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daydreamtofiction · 3 months ago

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Thou Shalt Not Covet // 20: Resurrection

Contents | Part 19 | First Person Version [AO3]

Summary: (Priest!Ben x Female Reader) THE FINAL CHAPTER IS UPON US. I love you all I love you all I love you all I love you all I love you all I love you all I love you all I love you all I love you all. I'm going to sleep now.

Word Count: 7.1K

Warnings: Strong language, irreverence, dark humour, adult & sexual themes. Readers must be 18+

You stirred gently from sleep, eyes closed as you drifted between the realms of reality and slumber. Echoes of the countryside seeped in through the open window like a soundscape, tranquil and idyllic; birdsong, wildlife, nature, rain-

Rain?

Your eyes shot open, the remnants of your sleepy haze immediately falling away as you scrambled out of bed and hurried to the window. You pulled back the thick curtains, looking out over the vast landscape of the stately home, the plush, well kept grass and winding gravel paths, the fields in the distance that stretched along the skyline, as though nothing existed beyond it.

The blue summer sky was blanketed in clouds, showering the earth in a rain so fine you could only see it in the ripple on the surface of a nearby pond. You gave a dejected sigh, walking around the bed to grab your phone off the nightstand.

"Shit," you hissed as you noticed the time, the alarm you must have sent to snooze in your sleep.

You rushed out of your room in your t-shirt and pyjama shorts, making your way across the large landing towards the sound of voices and laughter, the smell of food and perfume. You tapped your knuckles on a door decorated with flowers and pushed it open, stepping into the room with an awkward grimace, an apology ready on your tongue.

The spacious suite was buzzing with excitement, women with their hair in rollers, champagne flutes in their hands. They were all wearing matching silk robes; pale blue, 'bridesmaid' embroidered in white thread across the breast. You spotted Camilla from across the room, the only one in white, sitting with her back to you as a stylist blowdried her hair.

It felt like a bad teen movie; the moment the awkward new girl stepped into the high school cafeteria, looking over at the popular girls' table as she stood alone with her tray. They'd all known each other forever; the maid-of-honour her twin sister, the other four old friends. They were probably wondering why she'd asked you to be a bridesmaid at all, why you got to be part of the day they'd been waiting for since they were kids.

"Oh, here she is!" One of the women shouted, jumping up from a couch in the middle of the room and rushing over to you.

Camilla turned her head, smiling when she laid eyes on you and giving an excited wave. "You okay!?" she shouted over the sound of the hairdryer.

You nodded, mouthing 'sorry' at her from across the room and pointing at your phone. 'Alarm didn't...'

She waved her hand at you, as if telling you not to worry.

The woman approaching you was called Lottie, her freckled face gleaming with a grin as she handed you a robe. You took it and shrugged it on, looking down at the same 'bridesmaid' label embroidered into the pale blue silk.

"Come and get some breakfast," she said, pointing to the coffee table between two couches, an elaborate spread laid across it.

You picked at the food, putting a few pieces of fruit and croissant on a small plate and sitting down with the other women.

"I'm so sorry I slept in," you said.

"Oh don't worry about it," said Camilla's sister Alice. "You haven't missed anything. And Georgia's still asleep so you're not actually the latest."

You laughed, biting into your croissant and relaxing back slightly into the couch. "I can't believe it's raining," you said, gesturing to the window on the other side of the room. "Especially with how warm June's been this year. I hope it stops before the ceremony."

"Femi was just saying rain on your wedding day is supposed to be good luck," said Lottie.

The woman beside you nodded, her thick, dark hair sitting in a cluster of rollers on top of her head. "It is. They say it's supposed to wash away all the bad memories."

"Hm." You nodded. "Well I hope it pours down then."

They all laughed, and you allowed a smile, almost feeling bad for expecting coldness from them. They'd never been anything but kind; every dress fitting and group chat conversation filled with positivity and excitement, even the hen night had been surprisingly fun. Yet still, there was something inside you that made you doubt yourself, like you didn't belong amongst them.

Music played and the morning flowed as freely as the champagne. People rotated between the makeup artist and hair stylist, picking at the food and taking breaks in-between to dance and pose for pictures. You sat in the makeup chair as the woman swirled a brush over your eyelid, pinning your brow up with her thumb after you failed to stop blinking.

You felt a tap on your shoulder, glancing up to see Camilla at your side.

"I know you don't like champagne so I got them to bring you a mojito," she said, handing you a tall glass, a sprig of mint floating over the ice.

"Oh, wow, thank you. You didn't have to-" The makeup artist turned your face back towards her.

Camilla laughed, patting you on the arm before walking away.

You took a sip as the artist turned to dip her brush in another eyeshadow, quickly putting it down when she returned to you. You peered at yourself in the mirror through one eye, liking what you saw; glowing skin and romantically blushed cheeks, fluffy brows and the beginnings of a soft, dreamy eye. You found yourself thinking about your own wedding, the kind of makeup you'd have, the dress you'd wear, the colours you might choose. You could picture the guests, the bridesmaids, the church. But the groom didn't seem to have a face. No matter how hard you tried to imagine him waiting for you at the altar, you just couldn't make him out.

You were the last one to sit in the hair stylist's chair, nursing your cocktail as she ran a bristly round brush through your hair, spraying you with mists and pinning it up in sections while you watched the other women slip into their dresses.

At every fitting, Camilla had been very specific about what she wanted your dresses to look like. They were beautiful; layers upon layers of delicate tulle that flowed to the ground like water, sleeves that draped off the shoulders and dozens of intricate flower appliqués. If it weren't for the soft blue colour, they could have been mistaken for wedding gowns.

You watched as each woman was zipped and buttoned into her dress, the material gliding across the ground as they walked and twirled. And when your hair was finished, you put on your own, holding it tight to your chest as Femi fastened the back. You turned to looked at yourself in the mirror; the makeup, the hair and the most magnificent dress you had no idea how to walk in without tripping over it. You felt beautiful. You looked beautiful. You all did.

You stood in the room waiting to go, clutching your bouquet in front of you, your thumb fiddling with the twine keeping it all together. Clusters of periwinkles, cornflowers, lavender and lilacs were peppered with baby's-breath and eucalyptus. You brought it to your nose, the sleepy perfume calming you down as you shifted your weight from side to side in your heels.

The door opened and Camilla stepped into the room, eliciting a collective gasp from the bridal party, even you. Her jet black hair was slicked into a low bun, a veil cascading from it like a waterfall to the ground. Her dress was a pearly white; high neck and long sleeves, the beading catching in the sunlight that shone through the window. The train was long enough to rival royalty, her mother and father carrying it into the room behind her.

The photographer was snapping pictures, moving around to catch each of the bridesmaids reactions. You glanced around to see them all carefully dabbing away tears, wondering if you were supposed to be crying too. You lifted a finger to your eye as he took your photo, not wanting to seem like the odd one out when they looked back over the album.

"Right," said Camilla. "Let's go get married."

It was two bridesmaids to a car; the dresses so big that you had to be packed and folded into the back seats like the stuffing of a pillow. You'd been put with Esther; the most laid back of the group, her soothing voice and charming laugh making the entire ordeal a little less mortifying. When the driver finally closed her door, she blew a loose strand of hair out of her face, turning to you and smirking.

"Logistically, they should've just stuck us all in the back of a van," she said.

You giggled. "Yeah, or one of those things they transport horses in."

"Can you imagine," she laughed.

The engine rumbled to life and you began to move, following in a long line of classic cars decorated with flowers. You returned to fiddling with the twine on your bouquet, breathing slow to loosen the knots forming in your stomach. You tried to focus on the view from your window as you travelled out of the countryside and into the small town, people stopping to look as you all drove past, the pretty views and brightening sky. You hadn't been back there in two months, and it was hard to look at the cobbled roads, thatched roofs and kitschy village shops without thinking of him, without knowing you were just a car ride away from facing him again.

"Are you okay?" asked Esther.

"Hm?" You turned to look at her. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm good."

"Are you sure? You seem more nervous than Cam, and she's the bride."

You breathed out a weak laugh. "No, I'm fine, really. Just... churches, y'know. They make me uneasy."

"Ah." She nodded, smoothing down a piece of her dress that had puffed up between you. "Well don't worry about that. If I can walk into a church then you definitely can."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm a trans woman, about to walk into a Catholic Church and stand in front of a priest who probably thinks I don't deserve to exist."

"This one won't think that," you said. "He won't."

"How do you know? Have you met him?"

"I have. And he's one of the good ones, I promise."

She eyed you for a moment before smiling. "Well then you've got nothing to worry about either, have you."

She reached over and squeezed your hand, holding it supportively for the rest of the journey. You felt bad, like you'd lied to her, taken her legitimate fear and used it to hide your own sordid truth. You'd tried to move on again, to get back to where you were before the day you found him in this town. But something was missing now, as though you'd left a piece of yourself behind, or maybe he'd taken it, and now nothing fit together right.

The cars rolled to a stop outside the church. You could see the other bridesmaids gathering at the gates, their dresses fluttering together in a cloud of powder blue. The driver opened Esther's door first, taking her hand to help her out. And for a handful of seconds you were alone in the backseat, with nothing but the sound of your own breath, your nails raking over a fray in the twine you'd been fiddling with until it broke.

"Oh, fuck sake," you whispered as the arrangement fell apart in your lap, stems and flowers and greenery sitting in the trough of your dress.

You gathered it all back together frantically as your door opened, clutching it in your fist as you climbed out into the warm June breeze. Esther smiled at you, gesturing for you to come with her to join the others, then she looked down at the flowers in your hand, the piece of string in the other.

"My god, you really are bricking it aren't you," she laughed, helping you tie it all back together.

When you got to the other bridesmaids, your eyes darted across all of their bouquets, then down to yours. It looked like shit; too much green on one side, a clump of baby's-breath on the other, a broken stem of lavender hanging limply over your knuckles. You snapped it off and threw it to the ground behind you before anyone noticed.

The bridal car pulled up and you watched as Camilla and her father climbed out, their smiles warmer than the summer air. You couldn't help but smile too, wondering if your own father would smile like that. He would. Though, he'd probably complain about having to wear a suit first.

You stared up at the church as you made your way towards it, blowing out slow, shaking breaths through pursed lips.

"It's not about you, Ellis," you muttered to yourself. "This isn't about you."

You felt an arm link yours, turning to see Esther at your side. She was looking straight ahead, pressing her lips together nervously, and you couldn't help but wonder if the arm she'd given was for your benefit or her's.

The familiar musky aroma hit you as you walked into the church. You pushed your nose into your lopsided flowers, breathing in their scent instead, wishing you could tuck yourself away inside the petals like Thumbelina until it was all over.

The organiser shifted you around, peeling you from Esther's side to arrange you in a line. You breathed a sigh of relief to find yourself somewhere in the middle, kicking the bottom of your dress out to stop it getting caught under your feet. Short steps, that's what the dressmaker had said. Little shuffles, a small kick if you feel it catching on your shoes. You were going to fall over. You just knew it.

Music began to play in the chapel and the hum of chit chat fell silent. You took a deep breath, glancing over your shoulder to give Esther a reassuring smile, before turning back and staring down at the ground, waiting for your turn to walk.

Lottie went first. Then Georgia, then Femi, then it was you. You turned the corner and stepped through the open chapel doors, taking the fastest small steps you possibly could, wishing you'd convinced Rav to choose the church with the tiny aisle instead. Heads were turned, women in large hats and extravagant fascinators, men with corsages on their lapels and children with wide eyes, all watching you with smiles as you made your way towards the altar. You kept your eyes on Femi in front, watching the way her dress moved so gracefully across the floor, hoping yours somehow looked the same.

You finally raised your head when you reached the front, your eyes meeting Father Benedict's almost immediately. He was smiling softly, a crisp white stole draped around his neck. You notice his throat bob with a swallow, a glisten along the waterlines of his eyes. You could have cried. But then you looked at Rav, and you couldn't help but break into a smile. He was beaming, chest puffed, shifting on his feet with excited energy as he waited for his bride. He winked at you and you scrunched your nose happily before stepping aside to stand with the other bridesmaids. Esther followed behind you, then Alice.

