#i know far too well how to protect myself from a hard fall and would likely be able to avoid too severe an injury there

[nexus-nebulae]

"why are you so worried abt random accidents, stuff like that rarely ever happens" well you see I'm too disabled to ever evacuate a situation on my own, so I'd rather be a safety advocate now than become a statistic later

[ohisms]

✱˚｡⋆ ↪ 𝐀 𝐓𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐋𝐘 𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 . ( a collection of lyric prompts based on various works by florence + the machine . adjust phrasing as necessary , will likely be updated in the future . )

it's always darkest before the dawn .

we will find new saints to be canonized .

holy water cannot help you now .

the horses are coming , so you'd better run .

i never felt so alive and so dead .

i'm damned if i do , i'm damned if i don't .

i've always been in love with you .

what has been done cannot be undone .

i don't care whether i live or die .

we will never be afraid again .

i feel nervous in a way that can't be named .

it was so far a fall , but it didn't hurt at all .

the saints can't help me now .

i want to find you and tear out all of your tenderness .

sooner or later , the things you love , you lose .

run fast for your mother , run fast for your father .

i like to think , at least , things can't get any worse .

i would give all this and heaven too .

i was in the darkness , so darkness i became .

all my stumbling phrases never amounted to anything worth this feeling .

in order to get to the heart of things , sometimes you have to cut through .

i'll be dead before the day is done .

time after time , i think "oh lord , what's the use ?"

the heart is hard to translate , it has a language of its own .

it was all so strange and so surreal .

i'm not here looking for absolution .

now and then , it seems that life is just too much .

be careful of the curse that falls on young lovers .

if you could only see the beast you've made of me .

pretty little face stopped me in my tracks .

i'm aching to attack .

you want a revelation , some kind of resolution .

it's so easy to say it to a crowd , but it's so hard to say it to you aloud .

i don't want your heart , it leaves me cold .

i am no mother , i am no bride , i am king .

she's a cruel mistress , and a bargain must be made .

well , me and my ghosts had a hell of a time .

with all my education i can't seem to command my heart .

it's a conversation i just can't have tonight .

you left me in the dark . no dawn , no day .

jesus christ , it hurts .

a woman is a changeling , always shifting shape .

the very thing you're best at is the thing that hurts the most .

i'll cut your little heart out 'cause you made me cry .

i knew that somehow , i could find my way back .

a thousand armies couldn't keep me out .

i'm ready to suffer and i'm ready to hope .

you've got the love i need to see me through .

is this how it is ? is this how it's always been ?

you keep me up at night .

oh , tell me it's not over yet .

no walls can keep me protected .

i'm going out , i'm gonna drink myself to death .

time goes quicker between the two of us .

would you leave me if i told you what i'd done ?

now , there's no holding back .

oh god , you're gonna get it .

you need your rotten heart and dazzling pain like diamond rings .

in the dark , i can hear your heartbeat .

i never knew my killer would be coming from within .

i was never as good as i always thought i was , but i knew how to dress it up .

don't forget me when i let the water take me .

this world is a beast of a burden .

you know i still like you the most .

what a thing to admit .

sometimes i think it's getting better , then it gets much worse .

i'm on fire , but i'm trying not to show it .

you are the space in my bed .

would you have it any other way ?

things go wrong , no matter what i do .

you make a fool of death with your beauty .

now she sleeps with one eye open , and that's the price she'll pay .

they were there when i woke up this morning .

heaven help me , i need to make it right .

until i wrap myself inside your arms , i cannot rest .

when someone looks at me with real love , i don't like it very much .

would you leave me if i told you what i've become ?

i'm always running from something .

it's good to be alive , crying into cereal at midnight .

okay , but let's discuss this at the hospital .

i know everybody lets you down , and i'll do the same .

your heart is the only place i can call home .

i wish to remain nameless , and live without shame .

sometimes i feel like saying "lord , i just don't care" .

i would put my words into poetry for you if i knew how .

if they ever let me out , i'm really gonna let it out .

but know , in some way , i'm there with you .

i've been wandering the streets for days .

don't let them get you down , you're the best thing i've ever seen .

how could anything bad ever happen to you ?

you couldn't have it any other way .

it's the only way i can escape .

what a place to come from .

little did you know your home's really only a town you're just a guest in .

run for your children , for your sisters and brothers .

you can't choose what stays and what fades away .

you'll be sorry that you messed with us .

call me when you need me .

although we stick together , it seems we're stranging each other .

this is as good a place to fall as any .

in your place there were a thousand other faces .

here's to drinks in the dark at the end of my rope .

lay me down , let the only sound be the overflow .

there's no salvation for me now .

i'd do anything to make you stay .

what's in a name ? i still remain the same .

i've been taking chances , i've been setting myself up for the fall .

tell me what you want me to say .

you are the silence in between what i thought and what i said .

i've been a fool , and i've been blind .

i never knew daylight could be so violent .

regrets collect like old friends , here to visit for your darkest moments .

so you packed your bags just to wait out the shitstorm ?

my doe , my dear , my darling ...

you're my head , you're my heart .

everyone lets you down in this brief hole of a town .

i'm not giving up , i'm just giving in .

i've been losing sleep , i've been keeping myself awake .

sometimes i feel like throwing my hands up in the air .

the only solution was to stand and fight .

i don't know how it started , don't know how to stop it .

i'm done with my graceless heart .

i can never leave the past behind .

do they speak to you ? 'cause they speak to me too .

i thought that love was a kind of emptiness .

it's hard to dance with a devil on your back .

sometimes i wonder if i should be medicated .

every demon wants his pound of flesh .

tell me what all the sighing's about .

could you tell from the moment we met ?

i heard your voice as clear as day ... you told me i should concentrate .

all my girls have their lace and their crimes .

i like to keep some things to myself .

no one asks any questions here .

the feeling comes so fast and i can't control it .

you came over me like some holy rite .

i was screaming out a language i had no idea existed before .

i thought that love was on stage , giving yourself away to strangers .

leave all your love and your longing behind , you can't carry it with you if you want to survive .

i thought that love was in the drugs , but the more i took the more it took away .

i never wanted anything from you , except everything you had and what's left after that too .

i don't want your future , i don't need your past . one grand moment is all i ask .

[aliceinborderlandsquidgame]

Because you are my partner | Jun-ho x Fem!Detective!Reader

Warnings: Takes place after the end of S1 - Some events from S2 - Does not follow canon events in order - Angst - Guns - Unspoked feelings -

The first thing Jun-ho never expected to listen when he woke up at the hospital after being shot by his brother no less were cries and insults.

Insults that were for him.

"You stubborn idiot! Why did you not tell me, why did you go alone, look at you now. Fucker if you dont wake up im killing you myself, you little-"

"I thought you would be more worried" Jun-ho said, voice hoarse since he havent drank any water in a long time. His vision was still a bit blurry, but he could locate your voice anywhere.

"You! YOU ARE ALIVE!!" You revealed your red face from crying and went to hug him, trying not to hurt him. "Never do something like that again"

~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○

Time passed, Jun-ho got demoted from detective, even when you, the second best in the division besides him, you had threated to leave as well, but In-ho insisted you not to. He knew how much you had worked for this position, he would not let you fall behind cause of him.

"Its not fair" You said one night at his aparment being a bit drunk "Yeah, what you said its kind of crazy and you have no proof but..."

"(Y/N) stop it, its pointless"

"But you would never make a lie like that. You dont like crime, you hate it. Since your brother went missing...no you would never play with something like that" You said convinced taking a big gulp of your beer.

"I think you had enough beer for tonight" Jun-ho went to take the beer can from you but you held his hand.

"I believe you, I dont care how crazy it sounds I believe you Jun-ho"

Like that, he felt less lonely.

~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~

"I think I told you this was not something you should keep doing" Jun-ho told you as you passed iced coffee to his fellow companion and him. "We are not allowed to drink when working..."

"Then take a dam breath, its summer. The streets feels like they are on fire" You told him on a stern tone taking a sip from your own drink

"Should you not be at the sitation?" He asked

"You wont believe how much criminals like to do nothing when its as hot as today. We mostly get calls at night. Nothing like, well nothing like what you are looking for" You added in a quiet voice

"I told you, I left that behind"

"Yeah sure you did, you dont give up that easily, always has been like that. Since we were at the police school. And, you cant lie to me. Im your partner, remember ?"

"Actually-"

"Shut up and drink the dam ice coffee your cheecks are red as a fruit"

~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~

One year went on. You were assigned anothet partner but you were being a bit childish and did not like working with him.

It was not his fault, you were just so used to Jun-ho that any other person just felt....wrong.

"(Y/N) you need to stop it" Jun-ho said while you two ate some lunch

"I know, but can you blame me? I cant work well with him, he is too-"

He is not you. Thats what you wanted to say but you had to bite your tongue.

"Is he misstreating you?" Jun-ho asked getting protective, he knew you had pass for hard situations during your training just because you were a women.

He would be on your side during these moments, both when you faked feeling strong and when you needed to vent out and cry.

"No. He is...different. I just need to get used to him"

"It has been almost a year..."

"I know just- give me some more time. Also I want to meet that captain that saved you. Maybe we can go and fish together.

Jun-ho went silent after it. He was reclutant to do so, since he had been looking for the island he was in, but he had told you he had long stopped, he did not want to put you at risk.

"Maybe tomorrow..." He said in a low voice, knowing that you would kept insisting. And maybe he would be able to keep the lie.

~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○

Things have been good so far, In-ho managed to convince you to meet him and the captain at a near restaurant.

The three were drinking in just enjoying the time. Sharing stories, jokes, just having a good time.

"Thanks for saving his ass, he can be quiet a pain" You said to the older men who just smiled.

"Dont say it Lass, he still has me looking around for that dam island..."

And the good time shattered, your eyes turned cold as you looked at him.

"Is he? Please tell me more captain"

~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○

"You told me you had stopped" You said angry at him. "Told me to stop looking into details at the deparment, do you know how much I did risk!"

"Yes! I know, thats why I told you to stop. I did not want you to put your career in danger"

"When will you understand ? You dont have to do this alone. Im your friend! Fuck we have know each other for years, if I want to help you and put my career at risk, then let me do it. Im an adult I know what im doing.

"No, I could never ask you for something like that. You know the story, these peopel are dangerous and well prepared if something would happen to you..."

"Do you think it was easy? For me? When you dissapear? There was no way on finding you, some told me to move on. But I never stopped beliving in you, knowing that you would not leave like that"

Of course not, I would never leave you.

"Listen, I understand. Really, but you cant stop me. I want to help you, and I will do so. Let me lend you a hand. Maybe this time you will catch them"

Jun-ho was conflicted, he knew having some backup would help him. But he did not want you at risk, why if you ended like him? Trapped there ? Or worse ?

But he also knew you were a hard one. Someone who once they had set their mind on something were not easy to give up. Maybe it would be better that way, making sure on having you at his side while he worked and looked for information.

"Alright, no more secrets. We will work on this together, but if something seems to be just a little bit dangerous you are out"

~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~

And like that another year went by. Both looking to find that island and whatever information (Y/N) could get from the station.

"Most are peopel with big debts" Jun-ho said one afternoon, the cold of the winter hitting their noses leaving them red. "Maybe some have criminal record"

"Yeah but their families would have to denounce then as lost. If these peopel just vanish some would think they ran away because of their debts. I will still check on the records..."

Jun-ho nodded grateful to have her working with him.

"You dont remember any name? Or face?" (Y/N) asked him, making him stop. He did remember his brother shooting him but he could never say it out loud. "The players used numbers..." Still him mind was working like he was missing something...

And then it clicked

"Wait...I may know someone"

"Really? You can tell me their name and I will look into it"

"Seong Gi-hun, thats the name"

~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○

"Are you sure he is here?" Jun-ho asked a faint blush on his cheecks as both of you looked up from inside the car.

"Yes, I asked a friend from another work to look up, he owns this place and has no direction of a current home. Maybe he manages the place or lives here..."

"Well, last time I saw him he did not look like someone who would manage a love hotel" Jun-ho said, voice trying to hide his nerves.

His mind wondering to things, like you. You two on a date, that would end with something more. He would be a gentlemen during all it. And he would take you to his home and do it on his bed, not a meaningless place like a love hotel.

And he would do that and more because he...

"Hey look!! That one, is not him?" You asked seeing a man getting from a car and going inside the hotel.

"It is. Stay here" Jun-ho ordered but before he could get out from the car you held his arm back.

"What? No!" You said not beliving his words "Im going in with you, we are a team, get it in that tick skull of yours"

"Listen (Y/N) I saw these games, if he is here then its because he won. He murdered peopel. He cant be trusted"

"These are just more reasons for me to go in with you" You declared, "You have my back and I have yours, thats how this relationship works"

Jun-ho looked to the side to hide his blush and recluntantly nodded "Alright..."

Unkown to them Gi-hun had been checking the cameras and had spotted their car. He held his gun not knowing who they were.

~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~

Reunions are never easy. Even less when its with peopel you dont trust.

"Who are you? Why are you following me?"

And less when guns are involved.

Maybe Jun-ho had lost his touch, his day giving out speed tickets have passed him consequences. Otherwise he would never have let himself be jumped and have a gun pressed against his head.

"Im a police officer, I just want to talk" Jun-ho said trying to ease the situation but only got Gi-hun to press the gun harder.

"How do I know you are not with them?"

"Cause we have been looking for them too" You said gun raised at Gi-hun who looked suprised for a moment but did not move. "Drop the gun Seong Gi-hun we are aiming for the same goal"

"Yeah? How can I trust any of you? Or what you said?"

"We want to stop the games too" Jun-ho said from beneath him "Thats why we have been following you, you are our only lead"

Slowly Gi-hun removed his gun and let Jun-ho get on his feet.

"I never said a thing about games..."

"Yeah...thats why we have been looking for you. Jun-ho here was in but doing kind of a double agent work. Without help"

Gi-hun had to supress a smile at your stern tone.

"Wait, you are the police who asked me about it. During that time.."

"Im, and this is (Y/N) a fellow police officer and the person I trust the most to end this"

~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~

"Train stations? A Man in a suit? Ddakji and getting slapped?" You asked while counting with your fingers the major things Gi-hun and told you and Jun-ho.

He had a big map of the stations with lots of marks and points. He was indeed looking for someone.

"Yes, I know it sounds crazy, but its like that. You get a card with a number, you call it and then you are part of the games" He said serving three coffees "It has been two years and i havent been able to find him"

"Well, now you have two more peopel to count with" You said smiling a bit "We can ignore the criminals that are working for you..."

"(Y/N)...." Jun-ho said but you cut him off.

"What? More peopel means more eyes and less space to cover. Besides its not like we have proof that they do something bad, and you know with. Without proof theres nothing you can do"

Gi-hun had departed both of you. Giving one of his many phone numbers and warning that these peopel were dangerous.

But deep down he was grateful, grateful that there was someone else out here who had seen the same.

"Dont worry, we will catch them" You shaked his hand noticing how he seemed to be sad and stressed, you could only imagine how bad things have been for him.

~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~

"What do you think?" Jun-ho asked as he drove back to your aparment.

"I think he is being honest and will accept our help. Besides no one does so much without a reason" You said having take note of his deep search for that man, the multiple guns he had and the cameras around. "He is scared too"

"Well...he does have a reason to be" Jun-ho softly said stopping outside your complex "I never asked you, why help me so much? I know we are friends but this is a big league, worse than any case you had ever seen"

Because I love you. I have been in love with you for so long. I cant seem to live knowing you put your life at risk without any help. I dont want to repeat the time when you vanish and I see my life with you in it-

"Cause you are my partner, and...I care for you" You said and left the car before he could respond to hide your blushing face

"Wait!! (Y/N)" Jun-ho screamed pulling the window down. You stopped looking over your shoulder "I- I care for you too"

He started the car leaving the window down, too nervous, he could track down dangerous criminals and be undercover for the worse criminal gangs, but confessing his feelings to you...

He was not ready, at least not yet.

~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○

You went into your aparment, heart beating fast as you went in. The darkness welcomed you, just as you turned for the lights you hear a click.

A gun click.

"Well, you must be (Y/N)...I must admit you are more beautiful than what the photos show"

You turned around one hand ready to go for your own gun. Before you stood a man, tall dark hair, and black eyes, wearing a expensive suit.

"I recommend you to not try anything stupid. I just want to talk. And maybe we can play game"

~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○

Final note: *evil laught*

[pacifymebby]

Hi! I’m having a very hard time with anxiety at the moment I was wondering if you could do a peaky blinders characters (men) dealing with an anxious reader?

Hello lovely, I'm sorry to hear you're having a rough time at the moment and I hope these HCs can bring you a little comfort!! Anxiety is a rotter and when it gets bad it can feel v overwhelming I know that myself, so sending you lots of love and hugs and vibes <3

Slight nsfw in some places.

Tommy

🌿 When you first met eachother you both tried to hide your dark sides from one another. Tommy trying to hide his criminal activity, his brutal kill or be killed philosophy and his nihilistic world view which allows him to be so callous and cruel when he needs to be.

🌿 You were just trying to be the kind of woman that wouldn't irritate him. For as long as you could remember you'd been an anxious person, timid, easily scared, always caught up in your own spiralling thoughts, as skittish as a foal. You didn't want to get in Tommy's way, didn't want him to think you silly or hysterical...

🌿 So you tried so hard to pretend to be just like the other women in his life, women like Polly, Ada and Lizzy who you were sure feared nothing and nobody. Bold women who spoke their mind without fearing the consequences.

🌿And Tommy would try his best to play the gentle, gentleman. He'd do his best never to raise his voice around you, to always speak a little softer. Always being careful not to worry you, not to let you see his concern.

🌿 Though neither of you realised it for a little while, you were both hiding your true selves from one another because you could see right through one another's little acts.

🌿 Tommy could see the fear in your eyes every time you entered a room, he could see how you did the same as him - checked for every exit, every potential threat, every place to hide. Except he could tell you were seeing threats he wasn't. He knew you weren't like Ada or Lizzie or Polly from the moment he first laid eyes upon you and talking to you, getting close to you, seeing the way you struggled to force yourself to look him in the eye only to tear your gaze away seconds later, well that only confirmed his suspicions.

🌿 And you knew all about Thomas Shelby, infamous ganster, the war hero who threw his medals into the cut, a man quite opposite to you, never fearful, always feared. So his gentleness towards you confused you, made your head spin, left you so bewildered and perhaps slightly paranoid that you were falling victim to one of his tricks, that despite your best efforts you couldn't live up to the ferocity and strong willed reputation of those other women at Shelby Company Limited.

🌿 So despite his best efforts to be kind and careful Tommy Shelby still scares you and you find your anxiety so hard to control around him...

🌿 And though anxious women aren't usually his type he's so drawn to you, his need to rescue you is too strong to ignore. You remind him of a baby bird, a little twitchy and nervous, delicate and precious. All he wants is to pick you up off the ground and treasure you. Make you feel safe all the time.

🌿 He knows exactly how dangerous the world can be for women like you so he can't ignore his protective urge, can't ignore his desire to have you and take care of you...

🌿 Much to your torment then he refuses to let you alone, you can feel his eyes on you whenever you're in the room with him, he never strays far from you and you feel self-conscious worrying what he must think of you being so timid so often.

🌿 But all Tommy can think about when he sees you shying away from others is how he can protect you, how he can get you to feel safe around him... he wants to be the person you feel safe around, the one you look to in a busy room to keep you grounded and calm...

🌿 Deep down Tommy probably knows he should stay away from you, keep you away from his world where you will be in danger all the time, but in true Tommy fashion he thinks he's the only person on the planet that knows how you feel, the only person who could possibly take care of you and be everything you need.

🌿 Very quickly learns the things which seem to set you off, the daily household tasks which you struggle with most and has them taken care of for you... He doesn't say anything to you about this, just quietly deals with all the things he knows cause you dread... It won't necessarily help you get better but he doesn't care so much about forcing you to get better, not if he can keep you happy by taking the stresses away.

🌿 He uses words of reassurance when he can tell you're anxious, he will go over plans meticulously with you if he thinks it will help. However he can tell when that won't help, when you simply need to be told not to worry about a thing. "Don't you think about that now sweetheart, you let me do the thinking on this one eh, when have I ever let you down before eh? Everything's under control, there isn't one single thing you could think of I haven't already thought of so just you shut your eyes, take a nice deep breath, and relax eh? For me?"

🌿 Tommy's very good at talking you down from your anxiety, he'll pull you in close to him, his arms gentle around your waist, his lips right beside your ear as he murmurs reassurance and love to you.

🌿 He will always speak so gently and so carefully to you, holding your hands or your cheeks in his hands, lightly stroking his thumb over your skin to sooth you. He will play with your hair and tuck it behind your ear, stroking your cheek. All these soft affectionate little touches to keep your attention on him and the present moment.

