#I have more but these were top of mind
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My Thoughts on Dawntrail
So having finished DT, here are some of my thoughts on the expansion as a whole. Expect spoilers below the cut, do not click if you haven't finished. Again these are entirely my opinions, I don't intend to present this from a perspective of fact.
Hmm. I don't hate DT, but it's not high on my list: 1. Shadowbringers 2. Heavensward 3. Stormblood 4. Endwalker 5. Dawntrail 6. ARR That said, I don't hate any of the installments of this game, but there are some definitely high and low points. Let's rip the bandage off and get the blanks out of the way: 1. DT has a dialogue problem. I don't hate Wuk Lamat as a character, it was kind of refreshing to see a green, earnest character take center stage while our characters stepped aside and provided a guiding hand. The big problem I have with her is her dialogue. She's basically a shounen character, complete with the 'I'm gonna be king of the pirates'/'I'm gonna be hokage!' schtick, and it really wears on me after a while. That's not the character's fault so much as it is the writing team. That being so, this game is best played in short stints, 1-2 hours at a time instead of trying to marathon the whole thing in short order. Any more than that and it really becomes repetitious. If they want to script it to sound like an episodic anime series, it will be best enjoyed in smaller bites. Sphene suffers from the same problem. I wanted to enjoy her more as a character, but the script made that a challenge. 2. Pacing and exposition. God. The first few hours of EW were enough of a slog with its slow pacing before getting to the first dungeon, this felt like an eternity by comparison. Up to about the level 95 content, it is a long span of exposition and lore stuffing (far be it from me to complain about abundant lore!), so much of which could have been covered in less time and with less repetition. They really wanted to hammer the tribes into our heads, and it felt like too much at times. They wanted us to care about the tribes and the people therein, but few things make me care less than overdoing it. Level 95-ish is when things start becoming more interesting, in my opinion. That's a long way to climb to reach the proverbial cookie jar. 3. The music. I'll be honest, soundtrack wise, this is not my favorite. I appreciate all genres of music, but swing jazz doesn't quite fit the feel of Tulliyolal. I would have liked to hear something closer to a cultural aesthetic to match the visuals and themes presented throughout the areas and civilizations therein. We didn't get that, and it's kind of a weird choice. The main themesong, also? Ehh... I didn't care for it in the trailer. This opinion hasn't shifted since my playthrough. I didn't really start finding enjoyable area music until Shaaloani. 4. 'My people are more important than your people'. This plot point has been done. We just dealt with the Ascians and pretty much got the same shpiel from Hades. They made Sphene and her subjects a little more sympathetic, though, so... good, I guess? 5. Erenville deserved better. Fussy Bunbun got done so dirty in this expack, the very least anyone could have done was give him a hug. He didn't even get that from his mother who, frankly, was the worst character out of all of it. He was also deadnamed repeatedly, which could have been a teachable moment. 6. Wuk Lamat and/or Bakool Ja Ja still owes me tacos. ------------ As for the positives? There are some. Thanks for sticking with me so far. 1. Pretty graphics updates - better over all. 2. No weirdly split zones - thank the Twelve for this. StB, ShB, and EW all had zones that you could only cover in part, and couldn't finish until later. The zones in DT flow pretty well for the most part, and the transition between upper and lower areas of Yak'Tel are nothing short of beautiful, especially in flight. 3. More Reflections - I'm glad to see more of these and I hope this trend continues. 4. For once, I'm not luke warm on the bard AF gear. It's actually a fresh look, but haven't found a dye pairing I like yet.
#ffxiv#ff14#Dawntrail#spoilers#Dawntrail spoilers#ffxiv spoilers#ff14 spoilers#I have more but these were top of mind#will probably post more later
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The start of the Loop segment of the Siffrin & friends twitter QNA, and the message that flipped Loop's answers from silly to dodgy and blatantly upset.
Loopchat from speaking to Loop 20+ times.
Certified Loop dysphoria post
#isat loop#isat spoilers#i was gonna make a whole semisilly post abt how i think the public perception of loop as 'cunty' is kind of funny#(has bought into it before)#but to be honest it just made me start thinking more abt how loop perceives themself.#loop telling siffrin not to die too early so they have more time to go :( at siffrin's drawing. or well i guess it'd be :#man.#it does....interest me#siffrin seems to not be particularly dysphoric in like a gender sense. expresses interest in body craft but thinks#(You dont mind inhabiting this meat prison for the time being.) as well so#but by becoming a star loop kind of. simultaneously loses the freedom to Change the way they want to. no guarantee bodycraft works on stars#and loses the comfort of inhabiting their own body#congrats on the new body loop! sorry about the dysphoria#for as much as it's fun to poke at loop for being very obvious once you Know#it does. resonate something with me i guess that of all things this is one of the few things that loop isn't very good at deflecting about.#(in the sense of cutting the conversation short before it becomes capital o Obvious they are upset anyways)#i'm aware they were already transgender before becoming a star. but very transgender of you loop#oh! i guess i can say on the topic of cunty loop#it's kind of funny. like im not immune to drawing Cute Loops or making them silly and dramatic and flirty#and i think the thread of Drama they show on top of their not-typically-masculine (ig???) demeanor and flirting with siffrin#makes the perception of them as like. there has to be a better word than cunty but. cunty. somewhat understandable#once more the loop has deceived you. i mean i do think the drama is a little bit real they are a hashtag theater kid#but they have deceived you. you have fallen into their spiderweb of believing they are anything other than the world's most miserable beast#with your help we can crowdfund enough silver coins to buy loop a dysphoria hoodie. if we hit our stretch goal it can have a print on it
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okay, bc i have seen this argument alot now (and it also seems to be the view point of aonuma himself..) is that "zelda cant do everything link does bc whats the point then"