Father Benedict raised his hands and the music changed. There was a collective shuffle as everyone in the pews rose to their feet, turning to see Camilla enter the chapel, a bouquet in one hand, her father's fingers firmly clutched in the other. They walked together to the sweet sound of strings, her dress and veil trailing elegantly behind her. She kept her eyes on Rav the entire time, smiling, blushing, and you felt a selfish sense of pride wash over you. You'd introduced them. You'd known how perfect they would be for each other before they'd ever even met. And now here they were, just a year later, declaring their love in front of you all.

"Hello everyone," said Father Benedict. "We are gathered here today to witness the marriage of Raviraj and Camilla. Let us call upon God to be with us today as we celebrate this union. In the name of the Father, and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Peace be with you." "And also with you," you said quietly, your voice lost amongst the collective.

"Let us pray."

You sat down as he began the prayer. You closed your eyes, allowing yourself to savour his voice, just for a moment.

You wondered if he realised he was looking at you. Those striking blue eyes glancing over every few moments as he gave his first few readings, almost as though he was checking you were still there, making sure you hadn't been a figment of his imagination. You listened to him speak carefully; this was what he'd chosen, to share the word of his God, and he was good at it.

"Raviraj and Camilla, you have come together today so that the Lord may seal and strengthen your love in the presence of your family and friends," he said. "And in doing so, you will be strengthened to keep mutual and lasting faith with each other as you carry out the duties of marriage. And so, in the presence of the church and of your family and friends, I ask you to state your intentions."

Rav and Camilla exchanged a glance and a nervous laugh. You smiled.

"Raviraj and Camilla, have you come here to enter into marriage without coercion, freely and wholeheartedly?"

"I have," they both said.

"Raviraj, are you resolved to take Camilla to be your wife: to love her, comfort her, honour and protect her, and forsaking all others, to be faithful to her for as long as you both shall live?"

"I am," said Rav, pressing his lips together to hold back an excited grin.

"Camilla, are you resolved to take Raviraj to be your husband: to love him, comfort him, honour and protect him, and forsaking all others, to be faithful to him for as long as you both shall live?"

"I am," said Camilla.

"And are you, Raviraj Mishra free lawfully to marry Camilla Anne Bowen?"

"I am."

"Are you, Camilla Anne Bowen free lawfully to marry Raviraj Mishra?"

"I am." "Well that's lucky," said Father Benedict, getting a light chuckle from everyone, including the bride and groom.

He was always so good at easing tension; knowing exactly when people needed a moment to laugh, a second to take a breath.

"Since it is your intention to enter the covenant of Holy Matrimony, join your right hands and declare your consent before God and his church," he said, gesturing for them to hold hands.

You watched on with pure joy as the couple said their vows, your cheeks aching from smiling, any nerves or apprehension you had melting away as you listened to them giggle and trip over their words. But every now and again, you would find your gaze slipping to Father Benedict; the smile lines, the crinkled brow, the curve of his lips as he laughed.

"You were right, he is really nice, isn't he," Esther whispered as she leaned over to you.

You nodded. "He is. I'm really glad he's the one doing this."

"Do we have rings?" he asked.

Rav's best man took a step forward, taking the rings from the breast pocket of his suit and handing them to Father Benedict.

"Lovely, okay," he said, clearing his throat. "May the Lord bless these rings, which you will give to each other as a sign of love and fidelity. Amen."

He handed Rav a ring. "Repeat after me: Camilla, receive this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity. In the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit."

"Camilla," said Rav. "Receive this ring as a sign of..."

You slapped your face with your palm. Camilla rolled her eyes with a laugh.

"Come on, I gave you the easy version of this as well," Father Benedict joked, drawing another laugh from the guests. "As a sign of my love and fidelity."

"Camilla, receive this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity. In the name of the Father, and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit."

He patted Rav on the shoulder like a proud father, and you couldn't help but smile.

"Give me the hard version," said Camilla, making him chuckle deeply in his throat.

"Has to be the same, I'm afraid." He gave her the ring. "Raviraj, receive this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit."

"Raviraj, receive this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit," she said before slipping it onto his finger, smiling like she'd perfectly recited a Shakespeare soliloquy.

Father Benedict ran a hand through his hair. "Now this is where we would usually declare them husband and wife," he said, addressing the chapel. "However, Raviraj and Camilla have asked if they can read their own declarations which they have prepared. So I will now take a step back and allow Raviraj to begin."

You sat up straighter, your ears pricking with curiosity as Rav reached into his pocket and pulled out a piece of paper, unfolding it with nervous fingers and clearing his throat.

"Okay," he said, taking a deep breath. "Camilla. Before I met you, I'd stopped believing in love. And because of that, I'd grown comfortable on my own; complacent, maybe even a little bit jaded. But from the second I laid eyes on you, I was forced to confront everything I thought I knew. You made me realise that love isn't something you can just avoid. It's something you feel whether you want to or not, and it should be embraced and cherished and nurtured."

The paper was shaking in his hands, and it almost made you tear up. You placed a hand over your chest as you listened, glancing over at Father Benedict who hadn't taken his eyes off Rav since he began speaking.

"You found me at a time when I didn't even realise I was lost. When I thought the only way to be strong was to be alone. You showed me that real strength lies in being vulnerable and honest and imperfect, in being brave enough to risk letting someone behind the barricade. Maybe you'll lose everything. Or maybe..." He gestured to Camilla. "You'll gain more than you had to begin with."

Father Benedict looked at you, you knew because you could feel his gaze on your face like the sun's rays. But you kept yours on Rav.

"So today, I vow to you, Camilla, that I will always keep my heart open for you. I vow to choose you, every single day. You are my person, my partner, and the best risk I ever took."

The sound of sniffling echoed through the chapel, and you watched as Camilla wiped a tear from her cheek. She cleared her throat, turning to Alice who took out a piece of paper and handed it to her quickly.

"Rav," she said as she unfolded the paper, her voice still wobbly. "When a little over a year ago, a friend told me I should meet her neighbour, I was skeptical."

You smiled, like you'd been given a shout out on the radio, mentioned in an Oscars speech. Father Benedict held back a smirk as he watched your reaction, rubbing his mouth with his fingers to hide it.

"I was focused and career driven and believed that a relationship would only slow me down. So I said no to meeting you. But then, like an act of God." She gestured to the church around her with a shy laugh. "We ended up in the same bar one night, where that friend introduced us after all. And I am... so glad. Loving you was never a question; I adored you from the start. The fear was that I'd found my soulmate at the wrong time in my life."

Your focus flitted to Father Benedict as you thought of the last thing he'd said to you. Right person, wrong everything else. He swallowed, his eyes glazed over as Camilla spoke.

"But there came a point where I had to ask myself: If I were to look back on my life, what would I regret more? Missing out on a few promotions? Or missing out on a lifetime of loving you? There was no contest. Choosing you isn't just a decision. It's the best decision I've ever made. I don't want to wonder what could have been." She flipped her paper over to read the other side. "And what I've discovered is that I actually haven't had to give up anything. Because you have supported me and encouraged me and cheered me on in whatever I've chosen to do. So my promise to you, Rav, is to always do the same. I promise to love and encourage and cheer you on in whatever you do, and I promise to choose you every day, because the only thing worse than not being with you is the regret of never having tried."

You brought your hands together to clap, stopping when you realised no one else was applauding. Instead there were tears, sharp sniffs and coughs. Father Benedict stepped back up to them, clearing his throat and curling his mouth into a sincere smile.

"That was beautiful," he said. "Now, let us humbly invoke God's blessing upon this bride and groom, that in his kindness he may favour with his help those on whom he has bestowed the bond of marriage."

"Closer if you can, Darlin'," said the photographer from behind his camera.

You shuffled closer to the groomsman you'd been placed beside, so close your hip was now pressing against him. Surely this was close enough. You held your bouquet in front of you and smiled as the camera snapped in quick succession.

The sun was gleaming now in a clear blue sky, the air growing humid as you all stood outside the church for photos. The confetti you'd thrown was fluttering across the grass in the light breeze, the cars waiting near the road to take you to the reception.

"That's lovely," said the photographer. "If you on the end there could just turn your body inwards a bit please."

Lottie turned as the camera snapped again.

You were standing in a meticulously organised row; six groomsmen and six bridesmaids, slotted together and posed in your blue dresses and their matching blue ties and pocket squares. Your groomsman was Rav's cousin Niall, who kept making you laugh by muttering things under his breath.

"You, love, you're going to have to get closer than that," said the photographer.

"Me?" You pointed to yourself.

"If you can please, darlin'."

"Jesus, any closer and we'll have to use protection," said Niall quietly.

You laughed through your nose, trying to hold it in as the camera shutter went off again.

Across the grass, Rav and Camilla were standing together, stealing kisses and holding hands beneath the shade of a large tree. You felt warm watching them, unsure if you'd ever been this unequivocally happy for someone else before. Your eyes moved over the groups of guests to the church, your heart stopping for a moment when you saw Father Benedict standing at the top of the steps near the entrance.

He was out of his white alb and stole now, standing with his hands in the pockets of his trousers, a black shirt rolled up at the sleeves and white clerical collar around his neck. He met your gaze for a moment and you gave him a soft smile. He smiled back, but it seemed sad, even from so far away.

"Can we do a funny one?" asked Georgia.

The rest of you groaned in unison, but it was too late, the photographer already coming over to reposition the group. He turned you all sideways, your back to Niall's chest, his back to Esther's and so on until it looked like a twelve person queue.

"This is a bit human centipede-y, don't you think?" Niall called out to him.

"Do you think he's going to have us conga all the way back to the manor?" Esther joked.

Niall laughed. "Ellis is leading so we'd all be fucked."

You elbowed him.

"Alright, after three you're all going to kick out your leg and lean back on the person behind you!" the photographer shouted.

"Oh cheers, Georgia, this is just wonderful," said one of the groomsmen.

"I just wanted to pull some funny faces," she shouted back. "I didn't think he'd have us doing fucking Cirque du Soleil!"

You looked over at Father Benedict again, shaking your head at him. His shoulders shook with a gentle laugh, his hand covering a smile.

The photographer moved on to Camilla and Rav's parents soon after. You stayed on the grass, trying to rearrange your bouquet as your heels sank into the soft earth beneath you. You looked over at the other bridesmaids, watching as they all found their partners amongst the chaos; Alice and her husband talking to Femi and her fiancé, Lottie sitting on the church steps FaceTiming her boyfriend in Australia as Georgia introduced her girlfriend to Esther and her boyfriend. You bit the inside of your cheek, returning your attention to the flowers in your hand.

"Ellie!"

You looked up to see Blossom running towards you.

"Hi," you said, bending down to hug her before pulling back to look at her dress, the mint green material covered in a subtle frog print. "You look so cute."

She smiled as Lorna caught up behind her, placing a hand lovingly on top of her daughter's head.

"So you compromised on her wearing the frog onesie to the wedding, then," you said.

She nodded. "Praise the lord."

You laughed.

She slid her sunglasses onto her head, her almost-knee-length hair falling in loose waves down her back. She was wearing a long, sunflower print dress with exaggerated bell sleeves, a pair of wooden clogs with hand-painted soles. You didn't realise you were staring at her until she narrowed her eyes at you.

"What is it?" she asked.

"Oh, sorry. Sometimes I just wish I was you."

"Don't be silly." She laughed and patted your arm. "I'm just going to see Rav. Are you coming Blossom?"

The little girl didn't move. You looked at Lorna and smiled. "I'll stay with her."

She thanked you as she walked away, and you returned to plucking stray leaves from your bouquet. You looked down to see Blossom running her fingers over your dress, quietly admiring the appliqués.

"Do you like it?" you asked.

She nodded.

"I'll save it for you. You can have it when you're older."

She smiled shyly.

You crouched down, resting on your haunches to look at the dress with her, turning at the waist so she could see the back.

Father Benedict was still standing at the top of the church steps, leaning against the open door as he stared off into space. But he seemed to sense that you were looking at him, glancing down to catch your gaze.

You wanted to talk to him. Not about what happened, not about the two of you or your feelings or religion or anything. You just wanted to talk. About the weather, about how his day was going, about what he was going to have for dinner. There had to be a part of you that was still capable of that.

