#I told you it would get better <3< /div>
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leo and mikey, treat
(fav duo tbh, pretty underrated)
More Sidelined AU! Are you sick of me yet? Hopefully not because this has consumed my brain.
Part 1
Part 2
We're jumping ahead a bit in time to hopefully give you guys a bit more idea of The Flavor of this AU. And also to give it a bit of a happier note. It's not all doom and gloom!
No content warnings to speak of on this one
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Mikey lands on the roof and powers on his earpiece, whispering, "Mikey in position. Can you hear me, Base? Come in Base."
"Helloooo New York City," comes Leo's voice, loud and clear. "You're tuning into L.A.I.R 179.12, with your host, DJ Neon Leon! Bringing you the hottest rock from the other side of the millennia."
Mikey snickers, then tries to pull himself back together. "Leo, come on! I'm here."
"Who?"
He sighs, even though he isn't mad at all. "I'm here, DJ Neon Leon."
"Ohohoho, excellent." He hears the click of typing, and then Leo says, "Can you get me visuals, Shelldon?"
"Right away, Neon Leon," Shelldon's voice crackles through the comms. There's a moment of silence, and Mikey can just imagine Leo rolling his chair around his "command center."
(He and Donnie had spent ages building it to look like the bridge of the S.S. Starbolt, with added mobility access, of course. Leo loves it as much as Donnie loves his lab.)
"Got your visuals, dudes," says Shelldon. There's some more typing from Leo's end, then he says, "Alright, Miguel, you should see two guards coming around the building riiiiight... now!"
Sure enough, two guards in plainclothes circle either side of the old apartment building across the street. Mikey watches as the two of them meet in front of the entrance, exchange a few words, then turn and head back the way they came.
"Right on time, Leo."
"Perfect, we're synced." Some more typing, and then, "The rooftop will be clear - let me know when you're over there and I'll get you inside."
"Roger that," he says. "Mikey out." Then he clicks his earpiece to silenced.
A hop, skip, and a jump later he's on the opposite roof. There's a door here, and he edges toward it before contacting Leo again.
"I'm here!"
"Alright... Disabling alarms... now!" Mikey can just see how dramatically he must have pushed the button. "Check the door to see if it's locked."
Mikey reaches out and jiggles the handle, but it doesn't budge. "Locked."
"Alright, no problem - you got your lockpicks?"
"Yep!"
"Remember what I taught you?"
"Yeah, I got it."
"Alright. Make me proud, little bro."
Mikey grins, pulling his lockpicking kit out of his gear. It takes him a few minutes, because he's nowhere near as fast at this as Leo is, but he gets it done without needing to ask for help. The training Leo made him go through is still fresh in his mind.
"Alright, I'm in," he says as he slips through the door. He's in a deserted stairwell, but just to be safe he crouches down into the shadows near the wall.
"So far, so good. You need to go down two flights of stairs. No guards are coming around right now, but keep it quiet just in case."
"Don't worry, I'll be silent as a mouse!"
"Knowing Dad that's not giving me as much confidence as you think."
Mikey giggles, then sucks in a breath and gets his game face on. Right. Silent. Ninja skills GO.
He does manage to make it to the right floor without major incident. There's no one in the hall when he enters, looking at the rows of numbered doors. He doesn't know why this is where the artifact is being kept hidden, but it doesn't matter.
"According to our intel, you should be looking for door four-oh-nine," says Leo. "The floor's clear, so get goin'."
"Got it," whispers Mikey, then hurries along in a silent crouch to the door Leo specified. He stops when he gets there, hissing in disappointment.
"What's up?"
"There's some kind of keypad lock."
"No problem. Just hook Donnie's doohickey in there."
Donnie would definitely hate it if he heard them calling it a "doohickey," and that makes Mikey grin. He pulls it out of his gear (it looks like a USB stick, but slightly thinner) and slips it into the maintenance slot on the keypad.
"Alriiight, hacking in progress," says Leo. "Big solo mish is going pretty smoothly so far, huh?"
"Yep," says Mikey proudly. "Told you guys I got this."
"That you did. Oh, and... alakazam!"
There's a click as he says it, then the red light on the keypad turns green. Mikey grins and opens the door, slipping inside the dusty apartment.
"You're getting pretty good at that hacking thing."
"Uh, you know I don't actually hack anything, right bud? I just get Shelly here to do it for me, or shoot it off to Dee if it's too complex."
"Don't sell yourself so short, dude!" says Shelldon. "You're picking it up real quick!"
"Ugh, don't say that. It makes me sound like nerd."
Mikey laughs again, searching the apartment for... well, he's not sure exactly. But he's pretty sure he'll know it when he sees it.
"What's the Foot Clan want this thing for, anyway?" he asks.
"Ours is not to question why, Miguel. I'm leaving that question for Donnie to answer."
"Mm... guess so..." He's about to say something else, but then he feels... something. Like a pulse, getting stronger as he moves toward a closet.
"...I think... I can feel it."
"Feel it?"
"Yeah... it's like..." He frowns, moving forward. "Like it's calling to me."
He opens the closet to find a safe. It also has an electronic lock, so once again he inserts the doohickey. The safe door opens with a click, and he peers inside.
