#both feel so different
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Ugggggghhh dysphoria is the worst
I was supposed to shower last night but the thought of having to perceive my body felt so INCREDIBLY NAUSEATING.
So I ended up procrastinating and was up past 3 am
I ended up grabbing a thing of baby wipes and used them to clean myself off and it was better but it still felt viscerally uncomfortable and disgusting
I'm glad I have A body (even if it doesnt always fit right), but sometimes I'd rather swim in a pit of Lava than pay attention to it
#i am stuck with both gender AND species dysphoria#both feel so different#but at the same time they are so close#i am a genderqueer eldritch shapeshifter trapped in a female human body and it is so painful#and i keep having really disturbing & terrifying & horrifyingly detailed intrusive thoughts about just ripping parts off my body#and im scared and it hurts so much#i just want to be free from these feelings#why cant i be a genderqueer nonhuman that doesnt have dysphoria#why am i like this#i hate this so much and i just wanna take a break from existing sometimes because of how excruciating this is#i dont wanna die but living hurts so much#i hate this i hate this i hate this i hate this I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE THIS#please send me some thoughts/prayers/good vibes/well wishes#i desperately need them#vent#nonhuman vent#physical nonhuman#shapeshifter#eldritch shapeshifter#species dysphoria#gender dysphoria#dysphoria#alterhuman#nonhuman#alterhumanity#nonhumanity#vent post#nonhuman vent post#physically nonhuman#eldritchbean vents
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okay is she being actually immature or is it just a woman over 30 expressing a human experience you find to be immature.
like yeah. at certain ages... let shit go. im not defending the real immature shit. im not defending the karen you're picturing. i worked in retail i hate those people too. (once somebody got mad at me because she didn't like how our winter window decor was a snowman smoking a pipe. i wish i was joking).
but men at 57 will write books about how 17 year old girls are soooo sexy. they will invent worlds where women have to be naked for "armor reasons." they will write songs that treat women as objects. people rush to defend them. meanwhile a woman at 35 will be like "heartbreak is hard, actually" or "i feel betrayed by a friend" or "i am struggling with something emotionally." immediately people will say stuff like this woman is 35 by the way. by the way this woman is SO OLD to be experiencing this. BY THE WAY.
im 31, almost 32. the other day a poet was blasted online because at her "big age", she had written a poem about feeling unloved. top comment was "this woman is 29 by the way." this woman is too old to still be useful, by the way. she has to behave better . maybe if she was a good wife and mother she could stop existing loudly, and the story could continue on without her. this woman has served her purpose, by the way. she's so cringe, by the way. at 29 - so old! - she still hasn't figured out that her existence should be one of shame.
#what the fuck.#unfortunately by the time i'd switched accounts (from personal to my poetry one)#i couldn't find it :(#this is why u SEND URSELF THE POST. WHICH I KNOW TO DO BUT!!!#i was so mad i just was like “i'm about to tear this commenter in twain” and . lost da post#if u urself are the 29 and got recently flamed by instagram#i love u. come here. write with me. i was about to pick up a sword for u.#i mean a BIGASS sword.#like we all know im a wlw girlie but the way ppl will be like ''id NEVER write sad poetry about a MAN not LOVING me!!!"#..... wowwwww ur so cool. anyway. people often experience emotions regardless of what u consider cringe.#& if ur gonna shame straight/bi women for feeling a certain way. hope u never write about the#weird relationship between u and ur father. or feeling different from ur brother.#or how ur male best friend fucked u over. since it's SO CRINGE. to have ANY feelings caused by a MAN#like be so for real. beloved. nobody is fucking saying this when men do it.#''oh it's cringe to like a woman or feel heartbroken by her.''#controlling women's feelings and actions???? it's more likely than u think.#btw op is nonbinary do NOT be gender essential on this post i'll kill u with my teeth#edit: btw for the person who dm'd me ''when is it misogyny and when is it actually valid''#pretty easy. if a man had done it#would it be cringe? . like if a man sang a sad song about ''she broke my damn heart''?#if he said ''i want to have kids with her'' or something sexually explicit?? like would u even LIKE IT if a male poet had said it?#& if it's like. nah a 35 yr old man being upset about this is cringe too. yeah it's just cringe. that exists. we both know it does.#but .... often i see this ONLY about women. and i can't help but hear like. how back in middle school#we were fed the lie ''girls mature faster.'' ... why do i have to be emotionally regulated? but if a man wrote about the same things?#..... idk . im pretty anti cringe culture to begin with. but this one feels so bad to me . ur still a person past 33.