🌿 "Look at me angel, you look at me when I'm talking to you so I know you're listening to me right?" you're so often too timid to look him in the eye when he speaks to you that he always makes sure to get close to you, tilts your chin up so you're looking up at him, and when you try to drag your gaze away he chuckles softly, "cmon y/n I know you're not afraid of me..."

🌿 He always feels guilty when he has to host busy parties because he knows they'll have your nerves in pieces so he always makes sure to come and rescue you, sneak you off for a breather... he'll cut into the conversation you're having, "My apologies, may I borrow y/n for a moment..." with no intention of bringing you back. It always makes you jump because he always seems to sneak in out of nowhere but when you turn around and see him your heart sings!

🌿 He will take you down to the stables, or off into the gardens. The stables is your favourite however, and his too. He thinks its amusing, to sneak down their in your finery, the two of you dressed to the nines stepping through the hay. He'll place you down on a hay bale and admire the view, how pretty you look with your dress and your jewellery, all silky and sweet... and shy. Then he'll sit down beside you and take your hands in his and he'll apologise for putting you through another party. "Y'know I hate these things too, I'd happily burn that bloody ballroom down right now..." he'll be trying to make you giggle, trying to relax you.

🌿 He'll make you dance with him in the stables, sometimes in silence sometimes humming to you... He'll have you resting against him, your feet balancing on top of his to save your little slippers from getting dirtied. And he'll turn you in slow circles, kissing you every now and then, talking to you quietly about how lovely it will be later when everyone else has "fucked off to their own homes eh..."

🌿 Deep down he knows he can't protect you from everything however it's what he tells you all the time, and he definitely believes that himself too, he's determined you'll never be anxious again... But obviously thats not how anxiety works and when he can see that your anxiety has been building and building with no outlet for too long he has other methods of alleviating your stress... Tommy knows that sometimes the only way to dispel that sickening physical anxiety you feel is to scream...

🌿 So when its all becoming too much for you he takes you out riding on his fastest, wildest horse (not so wild of course that he can't control it and keep you safe, simply wild enough that you have the impression of being in a little danger) hell have you sitting in front of him, his arms either side of you caging you in securely, and he'll take you racing across the moors so fast it snatches your breath from you, you'll be screaming, heart racing, adrenaline surging through your body but by the end of it you'll be laughing and rosy cheeked and you'll feel safe in the knowledge that Tommy is there to keep you safe always.

🌿 He'll help you down from the horse and place you down on the grass somewhere in the middle of nowhere, hold you lying back against his chest whilst the two of you get your breath back. And knowing Tommy he'll try to give you some wise little speech about managing your emotions, about how your mind has a way of working against you sometimes, that he doesn't know why it happens - probably because it thinks its helping you to survive- but that sometimes it does and its alright as long as you can reason with yourself, know when your mind is lying to you.

🌿 He takes you down to the stables to meet the new foal and teaches you how to talk to her without spooking her, you watch him in awe as he whispered to her gently and coaxes the timid creature to him, and he turns back to you, his knuckles still brushing the foals face, "see, you're not the only one y/n, she like her peace and quiet too..." he teased beckoning you over to meet her, "here we are girl, brought someone to say hello, there there now don't be shy, it's alright girl, it's alright... This is y/n, she's just like you eh... So she's gonna take good care of you, cause she knows exactly how you feel..."

🌿 Yes, Tommy thinks horses cure everything.

🌿 If you get bad anxiety at night which stops you from sleeping he doesn't mind you joining him in his study. He hardly sleeps anyway and he knows it comforts you to be in his presence. So he keeps a blanket in his study and a rocking chair with cushions for you to curl up. He'll make you something warm to drink or offer you a nightcap and he'll let you sit up with him whilst he works quietly, the two of you in a comfortable silence until you drift off. He always makes sure to carry you to bed when you do eventually fall asleep and often your drifting off is what reminds him he needs sleep too. So you always wake up snuggled up beside him in the morning.

🌿 He'll read to you when you're worn out, or on the days when your anxiety has paralysed you and you can't muster the energy or the stillness of mind to leave your bed. He'll pull the covers back and rest your head in lap, get you wrapped up in the duvet and then sit reading to you, one hand in your hair fingers tangling with your locks as he strokes your hair.

🌿 "it's funny ain't it y/n, when people talk about Thomas Shelby they don't tend to talk about a gentle man...but this is what you've made of me ain't it... This is what you've done to me..."

🌿 Tommy will talk you up in a very measured but determined way, when you're anxious about yourself he will remind you of all your strengths and he'll reassure you that your perceived weaknesses are not weaknesses at all. "Everybody has weaknesses sweetheart, it's all about knowing how to light them up just right..." He's always reassuring you that the things you perceive as weaknesses, such as your anxious nature, are strengths when looked at from a certain angle.

🌿 And he'll never let you put yourself down, whenever you do start letting your demons get the better of you, he'll let you get it all off your chest but he'll never entertain your concerns, he'll be short and sweet about it, "It's funny you know hearing you say all of that with all of that conviction love, cause none of it's true is it?"

🌿 He never fails to let you know how proud of you he is. He's very fatherly in the way he guides you through challenges, always there to give you that little nod of encouragement, the hand on your pack to push you a pace forward when you hesitate. The warm smile, the quiet "atta girl" when you impress not only him but yourself too.

Alfie

🐻 You were Camden born and raised and your family were close with Mr Solomons. He'd known you since you were young and he'd watched a once somewhat precocious child grow to be timid, withdrawn and terribly reserved.

🐻 When you come to work for him as a secretary (a favour to your father who fears sending his timid daughter to work for strangers) Alfie is somewhat relieved to know he'll be able to keep an eye on you. Because he's always been fond of you... Your anxious nature has always brought out his tender side and despite everything, Alfie likes having someone to be soft with...

🐻 And he is so soft with you... It's almost embarrassing the way he treats you in comparison to everyone else and you're certain there's some resentment among the bakers because Alfie never raises his voice at you, never speaks sharply or cruelly to you. You get away with every mistake you make - and that's many because your anxiety has you so deeply in your own thoughts that often your fear of fucking up is what makes you fuck up.

🐻 But Alfie never seems to lose patience with you, he's always there to pick you up, guide you gently, fix your mistakes. "Never mind ziskeit, ain't no point crying over spilt milk... Although this here bread is a little more expensive than milk ain't it... Never you mind though yeah cause thats my problem ain't it, ain't your problem... You come with me yeah, into my office for minute, I'll get you a glass of somethin nice for those nerves of yours and we'll see you're feeling right as rain in no time at all my darlin..." he says putting his arm around your shoulder and guiding you away out of sight from any onlookers.

🐻 he can't help the affectionate way he feels towards you when he can feel you shaking like a little bird and the way he chuckles and says, "look at you, shakin like a little leaf caught in a very bad storm" makes you blush something chronic.

🐻 "Ain't no good at all that is it, nah ziskeit that won't do at all... We'll have to sort this out right away won't we, ain't no time to lose if you ask me..." he'd be tutting and studying your features, pinching your cheek until you smile, looking up at him shyly from under your lashes.

🐻 you've never been scared of Alfie Solomons, you've always known he was a friend to you, but that's not to say he didn't once intimidate you... When you first started working for him you used to jump out of your skin every time he spoke to you, and when he shouted at the bakers or when you could hear him ripping into someone in his office when a meeting had gone south well, he terrified you...Once... Not anymore...

🐻 Because whenever he saw you flinch at his raised voice he would apologise to you quietly, whenever he realised you'd probably overheard the goings on in his office, he'd have you brought to him and he'd spin you some yarn about the bad men he'd sent running for the hills. And he'd always take your cheek in his hand and stroke his thumb over your lips so gently when he spoke to you, told you that there was nothing for you to be worried about, that you'd find yourself held hypnotised by him. It would be impossible not to believe him and so you learned to look to him as your protector pretty quickly. He wouldn't have had it any other way.

🐻 He thinks you're like a baby bird and he tells you all the time, especially when he wants to tease you or see you blush. When he really wants to tease you he'll remind you what a precious young lady you used to be, he'll bring up all the times you gave the younger him a piece of your mind... "And some mind it is ziskeit, fuckin only God knows how scared of you I am..." he's only joking with you but the way he shudders makes you believe him. The wistful look he gets when he talks about the girl you used to be isn't lost on you though and you know he often wonders what happened to see you shrink into yourself the way that you have...

🐻 You're always anxious about getting in the way or frustrating him and so you almost always start your sentences with "sorry" and if you don't start your sentence with sorry it's because your sentence ends with "sorry" sometimes you start and finish a sentence with the word sorry... It drives Alfie up the wall and he makes a rule about "all this saying sorry unnecessarily when there ain't nothin to be sorry for..."

🐻 Whenever you apologise to him he gives you a little warning look, light-hearted enough but enough of a look that it stops you in your tracks. "Now now ziskeit, just what was it we agreed about that word?" "Uh.. if, if I say it I have to explain it?" "Right yeah, yeah that does sound familiar don't it... Yeah I'd say that is what we agreed... So... y/n ain't you gonna tell me then what you are saying sorry for today?" "Uh..." you always trail off because you never really know, saying sorry is just an anxious tick, one of those words which just slips out because you never really feel like you're doing the right thing...

🐻 "Right... Yeah, now thats exactly what I thought you might do y/n... That little trail off you just did there yeah, that's because you don't really know what you're saying sorry for right... And you know the reason you don't really know what you're saying sorry for yeah, is that there ain't no reason for you to be sorry at all..."

🐻 Naturally you open your mouth to say sorry, freezing with your lips parted halfway through the word when you realise what you're about to say... Alfie doesn't need to say anything, he'll just use his thumb to close your lips and give you a gentle pat on the cheek... "There..." he'll say softly, "that's better right, no more saying sorry... You ain't gotta be sorry to me for nothin ziskeit..."

🐻 Theatrical reassurance at the very least, this man will give you speech after speech after speech about how you should never be worried he's not going to want to see you, or talk to you, or be too busy for you, or be angry with you or anything... "Because you see ziskeit, and this is the thing right, this should have been inscribed by the finger of God on Moses' stones yeah... You are the light of my fuckin life right, and there ain't a single thing on this forsaken earth, not a single thing that could ever taint you in my eyes right... I am yours and you are mine and so that shall forever be..."

🐻 He likes to make you repeat that last bit for him everyday, just to make sure it really sinks in.

🐻 Alfie only teases you because he wants to try and build your confidence, he wants to coax that cheeky nature he knows you have out of hiding. So he gets a little playful with you sometimes, tricking you into letting your guard down, showing you it's alright to be yourself when you're with him.

🐻 Alfie praises you so much, he wants to make sure you know exactly how wonderful, how clever, how important to him you are... And the praise always makes you blush and shy away which is an added bonus for him because he thinks you're very pretty when you blush. He's always telling you how brave you are too, reminding you that you're ten times as brave as he is because you get through so many things that scare you, and you face every day even when every day things make you feel like hiding away for ever.

🐻 "As long as you ain't hiding from me my little ziskeit"

🐻 When you're feeling horribly anxious and sick Alfie will wrap you up tight in his arms, squeezing you in a big bear hug so that your body is pressed close to his snug and secure and he won't let go even when you try to pull away. He'll hold onto you and stroke your hair, lift you up off your feet. You can bury your face in his shirt or the crook of his neck and close your eyes or cry or just breathe in the smell of him to your heart's content.

🐻 He understands that you tire quickly, "I don't know my ziskeit look at you, gone an worn yourself out again... Come over here and rest awhile yeah, come curl up by the fire with your old man..."

🐻 He likes to have you curled up in his lap, the two of you sitting in his armchair by the fire in the lowlight of the evening or late at night when you can't sleep. The two of you will be listening to the crackle of the fire with Cyril curled up at your feet.

🐻 Alfie always pretends to be grumpy when Cyril, sensing your anxiety, abandons Alfie in favour of you. The sooky lump will plop his head down in your lap and nuzzle you until he gets your attention, draws you out of your negative thoughts to pet him instead... And Alfie will grumble and say things like "oh I might have known you'd abandon me - your devoted and loyal master for her you rotten old sook" but really he'll be glad to see Cyril offering you comfort, glad to see the smile warm your features when you begin defending Cyril, telling him not to listen to that grumpy old man who doesn't know anything.

🐻 "Oh is that what you think of me now ziskeit? Two betrayals in one evening, my godforsaken heart is in pieces, torn to shreds, you cruel cruel girl..."

🐻 At night he sleeps on his side with you nuzzled in beside him, his arm wrapped around you tight, the weight of his body leant gently against yours relaxing you as you fall asleep.

🐻 If ever any of the bakers do step out of line and snap at you, or if ever he hears them complaining that "that fuckin number girls always getting special treatment.." then Alfie likes to make a display of them, humiliating them in front of the rest of the men so that no one else will ever step out of line. "You wanna come up here and say that again?" He asks tapping on a barrel with his cane, making them get up on top to "present your thoughts to the room yeah? Cause not everyone heard you the first time and well, I'm sure it was important wasn't it... So I'm sure you'd like everyone to know exactly what you said just now about our y/n..."

🐻 And of course no man's ever stupid enough to get up there and repeat themselves. They only ever get as far as climbing up onto the barrel, hands trembling cause they're sure whatever comes next is going to hurt...

🐻 "Right... Yeah... Fuckin silence... Yeah I thought that might happen I did... You see your problem yeah mate, is that in this world right you've gotta pick one of two things right, you can either be fuckin stupid, or a fuckin coward... Now you can't be both right, you can't be both..."

🐻 Safe to say that what does follow makes sure they never say a word again.

🐻 When you do put yourself down, or he finds you getting yourself all worked up about a mistake you made or worrying that you're not good enough he will coax you over to him, get you as close to him as he can whether that's sitting you in his lap or towering above you, your body trapped between him and the wall, his knuckles beneath your chin..

🐻 "Now now my little ziskeit, what exactly have I told you about saying all these nasty, cruel things about yourself yeah? Now I wouldn't let anyone else get away with saying those sorts of 'orrible things about you would I? So how am I supposed to sit back and listen to all that without doing something about it? Will you tell me that ziskeit?"

🐻 Alfie can talk the hind legs off a donkey any day but when it comes to saying positive things about his lass he could talk for days, and he doesn't stop, all these meandering sentences laced with your praises, laced with teasing little threats too to warn you off ever saying those cruel things about yourself again... "Next time I catch you saying 'orrible things about yourself my girl I'll have to make sure you remember the rules right?"

Arthur

🍂 At a glance and certainly judging from his reputation you might assume that Arthur Shelby hasn't got an anxious bone in his body. That he's never experienced anything close to the full body panic which grips you at the slightest sense of uncertainty...

🍂 Especially because Arthur is well aware of the reputation he has as a blazé trigger happy thug and just how important it is that he keeps that reputation up... Arthur makes a show of being reckless, of brushing off everyone else's concerns with a shrug of his shoulders...

🍂 No matter what it is you're worrying about, no matter what it is that has your head spinning and foggy so that you can't think straight for all the fuzz, Arthur always says the same thing...

🍂 "Now don't you worry about a thing my love, nowt bads gonna happen to you my darlin, you're with the peaky blinders, everything's gonna go your way"

🍂 And sometimes it's enough to see someone else so confident, so self assured, sometimes his high energy levels, his apparent through the roof self esteem is enough to lift you out of your anxious pit... Enough to settle your nerves... Because if there's one person you know is always going to win a fight, always going to protect you... It's your Arthur...

🍂 But sometimes it's not enough and seeing him shrug off your worries just upsets you, makes you all the more scared... Makes you worry about other things you hadn't been worrying about before... Like what if you're too meak for him what if he's going to get sick of having a lass who's so "cowardly" and "pathetic"....

🍂 And because you're upset but also worrying about these other things you'll try not to show it. Try to keep it all bottled up, you get quieter, you start avoiding him (which is difficult because Arthur doesn't like to go a day without seeing you!) Trying your best to stay out of his way... Sometimes when you watch him, the way his confidence, his outrageous personality take over a room, the way he snatches up everyone's attention so easily, so proudly, makes you feel a little unworthy of him...

🍂 You love to see him so buzzed and lit up but it makes you a little sad because you know you can never be the same, you think you could never have that kind of spark, that ballsy charisma... That in comparison to him you're nothing but a timid little mouse that most people wouldn't even notice...

🍂 But the thing is Arthur knows more than anyone just what you feel like, how torn up and terrified you feel on the inside, because more often than not Arthur feels it too! He's always so so scared of letting everyone down, scared that he's too much, too volatile, too unpredictable, that he's going to put the family at risk by being stupid, by making the wrong move or by letting his fear and PTSD "get the better of him"

🍂 He's spent years trying to bottle all those emotions up just like Tommy always told him, have a drink and push the feelings down... Grit his teeth through the pain... But he can't. And so he knows just how you feel and he wishes he could find a good way to tell you but he isn't any good with words, so instead he tries his best to help you when he can through his actions.

🍂 Arthur wishes he could hug and kiss your troubles away, wishes that one lingering forehead kiss could cure your nerves, soothe those shivers... But he knows it can't... still that doesn't stop him from trying. He's a little clumsy sure, sometimes he makes you jump when he puts his arms around you and squeezes you tight sure, but nothing can make you feel better like one of Arthur's "everything will be alright" hugs. His mustache tickling your cheek as he kisses you and tries to reassure you, tries to soften his gruff tone for you talking as quietly as he can in your ear.

🍂 Arthur hates seeing you cry, hates seeing you look so scared but you so often do and it hurts his soul to see you in pain, he will do anything he can to try and make you feel better and so he is always bringing you little gifts, always trying to tell bad jokes to make you laugh, always trying to offer you reassurance... Although he doesn't like to focus on the things that make you anxious, he'd rather brush them off so that perhaps you won't give the thoughts so much gravity.

🍂 When you do look up at him with teary eyes though and he realises his assurances aren't working the way that he wants them to he'll take your cheeks in his rough palms and hold your face as carefully as he can, he brushes your tears away with his thumbs and presses a long kiss to your forehead. "Come on now my darlin don't you cry, no tears eh you're with me ain't you, so everythings alright... I know I ain't the friendliest man but you know I'll always look after you eh, you're my girl ain't you, so I'll always look after you..."

🍂 The first time you have a panic attack in front of him you're terrified he's going to think you're insane, scared that he'll think you're hysterical and slap you the way men often do to hysterical women, but when he sees you shaking, the tears streaming down your cheeks as you drop to the floor he recognises the emotional agony in you as something he's been through himself many times before...

🍂 And so he knows exactly what you need, how you need someone to be careful and gentle with you, how you need to be held, your head cradled to him as he gets down on the floor with you, slips his legs beneath yours and bundles you carefully into his lap. He keeps you close to him, reassuring you, telling you to breathe with him, telling you it will pass soon enough and that he's with...

🍂 "Salright my darlin I've got you ain't I, I'm here and I ain't goin nowhere, you're gonna be alright eh, I'm here... Me an you eh, we'll get through this together won't we..."

🍂 He lets you cling to him like your life depends on him, and in that moment it really feels like it does, like he's the only thing grounding you, like without him this horrible feeling would swallow you whole and trap you in a nightmare forever. But Arthur won't ever let that happen to you.

🍂 He'd kiss your hair and rock you, hold onto you for as long as you needed, he'd shush your crying but he'd let you get it all out of your system because he knows how awful it feels to be told to swallow it down.

🍂 And when you were ready he'd ask you what happened, what sent you spiralling and if you wanted to speak he'd listen, concentrating hard so that he can remember every detail, so that he can try and stop it from happening in the future.

🍂 But if you didn't want to talk about it that would be alright too, he'd make a little joke "shit at talkin anyway are I..." he'd wink, hoping to draw a smile on your tear stained cheeks. He'd be so gentle with you, wiping your tears away and then laughing at the dirt he's accidentally smeared across your cheeks.

🍂 He is unfortunately the king of unhealthy coping mechanisms and he would absolutely think he was doing a good thing pouring you a whisky for your nerves... He'll pour the both of you a glass and sit down beside you on the floor, he'll clink them together and help steady your hand as you take a tentative sip.

🍂 When you try to apologise for being dramatic he'll get annoyed, he'll try not to snap at you but it'll certainly come out as a grumble when he tells you not to talk "any of that shite..." It's only because he doesn't want you to put yourself down, only because he hates the people who would let you believe that you were being hysterical or dramatic.

🍂 And then he'll confess that he knows how you feel, knows what that feels like when you feel like the whole worlds ending, that he wouldn't wish that feeling on his worst enemy... That he's only sorry he couldn't do more to help you through it... That you're to tell him if that ever happens to you again because he never wants you to go through it on your own...

🍂 You're really quite shocked to know that your Arthur does in fact have his fair share of fears and doubts but him being honest with you helps build the trust between you so that it runs all the deeper and you become accustomed to depending on him, turning to him whenever you feel even the slightest hint of anxiety.

