#maybe i should just watch carrie
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how did my professor recommend me The Color of Outer Space
and I found the whole ass wrong book
its about a farm??? I was reading space travel what did I do
#makes more sense why prof was like yah know i hate the author but damn its a good spook#oh hp lovecraft#ill piss on your grave but also#i can like#relate to being terrified of the world but he handled it in the worst god damn way possible#the evil is not only in what you dont understand its in you to!! much better sorce of stories#my goal in life is to honestly do his shit better#which is setting myself up for failure#but like#cosmic horror is in us#its the fact we can do terrible things but other people Do Terrible tihngs and trying to understand Why is a worse abyss than any darkness#because no matter Why they are doing something Now#understanding can Possibly help the future pervent things#or just cause another horror#this is not well thought thoughts but a man annoyed his hands hurt and he cant draw#aaaa#also if you read this far#any movie recs?? i want spook but not home intrusion unless its like- cartoony?? does that make sense?? or like Really Dramatic not possibl#not like Hush#is that the name?? she can't talk... or she can't hear??fuck i watched it awhile ago#i liked it alot but i also am jumpy enough so dont need help with That rn#i havent seen most#maybe i should just watch carrie
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˚˖𓍢ִ໋🦢˚ 𝓻𝔂𝓾𝓱𝓪𝓲𝓽𝓱𝓪𝓶
there was an ache in my heart when i awoke in a strange, beautiful world that wasn’t my own. even as months turned to years, i still missed the familiar skies, the voice of loved ones and the home i had left behind. i wrote letters that went nowhere and whispered silent prayers that reached no one. it was like i was plucked from my own reality and placed in a world where i didn’t quite belong.
yet, as much as i longed for home, i was determined to learn in this new life. sumeru became my sanctuary and the akademiya, my solace. i learned their languages, customs, and secrets while sharing stories of the stars, landmarks, and beauty of my own world. the scholars listened, fascinated by the similarities and differences, but none more than al-haitham—a student assigned to guide me through this foreign land. he was a quiet presence. thoughtful and curious. he did not pity me.
and over time, he went from guide to peer to something more. over time, i wasn’t just seeking knowledge but also him. but what was the point? what was the point of falling for him if one day, i could just disappear—vanish back to my world, leaving him and teyvat behind? this could slip away at any moment. this might be as fleeting as a dream.
despite all reason, i still found myself loving him deeply. in a world that wasn’t my own, he had become my home.
𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐬: very slow burn, mutual pining, friends to lovers
𝐀𝐁𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐔𝐒: 22.10.22 | playlist | genshinverse ryu
𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐌𝐒: modern au | season of love
#is this an intro… or a drabble…#i got carried away#did i really just isekai myself into the genshinverse?#yes#don’t laugh at me please !!!!#be kind please !!!#i loved the academic rivals to lovers thing i had going on but that backstory belongs to my oc nahla (who i had for haitham before#i decided to self ship with him)#for my s/i i found myself daydreaming about this scenario and it’s probably a bit too ambitious for genshinverse but hey#the power of fiction lets me do whatever i want!#and our dynamics still stays the same ^^ i just changed my lore. i rlly tried to keep this intro as short as possible#but i think there is something so deeply romantic about falling for someone despite there being so many barriers and crossroads#if i wasnt clear enough we meet as students! i can picture him watching me curiously from behind his book when i first enrol at the akademi#he could be pragmatic at first but over time he brings me things that remind me of my home. perhaps books that could comfort me or#asking questions to allow me to talk about it#not knowing whether or not i'll suddenly go *blip* makes every moment so precious#nothing better than finding your beacon of light in an unfamiliar place#*he* fell first *i* fell harder me thinks#because i was never going to open myself to love but did it anyway#anyway who’s even reading this far i should have like a certain emoji for people to comment if they’ve reach this point#maybe 🌎#selfships#selfship moodboard#my selfships#genshin self insert#self insert
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i need them to put eddie in a coma so he can have his own little coma dream realization
