#so he tells her to call 911 and he starts compressions

[tommygotwrittenoff]

i need them to put eddie in a coma so he can have his own little coma dream realization

[mvltisstuff]

how to disappear - e.b

summary: after a series of tragic losses, y/n’s bright mood begins to disappear. so buck and the 118 try to bring it back

evan buckley x reader

this lowkey broke my heart a bit 🥲 i am def not the biggest fan of this, it was just rushed but i hope you still enjoy, leave any requests you’d like i’m in a big 911 writing era :)

10 minutes of cpr on the way to the hospital, rapid beeping on the machine, blood on the ground. hen places a soft hand on y/n’s arm, and pulls it away from the patients body. “y/n,” she says, making pitying eye contact with her. “time of death, 14:36.”

y/n sits back with a brush to her hairline with the heel of her palm and a sigh. she looks down at her hands and uniform, covered in a man’s blood. a son, a friend, and she feels like she just took that from him.

it’s been person after person, it feels. like she’s failing at her job and is failing all these people. she wants to scream. a few days before, she had lost a girl, new to adulthood, who had driven her car off the side of the road due to a drunk driver. her best friend, watching from the side and being held back by bobby and athena, was wailing in agony from watching the life escape her soul sister.

that wasn’t the last time, it’s been a few. everyone tries to reassure her that she did everything she could, and she knows she did. but was it enough? y/n’s been quiet, not wanting to hurt anything else around her. she felt like everything was glass in her hands and she couldn’t help but drop it. her eyes were dry and red from the sleepless nights and tearful showers, and her arms were tired from the endless compressions and the feeling of being completely burnt out.

buck had recognized this feeling, they all had, but it hurt to see her beating herself up so much over it. y/n already felt ridiculous, as this is partially what she signed up for, and he didn’t want her to feel ashamed. the 118 has been assigned to a ton of casualties and bad accidents recently, but it seems like they’ve been piling up and she feels like it is a result of her work.

everyone knows y/n is great. she’s smart and careful in her work, always checking over herself and being gentle with everyone, young and old.

another quiet night at home, y/n picks around her food not being able to find her appetite. the screams of the friend from earlier rang in her ear and the flatline of machines were stinging her brain. the pounding headaches were washed away with another tylenol, as buck tries to start another conversation.

“so, um,” he starts, quietly. “eddie invited us over to dinner tomorrow, do you wanna go?”

he tells a white lie because buck sort of invited himself to dinner. he wants to help y/n, and make her feel better and know that there are people still alive from her rescues. “maybe, i’m not sure.” she says, not having the energy to go tomorrow as she wants to just come home and fight with her sleep again. buck nods, deciding not the fight it. his heart breaks seeing her in this condition, and it pains him even more to know she’s helped him in this situation. he’s had his own losses, and he so desperately tries to climb out of the pit it puts him on. y/n was always the hand, the ladder that he called to climb out. he wanted more than anything to be hers.

they don’t teach you in training how to deal with this. they warn you, surely, but you always try to sugarcoat it in your mind. however, the agonizing sobs and screams will wake you up at night. you remember the names, the family, the details, the autopsy, the medicine that was inserted. every small detail haunts you, until you learn to handle the pain. it never gets easier to lose someone on the job, but the embraces and relief from saving someone is an incredible feeling.

“i’m just going to head to bed,” y/n says, her voice cracking as it’s barely above a whisper. she walks over to buck, placing her plate in the dishwasher. “i’ll meet you upstairs, i’m going to shower first.”

buck nods and gives her a sweet smile that conceals a bit of pity. watching her smiles fade from feeling like she’s not good enough makes his heart skip a beat in the worst way.

a few days later, y/n stayed a little longer at work than buck did. maddie had asked him to watch jee-yun, and when y/n walked in, she saw buck playing with her in their living area. he has a bright smile on his face in response to the little words and babbles from jee. “hey, baby. wanna come join us in here?”

she had completely forgotten that they agreed to babysit. she sighed and mumbled at buck for a minute. “i, um, forgot we’re watching her.”

“it’s ok, we just got done pulling uncle bucks hair out,” he says, scooping jee up and blowing light kisses into her baby cheeks. “who’s that, jee? y/n’s home!”

y/n forces out a small grin, making the side of her mouth raise a bit. “sorry, guys. i was gonna call it an early night, it’s been a really long day.” she replies, because she has no more energy left to give. she feels like shit, leaving her boyfriend and his niece alone, who she adores completely. she doesn’t want to bother their time together.

“oh,” buck says, surprised. y/n never denies extra time with jee-yun, always begging maddie and chimney to bring her over for a bit. “i get it, honey. go lay down.” he says, the smile on his face growing again in attempts to make her feel more comfortable.

“thanks, buck.” y/n walks over to the two, leaving a kiss on bucks lips and one on jee’s forehead. when she walks away, stepping back up the stairs like her muscles are worn out, jee mumbles out the few letters of her name.

“i know, jee-yun,” buck says, comforting her. “she’ll be back soon, i hope.”

days pass and y/n’s brightness that comes into the room when she walks in still isn’t back. buck has tried to give her space, but also giving her the love she needs to feel better. sitting around the table, the team talks for a little.

“kid, something on your mind?” bobby asks, taking a bite of his breakfast while looking at a zoned-out buck.

“s-sorry, cap,” he stumbles over his words. “it’s y/n. i just feel so bad, i wish i could magically fix everything but…”

“it’s hard, she’s been really taking it on these calls.”

“i’m just worried, i don’t know how much more stress she can handle.”

“she’s tough,” eddie adds. “i think she just needs time.” buck nods, still feeling indifferent on the situation.

the alarm sounds later in the night, and they climb into the truck for the last call of the shift. they’re all tired, ready to go home, but also ready to face whatever battle the world has for them tonight. y/n rides in the back, glaring out the window. she listens intently to the instructions in her headphones, and they climb out of the truck.

they see yet another tragic incident on the side of the road, a massive delivery truck had been completely turned upside down with two people inside of it. they team had all sprint up the the flipped vehicle, getting on the ground to see the damage to their bodies. “hi, sir,” y/n says first. “can you tell me your name?”

“r-richard.”

“ok, richard, can you tell me if you feel this?” y/n applies pressure to his legs. he shakes his head, and begins to panic at the numbness in his lower half.

“it’s ok, stay still,” y/n reassures him. “we’re gonna help you. can you tell us your friends name?”

“his n-name- is tyler.” he answers. “am i going to die in here?”

“we are all here to help you, richard, you are in some of the best hands out there,” y/n stands up and faces hen and chimney. “we have numbness in his legs, passengers name is tyler.”

“got it,” chim says, jogging over to see his friends condition.

on the side, after excusing themselves, the team meets up. “driver is not looking good, cap. i think the damage was already done when we got on scene.” hen says.

“can we get the other person out safely?” bobby asks, hesitantly. they all nod, knowing what is going to have to happen. “he’s pinned under that seat, he doesn’t have enough time.”

“what? no, we have to get both of them out!” y/n interjects.

“we can’t, y/n. we have to keep richard comfortable while they work to get tyler out.”

“but-“

“there’s nothing we can do, y/n/n,” buck says, stepping in. “there’s nothing that can save him.”

y/n keeps her cool, just barely letting the pot boil over the edge. she walks back over to richard without any directions, but knows that she is the one to keep him comfortable. “this is it, huh?” he coughs a bit, blood pooling at the corner of his lips.

“you have a family, richard?” y/n asks, hoping to keep his mind off the pain that has already been minimized with morphine. no morphine in the world can save his family from the pain they’ll endure.

he nods, slowly. “i have three girls and two boy, and my beautiful wife.”

“wow, a full house, isn’t it?” y/n laughs.

“we have, two dogs too.”

“can i hear their names?”

“the girls are, layla, and she’s the oldest.” he starts, ready to take the time to explain his precious kids. tears are already forming in y/n’s eyes, and she’s relieved he is able to talk over her. “she’s so smart, she was valedictorian, jesus, i was so loud at graduation. and then there’s jake, he’s so amazing, he’s the sweetest kid. and then there’s makenna and sarah, they’re two little,” he pauses to take a few deeps breaths. “firecrackers. and then the youngest is nathan, and he is a r-replica of his mom.”

“what’s their mom like?” the drilling and buzzing from the other side is faint, the two’s thoughts being drowned out by the stories of his family.

“oh, she’s amazing,” he smiles, with red-stained teeth. “the- the most beautiful woman. you think i could call her?” her shaky hand reaches over to his phone that had fallen out of the truck and onto the top. she puts the phone up to his ear, holding it, as some more jargon about the rescued man comes through.

“h-hey honey!” he says, like it’s almost muscle memory. “i, uh, it’s ok, i just wanted to call and see how everything is.” he smiles at the chaos on the other side. “can you, uh, put me on speaker phone?”

the tears are falling down y/n’s face freely, as the sirens of the other ambulances are turned on to drive away with other paramedics. her breaths are shaky, and the team gathers behind them. glass cuts the skin on her knees, but she is not fazed by the feeling. the husband, son, father, says his final goodbyes to his family, and the final breath from his lips is stolen in a matter of seconds. one of the police officers leans down and takes the phone, speaking to the widow and her young family.

y/n places a few fingers on the side of his neck, feeling for a non-existent pulse. her voice cracks, and a few broken cries come out of her sad mind. “i’m so sorry, richard. i’m so, so sorry.” she repeats, over and over again before her boyfriend has to remove her from the nightmare. she yanks her gloves off and wipes the mix of blood from her hands, sweat, and tears off her face.

buck has never seen her breakdown like this, and it was honestly one of his biggest fears. he knew it was going to happen, he just hoped he would make her feel better before it did. “i really tried, buck, i did, i couldn’t keep him up…”

“i know, it’s not your fault. none of this has ever been your fault.”

as y/n’s pained thoughts surround her mind on the way back to the station, she climbs out of the truck and slowly walks back into the locker room. she ignores everyone around her. she tries to ignore everyone, but buck is too quick to understanding her that he is following right behind.

“let’s just go home, buck,” y/n says, her voice is raspy from the sobs and exhaustion.

“i need you to know that you are doing everything you can,” he says, stepping closer to her.

“i know, buck. i’m not doing this right now.”

“you are amazing at this y/n. it is not your fault. these people were doomed from the second they called into dispatch. if anything, you were there for them when we got there.”

“then why? why does this keep happening, buck? since you seem to have an answer for all of this why can’t you tell me that? why does it feel like it’s my fault?” she snaps, raising her voice with him near. she’s not yelling at him, more at herself.

“y/n, please,” buck whispers. “i don’t have the answer for everything. but i know for a fact that you are doing the best you can. and that is enough. and i will say it is enough for the rest of time until you believe me.”

y/n stops and stands still. she looks at him with sad eyes, her mouth opened lightly. she shrugs her shoulders and feels like every word is draining her from everything she has left. “i cant sleep without hearing them, buck.”

“oh, my god. baby,” he says, rushing over to her and pulling her in before her heartbroken knees gave out under her. his arms wrapped around her waist and sat her weak body down on the bench. he held her until she had nothing else to weep out. “let’s go home, love.”

several days later, and several shifts later, y/n had started to feel more normal. things had been looking up, but she was still dealing with the loss of her patients. it never would not bring her pain, each bruise would never heal, but she would rather not forget about them.

buck had taken her out of the house for a day, meeting up with everyone for dinner. they all had been supporting y/n in their own ways. spending time with her, listening to her, giving her advice, and just being there for her was the best they could do. they figured it would be good for her to spend time out of the firehouse and their small shared apartment.

her bubbly personality wasn’t back yet, as she still thought about the casualties consistently. they still haunted her dreams and lay in her brain. having buck there made everything easier. the way he cared for her and never judged her feelings had caused them appear more valid. having someone that understands you like that can open doors to new feelings so fast.

sitting around, they all talked for a bit as y/n still stayed quiet, her hand and bucks never unwinding. her grip on his soft hands has been still like they were stuck in cement. being able to listen to his voice and the casual meetings between everyone brought her back to reality.

