#well i guess i didnt just now start having to do this ive been Pretending I Do Not See It with the movie stuff for a little while now

[sonknuxadow]

im fully aware that i need to stop forcing myself to engage with every new sonic thing immediately and finish it as quickly as possible . im working on that. but why did my first time having to actively practice being okay with being a little late to a major new sonic thing end up being a game i was looking forward to way more than any of the other new or upcoming sonic projects from the past year or so . tragic

[snekdood]

Its wild to me that theres probably people out there that think im someone who needs to be educated on misogyny n shit bc of whatever my ex says, as if "snake" the character wasnt intentionally a joke character- like mj picks on him ALL THE TIME for his dumb misogynistic beliefs n shit, and its literally always fucking been that way, lol

[spookberry]

Shadow High series 3 my new beloved

I didnt even like most of em until i saw them in person, but the knowledge that they'll probably never be in the show has my brain in a "well its free realestate" kinda mood

Random list of information cuz ive been plotting out friend dynamics and background lore

-i like to pretend Rainbow High/Shadow High are actually Rainbow University/Shadow University cuz im in art college Right Now and i think it makes more sense with the whole dorm room situation. And also major makes more sense than focus IMO

-I changed Pinkie's major from film to just undeclared. I think she eventually does land on Film. She just has a lot of interests! Her dream has always been to one day direct films, and I think she comes to love them even more while developing ideas her with the group as she winds up in a Director/Producer position for most of them. BUT also every time she takes a class in a different program she cant help but fall in love with that way of making art too. So she has a hard time picking for a while and changed her major a couple times before landing on Film.

-Pinkie and Berrie bond a lot over a shared interest in vocal synths (tho Berrie knows more about them than her).

-The two made Pinkie's vtuber model together!

-the fandom wiki says PJ is from germany?? Idk how canon that is tbh but ive decided to embrace it i guess

-Rooney's canon name is Scarlet Rose, but i thought it was kinda lame especially when Rosie Redwood is also in this line sooo I renamed her! Stuck to the color name puns tho. Mar Rooney. Maroon. Haha

-Speaking on her though i love that shes from texas and likes writing scifi mystery type stuff and that being said i just Know deep in my bones that she was a Voltron Legendary Defender fan and Keith was/is 100% her favorite. She has a continued fondness for mothman specifically cuz of this.

-PJ and Rooney actually talk about fandom and shows/movies ALL the time. They dont have a ton of overlapping interests, but where they do? The two literally never shut up.

-Rosie is such a random character, like outside of her design she feels very poorly considered. So I scrapped the cosmetology thing and made her an illustrator instead! I think it works better with her love of making art in nature. I can see her being really into illustrated guide books. I think shes a bit snooty when it comes to art too. It takes being friends with other artists to become more open minded.

-I like the idea that Rosie is mainly friends with Rooney and Berrie ontop of that. The three of them often tag team storylines and how theyd interpret them into different mediums. Rosie will draw up a bunch of concept stuff while Rooney writes up a pitch bible and Berrie will start making shit move and throwing in her own ideas on camera angles and character designs.

-as an animation major Berrie was required to take a sound design class early on, which is where she met Oliver! Hes very laid back, and likes to go with the flow, but functions a little like the "mom" of the group. Often reminding the girls to take breaks, drink water, stop looking at their screens lest they get eye strain etc. He's multi-talented tbh but Music is his one true passion and he likes how the girls are always giving him collaboration opportunities.

-Oliver and Rosie like to talk sports a lot, both having played a bunch when they were younger and throughout high school.

-Lavender Lynn is Oliver's number one "person who needs constant reminders to settle down" she is in a constant buzz of trying to get the best shots and is utterly obsessed with the process of artistic documentation. Everything must be documented.

-the whole school loves her for this actually, she has a whole side gig where other students hire her to help photograph their projects. She saves everything she earns from this for her future dream plans to visit paris. She has it set really, many of the artists who she helps photograph now will remain steadfast clients of hers forever onward.

-PJ and Lynn actually took a print media class together at one point. Which didnt at the time spark an everlasting friendship. But it did give PJ an easier in to ask for Lynn's help documenting a project the group was working on. One of Lynn's first times photographing them work happened to fall on a day where Rosie had planned to trick everyone into going on a nature walk sans devices... Lynn wound up really appreciating this outing and decided to continue hanging around the group even after that project had ended.

[sillylittlelemon]

HELLO!! ok sorry I’m not sure if ur still doing match ups so u can just ignore this if u want but could I get a saiki k and a hazbin hotel matchup <33

- I’m a certified yapper and I will ramble on about my interests for hours

- Im a big people pleaser and I try my best to make everyone around me feel comfortable and appreciated

- I tend to tolerate toxic behaviour just to avoid abandonment

- Im a romcom enthusiast and a bit of a film buff

- I like loads of music and singers but lately I’ve been loving my bloody valentine , salvia palth , alex g and Tyler the creator.

- My love languages are probably acts of service and physical touch.

- My humour is kinda all over the place and Im a sucker for dad jokes and well thought out dirty jokes

- I’m a hopeless romantic and I would probably fall head over heels for anyone who shows the slightest amount of interest in me

Okay- i wasnt sure about your sexuality (or gender) so ill do short headcannons for two characters i think youd fit with (seperatly not poly)

Sorry to my other requests im working as i go- right now tumblr is a passion project so ive gotta feel like- i dunno 'the spark' to actually get it done, but i promiseim trying

ALSO just a warning to anyone who reads/requests saiki k stuff, its been a bit sincei watched the show and also i donthave anywhere ican watch it currently so characters areprobably atleast a little ooc

This chick-

(I make a vauge reference to a little spice in her part but nothing explicit or bad)

And this guy-

YES. I know they have totally different vibes but hear me out.

He gives such 'im a big tough guy, but please love me in secret and call me your favorite boy'

she gives such 'im a brat but im your brat and actually i just want love and attention because i look like i would have major mommy issues'

And i dunno it just works

He would def be a cuddle bug once the walls are down and yall have bonded more and your in private(read: MUST be in private bc bb boy is defensive and dont f with pda), i feel like hes the type to hold you on his chest and rub your back (yall are laying on his/your couch or bed) and when he thinks your asleep he starts murmuring under his breath about how he's so glad you got past his walls- about how it means so much to him that you put up with his bs. This def lead to you pretending to be asleep more often so you can hear in words how he really feels, because lets be honest, words dont always equal feelings, and sometimes (i.e most times) he doesnt say it how he means it.

Now HER on the other hand-

All. Over. You.

Like..

Lowkey her?

Shes just so happy to HAVE you, right? Like- soulmates or not, youre hers. She adores you. Worships the ground you walk on, praises you breathless in more ways than one. Shes so confident- like... even if she isnt ACTUALLY, she portrays it so well, and she Hypes. You. Up. 24/7, 365. No matter if youre short, tall, heavy, skinny, freckled, dark, pale, or anywhere in between. She is making sure everyone knows youre her girl (or boy or whatever but based on your sentence structure im guessing female?) [NOT MEANT TO BE OFFENSE I SWEAR I JUST IMAGINED YOU BEING FEMALE?] -oh god im gunna get cancelled-

N-E-Ways

Same here but itll be just generally better bc im more caught up with this fandom lol

He is this

But he wants to be this so bad

Sir precious for my darling precious

And

His love lmao

Sir Precious is 100% angel material (take that sera you bitch 🤟😝) He's just.... precious. Lmao. We've seen how flustered he gets with Cherry and imagine that but like- in an ACTUAL relationship with pda and shit. Like- stuttering, panicking, but also completely soothed by the hand currently resting in his? So many conflicting emotions, y'knowwww... he might need a kiss to get his head straight? Or maybe two? Hmmm, no that didnt work- lets try three, third times a charm right? *cue pentious sly+nervous smile* Would 100% bury his face in your tits/chest (under much encouragement and reassurance even more now that his minions spill the tea that hes been talking in his sleep about this very moment)

-can we talk about the smooth bass in the finale?-

-poor husk, man was singing and smiling like his soul was free-

Why do i feel like this is right up her alley?

Onto Miss Bomb,

She's a lot more brash in her affections. Not afraid to tug you down to her level and suck your soul out through your lips. Def had an emo phase when she was alive (if shes not still in it) She just.. loves you. Like her and angel you guys bicker, but i feel like while youre bickering she has her chin resting on your chest/tits, staring up at you with the slyest smirk and biggest heart eyes known to demon AND man kind.

[mcytblr-archive]

Early MCYTblr Interviews: fraseris

today's interviewee is fraseris/dukeborninfebruary, who ran the quack-ity "kinnie" blog, started the hermitblr "geckohc" tag, and has been in MCYTblr from the beginning! below are the questions and answers.

Q. What was your overall experience in early MCYTblr?

A. i had a great time honestly. it was such a hyperactive fandom because there were new hours of content daily, and like a lot of others i was doing pandemic school which meant basically doing nothing all day. this feels strange to say now that the world is pretending to be back to normal, but this whole online world was basically my life for an entire school year. and i think we were using the content and fanspace to ignore reality as hard as possible, because shit sucked severely. so everybody was very deeply invested and dedicated in a way that you just can't have anymore. and at least before the exile arc, when the fandom really blew up (esp i think on stan twitter) it was a relatively small fandom. when things got on trending we celebrated. so it was a really well connected space and we had a lot of fun with our mutual obsessions. ive never been in a fandom like that before and i probably never will be again

Q. If my memory serves, you ran the "kinnie" imposter blog quack-ity. What was that experience like?

A. well, i was not good at impersonating quackity at all. which made it harder to actually scare people and funnier when I actually did freak out a few. a friend who i met in sleepyheads told me that things had been too quiet since tubblr and velvetiscake so i just kinda did it. i stayed up until like 4 am two nights in a row before i gave up. it was really fun watching sleepyheads try to figure it out. someone in there did decide it was me and eventually i had to admit that they were right. i could've been more strategic but i didnt care all that much and i did break a record for hours without revealing myself!! but then zonebur broke that. ive always credited myself with reviving the art of kinnie blogs after like a month of silence, because after quack-ity there was zonebur and the niki blog and many others. i tried a ranboo imposter blog but nobody cared because this was a few weeks before he joined the dream smp. i also had another quackity imposter blog but by then it was too late and people were bored with us

Q. As I remember, you were the first blog to receive the "gay kroger anon" copypasta. What do you remember about that phenomena?

A. well, i was not good at impersonating quackity at all. which made it harder to actually scare people and funnier when I actually did freak out a few. a friend who i met in sleepyheads told me that things had been too quiet since tubblr and velvetiscake so i just kinda did it. i stayed up until like 4 am two nights in a row before i gave up. it was really fun watching sleepyheads try to figure it out. someone in there did decide it was me and eventually i had to admit that they were right. i could've been more strategic but i didnt care all that much and i did break a record for hours without revealing myself!! but then zonebur broke that. ive always credited myself with reviving the art of kinnie blogs after like a month of silence, because after quack-ity there was zonebur and the niki blog and many others. i tried a ranboo imposter blog but nobody cared because this was a few weeks before he joined the dream smp. i also had another quackity imposter blog but by then it was too late and people were bored with us

Q. What are some common criticisms of creators that you remember from 2020-2021?

A. i remember when i first joined the tumblr fandom (august 2020) there was a lot of controversy surrounding dream. this was before all his infamous no-pr-team social media outbursts, and the speedrun cheating allegations, and him legitimately grooming kids. honestly I didn't understand what he had actually done back then and i dont really know now. my best guess is that it was the dream team crit people's theories leaking out. it was always just a general "dream is racist" with no real evidence, at least that i saw. because of that the dream smp and fandom was disliked even before the growth in dec 2020, when people really started hating it. looking back i think a lot of that criticism and those rumors were true but at the time I didn't care and definitely felt uncomfortable criticizing friends of My Streamers theres also the sleepy bois callout. that seriously rocked the boat because this was basically the height of their viewcounts (jan ? 2021?) like tommy was getting over 100k viewers every stream and wilbur was getting almost as many. the eventual consensus from sleepyblr as i saw it was that this was all too old to be legitimate grounds for "cancelling." then there were some apologies, i think, and people were pissed at techno for never even acknowledging any of it. but I don't think it really effected their following. the people who liked them and wanted to watch them kept watching them. and in the end that callout didn't even scratch the surface of what wilbur had done. i will say that the main crit of tommy was that he was being negatively influenced by the adults around him and he "needs to be saved from them" or something like that. which unfortunately rings true in the wake of his statement and lack thereof about wilburs' serial abuse of younger people. its depressing to look back on because of that and also because of techno's death. at the time it really showed how people (myself included) attached their own worth to streamers' presence and the parasocial relationship between them. the amount of guilt and panic i saw was crazy