#like can you imagine#maybe he didnt reenlist#maybe hes got that perfect little romantic life he keeps thinking he had with shannon#maybe they stayed in el paso#or the three of them moved to la together when shannons mom got sick#and maybe eddie isnt a firefighter maybe he went into contracting or landscaping because he likes to work with his hands#or maybe he went into nursing because he likes helping people#but hes living a perfect little life with a son and wife and their white picket fence but he cant shake the feeling that something is wrong#he pulls aside for a firetruck on his way to work and something about it makes him feel funny like he misses something#and so he asks shannon when he gets home#hey did i ever apply to the fire academy#and she says no why would you have done that?? as she places a warmed frozen lasagna down on the diner table#he watches chris pick at his plate and swears that chris loved lasagna#and maybe hes out on his lunch break at the park and he hears a woman cry and run to find a man collapsed on the ground and shes panicking#so he tells her to call 911 and he starts compressions#the fire department shows up and hen and chim take his place and he fills them in before stepping back#youre good under pressure buck says from beside him#and eddie just kinda looks at him for a second because#he feels right#this feels right#being right here beside this man with a crooked grin on his face feels right#but eddie just shrugs and says well i was in the army kinda came with the territory#and then bobbys voice crackles through the radio buck i told you to stop flirting on calls get in the truck now#and buck returns an ay ay captain and winks at eddie before hopping in the firetruck#he watches engine 118 drive away and thinks he should be right next to buck in that truck#okay i got carried away but i need it#like there are so many possibilities for eddie coma dream and like#tim listen to me i need you to do think i need eddie to be put into a coma so he can realize that his life now is everything hes needed
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uuuuuhhh no reason just wanna see the robot get preggers because nobody is really taking advantage of the narrative consequences of the robots of ULTRAKILL having fleshy bits inside them (in my humble opinion hahahaha...hahaha....hah....). Anywhosen also a sucker for general Bad End especially when it involves a psycho-sexual (breeding) binding to a greater entity but also I wanna see the murder-robot get knocked up. And the galaxy brain bit of this is instead of calming down they just get Worse.
YEAH NO ONE REALLY TAKES ADVANTAGE OF THAT. and well i mostly assumed a very small percentage of people actually want to breed the robots like that which is why.
also i don't think this as a bad end, but a bad path that can lead to some other.. inch resting things (my stupid ass is trying to craft a plot with horror and drama from this path and how it'd change the story slightly despite knowing I will never get around to writing it in fic form except tiny excerpt ideas and art)
also i have so much to say abt the 'it doesn't calm down it just gets worse' bc its So true
#kicking my legs. it sooo genuinely gets worse i think it believes its actually in “love” with hell. and maybe it is.#gets worse and loses itself more and more. abandon any last trace of identity that had never been regarded anyway by anyone#its easy to let something guide you and instruct you in nearly everything if it feels too painfully good? and why spend more power thinking#altho for the. plot i was conducting in my head it was msotly involving gabriel and the primes bc of an idea my friend gave me which was#that if this occurred before v1 reached the prime sanctums it could have been guided or instructed to go to the sanctums but at the time#it does its currently carrying a child and because of that both the primes and v1 itself are spared because. i dont know if i think#the kings would fight a pregnant person . i at least think sisyphus Wouldnt because wheres the fun in an opponent who appears to already#be disadvantaged. (even if it can fare just fine.)#if any friendships were able to be made (cough . i like sisyphus qnd v1 platonic and romantic) itd be kind of. sad from an outside perspect#ve to watch it deteriorate into being less of its own entity and becoming slowly just another extension of hell. even in fighting it shows.#i wish i could explain it all better#and sorry if this ask is late to be answered i was writing my rwsponse at a con LMAOOO#.txt#ask#i want to write i have no timeee no energyyy but hear me out there is potential for crazy wackjob shit#ive decided also not to kill gabriel i think i should do somethign fucked up with him and his inexperience in relationshios#i forgot who suggested he should get so desperate that he begs for hell to take him as well. (which i cant decide if it would or wouldnt bc#its kind of really funny and mean if it#says no)
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LUFFY!!!!!!!!! I HAVE BEEN CONVERTED!!!! LUFFY BELIEVER FULL TIME!!!!! LET US WORSHIP THE SUN!!!!
