiding her kiss-warmed skin. He can’t make himself lie to her, even if it looks like tears are welling in the corners of her eyes.

“Goodnight, Fenrir.”

Before he can even consider asking her to stay, she’s gone.

------------------------------------

How do I tell Ray?

This thought consumes Fenrir for the next few days. He knows he has to. There’s no chance in hell he’ll get away with hiding this. Nor does he want to. He just… hasn’t found the right opportunity to yet.

In fact, Fenrir hasn’t seen Ray much at all. When he does, they’re both too busy to spend any time chatting. Fenrir’s putting his troops through a vigorous program, and they’re all exhausted and sweaty at the end of it. Today is no different, as they spar with each other, fists flying and kicks whipping.

“Hey, Fenrir!” Ray’s voice cuts through the hubbub, and everyone pauses to greet the king before they’re right back at it. “Working hard?”

“As always!” Fenrir strolls over to Ray. “What’s up?”

“Just checking in. Everyone looks to be in top form.” Ray surveys them with a huge grin, looking very proud indeed. They start to walk through the troops together, giving advice and praise where needed. “It’s been a while since we’ve sparred together, huh?”

A nearby soldier overhears. “You should give us a demonstration!”

“Not a bad idea.” Ray turns to his friend. “How about it?”

“Ehh…” Fenrir scratches at his head. “I dunno…”

“C’mon commander!”

“It’ll be cool!”

The ace sighs, then bursts into a grin. “Alright. Let’s do it. If you lose, you’re buyin’ a round of drinks!”

“As per usual.”

There’s a roar of cheers, then a huge rumbling as the men move to clear a space, a vast, circular arena. Ray leaves his cape aside, and Fenrir does the same with his jacket. They both stretch, just lightly warming their muscles. They enter the ring to another round of noise.

Circling with slow, purposeful steps, they’re like jungle cats, feeling the other out, ready to pounce at a moment. Ray pounces, a kick flying out. It would have done some serious damage if it connected. Fenrir dodges with a speed that can only come from intense training. He retaliates with a jab. Neither of them hit, but they didn’t expect to. They know each other too well for this to be an easy fight.

Ray’s smile is natural, even as he summons strength to send his curled hand towards Fenrir’s face. It’s a feint. Fenrir doesn’t register it in time, and—ouch! A second fist sinks into Fenrir’s stomach.

“Oof!” Fenrir leaps back. He pats his side. He’s wincing, but only slightly. “Nice… one…” He pants, the burst of air forced from his lungs. “Next one’s gonna be mine.”

Ray’s eyes narrow, but he says nothing.

When the ace lunges next, he goes a bit too far. All Ray has to do is spin. Two fingers push into Fenrir’s spine to send him toppling off balance. Fenrir scrapes his palms; he’s not falling, but he certainly stumbles. He kicks up a cloud of dust, which he uses to his advantage. He launches a counterstrike.

The roundhouse kick just barely misses Ray’s leg. “Too slow!”  

Now they’re close, arms and hands grappling. They drag each other to the ground in a flurry of rough punches that are all equally blocked. The noise of the spectators dies down in their suspense, waiting to see who comes out of this sequence victorious. It’s Fenrir who breaks first. His block falls for just a second and Ray sees it. He exploits it with a light blow that doesn’t hurt Fenrir’s body as much as it does his pride.

“Fight me properly,” Ray practically growls.

“What’re you talking about? I am!”

“No. You’re not.”

Fenrir forces them apart, leaping back. He shifts back into a fighting stance. But Ray isn’t having any of it. He doesn’t give Fenrir a break, coming at him with an unpredictable array of attack. Fenrir just barely manages to fend him off but gains a few bruises in the process. Fenrir doesn’t even feel the sting of his wounds, the ache of his muscles telling him he’s pushing himself too far. He can’t stop. He doesn’t want to stop.

It’s only when Ray’s fist smashes into his face that Fenrir crumples to the ground, and stays there.

One of the spectators, a new recruit, yelps. He wants to run to Fenrir’s side, to help his commander, but Ray’s outstretched arm tells him no. He approaches the man, his best friend, and squats down beside him. Fenrir’s nose is slightly bloody, but the angle says it’s not broken.

“Do you think I’ll feel better when you’re unconscious and bleeding out, Fenrir?” His quiet words are only meant for one set of ears.

Fenrir’s eyes flutter open. “Wha?”

“I know. I already know.”

Shit. Fenrir summons his strength to push himself up. His face burns, recalling the imprint of Ray’s knuckles. “How?”

“Does it matter?”

Shit. Shit. “Guess not. I just… Ray…” Fenrir stares into those sea-green eyes, searching for some semblance of a sign to reassure him. He feels like a damn wounded puppy, even though he was the one who did the hurting. “I’m sorry.”

“Yeah. Well, I can’t say I’m not upset.”

“Heh, I can tell.” Fenrir tries to stretch his jaw but finds it too stiff for now. “Ow. Ya got me good.”

“But Fenrir. I know when I’ve lost.” Ray’s stony poker face is on, and Fenrir knows how hard he must be straining to hold back the emotions clawing at him. “Go get her.”

Fenrir refuses to move. He sets a hand on Ray’s shoulder, still bloodied from touching his nose. “I’ll let it go. I can’t do this to you.” He hates seeing that false indifference in his friend’s eyes.

“I’ll get over it. Go. Be happy.” Ray grabs the hand and helps Fenrir to his feet. His words are as resolute as his mind. “Stop being stubborn.”

“Do you even know me?” Fenrir winces when he attempts a smirk.

“Too well.” Ray spins on his heel to turn back to the soldiers, who are utterly confused watching the exchange. He raises his voice back to its normal volume. “Alright men, back to training!”

The circle disperses without argument, without any of the men questioning what the heck just happened between their commanders. Fenrir looks towards the barracks, Ray’s quietly muttered words wedged firmly into his heart. The time it takes to inhale, then release a deep breath is all he needs. Then he’s off, running towards his dream.

This time, he’s the one coming to her. But… now what? Fenrir stands in front of her room looking like a bloody mess, trying to figure out just how the hell he’s supposed to be romantic or sweet or something. Every time he attempts to knock, his hand seems to falter, afraid of what change lies beyond.

The door swings open on its own.

“Whoa!” Surprise that someone is right outside her room has her taking a step back. Then, recognition and concern beckons her forward. “Fenrir! Oh god, are you okay? What happened? You’re bleeding so much, oh, come in, come in, I have a first aid kit…”

He has to admit, it’s so terribly adorable watching her fret.

She leads him to the bed, sitting him down upon the soft mattress. He realizes that this is the first time he’s been in her room, and everything is so her. It smells like her, a gentle scent of camellias and comfort. “Is it the pirates again? What’s going on? Nothing’s broken is it? Is everyone else okay?” She’s wet a cloth with some water, and she wipes it across his cheek. It’s stained with crimson every time she takes it away to wash.

“Everyone’s fine, no, it’s just me.”

After he’s all cleaned up, she inspects him so carefully he feels like a museum artifact. When she’s satisfied that he’s not in any immediate peril, she sits back and lets loose a sigh of relief. “You really scared me!”

“Sorry, sorry, my bad!” He offers an apologetic smile. “I just. I have to tell you somethin’.”

She’s rinsing the cloth out in a porcelain bowl of cold water. “And it couldn’t wait until you cleaned up?” She’s still muttering under her breath about safety and taking care of yourself and—

“No.”

His tone gives her pause. The cloth forgotten, she shifts to face him with question in her eyes.

Fenrir is squeezing his finger so hard it turns white. But at least it isn’t shaking. “Ray.” He can’t quite decipher the emotion that slips into her gaze. “Ray’s my best friend. He’s my partner. When no one else was there for me, he was. I… I never wanna hurt him.” He can see her suck in a breath.

“But I can’t get ya off of my mind.” He feels so shy, raking his fingers through his light hair. “I don’t even know when this happened. It just kinda did. And then it never went away. I only fell deeper.”

“Oh.” It’s a hushed gasp, of a realization she can’t put into words for fear of being wrong.

 “To answer your question. That kiss. It meant… everything.” He hadn’t known his heart could feel such a rush, such a burst of adrenaline, almost as if he’s hurtling down an enormous hill despite sitting perfectly still. Well, that isn’t true. He’s trembling. “And I haven’t stopped thinking about it either. But I don’t really want to.” He still recalls the heat of her hands, embracing him so closely to her heart. “I guess what I’m getting at is… Choose me.”

“Fenrir…” She mouths his name, and he wants to kiss it off her lips.

“I can’t promise I’ll be the perfect boyfriend. Actually, I can promise the opposite. I’ll slip up a few times for sure. But I’ll try my damn best to keep that gorgeous smile on you.” He offers her what he hopes is a grin. “So, what do ya say?”

Not a second is wasted before she answers him with the sweetest kiss he’s ever had. His eyes slide shut on their own. She’s silk upon his lips, the right amount of nervous and sensual as she deepens the connection, seeking more. It’s a kiss that feels like their first, one bursting with promise and youth.

“Is that a good enough answer?” She murmurs against him, not wanting to break the connection of heat, of affection.

“Hell yes.”

They’re both breathless, but they can’t stop the silly laughter that bubbles up as they stare at each other.

“So, I get to call you my girlfriend now?” He takes her hand in his, tracing the thin veins as if they would lead him to her heart. With his other, he brushes her bangs back, tucking a lock behind her ear.

“You can call me anything you want.” Her grin is pure mischief, and he’s so addicted.

“Oh, what am I going to do with you? You just keep makin’ me fall harder.” With a smile, he guides her back to his lips. This time, he’s not afraid that each kiss will be the last. Instead, they reinforce the promise he’s already made to himself in his mind: that he’ll do everything in his power to ensure she’s always safe, always happy. This is a choice he’ll never allow her to regret.

Finally, she is his.

And he was always hers.

------------------------------------

Perhaps it’s divine intervention, or just plain old luck, but Ray is called away for the next several days. Any potential awkwardness is, at least temporarily, avoided. The new couple is given some time to make their rounds, revealing to the delight of their friends that yes, they’re finally together. It’s not quite a surprise, at least not to Seth or Sirius, that Fenrir harbored such a crush on the little lady. And if they’re concerned about Ray, they’re nice enough not to mention it.

Tonight, the king is scheduled to return.

She insists on throwing a sort of welcome-back feast for him, especially since he’s coming back right at dinnertime. She’s been busy in the kitchen all afternoon, working in perfect tangent with Luka. Dish after dish is served upon the elongated table, steaming away, filling the room with all sorts of drool-worthy scents.

Fenrir’s stomach growls when he enters the dining hall and takes his first whiff. “This looks amazing!”

“Hands off, Fenrir. Not until Ray gets here.” Luka exits the kitchen, carrying an enormous roasted bird. It’s the last thing he sets onto the table before he slides into a seat, joining the few others already sitting.

“Aww, fine.”

“He should be back anytime now,” she says, skipping to Fenrir’s side. She takes his hand, giving him a casual squeeze. Don’t worry, her eyes seem to say. He wants to listen.

Right on time, the doors swing open. And there he is, cape swung over his shoulders, hands on his hips. “Hey! I’m back!” He takes a double look at the amount of food piled upon the table. “Whoa, what’s all this?”

“Your welcome back dinner.” Sirius greets his king with a friendly pat on the back. “And an excuse to eat too much.”

“You really didn’t have to go to this much trouble. I was only away for a few days.” Ray walks towards the table, looking so pleased that they planned this despite himself. “C’mon guys, let’s eat.”

The rabble of chatter and the scraping of chair legs swell as people sit, beginning to dig into the plates of delicious food. Fenrir plops down into a chair, right beside Luka. She takes the seat next to him, like they’ve done every night since. But instantly, Fenrir realizes he’s chosen the wrong spot. The pasta’s too far away. It’s not a meal without carbs!

“Hey Ray. Can you pass the--?” Fenrir jerks at the cream-sauce-covered pasta with his chin. He watches Ray contemplate, then reach for the bowl of green salad, with dozens of sliced ruby-red tomatoes right on top.