There's only one item: a glittering green stone, with markings he doesn't understand carved in its surface. The pulse is super strong now, waves of energy washing over Mikey. Whatever this thing is, it's definitely powerful.
"I found it!" he says to Leo, a little louder than he should. He reaches in and wraps his fingers around it.
"Great! Hold on, just let me see if-"
Before he finishes his sentence, Mikey pulls the stone out - and immediately a loud alarm starts blaring, making him jump.
"What the heck is that!?" he yelps, jumping to his feet. He hears Leo curse on the other end of the line.
"Pressure alarm. Get out of there!"
The windows are barred - it's why he didn't come in that way in the first place. Mikey has no choice but to go back the way he came, dashing into the hallway. He turns on his heel and is making for the stairwell when his earpiece crackles again.
"No good, they're coming up the stairs."
"Then where am I supposed to go!?" he asks, frantic. All the windows are barred in the hallway, too, so that's no good.
"Okay, okay, hold on... oh, I got it! Opposite direction, about five doors down. Laundry chute."
Mikey sprints. Just as he hears the door of the stairwell open, he's tipping into the chute, pulling his limbs into his shell.
Getting chased by guards? No fun. Sliding down a laundry chute? Very fun.
"Whoooohoohooo!" he cheers when he reaches the bottom, landing in a pile of old rags and t-shirts. "That was awesome!"
"I remember having a distinctly less fun time the last time I had to do that," says Leo. "Anyway, stay there. I'm going to set off the roof access alarms and lure the guards up top, then you go up the stairs and slip out the front. Got it?"
"Got it!"
Leo's plan goes perfectly, and within a few minutes he's back outside. One later and he's back on the rooftops, running to safety.
"Yessss!" he yells once he's finally far enough away, jumping in the air and pumping his fist. "Mission successful baby!"
"I knew you could do it, little bro!" cheers Leo, his voice full of pride, and it makes Mikey beam.
"Couldn't have done it without you, Leo," he says back, truthfully.
It takes Leo a second to answer, which puts the smallest damper on Mikey's enthusiasm, but finally he comes back with, "Sure thing. You know I'm always here to help."
It's not perfect. But it's getting better. Leo is getting better, every day.
Mikey's celebratory mood cannot be quashed. He whoops again, eliciting laughs from Leo's end.
"Alright, now get your butt home before Raph freaks out. He's walked past my door twelve times."
"Thirteen," Shelldon corrects.
"Thirteen!" Leo echoes.
"You got it! Mikey out!"
He clicks the earpiece to silent, then runs and jumps to the next roof with an extra spring in his step. His solo mission was a complete success!
Of course, no missions were truly solo anymore. Not with his faithful older brother ever in his ear.
#dandy fanfiction#rottmnt#dandy trick or treat#rise mikey#rise leo#sidelined au#I told you it would get better <3
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Go play pretend on your own (Patreon)
#Doodles#Helix#Dexter Favin#Coraline#The Beldam#The other side of this coin <3 Call him out but this time make it unfriendly hehe#I talked last time about the daring rescue!! I do love the daring rescue in Coraline AUs ah same thing with the Camp Camp Coraline AU haha#Burst in through the door! Those poor hinges!#It is a bit funny imagining him crawling through the tunnel in a hurry and kicking the doors open all winded haha <3#It's all very serious of course Max needs help! Stuck behind the mirror from disobeying perhaps?#I was pretty hard on him last time that he'd just Immediately give up his soul for cheap tricks but like - would he?#Yes he's reckless and foolish but he's also stubborn and prideful and hates being told what to do so there's that lol#Which does he want more! The high or his freedom to refuse? I could see it going either way#And for Dex's sake I would hope he'd refuse! As if he hasn't suffered enough eye trauma (eventually)#Ough the thought of him starting to say yes and getting one button eye in and then rescinding his yes ouch#Doomed to have one eye no matter where he goes ah 💔#Anyway - Dex!!! Watch I'll make another one with the ideas mentioned here and then talk about more ideas in those tags pft#Since agreeing with him didn't work how about shaming? ''Go away you're no better''#She really is going hard on him like ''What's your angle? You get him back and then what? Will that actually fix anything?''#Very much pulling from Dexter's meetings with Max at the Institute there hhhhhh as if I needed more feelings about it#Eco_Mono did such a beautiful job playing Dex - so much to consider hehe - but there was one question that I can't stop thinking about#''Why would you want him back?'' and Dexter didn't really have much of an answer - he was barely more than a concept at the time!#Having had the opportunity to see his character grow into himself has given me Such brainworms about that question ♥♪♫#Very want to explore it <3#In the meanwhile it's fun to pit these two against each other haha what an odd matchup ♪#I've only barely drawn the Beldam before now that I think of it! And I think only in her final metal-spidery form never in her mid form here#She's fun :D And so tall! Dexter finally feeling small for a change haha#Her having to fight adult selfishness would be quite interesting I think - something tinged with but not quite the same as loyalty#She can relate to the possessiveness at least hehe I'm sure he'd appreciate the comparison
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I know this may sound crazy but remember how in No Way Out, Sonic told Nine that he still considered him to be a friend while getting down on one knee and Nine calmed down? Later in Nine’s Lives, Nine says “Typical” when seeing Sonic run to the others and accused Sonic of betraying him when Sonic called the others his friends.