“hi, sorry, excuse me?” a woman said, standing next to another one. she had a hearing aid in, and was doing sign language while making eye contact with y/n. “i had just recognized the whole team, and i remembered seeing you. i wish i could remember your name, but it must’ve gotten mixed up somewhere.” the lady signs, pointing at y/n. “you saved my life, you came right back into that building and i would not be here today. you saved me and my family. i wish i could give you all the world, but seeing your face still brings me comfort. so thank you, from the bottom of my heart.”

y/n was completely speechless. she had no idea what to say. her eyes were welling up again, but she blinked them back down and tried to force a few quiet words out. “of course, i’m so glad you remember me! that’s what i’m here for.”

her interpreter signs y/n’s words back to her, and she blows a quick kiss to y/n and walks away with a bright smile. y/n faces back around to buck, with a shocked smile on her face. it was bright, and it seemed like something that reminded her of all the good in this world that she has done.

buck knows that aside from a beautiful face, her soul had a wonderful outcome on the people around her. he wanted to give her everything and make her feeling like the most loved person on the planet. his admiration for her and complete head over heels mind brings him back to her hold every day, and he would spend the rest of his life being her hand to hold.

[schrijverr]

I Didn’t Mean to Say I Do, but I Do. I Do. 9

Chapter 9 out of 50

Secret marriage of convenience buddie slow burn AU, where Buck and Eddie have been married for years so Buck could adopt Chris and no one at the 118 knows.

In this chapter, the 118 gets closer through a car accident and a plane crash, while the little family unit Buck has with Chris and Eddie also remains. However, it’s all still on unstable ground, impermanent.

On AO3.

Ships: Buddie (slow burn)