“Here you go.” There’s that teasing smirk.

Fenrir rolls his eyes. “C’mon buddy.”

“Hey, you lost the fight. Normally, that means you eat tomatoes.”

Fenrir is about to argue back when his gaze locks onto Ray’s. Something unspoken passes through them, spanning only the space of a breath, but it’s enough. The silence that sits is a tenuous string that snaps when Fenrir grabs the salad.

“Alright, fine.” He dumps some of the greenery onto his plate. “Tonight, I’ll eat ‘em.”

“Wait, whaaaat? Really?” Seth’s managed to capture everyone else’s thoughts at this moment.

Much to their tablemate’s amazement, Fenrir actually slips a tomato slice into his mouth. He wrinkles his nose and grimaces, hating the flavor. He chokes it down anyway. Beneath the table, he feels her cover his hand with her own, delicate as she squeezes to say she’s thinking about him, supporting him. The now-familiar warmth is just what he needs. He answers back with his thumb, stroking the inside of her palm.

“It’s a perfect punishment.” Ray watches Fenrir inhale a second slice. “Very entertaining.”

“Next time, I’m gonna win.” Fenrir waves his fork at Ray like a warning sign, already dreaming of the pasta that’ll wash any taste of tomato away. As he’s not looking, she takes this opportunity to sneak two red slices off his plate, replacing them with some chicken of her own.

“Oh yeah?” Ray laughs. He raises his glass to drink, but thinks better of it. He holds it out towards Fenrir, who responds in kind. They clink together in a crisp cheers. Just the two of them. Ray takes a deep swig, letting the sentiment color his cheeks and his heart. “Want to go again after dinner?”

Fenrir’s grin comes easily. “Oh, you’re on!”

A VERY, VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY to the sweetest lady @fenrirgodspeed, who is the inspiration and driving force behind this piece. I wanted to write something for your boy (of course), but wanted to try something a little different. I really hope you enjoyed ;-; I so admire the works you create, and hope I got even a smidge closer to the incredible standards you set for angst with each new piece. I wish you all good things this year and every year following. I always have such a damn fantastic time chatting and squealing with you. I’m so grateful that you’re my friend! ♡♡

HUGE shout-out to @kashimalin for helping me out with this story, and sitting through my endless rambles as I wrote it. This story wouldn’t be where it is now without your keen eyes and wonderful, fantastic mind. 

Also tagging some lovelies: @pseudofaux, @jaciinclays, @all-my-cuffs-have-buttons ♡

Please feel free let me know if you’d like to be tagged in future fics~

[velvetgons]

yoonbin as your boyfriend

warnings; probably swearing i’m not sure!! 

word count; 3.6k 

requested; no :) whoops! but requests are open if you have any :) 

a/n; i’m working on a request right now so i should have that finished this weekend!! thank you for being patient (also, to gif makers: if tumblr removes the attached credit please let me know so i can credit you!! most of the time it keeps it attached but sometimes it removes it so :// i’ll add credit just in case!!) 

gif credit; hayoonbin on tumblr :) please tell me if you want it removed!!

ok!! we’ll start with how you met;

say you happen to be friends with a certain Loud Boy named jihoon who’s insistent on widening your friendship circle so it doesn’t ‘embarrass him that he’s your only friend!’

(secretly it’s because he genuinely cares for you and wants you to have a wide friendship group but he’s taking that to his grave)

so he takes you to different Friend FunctionsTM and it’s all going good u know

you’re talking to so many people and you’re conversing and actually having full length conversation about people’s different interests

and jihoon is so proud because! that’s his best friend! there they go! making friends so quick!

but seriously everyone’s so welcoming that you’ve almost formed some kind of friendship with every single one of his friends there

except for this one guy who’s kinda just awkwardly sat there?? and you’re about to approach him to get a full house of friends when you start to think that he looks lowkey bored n irritated

so you’re like haha nope! not going there! it’s been a great night and i am not prepared to be publicly embarrassed by one (1) boy!

and so you go to jihoon n you’re like “alrighty my friend my buddy it’s been a great night but i am tired now and i have completed your task of making friends so goodnight!!!”

but he’s all “not so fast snake! there’s someone you haven’t spoken to yet :/” and he’s gesturing back to the boy with the stone face

and ur first reaction is “jihoon wtf how do u know who i’ve communicated with” but he dismisses that so ur second reaction is “he is very scary i am not going to talk to him ://”

but jihoon is so persistent he’s all “i know he’s intimidating but he’s just awkward i promise!! he’s like a spider, even more scared of you than you are of him :)”

so he just walks you over, drops you there, gets the boy’s attention, and then is like “wowie do you hear doyoung calling for me because i sure do!!” and then he abandons you

he just deadass leaves you there with this scary boy who is now looking at you very expectantly while you just stand there staring back at him

so you mutter a lil introduction of ur name and he kinda. just nods

and so u look at him like ?? bro what

which is when he gets the message and he’s like “right yeah sure i’m yoonbin”

so now you think he’s scary and dismissive and he’s STILL looking at you and not saying anything?? he’s just. sitting there and looking at you like ur some kind of book that he’s really focused in on

and you’re looking around for jihoon because?? you need help!! you are very scared!! you feel like a small animal under threat!!

so just when you’re about to run away because you truly are very intimidated this boy looks panicked at you being panicked so he’s like ‘no!! omg!! they think i don’t like them!! yoonbin we: did it again’ but externally he just kinda “hey uh sorry 4 being weird n all but. do u wanna sit down so i can make it up to you :-)”

and oh boy now that you’re lookin at him ur starting to notice that he’s honestly pretty cute

so ur like “haha yeah sure i’ll have a seat :)”

and truly your friendship just grows from that

for a while ur still kinda sceptical and withdrawn around him because you still think he hates you a lil bit from the way he stares at u all the time

and he’s always really overtly polite with you? so whenever you speak it feels so formal? like he can’t really be bothered to be having that conversation

which upsets you because :(( cute interesting boy doesn’t like me :((

and he’d notice in one of the many times you spent alone together (because jihoon is convinced that yoonbin likes you)that you seemed to genuinely think that he didn’t like you??

and after a while he’d kinda…slowly try and bring it up!

like. “hey…uh…i just wanted to let you know that my face really does just look like this…all the time…it’s my resting expression…i do like you :(( i am: sorry”

and you’re like “oh my god!! no!! i’m sorry i made assumptions!! it’s nice to know you like me though ♡＾▽＾♡”

and then the door slams open?? and jihoon is barrelling in??

both you and yoonbin freak out because “what the fuck jihoon??????? where did you even come from???”

and he’s like “aha!! not important! what’s important is that yoonbin finally confessed his feelings for u!! we love a couple!!”

it’s honestly like you can physically feel yoonbin sigh internally as he tenses up next to you

and you’re like “oh…this is: not what i expected”

but then jihoon is confused because he’s like “uh i was listening in and i heard u say that u knew he liked u so don’t pretend not to know! i already know that you think i don’t know what i do actually know”

and ur like “ok first off jihoon, i don’t know what you mean at all, and second of all,, yoonbin told me nothing :/”

meanwhile yoonbin is just. stood. very still

and jihoons like “oh! haha,,, my mistake! i’ll uh leave you kids to it then :O”

which means yoonbin has to stutter his way through a long paragraph that summarises his Mood for the past couple months of knowing u which essentially boils down to ‘yeah i like you as more than a friend’

and ur like ‘oh….wowie….i like the way this is going…’ and then u just kinda mumble a lil “ask me on a date then!!” because you assume he isn’t listening

but he hears! oh boy he hears! so he stops rambling and laughs at himself because ‘u fool, u baboon, she wants to d a t e’

and then he’s like “:)) ok :)) pls go on a date with me!!!!”

and wham! an overly complicated way of explaining how u two started dating

so. now that you’re dating. it’s like he’s a completely different person??

he’s relaxed enough now to act however he feels like acting with you in the moment

sometimes he’s all （＾∀＾）and giggly and talks about a lot of different things while you nod and try and capture as much as you can from him!!

but sometimes he’s ( ￣＾￣) and wants things to be quieter and chilled out and would much rather listen to you talk about different things while he nods along occasionally

but he’d always make it clear that despite this he is listening!! he totally does care!! he’s just tired and doesn’t have the energy to be communicative!!

i feel like yoonbin is also really caring?? and it would probably come across as him being a bit overprotective at first because he isn’t fully sure how to communicate how much he cares about you

so if you’ve had a bad day and you’re telling him about it he feels like his mind is going a million miles an hour because he just? wants to fix it and he doesn’t know how to other than to directly try and sort any problems out for you

like if you’re arguing with family/friends, he’ll try and find common ground to fix the issue for u, or if you’ve got a lot of school work and it’s tiring you out he’d be like ‘i will do ur homework for u’

so you have to sit him down and say “hey!!! i know you’re only doing it because u love me but i promise i can sort out my problems by myself and you don’t need to stress yourself over them :))”

and then he gets the hang of it you know!! if you have a problem he’s like “do you want me to help or do u got it??” and if you’ve got it then !! well done you’re so talented he’s impressed !! and if you don’t then it’s okay !! he’ll help he doesn’t mind !!

i think he’d still be quite a protective person but i think he knows where the line is between being protective and wanting to take care of someone and being overbearing and interfering where he isn’t supposed to

and by protective i just mean if someone was flirting with you he’d be really cautious to not overreact but also to pay attention to how you’re responding, so if you start to look uncomfortable he’s ready to argue with the other person

or he checks that you’ve eaten, slept, and drank enough often just to make sure you’re okay all the time

i also think that despite how he’d have a lack of energy to really converse with you sometimes he’d still wanna be with you almost all the time

whether that’s by texting you through-out the day ((lowkey he just wants updates on your day and gives you responses about that and not his day))

or having long ass phone calls where you talk about plans, or how you’ve been or things you’re interested in

but overall he would just like to be in your presence, even if it’s just having a movie playing while he gets to cuddle up to you

that’s another thing!! he loves having you cuddle up to him!!

i mean he’s all for spooning or having you lie on his chest n stuff but if you kinda clung onto his arm or grabbed his hand or did a lil run up to hug him when you first see him!! oh boy his heart speeds up so fast he thinks he might actually be having a heart-attack

he’s also hand-holdings biggest fan like. if ur not holding his hand 24/7 in public and private then what’s the point?

i think the only public affection he’d actually be cool with displaying is hand-holding and having his arm kinda slung across your shoulder or around your waist

he’d like to always have some kind of contact with you in public just because he would ~lowkey~ get jealous pretty easily and it makes him feel more at ease to know that other people can obviously see that you guys are together

but the hand-holding would be for u just so u know that he’s right there if u need him for whatever reason in public

in private i think it’d take him a lil while before he got comfortable with displaying proper affection

but after he did i don’t honestly think that he’d be flustered very easily? i feel like once he was comfortable enough to kiss u whenever and stuff he’d find it pretty natural for you to kiss him randomly too

having said that, forehead kisses are his ultimate favourite

if you’re shorter than him, then it’s the biggest flex on your height to give u lil forehead kisses (and! you can’t be mad because he’s being cute)

if you’re taller than him (i just immediately assumed not because he is Big) then he’d lean up to :-* and it doesn’t phase him at all just because. that’s still his baby and he’s still gonna smooch

also. even though he gets jealous easily he wouldn’t ever think it was your fault? like, he doesn’t care what you’re wearing, what you’re acting like, but if somebody in public flirts with you he is ?? stressed

but he knows he can be intimidating so he’d just glare at them until they got the message and left

and you’d reassure him like “ily!! and no other people who flirt in public!! i pinkie promise!”

also full disclosure if you ever did that he might just. drop all his uwus

this would also be a reoccurring theme if you ever did something mildly cute because!! he cannot handle how soft it makes him feel

he is also your biggest hype-man!! if you finish one (1) question on your homework before being like “nah ok i can’t do this right now” and he’d still be like “omg but u did one question that’s so intelligent of u no one else could ever!”