Blossom pointed to one of the appliqués near the hem of your dress. "This one is my favourite," she said.

She didn't talk a lot, so whenever she did it took you by surprise. You returned your attention to her immediately.

"Really? I like that one too. And this one here."

You looked back up to find him smiling; a soft, sincere smile that made your heart ache.

"Ellis, our car's ready to go!" Esther shouted across the grass.

You stood up, taking Blossom's hand to lead her back to Lorna, allowing one last glance back at the church steps.

A strange sense of calm washed over you as you looked at him, like there was comfort in your last memory of him being in the place he'd chosen to stay.

You weren't sure how you'd ended up in the middle of the dance floor, huddled amongst a huge group of women as they squashed together in excitement. You'd intended to stay on the outskirts, but someone had pulled you, another accidentally pushing you further inward, until eventually you were at the heart of the cluster, watching as Camilla turned her back, counting down from three.

Her bouquet came flying towards you, but instead of catching it, you ducked, letting it soar over your head and into the hands of a woman behind you. She jumped and cheered, the rest of the women laughing and clapping as her boyfriend jokingly made a run for the door.

"God, Ellis, tell me you're scared of commitment without telling me you're scared of commitment," said Camilla, laughing as she walked over to you.

"Well my natural reaction to things flying at my head is to duck," you said with a shrug.

A waiter walked past with a tray of champagne. She plucked one off it and took a large gulp.

"The world's not running out of champagne, Cam," you said.

"Sorry," she mumbled, wiping the corner of her mouth with her hand. "This whole wedding's just been so stressful. All that drama with the planner, and then the fucking church burning down."

"Maybe it was her. Set fire to it out of spite because you sacked her."

She laughed. "Wouldn't put it past her. We're just so lucky we got the church we did. He was nice wasn't he. The priest. Made it really... not boring."

"Yeah, he was... It was good."

She cocked her head, brow furrowing slightly. "What?"

"What?"

"You just seem really sad."

"I'm not sad. I'm not." You looked around the busy hall. "Lonely, yes. Sad, no."

"Oh, Ellis, don't say that, you're breaking my heart."

You rolled your eyes. "I'm only joking. Go and enjoy your wedding for Christ's sake."

She eventually disappeared into the sea of guests as you made your way over to the bar. You ordered a drink and plonked yourself back down at your table, resting your cheek on your fist as you sipped it slowly.

The large hall was dark, flashing with colourful disco lights and strobes as the DJ played music from a deck in the corner. You watched people enjoying themselves; the funny dance-walk they'd do as they made their way to the floor, the buttons of men's shirts coming further undone as they got drunker and sweatier, the kids being told off for sliding on their knees in their good clothes.

Your table was empty since Lorna had taken Blossom home, the bridesmaids up dancing and catching up with people they knew on the other side of the room. You didn't mind, always finding parties more of an obligation than they were fun; you hated having to shout down people's ears just to have a conversation, being pressured to get up and dance, losing your seat if you left it for too long. You much preferred to sit on the edge of the room, nursing a drink and people watching. You were Ellis Attenborough, observing humans in their natural habitat.

The music lowered and the multicoloured lights melted to a warm white. You looked around in confusion as the noise of the hall seemed to hush suddenly.

"Ladies and gentleman, please join me in welcoming the new Mr and Mrs Mishra to the floor for their first dance as husband and wife," said the DJ over the speakers.

The room erupted into cheers and applause. You clapped along as Rav took Camilla's hand and led her to the centre of the empty dance floor. She'd changed dresses, swapping her ornate, bountiful gown for a sleek, elegant slip. You watched as the photographer scurried around them, trying to get a good shot as they wrapped their arms around each other and began to sway to the music.

You hated yourself for thinking of him as you watched them dance. You hated that you felt jealous, persecuted, forced to spend the rest of your life as a spectator to other people's love stories from the corner of the room. You'd never been certain of what you wanted, and there was something so cruel in knowing now; knowing that you did want the marriage, the children, the brushing teeth side by side in the mirror each morning and washing dishes while the other dried them in the evenings. You wanted the fights, the sex, the anniversaries, the dates. You wanted to be a girlfriend, then a fiancé, then a wife. And if there really was a God, he was a fucking arsehole for taking all of those wants and putting them into a man you could never have. For setting up the dominoes so perfectly and then moving the last one just an inch too far to fall.

The song was still going, and you watched as other couples began to join them on the dance floor, moving in their own little bubbles, smiling, kissing, embracing. You got up and weaved through the crowd towards the exit, stepping out of the hall into the vast, empty foyer of the stately home.

You grabbed the hem of your dress, lumping the abundance of material in your arms as you made your way through the front doors and out into the cool night air. Your ears were ringing, the noise of the party a distant hum as you walked down the steps and over the gravel towards the gardens. There were a few people dotted over the grounds, a couple walking hand-in-hand through the flower gardens, a man in a three piece suit smoking a cigarette as he sat on the grass, a woman waiting for a cab near the long driveway.

You trudged over the grass with your dress balled up in your arms, drinking in deep breaths as you prepared yourself to go back inside. You turned around, taking in the full view of the manor, the stars above so bright and unpolluted by city light.

You held your middle finger up at the sky. "Fuck you," you said. "You won. Well done."

The man with the cigarette gave you an awkward look.

"I'm talking to God," you said. "He's a prick."

"Ah." He nodded.

You let out an exasperated sigh and walked back towards the house, almost tripping when your heel got caught in the grass. The noise from the reception grew louder as you made it back onto the gravel, and you wondered if you should just go straight upstairs to your room, lie down and begin nursing the inevitable headache. You reached into your bra for your key card, pulling it out and immediately dropping it, listening as it clattered down each step you'd just climbed.

"Of course," you muttered, turning around to walk back down when a figure emerged from the dark.

His footsteps crunched slowly as his tall frame came into view. You stopped, back straightening, blinking rapidly as your brain tried to catch up with your eyes.

"Hi," said Father Benedict, his voice so quiet the breeze almost carried it away.

"Hi..." you replied, brows coming together in confusion.

He picked up the key card and held it out to you.

"Thanks," you said, walking down the last few steps and taking it from him. "I... I didn't think priests usually got invited to the reception..."

"I wasn't invited," he said, awkwardly scratching the back of his head. "I erm, it was actually quite stalkerish if I'm honest, I'm- I'm not proud of it. I asked around the town and found out where they were having it."

"Oh." You looked over your shoulder to the open doors. "Well I'm sure they won't mind that you're here. They seemed to really like y-"

"I came to find you."

"To find me?"

"To tell you that this morning was my last service."

"You're moving churches again?"

"I'm leaving the clergy."

You fell silent, looking around in bewilderment. "Wh- I don't und- Why?"

"You know why."

You stared at him for a moment, then your eyes grew wide. "No," you breathed. "No. You can't- You can't."

"Well I have."

"Wh- Wh... When did you...?"

"Today."

You lost your grip on the skirt of your dress, the material falling from your arms to the floor. "Why would you do that?"

He didn't answer, looking down at you like you already knew.

"Ben..."

"I can live without this." He pointed to his collar, before shaking his head, his voice cracking. "I don't think I can live without you."

Your lips parted, a breath escaping like your lungs had caved in. Your eyes were beginning to water because you'd forgotten how to blink, your heart thumping in time with the music inside.

"Ellis," he whispered.

"Are you playing a trick on me?"

He breathed out a laugh, shaking his head as he moved closer and brought his hands up to cup your face. He tilted your head back slightly and leaned down, placing a slow, tender kiss on your lips. When he stopped, he let his forehead rest against yours, looking into your eyes as you struggled to form a coherent sentence.

"But what... What if- If it didn't work out? Then-"

"Then I'd be thankful I got to love you. Openly, completely. Even if it was just for a little while."

"You're not thinking clearly. You're giving up everything-"

"I'm gaining everything."

You shook your head in disbelief.

Another quiet laugh rumbled in his throat. "Ellis," he said. "What do you want?"

You paused, staring up at him. "I want to brush my teeth with you."

"What?"

You shook your head, throwing your arms around the back of his neck and pulling him into another kiss. His hands slid down from your face to wrap around your waist, hugging you tight as your lips moved in perfect tandem. You felt him smile, and you smiled too, weaving your fingers into the back of his hair.

Rav and Camilla wandered through the doors, taking a few steps before stopping suddenly.

"Is that... Ellis... kissing our priest...?" asked Rav.

Camilla grabbed his arm and they slowly retreated back inside.

Ben broke away, bringing his hands back to your face as he stared down at you. "Right person," he said. "Full stop."

*Tags: @evelynrosestuff @thealleydog @lexlexigogh @allie131313 @simpingbestie @ironstrange1991 @witchoftheages @hiddendiary @swds @jyessaminereads @withalittlehoney @hunterofshadows04 @slytherindoctorsat221b @diabaroxa @phoebe221 @hai-kbai @downtownshabby @dara-of-qui-zi @unfilteredmoonchild @classicrebound @bigratbitchsworld @aphroditesdilemma @bloodyxsaint @ployavengersog1 @spectaclebitch @paola-carter @gordorio @shjl15 @thedaredevilsgirl @howardtonypotts @ceccille @wllsfer @thelostsmiles @vi0letdaze @stanfanfiction @king-kongbebe-blog @sof38 @doctorscarletwitch @rmoonstoner @intrappolatatrairicordi @ehuether @dragonqueen89 @estheticwh0re @Lfp10836 @kanyewestest @star-girl-05 @theothersideofthescreen @battledress @chaosdorito @vlqueen @erratica47 @happybunnyclumsyduck @bloggerbatch @bimrwolf @chaand-sitara @dude-where-s-my-tardis @run-clever-boy @j3mj3rrica

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ratlikeclown · 3 months ago

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WIP Wolverine x femReader 18+

“God, do you ever suck on anything other than Wade’s dick and cheap cigars?”

He leaned in close to your ear and growled,

“Ya lookin to find out Princess?”

x Deadpool kinda eventually lmfaoooo

FemY/n is mid 20’s - early 30’s

Tw for depression and like drug use mentions ig

🌶️🫵

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hello 👋 This is the first fanfic that I have written in over 10 years the brain rot is so unbelievably real for wolverine and deadpool rn

its a little embarrassing tbh lmfaoo

—————————

I’m not really sure how to tag this tbh. I’ve never posted on tumblr. . It’s a little spicy and will get more interesting later. I just wanted to toss this small part out for readers to test the waters. Anyway um I’m not experienced writing y/n pov so please be nice.

Your friend, Wade Wilson, couldn’t take no for an answer. You knew that and yet you still had the audacity to tell him ‘no’ three times tonight. And about thirty minutes after you ignored his last phone call there he was, practically knocking down your door. It wasn’t like he couldn’t actually kick in your door, he was just being polite.

The apartment buzzer went off. You sat up from your position on the couch, hoping he’d just give up and leave if you didn’t acknowledge him. Like a stray cat. Or a crackhead.

“Knock knock~” you heard his voice through the door. “I smell Hot Pockets and sadness I know you’re in there”

Gripping the arm of the sofa you waited hoping he’d have the common courtesy fuck off .You heard the door knob rattle. Dumbass.

With a click of the lock, your door swung open revealing Wade, grinning as he shoved his Baby Knife back into his coat.

“Wade, what the fuck? I told you-“

He clapped his hands loudly, interrupting you.

“Let’s go Funshine Bear, the nights young and I’m not going anywhere without you” Wade marched past you, straight to your bedroom humming to himself.

“You look awful by the way, we’ll fix you up though.” He clicked his tongue and crooked a finger in your direction. You huffed angrily, sliding off the couch to follow him.

You stopped in the doorway, almost refusing to step inside. He was elbows deep in your closet drawers, throwing clothes onto your bed, muttering his disapproval at every item he tossed.

You crossed your arms as you watched him.

“Do you have anything that doesn’t look like you took it from the Walmart dumpster?” He pulled a drawer out from the dresser and dumped it on the floor. “You know the one I’m talking about, right? Where all the coke addicted bronies go to have a bone sess before band practice.”

You crossed your arms as you watched him. “Wade, I’m not in the mood to go out.”