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✦ Come hell or high water ✦
#own art#own characters#CanisAlbus#art#artists on tumblr#Vasco#Machete#anthro#scenthound#sighthound#dogs#canine#animals#Vasco's worries and insecurities creep out at night when his sunny and optimistic shield is at it's thinnest#when did their situation become so dire? what could have they done differently?#how powerless he feels when facing Machete's ailing health and the snare that keeps tightening around his neck at work#every time he visits him there's less of him left#how much would he be prepared to risk to keep them both safe if it came to that#and would they succeed if they somehow tried to make a break for it and leave everything behind
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I'm re-reading the Discworld series for reasons, and honestly the most relatable part of reading these as an adult is how many of the protagonists start out being tired, used to their little routine and vaguely disgruntled by the interruption of the Plot. Sam Vimes wants to lie drunk in a gutter and absolutely doesn't want to be arresting dragons. Rincewind is yanked into every situation he's ever encountered, though he'd much rather be lying in a gutter too. (Minus the alcohol. Plus regretting everything he's ever done said witnessed or even heard about fourth-hand in his whole life.) Granny Weatherwax is deeply suspicious of foreign parts and that includes the next town over; Nanny has leaned into the armor of "nothing ever happens to jolly grannies who terrorize their daughters-in-law and make Saucy Jokes"
Only the young people don't seem to have picked up on this---and that's fortunate, because someone has to run around making things happen, if only so Vimes and Granny and Rincewind have a reason to get up (complaining bitterly the whole time) and put it all to rights. Without Carrot, Margrat, Eric, etc. these characters don't have that reason; they're likely to stay in the metaphorical gutter and keep wondering where it all went wrong or why anything has to change.
............well, that's not quite true. You get the sense that Vetinari knows how much certain people hate the Plot. And as the person sitting behind the metaphorical lighting board of Ankh-Morpork, he takes no small pleasure in forcing the Plot-haters specifically to stand up, and say some lines.
#I finished guards guards just yesterday and I forgot that vimes and wonse were set up to be mirror images#both boys from the shades of very different natures; who made good (ish) in wildly different ways#also it's interesting reading this books from an adult perspective; my mind isn't blown that these books exist#anymore; plus I've read so many good books since#and they're not perfectly constructed novels! especially these early books;#there are plenty of spots where I can feel the narrative get thin; where there's more handwaving than I remember#but each book IS better and tighter; the jokes are funnier and the irony sharpens; the footnotes are better utilized#the characters are getting more interesting and complicated as opposed to set-ups for jokes.#it's an illustration of someone getting better at their chosen field and that in itself is more impressive than I was anticipating.#discworld
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sometimes while i think about that while a lot of adults did not treat me very well as a kid i also get a lot of 'in hindsight this person was so good to me and i didnt even realize it until now' as an adult. today i was thinking about how the first anime convention i ever went to was when i was 10 and i asked the man working the manga cafe what manga was/what a good place to start was (because the con was very overstimulating for me and i had gotten lost) and he asked how old i was before recommending yotsuba and asking if i wanted any water or something to eat. its really simple but theres a lot of bad things that couldve happened or he could've been careless in his recommendation, but instead yotsuba has remained one of my favorite manga for years, and probably a large portion of why i continue to read manga as an adult... i think adults who try to involve kids in the world safely/kindly even in little ways make so much more of a difference than they ever really know.