he’d make fun of you pretty often too but not in like a mean way he just has to do it to make sure you don’t get too big for ur boots u know

if you fell over or anything he’d pause for a minute to help you up, make sure you were okay, before proceeding to roast you within an inch of ur life

but if anyone else did it then he’d get all Stone Faced because uh?? they’re not allowed to do that?? he totally is but anyone else…being even jokingly mean to you…not on his watch

he’d definitely end up being the type of boyfriend that all your friends think is this cool, nonchalant bad boy type that’s soft for you only

and they’re just. wrong. so wrong

he’s the sweetest boy and he’d constantly check in with you for reassurance in social situations because?? is he making people uncomfortable again?? what’s he supposed to say when people ask him why he looks mad??

i also fully believe that yoonbin would always be as considerate as he possibly could be of your feelings in arguments

like he seems as if he’d be the type to kinda scoff and shrug off what you’re saying while he talks at you about his opinions

and i do think that’d probably be his immediate reaction in arguments but then he’d do this heavy pause where he’d kinda close his eyes and sigh really deeply before he’d look back at you and say “let’s actually talk about this because we’re acting like children right now”

and if you kept trying to argue he’d just. calm himself as much as possible while he tried his hardest to understand where you were coming from with whatever point you had without getting mad or arguing back at you

which would eventually make you stop and talk calmly because you’d just feel dumb yelling at him and getting rational responses

if he was ever tired or frustrated or anything that made him just snap at you (whether you were arguing beforehand or not) he’d feel so guilty later

and he’d come and find you after he’d gotten back to senses and he’d be so apologetic

if you were still upset, he’d ask if there was anything he could do to make up for it after apologising a thousand times, or if you just wanted him to give you some space

if you accepting of his apology and kinda just like “i get it!! ur tired and i shouldn’t have pushed you :)” he would. be very thankful that you understand but would also be a lil upset because. you didn’t deserve the way he treated you right then?? why would you just accept that??

so, that’s also a Big Thing for him

if he – or anyone else – disrespected you/didn’t treat you the way you deserve and you brushed it off he would be so, so upset

he just thinks the world of you and wants you to think that of yourself too so seeing you so unbothered by people not giving you everything he deserves makes him literally determined to prove your worth to you

the type of boyfriend to leave lil sticky notes on mirrors that just say, “you’re the cutest!!!!!” or “omg ur like. hot” and he would straight up deny it if you ever asked about them

he’d be like “:o omg u probably got someone sneaking in!! that’s wild idk who would leave such cheesy messages ;)”  

and even though you know he ain’t slick ur like “wowie me neither,,, hope to find out one day……i wonder if he’s cute….”

back onto the earlier topic, like i said: he’d be so considerate of how you were feeling in every situation

if he knew you weren’t feeling too good he’d always ask whether you wanted him there or whether you needed some space, always reiterating that he won’t be offended by either answer

and even though he always wants to be making sure you’re okay and wants to spend every second of every day with you, he’s definitely the type of person who sees the value in alone time

he needs alone time!! you need alone time!! and he isn’t scared to let you know that he just needs to spend some time clearing his head and being in solitude, and he’d be respectful if you wanted the same thing

he also very much thinks that both of you should have social lives outside of with one another if that makes sense?

like, he encourages the both of you spending time with your friends without one another because he thinks it’s important that you’re both still getting that time where you can just. be dumb and say dumb stuff and inside jokes that ur friends already get u know

but also!! he would love to know that you trusted him enough to tell him things that you do/don’t tell your friends

he just loves that feeling of intimacy of being able to share personal things with one another and not feel judged or uncomfortable

and if you ever told him that you felt safe with him oh boy!!! he could swear his heart actually burst in his chest!!!

if you were ever in a situation where you just didn’t feel fully comfy/safe (such as: walking home late at night, etc.) and you mentioned it, even in passing, to him he’d insist on you two having a system so he can help you out

like, if there was a certain person that made you uncomfy when you were around them, you’d have a lil emoji that you would text him so that it didn’t seem suspicious and so he could get you out of the situation !!

(you’d have to do this at some point and he’d check his phone to see the emoji and he’s !! on high alert because ur just like. across the room from him and he’d take big ass strides over to you and curl an arm around your waist to let you know that he’s right there!! you’re all good!!)

and with the walking home late at night, even if he didn’t already know you were uncomfortable with it, he would just overall dislike the idea of it because he worries about you!!

so especially if he knew you didn’t like it either, he’d be a lil bit on edge if he knew you had to do it

which is why it’s easier for both of you if he just comes to meet you whenever you have to walk back in the dark

but i think if you ever went to him with a problem/something that made you feel unsafe because you trusted him he’d genuinely feel so!! warm and complete inside because he’s truly reached the level where he could make you feel nice and safe!! which is really all he ever wants for u

yoonbin will not, under any circumstances, wear matching couple clothes with you. it is not happening. he will not ever do it. it’s not a thing

however! he starts wearing this necklace all the time,, and being his s/o ur curious as to why

so you ask him like “:O it’s so pretty!! why’d you start wearing it??”

and he’d be really nonchalant about it and just shrug before being like “it’s actually a locket :)”

so you assume it’s a picture of his family or something so you ask to see the inside and he’d do this big dumb grin before he nodded

and you’d reach over to open it up and oh boy oh boy!! it’s a lil candid picture of you!!

so ur first reaction is “bro u literally never told me this is so cute,, and also: why……..”

to which he really would just shrug at you before mumbling the smallest lil, “i like feeling like ur close to me 24/7 u know”

and your heart! oof it’s: burst

now! onto the quick fire round:

yoonbin is anti-tell-your-partner-what-to-wear (mostly because he genuinely only thinks about what you wear in a “wowie that’s my actual s/o??? i am. floored” type of way) but! he will get pressed if you go out in little clothing in the cold because “you’re going to get sick!! and then i will be forced to say i told you so!” so long story short you have to take a jacket with you or else he’ll rant about how difficult it is to get rid of colds again :/

also. he blushes when you compliment him. and it’s something he threatens to fight you over if you ever tell anyone (which you won’t because it’s an endearing lil thing that he does for u!!) and so obviously you compliment him all the time because of it

he really wants to know something substantial about things you’re interested in!! like, if you’re into film, he wants to know about technical film stuff so he can understand what ur talking about. if you’re into writing, he wants to know about your newest piece of writing and why you’re writing it.

he just firmly believes that repaying you for all the support you’ve shown him in his training is super important!!

doesn’t have any big qualms about you showing skin-ship with other people but hand holding is!! yours and his thing and he gets bitter if you do it with someone else

so: overall, i think yoonbin would take a lil while to fully grasp how relationships and being with someone actually works, but like. as soon as he does he’d be a pretty picture perfect boyfriend to be honest

[jungcock]

fatal attraction│01 (m.)

→ pairing: reader x jungkook (feat. taehyung)

→ genre: serial killer au, angst

→ word count: 14k

Your dangerous ex-boyfriend comes back to haunt you in more ways than one.

→ warnings: mentions of smut, drug and alcohol abuse, violence, light gore, death and murder. This will be a series with a lot of twists and turns… I’ve been working on this for a while and I’m excited to finally post so I hope you all like it.

↳ series m.list | 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | on going

You were at Hoseok’s palace of a home. You were at Hoseok’s palace of a home every Saturday night. Every weekend his parents flew off to the Caribbean, leaving an empty house for him to have all of you over. Apparently dealing with their unemployed 24 year old son proved too stressful. You, Hoseok, Yoongi, Jimin, Taehyung and a hundred odd people occupied the Jung mansion in his parent’s absence. These parties were notorious from what you heard. Only a handful of times you had experienced them first hand, despite being in the same place every weekend. Instead, you’d lock yourselves upstairs and let the party goers enjoy the raging vibes below.

Surprisingly, Hoseok never minded these strangers soiling his million dollar home. Whenever someone would break a vase or knock over an expensive artwork his reaction was far from frightening. His eyes would widen and he’d mutter an ‘oh shit’ before erupting into laughter. He was so carefree and that’s what you loved most about him - despite the trait most likely stemmed from growing up so privileged.

Hoseok was heir to an empire. You all were and you were lucky you all clicked so well when your parent forced you all to form a little group. Sure you fought every now and then, but there were two things that always kept the dynamic in check, two things you would always have in common. One, none of you wanted to take over your families’ businesses and two, all of you loved to drink.

You were sitting at the dining table scattered with all types of contraband and playing cards. You had the worst poker face, so your goodies were at the other end of the table with Taehyung. You sent him a death glare as he snorted a line of your cocaine before puckering his lips at you.

“Asshole!”

“Hey! It’s not my fault you’re shit,” he retorted.

“Fuck you!”

You chucked your cards at him and he cackled when they landed nowhere near him.

“Let’s just play something else,” Jimin suggested, hoping to simmer down the situation before you exploded.

“No!” Taehyung argued, “Just because princess pathetic can’t handle losing her stimulants doesn’t mean everyone’s fun has to be ruined.”

Taehyung was known for joking around, especially with you. For some reason beyond your knowledge, you were his favourite to tease. It was a thrill for him to get a rise out of you, you could see it in his eyes. Every time, his chocolate orbs would ignite with satisfaction at your reaction. It was like he got off from it, his dark stare taking a snapshot of your face to save for later. Although he irked you endlessly, you didn’t entirely mind. He ensured there was never a dull day. He ensured embarrassing moments never went unnoticed and were stored away for future laughs. He was your friend and you knew he loved you, despite the harassment. But that comment did hurt.

“Hey!” Yoongi snapped.

Taehyung eyes widened and he hung his head. Whenever Yoongi spoke up, you all knew, as well as Taehyung, that he had gone too far. Now at an awkward standstill as to what to play next, Hoseok got up to go downstairs. He’d make an appearance every hour, more so to please his guests as opposed to checking if his home was still intact. After two years of witnessing these parties you had come to the conclusion that Hoseok used them to punish his parents for neglecting him. They weren’t for his pleasure and they weren’t for his boys or yours. The parties were only a background noise. It was a weird dynamic when you actually thought about it but it worked. The guests knew never to come upstairs and as long as they obeyed that rule, they could drink and party to their hearts’ content. However, Hoseok wasn’t completely reckless, if anyone broke his very few, lax rules they were banned for good. His status alone kept trespassing nonexistent. It was organised chaos.

“I’m off to do the rounds! If you haven’t come up with a game by the time I come back, we’re all joining the party,” Hoseok threatened and earned a groan from all the boys as he left.

“Ok fine! Since princess-” Taehyung began with a snarky tone.

“Careful,” Yoongi warned.

He sighed before adjusting his tone to something close to endearing.

“Since princess has lost her assets, how about we bet on clothes?”

“If you give me my coke back I’ll strip for you right now,” you deadpanned, fed up with his extra sass.

“Really?!” He exclaimed, his face lighting up with shock, which you hated because he looked so damn cute.

“Just have mine ____,” Jimin offered kindly, trying to save your dignity.

“No offence baby but my coke is better,” you sassed, drunk and coming down from the weak drugs.

Jimin dropped his cards in defeat. He was always such an angel to you, you knew you’d feel bad tomorrow but right now your stubborn self just didn’t care.

“____ just text Jin and get more,” Yoongi suggested clearly trying to protect your dignity as well.

“I can’t,” you replied in a small voice.

“Why?” Taehyung challenged with a smirk.

“Because if I ask him for drugs again he’s gonna tell mum and dad,” you admitted unable to make eye contact with anyone.

Sure your brother was a part time drug dealer, but it didn’t mean he wasn’t still your brother. He was overprotective and controlling and he hated you hanging out with the boys. If it wasn’t for the fact your friendships benefited the family business, he would have narked on you all years ago.

Taehyung’s cackle filled the room. “Are you serious?!”

“Why are you being extra dickish today?”

Taehyung shrugged his shoulders before pushing his chair back and dangling your little white bag spitefully. In blind determination you marched over to him, peeling the tight shirt off your back. Jimin and Yoongi yelled in half-hearted disgust and turned away while Taehyung hollered.

“C'mon guys don’t pretend you haven’t wanted see this for years!”