ALSO! when callmecarson was publicly outed as a groomer in jan 2021. that didn't make nearly as much controversy in the dream smp fandom as the other callouts, but at least in the spaces i was a part of like gay castle and associates there were a lot of people who had been smplive fans in the years before. at least two other creators from smplive had similarly been outed before, so it wasn't the first time, but caron definitely caused the remaining fandom to deteriorate. it also put lunch club's life and death in such a negative light and ruined it for a lot of people, because we had never understood the full story before

there was also the drama surrounding jawsh and noah hugbox. there was always negativity about stans (meaning the twitter fanbase) in the smplive world and jawsh started controversy by tweeting negatively about them and about dream. hugbox and him both brought in a sort of redditor anti-sjw vibe to the debate and mostly argued with dream on twitter because dream was always a huge supporter of stan culture and one of those people who told their chat "i love you" all the time, so they really disliked him. of course he acted just as ridiculous as them. this whole thing is where the original "dont stop the party" video came from. a lot of people on tumblr found the whole thing silly but there were also some people as offended and opinionated as most of twitter, who straight up cancelled josh and noah. one of my dearest mcytblr memories is my friends and i staying up late and laughing at noah hugbox's joker act together

the most general criticism of all of these streamers was that they promoted unhealthy parasocial relationships. that mindset was mostly in the crit spaces before the fandom really grew in december, but it became a big deal in the philosophy of the fandom. I'd been complaining about parasocial relationships for a while, but more on the side of viewers than streamers, and i was pissed off when the larger fandom turned it into a nothing-word. i also remember people disliking tubbos politics because he was basically centrist & confused with a touch of young tory ignorance. but myself and my friends and the people i followed were overwhelming uncritical of everyone

Q. As I remember it, you were also a fan of smplive. How do you think the two fandoms interacted/influenced each other?

A. (apologies to people who were actually active participants in smpblr if this isnt comprehensive.) smpblr was very anti-stan, anti-rpf, and so it was really at odds with smptwt where the exact opposite was true. the smp-boundaries account is a consequence of this. people would follow those posts like law and if you broke a boundary and didnt apologize well enough you would be ostracized. maybe this discourse wasnt so central to the fandom during the height of smplive, but by the time i was lurking in later 2019 it seemed to be the main topic of discussion. i think that this mindset really informed sections of the early dream smp fandom, but most people in 2020 stuck somewhere between the two extremes. the transition between the casual real life streaming on smplive and the character roleplay on the dream smp was definitely rough. i don't think there was ever a time when the true boundaries of what was and was not acceptable to discuss or create were set. generally you could treat the characters like characters and make art and write about them, but you could get in trouble with some people for depicting gore or anything sexual including sexual orientation or transness. and some spaces accepted rpf while others hated it with a burning passion. the fandom mellowed out over time and the characters were accepted fully as their own characters, but at least as i saw it took a while

Q. What do you remember about "smprompa"?

A. for a long time smprompa was a white whale. i led a short crusade trying to find it and had some genuinely great finds submitted by anons (i believe under the tag 'hunt for smprompa' or 'search for smprompa' or something on my blog.) but we didnt get anywhere close to the full text. it was a cultural artifact that i dont think many of us approved of, but we wanted it because of its significance to the smplive fandom and creators. when it was discovered by gay castle folks my mind was a little blown

[videostak]

rly strange weird thing happened last night that kinda has me in a idk just CYCLICAL feeling cause some1 who ghosted me like 4 years ago (i knew them from high school and they ghosted me like a year or so after it ended) and last night they texted me acting like nothing happened and just started up a conversation. well they said sorry but u kno just on the side like as if it hadnt been like 4 years.. this was like at 11 at night too so i dont kno i entertained the idea of conversation thinking she'd like kinda go more into why she hasnt contacted me these past 4 years. she's not one of the people i was particularly closee close to or even connected particularly well so it didnt even hurt me too bad when she ghosted me so like i dont even or cant even summon up the energy to like call her out on it cause i dont feel too strong abt it but it is v strange and .... weird. actually got a text in like idk 2020 or 2021 from a random number presumed someone i removed from my contacts apologizing for being m i a saying theyd make it up to me but when i asked who it was and that i mustve removed them from my contacts they didnt respond lol. i wonder if that was her. but also there were like 2 other people it also couldve been i wished i remembereed exactly what the text said cause if that previous text said m i a it couldve been the same person cause she also said m i a in reference to it . anyways i talked for a bit about how things were n stuuff but feel very dirty abt it . just letting someone treat me like shit and walk all over me again with no regards to my feelings like its been a long time since ive even talked to someone i kno irl so it feels so cyclical again and also my fault the way i act like completeley ok w/ ppl just treating me however and picking things back up whenever they want to. and also like idk the nerve of ghosting someone for 4 years and not even saying who u are when u do text them back like assuming theyd still have u in their contacts lol.. tho idk she did say that it wasnt just me and that she hadnt messaged any1 for like the past few years idk its v strange to not give any further explanation when it was getting later at night i texted that i was gonna go to sleep n stuff and she didnt respond and she hasnt texted today yet but its still p early i kinda hope she doesnt like idk we literally dont even have a single thing in common and i def feel like we have less in common now than back then. i also like idk dont rly kno what to do. im hoping she doesnt message again but i guess if she continues to ill be like umm hey lol. idk its so easy for ppl to walk all over me and make me do whatever like idk i think i really am easily manipulated as dumb as it sounds. like i v rarely object to being made to do things but theres no reason for me to even attempt to rekindle a friendship andthe fact that she message presumably intending to do so has to mean she like mustve gotten into a argument or smthn w/ her friends or smthn or that theres something idk. just made me feel so dirty and gross last night texting pretending

[melancholiaenthroned]

BERNARD for the ask game >:)

HELPPP ok

first impression: ok i got into comics right around the time tim came out so my first impression was very much the general publics of "robin has a boyfriend!" i read the urban legends story about that first and thought it was fine! i liked it well enough. then bc it mentioned that bernard was a friend was high school i went back and read his original appearences and idk i just loved him... he was silly and he was posturing and nobody really liked him except tim LOL. his friendship and crush on darla was also rlly rlly sweet and i got rlly attached to the trio of them. i also rlly liked his og design w the longer hair and sunglasses. i thought the conspiracy theorist thing was rlly fun esp w how close hed get to the truth and tim would have to be like "what ur so crazy hahaha where would batman get MULTIPLE robins".

impression now: im gonna be honest my peak bernard phase was before tim drake robin started when i was really really excited to see more of this character id gotten attached to... erm. in a post tdr world ive kind of distanced myself from him bc he feels like an entirely different guy. which is fine! presumably hes aged and i wouldnt want to live like my high school self forever. that being said, the ways that he is the same feel a bit like a parody now. his conspiracies r way more outlandish and supernaturally based than they used to be, and they way theyve kind of written it so seems like he knew he was gay/bi back in highschool which doesnt rlly read as true to me having read those highschool appearances. hes just tims boyfriend, who knew he was gay before tim did and was just kind of waiting for him, i guess. i do like the chaos cult, i like that in the unspecified time away from tim his life was like. completely fucked. but now that tim is there it feels like hes just been flattened back out. the last few issues of tdr actually started focusing more on his issues specifically w his parents and the cult but. you know. cancelled.

favorite moment: he was so so scared to talk to darla he was like "losers like us cant talk to cool girls like her tim... shes friends with jocks" and then tim goes up to her and the jocks are all nice and polite normal guys and darlas like yeah u guys seem fun. and its just like. he was completely overreacting. like so much for his claims of being a social chameleon 😭 and then next issue darlas just a part of their group and theyre acting like theyve been best friends forever. i think for as much as he pretends to be like. a cool guy who doesnt care that he has no friends. its a rlly nice moment of showing that hes actually really anxious and self conscious and he wishes he could reach out to people but once he has the opportunity he latches on to ppl and doesnt let go. and i also rlly like when darla comes back and he finds out she has powers and his first reaction is like. my life sucks so bad can i come and be ur sidekick. like man:-( he was funny for it though! shoot ur shot

idea for a story: ok this is for a hypothetical "possible in comics" story and not like. a fic. so its not super bernard focused BUT they need to bring darla back now im not joking anymore where is she. idk what the status of shadowpact is post rebirth i dont think it exists anymore? but whatever. tim gets a case that leads him back to louis grieve where we can get a recap for ppl who didnt read or dont remember what happened back then. he can be like heres where i met bernard^_^ also the horrors. anyway the case has smth to do w the mob&darlas family and so he manages to get in contact w her and obviously shes like. i have no connection to that life anymore im not helping and i dont want to remember this. but reluctant team up👍 anyway bernard plays into this bc i think tim keeps it from him whats going on in the case bc he doesnt know that bernard was actually the first to know when darla came back and he doesnt want to upset him by bringing up old memories bc they Never talk about the shooting. and laura obviously isnt telling bernard bc she has no idea he and tim r dating so hes kept completely out of the loop and tim and darla/laura r NOT getting along. he keeps calling her darla and hes whinier than she remembers and theyre getting nowhere in the case bc they dont work very well together. i would also rlly want an issue where it goes over how each of them experienced the day of the shooting and there r small differences in each one to highlight how time has warped their memories and how theyre all a little unreliable. and each of them would be done by different artists 👍 anyway eventually bernard stumbles upon the case and hes pissed off at tim for keeping from him "darla was my friend too" you know. and smth he remembers about that day but the others dont (too caught up in the gang war/being robin) helps solve the case^_^ and hes able to help tim and laura get along again and they part on good terms w bernard and laura staying in touch. and at some point while he and tim r fighting he confronts tim for fucking off after the shooting and not reaching out to bernard until years later, and how bernard was completely left alone after one his best friends died and the other immediately moved away.

unpopular opinion: whyyyy does he want to be a chef its stupid sorry. emt or nurse bernard is the most important thing in the world to me i have no idea why they chose "chef" for his career path but it annoys me to no end. its another thing that just feels flat about his new character. like even if instead of being motivated by his history with unable to save darla from the shooting+the cult he was scared of wounds and violence and avoided it... why chef? idk itd be fun if he wanted to be like a radio host or smth that actually fit his personality. i think money should also be a bigger motivater for him bc he always read as like. upper middle class new money to me whos parents cut him off when he came out. like maybe if they showed him working as a line cook or an actual job i could understand him growing a passion for it but hes just like. a rich foodie. like what.

favorite relationship: he and tim i guess LOL who else does he have. him and darla for friendship and also i think it wouldve been cute if they had dated for a bit in highschool<3

favorite headcanon: i think he should be angrier at tim. for missing dates, for not telling him hes robin, for everything. hes too nice. or if theyre set on the nice thing i think it should be framed as him being a bit of a people pleaser/pushover post cult bc hes scared of tim leaving him and either way tim should have to address being kind of a shitty boyfriend. a nicer one is i think duke would be his favorite of tims siblings:-) hes not weird to bernard like i think the others would kind of be (shovel talk from dick would make me kms) and bernard never had any siblings so he kind of treats duke like a younger brother and tries to like, help duke with his homework, despite the fact that duke is definitely doing better in school than bernard did. i dont know if duke like. likes bernard but hell actually respond to his attempts at bonding unlike damian who has him blocked.

[divorcingjimmatthews]

pas de deux reactions (shorter than last time i swear)

elgin fucking hero???? the fucking guts???????? this van ride is giving me a heart attack

ive seen the promo pics i know theyll get in but im here like what if they dont open the doors for them in time?? or at all? i havent seen elgin in the promo pics oh my god. but hes so new theyre not killing him here. right. right??????

oh thank god

shit dale really did do ellis good like oh my god the poor dude

he better not die i dont want him to die and he might and im so hurt and anxious rn

did yall know kristi's acress is actually a medical professional? apparently they hired her before they even knew that

anyway back to the angsting

im gonna die

i cant look i cant look i cant look

the blood oh my god

boyd is so good at pretending like hes not dying inside to comfort fatima and ellis like i get that he screwed up big time with the sara secret but man what this dude has done for all these people at the cost of himself... :( boyd appreciation post

its so sad to see him ask for help and people not really believing him thoo like yeah he doesnt have proof and hes not used to asking for help so it comes off unnatural and like hes delusional but man thats #relatable af

NOT A BLOOD TRANSFUSION BOYDS BLOODS GOT THE FUCKING WORMS IN IT IM GONNA LOSE MY MIND 😭😭😭

also poor jim he's so commited to his experiment theory and people are starting to look at him weird for it but i'm so on his side jim you keep at it you're on to something! i believe in you

the way the pieces are all fitting together here oh boy

man i dont remember my blood type i guess this is how i die in fromville

boyd im sorry but it's a worms or death situation over here. unless someone else is O-negative

KENNY 👏👏👏

hes a big boy nowww and im so proud

damn i really didnt think boyds mental situation would get him to the point where he's risking his son's life?! if someone else got this bad after sara i thought that'd be jade. i tought boyd was too main character for this. im sorry boyd. i didn't see how bad you were doing i assumed you'd just be able to keep pushing through because you're you. i'm sorry boyd. i'm ashamed of myself. this deterioration happened before my eyes and i was like nahh he's okay

theyre stealing this mans blood at gunpoint

THEY CAN SEE THE WORMS???

maybe edgin is O-negative too my poor sweet not-good-with-blood heroic boy

KENNY?????

