#I told you it would get better <3< /div>
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dandylovesturtles · 1 year ago
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leo and mikey, treat
(fav duo tbh, pretty underrated)
More Sidelined AU! Are you sick of me yet? Hopefully not because this has consumed my brain.
Part 1
Part 2
We're jumping ahead a bit in time to hopefully give you guys a bit more idea of The Flavor of this AU. And also to give it a bit of a happier note. It's not all doom and gloom!
No content warnings to speak of on this one
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Mikey lands on the roof and powers on his earpiece, whispering, "Mikey in position. Can you hear me, Base? Come in Base."
"Helloooo New York City," comes Leo's voice, loud and clear. "You're tuning into L.A.I.R 179.12, with your host, DJ Neon Leon! Bringing you the hottest rock from the other side of the millennia."
Mikey snickers, then tries to pull himself back together. "Leo, come on! I'm here."
"Who?"
He sighs, even though he isn't mad at all. "I'm here, DJ Neon Leon."
"Ohohoho, excellent." He hears the click of typing, and then Leo says, "Can you get me visuals, Shelldon?"
"Right away, Neon Leon," Shelldon's voice crackles through the comms. There's a moment of silence, and Mikey can just imagine Leo rolling his chair around his "command center."
(He and Donnie had spent ages building it to look like the bridge of the S.S. Starbolt, with added mobility access, of course. Leo loves it as much as Donnie loves his lab.)
"Got your visuals, dudes," says Shelldon. There's some more typing from Leo's end, then he says, "Alright, Miguel, you should see two guards coming around the building riiiiight... now!"
Sure enough, two guards in plainclothes circle either side of the old apartment building across the street. Mikey watches as the two of them meet in front of the entrance, exchange a few words, then turn and head back the way they came.
"Right on time, Leo."
"Perfect, we're synced." Some more typing, and then, "The rooftop will be clear - let me know when you're over there and I'll get you inside."
"Roger that," he says. "Mikey out." Then he clicks his earpiece to silenced.
A hop, skip, and a jump later he's on the opposite roof. There's a door here, and he edges toward it before contacting Leo again.
"I'm here!"
"Alright... Disabling alarms... now!" Mikey can just see how dramatically he must have pushed the button. "Check the door to see if it's locked."
Mikey reaches out and jiggles the handle, but it doesn't budge. "Locked."
"Alright, no problem - you got your lockpicks?"
"Yep!"
"Remember what I taught you?"
"Yeah, I got it."
"Alright. Make me proud, little bro."
Mikey grins, pulling his lockpicking kit out of his gear. It takes him a few minutes, because he's nowhere near as fast at this as Leo is, but he gets it done without needing to ask for help. The training Leo made him go through is still fresh in his mind.
"Alright, I'm in," he says as he slips through the door. He's in a deserted stairwell, but just to be safe he crouches down into the shadows near the wall.
"So far, so good. You need to go down two flights of stairs. No guards are coming around right now, but keep it quiet just in case."
"Don't worry, I'll be silent as a mouse!"
"Knowing Dad that's not giving me as much confidence as you think."
Mikey giggles, then sucks in a breath and gets his game face on. Right. Silent. Ninja skills GO.
He does manage to make it to the right floor without major incident. There's no one in the hall when he enters, looking at the rows of numbered doors. He doesn't know why this is where the artifact is being kept hidden, but it doesn't matter.
"According to our intel, you should be looking for door four-oh-nine," says Leo. "The floor's clear, so get goin'."
"Got it," whispers Mikey, then hurries along in a silent crouch to the door Leo specified. He stops when he gets there, hissing in disappointment.
"What's up?"
"There's some kind of keypad lock."
"No problem. Just hook Donnie's doohickey in there."
Donnie would definitely hate it if he heard them calling it a "doohickey," and that makes Mikey grin. He pulls it out of his gear (it looks like a USB stick, but slightly thinner) and slips it into the maintenance slot on the keypad.
"Alriiight, hacking in progress," says Leo. "Big solo mish is going pretty smoothly so far, huh?"
"Yep," says Mikey proudly. "Told you guys I got this."
"That you did. Oh, and... alakazam!"
There's a click as he says it, then the red light on the keypad turns green. Mikey grins and opens the door, slipping inside the dusty apartment.
"You're getting pretty good at that hacking thing."
"Uh, you know I don't actually hack anything, right bud? I just get Shelly here to do it for me, or shoot it off to Dee if it's too complex."
"Don't sell yourself so short, dude!" says Shelldon. "You're picking it up real quick!"
"Ugh, don't say that. It makes me sound like nerd."
Mikey laughs again, searching the apartment for... well, he's not sure exactly. But he's pretty sure he'll know it when he sees it.
"What's the Foot Clan want this thing for, anyway?" he asks.
"Ours is not to question why, Miguel. I'm leaving that question for Donnie to answer."
"Mm... guess so..." He's about to say something else, but then he feels... something. Like a pulse, getting stronger as he moves toward a closet.
"...I think... I can feel it."
"Feel it?"
"Yeah... it's like..." He frowns, moving forward. "Like it's calling to me."
He opens the closet to find a safe. It also has an electronic lock, so once again he inserts the doohickey. The safe door opens with a click, and he peers inside.
There's only one item: a glittering green stone, with markings he doesn't understand carved in its surface. The pulse is super strong now, waves of energy washing over Mikey. Whatever this thing is, it's definitely powerful.
"I found it!" he says to Leo, a little louder than he should. He reaches in and wraps his fingers around it.