#luffy deflating like a balloon..... be serious 😭😭#MOMO NOT BEING ABLE TO HEAR LUFFY!!! oh kaido going for the others now..... law could hear his voice too???#NAMI BEING THE FIRST TO STEP UP!!! CHILLS!!! THIS TIME STEPPING UP TO WITNESS THE HORRORS!!! YEAH!!!#yamato really does carry the spirit of oden straight up.... motivating his son and everything...#i feel like i am going insane... I CAN HEAR THE DRUMS!!! nami telling luffy to not die and fulfill his promise WHO ELSE HAD A PROMISE????#is this why his fruit awakened.... because nami reminded him of the promise... omg..... THE DRUMS!!! CHILLS!!!! THE SMILE!!!!! IM SO HYPE!!#talking tag#watching one piece#episode 1070#i am smiling so hard rn. contagious#also the cp0 that died for this ajdja.... suffering from success....#THE BOUNCING SOUNDS!!!! THE DRUMS!!!! THE SMILE!!! SANJI JUST VOLTING AWAKE??? see the clouds over his shoulders remain.... as i was saying#you know this has me realising maybe shanks isn't all that bad and stole the fruit from the gov so they couldnt get hold of it#hiyori saying how oden kept hia promise but also how he wanted to keep the promise of opening wano for joyboy#THE KANJURO THING!!! HIYORI WATCH OUT!!! oh its gonna burn orichi by accident YEAAHHH!!!!!!! FUCK YEAHH!!!!#the animation is so fun.. luffy just junping around and shit while hia destruction power is MASSIVE#this is so!!!! kaido complaining about being bored and having fun thru fighting AND HERE COMES LUFFY WITH HIS LOONEY TOONS GOOFY FIGHT!!!!#they knocked this shit out of the park!!! also END CREDITS????!#episode 1071#momo saying kaido got fat 😭 actually kaido got pregnant <3 yamato you're going to be a big brother congrats!!!#the eyes 😭😭 damn luffy flew away and exploded... 😞😞 skipping rope with kaido omg.... everyone should go outside and see this...#we are welcoming here in the luffy believers... barto is gonna enlist hundreds of new members#law is luffy believer number 1 damn the speech he is giving kid... omg kaido bonked him ajshaksjak that was so good he needed witnesses..#nami worried abojt luffy being dead and when he appears she is just like WTF IS THAT!!!!!! HUH???!!#wait a second ooohhhh kaido is goong down too fuck yes akdjaksj momo and yamato peeking over the island jahdksk#THE DRUMS BEING HIS HEART I CANNOT GET OVER IT!!! Kaido shoukd be puking up his insides by now but alas this is so fun BOIOIOIOIOING#FIRST TIME SOMEONE ASKS LUFFY WHO HE IS AND HE DOESN'T SAY MONKEY D LUFFY FUTURE KING OF THE PIRATES. HE SAYS ITS HIM. STRAIGHT UP!!!!#NVM HE SAID IT!!!!! GOD IS THAT YOU????!!!!#episode 1072
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entertaining myself by inflicting bastard children on my faves
#its fun#warthrop and will henry go to the gulf coast for some reason#COINCIDENTALLY to the same shitty little seaside town that alyne's mom moved to when she left boston#shes like dropping hints that she fucked pellinore at least one time and he does not notice#until little alyne bursts in carrying a bucket full of sea water and some weird thing she found in the bycatch#marches right past all of them to dump it into a fish tank and starts poking it with a swizzle stick#(i cant decide if this is like a sea star or an urchin or some sort of cephalopod. or maybe a lionfish)#pellinore's like Who The Fuck Is That and alyne's mom goes My daughter! I had her after a rather interesting night with you in Boston#you should introduce yourself :3#oh who's the father? you're the father you forgetful tease. altho i suppose you were drunk enough not to remember our tumble#and pellinore is like THIS CLOSE to blowing up on this woman for lying but now alyne's noticed and is staring silently#with her dark owlish eyes#just WATCHING. analyzing.#and he goes What?????? no. no it cant be. are you certain????????????? No I refuse to believe it come along will henry#alyne's mom is like NO YOU PRICK COME BACK HERE and alyne just goes They'll be back. dead certain#but more importantly look at this fucked up fish i found mom i dont think its native. the fishermen said they're poisonous#does that mean their skin is poisonous or is it just the spikes???#the fishermen said they're more common in the caribbean than in the gulf but now they're in the gulf more#so they're spreading!! isnt that cool???#and alyne's mom cracks open a beer because that encounter was fucked up.
