#ggod I hate this school

[crabussy]

I want to take a bite out of someone's arm but I'm too shy

[coffindoves]

// money ranting..

the thing is like. it's so hard to justify to myself why i should get some plushie or game as a treat in my current situation. because if i want to move out um, as steadily as i can so that i can live with Ren, i NEED to save at least $5k i think. & that would be really, just to cover 3mo of rent. MAYBE PARTIALLY A DOWN PAYMENT if we get lucky. but like... atm. i am only getting $150 a week babysitting; & this is obligatory & the money itself is just more of consolatory pay so i don't really.. have the time to get a "real" job. OR HONESTLY.. draw. that much. (right now is my only prime time) ((sacrificing a lot of sleep & sanity so..,, DONT EVEN, HAVE GOOD MOTIVATION TO DRAW)) . & even that in itself.. i am getting SEVERELY underpaid, for what i am doing. working at a rate that is less than min. wage & even at that point, not even getting paid for each hour past a certain point. because my family wants me to be """Fair""" to my sister. because ohh She needs to by all these things for her kid... *proceeds to verbally abuse me before i have to watch him & then wastes $750 in one week buying things for herself that she literally has no use for & overdrafts for the stuff that's actually for her kid.* (THIS WAS HER EXCUSE FOR NOT PAYING ME AT ALL LAST WEEK. IM STILL EXTREMELY ANGRY ABOUT THIS.)

there's also like, so much, that i was yearning to get & actively saving up for, before i realized that getting out of my living situation is actually possible & something i should be imperatively working for... i've wanted a macbook for Forever, especially while my goal was to do Video Editing in school, but they're all like $1200 minimum. *GRITTING MY TEETH.* my ipad is also like. so freaking old now that Procreate is starting to run like shit w/ every update it gets..... if i want to keep using that for art when i can't sit up to use my off-screen tablet, i am going to have to upgrade that, at some point. WHICH i guess is significantly cheaper since i could trade it in for a newer model but........ STILL SO EXPENSIVE AT LIKE $300 FOR JUST THE REGULAR IPAD + THE PEN THAT WORKS WITH IT. ggod. i hate money.

[ofgoldrushes]

*･｡ﾟ ━ (rafael silva, cis man, he/him) the fates have spotted lucca santos walking along the streets of ogygia. the 28 year old has been here for two years and currently lives in delos cottages. word on the street is that he is friendly & understanding, but can be pretty reckless & impulsive. i’ve heard he is a karaoke bar owner, which is pretty fitting for someone who was apollo in a past life. on the night of the murder he were supposedly out with a friend, but who knows if that’s true or not. 

𝐁𝐀𝐒𝐈𝐂 𝐈𝐍𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍

FULL NAME: lucca gabriel santos

ALIAS | NICKNAMES: luc, mostly by those that can't be bothered to use his full first name; dumbass by many.

BIRTHDAY | AGE: TBD, 28.

CURRENT LOCATION: ogygia

SEXUALITY: bisexual, but leans heavily towards men

SPOKEN LANGUAGES: english, spanish, portuguese

OCCUPATION: owner of the lyre (karaoke bar)

𝐏𝐀𝐒𝐓 𝐋𝐈𝐅𝐄 𝐈𝐍𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍

before lucca was lucca, he was apollo. ggod of music, healing, prophesies, song and poetry, archery, plague and diseases, and the protector of young men. a younger twin to artemis and the son of zeus and a titaness leto. defeated python at just four days old, but then tricked by a three day old hermes by a shiny object that later became one of his sacred items. had a bunch of lovers that ended up turning themselves into trees to avoid him, or "accidentally" killed by another god (looking at you zephyrus).

𝐂𝐔𝐑𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐓 𝐋𝐈𝐅𝐄 𝐈𝐍𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍

lucca is still the younger twin, this time being born to a father that wanted nothing to do with the twins after their birth. raised by a single mother that worked tirelessly to give her kids whatever they needed and some of what they wanted. school was hard for lucca, never being able to fully sit still and focus on what his teachers wanted him to do. he was later diagnosed with adhd, but tried to hide it later on because it lead to his classmates picking on him. eventually graduated and wanted to go into medical school but couldn't afford it. his grades were also not good enough to really get in. tried being a paradmedic but had to leave the job after the first accident he came to with the death of a child. lived in a van for most of his early 20s, because he wanted to travel the world and just vibe. it annoyed his mother and sister but it made him happy enough. eventually his van broke down and he found himself needed a new, fresh start somewhere. ended up taking whatever job he could to afford his bright yellow cottage by the sea and has been living in it for almost two years now. somehow managed to become the owner of the lyre (don't ask him how, it just seemed to happen) and often hosts karaoke contests and absolutely forces his friends to participate.

𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒

Exes: lucca, like apollo before him, is terrible at love. i want exes that ended on awkward terms, exes that absolutely hate him, etc.

A drinking buddy who gets him into trouble/he gets into trouble.

Another dumbass buddy, listen, sometimes you just have to have a friend that you can be absolutely dumb with and won't judge you for it.

more coming soon.