"Great! Hold on, just let me see if-"
Before he finishes his sentence, Mikey pulls the stone out - and immediately a loud alarm starts blaring, making him jump.
"What the heck is that!?" he yelps, jumping to his feet. He hears Leo curse on the other end of the line.
"Pressure alarm. Get out of there!"
The windows are barred - it's why he didn't come in that way in the first place. Mikey has no choice but to go back the way he came, dashing into the hallway. He turns on his heel and is making for the stairwell when his earpiece crackles again.
"No good, they're coming up the stairs."
"Then where am I supposed to go!?" he asks, frantic. All the windows are barred in the hallway, too, so that's no good.
"Okay, okay, hold on... oh, I got it! Opposite direction, about five doors down. Laundry chute."
Mikey sprints. Just as he hears the door of the stairwell open, he's tipping into the chute, pulling his limbs into his shell.
Getting chased by guards? No fun. Sliding down a laundry chute? Very fun.
"Whoooohoohooo!" he cheers when he reaches the bottom, landing in a pile of old rags and t-shirts. "That was awesome!"
"I remember having a distinctly less fun time the last time I had to do that," says Leo. "Anyway, stay there. I'm going to set off the roof access alarms and lure the guards up top, then you go up the stairs and slip out the front. Got it?"
"Got it!"
Leo's plan goes perfectly, and within a few minutes he's back outside. One later and he's back on the rooftops, running to safety.
"Yessss!" he yells once he's finally far enough away, jumping in the air and pumping his fist. "Mission successful baby!"
"I knew you could do it, little bro!" cheers Leo, his voice full of pride, and it makes Mikey beam.
"Couldn't have done it without you, Leo," he says back, truthfully.
It takes Leo a second to answer, which puts the smallest damper on Mikey's enthusiasm, but finally he comes back with, "Sure thing. You know I'm always here to help."
It's not perfect. But it's getting better. Leo is getting better, every day.
Mikey's celebratory mood cannot be quashed. He whoops again, eliciting laughs from Leo's end.
"Alright, now get your butt home before Raph freaks out. He's walked past my door twelve times."
"Thirteen," Shelldon corrects.
"Thirteen!" Leo echoes.
"You got it! Mikey out!"
He clicks the earpiece to silent, then runs and jumps to the next roof with an extra spring in his step. His solo mission was a complete success!
Of course, no missions were truly solo anymore. Not with his faithful older brother ever in his ear.
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luminique · 1 month ago
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hii hii lumii !! I ADORE your interpretation of lighter so far— I love him smm
anyways, I hope my req is okay but I was wondering if you could do a comfort fic ? maybe reader has been a lil distant lately and just in some feels and he gives them a lil talk after being blown off here and there to find out they were having issues w their mental health and not feeling good enough and maybe he’s caught off guard because reader is usually so out going and always has a smile on their face and to see them feel so small makes him wanna take care of them so much and gives them so much reassurance and gentle kisses and cuddles 👉👈
I hope it’s okay !! I’ve been in the feels lately
hi anonn !! im gonna answer this one first because i've been in the feels too and i think we all deserve some reassurance, especially after all of the sad lighter story.
i don't take lighter for the kind to be too intrusive. that's not to say that he doesn't notice the way you're staring off into the distance, as if always having something on your mind. or the way you left earlier than usual for the SoC's nightly hangouts around the fire. or the way you had just been distancing yourself from him.
maybe you just needed a day, or two, and so he waited. he waited, and waited, but it just seemed like it was getting worse. he was beginning to get anxious, coming up with possibilities and worse case scenarios. even his favorite grape-flavored lollipop couldn't reduce the anxiety that was building up inside of him as he followed after you one night.
he shook off his nerves, spending quite a bit of time at the front door of your lodging while in blazewood. mentally practicing what to say so that he wouldn't make things even worse than they already were. one step, two deep breaths, three knocks on your door. he cleared his voice, usually confident and smooth but now carried a hint of worry in it.
"hey, uh... everything alright?"
you could hear the ruffling of his jacket, the soft metal clinks of his gloves. he didn't dare open the door until you allowed him to, so he waited, just like he always had. "lighter? yeah, everything's fine," was that a slight crack in your voice? no, no, he had to have imagined that. he knew it was wrong but he had waited long enough. he turned the knob, opening the door just a little bit but still not walking in.
"you don't have to tell me everything. just... know that i'll be here, waiting for you." he wasn't the best at comforting, nor was he good at even navigating these sorts of things but at the very least, he wanted you to have the knowledge that you had him. it didn't take long for you to finally get up, opening the door that separated the both of you. you looked so... different. the light absent from your eyes, the edges of your lips normally turned upwards but now they weren't. if he couldn't say what you wanted to hear, maybe you'd understand through his actions.
his arms wrapped around you. squeezing you just a little tighter than usual as he somehow made the both of you waddle backwards into your room. he had kept his gloves in his pants, not wanting to hurt you even more with them. his embrace was a familiar warmth, like the fire during particularly cold nights in the outer ring. you could hear his heart racing, was it from nervousness? anxiety? fear? even he didn't know.
he took this as an opportunity to place soft kisses on the top of your head but then stopped all of a sudden. he turned around to the door and realized that it was still wide open. he kicked it close with his foot, feeling embarrassed at the fact that he had to stop because of something so minor. he wanted you to feel safe, to have privacy, to be able to breathe without others barging in. technically, he had invaded this space of yours but you were slowly melting into him, as if you had been waiting for this too.
every passing second hugging you, kissing you, it made his own worries disappear. he hoped the same for you as you slowly spoke to him about your own problems. as he listened, he'd pause every once in while to give you a deadpan stare. not because he was making fun of you or anything, but it genuinely baffled him how you could say such things about yourself. you felt so insecure about yourself and your image, about being with him, being with the SoC. he had to physically stop himself from just blurting "i love you" every time you said something so degrading.
instead, he chose to wait and listen. his calloused hands gently caressing yours, his lips pressing kisses on the side of your head as you nuzzled into him. he loves you for who you are, the person in front of him, not the image that you had made yourself out to be in your mind. but he waits for you to let it all out before he says anything else. he will wait, he will listen, he will always be there for you.