You ignored his comment, knowing if you acknowledged it your face might have turned beet red. You attempted to snatch your drugs dangling between his fingers but he palmed the bag.

“Jeans as well, baby.”

You rolled your eyes and began to unzip. You should have felt disgusted and repelled by his sleazy behaviour but you couldn’t. As you looked down into his eyes that were filled with curiosity and anticipation, you could only see your little Tae. Taehyung who never failed to make you smile by the sight of his face alone, his constant expression of absence and his big bambi eyes. The urge to pinch his cheeks was a daily struggle and that image was impossible to tarnish. And in a weird way, it made you feel ok with what was going on. You trusted Taehyung, you trusted all the boys and you were comfortable. Honestly you were surprised they hadn’t seen you naked already.

“Stop!” Yoongi yelled before you could push your jeans past your ass.

“Why?!” Tae whined in dramatic pain.

“Jin’s on his way.”

“What?!” You screeched in panic.

“Chill! I texted him asking to score and he said he was in the area. Put your shirt back on, your high end coke is on its way,” Yoongi explained.

“Thank you.”

You did what you were told and poked your tongue at Taehyung before returning to your seat. He kicked at Yoongi’s chair and mouthed a 'what the fuck man?!’ at him when he thought you weren’t watching.

“We’ve got a good thing going here!” Yoongi bellowed, disregarding Tae’s attempt to be discreet. “I’m not going to let you make it weird and awkward for the only girl that likes us because you’re high and horny!”

Now, girls liked them. Girls liked them a lot. However you were the only one who didn’t beg them for anything remotely romantic. Now don’t get it wrong, it was difficult in the beginning. The four of them screamed anime fantasy, with their impeccable fashion sense and coloured hair. Their demeanours radiated sex appeal without effort, disinterested and completely unaware of how alluring it was. They were just too cool it hurt. It took a good couple of months of getting used to and resisting that urge to throw yourself at any of them was probably the best thing you had ever done. It was strange to think your feelings for them weren’t always platonic.

And even more strange to think it was Taehyung that caught your eye first.

*

He was slouched against the wall at the bottom of Hoseok’s grand staircase. His hair was red at the time and he was sporting leather trousers and a white bomber. Drunken strangers flooded the distance between you two and obscured your view occasionally but it was still impossible not to spot him. He looked and was, fucked and he completely owned it. His mouth was in a permanent smirk, his tongue making an appearance every few seconds. He was looking everywhere and nowhere in particular. It had you yearning for his thoughts. Daze so intense, he hadn’t even noticed you blatantly staring at him for the last half an hour.

Half an hour you had been there, dragged out of bed by your brother because he needed to deal and you couldn’t be left alone. You truly had no interest in attending one of Hoseok’s parties but now, discovering this gorgeous boy had you kicking yourself for not making an appearance sooner. Once you had enough of the torture, in a second of blind courage, you found your legs moving towards him. You didn’t even have anything to say. Honestly, you were shamelessly contemplating just shoving your tongue down his throat because you didn’t have anything to say. But you weren’t the only one with him in your radar. You stopped in your tracks when suddenly this gorgeous blonde popped out of nowhere and latched onto him. You cursed. If only you had made your move sooner. But no, you had spent the whole time just staring like an absolute creep…

But before you could completely bask in regret, he was waving her off.

It was bizarre.  

She had the looks of a model, throwing herself at him and grabbing his manhood. He only chuckled and shook his head, letting her make a fool of herself. Just within earshot, you could make out her annoying whines.

“C'mon Tae, take me upstairs and we can fool around abit.”

Tae.

Tae chuckled and covered his face as if she had just said the most absurd thing imaginable. Leaning his head back against the wall, he stared at her through his lashes and once again, shook his head. She stomped like a child, disappointment shrouded her flawless face. In one final attempt to get in this boy’s pants, she leaned into his ear and whispered so seductively it gave you goosebumps.

“I really want to suck your cock baby.”

No reaction whatsoever, instead his smirk returned and his eyes found yours. You must have looked like a deer in headlights, unable to move or play off like you hadn’t been eavesdropping the entire time. His stare was inquisitive, curious and he refused to break it as he finally opened his mouth.

“No,” he growled into the blonde’s ear before winking at you.

Your heart stopped and you ran off in a panic. No no no no, hell no. There was no way you could face him now. On a mission to find your brother, you were praying he was far from the stairwell so you could make a proper escape. Tae’s raspy voice echoed in your brain as you moved through the crowd at an agonisingly slow pace. To your dismay, you didn’t get very far before Jin found you.

“____! I told you not to wander off! Why didn’t you answer your phone?” Jin yelled at you over all the commotion.

You had felt your phone go off but ignored it. You couldn’t risk tearing your eyes from Tae at the time. You were scared he’d get lost in the crowd even if you looked away for a second. But now that you had been discovered, you had to be as far away as possible. You nervously turned back to check the distance you made between yourself and said boy. It wasn’t a lot and he was still watching you, amused and the blonde had disappeared.

“I’m sorry, let’s just go home,” you gushed trying your best to usher him towards the door.

But he stopped.

“Oh! It’s Taehyung,” he said, waving at the boy you had been trying to run away from.

“You know him?!” You squealed.

“Yeah, he’s dad’s potential business partner’s son.”

Your eyes widened. “How do you know this?”

“We’re going to be taking over the family business eventually, ____, pay attention.”

“You’re taking over the family business Jin. So no, I won’t pay attention.”

He shook his head and chuckled.

“I’ll introduce you.”

“NO!”

Before your body could react, Jin was already approaching him. He grabbed your hand and pulled you along like he did when you two were kids. You tugged at his bicep in protest and whispered in his ear in desperation. You felt like you could mentally combust if forced to confront Taehyung now. Jin ignored your pleas, like always. Your heart was racing as Taehyung spotted Jin and stood up straight, recognition in his expression. It was the most alert you’d seen him.

“Oh, Jin!” He greeted.

“Taehyung!”

Then they did this bro handshake you’d never understand.

“Hey, do you have anymore of those pink tabs?” Taehyung asked your brother, eyes wide and hopeful. It was the cutest thing you’d ever seen in your life.

“So that’s how you know him?” You called him out, as if he listened to shit concerning the family business. “I was under the impression you met through our respected law-abiding families?”

Jin shot you menacing eyes. “I did meet him through dad, you brat,” he hissed in your ear.

Taehyung chuckled. “Who is this?” He asked your brother and then turned to you, “And why’d you run away from me?”

“This is my little sister ____,” he introduced you before you had a chance to. “I have to babysit her even though she’s 19 years old because she can’t stay out of trouble. And why did you run away from him ____?”

You stuttered. The fucking nerve of him. You wanted to murder him. Taehyung’s laughter filled the air and you felt your face burning up. You twisted around to punch Jin in the gut but he predicted it and blocked it. The urge to scream in his face was so strong but Taehyung’s intense gaze forced you to behave.

"You’re not doing a very good job keeping her away from it.”

The three of you turned to the voice walking down the stairs. Your jaw dropped. The boy was just as ethereal as Taehyung. He had similar style, however a leather jacket hung off his shoulders instead of the white bomber that swallowed Taehyung. He caught your eye and smiled brightly, his eyes crescent moons. If you hadn’t died already, you died then.

“You’re no better,” Taehyung pointed at the other boy, eyes wide and accusing.

“What? I’m an angel,” the boy sung, running his fingers through his silvery white hair.

The other boys cringed and Taehyung shoved him as he took the spot next to him against the wall.

“I’m Jimin.”

“Hi,” you squeaked.

Jin looked at you, looked at his friends and then looked at the way you were looking at his friends. He could always sense the trouble before you ever could. It was the glint in your eye, the undeniable tension that radiated off of you whenever you were drawn to something, drawn to… trouble, essentially. And somehow it was Jin’s job to prevent it, to intervene before you delved face first.

“Ok I’m going to take my baby sister home now,” he declared, emphasising 'baby’.

“No, stay!” Jimin protested sweetly.

“Yoongi hates it when you leave so soon,” Taehyung added.

You had heard that name before, Jin was always mentioning him when he was not already with him. Although your brother never used the phrase best friend, you knew that was what Yoongi was. You had been dying to meet him. And you’d be lying if you said the two boys you had just met didn’t have anything to do with your change of mind.

“Let’s stay-” You began.

“Next time boys,” Jin interrupted, pulling your arm.

“Wait!” Taehyung hollered and closed the distance Jin attempted to make. “I wanna see you again.”

The smirk on him radiated utter confidence and bravado. You hadn’t made the best first impression, with the help of Jin, so you were quite surprised. Nevertheless, you bit your lip and pulled your phone out of your pocket. But it was quickly intervened.

"No,” your brother deadpanned.

The boys with coloured hair laughed.

“C'mon dude, we’re not that bad,” Jimin defended the both of them.

“Maybe you,” Jin said pointing at Jimin. “But not him.”

Taehyung gasped dramatically.

“Ok, how about I get her number then,” Jimin mediated.

Jin rolled his eyes but didn’t protest. He turned around as if saying to quickly do it while he wasn’t looking. You grabbed Jimin’s phone, typing your number and saving it. Taehyung’s eyes grew at the sight of Jimin’s phone, now with your number in it, as you handed it back. He was about to lunge for it but you grabbed his phone before he could and dialed your number quickly.

Jin turned around as your phone rang.

“Um no!”

“I’ll see you around,” You said with a wink, dragging your brother away.

*

Jimin and Taehyung told you a year later what they thought of you in that very moment. It started with, “you were sexy as hell” and ended with “but then you became one of us”. You had pondered that conversation and first interaction over and over, trying your best to analyse how they saw what they had explained. First of all, you looked a mess that night so for them to find you attractive enough to want to see you again, had you baffled. Jin gave you no time to change, so you were still in your satin nightgown and ended up chucking on boots that were laying at the front door. Your hair probably looked like a nest and all you did was stand there being patronised by your brother.

For a while you theorised it was because Taehyung thought anything in little dress was sexy as hell. He loved women with an alternative look and he was all about the chase so it was easy to assume. Jimin spoiled that theory eventually, with a raised eyebrow and an accusation that you weren’t giving yourself enough credit for how beautiful you were. And soon, to your embarrassment, whether it was a compliment or expressed as a burden, none of the boys would let you forget how beautiful you were.

*

As you walked back to the car with your brother that night, you had to bite your lip to keep from smiling. From the beginning, you could feel that you were on the same wavelength and that both parties had voids they knew the other could fill. It was in the way Jimin smiled at you. It was in the way Taehyung looked at you differently to the way he looked at that blonde girl. There was a connection you hadn’t felt since your ex-boyfriend and you had missed the excitement that coincided. The promise of new relationships - friendly and romantic alike.

However, Jin was quick catch on, being the protective brother was.

“You are never to go to one of those parties ever again,” he ordered before speeding down the driveway.

Like Jin could ever control you.

You found yourself being drawn to them. Every Saturday, without fail, you would sneak out your bedroom window to meet Taehyung waiting further down your street with the motor running. Before you’d end up at Hoseok’s, he’d drive you to a make out spot that overlooked a view of the lit up city at night. It was breathtakingly gorgeous despite the muffled moans from neighbouring cars. The first time he took you there you could tell a hook up was on his brain and sweaty palms aside, you were more than obliging. But instead, you got talking and that’s all you ended up doing. You told each other things you had never told anyone. You laughed until you cried. There was more than just attraction and that was the last time you ever got the sense he was coming on to you. And after that, surprisingly, the awe of him wore off. As you spent more weekends with him, he became less of an angelic being and more of a boy your age. The dazzle and charm of him developed into pure platonic fondness. As it did with Jimin. And then Hoseok and Yoongi when you met them.

*

You liked them for them and not for their looks, and Yoongi cherished that greatly. As corny as it sounded, it made you feel secure and warm and wanted. Just knowing for a fact, Yoongi wouldn’t let anything jeopardise your place in the group did wonders for your emotional stability.

“You could never scare me away,” you reassured him, in the cutest voice you could muster.