and i take personal offense on that bc its a stupid argument (in. my. very. personal. opinion.- not judging people for liking it. its a ME thing)
whats the point? its that its her. its still a different character, different in story, background, personality, but i WANT to play zelda and she can do everything link does, why does she have to be so restricted and be bend over backwards to find some new way to make her 'useful' when link gets to do basically everything no questions asked (the only thing thats hers is like .. sealing power and sacrificial maiden, which i find a little underwhelming to say the least), if theres no point to it why are there always modders that model swap link with someone else, and in that case it has even less impact bc its an artificial model swap with no changes to the story (which can and should still be different when its the vanilla game with a different protagonist... its still a different character), clearly theres joy in just the model being a different one- and that isnt even to mention the story possibilities, since, again, its stil a different character
if we ever (never ... i know who we are talking about here) get to play as ganondorf i want to him to be just as versatile and active as link is, if we got a point and click adventure game for him instead bc 'whats the point' id be disappointed too- you can find any sort of excuse/explanation for zelda to be singled out but the fact remains it tracks with how female characters are often treated, and that hits a very sore spot for me
i guess i am unfortunately one of those annoying people that want to see female characters be treated exactly the same as male characters, possibly bc i am myself afab but identify as agender and have a deeply personal dislike for anything 'traditional' feminine bc i cannot and never will be able to truly live as myself in real life, it influences all of my work, my work is as just as much as my opinion on this, very personal
and in line with my point about modding, i see theres joy in just beign able to play as her even if its like this, i get that, i also get it for the creative aspect (though that mechanic worries me even more for the future bc it really seems to be the path now that -freedom = good, linear anything = bad-) it is a different idea and its not like i cant see that value- im not trying be "right" either, just bc i have that opinion doesnt mean i need everyone to agree, its a very personal thing, if you like it good for you! not for me though, and i think both of that is equally valid
i just personally wish she was allowed to be just like link, fight just like him but be different bc its still her and not him in the end- to be physically/playstyle like jsut like him, but you know ... as her, i dont think shed stop being zelda if she could wield a sword just like him
i dont really know how to get my point/feelings across, i dont want to step too much into personal stuff nor spam people with something that ultimately doesnt interest me alot, im just saddened by it really
(EDIT: bc i forgot to add this on here again; this isnt as much of a problem as it might sound like here, just the main topic i wanted to talk about; why im so uninterested in it is MAINLY bc i dont trust them to write anything interesting/care about lore anymore after totk, im always on the more pessimistic side that thinks its most likely worse than id hope and i know even the past games arent perfect or super interestingly written, but now its much more just a general distrust, together with everything like the price ... im just much less hopeful and cant get excited until i see more of it, like im waiting for the game to get out and reveal that its just as much of a mess and money i regret spending- kind of fear)
#ganondoodles talks#zelda#person that send an ask about this in just as i was writing this- this isnt about you- i promise you#its soemthing thats been stirring in my mind since yesterday#and seeing so many of those comments- and even aonuma himself say it#just strikes a very very personal sore spot#also to that one commenter on a different post-#no- wanting female characters being allowed to wield a sword is not “badass female character mysogyni” (idk how to spell that rn)#the hollywood badass female character thing is annoying but thats bc-#its a super model woman (bc shes ALLOWED TO BE FEMININE you KNOW) fight people in high heels- bc you can be feminie AND badass-#and then does a cringy one liner 'what you thoguht a FEMALE couldnt kick your teeth in'#which comes with alot more baggage of tropes and hollywood etc etc#i long for the 'women are jsut as capable as men' in a very agender way#why do you think i intentionally design alot of female characters non tradtionally feminie or masculine#again this is a very pseronal thing to me#BUT i do think it IS questionable that its her that isnt allowed to fight with a sword#like i dont think thats much of my personal dislike there- but a valid thing to point out no matter the explanations you can come up with#anyway- i dont hate it- but its not for me- i dont want to talk much about it#i hope you can excuse me not answering the asks i got related to this- id just repeat myself#(i guess i should be glad that its the top down one that gets her as the protagonist-)#(i dont think i want to live through seeing her be animated like the typically girly feminine butt wiggle in your face tehehe)#(the botw/totk cutscnes were enough of that for me PERSONALLY)#i dont know how many times i have to say its my very biased personally personal opinion and no a judging of others#to make it clear that no one has to agree with me and i dont want to be convinced of the other opinions of this
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OC again gomen ... (her name is Yuma)
