#I mean how do I even explain to my therapist that my only good friends ended with me skipping school the last days bc I thought one died.

[nightly-ruse]

I think I may be a little odd

[fuctacles]

<<4 | 5 | 6>>

Eddie held back and was nice enough to give him an ice pack after. 

"Thank you," Steve murmurs, placing the frozen peas on his chin. He's not taking his eyes off Eddie, who's wired up and walking back and forth in the tiny kitchen. Steve is low-key expecting another hit. If he had his tail, it would be tucked between his legs. 

"Why?" Eddie finally asks, the first thing he says since the punch. But before he can get an answer, he follows with: "Does everyone else know?"

"Yes," Steve admits guiltily. "I didn't want to drop it on you right after the Upside Down, but the longer it took, the weirder it got, and I just..." he trails off with half a shrug. 

Eddie scoffs, sending him a glare while his strides pick up speed. It would look ridiculous, since it takes only three of his steps to walk through the kitchen, if it wasn't so serious. 

"You made it weirder alright. Why did you follow me around instead of hanging out like a normal human being?!" He throws his arms wildly around, almost hitting the fridge. "Or did you just want to keep tabs on me? Like a weird little dog-stalker?!"

"No!" Steve protests indignantly, but then falters. "Well, I— Kind of? But just to, you know, protect you."

Eddie finally stops. Which is not a good sign as far as Steve is concerned, but Eddie just stares at him. 

He recounts the run-ins they had with the local righteous mob. He reimagines them with Steve by his side instead, the human one, and there's no universe in which it doesn't end up with an escalation. People don't normally pick up fights with dogs, apparently. But...

"Was sleeping on my couch and eating my hot dogs also to protect me?"

Steve folds in on himself and Eddie can almost imagine his sad dog ears flopping down. 

"No, I just—"

Eddie's suddenly in his line of vision, squatting in front of him to peer into his face mockingly.

"Was it just for fun? Little doggy wanted belly rubs and treats? Make everyone look at me weird because I'm scratching Steve Harrington between his ears?" he scoffs. "And dude, I would do all of it, if I knew it was you. You were worried it would be too much for me after Vecna? I'm a nerd! I eat that shit up. Do you know how much better I'd feel knowing werewolves are real?!"

Steve is not even surprised at his outburst. He just shuffles his legs and corrects softly:

"Lykans."

Eddie jumps up, throwing his hands into the air.

"Oh, now you're gonna tell me?! You lost your naming privileges, man, you're a werewolf, period."

He leans against the cupboards behind him, foot tapping restlessly. But he was angry at so many things at once, that he didn't know what to grasp first.

"Why did you avoid me?"

"I didn't—"

"You did," Eddie interrupts him. "I never saw you around, only the dog. And then you started avoiding everyone else too. Why?"

Steve sighs, slipping the half-thawed pack of peas away from his face. His body slumps like any traces of fight have just left him.

"I guess it was easier. I could just walk around, keep an eye on everyone, and not... explain myself."

"Can't lie without vocal chords, huh?"

Steve sends him a tired look, and Eddie feels the tiniest of bits bad. He raises his hands placatingly. 

"I'm not your therapist. But I thought I was your friend."

"You are! Just..."

"Just not good enough to share the truth with?" Eddie offers.

Steve groans, this time unfolding to fall against the chair's backrest. 

"See, this is why I prefer shifting. I don't have to explain my thoughts to others, nothing is weird and unspoken, and everyone fucking loves me. They pet me and tell me nice things. But when I'm a human, I'm getting laughed at, dumped, used for rides, and have to stay alone in a big empty house."

Eddie just blinks at him, his anger slowly shifting into concern. 

"That's uh, a lot to unpack there," he says gently, pursing his lips in thought. "You know we've been worried about you, right? That we don't see you anymore. I mean, I didn't know at the time, but the kids knew something was going on with you."

Steve scoffs.

"Yeah, they noticed when they had to go beg Nancy for rides."

"Dude." Eddie frowns at him, both irritated and concerned. "I am so tempted to get your other cheek right now. Didn't Dustin call you to clear the air between us?"

"Yes, because you called him first," Steve reminds him. 

"Still, he could have left it for us to deal with on our own. But he cares, so he reached out. " Eddie sighs. "He wants us to be friends, but most of all, he wants you to open up; not to me, but to the rest of the party. So why are you holing yourself up, man? What's wrong?"

Steve doesn't move from his semi-open position, but he crosses his arms, and he's looking away at Wayne's cap collection, visible through the open space to his right. 

Eddie just looks at him, the worry in his stomach growing like a parasite. He decides that maybe this is enough for today. Enough feelings, talking, and confessions. That it is time to clear the air.

And by 'clear' he means 'cloud it with smoke'.

"Let's put a pin on that," he says and finally, Steve looks back at him, both worried and curious. "I think we both need to chill out and I still have that weed stored away for you. And a really bad horror from Gareth. The blood looks like ketchup, you're gonna love it."

Tags: @noodle-shenaniganery @jaytriesstrangerthings @imaginary-maggie-waggie @samsoble @croatoan-like-its-hot

@dragonmama76 @storyranger @scoops-aboy86

[steddieas-shegoes]

homework

for @corrodedcoffinfest prompt 'let's talk about that'

rated t | 990 words | no cw | tags: therapy, gareth pov, personal growth, self-discovery

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

Gareth hates therapy.

Okay, hate might be a strong word.

He dislikes it strongly and wishes he could just write in a journal or something.

��Let’s talk about that some more,” the therapist, Jessica, smiled encouragingly.

“Talk about what?” He genuinely has no clue what she wants to hear more about.

“Your need for validation from your bandmates.”

Oh. That.

He wouldn’t really call it a need. He just doesn’t ever do anything that they’d dislike him doing. Even if it would make him happy.

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“You mentioned that sometimes you have ideas for songs, but you know one of them won’t like it, so you don’t suggest it. Why don’t you give it a try even if they don’t like it?” She clarified.

“It’s not that easy.”

“Why not?”

“Because Jeff and Eddie basically run the band. They come up with most of the shit we do, I just add the drums,” he explained. “It’s worked that way this long, why disrupt the flow?”

“Do they tell you not to give your opinion?”

“Of course not. They always ask what I think.”

“And you choose to not give them honesty.”

“I…”

He didn’t realize that’s what was happening. And he hates that it took a therapist to figure it out.

“I’m not lying to them!” He rushed to say.

“Maybe not. But you’re not being completely truthful, either. Do you think they’d be upset if they knew that you were holding back to maintain the peace?”

Gareth hates therapy.

If Steve hadn’t insisted they all go twice a month, he wouldn’t even be here. If Sam hadn’t backed Steve up, a knowing smirk on his face when Gareth and Frankie argued they didn’t need therapy, he would be sitting on his couch or behind his drums.

“I guess there’s a chance they would be a little upset,” he finally admitted. “But not nearly as upset as if I disagreed with them and we argued.”

“How do you know a disagreement would lead to an argument?”

“Because all disagreements lead to arguments. Arguments lead to fights and silence and cold shoulders. Cold shoulders lead to people not wanting to be around each other anymore.”

Damn, Jessica was fucking good at her job. He didn’t even mean to say all that.

He didn’t even know he felt all that.

“Is this a pattern you’ve experienced before?” She set her notepad aside, all attention on him.

“I guess, yeah. My parents. My older brother and my dad. My grandparents and my mom. My first best friend.” He shrugged. “Just easier to go along with things. It’s not like I’m not happy.”

“Settling and being happy are two different things.”

“I am happy. Really.”

He is. He’s never been happier, actually. He gets to do the coolest job in the world with his best friends, he has a boyfriend he loves more than anything, and he gets to drink his favorite coffee every morning. Life is great.

“Do you think that happiness stems from the peace you’ve forced yourself to accept or from being content in your life?” Jessica leaned forward.

“Do you do this with everyone? Is this magic?” He asked, suddenly having the overwhelming urge to cry or run or both.

She laughed. “No, it’s not magic. It’s just understanding my people. You don’t give me much to work with, but sometimes something sticks out and I can run with it.”

“Seems like magic.” He sighs. There’s no way out of this conversation. “What am I supposed to do? Cause problems until no one wants me in the band anymore?”

“No. Do you want actual advice or do you wanna try to figure it out yourself?” She leaned back in her chair. “I’m pretty sure you won’t like my advice.”

“I don’t like most of what you say.”

“Fair enough.” She smiles. “I think you should try being honest next time there’s something you have a different opinion on. No one is going to hate you or want you out of the band. They value your opinion or they wouldn’t have you there to begin with.”

“Easier said than done.”

“Not necessarily. It’s only as hard as you make it.” She makes a note in the planner next to her. “I’m expecting you to give me at least one example of doing this by our next session.”

“Homework? I’m busy enough!” Gareth didn’t want this to get in the way of tour prep. They were starting rehearsals next week and had a few last minute adjustments to make on their album before the tour started.

“And it’s the perfect time to speak up,” she raised a brow, daring him to continue arguing. When he didn’t, she spoke again. “I’m not expecting you to do it all overnight. Just once.”

“Fine.”

****

The first rehearsal was a shit show. It always is, but everyone’s nerves were shot today after barely sleeping and a flight delay keeping two of the tech managers unavailable for an extra few hours.