#and i know that sounds silly like YES. it was just a bookr ecommendation#but i feel like a lot of people either dont really care about whats a good starting point for younger kids in their shared fan spaces#or dont really take the care to recognize different peoples ages would effect what they would both enjoy or#be capable of engaging with#not to mention theres a lot of manga that would NOT have been appropriate for a 10 year old to read#so the fact that he askedd and even asked what sort of thing i liked at the time#was very sweet. i think about him a lot and i hope hes doing well#txt#scratchpost
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Part 1 <- Part 2 -> Part 3
Masterpost
#DC#DCU#DC Comics#Dick Grayson#Damian Wayne#Tim Drake#Wally West#Donna Troy#Roy Harper#Bruce Wayne#Nightwing#Batman#Robin#Red Robin#Flash#Arsenal#Birdflash#If you feel so inclined. It doesn't really make a difference#Garth is here he's just not on twitter because he's smart#He was looking over Wally's shoulder for this whole exchange and was the one who typed up Wally's last tweet#I just realized that both of Dick's handles are too long... but fuck it I'm keeping them anyway#Also Lian chose Roy's twitter name and she likes to say her dad's name so that's why it's there three times
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Still thinking about Gortash’s coronation and how smoothly he cuts a Durge off from their companions (and wishing we had a follow up with that)
The first words out of his mouth are that he cares about them- anybody else who remembers Durge has only distain for them, but not him- he’s happy to see them, he missed them, they’re his favorite assassin and he’s only glad to see them alive
And then he takes it a step further by providing insight into their past, something Ketheric refused to do for them- and Gortash isn’t dumb. He knows exactly how Durge’s companions will react, knows that he’s effectively outing Durge when he so easily could have pulled them to the side instead
And when their companions snap at them and refuse to look at them, Gortash is still smiling. Suddenly, he’s the nicest person in the room. Suddenly, everything is unstable and dangerous- but he likes you. He’s sitting there with open arms while the companions are rightfully so mad with Durge, but Gortash is more than happy to resume their alliance
He’s more than happy to be their sole source of comfort again, and isn’t he just so sweet for that?
#anyways really wish we did have a follow up- it feels like he so very effectively gets between Durge and their companions#and all of the companions are rightfully mad at them#and then you just keep on trucking along and eventually it feels like that conversation didn’t happen#which is too bad- I think it could be a lot of fun to put more pressure on Durge and co#and I think it’s a fun insight into Gortash’s character#he’s remarkably honest during that whole conversation and it’s all incredibly manipulative#plus I like to think he knows how finicky durge can be- and how quickly they feel backed up against a wall when their friends snap at them#and there he is. conveniently offering a different option#conveniently offering for them to fall back into step#which is nifty! mostly because it’s both caring (as much as someone like Gortash knows how to) and super manipulative#durgetash#Durge#enver gortash#bg3#bg3 spoilers
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coming out as a "Will snores obnoxiously loud" and "Nico breaths so quietly you can barely tell hes alive" truther
#LISTEN OKAY. WILL WORKS CRAZY HOURS. EXHAUSTS HIMSELF PHYSICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY#hes going to snore. really loud. as soon as he hits the pillow.#its not uncommon for even people who dont snore! that i know anyways.#happened to family members of mine who dont usually snore#also additionally nico sleeps like a corpse so it works out for both of them#i think personally nico is usually like 3/4's awake but once his body actually lets him rest? out. gone.#sleep deprived x also sleep deprived for different reasons#also on a different note (slightly) i feel like will just grabs nico sometime in the middle of the night like hes his teddy bear#nico is lets himself get dragged into wills arms because he too. is completely and utterly asleep#solangelo#nico di angelo#will solace#the sun and the star#rrverse#percy jackon and the olympians#percy jackson and the olympians#pjo
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your teeth and your tongue, bright red from tiger's blood
#monkey d luffy#portgas d ace#sabo#asl brothers#one piece#tiger's blood (literal) as their shared blood from growing up surviving the jungle together#but also tiger's blood (the flavor) as a symbol of those shared childhood days and the summertime spirit#and maybe it wasn't easier or better but it was different and you can't get it back and you'll carry it with you always#the lyric is from waxahatchee's tigers blood#which i feel like is about how you hold onto the bonds that you've lost#and they bring you both joy and grief#but you treasure them either way#please give it a listen its so good#anyways i have a lot of feelings abt this piece haha#nagas art
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pov fallin in love w ur homie cuz he's so pretty all of a sudden?!?!