KKKKENNY???????????

"GIVE IT TO ME" THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING

THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING OH MY GOD

are these people gonna be passing the worms around like a hot potato like. could kenny theoretically... give it back after the transfusion's done??

boyd we're gonna need this fucking blood rn

BOYD?????

I DONT WANT YOUR IDEA BOYD

BOYD?????????

your son is dying boyd

no one can say anything about recklessness to my boy randall after this

he's gonna kill a creature somehow isnt he

fatima must be having 20 heart attacks per second rn

it's our dear smiley poster boyyyy

oh there's more creatures. i thought it was gonna be a 1 to 1 faceoff to echo the episode's title

im not even that sure that boyd is gonna survive this anymore

i mean he HAS to he's the main character but holy hell

im losing my mind

kenny watching through the window like what can you even do about that

hows he gonna get the blood at him like suck it from his hand and spit it or like what

why is he so confident that this is gonna work

i guess him being like this is what got them the talismans like if he didnt come across the talismans he wouldve been so dead in the forest back then and ellis wouldnve died too

but its like this place kind of hhmmm rewards whatever the fuck boyds doing? it seems to work out for him somehow. but martin was the same way and well.

THE SMILEY BITCH IS NOT BLEEDING

oh my good

ellis is dying while this is happening

boyd really said wait hold on a sec i need to rid myself of this blood curse real quick ill be right back

MY BLOOD IS YOUR BLOOD NOW MOTHERFUCKER

ngl watching someone go on the offensive is so cathartic but i can admit that if i was in that clinic i would be losing my mind and not okay with this at all

IT DIDNT WORK???????

OH IT DID

no fucking wayyyyy

the nightmare creature's friends just ignoring him dying like not even scared a little bit???? they just showed they can kill you bro come on. must be unable to feel fear or something

oh yeah okay they were gathering around him and not around boyd damnnnnnnnn i cant believe this is happening

theyre CONFUSED

Boyd really fucking did that oh my god

the monsters are such bad friends to each other they dont give a fuck

i dont do so good with blood either. elgin i get u bro

the padlock on the medicine cabinet ouchie ouchie

donna and ethan are an interaction i wasnt expecting but theyre neat-o

sorry that jade isn't in the episode guys. i borrowed him for giving him hugs and kisses. i'll give him back for the next one dw. yeah victor's here too i'm giving him chocolate chip cookies. they're ok don't worry for them. sara's in the other room having a milkshake i felt kinda bad for her yeah

ethan is asking the real questions

DONNA DHSJDHSJDHSH i love her

ethan 🥺🥺

ETHAN 😭😭😭

donna...

AW donna

THE HUG THE HUG THE HUG

Boyd youre not okay oh my god this man

oh fatima 🥺

OH SHIT

"We shouldve trusted you" no listen it worked out by fucking miracle okay

what an episode dammit

[qualityempathshoebear]

18th Birthday and Obsessions

Im 18; an adult. Thats fun I think. I honestly dont feel much different than I did yesterday. Today was whatever; my mom and brother said happy birthday. My dad and sister did not. Im not sure if my dad said it and I just didnt hear It but ill make sure tmr. My sister absolutely did not say happy birthday which im honestly happy about. I dont need that insidious energy.

I hope 18 is a year of success, freedom, fun, love and new opportunities and experiences.

I spent the day watching a movie actually! I watched Barbarian (Check letterboxd for a super short review lol). But dont worry Im planning on celebrating at this restaurant in the city with some friends. Some I would consider more friends than others. Im also inviting the friend of boy 2 (you know, the one that "set us up"). I want to get her drunk (in a consensual way obviously) and hope that she spills some tea on him. I have a feeling that hes talking to this one black girl that goes to journalism club at my school and who is also friends with this one gay boy (not relevant) in my class. I actually went to poland with him and the girl that set me up with boy 2. Anyway, the reason I think theyre talking is becaue he has been liking her letterboxd reviews and follows her now (although he didnt like her most recent review).

Also, UGHH I think im going crazy. Im lowkey obsessed with boy 2 even though he has had me on opened for 10 weeks (well I guess i technically left him on opened in a way). Ive gone as far as to make fake letterboxd accounts pretending to be my "friends" from back home (im using their photos and names lol; i think that may be a crime actually lol) and have been commenting back and forth with myself to make him jealous. AKA, Im absolutely losing my fucking mind. I wish he had tried harder and seemed more interested because I would honestly have loved to give it another shot in another world. There is just no way I can handle a boy rn. Im still not over it, even though its been so long and i technically ended it. Its affected my academics and my procrastination and lack of care has gotten worse. Two days ago I handed in my application for my dream uni and halfassed the applicaiton (did it all in like 1 hour) and missed out on two full essays. There is absolutly NO WAY im getting in there now and ive just wasted an early decision application. Im sort of just ignoring the fact that I did that because I cant afford to fall into a depressive state with mock exams two weeks away.

Note: I hope we wont have to talk about boy 2 again but If i do ill start referring to him as "LK".

Thank you so much for being here, loca (haha twilight reference). Bye sexy!! and until next time :)

OMG ALSO JUST REMEMBERED! IM SO OVER CEASER SALAD I HAVE NOT THOUGHT OF HIM AT ALLLLLLL! AND HES WITH SOME GIRL I THINK. HONESTLY GOOD FOR HIM!!!

[funshinebf]

oops i ended up rambling a lot so im putting this under a cut, basically its my trigun modern au thoughts for the main 4 (plus kuroneko) so yea. hi

modern au to me vash and meryl have been besties since middle school. when they first met meryl had a crush on him but then she got to know him more and was like he's kind of pathetic actually. and after her crush went away they developed more of a siblingy friendship vibe, always bickering and annoying eachother but still ready to throw down for the other at the drop of a hat. and milly and wolfwood dated in highschool and were eachother's first like everythings. and then they both realized they were gay and broke up amicably and stayed really good friends.

milly and meryl meet when they work at the same place ofcourse. coworkers to friends to lovers moment. at first meryl is kind of astonished at milly's... everything, and like she wants to not be endeared by her but like. its milly. everyone is endeared by her! meryl was doomed from the start to fall in love. and milly is equally head over heels but shes soooo much better at being casual about it than meryl is. meryl is chill most of the time but she very frequently gets flustered as fuck around milly and becomes kind of a mess. meanwhile milly just acts as sweet and silly as she always does, so meryl gets all in her head about it like ohh she probably doesnt feel the same way since shes always so calm. but in reality milly is like haha i would do anything for this small and loud pretty woman and she daydreams about their wedding all the time. and milly flirts with her all the time but meryl is always like "oh surely she didnt mean it that way! lots of things milly says come out the wrong way, she just doesnt realize how it sounded!" but milly was doing it on purpose and is getting increasingly distressed over how else she could make it obvious to meryl. eventually she just straight up tells her like meryl i have romantic feelings for you and have had them for a while now! ive been flirting with you for ages but you always brush me off! and meryl is like THAT WAS ALL ON PURPOSE? milly OF COURSE IT WAS ON PURPOSE! and the misunderstanding is resolved and they start dating. at this point in my head the main four already all live together so i think eventually millymeryl would just. silently combine their rooms. they dont tell vash and wolfwood when they do though because they dont want either of them to try and claim the now extra room, nor make it a shared space. they LIKE having two rooms thank you very much. they get caught at some point and vash gets all pouty about it but wolfwood is like thats fucking hilarious. i would do the same. great job girls. and the girls get to keep their extra room of course.

as for vashwood i think they meet by chance and have like. the opposite of a meetcute. at first theyre like oh this guys an asshole! and think thats it. but then milly and meryl start hanging out more and they introduce their respective besties, which oops surprise they already know eachother! because they were both dicks to eachother in public one time! and its awkward as fuck at first but they end up accidentally bonding over like. well knowing them they probably do something nice for some random kid and thats how they start to be like "hmm maybe i didnt give this guy enough credit, he does seem like a nice dude. ill be easier on him now i guess" and like they still love to annoy eachother. but they have found like a mutual comraderie over it. its all good natured bickering and ribbing. and they both find it entertaining to team up and annoy meryl as much as possible. i think at some point they would both just realized like, oh shit hes one of my best friends and also i think im in love with him? well we dont have time to unpack all that! and they both try to pretend theyre normal. and fail. i think they would end up hooking up after a party or something similar and freak out but then agree on like a fwb situation. and they still are refusing to confess to eachother or believe that their feelings could be reciprocated. meryl wants to hurt them but milly is like ohh meryl theyll figure it out, they just need time! so meryl tries her best to stay out of it and not kill them in their sleep. shes being so brave and strong and were all so proud of her. and idk what would end up making vashwood confess but i think it would be like, some kind of frightening event where theyre afraid of losing eachother. so they finally just go for it cause they dont wanna risk never telling the other how they feel and losing the chance to. and so they FINALLY get their shit together and kiss or whatever. all is well for them.

btw as previously stated all four of them would be roommates in my mind. and kuroneko is their shared cat that adopted them by force one day. milly is the best with kuro, shes very affectionate and sweet and spoils her, and kuro knows it and loves it. meryl sometimes gets frustrated with kuro and doesnt think kuro likes her that much, but they get along pretty well and dont have any issues. vash LOVES kuro and wants to pet her all the time but kuro is so cold to him and it breaks his heart so bad. every now and then she will show him a tiny spot of affection and it keeps him going for months. wolfwood would be like "dads with the cat they didnt want" he would act all annoyed by her and deny liking her but that is his baby and hes carrying her on his shoulders and cooking her fresh chicken to eat because its good for her health and it would be rude to cook chicken for everyone else's dinner and not include her. he buys her collars with cute bows and patterns but if any of the others asked him he would say someone else in the house is responsible. he isnt fooling anyone.

anyways thats my goofy lighthearted 3 am modern au ideas. millymeryl and vashwood 4ever in my mind palace

[0thsense]

11/29/2023

It's been a while since nippon and nothing good has happened. That's not really true but it is true I haven't made progress on my goals. I've even made negative progress on lifting and running. Or maybe sideways who cares im just not dedicated enough. why do i bother with good grammar on these posts just let it go bro.

I did well on the osu tournament at least, but ive gotta give up on that shit. just play for fun and casual improvement. I fucked up my wrist the other day too and it still hurts. It kinda hurts to type to be honest. tumblr can fuck off with the spellcheck btw. i talked to Peter about his journaling and im starting to think that my thoughts are just way more cringe than average. ur telling me everyone else doesnt have to hold back cringe all the time? i love being cringe is the problem

one thing I remember feeling on the way to see my pt is that i think i like feeling sad. the type of sad where id like to say its something other than self pity but its probably just self pity. god im so reluctant to say im falling into a common trap that is wallowing in self pity.

oh yea I started taking caffeine pills and not taking medication. I don't think its helping so far but I feel less shit all the time. is it time to truly give up? im scared that im losing my mental faculties. I remember I used to try to optimize everything i did. which i thought was dumb at the time because I would proceed to waste all the extra time I had. but now I dont have that drive to optimize anymore. i dont believe in myself to be different anymore. in fact its a struggle to even be normal.

i dont know if ive talked about this before but I tried to go for a route in my life where I wouldnt have to learn to be normal. if I got far enough doing special weird things then people would accept that I didnt have to be normal, and theyd even praise me for it. but now that ive fallen off the wagon I have to just be behind on being normal instead. I hate the feeling that other people will look at me and think I was wrong all along.

Im so doomer in these posts. I guess getting off the medication wasnt enough to stave away the depression. I didnt even do anything today either programming wise. Theres a month left, and its december. maybe i should just start leetcoding now. I say that cuz its the normal thing to say but there is no way I start before the new year. time to pretend to be happy for the holidays.

im worried that it will be difficult to find a job. i want to find a job in new york but i need to find a position that lets me afford rent. i have a limited number of people i can reach out to for referrals and if those dont pan out im probably in deep trouble and will need to take whatever i can get.

there's a channel called hoe_math on yt that has blackpilled views but surprisingly its really popular. the couple vids i watched were entertaining and agreeable and im scared of watching more and becoming a misogynist. the old me would not have been scared. watch and sift the new information and try to remain as objective as possible keeping in mind all of your own biases. now im a thinking plebian. what happened to me? i ask as i know the answer perfectly well.

also i think im bad at diagnosing my own mental state. after taking molly for the first time i could barely tell i felt anything. that probably has an effect on my diet for example, where my instinct on what i need to eat is dull. is this linked to not being in touch with my emotions? ur feelings are partly a reflection of your body's state after all.

i cant even finish this stupid pong game. any mental obstacle that i think will take like an hour is just too much. the true test of will is the will that can give consistent effort day after day. i wonder how neurotypicals feel. does it also feel literally impossible for them to do certain things? what does it mean to just not want to do something? determinism wise everything either happens or is impossible. i have a hard time relating that to the things adhd stops me from doing. maybe the reason im more inclined to believe determinism is that adhd makes the illusion of choice much weaker.

