#I really hate intrusive thoughts | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

insanechayne · 2 years ago

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#I really hate intrusive thoughts #when I get these bad anxiety attacks and bouts of depression and such I always get the urge to cut myself again #and now I’m sitting here staring at my bedside knife trying to decide whether or not I should just give in #would it really be so bad to just make one cut across my thigh?#maybe a couple more than one idk #just to test the sharpness right #I know it’s wrong but God I want to do that so bad #and it’s getting really hard not to just give in right now #and I’m not even actively suicidal but I just had a vision of slicing down my arms and for a second there I was so tempted to do so #would people care more then? probably not knowing my life #but sometimes I want to test that theory a little bit #I probably won’t even touch the knife truthfully #I’m just on the struggle today #personal

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angelnumber27 · 2 months ago

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I think that I am going to get better

#but in order to do so I have to do the necessary work to get to that place #it’s a whole lot easier said than done but I think it is possible #I just have to work really really really hard #and constantly remind myself that the intrusive negative thoughts I have do not control me and are not rational or logical #I’m gonna be ok #I have to be present and notice when I am saying something hateful about myself so I can counteract it #with positive traits and things that are good about myself #(and actually true as opposed to the self deprecating thoughts)#beating myself up is all so automatic because of the abuse I’ve been through most of the time I don’t even notice it #but I want better for myself. I deserve better #i’ll get there #obviously not right now right now is horrible

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sepiamestus · 4 months ago

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Okay so secret message board was a bad idea. Idk why someone thought it was appropriate to write a whole essay on how they think im annoying. Obsessed with me

#??? Keep that to yourself lol #I have rsd and already think everyone hates me automatically you really dont need to be proving my intrusive thoughts right #ruby speaks

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shatterdome-underscore · 9 months ago

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It's been awhile so I gotta return to my roots and remind everyone that beloved Capcom character and noted bisexual Phoenix Wright, Ace Attorney, has canonically eaten glass before, and like, not even in a "letting the intrusive thoughts win" or severe edgelord way, he just thought it would help out his girlfriend. Also the glass was poisoned. He was fine. But he did in fact eat glass. I haven't been normal about this for roughly 15 years this bitch ate glass and was fine

#nobody does it like him #phoenix wright #ace attorney #phoenix wright ace attorney #phoenix wright aa #pwaa #capcom #he really is the guy ever #also technically:#intrusive thoughts #tw intrusive thoughts #i experience The Bad Stuff on a regular to semi regular basis so i can make jokes about it #for the record i generally hate “letting the intrusive thoughts win” jokes for when they trivialize it down to like. silly shit.#but I think its safe to say eating glass is bad and if you have intrusive thoughts about eating glass you shouldn't no matter how crunchy

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awakefor48hours · 6 months ago

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My grade school teachers: Be careful of your thoughts, for they become your words…

Me, neurodivergent and has millions of intrusive thoughts:

warning: I talk about my intrusive thoughts in the tags

#cw rape #tw rape #cw murder #tw murder #for the tags >#I hate this saying so much #as someone who’s had many intrusive thoughts since childhood #(mostly about murder and rape)#this really fucked me up because I thought I was to be a rapist and a murderer #I don’t want to get into all the details but i was so mad at myself for thinking these things #because clearly I didn’t want to think them (ergo the term INTRUSIVE thoughts)#but no matter how many times I tried to “be careful of my thoughts”#then I started puberty and they got even worse #I couldn’t stop them so I just stopped interacting with people #I did learn to ignore them and just move on but it only made them worse #I’m doing better now #I rarely have intrusive thoughts (they do get really bad occasionally though)#but I was only really able to get here because I learned what intrusive thoughts actually are #and that I didn’t need to punish myself for them #anyway shout out to the folks who have really bad intrusive thoughts

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tothesolarium · 7 months ago