#my characters#she was (shocking to no one) a side character in a plot from forever ago and while i fleshed out her bg a LOT#she never got her own actual story ? the plot she was in had a lot of characters so her and her best friend myo were like... cameos#in other character arcs rip to she having her own#basically she had light powers and had a kind of whispy clear happy look (top)#and then the big bad guy corrupted her and she got dark powers#so myo and her start to think she is sick and then big bad shows up and tells myo that if he wants to help yuma - hed help#so he manipulates the two into working for the bad guys who id like to point out! think they're the good guys#so yuma keeps having cloudy and foggy memories and nightmares and she doesnt understand whats going on with her#and she tells myo who hasnt clued in yet and he tells her shes fine and shes too nice to do what she feels guilty for#and then after its all kinda said and done and the big bad dies the corruption disappears bc he was the one causing it#and at that point myo knows the horrible things hes kind of helped yuma do and the actual things yuma has done#and he goes to rem who a lot of people avoid since rem has mind reading and memory manipulation powers#and he asks if rem can help yuma forget everything bad#and rem - who is the unfortunate right hand of the big bad who feels so much guilt for everything he has done -#asks him if its what yuma wants cause it isnt his place to change it without her consent as well#bc rem was actually the one that yuma interacted with most outside of myo#but as far as actual plots and arcs rem was more important ? common? idk ? as a focus#so despite yuma having a lot of established background and drama she never had her own ... thing#but as the dark corruption gets to her she loses the clear stream vibes and is like an oozing oil spill#and it kinda festers into her becoming like an eldritch monster type being from the grief and guilt her conscious has#while polluted by darkness sooooo#she just kinda becomes a monster in the background of the plot its fine she gets better#and that was storytime in the tags bye
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#ok but fr marking undergrad essays is such a rollercoaster#i gave two very high marks today and was genuinely impressed and then the next three i marked were practically incoherent#one just copy and pasted their intro instead of writing a conclusion. like it's verbatim the same paragraph#i dont mark down for minor grammar and syntax errors because there's a high rate of ESL students...#... but some of the papers from native english speakers have me more concerned about functional illiteracy than I've ever been#these are 19-20yos in a humanities field at a top university! even the highest scoring essay had basic basic grammar errors and vocab misuse#at least i could tell what the student was trying to say there but some of the others...#if your punctuation and spelling and syntax are all so bad that i literally cant tell what you're trying to say there is a serious problem#even setting aside how many errors like these there were there's the flip side of the issue: actually writing an essay#the last one i marked yesterday had no structure or thesis or secondary sources#everything between the intro and conclusion was the same claim phrased in different ways with some irrelevant non sequitur quotes thrown in#no analysis other than the words 'analysis of this shows' which is *gasp* not a substitute for analysis#OH AND OMG#one made a direct claim about a figure's political stance and attached a footnote. i went to see what the student's source was.#the footnote literally said something like 'i know i should have a source here but it's only context and i don't want to waste my word count#like what???? do you think claims about relevant context don't need evidence??? and the audacity to not give a citation...#... and claim it's because it would take too many words away from your main argument??#just providing the actual citation for the claim would have been 3-5 words max but the footnote about not having room was 30 words#kid do you think i can't tell that you dont have that citation? do you think anyone's buying that you didn't include it to save space?#it's the very first footnote and most of the others are full-length bibliography entries jammed into the footnotes (which we don't require)#so either you were 'worried about space' at the first footnote then changed your mind as you wasted 250 words on unnecessary formatting#or you were over the word limit and were like 'gotta cut something!' and the only footnote you 'simplified for space' was a short basic one#^assuming i believed you. which i dont. because why would you think that would fool anyone.#i still have half the essays left. im tired and so disappointed in how little we're told we should expect from them
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Me enjoying a rewatch of a Red Dwarf episode, having a good time: 🙂
My traitorous brain: Hey, this scene takes place away from Red Dwarf and Starbug, Lister probably doesn't remember it after M-Corp
Me: 😧
#The episode has been on my mind a lot recently. It truly haunts me!!#There's a recently posted fic about M-Corp I absolutely love that brings this up in relation to Rimmerworld (also touches on Terrorform)#but like. imagining some of the other gaps in his memory is a lot#Just off the top of my head when it comes to episodes which contain scenes off Red Dwarf and Starbug:#Justice Legion Meltdown Trojan Thanks for the Memory Lemons DNA Stasis Leak Emohawk#And some of those scenes in said episodes are crazy to think of him not remembering#He doesn't remember having to get married/being told he'll be married in the future or Rimmer first reaching for him when he got hardlight#What about the despair squid hallucinations? Was the dream recorder used to reconstruct his memories? (AKA did he forget The Dream?)#Lemons had a period of the boys traveling for several months that are probably just gone#Does he remember leaving himself as a child?#Ugh!! I can't stand it#Red Dwarf#Dave Lister#Original Post#(P.S. this isn't even considering the implications of how the memories he DID regain were reconstructed or how he got them back#(was it a gradual process or all at once? Which is worse?))#NO WAIT ONE MORE does Red Dwarf contain recordings of the events of Demons and Angels when it was split?#Does he recall the Highs and Lows and what happened to him? Sorry I'll stop now
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i was having a chuckle to myself last night about Gristol, and how his plans are basically:
Restore Ford Cruller's memory
Find Maligula
???
Profit
but then... of course they are, right? this is Gristol we're talking about. Fatherland Follies drives home again and again that he's still operating on a child's logic, a warped and reductive version of the world that he never bothered to grow out of. both of his memory vaults center on the images of his childhood, this idealized version of the past that he clings to no matter what. and that's still how he remembers Maligula, too - as this saviour figure, who rushes in to help him when he's in trouble.
[ID: Two slides from Gristol's memory vault, Glory to Grulovia! Left: Gristol clings to Maligula's back as she summons waves to sweep away his assailants. Right: Gristol and Maligula waving from a balcony as the people cheer. Gzar Theodore brandishes a dagger in the background.]
like so much else, Maligula represents a return to this idyllic childhood - to the peace and simplicity of his youth, when he was free from worries and responsibilities. in his mind, he doesn't need to make any further plans - once Maligula's back, everything will go back to normal. Maligula will make everything better.