Nine was sort of acting like Sonic proposed to him and then cheated on him by being friends with the others.
Okay so first of all, I don't think you're crazy. During S3 there's actually plenty of evidence that Nine is jealous, both of the Tails variants and Sonic considering everyone else his friends.
One example that presents his specific kind of jealousy is during Episode 2 of Season 3, when Nine first appears to Sonic in New Yoke.
"Everything is collapsing... This is terrible!"
"Is it? That seems odd coming from you. As far as I can tell you only care about your own home."
Essentially what I'm getting at is this. I do believe that pre betrayal, Nine admittedly considered Sonic to be the most important person to him, and thought Sonic may have felt the same way. And the "betrayal" at the end of S2 hurt Nine very deeply. He had this image of Sonic in his head that was shattered by the finale, so he sort of instinctively switches to thinking the worst about Sonic because he can't trust that anything he thought before wasn't a lie. This is one of the reasons that he can't fathom Sonic caring about shatterspaces other than his own home.
But it's not just that he can't fathom it, it's that due to this deep hurt, Nine cannot allow himself to believe it.
Because if Sonic genuinely cares about the shatterverse as a whole, if he genuinely cares about saving all of these people, then to Nine, what made him the exception?
Sure, we the audience can see Sonic’s journey in Prime. We can see that by the end of S2, Sonic wanted to keep the shatterverse safe just as much as he wanted to bring back Green Hill. He wanted everyone to be alive and happy. But from Nine's pov here, he's just learned that Sonic lied to him, spoke honeyed words and manipulated him just to get to the prism. None of that is true, but he doesn't feel like Sonic actually cares for him or wants him. So at this point, for Sonic to put saving all of these people over saving his own home or genuinely worrying about their home makes Nine feel like the exception or that his feelings about Sonic must be wrong. Either one of those ideas he'd understandably like to avoid (because one means that Sonic is genuine with everyone except for him, and the other would mean to him that his feeling of betrayal and hurt feelings post S2 finale are misplaced and not allowed to be had, though he feels justified feeling hurt)
And that scene in S3 E3 No Escape is actually another big exemplifier of Nine's brand of jealousy and just how hurt he is.
"Don't worry. Beneath the surface, my new friends are far simpler than the flawed creatures you knew and loved. And all the more loyal for it."
Starting out strong, Nine takes a not so subtle shot at Sonic's friends while taking subtler shot at Sonic's loyalty, since Sonic had been his first and only friend.
"Ever wonder where we'd be if things had gone differently between us?"
"...Not anymore."
"I do. All the time."
"Not anymore." Implying that post the S2 finale he really had dwelled (at least for a time) on thoughts of how things could have been different. How he wished things could have gone differently.
And Nine gets visibly angry/frustrated when Sonic confesses he's always thinking about how things could have been different. Perhaps because it feels like a slap to the face, or feels hard to believe.
"Tch. You had your chance."
"...Right back at ya, bud."
And then, despite his anger, despite how he's been trying to get Sonic all along so he can drain his energy and save his home, Nine ignores Sonic's "should we get this over with". He puts on another one of those faces, similar to earlier when Sonic arrived and Nine talked about his "new friends". Perhaps to cover up exactly the way he's feeling in this moment with a veneer of superiority (he always did something similar when talking up Sonic to the Chaos Council).
"You know...after all this time...I think I finally understand you, Sonic."
...
"You wanna save everyone. Friends. Foes. Total strangers! You say it's because you're a hero and that's what heroes do, but deep down... After what you did—destroying your own home—it's the only way you can ever live with yourself. Even if that means you won't live at all."
And while I think Nine isn't incorrect—that there is a part of Prime!Sonic who's been acting out of selfishness, caring more about feeling like a good person than actually being one—these are still words from someone who feels betrayed by Sonic. I think there's a level to which Nine is seeing a part of Sonic no one else did, and also to a level which Nine is trying to recontextualize Sonic's more heroic/selfless seeming actions so he can reconcile them with how he feels about Sonic and sees him at this moment. In other words, while he's seeing a facet of Sonic he didn't see before, this is not all encompassing of who Prime Sonic is. It's just that perhaps by believing that Sonic's every seemingly selfless action is disingenuine, that all those nice words and intent to save people is just so Sonic can feel good rather that actually caring about anyone, then Nine doesn’t have to feel like the exception. Then he can see Sonic as someone who is pretending to care about all of this, and Sonic's other friends as fools who don't see what he (Nine) has seen.
But as I said, it's more complicated than that. Perhaps Nine is seeing a facet of Sonic that other people don't see or don't want to see, but Prime!Sonic is multifaceted. Perhaps he does want to hurry up and sacrifice himself in this scene because then he can finally feel like he's atoned for what he's done and he's absolved of/paid for his crimes, but that also doesn't mean he doesn't genuinely care about the lives of people in the shatterverse.
"If I don't make it, and you do, how do I know you'll keep your promise."
"Don't worry. Your 'friends' are safe. Once I have your energy, I can restore everything. They can have their silly lives in their silly spaces, as long as they leave me alone."
"Fair enough."
...
"And for what it's worth...I wouldda done the same for you."