#some photo studies from a few weeks ago that i forgot to post (technically geto's is the only one thats a photo study LOL)#i had the urge to draw gojo too so i freehanded it and it looks so different LMAO.. i still like it though#finally consistently feeling proud in the art i make of these two though?!?! unheard of#i think suguru turned out so lovely here.. his expression is so cute n gentle... i imagine he's holding the sparkler out for satoru to grab#their fingers brushing together when he goes to take it lawl.....#meanwhile satoru is stunned that this guy can look so pretty without even trying (like#anyway thats enough rambling i just really love these two pieces i think i drew them both so prettyyyy... my lovely boys#geto suguru#gojo satoru#satosugu#sugusato#stsg#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#doodooart
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In the world of heavy metals, love is denser than hate!
#Poorly drawn SVSSS#SVSSS#luo bingge#luo binghe#ask#Is that right? Two different character tags? I think that is right.#I'm calling myself out with screenshotting the asks with the dates because my full ask box has become a problem I'm determined to solve.#I promise you that if I did not respond to your ask it was because I 1) *really* wanted to hold on to it to make a doodle reply#or 2) really was so touched by the message and got overwhelmed#So expect many year + old asks suddenly gaining a reappearance! I'm going to get to them ALL.#Back to Luo Binghe (both versions). You see...the substance he is made with has a chemical reaction to affection.#Like how a pokemon has multiple paths to evolution depending on it's friendship points or exposure to random stones#so to does he evolve into various forms. I feel like Bingge (Ht) would be a noble gas. Unable to form bonds#I could also see him as a Halogen-type of element! Highly reactive and only truly found in manufactured environments.#And Binghe (Lv) would be an alkaline earth metal (+2). Sturdy. Forms bond better but not freely giving them away.#this is the second time I've related characters to elements - and I am far less familar with Scum Villian so please feel free to chime in.#I could be way off base here and I am very down for someone to talk chemistry and character themes.#Thank you all for the love you have given my silly little LBH. It means a lot to me B*)#Don't...don't look too hard at the lack of mark on his forehead here. I gave up. It's just...hidden behind his bangs.