...is what i thought, but then i remembered this line:
[Screenshot source. ID: Gristol, in Truman's body, bows on his hands and knees in front of the newly-awaked Maligula. The caption reads: "Yes, High Priestess! I am here to correct the mistakes made by my father!"]
and that's kind of interesting, right?
to be clear: this happens directly after Maligula sees Helmut-in-Gristol's-body, and recognises him. her line before this is:
"Little Gzesaravich! Have you come to pay for your father's sins?"
my first thought was that Gristol hadn't expected to still be in Truman's body by the time he managed to find Maligula, and this was him trying to placate her and buy some time until he could explain the situation. but watching the cutscene back, that's clearly not what's happening here. Gristol is answering as himself, and his response of throwing himself to his knees before her is, as far as i can tell, genuine.
so what is going on here?
in Fatherland Follies, there's this line in the ride narration that stuck out to me:
"Why didn't the Gzar help Maligula in her time of need? No one knows, but historians agree - it is Gzar Theodore's biggest failure."
other lines mention Gzar Theodore's "mistake", and it's wording Gristol himself echoes in the screencap above. evidently, he believes that his father abandoned Maligula, leaving her to her fate at the hands of the Psychonauts, and it was that mistake that lead to them being driven out of the country - that mistake which he seeks to correct. maybe he even feels like he has a debt to repay to her for his family turning their backs on her all those years ago.
the 'High Priestess' thing, though - that's kinda weird, and threw me for a loop the first time i played the game. it took me until my second playthrough to connect the dots, and remember how the room in the Lady Luctopus - Gristol's room - was full of Delugionist scribblings and symbols.
[Screenshot source. ID: left, the walls of the hidden backroom in Gristol's hotel suite, covered in scrawlings of eyeballs and Maligula's name. Right, the pinboard from the hidden backroom. On its surface are photographs and newspaper clippings connected by pieces of string.]
i mean, look at this stuff! he had a whole conspiracy board and everything!
we learn very little about the Delugionists and their beliefs as a whole during the game, but i think drawing the connection here suggests two important things. one: that Gristol was in deep with this stuff. i don't know how he linked up with them - maybe via old family connections, or just good old-fashioned digging (we know he's skilled at worming his way into peoples' good graces, after all) - but it seems likely that he's begun to internalise their ideas, maybe even warping his own memories of events. and two: the Delugionists themselves are, if you'll pardon the pun, pretty far off the deep end.
like... i understand why PN2 didn't go heavy on the "mass-murderer cult worship" aspect of things, in the end, but man this is such a tantalising glimpse into the wider mythos around Maligula. Gristol is proud and haughty and thinks himself above everyone else; the fact that his first reaction seeing Maligula is to throw himself to the ground at her feet says so much about the way he's come to see her. he's not just trying to bring back Maligula, his childhood bodyguard. he's trying to bring back Maligula, the High Priestess of the deluge, the semi-mythical figure whose supporters believe even death couldn't stop. he doesn't even flinch at the way she confronts him, and maybe it's because he's bought in so completely to this deified figurehead, this idea of Maligula; more a living force of nature than a person. and it all comes back to the same place: an abdication of responsibility, not just to the person who protected him when he was little but to this avatar of floods and destruction. Maligula will make everything better.
i'd write more about my thoughts on the Delugionists but that'd be taking a hard turn into speculation, and this is already kind of long and rambling so i'd better end it here. but what an unexpected and evocative line, right? it's some of the only stuff we have to go off of regarding the Delugionists as a whole, but i think it does such a good job of hinting at the wider story - at teasing another layer to the mythos surrounding Maligula, one whose ripples we see throughout the game but which never quite breaches the surface.
#psychonauts#psychonauts 2#bored waiting at the airport so you get more psychonauts meta from me#the delugionists have been on my mind recently (because i Might Just have an upcoming au lorepost about them and also cults are fun)#so tossing my thoughts up here because people seemed to like the last few times i did this#and also it's my blog and i like to talk :)#related vent i HATE drafting posts in the tumblr editor because if you hit crtl+z to try and undo a formatting change#it deletes like half the post you just typed out#(yes i did it again while i was writing this. yes i'm still salty. why do i even bother)#what else... this is just becoming a disconnected thoughts dump#but if you've seen my posts you knew what you were signing up for when you hit the button to expand the post tags#there's new art coming hopefully this weekend if i can get it finished! it's more mermaid au designs#i'm two and a half weeks late for mermay but it turns out starting a new job and moving house doesn't leave you with a ton of free time#but that's okay it's never too late for mermaids#omg and artfight's coming up next month too! geez#i gotta make refsheets for the fsau trio because i would LOVE to get art of them#and this year i don't have a thesis to crunch on so i might actually have time to participate#oh and then in august i'm having top surgery! will make a proper announcement post for it at some point#i say 'announcement'. it's just a life update but it's nice to share#i'm super excited about it :)#i might end up blogging the process and recovery but obviously it won't be going here lol. i'd put it on my main#idk if anyone would find it useful but when i first started looking into surgery i had like very little idea about the whole process#and it's only through joining a bunch of online support/discussion groups that i managed to find more info and resources#so hey it might be useful to share? we'll see#our flight doesn't land for another fifty minutes so now i'm just writing in the tags because i'm bored#alright i'll proofread this and then post it when i land and have signal again. peace out yall hope your pride month is going well
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My fourth wall OCs! ♥ (Patreon)
I tried to put everything in the tags but ended up being too long-winded lol, so here it is instead!
For this year’s big behind-the-scenes project, I realized I haven’t given colour references to a lot of my 4th Wall characters! There are...a surprising proportion of femboys who are aware of their existence here now that I look at it lol - I mean technically only Cory and Mint count there but that's still 2/8 - a fourth is kind of a lot! Their sizing is pretty funny to me as well, Cory’s proportions make everyone else look tiny by comparison, he’s just got a very large eye! Set right next to Gijat too, Vortians are so compact - he’s fully grown he’s an adult he’s just small!