“Stop.”

You giggled at his reaction, as much as he pretended it disgusted him you knew he loved it. It was the glimmer of admiration in his face before he would twist it into a grimace. Jimin’s giggle filled the air and it was contagious.

“Don’t pretend you don’t love it,” Jimin teased.

Yoongi shoved his chair back and shot out of his seat, ignoring Jimin’s comment.

“Fuck it.”

“Where are you going?!” Taehyung questioned, containing his laughter.

You all watched Yoongi’s back as he stormed up to the locked door.

“What else are we gonna do huh?! It took you idiots hours to decide on this game.”

It was not hours, drama queen.

The other boys grumbled. They hated joining the party. As obnoxious as it sounded, it was because they were sick and tired of being continuously hit on. Every time they took a step out that door, girls would squeal and then a brave one would come up and try her luck. Now, any guy would be in heaven but these boys were different. Jimin was shy and even though the attention was flattering, he didn’t want it and never knew how turn it down. Taehyung loved the attention, but he also loved the chase, nothing screamed boring more than a girl that was easy. Yoongi was too into his music, he couldn’t care for anything else. And Hoseok, was Hoseok. He was too all over the place for a girl to try to tie him down, even if only for a hook up.

To the boys discomfort and displeasure, you loved to see it all unfold.

“Let’s do it!” You cheered, joining Yoongi.

They moaned again, Jimin throwing his head back to be extra dramatic before dragging himself out of his seat.

“Only if me and ____ play boyfriend girlfriend!” Taehyung declared sickeningly cute before Jimin had a chance to.

“What are we? 10 years old?” You snapped.

Jimin narrowed his eyes before shoving his fist out. He played paper. Taehyung played scissors. Jimin declared defeat, kicking his chair in frustration.Taehyung shook his fists in victory before approaching you with open arms.

“I didn’t agree to this, you brat!” You protested, fending his arms away. “I was Jimin’s girlfriend last time, now people are going to think I’m fucking you all!”

Taehyung immediately morphed into your little Tae. Doe eyes and all. “But I won paper, scissors, rock,” he mumbled sadly.

You groaned, unable to deny him. And honestly, why should you care what those drunk people downstairs thought of you.

“Fine.”

He joined your foreheads together, half headbutting you in his excitement. “Thank you ____,” he said before squishing your cheek against his own and squeezing the life out of you. You acted a dead weight until he was done.

“Ready?” Yoongi asked, hand on the doorknob.

You nodded, the other two meekly doing the same. It was a thrill actually attending these parties. It was never the same music or people and never the same dramas. As evil as it sounded, you were excited to see the dilemmas the boys would inevitably find themselves in this time. First stop, the kitchen, because you needed popcorn.

*

On cue, a few girls squealed and muttered to each other very loudly as you all descended. Taehyung had his arm draped around your shoulders in the most nonchalant way possible. You barely recognised it there before he’d occasionally yank on your neck to whisper in your ear. The looks you were given, you could only imagine criminals being looked at the same. It was beyond pathetic and absolutely hilarious. You could see the jealousy and frustration behind their eyes; that expression of realisation that they couldn’t have everything despite their parents enforcing they could. And being the bitch you were, you smiled at them and batted your lashes before shoving a hand down Taehyung’s back pocket. The gasps echoed through the room, it was iconic.

Jimin stuck himself strategically between yourself and Yoongi, who was leading the way. Before you all could make it even halfway into the living room, Jimin had ignored and ran away from his name whined thrice. The fourth time was gradually closer and he flinched like the soft baby he was, before picking up his speed. You didn’t mean to laugh at him but you did. He just looked so cute and small and scared, sticking to Yoongi like glue. His eyes almost popped out its sockets as this tall brunette came strutting up them, flipping her hair and winking. Now you felt bad, knowing Jimin would be petrified to tell this girl he wasn’t interested. To his relief, Yoongi had it sussed. With a flick of a wrist, he shooed her away, denying her the time of day. Jimin mumbled an apology at the girl’s baffled expression, before scurrying back to his friend’s side.

“Jiminie you’re so cute when you’re scared,” you teased him as you all finally made it to the kitchen.

He gave you a fake smile before flipping you off accordingly.

“Even his middle finger is cute,” Taehyung cooed, leaping over to him and grabbing his hand. “Look at his little hands!”

Seeing red, Jimin grabbed a loaf of bread, probably left on the counter by a drunken party goer trying to sober up and hurled it at Taehyung as he ran away.

“Ah!” Taehyung bellowed. “Violence is never the answer,” he joked, laughing like a madman.

The cocaine was definitely kicking in.

Just before Jimin could fire back, Yoongi was ordering for someone to text Hoseok. You volunteered, pulling out your phone as Taehyung draped an arm around your shoulder again and tried to feed you bread. You were beginning to regret agreeing to come downstairs with faded Tae. Drugs and crowds didn’t mesh well with him. He’d either be swinging from the chandelier or passed out in a closet and you were not in the mood for that sort of babysitting. You needed Hoseok, he always knew what to do these situations. They were his parties after all. You texted him your whereabouts. The kitchen was the most quiet room in the house on a saturday so it was always the meet up spot.

“I texted him,” you told Yoongi.

Yoongi nodded, too busy frowning at his lit up screen to answer. “Jin’s here.”

“That’s my cue!” You declared, ducking out of Taehyung’s embrace.

“Where are you going?” Taehyung asked in a panic.

“Where my brother isn’t. Can’t exactly let him think the coke is for me now can we?”

“But it is for you?” Taehyung questioned, scratching his head in confusion.

You sighed, patting his cheek pitifully.

“I’ll text you when he’s gone,” Yoongi said and you peered around Taehyung to nod at him.

You were praying that Jin either hadn’t entered the house yet or wandered off into the crowds. In order for you to sneak back upstairs, you had to actually get to the stairs and they were exactly opposite the front door. You were extremely cautious on your journey so far, zipping and weaving with your head down. Salvation was in sight. But just your luck, a voice hollered - your brother’s voice. You froze, contemplating just pretending you didn’t hear him but you knew that would be even more suspicious. You took a deep breath and turned around.

Jin hadn’t seen you. He wasn’t calling you. The person he was talking to hid from your view with the help of a few people at least a foot taller than you. Whoever it was had Jin’s full attention so it wasn’t a deal and it had you beyond curious. Jin didn’t have a lot of friends and the few he did have did not match the silhouette of the boy he was now talking to. You craned your neck for a better look, dying to know who it was.

Then Jin spotted you. Then said person turned around.

Your blood ran cold when your eyes locked. Time slowed down. Your heart was pounding in your chest,  it felt strong but delayed. Your vision went blurry, everyone around you moved in slow motion. You didn’t even notice Jin shaking you and yelling, because your complete capacity to comprehend was fixated on him. What the fuck was he doing here? He smirked at you like he could read your mind. He emitted villainy with his long coat and black hair, looking like he was here to collect your soul. It was frightening, he was frightening. The aura that ran in his bloodline.

“What are you doing down here?” Jin had been questioning for the last ten seconds, although your ears only just begun to clarify his words.

“What is he doing here?” You croaked in panic and betrayal. “Why are you talking to him?!”

“Jin!” Hoseok bellowed with a chuckle, walking into an absolute shit storm without even realising. “I didn’t know you were making an appearance tonight!”

God, you loved Hoseok. His constant radiance and cheer never failed to make you happy… until now. And it made you want to cry to think even your precious Hobi couldn’t make this all ok.

“Why is she down here?” Jin interrogated him. “And why is she alone?!”

Hoseok was taken aback and let out a nervous chuckle. “Ah, sorry. She was with the others when I left.”

Then Hoseok spotted him and with a smile, went to greet him.

“Hello!” He greeted cheerfully before shaking his hand, “I’m Hoseok, please make yourself at home!”

You were cringing. He didn’t deserve your Hobi’s hospitality.

“Yeah, I know,” his deep voice replied. “I’ve been here before.”

“Oh!” Hoseok’s exclaimed, still serving his warm welcoming. “I’m sorry this is the first time we’ve met. I didn’t catch your name?”

“Namjoon.”

Hoseok just grinned like the ray of sunshine he was, completely unaware of who exactly was standing in front of him. And that was your fault. You hadn’t told the boys about Namjoon and a certain someone he was related to. Instead you just prayed this day would never come, that you would never have to be in his presence and face your past again. You should have told them. You should have told them. Hoseok was a networker and here he was, attempting to establish a connection and bond with Namjoon without knowing who he really was. Without knowing who his family was and who his family was to you. You had to save him.

“Go upstairs,” Jin ordered you one final time.

You were about to protest. There was no way you could leave without Hoseok, without telling him what was going on before it came from someone else’s mouth.

“I’d rather she didn’t,” Namjoon interrupted. “We need to catch up! It’s been awhile.”

“I have nothing to say to you!” You spat, nowhere near as confidently as you would have liked.

The chuckle that escaped his lips was dark and taunting. “Not even a ‘how are you? How is your family after I ran their reputation into the ground?!’”

You flinched away from him, shaking your head as if he was a hallucination and you could will him away.

“That wasn’t ____, that was your brother,” Jin defended you, stepping in front of him to shield you.

“Step aside,” Namjoon threatened so calmly it was scary.

“No.”

“I just need to talk to her.”

“No.”

Namjoon smirked. “Still fighting her battles huh?”

“Until the day I die.”

The tension was undeniable. You wanted to disappear as strangers quietened to watch the drama unfold. You must have looked as distressed as you felt because soon Hoseok was in front of you, your cheeks in his palms. He did this to prevent your panic attacks, sensing them before you could hit the ground, wailing.

“They’re all staring Hobi please.”

With a nod, he announced the party was over. Groans emitted everywhere, however everyone was quick to disperse. Within a few minutes the music was off and the foyer was empty.

“What’s going on-”

Taehyung, Jimin and Yoongi waltzed in, confusion plastered on their faces.

“Nothing! I’ll meet you guys upstairs.”

You forced a smile and it only made the three of them more uneasy. They each took a step forward, planting themselves within the situation. They were there to stay. You were dreading what they would think of you after this was over. You couldn’t bear it. This wasn’t happening.

Taehyung seemed to have sobered up, all staunch with a look of concern. “What’s going on?” He repeated.

“Nothing!” Namjoon chuckled. “I’m just checking up on my lil bro’s girl, that’s all.”

“What?” Jimin uttered, eyes bulging at you.

“She’s not his girl anymore,” Jin corrected, looking over his shoulder at your friends.

“She didn’t tell him that,” Namjoon argued. “Actually, she didn’t tell him anything at all because she’s the reason he’s where he is now and she probably still hates herself for it. What kind of person does that to the love of their life?”

“Wait, who?” Yoongi questioned, as far the boys knew you had never had a boyfriend.

The rage was building inside of you, your panic attack long forgotten.

“Ah! Of course you didn’t tell him. Little ____, always running away from her problems,” he continued to patronise and insult you. “Always running away from the consequences.”

That was it. You were charging, shoving Jin and Hoseok out of the way.

“You don’t know shit about me!” You yelled at him.

“Yeah not anymore,” he scoffed, looking down at you with discontempt, “but I did once. Who are you now?”

“This is me,” you huffed, “when I’m not in love with him.”

“Ah,” he sighed while scratching the back of his head nervously. “He’s not going to like that.”

“So that’s why you’re here? To relay him closure?” You sassed, unable to stop yourself. “You can tell that fucker that we were over from the moment he-”

“You can tell him yourself,” Namjoon interrupted with a sly smile.

“Now why would I go see him?” You bellowed, incredulously. “I never want to see his face again!”

Namjoon narrowed his eyes at your crazed ones.

“Ok, I guess I’ll have to tell him then. He’s not going to be very forgiving hearing it from me.”

You grimaced, completely unimpressed. “Do I look like I give a shit?”

“No,’ he deadpanned, “and you’re gonna regret it.”

“I doubt it.”

“I’m not buying it,” he taunted.

“How?!”

“A love, like what you two had, doesn’t just go away,” he stated, “no matter how much of a bitch you’ve become or pretend to be.”