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Okay can I be a bitter Anders fan for like. Just 2 minutes here lmao
Cause bioware released some game stats for veilguard and apparently 72% of players redeemed Solas which is like. Okay yeah the game kinda pushes you towards that. But when I think of all the shit I used to have to put up with just for enjoying Anders like at all and…
(This is not me being anti-Solas, I do not care if you love or hate him, but I am gonna say what he’s done is like. Objectively worse than literally every other companion so lmao. And that’s fine! You can still enjoy him! I’m not saying you can’t and it’s important to me that people understand that! I’m just saying he did in fact do objectively morally worse things in game than Anders did and I don’t think that’s really debatable. And I can’t really make my point here without saying that but I do want to make it clear this is not some moral condemnation of Solas enjoyers cause it’s not)
Getting anon hate on the regular, being told “oh you’re allowed to like Anders as long as you regularly talk about how much he sucks”, people gleefully describing how much fun they have killing him ON your posts about the fact that you like him, the devs making jokes about shitty fates for him when fans asked innocent questions about him, the absolute audacity of his writer to say half the shit she did in interviews (about bisexuality and mental illness, most critically), and then being beaten over the head again in inquisition about how Anders is the worst character to ever exist and there’s no redemption for terrorists who lie to you one time in the entire game and he deserves death or worse and that’s it
And now… 72% of people are down to redeem the guy who lies to you for 2 games straight and who did a lot of questionable things that includes creating the fucking blight and. Like. I guess I’m glad that Solas fans can live in a world where they aren’t constantly harassed and can give their ship like. A pretty damn good ending all things considered. And that the devs love Solas and actually give the option for that happy ending and have characters go to bat for Solas throughout the game and the most annoying thing they have to see are people making scrambled egg memes. I would not wish anyone to have to deal with the shit Anders fans had to put up with back then cause it sucked. It really sucked. And I’m glad it’s not being repeated with a different character, if nothing else
But like. Man there really is a difference when the writers actually like the character who does the thing, huh
#shut up nerd#anders#I’m sorry it’s just. really hard to not be bitter tbh#like the shit we as fans went through#just for liking a damn character#tbf I do actually think if the game came out today perceptions would be different#I think people would be more comfortable with revolutionary action now than they were then#but even still#it’s not even about that you know#it’s about people (both fans and at times the actual devs) being mean when they really didn’t need to be#and the DA trenches are probably why literally no harassment phases me anymore lmao but#that’s not a good thing slskd it’s just a useful consequence I guess#so yeah idk#am I jealous that Solas fans get to have a better experience?#yeah I can’t deny I feel a bit of that#but I’m also just. idk tired and sad for what that time was. and also glad that it seems to be over#but also a little bitter that I had to go through it when it didn’t need to happen at all#idk just feeling a lot here in this chili’s tonight lmao#(why do I say that I don’t think my country even has chili’s)#ANYWAY#dragon age#veilguard spoilers
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#tadc#the amazing digital circus#tadc jax#jax#tadc ragatha#ragatha#bunnydoll#I need to pathetically explain myself here and say this was just one of those go to bed thoughts I've had for a while.#It was an idea for the sake of daydreaming and I never intended to ever draw it but then it happened and I got carried away.#I'd honestly call this a bit of a un-headcanon lmao#None of us know at this point so any one of them could be close or not close to losing it.#Saying that I feel Jax seems like one of the more stable of the group and out of the both of them Ragatha is closer to abstraction if at al#But it's interesting to think if he actually isn't to some degree and there's more behind that grin I can't lie#And I wouldn't portray abstraction like this either I'd go about it differently. again just one of those fleeting throw-away thoughts#It ends ambiguously but you can decide what you want. I know how it ends.#I just got really into portraying the mood or cinematics without any dialogue.
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“Shauna tries so hard to be a good person but sucks at it” vs “Natalie tries so hard to be an awful person but sucks at it.”
Shauna is fully capable and willing to kill and lie and cheat while maintaining this perfect apple pie illusion of a wholesome life and her family stays by her but even they’re starting to see the cracks in the veneer.
Natalie believes she destroys everything she touches, is constantly on a downward spiral of self-destruction, and hates herself for everything she did and yet she can’t even kill a goldfish on purpose and despite being openly antagonistic to everyone in the wellness center, they all seem to really like her.
FASCINATING dichotomy here.