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Guys. Since the birthday gate has now been confirmed by the Duffers, should we think of the flowers that Mike gave to El as a present in the airport scene when he reunited her in season 4??? What if those flowers weren’t something that Mike supposedly gave to El as a reunion gift? But it was something that Mike intended to give Will as a birthday gift at first, then completely forget about the idea later so he decided to give it to El instead (for the flowers were mostly yellow - the Will’s color)???? Don’t you guys feel strange about that???? Why gave El yellow flowers when she obviously had no history of liking this color before???
#byler#birthdaygate#I know that you like yellow so I handpicked those for you#excuse me mike who said she liked yellow#maybe there is something in his head reminded him that the one he truly loves like the color yellow#and because Vecna’s influence on Will’s birthday memory#he can’t remember exactly who is the one that he should give the present to#that’s why he unconsciously gave it to el#because in Mike’s thoughts El is officially his gf#and he should do that because boyfriends are supposed to write letters and give presents to girlfriends#even though none of the things that he did for El has carried any significant meaning#with those thoughts in mind he switched from Will to El and decide to give the wrong person those flowers#idk guys but I just had those weird thoughts after watching the Duffers messing around with us about this gate theory
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i should have gutted us both when i had the chance.
#personal#why did my therapist look at me and basically go ''it feels like a bottomless pit right? what you've got in you?''#he really didn't have to go and say that but being seen meant something#it means something to speak all these terrible truths out loud#therapy is like public self flagellation except the same people who watched you carry you home at the end#i don't remember if i told my therapist about The Pit already or if this is just like. a common thing.#hey anyone out there tonight feeling the bottomless pit creep upwards to consume them tonight !!!! Make Some Noise !!! woooooo#it feels all so absurd. having needs and trying to get them met. feeling as though instead you should consume the other.#maybe that would satiate the hunger?#i think my wires got crossed at some point. or maybe i was just born like that.
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theoretically i could pick him up.
#in reality i have no arm strength and hes got that former football player build. i could maybe actually lift him in his toothpick 1970s era#but that aside i think he should just be picked up and carried around a little bit#you know in that one 80s concert where he's just lifted up at the end of it? yeah. yeah#carrying that old man bridal style ok im done.#watching moments from 21x21 how is your afternoon going
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i wonder if there's any significance to the fact that the only daedric princes that made any sort of impact on me were Hermaeus Mora and Sheogorath
#also somewhat Clavicus Vile but thats just bc i thought the quest with him as a dog was funny#i think its fitting though that nowadays one topic that makes me incredibly mentally ill is the library of babel#considering that's basically what Apocrypha and in turn Hermaeus Mora is#and then. i mean. Sheo? daedric prince of madness? i mean that one's just obvious I've always been fucking nuts#but also some symbols of sheogorath still pop up a disproportionate amount in my life lmao#thunderstorms and butterflies. and cheese#i should buy a pair of calipers#oh also our skyrim introject Aerina is the champion of Malacath and only fights with Volendrung so i guess a small impact there too#we've been watching so many skyrim lore videos lately bc we uncovered a skyrim subsystem that's kind of been dormant for 5 years#and we've been watching videos to try and uncover who all is in there and what we remember#so far we've found Sheo; Aerina; Ri'kaan; M'aiq; Serana; Gelebor; and Lymera (also maybe a tiny part of herma-mora with her)#Aerina is a vampire dragonborn who's married to Serana and then Ri'kaan is a khajiit archer#and Lymera is a champion of herma-mora who carries a Black Book around with her and is also Nine Years Old and terrified of everything!