Frankie snapped on him earlier, but he walked away. That wasn’t the time to follow Jessica’s advice.

Eddie stormed from the room a few minutes ago, said he needed a break to call Steve. He’d been arguing with his guitar tech over which of his five guitars to use for a song.

Gareth started to speak up to give his opinion, but Eddie was already too frustrated.

See, Jessica? This is why you should stay quiet.

But Eddie came back a few minutes later and asked Gareth what he thought.

“The one you use for Blue Night is probably what you should use for Invade. Sounds are similar enough for those songs,” he said without thinking.

“Yeah, you’re right,” Eddie agreed, knocking his shoulder against Gareth’s. “Thanks, man.”

“Dunno why he listens to you and not me,” the guitar tech grumbled.

Gareth smiled.

Okay, Jessica. Maybe you were right this time.

[callsign-muffin]

Heal Together: Chapter 2

(Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw fic)

I'm like completely overwhelmed that anyone has even read the first chapter of my fic, well alone liked and/or reblogged it! Thank you guys so much!

This chapter is a little bit of filler, just a heads up. But I hope you all like it anyways.

Masterlist

Word Count: 2.0k

There were a lot of people surrounding Rooster’s bed, they all introduced themselves but the only thing he could really think about was how scared he was for them to pull this tube out of his throat. The doctor told him that there’s always a chance he might not respond well and they’ll have to place another one. And good god, that was the last thing he wanted. The sedation medications, being unable to talk, having to have his throat suctioned constantly, and listening to the never ending sounds of the machines were his own personal hell. And the prep before this was its own level of horrible. They put a vest on him that shook him violently to loosen any crap that had built up low in his lungs while he was intubated. Then they deep suctioned the shit outta his throat, it was so uncomfortable but Y/N promised it was all to help him and keep him from getting sick again and having to be intubated again.

He looked over at Y/N and prayed that she could say something to make him feel better. All of his friends and Mav were still on the aircraft carrier in God knows where, so Y/N was the only familiar face. He guesses he could’ve called Penny, Mav’s girlfriend, but it’s a Saturday morning, she should be spending time with Amelia and getting ready for another crazy night at the Hard Deck.

“So what’s gonna happen is: I’m gonna sit your bed up really high and place a pad under your chin since a lot of gunk might come up with the tube. That’s completely normal.” Y/N explained calmly, “Brent, the guy on your left, is the respiratory therapist. He’s gonna ask you to cough a few times and on the last cough, he’s gonna pull the tube out.”

Bradley nodded, looking her straight in her beautiful, expressive eyes.

“Your throat’s gonna hurt and feel really dry, you probably won’t be able to talk for a little bit.” She continued, “But I’m gonna stay here and monitor you, listen to your lungs, suction out any more gunk, and maybe we can try swabbing your mouth with water to help with the dryness until you’re cleared to drink. Does that sound okay?”

The young doctor at the bedside scoffed, “Do we really need to have this much dialog? We have other patients to get to, Nurse.”

Y/N’s face hardened, “I am well aware that you all are busy. However, I’m not going to allow anything to happen to Lt. Bradshaw without his full informed consent, so I’m making sure he knows exactly what we’re doing. It’s his right.”

The older doctor smiled at Y/N, “This is why nurses are so important, they fill in the blanks for the patients. As physicians, we can get caught up in the science and the technicality of things but nurses are the people who remind us to remember that we’re taking care of the whole person.”

The young doctor rolled his eyes.

Y/N smiled at the older doctor and shot the young doc a look that said, Bite me, bitch. She then looked at Rooster and asked, “You ready?”

Rooster nodded slowly, he was so scared.

“It’s okay that you’re scared.” She placed a comforting hand on his shoulder, “But you see Brent, the one literally doing the damn thing to you? He’s not scared and I’m not scared ”

Brent smiled, “Not one bit. And all of those docs in their fancy white coats, they OK’d me to do this. That means they’re not scared either.”

Rooster felt a rush of calm wash over him, Y/N trusted these people, so he had no reason not to as well.

“Ready man?” Brent asked.

Bradley nodded.

Y/N sat the bed up so that he was sitting tall and placed an absorbent pad under his chin, “Let’s do it!”

“Give me a few coughs, Lieutenant.” Brent instructed.

Rooster coughed uncomfortably, it felt so weird with this thing on his throat.

“One last big cough.” Brent said.

With his next cough the tube was out and Rooster couldn’t help but continue to cough and dry heave. All the doctors’ eyes were glued to the numbers on his monitor, the only one looking at him was Y/N. 

She wiped all the spit and nastiness off of his face carefully and talked to him quietly, “That’s it, let it out. You’re doin’ great.”

A few moments later the older doctor said, “His oxygen sats look great. Let us know if anything changes, Y/N.”

Y/N nodded, “Will do. Can I get a standing supplemental oxygen order? Just in case his sats start to decline.”

“Of course, Carl– I mean… Dr. Parks will put those in for you right away.” The old doc looked over at the very displeased younger doctor.

Once the doctors all assessed him and felt okay leaving the room, it was just Rooster and Y/N. He gestured towards his white board, there was no way in hell he could talk yet.

Y/N happily passed it to him and proceeded to start her own assessment, listening to his lungs with her stethoscope.

That young doc is an asshole. Rooster wrote.

Y/N snorted, taking her stethoscope out of her ears and setting it to rest around her neck, “For the sake of professionalism, no comment.” 

Can you call Maverick and tell him I’m okay? 

“Yeah, of course.” She pulled a pen and a slip of paper out of her scrub pocket, “Just write down his full name and number.”

█ ✪ █▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓█ ✪ █

“Hi Captain Mitchell, this is Y/N and I’m Lieutenant Bradshaw’s nurse today.” You tried your best to sound as not nervous as possible. You always hated sitting at the nurses station and calling family members on the phone, usually because it was to give bad news or tell them to come to the hospital quickly to say goodbye. At least this time it was something positive.

“Oh my god,” The man choked on the other end of the line, “Is– Is he okay?”

“Yes, he’s fine. I’m sorry for scaring you.” You fiddled with the long phone cord, “He’s actually doing great. We took him off the ventilator about an hour ago and he’s breathing really well on his own. He’s working with physical therapy now, they have him out of bed and sitting in a chair.”

You could hear the joy in the man’s voice, “That’s incredible! Oh my god! I can’t wait to tell everyone, we’ve all been so worried. Can I speak to him?”

“Not quite yet, he’s not able to talk yet and will be hoarse for a little while.” You explained, twisting from side to side in the swiveling chair,  “But I can see if we can charge up his phone so he can text you and call when he’s able to.” 

“Thank you so much for the update, Y/N.” Capt. Mitchell gushed, “I usually have to call first for updates but this was such a great surprise.”

“Well one of the first things Bradley asked me to do for him after his extubation was call you and let you know that he’s okay.” 

He let out a happy sigh on the other end of the phone, “Did he really? That’s so good to hear. Tell him I’ll be home soon and my first stop will be to see him.”

You nodded, “Will do, Capt. Mitchell. You have a great rest of your day.”

“You as well, I know you’re taking great care of him.” And the call cut off right there.

“Ooooh look at you, big shot.” You couldn’t help but smile seeing Bradley sitting up in a chair and channel surfing on the crappy hospital TV.

Bradley picked up his white board and marker from the table beside him, Did you talk to Mav?

“You mean Capt. Mitchell?” You confirmed and Bradley nodded, “He said he’ll be home soon and his first stop will be to come see you. But hopefully you’ll have busted out of this joint before then.”

Bradley raised his eyebrows and scribbled, You think so?

You shrugged logging into the computer by his bed and starting to organize his 3pm medications, “I mean, I can’t say for sure. I know that you military dudes can’t tell people exactly where you’re going or when you’re coming home on your deployments. But if things keep going as well as they are, it seems like a good possibility you could be transferred to a step-down unit and then hopefully discharged in the next week or so.”

Bradley started writing again, I don’t want to go to another unit. I want to keep you as my nurse.

You giggled, “Well that is incredibly kind of you to say, but the best part of my job is seeing patients get well enough to be transferred to a lower acuity unit and then eventually discharged.”

Bradley pouted and drew a big fat frowny face on the whiteboard.

“You were a lot less sassy with that tube down your throat, Bradshaw.” You teased as you crossed the room with his meds, hanging them on the IV pole and programming the pump.

Pumping me up with poison? He smirked as he wrote.

“Nah, just antibiotics to treat that pesky infection that almost killed you and brought you in here.”

Damn, I was hoping you were gonna say they’re steroids to get me yolked. He flashed a mischievous grin at you.

You scoffed, “I took a pledge when I finished nursing school not to harm my patients and I considered giving them drugs that would shrink their balls and give them breasts doing harm.”

Bradley snorted and let out a hoarse laugh. Though it was very quiet, you could tell it was a great laugh.

“Hey Y/N, I’m taking room 4 back from you.” Carly, the young nurse from the morning, sat in the empty chair next to you at the nurses station.

“Oh great, do you want a full report or are you good with just the updates?” You asked, pulling out your notes from the day.

She clicked her pen, “Updates are just fine.”

“So the biggest news is that he was extubated today.” You grinned.

“Really?!” She gasped, “I’ve been pushing for that but the resident kept saying no.”

“Parks?” You inquired.