Warnings: internalized misogyny, injury, minor character death mention, addiction mention, referenced sexual assault (vague)

~~~

Chapter 9: Almost a Family

Buck is at the station when he is called again by a number he saved as Abby 911. When she called the first time, it felt nice. Someone checking in on him, giving him some advice, some reassurance, making him feel less like a failure.

However, as he watches the phone ring now, his stomach is filled with nothing but dread.

She got his number from the file. She saw him on the news. She sought him out and called him and is now calling him again. She probably wants something from him.

Maybe if Eddie hadn’t been there, he wouldn’t have had the stupid crush – or deep love but who’s counting – and he wouldn’t have thought about what Dr. Wells did. Maybe he wouldn’t have noticed without Eddie pointing it out. Maybe he would be lonely now and flattered by someone liking him enough to seek him out. Maybe then he would have liked to be called again

But he doesn’t. None of that happened. Instead he’s here and the thought of answering that phone makes him a little nauseous. So, he hangs up the call without picking up, then blocks her number, trying not to feel rude about it. Buck isn’t ready to be back in the dating game. Or the sleeping with people game.

Instead, he tries to focus on his friendships, because he does have a lot of good friendships even if he wishes one of them would be a romance. And one day that non-romance will disappear, so he should cling to what he has, make a proper family out of the 118, so he won’t be alone when he gets left behind again.

And the others reach back. It’s not how Buck would’ve wanted it to happen, because it starts with Chimney getting a piece of rebar stuck through his head. It’s harrowing to see one of their own like that and he doesn’t even feel the usual mixture of butterflies and guilt when he crushes Eddie in a hug when he gets home, just needing his friend to be close.

Waiting for Chimney to wake up is the worst. They’re all climbing the walls and Buck is sure Hen is annoying Karen as much with her worrying as he does Eddie. He is glad to get a call so he can let the nervous energy out, even if he hates people being in danger.

When they get there and get the truck open, the relief to be doing something, anything, dissipates immediately. The truck is filled with immigrants, all in need of medical attention due to the conditions.

Buck and Hen work together to bring a kid back. As he does chest compressions all he can think is how this kid is about Chris’s age. How easily it could have been Chris there. He’s pretty sure Hen is thinking of Denny too.

He talks to their patient and his parents in Spanish, encouraging the boy to wake up, to breathe, then assuring the parents that he’s alive, that he’s okay when they finally get him back.

“I didn’t know you spoke Spanish,” Hen comments when the boy is in the ambulance.

“Lived in Texas before this, picked somethings up,” Buck tells her, because it’s close to the truth anyway. Eddie wants Chris to speak Spanish, so Buck has been trying to learn more right alongside the boy – who is more skilled at the language – Helena and Ramon didn’t care much about him learning, but Abuela and Pepa have taken to trying to teach him, refusing to speak English with him from time to time so he can learn.

“Aren’t you from Pennsylvania?” Hen frowns.

“Yeah, but I traveled. Lived in Peru too, was a bartender there,” Buck smiles.

“Okay,” Hen says after a moment, studying him. It’s as if she is still processing that he can do that and he rolls his eyes slightly.

He knows he doesn’t look it, but he can’t help but be slightly annoyed that his frat boy exterior prevents them from thinking he can’t have his intelligent moments. Sulkily, he thinks, if I took Eddie’s last name, they wouldn’t be so surprised. Before his face becomes beet red at the thought of having Eddie’s last name.

Fortunately, Hen is distracted by arresting the driver after spotting him, so she doesn’t notice his flushed look or thinks to ask more about his Spanish speaking skills.

They’re all relieved when Chimney wakes up that evening. When he seems to understand them and is capable of reacting to their input. It can still go horribly, horribly wrong, but there are positive signs. They need positive signs.

However, they find out the hard way that positive signs doesn’t mean the positivity will last. A plane crashes and Bobby almost gets himself killed to rescue a mom.

Buck gets it, he would die a hundred painful deaths if it meant Chris got out of a situation like that alive. But he also would want someone to fight for him, to fight so he wouldn’t have to abandon Chris, not leave him behind like Shannon had.

Still, he selfishly doesn’t want Bobby to die for her either. Doesn’t want someone he cares about to die, not when he can help. Doesn’t want to be abandoned himself either. So, he helps and together they do one of the most hair brained rescues that Bobby would have never signed off on, if Buck had suggested it under any other circumstance.

These big casualty events always make him want to call Eddie to check up on him and Chris, but he can’t yet. They still have work to do, this call isn’t over yet. So, he’s checking people’s vitals with wet shivering hands, ignoring the way his waterlogged uniform clings to him.

He’s not the only who’s out of it, when they’re finally relieved, the atmosphere in the engine is subdued. Bobby seems to be off in another world with how deep in thought he is and Hen is quietly calling her wife.

Buck wants to call Eddie, wants to hear him be okay and talk to Chris for a bit. But it’s late and unlike Karen, Eddie didn’t marry him out of love. He has no right calling Eddie awake and wanting him to wake up Chris, just for him. So, he just sits there and wraps the blanket that Hen shoved into his hands when she saw him shivering a little tighter around himself.

When they get back to the station, his phone rings, Eddie’s contact lighting up the screen. The others are trudging off to the locker rooms so Buck doesn’t waste a moment fumbling with his numb fingers to pick up. “Eddie? Are you okay?”

“Am I okay? What about are you okay?” Eddie replies, sounding stressed. “I saw your unit on the TV at the crash and then I didn’t hear anything from you.”

Oh, Eddie has been worrying about him. The thought makes something warm bloom in his chest, he never considered the feeling around these kind of accidents would be mutual. The worry makes him feel loved and he smiles: “I’m sorry, Eds. Didn’t wanna wake you or Chris.”

“Well, that- that’s nice, but wake me up next time, alright?” Eddie says. “And you didn’t answer my question, are you okay?”

“I’m fine. Little wet and a little cold, but fine,” Buck promises. He’s shaken up slightly and he’s exhausted to all hell, but those are details.

“Stay there, I’m picking you up.”

“No, Eddie, you don’t-”

“Buck, you’re in no condition to drive.”

“You don’t know that,” Buck pouts.

“I do know that. You’re a stubborn shit and your definition of ‘fine’ and ‘little’ are off, so you’re gonna stay there and let me pick you up,” Eddie says forcefully.

Even if the context is off, Buck’s inside flutter at Eddie telling him he’ll pick him up. However, he is used to that feeling when around Eddie.

It’s been months since he realized he’s in love with his best friend and he’s learned to live with it. It’s a pleasant background feeling that sometimes pokes through the surface, making him painfully aware of it, but most of the time it’s just there.

Right now, he mostly feels fond affection and the fuzzy feeling of being cared for. Even without the romantic aspects of his feelings, he and Eddie are closer friends than average and he cares deeply about him. So, he lets Eddie care for him in turn too, smiling as he gives. “Alright, I’ll wait.”

They hang up and Buck goes to move to the shower, wanting to get that over with so he can crawl into his bed as soon as possible when he gets home. Maybe he can even nap in the car.

He runs into Hen on his way there, who is already dressed. When she spots him in his still wet clothes, she frowns: “Are you okay, Buck?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine,” he smiles tiredly. It’s even true after his call with Eddie. “Just called for a ride, my arms feel like they’re going to fall off.”

“I hear you, I’m gonna sleep so hard when I get home,” Hen smiles back. “Want me to wait on your ride with you?”

Again affection blooms in his chest at the offer. The 118 truly is a family sometimes and Buck has been brought into the fold entirely with little moments like these showing how much they care, how much they all care.

Despite that fondness, he finds himself shaking his head: “Nah, I’m gonna shower real quick, ride should be here by then. Besides, you had a long day too. Go home to your wife, Hen.”

“Alright. Goodnight, Buck.”

“Goodnight.”

Buck doesn’t see Bobby when he goes to the shower, nor when he goes to change or leaves. He wanted to check up on him, but he supposes he’s probably gone home for the night. Buck can’t blame him for that, so he leaves the firehouse in the very capable hands of the B-shift.

Eddie’s truck is right there and he throws open the door with little grace, tossing his bag on the backseat, before collapsing in the passenger seat. It’s only when he’s sitting that the exhaustion sets in and he lets out a long groan.

“Still think you could have driven home?” Eddie asks smugly.

Buck sends him a half hearted glare. “Oh shut up.”

“I think the words you’re looking for is ‘you were right, thank you, Eddie, for picking me up instead of letting me do something stupid,’” Eddie retorts with a bad impression of him, as he drives away.

“Oi, I don’t sound like that,” Buck complains.

“You do a little.”

“No, I don’t.”

“Yes, you do.”

“No, I don’t.”

“Yes-”

“Ugh, stop it,” Buck cuts him off, before he can go on. Too tired to argue. Instead he asks: “How was Chris’s day? And yours?”

Eddie doesn’t have it in him to play offended at Buck adding his day as an afterthought. He knows from the army how on some hard days, you just want to know your kid is okay. He doesn’t begrudge Buck for that or deny him the comfort.

So, he talks about the failed pancakes then cereal for breakfast, what Chris talked about on the drive to school, then repeats what Chris told him during dinner. Beside him, Buck sinks off into sleep pretty soon. He looks exhausted and Eddie doesn’t want to wake him. If Chris wasn’t waiting at home, he would have taken a detour, but as it is now, he drives home and sits in the drive way for a few minutes.

He was really worried today. He’s not used to being on this side. To being home while someone you care about is out there and in danger. Buck has had dangerous calls, but not like this. Not where Eddie knows about it while Buck is still out there, instead of hearing about it in hindsight.

Eddie wonders if this is what it was like for Buck when he was off fighting, if he worried like this too, if he was relieved any time he answered the phone. It makes him grateful all over again for Buck’s presence. That Buck stayed.

For a second, he doesn’t know what to do with the feelings that overwhelm him. He has never had a friend like this, never had a person like this. Someone that chooses him over and over and always sticks by his side. Today, he thought something might have happened to Buck and he could have lost that. It scares him. It makes him realize just how much he has. How much he can lose.

So, he sits there and watches Buck for a moment, tracking the way his chest rises and falls, how his face is slack, ridding itself of the worry and exhaustion.

Then he shakes his head. He’s acting weird. He didn’t lose Buck and he was just worrying for nothing. There is no reason to be all- all emotional about it. He can just suck it up. It’s just the job, the same job he’s going to have soon. Getting stuck on those kinds of things won’t help.

Still, his hands are gentle when he prods Buck awake and he shoos him inside, grabbing Buck’s bag to carry in, because he doesn’t want Buck to exert himself. Buck rolls his eyes at it, but lets him, going on ahead. When Eddie joins him inside after putting his bag in the proper place and getting the dirty clothes out, he finds him at Chris’s door, peeking in through a crack.

“Just wanted to make sure he’s okay. Irrational, I know,” Buck whispers.

He sounds apologetic, he often does when doing something for himself in regards to Chris. Eddie wants to get it into his thick skull that he can do that as much as Eddie does, that there is a reason Chris calls him papi. However, every time he tries the words get stuck and it feels weird. “I get it, I check on him all the time.”

Buck is quiet, just nodding. He doesn’t seem to be fully there mentally, staring at Chris for a little longer. Eddie is about to suggest going to sleep when Buck says: “Me and Bobby saved this kid and his mom.”

“Yeah?” Eddie asks, prompting him to continue.

“We got the kid out pretty easy, but the mom was stuck. Bobby ordered everyone out, but he was going to stay behind himself to save her. I, uh- I stayed behind too. Against orders. It was stupid, but I couldn’t leave them, I had to try and save her. She had a kid to come home too, I couldn’t let her abandon him. I’d want someone to try and get me back too.”

“You made the right call.”

“Did I? Because right now, all I can think is how I nearly died and left Chris to save someone I don’t know.”

“That’s your job, Buck. It’s who you are. You save strangers despite what will happen to yourself, you always try to help. It’s what you did for me and Chris.”

He can see that Buck doesn’t really know what to do with that honesty. “Oh, uh- well… I mean, Chris wasn’t exactly a stranger. You were. I wanted to help Chris, I just kinda got stuck with you.”

“Oh fuck off,” Eddie replies, a grin on his face. It’s a joke to deflect, he knows that Buck is doing it, but he’s not going to push.

“Shush, there are children nearby.”

“Chris is asleep and you should be too. Come on, let’s get you to bed, big guy, you look dead on your feet.”

Buck does shut up at that and Eddie is confused about why he’s red, there isn’t anything too embarrassing about being tired. But he doesn’t point it out and lets his friend save face, instead following him to the bathroom so they can brush their teeth side by side, before they wish each other goodnight and retreat to their respective bedrooms.

The next day, Buck is up with the others. He is still sore, but he has the next day off, he can sleep later. He wants to spend this morning with Chris and Eddie.

He makes them breakfast and drives Chris to school with Eddie in the passenger seat, so he can drop him off at PT. He would like to stay, but he’s buying decorations and gifts for Chris’s birthday that is coming up.

He is half playing with inviting the 118. Chim is in recovery and things might settle down. He wants to open up more, maybe share this part of him and he feels a bit better about it after last night with Eddie saying he saved them.

However, that idea goes flying out the window when he comes in to work and Bobby isn’t there for his shift. Bobby is always there for his shift.

Finding Bobby the way they do is absolutely heartbreaking. He is in clear need of help, of someone to be there for him.

So they’re there for him. They check up on him after rough calls, reign him in when he snaps and sit with him in the quiet hours – though none of them will ever dare to use the word quiet.

Still, they don’t know anything about him, about why he started drinking and why he stopped. Much like Buck, Bobby has a tight grip on his personal life, but Buck now learns that might be because he doesn’t have a personal life. Just a job.

He can’t imagine what that is like, what not having people to come home to is like. He probably wouldn’t have survived some of the things he saw these past few months if he couldn’t come home and hug Eddie or watch Chris breathe.

However, it also makes him realize that no matter how close they’re all getting and how nice it is in the firehouse, he has no clue what these people are like outside of team drinks.