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sysig · 2 months ago
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Go play pretend on your own (Patreon)
#Doodles#Helix#Dexter Favin#Coraline#The Beldam#The other side of this coin <3 Call him out but this time make it unfriendly hehe#I talked last time about the daring rescue!! I do love the daring rescue in Coraline AUs ah same thing with the Camp Camp Coraline AU haha#Burst in through the door! Those poor hinges!#It is a bit funny imagining him crawling through the tunnel in a hurry and kicking the doors open all winded haha <3#It's all very serious of course Max needs help! Stuck behind the mirror from disobeying perhaps?#I was pretty hard on him last time that he'd just Immediately give up his soul for cheap tricks but like - would he?#Yes he's reckless and foolish but he's also stubborn and prideful and hates being told what to do so there's that lol#Which does he want more! The high or his freedom to refuse? I could see it going either way#And for Dex's sake I would hope he'd refuse! As if he hasn't suffered enough eye trauma (eventually)#Ough the thought of him starting to say yes and getting one button eye in and then rescinding his yes ouch#Doomed to have one eye no matter where he goes ah 💔#Anyway - Dex!!! Watch I'll make another one with the ideas mentioned here and then talk about more ideas in those tags pft#Since agreeing with him didn't work how about shaming? ''Go away you're no better''#She really is going hard on him like ''What's your angle? You get him back and then what? Will that actually fix anything?''#Very much pulling from Dexter's meetings with Max at the Institute there hhhhhh as if I needed more feelings about it#Eco_Mono did such a beautiful job playing Dex - so much to consider hehe - but there was one question that I can't stop thinking about#''Why would you want him back?'' and Dexter didn't really have much of an answer - he was barely more than a concept at the time!#Having had the opportunity to see his character grow into himself has given me Such brainworms about that question ♥♪♫#Very want to explore it <3#In the meanwhile it's fun to pit these two against each other haha what an odd matchup ♪#I've only barely drawn the Beldam before now that I think of it! And I think only in her final metal-spidery form never in her mid form here#She's fun :D And so tall! Dexter finally feeling small for a change haha#Her having to fight adult selfishness would be quite interesting I think - something tinged with but not quite the same as loyalty#She can relate to the possessiveness at least hehe I'm sure he'd appreciate the comparison
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I know this may sound crazy but remember how in No Way Out, Sonic told Nine that he still considered him to be a friend while getting down on one knee and Nine calmed down? Later in Nine’s Lives, Nine says “Typical” when seeing Sonic run to the others and accused Sonic of betraying him when Sonic called the others his friends.
Nine was sort of acting like Sonic proposed to him and then cheated on him by being friends with the others.
Okay so first of all, I don't think you're crazy. During S3 there's actually plenty of evidence that Nine is jealous, both of the Tails variants and Sonic considering everyone else his friends.
One example that presents his specific kind of jealousy is during Episode 2 of Season 3, when Nine first appears to Sonic in New Yoke.
"Everything is collapsing... This is terrible!"
"Is it? That seems odd coming from you. As far as I can tell you only care about your own home."
Essentially what I'm getting at is this. I do believe that pre betrayal, Nine admittedly considered Sonic to be the most important person to him, and thought Sonic may have felt the same way. And the "betrayal" at the end of S2 hurt Nine very deeply. He had this image of Sonic in his head that was shattered by the finale, so he sort of instinctively switches to thinking the worst about Sonic because he can't trust that anything he thought before wasn't a lie. This is one of the reasons that he can't fathom Sonic caring about shatterspaces other than his own home.
But it's not just that he can't fathom it, it's that due to this deep hurt, Nine cannot allow himself to believe it.
Because if Sonic genuinely cares about the shatterverse as a whole, if he genuinely cares about saving all of these people, then to Nine, what made him the exception?
Sure, we the audience can see Sonic’s journey in Prime. We can see that by the end of S2, Sonic wanted to keep the shatterverse safe just as much as he wanted to bring back Green Hill. He wanted everyone to be alive and happy. But from Nine's pov here, he's just learned that Sonic lied to him, spoke honeyed words and manipulated him just to get to the prism. None of that is true, but he doesn't feel like Sonic actually cares for him or wants him. So at this point, for Sonic to put saving all of these people over saving his own home or genuinely worrying about their home makes Nine feel like the exception or that his feelings about Sonic must be wrong. Either one of those ideas he'd understandably like to avoid (because one means that Sonic is genuine with everyone except for him, and the other would mean to him that his feeling of betrayal and hurt feelings post S2 finale are misplaced and not allowed to be had, though he feels justified feeling hurt)
And that scene in S3 E3 No Escape is actually another big exemplifier of Nine's brand of jealousy and just how hurt he is.
"Don't worry. Beneath the surface, my new friends are far simpler than the flawed creatures you knew and loved. And all the more loyal for it."
Starting out strong, Nine takes a not so subtle shot at Sonic's friends while taking subtler shot at Sonic's loyalty, since Sonic had been his first and only friend.
"Ever wonder where we'd be if things had gone differently between us?"