She nodded and sighed, “Yeah, have you met him?”

“Unfortunately.” You rolled your eyes, “I think he shares similar feelings about me as I do him.”

“I hope you gave him hell.” She giggled, “I’m still a new grad, so I don’t have enough experience under my belt to push back very much.”

“Well if he gives you any grief on your shift, don’t let it get to you. He’s also a new grad doctor, he’s also still learning.” You assured her then went on to finish your report.

“Hey Bradley, I’m headed out for the night. Carly’s gonna be taking care of you and I’ll be back tomorrow.” You entered the room with Carly by your side.

“Thank you…” Bradley croaked, “For everything…”

Your heart melted a little bit, you knew it took a lot of effort to get the words out, “You are more than welcome. And I’ll see you tomorrow. Hopefully we’ll get you transferred to a less intense unit.”

Rooster pouted and did a big thumbs down gesture.

You giggled, “That’s a great thing, Bradshaw. You don’t wanna be stuck in the ICU with me forever.”

He sassily rolled his eyes.

“Carly and I are gonna sign off some meds and check your lines.” You said, “And don’t give my girl too much sass tonight; she will be reporting back to me in the morning.”

Rooster scribbled on his whiteboard, No promises.

[carniferous]

i need the dil bartylus thesis NOOOOWWW

bartylus is the failmarriage of ALL time to me i’ve spoken about this before but to me they contrast jegulus in that jegulus is a relationship with clear beginnings and ends. its tumultuous for sure but its tumultuous in a very defined way. jegulus cant be a failmarriage bc they’d get divorced. they’re too obsessed with defining what they are to each other bc they want it to be real and meaningful and it can’t be anything less than that

bartylus on the other hand…. they couldn’t define what they are to each other if they tried. they’re like the definition of settling for less but ‘less’ in this case is someone who understands you on a very a deep and fundamental level. perhaps better than anyone in the world. perhaps better than you understand yourself!! i wouldn’t say they’re ‘recognition of self in the other’ bc barty and regulus aren’t even other to each other…. they are each others homes and i mean in this context that both of these characters have the most fraught relationship with their respective homes imaginable. they want each other the way they want to go home (not at all — but also desperately). their relationship is inextricable from childhood. they hate to be reminded of their childhoods

and yet they’re not…. toxic per se! they’re obviously not healthy but they love each other in a way that’s very earnest (childlike). barty dreams of running away with regulus. he is the white knight rescuing the princess from the tower (he’s exactly like james in this respect). but unlike james barty doesn’t see running away as leading to a potentially better life for them….. he has no desire for freedom or salvation. barty just wants to do what he thinks will make regulus happier. and bc of this they will NEVER run away together bc regulus does want freedom. he does want salvation. he will never leave everything he knows unless he has the promise of something better, and barty can’t give that to him (and barty would see dishonesty about that as the greatest betrayal imaginable). so they never leave! they’re trapped together forever! stagnation! rotting! being seen this clearly is love but it’s also unbearable! there’s no mystery there’s no intrigue there’s just the cold acceptance of their fate and the comfort that at least they’ll bear it together except it’s no comfort at all because they COULD have escaped. just not with each other

and don’t even get me STARTED on brotherhusband barty…. there are like some obvioussss barty/sirius parallels and we’d be fools to think regulus doesn’t see them. to think regulus doesn’t want barty explicitly because “this person is like my brother if my brother wanted me” ?? regulus is someone who has lived his entire life wanting to be wanted come on…. he fucks barty because barty is like if regulus could somehow make sirius stay. and barty thinks this is sooooo sweet he indulges it he’s like “yeah reggie why would i ever leave you we’ve known each other since we were toddlers… we’re practically bro—” and then 5 minutes later regulus is sucking his dick and he’s like. wow look at regulus self-soothing! i’m such a good friend :)

in a modern setting they’re a category 5 situationship of unprecedented magnitude. like the picture you paint of regulus crying in his car after their 34th screaming-match breakup of the MONTH (how does this even happen. months only have 31 days max. were they timing it by the hour) is so perfect. ppl tell reg to see a therapist and he graciously does and after explaining it the therapist is like “do you think this might have anything to do with your childhood?” and regulus like “no?” and then proceeds to ghost said therapist bc on the way home from the appointment barty called and apologized and invited regulus over. regulus was like “okay but we’re not going to fuck” and barty is like “ofc not do you think i’m some kind of freak that i would be horny right now—“ cut to barty with regulus’s calves on his shoulders

[libraryraccoon]

If I was at NRC as a normal student (not Yuu)

If I was in the NRC, i will be a Ignihyde Student (bc the official test tell me I was a Ignihyde student), the extrovert or ambivert of Ignihyde.

Aka the Ignihyde student hated by all the other Ignihyde student :DD

I will try to adopt Ortho.

Raccoon : Sign just here.

Ortho : isn't it a adopt pap-

Raccoon : shhh, you don't need to know or say what it is. Sign just. :)

Idia seeing me trying to adopt legally his little (dead and robot) brother : What the fuck-

I will be here for the Overblots.

But not for help, oh no no !

Ace : What is it ?

Raccoon : pop corn.

Deuce : Why are you eating pop corn when there is an overblot in front of you ?!

Raccoon : because it's better to watch with pop corn ? I thought everyone know that.

I would be absent from sports class. Vargas met me once in the corridors but that's it. I would never have shown up to this (torture) class.

I'm pretty sure Vargas won't even know I exist.

Vargas : Raccoon ? We have someone here who have that name ?

Jack : it's maybe the raccon that is in the trash at the back of the school ?

Ace : Oh yeah, I have seen that little guy once. But why he will be on the call list ?

(They are talking about a real raccoon, not me-)

I will doxx people for money. It's said.

Hey, I need to make money you know ? And I don't have a Leona for that like Ruggie-

Oh yeah because Ruggie will be my best friend here.

(We are the NRC cleaners, Crowley pays us to do all the cleaning)

I have seen a post saying that some beastmens and faes are awake the night and go see each others, even if I will be a human, I will join them.

Like that I will meet (and have informations) on a lot of beastmens and faes.

(Me ? Later blackmail them about this ? Please, be realistic, I care about my life ! But for a little money....)

I will be the only Ignihyde student and maybe human that will be at that "night party" (we will call it like that), and it's because I was invite by Ruggie (bestfriends benefits).

Now, for some of my hc as Ignihyde students, I headcanon that all the Ignihyde student have one time by months a party on a game with all the dorm.

And during that party, they do a lot of challenges. And that leads to some Drama and rivalry.

I'm pretty sure it's at that party that we decided who will be the Housewarden and Vice Housewarden.

The Housewarden being the 1st and vice the 2nd.

And some others things :

•I will be the NRC therapist.

I'm a good listener and I give good advices.

Pretty sure Crowley tried to hire me after finding out.

That mean I will be the therapist of all the overblotter (oh look ! I have now a lot of ennemies because I talk bad about their family/what they think-).

I would use the excuse of being a school therapist to avoid doing sports. At least I have an excuse and I won't have repercussions for (skipping) being absent from sports class.

Bye bye Vargas ! Seeing you one time in the corridors was enough for me !

•I probably would have made a contract with Azul and I would have taken Ruggie to do one too (well, that's if he and I are in first year at the same time).

Why ? For money ofc.

We will work for the Mostro Lounge only for the money.

•I will avoid the Leech (well, try to avoid them).

They scared me.

How people can not have scare of them is a question without answer for me.

•I will be hate of Vil and Riddle (even if we don't count the therapist part).

I have a bad memory, i don't care about my physic.

I can easily forget the rules, so Riddle will hate me for forget all the Queen rules but also all the NRC rules in general.

And I can literally go shopping in unicorn pajamas. Vil worst nightmare.

•Rook 🤝🏻 Me : watching people.

Nothing else to say here. It explain all by itself.

•Unexpected friendship : Me & Idia & Rook.

Every Sunday evening at the end of the week we would meet up at the Pomefiore or Ignihyde dorm and tell each other all the NRC gossip. We would have tea, cookies, popcorn and hot chocolate, and lots of gossip to be told.

Nobody in the NRC know how much we know or how we know it. They don't want to know.

•My magic.

I will have an healing magic or a anti-magic. That's all.

I don't need more magic than those two.

•I will try to adopt Grim.

Maybe Yuu too. I just want to adopt them + Ortho because they deserved all the love.

I will have a gun.

I love gun.

•Knowing too much.

If I go at NRC, even with magic, with all I know of the game and the theories ? Man, I will be the more suspicious of the all NRC, more than Rook !

I will say things like that :

Raccoon : Man, you really is an overblotter now that I see you that often !

Crowley : ??? How do you know-

Raccoon : you're dad, Levan, is Crowley. Good chance bro, we're not together in that shit-

Malleus : The fuck child of men-

Raccoon : what that feel like to be a general ?

Lilia : kid, why that question and how do you know ? I don't remember saying it to you-

Raccoon : when will you accept that you are Silver, Sebek and Malleus parental figure ?

Lilia : ... i'm not-

Raccoon : wait- we are before Malleus overblot, so that mean you are still in the denial right now.

Lilia : by the great sevens.. WHAT THE FUCH RACCOON ?!-

Me, Idia and Rook the Sunday.