You heard him sigh, but continued to riffle through your things.

“That’s nonsense, the plot can’t continue with out you. Annnd we made these plans last week.”

He peeked at you from behind the open closet door. “I’m a little worried about you. You aren’t your chipper self lately”

“I’m just tired” You replied dismissively.

It wasn’t like Wade hasn’t been trying to cheer you up in his own way. For the last few weeks he’d text you obscure and quite frankly disturbing memes at 3 AM. Excitedly offer you drugs that he’s pilfered from the his blind roommate- (he knows you don’t do drugs, he just wanted to brag about stealing coke from Blind Al)

He’s also been sending you the strangest X-Men fan fiction. (His favorites were ‘old man yaoi’ including Professor Xavier and Magneto) Usually you eat that kind of stuff up, finding it funny that you knew some of the people that the fanfiction was written about, like a private joke between you and Deadpool. But worst thing he’s done has beencalling you almost every day and attempting to make plans with you, but you always seem to cancel last minute. So yeah, he has been trying. It just.. didn’t help.

Your eyes flickered to your wall of photos next to the closet door. Pictures of your closest friends and family. Their arms around you laughing, smiling. Pictures of trips and silly outings that meant the world to you. You felt so much guilt and regret looking at them.

Depression was a bitch. It was like a rabid dog that wouldn’t let you get back on your feet. You felt it gnawing at you, causing you to lose interest in everyone and everything. You felt alone. Your eyes fell back to Wade, you watched your friend hard at work trying to match your shoes with a dress he had found. He was clueless. You couldn’t tell him any of this though, it would just make him worry more.

There was someone you did want to talk to though. To tell everything to. Someone that you had grown so close to the last few months.

You missed Logan.

This realization caused your face to heat and anxiety weld up in your chest. You balled your hands into fits thinking about that arrogant jerk. You’ve tried to be a friend to Wolverine. After all this wasn’t his reality. He was your timeline’s replacement. (Idk you should go watch the movie. I’m not explaining it.) and for a while, you thought you were friends.

Lately, if he wasn’t drunk and depressingly moody, he was angry and a massive dick.

“Y/N? Look a little pink at the cheeks are you feeling OK?” Wade was now standing less than a foot from you, his brows furrowed. You hadn’t noticed him move.

Snapping back from your thoughts by Wades voice, you ran hands over your face as you turn towards the attached bathroom.

“Dude, I told you I’m just not feeling good-” You stepped into the bathroom and turned on the faucet “I don’t wanna hang out with-“

“Logan?”

“Your friends.” You finished. You felt your face flush deeper at his name being mentioned.

“That’s what I said” Wade followed you to the bathroom, but thankfully didn’t come in. He stood outside while you closed the door.

“Trust me honey, I know he’s the embodiment of a sentient happiness starved cactus whose father never loved him but-“

You groaned, trying to avoid Wades ramblings you turned the water on full blast, drowning out the remainder of his sentence. You splashed water on your face and ran a comb through your hair. You heard Wade continue talking, almost to himself while also sounding like he was talking to someone else in the room as well. Someone you couldn’t see. He did that often. It was creepy.

You swung the door open frowning.

“-sometimes he stabs me through the face to shut me up, but I know he does it because he’s not good with words.”

Wade smile faded when he saw your face.

“It’s kinda hot”

“I don’t want to talk about it Wade.” You sat down onto your bed with a huff despite the pile of clothes and plastic hangers. You stared at your hands. You felt the overwhelming weight of your anxiety in your chest and stomach. Maybe you should go out. Maybe he won’t show up tonight. Maybe-

“You look like you wanna talk about it Friendo.”

Wade joined you by dramatically pushing all the clothes off the bed, making an even bigger mess of your room. He flopped down onto your bed stomach first, propping himself up by his elbows. He kicked his feet and smiled at you.

“I’m all ears.”

“I don’t know how to start” You admitted.

“Start with an ‘I feel’ statement”

Another sigh escaped your mouth. How did you feel? It felt complicated. You met him a few months ago. At first he was rude and closed off. Then he slowly began to open up, sure you still bickered and fought like cats, but it had playful undertones. (‘Sexy undertones’ Wade had joked) When he was being genuine and open, it felt like you could talk to him for hours. Though he never spoke for too long, he would to listen to you earnestly. Up until a few weeks ago, that is.

“I feel like Logan hates me. I feel like he would rather huff paint thinner than have a decent conversation with me.”

Wade laughed. “Well that’s not true, I can’t get him to huff anything.”

You shot him a look.

“Listen, I invite Mr. Grumpy out every time. But he’s too busy sulking to get fucked up with us. He would rather get drunk and pass out in the floor of the apartment. He probably won’t even show up.” Wade gave you a reassuring look.

“If he does you’re gonna be there with me. We’ll leave if you feel uncomfortable at all.”

He rolled over and sat up, putting an arm around you.

“I’ve just noticed your mood lately I need you to know that I love you.” He gave your shoulder a squeeze. “-and I miss getting fucked up with you.”

“Will you stab him for me if he’s mean?”

“Of course. I always have Baby Knife on me.”

“Fine. Let me get ready”

He jumped off the bed excitedly.

You pushed Wade out the door to get dressed, pausing in the doorway. “Wade?”

“Yes Friendo?” He turned on his heel

“I love you too bud”

He squealed as you closed the door.

~~~

You never understood why Wade wouldn’t just buy a car. He makes decent money (he doesn’t) and could probably afford a nice one. (He couldn’t) At one point you recall him having a weird hyperfixation with the Honda Odyssey (he fucked Wolverine in one) (allegedly)

Instead, you were climbing into the back of a dirty beat up taxi cab that his friend, Dopinder, drove for a living. At least you didn’t have to walk. Dopinder was a sweet guy, if not a little unhinged every once in a while.

“You look quite beautiful tonight Miss Y/N” He complimented you as you settled in the back seat. You smiled at him, appreciating the comment. Wade had picked out your dress and you felt a little exposed and out of your element in it. It wasn’t anything crazy, just a slick black dress with a low neck line. The dress was short, ending a little above the knee. The problem was the slit up the side. You wanted to wear tights under the outfit but Wade insisted on fishnets. ‘You look like a goth baddie’ he had assured you, ‘Like a Hot Topic clearance rack version of Morticia Addams.’

Wade hopped in the front and immediately started to flip through the radio channels. Dopinder usually had on pleasant sounding Indian pop music but Wade settled on some heavily censored 90’s hip hop.

The drive was rocky. Wade, who almost never kept his hands to himself, would grab poor Dopinder while dancing along to the music causing the cab to swerve. A lot.

Having made it to the bar in one piece, you quickly scrambled out of the back, thanking the young man for the ride.

Wade waited for you at the door.

~~~

The bar was loud and dark. One of those typical bars you see in movies, filled with moving bodies and cigarette smoke. Music pumped through the speakers with some people lingering near the bar while others swayed on the dance floor. Wade bounced through the crowd pulling you along towards the bar, where his group of friends took up half the bar area. You scanned the crowd nervously. No Logan. Your muscles relaxed, and you moved with a little more energy.

Wade greeted his friends with various enthusiastic greetings and crude gestures. You smiled in greeting and waved at a friend you recognized but sat down on a stool next to where Wade stood, him blocking you from most of the other bar patrons. There was a part of you that was a little disappointed that Logan wasn’t here. It made sense if he didn’t show up here, this bar was honestly more like a club, upbeat and energetic. He’s used to dark depressing dive bars, places you can drink yourself into a coma and not be bothered. But the few times he had shown up here you had thought that he enjoyed your company, for a little while at least. During times when the others were off doing dubious shit somewhere, he’d sit with you at the bar. You even managed to get him to dance with you once. That all changed recently. Something happened that caused him to be distant and often rude for seemingly no reason.

Everyone seems to be so happy to see Wade and he, them. You didn’t really know why you were here. It already felt overwhelming. You used to love coming here. Drinking and dancing, playing pool badly and belting out shitty country music karaoke with everyone. Lately, things have felt different. You’ve lost interest in a lot of the things you use to enjoy, spending your days just working and rotting in your apartment. This was too much.

Wade touched your shoulder causing you to jump.

“Hey we’re off to play some darts you in?”

You smiled at your friend. “You really wouldn’t want me to play, you’d end up as the dart board.”

“Don’t threaten me with a good time Sweetheart” Wade laughed, “we’ll be over there if you change your mind.” He made a heart with his hands and turned toward the group already making their way to the play area.

You sat quietly at the counter with a glass of something sweet and strong. You wanted to feel a buzz but you needed it to taste good. Your eyes scanned the crowd, people watching. You watched people dance and sway to the newest Kesha song blaring through the speakers. You witnessed a near fight over a pool game. You heard Wade’s laughter from across the room, his friends echoing along. You felt alone. It was your fault you told yourself. If you wanted to feel better you would’ve gotten up and joined your friends. But here you sat, being miserable on purpose.

“Hey beautiful, mind if I joined you?” Your head snapped up meeting the face of someone you didn’t recognize. He was good looking, in a vanilla frat boy kinda way. With his backwards hat, sleeveless tank, skinny jeans and all.

But he smiled like a wolf.

“I’m sorry.” You tried to smile politely, but you had a twinge of anxiety growing in your chest. “I’m not really in the mood for company”

The man smiled motioning to the bartender for a drink. “Can’t I just buy you a drink? “

“Really, I’m fine” You turned back to your drink, your eyes unfocused, hoping that if you just ignored him he’d leave. Your gut flipped when you heard him pull out the stool next to you. He wasn’t leaving.

“Come on babe, I can show you a good time”

“She said she ain’t looking for company bub.” A low voice growled behind you. A beer bottle came down heavily in between you and the creep. Your eyes trailed the hairy but beautifully sculpted arm to its owner, though you already knew who it belonged to. Logan. Even in this lighting you could see his rugged face. His hair was styled in its iconic cat ear shape. His beard was trimmed nicely combined with his thick muttonchops. His eyes were a little hazy but beautiful and dark. You met those eyes for a brief moment, he smirked at you before his gaze flickered to the other man.

“Well?” He rumbled, barring his teeth.

“Naw, I was here first grandpa, you fuck off.” The frat guy stood up straight, trying to look intimidating.

“Trust me” Logan chuckled. He straightened cracking his knuckles before raising his fists and extending three razor sharp Adamantium claws from each hand.

“You don’t want none of this”

~~~

“You didn’t have to do that” you looked down at your glass avoiding Logan’s gaze. You heard him land heavily in the bar stool next to you. He tapped the counter signaling the bartender who was very clearly avoiding your side of the bar.

“I wasn’t going to have some limp dick creeping on you.”

“I was handling it”

“You didn’t seem like you were handling anything Princess.” He scoffed.

You shot him a look. He smirked as he chugged his remaining beer, you couldn’t help watch his throat bob as he drank. He finished and loudly set the bottle down. He met your eyes and you looked away feeling your face heat violently.

“You thirsty princess?” He asked as the bartender set down two shots of something before scurrying away. He slid one glass your way.

“No thank you. I have my own drink”

You pushed the glass back his way. He eyed your almost empty cocktail and shrugged.

“Suit yourself” he took the glasses and knocked back both shots simultaneously slamming the glasses back down. After a few moments of silence, where you clearly felt Logan eyeing you the entire time, you sighed.

“I didn’t think I’d see you tonight Logan.” You admitted. Another beer had appeared in front of him, he took a swig. He eyed you, his eyes slowly trailing from your face down your body. They rested at the slit in your dress, exposing most of your fishnet covered thigh. You felt a ping in your lower belly, causing you to cross your legs uncomfortably. His eyes followed to movement. He licked his lips and met your eyes again smirking.

“Why didja miss me?”

You looked down at the growing piles of shredded napkins you had been anxiously ripping apart.

“Yes” you said at last. There was no point in lying. You did miss him. Even seeing him now, clearly drinking away his problems, you couldn’t help but feel glad he was there with you. You were glad he scared away that creep, despite his now passive aggressive demeanor. You met his eyes again.

He snorted and tipped the beer to his lips.“You’re a fucking liar”

You felt your gut squeeze with anger. Why was he treating you this way? You didn’t ask him to step in to a play hero. You didn’t ask him for anything. You just wanted to get out of your shitty apartment for one goddamn night. You balled your fists and spun to face him fully.

“What. The. Fuck.” You clenched your teeth annunciating each word bitterly. “Is. YOUR PROBLEM”

“My PROBLEM,” he practically spat the word,

”is that I have to deal with your moody ass attracting the eye of every fucking creep in this place when you very fucking clearly don’t want to be here.”

You threw your hands up angrily and gestured around the bar.

“I didn’t want to deal with any of this Logan. I just wanted to go out with my FRIENDS, which I used to think you were one. I don’t fucking know what prick you had up your ass lately, but you sure as hell don’t act like you like me. WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?”

He was silent for a moment, studying your face, making it turn even redder. Then he laughed. He shook his head laughing and sloppily chugged his second beer.

You had enough. You needed to get away from him. You shoved yourself back, tipping the stool over in the process.

“Come find me when you figure out what you want.” You turned to leave. You made it a few steps before you heard Logan’s voice call mockingly.

“Nice dress by the way”

You didn’t turn to look at him.

“Fuck you, Logan”

~~~

You ran your hands under cold water, leaning over the sink you splashed the water into your face and sighed. You looked into your mirrored face. This was a disaster.