[azlovesem]

This situation is relative to any other stupid situation ive ever been in. Ine time i was tripstone Pete and Ryo of all people. These are teo kids ive fone one or teo things with. I knew them since high school certain shit only they could be trusted. Your high school friends or people you knew back then are most trustable then dome fucin crook from the west end thats for sure. So we re fucked celebrating a little too hard, things hot out of hand on the way back from the caper. Like 20 000 worth of something i cant remember. That was usually the minimum number or why bother. Expensive something. Well we came to a T intersection and i giess i didnt notice i was goin way too fast. We hot the gravel then slid off into the ditch. In a stolen car all fucked up with work in the car. They were worried i guess i should have been. Now anyone coming along especially police wanna help you. Or check if youre impaired at least since youbended up in the ditch on a nice summers night. I said ill be right back and they were surprised how fast i pulled up in s brand new car. Well a few years old but a car other than the one in the ditch. Luckily in this part of the world you can do all this and not one car will drive by. They were pretty impressed but i got luvky a lot too when i was young foin scores. You gotta sniff the air a little then go or wait til a better smelling night. We transferred all the shit and made it home. I stole the car too fast though so the brights were stuck on the entire way back. Cops even flashed us to let us know coming into Windsor. But they were pulling into the coffee shop too so ehen we yhought thry might be turnin round they were just getn donuts. They didnt wanna work. Some days theyre like any worker. Just lazy. Ahh we ll catch hom another night its early we just started work lets pretend we did not see those idiots and just get coffee. They robbed that stero shop on Wyandotte that was them for sure. I saw the bideo you cant tell its that idiot greek kid our friend and some other hippy looking guy. They shut tue slarm off and cleaned the pkace out. Or the owner had them clean it out for sn i durance check we re not sure.

[alonelymidwestdreamer]

fuckin peachy

———

i really thought i could do it

i dont know why

well, no

fuck that

i do know why

i thought i could get my shit together, finally, because people are supporting me

because im not keeping myself in a shitty relationship

because im forcing myself to sit with just myself and learn to be ok with that

because im trying to be a good person

because i was making fucking progress

i was taking steps

someone, maybe everyone, is gonna say that progress isnt linear

but have you ever been forced off road after just getting off a detour, just getting used to a nice straight highway

it doesnt still feel like progress

in fact, it feels like why not take another drink, why not feel good instead of crying over a cancellation

it feels like why not pick that pocket knife back up, why not take a hammer to your knuckles till theyre all purple

why not see if that one girl you ruined ur life for over and over finally has u unblocked

it doesnt feel like progress

it feels like derailment

im losing my fucking mind

ive been watching this show

its sadder than hell but i can’t stop watching it

it reminds me of that girl who i, yk, ruined my life over

she was a pisces

it reminds me of her because it reminds me of all the trauma she sat through with me

it reminds me of being homeless and of my parents fights and my fights with my parents and just

everything

it reminds me of things i buried pretty damn deep

this show triggers the fuck out of me

i cant sit with myself reliving this shit, but she sat through all that with me as it happened

she was the only constant in my life for so many years

but me wanting to get better was the breaking point

that was the line

we used to scream at each other

shed trigger me on purpose when i made her mad

how fucked up is that

but when i wanted to fix myself, when i wanted to create a life that could hold her and i both in it without all the fucking anger

that was that

she still has me blocked

i havent told almost anyone, although now youll all know, but i made a new account, just to try to talk to her

when someones in ur life for so long and so deeply it just feels wrong when they leave

or maybe thats just me

i hadnt talked to her in like two years?

i just wanted to know what her life looks like now

she did not believe that

and shes still mad at me

ig i never realized she ruined her life over me too

when i asked how she was she said “what are you drunk or something?”

i really thought i could do it, i thought i could be ok

i just wanna get drunk

all the time

i wish i was drunk when i messaged her

i wish she was right

i wished a little too hard ig cuz i did start drinking again

i keep pretending its not all i think about

its not that serious, cant be

if it was that serious someone would notice right?

being drunk doesnt even feel great anymore

but if im gonna fuck up by just existing, at least i get an excuse if im shitfaced

i tried so hard

i mean im still trying

but every day i get closer to doing it again and again and again

isnt that embarrassing?

i dont like it, i dont want to

i just also dont like me very much

and who would even care

no one noticed the first time until i told them, i think honestly everyone preferred me buzzed all the time until they knew thats what it was

no one knew i was overdosing in bledsoes room either tho

sitting behind keleah in college algebra trig

the room spinning so violently i thought i was dying

i guess i was dying technically

after, i sat in the rose garden with someone and tried to breathe

i walked my siblings home

i thought i was gonna die

no one even knew

i went home and threw up four or five times

i threw up so much i thought i was gonna suffocate cuz i couldnt catch a breath

my mom didnt even ask why i threw up

so at least its just drinking again

and its not as frequent anyways

fuck i really was doing so good

i swear i was

[threepointseven]

Home(Dinner Part 2)

Im shortening the exchange students name to S/N AKA student name

Sorry i forgot to answer the person who actually requested this @kurooandkarmaswife thank you sm for requesting! I hope you enjoy 😩

Also lets pretend you cant have more than 1 pact with a human cause yeah. If you havent read Dinner yet go read it since you’ll really only understand this if u read the first part

Fandom: Obey me!

Pairing: not really with anyone but has subtle undertones of solomon & Simeon x reader

Length: sort of long

Genre: Angst with comfort

Gn! Reader and exchange student!

Part three!

Dinner last night, was, well...pretty terrible. I ended up waking up at 2 am to the brothers STILL not home. Apparently even Diavolo had taken a liking to the new exchange student.

A day goes by and finally i get to meet the new exchange student.

Whoah

Is all i can think. I walk into the living room unnoticed as everyone is talking to the new exchange student, i wouldnt blame them.

They look incredible.

I felt a hint of jealousy wash over me. Seeing Mammon, Asmo’s and Beel’s joyful laughs as they talk to them. Their voice was ever so gentle, it’s what i imagine spring to sound like.

I tried forgetting about my distasteful thoughts of jealousy and walked over to them.

“Goodmorning!”

I called out to try and grab their attention

“Oh, MC! I didnt see you there;;”

Asmo said to me as he was taking selfies with the new exchange student

“This is the new exchange student”

Beel smiled

“Hi! My name is MC”

I happily introduced myself

“My name is S/N”

They brought their hand out and i shook it in return. Their eyes were ever so sweet, i felt the sadness come over me as i wore a soft smile.

Something tells me this wont end well.

Weeks go by as i barely get to see the brothers anymore. They’re always around S/N. I find myself longing the brothers touch. The random emergency texts i get from mammon, calls from Asmo asking me if i wanted to go to a club, Belphie always dragging me to his room to take a nap, Beel’s adorable goodnight texts, Lucifer’s complaints about work, Satan’s library dates, And levi’s rants about a certain anime he just watched.. i missed it all.

I guess i missed the warmth and the constant attention i got from them. The attention thats now being directed at S/N.

The new feeling of emptiness leads me to the Purgatory hall, a place i’ve been to quite often after S/N had won over the brothers.

I enter the room praying that i dont see S/N hogging Luke, Solomon, and Simeon’s attention....

What?

Did i just think that?

Am i that jealous?

Have i gotten so used to being in the spotlight that suddenly i become like this when not in the center?

Its an unpleasant feeling and i try to snap myself out of it as i see Simeon, Luke, and Solomon all happily seated on the couch drinking tea and eating pastries Luke made.

“MC! Hey!!”

Luke happily greets me as well as Solomon and Simeon. Im pulled to the couch as im seated next to Luke. I take a bite of the pastry and embrace the comfort of the sugary sweets.

The conversation goes on for a long time as hours go by. Soon enough the entire tray of pastries and tea are long gone.

As the clock hits 8 PM i realize ive been at the Purgatory hall for too long now. Excusing myself i go back to the house of Lamentation to be once again greeted by smiling faces and S/N laying out plates filled with food for the brothers.

The brothers quarrels, Satan’s face of annoyance, Asmo’s whining... The smell of warm food on the dinner table being handed out....

As i hide from the view of the brothers and S/N i look back to when it would to be me that made everyone dinner and calmed them down.

My chair.

My chair had been occupied by S/N,

What?

Did they expect me to sit on the floor for dinner or something?

As i slowly walked to my room i heard the deep voice of Lucifer

“Oh MC,,, sorry S/N is sitting on your spot, we thought you were gonna go to the purgatory hall for dinner tonight. We do apologize”

As i feel my throat closing up i smile and say in a bubbly tone

“Oh it’s fine! I was actually gonna go out with my friends for dinner anyways! I was just getting something from my room, i’ll be out in a sec!”

Lucifer gave me a warm smile and continued conversing with S/N

As i went to my room i started to realize the situation here. I’ve been replaced. I mean who wouldn’t replace me when the actual definition of an angel was right in front of them with their welcoming arms open.

As soon as i got to my room salty tears trailed down my cheeks,

Jealousy?

Sadness?

Anger?

Whatever the emotion was i wasn’t having it. Unlocking my DDD to be greeted by the wallpaper of me and the brothers all dressed up for a ball we went to together once. i tried to hold back my few tears as i called Solomon, a dear friend of mine.

“Hey solomon!!”

“Oh, yes MC? Is there anything you need?”

“I know i just left the purgatory hall but could I possibly stay there for the night?”

“Oh, of course! I dont exactly know why but Luke’s already whining about how you stayed for too little.”

“I’ll be right over”

I hung up the phone, my tears stopping after i heard that comforting voice of his.

That night i stayed at the purgatory hall, happily sleeping next to Luke, lulling him to sleep.

The purgatory hall became my escape. Solomon always made me laugh, Simeon always made sure i felt welcome there and Luke was practically my adopted son after how long i could stay with him.

As i went about the kitchen helping Luke make a pastry i showed him from the human world a strange feeling washed over me. The feeling of something being erased from my my soul, something was fading away. That something felt like it was piercing my soul.

I look around my body to see what it is. As i look around i see it.

My pact marks are starting to fade

I panic as i excuse myself and go back to the house of lamentation.

As i silently enter the room i hear the faint sound of the brothers, they’re discussing something.

“Cmon Satan you’ve gotta be quick! What if they find out?!”

“Removing a pact isnt that easy Mammon.”

As i listen more i realize what it is.

They’re trying to break my pact with me.

And for what exactly?

Because they want one with someone else.

That someone being S/N

It hurt. Who wouldn’t be hurt? tears flowed from my eyes in record time as i tiredly walk outside.

Devildom was a place the brothers always told me to beware of, but right now i couldnt care less.

While i walked around the town with puffy eyes and the stinging feeling of my pact marks being removed, i hear a certain group of people call my name, i look back to see Luke, Solomon and Simeon’s smiles quickly turn into frowns as they see my tears

“What’s wrong MC?!”

Luke worriedly asks

Unable to hold it in i tell Them.

“The brothers are trying to break my pact with them, they want one with S/N apparently. Im afraid i’ve been replaced by that saint..”

Solomon and Simeon’s face turn into faces of empathy while Luke’s turned quite sour

As Simeon came closer to me and pulled me close into a hugged he mumbles out a comforting phrase

“Whatever happens MC, you’ll always be welcome at the purgatory hall.”

The sentence made my stomach overflow with butterflies. I happily hug back, quickly accepting the purgatory hall as my new and improved home.

[hwangsies]

zephyr

(n) a gentle breeze

pairing: seo changbin x female reader (hwang hyunjin x female reader)

genre: rebound to fwb to dumbasses to lovers(?), college!au, undergroundrappers!3racha

warnings: angst: mentions of infidelity, heartbreak and abuse, seemingly unrequited love, they are both so dumb and prideful its annoying, fluff, bad attempt at comedy, minsung on the side, cursing, alcohol consumption, smut: protected piv, oral (f), studio sex, praise, mild degradation, hair pulling, mild spanking

wc: 10k

enjoy <3

-

September

"y/n?" you hear your roommates faint voice calling out your name.

You dont bother to answer because you know she's going to come into your room at any second now.

And you're right. "y/n??" Your door opens a few seconds later.

You groan in response, not looking up and instead staying in your little cocoon of blankets.

"no babygirl what are you doing?" you feel the bed shift under lias weight when she sits down.

"what does it look like i'm doing?" you grumble back, her hand gently rubbing over your arm.