"Don't lie to me..."
"I'm not–"
"DON'T!"
"Think whatever you want, but it's true. Even after everything you've done, everything we've been through. Together. Against each other. You're still my friend, Nine."
I really couldn't express more just how hurt Nine feels. That he doesn't believe Sonic would give anything up for him, even if he were to accept that Sonic would do that for everyone else. When he tells Sonic not to lie to him, frustrated, angry, voice wavering, I think it's because he can't take this again. If Sonic is lying just to manipulate him, if this isn't genuine, if he's just using him again, he can't take it again.
This is an incredibly intimate scene. With Sonic, standing face to face to Nine, inside Nine's safe space, his home that no one else has been into, behind the physical representation of the walls surrounding Nine's heart post betrayal, this is his first time all season really being allowed to speak to Nine directly. Here there's no one to perform to aside from each other.
But you can see that despite everything, Sonic still reaches Nine in this scene. It's not easy, but he reaches Nine's heart, leading Nine to start to believe in him again.
And that's why it's a pity the other variants show up when they do, using Sonic to breach Nine's walls. With the way Nine reacts after this happens, Sonic may as well have made Nine believe in that image of him again. Sonic may as well have made Nine believe that Sonic does care about him, that he'd do anything for him (or, at least, would give his life for him like he would for the others if it meant they could live), only to be the trojan horse that allowed the enemy™ to breach his safe space. The pretty lie.
At the beginning of S3 E4 Nine's Lives, Nine says "Predictable" when Sonic runs over to his friends. And, as anon mentioned, Nine says that Sonic has betrayed him for the last time, calling the deal off.
I wouldn't necessarily say here that Nine feels as if Sonic had cheated on him so to speak, but I would say that even if Nine doesn't see Sonic as a willing "trojan horse" here, Nine still feels like a fool for "falling for it again", for believing in Sonic. I think it's enough betrayal to Nine that Sonic would convince him that he cares about him and wants him to have a future too, only to then side with a bunch of people who want to beat Nine down and who would not let Nine be happy if Nine surrendered to them (from Nine's pov at least).
So in short, anon, I think you are seeing Nine's jealousy here. Even if he also has to believe Sonic is secretly fooling the others, to him this is a scene where Sonic is not only choosing them over him, but another example of Sonic (from Nine's pov) proving that he's a liar who doesn't care for Nine or his future/safety at all.
#sonic the hedgehog#sonic prime#sonine#nine the fox#nine sonic prime#miles nine prower#sonic prime s3#sonic prime s3 spoilers#anon interview#i just be ramblin#long post#I just want to note also that Nine also calls the deal off because the other variants become aggressors in this situation. He told Sonic in#the deal that he'd leave everyone else to their devices as long as they left him alone‚ but then right after this those same 'friends'#breach Nine's walls of safety‚ clearly planning to attack where Nine's most vulnerable. The deal was broken before Nine could uphold it#and to top it all off‚ Sonic doesn’t make everyone stand down or defend Nine to them. The entire group gets to flex their power in front of#Nine (similar to how previously Nine would do the same to convince Sonic to surrender)#and Sonic expects Nine to believe that his surrender will lead to peace. Funny‚ since the other variants can't believe Sonic's surrender#would lead to peace either#It's just kind of tragic that Nine would have felt better about Sonic had the other variants not showed up. And yet‚ even if Nine and Sonic#had the chance to perform their deal‚ even if Nine kept his promise‚ the rest of the variants would never leave him alone#And Sonic wouldn't be around to help Nine. Nine wouldn't even have the prism or his walls to protect himself.#Okay okay I've got lots more thoughts and things I can dig into but best to leave all of that for the season 3 portion of sonine prime#Thank you so much for this ask anon! I really do love me an excuse to talk about Sonine and dig into their individual characters. I'm also#not over S3 so the chance to talk about it some was much appreciated😊💖#And if you or anyone else has any other questions pertaining to Sonine‚ their characters‚ thoughts on individual scenes‚ or anything else at#all‚ feel free to shoot me another ask!🥰
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anybody remember the stephanie brown essay I was working on under a research grant fully last summer? yeah it’s not done yet it super needs to be done and I’ve been avoiding working on it for weeks. someone tell me to just do it already
#the problem is. actually there are several problems#1) I’ve been out of the Batman/dc comics phase for almost a year so I don’t care that much about the topic#2) I am fifteen pages in and have not touched it in months so I’ve completely lost my train of thought#3) I can’t just reread it because I hate first five pages or so and I know I need to change it but I was trying to finish before editing#so now my only solution is I need to open up a new doc and completely restructure the whole thing by splicing together the existing writing#so that I can figure out where the hell im going with this and make sure things fit together better#unfortunately that sounds fucking exhausting#but I told my mentor I would have an update for him by the end of the week and. well. it’s the end of the week#I have to present it in April. I have to write and submit an abstract in March#the school gave me $1500 for this stupid essay and if I don’t have anything to show for myself.#well. I don’t know they can’t take the money BACK but it’s not a good look#and also I would feel bad#I did the research!!! i interviewed comic writers even!!! I just haven’t finished WRITING IT DOWN#and I KNOOOOWW once I get started it’ll be fine once I’m going I’m going#but STARTING is hard because I feel like I have to finish it in one go which makes it so huge and daunting#I’m like. slamming my head into a wall. just write a couple sentences Jess something is better than nothing#just start it you don’t have to finish just START just MAKE the new DOC#I know!!!!! that is what my therapist would say!!!! Jess you’re trying to oneshot it bc of your dumb adhd brain!!!!#stop looking at it like that and making it scarier!!!#but even tho I know that logically I’m still like oh I should put away the dishes o should make bread#I should work on my six different art pieces I should do laundry i should play with the puppy I should go for a walk I sh