Maybe if you just stayed in the bathroom you can avoid everyone until Wade was ready to leave. You felt bad that you ran off instead of finding him. You would’ve felt safe with Wade.

Your head was swimming, from the alcohol or the interaction with Logan you couldn’t tell.

The speaker above you crackled playing the opening notes to ‘Dirty Diana’, a favorite of yours. A banger Wade would say.

Without warning the door sung open and Logan stumbled in.

“You’re in the wrong bathroom you drunk asshole” you snapped. His eyes met yours from a brief moment before he swayed slightly and took a step forward.

He pushed past you wordlessly and began kicking open the bathroom stalls. They were all empty.

“Dude get out” You gripped the sink behind you, watching Logan warily. You knew deep down he wouldn’t hurt you but you obviously didn’t want him in here with you. He turned to you, taking a step forward.

”I needed to talk to you”

“Yeah, you could have waited til I got out of the ladies room??”

“No.” he growled before in one swift movement he was in front of you, his arms on either side of the sink trapping you between them. Your breath came out in a shudder and your knees wobbled. This honestly was a thing out of a fantasy, something that you were embarrassed to admit you’ve thought about. You had been fighting your feelings for this big stupid man, stuck between thoughts of friendship and lust. God, he wasn’t helping with the latter.

“Logan”

“I’m sorry” he said looking as remorseful as he could under the circumstances.

“What did you need to talk about that couldn’t wait Lo?” You swallowed, gently lifting your hand and placing it on his chest, pushing lightly. His hands moved to your legs keeping you from pushing him further.

“Ya told me to find you when I figured out what I wanted”

“Yeah” You scoffed. “Enlighten me”

~~~

“I want you”

Logan leaned over you, his hands sliding up your thighs to rest on your hips. His fingers dug in lightly, the movement making your legs feel like jelly. You gripped his shoulders to steady yourself. He was so firm and warm under your hands.

His face was inches from yours, his expression unreadable in the low lighting. You smelled the smoke and alcohol on his breath.

“God, do you ever suck on anything other than Wade’s dick and cheap cigars?”

He leaned in close to your ear and growled,

“Ya looking to find out princess?”

You felt a ping of desire sink into your lower belly as his hand moved from your waist.

Shivers went down your spine as his hands slid up your torso coming to a stop right below your breasts. One of his thumbs brushed upwards lightly, teasingly.

You sucked in a breath as he lowered his face to your neck and brushed a kiss to the sensitive skin. His facial hair tickling your jaw.

“Logan, you’re drunk.” You croaked out, pulling away slightly, your hands sliding from his shoulders. He moved with you.

You felt his lips brush your skin again, another kiss, before his thumb slid upward against your breast. Fuck. The wet heat between your legs was unbearable. You needed some sort of friction. You definitely noticed the pressure from his pants pressed against your stomach. So close, you just needed anything. You bucked your hips against his, almost involuntarily, causing a rumble to escape his throat. His thumb stroked again.

“That’s a good girl” His head bobbed lower dragging his tongue down as he kissed your neck. You could feel him smile as he sucked the skin of your collar bone in a way that would definitely leave a mark. Holy Hell. What was happening.

You were sick of your neck getting all the attention as you reached up to take his face in your hand. He practically melted at your touch, his breath hitching as you stroked his cheek with your thumb. You wanted him, needed his mouth on yours. You pulled his face up, a little roughly, to meet your gaze. You thought you heard him let out a little surprised chuckle from the movement. His eyes were half lidded as he met yours. He was drunk, and you realized, so were you. You leaned in, your lips feather light against his-

You jumped at Wade’s voice from the other side of the door, calling for you.

Shit. You dropped your hand away from his face.

Logan growled, low and angry. He abruptly took his hot hands from your body and leaned his head to your ear, you felt his lips against your skin.

“Some other time then, darlin’.” He pulled away from you swaying slightly, before grabbing his beer from the counter and yanking open the bathroom door.

~~~

Anyway, thanks for reading. I guess I don’t know if this is any good and I will be posting the rest on Ao3 eventually

#deadpool and wolverine #wolverine x reader #reader x character #logan howlett #wade wilson

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gacha-incels · 1 year ago

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relegating the project moon/limbus ongoing situation as simply “drama” is incredibly reductive. perhaps it could have stayed this way had KJH not capitulated to the DCinside misogynists’ “femi” witch hunt. by firing her (let’s be real, they’ve been coy about it because they’ve lawyered up but we all saw it happen) for deleted tweets expressing support for pretty standard women’s rights issues in korea, PM has inserted themselves into the ongoing national conversation regarding female worker’s rights. This is why there have been multiple news articles surrounding this and unions have commented on it. These people aren’t trying to take potshots at PM from the peanut gallery, they have a vested interest in making sure this situation cannot happen in the future. This isn’t only about vellmori, her case doesn’t exist in a vacuum. As I said, it’s more like her case has been added to the overall conversation rather than the unions adding themselves into her sole conversation. This is one of the reasons they’re trying to pressure PM directly.

It’s ridiculous to compare the current protests to what the DCinside males did. It’s easy to do so you don’t have to think about it of course. For women in korea, it’s not just something they can pretend isn’t happening, it’s part of their reality. This isn’t just “drama” it’s something that effects them directly. In regards to thinking “both sides are bad” I’ll repost a reblogged reply I made here.

Sadly the reality of horrific and often times fatal misogyny in south korea that this situation is now a part of is ignored by many, downplayed or brushed off again by “both sides are bad”. In a lot of “explanations” of the situation for example the writer will try to explain megalia & korean feminism in detail but more vaguely reference why these women are trying to push back. So the reader will emotionally react to some harsh sounding statements or actions from women but feel less for the more vague or flat statistics presented of misogyny in the country. I also believe people are desensitized to misogyny in the west so when they read these “extreme” sounding statements from women they see it as a “both sides are bad” situation instead of an oppressed group fighting their oppressor. If the things men actually wrote about women, the femicides, molka, extreme rates of domestic abuse and cases like the Nth room were described in detail to give westerners a fuller picture of what Korean women are dealing with I think there could possibly be less western centrist opinions. Well this is what I’ve been seeing at least, it’s frustrating to see some women’s extremely harsh words for example compared to the physical and sexual violence epidemic there by men as “both sides are wrong” so I wanted to say something. What woman has done anything on par with Nth room? I’m not going to judge their activism tactics as I don’t live there, but it’s frustrating to see the two “sides” compared like they’re both the same in terms of extreme actions.

#limbus company #lcb #project moon #vellmori

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eu-nicola · 1 year ago

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Jude Bellingham x barca femi player enemies to loversss !!! Omfg the potential ! Angry fans and a surprise pregnancy to the mix. Also was the single mom anon. Your writing was very good and your english was perfect !! Lots of love and well wishes 💜💜

Jude Bellingham x Reader

sorry english isn’t my first language

I didn't correct it so I apologize for the mistakes

I don't know if it was what you wanted but I liked it

enjoy it

They had taught you to hate Real Madrid since you knew it and it was always like that and it was always going to be like that, the rivalry you had with each person from that club was bigger than anything.

You had even fight with your friends over that, so it was a subject they didn’t talk about and even less when you started playing for Barça.

It was your dream come true to have played since you were little for the club you always loved and now the fact of being able to play in the first division was coming true, and actually after this it was two years since you came up and it really was the best two years of your life without any single injury or even serious pain, you were at the top until what happened and after what seemed like a long and heavy season for you were injured, full of setbacks, although the good side of this is that vacations were coming up where you planned to recover one hundred percent to start as best you should.

You and your family had decided to travel to England for your recovery and private training which was approved by your club so you were more than happy to travel. The first weeks they made sure that you did not do anything that could harm you and you were with practically all the doctors at your disposal as your family wanted and after a thousand things to do, you could finally start training.

Your own coach gave you the idea that it would be a good idea for you to go out one night to clear your head without having to go to a club, but you had no better idea than to go to one because you wanted to know what the clubs were like in England, especially in Birmingham, so You asked your older brother to accompany you and obviously he was not going to say no to an outing.

They had told you about a good club, in fact the best club they told you, but you certainly didn't remember the name and you didn't really care, you just wanted to go out and see what you would find. When you arrived it didn't seem like a big deal but as the night went on you changed your mind, the atmosphere had become different and the people seemed more fun and you even saw a few players from the English team but nothing special.

When you began to feel a little dizzy, you decided to go to the bathroom under the gaze of your brother from afar all the time in case something happened to you, while you were walking to the bathroom you did not notice that a boy was walking just as fast as you with whom you collided and As soon as you saw him, you realized who Jude Bellingham was, the new Real player, he tried to stop you and apologize but you ignored him and continued on your way, after a while you thought you had lost him but not really, the idiot had waited outside the bathroom.

"I was just apologizing, it wasn't a big deal." He told you as soon as you came out of the bathroom. "If you knew that it is a psychopath to wait for a woman outside the bathroom in a club."

"Are you always like this?" "As well as?".

"A bitch with people." He surprised you that he called you that and even he seemed to you the most unpleasant man at that moment and many would believe that you would be exaggerating but not for you. “Yes, when they are Madridistas rats”. You responded by trying to leave.

"And who are you to call me that?" You were angry at that point but you didn't care about someone you didn't plan to see again.

When you got back to your brother you didn't feel like staying there anymore so you told him it was time to go and he agreed after a boring night at his house with no woman to bring home. After that night you had to get up early and continue with your training, you didn't have time to check your cell phone and even less see what was being talked about, when you finally finished you could finally see that someone on twitter was talking about the discussion you had with Jude.

Your own coach gave you the idea that it would be a good idea for you to go out one night to clear your head without having to go to a club, but you couldn’t think of a better idea than to go to one because you wanted to know what the clubs were like in England, especially . in Birmingham, so you asked your older brother to come with you and he obviously wasn’t going to say no to a date.

They had told you about a good club, in fact the best club they told you, but you probably didn’t remember the name and didn’t really care, you just wanted to go out and see what you could find. When you arrived it didn’t look like much but as the night went on you changed your mind, the atmosphere had become different and the people seemed more fun and you even saw some players from the English team but nothing special.

When you started to feel a little dizzy, you decided to go to the bathroom under the eyes of your brother from afar all the time in case something happened to you, while you were walking to the bathroom you didn’t notice that a boy was walking. just as fast as you with whom you collided and as soon as you saw him you realized who Jude Bellingham was, the new Real player, he tried to stop you and apologize but you ignored him and continued on your way, after a while you thought you had lost him but no Really, the idiot had waited outside the bathroom.

“I was just apologizing, it wasn’t a big deal.” He told you as soon as you came out of the bathroom. “If you only knew it’s a psycho to wait for a woman outside a bathroom in a club.”

“You are always like that?” “As well as?”.

“A bitch with people.” You were surprised that he called you that and even he seemed to you the most unpleasant man at that moment and many would believe that you would be exaggerating but not for you. “Yes, when they are Madrid rats.” You responded by trying to leave.