[ash-says]

I think your page speaks volumes about the way you’ve perceived and endured life and I’m sorry you haven’t had the time or opportunity to soak up the good things that are all around you, I hope you develop skills that allow your success to be built off of things that are good and pure and not cheap manipulation tactics and lies

Devil may care: A guide on being unbothered.

Okay, and??

Sweetheart, I really appreciate your unwanted sympathies and illusionary sensitivity directed towards me. In our culture when someone is being sweet, kind and helpful (even if fake) we make sure that we pay them back with something valuable. Here's a small guide curated for you that will help you in being self secure so you won't feel threatened by other people's success and opinions.

1) Have a life:

Nothing screams idle to me more than this. Like you have time to be offended by someone's post and comments which you might just scroll by and ignore?? On top of that going above and beyond to let that person know. Okay, Sushma. Now log off and do the pending coursework.

2) Build genuine confidence:

Ladies, fake it till you make it can only go this far. You have to work on your underlying issues and address them. If you don't you are susceptible to triggering even by a mere stranger. Confident people don't need to go above and beyond to prove other people. They embody it.

3) Self awareness:

It's tiring to explain this. Just Google it at this point. This word is thrown like a football everywhere. You know it. Do the homework.

4) Practice self compassion and boundaries:

Negative feedback is part and parcel of life. Accept it, analyse and if it applies adopt or otherwise ignore. Boundaries are important to understand the difference between constructive criticism and disrespect.

If disrespected don't be afraid to put a bitch in place. Until then shut your mouth and concentrate on your goals.

5) Opinions are subjective:

Everyone has their own life experiences and opinions are formed based on those. Your Roman Empire might be different from your friends but does it mean it's invalid? No. Develop empathy and open-mindedness. Not everyone has the same views. It's okay.

6) Develop a thick skin:

You can't survive in this world if you are triggered by the tiniest of things. You have to be comfortable in being painted both as a hero and as a villain. Don't let others opinion get to your head. Owe to yourself that I will stand in my truth thou glory or disgrace.

7) Reflect a rbf stance:

When someone tries to belittle you, try to put you down, talk shit about you. Your body language should be cold and reserved with a rbf that screams intimidation but all you are going to say is Okay, and??

8) Master Sarcasm:

I have said this before and I will say it again. Revenge is a dish best served cold. Sarcasm is the ice in it. Ladies learn sarcasm. It's the one way ticket to put people in their place in a humorous way.

9) Be classy. Be polite. BE UNTOUCHABLE.

Who do you think will be named as the crazy one? The one who is screaming and belittling someone or the one who is still being polite but discreetly showing the person where they belong. Never resort to screaming and shouting. That's dumb. Second never go out of your way to prove how you are relevant. Take it or leave it mentality.

10) Seek professional help:

Even after all of this you are not able to practice being unbothered. I think a therapist is the best solution for you.

P.S. :Ladies, this is what I mean when I say leverage the fuck out of your connections and opportunities. This is how you turn a negative into a positive.

Plus I am petty enough to not let this disrespect slide but thought it would be a good content idea for my posts, isn't it??

That's all for today's show on ash-says. Stay tuned for more illegal tricks and explosive opinions.

[poxivix]

RULES FOR THIS ACCOUNT!!

(IMPORTANT, Especially to those who are wondering what my account is about or what I do)

Just wanted to put up some rules for this account INCASE you are at the wrong page. Some rules may relate to content that I HAVENT posted YET, but even so I still will put them up.

1] - No ages under 13 or 15. Due to this, my content may be either slightly suggestive, venty (I may vent/rant sometimes in the future, but they're not full on), body horror possibly, gorey and violent. Or! I tend to cuss/swear a lot aswell. Ofc, those who still wanna see me post can stay, but PLEASE, if you're uncomfortable with any of those topics, I suggest you unfollow, or if it makes you comfortable, block me so that you won't come across my posts again.

2] - Do NOT repost my videos/art without crediting me, ESPECIALLY if your intentions are stealing my work that IVE created. AND DO NOT TRACE, STEAL, ANY TYPE OF SHIT LIKE THAT! I love you all that appreciate my art, tysm, just plz don't go around stealing my stuff. This includes my ocs, possibly designs?? (if u think they're good enough lol), art dumps, and animations.

3] - I'd appreciate it if this account was drama free; arguing, harassment, spamming, racism, threats and homophobic topics. I don't wanna see any sort of such on my posts, asking box, or so on. One thing I also wanna say is that opinions are OBVIOUSLY welcome here, and I respect everyone for even having one. But PLEASE!! If your opinions have intentions on hurting others and possibly me, then I'd rather drench myself in oil and light my body on fire rather than seeing it. Respectfully, just please avoid PURPOSELY annoying ANYONE on this account, take your dramas away from me I'm not your therapist. AND PEOPLE!! On a side not, respect others opinions please, not everyone has to agree with you :(

4] - Please just let me do what I wanna do. This rule is probably the only rule I ATLEAST want you to follow: leave me be. Do not ask me to change my art style, do not tell me what I should and should not post, do not hate me for drawing things you don't feel appealed to, I do what keeps me sane. Suggestions such as improvement? I might not be comfortable with it, but no hate at all to those who just wanna give constructive criticism in a good way. I appreciate it a lot, but maybe my sensitive lil ahh won't be able to take it since yeah, I love how I draw cuz it's my own artstyle (Inspired by others ofc)

Feedback on my art is okay, but please base it around my hyperfixations. What I mean by that is if I just so happen to mischaracterize a specific character or something like that, you can inform me otherwise. But please be respectful about it instead of going like " [INSERT CHARACTER] DOESNT DO THAT!" or "Girl have you not watched the series/show or smt 💀", I'm not aware of my own actions sometimes 😞

5] - Don't ask me to be your friend when you've just so happened to cross my account. I've been a bit too nice in the past and just accepted random strangers friend requests w/o even getting to know them. But even so, those people turned out to be amazing. Please just don't ask me to be your friend either because I'm your idol or you just assume/ think im a cool person. Getting to know each other is WAY better so please, I'd appreciate it a lot🙏

And even if I still dont wanna be your friend, dont take it the wrong way please. It's either because I still don't feel comfortable, I don't feel like it, or I just don't want to in general. Please be respectful, thank you.

6] - I'm talking too much but please bare with me. NO PROSHIPS/PEDOS/FETISHISM PLZ!!

I dont think I even need to explain this even further, apart from DO NOT get ANY of my oc's/characters, or even ME, involved with your proshipping shit. OR EVEN BETTER, DO NOT DO ANY OF THE ABOVE AT ALL WHEN YOURE AROUND ME!! It's concerning, I'm uncomfortable with it, and I do not wish to be a part of any shit like that.

7] - Requests? They are accepted here! But please base the requests around my hyperfixations, they're the only motivation I got. And on my ocs? Definitely will do cuz yeah.

I dont take requests that involve drawing your ocs on command, drawing fandoms I'm not even in, and fetish art cuz why tf...

Call me a pussy for this but breaking any of these rules on this blog will get you an instant block, or maybe just a warning BEFORE I block you.

THATS ALL FORNOW!!

I might add some more rules depending on my experience here on Tumblr. These rules go for the same on my tiktok: lx_v_, and youtube: EL_EX_VEE

Thanks for wasting a bit of your time just to read this important note. It means a lot to me, more than you think it does. I'm currently physically, and possibly mentally, drained and exhausted from life. I'm holding on still, and I know for a fact I'm trying. Your love and support is something, you probably don't know about, that effects my perspective on everything, and that I shouldn't just give up yet. I just wanted to add this because I feel as if I'm not showing my appreciation enough. So overall love yous all, hope for the best in all of us, and just thank you in general 💙

[waffleboyy]

Oooh you make a point of how forgiving Hazel is for Dev, i love them both but ur right lmfo. Maybe she’s so forgiving as she has a therapist for a mum? And she’s more aware of how someone can come to be so mean because of life experiences than other kids her age. There comes a point where you’ve tried all you can tho and then it’s up to the other person. I think a good way to make it seem less one sided is to have Hazel do something that DEV must forgive her for! For 1- good growth for Dev! For 2- makes Hazel more interesting (I adore her dw she’s good as she is but this could ADD even more to her y’know?) and more real I guess. Which makes me wonder WHAT Hazel could do that would have her need to be forgiven, maybe trying to be helpful and kind like her mum she’ll pry too much with Dev? Try to ‘fix’ him vibes?’ What do you think?

Ohhhh.... I like this idea, yes. I feel like Hazel doesn't have as many flaws as dev (obviously cuz he's a neglected brat lol) like we know she struggles with thinking that maybe people only like her cuz they feel bad as was briefly stated in that one episode, (can't remember AUGH) she's also very quick to come to conclusions, and some other stuff too I can't think of right now.

I definetly think she would try to be more supportive and help him bunches but Hazel also knows when to quit as seen in the birthday episode. In my head it would be like the dimmadome founders day episode, like when dev was trying to save Hazel from being spotted by the au pairs by taking her hat, but eventually Hazel takes it the wrong way and believes that dev was just being a jerk.