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< guy who had to stop being an english instructor because the cruelties of usamerican academia crushed them into paste and they weren't allowed to help or support students in any meaningful way. lest they be fired from their position that paid less than a living wage
#no money to live and on top of that if you said hey can we help these students somewhat you get told No <3#anyway did you know that professors aren't required to have pedagogical training#and if you DO have pedagogical training and you say hey i have ideas for activities to better facilitate understanding#so students don't just have to sit blankly in front of a lecture for an hour at a time#you are once again told No and also How Dare You. don't you know that most students are Visual Learners. they LOVE the powerpoint#they would HATE to do a structured activity.#so you ask okay well can we at least give them alternative attendance policies since we're in a pandemic and many of them are working#and then you are told that you are too soft and the students will walk all over you and also No because this is a University policy#and every day you are further ground into paste. yahoo.#anyway that's why i'm no longer a teacher
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“it could be cool to be a race engineer, but… you really need to be clever, and… 😅”
#pls he has no faith in them..... not that paul argued against it though#when it’s about social media and driving trucks: “hell yeah we would be poggers”#when it’s about anything else: “…..😶”#fave f3 duo <33#if they get separated in the future i will cry#oh ive forgotten to say this but dino actually spoke in sweden’s leading sports newspaper the other week and was like#“i want to drive f2 next year. i’ve told my manager to make that happen.”#love the dedication 🤭 finish off this season strong and you might have a chance buddy#he also spoke about how his fda apartment in italy was molding?? and it made him really sick??? wth#he moved into a new one now though (with his girlfriend 🥰) and it’s a lot better#alsO my paul fic is already 6k words i think 😶 how did that happen#i'm not really near done either#writing it purely for my enjoyment though hskfhdkfd i love him#dino beganovic#paul aron#prema racing#f3#formula 3#formula three#f2
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sometimes I think about how when I went to college for a year before I dropped out (basically failed out,) the counselors/dean told me they can't help me at all or give any accommodations unless I have an official autism/adhd diagnosis. that might sound logical at first, but when you think about it more, it's actually quite fucked up. if someone is struggling really bad, what's the harm in helping them? why do they require a paper to get even the smallest amount of help? people who don't need help aren't going to be failing miserably without help! even NTs could benefit from some adjustments to the horrible school system! (but changing the entire system is a whole other conversation that the school system isnt ready for)
but even if you do agree to jump through their hoops, you realize it's even more fucked up that the diagnosis process requires YEARS in most cases (in my case it took 4 or 5 years, can't recall exactly now, for autism/adhd diagnosis, which would have meant i finished school before getting it if i managed to mot fail out, or i wait that long before going back, which is a whole struggle itself) and they also tried billing me for THOUSANDS of dollars because of insurance issues!!
so you put a ton of time and money into this, and then get told the only accommodation they are willing to give you for autism and adhd is "a little extra time on tests"
....
my test scores were the best part of my whole class experience. that was NOT what I struggled with!!!!! those tests were all online and could be done in the comfort of your home where you can accommodate yourself and have plenty of time left over when you finish them because you are comfy in your own space, (and also, no one was stopping you from having your notes/books/google open to find the answers,) and you don't even need a time consuming, expensive diagnosis for that!
SO WHAT'S THE POINT!!!!!!!
#mind you this was over 10 years ago now. it *could* have gotten better but id be extremely shocked if it has#autistic#autism#actually autistic#adhd#neurodivergent#audhd#school#school problems#yes i know theres rules or maybe even laws for this and its why they are like this but its bad and should change#if they offered smaller classes with less sensory overloading bullshit and other things i needed it would be great!#but they refuse to accommodate your actual needs and make up useless accommodations to legally say they help disabilities#ND people (not just audhd) and other disabled people that graduate with no useful accommodations are so strong and cool. proud of you!#ones who had to drop you youre also cool for not dealing with their bullshit snd allowing yourself to not suffer for a sheet of paper!#(though i know it can feel bad when everyone around you makes you feel bad for needed to drop out or failing out and not going back)#i completely stopped going to my psychology class because i started a week late due to scheduling issues and#suddenly we are told theres a paper due in 3 days and need to hse the textbook i didnt have yet as the source for it all#and it was in the syllabus i didnt get because i was a week late and didnt know we got one. the professor didnt notice me out of#the 100 other students in that large lecture hall. that room was also a sensory nightmare hellscape#too many students made things noisy and distracting. multiple fluorescent lights were flickering constantly and never fixed#the professor used a mic to speak to us and it had a constant horrible loud buzzing. it did that loud mic screech noise randomly#without warning. all the time. the quality of the sound was horrible so it was hard to understand her. on top of that she had a very thick#accent i wasnt familiar with so that on top of the horrible buzzing mkc quality that also cut her out constantly was auditory processing#disorder HELL. I dont know how ANYONE survived thst class but i seemed to be the only one struggling. everyone else turned in their papers#and i gave up and stopped going. was too late to drop the class to get my money back so i wasted probably a few thousand dollars#and THATS what i mean by give me reasonable and useful accommodation. test time would NOT make that class better at all#fix the mic and light issues at least or give me a smaller class with more attentive professor or something!#offer smaller classes for struggling disabled people! if the issue is not knowing who needs them then offer a switch to those struggling!#i got called onto a dean/counselor meeting because a professor noticed my horrible grades and stuff so its possible to catch us and help!#THESE SCHOOLS JUST NEED TO START BEING WILLING TO. dont make us do all the work to accommodate ourselves and expect to do well in school!