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how did my professor recommend me The Color of Outer Space

and I found the whole ass wrong book

its about a farm??? I was reading space travel what did I do

#makes more sense why prof was like yah know i hate the author but damn its a good spook #oh hp lovecraft #ill piss on your grave but also #i can like #relate to being terrified of the world but he handled it in the worst god damn way possible #the evil is not only in what you dont understand its in you to!! much better sorce of stories #my goal in life is to honestly do his shit better #which is setting myself up for failure #but like #cosmic horror is in us #its the fact we can do terrible things but other people Do Terrible tihngs and trying to understand Why is a worse abyss than any darkness #because no matter Why they are doing something Now #understanding can Possibly help the future pervent things #or just cause another horror #this is not well thought thoughts but a man annoyed his hands hurt and he cant draw #aaaa #also if you read this far #any movie recs?? i want spook but not home intrusion unless its like- cartoony?? does that make sense?? or like Really Dramatic not possibl #not like Hush #is that the name?? she can't talk... or she can't hear??fuck i watched it awhile ago #i liked it alot but i also am jumpy enough so dont need help with That rn #i havent seen most #maybe i should just watch carrie

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charlie-ver · 2 months ago

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vent bc who cares (':

going to be presenting on a source from 1917 tomorrow, with me luck, my classmates will eat me alive but i have lately been unable to care about anything (: nothing i can do is good enough so it doesn't matter anymore <3 watch my lecturer stop me and comment on how i can't do that because the source is over a century old :3 but i have read so many essays and articles and this was the only one that felt usable lol

but like fair is the teacher decides to fail me on the spot, wouldn't be angry with her honestly

would love to leave immediately after my presentation, but i'm gonna have to sit there like a fucking idiot, because you can't be absent from seminars :3

#twwww self hate yay #abyssal stage #VENTY AS FUCK DON'T READ THE TAG IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ THIS #are the thoughts about harm still intrusive if you think about them on purpose #what is thinking on purpose #is it still intrusive if you EXPECT them #god i'd fail myself in the spot my lecturer should fail me #basically it's not even i really like the source i just ran out of time

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stromulites · 3 months ago

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me: minding my own business

brain: hey remember what this person said about stuff that'll piss them off?

me: ...i don't like where this is going already.

brain: what if you pissed them off on purpose

me:

#strom.txt #i'll be fine the intrusive thoughts are just trying to Get Me #really fucking annoying with how they are but like #they're intrusive thoughts I know this #it's just upsetting because it comes with the imagery of what the intrusive thought is #<- hyperphantasia woes (frankly this is the part i hate the most about it)

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crabussy · 2 years ago

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I want to take a bite out of someone's arm but I'm too shy

#it's ok to reblog this post and ignore the rant in the tags I don't mind at all /gen #hi guys #got another load of trauma from school #and I am not dealing with it well at all my legs have been shaking so badly for 4 hours now #had a panic attack so bad that my face went numb and the edges of my vision went black and my legs gave way #I hate my teacher she's horrible god I can't even go into it here there's so much #I'm tired of getting abused at school I've been to half a dozen schools and have not gotten traumatised at ONLY ONE OF THEM #I have no adults I can go to about this #whenever I try to talk with her and the head teacher about the situation and why I'm fucking terrified of her she acts so patient and kind #whenever I'm alone with her she will yell at me about everything I'm doing wrong and continue yelling even when I'm in tears #she will berate me and put me down and insult me directly #when she gives feedback she always puts effort into making it hurt #the language she uses for negative feedback is never what a teacher should say it's always personal and uses your weaknesses to hurt you #I get really bad intrusive thoughts about her hurting me physically because of how terrified I am of her #the worst part is she acts nice and sweet whenever she's not picking apart my weaknesses and being cruel about my disabilities #I felt so sick after that I haven't eaten since #vent tw #trauma tw #listen to my gibberish boy #ggod I hate this school

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astranauticus · 1 year ago

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oh lol i forgot to post this robit sketches! because i have one (1) bit and im sure as hell gonna commit to it apparently