....So.. hear me out. What if Dale kidnaps Cosmo and wanda? (I know dev doesn't know fairies exist now but JUST FOR THIS SCENARIO OKAY LOL) I'm not sure exactly how or what would happen, but dev finds Cosmo and wanda captured in some sort of device that's slowly killing them since they can't make wishes. They're sick and in pain, rainbow vomit all over their clothes and dev is hastily trying to get whatever's captured them to let loose, pulling buttons and levers. because he knows those are hazels fairies, and he knows that she loves them, she deserves them, he wants to be a good friend he needs to not screw up this one time and--

Peri and hazel burst through a door, Peri was almost captured by Dale but was able to escape, gathering Hazel up to help him in the process. They see dev near Cosmo and wanda, dying, and hazel just snaps.

Seeing her god parents hurt makes her so upset, angry, Peri quickly flies over and scrambles to set them free, meanwhile Hazel has a word with dev, talking about how this is the second time, and questioning why can't he ever be nice? Why did he target her fairies specifically? Why her? Why was he always picking on her? She says that she knows that Dale isn't kind but hurting her and her innocent god parents isn't gonna help, she tells him she's angry and sad, she thought they were friends and that she could trust him, dev tries to explain himself but Hazel has just had enough (rightfully so, even if this time it wasn't dev's fault) she says he's a jerk, and he should leave her alone forever, even at school, and she regrets even trying to be friends with him ..

Uh anyway...yeah, I LOVE MISUNDERSTANDINGS! AMAYBE I'll draw this lol

[rare-average-system]

Getting DX as a covert system

This is my experience, take it only as one persons story.

If you are interested in some resources/educational material, there is a link at the bottom of my Pinned.

My current therapist is how I got my diagnosis. Though she wasn't the first to bring up DID to me, which I aggressively shot down every time. Because... well it couldn't be. I would know if I had DID, surely?

Surely. Surely, I might have been more open to it if a lot of what I thought were normal experiences were explained to me better. How was I supposed to know that “voices” didn’t mean only external auditory hallucinations? How was I supposed to know “voices” were me talking out loud to myself only to be cut-off by another me’s reply? How was I supposed to know “fake it til you make it” wasn’t telling yourself you would simply turn off your anxiety and just be another person. How was I supposed to know how much of my memories are missing? If they’re missing, how the hell would I know? How was I supposed to know about traumas if I hadn't found the evidence yet?

I could have been asked all day long about DID symptoms and never would have given answers on this about voices, altered ego states, amnesia, early childhood trauma. Because.. how was I supposed to know? 

Slowly through therapies, the word “dissociation” started coming up more and more to me but even then, wasn't fully explained to the spectrum it presents on. Next was “okay well I experience almost all parts of this dissociative spectrum but the only thing I don't relate to is the Alters” because, well… a lot of those first questions had not been clarified yet. 

My current therapist brought up DID a few months into our sessions but it wasn't until a year of treatment I admitted to and opened up about my symptoms. Their reactions was a bit of we’ll it's about time lol. 

And even with much more awareness of symptoms, the assessments ask questions that can put my scores lower due to my lifestyle.

How often do friends or family tell you things you did but don't remember? : 0/10. I do not socialize or visit family.  How often do symptoms interfere with work/relationships ? : 0/10. I am disabled and cannot work. How often debilitating are XYZ symptoms? : lower than most probably. I have very good mastery on a lot of symptom management and skills use. 

Things like that. 

The point in the last part is the importance of a clinicians training to interpret these assessments + experience with the client face-to-face, as well as differential diagnosis. High scores do not mean you certainly have a disorder. Low scores also dont mean you don’t, either. 

Online free reading and assessment is the only resource available to many, so they aren’t not valuable. But to always keep in mind that the results are not set in stone signs of having a disorder. More important is identifying your symptoms and learning what works for you in treating or managing those because at the end of that day, that matters far beyond the name of a disorder diagnosis. 

[chaosduckies]

Friends In Small Places (Chapter 4)

As I’ve mentioned when I had first started writing this, this piece is meant to be gloomy. So, I give you the fearplay chapter. I’m so sorry for the delay, but I hope you enjoy! (I have no idea how to feel about this scene-) Also, I get to put my three years of spanish classes to use :D (Translations are included)

Word Count: 3.5k

CW: Anxiety, panic attacks, slight gore mentioned

4-Liam 

A week can pass by quickly. 

Cas and I have been slowly getting to know each other a little more. Not a whole lot since some topics were a little too hard for him to talk about. Classes at college were getting even more tiring, and before I could ask to take the classes online it turns out that they had already handled it when I brought up the subject. So, now I was practically staying at Cas’s house almost all of the time. Although it isn’t too bad, I’ve noticed something about his behavior. He likes to stay close by me. 

It’s not a bad thing, I’m not complaining at all, it’s just that it’s nerve wracking whenever he asks if I’m okay with him sitting near me. I’m not used to him all that much. I know most people are fine with being around shifters but of course I’ve believed all my life that most shifters were scary, intimidating even. It’ll just take some time to get used to living with one I guess. After all, I was supposed to be a therapist. 

Today I was just writing some notes while Cas sat on the floor, a bright smile on his face as he looked at his phone. I was about to ask what that was about, but then I remembered him telling me something about seeing his parents sometimes this week. Was that today? If it was I should probably get ready. The only thing I knew was that I was required to be there the entire time. They didn’t tell me what was going to happen, how long it would be, but I’m sure Cas would tell me on our way there. 

I shut my computer closed, placing my notebook on top of it before shoving it into my bag and glancing over at Cas. He seemed excited to meet with his parents. I would be too if I had been separated for however long. Then again I live in an entire different city than my parents. They do like calling every once in a while though. I don’t think they let Cas have his own parents phone number. 

“Excited?” I mumbled, walking a little bit closer. I’m pretty sure we’ll have to leave soon. It was already noon and I was mainly waiting on a text or a call that explains that his parents were ready to see him. For some reason he’s not allowed to go in early which I find is kind of irrational, but I can’t just go against them. Heck, I wasn’t even supposed to be part of this organization. 

“Mhm. Last time we were only allowed an hour to talk.” He smiled sadly at me, still looking positive about today’s outcome. I do hope he gets to see them today. I think he needs this. But I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone as excited to see their parents as Cas was. 

“I’ve been meaning to ask you, but how old are you?” I asked, looking up curiously. He can’t be more than three years younger than me. He doesn’t go to school, and I doubt he’s any older than myself. 

“Eighteen. I know, I act like a child.” He chuckled, messing with his hands. Nervous? I don’t really think I could do anything about that. Actually, for someone who has depression and struggles with emotions, he doesn’t lose control a whole lot. Only ever twice has he in front of me, minus the times where he starts growing a couple feet from either watching someone thing or thinking about something. I try my hardest to shut it down before anything bad could happen. Last time I freaked out and couldn’t do anything useful to help him. 

“I don’t think you act like a child.” I laughed, hearing my phone go off. I hurried to pick it up, seeing Cas quite literally beam with a shocked smile. I told them we’d be right there, and then carefully climbed into his hands. Today would be a good day. I don’t know why I get the feeling something bad will happen. It’s just the way they had sounded on the phone… 

——————

The building looked relatively normal on the outside, with a fancy look that had screamed “We’re rich,” there were different sized doors, but what caught me off guard was that there was an entire security system right at the front that makes sure you’r not bringing a weapon. Cas set me down near the human-sized doors, telling me to just do what they say and we’ll eventually meet up again. It’s kind of awkward taking instructions from someone younger than me, but he’s been here for much, much longer. 

I went through security, answered a few questions, like who I was with, how long I would prefer the visit time be, mostly questions about Cas if I were being honest. Was this why he was only allowed a singular hour to talk last time? Because he had someone else? I don’t really mind spending a few hours here. What could go wrong? I answered as long as Cas and his parents were going to be here. I’d feel bad if I set a time limit. Plus, I’m sure his parents would love to spend some more time with him. 

Eventually they lead me to a huge waiting room, where I was guessing I would be able to keep an eye on Cas. I was I trusted to stay in there in case something goes wrong, but I sincerely doubt it. What was there to be upset about in the first place? I think everything would be fine. I was just staying on the sidelines anyways. Maybe meet his parents, talk for a while. Heck, maybe I’ll even get to know a little more about him. Cas doesn’t answer some questions I have. All for good reason I hope, it’s not like I was going to force it out of him anyways. That would just be plain wrong. 

Out side of the room, Cas had walked in, standing up near the platform I was guessing they’d be at. Weren’t they supposed to take me up there too? A woman wearing a suit walked into my holding room, taking a seat right next to me, “Kayla Cruz. I was Casper’s old therapist.” She giggled, holding her hand out. Oh? What was she doing here then? Why was she replaced by me of all people? She certainly looked like she was more trained for this job than I was. Something wasn’t right here. 

“Oh, um, Liam Rover. It’s nice to meet you.” I smiled, shaking her offered hand and watching as Three people wearing a guard outfit instructed Cas about something to which he nodded to. Wasn’t I supposed to be up there? I think I know which way to go to get up to him. I guess I can wait an extra couple of minutes. I have no idea why, but I had a bad feeling about everything. Maybe I could ask Ryan later? I know the person he was placed with is a shifter who can only reduce their size, was this really any different? I’d have to ask. 

The woman next to me watched, a frown on her face as she looked at Cas, a worried look on his face. His eyes darted all around the room, still waiting for when his parents walk through the safety of the doors high above where I was sitting. Was it supposed to take this long? Why was I the one worried? Was it just a feeling? 