🍂 He's always there to reassure you that you're perfect the way you are, that you aren't getting in his way, that of course he loves you just the way you are, that you're not letting anyone down... And having someone look up to him the way that you do, does wonders to his own self esteem, knowing he's got someone who depends on him, who trusts him, thinks the world of him, thinks he's the bravest person they know, makes him feel fucking brave and dependable and strong.

🍂 At parties and late nights down the Garrison he'll order your drinks for you, he'll keep you tucked up under his arm all night and he'll introduce you to more of those unhealthy coping mechanisms (staying up all night, drinking, smoking, dancing.... having rough risky sex in other people's bathrooms whilst dazzlingly drunk)

🍂 Will not however let you touch the snow because "see that stuff right it's fuckin amazin but it's fuckin horrible stuff an all, devils stuff, tricks you right, makes you feel on top of the fucking world and then it drops you down in bloody hell and abandons you there and I don't ever wanna see you endin up there my darlin..."

🍂 And if anyone ever says anything about how quiet you are, or how youre always hiding away, how you ain't much of a peaky blinder, Arthur will shoot them that warning look, silencing them in seconds. His eyes growing dark, threatening, looking to the culprit with unforgiving malice in his eyes.

🍂 So people quickly learn that if they haven't got anything nice to say about you they'd better not say anything at all. And the more time you spend with Arthur the more his wild side rubs off on you... Your anxiety never disappears, but some things do get easier with your Arthur by your side because you know he'll never abandon you or let you fall back into that darkness again.

🍂 And Arthur finds that his own anxieties are quelled too, that through loving you he learns that he can be soft, gentle, kind, nurturing, all the things he thought he was incapable of... He learns that he isn't the monster he has grown to believe himself to be... That he has a heart just like any other man, that he is loving.

John

🌼 Now John really doesn't have an anxious bone in his body. If he wants something he goes after it never stopping to question whether he's got ideas above his station, never stopping to question whether or not people will still like him if he prioritises his own needs...

🌼 That's the polar opposite of you and you know people must wonder why you're together, what he sees in you... Why he hasn't left you for someone more suitable, someone a little more fierce...

🌼 Because it is obvious, to everyone, how different you two are and even though John lives in his little world of optimism, despite his own lackadaisical nature, even he's noticed the way your shoulders are always tense, the way you hold onto things too tightly. The way you never stop counting the little ones, even when it's just the family at home.

🌼 At first he thought you were just an attentive mammy, but he's seen the fear in your eyes when you miscount because you're tired, or when one of the kids is hiding under the kitchen table and you lose sight of them for a moment. He's seen how quickly you pale and think the worst, how the tears rush to your eyes...

🌼 And he's felt the way you jump sometimes when you're tired and he's crossed the kitchen to your side a little quieter than usual, when you weren't expecting his arm to snake around your waist to pull you away from the dirty dishes and into him.

🌼 The way sometimes your eyes get this distant fear in them and you stop hearing the things people say to you because youve been sucked into another hole of anxious thoughts spiralling out of control in your mind...

🌼 He'd been drawn to you because you seemed so quiet and sweet, because you blushed every time he spoke to you, because you always looked so lost for words whenever he asked you a question or tried to tease you... You'd been unlike any other woman he'd ever been romantically interested in and that had felt like a challenge... A fun little game to play...

🌼 But the more he'd gotten to know you and understand the kind of lass you really were, the more the urge to protect you, sweep you up off your feet and soothe your worries, grew. The more he wanted to be the one you depended on. The one who could get you to relax a little, the one you felt safe around. He just wanted to give you a warm, loving home where you would feel safe...

🌼 He's so cheeky and always teasing you and his jovial nature makes it hard not to trust that everything will be alright, he believes that so firmly himself afterall... Sometimes his laidback nature is too much and you get stressed he doesn't seem to be planning or taking things seriously enough, however when you do snap or cry he can reassure you completely. Hugs, forehead kisses, an easy laugh as he pats your cheek and tells you everything's under control.

🌼 He will always step up to be the life of a conversation or party so that you don't have to, he'll include you in the conversation by slinging his arm around your shoulder and squeezing you into his side, occasionally looking down at you to lock eyes when he makes a teasing comment or a joke made only for you... Has a way of making you involved even when youre shying away from the conversation.

🌼 He's really proud of you, his "beautiful, beautiful flower!" And will shower you with praise all the time, he'll never let you or anyone else forget how important you are and he's always singing your praises, telling everyone what a brilliant mammy you are and how much the kids (and him) adore you, he won't let you or anyone else doubt you for a second!

🌼 He's a very chaotic man, very spirited, and boyish... He often takes a joke to far or gets a little too boisterous, and sometimes when you're feeling easily overwhelmed, senses working overtime, it can all get a little too much and John has to calm down so that he can calm you...

🌼 Sometimes John swears he can see your pulse racing in your throat as your eyes flicker around the room. You're constantly counting the little ones to make sure they're all there... He'll joke with you, come up behind you, hands on your shoulders giving you a little massage all "Relax would you sweetheart, this is a party... You don't need to worry about the kids we're all family here, they're perfectly safe..."

🌼 But when he bows his head to steal a quick kiss from your neck he really does feel how your pulse is racing and your body is shaking and when you turn to him with tears in your eyes he's really taken back.

🌼 "What is it love what's the matter?" Of course the moment he realises how frightened you are he stops his teasing, his brows knitting to a frown, his hand leaving you and reaching into the back of his pants for the gun he keeps tucked away just in case... "Is something wrong?" He asks in that tone which you know is reserved for only the most serious of situations and you feel so ashamed and embarrassed because this isn't a dangerous situation at all, you know it's not...

🌼 So you shake your head quickly and push away from him apologies tumbling out of your mouth quietly but dramatically, much more dramatically than you'd like... "Sorry... S.. sorry John this is just... Too much it's too much..." and just like that you're fleeing, out of the crowded kitchen and into the garden where the rain has sent the mud flowing over the stone path.

🌼 When these sorts of things happen and you run away from him in a panic, John sobers up to the situation pretty quickly, following after you, losing that boisterous streak, softening for you because he knows you need his softer side...

🌼 He'll find you outside in the rain and try to shield you from the weather with his body as best you can, gathering you towards the shade of a tree or the awnings of the roof. Somewhere out the rain, somewhere it can be just the two of you.

🌼 He'll wipe your tears with his sleeves and hold your face in his hands gently guiding your gaze up to meet his, "Why'd you runaway from me flower?" He asks even though he knows the answer now, realises that you had one of those moments where everything just became too much for you, the busy room, the noise of the party, the chatter, bodies having to squeeze by one another and around the furniture... It had all been too much and for a moment you'd lost yourself... And he hadn't noticed your panic until it was too late so he'd not been able to help...

🌼 "I'm sorry sweetheart, I didn't see it..." he'd sigh brushing your tears with his knuckles, pushing your hair from your face and kissing your forehead before giving you a warm gentle hug, completely surrounded your body with his as he holds you close. You close your eyes and take a deep breath, nuzzling into his shirt as he holds you steady and still. You feel better just for having his arms around you outside in the rain.

🌼 The garden is so peaceful, the pitter patter of the rain off the cobbles, and as John holds you close you feel yourself begin to calm down, your shoulders relax and your head stops spinning. You don't feel so sick anymore and you rest your body against his.

🌼 He doesn't like it when you try to say sorry after your "moments" as he calls them, doesn't like to see you looking guilty when he blames himself for you getting overwhelmed. He'll always tell you, "wasn't your fault sweetheart, don't say sorry for things that ain't your fault..." and then he'll make you promise that next time you'll find him before it gets too much so that he can rescue you in time.

🌼 John is very sensual, and whilst he might be a little boisterous and laddish his healing/love language is definitely physical touch... The signs of your anxiety which he notices first are always physical and his first instinct is always to try to soothe these physical signs...

🌼 He'll run you a hot bath for the two of you to share when the kids are all asleep (he'll have made up some silly story to keep them all in bed and quiet too) and he'll have you lie down between his legs, your head resting in the crook of his shoulder.

🌼 He'll run his hands over your shoulders and down your arms, massaging you in all the places you feel tender and sore, all the places he can feel tension...

🌼He'll bathe you, washing you gently, washing your hair and brushing it for you, wrapping you up in towels afterwards, carrying you to bed, smothering you in kisses, tickling and teasing you, physically relaxing you completely... Hovering above you in bed, scattering kisses along your shoulders up your neck to your lips...

🌼 John definitely knows exactly how to fuck the tension out of you and he's very talented when it comes to replacing that anxious head spinning fuzz with a blissed out kind of cloudiness instead.

🌼 If your adrenaline is all fired up and you've been restless and anxious all day he will have you lie across his lap, or have you sit between his legs so that he can let his fingers tease and then fuck that anxious adrenaline out of you...

🌼 He knows exactly how to take care of you when he's physically tired you out, scooping you up in his arms, letting you sleep with your head on his chest, his fingers stroking soothing patterns on your back until you fall asleep. .

🌼 He's always taking on that patriarchal roll, reminding you that he's your man, that that means it's his job to take care of you and look after you... So you can trust him to do just that...

🌼 "I'm your man eh, so trust me..." He'll say holding your cheeks in his palms, close enough to you that his nose is brushing yours as he looks at you not quite serious and not quite joking either. He'll pat your cheek and flash you a winning smile and when he's feeling particularly cheeky and he can tell he hasn't quite won you over he will bring the kids into it too...

🌼 "Katie love come 'ere for a second sweetheart, come say hello to your mammy..." he'll say scooping her up in his arms so that she's resting on his hip between the two of you. "Katie love, dya trust your daddy?" He'll flash you a cheeky smile when she giggles because you both knew she was going to say "Yeah!" Before he'd even asked the questio. "See flower... Katie trusts daddy, so you can trust him too eh"

🌼 John will absolutely make the most inappropriate dad jokes to try and lighten your mood and even when you feel sick with anxiety you can't help but smirk at some of them. They're terrible.

🌼 Whenever you put yourself down John never seems to take it too seriously, not because he doesn't care that you don't think very much of yourself but instead because he can't imagine a world in which any of the things you say are true... He'll laugh your negative self talk off light-heartedly, shake his head, hold your face in his hands as he gives you a kiss and says "sweetheart if you believe all that you're crazier than I thought..."

Bonnie

🍀Is such an observant lad that he tuned into your anxious ways within moments of resting eyes upon you. The way you would sit fidgeting, never able to look at anyone around you for fear they'd meet your gaze, the way he often saw you tugging on your sleeves or chewing your cheek, biting at the tip of your thumb or your cardigan hem.

🍀He saw how you would shy away from others, how you tended to keep to yourself and that if you ever did cross paths with someone else you only ever seemed to manage the word "sorry" as if you were apologising just for being near them..

🍀 He recognises the fear in your eyes when people start gossiping about the peaky blinders, notices how whenever you meet his gaze accidentally you try to hide yourself away... You seem so timid to him, so delicate... All he wants is to take your hand and show you you don't have to be so frightened all the time.

🍀 He's careful, watching you the way he'd watch a foal before trying to approach it, learning your anxieties by watching how you interact with others so that he knows how to go about befriending you without scaring you off.

🍀Watches over you from afar like the guardian angel you don't even know you have... If he hears someone ask you to go into the forest to collect some herbs, or into the city to buy bread, he will come to your rescue either by insisting he take you himself or simply by sneaking off to complete the errand before you even had the chance to start it.

🍀 He gifts you something like a rabbits foot or a four leaf clover to give you good luck and protection, tells you you're his lucky charm too. Something small and sweet that wouldn't mean alot to anyone else but makes you feel that little bit braver when you're trying to face the world.

🍀 Brings you lavender which he makes into an essential oil for you. He knows a lot about different herbs and plants that can be good for relaxing/soothing you. His dad taught him to brew chamomile tea too, whenever he can tell you're having a bad day he'll make this for you without even needing to ask, he'll just bring it to you and force you to stop whatever it is you're trying to do/ fretting over to take a break with him instead.

🍀 He's seen the way your anxiety makes you irritable, seen you muttering to yourself I'm frustration when your day is going from bad to worse and he can't help but think you're adorable... Still, when he sees you snap his heart breaks for you and nothing can stop him coming to your rescue.

🍀It happens one day, you're only trying to fold the clean laundry, taking it down from the line and shaking it out, but the wind is making your task harder than you can handle, blowing your hair in your face, blowing the sheet into you blinding you so that you can't see where you're treading. And when you trip and fall and land clean white sheet down in the dirt you find you've reached the end of your tether and just like that you burst into tears.

🍀You're not crying because the sheets dirty, you're crying because finally all that anxiety and tension you've been trying to bottle up for days now has bubbled over, the shock of your fall and the frustration of the wind blowing you about was enough to send the rest of your emotions cascading down on you like a tonne of bricks. So you just sit there in a heap, crying in the dirt...

🍀Until Bonnie sits himself down beside you, a cheeky but careful smile on his lips as he reaches for your hand.

🍀"What're we doing down here then eh?" He asks, looking at you with gentle teasing eyes, showing you he understands without a word. You just look back at him despairingly, feeling so hopeless and frustrated, your eyes spilling over with tears. You raise the dirty sheet up in explanation and he chuckles. "Well I reckon this'll need washed again won't it, I certainly ain't sleepin on that..." he says taking your fingers and unlocking them from where you'd been clutching at the sheet.

🍀"Never you mind that though little dove," he says shuffling up to sit closer to you, his hand rubbing your back soothingly, "you ain't in any sort of state to be washin sheets are ye?" He'll tease you a little about your sorry state but only ever gently, and he'll never let you feel useless or like you're letting him down. He'll always make sure you understand that actually it's the complete opposite.

🍀 Pulls you up into his lap right there in the grass, holding your face in his hands so that he can look at you and dry your tears. Kisses your nose and then your lips. "S'alright little dove, don't worry about the washin eh, worry about spending the rest of your afternoon with me..." He'll help you with your chores, which probably would have made them take ten times longer, had you been in any state to do them at all.

🍀 Then when you're finished (or when he's finished, having done most of the work for you) he'll take your hand and lead you away from the camp, somewhere you can be alone for awhile. Somewhere no one can burden you with anything else.

🍀 He knows that one of the best things for your anxiety is to tire you out, physically rather than emotionally. So he takes you down to the river to go swimming, splashing you and playing with you in the stream until you're laughing and giggling. He'll sneak up behind you and wrap his arms around you, kissing your shoulders and pulling you back to float with him in the water. Holding you with your legs wrapped around his waste as he carries you back to the bank, lying with you in the grass as you dry off, peaceful and quiet...

🍀He'll have you to sit so quietly with him listening to the different sounds of the woods. He'll teach you the different bird calls and then get you to tell him in future when you're anxious, he'll ask you what bird it is he can hear and it will force you to be grounded for a moment. Lights up with praise when you get it right.

🍀 You'll be lying with him in the grass, the sunlight through the trees warming you both as you dry, his hands wandering your body beneath the shirt he's lent you. His touch is so grounding and the way he holds you close to him makes you feel so safe and secure. He'll make up stories for you as you dry off, telling you tales about the forest, some of them silly to make you laugh, others romantic, about secret lovers stealing away between the trees. These stories are usually whispered in your ear between soft little kisses along your neck, sweet little distractions to take you as far from your anxieties as he can.

🍀 If you ever get the kind of anxiety which freezes you and makes it impossible for you to look after yourself properly Bonnie will excell at playing the patriarchal provider. He can cook and clean pretty well and he loves to look after you and spoil you anyway, so when he can see you're struggling he'll swoop in and save you without you having to ask. He makes you soup and serves it in your favourite mug then sit with you outside whilst you drink it together. He'll do things like wash and brush your hair when you're struggling and the feeling of him combing his fingers through your locks is so soothing for you both.

🍀 One of Bonnie's love languages is definitely physical touch and this is one of the only ways he knows how to sooth your anxieties. He is always showing you physical affection to let you know that he's there for you..

🍀Forehead kisses, hand holding, drawing circles round your palm, playing with your fingers to distract you. He likes to slip one arm around your waist or shoulders whenever you're standing together, holding your body against his so that you can feel him behind you. It's a protective thing, it doesn't just soothe your anxieties but also his. Makes him feel good to be looking after his girl.

🍀 When you're feeling anxious you have a habit of sucking your thumb or fingers, a lot of the time you don't notice yourself doing it but Bonnie knows that you don't like to be seen doing it by anyone else. That it embarrasses you because you think it makes you look childish. So as much as he thinks its kind of cute when you're sucking your thumb, if there's other people about he'll hold your hands and play with your fingers so that you don't suck your thumb.

🍀 Alone at night however, when he can tell you're struggling to calm yourself he will slip his thumb into your mouth for you to suck on him instead.

🍀When you go to sleep at night Bonnie has you sleep with your body on top of his so that your chest is against his and your heartbeat syncs up with his. He likes to be able to wrap his arms around you and hold you down against him, you using his body as your pillow, him able to kiss your hair as you drift asleep. It's the best place for you because it means you can feel him close to you and he knows he's right there if you need him.

🍀 He gives you soft but firm praise whenever you're alone together and you're anxious about your relationship or showing him affection. For as much as he finds your apparent shyness adorable, he wants you to feel safe enough to ask and tell him whatever you want. And he needs you to know how perfect you are to him, needs you to know that he's there for you always. So he's constantly offering you the reassurance you need and always there to tell you how proud of you he is or how good you've been.

🍀 "That's my girl, what did I tell you eh? Perfect little dove, that's what you are..." "Tell me what you need sweetheart, c'mon look at me darlin, talk to me... How can I help? There we go see, wasn't so hard was it dove? Good girl...."

Isaiah

🐀 Isaiah is not wonderful when it comes to recognising anxiety in other people. He just thinks you're a bit timid is all. A bit jumpy. He presumed it's because you know he's a blinder and that that makes your nervous. It takes a long time for him to realise that its anything more than that due to the simple reason that he's doesn't notice it himself and you are far too anxious to tell him about your troubles.

🐀 He affectionately nicknames you his "little mouse" and is always making teasing little remarks about how cute and mousy you are. It gets under your skin at first because you can't tell if he's taking the piss or if he means it when he says you're adorable... But Isaiah never stops, he's actually spurred on by the blush you get, the way your brow furrows into a little frown because you don't know what to say to him.

🐀 For all his teasing though he likes to try and keep an eye on you, make sure you're always at least still smiling. He's not shy about showing you he's there for you and you only either, he'll be next to you in every conversation, he'll answer for you when you hesitate or don't say anything at all. If ever you're talking and other people stop listening to you he's always there making eye contact and nodding, picking you up if others let you fall.

🐀 You spend a really long time hoping that your anxiety will just go away, that one day you'll wake up and you won't have that fuzzy sick feeling in your stomach which has a habit of paralysing you in social situations. But of course that's not how anxiety works and the longer you ignore it the worse it gets.

🐀 Until Isaiah does begin to notice that something is wrong. Because you're growing quieter, more mousy by the day and sometimes when you're out in public he swears he sees you searching for the quickest means of escape.

🐀 At first he doesn't know what to do about it, he can tell that you're troubled but he doesn't know how to get you to open up to him or admit that something is wrong. If you were anyone else, any other graft he would probably just leave you to it, wouldn't pry too much, wouldn't really be that interested in hearing your troubles... But you're not anyone else, you're you, and he has a strong patriarchal urge to protect you, take care of you.

🐀 So he has to be persistent. He tries to tease it out of you, tries to make relentless little jokes to force the issue, doing things which will leave you floundering in the hopes that you'll reach some kind of breaking point and have to explain yourself...

🐀 But it doesn't get that far because he can't stand the guilt he feels when he sees you start to get stressed out, when he sees your expression waver, your eyes growing watery, your hands beginning to tremble. So one day instead of making a dig at the way your hands are shaking when he's talking to you, he takes your hand in his instead. Holds it between both of his and let's out a little sigh.

🐀 "What's the matter love?" He honestly feels a little useless for having to ask, feels like really he ought to know without you telling him. After all you're his girl and he shouldn't be so clueless about your feelings. At least not as clueless as he is now. And of course you try to shrug your shoulders and pretend like everything's fine, you don't want to make him feel bad by admitting the truth.

🐀 But he isn't going to let you kid on and shrug him off so he shakes his head, his frown showing you he's being serious for once. "Don't give me that love, you're my girl ain't you, you tell me the truth..."

🐀 When you do try to tell him you struggle to get the words out, struggle to say it in a way that you think will make sense to him. But for all that Isaiah is often confident and cocky, he understands more than you realise. He knows how it feels to worry before he walks into a room, understands that edgy feeling of uncertainty.

🐀 And even if he can't exactly empathise, even if he knows he's never felt the fear you feel about entering social situations, never been frightened the way you are of busy rooms or men who raise their voices... That doesn't stop him from caring that you do feel that way, doesn't stop him wanting to help you...