Of course he has faith that they’re good people and with time, they will probably become proper family. But not now. Not yet. It feels too early for something like inviting them to Chris’s birthday party. He needs to know more about who they are outside of work, before he exposes his son to them. Maybe next year.

And it feels like he makes the right call when things get frosty between Bobby and Hen. He doesn’t know exactly what went down on the call at the wedding, but something must have. Now, the team feels out of balance.

Much like them, he can’t wait for Chimney to get back. He hopes the other’s presence can pull things in balance once more. He can’t have this falling apart on him.

Despite his reservations, he has not felt more at home anywhere but with Eddie and the 118. He knows what he has with Eddie is temporary, so he needs this to be permanent. He needs the 118 to survive.

Buck doesn’t really know how to make a family survive.

He never could make his mom or dad love him, only succeeding in temporarily gaining their attention. He couldn’t get Maddie to stay with him. Couldn’t convince Shannon that him being there would make a difference. Could only convince Eddie to build this life with him because there literally wasn’t another option and he married the man with the promise of an easy divorce, even if that hasn’t happened yet.

For him, family has never been permanent, no matter how hard he tries. It all feels unsteady, so he does what he does with Eddie, pretends that he doesn’t feel the way the ground shakes and hopes that the building is strong enough not to collapse in the aftershocks.

And he is thankful for Hen, who despite her frostiness, is capable of making it work. Of making a family.

Through working with her, he has heard about her wife and her son. He loves hearing about her and Karen. He himself isn’t out at work, but hearing her always makes him happy – albeit a little wistful too – and confident that when he wants to share, it’ll be okay.

Hen made her family. He doesn’t know exactly how they got Denny, but she mentioned once he was a child of her ex. Getting to where she is now, she must have worked for that.

So, it makes sense that she’s the one that gets through to Bobby and gets Bobby to open up to them a little over family dinner that day.

He is incredibly grateful to her for that, but he doesn’t say that. He doesn’t want to mess up the good thing they have going on. Doesn’t want to mess up the work she put in. So, he just gives her a nod and a smile and carries on as if this is normal, as if he never thought anything else would happen. As if people always stay, instead of leave.

However, just because he doesn’t mention anything, doesn’t mean he isn’t desperately clinging to it all in the background.

When Hen asks for help planning Chimney’s welcome back get together, he jumps in feet first, doing anything she asks to make sure it’s all good. Up to her standard. Up to what Chimney deserves.

Sure, they’re getting closer, but Chimney is a glue, a heart and they need him back. He can deal with Hen when she gets snippy due to stress, he’s been there long enough that he back talks to Bobby, and is social and open in a way that allows him to pull Buck into the fold easily without it being awkward or forced.

Meanwhile, he’s also planning Chris’s birthday parties with Eddie, since that is coming up soon.

Both are kind of anxious about it. It’ll be the first birthday where no one has recently left or can’t attend and the first where Chris will have a kid’s party at an earlier date, before family comes. Because, yes, Helena and Ramon are flying in for Chris’s birthday.

Chris is thrilled and excited to see them again, Buck and Eddie less so. It’s the first time they’ll be there after the two of them basically fled the state to get away from them. This party has to impress them. Has to prove they’re capable of raising Chris without them.

Buck is glad Eddie isn’t starting the fire academy yet. He will soon, but he’s still getting his strength back and gamely taking Buck’s house wife jokes in stride.

For now it helps that Eddie is available to pick things up and organize things, while Buck busts out his planning skills. However, Buck is jittery and stressed. This has an added layer now. He’s in love with Eddie and he already knows his in-laws hate him, hell, they hate that they’re his in-laws to begin with.

He still remembers Shannon complaining about her horrid ex-in-laws in the Johnson farm kitchen, how he listened to her sympathetically, glad it wasn’t him. Now it is him and, unlike Shannon, he actually wants a family, a life with Eddie, and that sadly involves in-laws. He’s never going to get their approval, he knows that, but he at least wants to impress them.

It’s stupid and he knows it, but he stresses about it and to forget stressing about it, he lets himself drown in party planning.

And it works.

Chimney’s welcome back party goes well, the cake is done one time and everyone from the A and B shift is there. Athena shows up too. Everyone has a good time. He doesn’t even get weird when they talk about Valentine plans, happy that he has a shift then, so he can’t get in his head about it. Plus, they get to enjoy the party, before the alarm goes.

Chris’s party with friends from school goes well too. Both Buck and Eddie are familiar faces from pick up and they’re somewhat friendly with the parents from the other kids. It is a sweet kind of torture to be seen as an actual married couple by them, neither of them having ever felt like explaining the whole situation, since it’s complicated and personal.

The important part is that Chris enjoys himself and no one gets hurt and the house is in one piece at the end. When everyone is home, Chris is in bed, and he and Eddie are cleaning up the house, Buck relaxes a little bit.

He has survived two out of the three parties he planned. The full moon is this week, so that’ll be over by the time party three rolls around. He’s going to be fine.

~~

A/N:

The horrible balancing act of Buck being a chronic over-sharer, but needing him to keep a secret for the sake of plot lmao

[jj-maybanks-daughter]

seizure

jjs daughter has a seizure.

warnings- reader has a seizure, blood, throwing up

it was a normal day. y/n had gotten home from a long day of school.

"hey, y/n/n john b called out from the kitchen of the chateuo as she walked through the door.

"hey" she answered. "have you seen my dad?"

"he's working putside, what's up?" he asked putting down his phone.

"I dunno, I just don't feel great" she shrugged and sat next to Sarah on the couch

"what's wrong?" Sarah mouthed to y/n

"period" she mouthed back. "I gotta headache can you get my some ibuprofen? she asked walking back into the kitchen.

"yea, here" john b handed her two ibuprofen from the bottle and she got a.glass of water. she sat on one of the stools up to the counter and took her medicine.

out of nowhere, there was a thud from the kitchen

"y/n?" sarah asked from the living roo., wrapped.in john he arms. she walked in to see y/n on the ground, her body twitching and shaking as her eyes rolled to the back of her head. "john b!" she yelled as she looked down at.y/n

"what?" he asked walking in. "oh shit... go get jj" she continued to shake and John b squatted down to hold her head, noticing the blood on his fingers "shit" she was still seizing and john b still held her head even though he would get her blood all over his hands

jj and Sarah came running in, jj covered in dirt that tracked into the house. he noticed the blood and hos eyes went wide. Sarah noticed too. she ran to the bathroom and threw up at the amount of blood.

"what do I do?!!" jj yelled looking down at his daughters twitching, unconscious body.

john b remained calm for jj. "call an ambulance, shell be ok, but they need to stitch this"

"ok,ok" jj reached in his pocket for his phone "shit, its outide."

"mines on the couch, use it" he watched y/n as her shaking settled and twitching became farther apart. her eyes shut as she lied still. too still.

john b checked if she was breathing "shit" he started doing compressions her body. he knew how to do it from his days life guarding at the country club. jj walkes back in in shock on the phone, but he trusted john b. he took john bs place holding her head as he gave her mouth to mouth.

she started breathing on her own but wasn't conscious. "shes good, Shea good" John b reassured jj. "just make sure she keeps breathing"

sarah came back from the bathroom feeling super guilty but she couldn't help it.

"is she ok?" Sarah asked, wiping the tears in her eyes

jj went to grab a towel or something to try to hold more blood in.

"sarah, come here" john b motioned his finger for her to come closer.

"yeah?" she asked scared

"I need you to hold down right here, can you do that for me?" he asked, nudging his head down to wear his fingers were checking to feel her breath. "I need to keep the bleeding under contoll, but I can't do that if I can't tell she's breathing" he spoke calmly

sarah walked over and sat next to john b, placing her finger under her nose to feel the air, and her head on y/ns chest. john b catches the towel jj threw to him swiftly as jj kept on the phone with the 911 operator.

"they'll be here in ten minutes" jj told the pogues as he slammed his phone on the counter.

"hey guys! what are we- omg! what happened!?" kie yelled as her and pope walked in through the door

"we will explain later" john b spokw, pushing y/n hair out of her face

out of nowhere, she started seizing again, her body jumping up and down and thrusting side to side. "its ok, its ok" john b assured Sarah as she watched in horror

pope and kid watched, holding onto eachothter. jj was outside.waiting for the ambulance while this was going on.

"w-what can we do?" kid asked john b.

"we can't really do anything. not until we know what's going on." john b informed. for the short while his uncle was with him, he had seizurers, leaving john b to take care of him and know what to do.

she suddenly stopped jolting. john b wronged out the blood soaked towel so soak up more. "is she breathing" john b grunted

sarah put her head over her chest and listened for her breathing as the rest waited in suspense

"I-i don't kniw" she cried. john b looked at pope, directing him with his eyes to check.

"nah" pope informed as he couldn't hear anhthing.

"hold this for me" john b instructed as he took a listen for himself. "shit, this isn't good" he pinched her nose with his bloody fingers and blew air into her mouth.

sarah cried to kiara "is she gonna be ok"

"not sure, we need the parametics" john b huffed after waiting to give her more air. "uncle T didn't have them this bad" he informed, looking down to y/he body

after a few more puffs, she was breathing again. "how's she doing" jj asked, oblivious of what just happened

"I don't know dude" john b huffed, smackinf his hands on his pants. "are they almost here"

"I think so" jj sighed, looking down to see y/he discolored face

"Did she say anything other than she didn't feel good?" John b asked Sarah after a moment of silence

"she said she was on her period but nothing else" she sniffed

"sign of epilepsy" john b muttered

"having your period?" jj scoffed

"no, dumbass, seizing when your on your period" he replied

"how the fuck you know,smart ass" jj added, rolling his eyes

"bro go to the couch and pick up the newpapers on the fucking table. uncle t had epilepsy, remember?"

jj got up and walked over. "for the first time in john bs life. he ain't wromg" jj joked

"can I see it" pope asked. "hold the towel, j" he washed his hands of the blood and looked at the pamphlet. he read for a MI Ute "its likely she has epilipsy. I mean that was a tonic-clonic seizure according to this" he stated

"how do you know you weren't even bere" jj asked, burrowing his eyebrows

"she just had another" kid informed

"whats taking them so long" jj huffed,looking at the clock. "its been more than ten minute" he rolled his eyes

he had gotten a call from the hospital. "hello?" he asked

"we were gold to send an ambulance your way. unfortunately, there was a car accident that's eager that we need to take care of. if you can wait another thirty minutes, you can stay there but if not, take her to the hospital." she informed through the phone

"we donf have a car, it's in the shop" he grunted through the phone.

"then you'll have yo wait, I'm sorry, I know this is not ideal"

"shes bleeding and unconscious, I mean we can't wait thirty minutes" he complained

"make sure she keeps breathing and do anything you can to stop the bleed, pack it." she directed

jjs phone died.

"shit"

hopefully remember to finish tomorrow😊

[ravi-is-my-beloved]

My 8x02 Thoughts & Summary

Yes, we are in fact making this a weekly thing. To varying degrees of summary.

As before, this will be everything I remember/deem important. So there may be some things I forget.

911 Spoilers UNDER the cut!!

Okay, that flashback with younger Athena saying the eulogy at Emmett's funeral? That hurt, that hurt so bad. And unfortunately, hurt was the one constant thing in this episode. No funny stuff (unless we were with Bobby while he was on the set of Hotshots).

Speaking of Bobby, the man was on set and thus his phone was on silent the entire time Athena and Buck were trying to call him. Not the man's fault, but it was soo irritating (in a good way, kinda). The way he instantly stole the firetruck from set after hearing from Buck that Athena's on the plane, it was everything to me. Like yes, Bobby, go help your wife!

(He also let the Brad guy ((who wants to study him and be deep in the mindset of firefighters)) get into the firetruck as they steal it, I feel like he knew Brad was going to protest if Bobby told him to get out and Bobby was truly only thinking about going to help Athena.)

The true stars of this episode were Athena and the rest of the passengers.

They showed us a little bit of before the plane crash, seeing a group of child athletes (I can't tell what sport they played, maybe soccer or volleyball), two passengers side by side who didn't have a good introduction together, a dad and his kid who loves planes, and an elderly couple.

After the plane crashes and the pilot is thrown out of the sky via a hole that then gets close by some plane equipment (RIP to the pilot), the oxygen masks go down and one of the two passengers who didn't really like each other had a faulty oxygen mask. And so with the help of Hen (Hen, Chimney, and Eddie were on the phone, helping the passengers help the injured ones), the other passenger helped the injured passenger get fluid out of his lungs and help him breathe again. Which brings in the elderly couple, because they were the ones who had what was needed to help save the guy.

The team captain of the all-girls team was injured, her leg was broken. And helping her with her leg was Dennis Jenkins and the dad whose kid loves planes. Dennis ended up having to make a shiv out of a toothbrush because the team captain's leg was swelling up and to relieve it, they had to cut it open. Dennis couldn't do it, so the dad ended up doing it. She felt better and they splinted the leg.

Was really worried that she wouldn't make it. And I really liked her, so I hope when the plane lands, she's still doing alright.

Okay, speaking of the dad and his kid who loves planes, the kid was so instrumental in helping Athena with the plane. Because she knew how to do nothing after turning around the jet (I'm surprised she managed to do it, because I wouldn't have), so this kid got to the cockpit and helped her. There was a hole in the front of the plane and in the back of the plane and when the hole in the back of the plane grew bigger, they were descending so the kid showed her how to increase the thrust and then took the joystick to level out the plane. He leveled out the plane, this little kid.

Turns out his father and him are going to Hawai'i because his mother died and they're doing everything she liked. I'm hoping him and his father make this out alive.