Th woman next to me glared at me from the corner of her eye, a smirk appearing on her face, “They told you he was meeting with his parents today?” She leaned back in the seat. I nodded my head, confused. “It’s technically true, but the company has deemed Casper here too mentally unstable to meet with anyone but shifters and his corresponding therapist, which would be you.” 

My heart sank. 

What the hell. This was just wrong! I have to go up there before they do anythi- I stared up at the platform, seeing a singular guard walk in, say something to Cas, have a short conversation that made his eyes grow wide and slide slowly down the metal-looking wall behind him. My eyes darted around the room, searching for a door to go and help him. Of course I was terrified about what they’ve done, mostly the outcome of what’s about to happen, but it’s not like I can just leave him here. I know what they do to shifters who can’t control their emotions. Their either sent off to a special captivity prison, or they… I can’t think about that right now. I am not about to become the reason Cas gets sent to a place like that. I don’t have the heart in me to do so. 

I found a door that looked like it lead to the room, and almost as if they knew I was searching for it, it unlocked. I threw it open, rushing out, my heart beating fast and uncontrollable. My legs were about to give out from underneath me, breath shaky, my mind screaming at me to get the hell out of here. But I don’t. I knew what was about to happen. They weren’t letting Cas see his parents. I heard slight screaming and yelling in another room that sounded like a woman’s and crying from a kid. But I didn’t focus on that right now. I was more worried about the situation in front of me. 

What do I do? Something tells me this isn’t going to be anything like that other time. Cas has always watched how he reacts to things, what he does, but right now he’s not. He’s most definitely depressed, and there was just something else I couldn’t pin point. People do dumb things while they’re upset. They regret it all later, so it would be best if I make sure Cas doesn’t so anything he’ll regret. Because then that’s an entire different problem to deal with after this one. 

“Cas!” I managed to scream at the top of my lungs, knees buckling underneath me, but I force them to keep me standing upright as his gaze falls onto me. I jumped, chest heaving up and down as I struggled to find the words to say. My body was frozen in fear, not even able to move a single limb from it’s place. He winced when his legs uncomfortably hit the wall opposite of him. I didn’t know what to do. It’s almost like… they wanted him to lash out. Why would they want that? Soon enough, guards ran in, yelling orders while one tugged at me to head back inside, but I didn’t move. Instead, I rushed forward, avoiding the somehow careful limbs that were trying to move into a compact position on the floor. 

A guard was running after me, but I guess someone held him back since I was somehow gaining ground when I was running extremely slow and tripping every once in a while. I found Cas’s head, seeing him scrunched up as much as he could manage as of right now. He laid on the ground, arms and hands covering his face and knees up against the chest. He still realizes that he can hurt people. Maybe I can actually do this? Still, the size difference between us is huge. 

Cas wasn’t crying or anything. Just mumbling words I surprisingly couldn’t make out. He didn’t sound angry. Just upset. That makes it easier to deal with. People do horrible things out of anger. And I could only imagine how devastating it would be if Cas wasn’t thoughtful enough to watch himself. 

I found his head, buried underneath his arms and muttering incomprehensible words to himself. He groaned a bit, slightly turning his body to face the wall, moving his arms away from his face to lay them down. I guess he didn’t see that I was so close to him because his arm almost killed me. I quickly jumped out the way just before I would’ve been nothing but a pile of flesh and bones on the ground. My heart skipped a beat, unable to stare at the spot on the ground where I could’ve died. My breathing became a ragged, and the sounds close to me were slightly muffled, but it’s not like anyone was saying anything important to me. 

Cas turned his head, eyes meeting my frozen minuscule frame and gasping. He moved his arm away from me, doing his best to slowly sit up without alarming the multiple guards in the room, along with the weapons they probably have imbedded in the room itself. I could tell he was still upset, but right now I was too focused on the fact that I could have died. That reminded me just how much power Cas had over me. Even if I was the one who was watching over him. 

“L-Liam I-I’m so sorry I didn’t mean-“ He tried apologizing, voice hitching just before sucked in a sharp breath. My entire body was shaky, but I forced my legs to push me back up and walk over to the towering being. More people had walked in, Cas pressed his back closer to the wall scared. He knew what was going to happen. I knew what was going to happen. I just had to make sure it wasn’t the worst possible outcome of the the two. I don’t think I could handle the guilt that way. 

The week I’ve spent with Cas has been amazing really. Even though sometimes I get a little jumpy from the fast movements, or feel uncomfortable at times when he’s around me, Cas really isn’t bad at all. We’ve hung out for a while, watched movies, played a few games. I think we’re friends? With that thought in mind I’d hate to see them take him to a place he doesn’t even deserve to be in. Of course I was afraid of him still, instincts and all, but I don’t want him to end up being alone. 

I stood up, taking shaky breaths as I tried my hardest to stay upright. Come on I’m not even hurt- I was just terrified. Shocked. A little unstable right now even. If I had tried talking to Cas now he wouldn’t hear me. The distance between my and himself was huge. I looked back up at him, taking deep breaths. He stared worriedly at the people making their way in, looking ready to advance if he tries anything. 

“I’m not scared. I’m totally fine.” I kept muttering to myself. It usually worked when I felt like this. It’s what my dad would keep telling me. Little did he know that I was terrified of everything going on around me right now. 

Cas’s attention turned to me, a hand reaching taking up my vision as I stood frozen in fear. The next the thing I knew I was pinched tightly between two of his fingers, arms pinned to my sides and barely able to move any part of my body. The pressure against my chest increased, threatening to break my ribs. That was the least of my worries. I couldn’t breathe right now. 

“I-I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you like that!” He freaked out, holding me dangerously close to his face. He’s not being his usual careful self, but that was expected when a person was upset. I gasped for air, trying to free my arms from the prison I was in currently, but Cas just kept looking over the the people on the ground that was far, far below me and muttering words in a language I couldn’t hear. 

My heart was racing fast as my lungs had begged me for air. I managed to free one of my arms, and I forced my voice to work for once, “Cas!” 

“…Lo siento. Lo siento mucho. Estoy arruinando todo...” (*Translation: I’m sorry. I’m very sorry. I’m ruining everything…*)He kept on muttering over and over again, and it just makes me wish I had paid attention to my spanish classes in high school. Something about him being sorry? I think have much, much bigger problems at hand though. 

Cas shifted me in his literal death grip, allowing me to breathe, but he was pressing down harder, and a sharp pain erupted from my leg, but I was fueled by the adrenaline. 

“Cas!” I screamed again, trying to pull myself out of his grip. His eyes darted to me, wide and shocked. It took him a moment to realize, but he let go, laying me down in his open palm, running a hand through his hair. I coughed for air, wincing when I checked out the leg that felt like it was on fire. Most likely broken, but nothing I couldn’t handle. It was fine though. I know he didn’t mean to. But still, my fear never wavered at the fact that he could quite literally kill me by not even trying to. 

“¿Estás bien? I-I didn’t mean to-“ I nodded my head, biting down hard on the bottom of my lip. It’s okay, you know him good enough to know that he wouldn’t do any of this on purpose. I had to remind myself before gathering up my remaining courage to actually do my job. 

“Cas, just take a few breaths, okay? You didn’t do anything wrong.” I had only hoped he heard over how shaky my voice was. He slowly nodded his head, I closed my eyes, hoping that when I opened them the ground wouldn’t be so far from me. When I peaked out, the ground was a bit closer, people stood on the ground, frozen in either fear or shock. I calmed my heart down enough to actually get a few more words in. 

“Feeling a little better?” I asked, putting on the best smile I could manage right now. He slightly nodded again, continuing to take slow breaths. 

“What happened?” I asked calmly, genuinely worried about what was said before I rushed in through here. Cas eyes me sadly, wincing, “I won’t… be able to see my parents for a long time.” He whispered, suddenly aware of everything around him again. He moved further into the wall, away from the people below us. 

“And that means?…” He bit the bottom of his lip, “Apparently I’m too unstable to even see my own family.” He sighed, and I could tell he wanted to cry, but he knew what would happen if he gave into those feelings. 

“I-I have a little brother. He loves trying to climb up anything he can,” He started laughing sadly, “You can imagine how much fun he has when he and my parents come for visits.” He sniffled a little, smiling. Oh. Oh. He’s calming down in his own way. 

Why was the world so adamant on having people watch over the “dangerous” shifters? Cas doesn’t need me… and maybe shifters don’t actually need anyone to watch over them. 

“Yeah?” I smiled, laughing with him while he seemed to have calmed down. 

“… I’m sorry, Liam.” He pressed me up agianst the bridge of his nose, this time a lot more gentle. I winced from the sharp pain in my leg, but sucked it up. I think Cas needs this. Even if I was scared he’d accidentally hurt me again. 

Cas let me down, facing the crowd on the ground that had rushed to help me up, limping the entire way until multiple people were talking behind me, rushing into places. I turned back, ignoring the warning from the people helping me. Cas gave a sad smile as the red band on his wrists started blinking, clasping themselves together like magnetic handcuffs. Cas sighed. 

I heard people in another room yelling, even a child’s voice. It’s his parents. I gasped, finding a door to another room I haven’t been in, seeing a guard and a person with a suit and tie in there. Through the small window, I saw a tall man trying to comfort his wife, who sat crying on the bench while the child stared, screaming at the guard to let him see his brother. My heart sank. 