#rolling with difficulty #art I made #'shut your up' is a verbatim quote from an ex classmate i just thought it was funny #i dont think it was intentional i think he was just so angry that Words Failed on him #anyway im absolutely not keeping that maxim design. god i fucking hate clothing design *so* much #austin: 'hes a gold plated mechanite dressed in blue and grey robes' me trying to figure out colour placement: 'what FUCK'#i had one (1) good idea and that was 'skeleton shaped robit' and every other part of that design went to hell apparently #bc all the other mechanites we've had were either like... flesh..? shaped?? like that sorta silhouette (basically most of the old crew)#or more mechanical/geometric (vr-la's designs and like.. k-lb? i guess? if that counts)#so. therefore. bone shaped mechanite. also if i was gonna try that concept on anyone it may as well be maxim if you think about it #idk i thought it would be interesting. and also undertale was my first fandom so uh #ANYWAY. MOVING ON FROM THAT THOUGHT.#this started as a 2am intrusive thought of like #'we (artists in the discord) keep joking abt how k-lb would be a nightmare to draw but like.. how hard is it really'#anyway as you can probably expect. famous last words #i mean genuinely mad respect to noir but i think i said to one of my friends when i showed them this sketch #'i mean this in the nicest way possible but you can just tell he was designed for an audio only storytelling format' LMAO #if anyone is unwise enough to attempt this (so basically @ my future self lmao)#do the lineart and colouring for the wires in front of the inner electricity skeleton (???) and the ones behind it on SEPARATE LAYERS #drew the wires all together then the electricity and had to painstakingly go over the electricity with an eraser it was a fucking nightmare

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hometownrockstar · 1 year ago

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i followed the aita tumblr blog (ppl send asks describing their situation n theres a poll to vote on whether theyre TA, its not reposting reddit aitas just to clarify) and theres so many of them that are "aita for having a thought or feeling" which is exactly what i expected out of a tumblr aita blog but also how many times do we need to unlearn the idea of thought crimes

#deeply damaging especially to the ocd mindset to create moralizations around thoughts and feelings #which a person cannot control. even the justification of:#''youre not a bad person for intrusive thoughts bc ur repulsion means u really dont like those things''#that just feeds into the obsession mindset. also i dont feel repulsion anymore and thats a GOOD thing for me #but like really its good to be able to have your thoughts without beating urself up for them #i have very strong thoughts that correlate with my emotions even if i dont exactly mean what i thought #(like thinking ''i hate this thing so much'' when its just an emotional impulse not a real feeling of mine towards the thing)

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opens-up-4-nobody · 8 months ago

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...

#hm. im in limbo. but at least i can draw again at last. ive never spent so long not wanting to draw. it was terrible #my job search lasted 4 days before i secured a position at target but i dont start until the 26th so im drifting until then #it feels so weird. like i dunno. i keep thinking abt jobs in a weird way now bc i just sorta drifted into what i do #weird academic stuff but i think most jobs arent like being a grad student and that never really occured to me #i dunno why. i could have done so many things but here i am. an ecologist mostly. i dunno. well see what the summer brings #maybe ill grow some social skills. its sorta weird but like the medication has made my head less terrible with intrusive thoughts. like i #can actually drive my car without hyperventilating which is fucking wild. so Maybe ill grow some confidence abt interacting with the world #going back in the fall still seems impossible rn but so does starting a job somewhere else. but i dunno #not where i expected to be in my life. im just lucky i dont have to worry much abt money #especially bc i got an ultrasound done so they cold make sure something wasnt wrong with my uterus #and its fine. guess it just hates me but that means i spent like 350 dollars for a 10min scan that showed nothing #ay. the us medical system #anyway. i guess ill continue drifting until the 26th #probably i should find something to do. or work on my old unpublished data #unrelated

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lntrusiveknock · 14 days ago

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#femcelcore and maybe a little human : “its a mog or get mogged world ”

im ngl finding out how truly mid i am and now i feel so physically mid even if i was ever looks-maxed-out – is a canon event and youll only care if you believe you can relate from this pov i promise (and happens to unfortunately be as peripherally shallow as me)…

an 8 can be so happy walking around 6.5s and 7s and even other 8s but put that 8 in a room with an undefeatable 11… not a 10… which i can lie to myself saying beauty is subjective and with intentional effort put in the way it is within a specific category but an 11… like shes making me realize the insidious truth that any happiness i used to have over my own appearances is thanks to not making use of my intuitive insecurity at this point i