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I assigned reading homework for the weekend and was hit by this wave of irritation with the implicit lying that goes on where they act like they’ll read the homework but they never actually do and so I called them on it and started teasing them and of course they laughed but then I was like “you know my secret dream is that you go home and you walk in the door and someone wants to do something fun with you or you get a text but you hold up your hand and say ‘no no, I have to read ten pages of Beowulf’ and then you sit down and do it” and they scream-laughed at the idea but I like to think it at least presented it to their minds as a possibility
#I ended up telling 3 of my classes because I thought it was so funny and so did they#But then it was sweet because my seniors (a handful of them at least) were like ‘but we do!!’#and then it just kickstarted this real discussion where I told them honestly that my job would radically change if everyone did the reading#like. It would challenge me so much more we could go so much further#anyway I know that mostly it doesn’t work. it being my passion for it and my desire for them to read#but sometimes I’m like if it could light a couple of fires! or help some kids even think of doing the reading as a real choice they HAVE#i also tell them that it’s a skill like any other and they can get better at it.#idk. So much of my job is also just telling them why they should. why they CAN. why their lives will be better if they do#there’s a senior girl who started listening to the audiobook every night when we were reading Emma and she started taking notes#and she’s started to flourish!!! Like you can tell she enjoys it and she’s so much happier with her time#and you guys I just love to see it so. much.#Anyway sorry for all the text posts it’s Saturday and therefore time for weekly processing#this has been#4 text posts in a row with Maria#teaching tag
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just learned that one of the two people who i could call friends here fucking got married a couple weeks ago and the one other person (the one i lived on the same property with for 15 months) was there and even though i have seen her since it happened neither of them told me about this. and they have also regularly been hanging out without ever inviting me. obviously i don't need to be involved in everything but you never asked if i wanted to hang out even once even though i said multiple times hey we should all hang out sometime. ok 👍🏻
#like ok you had an informal wedding and barely invited anyone and arent close enough with me to invite me whatever.#but neither of them even mentioned it? i didnt even know the one friend was still here because she was supposed to leave for socal 3 weeks#ago and told me i had to leave by the 20th because of this and apparently shes still here and if i had known this was going to be the case#i might have been able to get a much cheaper and better living arrangement.#i just keep getting reminded that i am not that important in anyones life and everyone keeps treating me like a dumb child#and i have the horrible trait of treatment resistant depression so i cant even blame them because i'm fucking miserable constantly so why#would anyone bother developing a close relationship with me#i have said multiple times to both of these people hey we should hang out more or go see a movie or have dinner or whatever and every time#they're like yeah totally! and then they dont follow through on it#i straight up have no one i can even call and talk to about how upsetting this is because apparently i'm simply too mentally ill to maintain#friendships. like people will become friends with me and at some point i'll be like ok i'm very mentally ill! and theyll be like#ok i promise thats fine! and i'm sure they even mean it but people just run out of compassion and time and patience after very long. always#anyway lately i have been on the verge of self institutionalizing to be fully honest. but i think that would have many unwanted consequences#me
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the procrastinator's urge to not do any of the schoolwork i have to do because this is what happens when i miss only THREE days of school (loss of motivation and flow,,,,,,)
#got yelled at because i missed 3 days when i was not in charge of the flight booking!!!!#HELLO!!!! YOU WANTED ME ON THIS TRIP!!!! DO NOT COMPLAIN WHEN I AM IN FACT ON THE TRIP!!!!!! FOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!#this is so jk horror coded (i will be doing it all anyways and i will whine and complain without any help)#jk dust would just do it easy peasy. jk killer could also but she'd just ask dust for the answers because its faster#on a side note i went to the beach today and all i could think of were those beach mtt headcanons from an ever so distant summer i made#those beach hcs are my FAVORITE set of hcs i ever made i will not lie#i dont even know why i came on this trip (because you were told you) when i am NOT gonna remember a single thing ‼️‼️‼️‼️#shouldve just left me in america smh i thrive in my home environment#and then i wouldn't be SWEATING ALL THE TINE I FUCKING HATE THIS#THIS PLACE IS SO HOT ITS LIKE THE HELL THAT IS SWEATY HANDS GOT A PHASE TWO AN NOW IS ATTACKING MY WHOLE BODY#SGOO FUCKING SWEATING I KNOW ITS HOT WHAYELSE CAN I DO FOR MYSELF YOU BITCHASS BODY!!!!! STOP IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#anyways :3#its actually not that bad i just like to overexaggerate. my homework actually aint that much#this vacation ends NOW (quite very soon. i am like a fish out of water here)#bring me back to america i need better service to be able to look at fanart and rambles and get my brain juices flowing#real tricule's seeing a brand new addition in a WHILE#real tricule
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15 (For the ZOMBIES ask game) :D
YAY ANOTHER QUESTION AH thank you bb <33 ask game here
15. unpopular opinion you have about anything related to zombies?