Okay, for actuals now, starting left-to-right - while they’re obviously organized by height, it's funny because Cure is also the oldest by creation date. She's front of the line on everything! How silly. She's larger than your average plush bear but only by a little - just enough to be like Mildly intimidating if she approached haha. Puntable - and yet unpuntable lol. It's not just her being the oldest of the lot that makes her more powerful (although that is a contributing factor - she’s aware of her status both in and out of character!). It's not just Kids Rules either since she was made such a long time ago - y'know like ''Oh yeah well my character is [very powerful for X reasons]'' - although yes Also That lol. She's a Fourth Wall OC down to her roots, always intended that way - not everyone here can say that!
Tala also has that edge! Though in a very different way haha - she's also the only one here with a physical counterpart, which is fun :D Means she can go on “actual” adventures and bring that knowledge back with her cartoon versions - both are as real as the other! I keep forgotting her bow, agh, I need to take some more pictures of her sometime so my mental picture of her is more up to date haha
I guess my blankslate HF expression kind of counts?? Lol, it’s mostly for funsies, they’re more like a Concept As Person so?? Sure lol, With Accessories of course lol - haven’t been fighting it much lately so that’s all for now ♪ I wonder if they’ll stay so lucky in the near future hmmm
Gijat! ♥ He ended up being an accidental fourth wall character actually haha, he wasn’t designed with that in mind! He's not meant to know such things, but he did fairly well with it while he was part of the main rotation :) He was designed to be a story character but he ended up being my favourite comfort character so he got a few glimpses out <3 He hasn't for a while though! He's been retired for a long while actually - he's the second oldest character in the lineup after Cure but she had more staying power, sorry Gi <3 I did draw his fairy version not all That long ago tho! It’s hard to let go of anyone for Too long haha
Cory ♥ My sweet special boy <3 He's also the third oldest here! He was the first one to assert himself as a fourth wall OC haha ♪ Cure didn't really congeal into an OC for a long time - she stayed a concept and Gijat was on accident - whereas Cory purposefully and clearly looked outward from the start. He Has a story but it's never been all That developed - he has some non-4th Wall character-friends but his main focus is other, unrelated characters. He's always been very interested in other OCs, a lot of which stems from Bar actually haha - he and Bar are near-contemporaries - they're both featured here for a reason haha
Mint >:| He's...fine. He was inspired from a weird source and has therefore always Been weird - and also asserted himself like Cory. Same story - he has canon story elements but for the most part he's interested in others! Usually in a Pursuit kind of way, and not just limited to my OCs >:/ He needs to behave himself is what - he also has like 1000 outfits and they rarely repeat, ugh, pick one! I wasn’t familiar with the eGirl aesthetic at the time I made him, but he 100% fits it, look at him in his elf ears and heterochromatic contacts smh. I don’t actually know his real eye colour, or hair colour! He wears contacts and dyes his hair and won’t tell me, he even started dating a non-4th wall character without asking! He’s a real wild card
Erase is probably the babiest of the list despite Tala being newer and younger - everyone else was made before Erase! They’ve had had less screen time and less development than everyone else too.They're an incredibly light and oddly harmless fourth wall presence lol for all the danger They pose in Their story :0 They're fairly polite all things considered. They actually have a degree of respect for the fourth wall - unlike Some people (Mint) - probably from acknowledging The Player/Character vs. developer. If there's a hierarchy capable of being distinguished then Erase is going to place Themself in the safest spot. Y'know - to cause problems from lol. I do need to play with Them more - They're fun! But fun isn't quite enough to be full-fledged Interesting just yet, more to do, more to do
It's almost unfair to have Erase right next to Bar lol - possibly my most Interesting OC of all time. First created in 2015 quite soon after Cory, even in the same notebook! He retired in 2017, I think? 2018 at the latest - and then was revived in 2020 and has been here again since. And that's just his timeline! Not counting everything that went into him character-wise. Obviously my sonas don't count as 4th wall OCs because y'know - they're me - but Bar falls kind of unclear of the line between OC and sona, he's always been a weird one. He was initially meant to be an RP character and then over time he developed into a 4th wall OC/sona of a Kind. Nowadays he's a fully-fledged 4th wall OC by design - his change in design from his 2020 revival was meant to represent his transformation thereof - but he's always been weird! If I had to pick a character that I’d consider “overdeveloped” or put too much of myself in - even more than some of my sonas - it'd be him. He's one of my favourites because of that but it's hard to quantify how exactly I feel about him haha. I love him! It's painful! He's great! He's awful! He's very important to me and he'll never return to being what he was first created for again. I do quite like his new design <3 Paying homage to the video that sent him crashing back into relevance for me haha
It was fun to draw everyone :D And it's nice that they all have colour references now! Mint has definitely been the longest without one, everyone else has had at least Something - even Erase! And They're way newer! I did make Mint in a couple online dollmakers but that's not quite the same thing haha, he really needs his clothes hand-drawn :P
It's good to have them all :) They're a fun bunch and I like all of them <3 I think it’s kinda funny and a little strange how few crossovers they’ve had with each other though! So far it’s really only been Tala-Bar-Cory - the rest are aware of each other but haven’t really met, how strange, considering what they are!