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reminding myself we kept egan alive & happy with idiopathic megae (disgusting and evil disease) for almost 2 years. sacrificing literal time with family and friends. sacrificing holidays. sacrificing time together. so much money. and we did it happily, for him, and never in a million years would i have let him go if i didn’t know in my gut it was right. i would have sacrificed again and again for him. i don’t care
i need to stop listening to people who are like “i spent $1738283 on my dogs care and never gave up and now they’re okay again!” cause that’s 1) so privileged and 2) not the norm. if a vet recommends euth, and they’re a good vet, it’s usually because they’re right. it’s time. anything outside of that is an outlier
#text#made a mistake and watched julien’s video on peach#now i’m like. i should have tried.#even though i KNOW. i know. his chances were so fucking low#egan’s good days to bad days ratio was abysmal at the end and no vet. even the specialist.#thought that was going to change. no matter what we did#we COULD have tried. of course. but we had BEEN trying#we couldn’t keep him pneumonia free long enough to figure anything the fuck out!#what was i supposed to do. let him keep getting pneumonia just so i could maybe figure out a way to keep his body going#he was getting tumors in his mouth again. back legs were getting weaker. he would have#needed surgery (SO dangerous in megae dogs) and more diagnostics then what. MORE meds?#i need to be nicer to myself. i did a NICE THING FOR MY DOG#THE MOST LOVING THING I COULD HAVE DONE#i took his pain so he wouldn’t have to carry it anymore.
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I dont know why youve leapt to assuming this post was about the workplace? the original post mentioned friends, family, and going out for drinks, and it feels a bit like a bad faith read to assume this meant for you to try to talk about weird niche TV show interests to your boss, when it seems far more likely to be a post about not letting cringe culture rule your entire life, in a time when its so common for ppl to let themselves become beholden to tiktok microtrends, and being terrified that theyll lose all their friends if anyone finds out they enjoy steven universe.
It’s crazy and fucked up that being yourself is actually the solution.
#reblog#this feels like it was a personal post by the OP who has realized that stifling every interest and thing that they like to constantly#manage how they are percieved and avoid doing anything cringey or weird is uh fucking exhausting and terrible for your mental health#that has spread quite far past containment#and is now being entirely misread as reveal every weird little thing about yourself At Work.#maybe i simply dont know any better tho cos ive so far worked in warehouse grunt jobs with a bunch of other weird unhinged little freaks#im fairly certain that entire second shift had adhd or something similar enough lmao#i have weird colored hair i even went in a couple times with it styled into sort of a bihawk. i wore a shirt covered in furbies. i carry#a purse shaped like a trilobite. so far the most challenging thing for my coworkers seemed to be the fact that i continue to diligently#wear an n95 cos i dont want to get sick. i wasnt telling my coworkers about my depraved oc lore...but id talk about the newest season of#stranger things with them since i watched it. i talked about cats and fish. i talked about atla. i told a couple of them that i wanted to#learn how to walk on stilts. it was fine. yes youre going to have to do some amount of managing how your percieved. but if you let that#take priority over every aspect of your life youll go insane#and there are people who have let their fear of being judged take over every single aspect of their life#and they do genuinely need to hear that its okay to wear a cringey band Tshirt or whatever#also: i hope porfessionalism standards continue to get more lax. death to professionalism. i just got a job offer wearing a tacky print#short sleeve button down covered in sharks with a vampire squid necklace and jeans with a faded blue fauxhawk. this needs to be possible in#more workplaces and its stupid that it isnt. even if you are not expressing your true self at work for your own safety. you should at least#recognize that these standards are absurd and arbitrary. and if a coworker is brave enough to reveal a tiny bit of their authenticity to u#i think it would be kind to give them the space for that. even if its not your weird.