[nyaandoll]

ggod damnit why did my mom ddecide i shouldn't go 2 school today ii miss everyone sso much ii hate this

[sonny-whorezik]

wow i really hate where i am in life i cant get a job at a funeral home , i hate overnight walmart, i dont write music anymore , i have no interest in people i barely interact with my roommates, my cat is ruining my carpet so im not gonna get my security deposit back , i cannot stand seeing my body, i am So Fucking Poor and need to fix my car so i can drive to the mountains and hike (part of why i moved and ive yet to even do it) i dont know when ill get back into school i cant afford it anytime soon, i cannot for the life of me take care of myself but at least im sober right? ggod i ? i just want to be interested and curious about life again i have lost all passion to continue i feel hopeless and helpless i just go through the motions because i cant afford to enjoy and experience life it seems i AOUDUFJ

[creepedfinn]

ggod wendell & wild is coming out tomorrow and i have to sleep through this excitement i fuckign hate school sometimes

[smuglemon]

time to vent here because it somehow feels safer then anywhere else 🦎 . it will go into stupid detail cause lol

i just. fucking Hate how. everything has turned out! I hate coming to terms with the fact i have actual trauma . but. it doesnt feel right to say what i went through is trauma even though it was. or maybe it wasnt i dont know but i literally have flashbacks when im feeling weak, i dont KNOW if thats normal. i still just wish things were different i want a different childhood. i know was neglected my whole childhood , i missed months of school my parents fought all the time over drugs i witnessed kittens pass away and i had to deal with that . I know my parents still loved me and tried for me and they are recovered now. but it just hurts so bad still. i coped with everything by having a horrible internet addiction. Which led to me getting insomnia whcih i still suffer from to this day. i wasnt depressed back then but i had horrible anxiety, it wasnt social yet but every time they fought i would break down and i didnt know how to deal with that i still get involuntary shakes whenever i hear yelling from my parents . I wish i could control it but ggahhh fuck. i used escapism to deal with my problems, id just sit and draw and watch my little pony and just look for anything that would be a distraction. I didnt have any friends outside of the internet or school and usualy i wasnt going to school. my parents never wanted to do anything with me and i was always really lonely, id talk to anyone who would talk to me. this led to some good things but a lot of bad things. but all this neglect whether it was trauma inducing or not just led me to not seeing doctors, getting a proper education or learning how to be social . Whcih leads to today!!!!! hahahahahhahahhaha :(

to start I have no friends outside of the internet period anymore. everyone irl left me 2 years ago on a total whim, and i have no reason to believe it was anyone elses but my own fault. I love and appreciate tje friends i still have online, but being suddenly dropped by my old friends left me with really severe abandonment issues with the people im closest with rn :( i need to constantly be with people especially a specific person who my emotions seem to rely on,, i know im the only one who can control how i feel but ggod. it feels like evry emotion they have i have to match it or i will not be good, if im visibly sad when theyre happy i will be left alone agakn and i know that isnt true i know they wouldnt leave me but the fear still exists and i dont know how to get rid of it. i always read too far in nto their tone and worry whether they are mad at me or sad or any other thing, i fear im annoying for constantly asking for reasurance :( and every time they go i fear when they come back they will realise im bad and they will leave me and it feels almost inevitable. i know logically i know i shouldn't but god i have nightmares abt it,, theres so many better people out there. my friends deserve so much better than that.

ive also been diagnosed with ADHD recently ! man as if i didnt have enough problems. its just been really awful to deal with. with a combination of trauma(?) driving me to want to indulge in my childhood fixations and nostalgic things and , like idk if its age regression but just ,, trying to imagine a happier childhood alot. mixed with getting hyperfixated on anything but my school work,, mixed with not having a classroom environment , its lead me to fail 2 semesters of school so far . I feel like I have no future anymore because of that. i feel so lazy and i know im just making excuses for that but despite everything tjat happened i just wanna be a kid again! I want to be raised normally I want to get help for my problems early i wanna not have to worry about anything :( i want to be normal.

[electronsprotonscroutons]

aaaaaaaa why tf isn’t there anything in the DSM about people who know how to use technology, but due to something????? cannot use it efficiently?? like i cant do school because everything is online. i need to write on paper and share the paper with others. i cant be scanning and printing everything constantly i dont have the money for that!!!!!!!!!!!! i cant have my assignments in 1billion different places!! they need to be paper and in a folder like when we were kids! FFFFUCKKK GGOD I HATE TECHNOLOGY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[exaketededly]

@that-meiko-girl​ tagged me and i’m really excited c: thanks btw

THE RULES

- always post the rules

- answer the questions given to you by the person who tagged you

- write 11 questions of your own

- tag 11 people

1. How did you get into Voltron?

Thanks to fan arts here on Tumblr but it specially caught my attention after watching @rbillustrations​ youtube video 

2. What is your favorite pairing and how did you come to like them?

Shiro x Keith is my life <3 I used to ship Klance but after I saw @lordzuuko​ Sheith fan arts I started to love them and then I started to read some analisys on sheith’s interaction and I loved them even more, then Klance fans really got in my nerves and specially after season 2 I decided Sheith was my OTP 4 life bc I love nice and supportive BF more than love/hate relationships ¬.¬ 

3. What is your favorite food??

IDK pizza maybe? enmoladas -w-/ <3 tacos 

4. When you want to be alone in your own space, what do you do to just unwind?

watch some youtube videos 

5. Favorite show, aside from Voltron~?

South Park

6. If you could style any of the paladins’ hair, or Coran’s or Kaltenecker’s, which would you choose and what would you give them?