"...Not anymore."
"I do. All the time."
"Not anymore." Implying that post the S2 finale he really had dwelled (at least for a time) on thoughts of how things could have been different. How he wished things could have gone differently.
And Nine gets visibly angry/frustrated when Sonic confesses he's always thinking about how things could have been different. Perhaps because it feels like a slap to the face, or feels hard to believe.
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"Tch. You had your chance."
"...Right back at ya, bud."
And then, despite his anger, despite how he's been trying to get Sonic all along so he can drain his energy and save his home, Nine ignores Sonic's "should we get this over with". He puts on another one of those faces, similar to earlier when Sonic arrived and Nine talked about his "new friends". Perhaps to cover up exactly the way he's feeling in this moment with a veneer of superiority (he always did something similar when talking up Sonic to the Chaos Council).
"You know...after all this time...I think I finally understand you, Sonic."
...
"You wanna save everyone. Friends. Foes. Total strangers! You say it's because you're a hero and that's what heroes do, but deep down... After what you did—destroying your own home—it's the only way you can ever live with yourself. Even if that means you won't live at all."
And while I think Nine isn't incorrect—that there is a part of Prime!Sonic who's been acting out of selfishness, caring more about feeling like a good person than actually being one—these are still words from someone who feels betrayed by Sonic. I think there's a level to which Nine is seeing a part of Sonic no one else did, and also to a level which Nine is trying to recontextualize Sonic's more heroic/selfless seeming actions so he can reconcile them with how he feels about Sonic and sees him at this moment. In other words, while he's seeing a facet of Sonic he didn't see before, this is not all encompassing of who Prime Sonic is. It's just that perhaps by believing that Sonic's every seemingly selfless action is disingenuine, that all those nice words and intent to save people is just so Sonic can feel good rather that actually caring about anyone, then Nine doesn’t have to feel like the exception. Then he can see Sonic as someone who is pretending to care about all of this, and Sonic's other friends as fools who don't see what he (Nine) has seen.
But as I said, it's more complicated than that. Perhaps Nine is seeing a facet of Sonic that other people don't see or don't want to see, but Prime!Sonic is multifaceted. Perhaps he does want to hurry up and sacrifice himself in this scene because then he can finally feel like he's atoned for what he's done and he's absolved of/paid for his crimes, but that also doesn't mean he doesn't genuinely care about the lives of people in the shatterverse.
"If I don't make it, and you do, how do I know you'll keep your promise."
"Don't worry. Your 'friends' are safe. Once I have your energy, I can restore everything. They can have their silly lives in their silly spaces, as long as they leave me alone."
"Fair enough."
...
"And for what it's worth...I wouldda done the same for you."
"Don't lie to me..."
"I'm not–"
"DON'T!"
"Think whatever you want, but it's true. Even after everything you've done, everything we've been through. Together. Against each other. You're still my friend, Nine."
I really couldn't express more just how hurt Nine feels. That he doesn't believe Sonic would give anything up for him, even if he were to accept that Sonic would do that for everyone else. When he tells Sonic not to lie to him, frustrated, angry, voice wavering, I think it's because he can't take this again. If Sonic is lying just to manipulate him, if this isn't genuine, if he's just using him again, he can't take it again.
This is an incredibly intimate scene. With Sonic, standing face to face to Nine, inside Nine's safe space, his home that no one else has been into, behind the physical representation of the walls surrounding Nine's heart post betrayal, this is his first time all season really being allowed to speak to Nine directly. Here there's no one to perform to aside from each other.
But you can see that despite everything, Sonic still reaches Nine in this scene. It's not easy, but he reaches Nine's heart, leading Nine to start to believe in him again.
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And that's why it's a pity the other variants show up when they do, using Sonic to breach Nine's walls. With the way Nine reacts after this happens, Sonic may as well have made Nine believe in that image of him again. Sonic may as well have made Nine believe that Sonic does care about him, that he'd do anything for him (or, at least, would give his life for him like he would for the others if it meant they could live), only to be the trojan horse that allowed the enemy™ to breach his safe space. The pretty lie.
At the beginning of S3 E4 Nine's Lives, Nine says "Predictable" when Sonic runs over to his friends. And, as anon mentioned, Nine says that Sonic has betrayed him for the last time, calling the deal off.
I wouldn't necessarily say here that Nine feels as if Sonic had cheated on him so to speak, but I would say that even if Nine doesn't see Sonic as a willing "trojan horse" here, Nine still feels like a fool for "falling for it again", for believing in Sonic. I think it's enough betrayal to Nine that Sonic would convince him that he cares about him and wants him to have a future too, only to then side with a bunch of people who want to beat Nine down and who would not let Nine be happy if Nine surrendered to them (from Nine's pov at least).
So in short, anon, I think you are seeing Nine's jealousy here. Even if he also has to believe Sonic is secretly fooling the others, to him this is a scene where Sonic is not only choosing them over him, but another example of Sonic (from Nine's pov) proving that he's a liar who doesn't care for Nine or his future/safety at all.