🐀 He won't know exactly how he can help but he also won't be afraid to ask you what you need. "Let me help you darlin, tell me what you need..." He'll want you to tell him exactly what he can do to help and then he'll make sure he does every single thing. He surprisingly matter of fact about the whole thing.

🐀 He's kind of accepted that he doesn't get it therefore rather than question you when your anxiety starts playing up, or when you get anxious about something he thinks is actually pretty trivial, he just accepts that you feel the way you do and comes back with "well how can we make this easier?"

🐀 Please I know this is rogue but I really think if anyone was going to CBT you it could be Isaiah? I feel like he'd be really good at setting it all out like, he'll be the most "What is it you're worried will happen? Okay well, here is this other scenario which is pretty mundane but much more likely than all that you've just thought up... Cause if life was how you keep worrying it's gonna be, then I'd be pretty fuckin anxious all the time too Mouse..." I just think he'd be like, matter of fact, but light-hearted and jokey enough to actually really be able to help you rationalise and unlearn negative thought patterns... Which I understand sounds crazy because he's such a hothead in the show...

🐀 To add to that I think a modern day Isaiah would definitely take your anxiety seriously enough that he'd just straight up be like "well how can we get you the help you need?" And have 0 shame about taking you to a therapist or something, he'd be very clean cut about helping you feel better as quickly as possible.

🐀 I think he'd be an "any excuse to get his hands on you" type and would use "oh you're anxious in this social situation" as a reason to have you sitting on his lap, or have his arm around you. He'd never fail to pull the "oh you're so tense, come here..." Line and massage your shoulders just so he can get close to you.

🐀 Again, I think he'd definitely use sex as a de-stress technique too, I feel like he'd be very good at soothingly flirting with you until he manages to get you into his lap or into his bed, kissing your neck, gentle caresses over your body until your eyes flutter shut and you start to come out of your head and into the present moment where it's just you and him... He'd find a way to make you come undone and forget all your troubles.

🐀 It definitely boosts his ego having you always looking to him, dependent on him to look after you in situations which make your anxiety flare up. He loves being the one you come to at the end of a long day, loves the way it's him that makes you smile, your eyes light up, the little sigh of relief when you're finally returned to his arms. He's really proud of the fact that it's him that you turn to when you need help, and that it's him that you turn to for guidance.

🐀 When everything does get overwhelming and you just need to have a huge cry Isaiah will hold you so close, he'll stroke your hair and cradle your head to his chest, and he'll shush you and soothe you but he won't make you feel stupid for crying. In fact when you try to apologise for it he just makes light of it all, "sweetheart I'd be crying too if I had to deal with it, don't say sorry, reckon you're tougher than me..."

🐀 He's always the right amount of gentle and the right amount of joking about things... Most of the time. Sometimes he'll get the vibe wrong, not realise quite how wound up you are, make a joke at the wrong time which earns him a snapping at, or which tips you over the edge and makes you cry. He thinks it's funny when you get feisty because you're tense, but when you cry he feels so guilty and immediately drops any kind of joke so that he can give you a hug and try to make you feel better.

🐀 I feel like he'd be terrible at looking after you when you get "frozen" by your anxiety and you can't do normal household tasks like cooking a meal. Isaiah will certainly try his best to do all the things you usually do, but dinner is going to be a mess, and the kitchen is going to be a mess, but he's still going to do his best to look after you both as best he can.

Michael

☘️ If there's one man who really understands emotional turmoil it's Michael, his experiences in childhood mean he's familiar with anxiety/depression and that means he recognises all the symptoms in you pretty quickly.

☘️ Only thing is he's not much of a talker... He learnt at a pretty early age to repress all his negative, difficult feelings, to ignore emotional problems and just "be a man" but that's not what he wants for you. So it breaks his heart to recognise you struggling but not know how to talk to you about it or try to help.

☘️ So he uses his money and social power to make your life as easy as possible. He'll use his status with the peaky blinders to intimidate others into being nice to you, your boss at work, coworkers, family members, shopkeepers etc... anyone he thinks might not treat you as delicately as he believes you should be treated. If he ever hears of someone raising their voice at you he makes sure they pay.

☘️ He'll make excuses to be as much a part of your life as he possibly can be, that way he can assess the different ways he thinks you might be struggling so that he can throw more money at the problems... Paying for extra housekeepers, for food, for new clothes, your rent so that you don't have to work as many hours and you'll have time to rest... He'll probably accidentally overwhelm you and you'll start to grow anxious about why he's treating you so differently.

☘️ And of course in the end, money can alleviate some of the stressors which aggravate your anxiety but it can't cure you, and every now and then when Michael is forced to accept that fact, he gets really upset with himself for not being able to do more.

☘️ Might sometimes grow frustrated with your anxiety, not because he finds you frustrating but because he's frustrated with himself for not knowing how to help. He really beats himself up about the fact that he isn't doing enough and yet in your eyes he's doing more than he needs to.

☘️ Especially because for as much as you appreciate all the money he spends trying to "fix your problems" all you really want, all you really need is someone to talk to, someone who will understand what you're going through and be there to hold your hand or give you a hug when you need it.

☘️ You won't exactly argue about it but one day when you find yourself on the verge of tears in conversation with him, your fingers trembling, that horrible sick feeling in your stomach, your head all fuzzy with stress, he's asking you what he can do to help and you get desperate... "Please Michael stop it, stop it... You've already done so much fo me I can't stand it... I just... I just need a hug and... I don't know? Someone to listen to me..." You feel terrible and ungrateful for having burst out with it like that when he was only trying to help, but when he hears you he cringes and realises his mistake.

☘️ He'll do a little nervous laugh, pinch the bridge of his nose or rub his face with his hands and sigh. "Fuck," he chuckles, "of course, I've been a perfect fool haven't I?" He'll wrap his arms around you and hold you gently to his chest, lay a lingering kiss in your hair and shut his eyes. For a moment he'll just hold you, cherish you.

☘️ He'll stay up late at night talking to you, listening to you when you're worried about something, trying to reassure you with potential solutions to problems, or simply reassuring you that people dont hate you, or that you haven't upset anyone.

☘️ I think he probably gets anxious too, worries that he's still not doing enough, that he can't provide for you the way you need someone too. Michael will have to face a lot of his own fears, learn to talk about feelings and share his thoughts and emotions with you so that you can both depend on one another and feel confident depending on one another.

☘️ When you get anxious about his love for you he can't help but laugh your concerns off, when you worry that you're too much for him, that he'll get bored of you because you think you're a handful, he always has a witty line to fire back with before he gets deadly serious. Because if there's one thing you're not it's Too Much.

☘️ If you voice these doubts late at night when you're lying side by side in the dark Michael will sit up, turn the lamp on and make you sit up so that he can look you in the eyes and tell you how much he loves you. "I don't ever want you to doubt that my love, my heart will always belong to you..."

☘️ He'll kiss you and say it again between kisses, holding your hands and guiding you closer to him, only satisfied when he's got your body pressed tightly against his and his lips are free to scatter you in kisses whilst he whispers his love for you whilst you drift to sleep.

☘️ Because of your anxiety and the fact that you have a tendency to dwell on your worries and fears Michael will try to keep you as far away from his family and the family business as he possibly can. He'll be pretty successful too, keeping you almost completely naive to his criminal side. As far as you're concerned Michael is the perfect New York gentleman. He's always working behind the scenes pulling his strings to keep you safe, but you don't notice a thing.

☘️ His family think you're sweet but terribly shy and Michael doesn't want to give them the opportunity to get to know you any better than that. He'd father they think his wife plain and timid than have you get to know them and realise the darker side of his life. He likes being your gentleman, and his family would be a threat to the peaceful sanctuary he's been trying to build for you at home.

☘️ Michael really likes to be in control of things, in fact not being in control is something which makes his own anxiety flare up, and so being in a relationship with Michael means you never have to worry about anything... No tricky decisions, no fretting over organising events or running the household. Michael has tabs on everything and everything runs smoothly and logically.

☘️ At times when your anxiety is so bad you feel like you can't function or do anything Michael will help you with every detail of life from helping you pick the perfect dress for the evening, choosing what you eat at the restaurant, speaking for you at social events, deciding how you spend your day, which chores you can do etc... he can and will organise every minute of your day for you so that you can get some semblance of order back in your life when you feel everything slipping...

☘️ At the same time however his favourite form of escapism is to literally just up and leave. When your anxiety is particularly bad and truly exhausting you he knows the perfect way to help you is to take you somewhere out of the city, a beach resort, a romantic European city... As long as it's warm and as long as its world's away from New York. He'll take you to a spa, spoil you rotten with gifts, organise the perfect week away for you. Let you live in a romantic dream world for as long as you need to to feel happy and peaceful again.

☘️ Deep down he knows that facing your fears will help to ease your anxiety, but he'd be a hypocrite to tell you that when he has so many of his own issues that he leaves unaddressed. And then there's the fact that he knows how much pain and stress you have to go through when facing those fears in order to get over them... He never wants to see you struggle, ever, not even if it's be good for you in the end... He'd rather construct a dream world for you to drift around in safely for the rest of your days.

Aberama

🐇 Being a fair bit older than you he's got far more life experience and though he was never particularly anxious in his youth he's certainly mellowed out with age. He's a very peaceful, calming presence and that's one of the things you love about him. The fact that just being around him is enough to settle your nerves a little.

🐇There's something do gentle about it, but so quietly self-assured that you know you'll always be safe when you're with him. He doesn't have to tell you -but believe me he does- for you to know he'd do anything for you.

🐇Just as you are drawn to him because his self-confidence and peacefulness soothe your anxieties, he is drawn to you because he can see how much you need someone like him. He's so endeared to you from the moment you first say hello. You're so shy and you look around the room the way rabbits look when they're twitching shivering and fearful.

🐇 He's so nurturing and he has that world weary wisdom too, any problem you present to him he can either come up with a simple solution or he can shrug his shoulders and say with such certainty that it'll all be fine, or that it isn't worth worrying about, that you have no choice but to believe him and put your faith in him. At times like these he will often ask "do you trust me y/n?" And your answer is of course always yes. There's no one on earth you'd feel safer putting your trust in.

🐇Honestly he Daddys you to pieces. It's been awhile since he really had someone to take care of and he's missed it so much. Taking care of you let's him feel useful again, makes him feel like for all the bad deeds and sins he's committed in life, he's got the chance to do some good in taking care of someone as precious as you.

🐇 He's really talented at curating physical comfort and he understands how much a calming, safe environment can contribute to calming anxiety. He builds the perfect sanctuary of a home for the two of you, lots of blankets, low lighting, candles, incense etc.

🐇 He makes a mean Chamomile tea and teaches you the family recipe... even then, he's always the one who makes it for you and will get you all cosy wrapped up in blankets in the vardo, bring you your chamomile tea and then sit with you in his arms quietly listening to the rain on the roof or the sounds of the forest/ fields/ river outside.

🐇 You love listening to him tell you stories. His voice is so soft and lilting that no matter what stories he's telling you you always feel so cosy, safe and relaxed by the end. You often drift to sleep whilst he's recounting an old folktale to you and stroking his thumb through your hair.

🐇 He will do his best to show you that you'll always be safe with him, that he'll never let anyone hurt you, that no matter what the problem is he'll always be there to work it out with you. He gets the balance right between "wanting to wrap you in cotton wool so you never feel anxious" and "wanting to help you learn how to cope/overcome your anxieties" and his way of striking this balance is to do everything with you, he never lets you go through anything alone and when you're having days where you don't feel capable of anything he will acompany you on every errand, help you with every chore - even the most simple things like bathing yourself, cooking/ eating, going to the shops...

🐇 He will draw a bath for the two of you and you'll wash together, he will wash your hair and wrap you in a towel afterwards, but he'll encourage you to help yourself too. The same when cooking, he'll sit and peel/prep the food with you, sharing each task between you to lighten the load, but keeping you busy so that you get the selfesteem boost from finishing a task.

🐇 When you need to escape he'll take you on the road just you and him, off into the wilderness where you can be immersed in nature and reconnect to the earth. The city, Birmingham being as grimy and busy as it is, is one thing that rages your anxiety and so Aberama is careful to make sure you get plenty of time away, out in the countryside. He'll take you foraging as a way of unwinding you, its the perfect combination of "slow, peaceful activity" and "task that requires a little concentration" he teaches you to recognise different plants, berries, mushrooms and will be so proud of you when you begin to learn and forage things for yourself.

🐇 He really believes that napping with your love beneath the shade of a tree on a summers day can solve all your problems and honestly, when he has you held in his arms, soothing you to sleep with some meandering story about the very tree you're sitting beneath, you can believe that he's right.

🐇 If theres something really really getting to you, a worry you just don't seem to be able to shake, Aberama will take you to a faerie tree to tie your wish to it

🐇 Lights a fire and wraps you up in a blanket, the two of you warming yourself by it as the night ages. He'll sing you to sleep with dreamy folksongs, the two of you watching the embers smoulder before you finally drift off and he carries you to bed.

🐇 He is so soft and reassuring whenever he speaks to you, you often get anxious about your relationship, you fear abandonment or that you are too much for anyone to ever really be able to love, and knowing you feel these things hurts Aberama's heart. So he does his best to gently reassure you of his love for you night and day. He makes sure its the first thing he tells you every morning and the last thing he says to you as he kisses you goodnight.

Taglist

@inalovesrabbits-blog @liliac-dreamer @cocoaflowers @impossibleheartflower @call-sign-shark @mollybegger-blog @itsghostgirlyo @marwwfairy @toddlerbodybag @everysage @kas3yhatesyou @kxnnxy @starrykitn @only-malala @galactict3a @vanhelsingsbigtoe @darkcastle167 @feyresqueen @hp-hogwartsexpress @niktwazny303 @user469908764 @shylobster2020 @zablife

[kaces-graham-crackers]

Stirring the Quiet - (7) Tangled Thoughts, Clear Hearts

Jenna Ortega x Female Reader

Summary: Days have passed since the run-in with Jenna's friends, and Y/N is still reeling from the unexpected "grilling." With the fall festival next weekend, there's excitement but nerves, too. Amid taco nights and family teasing, Y/N's mind keeps circling back to Jenna and where things might be headed. But just when Y/N thinks they’ve got it figured out, a simple text from Jenna hints at something more—if Y/N's ready to take the leap.

Word Count: 3.8k

The familiar chime of keys jingling in my hand as I unlocked the doors to The Daily Grind felt like the start of any other morning. Wilma and I stepped inside, the café still bathed in the soft, early morning glow. It was peaceful, calm—before the chaos of the day began.

Wilma flicked on the lights and headed straight for the kitchen. “I’ll start on the pastries. You got the coffee?”

I nodded, already moving toward the espresso machine. “On it.”

The morning routine was easy, familiar. It helped distract me from the whirlwind of thoughts that had been swirling in my head since the run-in with Emma and Melissa. I knew why they’d grilled me that day—testing my character, sizing me up to make sure I wasn’t playing games with Jenna. The whole thing still made me laugh a little, now that the intensity of it had passed.

But still, it left an impression.

Wilma popped her head out of the kitchen, eyeing me as I spaced out again. “You good? You’re staring off into space like you’re waiting for something to happen.”

I shook myself out of it. “Yeah, just thinking about the other day.”

Wilma raised an eyebrow. “You mean when Emma Myers and Melissa Barrera came in? You still stuck on that?”

“Kind of,” I admitted, pausing to lean against the counter. “I know they were testing me. You know, for Jenna. Just wanted to see if I had good intentions or whatever.”

Wilma smirked, wiping her hands on her apron. “Sounds like they take protecting their friend seriously.”

I nodded, a small smile creeping up. “Yeah, I get it. But they really threw me off. I wasn’t expecting it.”

She chuckled, disappearing back into the kitchen. “Well, it sounds like you passed the test. Guess they know you’re not a player.”

“Yeah,” I muttered to myself. “Guess so.”

Even though I knew they were just looking out for Jenna, it still weighed on me. Jenna was a big deal—bigger than I’d ever thought. And having her friends throw me into an interrogation, even under the guise of acting, made me realize how seriously they took her happiness.

And now, here I was, not just thinking about what Jenna might feel—but how I felt too.

I busied myself with brewing coffee and prepping the counter for the first wave of customers, trying to focus on the normal rhythm of the morning. But it was hard to shake the weight of it all. I didn’t mind that her friends cared so much. In fact, it made me admire Jenna even more, seeing how loyal and protective her circle was.

What I couldn’t figure out yet was how I fit into that picture.

Sure, Jenna had shown interest—at least, I was pretty sure she had. The lingering touches, the way she looked at me, the way she’d said I was different. All signs pointed to something more than friendship. But there was still that little voice in the back of my head, the one that nagged at me, questioning everything.

Would this really go anywhere? Did someone like Jenna, with her fame, her life in the spotlight, have room for someone like me? And even if she did, could I handle it? The attention, the scrutiny—it was all so far from the life I was used to.

I wiped down the counter, trying to shake the thoughts away, but they clung to me like stubborn shadows. As I finished prepping, Wilma popped up beside me, holding a tray of fresh pastries.

“You’ve been in your head all morning,” she observed, her tone light but probing. “Wanna talk about it?”

I glanced at her, shrugging slightly. “It’s just... everything with Jenna. I don’t know, Wilma. I feel like I’m overthinking it.”

Wilma raised an eyebrow, placing the tray on the counter and leaning against the wall. “Overthinking? What’s there to overthink? She likes you, right? And from what I can tell, you like her.”

I sighed, leaning against the counter. “Yeah, but it’s not that simple. I mean, look at her life. It’s so different from mine. I’m just a barista, and she’s... well, she’s Jenna Ortega.”

Wilma gave me a sympathetic smile. “Y/N, you’re not ‘just a barista.’ You’re you, and that’s why she likes you. You don’t have to fit into her world perfectly. If anything, she’s probably looking for something real, something outside of all the Hollywood craziness. And that’s what you give her.���

Her words made sense, but there was still that lingering doubt in my chest. “I guess. I just don’t want to get my hopes up, you know? I’ve been burned before.”

Wilma’s expression softened, and she reached out, placing a hand on my arm. “I get it. But you can’t let fear of the past ruin something good now. Jenna seems like she’s really into you. You just have to trust that and see where it goes.”

I nodded, appreciating her support. “Thanks, Wilma. I just... I don’t want to mess this up.”

“You won’t,” she said with a reassuring smile. “Just be yourself. That’s all you need to do.”

I smiled back, feeling a little lighter. Maybe she was right. Maybe I was overthinking things. Jenna had been clear about wanting to spend time with me, and her friends had given me the third degree—which, in a weird way, was a sign that they cared about her and maybe even wanted to see if I was the real deal. That had to mean something.

The bell above the door chimed, and the first wave of customers started trickling in, pulling me back into the routine of work. But even as I poured coffee and rang up orders, the thoughts of Jenna lingered, like a low hum in the background of my mind.

Later that afternoon, I was taking a quick break in the back when my phone buzzed. I pulled it out, expecting a text from Wilma or one of my brothers, but my heart skipped when I saw Jenna’s name pop up.

I unlocked my phone, and the message made my heart flutter.

Jenna: Hey, what are you doing this next weekend? There's a fall festival in town, and I thought would be fun to check it out. Want to go with me?

A festival? The thought of walking through a fall festival with Jenna, surrounded by cozy autumn vibes, sounded perfect.

I quickly typed back, immediately.

Y/N: That sounds amazing. I’m totally down. What day were you thinking?

A few seconds later, my phone buzzed again.

Jenna: Saturday afternoon? It’s supposed to have food trucks, live music, and carnival games. We could just hang out and see where the night takes us.

I smiled, the excitement bubbling up inside me.

Y/N: I’m in! I can’t wait. Saturday it is.

After sending the message, I found myself grinning like an idiot, unable to stop thinking about how much fun next weekend was going to be. The idea of spending the day with Jenna, surrounded by the crisp fall air, pumpkins, and carnival lights, felt like something out of a dream.

As I tucked my phone back into my pocket and returned to work, my mind was already racing with thoughts of what the day might bring.

Two days later, I was back in the kitchen with Marcus and Caleb, prepping for a taco night instead of our usual routine meals. Mr. Noodles, as always, was perched on top of the fridge, his eyes darting back and forth between us as if supervising our cooking process. Caleb was working on the seasoned beef, adding his special blend of spices, while Marcus was busy chopping up vegetables, humming some random tune.

The smell of fresh tortillas and sizzling meat filled the air, making the kitchen feel warm and homey. But as much as I tried to focus on cooking, my mind kept wandering back to the fall festival and the fact that I’d be hanging out with Jenna.

“I can practically see the gears turning in your head,” Marcus said, breaking my thoughts. He wasn’t even looking at me, still focused on chopping tomatoes. “Thinking about your big day with Jenna?”