And then they ended the episode with the copilot who had something impaling his leg and he was unconscious for most of the episode. Okay, so he regains conscious just as the air traffic control is trying to figure out how to help Athena land the plane and so when he's awake and talking, everyone's like "Okay, it'll be okay. They have an alive pilot." Yeah, that's when the man has a heart attack as they lift him up to help him get to the cockpit. The episode ends with Athena starting compressions.

I never stressed about the injured so much since the early seasons until this episode. It was stressing, so many injured people and they combined that with Athena and Dennis and their little storyline. It was jam-packed with worry and dare I say it was just as stressing as the tsunami arc?

I can't wait for part three of the opener, it's either going to really hurt or I'm going to watch it and feel so happy that everything (and I mean everything) went as well as it could be.

[cevansbrat0007]

Real Talk.

Warning: the following post contains mature themes and references to drug overdose, death, and Fentanyl.

For the record, what I'm about to say in regards to NARCAN has nothing to do with me standing on a soapbox. Instead, I'm asking that people do what they can to educate themselves on the importance and necessity of this life-saving drug.

And I'll start by telling you a story:

This morning, I went to check on my roommate who lives on the floor above me. She had asked me to make sure she didn't sleep through her many alarms like she always did so that she could make it to work on time. She's a server at a steakhouse chain - and a damn good one at that.

She's also my friend. A friend who, just like myself, is nearly nine months sober.

Except this morning when I knocked on her door, she didn't answer. And when I opened the door and peeked in her room she appeared to be fast asleep. But she was half naked, and the fan she had borrowed from me the night before was set to full blast. Even though it was cold outside.

Her room was like an ice box. And she was so pale. And no matter how loud I said her name, she wouldn't open her eyes and look at me.

She wouldn't wake up.

So I poked her in the shoulder. I shook her. I yelled her name. And then I realized her lips were blue. Her body was stiff. And she was cold to the touch.

The only sound she could make was that of a low, almost eerie groan. If I'm being honest, it's a sound that I'd never quite heard before. And I don't want to ever hear it again.

What I would come to realize seconds later was that my friend had overdosed on Fentanyl. Possibly a few hours earlier. Which meant she was fucking dying.

I panicked, of course. Because I'm an alcoholic. I've never touched Heroin, let alone witnessed an overdose. I know what to do if someone was suffering from, say, alcohol poisoning...but this...this was brand new territory.

Because with Fentanyl, seconds fucking matter.

I sprinted to wake up another girl. Seconds later we were back with our friend where our worst fear was absolutely confirmed.

Fentanyl Overdose.

I'd never fucking seen this. Never. But we didn't have time to fall apart because from there we dashed down the stairs. She went straight for the NARCAN and I went for my phone to call 911.

Less than a minute later, she and I were back in our friend's room to administer the NARCAN, only for us to realize that she wasn't breathing anymore.

By this point, another one of my housemates had joined us as well. And the others were soon to follow. While I was on the phone relaying instructions from the dispatcher on how to revive our friend, the others were moving her limp body to the floor.

They were doing chest compressions. Two were racing to find more NARCAN stashed in someone's glove compartment. And then another was directing EMS on where to go in the house.

It was a team effort to make sure this girl fucking lived. We could yell at her for this tomorrow. But for now, all we cared about was her living today.

I had never been through this. But as much as I hate to say this, today I was grateful that there were others in the house who had been through this before. For those who knew how to administer NARCAN.

In total, we administered something like 28 milligrams to bring her back. Which is a lot. A cop may have mumbled out something about us not waiting long enough in between doses to see if we'd given her enough before administering another. But he can go kick rocks.

Because we did the best we could all while running on straight adrenaline and doing everything we could to save someone while not falling apart in the process.

In the end, what matters is that she woke up. She was in pain. And very ill. And has since been admitted to the hospital.

Now the rest of us are left to deal with the tears and the adrenaline comedown, along with the guilt of all the signs we may or may not have missed. And that is really fucking shitty. I am so mad at my friend.

But at the same time, I love her so damn much. And I'm grateful that I will hopefully have the opportunity to share all these feelings with her one day soon.

She was fucking lucky. And so were we.

I'm grateful we found her in-time - because the paramedics made it very clear that we cut it real close. I'm grateful I live with people who found it in them to unite to save someone's life.

I'm grateful for NARCAN.

And beyond that, I'm grateful that I now know what to do with it. I never completely comprehended the weight of its importance until today. I didn't quite understand why my friend kept a stash of it in her glove compartment when she had no intentions of getting high anymore.

But today that stash saved her life. I'm begging you, if you have a loved one who suffers from this disease, please consider keeping this life-saving drug within reach.

Read up about it. Talk about it. Even if it makes you uncomfortable. Even if you can't fathom why someone would think of or want to use. Even if the idea of having to use it scares you.

I'm sure if it ever came down to it, you would rather have it and not need it than need it and not have it. Wouldn't you?

I've come to learn that many people who relapse, even after months of serious sobriety, don't plan it. It just happens. Impulsivity is a deadly part of this disease. One lapse in judgement - just one - could very well mean death.

It's really that serious.

Because with this disease, you're always guaranteed another relapse. But you're never guaranteed another recovery.

Thanks to NARCAN, my friend will have another shot.

That's all I've got for now, guys and gals. I'd be lying if I said we weren't all emotional wrecks over here. But it's all gonna be okay.

And finally, but most importantly: if you're struggling with anything, be it addiction or mental health, there is no shame in asking for help. Not now. Not ever. We're all human. We all need love.

We all deserve support to overcome our darkest of days.

Love, Britt

[kaikamahine]

hard read under the cut. tw for death.

things i wish i wouldn't have to remember

the way her eyes bulged.

her tongue, pushing out between her teeth. i tried to pry her jaws apart, to clear her airway, but they were locked tight. i couldn't. her tongue was bleeding.

her eyes bulged. they pointed in different directions. like a ghibli character, enraged.

"i'm a little dizzy," she had said, before she listed to one side. before her eyes did that awful thing.

i grabbed her face. i righted it. i pointed it at me.

"mom!" i called. "yeah?" she said. "MOM!" i called. her eyes slid back to center, on me. "what?" she said. it wasn't speaking, really. her mouth barely moved. her tongue pushed.

these were the last words she said to me.

i was right there, kneeling in front of her. her head in my hands. calling to her.

her color was bad. so so bad.

i saw her eyes go away. i saw her stop breathing.

i hauled her to the floor. you need a hard surface to start cpr. her jaws rigid, couldn't clear her airway. called 911. wailed. mom's not breathing! mom's not breathing!

chest compressions. 911 had to remind me how to place my hands.

my brother told me, later, when i told him i was never going to forget how her eyes went fixed, that he was never going to forget the sight of me, throwing all my weight onto her chest.

he was there, throwing open the front door and hauling furniture out of the way. could hear sirens now. dog barking.

men coming in. man with a braid said, "i'll take over from here, sweetheart." his chest compressions looked a lot different from mine.

lot of men after that. women, too. all in blue. lots of plastic on the floor. they cut her sweatshirt off. the teal one, with the poinsettias. her shirt, her bra. she always tucked kleenex in her bra, for when her pants pockets were too far away. it went everywhere.

a machine. like an engine. they put it over her chest and strapped her wrists to it, so she was holding it up. it did the chest compressions now. hard. her body jerked with each one. she would have liked to see it.

a man, to me: is she allergic to anything? me, to him: everything. but nothing medical.

him, to me: does she have any health problems? me, to him: everything. breast cancer, diabetes, bad kidneys, eczema.

him, to the others: diabetic. get a sugar.

it was 570.

the thought, then, like a blow. like an axe to the head: had /I/ done this?

she just had a bout of diarrhea. i KNEW she tended to slide on her diet when she had the runs, to keep up her salts.

diabetic means no starch. but she needs a high fiber diet, too, her doctor said, and there's fiber in beans, peas, some vegetables. but the most fiber is in grains.

so we compromised. i would give her a high-fiber cereal for breakfast, when she was most likely to take her insulin straight afterward. healthy blood sugars are below 120. she usually ran in the 200s, even fasting.

never 570.

i didn't think about how she'd probably eaten something salty starchy. i didn't think that she probably would have forgotten her nightly insulin. i gave her breakfast as usual.

i didn't know, then, that it had been her heart. i thought it was a diabetic coma.

we were on the floor for half an hour. they stopped the machine twice, to check. i knew what a flatline sounded like.

a man, to me: sometimes in this situation we can call it. but your mother's markers are rising, which tells me her body wants to function. we'll take her to the hospital so they can try.

onto the stretcher. out the door.

it's december. below freezing. they put the blanket under her, to protect her from the stretcher. nothing on top of her. because of the machine, maybe?

my mom is hard to embarrass. but outside with all those men around with her breasts hanging out in the air would have flustered even her, i think.

hospital. there was an underground garage for parking. i was still in my nightdress. i'd grabbed a sweatshirt for my mom, thinking she'd want one since they cut her other one off, but i'd forgotten anything for me. fuck, it was cold.

a room in the lobby with a door that shut.

then a doctor. i don't remember her name. and trista, the chaplain.

it doesn't look good, they said. would you like to see her?

of course i would. what kind of question is that.

it was the first room inside the doors. so many people swarming. i couldn't have gotten to my mom's side even if i wanted.

doctor touched my arm. pointed to the heart monitor. said, surprised, "the situation's turned around. they've got her."

said, "but she was gone for so long. i want to manage your expectations. the brain damage is likely very severe."

i would take care of her no matter what, i said. she's my mom.

i wish

i wish now

with all my heart

i wish i had called out to her. while they had her. while she was there.

i wish i wish i wish

mom don't you dare leave me. mom you're going to be so mad if you miss this. mom. mom mom mama. don't leave me here.

but i didn't want to interrupt. mom was a retired medical professional. she trusted the process implicitly. and so many people were working so hard to save her.

she crashed again. they called it at 11:27am.

do you know the strangeness of a body in a hospital with nothing hooked up to it?

there's no mistaking a corpse for anything else.

her forehead was cold. her hand was cold. i hadn't brushed her hair yet that morning, so it was frizzing out of the braid she'd slept in. they'd closed her eyes.

i think i stroked her forehead so much that my warmth transferred into her, because when my brother got there it was better.

trista said (and signed, to our surprise,) take all the time you need.

but, not long later, and with genuine regret, i'm so sorry, but they need the room.

oh no, i said to my mom, i'm going to steal one more kiss. and did.

a frequent joke. would kiss her head once i'd gotten her comfy on the sofa, and then goblin scuttle back to steal one more. she'd laugh. oh no! she'd echo. not my daughter! not a kiss! her short term memory had been fraying, so it was a new joke every time.

closed the door behind my brother and i.

trista had been right: the er waiting room was packed. standing room only. with us, tear-stained, and trista, it was obvious what kind of procession we were. i hoped it helped someone; no one's ever in the er for anything good, but i hoped someone could look at us and think, at least i'm not them.

home, then.

my brother had tidied. cleaned the plastic up and the remains of mom's clothes, and her pill bottle that i'd knocked to the floor when i'd hauled her off the sofa. he'd adjusted the pillows, straightened the towel. it looked like a sofa in anyone's living room, not like the place my mother had nestled into and lived for the last six years.

her doctor called. emily. we saw her once a month. she's genuinely the best. all those posts warning you about bad faith doctors and to not be afraid to be firm and finding one to take you seriously, and we found her on the first try.

it had just come through on the patient portal, she said. oh my god, oh my god, honey. i'm so sorry.

emily, i said. wailed, really. emily, did i kill her? her blood sugar was 570.

no, she said. no no no. elizabeth, no. it was her heart. it says right here. it was a heart attack.

it was the first i'd heard of it.

how, i said. how? her heart was the only thing that wasn't wrong with her!

but there's no answer to that, of course.

it's so quiet.

it's two days, now. and it's so quiet. no tv, no wheels clattering on the tile as she trundles to the bathroom or into the kitchen to get more iced tea from the fridge. no one calling for me to maybe do that last thing for her, pretty please.

so quiet. my mom's not here.

things i am likely never ever ever to forget

it's the same list

[nescaveckwriter]

Hurting Angel - Chapter Two 🐞🥹

Crowley x Reader

A/N: Hey my bugsies, for some kind of reason I just love writing about Crowley, I hope you all enjoy it just as much 🐞🥰

Side Note: Thanks for all the love and support 🐞🥰🩷🧡❤️

Warnings: Violence, mentions of blood and medical equipment, some light swearing, punching, mentions of weapons if anything else let me know.🥰🐞

''What was that noise?'' he demanded

As the man walks closer towards his bodyguards, he sees the car, with the woman inside, her face on the steering wheel, blood streaming down her side, lifting a brow ''well are you two just going to stand there, or remove the woman from the car?''

''Sorry boss!'' he mumbled, the two remove the woman gently from the vehicle, thinking the injuries she sustained, is from the car crash, they drag her onto the grass. 

Glancing at the woman's body, kneeling down to check for a pulse, she's breathing, but barely, scanning over her body, her skin color is pale, some open gashes on her face, her body covered in what looks like a comforter, the left side is drenched in blood, his fingers slowly unravels the comforter from her, exposing the sowed up gash, blood coming from the wound, let's him know its, not older than a few hours maybe.

Removing his black tailored suit jacket, applying pressure, his voice bitter, ''You minion'' showing towards the shorter bodyguard ''get Doctor Pierce, on the phone, tell him its urgent'' cocking his head towards the taller guy, ''You clear the dining room table''