They weren’t going to kill Cas. I knew they wouldn’t. I just hoped I would be allowed to see him in the hospital they’ll be placing him in. This wasn’t right. Not at all. 

——————

Aghhh plot build up my beloved. This chapter leads up to something reallyyy important for later.

Aww all Cas wanted was to see his little brother 🥺

I hope you enjoyed! I have no idea how to feel about this chapter if I’m being honest, but I hope it’s alright TwT work is affecting my writing grahhhh. Thank you for reading though!

The drawing I did for this chapter is right here!

Taglist: @da3dm (If you would like to be added, leave a note or dm me! :D)

[hazelnut-u-out]

What would your ideal Morty therapy appointment look like (assuming that he went alone)? 🤔

Going to try to answer this even though my brain feels like mush, lol.

So, there are quite a few things I'd like to see. Obviously, I wouldn't expect a single episode to actually tackle every aspect of what therapy would realistically look like for a character like Morty, but hey-- at this rate, every episode aside from 'Fear No Mort' that's attempted to psychoanalyze him hasn't done the best job, I fear... *cough cough*

Anyway, here are some of the things I'd like to see addressed in an actual therapy setting (importantly, not some other form of psychoanalysis, like the Fear Hole, Roy, etc.):

Autism/Pilot Disability

It bothers me every day that the writers never followed up on that throw-away line about Morty having a disability in the pilot. Obviously, I headcanon that he's autistic (I mean, surely that's half of the dynamic with Rick right there, lol). I personally think that Rick and Morty have some autistic traits that present to the opposing extremes. For example, I think Rick struggles with hypo-empathy and Morty with hyper-empathy. I think Rick excels in math where Morty excels in English/literature. I think Rick struggles to mask and Morty is high masking. Rick just doesn't people please to survive in the same way Morty has been socialized to. (Most of this is my interpretation of the characters, but there are scenes that back up my points, as I'm sure you've caught onto, haha.) I think it would be cool to see Morty open up about feeling ostracized from his peers, struggling to make friends his own age, struggling with feelings of being 'behind'/weird/awkward, and how all of that made him the perfect victim. This is probably the least likely of my wants to be addressed in a therapy setting. I think that if they confirm it, it'd be in a pretty lowkey way, similar to what they did with Rick. I think the cold open for 'Mort: Ragnarick' might've actually been an indication that Morty isn't neurotypical, but we knew that already. I actually sort of headcanon Goldenfold's class as a remedial math course because of how simple the math seems to be, though I'm sure it was initially just some math they threw in for the pilot.

2. Grooming...

This is a tough one to include. Morty has been with WAYYY too many older women throughout the course of the show, but Planetina in particular gives me the chills. I would love to see how that's impacted him, or maybe even how his abusive dynamic with Rick and his neglectful relationship with his parents pushed him into that vulnerable position even more.

3. Mommy Issues (or neglectful parenting in general)

This one is a good follow-up for the last one. Morty's dynamic with Beth in 'A Rickconvenient Mort' is something I literally get up in the middle of the night just to think about. It makes my chest ache. I think it's because I know exactly how it feels to be Morty in that situation. When your parents constantly downplay your own feelings, put you in dangerous/vulnerable situations with reckless abandon, and completely shut you out emotionally it can feel like they just want to ruin your life when they try to protect you. To be honest, the show's dynamic wouldn't exist without Beth's negligence. Morty has two moms and neither of them have really tried to protect him. Even Jerry failed him.

4. Crying.

Idk, just lots of it. He deserves to cry about whatever he wants and be validated.

5. Justifying Rick's Actions

I would LOVE to see Morty try to explain Rick's actions away to someone who actually cares if he's being abused. I could see Morty say something to a therapist, there be a negative reaction or uncomfortable silence, and him try to say: 'It's really for my own good, though, you see...'/'You just don't know Rick the way I do. I'm the only one who really gets him...'/'It would break Mom's heart...'/'He would never hurt me on purpose...' Then to have a professional get in there and really debunk that internalized manipulation? I would die (in a good way).

5. Trauma Responses

They've sort of been hinting at this for a bit, but I think the whole point of Rick's improvement-- at least, in Morty's case-- is 'too little too late.' Rick may be getting better, but how is Morty supposed to trust him? Especially when Rick has been 'nice' for the express purpose of hurting him before? Even in his everyday life, I'm sure he has those moments of anxiety/dread/odd behavior because of the shit he's been through.

There's more, but my brain is fried right now, so maybe I'll revisit this ask later. Anyway, this was fun to think about! Thanks for asking! <3

[t0ast-ghost]

S3 EP8 (For The World Is Hollow And I Have Touched The Sky) welp that’s the longest title in tos and this is a long post because I was not normal about this episode

Let’s get it started:

- Immediate red alert with Spock in charge

- You think they ever held hands?

- What’s got Chapel so upset? She’s most likely right about whatever it is

- The way he kind of yells and then lowers his voice and just says, “Please, Christine. I promise I’ll give the captain a full report.” He’s not actually mad at her and he knows she’s just looking out for him but he’s scared

- Bones can’t say that he’s the one who’s dying. He can’t admit it out loud. He says that the cmo has it (not even gonna try and spell the diseases name)

- “Without me, Jim? You’d never find your way back.” My heart- oh my heart. He doesn’t want to be cut away from the crew, let alone Jim and Spock.

- Spock is standing in the transporter room like, ‘What is going on?’

- This asteroid looks like the planet where Tasha dies to the goop in TNG

- I was looking at McCoy about to beat someone up and then it was violently revealed to be a stunt double… obviously

- McCoy was fairing pretty well in that fight until he looked at that lady

- Kirk not only fighting to get to an injured McCoy but begging (he’s using his words cause he cares about him sooo much)

- Normal! Normal thoughts and feelings 🙂

- Okay I know not very relevant to anything but I’m appreciating the stairs shot

- “You will kneel.” All three of them just go, ‘okay’

- Absolutely stunning wardrobe, makeup, and hair for the priestess though

- “THEN LEARN WHAT IT MEANS TO BE OUR ENEMY BEFORE YOU LEARN WHAT IT MEANS TO BE OUR FRIEND.” Get fucking zapped, idiots

- mhm mhm

- Good thing Kirk’s not a doctor (especially a therapist) cause this man is NOT confidential

- Kirk looks so sad. Holy shit .

- McCoy’s like sleeping beauty, cause he’s beautiful… and sleeping I guess

- MHM YEAH. So UHM SPOCK JUST- he just grabbed McCoy’s shoulder to help him up. Why does this have me blushing???

- “Well we’d better get to the control room.” Is this just the normal procedure? Find the control room -> blow shit up

- McCoy immediately tastes the random substance

- he’s dead. (Edit: NOT McCoy! The random guy)

- He CHOSE to sit in the sluttiest way possible. No wonder everyone wants him DAMN

- ‘Bones listen, you’ve got to seduce her. For the mission.’

- I- she loves his stunning blue eyes

- “Is there a woman for you?” He takes way too long to answer this. How do you explain that she just met your two boyfriends

- I love her. I don’t care. She’s so amazing. Like “Until I saw you there was nothing in my heart. It sustained my life, but nothing more. Now it sings. I could be happy to have that feeling for a day, a week, a month…a year.”

- Hiding behind a pillar works…

- Spock and Kirk listening to Natira asking the god if she can have McCoy as her mate and both of them look so ready to attack

- GET ZAPPED IDIOTS

- “for me” 🥺🥺🥺

- THE FUCKING HAND KISS

- “You’re returning with us.” “Dr. McCoy I order you to return with us.” Kirk knows this won’t work but he’s desperately clinging onto any last thing that could keep them together

- “Your decision is most illogical, Doctor.” “Is it, Mr Spock? Is it really?” IM SORRY THIS MOMENT?!? are we? are we not going to talk about this? There’s no real fight between them here. It’s Spock telling McCoy this is ‘illogical’ because he doesn’t want him to leave. And McCoy’s reply is calling Spock out, basically acknowledging that he knows what Spock is saying but also challenging him to find another reason for him to actually stay :(((((((((

- Kirk’s going to cry. That long look from McCoy looks like he’s going to cry. He’s going to cry. I’m going to cry.

- After the breakup :( Kirk is in silent hurt and Spock is pouting (he’s gonna listen to Logical by Olivia Rodrigo after this)

- WOW. McCoy wasn’t sure if they’d actually leave him. I think, if I may speculate, that McCoy was expecting rejection (as a doctor, crew member, friend even) because of his illness. Then Natira wants him, and as she states, she’ll have him for however long she can. Now, McCoy thinking that he’ll inevitably get pushed aside by the people he’s closest to is testing them. It’s a win- win situation for him, right? Either Spock and Kirk force him to go back with them, proving they won’t leave him, or he stays with Natira for the rest of his days. Ideal situation… but I don’t think he actually thought they’d leave him.

- congrats on the marriage I guess

- I like how McCoy is still in his starfleet uniform… no I do not, let him change clothes

- “Starfleet command will take care of the situation.” They’re gonna blow it up.

- “An urgent call from dr. McCoy, sir.” This is like after a break up texting, ‘you up?’