Caleb, always the more thoughtful one, glanced over from the stove. “He’s got a point, Ken. You’ve been pretty quiet for someone with a big weekend coming up.”

I shook my head, trying to brush it off. “I’m just... thinking. And it’s not a big deal.”

Marcus grinned, clearly not buying it. “Uh-huh. Just a ‘casual hangout’ with a mega-famous actress. Totally not a big deal.”

I groaned, rolling my eyes. “You guys are making it sound way bigger than it is. It’s just a festival.”

Caleb smirked, stirring the taco meat. “Sure, but it’s not every day you go to a festival with Jenna Ortega. It’s okay to admit you’re nervous.”

Before I could respond, my phone buzzed with an incoming FaceTime call. I glanced down and saw it was from Mom. “Uh-oh,” I muttered, grabbing my phone. “Mom’s calling.”

Marcus’s eyes lit up. “Oh, this should be good.”

I answered the call, and immediately, my mom’s face filled the screen, her usual bright smile greeting me. “Hey, sweetie! How’s everything going?”

“Hey, Mom,” I replied, trying to keep the conversation casual as Marcus and Caleb exchanged amused glances. “We’re just making tacos.”

Dad’s voice boomed in the background. “Tacos, huh? Save some for us!”

I laughed, and just as I was about to respond, my little sister Layla’s face popped into view, her excitement practically vibrating through the phone. “Y/N! Marcus told us you have a date with Jenna Ortega! Is it true?”

I shot Marcus a glare, and he just grinned innocently, continuing to chop vegetables. “Seriously?” I mouthed at him.

Layla’s squeal of excitement pierced the air. “I knew it! You’re going on a date with a movie star! This is so cool! Can you get her autograph for me?”

My face heated up, and I rubbed my temples, trying to keep calm. “It’s not a date, Layla. We’re just hanging out.”

But before I could explain further, Mom’s face appeared on the screen again, her smile even bigger now. “Ken, that’s wonderful! I’m so glad you’re getting out there again. It’s about time.”

Dad chuckled in the background. “You better make a good impression. Who knows? Maybe she’ll be the one.”

I groaned internally, feeling the weight of everyone’s excitement. “Guys, please, it’s not like that. We’re just going to a festival. No big deal. Casual hangout”

“Right,” Marcus chimed in, clearly enjoying this. “Just a casual outing with one of the most famous actresses in the world. Totally normal.”

Layla squealed again. “Y/N, this is awesome! You’re dating someone rich! Can you imagine all the fancy places you could go?”

I facepalmed, the teasing from my family getting worse by the second. “Layla, please. I’m still figuring things out.”

Mom chuckled, her voice softening. “We’re just happy for you, sweetie. You deserve to have fun.”

Layla was still practically bouncing off the walls. “You have to tell me all about it, okay? Even if she’s not Tom Holland, this is still huge!”

I sighed, finally giving in. “Fine, I’ll tell you about it. But seriously, it’s not as big of a deal as you’re all making it.”

Dad grinned, giving me a playful wink. “We’ll be the judge of that.”

As the teasing continued, Caleb and Marcus were grinning from ear to ear, clearly loving every minute of my embarrassment. Mr. Noodles, meanwhile, had managed to sneak closer to the plate of cheese, and Marcus had to shoo him away quickly.

After a few more minutes of chaotic family chatter, I finally ended the call, feeling both exasperated and oddly comforted by their excitement.

I turned to Marcus, narrowing my eyes. “You just had to spill the beans, didn’t you?”

He shrugged, not even pretending to be sorry. “Hey, where’s the fun in keeping secrets?”

Caleb chuckled, handing me a taco shell. “Don’t worry, Ken. We’re just happy for you.”

I sighed, taking the taco and rolling my eyes. “You guys are impossible.”

Marcus raised his taco in a mock toast. “Here’s to your ‘casual hangout’ with Jenna.”

I couldn’t help but laugh despite the embarrassment. Deep down, though, I was already feeling a mix of excitement and nerves about the weekend.

Whatever was going to happen, it was clear that my family—and Mr. Noodles—would have plenty to say about it.

Later that evening, after the chaos of dinner and the endless teasing had died down, I found myself curled up on the couch with Mr. Noodles resting comfortably on my lap. His steady purring was a welcome comfort after the whirlwind of emotions the past few days had stirred up. I absentmindedly scratched behind his ears as I scrolled through my phone, trying to unwind.

It wasn’t the festival yet, but the anticipation still hung in the air, making it hard to focus on anything else. My mind kept drifting back to Jenna, replaying every conversation, every moment we’d shared. Was I reading too much into things? Or was there something real between us?

My phone buzzed with a notification, and I glanced down, expecting it to be another message from Marcus with more teasing. But to my surprise, it was a text from Jenna.

Jenna: Hey! Hope you’re free this weekend. I was thinking we could check out this new art exhibit downtown. I heard it’s really cool, and maybe grab some coffee after?

A smile tugged at my lips. It wasn’t a festival or anything grand, but the idea of spending time with her, doing something as simple as visiting an art exhibit, felt… right. I quickly typed a response, trying to play it cool even though my heart was doing little flips in my chest.

Y/N: That sounds great! I’d love to. What time were you thinking?

She replied almost immediately.

Jenna: How about Friday around noon? We can make a whole afternoon of it if you’re up for it.

Y/N: Sounds perfect. Can’t wait!

As soon as I hit send, a wave of nervous excitement washed over me. It wasn’t just about hanging out with her anymore—it felt like something more.

I spent the rest of the evening thinking about how things had shifted between us, from casual coffee shop chats to this. It was strange, but in the best way possible.

Friday came faster than I expected, and by the time I was getting ready, the nervous excitement had hit full force. Caleb and Marcus, of course, were no help as they hovered around, watching me like vultures.

“So,” Marcus started, leaning against my bedroom doorframe with a grin. “Big day with Jenna, huh?”

I rolled my eyes but couldn’t hide my smile. “It’s not a date.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Caleb said, smirking as he fluffed a pillow on my bed for no reason at all. “But if it were a date, hypothetically, you’d want to look good, right?”

I glanced at them both, trying to suppress a laugh. “Hypothetically.”

Marcus gave me a once-over and nodded. “Well, you’re looking date-ready to me.”

“Guys, it’s just an art exhibit..”

“Uh-huh.” Caleb exchanged a knowing look with Marcus. “Whatever you say, Y/N.”

I sighed, grabbing my jacket and throwing it over my shoulder. “Okay, I’m heading out before you two drive me crazy.”

Marcus gave me a mock salute. “Good luck, sis. You’ve got this.”

“Thanks, I guess?” I muttered, shaking my head as I headed for the door. Mr. Noodles meowed from his perch on the windowsill, watching me go with what I could only describe as mild disinterest.

When I arrived at the art gallery, Jenna was already waiting outside, dressed in a casual yet effortlessly stylish outfit, as always. She spotted me and waved with that signature smile that always made my heart skip a beat.

“Hey!” she greeted as I approached. “You ready to be blown away by some modern art?”

I grinned. “As ready as I’ll ever be.”

We spent the next couple of hours wandering through the exhibit, making comments about the more abstract pieces and laughing at our completely amateur interpretations. Jenna’s knowledge of art was impressive, though she played it down, explaining how her mom had always taken her to galleries when she was younger.

It was easy being with her—comfortable, even when the conversation dipped into deeper topics. As we moved from room to room, I couldn’t help but feel like this was the kind of moment you didn’t get often—something simple, but meaningful.

After the exhibit, we grabbed coffee at a nearby café, sitting by the window as we sipped our drinks. The conversation flowed as naturally as ever, and before I knew it, hours had passed.

So,” Jenna said, her tone a bit more serious as she swirled her cup. “I’ve been meaning to ask... how are things going? You know, with The Daily Grind, and everyone?”

I looked at her, sensing that she wasn’t just asking about my day. “Things are... good. Busy, but good. And you?”

Jenna smiled softly, her eyes meeting mine. “Same. But it’s been nice... having someone to talk to. Someone who gets it.”

I felt a warmth spread through my chest, a feeling that seemed to be happening more and more whenever we talked. But there was something different in the way she said it this time. Her gaze lingered on mine, and for a brief moment, I thought I saw something flicker in her eyes.

Before I could respond, Jenna shifted slightly in her seat, her fingers tracing the rim of her coffee cup. “Actually, there’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you.” Her voice had a softer, more hesitant edge to it.

I tilted my head, intrigued. “What’s up?”

She bit her lip, almost like she was searching for the right words. “You remember when we first started hanging out? It felt... I don’t know, casual. But lately... I’ve been thinking it’s something more than that. Maybe it always has been, and I didn’t want to admit it.”

My heart pounded in my chest as I tried to process what she was saying. Was she about to say what I thought she was? Was this actually happening?

“I know I’ve been careful about keeping things... low-key,” she continued, her eyes still locked on mine. “But I’ve realized I don’t want to pretend anymore. I don’t want to overthink everything just because of how complicated my life is.”

I swallowed hard, my voice barely above a whisper. “What are you saying, Jenna?”

Jenna let out a small, nervous laugh, running a hand through her hair. “I guess what I’m trying to say is... I like you, Y/N. More than just a friend. And I’ve been trying to figure out if you feel the same way, or if I’m just imagining things.”

I blinked, stunned for a moment. Of all the things I’d imagined happening today, this was not one of them. Jenna Ortega, the girl who had been the subject of all my daydreams for the past few months, was sitting across from me, confessing her feelings. For me.

A grin spread across my face as my nervousness faded. I leaned in, gently placing a hand on hers. "You're not imagining things, Jenna," I said softly, my heart racing. "I’ve felt the same for a while. I wasn’t sure if I knew fully or was ready for it."

Jenna’s eyes widened in surprise, but a bright smile broke across her face. “Really? You’ve... felt the same?”

I nodded, my own smile growing. “Yeah. I didn’t want to push anything, especially since I know your life is crazy and complicated. But... yeah. I like you, Jenna. A lot.”

Her smile softened into something more tender, wrapping her fingers around mine and holding my hand. "I'm really glad you said that."

For a moment, we just sat there, the world outside the café falling away as we looked at each other. It was like everything had shifted between us in the span of a few sentences, but in the best possible way.

“Does this mean...” I started, trying to piece together what this meant for us. “That we’re...?”

Jenna laughed softly, her eyes twinkling. “Let’s just say we’re taking a step forward. I don’t want to rush anything, but I also don’t want to hold back anymore.”

I nodded, feeling a sense of relief wash over me. “I’m okay with that.”

We both sat back, the tension in the air replaced by something lighter, something that felt like the start of something new.

“There’s something else I’ve been meaning to tell you,” Jenna said, her tone shifting to something more serious.

I tilted my head, curious. “Yeah?”

She hesitated, fiddling with her bracelet for a moment before looking up at me. “I’ve been offered a pretty big role. It’s... out of the country, though. And it’s long-term.”

My stomach did a small flip. “Out of the country? For how long?”

Jenna sighed. “Six months, maybe longer. It’s a dream project, but I didn’t want to bring it up until I knew for sure. And now it’s official.”

I blinked, trying to process the information. “Wow. That’s... amazing, Jenna. But... six months?”

She gave a small nod, her eyes searching mine for a reaction. “Yeah, I know. It’s a lot to take in. I don’t even know how to feel about it yet. On one hand, it’s such a huge opportunity, but on the other...”

I didn’t know what to say for a second, my mind racing with thoughts. “You’re going to take it, right?”

Jenna looked down, biting her lip. “I think so. But I wanted to tell you first. I didn’t want to just... disappear without you knowing what was going on.”

I sat back, taking in her words. It felt like a heavy shift, something neither of us had been expecting. Six months was a long time, and part of me wasn’t sure how to feel about it. But at the same time, this was a huge step for Jenna, and I knew how much her work meant to her.

“I’m glad you told me,” I said, my voice steady. “It sounds like an incredible opportunity. I’m proud of you.”

Jenna smiled softly, relief washing over her face. “Thanks. I just didn’t want you to think I was... leaving, you know?”

I nodded, understanding the unspoken weight behind her words. This wasn’t just about the project; it was about us—whatever this was it was getting serious. And while the news felt like a curveball, it didn’t change how I felt. Not in the slightest.

“Well, we’ll figure it out,” I said, offering her a reassuring smile. “Whatever happens, we’ll figure it out.”

Jenna’s smile grew, and I saw a flicker of hope in her eyes for the first time since the conversation started. “Yeah. We will.”

[criticallyinneedofadar]

Lovely Thorn part 2

@zoya-olenko @ladyoflindon part 2!! I hope you enjoy!

Warnings: SMUT! MDNI! Idiots in love

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The soft light of the dawn seeps through the windows, waking you slowly, your body heavy and aching from the battle, though the pain is more of a dull throb now. The first thing you notice is the warmth of a hand gripping yours, firm but trembling slightly. Blinking, you shift your gaze and find Gil-galad seated beside your bed, his normally regal face shadowed by exhaustion and worry.

“Well,” you rasp, your voice barely above a whisper. “You look dreadful, Ereinion.”

His lips twitch, but his eyes don’t lose the edge of worry. “I could say the same of you,” he replies, voice hoarse and rough, though you can tell he’s attempting to keep it light. “Not your finest look, if I may say.”

You attempt to smile, but it hurts too much to try. “Then why are you still here, looking at me like I’m about to keel over?”

His expression falters, and for the briefest moment, you see the fear he’s trying so hard to hide. “Because, for a moment, I thought I might lose you.”

You don’t know how to respond to that, the heaviness of his words making your heart thud painfully in your chest. You blink, and when you open your mouth to speak again, he beats you to it.

“Do you know,” he starts, his voice quiet and trembling just slightly, “that I’ve stood in battles most of my life? I’ve led armies, watched warriors fall under blades, stared into the eyes of death itself.” His gaze drops to your hand, his thumb brushing across your knuckles. “But I have never been as terrified as I was seeing you lying there, screaming in pain.”

A lump forms in your throat, but you don’t let him see it. Not yet. You shift, sitting up gently, resting against the wall behind you. “I’m not that easy to kill, Ereinion.”

“No,” he agrees, his voice tightening, “but I think you’re reckless enough to send me to an early grave.”

You scoff, but before you can retort, he leans forward, his face just inches from yours, his expression deadly serious. “I’ve been a fool,” he says, his voice low and taut with emotion. “A damned fool for thinking that I could keep pretending I don’t care. For thinking that denying how I feel would somehow protect you.”

Your breath catches at the change in his tone. “What are you saying, Ereinion?”

“I’m saying,” he begins, his hand still gripping yours as if you might vanish, “that I love you. I’ve loved you for far longer than I care to admit, but I kept pushing you away, telling myself it was better that way. That you deserved more than the burdens I carry. More than a life tied to the High King.”

You blink, staring at him like he’s sprouted a second head. “And you didn’t think to tell me this before I got skewered by an orc?”

He huffs a breath, half a laugh, half frustration. “That would’ve been ideal, yes.”

For a moment, the tension between you flickers into something lighter, but the weight of his words quickly pulls you back down. You sit in silence, the realization settling in—he loves you. He’s loved you all this time, even while you two were too busy bickering over every little thing.

“And what if I said,” you start slowly, your heart pounding now, “that you’re an idiot for thinking I’d ever consider you a burden?”

His eyes snap to yours, surprised, wary. “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying,” you reply, your voice sharper than you intend, “that I would bear any burden if it means being with you. If you thought I was going to walk away because your crown weighs a little heavy, then you don’t know me as well as you think.”

He stares at you, stunned into silence, before a smirk pulls at his lips. “You really are a thorn in my side, aren’t you?”

You roll your eyes. “And you’re an insufferable idiot. What’s your point?”

His smirk softens, and he squeezes your hand, his voice lowering. “My point is that I love you. And if you’ll have me, thorns and all, I will gladly bear the weight of that love, every single day.”

For a moment, you can’t say anything. Your throat tightens, your heart feels too full. But then, as if the tension has finally snapped, you surge forward, your lips crashing against his in a kiss that speaks of all the frustration, all the longing, all the unsaid words between you.

He kisses you back just as fiercely, his hand slipping behind your neck, holding you close as if to make sure you’re real, that this moment isn’t some fevered dream. When you finally pull away, breathless, you rest your forehead against his, eyes closed.

“Meleth nin,” he whispers, pressing his lips to your forehead. He goes to pull away, presumably to advise Elrond of your waking. Unwilling to let him go so soon you frantically pull his lips back to yours. 

A shocked sound comes from his throat. He chuckles against your lips, kissing you back just as frantically. Ereinion's hands roam across your body, exploring every inch of skin. He presses his body against yours, feeling the warmth and desire that flows between you.

You moan softly, arching your back as Ereinion's fingers trace delicate patterns on your skin. Your hands move to undo the laces of Ereinion's shirt, revealing his muscled chest.

Your kisses grow deeper and more intense, a fiery passion igniting within you both. In this moment, you are lost in each other, blocking out the world outside.

As he pulls the sides of your garments apart, your eyes lock in a heated gaze. Ereinion's hands dance delicately along your stomach, making you shiver with anticipation. You moan softly as he kisses his way down your body, stopping to tease and nip at your sensitive spots.

You arch your back, begging for more as Ereinion slips his tongue inside you, exploring your depths. You clutch at his hair, urging him on as he continues to pleasure you. Your bodies move in perfect sync, and he growls like a man starved as he devours you.

He holds your hips down as you ride the waves of pleasure, gently coaxing you through it. He murmurs soft words of encouragement, placing kisses along your thighs, up your stomach and across your chest as he shifts to lay beside you. 

As you collapse back onto the bed, panting heavily, your heart still racing, Ereinion rolls onto his side to gaze at you. His face is flushed and bright with happiness, his eyes filled with love and satisfaction. He leans in to kiss you softly on the lips, tasting yourself on his mouth.

“I love you too, you stubborn king,” you murmur, your lips brushing against his as you speak.

His thumb strokes your cheek, and he smiles—a real, genuine smile that makes your heart ache in the best way. “Then stay with me,” he whispers. “At my side. Through whatever comes next. Be my queen, and together we will face the trials of the world.”

You smile, exhaustion creeping back over you, but there’s a contentment, a peace you’ve never felt before. “Always.”

Epilogue:

In the years to come, you stand as Gil-galad’s queen, a constant presence at his side as the dark shadow of Sauron rises once more over Middle-earth. The trials of the Second Age are many—wars, treachery, alliances tested—but you face them together, an unyielding pair bound by love and loyalty.

And though the crown is heavy, though the burden of leadership grows with each passing year, it never weighs you down. Not when you share it with him.

Side by side, through every storm, you remain—forever his thorn, and he, forever your maddening, beautiful king.

[strangelysamantha]

JJ MAYBANK X FEMALE READER‼️ a short fluff about jj + how he would be too nervous around you to confess his feelings + so his usual tough guy act is lowered + he has to really find a way to tell you how he feels.

nerves ❀

jj maybank x fem!reader.

warnings: none.

summary: jj is too nervous around you, he struggles to tell you how he really feels.

word count: 984.

request? yes!

a/n: i’m so excited to finish up my drafts, and create more stories for you guys.

my masterlist

——————————————————————————

you sit on on john bs couch. jj is sitting a little far away, but he’s sitting with you. the sunset leaks through the living room blinds, it’s quiet but comfortable. you look over at him, his face is hard to read. “hey j, is everything okay?” you question. he takes a second, “yeah, i’m alright. it’s just been a long day that’s all.” you nod, but fall short on a response. after a few seconds, jj breaks the silence. “why do you hang out with me?” you’re caught off guard by his question, “what do you mean?” he quickly corrects himself, “i mean like, us, the pogues?” you nod. “you guys make me feel like i have a family. i don’t have to change who i am, yknow? my last friend group made me feel like i had to act a certain way. i lost who i was…” you glance over to look at him, “you guys helped me find that girl i had lost.” jj finally makes eye contact with you. “im really glad we’ve done that for you.”

“jj, you were one of the main reasons i felt comfortable enough to be myself. i could never thank you enough.” you move closer to him on the couch, placing your hand on his. he holds it, “i don’t want that to change.” you nod, “it won’t change, i know it won’t.” his breathing is slow, and his eyes are shut. “what’s on your mind j, you can tell me.” he shakes his head, “i just need a second, okay? i’ll be right back.” he stands up, and walks out onto the porch. his hands are shaky and his heart is racing.

you wait on the couch, compelled to get to the bottom of what was going on with him. he was always there for you, regardless of what happened, or what needed to be done. you couldn’t sit around, you needed to return the favor. you slowly stand up from the couch, you tread slowly to the front door, you knock, hoping he wants you to follow him.