''But Sir, shouldn't we call 911'' he stutters

''I said now, fool!'' he sneered

He cradle's the woman in his arms gently, carrying her towards the dining room table, placing her down softly, still applying pressure, he feels her body moving underneath his hands, he's voice low ''lay still love'' hearing her whine and whimper, ''I know your in pain, help is coming soon'' observing her face, the color around her plum lips, turning slight bluish, her eyes, half way open, but tired, trying to soothe the pain she must be in, he thumbs away the stray tear running down her cheek. 

The rising and falling off her chest is getting slower and slower, till there's no movement in sight anymore. ''Where the hell is the doctor'' he shouts, ordering one of the men to hold pressure on the wound as he starts chest compressions, he does not stop despite the sound off her ribs cracking underneath his hands.

Not taking sight of the older man entering his house, finding his way towards the dining room table, the things that man has seen, the wounds he healed, the bullets he removed, the men he couldn't save, always on stand by for the devil, of course he'll complain about it, but in all honesty this man, everyone believes to be so evil, gave him purpose again. Walking towards in he surely didn't expect a woman laying on the table and Crowley administering CPR. Jumping right into action, ordering the men to unpack everything, all while scolding them, for not explaining the whole situation on the phone.

What seems like hours, he finally stabilized the woman, after doing a life blood transfusion from Crowley to the woman, luckily he's blood group is 'O' which makes him a universal blood donor. Removing the gloves from his hands, shaking his head, ''The fact that there's people in this world that will purposely butcher people to make money, sickens me'' his voice revealing the frustration. 

''Hey Doc, how is she,?'' his voice tight

''Truly only time will tell, I can't simply give you a straight answer, there's a chance that the wound might get infected and she'll need to take immunosuppressant's for quite a while, hoping it works well, she'll live a normal life with just one kidney, but there can be complications.'' he sighs

Mumbling underneath his breath ''when I get ahold off these animals I will unleash all hell on them'' his eyes darker than normal.

A half-smile on the doctors face ''I will get the required medication she needs tomorrow''

''Thanks Doc, you will will be well reimbursed for everything'' he confirmed

''The only payment I need is for her to get well again,'' he announced

The two men sat at her bedside, not really saying anything, just keeping an eye on the fragile human being, hoping she pulls through. Every now and then the Crime Boss gets up and walks around making calls arranging that the car she came with, will be destroyed, as well as phoning all his contacts, so that he can figure out what organization or syndicate is into organ trafficking, its his streets and there are damn rules the people around him needs to stick too. No human or organ trafficking is allowed.     

Opening her eyes, turning her head to the sunrays, pushing threw the opening in the thick dark blue curtains, the windows is gigantic, her head is spinning, not fully comprehending where she's at, glancing down, her body is tugged underneath a thick blanket, removing her arms slowly, something pulls at her skin, focusing on her hand now, inspecting the needle that's inserted into a vein, that's attached to a tube-like cable, going up the way to a drip, with her free hand she removes the blanket exposing her body in an oversized buttoned up shirt, there's cables that's sticking to her chest, glaring over to the side off the bed, there's monitors, with readings of heart beats per minute, what looks like blood pressure and something else. 

Still a little hazy, she tries to remember what happened, and like waves it come crashing to her, the bar, the bathtub with ice, the open gash on her side, the car she stole, the crash, and then the men with guns, by now, the alarms on the monitors are alerting everyone that her blood pressure is skyrocketing, her stomach is turning, her breathing rapid, she pulls at the chords, removing it, from her chest,  then tugs at the needle in her hand, quickly sliding out of the queen size bed, the oversized shirt, hanging loosely over her thighs, tiptoeing through the room, until she comes in front of the wooden door, she hears fast paced footsteps coming closer, searching in the room for something, to her left she sees a vase, grabbing ahold of it, she stands against the wall, as soon as the door opens, she hits the back of a grey man's head.

Not wasting anymore time, she starts running, the adrenaline too much, to think about the pain, she needs to get away, not a single clue of where to go, she runs down the stairs, hoping to find the way out, to find safety. Her feet brushes the last step, tilting her head to the right , there's what seems like to be a dining room and then towards her left, there it is, the big entry way, double wooden doors, she takes off towards the door, but all of the sudden she feels strong arms grabbing ahold off her from the back, a British accent that leaves her cold.

''Where do you think your going?'' he questioned

Her voice throaty ''Let me go you freak''

''Calm the hell down, and I just might'' he expressed

A muscle in her jaw tightened as she gritted her teeth. ''Fine''

He let her down easy, afraid to hurt her. She turns around taking in the man, his hair dark, his eyes even darker, and without any warning she balls a fist, punching him in the jaw. He doesn't even stumble backwards, instead he smiles, as he licks off the drop off blood that formed on his lips, shocked she balls her fists again, before she could punch him again, he grabs ahold off her wrists, his voice, husky, ''Is this the thanks I get for saving your life love''

Her eyes wide, her breath shaky. ''For all I know you have some hero complex, first you butcher me, then save me, and then you keep me alive as part of a sick game.''

A giggle escapes his lips, ''Aren't you a clever one'' 

''Let me go, and I won't call the cops, I have people looking for me, so it'd be better for you if you let me go'' she demanded

''Oh love, lets face it, no-one is looking for you, you've been here for four days, and there's no missing person reports, of anyone matching your description.'' he hissed

Her eyes wells up with tears, ''W...what do you mean four days?''

''The doctor can explain why, but yes four days'' his voice low

Tears running down her face, ''You need to let me go, my daughter s...she's probably thinks I abandoned her, please just let me go, I won't report it.''

The sadness and fear in her eyes, gives him a sharp pain in his chest, his voice, soft and low ''Let the doctor check you out first please, then we can go get your daughter'' he lets go of her wrists.

''No, I'm not coming back here, and I'm definitely not bringing my daughter here.'' she exclaimed

''Listen I understand why you might feel I'm the bad guy, but I'm not, not entirely anyway'' he smirked

Before she could say anything else, she feels a pinch of a needle in her neck, making her limbs go numb. Before she crashes to the ground, the British man with his dark eyes catches her. The last thing she heard was the man letting out laugher as he said, ''she's got you good Doc'' before everything went dark.

Chapter One Here 🐞

Chapter Two Here 🐞

Chapter Three Here 🐞

Chapter Four Here

[ramblingroommate]

Watching 9-1-1 for the first time

Ok the canonically bi firefighter got me. I’ve been seeing gifs of “the gay firefighter show” for around two years and I gotta be honest… I never gave it a chance. It was fun seeing people post about the show here and there but I mentally categorized it as “yet another queer coded queerbaiting show tumblr goes crazy for… been there done that”. But making one of the characters from the main ship (from what I understand) CANONICALLY queer after SEVEN SEASONS? A MONTH BEFORE PRIDE? Okay now I just have to watch it.

So here I am. Watching it for the first time and writing about it. This is more exciting than I expected tbh. Oh! Just to make it clear: I have never seen a single episode of this show but I have heard quite a few things about the characters over the years. But I never paid that much attention? So I’m not even sure what I actually know… I’ll figure it out when I get to it I guess.

Episode 1x1: Pilot

I like that straight off the bat the VERY FIRST thing they say is that there are two types of emergencies: the immediate abrupt ones and the long term slowly corroding ones. This character (Abby?) is a 911 operator and has a mother with Alzheimer so she’s pretty familiar with both types of emergencies. What a way to introduce a character! Also I like her voice, it’s soothing.

Here they are! Nice to finally officially meet you guys. Oh, I guess that’s something I know: I know all the characters names even tho I can’t really match most of them with a face. I obviously recognize Buck. And I know Eddie gets introduced in season 2. I’m guessing the older guy that seems to be in charge is Bobby? I think he’s like their boss or something? I hope the bits and pieces of info I know won’t start to mix in my head.

Also those are the worst compressions I have ever seen in my life. Can we put a little more effort in this cpr?

I mean… yeah? Mmmh. Okay that line threw me off for a moment. On one hand, of course they hang up after help gets there, that’s why they called in the first place. THEY are the ones in need, it’s about them not about you.

On the other hand, I think I understand what they’re trying to say… it has to be hard to not know if you actually helped or not, not have that closure. A nurse, a doctor, a firefighter know if the person they were called in to help was actually saved or not. Whether it’s good or bad, at least they get the closure of knowing. A 911 operator might be there for the worst part and then that’s it. On to the next one. Never thought about that before.

Oof that’s not gonna work. I mean I understand why he would say it and i remember an article talking exactly about this but… that’s not something that’s gonna help her in the moment.

… yeah

Tho I gotta say… they actually showed her fall, I didn’t expect it. It shows the kinda budget this show has, doing a stunt like that for a character you see for 3 minutes. Maybe a bit cold on my part to focus on that but oh well

Mmmh… a black book with names written inside. Either this has suddenly become Death Note or he has a Secret Past TM. There are also numbers… probably the number of people he couldn’t save in some tragic accident and somehow feels responsible for? And now he wants to make up for it by saving the same number of people. If that’s the case then it’s peak tv drama.

Ok wait wait slOW DOWN THERE, I CAN’T KEEP UP. Twenty seconds of conversation and I learned Bobby is a devout christian ex addict (alcohol and painkillers) who got in trouble with the department and spent ten years in and out of rehab AND has only been back for 18 months??? I wasn’t expecting to be told so much backstory so soon.

And then they immediately cut to Buck… is he a sex addict? Is that what they’re implying here? Gonna ignore everything else that happens on screen because firehose? Really?

WAIT A FUCKING SECOND

THIS SHOW IS MADE BY RYAN MURPHY?!?!???! AND BRAD FALCHUK TOO, THE TWO GUYS WHO ALSO MADE GLEE?

WHY DIDN’T ANYONE TELL ME WHAT THE FUUUUUUU-

Okay so I have much more to say about this show than I thought so I’m gonna split my comments in more parts (part 2 here)

[whiskeyswriting]

Lost Hearts Meet

{ Masterlist }

They always say high stress situations cause your adrenaline to spike. The need to survive overpowers the fear. But sometimes, that rush of adrenaline never comes. Not when you’re a PJ and you fail to rescue your comrade. The adrenaline is gone when you are forced to call TOD. It’s gone when you have to watch the casket be loaded and unloaded from the plane. It’s only fear that appears when you’re at the funeral service and their family blames you for their death.

“Fear. Adrenaline. Booze. Liquor. Where do you learn to tell the difference? That’s the question. You can’t tell the difference. Well, at least I couldn’t. For a while, I was drinking on the job. I was just careful about it. I risked everything I worked for just to feel numb. Then I got my wake up call. I’ve been sober for 995 days… It’s been a hell of a struggle,” Jade admits to the new faces that surround her at the AA meeting. “Hi. I’m Jade. And I’m an alcoholic.”

The rest of the group greets her and they continue to share their victories as well as their struggles and relapses. Jade listens to each of their stories. Sympathizes with their struggles. She’s often found herself struggling to stay on the wagon, but she is proud of herself that she hadn't fallen.

After the meeting, Jade goes to make herself a coffee. A few of the people start up a conversation with her asking her about her move, how she’s liking LA, and if she was a veteran.

Jade answers each of the questions, but her eye and attention keep going to the handsome man towards the back of the group. He was observing everyone while he would sip from his bottled water. There was just something about him that called to her but she knew he’d never go for somebody that was clearly younger than him.

Jade gives him a shy smile and wave, which he returns. She wants to walk over to introduce herself but when she sees a woman rub his arm up and down she backs off.

She’s about to head out when there’s a commotion in the gym. “Someone call 911!” Jade runs back to the forming crowd. “What happened?”

“He was fine then said he was feeling dizzy and when he fell he hit his head on the stage.”

Jade takes out her pen light from her pocket and checks for his pulse. “Was he complaining of anything earlier? Did he have anything different to eat or drink? Had he been sick?”

“Are you a doctor?” Someone asks.

“No. I’m an… I was an Air Force medic. Someone still needs to call 911,” Jade replies.

“I’ve already called them,” a voice says behind her. When Jade turns to see who it was, it was the handsome man from earlier. “Thank you.”

The man kneels down on the other side of the victim. “What can I do? I’m a firefighter.”

“Check for his vitals. I’m going to administer CPR. Starting compressions.” Jade uses her training to start CPR. There’s no ventilation device or time to improvise for one so Jade gives him mouth to mouth, alternating with the compressions.

After a minute, the man coughs and starts breathing raggedly and trying to sit up. Jade has someone bring her a first aid kit while she tends to the cut on his forehead.

“Can you tell me your name? What year are we in?” Jade asks him to make sure he’s fully conscious.

The man answers her. “I’m Jake. And we’re in 20Dumpster Fire.”

Jade laughs. “Ah yes. The year of our Lord and Savior: Chaos… I want you to still go to urgent care to get checked out. But I don’t want you driving in those conditions. I can call you an ambulance or I can give you a ride.”

“A ride… If you don’t mind. My wife will go crazy if she sees another hospital bill. I should call her.”

“Go ahead and do that,” Jade says and she has two of the men help him sit on a nearby chair.

As she goes to throw away the gloves she had one, the handsome man she spotted earlier approaches her.

“You saved his life. Not many people would know how to react.”

“I’m… Well I was a pararescue. Air Force.”

His eyes widened a bit in surprise. “But you’re so…”

“Short?” Jade finishes his sentence teasingly.

“No. No. You said was…”

“I was honorably discharged. Wounded in the field.”

“I… I’m Bobby. Captain Nash. You wouldn’t be in the search for a job would you?”

“I actually am. Just wanted to take a couple of weeks to settle down. I moved here from Florida.”

“How would you feel about coming to work as a paramedic? There’s an open position at my firehouse.”