#that said. in these warehouses there were also people who were unhinged in the bad way. the 'blasting alex jones at work' way.#and i was fairly cold to these people. i did my best to be purely professional with them and not express interest in getting to know them.#and i didnt love that the guy who thought stop signs = communism (derogatory from him) was also driving a forklift around#but to his credit he did at least obey the stop signs. so.#this job thats accepted me with the tacky fish shirt and blue hair doesnt pay super well and seems like its going to be a bit chaotic. but#we'll see. and if it doesnt work there i can always go back to that first warehouse job unfortunately. cos im pretty sure they wouldve let#me get away with so so so much
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Not to dunk on queer joy or whatever but there's definitely this kind of artist or blogger or creative or whatever who comes out and then makes being queer their new brand and they just stop doing anything but talking about being queer. That just becomes their selling point, being queer, not whatever they do. Like hey you used to make stuff. Remember that. The reason people followed your blog or YouTube or whatever.
#I didn't follow some rando who has no knowledge of queerness as a concept apart from having that identity 5 min ago#to watch them position themselves as an expert and yap about it.#Like cool your brand now is a Queer Creator I guess. I don't care though.#If I want to follow someone who talks about that as a topic that's what I do but now that's just. How you market yourself.#You don't have anything interesting to say on account of you coming out a month ago and not studying it or being an activist or anything.#Do you still draw or whatever or am I just gonna have to block you.#Queerness doesn't get to carry you either you have some area of expertise or you are just some normal person#talking about being queer instead of whatever your creative following used to be about#Or I guess now that's just inherently how you market what you make and I just...can you fucking not.#God everyone wants to be contrapoints so fucking bad.#Yeah id love it if I could just pretend to be an expert on queerness because I came out as gay and just not evolve beyond that and...#Hold on...maybe I should just do that. Seems lucrative for sure. Especially if you're conventionally attractive.#God why even bother getting a job I could just be a Hot Gay BreadTuber tradmark.#☠️
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watched an episode of the chosen (online tv series about Jesus) and it was good! but watching it I was wondering whether they'd not heard of hemming clothes in 1st century Judea
#I'm just being annoying#it was nice! a sort of local church is doing watching the chosen and talking about it afterwards on sunday evenings#one of the ladies pointed out that it was nice that it really humanises Jesus and the disciples and shows them having fun and being normal#people etc#i didn't speak to her in gaelic but she said she had gaelic as a first language but she grew up on the mainland so as a toddler she quickly#realised that no one around her spoke gaelic so she came to just speak English.but her parents are from harris#and at the time they didn't really see the importance of gaelic and bilingualism etc#i know i should maybe try to speak to her in gaelic but maybe it would just be uncomfortable for the both of us bc I'm not charming and#sympathetic enough to carry it off haha#also I'm very bad at faces so i probably won't recognise her haha
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Might I inquire as to what, precisely, a Mustain't is? (Aside from a string of letters I hesitate to Google in that order.)
In October 2014 I went on a road-trip to the Dryest Place In America.
I was having a rough year, very depressed from having dropped out of college for the third time. I decided a road trip was in order to re-set my brain and get a little distance. Being that it was October, and therefore all the campgrounds in the American Southwest were filled with people who have the good sense to camp in reasonable temperatures, I elected to take my parent's minivan so I could car-camp anywhere suitably isolated, and looked up some of the southwest's geographic extremes- the highest place I could drive to (Pikes Peak), the lowest place (Badwater Basin), and for fun, the Dryest Place in the continental US, which turned out to be the Pinacate Volcanic field just west of Organ Pipe Cactus National Monument. It gets rain maybe twice a century and has no standing water, despite being less than 100 miles from the gulf of California.