#My art#Original#Would definitely recommend opening in a new tab on this one lol#This year's Requestober warmup project!#I actually ended up finishing everything well before the end of the season so I had to cast around for a few smaller things to do haha#But if anything I'm quite pleased that something of this size was able to be done so quickly!#It does help that my 4th wall OCs are some of my favourites haha - they get invited out! Or push themselves there >:P#I don't mind with Cory but Mint smh#I don't Really mind with Mint either pft but I do like to give him a hard time - he's a troublemaker!#On top of the high proportion of femboys there's also a lot of troublemakers in here - some of these interactions would be explosive lol#I do think it'd be fun to have them all meet up a bit more! Cure showed interest in Mint not too long ago#And Cory loves everyone haha he's actually very good about all that - he's kind of like a foster parent welcoming new rescues hahaha#He's always been like that <3 It's why he gets a birthday celebration most years good boys deserve good birthdays#I think Gijat would probably be overwhelmed by most everyone haha he really wasn't built to interact with others outside of his own story#And his fairy version probably hates me so there's that lol#He's good with kids tho! He could probably chat with Tala and they'd both be alright :)#Bar as usually snapping up any spare screentime and focus - gotta talk about him! Pft ♪#He's fairly chill thankfully - a little standoffish but that's to be expected really#Now that I think of it I drew Cory holding a tiny Bar when they were first contemporaries - I could do the opposite now!#Bar throws off the scale of everyone else so much haha <3#Goods lads ♥
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Some people have been saying that live action Sanji feels a little bit more soft and endearing than manga Sanji, but they can't pinpoint why because he does still feel like Sanji. Some people think it's just Taz's acting, and he does do a great job, but I don't think that's the main reason. Others think his flirting has been turned down a bit, but honestly it hasn't really? He still openly flirts with Nami when they first meet, and he still says things like "women are a mystery to be unraveled" and other goofy simp stuff. And his kindness like being willing to feed the hungry no matter what is obviously something that was always there (it's why Luffy chose him in the first place. Hell, in the manga he chooses Sanji as his cook before he ever actually tastes Sanji's cooking, simply because he sees Sanji feed Gin and realizes what kind of person Sanji is).
But there is a difference! And I've figured out what it is, because there IS one manga/anime Sanji trait that wasn't present in live action Sanji: his hatred of men.
Live action Sanji isn't a misandrist anymore 😳
#One piece#OPLA#OPLA spoilers#Obviously it was played for jokes he wasn't like actively cruel towards men and was kind to them too#Like feeding them if they were starving#And he obviously cared about his friends#He was misandrist is a silly cartoonish way#But it did highlight the way he treated women differently from men and made his flirting and simping come across as way more over the top#In comparison to how he behaved towards women#And I think it was a smart choice because English speaking audiences are especially sensitive to that sort of thing these days#I think the only other thing that gives him a slightly different vibe#is live action can't give him heart eyes or have him do the wiggling stuff lol#So his simping feels toned down even though technically he simps a similar amount as in canon#I do think it's funny how some fans like him better in live action because of this on tumblr dot com aka the OG man hating website#Like fans who are caught up understand WHY he's hostile towards men compared to women in canon (see: WCI)#but I don't mind them leaving it out in the live action#And it isn't like an integral key to who he is as a person/character#People who were already Sanji fans knew he was their problematic little meow meow#But it's nice that live action can showcase his kind and soft side a bit more#Like that stuff is already there in canon but he's a little more tsundere about it y'know? Lol
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I shake a magic 8 ball and ask it when I will feel like a real musician and it says never so stop fucking worrying about it and get back to making music
#frustrating but true....you know i was reading an interview yesterday where john flansburgh said when he first got a guitar he only had#the top 3 strings on it and didnt know how to play but immediately started writing songs by like making triads with the three strings and#being like oh that sounds nice and he had no idea what any of the chords were called. and i was like god i really#have no excuse to be like wahhhh i cant write songs im not a very technically gifted instrumentalist wahh i dont#understand Everything about music theory wahhh like#enough. just sit down and do it man#i have more than enough i think like musical skill and talent to do this ifi put my mind to it but i just dont because#i get scared i think because im afraid of failure 😋 so then i get nervous and run away and dont do it i make up excuses not to#aghhhhh
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sometimes I think about how when I went to college for a year before I dropped out (basically failed out,) the counselors/dean told me they can't help me at all or give any accommodations unless I have an official autism/adhd diagnosis. that might sound logical at first, but when you think about it more, it's actually quite fucked up. if someone is struggling really bad, what's the harm in helping them? why do they require a paper to get even the smallest amount of help? people who don't need help aren't going to be failing miserably without help! even NTs could benefit from some adjustments to the horrible school system! (but changing the entire system is a whole other conversation that the school system isnt ready for)
but even if you do agree to jump through their hoops, you realize it's even more fucked up that the diagnosis process requires YEARS in most cases (in my case it took 4 or 5 years, can't recall exactly now, for autism/adhd diagnosis, which would have meant i finished school before getting it if i managed to mot fail out, or i wait that long before going back, which is a whole struggle itself) and they also tried billing me for THOUSANDS of dollars because of insurance issues!!
so you put a ton of time and money into this, and then get told the only accommodation they are willing to give you for autism and adhd is "a little extra time on tests"
....
my test scores were the best part of my whole class experience. that was NOT what I struggled with!!!!! those tests were all online and could be done in the comfort of your home where you can accommodate yourself and have plenty of time left over when you finish them because you are comfy in your own space, (and also, no one was stopping you from having your notes/books/google open to find the answers,) and you don't even need a time consuming, expensive diagnosis for that!
SO WHAT'S THE POINT!!!!!!!