“hey.” he mumbles. “i wanted to check on you. i’m here for you, you know that right?” he turns around to face you, he grabs your hands and takes a deep breath. “listen, i don’t know how to act around you. it’s been difficult for me.” you understand how he feels, “that’s okay, talk to me. we’ll get through it together.” he looks away, and drops your hands. he can’t get the words out. his brain is overwhelming and he can’t navigate it. “join me.” you lay with him on the hammock. you guys look up at the sky in comfortable silence. “jj. i’m open to anything. just get it off your chest, i promise there is nothing you can say that will ruin our friendship.” his heart stings at the dynamic.

“you see the stars?” you glance at him, and notice his eyes are set on the sky. your eyes look up as well, “i do.” he hesitates, “we only get one life. and i don’t want to mess this up. but i can’t continue being your friend, it’s too difficult.” your heart speeds up, “what are you saying jj?” he sighs, “i have this urge to protect you, and do everything for you. whether it be as small as grabbing you water, or running errands with you so you aren’t alone. anything you ask, and it’s done. but…” his cheeks are bright red and his breath is heavy. he continues softly, “i don’t want to just be your friend, i need you as more. my whole body aches to be yours.” you sigh with relief. “are you saying you like me maybank?” you giggle. you roll over so your body is cuddling his. he laughs and nods his head. “yes, that’s what i’m saying.” you kiss his cheek, “well, i don’t want to just be friends either. i’ve liked you for so long, but i was too scared to say anything. i couldn’t fathom loosing you.”

“i felt the same way, i was so nervous all night. but i knew i had to say it now, or else id miss my chance.” you both sit up, “i don’t want to miss this chance either j.” you’re looking into his eyes, you glance down to his lips, and without a second thought you lean in and kiss him. he eagerly kisses back, his hands desperate for your touch, land around your waist. he pulls away softly, his forehead leaning against yours, “will you be my girlfriend?” he chuckles slightly, his face bright red. “of course, i’ve been waiting for this moment forever.” he goes in for another kiss, your arms wrapping around his back, you run your fingers through his hair.

john b and kiara interrupt, “finally, took you two long enough.” john b exclaims. kiara laughs, “i’m so happy for you guys.” the two of you both embarrassed, look at your friends. jj is the first to comment, “hey! it’s a delicate subject okay!” kiara rolls her eyes, “i’m just glad you guys have finally made it official. everyone has seen the way you two look at eachother.” you bite your lip ashamed, “i thought i was being subtle!” jj shrugs, “you were subtle, i was certain you would have laughed at my confession and went home.” you playfully punch his arm, “i would have never done that! i’ve had a crush on you since the first day we met!” john b chimes in, “why do you think she’s turned down every guy whose ever looked her way jj?” you gasp, and jj laughs, “i should have saw the signs.” all four of you head inside, making plans for the rest of the night, however, unlike usual, jjs hands are wrapped around your waist, and he cuddles and kisses you all night.

[mjolnirswriststrap]

Just Another Notch

Bucky Barnes x Plus Size F!Reader

Masterlist Part 3/?? Part 4

Word Count: 1,824

Summary: If Bucky thinks his charms will work on you, then you’re gonna put up one hell of a fight to prove him wrong.

Warnings: Nothing explicit 18+, until later chapters, read at your own discretion. Fat shaming, bully!Steve. Protective!Bruce

Training felt useless. When you made it to the simulation room, you didn’t even power up the hologram tech. You sat in the chair facing the super computer. Seeing your reflection in the monitor screen, cause tears to well in your eyes. You thought you were beautiful, when you looked in the mirror after you got dressed, you felt so confident. The look on Bucky’s face when you emerged from your room boosted that confidence tenfold. You could laugh at yourself now. How quickly things change, it’s the cosmos teasing you. Blowing a long breath out of puckered lips, you drop your forehead, landing it on the cool glass desktop. Maybe you bit off more than you can chew. Maybe you weren’t strong enough to play this kind of game.

You knew you never stepped foot in that gym for a reason. Why did you think today would be different? “You ok?” You raise up, searching the room. “Uh hello?” You say, standing up when you still don’t spot anyone. You see the top of a curly head of hair bent under a desk. Walking up to it, the gym situation leaves your mind instantly. You see Bruce folded up untangling wires underneath a desk. “What a sight.” You laugh. “Yeah, yeah, poke your fun.” He contorts himself free, standing up to press the power button on the monitor screen.

When he’s met with continued darkness, he rolls his eyes and faces you. “Your forehead.” He motions towards his own. You make eye contact with yourself in the mirrored wall behind him. Apparently you’d banged your head harder than you thought. You didn’t feel it but you saw the blood at your hairline. “Oh my.” Your eyes grew to be big like saucers.

You look at the desk to see a large crack down the center of it. “I heard you do it, that’s why I asked if you were okay.” He was looking at you with disbelief that you did that to yourself without noticing. “It didn’t hurt, don’t worry about me.” You brush him off, running to the sink in the corner to wash the blood and sweat from your face.

“I know you have a hard head, my desk though? Priceless and fragile.” He jokes, you can hear the real concern under his voice. “What happened, really?” Bruce steals your rolling chair, sitting below you, looking up intently. His big brown eyes gave you the courage to admit it. “Just the same old, same old.” You kick at one of the wheels to the chair.

“C’mon, you know it’s not good to hold it in. Let the doctor help.” He sounds playful, but you know he’s dead serious. You never considered Bruce one of the main team, so there was no reason to ice him out. He was a scientist more than anything. He spent almost one hundred percent of his time in this simulation room, save for when you both knew you’d rather be training alone. He kept you company, not in the verbal sense.

Most of the time the room was filled with the clicking of keys and hard labored breaths. You both did your own thing, over time you started appreciating each others meekness and opened up. Once you got the man talking, he never stopped. You’re sure his brain is a computer, he soaks up information and spits it back out, corrected. You knew better than to ever lie to him, he was far too smart to fall for whatever you planned to say.

“Tell me.” His smile drops and you feel yourself break a little more. “I embarrassed myself, Bruce.” You look away from his saddening eyes. They were starting to pool with pity, and that’s the last thing you want from him. “Hard to believe, but how?” He says, grabbing your wrist to keep you from running away.

With a deep breath you begin, “I went the the gym with Bucky this morning, mistake one.”. Bruce quickly interjects “Bucky? What are you doing hanging out with him?” He presses his eyebrows together, you can’t discern his expression, was it judgement or something else? “It’s a long story.” You find yourself looking down and away from him again. Like there’s a smudge of guilt and shame creeping in.

“I’ve got time.” He raises his arms in a gesture that conveyed ‘bring it on’. God he wanted the details, why? You glance around the room, finding another chair and rolling it infront of him. “Where should I start?” You giggle, forcing yourself to lighten the mood. “The beginning, please.” He starts to bounce his knee.

“Last night, I was eating my late night cereal in the kitchen, when everyone got home.” Bruce folds his arms and nods. “Bucky joined me in the kitchen and well, he dumped a bowl of milk on me. It was an accident, I think.”

“You think it was an accident? Or you have proof of otherwise?” He says, tilting his head. “Maybe the latter.” You admit. “Okay, so the guy spills milk on you, so you go workout with him?” He was obviously confused. “Not directly after! He apologized and brought me coffee this morning to apologize again, offered to help me out with training.” Bruce rolls his eyes again and you’re sure they’ll fall out the next time.

“Please tell me you didn’t believe he was just innocently apologizing.” He sounds annoyed with you, it kinda stings. You never expected Bruce to get upset with you over it. “What else would he be doing?” You shrug your shoulders at him, genuinely curious if he saw it the same way. “Anyone with eyes here knows, that Casanova, will pull any girl in the building, I’m sure he doesn’t even have a type.”. So Bruce also thinks Bucky was flirting with you.

“I honestly didn’t want to believe it. Why would a guy like him be with me?” You shake your head, trying to throw the thoughts from your mind. “He has been nothing but nice to me, I promise.” You look him in the eyes and you see the tone you’ve been hearing in his voice. Flecks of green shine and then die out instantly, his knee was bouncing faster than before. “If he was so nice then why’d you leave the gym?” His voice wasn’t questioning, it was accusatory.

You choose your next words carefully. “Steve came in, and he said something that wasn’t so nice, so I left. That’s all, Bucky didn’t even do anything, there goes his attempt at sleeping with the whole office.” You try to laugh it off, but Bruce isn’t budging. “What did he say?”

“I was getting a water from the vending machine-“ before you could finish, his knee stopped bouncing, and he unfolded his arms. Now you were worried. “Did he comment on your weight, yes or no?” He stands up, harshly slamming the chair into the desk. You would never lie to Bruce, but the truth might start something you don’t want. “Sorta…” you say, ashamed. He strides past you, and now you’re reaching out for him, “Wait.”.

“No, I’m tired of these pompous assholes doing and saying what they want. I’m not letting it happen, especially to you.”. He looks back before exiting the room, and you feel something in your chest swell. He was so serious right now, you could feel the anger radiating off of him. You didn’t know Bruce felt anything besides casual friendship for you, now you’re starting to think differently.

“I’m coming.” You run to catch up with him, taking long strides behind him as his white lab coat swings behind him, and in front of you. “What makes him think he can even speak on my- on you?” He redirects as he swings the gym door open.

You’re met with Bucky and Steve racing each other in push-ups. “99-100!” “You suck.” “You cheated.” They’re laughing as if you and Bruce didn’t just walk in. “No one cares.” Bruce cuts in. The look of annoyance on his face was enough to confuse the super soldiers. “What are you doing out of the lab?” Steve jokes, but no one laughs. “The next time you even so much as think about Y/N, you’ll be talking to the big guy, not me.”. Steve looks around the gym, wondering who Bruce thinks he is. “Sure, pal.” He grabs a towel and wipes the sweat from his neck. “Tell your girlfriend to lose some weight then.” Before you could even be hurt, all you saw was green.

Hulk was infront of you now, taking heaving breaths. You poke your head out from behind him and see Steve and Bucky holding their hands out as if they were calming a wild boar. “Woah, don’t you think you’re over reacting?” Steve says, stepping back. “Y/N! Call off your dog!.” He says, tripping over his own feet.

Hulk slowly stalks towards both of the men, ready to shred them to pieces. A sinister smile on his face. You feel no pity for Steve, but the thought of Bucky being hurt in the crossfire didn’t sit right with you. Before the jolly green giant could break a bone you pipe up loudly. “Hulk? Hey! Over here!” You wave your hands around in the air.

He can see your tiny form trying to catch his attention, and Hulk has the peace of mind to just ignore you, and do what he knows best, smash. The first fist landed on the gym floor, splinters of wood flew everywhere, a hole to the basement left in its place. “Hulk!” You scream this time and it catches his attention. “Go home!” You demand. You knew better than to have a civilized conversation with him. He knew how to take orders from Fury, so maybe it would work. When he just stands there and looks at you, you double down. With a faux confidence, you looked him in his giant green eyes. “Now, Hulk!” You raise an eyebrow, like a tested mother, as if you were about to count to three.

You don’t know why, the hulk didn’t frighten you one bit, but silly, mean words would make you crumble. He growls one last time at the scared super soldiers before breaking through the door way leading outside. Leaving you alone with the men you almost had killed. Bucky looks in disbelief, like he wasn’t almost used for a human punching bag. “Sorry.” You shy away, stepping on fallen bricks to follow Bruce outside.

“What the actual fuck just happened?” You hear Steve ask, but you’re halfway to the swaying trees before you could hear his response. You don’t really know where Bruce lives, so following him through the woods was your only option. You don’t want him destroying more floor boards on your account. Also, you need to find out why he was so passionate about defending you.

Tag List:

@cjand10

@winterslove1917

@honestlywork

@calwitch

@missvelvetsstuff

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@Thewiselionessss

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@toxicteapot

[sodapopwrites]

a ballad of flame and shadow part four

pairings - lucien vanserra x rhysands sister!reader, azriel x rhysand's sister!reader.

summary - When she falls into another length of darkness after the events of Calanmai, her, lucien, and azriel all look back on past memories.

word count - 3.5k

a/n - oh my god. this is a long one and azriel is so down bad. i'm so sorry. i love writing him pining and upset and not knowing how to deal with his feelings. i swear it'll get happier. not soon maybe. but eventually. also shout out to the rest of the inner circle who have to deal with these two's bullshit.

read the rest of the series here!

“She doesn’t want it” 

His  stubborn words to Cassian interrupted his every thought. There was a strange truth to them. 

“He doesn’t want this. Not now.” 

He wasn’t supposed to hear that. It wasn’t for him. But the confession in her words haunted his every movement. It was her truth that she had disguised as his. She couldn’t do this. Not now. He was right. In some sense he was right when he told Cassian she didn’t want the bond. He tried to relish in that. In that small victory over Cassian. But it never stuck. 

When. When. When. When. 

It was all he could think. When would it be okay to tell her? When would the weight of it not crush her? When her brother returned? If he ever did. It had been too long. Rhysand had been gone for far too long. He feared that the damage done between them was something even the high lord couldn’t fix. 

In the days after Calanmai she had tried. Tried to go back to whatever normal her and Azriel had built. Tried to continue to let herself sleep in his arms. Tried to let his easy warmth spread through her. But she couldn’t. Not when that golden thread threatened to snap in place every time she drew too close to him. Not when she let herself once again fall into a spiral of guilt. 

“It wasn’t enough” 

Lucien's rage followed her back to Velaris. His curse a weight on her shoulders. A burden she unnecessarily chose to bear. And Azriel watched as she let darkness consume her just as she had done when Amarantha had first taken over. He knew that darkness well. He was forged from it. He let her withdraw from him and he let himself be consumed by memories of before. 

Starfall the year before Rhysand had gone under the mountain. The year before Amarantha’s party. 

Azriel’s gaze had not left her once since she entered the room. Her dress, a blue so dark it was almost black, sparkled with a thousand cobalt diamonds, they hung from her dress like glittering drops of rain. He tried not to think too hard about the color choice. Tried not to notice that the diamonds draping her form glittered the same blue as the siphon laid over the center of his chest. Tried not to wonder if it was a conscious decision on her part. Her hair flowed down her back in a cascade of midnight curls. He watched her eyes glitter, reflecting the light of the stars twisting through the sky above. Everything about her effervescent, bright with life. He wanted to drown in it. Instead he held himself back. In a corner of the room. Let his shadows curl around his chest protectively. He stopped himself from going to her, from reaching out to her. Her eyes finally found his, twinkling with a mischief that sent sparks through his entire body. His shadows circled tighter. 

She crossed the room and stopped in front of him, smiling like she knew a secret she wanted desperately to tell him. 

“Why is it that during every party I always find you skulking in some corner?” 

A smile played at the corners of her lips as he shrugged half heartedly. 

To keep myself from pulling you into the nearest room and consuming you whole. That’s what he wanted to say. But instead he held his facade of indifference. It didn’t deter her this time though. 

“You’re too beautiful to hide yourself away you know.” 

She was teasing. It was clear enough that she was teasing. It had to be. But when he held her gaze for a moment too long after her compliment she blushed and sipped her drink in an attempt to hide the flush of her cheeks. Maybe there was some truth to it. 

“More beautiful than me?” 

Cassian’s voice cut through the tension of the moment. Azriel had to physically restrain himself from rolling his eyes at his friend's intrusion. Instead he scoffed and received an offended look from the Illyrian general. 

“Aw Cass. You’re pretty too.” 

Now that was teasing. She laughed as Cassian clasped his hands over his chest as if he’d been stabbed. 

“Why is he beautiful and I’m pretty?” 

“At least I didn’t call you the funny one”

Cassian rolled his eyes. 

“I am the funny one” 

Azriel’s eyes flitted between the pair in front of him. Slightly amused. 

“I’m funny” 

His voice was soft and only  a little defensive. Cassian let a hand fall to his brother's shoulder and offered him a look laced with mock sympathy. 

“Oh Azriel. You are many things but funny is not one of them.” 

She tried to muffle her snort in another sip of her drink. Azriel looked to her, asking for some sort of defense. She gave in immediately. 

“Maybe you’re just not bright enough to pick up on the subtleties of Azriel’s humor.” 

Cassian scoffed at her comment and looked her up and down, “Nice dress. Those diamonds.” He let out a low whistle before sparing a quick glance at Azriel’s siphons, “They look awfully familiar.” 

Azriel watched her closely. Waiting for her response with a new found intensity. She only shrugged before saying, 

“I like blue.” 

Cassian’s eyes were filled with mirth as he watched the shadow singer's eyes rake over her body, over the glittering diamonds. He knew exactly what Azriel was wondering, he was wondering it himself. 

“Any particular reason why?” 

He was baiting her. If there was one thing Cassian loved to do, it was bait the pair before him into a conversation about their unspoken feelings for eachother. She brushed the question off and turned entirely away from Cass, looking now only at Azriel. 

“Dance with me.” 

It wasn’t a request. Azriel pushed himself off the wall and let himself take the hand she had outstretched to him. He let her lead him to the dance floor. Let himself wrap his arms around her and hold her closer than he ever should have. He let her wrap her arms around his neck. Her fingers playing gently with the hair at the nape of his neck. The touch sent a shiver down his spine. He swayed them gently to the music and only let himself look away from her once. He saw Cassian and Rhysand watching the two of them dance, snickering to themselves. He shot them a quick glare before returning his focus to her entirely. 

“What is the reason why?” 

His question came out as a hoarse whisper. It sounded much more desperate than he meant it to. She looked up at him. Knowing he was asking the same question Cassian had asked moments ago. She let her eyes fall to the siphons adoring him, and then back up to his face. She gave him a small smile. 

It was the only answer she could let herself give. The only answer that didn’t outright tell him she searched for small pieces of him everywhere. In every color, in every star, in every scent and feel. She searched for small pieces of him to carry with her. The only bits of him she ever dared to allow herself. 

Azriel's eyes were closed. Clamped shut. Trying desperately to hold onto that memory. He shouldn’t let himself look back, not after those days had been gone for so long. But he had to. It was all he could do to keep himself from following her into the endless haunting night she had resigned herself to. 

────────────── ⋆✩⋆ ──────────────

Lucien had grown quiet and more brooding since his encounter with her at Calanmai. He sat down at the sprawling lunch table with Tamlin. The high lord of Spring court’s gaze was fixed on his friend. He stared at him with a nervous concern. 

“What’s wrong with you?” 

Lucien looked at him blankly before shaking his head. 

“You’ve been sulking for months, ever since the Rite, you’ve been just…” 

Lucien continued to stare at him. 

“...Well dare I say unpleasant.” 

Lucien sighed deeply. He pushed his food around his plate before responding, 

“Too bad you’re stuck with me forever. Or until Amarantha finally decides to kill us.” 

Tamlin let out a low growl. His patience stretched thin by the ginger’s foul mood. By Lucien’s lack of hope for their situation. Lucien bristled at the sound of it and stood up, excusing himself from the meal, and walking briskly out of the dining room. He made his way back to his room and sat on the corner of his bed. He let his head fall into his hands and he rubbed at his eyes. 

Regret flooded through him. Regret at the way he had reacted to smelling the shadow singer on her. Regret at the way he had made his resentment all too clear to her. Regret that he hadn’t embraced her or kissed her while he had a chance. He wanted it all back now. Everything they had before. 

She had come to him the evening after Starfall under some pretense of work. She always came to him as if they had something serious to discuss, and she always let it devolve into an easy flirtation. 

They lay beneath a willow tree, far from the manor, so no one would know of her presence. Lucien propped himself up on one arm to look at her. She was bathed in the orange light of sunset. Her eyes closed and her breathing slow, as if she was sleeping. His hand came to the side of her face and he slid it from her face, down her neck, and to let it rest on her shoulder. He traced lazy circles across her skin, letting his fingers swirl farther across her skin, over her collar bones and dangerously lower. She hummed at his soft touch and opened her eyes. 

“What are you doing?” 

“Admiring you” 

She smiled. The expression almost sad. Her eyes searching his so deeply it was like she was almost looking for someone else. He didn’t let it faze him. That expression was one she held often, and he chalked it up to having to hold the secret of the exact nature of their meetings. He cleared his throat. 

“So what exactly is the business you had to discuss with me?” 

His tone was light and careless as he leaned closer to her, waiting for her response. 

“Mmm. You know I can’t really remember”

He let a wicked grin spread across his features, “Oh no?” His hand traveled farther down her body and she arched into his touch. 

“Must not have been important.” 

Her voice wavered as his hand continued its exploration. He brought his lips to hers. She chased him as he pulled away and there was a clear amusement in his tone as he said, 

“How disappointed your brother would be.” 

She tried not to recoil at the statement, “Interesting time to bring up my brother.” 

“I’m just so sure he’d hate what this meeting has devolved into.” 

“Just shut up and kiss me.” 

She pulled him back to her lips, trying to kiss away every mention of her family. Of her complete lack of professionalism. Guilt laced her every movement against him. 