“And who are you to call me that?” You were angry at the time but you didn’t care about someone you didn’t plan to see again.

When you got back to your brother you didn’t feel like staying there anymore, so you told him it was time to go and he agreed after a boring night at his house with no woman to take. After that night you had to get up early and continue your training, you didn’t have time to check your cell phone and even less see what was being talked about, when you finally finished you could finally see that someone on twitter was talking about the argument you had with Jude.

"Are you stupid?" Your father asked as he entered the kitchen where you were having breakfast.

"What's going on?". "People saw you in a club fighting with a Madridista, he is not a good image for us and you know it."

“Yeah I know but how was I supposed to know they were going to see me argue, you were far from people so the ones who saw us are definitely nosy bitches.”

"This is nothing but I don't want to be seen with someone from Madrid again, do you understand?" At this point you had already tired of hating the madridistas just because your family said so, you didn't even care about them, the only thing for you was barça and the national team.

"Yes father":

After that little incident you didn't hear from him again and it was fine with you you didn't want to know anything else. At the end of the holidays you were already recovered, although you still couldn't play for your safety, they kept you on the bench for three games until everyone was one hundred percent sure that you would not get injured again and that's how it was, you came back better than ever and wanting to scoring goals in each of the matches, you felt at your best again.

For a few weeks you noticed on social networks that the event that had happened a while ago with Jude was not completely forgotten, there were people who were on your side and others on his side, although no one knows what the true conversation you had with him was. He, about 3 months had passed until you saw him again but this time he was in Barcelona for a match against Barça that you were planning to attend, you made sure to sit in a place where everything looked perfect and what better than to be forward with the other fans.

As it had always been a match with a lot of spark between the players and more so when Jude intentionally kicked one of our players, there everyone came out in defense which ended in Jude's expulsion immediately for making such a mess, at the end of the game. game Barça had won 3-0.

And from your place you saw Madrid leave sad because of his defeat, but your attention was focused especially on Jude, who was his first loss with his new team, so he was certainly more discouraged than the others. Before everyone finished passing you left the place and forgot about him.

It was July 10 and it was your 20th birthday so you decided to go out to celebrate with your friends at a club near where you lived, during the day you had spent it with your family and friends but at night things had to get better and You wanted to go out and celebrate like you haven't done in a long time. It was already like 3 am and while you were dancing in the distance you could see that Jude was in the same place, he was sitting with a girl on his legs while they were kissing you were watching him for a while at the same time you were dancing so that no one would notice when Your friend caught your attention and you stopped looking at them.

You didn't know how much time had passed but suddenly you felt a hand on your hip as you were about to hit the person who had touched you and before you could even do it he stopped you and pulled you closer to him and maybe it was The first time you didn't know what to say so you just glared at him and jerked out of his grip, at that moment you didn't see him but he laughed at you for the silly way you were acting so he followed you again and before you could escape he took your arm again to attract you.

"Let go". "You are always like that?".

"He's fucking with me right? You already asked that question once but at least you were sober." You spit in his face. "And you're still the same...".

"Of what? Say it, let's go." You wanted to slap him in the face for being as stupid as all the men on earth, I took you out of your thoughts when he pounced like that and kissed you by the nape of the neck so that you couldn't separate and even if you could, you wouldn't have done it after seeing how good his lips felt on yours.

When he finally released you neither of them said anything but they got away from there as fast as they could and he took you to the house where he was staying, at first you hesitated to stay there with him but as soon as they arrived and he kissed you again all the doubts or coherences that you might have had had vanished in the fastest way.

That night he took you in all the possible ways he could have done and you liked every moment, the way he admired you or how he smiled when he heard you say his name also the way he touched you making you feel in the clouds . In the morning you left very early before he woke up trying to forget every detail of a night that you knew would be impossible for you, even if it was something.

When you got back home you went back to bed until you woke up at 10 am because your phone kept ringing with instagram messages from Jude and thousands of twitter notifications tagging you and him too.

“Oh god, why always me?”.

After that you didn't answer again and you continued with your business waiting for your father to kill you, so something that almost happened appeared on the internet. Your father's way of being was well known and how demanding he was with you, do you remember the first time you talked about your family in an interview and a few minutes later the social networks were flooded with comments about your family that you were not interested in? , there were many who had supported your father because thanks to that you were always a winner and many others criticized him for his actions but despite everything you loved him and thanks to that you were who you were.

You and Jude didn't see each other again and the fans seemed to have calmed down at times but they always came out again when they uploaded photos of him with a woman tagging you or talking about you as if they had been a couple at some point. Your life continued as normal, your training for you was more and more demanding by order of your father and your body and mind demanded more each day. In the first days of August you felt worse and worse but that did not prevent you from giving your maximum in your training sessions and in the matches until your body gave no more and in one of the matches they collided with you and that was what overflowed the drop of the glass of water.

That was the last thing you remembered and when you opened your eyes again you were in the hospital with your mother next to you asleep in a chair you barely tried to get up your mother felt your movement and quickly approached you to hug you and ask how you were doing. which you still couldn't answer because you were so confused.

"What happened?". You asked. "Oh my baby."

You said your mother to hug you but trying not to hurt you.

“Is everything okay mom?” Your mother looked at you for a moment before answering but first she took your hand and at this point you were worried about what she might say.

“The doctors have told me that everything is fine but…”. “What’s up mom please.”

“You are pregnant”. You were in shock, you even almost fainted again, there were a thousand and one thoughts going through your head and you didn’t know which one to listen to, you didn’t even listen to what your mother was telling you and not even if your father already knew the news.

“Daddy know?” “Yes and he is very disappointed but he doesn’t want to talk about it.”

After that you asked your mother for some time to rest and think about what was happening to you, you were still too young to have a baby and you were also at the peak of your career to give up now you didn’t really know what you wanted . to do but first of all you had to talk to Jude because this was something that involved both of them.

Your father hadn’t spoken to you since the hospital and you knew he was going to stay that way until he got over it but in the meantime you had bigger problems like talking to Jude.

As he said he went to look for you and at all times he tried to start a conversation with you but you barely said a couple of words during the trip, when they arrived at his house he helped you to lower your bag and get comfortable in his house but the nerves were growing worse so while he was in his kitchen looking for a glass of water you just said it.

“I’m pregnant and it’s yours.” Never in your life had you said something so fast and this shocked him, he stood still for a moment without even saying anything until you decided to approach him. “Can you say something?”.

“You’re sure?”. He asked and you didn’t know if he was asking if he was the father or if you were sure you were pregnant so you just said yes.

He didn’t say anything to you and he took you in his arms to get up and start turning you around with a smile on his face. “OH GOD I’M GOING TO BE A FATHER.” He was screaming so you knew he was very happy about the news.

“Are you happy?”. “Of course I’m happy there’s going to be a mini me.”

“Unfortunately”. You told him making a joke. “Because I hope he looks like me.”

“What will happen to your career?” He asked you something you hadn’t thought about. “I still don’t know what I do know is that I want the baby and if it is necessary to postpone my career for a while, I will.”

“Are you sure? I don’t want you to throw everything away for me.” “I’m not doing it for you, I’m doing it because this is partly something I always wanted and they never let me even think about it.”

“Because?”. tea asked as he hugged you. “My father always saw a star in me and the children could not interrupt my path so I could not even think about starting a family.”

��But now you’re going to have one and with one of the people he hates the most, poor man with everything he’s going to have to process.” Jude said as he laughed at his comment.

“Do you think people are going to get mad?” Asked.

“Maybe but it doesn’t matter, they are not going to raise the child.”

“Of course not”.

That same night you stayed at his hou se and a short time later you announced on Instagram that you were going to stop playing soccer, to which everyone will be surprised and nobody knew why you had made that decision, so for several months of hiding and not showing up. In public, the speculation had been enormous everywhere and when you turned 7 months pregnant you thought it was time to tell the news.

You were expecting a man with the man least thought of by all, many were moved and many others were upset by the news after that you felt a weight less and you did not care what you thought because you were fine with your life and with your family and the most important you were okay with Jude.

#jude bellingham #jude bellingham x you #jude bellingham x reader #oneshot #fanfic #imagine #football fanfic #footballer fic #football #footballer one shot #footballer #fc barcelona #real madrid #x reader #jude bellingham x y/n

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richincolor · 2 months ago

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New Releases - Week of September 17, 2024

It's almost like the releases in September are preparing us for the scary time of the year. Three out of four of these releases are nightmarish, thriller types. They look like they will give folks a few chills. We have fear and magic to look forward to this week.

Ruin Road by Lamar Giles Scholastic Press

Sometimes a little fear is a good thing…

Cade Webster lives between worlds. He’s a standout football star at the right school but lives in the wrong neighborhood–if you let his classmates tell it. Everywhere but home, people are afraid of him for one reason or another. Afraid he’s too big, too fast, too ambitious, too Black.

Then one fateful night, to avoid a dangerous encounter with the police, he ducks into a pawn shop. An impulse purchase and misspoken desire change everything when Cade tells the shopkeeper he wishes people would stop acting so scared around him, and the wish is granted…

At first, it feels like things have taken a turn for the better. But it’s not just Cade that people no longer fear–it’s everything. With Cade spreading this newfound “courage” wherever he goes, anything can happen. Fearless acts of violence begin to escalate in both his neighborhood and at school. Something monstrous is clearly at work and it’s up to Cade to stop it. But just what did he buy and what’s the price to undo the damage? After all, the devil’s in the details.

Such Lovely Skin by Tatiana Schlote-Bonne Page Street YA

An evil video game A lying Twitch streamer A demon hungry for her secrets

After spending the summer wracked with guilt about causing the accident that killed her little sister, ambitious gamer and chronic liar Viv returns to Twitch streaming. She never told her parents the truth about the accident, but she hopes that maybe making it big in streaming and giving the money to them is penance enough for her mistakes.

The weekend before school starts, Viv finds the perfect horror game to make her Twitch comeback, and during an offline practice run, an NPC asks Viv for a secret. She decides to tell them the truth about her sister’s death since a game could never share her secret―in doing so, she accidentally welcomes a demonic mimic into her life.

No one believes Viv when she tells them about her evil doppelganger. Viv has lied to get her best friend’s sympathy and has spread rumors for attention, so why should anyone trust her now? The only person who believes her is Ash, a cute social outcast whom Viv once bullied. In trying to clear her name and kill the mimic, Viv discovers that her lies have hurt people who never deserved it, herself included.

We Are Hunted by Tomi Oyemakinde Feiwel & Friends

A boy, his family, and other resort guests must fight for their lives after the island’s unusual animals turn feral, in this horrifying fast-paced survival story!

Experience paradise, reimagined.

When 17-year-old Femi Fatona and his older brother are forced to accompany their dad to an island resort, Femi is not looking forward to it. After all, he hasn’t exactly been getting along with either of them lately. At least the resort promises to be full of all the extravagant luxuries they’re used to. Yet not much is actually known about it, as it’s on a recently-discovered island and shrouded in nondisclosure agreements.

Once they arrive, Femi is thrilled to find that the island is bursting with new and spectacular species of plants and animals. But he soon realizes that sometimes pretty exteriors hide ugly truths—truths that are begging to come to light.

When the animals suddenly become feral and the island is thrown into chaos , what was meant to be a peaceful bonding experience quickly becomes the stuff of nightmares. Femi will have to put aside tension with his family and work with other guests in order to escape the animals, the island. . .and his own guilt at the part he may have played in all of it.

Spells to Forget Us by Aislinn Brophy G.P. Putnam’s Sons Books for Young Readers

Fate brought them together. Magic made them strangers.

Luna is a powerful witch. Known for her skills and feared for her temper, she’s set to preserve her family’s legacy by becoming the head of Boston’s Witch Council—a job she does not want.

Aoife is a non-magical girl. Raised under the lens of her influencer family, she’s grown up in the public eye. Now she yearns for privacy—but knows her parents won’t oblige.

Just when they are at their lowest, Aoife and Luna find each other and start dating. As decreed by magic law, Luna casts a spell that will erase Aoife’s memories of their history together if they ever break up. But when Aoife and Luna end things, it’s both of them who forget . . . that is, until they meet again, fall for each other, and recover all the memories of their last attempt at dating.