i'm gonna do a few cause i have a lot of thoughts heheh
firstly, addison isn't as annoying or unlikable as y'all keep saying she is. i get it, she's overly optimistic, very cheerful, and can do annoying things sometimes. news flash, all of these characters have at least one of those traits too (and some have even worse ones)
secondly, the only reason some of you guys refer to zombies as a white savior franchise is because meg is white. i know that sounds redundant but like, i know that at least half of you would stop calling it a white savior franchise if carla or kylee (or any other non-white actress) was cast as addison instead
and lastly, just because a lot of the original trilogy cast won't be in z4 does not necessarily mean that it will be bad, if it is then whatever, but we won't know till it comes out (and i'm saying this as someone whose favorite character is bonzo (along with zeddison but ya know, they're in the movie) so if i can chill, so can you guys)
#like i understand why ppl call it 'white savior' but i've heard it a thousand times I'M TIRED#i also understand that addison and her white hair probably isn't the same level as literal zombie racism#HOWEVER#it was still something that ostracized her and caused her to be judged so she has every right to look for answers#and honestly as someone who has been excluded/felt like thehydidn't belong i've literally done the same thing#<- i've clung to the ppl who let me hang around/told me that i did belong so maybe i'm just projecting but addie needs to be left alone atp#like i said if z4 is in fact bad and you can tell that it would be better if other cast members were in it#then we'll cross that road when we get to it#but right now??? when we haven't even seen a trailer??? or a like a promo clip or something???#leave the new cast alone for literally just auditioning for and accepting a role#like saying that the movie shouldn't even be made bc some of the cast isn't in it is insane#especially when WE HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN ANYTHING OF Z4#disney zombies#zombies 2#zombies 3#zombies 4#zombies 4: dawn of the vampires#addison wells#kylee russell#carla jeffrey#meg donnelly#zed necrodopolis#bonzo zambi#venux answers asks
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wip wednesday: hoping to have all the fic revisions up by saturday (long shot tbh) or wednesday!
#idk how i feel about it bc i sure hope ppl weren’t attached to the original fic too much#i think this version is much better but this is what i get for basically posting my rough draft#& only realizing halfway thru writing the next fic that i actually like DO care about how well written it is#anyway#I told myself if the rewrite of ch 8 exceeded 12k i would split it into 2 chapters#it’s at 15k now so you guys are getting an extra wwgattai chapter#turns out a lot happens in 14 years huh#1. 50 y.o. birthday boy asks his bf to be honest after his big birthday bash#(not included in ch 8 rw this one was just for fun)#2. i didn’t want to send Mav to iraq & still don’t but i did want to foreshadow tgm mission in some way so this happened#3. really actually getting into what it means for ice to be at the top finally#there are better excerpts from that section but they don’t make sense ooc so u might have to wait another few days#spending the next few days with friends so hopefully i will get to work on this afterwards#too many tags bitch#top gun#top gun maverick#icemav#tom iceman kazansky#pete maverick mitchell#when we get around to talking about it#top gun fanfiction
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Alright maybe my coworkers don't Actually hate me after all~
#me since Friday: omg you made it weird they all resent you now#my colleagues today: have you prepared for your appointment? [giving me 100 tips on how to get through it]#'actually you should start as an editor right away it would be unfair to make you do a traineeship'#wait you support that? i thought you hated me because I'd be useless for you because i couldn't help you as I do now anymore??#(i didn't say the 'i thought you hate me' part lol. i just said 'oh but wouldn't it be to your disadvantage?' and no. apparently not#whoops#also when i had the conversation with the boss he was leaning very much towards the traineeship#but also said 'well but [name] said a traineeship wouldn't be necessary for you because you already are so familiar with everything#and we also offer the additional trainings to our editors so hmmm'#like what? she actually told you that? (even my other two coworkers were like 'oh she told HIM directly??' like. i'm soft)#so yeah let's see where this gets me. if i actually get an Actual job there it will be much more stressful because I'll have fixed#working hours. but it would also be nice to stop being primarily a student. that's like. the main thing.#also when i was on the train with coworker 1 (I'll give them numbers now lol) he told me coworker 2 said she liked working with me#and coworker 3 was excited to hear i was coming to the office when he told her. like ???#ok enough of this#i just feel a bit better now that i know I didn't actually break their trust or whatever and they don't hate me lol#(also coworker 3 seemed really excited when we were talking about the trainings (like. special courses. usually during the weekend) I'd have#to do because she wants to do them too and 'we can do that together then!!! that would be great!!'#void screams#work stuff
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it’s not that it makes me sad per se but i really could’ve been dating someone i did actually kind of really want to date since JULY. and now the moment is literally so far gone and i didn’t realise until the moment was so far gone !!!