#sonic the hedgehog#sonic prime#sonine#nine the fox#nine sonic prime#miles nine prower#sonic prime s3#sonic prime s3 spoilers#anon interview#i just be ramblin#long post#I just want to note also that Nine also calls the deal off because the other variants become aggressors in this situation. He told Sonic in#the deal that he'd leave everyone else to their devices as long as they left him alone‚ but then right after this those same 'friends'#breach Nine's walls of safety‚ clearly planning to attack where Nine's most vulnerable. The deal was broken before Nine could uphold it#and to top it all off‚ Sonic doesn’t make everyone stand down or defend Nine to them. The entire group gets to flex their power in front of#Nine (similar to how previously Nine would do the same to convince Sonic to surrender)#and Sonic expects Nine to believe that his surrender will lead to peace. Funny‚ since the other variants can't believe Sonic's surrender#would lead to peace either#It's just kind of tragic that Nine would have felt better about Sonic had the other variants not showed up. And yet‚ even if Nine and Sonic#had the chance to perform their deal‚ even if Nine kept his promise‚ the rest of the variants would never leave him alone#And Sonic wouldn't be around to help Nine. Nine wouldn't even have the prism or his walls to protect himself.#Okay okay I've got lots more thoughts and things I can dig into but best to leave all of that for the season 3 portion of sonine prime#Thank you so much for this ask anon! I really do love me an excuse to talk about Sonine and dig into their individual characters. I'm also#not over S3 so the chance to talk about it some was much appreciated😊💖#And if you or anyone else has any other questions pertaining to Sonine‚ their characters‚ thoughts on individual scenes‚ or anything else at#all‚ feel free to shoot me another ask!🥰
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sealbee101 · 14 days ago
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quizmas…a little treat…gift to everyone and me……
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dividers r by @/animatedglittergraphics-n-more!!! theyre so cool!!!!!
merry christmas!!! i hope your extra holly and jolly!!!! and I hope the big red guy gives you awesome presents!!
#tumblr likes to take a FAT dookie on the quality#<- click the image 4 better quality!!!#keiko should’ve beat yusuke ass i love yusuke he’s a great character but i feel like especially at the epilogue keiko should’ve got what#she wanted..she literally YELLED that she was done waiting 3 years for yusuke and that it was time for her to get what she wanted for once#and she should’ve but apparently togashi was like “nuh uh uh girl”#she was put through hell and back (everyone was)#she should be at a nice beach building sandcastles and having fun#she literally RAN into a building that was on fire to save yusuke’s ass she was HAULING his life on her back she was CARRYING him the first#season and then she’s told to wait 3 more years for him to finally do smth in the makai you could tell she was getting sick of him#yusuke should get his ass beat EVEN MORE with what he pulled with kuwabara in chapter black like dude what the heck. Shizuru even said#“my brother…his heart is breaking…” OKAAAYYY YUSUKE OKAY YUSUKE MEET ME AFTER SCHOOL MEET ME AFTER SCHOOL 🥊🥊#kurama is secretly a little poop stainer i call it i know he would NOT shut up about kuwabara just to make yusuke flip his lid.#i know kurama secretly likes to gloat and he would do it non-stop with yusuke#ok time 4 tags srry this is rlly long i just think keiko is so cool and she should’ve got better than what she was given#yu yu hakusho#yyh#yyh kurama#yyh kuwabara#yyh yusuke#keiko yukimura#yusuke urameshi#kuwama#short comic#fan comic#kazuma kuwabara
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thesmokinpossum · 1 month ago
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Didn't felt like mentioning it immediately but shoutout to my sick and twisted brain for getting so triggered by an unexpected Christmas parade that I ended up havin the absolute worst panic attack of my entire life (potentially the only real one? I've had a couple other episodes I thought of as panic attacks but they were not even close to that so who knows) to the point where I spent the very last day of my 30th year on this earth in the ER, good times, good times 😊
#that was 10 days ago and i honestly was fine immediately after it ended so don't worry for me <3#but yeah this shit was crazy holy hell#like i knew intellectually that 'feeling like you're dying' is a symptom of a panic attack but *actually* feeling it is another thing...#and even at the worst i was like 'ok i'm clearly having a panic attack it's not nice but it's gonna be ok'#but there was a piece of my brain that was like 'ok but what if your mom or grandma had told themselves that...'#'when they were having heart attack? They would have died and so will you 😊'#and i was like shit can't argue with that better get my ass to the hospital before i die#spoiler alert: i didn't died#ironically enough the revolting state of our healthcare system is lowkey what helped me calmed the fuck down#because i was tiny but i do remember when my mom had her heart attack and they sure as hell didn't let her wait for 7h+#so when i realized that this is what was gonna happen after i spent a brief moment with a nurse i was just like...oh i'm fine actually lol#and then i had to go take the bus in my fake crocs that i usually never wear outside of the house smh#interestingly enough my phobia of hospital seems to have competely disappear! which makes me believe that it was more a trauma response#than an actual phobia#not that the name changes that much but still interesting development#also no i'm not wearing a mask because nobody gave me one#that's actually one of the thing that made me leave lmao#oh and btw the christmas parade is true but also a bit more complex than that#basically i had a full sleepless night and i was mad so i decided to go buy myself some weed#turned out that there was a huge christmas parade 5 minutes away from the weed store so i hade to find another way#and then i got lost on the way back#and saw no less than 3 big fights between different homeless people#including one man randomly kicking another man's dog (which kinda really messed with me tbh)#and then i smoked a big joint (first one in like 10 days) with 0 sleep and zero food in my body#and then i took the bus#and then the bus driver yelled at an elderly man for not waiting at the right place#and then i took a sip of water and for some truly strange reason my brain decided that the water had gone in my lungs#and that i was actively drowning#and the rational part of me was like...girl that's not what drowning feels like what are you even talking about??#and then my brain went 'well if we're not drowning than we're having a heart attack'
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figofswords · 11 months ago
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anybody remember the stephanie brown essay I was working on under a research grant fully last summer? yeah it’s not done yet it super needs to be done and I’ve been avoiding working on it for weeks. someone tell me to just do it already