As soon as the word bitch came out of Namjoon’s mouth, Hoseok stepped in. “Ok time for you to leave, asshole.”

Namjoon cackled. “I’m not the asshole here,” he said, staring you down.

Trying to avoid his gaze, you stole quick glances at the boys. They we all silent, speechless. The looks on their faces were of utter disbelief as the gears began to gradually turn. You weren’t as perfect as they thought you were, as you portray yourself to be. And you could see it, that question in their eyes as they stared at you - who are you? This was not how you wanted them to find out. It made you absolutely livid, even more so now that this image of your former self was being painted by someone else. And that this someone else was playing coy enough for them to fill in the blanks with the worst they could imagine.

Why the fuck did we come downstairs?

“Why are you here, Namjoon?” You asked him one last time, through gritted teeth.

“To remind you ____!” He yelled and his deep voice boomed and echoed through the high ceilings. “You were family once, you know, and you can’t escape family.”

Namjoon spun on his heel and made his leave. You wanted to yell after him and demand what he meant but as he walked further and further away, your heart rate and breathing began to settle. The nightmare was almost over, he was almost gone. Suddenly, to your dismay, he stopped at the front door and you tensed noticeably.

“I’ll see you around. Sleep well,” he said with a wink before slamming the door closed behind him.

You let out the breath you didn’t know you were holding. Out of the corner of your eye, you could see Taehyung attempt to engage with you, confused as ever. But before he had a chance to bombard you with questions, Jin held an arm against his chest.

“Take her upstairs and don’t let her out of your sight,” Jin ordered Taehyung coldly and then glanced at the rest of them. “Don’t let her come home for a couple of days, just while I sort this out.”

You scoffed, anger still coursing through you. You gave your brother a harsh look to express your disdain at his actions, at his emotionless attempt to protect you while disregarding your feelings and existence. Although his words were somewhat sweet - he couldn’t even give you a hug or check if you were ok? He could be so cold and clueless and inconsiderate sometimes, just like your father. It truly sickened you. You couldn’t face him any longer.

As soon as you ran upstairs, Taehyung stopped Jin for answers.

“Wait-”

“She’ll explain everything and try your best to be understanding when she does.”

“What about you?” Jimin chimed in.

“I’ll be fine,” Jin reassured them. “Just please, keep her safe.”

Jin looked at Yoongi especially and he nodded.

“Of course.”

And with that, Jin chucked his best friend your cocaine and made his leave.

*

You had hopped into Hoseok’s bed. By the time you felt four weights sink into the mattress around you, your anger had subsided into humiliation and dread. It was Jimin that convinced you to poke your head out from under the covers and the view was beautiful. Your four boys surrounded you, faces full of concern and love. Hoseok was lying next to you, Jimin sitting on your other side and Taehyung and Yoongi on the foot of the bed. All of them, ready and waiting for your explanation.

“We just want you to know,” Yoongi began, “no matter how bad it was, what you did, who you fucked - we don’t care. We still love you, ____.”

And as you sat up, you were in tears.

“I don’t even know where to start!”

“How about the beginning?” Hoseok suggested with a warm smile.

He always made things sound so easy. You snivelled, wiping your tears with Jimin’s help.

“It was about four years ago,” you began with a deep breath. “I was young and stupid and I thought I was in love. And you know, that kind of love can be really blinding.”

Having to actually talk about this, talk about him, brought horrible feelings of shame and regret that you thought you’d never have to experience again. And you couldn’t keep the tears from falling.

“Fuck, I really hate seeing her cry,” Taehyung murmured, unable to look at you.

“You don’t have to tell us if it’s too hard ____,” Jimin informed you sweetly.

“No,” you protested, “I can’t keep this a secret from you guys anymore. You deserve to know.”

“Ok, just take it slow,” Yoongi soothed you.

And so you did.

*

You met in high school. He was a bad boy, the bad boy that every guy was afraid of and every girl wanted to be tainted by. He drove this old mustang that roared through the school parking lot, half an hour after classes began and during recess. He smoked cigarettes and never wore colour. Everyone knew him but no one was friends with him, including you. You never took any interest in him or sought him out because embarrassingly, your world revolved around your girlfriends and the next social event. Occasionally, you’d see him at a party. He’d be hiding in the shadows, until he’d find his prey. It was always the most conservative girl, the one who’d look like she didn’t belong there. And then on Monday, she’d walk into class with a scarf around her neck, wincing while she’d lower herself onto her seat. The boys in class would snigger and one would slap him on the back. It made you livid. So many times you’d want to turn around and shout how disgusting he was but you never did, not wanting the inconvenience that would follow a proper interaction.

You were polar opposites and while that repelled you, it intrigued him. He’d always stare at you shamelessly in calculus. He’d always sit behind you and fiddle with your hair with his pencil in history. Despite this unwanted attention from him, it wasn’t too bothersome and frankly you were too scared to do anything substantial about it. He wasn’t charming. He didn’t send you winks or blow you kisses when your eyes met and he didn’t smirk or chuckle when you turned around to slap his pencil out of his hand. He’d only stare, challenging you to confront him properly. Challenging you to strut up to him after school where he always was, leaning against the hood of his car with a cigarette between his fingers and tell him to leave you the fuck alone. And for a good three years, you didn’t. You ignored his existence and never spoke a word to him. He was only an insignificant stereotype in your adolescent life. An irrelevant convention in your coming of age story.

*

“What changed?” Jimin questioned, knowing where the story was going.

You sighed.

“Dad made me heir to half of the business.”

*

You never wanted to inherit anything from your parents. You saw what the politics and money did to their relationships and your family. Reputation was all they cared about and what a better way to ruin that for them but to have a disgrace of a daughter. You thought, surely, if you did something so scandalous you would be written off and deemed an unworthy successor.

But, you were pristine from birth. You gravitated towards people with good grades and clothes and makeup pastel in colour. You really needed to leap out of your comfort zone for your plan to work. So, in a mindset of spite and determination, you strutted up to the boy leaning against the hood of his car with a cigarette between his fingers.

His eyes widened when you stopped in front of him. He was dressed in his signature skin tight ripped jeans with a black tee tucked in. The contrast between you two was immense and you couldn’t help thinking how it looked to the other students roaming around.

"Are you lost?” He asked you through a chuckle.

“No,” you snapped, readjusting the three textbooks in your arms.

He raised an eyebrow before walking around his car to slam down the hood. His car was known for breaking down and it wasn’t surprising considering the way he drove it. However it did wonders for his game, the girls at your school swooned for a grease monkey and admittedly, he pulled the look off tenfold. He tapped the hood twice for his brother to pump the gas.

“You wanna go out sometime?” You yelled at him over his loud engine.

“What?” He yelled back.

You rolled your eyes. “I said, do you wanna go out sometime?!”

He shook his head and pointed to his ear, insinuating he still couldn’t hear you. At this point, you were beginning to regret it. It was like the heavens were giving you a chance to escape from this idiotic idea. You almost turned to leave. You wish you did. God, you wish you did.

“DO YOU WANNA GO OUT SOMETIME?”

While fighting your inner turmoil as to whether you should have backed out or not, he had signalled to his brother to cut the engine. Everyone stopped and stared as your proposal seemed to have echoed through the parking lot. He chuckled, half rubbing his eye, half covering his face in second hand embarrassment. It was the first time you had ever seen him smile. His teeth, perfectly white and straight, were on full display. He looked like a little bunny boy, misplaced in leather with a cigarette. And surprisingly, it was really cute and your heart fluttered a bit.

*

“Hey! We don’t need to hear how much you were throbbing for this guy ok?” Taehyung cried.

Yoongi slapped the back of his head.

“Sorry,” he mumbled.

“Look, if I’m going to tell this story, I’m telling all of it.”

They all nodded, signalling for you to continue.

*

“So she finally came around huh?” His brother chuckled, hopping out of the driver’s seat and slamming the door.

He refused to acknowledge him, staring holes into you. You started shuffling your feet, your nerves getting the better of you, worrying you just embarrassed yourself for nothing.

“You better give her an answer lil bro, she’s getting anxious,” he teased.

“You can go now Joon,” he disregarded him.

“‘Wow, thanks so much for helping me fix my car Namjoon, best brother ever!’” Namjoon jested.

He shot Namjoon a death glare and Namjoon raised his hands in surrender. “Ok, I’ll see you at home. Nice to meet you-”

“____,” you introduced as he jumped into his Range Rover and sped off just like his brother did everyday since you’d known of him.

Must run in the family, you thought.

“So?” You began.

“Why?”

You gulped, eyes doubling in size.

“Because, I want to?” You expressed in the most convincing tone you could muster.

“Are you sure about that?” He questioned again teasingly.

You scoffed, “Well, now, not really!”

He chuckled again at your irritability, something he wouldn’t quit from that moment on.

“Miss pristine wouldn’t just ask someone like me out,” he theorised.

“And why not?” You bit back, getting fed up with his hesitation.

You were not used to actually working for things instead of them being handed to you on a silver platter.

“Because look at you!” He pointed at you with his cigarette. “And I’ve been sussing you for years and you didn’t even have the time of day to tell me to fuck off.”

“What if I didn’t want you to?”

“HA! Bullshit. Go run back to the football field with your little cheerleader friends and Doug the buff doofus yeah?“

“Ugh please!” You whined, “Just go out with me ok?”

“She’s begging me now.”

“If you wanna put it that way, fine! Yes I am.”

“But why?” He probed once more.

This guy was not an idiot, to your dismay. It was easy to be convinced otherwise because he was hardly in class and when he was, his attention with fixated on you three quarters of the time. This was supposed to be easy. First, you had no attachment to him whatsoever and you weren’t attracted to him or his look. And second, he had been obsessing over you for the last three years, he should have jumped at the opportunity. But instead he was intuitive, perceptive, so you decided to be honest.

“Look, I just want to piss off my parents.”

He grinned.

“Ok,” he said before flicking his cigarette and walking to the driver’s door.

“Ok? Ok what?” You questioned, unable to play cool or bad or anything to attract this boy.

“I’ll pick you up at 8,“ he bellowed at you as he hopped into his car.

“Oh! Like in your car?” You asked, bending down to speak to him through his passenger side window.

“Well what else, my scooter?“ He chuckled.

“You have a scooter?!” You asked.

“Do I look like I own a scooter?“

You ignored that comment with a frown and he chuckled again. He turned his car on and attacked his gearshift.

"Wait! You don’t know my address? And where are we going?”

“Yes I do princess, and just wear that little white skirt you always wear on Wednesdays,” he smirked and then sped off.

*

“So this guy is basically a more stalkerish Taehyung?” Yoongi interrupted.

“Hey! So she has a type, there’s nothing wrong with that,” Taehyung defended himself.

“No that’s not the point-” you began.

“____, falling for the bad guy isn’t something to be ashamed of,” Hoseok added with a smile, “don’t beat yourself up.”

“Guys would you let her finish? She’s obviously telling us this for reason.”

You gave Jimin a look of gratitude.

“Exactly, you guys need to hear the normalcy to understand how it ended up the way it did,” you explained, “you need to understand he was just a guy, like all of you. Because otherwise you won’t by the time I’m finished.”

That shut them up, but you knew it was only temporarily.

*

You wished you took a picture of your parents’ faces when he pulled into your driveway. Instead of coming inside like a gentleman, he slammed on his horn. Nice touch, you thought as you ran downstairs while your parents’ bombarded you with questions. He honked the horn again and wolf whistled at you when you emerged from out the front door. Once he saw your parents in tow, he flicked his headlights off. Through the windscreen he looked like a parents’ nightmare with his leather jacket, cigarette and gaze that screamed trouble. And to top it all off, he smacked your ass when you ran past the driver’s side window.

“____ ______! I’m giving you three seconds to get your ass back inside,” your dad growled.

You ignored him, hopping into the passenger’s side.

“Sorry pops, her ass is mine tonight,” he yelled back through his window.

You could just make out your mum threatening to call the police as he sped out your driveway. You hadn’t laughed so hard in a long time.