So begins the story of two star-crossed lovers who keep finding their way into each other’s orbits, even as the universe pulls them apart. When they set out to break the cycle, will they be strangers forever or together at last?

#new releases #young adult literature #young adult books

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pawpiefawn · 2 months ago

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𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓯𝓪𝓮𝓻𝓲𝓮'𝓼 𝓬𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷𝓼 . . . 𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ༉‧₊˚.

── beneath the peach blossoms.

sitting beneath the peach blossoms with wriothesley ; spending time with him is always something nice, something lovely, always and forevermore. ꒰ wriothesley x gn!reader ꒱

── a sweet sunday's marginalia of love.

sunday is always farmer's market day with wriothesley ; this week, he finds a little trinket he believes you'd adore. ꒰ wriothesley x gn!reader ꒱

── this home and love.

alhaitham rarely steps into the kitchen – but when he does, he cooks you something dear to his heart. ꒰ alhaitham x gn!reader ꒱

── something simple, within the crevices of a heart.

a non-canonical au of femitano, for @/femivi – where they meet for the first (?) time, within the gardens filled with wildflowers. ꒰ capitano x femi ꒱

#.☘︎ ݁˖ jasmine blooms #divider from plutism

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bishopofblack · 2 years ago

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A handy guide for readers of The Bishop of Black! All available free chapters under the cut. New chapters weekly! Can't wait? Check us out on Patreon. Memberships start at $1 USD!

In a nation torn by a war that has been waged for centuries, tensions run high as the Kingdoms of Black and White seem to be on the verge of a lasting peace after generations of strife and bloodshed. Femi, a medic in the Kingdom of Black, is swept up into the dangerous politics of the court after a horrible tragedy returns them to the brink of war.

Chapter One: Femi Chapter Two: Scythaline Chapter Three: Femi Chapter Four: Irastenys

Chapter Five: Atsa Chapter Six: Femi Chapter Seven: Irastenys Chapter Eight: Scythaline

Chapter Nine: Atsa Chapter Ten: Femi Chapter Eleven: Irastenys Chapter Twelve: Scythaline

Chapter Thirteen: Atsa Chapter Fourteen [Coming soon!] Chapter Fifteen [Coming soon!] Chapter Sixteen [Coming soon!]

#The Bishop of Black #Light Novel #LGBTQIA #queer writers #amwritingqueerfantasy #Reading Guide

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thekitchendough · 8 months ago

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My White Lie

Today I told my friend, who is also an avid reader that I don’t like romance novels written by white people. My reasons were lacklustre and I think they could tell.

I talked about how I was not attracted to their descriptions of white male characters (and the male characters were mostly white). I talked about how the dialogue was so fluffy and obviously romantic that I found it hard to picture and believe. I said if a Nigerian man were to talk to me like that, I would not believe him and end up simply uninterested.

Now what I should have said was I did not like romance novels written by white authors because I envied how easy it was for them to imagine a love story so light. A story filled with fluff and trauma-free passion. They wrote meet-cutes, rom-coms and gave us eat-pray-love type stories. Where will my Nigerian sister find her rom-com? Nothing is funny when Femi or Tonye is taking you for a fool. Why can’t Tonye wake me up to breakfast in bed with love notes that trail my food tray to his bathroom where a drawn bath awaits me. He will come back sweaty with dark caramel skin flushed from taking his dog on a morning walk. Why can’t Eniola look into Femi’s eyes and confess so easily how these two weeks of getting to know each other have been one of the best she’s had. Why cant she tweet about it and not see comments like “ the breakfast that is waiting for you ehn” or “fear who no fear Yoruba man”. Why does she need to play hard to get for 6 months when she knew 10 minutes into the conversation over dinner that she would let him take her six ways to Sunday before he dropped her home.

#spilled thoughts #journal

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sydsaint · 8 months ago

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I might be obsessed with him. Just a little bit. <3

Summary: A certain someone almost makes reader late to Mania weekend.

It's a chilly morning in Philly for Mania weekend. As co-gm of NXT along with Ava, you've got a full day of work ahead of you. But truth be told? Work is the furthest thing from your mind at the moment.

Golden sunlight streams in through the window of your highrise hotel room. Beams of light illuminate your bare skin as you lay spread out on the bed in nothing but your bra and underwear. Your chest rises and falls at an accelerated pace, one hand placed over your mouth to keep yourself quiet due to the relatively thin walls of the hotel room.

"Dom, I've got to get ready for work. I'm going to be late for my meeting with Ava." You remove your hand from your mouth in a whimper.

Above you, Oba Femi's latest challenger for his North American title, and one of your employee's, Dominick Dijakovic aka Dijak, hovers above you with hungry eyes. His eyebrows raise slightly, a mischievous grin plastered on his face before his hulking frame dips down toward your exposed body. "We've got time, baby. Relax." He whispers against your skin, causing a shiver to run up your spine.

You let out another pathetic sounding whimper as Dijak litters your stomach in sloppy kisses. He drags his incisors across your skin delicately and a gasp escapes your lips. "Fuck." You let out a shaky breath. "Dom, please." You plead with him.

On the nightstand next to you, your phone buzzes for what seems like the millionth time in the last hour. The buzzing stops after a minute and your voicemail catches the message.

"Hey, YN, it's Ava again." Ava's voice drowns out your noises. "I was just wondering where you are...again." She continues. "We've got that meeting before the show in like an hour. And you're sort of starting to worry me. So, call me back, please."

The voicemail ends and you curse the air silently. You can't be late to this meeting. Especially since it's Mania weekend. With the hand you aren't using to keep yourself quiet you card through Dijak's hair and pull him up off you.

"Okay okay. That's it!" You assert yourself. "I have to get ready for this meeting. And I can't do that if you're on top of me."

"Alright, fine." Dijak sighs through his nose and reluctantly backs off of you. "We've got unfinished business tonight then, sweetheart." He adds matter-of-factly.

You take a moment to collect yourself before you slide off the bed and walk over to your suitcase. "Shouldn't you be worried about your title match with Oba later?" You ask him while searching around your suitcase for a nice blouse. "Normally people hit the gym for a warmup, or something like that."

"I think that we both got plenty of exercise this morning, don't you think?" Dijak replies and steps up behind you.

"I'm not a athlete, how would I know?" You quip back, finally having found and acceptable blouse. "Now go put your pants on. I've got to do my makeup really fast." You pull your blouse on and head for the bathroom.

Dijak reaches out to you as you walk off, his gaze transfixed on the way your hips sway as you walk away from him. You quickly do a simple makeup look, finishing it off with the new lipstick that you bought a few day ago in a pretty shade of purple. When you come back out of the bathroom Dijak is fully dressed and sitting on the ege of your bed looking at his phone.

"You're still here?" You tease with a grin and walk over to him.

"Well I couldn't leave before getting a glimpse of what you'll be wearing all day. And what I'll be tearing off of you later tonight." He adds with a sly smile.

You come to a stop in front of Dijak. He's sitting down and yet he still manages to be taller than you. "Tearing off?" You flash a frown. "I like this blouse, so no tearing please." You warn him.

"I can be gentle." Dijak replies, his arm snaking around your waste and pulling you closer to him.

You roll your eyes playfully and wrap your arms around his neck. "So you claim." You muse. "The amount of full-coverage concealer I've had to buy in the last month would say otherwise."

"A justifiable expense if you ask me." Dijak shrugs, his hands gliding up your back despite your shirt.

You sigh and lean down for a kiss. How you manage to find yourself in the clutches of this frustratingly tall and alluring man, you don't know. Especially when you consider the fact that you're his boss. Not that it matters to Dijak. Or yourself as of late.

Forty minutes later you roll up to the office just in time to meet with Ava Her head jerks up when she hears the door and pops to her feet when she sees that it's you.

"YN! There are you!" Ava rushes to your side. "Did something happen? I've been trying to get ahold of you all morning." She explains.

"I know, sorry Ava." You nod. "I was caught up in an important meeting." You lie and head over to your desk.

Ava follows you over to your desk with a million ore questions to ask you. "A meeting? What meeting? Did I miss something." She asks you.

"No. It was a personal meeting, of sorts." You reply and set you bag down to grab some stuff out of it.

"Personal meeting?" Ava furrows her brows. "With who?" She asks you.

You dig through your bag and Ava waits for an answer. She gets a closer look at your appearance and can't help but notice some discrepancies. Your blouse has obviously been wrinkled and then smoothe out again in a haste. Plus your lipstick is slightly smudged in the corners of your mouth.

"Your lipstick? It's smudged." Ava looks at you pointedly. "YN...please don't tell me that you were with someone and that's why you were late." She frowns.

"I'm not late." You reply sharply and reach back into your purse for a pocket mirror.

Ava huffs and walks back over to her desk. "Well, do I at least get to know who was so important that you were almost late for work? On Mania weekend of all times?" She asks you.

"No, you don't." You reply and begin fixing up your makeup. "It's not important anyway, Ava." You assure her. "It's nothing serious."

"Right." Ava nods. "So it's someone that we work with then?" She glances at you to gauge your reaction.

Your eyebrows twitch ever so slightly and Ava smiles to herself. Now she just has to figure out who the mystery man is.

Later into the afternoon, backstage at the Stand and Deliver show, Dijak meets up wit Josh Briggs before their match with Oba.

"Dijak! There you are." Josh greets his opponent for the night. "I was beginning to think that you chickened out on me and Oba." He jokes.

"Not a chance." Dijak scoffs. "I can't let you and Oba off that easily." He claps Josh on the shoulder playfully. "I was a little tied up with management this morning." He explains.

Josh nods and happens to notice an odd purple stain on Dijak's collar. And once he's spotted the first one, it's not hard to notice a few more littered on his friends jaw and neck.

"Umm, Dijak?" Josh clears his throat. "You've uhh, got something on your neck. Right there." He points to his own neck.

"Hmm?" Dijak raises a hand to his neck and rubs it before looking at his now purple tinted fingers. "Oh, shit! I'll e right back man." He quickly dismisses himself.

Josh nods and watches Dijak hurry off. A few minutes later he is waiting for Dijak to come back when you walk by with Ava. Josh waves at you with a smile and you smile back at him. You and Ava walk off and it takes a moment, but Josh realizes that your lipstick shade looks awfully familiar.

Dijak coes back to meet up with Josh again and finds his friend grinning like an idiot. "What?" He confronts Josh.

"Nothing." Josh continues to grin. "Tied up with management huh?" He chuckles to himself. "Yeah, okay." He muses and walks off.

#wrestling #nxt fanfiction #nxt #wrestling fanfiction #wrestling fandom #wrestling fanfic #wwe fanfic #wwe fic #nxt x reader #dominick dijakovic #dijak #dijak x reader #dominick dijakovic x reader #wwe #syd's wrestling fics

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swinstudent · 2 years ago

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Tumblr case study-the good and the bad...

I am here on Tumblr posting this today, because I know for a fact if I posted it on Facebook I would have my family on my back probably telling me i’m too woke…

Coincidentally, this post draws evidently to an analysis of Tumblr and the platform's distinct personality which I would personally analyse as a result of its long-lasting youth-based audience and lack of censorship in comparison to other platforms, like #Reddit.

Due to Tumblr’s lack of personalised profiling, “many “Tumblrs” are anonymously created and owners are difficult to identify.” (Keller, 2019) - Ultimately, this aspect allows for, females in particular, to speak on and discuss certain topics that may be more difficult on other platforms. #feminism #sex & #bodyimage for example...

The highly discussed and controversial topic of Tumblr in its glory days #2014tumblr, is that of its stagnate prominence among some girls youths, facilitating the exploration of the more explicit and controversial topics, “the girls’ discussions of Tumblr in relation to Facebook and Twitter suggests that maintaining some social privacy is necessary for teens to do feminism online.” (Keller, 2019)

This time period of Tumblr, for me and peers I have spoken too, or seen discussing online, still gets brought up years later, in conjunction with our age at the time and the issue of what we were presented, with and how it was ultimately destructive. For example, the glorification of eating disorders.