#the problem is. actually there are several problems#1) I’ve been out of the Batman/dc comics phase for almost a year so I don’t care that much about the topic#2) I am fifteen pages in and have not touched it in months so I’ve completely lost my train of thought#3) I can’t just reread it because I hate first five pages or so and I know I need to change it but I was trying to finish before editing#so now my only solution is I need to open up a new doc and completely restructure the whole thing by splicing together the existing writing#so that I can figure out where the hell im going with this and make sure things fit together better#unfortunately that sounds fucking exhausting#but I told my mentor I would have an update for him by the end of the week and. well. it’s the end of the week#I have to present it in April. I have to write and submit an abstract in March#the school gave me $1500 for this stupid essay and if I don’t have anything to show for myself.#well. I don’t know they can’t take the money BACK but it’s not a good look#and also I would feel bad#I did the research!!! i interviewed comic writers even!!! I just haven’t finished WRITING IT DOWN#and I KNOOOOWW once I get started it’ll be fine once I’m going I’m going#but STARTING is hard because I feel like I have to finish it in one go which makes it so huge and daunting#I’m like. slamming my head into a wall. just write a couple sentences Jess something is better than nothing#just start it you don’t have to finish just START just MAKE the new DOC#I know!!!!! that is what my therapist would say!!!! Jess you’re trying to oneshot it bc of your dumb adhd brain!!!!#stop looking at it like that and making it scarier!!!#but even tho I know that logically I’m still like oh I should put away the dishes o should make bread#I should work on my six different art pieces I should do laundry i should play with the puppy I should go for a walk I sh
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dragonomatopoeia · 1 year ago
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< guy who had to stop being an english instructor because the cruelties of usamerican academia crushed them into paste and they weren't allowed to help or support students in any meaningful way. lest they be fired from their position that paid less than a living wage
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httpiastri · 1 year ago
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“it could be cool to be a race engineer, but… you really need to be clever, and… 😅”
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autisticlee · 7 months ago
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sometimes I think about how when I went to college for a year before I dropped out (basically failed out,) the counselors/dean told me they can't help me at all or give any accommodations unless I have an official autism/adhd diagnosis. that might sound logical at first, but when you think about it more, it's actually quite fucked up. if someone is struggling really bad, what's the harm in helping them? why do they require a paper to get even the smallest amount of help? people who don't need help aren't going to be failing miserably without help! even NTs could benefit from some adjustments to the horrible school system! (but changing the entire system is a whole other conversation that the school system isnt ready for)
but even if you do agree to jump through their hoops, you realize it's even more fucked up that the diagnosis process requires YEARS in most cases (in my case it took 4 or 5 years, can't recall exactly now, for autism/adhd diagnosis, which would have meant i finished school before getting it if i managed to mot fail out, or i wait that long before going back, which is a whole struggle itself) and they also tried billing me for THOUSANDS of dollars because of insurance issues!!
so you put a ton of time and money into this, and then get told the only accommodation they are willing to give you for autism and adhd is "a little extra time on tests"
....
my test scores were the best part of my whole class experience. that was NOT what I struggled with!!!!! those tests were all online and could be done in the comfort of your home where you can accommodate yourself and have plenty of time left over when you finish them because you are comfy in your own space, (and also, no one was stopping you from having your notes/books/google open to find the answers,) and you don't even need a time consuming, expensive diagnosis for that!
SO WHAT'S THE POINT!!!!!!!
#mind you this was over 10 years ago now. it *could* have gotten better but id be extremely shocked if it has#autistic#autism#actually autistic#adhd#neurodivergent#audhd#school#school problems#yes i know theres rules or maybe even laws for this and its why they are like this but its bad and should change#if they offered smaller classes with less sensory overloading bullshit and other things i needed it would be great!#but they refuse to accommodate your actual needs and make up useless accommodations to legally say they help disabilities#ND people (not just audhd) and other disabled people that graduate with no useful accommodations are so strong and cool. proud of you!#ones who had to drop you youre also cool for not dealing with their bullshit snd allowing yourself to not suffer for a sheet of paper!#(though i know it can feel bad when everyone around you makes you feel bad for needed to drop out or failing out and not going back)#i completely stopped going to my psychology class because i started a week late due to scheduling issues and#suddenly we are told theres a paper due in 3 days and need to hse the textbook i didnt have yet as the source for it all#and it was in the syllabus i didnt get because i was a week late and didnt know we got one. the professor didnt notice me out of#the 100 other students in that large lecture hall. that room was also a sensory nightmare hellscape#too many students made things noisy and distracting. multiple fluorescent lights were flickering constantly and never fixed#the professor used a mic to speak to us and it had a constant horrible loud buzzing. it did that loud mic screech noise randomly#without warning. all the time. the quality of the sound was horrible so it was hard to understand her. on top of that she had a very thick#accent i wasnt familiar with so that on top of the horrible buzzing mkc quality that also cut her out constantly was auditory processing#disorder HELL. I dont know how ANYONE survived thst class but i seemed to be the only one struggling. everyone else turned in their papers#and i gave up and stopped going. was too late to drop the class to get my money back so i wasted probably a few thousand dollars#and THATS what i mean by give me reasonable and useful accommodation. test time would NOT make that class better at all#fix the mic and light issues at least or give me a smaller class with more attentive professor or something!#offer smaller classes for struggling disabled people! if the issue is not knowing who needs them then offer a switch to those struggling!#i got called onto a dean/counselor meeting because a professor noticed my horrible grades and stuff so its possible to catch us and help!#THESE SCHOOLS JUST NEED TO START BEING WILLING TO. dont make us do all the work to accommodate ourselves and expect to do well in school!