Jade smiles at him. ”Does today’s heroic count as my interview?” She asks teasingly.

Bobby chuckles. “If only it worked like that.”

They exchange contact information. “I can text you the link to apply.”

Jade nods. “I’d appreciate it. I’ll also keep you posted on this guy’s condition,” she says as they get Jake into her car.

************

Two Weeks Later

Jade parked her truck in the nearly empty lot. She gave herself one last look in the rear view mirror. “This is as good as it gets, Jade,” she tells herself.

Despite having survived getting injured overseas, the idea of being part of a new team made her a bit nervous. It wasn’t until she was sitting in the Captain’s office that she visibly relaxed a bit.

“Captain Nash,” she greeted Bobby with a nod.

“Captain Lockhart,” he greeted back. “Welcome to the 118.”

--

Whiskey's Barrel: @askmarinaandothers @bayisdying @breadsquash @callmemana @callsignscupcake @cycbaby @dragon-kazansky @gracespicybradshaw @hisredheadedgoddess28 @ladylanera @starlit-epiphany

Whiskey’s Medics:

--

A/N: To be added to this (or other tag lists), please fill out the form located in this post.

[takeeachdayonebookatatime]

Castle fanfiction

Why did you elbow me? 72

Out of breath

Dr Kenny: pov As i walk into the exam room i can tell Kate is having a bad coughing fit, I ask her husband Rick about her heart condition he says it is arrhythmia, Kate was shot on the left side of her chest which caused her to flat line in the ambulance. The bullet nicked her left inferior pulmonary vein causing Tension pneumothorax on her left side requiring a chest tube. It Caused her pericardium to distend compressing her heart.The Bullet grazed her ventricle causing Kate to bleed into her heart causing a cardiac tampon resulting in vfib/flat line causing her to go into cardiac arrest during emergency thoracotomy surgery on her heart. Kate uses an ampstrip to monitor her heart rate. I listen to her heart and lungs. I can tell her coughing is causing her pain and making it harder for her to breathe. She is rubbing her chest since it's bothering her. The hospital had called her cardiologist Dr Burkett to keep him informed. A Dr Livingston who is a cardiologist in this hospital is coming to check on Kate and run some heart tests on her to make sure this is not a heart attack.

Kate: pov all of these wires are getting in my way Dr Livingston is doing a heart ultrasound and an EKG on me. In the exam room he squirts the very cold gel on my chest and moves the wand around. He says he sees some swelling but no signs of a heart attack He says the Echocardiogram looks good, which is fantastic. It means i'm not having a major heart issue next he hooks me up to an EKG. Dr Livingston says the EKG shows my heart rate is elevated. Dr Kenny gives me cough and pain meds on top of the respiratory virus ones. He also schedules me for an X-ray and MRI to see if he can see what is going on. The machine For the MRI and X-ray is so loud and claustrophobic. Once I'm settled in my room on the cardiac ward, Castle calls the boys to tell them he had to call 911 because I was having chest pain. He says I was just admitted to the hospital. I can hear Ryan ask if it's contagious, the virus because he knows Jenny would love to visit.

Castle: pov A nurse comes in the room so I tell Ryan I have to go. Turns out Jenny has off today for an obgyn appointment which was this morning. Ryan says she is stopping by around lunch. Dr Livingston comes in her room with the results of her scans he says it's a pulled muscle from coughing and to put ice on it.

Jenny: pov in the cardiac ward, I go up to the nurse station and ask the lady what room Kate is in she gives me the number . Once in her room I put the flowers down, Kate looks ruff. Castle says the respiratory virus is clearing up okay, it's the cough they are worried about. All of a sudden Kate starts having a coughing episode, the pain is written all over her face, Castleis holding an ice pack to her chest.

Kate: pov my chest is killing me who knew coughing could hurt so much. A nurse comes in and gives me a nebulizer treatment. Castle called my dad this morning. He will be coming by tonight or tomorrow. Alexis was nice enough before class to stop by and drop off some stuff for me. Jenny is telling me how her appointment went.

Castle: pov one of the nurses is the same one from last time, i ask if it's possible to bring down a rocking chair again. It might help calm her down, she says sure, i make sure to go to the bathroom first. Once I'm sitting down in the rocking chair with Kate lying across me, the nurse checks her oxygen mask to make sure it's on right, I put on a movie for us 3 to watch. It's a classic. Lanie should be coming home some time today. Dr Livingston comes in and checks her vitals he also injects some more pain meds and another med into her IV saying, this med should help slow her heart beat down so it does not have to struggle so much with the coughing. Esposito texts me that he and Ryan are stopping by on their lunch break. A few minutes later Kate is fast asleep on me, with her fuzzy blanket.

Esposito: pov the nurse at the recipient desk tells us which room Kate is in, it's so sad that she is back in the Er because she is sick, the lady said Kate is here because she had chest pain that is why she was brought in. On the cardiac ward the nurse mentions Kate is asleep, Ryan texts Jenny to see if she is still here, turns out she went to get food while Kate slept.

Ryan: pov me and Esposito agree we don't want to wake Kate, we find Jenny getting some food so we join her for a bit, she tells us how Kate is doing. I say goodbye to Jenny since she is going baby shopping. On the way back to Kate's room we hear coughing. Within seconds a Dr is in her room checking on her, Castle has Kate sitting up and is patting her back. Her Dr mentions she needs to eat something with her meds he suggests a fruit smoothie and if she eats it all she might be allowed out of bed.

Kate: pov Castle helps me back to bed, my tummy is bothering me, a nurse comes in with a fruit smoothie for me to drink, she tells me to take small sips because with the coughing I could choke, she temporarily switches me to nasal oxygen, the boys talk about how boring their day is going, once I'm finished with it she gives me my nebulizer treatment and some more pain pills.To be continued. …….

[ijustwannasleepyo]

You can also throw yourselves onto the back of a chair or use a counter! I’m not sure how effective it could be for larger people but it’s good for if you’re alone and find yourself choking. Also encourage the person to cough, it helps to dislodge what ever could be blocking the airway. If someone can tell you “I’m choking” they aren’t choking, they might feel like it but if you’re talking you’re moving air. If they have the universal hands to throat signal and are making weird noises get someone to call 911, encourage the person to cough and start the Heimlich.

I know people freak out about calling 911 and it not being a “true emergency” but it is better to have them on the way and end up not needing them than to need them and they not be in the truck yet. You can always cancel the call or decline treatment.

I should also add that I just finished paramedic school a couple months ago and we had professor that ran into the problem of a larger patient needing cpr while in the back of the ambulance. I know it sounds absolutely horrible, but she had to hold onto on of the bars along the ceiling of the ambulance and use her foot to give compressions as the patient was too large to fit on the stretcher so he was on the floor of the ambulance. She ended up getting him back and she hates that she literally kicked his chest in, but you gotta adapt if you want to save lives. Not saying that you should just go around stepping on peoples chests but even if it’s not exactly the step by step process, sometimes unconventional things can do just as good a job.

But please take the time to do a basic first aid/CPR class it looks great on resumes and it’s really good to know because emergencies happen anywhere.

This is not like a fully completed thought but yk

So I've done my first aid + CPR a few times. And every single time I try and bring up scenarios for fat folks

Specifically like 'what if someone is too large for me to wrap my arms around then to do the heimleich'

And its incredibly rare I get a decent answer.

How absolutely insane is it that me, as a fat person, is asking how to have MY life saved or to save ANOTHER life, is an impossible feat if someone is fat.

Most of the time they tell me to 'just try anyways uwu'

There has got to be a better option.

[vroomvroommuppett]

911 6x11 spoilers ahead

and we start with maddie’s house

ew the buckleys

maddie buckley does not need help when she has the 118, margaret

EDDIE DOING COMPRESSIONS

HE GOT HIS HEART BEATING

”DO MORE!” -edmundo diaz 2023

coma buck time

flashbacks

HE REMEMBERS EDDIE SAYING “GO GET ‘EM COWBOY”

DANIEL OMG

the buckleys?? worried??

yes its a dream but still

KIDS?!

BUCKS A TEACHER?!

THE TSUNAMI HE REMEMBERS

JEE DOESNT EXSIST?!

DOUG OMG

the buckleys in a hospital for buck?? did they hit their heads??

chim telling maddie that it was suppose to be him

so doug’s not bad??

he remembers all doug did to her in the real world

nope he’s still bad

he went to chimneys

its been two days??

NASH DIED 5 YEARS AGO?? HOW??

something’s happening

he can’t breathe

not bobby feeling responsible

such a long way they’ve come since lawsuit era

he’s not breathing

hes ok now

aw alberts there

ooh chim and albert talking about their parents

HE DIED BECAUSE OF ALCOHOL

he remembers THE PLANE CRASH

bobby never told anyone?

ooh he’s talking about eddie

”angry guy” -chimney han 2023

HIS PARENTS TOOK CHRIS TO TEXAS AFTER A CUSTODY BATTLE?!

fuck you diaz parents in buck’s coma

chris wanting to talk to buck😭

eddie breaking down when chris is talking to buck

”wherever you are right now, you have to come back”-christopher diaz 2023

HOW DO YOU WRITE LIKE YOURE RUNNING OUT OF TIME

sorry i had too

i swear if he dies im suing

aw may looking out for bobby

her style is always amazing

may calling bobby buck’s dad

”mom brought two kids into the marriage and you brought one” -may grant 2023

and he doesn’t deny it

ooh something’s happening

whos he chasing??

BOBBY

bobby’s unhinged in the dream

momma athena

he made bobby who he is bc he joined the 118

chimney meeting maddie in the coma dream

CHRIS IS IN THE DREAM

not his parents convincing him to stay in the dream

i swear if daniel prevents him from leaving imma sue

too far daniel too far

yeah i hate daniel

buck talking to himself in the dream as it’s making more sense

doctor buck??

the thots i have

HE TOOK A BREATH

he’s ok

buck telling bobby the dream reality

ooh chim’s step mom wants to help

chim’s dad was ashamed so he left him

chim wanting his dad and step mom to stay a few more days

progress

not his parents asking about him not having a couch

so his mom wants to buy him one

his parents want to be in his life

they’ve changed? or is it just an act?

NO BUDDIE IN THE EP??

THE PROMO

no bobby

[undinegeist]

i don’t want this

-xx-

I don’t know what makes me go into his room; I’d been trying to keep from losing my shit on all the drugs, to keep to the lighter stuff though nothing they have is light…I look up from whatever I’m doing and don’t see Sid, everyone else is passed out, and then I’m rushing to the bedroom…he’s on his back, lips blue, and I’m already yanking the phone off the nightstand, shoving some slut to the floor, slipping next to him so I can pump his chest, knowing he’s fucked by the needle in his arm…don’t have time to take it out, he’s too far gone.

“911, what’s your emergency?”

“My friend’s overdosing, he’s…he’s not breathing, it’s heroin…we’re at 63 Bank Street, room 106. I’m…I’m doing chest compressions. What else should I do?”

“Stay calm, ma’am. We’re sending help right away. If you could, alternate with mouth-to-mouth every six pumps, stay on the line with me, even if you have to put the phone down…”

“Okay.” It’s been six times; I can’t think he’s dead, shove the phone to the side, I can hear other people, most fleeing, but they don’t exist, it’s only me and him…I move closer to his face, bend over, breathe as deep as I can, shove the air into his mouth, seven times in a row, go back to his chest, don’t stop even when he doesn’t respond, when I’m starting to cry, can’t see him, press my lips to his again, wish I was kissing him instead of this…he can’t be gone, he’s the only friend I have left.

The woman on the phone calls for me, I wedge it in my shoulder as I slam over his chest, feel his ribs crack, but nothing’s working, nothing…

“They’re at the door, ma’am.”

“Tell them to break it down, I…I can’t get to it, there’s no one…” I can’t see, can’t stop, won’t stop, won’t let him go.

I hear the door breaking, but that slips the moment he gasps, eyes wide, incoherent, throws up on the sheets, trembling, but alive, still alive, somehow…

I move out of the way, behind him on the bed, watch them check him, run their fingers over the ribs I broke, he can’t feel them, still high…he has his fingers around my wrist, shaking, scared, confused.

“What are they doing to me?” His voice is so small, I can barely hear it.

“They’re helping you.”

He gasps when they slip the needle into his skin, starts thrashing. “I can’t take anymore, I’ve had too much, please…”

“Shhh, it’s not smack. It’s not smack. You’re okay.”

He throws up again, flinching, trembling. “I don’t want this.”

“I know…”

“Where’s…where’s Nancy?”

“I don’t know.” She’s dead, everything’s blurry, everything.

“I can’t go without her, Y/N/N. I can’t.”

“I know.” I can’t bring her back, can’t help him.

He dozes off, and then they’re moving him to the ambulance, dragging me with; I ride with him, though I’m no one, nothing.

[defiblover27]

Old Friends

Sorry that I have been gone for so long. Finally back to writing again. If you ever have any ideas for a story my DMs are always open. Enjoy!

----------------------------

Bek is a 37 year old female with blonde hair that falls to her shoulders. She is slightly on the heavier side with and stands at just five foot three. Bek and one of her closest friends Ryan have decided to meet up at her house after they have both been busy with their professional careers and have not had the time to sit down and catch up in quite a while. Bek puts on her jeans and a shirt and then finally pulls a hoodie on over top while she waits around for Ryan to arrive before he has to go into work later in the morning. After Ryan arrives the two sit in the living room and start chatting about their current lives and reminisce the good old days of growing up together. The chatter quickly develops and they sit and laugh together as they recall some embarrassing stories that they experienced together. "I can't believe that we really did that.... Would you care for a cup of coffee before you have to leave?" Bek asks. "That would be great" Ryan responds. Bek gets up from the couch and heads into the kitchen just a few feet away. After picking up the coffee pot she turns to the walk to the sink to get some water when she suddenly feels very light headed and her tongue starts to tingle. Before she can do anything her vision goes dark. There is an audible thud and the shatter of the glass coffee pot is heard in the living room as Ryan jumps up from his seat. "You okay in there Bek?" as he turns the corner he sees the glass shards across the floor and Bek lying in the middle of the kitchen floor. "Oh my god Bek" he quickly rushes over and kneels down beside her. He shakes her shoulders to get a response and after a few shakes Bek lets out a sigh as she begins to regain consciousness. "What... what happened?" Bek asks shakily as she attempts to sit up. "You must have passed out has this happened before recently?" Ryan asks as he helps her up into a seated position. "No nothing at all, I've felt a little under the weather since this morning but besides that nothing." Bek responds as she slowly picks herself off the floor into a standing position. "I'm calling an ambulance" Ryan states as he heads back into the living room to get his phone. "No I'm fine really" Bek pleads but Ryan is already gone and dialing 911. Bek hobbles over to a bench in the kitchen by the table as she leans up against it. She can hear Ryan in the other room talking to the emergency dispatcher. She still feels lightheaded and a little woozy but brushes it off without another thought. Ryan reenters the room and stays by Bek and explains that the ambulance is on the way. After a few minutes the EMT's arrive at Bek's house and Ryan lets them in and leads them to where Bek is leaning up against the bench in the kitchen. They set down their bags and ask a few initial questions. After checking her vitals they explain to Ryan that she should be okay but they want to transport her to the hospital just in case. Bek tells Ryan to go to work and that she will call him later. The paramedics get his contact information before he leaves and he tells her to make sure to call him later. Ryan leaves the house and heads to work even though he is still worried about Bek. Jayden, one of the paramedics, asks his coworker Alex to go to the ambulance and grab the gurney since she is having trouble walking. Alex leaves the room while Jayden stays behind with Bek. "My... my chest... it..." Bek collapses to the ground for a second time. Jayden catches her as she collapses and lays her gently on the floor. He feels for a pulse and breathing. Finding none he quickly places his gloved hands between her breasts and begins CPR. He felt as each compression caused her chest to cave in and return to its position each time. After giving thirty aggressive compressions he tilted her head back, sealed his lips over her mouth, pinched her nose, and delivered a breath. He gave two full breaths into her still lungs causing her chest to rise and fall with each one. He did another round of thirty compressions as he felt a few ribs pop out of place due to