“That was amazing!” You shrieked in delight, “I can’t believe I’m saying this but, I’ve never felt so… alive.”

He chuckled before slamming his foot down on the gas, going at least 80 kilometres per hour. You squealed.

“You better get used to it princess, we’re just getting started.”

Every friday for a month he took you to his brother’s parties, got you drunk and dropped you home at four in the morning. And then did the same the next night. Namjoon’s parties on a Saturday night were always more packed than on a Friday.

You never knew anyone there apart from him, so you were shameless. He found you quite entertaining. Instead of lurking around in silence like you’d witnessed him do at every party, he was engaging. He never left your side, fending away guys and laughing at your lame jokes and ramblings. He was so different to what you had expected. He was nice and somewhat chivalrous. To your surprise, you had spent midnight with him eight times and it came and went without him making a single move.

“You’re not how I’d thought you would be,” you admitted on the fourth weekend, once he dragged you outside so he could have a cigarette.

He raised an eyebrow at you and ashed. “How so?”

“You haven’t tried anything,” you gushed blatantly. “Am I not conservative or innocent enough for you?”

He threw his head back and cackled.

“Baby, you’re perfect,” he confessed without hesitation, “but you’re not ready for me.”

“Don’t tell me what I can and cannot handle!”

He chuckled again. “Don’t overthink it. Let’s just enjoy the night, yeah?”

“You might as well just tell me not to breathe,” you retorted.

He grinned at you before pulling you against him.

"I thought I was only a means to piss off your parents,” he whispered in your ear.

The grip he had on your waist was rough. You could tell it was an act of lust alone and that’s not you wanted. It wasn’t what you were asking for. You could understand why he’d assume you’d want it this way as you’d never insinuated you wanted anything remotely affectionate from him when sober. You had to set the record straight.

“That doesn’t mean I can’t like you too,” you mumbled shyly.

He jerked back to look into your eyes suspiciously. His arms around you tensed. You were delving in dangerous waters called feelings. It was not what you signed up for and he knew it too.

“I call bullshit.“

"Why’d you think I stayed away from you all these years?! Because I knew if I had a taste of you I’d be screwed,” you blurted, now with nothing to lose.

He smirked, shaking his head as if you had gone crazy.

“It’s been a month, don’t pretend you don’t feel the same as I do,” you said softly.

He didn’t answer that, instead his eyes went dark and narrow. You took half a step back. Your little white skirt suddenly became very interesting as you fiddled with it anxiously. You could feel his eyes on you and his second hand smoke fanning your face. He flicked the butt away before grabbing your face and squishing your cheeks in one hand aggressively.

“Don’t you fucking dare assume our feelings are mutual,” he growled, “you don’t want anything to do with me! You never did!”

He stormed off, shoving you aside. You knew why he was angry. Understandably, he thought you were fucking him around, taking advantage of the soft spot he held for you. As far as he was concerned, you weren’t interested. During the week you’d go back to pretending he didn’t exist, too scared of what people thought. But what he didn’t know was that you were falling for him, hard.

He was different with you. Throughout your weekends together he revealed a side of himself hardly anyone had the privilege of seeing. He was caring and reliable and loyal in his own fantastically unique way. And boy, was he a good time. Traits, you couldn’t experience with your friends and their lack of depth. He was real and it was so refreshing in your existence of superficiality. He changed your life and view on everything. And now you were mad that you couldn’t just swallow your pride and protect his heart.

You eventually followed him outside and found him on the couch with his brother and his friends. They were laughing and it seemed he’d just forgotten all about you. He was the epitome of hot and cold.

“Take me home,” you demanded, interrupting their conversation.

He looked up at you, his grin dropping into a grimace. He sighed and got up while his boys booed and threw their empty beer cans at him. He motioned for you to take the lead while he bid his friends farewell, slapping a few hands.

The car ride was silent apart from his rock anthems mixtape still playing from the car ride to. It was weird not screaming out the lyrics with him. It was just weird full stop. Despite him speeding past intersections and red lights, it felt like the trip was in slow motion.

When you got to your house, you found the gates closed. They normally were and he’d give you boost so you could climb over. Tonight was no different. You got out of the car before him, wanting to get away from the enclosed tension as quick as possible. You refused to acknowledge him as you heard his car door slam. The shuffling of his feet got louder and soon his hands were on your waist, ready to lift you.

“Wait,” you spoke to him for the first time since you’d left the party, shoving his hands off of you.

He scoffed.

“You know what? I’m done!”

He was irritated and when he got in these moods, it was difficult for him to escape them. He was about to storm off but he paused and turned to rasp at you.

“Don’t ask me for anything ever again-”

You don’t know what came over you but before you could stop yourself your hands were in his hair and you were kissing him, hard. He caught your weight effortlessly as you practically threw your body at him. You could sense the relief by the way his shoulders just completely relaxed, as if this kiss cured all the anguish in his heart. As if this kiss proved he hadn’t just wasted three years of his life pining after a girl that he would never have.

You were getting carried away, especially when you pushed your tongue into his mouth. He growled, lifting you off your feet and adjusting your thighs around his waist as if you weighed nothing. He had to stretch his neck up to keep his lips against yours as he took a few steps towards his car and delicately laid you down on the bonnet. You were starting to get wanton with him leaning over you, his body engulfing your smaller frame entirely. You were surrounded, suffocated and you indulged. He felt like a drug, and you were an amateur, extra susceptible to the addiction. When he started pulling your hair back roughly and biting your lip when you’d separate, it had you begging for more. Your legs wrapped around him. You couldn’t help letting the little moans escape your lips. It was the danger that coincided with him, the taboo nature of it all. He was bad for you. It was wrong for you to get involved with him. You knew it from the start but the attraction to him and the idea of him was too strong. You made your bed, now you were lying in it.

Before he could slip a hand under your skirt, your porch light lit up and the automatic front gate opened. Your dad screaming for you to get inside, forced you two apart. He let you go with a smirk and then turned to bellow a smartass remark at your dad, who then told him to fuck off.

“Don’t you ever try to break up with me again,” you warned him, walking backwards towards your summoner.

His hair was a mess and his lipstick stained mouth stretched into a boyish grin. His whole demeanour had transformed back into the boy who dazzled you with his cold kindness and genuineness. And as ridiculous as it sounded, you knew, just then, that you were in love with him. It didn’t need to be spoken or labelled or justified. He had you as much as you had a hold on him. From that moment on, you were his.

*

The looks on the boys faces screamed they were relayed too much information. Taehyung’s was morphed the most.

“I’m gonna barf,” he groaned with a grimace.

Yoongi rolled his eyes at him. “Do you want to hear the story or not?!”

“I’m not too sure anymore,” he admitted with distaste.

“Just because it wasn’t you between her thighs,” Jimin provoked him.

Taehyung jaw clenched and he almost pounced at his friend. Yoongi held him down.

“Ignore them, ____,” Hoseok reassured you, squeezing your hand he’d been holding this entire time.

“Fine, I’m jealous! Who is this guy?!” Taehyung exasperated, fed up with the mystery and ego hurt by an unidentified character.

They all fell into silence. Taehyung was always the one to speak what the others thought. You knew they were dying to know who he was, but this was the only way you were able to share this story. You took a deep breath, deciding to be kind and give them his first name, common and a far link from his notoriety.

“His name was Jungkook.”

*

Your parents didn’t know his name. They didn’t care to know. To them his name was dropkick, druggie, lowlife and any other related pet names. Frankly, you didn’t care what they thought anymore. When they offered to let you out of your inheritance, you declined because it was under the condition you break with him. Every offer they gave you was under the condition you break up with him. Needless to say, you refused every time. Nothing could make you happier than Jungkook did.

For the rest of your last year of high school, you and Jungkook were inseparable. On the monday after that first kiss, Jungkook picked you up and drove you to school. Every head turned as you hopped out of his car and slid under his arm. You two were the talk of the school and eventually it pushed your friends away. You were the most popular pristine girl in school gone wayward. And you didn’t give a fuck. Jungkook was the only thing that matter to you, your world revolved around him now.

After few months, you changed. The influence of him was too dominant to resist. Gone were the pink fluffy sweaters and pony tails, replaced with one of his many leather jackets and wild hair. It was a classic Sandra-dee transformation. And despite Jungkook’s weakness for little innocent girly girls, he loved it. You were his good girl gone bad, he’d tease.

“Fuck, I would die for you, ____,” he groaned through a kiss.

You were in his lap, his lap in the driver’s seat. He had parked outside a diner you’d go for late night milkshakes. His gear shift dug into your side and your head banged against the roof, but there was no place you’d rather be.

“Uh huh,” you replied, refusing to leave his lips for longer than a second.

“I’m serious, I would die and kill for you.”

You pulled away, leaning against the steering wheel. He’d never use the word love. Instead he would use intense alternatives, he adored you, he never felt anything remotely the same as he felt for you, you were the only one, he never wanted anything as much as he wanted you. It was like he had this unwavering insecurity you’d leave him, that he’d scare you away with the word ‘love’. As contradicting as that sounded by the things he’d say instead.

“Let’s hope you’ll never have to,” you murmured, running a hand through his hair in comfort.

“But I would,” he reiterated softly.

There was such intensity in his eyes it made you shiver. And you believed him. You believed he loved you that much. And shamefully, the thought went straight to your core.

“Take me home.”

Jungkook looked bewildered then his eyes drifted away from you in disappointment, his jaw clenched. He patted your thigh to signal for you to hop back into your seat. You refused, grabbing his face and grinding into his growing bulge.

“Take me home.”

His dark eyes lit up with pure desire. He cocked an eyebrow before smirking and attacking your face one last time. You threw yourself back into your seat with a giggle. Jungkook drove like a madman, but the way he reversed and sped down the road that night truly topped the cake.

Sparing the details, you fucked that night and to this day, Jungkook was the best you ever had. He was rough as fuck and forced your orgasms but at the same time, he appreciated your body. He listened to it and soothed it after doing all the kinky shit he was into. It was fair to say you were ruined, a complete sap for him, as much as he was for you. You never thought you would have such a high sex drive. You never thought you would ever be as needy for anything as much as you were for his cock. But that’s what you turned into - what Jungkook did to you. You always had to be around him, always with him, always touching him.

It was a month before graduation and you had flunked. Whenever he would ditch, you would too. Thankfully both your parents were rich and could buy your grades. They made it too easy for you both. You both had no desire to do anything, except each other.

It was a week before graduation, before you’d be sent to university overseas and him, forced into the family business as his father’s precious protégée. They were separating you. Your worlds were ending. You both weren’t ready for the responsibility or the heartbreak.

It was a few days before graduation and you were on your Friday night cruise, screaming the lyrics to rock ballads as Jungkook drove a hundred kilometres per hour. Every now and then, he’d grab and suck your face hotly, eyes off the road for seconds too long. The thrill was almost unbearable, as if you’d be close to losing not only your life but your sanity.

He parked in a secluded reserve overlooking a lake, the stars shimmering in the water. You drifted into quiet, savouring the moment, knowing they were limited. The soft guitar riffs from the car stereo set this serene, longing mood. Jungkook’s hand slid between your thighs, a plea for you to come over and straddle him, so you did. You wriggled yourself comfortable without the familiar feeling of rock pushing into your inner thigh, which confused you because he was usually a goner as soon as your clothed core would simply brush against him. He trapped your head between his calloused palms, always slightly tinged black from grease. His eyes held that intensity that made you weak and they glazed over at the sight of you. You could faintly make out your silhouette in his dilated pupils and it gave you an overwhelming need to stay there, in his eyes forever. You ignored that deep darkness behind them that you always had sensed was there. You wanted to believe he was perfect, because he damn felt like it.

“Listen,” he began, clearly something important on his mind.

“Runaway with me,” you breathed, connecting foreheads.

His eye widened, his skepticism emerging and he retracted.

“Don’t,” you whimpered. “I love you Jungkook and I can’t bare the thought of not being with you for even a second please.”

He searched your face for any hint of hesitation, but there was none.