#I feel like there’s so much Lottie vs Nat or Misty vs Nat foil comparisons#but dude she and Shauna are just representing two violent differences in the coping with trauma spectrum#Shauna bottles everything up#Natalie bottles NOTHING up#Shauna causes more destruction on ACCIDENT than Natalie causes on uproar#it’s so interesting!!#and I feel for them both#yellowjackets#yellowjackets spoilers#shauna shipman#natalie scatorccio
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kiss (ID in alt text)
#vashwood#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun#trigun stampede#trigun maximum#this is also from a while ago... *kicks rocks* i keep on forgeting to upload stuff. also as u can see... my numerous kisses from before#but stampede vs maximum in my brain basically#ultimately they are both screwed in every versions but at different paces(?)#stampede im so screwed (trying to be normal)#maximum im so screwed (already resigned that they cant be normal about it)#doomed for tragedy but kiss kiss while they can#i very much enjoy drawing stampede vs max schtuff bc i have a hard time verbalizing What exactly their differences are#but i guess w stampede - to me - they feel more impulsive while simultaneously capable of being in deep denial#and with max its the opposite - hesitant and slow but the acceptance is already there........ my brain is mush so im not going to#elaborate more than that but i think this is also why i find stamp vw x max vw interactions fun to think about#ruporas art
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During a case many years ago, a witch made a poppet (roughly equivalent to the popular conception of a “voodoo doll”) of Edwin. They defeated the witch soundly and got the poppet, but there’s no safe way to destroy it. The only place Edwin and Charles trust as safe enough to keep it is inside Charles’s backpack, where no one but Charles could possibly get to it.
Charles largely forgets about it, buried deep deep down in the bag, until Edwin is held captive, less than a year after their jaunt to Hell, and there’s absolutely no way to get to him until the portal opens again at the next full moon, and he’s going crazy with worry, imagining Edwin in all sorts of misery without Charles not even able to so much as comfort him. He’s digging mindlessly through the bag when he gets to the poppet, and, he realizes, there is this one thing he can do.
He pulls it out with a care he wouldn’t give to a Faberge egg, because this is the most precious thing in the world, in any world, and looks at it for a moment. Then he reaches out ever so gently and strokes its hair. He murmurs reassurances to it - it’s alright, I’m sorry, I love you. He sings lullabies, curls around it and hugs it against him so, so carefully, tilts his head down and presses kisses to its soft curl-covered head.
He doesn’t let the poppet go for even a moment on all the days until the full moon returns, even as he’s preparing for battle, preparing to absolutely fucking obliterate the bastards that are holding Edwin.
Just as the portal opens, he finally places the poppet back in his bag, in the safest, warmest corner. He hefts the arsenal in his arms and strapped to his back and floating around him and charges through.
He tears through the stronghold in minutes, and he does literally mean through - he’s left a trail of smoking rubble behind him where ghost-proof walls used to be - and finally, finally gets to Edwin, and -
“Ah, Charles, there you are. Not to worry, I’m quite alright. There has been some sort of force - “
Charles doesn’t even hear him as he wraps himself around Edwin, and his body follows the same motions it has for weeks now, stroking hair, pressing kisses, murmuring muffled you’re alright I love you you’re alright I’m sorry I love you I’m sorrys into Edwin’s hair, which is even softer in reality than on the poppet, and Edwin says -
“Ah. That was you.”
Charles can’t see or hear anything other than Edwin, at the moment, but he can’t not see Edwin, so he has a very clear view as Edwin reaches his arms out and, with a few words, takes control of all the magical weapons and orbs and so forth that have been trailing after Charles.
And he hears when Edwin says “Well, then, Charles, shall we depart?”
And he feels it when Edwin lifts him as effortlessly as he lifted the poppet, holding him so he can keep his nose buried against Edwin’s neck as Edwin blasts his way out.
And he definitely feels it when, a few very loud minutes later, they’re back in their office, and Edwin’s head turns to meet one of his kisses.
“It’s alright, Charles. I’m sorry I left you alone. I love you.”
#dead boy detectives#payneland#mine#this was originally intended to go in a very different direction#my first thought was Charles and Edwin having each other’s poppers because who else would they trust like that#then I was thinking Charles has Edwin’s and for some reason Edwin lies about it working#the first time Charles tries to comfort him at a distance with it#so Charles goes ‘well if he can’t feel it anyway no need to hold back’#and every time he feels love for Edwin he lavishes it on the poppet#but the emotional dynamics that would be required for both of them to#keep quiet in this scenario#were too complicated for a tumblr post#so. here’s this
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