know at least i try to glaze myself sometimes and truthfully i really dont know it until jealousy has to show up in the flesh and teach me the hard way like i promise…. to trust my insecure intuition bc if u know ur unbelievably alien like truly ethereal otherworldly pretty i mean were (cue whos we) just hard 6.5s or pushing it 7 lol like there is a level playing field for a girl (im embarrassed to call myself this ngl…) like me and its not going to trick or convince even my desperate self… it hurts now that i’m never even going to get to be the main character in my own heart now ngl like i wish i could choose me but i sit here having met an 11 girl knowing that i’m really just coping as much as the blessed 6s my most honest but darkest heart finds are too vain and almost i dare say deluded sometimes into finding an extent of happiness in their own appearances like i know self love in the superficial form is almost characteristic to a conventional girl but the consensus among the actually pretty people (im not referring to myself i just know) is that its really not inherent or rightfully or socially acceptably accessible to some less lucky people out here (me.) now that sucks i feel like the man who can never get to fulfil his obligation simply bc i am not born with a socially acceptable and rewarded capability for masculinity

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backpackingspace · 4 months ago

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Hey this just in? Ptsd sucks balls

#Oversharing on the internet times #Ptsd #-10/10 don't recommend #Ugh #Need my brain scrubbed and shaken out #I would like a new one please and thank you #I promise I won't let this new one be tortured I'll be extra careful #Love how my subconscious has decided that I'm just the worst person on earth all my dreams lately are like #Hey what if you were monstrous? What I'd you personally committed horrific acts against other human beings?#Let's explore that reality in hd #These aren't even the fun nightmares where I can convince myself I'm not seconds from throwing up they were so bad and can decode them #And do dream work with them #Those nightmares always end up having really cool symbolism and are helpful in deeply deeply meaningful ways #I am willing to suffer those nightmares I have made my peace with them it's like a game almost #These ones just shake me up for fucking days and become a never ending spiraling cycle ugh ugh ugh #It's like my intrusive thoughts were made I to a TV show fuck #Me: slightly rude to my gf #My brain: what if you were the same level as evil as rapist #Me: great I'm going to throw up and claw my skin off and have a panic attack thank you brain that was super fucking helpful #The way that my brain is convinced that I'm evil actually is sure is....#Well. It. It seems like my brain learned to abuse myself that it's doing the work of my torturer for her ten years down the line #Mm. Hate that thought a lot actually going #....I was actually going to keep these tags fairly short I wanted this post to be a vague haha ptsd sure is something post and not #Spill my guts in the tags again but what else is new have done this for years so whatever

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eldritchbean-shapeshifter · 1 month ago

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Ugggggghhh dysphoria is the worst

I was supposed to shower last night but the thought of having to perceive my body felt so INCREDIBLY NAUSEATING.

So I ended up procrastinating and was up past 3 am

I ended up grabbing a thing of baby wipes and used them to clean myself off and it was better but it still felt viscerally uncomfortable and disgusting

I'm glad I have A body (even if it doesnt always fit right), but sometimes I'd rather swim in a pit of Lava than pay attention to it

#i am stuck with both gender AND species dysphoria #both feel so different #but at the same time they are so close #i am a genderqueer eldritch shapeshifter trapped in a female human body and it is so painful #and i keep having really disturbing & terrifying & horrifyingly detailed intrusive thoughts about just ripping parts off my body #and im scared and it hurts so much #i just want to be free from these feelings #why cant i be a genderqueer nonhuman that doesnt have dysphoria #why am i like this #i hate this so much and i just wanna take a break from existing sometimes because of how excruciating this is #i dont wanna die but living hurts so much #i hate this i hate this i hate this i hate this I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE THIS #please send me some thoughts/prayers/good vibes/well wishes #i desperately need them #vent #nonhuman vent #physical nonhuman #shapeshifter #eldritch shapeshifter #species dysphoria #gender dysphoria #dysphoria #alterhuman #nonhuman #alterhumanity #nonhumanity #vent post #nonhuman vent post #physically nonhuman #eldritchbean vents

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conjectureand-gloom · 1 year ago

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here is your gentle reminder that you are not your thoughts

#this is becoming a post bc i need this reminder #idk if they’re considered intrusive thoughts #and i don’t want to type out what i’m talking about #but they’re #really scary #and really fucking disgusting #and make me really hate myself lmao #anyway gentle reminder- you are not your thoughts!! you cannot control your thoughts #your mind does not define you #your thoughts do not make you a bad person #intrusive thoughts #ocd #obsessive compulsive disorder #idk if i have ocd actually. but i might‚ now that i think about it #anyway i’m tagging with ocd bc intrusive thoughts #mental health

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