"sulking, babe" she replies, dropping her purse to the ground.

"10 points for griffyndor" you sniffle as you scooch and sit up, pushing the blankets half off of you at which she sighs.

"wooyoung was not that good of a boyfriend for you to still be crying over him" lia presses her lips together concernedly.

She's right, you know it. It has almost been two months and you still feel like crying everytime someone mentions him.

"i know" you nod somewhat defeatedly "still, i was with him for almost a year and" you hiccup "he literally ripped my heart out and trampled on it"

"i know" lia nods understandingly "but i do think it would help if you went out again, even if its just for a night, you know just to be around people"

"it probably would but i just dont have the energy for it" you shrug your shoulders.

"i get it, girl, i really do" she pats your knee "both of my exes cheated on me, my only luck was that they were both awful at hiding it so i found out pretty quickly" she huffs.

You force out a chuckle, from what you heard from one of the girls that wooyoung cheated on you with, was that it started 3 months into your relationship.

"this the most humiliating thing ever, lia" you scoff "being with someone for so long, trusting them and telling them all your secrets and you think they are doing the same for you but then realizing that they were faking it all along to have multiple side chicks, and the fact that i was too oblivious to figure it out is the icing on the cake" you rub your forehead, feeling a migrane approach due to the sheer amount of crying you've been doing.

She seems to know what's happening and hands you the water bottle next to your bed "hydrate, sis"

So, you do. Taking four big gulps out of the water bottle.

Once you place the bottle next to you and tie your hair in a messy bun, you look at your roommate more thuroughly now that the tears are wiped away.

"you look pretty" you compliment her makeup and casual yet chic outfit "what'd you do tonight?"

Her contagious grin spreads over her face, eyes turning into little crescents.

"chris took me to the fair in town" lia grins before her face drops "I'm sorry, this is maybe not the time to ta-"

"No! It is, tell me about it" you interrupt her.

"O-okay" she nods hesitantly "well, i dont know if you've been keeping track but today was our fourth date and it was amazing" she gushes.

"I cant believe how much i like him, like, its crazy" she squeals a little, at which you giggle.

"so, fourth date huh? And he hasnt tried to get into your pants yet?" you quip.

"nope, i initiated our first kiss and other than that nothing" she whispers the last words before laughing.

"thats great" you smile, genuinely happy for her.

"Hmm yea" she sings as she gets up "i'll go to bed now too"

"Oh, hey, i have an idea" lia speaks up when standing in your doorway "chris has this performance thingy in two days, you should totally come!" she offers enthusiastically.

"he has a band?" you ask, partly to distract her from her offer.

"Hmm not really a band, they're a trio and there is this performance on saturday where a bunch of underground artists perform, i didnt fully listen if im honest" she giggles "but you should come with me!!" she jumps excitedly.

"i dont kno-"

"y/n pleasee? You'd do me a huge favor too because i dont know anyone there" lia pleads, clutchig her hands together.

"you know chris" you rebuttal.

"and what am i supposed to do when he's performing? stand around like an idiot? please y/n" she pouts.

"I dont really think this is my type of crowd..." you scratch your head.

"please please please" she jumps once more.

You sigh and tilt your head as you look at her sternly.

"one of his friends is single" she adds carefully.

"and cute" she sings "from what ive seen in pictures" she adds.

"lia" you groan.

"I'll do your laundry for two weeks if you come with me"

"you will?" Your head snaps towards her.

"yes i will! i promise, just come with me, please?"

A long sigh leaves your lips "okay"

-

The strong bass of the loud music rings in your chest as soon as you step foot into the club where “3racha” is supposed to be performing tonight.

Lia comes to a halt and you almost run into her because you were to busy checking out the venue and the other people around you.

“sorry” you mumble and hold onto her arm to avoid getting lost in the crowd.

She pulls out her phone and clicks on her and hers and chris’s chat, to figure out where to meet them, you assume.

“okay” lia puts her phone back into her jeans pocket and grabs your hand “they’re backstage, lets go”

“can we just go there?” you almost yell for her to understand what you’re saying.

“yea! Chris said he’ll make sure we’ll get in, come on” she tugs at your hand for you to walk faster.

You waddle behind her, barely dodging some drunk guys beer that goes flying before you arrive at the sign that says “artists only” and a black curtain behind it.

The guy standing infront of it raises a brow at the two of you before pointing at said sign “read ladies, no fans allowed”

“hey, they’re with me” a guy, you assume to be chris, taps on his shoulder and shows his artists badge, half of his body still covered by the curtain.

The bigger guy sighs and lets you through.

“thank you” lia lets go of your hand to loop her arms around chris’s neck once behind the curtain, they kiss and you look around.

Not because you are particularly uncomfortable, maybe still just a little bitter at happy couples.

You audibly clear your throat when they are still making out after a good ten seconds.

“oh-uhm” lia looks back at you after breaking the kiss “chris, this is y/n, y/n, chris” she giggles.

“hi y/n, nice to meet you” he gives you a quick hug and a smile full of dimples, finally understanding why your roommate is always swooning about him.

“hi” you smile back, somewhat forced.

“lets go to our dressingroom” chris suggests and leads the way.

Opening the door, he lets you and lia walk in first.

One guy is dancing around in the middle of the room, singing along to the current song that’s being played in the background with a water bottle as a pretend mic.

Another is one sitting on the small couch and laughing at him.

“oh, hi” the guy stops singing and quickly hides the bottle behind himself at which chris chuckles.

“guys, this is lia and y/n” chris points at the two of you before closing the door behind him.

“ooo the lia?” the waterbottle guy wiggles his eyebrows, at which you cant help but laugh as well, he isn’t very tall but looks lean.

“what is the lia supposed to mean?” lia laughs when chris comes up and slings an arm around her waist from behind her.

“I..well-I talk about you sometimes-“

“sometimes my ass” the guy sitting on the couch scoffs amusedly, your eyes shift to him.

He’s wearing a white baseball cap and a pretty tight fitted black Versace shirt, making his shoulders and arms look broad.

His hands clad in black half-gloves, he adjusts his cap before locking eyes with you and quickly looking down again.

“channie hyung must’ve forgotten his manners, I’m jisung” the waterbottle guy speaks up “and that’s changbin hyung” he points at the most intimidating-looking of the three of them, on the couch.

“channie?” lia squeals as she sits down with chris on the couch changbin is sitting on as well, jisung coming up to you.

“hey, you want something to drink?” he asks, pointing at the mini bar feigning cockiness  “we have a mini bar”

“woow” you chuckle, playing along “sure I’d love a drink”

“how come we’ve never met on campus before?” jisung asks after mixing you a vodka soda and sitting down on the second couch in the room.

“oh, you all go to uni here as well?” you ask surprisedly as you sit down next to him..

“yea” he grins “that’s how we all met” he points at lia and chris almost sitting on top of each other “and those two”

“oh I didn’t even know that” you take a sip, trying to loosen up “I guess I wasn’t listening when she was ranting on about him”

Jisung laughs and changbin joins the two of you as he sits down next to jisung.

“they just started calling each other bubs I feel like throwing up” changbin groans as he drinks from his beer.

You huff before jisung speaks again, looking from his friend back to you “he’s usually more romantic” he quips.

“I bet” you joke with him.

“yup” changbin locks eyes with you “that’s why I’m single, I’m just too romantic” he shakes his head sarcastically.

“ooh” you squint your eyes “emotional unavailability? love that in a man” you grin, at which his eyebrow quirks up amusedly.

“speaking of man, did minho hyung text you when he’d be here?” jisung asks his friend.

“yea he said he’ll be here in 5 and that you should finally buy a new phone” changbin answers, reading it from his phone at which jisung scoffs before turning to you.

“minho is my boyfriend” he explains “he’s hot” he grins at which you laugh “I bet”

“so, y/n, do you have a boyfriend?” jisung asks after taking a sip of his drink

“not anymore” you scoff, jisung inhales excitedly “guess what, changbin is single as well” he grins from ear to ear, comically looking back and forth between you two.

“oh, please dont start like lia” you chuckle, leaning forwards to lock eyes with changbin “no offense, but I only attract assholes”

He shakes his head, amusedly raising his brows “none taken” he grins at which you huff before a young woman comes into their dressing room to tell them they’re up next.

-

Back in the crowd, you and lia find a good place just as the lights dim and the music begins to play.

Suddenly you feel someone run into your side “woah I’m sorry” he quickly apologizes “this guy pushed me” he looks behind him.

“its alright” you nod, loud enough for him to hear.

Once they come outside, the crowd goes wild.

“jisungieee” the guy next to you all over sudden screams, you have to smile when looking at him.

“are you minho by any chance?” you ask him.

He nods aggressively “yea! do you know jisung?”

“I just met him backstage” you yell over the loud bass.

Minho laughs and nods before the bass drops and chris starts the first verse.

“he’s great right?” lia screams into your ear when the first chorus ends.

“yea” you nod, actually surprised at how good their music is, now understanding as to why the crowd loves them so much.

Changbin starts his verse and suddenly you feel somewhat entranced, his voice is rough and his bars are hard, definitely fitting his appearance but what entices you is the passion with which he appears to be performing.

Throughout their whole performance you cant take your eyes off him, the way his arms flex when he grips onto the microphone a little harder or the way his jugular sticks out when he growls into the microphone.

Not to mention the thighs you somehow didn’t notice in their dressing room, you watch them strain against his leather pants and feel even hotter suddenly.

Their last song ends and lia is quick to be in your ear about going backstage to chris again.

“oh you know chan hyung?” minho overhears and chimes in.

“yea she’s his date” you point at your overly excited roommate.

“changbin just texted and said they’re upstairs in the vip lounge, come with me” the brunette holds out his hand for you to take, which you do and grab lia with the other one.

“do you know where you’re going?” you ask minho after a minute of pressing yourself along sweaty dancing bodies.

“yea! they’re here a lot” he yells back “its right over there” he points to a flight of stairs where yet another bouncer is standing in front of.

“hey minho” the bouncer greats him with a fist bump “these girls are with you?” he points at lia and you.

“yea” he nods.

“trying something new, I see” he laughs atw hich you frown.

“oh, nono” minho chuckles uncomfortably “I’m still with jisung”

“ah-alright well, have fun” the bouncer moves after looking you all up and down, letting you walk up the stairs.

“wow, you’re famous” lia giggles at which minho huffs and shakes his head amusedly “yea, for being the only non-straight person they know”

“baby” you see jisung jump up from his seat in the spacious lounge as soon as you enter.

“hii” minho holds out his arms for him to run into, you cant stop yourself from smiling when you see jisung jump into his boyfriends arms.

“lia, y/n come over here” chris waves at the two of you.

“you were so good, baby” you hear minho praise jisung behind you as you walk over to the large round sitting booth where chan and changbin are sitting.

Lia slides into the booth and cuddles into chans side “you were awesome” she squeals as you sit down on the other end and grab a fresh glass from the middle of the round table, holding it next to changbins where he’s pouring cherry vodka into.

“can i get some?” you ask, he glances at you and smirks before silently filling your glass with a  double shots worth of the slightly rosy liquid.

“so, how did you like it?” he asks as he leans back, taking a swing of his drink.

“you guys were really good” you nod “to be honest I didn’t expect such high quality music”

He laughs, leaning his head back a little, his adams apple bopping with it.

You cant help but notice the sheer sheen of sweat that expands over his thick neck, obviously coming from their escapades on stage just now.

“what did you expect? a bunch of drunks playing wonderwall on the guitar for more drunks?” he grins, straight white teeth on display.

“hey, don’t come for wonderwall” you raise your hand jokingly at which he laughs.

“I wouldn’t dare” he raises his hands comically.

“hey” you whip your head around to see jisung and minho “scoot, please” jisung speaks again.

“oh-yea” you grab your drink and scoot further into the half circle-shaped booth.

“so what do you study?” changbin asks, his voice catches you off guard because you hadn’t calculated how close you’re sitting to him.

You turn to him to realise you’re close enough to smell his perfume and aftershave.

“uh- I- art” you answer shakily before taking a sip of your drink just to pull a face afterwards.

“jesus christ” you cough a little and hold your chest as changbin laughs.

“its stronger than you’d think” he grins “can you handle it?” he teases when your eyes get a little watery.

You stare at him for a second before playfully rolling your eyes “im good” 

His eyes trace over your face as you look around before he breaks the silence ”i can get you something else if you want” he offers.

“oh-uh no, I’m just being dramatic its fine” you chuckle.

“so...what do you study?” you change the topic.

“I’m majoring in music” he says, stretching out his arms over the backrest “all three of us are”

“oh, so you like, produce all your own stuff?” you ask, your eyes jumping to where his forearm touches your shoulder, that’s leaning against the backrest.

“yea, channie hyung composes the most, me and ji write a lot” he explains,

“thats really cool” you nod, looking over to the mentioned guy.