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itspileofgoodthings · 11 months ago
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I assigned reading homework for the weekend and was hit by this wave of irritation with the implicit lying that goes on where they act like they’ll read the homework but they never actually do and so I called them on it and started teasing them and of course they laughed but then I was like “you know my secret dream is that you go home and you walk in the door and someone wants to do something fun with you or you get a text but you hold up your hand and say ‘no no, I have to read ten pages of Beowulf’ and then you sit down and do it” and they scream-laughed at the idea but I like to think it at least presented it to their minds as a possibility
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fadeintolight · 1 month ago
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pont pont vesszőcske
#this year just feels weird. im selfishly not saying ~rawr so awful or tragic#because there are things ive achieved this year that im proud of and that were long due#im so happy i did that masters course and im so glad i landed a job that pays well even though its torture on my nerveous system#my mind is forever free from academic guilt and pressure#and i can afford things that nourish my soul and body when they werent accessible before#so this is the firm acknowledgment of the fact that im lucky and have an objectively good life#part of which i was given and nice parts i actually worked my ass off for#and for the first time in my life im at a stage where its all … freestyle?? lmao like ok girl you did the things now find new things to do#and theres none hehehe just human connections that are harder to build than a cv or a thesis defense and doesnt only depend#on the effort i put in#but also on how the stars and planets are moving or idk#plus i just remembered how my sister told me that the reason why i kept procrastinating on my diploma was bc it was an excuse to not grow u#and now the universe is kicking my ass all year to make me realize that i need to change and grow and build a life i could settle in#because this bitch!!!! took 3 of my 4 closest friends and made them move countries and get married or in one case just simply get over me#and not to make everything about me but its how humans work okay so ofc im internalizing a lot of other tragedies as new signs#from the universe screaming at me#to get away from the parasocial bonds that give me so much joy but also affect me too much#like LAUGH AT ME all you want but ive been wanting to see ts live since 2009#and the only thing that kept me up in exam season at 4am was me and my friend sending outfit inspos to each other#like its silly i know but when that show got cancelled and i was hysterical i kneew the lesson was to grow up and stop investing so much#into lovely but also relatively short moments of my life#because i should be able to#look forward to other things after graduating than the eras tour but i WASNT okay#and i dont have to elaborate on how liam’s passing has been affecting me/us so i wont#but fuck that was a cruel reminder - to make things about me again- that though i can talk about this with friends on my phone#until my retina burns out or melts or idk what retinas do#i still dont have ANYONE in my phsyical proximity who would understand this pain and thats partially on me#and then my 85+yr old grandma got covid AGAIN for the 3rd time and my god she got better but in case i forgot she wont be with me forever#and i reached the tag limit so thats it anyway weird year very weird dont know what it wants from me#to the void
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seithr · 20 days ago
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powerful sorcerer with magical storm blood who can still magic and rend minds and transform people btw
#pannic button. dont read my thoughts. uhm. I Wish I Was Riding My Girlfriend On A Nice Vacation Somewhere Rn?#[SUCCESS] 'ok well you want her but our god can give u something better than the avernus aether twist. for your consideration'#can the absolute do this (GIVES HER A LITTLE KISS ON THE FOREHEAD AND HOLDS HER HAND AND ITS NICE) HMM???#anyways im at moonrise now after whatt feels like forever. a lot of the noncombat checks were fun with him though!! sorc/bard priveleges!!#halsin's big fuzzy owlbear ass is hard for everyone to maneauver around now EXCEPT for arque who can fly. why are you cracked dude#ok last thing. arque is my pretty princess who keeps getting in situations. goblin kidnapping caused by drinking weird juice.#omeluum's brainworm mulcher caused by more madness juice. the githyanki device. well arque drank mystery elixer by an undead guy aagain#and everyone APPROVED. everyone loves arquebait ou ha ha. he's literally fine hes the party guineapig his magic will fix it probablymaybe.#he moments later stuck his hand into a wet fleshy wall hole and got STUCK and panicked yanking his arm out. shadowheart told em#'hm. maybe do not do that.' arque does it again and has horrible mental visions again. BUT WAS HE HURT? no and now we know more!#SO GUYS...ITS OKAY..... if something happen to arque itll eitjer be fixed by his arcane abilities or its like fine if not. its just arque#(this is a whole thing about his implied character to me. but now i'm getting too into the ocs..point is i love that he can keep Doing This#anyways thats all for me im spamming my private twt but yapping in tags only here so i dont ruin public tags. arquelach 4ever btw#goodnight ill... be another week until i can continue seeinh what the fucjs up with ketheric thorm. crazy good voice on him btw#i would have more to say about him being a nice voiced old man but (gestures) (karlach) this is all i thinkabout#baldur's gate 3#i need an oc tag#arquelach
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goblin-enjoyer · 3 months ago
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I swear why are half the things i like/fandoms im in made of mostly younger people while the other half are mostly older people? what are the zoggin odds with that?
How it feels being 20 in a fandom with a bunch of 30-40 somethings.
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VS how it feels being 20 in a fandom with a bunch of 14-17 somethings.
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like am do i just have extremely odd luck with things i like or is this just what being 20 is like?