#like it actually doesnt make me sad because there wouldve been major complications Had we dated#and the person who i trust most in this world has told me theyre glad it didnt happen#and i think in the long run he’s not the First person i should date anyway like in an ideal world we’d date like. 2-3 years on from now when#i’d been in at least one relationship to work out how i operate in a relationship#but it’s also like i wish i had known that the opportunity was there and i wish i had taken it#and part of me goes well maybe in 2-3 years it COULD happen#but i think that does a disservice to the person he’s dating now like . i do hope they’re happy and it goes well for the both of them#AND ALSO ITS WEIRD AS FUCK TO BE LIKE OH WELL MAYBE IN A FEW YEARS ILL DATE THIS PERSON *AFTER* another person??????#like bitch who do you think u are that you’ll have managed to date ANYONE in that time and also why the fuck would u date someone without#hoping it would last????????#but thoughts ≠ action nor are they inherently moralistic#but also that’s a weird way 2 think about relationships#it’d be funny if it happened though#idk i just think that if the timing was different he and i could have so much fun dating like genuinely i think it’d be a really good time#but it’s really weird because i’m not pining away after him or anything like ik it sounds like i am#but it’s not like that it’s more just that it’s opened up all these thoughts that i hadn’t really thought possible before ?#and they’re not possible NOW bc he’s dating someone else so i’m in exactly the same position but idk#i think i’m getting too settled. i’m TOO SETTLED.#because it’s literally not normal to think oh maybe in three years we could date and it’d be better timing for both of us ???????????#unhinged behaviour. what the fuck is that.#it’d be fucking hilarious if it happened tho
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people interacting w wgoin in my notes... this would be a rly bad time to say all my writing will probably be on hiatus for the indefinite future huh
#not like it makes a practical difference considering i only upload twice a year at best#but im realising how much my writing is shame motivated and its just not sustainable or healthy#it saddens me that these stories i invested So much time and effort into will probably never get finished#i wanna hold out hope that they will but#i dont want anyones expectations to be too high#bc knowing myself they probably wont#i started wgoin thinking that this would be the story i commit to finishing and not just abandon as soon as i get bored#but that was before i had really realised how my brain works#and for a while writing these chapters have felt very forced#gbgb had a much better run till it crashed and i was just unable to pick it back up#tbh that one could potentially still be saved bc of how open ended it is if i get any inspo for it back whatsoever#bc it had no strict plan i was entirely making it up as i go#and im realising thats how i write best. i tried to plan wgoin so id commit to finishing it but im realising that has the opposite effect#if i plan anything too thoroughly writing it becomes like gnawing on lead#cause i got all the dopamine out of the idea already#i write best when i have nothing but a vague idea or a vibe#gbgb crashed bc i ran out of vibes and ideas but if i find any again who knows#there is the possibility where i scrap the plan i had for wgoins entire plot and make the rest up as i go#which i might try purely bc i love the story sm#and i think i enjoyed writing it most back in the first three parts where i Was making it up as i went#which is why im saying indefinite hiatus instead of discontinued#bc there is hope for them. just not. much#so if u stick around maybe follow me on ao3 if u dont wanna see all my posts n just my stories#maybe in 3 years time youll see another wgoin notif or sumn#sorry to the small but dedicated handful of readers who really loved these fics#i wanted to write more for you guys bc ik its hard to find this kinda fic anywhere else; its why i started writing it#but i am but one unmedicated autist w severe adhd. we r working on the unmedicated part tho#ive learned so much abt how my brain functions now n how to make the most of it tho#i told myself id finish any new writing before i post it. so know anything new Will be complete :3#mischiefing time
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I : majored in english, has a masters degree in it, studying philosophy, and have been an English teacher/Junior translator for almost a decade now.
My grandma : there is our future doctor <3
#i still to this day don't know if she's in denial or thinks what i'm doing is a hobby#it gets funnier every time#especially today#i was like 'mimma i just came back from work i'm so tired' and she was like 'i make food right now for our future doctor'#like ???????#grandma i love your food pls don't give it to someone else#who doctor ? doctor who ?#me ??????#that is so NOT my career#my already existing one that i fought my entire bloodline for put aside#i can never be a good doctor let alone willingly choose it#1) i suck at biology and science and those pure memorization shit#2) i'm really sensitive to blood or injuries i might faint at just the mention of certain stuff (surgeries are crossed off i would DIE)#3) it's just not meant to be and that's okay#as a society we can't survive with one or two careers all of them are important in their own way#an exercise i would usually tell my students to do at this topic#is everytime you feel like someone's job is useless to close your eyes and imagine a world without it#if i managed to convince them hurray to them#if i didn't i ask them to imagine someone they care for work hard then get told their job is useless#(that on usually does the trick)#the thing is even if you're stuck with a job you hate or can't find a better one#there's still some impotance to that job in a way like they offer service or blah blah#yet it will suffocate you because it's not the career you were meant to have#that summed up means the work environment/pressure/nature are what we really define as useless because they can be unfair#but not the work itself#when we delete those previous stuff off the definition all careers are equally important#i hope i was clear#and i also hope my grandma remembers that too#story time
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