Changbin follows your eyes and huffs when the both of you see him and your roommate sucking face again.

After a few seconds they stop and giggle before standing up to go somewhere.

“where are they going?” you huff.

“I guess they want some alone time” he chuckles, lifting the arm close to you to take off the cap he’s still wearing.

You flinch when his forearm brushes your shoulder.

“are you scared of me?” he asks slowly, stopping his movements, cap still in hand.

“no- no” you shake your head, chuckling “I- its just been a while since I’ve gone out and I don’t know” you shrug “I feel a little lost”

“hm” changbin cocks his brow at your words, running one hand through his dark brown locks.

You divert your eyes from his bulging bicep back to his face quickly when he speaks again.

“any reason why?” he leans back again.

“oh, just a shitty ex and a shitty breakup” you shrug “I’m gonna spare you the details”

“aw, no please, tell me he had a small dick and everything, now im invested” he jokes.

You tsk at him and push his arm playfully, feigning annoyance.

“that still doesn’t answer my question as to why you jumped like that when my arm touched you” changbin raises his brows expectantly.

You open your mouth to speak but-

“we’ll go get some more to drink” minho interrupts you at which changbin nods.

“so?” he asks again, once minho and jisung leave.

“did that ex hit you? give me his address I’ll beat him up for you” changbin deadpans.

“no” you shake your head after taking another sip “he didn’t” you huff incredulously.

“its just- you look kinda scary” you blurt out finally.

His eyes widen before he falls into a boyish laughter, which you cant help but join.

“me?” he points at himself before laughing again, the image you had made up in your mind about him cracking.

“yea!” you raise your brows “when you look like this” you furrow your brows and lightly squint your eyes to mimic his resting bitch face.

“what the-” he splutters laughingly.

“stoop, don’t laugh” you hold onto his forearm, still giggling yourself.

He calms himself, subconsciously scooting closer to you in the now empty booth.

“maybe scary wasn’t the right word” you snicker, looking down.

“I think the word you were looking for was: sexy, hot or mysterious, maybe handsome-” he quips, grinning to himself when you start laughing again.

“no, no, I know what I meant” you joke back, just now noticing how close he is, his knee touching yours as his whole torso is turned to you.

“so none of my suggestions are accurate?” he cheekily raises one brow at which you scoff playfully.

“maybe one or two” you see his eyes jump to your lips.

The air suddenly feels thick around you with tension, changbins tongue darting out to wet his plump bottom lip while his eyes are still locked on yours.

You breathe in before the two of you lock eyes again "so…are you gonna kiss me, or just stare?"

He raises his brows at your sudden boost of confidence, grinning amusedly.

"what happened to me being scary?" he counters before urging you to swing one leg over his thighs with gentle hands.

You take a seat on his lap, straddling his thick thighs before looping your arms around his neck "i dont know, i think i'm into it" you quip.

His hands wander up your waist "well then i wont make you wait any longer" he grins, looking at your lips one last time before closing the gap inbetween you two.

You meet him in the middle, changbins grip on your waist tightens when his plush lips land on yours.

He pulls you closer to him, pushing his tongue past the seam of your lips.

You can taste the cherry vodka on his tongue but it riles you up even more, sucking at the wet muscle before his hands wander over the swell of your ass and each grab a handful of the flesh; your short skirt riding up when you subconsciously grind against his lap.

“be careful” he mumbles against your lips, gently tugging down the piece of fabric so you don’t expose yourself to bywalkers.

“where’s the fun in that?” you cock your head to the side teasingly.

Changbin scoffs and leans in again but you get interrupted by jisung.

“hey, we-oh” you whip your head around.

Jisungs frown turns into a grin “uh” he chuckles “we dont mean to interrupt but chan hyung texted minho and they’re going to your place” he points at you.

“ugh, seriously?” you mutter.

“I’m sleeping at minhos so, hyung you’ll have our place to yourself” he winks at changbin.

“so, we’re out too, have fun you guys” minho waves teasingly as jisung drags him away.

For a second you stare after them, until a gentle squeeze at your waist makes you turn around again.

“you could come over to my place if you don’t want to go to yours right now” he offers, eyes flickering to your lips when you bite at your lower one.

-

This is usually like not you, letting some guy you barely know take you home.

But here you are the next morning, looking up at the ceiling, changbins room flooded with daylight.

You sit up and look at the still unconscious changbin next to you. His blanket had fallen down and exposes his toned torso, barely covering his private parts.

A tingle forms in your lower abdomen when you think of what happened here a few hours ago.

But you pull yourself together and start looking around for your clothes.

You spot your bra on his desk and your skirt and shoes on the floor, gently shimmying out from underneath the blanket; you grab your skirt and slide it on without your panties, not being able to find them anywhere.

Right as you clasp your bra behind your back, changbins morning voice makes you flinch “you would’ve just snuck out?” he grumbles, rubbing his eyes as you look back at him.

“what? did you take me for a breakfast lover?” you quip as you slide into your shoes, looking around for your shirt.

“damn, that’s cold” he chuckles lowly, sitting up and watching you stride around his room.

“where did you put my shirt?” you ask, bending down to look under his desk.

“maybe you should worry about your panties first” he snickers, eyes glued to your core when you look back at him.

You kiss your teeth and straighten up quickly, having forgotten about your lack of underwear.

“not that that wasn’t a great view just now-“

“you’re not helping” you interrupt him, eyes lighting up when you spot your shirt in the hallway.

“why so serious all over sudden?” he grins “last night you were everything but tense”

You scoff as you pull your shirt over your head and stuff it into your skirt before grabbing your purse and phone.

“I have an exam in 2 days and I haven’t studied yet” you exhale.

“I could drive you home-“ he runs a hand through his messy hair.

“I’ll call a cab, uhm- thanks for last night” you hurriedly smile before walking out.

“bye” changbin calls after you, frowning and dropping back down onto his bed when he hears the door shut behind you “have a nice day I guess” he mumbles to himself.

 October

You cling your jacket closer to your body as you walk through the howling wind the seasonal change had brought with it.

When you arrive at lias faculty building you take out your phone to see if she texted you about when her lecture would be over.

lia : hey babe, chris took me to his place -received at 4:17 pm

You roll your eyes, typical you think.

you : are you serious? you begged me to walk home with you -sent at 4:25 pm

You see her the little blue bubble pop up, indicating that she’s writing a message.

lia : im sorry!! please don’t be mad, he surprised me :((( -received at 4:25 pm

You scoff and turn off your phone before slipping it in your coats pocket alongside your hands. Typical, you think, ever since that night at the club the two of them have become inseparable and lia cancelling on you had become a regular thing. You are happy for her but you also miss your friend.

“y/n?” a familiar voice calls after you right as you start to walk away, you freeze and turn around.

“yea?- oh” you swallow harshly when you see changbin walk your way.

“hey” he smiles brightly and you have to bite back a grin at the cute beanie he’s sporting alongside his slightly red nose due to the cold weather.

“hi” you smile timidly.

“you never texted” he tilts his head at which you nod.

“yea, sorry I actually never got your number” you look at the ground “uh- what are you doing here?”

“oh um im on my way to the studio” he points at a nearby building “that’s the music faculty”

“ah okay, well” you lock eyes “have fun then” you turn around again, ready to walk away.

“hey” he catches up with you “you wanna join me? check out some of our new stuff?” he burries his hands in the front pockets of his jeans.

“I don’t know, changbin I really don’t want to date right now-“ you start at which he chuckles.

“I didn’t ask you to marry me” he stops in his tracks, grinning when you do as well, locking eyes “come on, I just need an unbiased opinion on some new tracks” he tilts his head.

You inhale before looking around you “I could drive you home after? So you don’t have to walk through this weather?” he offers, raising his brows at which you purse your lips.

“alright” you give in, changbin smiles and extends his elbow for you to hold.

You simper and coyly hook your hand around his arm as the two of you start walking.

-

“this is awesome!” you point to his laptop a minute after he played the first song for you.

Changbin grins bashfully and leans back into his desk chair “you think?”

“yea, the hook is super catchy” you bob your head as his eyes fix on your profile “you’re really talented, changbin” you catch him blushing before putting on another song.

After a few other songs, he takes off his headphones when you take off yours.

“can I ask you something?” he asks, you glance at him.

“you just did” you quip at which he huffs, “sure” you nod.

“how much of that night do you remember?” he fiddles with one of the rings on his left hand.

“why?” you ask back.

“well, you seemed really upset the next morning so I got kind of scared that you didn’t actually want it and I kind of took advantage of you” he recalls the night the two of you spent together.

“oh, no. you didn’t take advantage of me, I wasn’t even  drunk and I would’ve told you if I had changed my mind or something. That was just the first time I ever spent the night at a guys house for a one night stand” you absently pick off some fuzzies from your jeans.

“plus I had just come out of a relationship so I was a little too emotional anyways” you chuckle.

“alright” changbin nods “just wanted to make sure” he smiles down at his hands “cause I remember all of it”

You whip your head, scoffing when you see him with a shit eating grin on his face.

“hm” you feign ignorance as you lean back “I don’t know, there wasn’t a lot to remember” you grin mischievously.

He laughs out loud, leaning forwards “no?”

You shake your head, pursing your lips comically “nah”

“cause I remember you shaking and screaming” he grins.

You shrug your shoulders “weird, must’ve faked it” you deadpan, fiddling with the headphones you’re still holding.

Changbins tongue prods on the inside of his cheek, huffing when he catches you grinning.

“right” he grins slumping into his seat a little further.

A thought flashes in your head when your gaze drops to his crotch and thick thighs, you swallow some spit in frustration as you feel your core getting hotter.

He was right, the night was amazing, maybe that was even part of the reason you stormed out the way you did.

You clench your thighs for some relief, anything really.

“want me to refresh your memory?” your eyes jump up to meet his, you open your mouth but nothing comes out; do you want him to?

Yes. Yes you do.

So, you get up and straddle him on his chair: his hands instantly gripping at your hips, pulling you closer.

“someones eager” he grins, pushing some of your hair behind your ear.

“shut up” you whisper before crashing your lips onto his.

Changbin groans when you tug at his hair, inviting you to slip your tongue in between his lips and grind your hips over his crotch.

He hisses before propping himself up on one armrest and holding your lower back with the other as he stands up; you squeal but he holds you before sitting you back down on the desk, next to his laptop.

“now who’s eager” you grin when his hands find the waistband of your leggings and tug them down with your panties in one.

He huffs as he bunches your leggings and panties around your ankles before slipping underneath the fabric barrier and inbetween your legs.

“by the looks of it..” he runs a finger through your wet folds “still you” he quips before pushing one finger in without warning.

You moan, you head dropping back onto the hard wooden surface.

“look at me” changbin orders as a second finger prods at your entrance, you whimper but prop yourself up on your elbows.

He curls the two fingers and pumps them almost violently, the palm of his hand smacking your clit with every pump.

“oh god-“ you yelp, your eyes scrunching together as your hips buck up.

“its changbin but god is fine too” he quips as he lowers his head, you curse at him, even though you have to laugh a little.

“you’re so annoy-ah!” you cry out because suddenly his tongue is lapping over your swollen clit, sucking on it forcefully when you claw one hand into his already messed up dark locks.

“fuck-bin- gonna cum” your hips stutter and you feel the pleasure that’s blooming in your tummy is getting ready to snap.

“mmh” he humms against you “cum then, baby” he moans, knowing full well what the added vibrations are doing to your body when your chest arches and your mouth drops open.

Your cries fill the studio as you clamp down on his fingers; he rides your through your high, holding down your hips with his unoccupied hand because you squirm with the euphoria that’s filling your veins.

“good girl” he mumbles, removing his fingers from you before bringing them up to your lips “now, suck them clean for me, yea?” he grins, lips and chin shiny with your cum.

-

“finally” you huff when arriving at 3rachas lounge in a club out of town; where they had just performed “this club is huge” you breathe, jisung scooting and changbin letting you squeeze past him to take a seat in between them as they chuckle.

Lia and chan already lost in their own world again as she drags him to the dancefloor, squealing when chan teasingly squeezes her sides as they disappear into the crowd.

“they are made for each other” minho sighs, sitting down and giving jisung the second beer from his hands.

“I know right” you lean back, breathing in.

“you’re still out of breath?” changbin laughs at you at which you hit his arm.

“stop it, oh my god” you feign annoyance “you know how exhausting it is to dodge beer bottles and not loose lia? she’s like a Chihuahua, I swear, you loose her once and its over” you chuckle, jisung and minho laughing too.

“you just don’t have any endurance, woman” changbin grins teasingly.

“that’s so not true” you laugh incredulously “what about two nights ago-“

“AH-“ jisung interrupts you, placing his hands over his ears “please spare us your sex stories, I hear enough of that when you’re over, babe”

You huff and changbins cheeks turn red.