#I go browse homestuck twitter and find out an artist I like is turning 16. I go to warhammer twitter and see a meme poster I enjoy is almost#three times my age.#like how do you get a person to somehow feel too old to be in a one fandom yet too young to be in the another?#i know this sounds stupid but it happens every time i like something#world of warcraft has people who have been playing this game for as long as i have been alive#despite aging with the game minecraft is primarily youngsters#team fortress 2 is somehow both too young and too old a fanbase#i've long since reconciled with the fact pretty much everything i like is over a decade old but why cant i just like something with a ->#similar age base? like it would be nice to interact with people that like similar things i like on a consistent basis.#I don't want to buzz around my 2 friends ears trying to not talk too much about my interests. Don't get me wrong I love those two gits but-#its not like i can complain about those childish gits who kept blocking the good fishing nodes in world of warcraft#I cant share my homestuck art and make references to characters that they don't know#I like making references! references make up roughly 1/3rd my jokes! Heck they make up my zogging dialogue too!#HECK I SAY ZOG AND GIT BECAUSE I AM A BLOODY STUPID MIMIC! I'M NOT EVEN BRITISH I LIVE IN MASSACHUSETTS!#YET EVERY TIME I GET A NEW “main interest” OR WHATEVER I END UP TAKING IN ZOGGIN SPEECH PATTERNS FROM THE DANG THINGS!#I ONCE MUTTERED “merde” WHEN THINGS WENT WRONG FOR LIKE OVER A YEAR BECAUSE SPY SAID IT AND ONLY STOPPED WHEN MY BILINGUAL AND FRENCH TAKIN#FATHER AND BROTHER RESPECTIVELY TOLD ME IT MEANT SHIT#I SAY “SLAPS ME ON THE KNEE” AND “SUCKS ON ICE” BECAUSE OF A MAIN INTEREST!#MY POSTURE GOT BETTER SOLELY BECAUSE I DID NOTHING BUT LEVEL A ZANDALARI HUNTER UNTIL LEVEL 120.#WHEN LAUGHING A MODERATE AMOUNT I DO THE /LOL ORC EMOTE. WHEN CHUCKLING I PUT MY HAND ON MY MOUTH LIKE SHIVER FROM SPLATOON BLOODY 3!!!#I HAVE BEEN UNINTENTIONALLY MIMICKING THINGS I LIKE FOR YEARS! I BOB MY HEAD AND WALK DIGITIGRADE BECAUSE I HEARD BIRDS/DINOSAURS DO IT TO-#BALANCE WHEN WALKING. AND THE ONLY REASON I SUCKED AT RUNNING WAS BECAUSE WHEN I WAS YOUNGER I WATCHED A SCENE OF ICE AGE WHERE SID WAS WAL#ING AND MIMICKED HOW HE WALKED FOOT -> FOOT INSTEAD OF HEEL -> TOE HEEL -> TOE#AND NOW I GUESS I'M JUST WAITING FOR WHAT ILL GET FROM HOMESTUCK HUH#ugh if you can't tell this is a midnight brainrot post. i may be awake and on my computer but this still has the energy of that kind of pos#saturday warhammer and the following wendys browsing for ya folks.#midnight brainrot#Man i needed to get those off my chest#not like anyone reads these midnight brainrot posts anyways#oh yeah gotta tag art and paint.net so i can easily find these drawings later if i need them
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imjustavenuxwithaboomerang · 4 months ago
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15 (For the ZOMBIES ask game) :D
YAY ANOTHER QUESTION AH thank you bb <33 ask game here
15. unpopular opinion you have about anything related to zombies?
i'm gonna do a few cause i have a lot of thoughts heheh
firstly, addison isn't as annoying or unlikable as y'all keep saying she is. i get it, she's overly optimistic, very cheerful, and can do annoying things sometimes. news flash, all of these characters have at least one of those traits too (and some have even worse ones)
secondly, the only reason some of you guys refer to zombies as a white savior franchise is because meg is white. i know that sounds redundant but like, i know that at least half of you would stop calling it a white savior franchise if carla or kylee (or any other non-white actress) was cast as addison instead
and lastly, just because a lot of the original trilogy cast won't be in z4 does not necessarily mean that it will be bad, if it is then whatever, but we won't know till it comes out (and i'm saying this as someone whose favorite character is bonzo (along with zeddison but ya know, they're in the movie) so if i can chill, so can you guys)
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tardis--dreams · 5 months ago
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Alright maybe my coworkers don't Actually hate me after all~
#me since Friday: omg you made it weird they all resent you now#my colleagues today: have you prepared for your appointment? [giving me 100 tips on how to get through it]#'actually you should start as an editor right away it would be unfair to make you do a traineeship'#wait you support that? i thought you hated me because I'd be useless for you because i couldn't help you as I do now anymore??#(i didn't say the 'i thought you hate me' part lol. i just said 'oh but wouldn't it be to your disadvantage?' and no. apparently not#whoops#also when i had the conversation with the boss he was leaning very much towards the traineeship#but also said 'well but [name] said a traineeship wouldn't be necessary for you because you already are so familiar with everything#and we also offer the additional trainings to our editors so hmmm'#like what? she actually told you that? (even my other two coworkers were like 'oh she told HIM directly??' like. i'm soft)#so yeah let's see where this gets me. if i actually get an Actual job there it will be much more stressful because I'll have fixed#working hours. but it would also be nice to stop being primarily a student. that's like. the main thing.#also when i was on the train with coworker 1 (I'll give them numbers now lol) he told me coworker 2 said she liked working with me#and coworker 3 was excited to hear i was coming to the office when he told her. like ???#ok enough of this#i just feel a bit better now that i know I didn't actually break their trust or whatever and they don't hate me lol#(also coworker 3 seemed really excited when we were talking about the trainings (like. special courses. usually during the weekend) I'd have#to do because she wants to do them too and 'we can do that together then!!! that would be great!!'#void screams#work stuff
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