God maybe she had been right. It was all he could think. Maybe she had been right. When was he ever not concerned about her family? About where she came from? Why else would he be so secretive about his affections for her? It wasn’t fair to her. To hold that over her. But he never seemed to be able to help it. That deep seated mistrust of the night court and all it held. Those it held. 

He wanted it all back. He wanted her back. Maybe he could let it be different. Maybe he wouldn't have treated every moment with her like a distraction from her. From what she was. Who she was. 

He pushed his palms further into his eyes. The sharp pain of it sent some relief. An escape from memory. 

────────────── ⋆✩⋆ ──────────────

She stopped herself from seeking Azriel out constantly. Stopped herself from going to his room when nightmares sent her hurtling from sleep. Stopped herself from going to dinner just to sit next to him. Instead she spent her days traipsing to Amren’s apartment, much to the general annoyance of the silver eyed female. Or training with Cassian. She avoided Mor with everything she had. Not wanting to answer the golden haired female’s questions. Always about Azriel. Always about why she wouldn’t just tell him what he meant to her. 

She couldn’t let herself deal with it. 

She sat in a plush chair that resided in the corner of Amren’s apartment. Amren was reading some ancient text and ignoring her as best she could. 

She sighed. It was probably the fourth time she had let a gust of breath fall past her lips, all too audibly. 

“Oh good lord. What?” 

Amren’s voice was laced with annoyance. 

“Nothing”

“Just go talk to him”

“No”

“Stubborn girl” 

She looked at Amren, opening her mouth to spew some defensive excuse. Amren spoke before she could. 

“So Calanmai didn’t yield the results you hoped for?”

It was the first time anyone had brought that night up to her. She curled into herself now. Amren narrowed her eyes, 

“What exactly were you expecting from him?” 

“I don’t know”

“What did you want from him?” 

She thought about it. What did she want from Lucien? What did she want to happen when she snuck off to the bonfires of Spring Court. 

“Comfort” 

Amren clicked her tongue and shook her head waiting for the high lord's sister to try a different response. A more honest one. 

“Fine. Not comfort.” She paused, “Distraction I guess.” 

Amren gave her a small nod, “From Azriel.” 

Not a question. A statement. One that made her raise her hands in defense and shake her head. 

“No. From everything. From…from everything.” 

Amren studied the girl before her. Her gaze held the truth. It was a distraction from Azriel. A small use of the fox to distract her from the golden pull she feared so deeply. 

“What exactly are you so afraid of?” 

Amren’s voice was softer now, her best attempt to be sympathetic. 

“That he only wants me now because soothing some part of my pain, of my guilt, lessens his own.” 

“Are you really so blind?” 

She seemed a little surprised by Amren’s question. She quirked an eyebrow waiting for her friend to continue. 

“He doesn’t only want you now. Use your brain for once. Look past the darkness of the last few years and let yourself remember.” 

That was all Amren said before turning back to her book, shutting her out once more. 

Let yourself remember. 

When she returned from Spring Court, the day after Starfall. When she had slid into her seat beside Rhys at the dinner table. She avoided eye contact with everyone as she always did when she returned from a tryst with Lucien. She tried to make herself small enough that no one would notice her. It didn’t work. It never did. 

“Any news from Spring Court?” 

Rhysand kept his tone even. But asking the question simply to remind her that he knew exactly what she had been up to. He watched her deflate a little before lifting her head to respond to him, 

“Oh you know. Roses in bloom. Flowers….Usual spring stuff.” 

Cassian let out a small laugh at her lame attempt to play it off. Mor narrowed her eyes, 

“Spring stuff?” 

The judgment in Mor’s tone was evident. 

“Yeah spring stuff.” 

She started to eat. Still avoiding the gaze of everyone. Especially the shadow encircled male sitting at the end of the table. But Mor pushed the subject further. 

“Why him?” 

She shrugged. Really not wanting to talk about this. 

“Why not one of your own?” 

She looked up at this. Stared at Mor’s implication. 

“One of my own?” 

She didn’t miss the way Rhysand’s eyes flickered towards Azriel. Didn’t miss the way Azriel shifted in his seat and let his shadows unfurl, hiding him somewhat from her sight. The insinuation simmered in her stomach as she shook her head and continued eating. But after a moment of silence, a moment where everyone’s eyes were still on her she said, 

“The only people I’m ever around are you guys.” 

It was Cassian that spoke up now, 

“You say that like it’s a bad thing.”

There was humor in his voice, as there always was when everyone ganged up on her. A small part of him enjoyed watching her squirm. Okay a large part of him. 

“Not a bad thing. Just a vaguely annoying one.” 

She stood up from the table, not able to bear it anymore. The judgment. The way Azriel wouldn’t look at her. Everytime she came back wreaking of Autumn and flame, he couldn’t bear to look at her. Couldn’t bear to be more than a couple feet away from her. As if he didn’t want to even be near the faint whisper of someone else on her skin. 

She swept out of the dining room and shut herself in her room. She ran a bath. Scrubbing herself of any trace of Lucien Vanserra. She let the warm water encompass her. She sank into it. Letting her head sink beneath the surface. She held herself under water. 

The way Azriel’s shadows came around him in a shield of defense everytime anyone mentioned their names in the same sentence together. The way his eyes lingered on her when he smiled, as if her joy could prolong his. The way he trailed close behind her like he wanted her every footstep to be filled with his own. 

She couldn’t breathe. She let the thought of him consume her. He didn’t want her. He didn’t want her. He didn’t want her. A chant. A reassurance. 

She’d been in love with him for too long. She’d wanted him for too long to no avail. 

He was too beautiful. Too powerful. Too important. He didn’t want her. He was too loyal. He wanted her happiness the same way he wanted Rhysands. He didn’t want her. He wanted to serve his highlord and he wanted to keep the inner circle safe. That was why he guarded her. He didn’t want her. 

She couldn’t breathe. 

She rose from the water. Taking deep calming breaths. 

A short knock came at the door of her bedroom. She closed her eyes bracing herself for some dull and vaguely mocking lecture on taking her duties more seriously from Rhysand. She wrapped her robe around her and headed for the door. 

It was not Rhysand. When she swung open the door. Azriel stood before her. He took in her wet hair and the way the robe clung to her damp skin. He swallowed once. Refusing to let his eyes drift from her face. She cocked her head in question. He pulled something from his pocket and held it out to her. 

A necklace. A thread thin silver chain with a small cobalt diamond dangling from it. 

She stared at it. She remembered her dress from the night before. Remembered the way his eyes lingered on the dangling gems. Remembered the soft questioning of their color. She looked up at him, at the shining cobalt siphons he always wore. 

She gently took it from his outstretched hand letting it dangle from her fingertips. A small piece of him…from him. Offered up willingly. 

“I uhm” His voice was low. Nervous even. “I thought you’d like it” 

He didn’t want her. He didn’t want her. The chant racing through her mind as she tried to come up with something to say. Instead she looked back down at the stone of the necklace. No. Not stone. The same glass that made up the siphon on his chest, on his hands, on his shoulders. A small piece of him. 

A nod was all she could muster. 

She was still looking anywhere but at him. He cursed himself silently. Maybe this was stupid. Giving her this. Maybe it was too much. Too obvious. But as he watched her leave the dining room. As he let Mor’s comment about her settling with one of her own and Rhysand’s immediate look towards him sink in. He had to do it. As soon as dinner ended he had excused himself and had retrieved the necklace that he had been saving for her. That he had debated giving to her for years now. He had let his feet carry him to her room. Had decided that he had to try. To give her some wordless notion of his feelings. 

He pulled the necklace from her fingers and motioned for her to turn around. She did so without question. She let him lay it around her neck, let him clasp it, let him brush his fingers so so briefly through her hair. 

She looked towards Amren once more. Letting her words wash over her again at the memory. 

“He doesn’t only want you now. Use your brain for once. Look past the darkness of the last few years and let yourself remember.” 

Maybe he had always wanted her. The thought made her pale. She shoved the feeling of the golden thread in her chest down. She couldn't do this. Couldn't let herself hope when everything seemed so hopeless.

When?

She didn't know.

[lolitastories]

Endless

Bellamy Blake

Oxygen, never knew it could come with something more beautiful. I would always look through the glass windows of the ship and see how we orbited earth but it was never a thought. You read it in books but it was all different when you got the chance to see it for the first time. The green trees and grass. The colorful flowers and land so long that you don’t see the same thing twice. The sound of a waterfall or birds singing with the wake of the sun. But the thing that imprinted in me was when I felt open air travel through my nose and into my lungs, I was breathless. Ironic, but I was. So as I stand here in the same spot I decided to go down to earth with Raven, I am scared and with so many questions. The only difference now is that I know what is down there and my heart yearns for it. For my friends, for the home I made. It feels hard to breathe. “You okay?” I jumped a little not realizing Raven was standing right beside me.

“Yeah,” I smile looking back into the serene view. “I guess I unconsciously put my guard down since there are only 8 other people here.”

“Yeah,” She bumps into me teasingly. “5 years of not running away from someone trying to kill us,” Weird.

“We just have to worry about surviving.” Thankfully Clarke was right. We made the food we had last until the Algae farm could provide for us. The Oxygen and water was stable too. But up here for 5 years?, it will eventually drive us crazy.

“We will be okay. You have plenty in one person to keep you company.” My eyebrows furrowed as I turned to look at her. “You know who I am talking about.” She playfully bats her eyelashes and swings her hair like she was flirting. “Why thank you Bellamy,” I bit my lip hearing her impression of me. “Thank you for saving us,” My mouth falls open, ready to defend myself but she is quicker and places her hand over my mouth. “With those pretty brown eyes, dark curly hair, and not to mention those muscles,” I groaned, pushing her away.

“Shut up,” I roll my eyes. I hear her laughing, “I thanked the rest too. He wasn’t the only one who made the trip to Becca's lab alone.” To be honest I would have thanked him like that if I had the chance. Of course I would keep the last part to myself. But for him and the rest to risk their life so close to the radiation wave hitting well, they deserve all the thanks. Especially now since their actions got them stuck in the ark again, far away from people they love.

“Yeah but he was the only one who made the trip especially for you.” I kept my mouth shut that time. It would be nice to know he did do it for me, probably would cause my already hyper beating heart to actually run out of my chest. But Bellamy and Clarke were our good friends and down there, we knew we had to do everything to protect ourselves. Emori, Murphy and Echo came along because they thought they didn’t have a chance to stay in the bunker due to past choices. Harper and Monty were nice enough to give them all a ride after they were attacked by some grounders, calling them unlucky.

“You can’t be sure of that,” She stands there with an annoyed expression and her hands on her hips. “You’re the one who slept with him,” Her mouth falls open. “He could be here for you,” I simply shrug and turn to walk away.

“That was a long time ago!” She screams out to me. “Don’t deny it! He likes you and you like him!” I know it was a low blow to bring that up. Raven told me how bad she felt sleeping with Bellamy. She did it out of spite because Finn was too close with Clarke. Raven loved Finn and still does, I know Bellamy and her are only good friends now. I walk down the halls of the Ark, the sounds of groans and hits call out to me. As the common room came into view I saw Echo and Emori training together. Emori had Echo on the floor in an arm lock. I tower over them seeing a pleased look on Emori’s face.

“Want next?” She says jokingly. I am not a bad fighter, I know enough to protect myself but I prefer using other things than fist.

“Why would she need it?-” I looked over at Echo who could barely get her words out. “She has a guard dog,” Emori’s quick chuckle was cut off when Echo uses her legs to push off the ground and twist herself out of Emori’s hold.

“That's right.” Defeated, Emori lays flat on the floor. “Shame to let your knowledge of your guns and our weapons go to waste since you always have him around.” I scoff knowing damn well that Bellamy wasn’t always around, and if he was it was because it was smart for all of us to stick together.

“I will say that she knows all this tech stuff too, like Raven.” I look up toward Echo who for once had a smile on her face. “She’s more brain.” I felt like I needed to say thank you but somehow I was confused because they were unminding me too.

“And his muscles.” Their conjoined laughter made me feel happy. The past 2 months, all I could hear was normal banter since they were irritated with everything. So having someone laugh was a huge change of improvement. “He is over there if you were looking for him.” As I hear Emori stand up from her mat, my head turns to find Bellamy leaning against the window, he was busy looking outside. I flinch a bit feeling someone’s hand land on my shoulder. “Go reel him in for lunch,” I turn, finding a small grin on her face. “Monty made a new version of his soup.” We share the same disgust look but eventually it is replaced with a smile.

“Sounds delicious,” She nods agreeing with my sarcasm. I take a deep breath before making my way over to him. Echo and Emori’s steps have faded meaning they were already out of the room. “Seems like you got a better view here.” Eden looked bigger on this side of the ship. The spectacle of hope was small but one day we would be back.

“I am open to sharing.” Damn. I am truly lost, ain't I? I thought by not looking at his eyes it would be best but by just being near him, he can make my heart race. I turn my head meeting his eyes. Raven hit it spot on when she used the words pretty. Those brown eyes, so pretty. “I haven’t gotten a chance to get you alone,” oh? “In the afternoons you are either trying to fix the radio with Emori or the panel with Raven,” I turned my body towards him as his eyes never left mine. “Spending late nights working,” My heart strings tug with a little bit of sadness. I hadn’t noticed that I have been busy, I just know that if I stopped then I would start thinking. Missing. I didn’t want him or anyone in the ship to think that I was in some way ignoring them. “And in the morning,” Tunnel vision, that is what was happening. It felt like the walls were closing in and I couldn’t focus on anything other than Bellamy. Somehow we ended up only an inch apart, my hand probably couldn’t pass between us. My head tilting up as he towers over me. “Seems like everybody wants your attention too.”

“Too?” A small smile was playing on my lips. Since Bellamy and I have gotten close we became good friends. Friends who occasionally couldn’t stop staring at each other. At first I thought it was because I was closer to age then everybody else. Maybe he found comfort in not being the only adult (ish.). And those lingering stares went to the trash when Gina came into the picture. She was nice and I never had anything against her but when they were together it made me realize it was just me who felt a connection. “If you need to talk-” I freeze. His hands currently moved up to cup my face. His eyes drop towards my lip, “I am always free.”

“Yeah?,” With his hands on my cheeks I felt my face growing warmer than usual. The playfulness in his voice made the little girl in me start jumping. The way his warm breath felt against my skin as he spoke sent shivers down my spine. “I do want to talk.” He nods and it's like I was hypnotized, my head aimlessly copies his movement. “I want to make sure you are okay,” I slightly tilt my head to the side, I got my brain back for a minute. Why would he ask that? “This change has been tough on everybody, I wanted to make sure you were okay.” My hand instantly moved up to cup his hands as he still had his on my face.

“I’m okay,” I say as a whisper. “You?” He nods again with a smile. “It suits you,” He leans forward, resting his forehead on mine.

“What does?”

“Being okay. Your shoulders are no longer tense. Not having to worry about keeping everybody safe,” I close my eyes, loving how he feels close to me. “Being you, it suits you.” Before this the only contact I had with him was a hug or the occasional hand holding. Of course, the cause of those things was because we were happy to see each other, as friends. Or when we were beside each other receiving yet another bad news he would take my hand in his, as friends. If we were anywhere together, I would know because his arm would always graze mine. As friends do, right?

“I had a good reason.” I pull apart a bit to look into his eyes.

“Your sister.” I say plainly.

“Two reasons.” He responded instantly. His eyes felt more intense than a couple minutes ago. The way he looks at me and how his thumb slowly caresses my skin, this was not like friends, right? He was pulling me in and I couldn’t help but want to fall. “This might be stupid since we are stuck here for 5 years but I just have to say it,” He takes a deep breath closing his eyes. “I care for you.” When he opens them I notice his eyes full of doubt. Doubt that I may say I feel the same but caring can mean plenty of things.

“I care for you too.” Mine meant more. A little chuckle escaped his lips. He looked down like I wasn’t getting the point.

“No,” He shakes his head. “I care for you,” He put more emphasis on the word.

“I care-”My words tumbling out in a rush to repeat myself, when suddenly Bellamy’s hands pull us together. His lips brushed against mine. The kiss was gentle, yet insistent, and I felt my words die on his lips. His fingers moved to tangle in my hair making the kiss more intense. I felt a rush of sensation, two hearts beating into one rhythm. But when I returned the kiss it sent my head into a haze. The endless space we were surrounded by seemed miniscule; it didn’t matter to us. My hands slid down his arms and down his waist to pull us closer. He groans as I pull us apart for air. Bellamy’s eyes locked onto mine, his gazing yearning for something. “I care.” I breathe let out. My heart flutters seeing his lips curving upward into a smile.

“Good.” I scoff at hearing his cockiness.

“Such a dick,” I laughed, pushing him off playfully.

“Wait-no.” He stops me from moving by catching me and wrapping his arms around me. He knew I wasn’t mad; we both had a smile. “You didn’t let me finish,” I roll my eyes and until I look into his eyes he continues, “Good, because now I can show you how much more I care.” Okay, the butterflies are back. I caught him before he could lean in and capture my lips again by placing my palm on his forehead.

“You can show me once we eat Monty’s wonderful soup.”

“Ugh,” He throws his head back like a little kid.

“It probably tastes worse than yesterday.” He looks down with a pleading look but I shake my head.

“And like yesterday,” I grab his face and pull him closer, “We are going to be good friends and eat it.” I quickly peck his lips and rush out of his arms. "You coming?” I look back as I walk away leaving him standing by the window.

“Always.”

[moonlightdoesgenshin]

"Come sit with me." It wasn't a question. Wanderer didn't ask for things. He simply demanded them.

Childe raised an eyebrow, but complied, following him to the edge of a cliff that towered over the rest of Sumeru and sitting on the edge of it.

"Well, the view's pretty," the harbinger commented, aloof. Wanderer scoffed.

"Of course it's pretty," he snapped, "It's why I come up here so often. When I need to think."

Childe shrugged, "As good a thinking place as any, I guess. Why'd you bring me here?"

This is where Wanderer paused. He thought for a second, looking over the view. Wondering if Nahida would be proud of satisfied with what he was doing.

"I... you said you remembered me," he muttered, much less bite to his voice than there had been before. Childe shrugged again.

"Thought I did. But, well, you made it very clear how stupid that was."

He had. And he regretted it, now. Oh how he regretted it.

"Do you know what Irminsul is?"

Both eyebrows raised, this time. So he did know. Good. That made things easier.

"I know the basics, y'know, giant tree underground, connected to leylines and all that. Not much else, though."

Damnit.

"Alongside the leylines and some other properties, Irminsul collects and stores memories and information." And now the really hard part, "When you erase something- say, a person, from Irminsul, that thing will completely disappear from everyone's memories. The thing itself won't disappear, but if it was alive, it won't even remember itself."

Wanderer waited for it to click in Childe's head. Apparently, he still wasn't the best in the intelligence department, and he just sat there looking confused.

He huffed, forcing away any emotion that wasn't the general annoyance he carried around like a shield.

"You don't remember me. Or- you shouldn't. I erased myself from Irminsul, months ago. I should've been completely erased from your mind." He took a deep breath, "But apparently, your skull is too thick for it to fully work. Or something. So you do. Or- you at least know that something is missing. Which shouldn't be possible."

They stared at each other for a couple minutes, the beautiful view in front of them going completely ignored. Wanderer had stopped breathing.

"Look," Childe said, voice tired and sad and so wrong for the person he was, "Thanks for trying to help, but that's a pretty far-fetched story, and I've been tricked one too many times to fall for it. Hope you find what you're looking for, though."

Wanderer inhaled sharply, the words feeling like a punch to the gut.

Childe got up, and he was walking, walking away, away from him, leaving him, like so many others had before, and he wished he could call it a betrayal but it was his fault in the first place, but please no I can't lose you too-

"Ajax, wait!" He was calling out the name before he even processed what he was saying, desperate and panicked and so alone- "Please, you said you wouldn't leave me."