It's a startlingly beautiful and alien place. The ground is a deep chocolate brown to black volcanic sand, and in mid October, the rabbit brush is turning bright yellow as it shifts to autumn, the organ pipe cacti are a dark green and stand, partially concealed in the brush at exactly human height. The air is alive with birds and insects and bats at night. The stargazing is like looking into the eyes of God.
You get there by driving down a little dirt road called "El Camino Del Diablo", or "The Devil's Road".
I drove out about three hours from Glendale, AZ to get there, arriving at sunset, and felt a profound sense of peace. I stargazed, listening to the bats hunt and sing, and slept peacefully for the first time in months.
I stayed out there for three days, sketching and painting the landscape, taking strolls through this almost alien landscape, and enjoying the light and sound and total absence of human intrusion besides myself.
On the fourth night, it was a new moon, and I awoke in the middle of the night. Something was amiss, and it took me a while to realize it was because I could NOT hear the bats. I was sleeping inside the van with the rear windows rolled halfway down rather than trying to set up the tent, so I when I sat up, I looked out of the van's reflective windows to discover what at first appeared to be A Horse.
It was something between pale gray and bright white in the starlight, standing maybe a dozen feet from the van, sniffing curiously. It made sense- I was in the middle of mustang country and there was quite a bit of foliage in the area for it and it did look like a truly wild horse- lumpy where the bones were jutting out, dusty about the hooves and face.
I was instantly seized by the sort of paralytic fear Sleep paralysis is made of. I couldn't move. It wasn't quite looking at me because it couldn't quite see through the windshield into the shadowy into the shadowy interior, but I had the distinct impression that if I looked away, it would know, and get me.
I already had problems with horses. My beloved Aunt Helen's Prize mare tried to kill me on two separate occasions, and the year before I had to carry my sister-in-law backwards out of a slot canyon whilst reciting the Saint Crispin's Day Speech as loudly as possible to keep a mustang from trampling us to death.
This is approximately what it should have looked like:
Instead, it was... off. like trying to draw a horse from memory.
The waist tapered in.
The legs were slightly too long or the torso slightly too short, probably both.
The ears were Triangular.
The head wasn't quite right- Too narrow and the jaw wasn't heavy enough.
The tail was too long and arced unnaturally away from the body.
The neck arched.
The nostrils were too high and close
The mouth too long.
Whatever this is, a Mustang it Ain't.
I watched it from the back seat as it sniffed around the front of the van, curious with about the side mirrors. It moved around the van, nibbling experimentally on the front door handle. It came up to the side windows, sniffing like a dog, and it's breath didn't fog up the glass.
Finally, it came up to the rear window, which was rolled halfway down to let the fall night air in. Not even half a pane of glass and two feet of air between us, and I could clearly see it's bright blue eyes.
Horses have Elongated pupils to give them a wide field of vision, and eyes that rotate sideways in their sockets so the pupil remains parallel to the ground. Rather creepy to watch, especially the ones with blue eyes.
A real horse that was curious about the interior of the van would have come up to the window more or less sideways, and looked at me with something like this:
Instead, the damn thing walked up and faced the back window head on, staring back at me with this:
I'm not sure how long we watched each other like that, eyes locked. My eyes burned. I couldn't blink. My mouth was dry. I couldn't swallow. My throat began to ache. I couldn't make a sound. My skin began to twitch, like I was severely dehydrated. I couldn't move. My lungs burned. I couldn't move. I couldn't move. I couldn't move. I couldn't move.
Something was touching the side of my hand on the seat next to me. It's my water bottle.
The realization must have broken the terrible paralysis in the lower parts of my brain first, because by the time I consciously realized I could move again, I was already flinging my water bottle out the window at it.