#mind you this was over 10 years ago now. it *could* have gotten better but id be extremely shocked if it has#autistic#autism#actually autistic#adhd#neurodivergent#audhd#school#school problems#yes i know theres rules or maybe even laws for this and its why they are like this but its bad and should change#if they offered smaller classes with less sensory overloading bullshit and other things i needed it would be great!#but they refuse to accommodate your actual needs and make up useless accommodations to legally say they help disabilities#ND people (not just audhd) and other disabled people that graduate with no useful accommodations are so strong and cool. proud of you!#ones who had to drop you youre also cool for not dealing with their bullshit snd allowing yourself to not suffer for a sheet of paper!#(though i know it can feel bad when everyone around you makes you feel bad for needed to drop out or failing out and not going back)#i completely stopped going to my psychology class because i started a week late due to scheduling issues and#suddenly we are told theres a paper due in 3 days and need to hse the textbook i didnt have yet as the source for it all#and it was in the syllabus i didnt get because i was a week late and didnt know we got one. the professor didnt notice me out of#the 100 other students in that large lecture hall. that room was also a sensory nightmare hellscape#too many students made things noisy and distracting. multiple fluorescent lights were flickering constantly and never fixed#the professor used a mic to speak to us and it had a constant horrible loud buzzing. it did that loud mic screech noise randomly#without warning. all the time. the quality of the sound was horrible so it was hard to understand her. on top of that she had a very thick#accent i wasnt familiar with so that on top of the horrible buzzing mkc quality that also cut her out constantly was auditory processing#disorder HELL. I dont know how ANYONE survived thst class but i seemed to be the only one struggling. everyone else turned in their papers#and i gave up and stopped going. was too late to drop the class to get my money back so i wasted probably a few thousand dollars#and THATS what i mean by give me reasonable and useful accommodation. test time would NOT make that class better at all#fix the mic and light issues at least or give me a smaller class with more attentive professor or something!#offer smaller classes for struggling disabled people! if the issue is not knowing who needs them then offer a switch to those struggling!#i got called onto a dean/counselor meeting because a professor noticed my horrible grades and stuff so its possible to catch us and help!#THESE SCHOOLS JUST NEED TO START BEING WILLING TO. dont make us do all the work to accommodate ourselves and expect to do well in school!
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Lord of the Flies, Gluttonous Queen, Prince of Filth, Prince of Decay, Goddess of Ekron, Lord of Slander, Queen of Pestilence and Famine, The Rotting One
I Solomon said unto him: “Beelzeboul what is thy employment?” And (s)he answered me: “I destroy kings. I ally myself with foreign tyrants. And my own demons I set on to men, in order that the latter may believe in them and be lost. And the chosen servants of God, priests, and faithful men, I excite unto desires for wicked sins, and evil heresies, and lawless deeds; and they obey me, and I bear them on to destruction. And I inspire men with envy, and desire for murder, and for wars, and sodomy, and other evil things. And I will destroy the world.” - The Testament of Solomon
#oc: bael roach/beelzebub#dw i got you her first name is pronounced like belle#it's spelled bael to be close to the hebrew name of ba'al zebuv#she's so special to me i love writing characters like her#she's a bit narcissistic and has her own brand of a chaotic tantrum throwing temper but she can be REAL creepy sometimes#she's also a big party girl who's always overdressed for the occassion#and since beelzebub is the sin of gluttony she's constantly eating drinking and smoking in my mind#the funniest thing about me that even tho i have entomophobia i like insect imagery and symbolism with my characters#and well she's literally beelzebub she can basically control any kind of bugs and stuff#i also like the living hive concept a lot so yeah.... there're bugs living inside of her body#i mostly picture her with cockroaches flies skull moths and mantises crawling around her shoulder and face a lot#she's like gru with the minions she can tell all of them apart and remembers everything about them#she's not part of any fandom but i ship her a lot with woland their dynamic would be crazy#two chaotic iteration of the devil stirring the pot but since woland is more composed and calculated he'd balance her over the top#and dramatic mess of a personality out quite well#they'd crash each others parties and stuff and have a heated banter but actually wouldn't lay a finger on each other#in fact if you remotely try to insult or dare i say hurt one of them the other would go and whoop your ass bc they're offended#also fun fact i love the idea that the rest of the seven deadly sins were once high ranking angels who betrayed heaven for lucifer#so it'll go the same for my girlie too#i headcannon that she still has her wings but they turned into a more insectoid kinda thing#my moodboards :3
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what kind of toh ships do you like?
Huntlow is my number one always, I actually ended up getting into toh after ASIAS bc of how cute I thought they were together.