“She’s begging me now,” he chuffed with a satisfied smirk.

"I love you Jungkook,” you repeated, now unsure if he heard you the first time.

You both fell into a silence that lasted way longer than you would have liked. You hated when he did this to you, leaving you in suspense. However as much as you hated it, it also intrigued you. It was the mystery of him that had you hooked. You thought he would wail at your confession and suffocate you with his lips but instead, he stared. He was unpredictable and wavering and it tortured you. But like the masochist you were, you loved it because it was undeniably him and you were in love with him.

“Ok,” he finally said, before turning the key in the ignition.

His engine roared to life and you flopped into your seat.

“Where are we going?”

“There’s something you need to see,” he admitted.

You only nodded when he took his eyes off the road for a second to look at you. You could tell it was serious by the way his knuckles protruded clutched to the steering wheel and the way his jaw clenched and sharpened. Jungkook was intense about a lot of things, but you had never seen him before in the way he was then. His vibe wasn’t awkward or brooding or anything identifiable as Jungkook. It was like you were in the car with someone else entirely.

When Jungkook pulled up to the front of the dive bar ‘Hunt’, you were beginning to get uneasy. You knew this bar and it’s red neon sign and it’s grotty exterior. It was notorious. Your little sheltered self began to panic.

“Jungkook-”

“Do you trust me?” He interrupted, forcing eye contact.

Instantly, your racing heart calmed. Your breathing steadied. The power he had over you, unfaltered.

“With my life.”

“Good,” he kissed your forehead and smiled, “I won’t be long, stay.”

And you did. He slammed the door behind him and searched for something in his back pocket. A man sat outside the bar and Jungkook seemed to be heading straight for him. He stopped after discovering his pockets empty, his boots scraped the wet concrete as he turned and sent a wink your way. You narrowed your eyes and scoffed at his cheap attempt to be charming. As you watched Jungkook backtrack towards you through the windshield, you spotted his cigarette packet on the dashboard.You weren’t a big smoker then. Jungkook never offered and you were always too shy to ask. However it did make him smile when you’d pinch one from his packet or pull his hand towards your face for a drag of his already lit.

You helped yourself, wincing as the smoke burned your throat. You were too busy coughing and manually winding the window down to notice Jungkook slamming his boot closed. You eyes were watering a bit too much for you to see what he dragged across concrete as he walked back towards the man outside the bar. Even without these setbacks, nothing would be able to prepare or warn you for what happened next…

The man stood up once he recognised Jungkook.

“Jeon, what the fuck man you’re early?” You heard him bellow. “Suk isn’t here yet and you know he’ll run if he sees you.”

“Suk isn’t the job anymore,” Jungkook replied coolly.

Jungkook stopped directly under the neon sign. The fluorescent light shone down upon him tinting his black silhouette the colour of blood. He was shorter than the other man however his presence was stronger, more menacing, almost demonic with the red hue highlighting his frame. His back was facing you but you could just sense the stare he was giving this man. It was his infamous stare down his perfect nose, jawline protruding, with that borderline frightening smirk. You knew the look at too well. But this was different, his body language was different and you were struggling to put your finger on how. And the fear of this unknown side of Jungkook had your mind reeling.

What the fuck was going on?

“What?” the man exclaimed, “What do you mean?”

“He’s not the job anymore,” Jungkook reiterated.

His tone was so foreign to you, it made you shift uncomfortably in your seat. It was like the voice coming out of your boyfriend’s mouth wasn’t your boyfriend’s at all. It was cold and dark but not the cold and dark you’d normally associate with him. No, this tone was twisted, monotone but mocking.

“So? No job?” The man questioned apprehensively.

Jungkook chuckled. “Oh, there’s still a job.”

You were too immersed in the conversation and trying to figure out who this mystery man was. So much so, you didn’t see what Jungkook was holding. Your eyes followed his toned arms that you’d relish within when he held you, all the way down to the hands and palms you’d kiss lovingly, all the way down to the bat his hand held. A baseball bat with nails sticking out like a fucking medieval mace. Your whole body went numb.

“You.”

Before you had a chance to scream, Jungkook had swung his bat and lodged it into the man’s skull. The most sadistic noise you had ever heard left his mouth, it was like a satisfied grunt and then a manic howl. You couldn’t breathe. You couldn’t function or process. You just sat there and watched as the life left a man’s eyes… by your boyfriend’s hand.

As he ripped his weapon free, the man’s blood and brains sprayed everywhere, Quentin Tarantino style. If you had to vomit you swallowed it as Jungkook took another swing. The guy was dead but he took two extra blows to his chest, cackling. He was enjoying it. The blood, the gore, the violence, he seemed to indulge in his work, his sick artistry. And that’s what truly made you terrified and disgusted to the very core.

You were frozen. Every fibre of your being was screaming at you to run, but you couldn’t as if the shock and adrenaline stunted your movements. All you could do was sit there and watch as Jungkook continued to maim a dead body, hitting it over and over, blood and flesh flying everywhere. If you could speak you would scream for him to stop, despite the fact he probably wouldn’t in his crazed trance. A few more blows to the stomach and he stopped, hovering over the human he just mutilated. His chest was heaving as he wiped his forehead with the back of his bloody hand, smearing his face red.

To say you were beyond horrified was an understatement. You found your hand itching the door handle, sensing your fight or flight mode kicking in. You only had a few seconds, you calculated. Assessing your surroundings, you figured your best shot was to run down the alleyway onto the main road screaming bloody murder, literally. You almost followed through, almost, until you realised there was no way you’d be able to outrun him. He was the star batter of the baseball team until he got kicked out of the team for starting a fight with the pitcher. He would catch you within seconds and there would be no way you’d be able to get away. He was the star wrestler until he got kicked out of the wrestling team for breaking a kid’s arm during a match. You started to panic, the only thought running through your mind being that the love of your life was about to kill you.

Your few seconds were up. As he turned to you in a snap and stormed closer, you had accepted your fate. Jungkook attempted to open your locked door and you refused to look out your window to see the disappointed look on his face. You heard him sigh and then rummage for the car keys. You winced as he slowly jiggled the key into the lock and opened the door. You still couldn’t look at him, not until his hands were on you and you were pressed up against the car door. It took every fibre of your being not to breakdown under his crazed gaze. He was even more terrifying up close, especially because he was suddenly so damn calm, as if he could snap at any moment. You willed yourself not to shake in his grasp.

“Say it again,” he mumbled.

“W-w-wha-”

“SAY IT AGAIN!”

And there it was. You would have jumped out of his grasp if he wasn’t holding you so tightly. He then grabbed a handful of your hair and cupped your face with the other hand. The blood was everywhere, all over you, the stench of copper too strong to deny was real. You really couldn’t hold it in any longer. So, you cried.

“Tell me again baby. Just- ah FUCK,” Jungkook bellowed before wiping your tears with bloody fingers. “Tell me again, those three little words. I need to hear them again.”

“I love you,” you croaked.

He smiled, that toothy grin you had fallen in love with. You choked on a sob, seeing that same smile on a blood smeared face, completely tainted. He stroked your face and cheeks affectionately, as if he wasn’t painting your face red. You naturally squirmed but tried your best to keep those reflexes at bay and unnoticed. However, surely, you could have spat in his face and he wouldn’t pay any mind to it. He was completely delirious, high off adrenaline from just taking a life and drunk in his love for you.

“I love you too.”

And then his lips were on yours, his tongue in your mouth. You reluctantly followed his lead in the kiss, overwhelmed with the smell and taste of metal, digging your nails into his biceps to stop the tears from falling. He broke away eventually and knocked his wet forehead against yours to rest. The feeling of overwhelming heartbreak was the last thing you had expected after hearing those three little words.

*

The four boys stared at you in silence for a good minute. You were pretty sure you heard Yoongi mutter a ‘fuck’ under his breath but you all ignored it. You really needed them to say something soon or you were sure a panic attack would be due. However, what could you expect them to say after you just told your best friends of two years that you dated a murderer?

“Wait. Did you say Jeon?!” Yoongi questioned.

You nodded.

“As in Jeon Jungkook?” Yoongi questioned further.

You nodded again.

"Jeon Jungkook? The heir to the most infamous drug cartel in the world? That Jeon Jungkook?” Yoongi questioned for a third time.

You nodded for a third time.

“Holy shit ____!” Taehyung chimed in, in an almost disappointed tone.

“Look, I sent him to prison!”

“How?!” Jimin asked, wide eyed.

You sighed, that bit of information was why Jungkook had been a secret for so long. Everyone knew he was in prison but no one knew why or how and that was because, if people knew, it was your ass and your life on the line. But, you had come this far and they deserved the whole truth.

“I told him we should run away the next day, as soon as we could but he told me he had some business he needed to take care of first and we would leave after said business, which, now I knew what that was exactly. So, I ran to my parents and got them to send an anonymous tip on my behalf, so there was no way it could be traced back to me,” you explained.

You glanced at Taehyung, ready for the ‘princess running to mummy and daddy’ dig, but it never came. So you continued.

“At first it was a drug bust, he got done for possession with intent to supply class A drugs but once they searched his car they found enough evidence to link him to at least four murders.”

In that moment you turned to Hoseok and you wished you didn’t. He had the most shocked expression on his face and you had no idea why you had expected any different. So, you turned your attention back to Yoongi who managed to hold a disinterested expression the whole time.

“Jesus,” he mumbled.

Despite those few little remarks intended to go unnoticed.

“You did the right thing, ____,” Jimin attempted to comfort you, placing a hand on your knee.

You were grateful for the reassurance however it didn’t help the fact you had to uncomfortably live your wretched past. You thought you’d feel better being honest with your friends but instead it made you feel disgusted. You guessed that you never truly mourned the loss of Jungkook. You were just forced to forget him and pretend he never existed. And that never allowed you to come to terms with the fact that the man who you thought was the love of your life was not who you thought he was entirely.

“Ok so, what did this whole story have to do with the guy from before?” Taehyung asked.

“That was Jungkook’s brother, you idiot. Weren’t you listening?” Jimin reprimanded.

Taehyung was about to rebut but you interrupted this time.

“It turns out the secret’s out and he’s off to tell Jungkook.”

“We’ll keep you as safe as we can ____,” Yoongi pledged to you.

“Of course,” Taehyung chimed in. “But, he’s in jail? What can he do?”

Yoongi shot him a look of annoyance. “You really weren’t listening to the story, were you?”

“His family are powerful Tae, more powerful than all of ours combined,” Jimin connected the dots for him. “If they know ____ was the reason their precious heir is rotting in jail, she’s in a lot of  danger-”

“I’m not,” you interrupted.

All the boys looked at you like you were out of your mind.

“The Jeon brothers keep their affairs to themselves,” you explained. “They hardly ever get their family involved, they’re too proud to run to mum and dad.” Unlike me, you almost added.

“Let’s hope so,” Yoongi sighed.

“And with Jungkook in prison, Jin can handle Namjoon,” you stated, staring at Yoongi who knew that statement about your brother to be true and he nodded.

There was a brief silence until Hoseok jumped up with a huff.

“Although you are safe, here, with us. I better check all the doors are locked and there aren’t any stranglers,” he said with a small smile.

You returned it and reluctantly let him slip his hand free from yours. “Ok Hobi.”

“I’ll come help you,” Yoongi offered, knowing Hoseok’s home was too big to cover alone.

As soon as the oldest boys left, Taehyung crawled up to where Hoseok was lying and tucked himself in. Jimin tapped your thigh, signalling for you to move over so he could do the same on the other side of you. You got yourself comfortable. Sandwiched between your two best friends, gave you the strongest sense of security and relief that you hadn’t felt in a while.

“You are an amazing brave girl and we’re gonna make sure that that monster- or any other monster like him won’t touch you ever again,” Jimin whispered to you before resting his head on your back. You looked at Taehyung and he nodded in agreement.

Goddamn, you loved them. You wished you could spend forever coddled by them, you wished you could believe them. But, you couldn’t shake the feeling that, this time, you couldn’t just shove the memory of Jungkook aside. And that his chapter in your life was far from over.

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