Going further, one of the 'Public Spheres' qualifying points when discussing social media is to feel safe, and therefore comfortable posting, without this sense of safety, eventually platforms will decline. When analysing whether it is a negative or positive thing that Tumblr facilitates such discussions, it could therefore be argued that Tumblr still exists solely as such a result. After all, as mentioned by Keller, 2019 “Girls and women use digital platforms to explore their emerging femi-nist identities” and Tumblr lets them.

How can this feminism and confidence be seen today on Tumblr? Through hashtags! For example: “One hashtag often occupied by feminists is #bodypositive, a movement that aims to reconnect people with their own body image.” (Reif et al., 2022)

References -

Keller, J. (2019) “‘oh, she’s a Tumblr feminist’: Exploring the platform vernacular of Girls’ Social Media Feminisms,” Social Media & the Self: An Open Reader [Preprint]. Available at: https://doi.org/10.32376/3f8575cb.30dbf3b9.

Reif, A., Miller, I. and Taddicken, M. (2022) “‘Love the skin you‘re in’: An analysis of women’s self-presentation and user reactions to selfies using the Tumblr hashtag #bodypositive,” Mass Communication and Society, pp. 1–24. Available at: https://doi.org/10.1080/15205436.2022.2138442.

#mda20009 #body positive #bring back 2014 #digital community #feminism

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alexanderflowerbird · 2 years ago

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(from @flowerprose)

dusty rose, bubblegum pink, and primrose yellow!

Oooh hiii <3

Dusty Rose: Your personal favourite character in your wip Oh man... that's kinda hard, which I know is a stereotypical writer response lol I'll say my favorite character to read is Jane, she's a riot and she's fun to write but I love rereading work that involves her. My favorite character to write is a toss up between Scythaline, who is such a good boy and so well meaning and terribly, terribly naive, and Femi, who is a lovely lady and makes a lot of interesting choices that I barely have to think about I know her so well.

Bubblegum Pink: If you could only write one genre for the rest of your life, what would it be? Oh, romance. All the way. As a reader if I'm totally honest, I find books of any kind that don't have romance in them pretty boring. You can give me a thrilling scifi opera or a rich fantasy story and if there's no love? I'm kinda like... eh. The same goes for writing. I just love love, baybee.

Primrose Yellow: What’s your least favourite genre to write? Mmm... I haven't really written much that I don't enjoy writing-- there's some things that kinda bore me occasionally, usually when there's no interesting decisions being made and the writing is just... totting along, but that's not genre specific. I guess very classic, nothing going on or supernatural/scifi/special slice of life. Like... I live that, I don't care lol It's gotta have some spice-- I like slice of life stuff that's got an adjacent factor of scifi/fantasy, like how Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind or The Time Traveler's Wife are very much slice of life but have this singular unique sci-fi element that makes things more interesting. But slice of life, even for like... thrillers? Bored. Don't care for true-crime or thrillers where Some White Detective investigates Some Gruesome Murder. Snore. I'm sure it's the vibe for other people, my mom loves that sort of thing actually, but it's not for me reading wise, so writing it would be such a pain in the ass.

#ask games #thanks for the ask!

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naturiisms · 1 year ago

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"what's the book series?" she questioned, chin nodding up at the other. "can i see the drawings?" femi wasn't much of a reader, but she wasn't above digging through a series' wikipedia, either. "i think we all need a little more honesty in our lives. if you want me to tattoo what you have exactly, i can do that, or we can take your ideas and build them up."

"I've already drawn up some ideas on what I want. It's a dagger," she explained, pulling out her sketchbook and opening to drawings of what she had in mind. "It's from a book series I love and swords and knives are a big part of all the author's works, so I thought it would look really cool." She handed over the sketchbook for the other to take a look. "It has some other meanings behind it too. It's a magic knife that is supposed to always hit it's mark and help make people tell the truth, which I honestly really need in my life."

#*femi x interacts.#*femi x kendra.#hcartachesx

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stardancerluv · 3 years ago

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Remembering Firsts

Kinktober - Roman Sionis - BDSM F! Receiving

Summary: Roman remembers when Zsasz delievered you to him.

Warning/Note: Consensual handcuffing/BDSM, M!Dom F!Sub, desk sex, daddy!kink

Same Roman and Reader Dynamic as Creative Fervor. Roman remembers when Reader was brought to him in Chapter 1.

The voice yapped away into his ear as he watched you flutter into his office. Your dress was bright and practically slid over your curves.

After settling onto the sofa, you tucked some hair behind your ear and finally looked his way. You smiled, he loved how it reached your eyes. It always did.

He had only let you ever see him really smile. There was his smile to his patrons and he had one that he wore for meetings. There was also the one he gave his employees. However, you were the only one that saw the one that would crinkle his eyes. Or be brought on from a laugh from deep within him.

He reminded the first smile you had given him. It had been in the rolls on the way to your studio. It had pulled on him.

Sure you had smiled before. But that had been the days of you with purple hair and before you ever knew who he was or what he was capable of.

In the pit of his stomach he heat pooled and knotted as he watched you sit in his office pretty as you please.

He finished the call and got up.

He went over to where you leaned against the arm rest of the sofa. “Hi baby.” Reaching he cupped your cheek, gently caressing it with his thumb. “How are you doing today?”

You smiled, leaning into his hand. “I’m good now that I’m here with you.”

Your words made the knots tighten. “Good.” Now daddy, is a little busy but he is going to try and set some time aside for you.”

You beamed, your eyes brightening. “Only if that is good for you. I don’t want you getting behind because I’m here.”

“Not all baby.” He smiled, looking you over. He had always thought having someone around would be a nuisance but you, you were a delight to have around. “I’ll be right back.”

“Ok!” You said brightly. Your attention went back to the latest issue of interior design monthly.

Ever since they gave you an interview, a free subscription came to the club. Kind of annoying, but that’s what happens when the best interior designer becomes your girl. You no longer just get offerings to buy the best liquor in the country for your nightclub.

Walking down the hall, he glanced back at the doorway of his office. He liked the idea of you perched there.

Taking his cellphone out he messaged Zsasz, to thoroughly clean and detail their tools downstairs.

He did not right now want to be interrupted. Confident, there now would not be, he went further into the penthouse. Going into his special wing, he put the code into the panel and with a swish the door opened.

He looked over the knives on display. He ran a finger over one of his favorites. Nah, he thought he would not slice your clothes off today. Too much to clean up. Though he certainly delighted in how you reacted to the blades being so close to your skin. He loved how wet it made you.

Shaking his head, he went further into his room. A smirk, curled his lips when something caught his eyes. He dragged his fingers over a trusty pair of cuffs. They were the same ones that had been on your wrists, he believer. That brought a burst of delight to his senses.

He grabbed them and slipped them into his suit jacket. He gave the room a cursory glance. Nah, he didn’t need anything else.

Leaving the room, the door whispered just behind him. He stopped eyeing the bar, before returning to his office.

You smiled as he walked in. “Baby, do you trust me?”

Your brow wrinkled. “Of course I do.”

“Good.” He smiled. “I was reminiscing and” He pressed his lips together. “And well I want us to have a little fun.”

He could see that special light come to your eyes as he spoke. “Oh?”

“Yes.”

He knew deep down, what he was exercising was the darker part of his soul. He had been itching be this level of dominate with you. It wasn’t because he thought less of you or even doubted how you felt about him, but the idea turned him on and he wanted to do it.

“Now, if at any moment you feel uncomfortable tell me.” He swallowed, saying that kind of surprised him. He was always so used to taking what he wanted. He realized cared for you deeper then he expected.

You put the magazine down beside you. “What do you want daddy?” You looked at him through your lashes.

“That’s my girl.” He smiled. “Now stand for him.”

Once you did he immediately grabbed one wrist, reaching into his pocked he took out the cuffs. Very easily he placed them on your wrists. Their metallic sound filled his office. The sound that it brought from you only fueled his desire.

“Wiggle those pretty little hands to show daddy how they bind together for him.”

You did, they jangled a little. He smirked. “Good.��

A soft flush came over you, your eyes grew shiny.

“Look at you. Ready for daddy to do what he wishes.”

“Yes, daddy.”

He nodded, then grabbed your arm. “Over here.” He pulling you just so, your heels clicking against the floor. He brought you up against his desk. Before you could move he was against you. “Damn, you feel so good against me.” He breathed into your ear. Easily he reached around held your hands to his desk. “Can you feel what you’ve done to me?” He rubbed his growing hardness against you.

“Yes, daddy.” There was a twinge of whimper to your voice. He loved it.

Reaching around he dragged down and reached under the skirt of your dress. He found your panties. “Let them fall.”

“Yes, daddy.”

He tugged and pulled at them, making them fall to the floor like an autumn leaf.

“Step out of them.”

Bracing yourself against his desk and rubbing against him, you easily did. Stepping back, he turned you around once again.

“There’s my baby.” He tilted his head as he looked at you. “Do you remember when you brought to me, hand cuffed and all?” He gently tugged at the cuffs.

You nodded.

“This time, I am the one who did it.”

You nodded.

“You have always been mine.”

“Yes.”

“That makes me very happy.” With a suddenness he was known for, he picked you up and placed you on his desk. He opened your legs, pushing up the skirt, he opened you even wider. He easily then came to stand between your legs.

He smirked as he saw your hands come to rest, demurely over the apex between your legs. “Always a lady.”

He pulled you close, he pulled the cloth belt. In doing so, your dress easily opened. “Just like that first time.” He easily opened it so not much of you remained hidden from him.

You nodded.

“I need you.” He simply said. Finally he attended to himself. Undoing his slacks, he took himself out.

He put your arms around his throat as he pulled you closer to him. He gently rubbed against you, pulling the most delightful sound from you.

“You feel so good.” He murmured, meeting your eyes. He loved how your fingers felt in his hair.

Very easily he slid into you. “Baby.” He exhaled. You were so slick, that moving in and out of you was amazing. “Mine.” He managed.

“Yes.” You breathed.

As he held you just the right one way, he bent down and kissed you. It was a hungry kiss. Reaching up as he kissed you, he unclasped your bra. He broke the kiss. “There you are, let me hear you.”

He ran his gloved hands over your already very erect nipples. You whimpered and writhed more under him, as he touched you more.

When you shuddered he met your eyes. “Is my baby already close?”

“Yes, daddy.”” You whimpered, arching against him.

“Cum for me then, right here on my desk.”

“Thank you, daddy.”

Your fingers, clutched tightly onto the back of his shirt. As moans poured from you. He didn’t let up. He was close as well, and it felt so damn good.

“Daddy.” You moaned. And your body and legs tightened around him.

“That’s my girl.” He smiled and moving still he finally let himself move harder and deeper. He groaned as he came hard into you.

Panting, he held onto you. Trembles from your body and his matched and did their own little dance. Very adeptly, better then he thought he would be. He eased you from his grasp, he reached in and took out the key and undid the cuffs. Taking them off they clanked on his hard, wooden desk.

He stood as your arms rested. Taking a hand and meeting your eyes kissed one and the other wrist. “That was fun.” He smiled.

You nodded. You were breathless. “Yes.”

Reluctantly, he pulled back and tucked himself away. Still with some energy in him, he grabbed you, easily picking you, he took a few steps back and sat on the sofa. Your heels fell noisily to the ground but you easily curled up in his lap as he sat there.

He rubbed your arm as you nestled closer to his shoulder. “From the moment, you walked in, I needed you.”

You looked at him and flushed. “I needed you too.” You whispered and pressed a kiss against his throat.

@xxeatyourhearttouttxx @nebulastarr @zodiyack @angel98624 @emyliabernstein @itsknife2meetu @omghappilyuniquebouquetlove @poe-kadot26 @babydoll97-blog1 @hazel-nuss @vcat55 @feelthemadnessinside @johallzy @foreverhockeytrash @frostypenguinoz @professionalclown123 @chogisss @xxinvisiblexx @shantellorraine @xxvisionsxx @blondekel77 @saphic-stories @drarrylov3r @i-cant-hear-you16 @deadlymistress24 @yesqueenofthelight @generallj @thebeckyjolene @mrskenobi19 @dogmatic255 @bdffkierenwalker @thereluctantherosrose

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