“you guys are fucking?” minho asks, eyebrows raised as he takes a swing of his beer.

“good job keeping up, baby” jisung pats his boyfriends thigh teasingly at which he tsks at him.

“are you together or what?” minho props his elbow on the table to support his chin with his hand as he looks at the two of you expectantly.

“no, we’re not” you chuckle somewhat uncomfortably before looking over at changbin who just grins awkwardly.

“just here to be a good friend and keep the groupies away” you joke “right?” you nudge changbin with your elbow at which he nods swiftly, looking down again.

“yea, baby don’t be so old fashioned” jisung teases his boyfriend who just rolls his eyes playfully.

“speaking of groupies” minho mutters, spotting a group of girls just before they approach the lounge.

“hey jisungie, you wanna dance?” a pretty blonde girl bats her eyelashes as she leans down a bit to expose more of her cleavage, making jisung grin.

“baby, you’re gorgeous but I’m very gay” he nods apologetically, “Oh” she straightens up “really? You sure?”

You and changbin have to bite back a laugh when jisung nods again “very sure, thanks though, for coming”

She shrugs and looks at changbin “what about you? Wanna dance?”

“uh-“ changbin starts but you cut him off “he’s with me actually” you tilt your head.

“for real?” she stems her hands into her hips as she looks back at her posse, scoffing.

“yea” changbin loops his strong arm around your waist and pulls you closer to him “that’s my girl, so a little respect, please”

“aww” you coo dramatically as you play along, putting your hand on his jaw to turn his head towards you before you lock lips.

“whatever” you faintly hear the girls voice get quieter when changbin slips his tongue in between your lips.

“they’re gone” you hear minho but changbin pulls your legs to dangle over one of his thighs as he grips your waist.

“guys” jisungs voice only registers in the back of your head when changbin sucks at your bottom lip and you run your fingers through the hair on the back of his head.

“can I get you some more beers?” the waitresses voice pulls the both of you out of your trance as you break the kiss abruptly.

Jisung laughs, shaking his head at the both of you before turning to the waitress “we’ll take a round of shots I think”

  November

 “fuck-harder” you gasp “..mhh binnie-shit” you moan while changbin pounds into you from behind, gripping your hip tighter with one of his hands; the other one migrating up your back to gather the legth of your hair, twisting them before he pulls at their root.

You groan when you feel your hair getting pulled back, neck stretching as he picks up his pace.

“like this? fuck you love this don’t you?” he breaths ragged, but you can hear the dirty smirk that lingers on his lips every time you have rough sex..

You moan out loudly when he releases your hair and pushes your torso down onto the mattress, your hand pulling at the sheets , needing something to grip and release the pleasure.

“fuck- answer me, slut” he grunts and delivers a harsh slap to your ass.

You cry out “yes-yes-fuck-love it” you desperately gasp as he leans down to you, earning a low chuckle which sends shivers down your back.

His lips latch onto your shoulder blade and start sucking on the skin until a purple mark blooms under his lips.

“fuck” you let out a strangled yell when the hand on your hip makes its way to your front and he started circling your clit with his fingers, the pace and firmness matching his thrusts.

You cry out for him as you clench furiously around his cock “that’s a good girl” he whispers, only letting go of your clit when you flinch in overstimulation.

“cum for me- fuck baby, cum for me and let the others know who’s fucking you this good” he rasps in your ear. Not 5 seconds later, your orgasm ripples through you and you would’ve collapsed completely if he wasn’t holding you up.

You’re still panting when both of his hands go back on your hips and push them down, laying you flat on the mattress before he picks up his pace again with his last left strength to reach his own high.

“shit- y/n“ he grunts when you tighten around him again and you feel him filling the condom with some drawn out groans and a sharp hiss.

After a few seconds of nothing but heavy breathing filling the room, he pulls out and falls next to you on his bed.

You wince at the soreness that’s already presenting itself when you turn around on your back, looking over to him; you watch as he ties a knot in the condom and throws it into the trash next to his desk.

“kobe!” he exclaims gleefully at his perfect throw before looking back at you to see if you saw.

“jesus christ why am I sleeping with you” you hold your hands over your face, hating the fact that it made you laugh.

He gasps, feigning to be offended “that’s not how you speak to the guy that just made you cum three times”

“you are so full of yourself, seo changbin” you shake your head amusedly as you sit up.

“wait, I’ll clean you up” changbin is quick to rise from his comfortable position to grab some tissues from his nightstand.

“come here” he mumbles, gently urging you to lie back down before carefully wiping your own cum off your inner thighs and mound.

You watch him as he gently moves to wipe the tissue over your puffy folds, your hips jumping a little when he accidentally passes your clit.

“sorry” he grins, pressing a kiss to your angled knee; at which you feel your heart lurch forward a bit.

Woah, wait.

You’ve been seeing changbin just for sex for almost two months now, you’ve even gone with him other performances and after parties to keep groupies away and be his arm candy and never has your heart done this.

Mayday. Abort mission.

“should be good for now” changbin shrugs, shooting you a sweet smile before turning away from you to also get rid of the tissues.

You use the opportunity to shuffle to the side of his bed and slip on your panties before grabbing your bra.

“hey, you wanna leave already?” changbin asks “I thought we could hang” he tucks his hand under his head as you look back at him, clipping your bra closed “watch a movie or something”

“sorry, I promised lia I’d help her clean the apartment today” you lie, surprisingly quick, before pulling your hoodie over your head.

“so you’re just gonna fuck me and leave again?” he jokes dramatically “I don’t even get cuddles?”

“shut up” you chuckle.

“am I nothing more to you than a pretty piece of meat?” he continues as you slip into your jeans, rolling your eyes playfully.

“a toy you use when you need stress relief??” he holds his chest dramatically.

You step into your shoes and raise your brows at him.

“are you complaining?” you ask playfully.

“nahh” he pulls his covers over his abs as he watches you grab your jacket from his desk chair.

"At least give me a 'gopdbye, thanks for the bomb dick, kiss" He grins when you scoff at him. So, you lean over him and press a quick peck to his lips; he whines playfully when you lean back up again, sitting up and catching your lips with his roughly once more.

“alright, see ya” you shrug."

And shit, your heart does it again. What are you doing?

You break the kiss and ruffle through his hair.

“ugh” he huffs annoyedly, fixing his hair “I hope you have trouble walking” he quips as you go for the door.

“I’ll text you if I don’t” you wink at him before closing his door, leaning against it from the outside and closing your eyes.

“fuck” you whisper to yourself before making your way through the guys apartment.

“don’t break his heart, y/n” minhos voie comes from behind as you twist the doorknob.

“huh?” you trun around to look at him, he’s wearing a shirt that you know to be jisungs so he must be staying over.

“I’ve known changbin for a while, he seems tough but he’s a softie deep down” he crosses his arms over his chest “he hurts easier than you think”

“we- we’re both not in this for anything serious” you stammer “what do you mean?”

“I see the way he looks at you, y/n” minho smiles softly “I’m not telling you how to live your life, just, be honest with him… and yourself for that matter” he quirks one brow up, smiling before disappearing around the corner.

 -

 You squint your eyes as you’re trying to make out the label of the cereal boxes in the upper shelves, looking back at your phone you check to see what brand lia had texted you about so you don’t accidentally buy the wrong thing.

“fuck” you mumble when you see her desired cereal at the top of the shelf, so you reach up but to no avail.

“y/n?” you lower your heels to the floor again before turning around to see…

“hyunjin?” you face drops in awe.

“hey!” the tall young man smiles widely, opening his arms and inviting you to a hug.

“wow, hi” you hug him back.

Damn, what happened to him? The last time you saw him was before he moved away in 10th grade.

You used to be good friends with him, or, well, the freakishly skinny and lanky highschool version of him you met in dance class.

By the feel of it, even through the trenchcoat he’s wearing, you can tell he’s bulked up quite a bit.

After letting go of him, you cant help but stare.

His acne had cleared up and his brown hair is chin length with the top parts pulled back into a little pony tail, leaving some face framing strands in the front.

“wow- you look-“ you blink a few times to make sure you’re not dreaming “…really good, hyunjin”

He smiles on the ground, his pretty plump lips parting to reveal beautiful pearly whites which used to be covered by braces.

“so do you” he grins.

“no- I mean you look… good-good” you splutter, laughing awkwardly “like what are you a model now or something?”

“actually, yea- part time” he chuckles.

“oh” you huff  “wow of course” you shake your head laughingly, blushing furiously when he doesn’t break eye contact.

“so- uhm” you gulp, making him grin even wider “what are you doing here?”

“I’m transferring here” he nods “better dance programme” he explains shortly.

“oh you still dance” you observe out loud “I haven’t danced in a while” you look down.

“you should come by after practice sometime” he offers “to catch up- or dance if you want” he giggles, a little dimple appearing on his left cheek.

“yea, I’d love that” you smile, nodding before he takes out his phone.

“put in your number, I’ll text you” he smiles softly when holding it out to you.

“mhm” you agree, saving your number in his phone and trying not to think about him staring at you the whole time.

“alright well” he checks his phone for the time, you guess “I gotta get going, only came here for this” he chuckles, holding up a carton of milk that you, weirdly enough, haven’t noticed until now.

“alright” you nod before he moves in for a hug again.

“bye” he smiles when loosening his arms again.

“bye” you mumble, staring at the back of his perfect head as he walks away.

You were about to pull out your phone and rant to lia about what just happened, when he stops in his tracks and turns around.

“almost forgot” he grins, reaching up and getting your cereal from the top shelf; winking when he places it in your hands, your body freezing.

“bye” he grins, walking away before you could thank him.

-

 You had taken hyunjin up on his offer and met him in the dance studio after class where he showed you some of his contemporary pieces before you made your way to the popular coffee shop on campus together.

“-no seriously the second piece was my favourite I think, but they were all amazing!” you smile up at him at which he shakes his head cutely.

“can you stop complimenting me, y/n I’m getting all nervous” he laughs softly.

“oh please” you quip “with your talent and looks I would think nothing could make you nervous” you roll your eyes playfully.

Hyunjin huffs, opening the coffee shops door for you “you can” he says softly as you walk past him, you turn around to him to see him blush a litte but diverting his eyes to the big menu above the counter.

Did he just flirt with you? No, you must be tripping.

You look around to see only two other people sitting in one of the booths together, the cold must keep most people home, you think before hyunjin gently pulls at your sleeve to get your attention.

“what do you want?” he asks, the barista looking at you expectantly.

“uhm- a hot chocolate please” you say, reaching in your purse to get your wallet.

“I’ll take the same” hyunjin smiles politely, giving the barista money.

“on me” he smiles down at you.

“oh, thank you” you smile sheepishly, letting go of your purse again.

Once your hot chocolates are ready, you sit down in one of the booths, hyunjin sliding in to sit across from you.

“I was back home last week before I came here, you’ll never guess who I met” hyunjin grins.

“who?” you ask curiously.

“tim” he grins.

“tim?” your eyes almost pop out of your head “as in my first boyfriend tim?” you laugh, holding your hand to your face incredulously.

“but he moved away as well?” you half ask.

“yea he said he was visiting his grandparents, but guess the best part” hyunjin bites his lip

“what?” you chuckle.

“he got a nose job” hyunjin bites back a laugh when you gasp surprisedly “really?”

“one word” hyunjin says “botched…”

“aw no, poor tim” you frown, looking down at your hot drink as memories from back in the day come back to you.

“he always used to put his hand up my shirt when hugging” you frown, making hyunjin laugh.

“it was 9th grade y/n what did you expect?” you scoff at his rethorical question.

“I don’t know, some basic manners maybe?” you counter playfully…slowly letting the conversation die down as you both take sips from your cocoa.

“how come we never dated?” he asks softly after aminute of silence, looking up at you.

“we were friends?” you chuckle awkwardly.

“come on” hyunjin sits back in his booth “you must’ve known I had the biggest crush on you”

“you did?” you almost launch forwards in your seat, making hyunjin laugh.

“well, I guess you didn’t know then” he giggles, hiding his face in his hands embarrassedly.

“anyways, I would’ve paid good money to be able to slip my hand up your shirt” he jokes, cheeks reddening when you laugh.

“I honestly liked you a lot back then” you say “if you would’ve said something we might’ve actually gone out” you shrug gently.

“damn, way to rub that in my face” hyunjin grins.

You hold his eye contact for a few seconds before you feel your blood rushing to your cheeks again, quickly lifting up your mug to take a sip and partly cover your face.

When you put your mug back down, hyunjin grins widely, mumbling a “cute” before slowly bringing his hand to your chin and gently swiping his thumb over your top lip where a foam mustache had formed.

You gulp when he swiftly sucks the foam off his thumb, your eyes darting from his eyes to his lips.

When he notices, he leans over, slowly as if scared to overwhelm you.