the force of the compressions. Again he gave two breaths as Alex returns with the gurney to see their patient unconscious on the floor. "What happened?" Alex asked quickly as he grabbed the heart monitor and AED from the gurney. "She went into full cardiac arrest, I've done two rounds of CPR and still no response. Alex grabbed some shears from his pocket and cut away Bek's hoodie, shirt, and bra causing her breasts to fall to the side. Jayden placed his hands between between her exposed chest and continued CPR. "We need to attempt to stabilize her before transport." Jayden announced. Alex grabbed an orange ambu bag from the O2 bag and sealed it over Bek's face. After every thirty compressions Alex squeezed the ambu bag twice to inflate her lungs. While Jayden was performing CPR Alex also attached the electrodes and AED pads to Bek's bare chest. The monitor whined to life as the line bounced up and down in v-fib. The AED charged to 200 joules as the paramedics backed away. The shock button was pushed and Bek jerked on her kitchen floor as the electricity coursed through her dying body. With no response Alex took over CPR as the AED charged to 300 in preparation of a second shock. Alex used the full weight of his body to compress Bek's chest as he felt a few of her ribs break under him. The AED announced that it was charged as they backed away and pressed the shock button. Again Bek jerked on the floor before relaxing again. "Still no response, lets give one more shock and then transport regardless." Jayden announced. Alex was already giving Bek CPR and simply shook his head in agreement. The AED was charged the 360 as CPR continued on Bek's dying body. They backed away once more as the AED was charged and shocked her again. This time the increased voltage caused Bek's chest to rise slightly off the kitchen floor before crashing back down causing her breasts to shake. "Asystole, lets roll out hopefully the ER can do something else to help her" They rolled her over before placing her on a backboard and loading Bek and all of their equipment into the ambulance and sped away. Alex hopped into the drivers seat and flipped on the lights and sirens as he attempted to get to the hospital as quickly as possible. Meanwhile Jayden was in the back of the ambulance compressing Bek's chest which now had a grayish look to it as her body began to shut down. The first few minutes of the ride were uneventful as Bek remained in asystole while her chest was being pounded away on. After pushing another round of cardiac drugs into the IV Jayden was able to force Bek's heart into v-fib as the AED was charged to 360 again. The shock caused Bek to jerk violently on the gurney before going still again. There was no change in rhythm so the AED was charged again as Jayden quickly tilted her head back and slid a metal blade into her mouth and down her throat slightly. He then passed a 8.0 ET tube down her airway and secured it with a blue holder. Attaching the ambu bag he gave a couple ventilations as he placed his stethoscope onto her cold and clammy chest to ensure it was placed properly. He was able to get it right on the first time so he dropped the bag so it laid against her face and pressed the shock button again. Bek's feet jumped off the gurney slightly and clenched up showing off the wrinkles of her small feet. Jayden began to lose hope of saving Bek as the monitor went flat once again as she went into asystole once again. Jayden pounded away at her chest as a purple bruise began to form in-between her breasts from all of the aggressive CPR. Her complexion started to fade and her lips turned to a bluish purple as her body was shutting down. She was now cool to the touch other than the center of her chest where Jayden's warm gloved hands have been so often. Each compression forced her breasts to shake violently as her chest was caved in rhythmically. He pushed another round of drugs into her dying body and gave to quick squeezes of the bag hanging out of her mouth before continuing CPR. He lost track

of how many cycles he has done so far or how long she had been down. All he knew is that he wouldn't stop until he got her heart beating again.

As they arrived at the ER Bek was still under intense CPR as her chest caved in rhythmically. They rolled her out of the ambulance as Jayden straddled the gurney. His hips placed directly on hers as his body hovered over hers as he continued aggressive compressions. Alex picked up the ambu bag laying on the gurney and gave a few squeezes every few seconds in attempt to give her much needed air. They took her directly into the trauma room as Alex gave the report. Jayden hopped off of the gurney and helped transfer Bek to the bed. They rolled her to her side and slipped the backboard out replacing it with a CPR board to get her chest in the correct position. Her nude body now laid dying on the bed as a nurse took over CPR. Jayden backed away slightly trying to catch his breath from all of the CPR that he had just performed. They placed another IV port and gave Bek her next dose of epi and continued CPR. The monitors beeped in tune with each compression that she received as her body shook around from the force. The attending doctor took out his pen light and checked her pupils. They were sluggish but reactive meaning that she still had a chance at coming back. They had no time to waste before it would be too late though. A day that went from hanging out with an old friend turned into a day where a team of medical professionals did everything they could to bring her back to life. The monitors began to bounce erratically as Bek converted into Vfib once again. The paddles were taken off of the crash cart, a large amount of gel was placed on one of the paddles as they were rubbed together, placed on her bare chest, and discharged. The shock caused Bek to flop on the bed and after the shock there was no change. CPR was resumed as the paddles were charged again to 360. In a moments notice the cold metal paddles were back on her skin as she was shocked again. This time her arms flailed to the sides and her feet scrunched up and relaxed again. Bek still did not convert so another nurse centered their hands between her large breasts as the paddles charged again.

Jayden was near the nurses station as soon as they left the room and called Ryan. "Hello is this Ryan?" Jayden asked. "Bek is not doing very well and I think that its important for you to get to the hospital as soon as possible. You are the closest thing to family that she has." He hung up the phone and looked into the trauma room as he watched the resuscitation continue. A few minutes later Ryan busted into the ER and ran toward Jayden. Jayden had to catch Ryan in his arms before he could burst into the trauma room. "What the hell is going on? She seemed okay when I left. I should have stayed with her." Ryan frantically pleaded. "She went into cardiac arrest shortly after you left. We have been doing everything that we can for her. She is in good hands." Jayden responded. Ryan could barely see into the trauma room but was able to see as everyone backed away and then as her body shook around on the bed. He fell to the floor as Jayden caught him and tried to console him.

"Asystole doctor" the nurse in charge of ventilations announced. "Push another round of epi and continue CPR please." he replied. The team worked in silence as they continued resuscitating Bek but they all knew that she was inching closer and closer to death. After three minutes at her 40 minute mark of her code the doctor asked "is there any family here?". A nurse informed him of the situation and he asked that Ryan be brought into the room. Ryan could barely hold his own weight as Jayden guided him into the room. "I'm the attending here and have been in charge of Bek's case. She was brought into the ER 20 minutes ago in full cardiac arrest. Her heart hasn't been beating for over 40 minutes. We have given her all of the drugs that we can and have done everything in our power. I am going to check for any signs of life again. Come on over and hold her hand." The two of them approached Bek as Ryan placed her hand in his. He could feel how could it was. "Stop CPR and check for pulses." The team backed away as they checked her carotid, and femoral pulses. The attending checked her pupils for the last time and found that they were fixed and dilated. "Time of Death 10:46am. I'm very sorry." The doctor announced. He left Ryan and a few nurses in the room as they started post mortem care. The disconnected the ambu bag, leads, wiped the gel off her chest, hung a toe tag on her right foot, and finally draped a white sheet over her nude body. Jayden stayed in the room with Ryan until she was taken down to the hospital morgue. Her autopsy found that she had suffered a massive heart attack.

[redrobin-detective]

30:2

TW: death, medical procedures, trauma

“one... two... three... Come on!”

Where was he? What was going on? It was dark all around him, he tried looking around but found he couldn’t move. He couldn’t even tell if his eyes were open or shut. To be honest, he didn’t know if he had eyes right now. He didn’t feel anything, he just felt like empty space, a void.

“thirteen... fourteen... Don’t you dare do this to me! fifteen... sixteen...”

It was a weird feeling to feel nothing at all. There was no sensation, no warm sun on his skin or the pressure of a heavy blanket pressed on top of him. But there also was no pain. There’s a flash of something in his head before it’s shuttered away. He thinks he should probably be bothered by his apathy but when you’re just a void, things like panic and regret seemed to slip away.

“twenty seven... twenty eight... twenty nine... thirty... Tucker, now do it!”

Something was going on, something he was missing out on. It was important and he knew he should be paying attention to it but it was getting increasingly hard to focus. Even the simple act of thinking seemed too much. It would be so much better to just, let his mind go and truly become nothing. It sounded nice.

“Danny! Come on, you can’t do this to us! Come back man!”

There’s another sort of flash and it’s filled with pain. Every single nerve in his body sung with an electric agony. His head felt like it had been cracked open with his whole being pouring out. There was this horribly pounding ache in his chest like his ribs are about to collapse inwards, as if there was a black hole where his heart ought to be. It hurts, part of him whined, curling away from the painful sensations.

“six... seven... eight... Tuck switch out with me next go around. ten...”

IT DOESN’T HAVE TO HURT, a voice from everywhere and nowhere said to him. ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS LET GO AND THE PAIN WILL CEASE AND NEVER RETURN. The idea of the pain stopping was appealing, this was a pain that was surely enough to drive the strongest person mad. And he wasn’t strong or brave, he was just a stupid kid. But something made him hold on, pause for a moment. What is the other option? He couldn’t help but ask in return.

“Sam... I can’t huff I can’t do this. I think Danny might be-”

“I’m not giving up, push harder dammit! I’ll keep count, one... two...three...”

YOU GO TOWARDS THE PAIN, EMBRACE IT. HURTING COMES IN MANY FORMS, THE ACHE OF BATTLE SCARS AND LOST OPPERTUNITIES AND SECRETS THAT EAT AWAY AT YOUR BONES. BUT THAT IS THE COST OF LIFE, YOU MUST ACCEPT THAT PAIN ALONG WITH THE PLEASURE.

“nineteen... twenty... twenty one... twenty two, deeper compressions, Tucker!”

SO WHAT DO YOU CHOOSE, DANNY FENTON?

Danny, right, that was his name. He was 14 and lived in Amity Park, Illinois. He’d been messing around in his parents’ lab with Sam and Tuck when... 

POUND, POUND, POUND

His chest thumped over and over again, his ribs aching and breaking in an attempt to reach his heart. To start it back up again. More and more awareness seeped in: Tucker’s high pitched panicked breathing. The coldness of the lab floor underneath his own cooling body. The slap of Sam’s bracelets as she compressed and released, compressed and released over and over again. Hoping for a miracle that shouldn’t be forthcoming. But even miracles could occasionally slip through the cracks.

I SEE YOU HAVE MADE YOUR DECISION. VERY WELL, YOU HAVE FORSAKEN PEACE FOR PAIN. FEAR NOT, YOU WILL COME TO ME IN YOUR OWN TIME BUT UNTIL THEN, I SHALL ENJOY WATCHING THIS DRAMA UNFURL. TIME TO WAKE UP, LITTLE ONE.

Danny’s eyes flew open as he took in a deep, strangled breath so he had enough air to scream. “It hurts oh god it hurts!” He heard Sam gasp as she caught herself mid chest compression to stare in shock. Somewhere beside him, he heard Tuck yelp before babbling and crying hysterically. 

“Oh my god, Danny, holy shit I thought you were a goner. We’ve been trying to revive you for like an hour-”

“It’s been maybe a few minutes, Tuck...”

“Well it sure felt like an hour and-and Sam just jumped on your chest and started CPR and made me do it too and holy shit are you like, for real okay?”

“I don’t-” Danny coughed, his brain fuzzed out from the trauma to his mind and body the fading promise of a chance to rest. Sam’s fingers grasped ahold of Danny’s white hazmat suit, aggravating his probably broken to hell ribs. It hurt so bad but it meant he was alive. And right now that was the best feeling in the world. “I don’t know.” A few more struggling, shallow breaths. “Thanks guys, you saved my life.”

“I’m just glad you’re okay,” Sam sniffled with a wobbly smile, her mascara mixing with her tears and running down her face. “Don’t you ever scare me like that again, you hear? Tuck, call 911. His heart could give out again, we need to get him to a hospital.”

Danny gave a breathy chuckle, letting his head flop against the floor in pained exhaustion. He was alive, he was okay. He’d had a close call but his friends brought him back. Everything was fine. Of course, that was when Sam’s hands sunk into his chest again but not for compressions, they simply slipped right through his body like he wasn’t even there. Because not all escape were perfect and if one wanders to the other side, sometimes you bring something else back.