- McCoy stops answering the phone so Kirk and Spock immediately beam down to the planet they’re banned from to save him <3

- That was a fast divorce. This is the second time that they’ve helped each other divorce someone.

- THEYRE BEING PUT IN AN OVEN

- If McCoy and Natira went to an event together everyone there would fall in love with both of them immediately

- The chin tilt. He looks down and she tilts his chin back up. I love them both

- “Which indicates that the flow of oxygen to each cell of your body is back up to its abundantly energetic level.” Spock says this and is basically smiling in relief (you have to see it to believe it)

- Kirk is still in support of his boyfriend’s wife

Honestly 10/10 episode. Thank you so much for this one.

Masterpost

Episode written by Rik Vollaerts

[jbbuckybarnes]

How Peter Parker would comfort and care for a depressed loved one

(don't mind me, just some self-indulgence I wrote when I was in the trenches of depression)

• "No, no, no, what we're not gonna do is feel guilty. This world is a depressing place when the rest of you isn't stable. And the world loves making people unstable."

• He'd meal prep for you, wake you up on time to keep your rhythm in check, bring you sleep tea, watch movies with you on particularly bad days.

• "What's your current take on going outside? Vitamin D might do you good." He'd ask cautiously.

• You'd tense up at the idea of spending more energy than you had but knew it was needed to get better.

• "I can...carry you to the rooftop?" He'd raise his brow.

• You'd do grabby hands at him from the bed.

• You'd chill on the sunny rooftop for 45 minutes every now and then, not talking much, just existing.

• "What are your thoughts on therapy?" He'd mumble a few weeks down the line.

• "The only thing my insurance covers is CBT. I fucking hate CBT."

• "What if we figure out a way to pay someone you can choose?"

• "I don't wa-" "Na-ah, friends help friends survive."

• Please imagine Spider-Man making a couple extra bucks by helping people install solar panels and carrying heavy stuff.

• He'd sit down next to you with a laptop and you'd search for therapy options.

• "DBT. IFS. EFT. The other EFT. Hypnotherapy. Logo Therapy. Integrative Therapists for Psychedelics. Somatic Experiencing." Even he was overwhelmed with the option.

• "IFS. Hypnotherapy. Maybe Logo Therapy." You mumbled and he decluttered the tabs.

• You landed on a woman doing both IFS & Hypnotherapy. Both things that intrigued you.

• "I mean if nothing else works...drugs still exist." You'd shrug and he'd smirk at that.

• He'd bring you to your first appointment giving you the biggest hug before you went in.

• The woman would explain to you that you needed to get mentally resourced first and that she'd try with a specific type of hypnosis to see if that helps.

• When Peter saw you get out of the building he'd instantly put his arm around you while walking.

• "I'm so tired." You'd mumble leaning against him while walking, trusting him to lead the way while you were spacing out, "Gonna tell you about it after a long sleep."

• You'd wake up the next morning with energy. Still depressed, but not quite as depressed as the previous days. He slept over to make sure there were no weird aftereffects.

• You would look at him sleeping and get up to make yourself something simple to eat.

• He'd peek his eye open before both of them were wide open seeing you standing in the kitchen.

• "Woah." He mumbled before getting up and hugging you.

• "How was it?" You paused for a second, "That's what he said."

• You told him what the hypnosis felt like and that you went back to the origin of your depression and did some inner child work thing. And the hypnosis took a lot more out of you than you expected. And now you had more energy and hoped it wasn't short-form placebo.

• "Even if it is, she can still do the other work with you." You nodded.

• "Can we go for a short walk?" He'd eagerly nod.

• Over the weeks you'd get better and better at coping with your symptoms and connecting to your inner parts. You'd figure out your triggers and how to calm yourself out of them.

• He'd love to see you flourish and take you on little friend (👀) dates all across New York City the more energy you'd have.

• He'd make sure you'd keep seeing the beautiful things in the world. He'd program your TV to not show news. He'd actually send you good news deliberately.

• "We should live together." You'd suggest.

• "If you can handle the feds searching the apartment at some point." He'd giggle.

• "I'd be good with that. I'd hide little things making it awkward for them." You both laughed.

[igotanidea]

Batboys x PTSD!gn!friend

@ultravioletqueen asked me about my opinion on how batboys would act/be with someone who's has positive and optimistic character but on the other side deals with the PTSD (like Yui Komori, for those who watches anime). so here's what I think:

Dick

Our golden boy has an oldest daughter complex and is a people pleaser. No denying that. So, if he was to deal with someone who’s generally sunshine and rainbow but has a traumatic past I imagine him getting in his full-care attitude. Every time he sees that person getting lost inside their own head or triggered he would come right in, safe them from whoever or whatever they are dealing with and offer safe space. Maybe alongside with some dad jokes and intentionally bad puns to make them feel better, but that’s only if he knows it would be ok. If not, he would just stay with them, making sure they are all right, maybe cuddling or just giving them silent reassurance that while he’s with them nothing wrong can ever happen and that they are safe. He's a savior in the literal meaning of the word.

Jason

If anyone knows something about PTSD it’s Jason since he himself has been through hell and back. I think that at first he would be distant around the other one with PTSD since every time something triggers them and they fall into the traps of the past events, it would remind him of his own trauma. So initially he would just keep his distance and try to act indifferent. But after a while, when he notices all the patterns they repeat he would step in. He may not show it, but he cares. And if there’s anything he can do to prevent them from making the same mistakes with reliving the nightmare, he would do it. Unlike Dick, though, he would not wait for it to pass, rather find something to keep their mind busy. Training, books, patrol, whatever. It’s like his silent way to show them the past is in the past and they have to move on with  their life.

Tim

Tim is the most analytical one in the family so I definitely see him as someone who would dig in PTDS person past to get to the bottom of the problem. Is it intrusive? Most definitely, but it has never stopped him before, and besides he has all the good intentions in mind. So, when he figures out the issue he would come up with like a dozen of plans to make it go away, using psychological methods. But don’t be mistaken, he would never turn into a therapist, that’s not his style at all. I believe he would rather act like the knowledgeable friend he is. Fully aware about the triggers and how to avoid them, what words not to use, what memories are painful. He has it all figured out and even if he does not show all the work he made with it, he would be the first to notice the signs of trauma coming back and stop it before it fully starts.

Damian

Well, he’s a former assassin and the youngest one so I don’t think he would be familiar with PTSD until any of his brothers explained it to him. Obviously he would just shrug it off and act like nothing ever happened, not fusing about it or treating the person with that disorder any differently than before. And basically that is just it. And to be honest I think that this would be one of the most beneficial approach in the case. He’s not as tuned into emotions as his brothers, he would have no idea about the symptoms or triggers and would just act like his normal self, talking to the person or bickering. And that, that would be a way to make the PTSD person come down to earth. In their head they may be going through drama, panic and anxiety but a few teasing words from Dami would make them wake up from it and realize that whatever they were projecting was not real.  

[polyamorousmood]

Maybe I'm not really poly or anything but...Any tips for dealing with feeling... abnormal? I am a very anxious person and I have partner who I am monogamous with and now I have a QPR on top of that and when something difficult comes up I'm able to talk to them both but not before having to struggle through a lot of internal feelings that I'm bad or doing something wrong that'll hurt all of us just by being poly... This blog helps a lot but I'd love more tips.

Eh, I don't really care if you're "not really poly". If you're not, you're close enough. And if you think the poly label fits, that's good enough for me. I got better shit to do than worry about that lol

As for your question, I think you're already doing the most important and helpful thing in making yourself do it anyway. As long as that process is contained to a reasonable amount of time, I don't think its even necessary to force anything else. Gold star for you ⭐! Now if you're wanting to work on it because that seems more comfortable for you, totally fair. But don't put a ton of pressure on yourself here to get it to a place of perfection. It's probably always going to require you to brace yourself a little. That's okay. 🤷‍♀️

So uh, things you should consider:

yeah, this is a thing you could work with a therapist on. Since anxiety and communication are any therapist's lifeblood, it shouldn't be difficult to find one that can help. There's also all sorts of online apps and tools. Blah blah, you know this

Ask your partners how they feel about you bringing up problems. I personally am very reassured😌 by my partner bringing up problems. It means I don't have to worry that something is festering, and it gives us the opportunity to collaborate on solving a problem, which is a great bonding activity. I make a point to tell my partners this frequently, which is what inspires this next suggestion: see if your partners would be willing to thank you or otherwise give some extra love to you for bringing something to their attention. The hope is that this would help -- along with your efforts -- retrain your brain into seeing discussing things as something good and helpful to the relationship. You will likely, if you haven't already, have to explain to your partners how much of a chore it is make sure things get discussed

Internalize this: any part of you may cause problems in any relationship. This is no one's fault, and it is okay. ANY part of you may cause problems! For no good reason! You gotta make your peace with that, comrade. Sometimes everything goes to shit and its no one's fault. Even trying to make yourself perfect and without needs will annoy the shit out of some people; I had a relationship fail in part because the other person apologized for everything all the time even if it wasn't their fault. You cannot be sure this part of you will never cause problems. You can only choose whether you want to risk the set of problems from living authentically or the set of problems that arise from bottling it up.

Breathe, friend. Your partners love you. Your life is in the day-to-day, not some big, nebulous, unwranglable hypothetical. You'll be okay 💟