That’s when minhos words pop up in the back of your head.

“be honest with him, and yourself for that matter”

But you aren’t together, and hyunjin is great and you want to kiss him but you know it would be wrong.

However, before you know it his lips are on yours and you’re not doing anything to stop him.

They are soft and inviting and you let him swipe his tongue over the seam of your lips, but then the little doorbell rings and you hear lias voice, followed by a male one before they abruptly stop, making you pull away abruptly.

Oh.

There they are, lia, chan, jisung and changbin; looking at you.

“y/n” lia grins widely, approaching your table “aren’t you gonna introduce us?” she squeals, hyunjin clears his throat and sits back down.

The three guys hesitantly follow lia when-

“woah- hyunjin?” chan speaks up.

“chan-hyung?” hyunjin gets up from his place to receive a hug from the older one as your eyes divert to changbin who is looking at the ground.

You aren’t together. Then why do you feel so guilty and why does he look so disappointed.

“he’s cute, girl” jisung grinningly interrupts your daydreaming, nodding towards chan and hyunjin who are still talking.

You force out a smile.

“how do you two know each other?” lia asks curiously.

“he went to my highschool, the last few years” chan grins.

“what a coincidence” you mumble, almost ironically.

“I went to highschool with y/n too, the first couple years though, then I moved away” hyunjin explains “oh, im sorry, I’m hyunjin by the way” he turns to jisung and changbin.

“I’m jisung, this is changbin” jisung smiles, pointing at his grumpy friend.

“I’m lia” lia grins “his girlfriend and her best friend” she points at chan before snuggling up to you, giggling.

Jesus, woman where do you get the energy? Is what you want to ask but you just flash another forced smile, hoping this moment will pass quickly.

“where were you guys?” you change the topic, hoping changbin would maybe look at you if you spoke up.

“oh, I caught them all huddled up in the studio” lia grins “they probably haven’t been outside in a week again” she giggles.

“true” jisung quips.

“hey lets all sit down” hyunjin suggests.

“I’ll get a coffee” changbin mumbles, walking back to the counter.

You usher lia to make way for you to get out of the booth, following him.

“bin” you stand next to him as he looks up at the menu but he ignores you.

“you could at least acknowledge my presence, your highness” you quip annoyedly.

“what do you want me to say, y/n?” he mutters.

“I didn’t know this would happen with him or I would’ve told you” you say, looking back at the other four talking and laughing in the booth.

“we’re not together y/n, you’ve made that very clear; if you wanna kiss lord farquaad go ahead, I’m not stopping you” he looks over to the booth as well.

“jesus christ” you huff “why are you so defensive then?”

“hi” changbin greets the barista who just came from the back “I’ll have an iced coffee to go, please” he orders.

“the world doesn’t revolve around you y/n, maybe I’m having a bad day” he answers when the barista makes his way to the coffee machines, you feel a lump from in your throat.

“yea, well thanks for making mine bad as well” you turn on your heels to join the others, hyunjin sees you coming back and scooches to make some space for you next to him.

You smile and thank him quietly when he also gives you your mug.

“everything alright?” he asks quietly, as to not disturb the others conversation.

“yea, just had to ask him some stuff” you smile at which he smiles back, turning back to the others.

After a minute changbin approaches the booth with his iced coffee “hey, I’ll run back to the studio I gotta finish that track”

“ugh, changbin I just dragged you out of there, stay for a second” lia protests and jisung nods along.

“nah, gotta get it done tonight” he shakes his head.

“alight see you later” chan nods.

“nice to meet you, man” hyunjin says, nodding at him as well.

“yea” changbin answers tight-lipped before walking out.

 December

”I’m sorry, hyunjin” you frown “I’m just not ready for a relationship after what happened with my ex-“

“its alright y/n” his large hand encases yours “you don’t have to explain yourself to me”

You sigh in relief “I’m sorry I tried to rush things, it just, seemed to good to be true to find you here and everything” he says.

“but I’ll wait for you, if that’s what you want” he looks up at you.

“oh, jinnie you shouldn’t have to do that” you shake your head “I’m sure there are great girls out there who are emotionally ready to be with you”

“yea, but you’re the girl I want to be with” he says softly and your heart shatters into pieces because you’re not sure he’s the guy you want to be with.

-

You fight yourself through the crowd at 3rachas last performance of the year, at the same venue where you met them for the first time. Just like the time before, chan makes sure lia, hyunjin, minho and you are able to come backstage.

“I’m excited to see you perform, man” hyunjin grins at chan, patting his shoulder “your stuff was already dope back then…” they continue speaking as you enter their dressing room.

Jisung greets his boyfriend as you and lia sit down on the leather couch.

Changbin is standing in front of the mirror, fixing his hair before his eyes lock with yours through the mirror, but he just diverts them to chan who’s grabbing a beer for hyunjin and himself, you guess.

“did you have to invite him?” changbin semi-whispers to the older one, nodding at hyunjin, chan just frowns confusedly,making changbin shake his head and walk out.

You look at hyunjin who is talking to minho and jisung, and doesn’t seem to have heard changbin. So, you get up to follow him out but lia holds your wrist “y/n you cant keep running after him” she hisses.

“he cant keep treating me like im invisible, I just want to clear the air” you free your arm and walk out to see changbin almost at the end of the corridor, walking out of a heavy door which, you think leads outside.

After reaching the door you open it to find him outside, leaning against the brick wall of the building, looking down at his phone.

The cold air hits your skin and you shiver, only wearing a top and some jeans since its warm in the club.

Changbin notices you and looks up “what do you want, y/n?” he asks.

“that was real classy back there” you comment, holding your arms to your body to preserve some warmth. Changbin huffs, unfazed as he looks back at his phone “whatever, y/n”

“no, not whatever bin” you step closer to him “he asked me to date him” his head shoots up and you lock eyes, for a second they are soft in the way they look into yours but something changes and they turn mean when he speaks again.

“so? that’s a you proplem” he shrugs.

“its not a problem at all, he’s sweet and loving and cares about me but for some reason im standing here, hoping that you’ll give me a reason to not be with him” you feel your throat closing up with anger mixed with confusion when he starts chuckling.

“you’re not serious are you?” he squints and your heart drops, tears pooling at your lashline.

“of course not, I couldn’t expect someone as stubborn and- and comunicationally incompetent like you to understand anything about feelings” you turn on your heels when a teardrop rolls down your cheek.

A hand wraps itself around your wrist, making you turn back “I’ve wanted to be with you since that moment in the club where you kissed me infront of all these girls. It was always you who was stubborn y/n, you never wanted to spend anymore time with me other than fucking” he snaps at you, taking a breather to start another sentence but you cut him off.

“-then why didn’t you say anything?” you ask quietly and he looks down.

“because- fuck” he lets go of your wrist “I didn’t want to scare you away, you in my bed was better than no you at all. But then fucking prince charming appears out of no where and sweeps you off your feet-”

“but I don’t want prince charming I want you” you blurt out, tears now streaming down your face, making him take a step back as his eyes soften.

“then why didn’t you say anything?” a small smile tugs at his lips as he closes the distance between you, gently running his hands up your arms, feeling the goosebumps brought on by the cold.

You huff, looking down and watching one of your teardrops melting a tiny hole into the snow before looking back up “because I’m stubborn and comunicationally incompetent” you sniffle “and stupid apparently” 

A grin spreads over changbins face as his hands cradle your cheeks, wiping your tears away with his thumbs “so, you wanna be stubborn and stupid together?” he whispers, locking eyes with you.

You press your lips together, trying to keep yourself from sobbing even more as you nod.

He chuckles softly ”you can stop crying now, baby” at which you nod beathing in shakily but smiling when he pushes some hair out of your face.

“can you kiss me now please” you sniffle whiningly, huffing in a laugh when he pulls a face.

“i dont know babe, you’re a little snotty right now-” he jokes.

“shut up” you hit him, chuckling when he pulls you even closer by your waist and gently connects his lips with yours.

A soft wind blows through your hair and you loop your arms around his neck even tighter, deepening the kiss at which he moans, holding your waist tighter to his body.

The door creaks open and “are you guys finally together?” minhos voice makes you break the kiss.

“yea” you grin when jisung comes out after his boyfriend.

“nice” he grins, nodding at you.

“yea yea nice, beautiful love whatever, hyung we’re up, lets go” jisung rambles, laughing and running back inside when changbin pretends to hit him, minho shaking his head and following him.

“you’ll watch me yea?” your boyfriend grins at you, taking your hand and planting a kiss on the back of it.

“from the front row, baby”

-

a/n: omg im finally done wth this took me so long yall, i started writing this sin september (which is why the fic starts in september as well lol) sorry about the winterly feelings i’m pushing onto you in the end but last week it literally snowed where i live so i was like uh?!?!?!? okay lets write some snowy shit, global warming ftw i guess....anyways i hope u liked it pls leave some feedback and/or ur favourite part ig lol i would appreciate it alot <33 (not proofred yet oopsie)

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taglist: @kpopscape​ @oopsie-whats-this​ @zhaqifa​ @synnocence​ @changlix-mp4​ + some besties who always inspire me wether they know it or not😭 @bangtantaegi @hanflix @bruh-changbin @hyunyin @yyxgin @hyunsluvv @unstableskzstan @violethhj @missskzbiased @cartierbin @dom--minnie

[lunatic-fandom-space]

Ughhhhhhhh I wanted to save this post for a lot later in my project but fuck it,I just started episode 4 which means that the jack the ripper arc is starting and boyyyyyy will I have a lot to say about that as far pronouns go

So yeah, this is Me Pointing Out The Use Of Formal And Informal Yous In The German Dub Of Black Butler part 3 (feat. Actual Explanations This Time woaaaa)

Okay, basically we have du, which is informal you and you use it for like, your peers I guess and people you know well

Then we have Sie, which is formal and you use it with people who have some kind of authority and/or power over you (employers n teachers n stuff like that) and with strangers or people you only want to maintain a 'professional' relationship to. Also, yeah you have to capitalize it when you write it down bc theres also sie as in, she and sie as in, they

Last but not least theres Euch, which you also have to capitalize. I didnt actually know how this was properly used until I looked it right before I started writing this because Ive never heard it being used outside of fiction occasionally, and if youve read my previous posts I probably said something wrong about it. From what I can tell its used for like, royals, aristocrats, people with nobility titles or whatever you wanna call those leeches, so thats why Lizzy n Ciel use Euch to refer to eachother that makes sense. That being said, I still think its kinda strange that Lizzy uses it for Ciel while also trying to get him to be less formal or whatever. Like, I can buy that Ciel would do that but Lizzy ?? Then again, she grew up as a woman in victorian england so thats probably why. HOWEVER the mafia guy addressing Ciel with Euch is still funny like bro, youre kicking the shit out of him his stupid nobility title doesnt mean shit now

Anyway, now that thats out of the way, I have two things I would like to point out:

Number 1: when Madame Red gets pissy w/ Lau for pretending to know who the Undertaker was towards the start of the fourth episode she uses du, when she had previously only used Sie bc yknow, even though they seem to be on p good terms, their relationship is purely professional at the end of the day. Now, I was gonna go on this whole tangent about some incomprehensible bullshit in order to explain this or whatever, but the reason for this probably really simple: its weird when you get upset enough to yell at someone but still use Sie. Thats it. Now, idk if this is particularly common but I actually remember doing something like that with my therapist lol like, I usually address her w/ Sie because yknow, ~Profesionalism~ and when I got really upset during one of our sessions and started yelling at her I switched over to du

Oh wait, I just remembered in the second episode that scene where Lau insinuates that he would do something "indecent" to Ciel and Madame Red starts yelling at him, she uses Sie for him there ?? Idk maybe the script is just inconsistent and Im putting too much thought into all of this

The second thing I wanted to talk about is: Sebastian has been referred to as Sie pretty consistently so far and like, I know thats gonna change soon because theres no way Grell is gonna keep trying to be professional or whatever once shes out of diguise, but still. As of the start of episode 4, the only people to use du for him are Ciel and that mafia guy and thats weird to me. Like, it makes sense for the servant trio to do that because hes In Charge and all that, and it makes sense for Grell because even though theyre 'peers' in the sense that theyre both butlers, they are strangers and dont really know eachother. But like, why is Madame Red doing it isnt she a baroness?? This would make sense in the modern day because you would address like, your friends personal assistant or whatever with Sie, regardless of wether or not youre "above" them in some weird way, because youre strangers and you wanna be polite to the people sour friend employs but. this is the fucken victorian times man, Idk a lot about that era but Im pretty sure they were big on this kind of weird classism

I was gonna end it here bit then I thought what if no one wants to du him because theyre intimidated or smth. Like, I know he can be intimidating but is that supposed to be 'a part of him' in the same way that being really hot is or what. Does he have a strong aura that compells people to do that. does he have that sigma male vibe. Discuss. comment down below