Shiro with long hair ;w; imagine the possibilities *w*/ or keith with pony tails -w-

7. The food goo machine is broken! What do you and Hunk fix instead?

IDK planet pizza delivery service is a thing?

8. If you have a favorite pairing, how would you have imagined their first meeting, and first kiss to go down?

Maybe Keith is in troubles one day at the academy so Shiro decides to help him out and Keith is like “omg he’s so cool” so the hole time they are in silence but at the end Keith thanks him all flustered and blushing, Shiro just thinks that’s really cute and decides to tell him his name and he’ll see him around...maybe? (I’m not ggod at this stuff) so yeah Keith pining for his school senpai.

9. Who would you take with you to the space mall? Why?

Allura bc I want to buy her sparkly things -w-

10. Which character would you want to share you skills or talent with or teach something? (from any show or game)

I want to spend time with my baby Nico di Angelo and show him some cool goth bands..I’ll make him goth, I mean he’s already pretty goth but I just want to share some time with my precious son.

11. White haired Keith or dark haired Keith?

Dark bc I’m a sucker for dark haired boys *w* black hair is my  everything :3 

Ok now my questions I guess...

1. If you could change voltron into an AU what would it be? 

2. Your favorite imaginary crossover?

3. List your top 5 OTP’s 

4. Your voltron NOTP (if you have one) 

5. your favorite book series ever

6. Do you like Kpop?

7. Dance or sing?

8. Are you afraid of death?

9. Is English your first language? If not what is your first language?

10. Drarry, agree or disagree?

11. Is there a word that you find funny or curious?

I tag…whomever wants to do this and:

@suck-too-hard-on-your-lollypop @dying-for-jegulus @rosalyfart @iamatrashfan @raikovart @that-meiko-girl @kitenokk @spiralofsam @s4900847 @keith-and-shiro-were-dating 

[deadgrantaires]

tagged by @givemethebits ! havent done one of these in a while why not !

Rules: Tag 20 people

Nickname: rory, rors, sometimes ppl call me roro for fucks, for one night at walmart my roommates both called me rootbeer rc cola

Zodiac: pisces

Height: around 5′5″ i think

Last thing I googled: this is awful but ‘mys.tic messenger first day’ bc i hate myself and am trying to get through these routes again

Favourite music artist: god. lots ig imogen heap, maria mena, mother mother, uuh im rly getitng into mal blum

Song stuck in my head: this english cover of the bnh.a s2 op

Last movie I saw: ANASTASIA which i watch. last night? i think

What am I wearing right now: my cute floral pj pants and a tank top bc it is a million degrees in az

Why did I choose my url: kin reasons and also im dea and deadgrantaire was taken so i had to make do

Do I have any other blogs: a personal blog that ive shared, a personal blog that is completely off grid, art blog @ror-art, and aesthetic blog @roresthetic

What did your last relationship teach you: to have boundaries and also not to talk myself into a relationship

Religious or spiritual: ye

Favourite colour: anything thats pastel tbh

Average hours of sleep: lately like 10-12 but on a normal schedule 7-9 usually

Lucky number: 4

Favourite characters: uuuuh op robin, usopp, oikawa, hanai, ichihara, ggod idk too many tbh

How many blankets do I sleep with: sheets and comforter at home and at school ill add up to 2 blankets when i get cold

Dream job: oh boy. dont rly know tbh

soft tag for @jaysionis @mithosyggdrasill @batmanissue455oct1990 @frutbat@dragonfireandice and anyone else if yr interested (V)

[mcpoots]

Homestly i dont mneo why im appling to vandy or any respectable school for that matter im not smart im not talented or athletic or charismatic im just a fucking substitue or understudy who gets to play someone elses role every now and then i hate that i care so many ch about people and keep prioritizing people instead kf myself but i keep doing it and i just want to feel like someones first choice for once I wanna date someone and feel loved and have a shoulder to cry on and someone to model for me and take on dates but mostly i hoenstly just want someone to car and i dont want to feel like a burden wheneve i talk about smyself People only like me when im making jokes or doing artsy shit or whatevver why do i even try to be a person or talk about myself because ad soon as i do people realize what a petty fuck of a person i am and the friednshup just. Stops there because im not the fucking manic pixie of the group anyonore im just the waste or oxygen that occasionally says something funnny

I just wish i didnt love poeple so much bc people do not love me nearly as dearly i know how fuckig dimb and cliche that is but peoplr couldnt give two fucks about how im feeling aside from it being an inconvenience to them like ggod why fo i even exist ir talk to people i can feel everyon realizing how awful i am and im scared

I know tbats this is pribably pms talkint but it still hurslts and i just need to shout into the void of tumblr so ill feel less bad im so sorry