The top was open, and splashed out the window at the Mustain't.
I've never heard such a scream out of an animal. Something halfway between the sound of unquenchable rage vibrating in someone's chest and the way rabbits cry out to God when the dogs catch them.
It jumped back, pivoting away from the van, snarling at the water bottle. I don't think you're supposed to be able to see All of a horse's teeth at once, no matter how angry it is.
I watched it run into the night for some distance, it's pale body visible against the black sand and the dark gray shadow of the ancient volcanic cone it was headed for.
When the blood stopped pounding in my ears, I could hear the bats again.
I debated leaving right then, but I didn't want to get out of the van with that thing in the area, nor litter by leaving the water bottle out there. I also had the awful idea that if I left now, it might somehow be able to follow me home. I ended up staying up three hours to watch the sunrise, shaking and trying to figure out if I'd woken up from a vivid dream, if my meds had stopped working, or if that had really happened. I didn't dare move until I actually felt the temperature rise, before stepping out of the van to grab the bottle. I had my camera ready- I was still using a DSLR back then- to take pictures of the hoofprints, to show how close it had gotten to the van.
No hoofprints.
Beetle tracks in the soft sand around the van, and the clear foot-and-wing prints of a bird that had hopped around then taken off. But no hoofprints.
I went over the entire campsite with the tent broom, to make sure I removed every scrap of evidence I had ever been there, including my footprints, grabbed my water bottle, and drove the three hours back back to Glendale, then decided to do seven more hours of driving to Moab, Utah just to put more than 500 miles, the state line and at least nine things that could be considered "running water" between me and the Mustain't.
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I still have that water bottle. It has a dent in the bottom from hitting something, but that could have happened at any time. Strange thing though. I can't drink that bottle dry. I'll have it on me, drink whatever I've put in there- water, juice, iced coffee- and eventually feel like I've drunk the whole think and that it's empty. But I open it up and it's still at least a quarter full. I drink that. I get thirsty. I open it up again. ...and there's always a mouthful left.
Not sure what the side effects of drinking from a bottle cursed by a Mustain't to always have some left are, but it lives in the Emergency Breakdown Kit in my car now, just in case I meet another one.
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(I'm a disabled artist and make my living telling stories, please consider supporting me on Ko-Fi or Pre-order the Family Lore book on Patreon)
#Family Lore#scary stories to tell in the dark#or out camping#Horses#sort of#The Mustain't#long post#trypophobia#I know these are usually funny but this one is spooky
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iwtv is rly getting to me 😭 I feel sooo bad for claudia no one tell me anything bc idk the book lore + I dont want spoilers but istg she's gonna kill herself in that theatre fire...
#saved from the fire to become a vampire only to die in another one innit.... its so beautifully cyclical#and they keep hinting at it.... augh my heart#the lestat stuff is sooo sad too.. but also i like this new side to louis i like that hes kind of becoming lestat in his absence#so juicy..#armand is so fucking insecure but also i cant hate a bitch with rsd. been there girlie#and YESSSS finally molloy backstory next week... yahoo#its rly nice to have a show to watch weekly. i need to find smth to carry on doing that with when this series ends#anyway... still very sad but it doesnt have such an edge ive been much calmer today#even if i do keep randomly having to put my head in my hands and sniffle a bit. but its not vicious its just kind of echoing#like itll keep spiralling back but itll be a bit lighter every time. so long as nothing else triggers me 👍 touch fucking wood#man it takes it out of me tho im so exhausted#i hope my roommates okay i havent seen her this evening. which is maybe for the best bc i probably wouldve started crying around her#but i did want to small talk a little at least and let her know im really not mad at her and im sorry for the way ive been lately#and we could go from there. even if its not really my fault either. just difficult being a person innit. sigh#but i hope shes ok i miss her#ah i should get ready for bed.. ill probably read a little bc its too early to go to sleep yet#okayyyy bye#.diaries
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