Im down with pretty much any Willow ship, she deserves all the love>> Other than that I enjoy lots of characters together, I’m a multishipper at heart
#val’s yapping#I only really have one notp that I can think of off the top of my head#the notp in question being Lunter but that’s mostly bc I just adore their platonic relationship#that being said I do like lavender winter/ entire hexsquad together so I don’t mind them in a group setting#I just like treating the characters like barbie dolls I can smash together#if you wanted something more in depth tho I can absolutely get into some ships I really like (some of em are pretty out there 💀)#also we were robbed of Willuz they were my everything in S1
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ahhhhhhhh guess who made the mistake of getting a haircut
#i was planning on growing it out for real i swear#but then the back of my hair got to that length (like it always does) where it starts touching the back of my neck wrong and i cant stand it#so i figured I'd juuuuuust get a trim maybe only the back so it wouldn't keep bugging me#and it started off pretty good too she was doing well with everything and i liked the way it looked#then she asked me a question with two options. and i answered the question. and she repeated my answer. good enough right?#well i think she maaaay have forgotten my answer in the span of like 2 seconds bc she started cutting SUPER short suddenly#and now my perm is completely gone lol#i think she's used to going a bit shorter so it looks good in like a week when it's grown out a bit#and you don't have to go back for a haircut every 2 weeks#but like. i would rather not hate my reflection (more than usual) for a week or two while it grows out yknow#eurghhhh it's not that bad tbh ive had haircuts where i wanted to kill myself and this is just 'hmm maybe i should wear a hat for a week'#but still. very annoying. and especially so bc i was actually feeling optimistic with where we were going at the start#anyway there's this weird phenomenon that keeps happening where I accidentally get my hair cut too short#then i decide this is going to be the time i finally grow my hair out for real#and after a while the back reaches that length where it starts bothering me again#and ill get a haircut juuust for a trim#then i somehow end up with a bowlcut#it's an emo bowlcut to be clear. so im not super hung up about it bc i still love that haircut for reasons i cannot comprehend#but everybody else seems to go 'ew a bowlcut why' except for the alt queers who go 'omg gender'#which i consider to be one of the biggest compliments i could ever get. and have gotten. seriously that moment will never leave my mind#like having someone that you consider Gender to look at you and say *you're* very gender? my crops have been watered my cattle have been fed#etc etc. anyway this currently has the shape of a bowl cut but it's too short esp on top#so im back in my 'okay im gonna grow it our FOR REAL this time' phase again. as it goes. like fucking sisyphus.#anyway. im gonna be tearing it up in the pit at origami angel tomorrow so if anybody's also going feel free to join me there#just gotta let off some steam. goddammit i knew i should have gone the queer route and just done it myself. in my defense i still had a perm#and i didn't trust myself to cut curly hair. turns out i shouldn't have trusted the barber either bc she just held it straight out#and chopped right across. and soon the curls were gone and everything was straight. ...that sounds like a metaphor for conversion therapy#'yeah just head into that place by the time you leave you'll be straight'#anyway. sorry for the waterfall of tags if ur still here kudos to you and may you have a wonderful day#mine
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who knew that some agere people would be the worst type of people to exist (talking about you spinny)
#dont get your toddler army to do your anon hate and unblock me on discord if u want to talk#ik you act like a baby and thats fine but if youre bold enough to try to get me paranoid (and fail) then u should be bold enough to dm me#yknow without hiding yourself#either do that or leave us alone girl!! move on#like why do you preach about moving on to a new era and then actively seek out trouble ????#get a job or something#trying to make me think my bf is cheating on me is such a weird thing to do and a big low for you spinny. it's actually sad#the worst part youre not even good at doing it. youre making shit up from what you THINK you know & hiding behind ur friend#its okay to fall out of friendships and im not even trying to meddle with your life but you are literally actively seeking out problems#and thats so pathetic. especially when you paint yourself all high and might over us ??? clearly we tried everything for you#until we got to a point where we were literally drowning because we have other shit in our lives too#you keep losing friends and complain about it. maybe consider why??? because of lack of communication and empathy!! youre just mean!#especially to those who've always tried so hard to have your back and defend you! (buka and me!!!)#yet you didnt care. you dont communicate and expect us to read minds & you demand things#and u say that a real friend should know when to reach out & ya but when it gets to a point where i feel like im drowning? no thanks#im prioritizing myself and my mental health im sorry#not to mention i was ALWAYS IN THE MIDDLE IN YOUR BULLSHIT#so grow up. actually. and if you wanna dm me then unblock me and we can talk#if you want to keep hiding behind your toddler friends acting like youre all small and sweet and babies then go ahead but leave us alone?#at least ill have closure and finally come to terms that you're not rlly a good person and u use your illnesses to excuse ur behavior#because i still think about you and wish you were our friend but after everything thats happened (this being the cherry on top for ME)#then maybe you really just are a shitty person and you do more harm than good#soz to everyone else reading this just continue scrolling LOL#its drama cus an ex friend is sending their toddler militia on me for some reason???#delete later
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hm
thinking of my blorbos but not in a "i love you you love me all is well" way but a "i love you hope you kill me" way lol
#cylas vents#negativity#negative#death wish#lmao#bitches be like '[potentially concerning thing]' and then add 'lol' as if it's funny or a joke lmao#like i mean technically it's not but then again it is bc it's me. like yeah don't worry don't take this seriously don't mind me ok#it doesn't really matter anyway kk. or maybe it's more like I'm the joke.#like idk the thought that like most of my f/os would probably kill me on sight should be less comforting than it is i guess#imagine casually making posts like this and still being like 'ok but maybe im not actually mentally ill maybe im faking maybe im lying to#myself maybe im making excuses maybe im imagining things maybe im just lazy' etc etc#none of the antidepressants since fluoxetine decided it's over have done shit and even my psychiatrist now is always like 'hm. so do you#want to keep trying other things' and like yeah what else can i do? therapy didnt do anything for this specific issue and the tagesklinik#lady didnt really seem to get my issue (well her suggestions for like therapy groups or whatever were more about socialising or whatever#like ??? girl that's really not the main problem here lmao but she also did have a point about how i would have to actually go there every#day etc but like#what else am i supposed to do#hi i am always tired and sometimes struggle to even get out of bed and thats why i worry about getting a job or something bc it could become#too much or whatever but like unfortunately thats kind of a requirement for everything lmao#when psychiatrist asks what i want/expect or whatever i am internally like 'a magic pill that just fixes everything and makes me a normal#functional human being' but like that's just not A Thing (tm)#so. like. what else am i supposed to do.#i don't want to be like this forever#idk how to tag lmai#using stuff like#tw suicidality#tw suicidal#tw suicidal ideation#just feels so over the top and like i dont have the right to use them lol
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