And, by the grace of whatever good luck he had left, Ajax stopped in his tracks.

~~~~~~

Ajax. How did he know that name? Who told him that name? Why did the tone of his voice make Childe want to turn back and comfort the stranger?

A headache brewed, as it usually did when he questioned those little gaps in his memory, but this time it pounded harder, and harder, and harder- until he felt a pop! and a memory forced its way into his mind's eye.

They were fighting about Tartaglia's upcoming mission to Liyue. Scaramouche never liked the idea of him leaving Snezhnaya, and he was so sick of it.

"Her Majesty literally gave me the mission, I can't just refuse!" Tartaglia growled.

"You're the vanguard, it's best to have you here where you could protect us if things go wrong." The other harbinger snapped, refusing to look at him.

"Yeah, I'm the Vanguard, the last line of defense. Her Majesty would be able to call me back long before they'd actually need me!"

They had reached an impasse, and they both knew it. Tartaglia sighed.

"I can't just stay here forever, Scara. She needs me in Liyue to get the geo gnosis. I don't know what your obsession with me staying in Snezhnaya is about, but-"

"I just don't want to lose you too, okay?!" Scaramouche snapped, before freezing. He didn't cower, he never cowered, but he was still as a statue. All the fight that was left in Tartaglia died.

He approached Scaramouche slowly, making sure not to startle him. When he was close enough, he reached out to touch his face- stopping a couple inches away. When he was given the most minute of nods, he let his hand rest on his cheek.

The other hand came to rest on Scaramouche's back, pulling him close. He tilted the puppet's face up to meet his eyes.

He was terrified. Outwardly he looked annoyed, sure, but Tartaglia knew him well. Ajax knew him well.

He leaned down to press a soft, innocent kiss to the other's lips, knowing it was the exact opposite of what Scaramouche was used to.

"I'm not gonna leave you, Scara," he whispered, completely sincere, "The world would have to do a whole lot more than sending me to a different nation to make that happen."

Scaramouche relaxed, if only slightly. "Ajax..."

"Shhhh," his voice was slightly playful now, "This is my last week here, yeah? Forget about that for now. Let's make use of the time we have. C'mon, we're going to my room."

He moved his hand from his partner's face and grabbed one of his hands, pulling him slightly towards the door.

"Ajax, I'm really not-" Scaramouche started, but Ajax waved him off.

"You're calling me by my real name, I'm well aware you're not in the mood to do that. I'm bringing you to my room because I have the better bed, and you need some serious cuddling."

There were no further protests, and Ajax smiled to himself.

Back in the real world, Ajax was gathering his bearings. He could hear the stranger's- Scara's -heavy breathing in the background, and that's all it took to trigger him into action.

He turned around very quickly and almost ran back to the edge of the cliff, not even bothering to ask permission before he had- Wanderer? Is that what he called himself when they met? Fuck it, his partner's face in his hand, forcing them to lock eyes much like he did all those months ago.

His eyes were the same as they were on that day. Blown wide, panicked, terrified that this was the end. That he had finally gone too far.

"I'm never gonna leave you," he murmured, voice hard and resilient and loving, "Even if you erase yourself from the world, I'm never going to willingly leave you. You'll have to try harder than that, sweetheart."

There was silence for a few seconds, and then there were arms around his waist, and a face in his shoulder, and- was Scara crying?! He never cried!

"Fuck you," he muttered, and yep, his voice was wet, he really was crying, "Fuck you for making it impossible to get over you and fuck you for remembering enough to make me hope."

Ajax chuckled, wrapping his arms around the shorter, holding him close just like he always would.

"Well, I, for one, am very glad you didn't get over me, because otherwise I would've gone the rest of my life wondering what was missing."

"And fuck you for saying stupidly sappy things."

Ajax grinned, "You like them."

"Shut the fuck up."

[wriokitty]

okay wait how would ayato react to reader having an assassin try to kill her? or if someone tried to kidnap her?

Omg. Okay. I would give you a fic for this but. I can’t say much but something’s coming up one day with something similar so that’s all I’ll say. Hint. Wink.

ANYWAY. I’ll ramble about it to you though.

It happens in broad daylight—everyone knows Ayato is far too smart to let his wife wander alone at night, even within the estates gates. There’s always guards hovering. But in the daylight, sometimes he allows you to walk through densely populated areas alone. The guards will escort you and then let you keep your distance and keep to yourself for a bit. Ayato doesn’t like it, but he understands how hovering it can feel.

But then it happens one day.

Someone who took the opportunity to slip a cloth over your mouth in the bustling crowd. They think no one will notice. That your slip to unconsciousness will be a quiet, easy affair and it’ll be simple after that.

They’re wrong.

Ayato’s guards are well trained. Better trained after you come along, in fact. They have to meet his standards if they want to protect his wife when he’s not around, after all. The man doesn’t make it very far before he’s pinned down to the ground and you’re being carefully held up by two guards.

Hell breaks loose after that. Quietly, of course. Ayato is never one to make a scene of anything, or to make himself known more than he has to be.

He cancels everything when he gets the news. (You beg the guards not to tell him for this exact reason, but they’d never listen to you on a matter so serious.) You come back to the estate with distress clear on his face—brows furrowed and lips a hard line.

“You’ll get wrinkles,” you try to tease. The slight tremor in your hand makes his jaw clench when you rub your thumb between his brows.

“I shall escort you to our chambers. Come with me, my dear,” he’ll say seriously.

Something’s off about his tone. You can hear it, but you’re so tired and shaken up, you let him wrap his arms around you and bring you to your bed, gently settling you under the sheets. He stays until you fall asleep—not more than that, however.

He has other matters to attend to.

And then, after the sun has set and your room is dimly lit, you finally awaken. There’s a small creak of your door opening, making your eyes squint to adjust to the figure of your husband slipping in.

“Ayato?” You whisper.

“Ah, you’re awake,” he chuckles. His tone is still off. “You stay right there, I will return to you once I’ve bathed.”

He’s quick to enter your bathroom—like he doesn’t want you to see something once your eyes properly adjust from their bleariness.

It’s odd, you think. Ayato always insists you join his late night showers. (You always love to deny him just to see him pouty and beg.)

It’s not long before he joins you, wrapping you up in his arms as he presses a kiss to your forehead.

“From now on, I shall accompany you on your strolls myself,” he murmurs. “If you do not enjoy the company of guards surrounding you, surely your husband is not an issue.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, you’re a busy man—”

“It’s alright, my dear. I will find time.” It’s the hint of finality in his tone you’re not used to.

And then you realize. There’s a sharp, deep feeling in your gut that tells you.

“Where did you go today?” You murmur, rubbing his chest. He grabs your hand, kissing your inner wrist.

“I had some matters to handle,” he says vaguely. “There was someone I needed to…speak with.”

And then you know the reason his tone feels different. It’s cold. Dark, even. And something in your head tells you it’s wrong, but everything else in your body just feels so safe, you can’t dwell on it too long.

“Did you manage to finish handling them?” You murmur.

He chuckles, bringing you closer, eyes fondly looking down at you in the dark. “Oh, yes, my dear. I’ve made sure they’re very well handled.”

[jkftkth]

i really do wonder what a bts comeback will mean and does every member have a plan figured out for themselves.

fan accounts going awol when some members were exploring their artistic individuality and only now resurfacing because a group reunion is closer - it makes you think. was there ever even an artistic connection? or was it more about what has been sold to the audience over musical talents - an entertaining family dynamic/bond fans can project onto. fitted roles where a member is only likeable if they’re playing it just right.

2024 changed my feelings for good on where i think i belong, and there’s probably little that could happen for me to want to be part of bts’ fandom again.

firstly, there’s only so far you can go being a fan of tae and having to witness on a daily basis the level of disrespect he faces from both company and fandom no one else has. when you see quite literally the worst of the worst, day after day, but it’s only a limited amount of fans who voice concern and make actual space for the exclusive severity of it all to be acknowledged and discussed and questioned…you either stay and pretend it’s not happening/it’s not “the actual worst” because it’s impossible to satisfy every fan, orrrrr—

i mean, everything until up to now has been with the intent of a) making us fall for the brainwashing so we stop advocating for him as an individual, or b) exhaust us into quitting being his fan so his label can turn around and say to him hey look—why did you think you could make it when no one likes you?

and i obviously believe other members are a victim in their own way too. because you would have to be living under a rock to not see that hybe does not respect its idols as workers, as money makers, and as humans. neither does it protect most of them, the actual opposite for specifically taegikook and so a fan of the group or not, anyone would naturally want better for hybes idols across the board because they deserve better than staff badmouthing them in official reports and on online platforms.

of course there are other reasons i’ve had enough, such as contractual fan service being pushed so much whilst at the same time fandom reactions being intensely watched and made note of to the extent labels are out here monitoring fanfiction and assigning tropes to members and not caring what type of delusion and hate that cultivates??! to the group motto of “us is always before me” being celebrated, to fandom not actually caring about idols’ rights, to fandom falling for a dirty pr firm’s media manipulation/fabrication so easily, to hybe basically being in all fandom spaces with their dumb ass bots to sway opinion, to i mean the list goes on.

i don’t think i’d call myself bitter, or a hater, or a “solo.”once they return i’ll feel relief for all of them that that chapter of their life is over and they came out safe and sound (🙏), but i confess i have little excitement for a group album because group songs mean one thing for fans of tae and group arrangements always do the opposite of wanting him to shine and group entertainment is hard to enjoy when you know there’s a script running more often than not at his expense.

a tour? well i know there’s sincerity in how important performing is, and it’ll probably mean a lot after 18 months of being forced away from that, so it will be nice to see them doing what they find enjoyable yes. do i look forward to the exerting schedules for the sake of making up for hybes financial losses? do i look forward to the billionaire continuing to rip them off while he carries on riding their success as his own?

i know there are contracts. i know idols’ rights are a topic of concern and few are willing to talk about it and make a change. i know their industry can get really manipulative really fast as soon as they step out of line and that can lead to a really dark reality. i know there’s always a bad guy in the story. i know the group is still important and loved by tae (and jk), i know he wants to think the best of the group’s fandom because he is still a group member, i know i’ll support him wherever he goes but like

it’s just hard to forget the least three years and stay unaffected.

[faulty-writes]

Hii! I apologize if you keep getting notifications from me at such an hour but I cant get enough of your posts! I love the way you write Tenya!

So if I may trouble you just a bit longer…

Since it’s spooky season, what would your take be on vampire Tenya x f (or gn) reader? And vampire Monoma as well?

[ Oh I like trouble, trust me. Haha. Thank you. I swear I get so many compliments regarding how I write Tenya, makes me so proud of myself. One spooky season request coming up! ]

Despite being what many assumed was a "blood-sucking" creature, Tenya had a sense of elegance and self-discipline because of his upbringing. Yes, he was what most would refer to as a "rich kid" but he was not spoiled in any capacity and often adhered to his own rules which included having manners even when thirsty for blood.

Most found Tenya to be intimidating, but you found him intriguing despite initially being unaware of his true nature. The two of you met in a bookstore late at night and you recall the way he stumbled when he rounded the corner of a bookshelf to find you and the way he bowed and said "Pardon, I was unaware there was another frequenting this shop so late at night."

The two of you began to meet frequently at the bookstore after that, and although you thought it peculiar Tenya only requested to meet you at night. You assumed it was because he was busy during the day but in all truth, he was struggling to avoid revealing his true nature to you and feared that once you found out he was a vampire you'd…well you would not want to see him again.

He slipped one night, after pushing himself too far. Yes, self-control was essential. But one could only contain themselves for so long and vampires were particularly dangerous when deprived of blood. "I…I apologize I…I did not wish for you to see me as such a…monster," while initially a shock, you tried to be accepting and understanding of what he was.

Being the person you were, his vampiric world fascinated you, and he didn't hesitate to teach you about the history of his lineage or his nightly rituals which typically included performing a series of prayers, chants, and such before he drank whatever blood he had managed to obtain.

Unfortunately, Tenya also informed you of the dangerous side of his world. Mostly the rogue vampires who strayed from the societal rules of their world and killed or injured humans during their bloodlust. "I promise, I will not allow harm to come to you. Ensuring your safety is quite a priority." Yes…he would go to whatever lengths he needed to ensure you remained by his side.

To double ensure your safety, Tenya presented you with gifts frequently. Usually, these consisted of protective charms, blessed holy water, and amulets that were believed to ward off bad supernatural threats. Of course, he would never tell you the hoops he had to go through to get such gifts.

Sometimes it was hard to keep up with Tenya's schedule considering he was more active at night. But he assured you that he enjoyed your company and often insisted that you could rest when you appeared extremely tired. Waking up in his bed or falling asleep against his shoulder became a frequent occurrence for you.

His parents were hesitant to accept you and your growing relationship with their son. On the other hand, his brother, Tensei welcomed you with open arms. "It's awesome that my little bro finally found someone! And just to let you know, it doesn't matter if you're human, another vampire, or even a witch. I believe that people who look past such things are the coolest!" It was safe to assume that Tenya got his beliefs from Tensei.

"I believe with enough effort, we may eliminate the prejudice that separates our societies to coexist together in harmony," one of Tenya's deepest wishes was to break the barriers between his and your kind. Although he had not intended to feel affection for you, he did. Yet, he looked at it as the first step to uniting your kind as he dreamed.

Neito, unfortunately, was out of blood and sought to get it fresh from an unsuspecting human. That human happened to be you and he was only attracted to you because of the intoxicating scent of your blood. However, he quickly found that you were not a frail human and stood your ground far more than he expected.

While some would be embarrassed, Neito remained his ignorant self after realizing you were quite the troublesome individual. "How dare you reject me! I am Neito Monoma, and I demand you provide me with your blood!" As far as you were concerned, underneath his vampiric nature was nothing more than a spoiled child and you were prepared to discipline him as needed.

He continued to stalk you, despite finding alternative blood donors because as much as he hated to admit it, he found you intriguing. For a human that is, and used his sharp wit accompanied by playful banter whenever you caught him in his stalking efforts. "Surely you didn't think I'd leave you alone, oh no my dear, quite the opposite. I do not stop until I get what I want and what I want is your blood," and your affection, but he kept that to himself.

Your opinion of him didn't change until you were attacked by another one of his kind. Your guard was down initially because you had mistaken them for Neito, and despite your skills, you were losing the fight until he showed up and saved you. He'd be damned if he let another taste your blood before he got the chance to.

You detested the idea of letting him finally drink from you but considering his courageous actions. You allowed him the opportunity and found that he was surprisingly gentle when feeding from you. "Surely you didn't compare me to such monsters as that rouge one who attempted to take what is mine, how insulting. I pride myself in presentation and manners," he stated, acting just a touch too offended.

Despite not letting many people in, the two of you continued to spend time together, and Neito began to reveal his past. How he came from a high-class family, their rather…unbelievable expectations of him, and how he wishes to break free and prove his own worth to the world. Of course, that was a challenge given the current state of discrimination toward his kind, but he was still determined to do whatever he could to make his dream come true.

He finds himself feeling peaceful when in your presence and this was new to him and something that gave him a sense of belonging. It was almost as if being in your presence kept his demons at bay and he partially wondered if you wore any protection symbols or amulets on your person.

On occasion, Neito would still struggle with the affection he felt for you and his nature. Vampires were strong, drank blood, and didn't hesitate to do what they wanted to obtain said blood. But even though he knew you would allow him to drink from you. He found that he didn't want to cause you any harm and thus the conflict continued but he kept this a secret from you.

Eventually, Neito agreed to allow you to meet his family. Although it was immediately apparent, they detested you merely because you were human and spoke ill of Neito for befriending and furthermore feeling the way he did toward you. "Humans are meant to be our food source, nothing more," they said which caused Neito to argue with them before ultimately dragging you out the door.

Despite your unusual relationship, Neito viewed it as fulfilling his commitment to protect and cherish you for as long as you lived, and from what he understood, that was for a short time. He planned to propose to turn you but decided to wait to bring that up. For now, he'd enjoy your company.

[scarararo]

itadori yuji | you outshine everything, even the sun at its zenith

jjk fluff , wc : 920

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itadori yuji never really believed in the fact that fate was set in place. it could always be changed, and that if he worked hard enough, he would change something; anything. which was why he worked so hard at jujutsu high, working tirelessly to learn and grow his knowledge to save others. he who smiled like the world hadn't crushed him yet, he who smiled like his life wasn't a whirlwind ; as if one moment he was a typical high schooler, and the next he was fighting curses.

after all, he wanted to die an honourable death.

which was why he had always believed that his life was too short for something as fragile and delicate as love.

this belief tried to root it's way into itadoris heart, and it did; but that was until you came.

you, who changed how he thought, and how he wanted to grow.

it all begun when u joined shortly after he did, with both of you shadowing maki and yuta in their missions. he admired your courage, the way you flinched when you saw a curse, yet stood your ground and held your weapon high to fight.

more significantly, the more he got to know you, the harder he fell.

you stood by his side, through mission and mission, time and time again. despite the fact that it seemed like the world was trying to break him apart, you were like the glue that held him together- you made him feel like he could still hang on.

it was the little things that you did, which awed him every time.

little things like how you would save the last piece of food for him during dinnertime even though you pretended like you didn’t - and that you were just “full”. little things like how you would always put a blanket on him when he would fall asleep in the dining room. little things that seemed so insignificant, yet they spoke volumes. little banters, late talks at night, studying together, and looking out for each other - he felt complete when he was with you.

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“yuji, you have to be more careful, you can’t keep going so far out during battle - it’s almost as if you want to get eaten by a curse or something..” you huffed, dabbing antiseptic on his fresh wound after a battle you both had that evening.

“sure, you’re one to talk,” he retorted smugly. “if you hadn’t been so persistent on standing beside me instead of behind me, i would have demolished them in the blink of an eye!” he joked, chuckling to himself.

yuji worried about you. always wanting to protect you from the formidable world of curses that he knew all too well, wanting you to stand behind him so he would be at ease. he couldn’t physically bear to see you get hurt.

you rolled your eyes in response. “i’m not the one who throws myself into battles all day, every day. but i know someone who does…” you snap, voice dripping with sarcasm.

“i can handle it if i get hurt, but you…” he muttered, avoiding your gaze. you saw hesitation in his eyes before he spoke again, gripping his knee before his voiced dropped to something raw and vulnerable. “i don’t want to see you get hurt, i can’t bear to see it..” he trailed off.

silence hung in the air for a few seconds. it stretched between the two of you, unspoken and unbroken. the tension wasn’t thick, nor awkward. it was comforting, it was one that was filled with mutual care, warmth, and love.

you placed the bandages down slowly, looking at him with eyes full of love, placing your hands onto his. he lifted his head, finally meeting your gaze.

“i feel the same way, yuji. whenever i see you return with a new cut or scrape- or something even worse than that, something in me aches.” you begun, rubbing your thumb against his.

“but we can’t protect each other from everything. all we can do is fight for our lives, and live for each other. i want to see our future yuji…” you replied softly, tender voice comforting him like a warm hug.

you squeezed his hands, interlocking fingers with him. “if we live to see each other, thats more than enough for me” you smiled, gently easing the tension in the room.

yuji was never good with these types of flowery, romantic scenarios that seemed so strange and foreign to him. he knew that he shouldn’t promise someone a future, even if he wanted to - because forever was never a guaranteed for him.

however, under the dim light of the medical room, his heart echoed one thing and one thing only, and this, he was sure of.

“i love you, y/n.” he whispered.

your lips parted slightly, surprised that those words came out of his mouth, but then you smiled as you let out a chuckle.

“yuji, you outshine everything, even the sun at it’s zenith”, you said, voice like a gentle sigh.

no one had ever said something like that to him before, no one had ever looked at him the way you did, saw him above fighting, above the curse he had been burdened with, above his inescapable fate.

maybe fate had taken too much from him, but amidst the gentle luminesce from the soft lights, he thought to himself, maybe, just maybe, just this once, it had given him something too.

[monsterfuckerconfessions]

I have one fantasy that I will always fall back on if I have a hard time… enjoying myself. Picture this.

You live in a village tucked far away in the mountains. Your home is surrounded by a dense forest filled with dangerous and ravenous beasts, phantoms used to fill children’s nightmares and offer caution to rebellion. There are very few defenses in place against this threat, but one manages to be the most efficient. Whenever someone comes of age, they must leave an offering for the woodland monsters in order to secure their safety for another year. And it must be valuable.

So you wait, watching as time moves up until your 21st year when you are considered an adult. And you are terrified. You barely manage to make ends meet with work produced by your hands and the generosity of other townsfolk. But you can’t rely on them for this. It has to be your offering. But what can you give when you have nothing?

With no more time to spare, you come to a disheartening conclusion. The most valuable thing you have to offer is yourself. So you take the gamble. After all, the worst outcome is death and without protection, it would happen anyway. You spend the day making yourself presentable, dressing in something to highlight your tasty features and dowsing yourself in some sweet fragrances. Of course you don’t know what forest dwelling beings like, but you do your best.

Finally, the hour is upon you. Not wanting people to look into you too closely, you bundle up and bunch up a blanket to act as your “gift” and make your way out of down and into the darkness of the woods.

You jump at every chirp and crackle that echoes around you. You know your imagination is rather active, but you could swear there are a host of eyes tracking you as you follow the dirt path towards where the “alter” lies. You see the trees part in an unusual circular clearing with the massive stump of an ancient tree at the center. You can feel your legs shaking beneath you as you approach. Unfurling the blanket, you lay it down across the smooth wood as your (potential) last bed. With another breath, you unclasp the cloak and let it fall to the ground before crawling onto the platform and settle on your back.

You don’t know how long you lie there, staring at then canopy of leaves framing the starlit sky. It’s anxiety inducing to imagine what will happen to you and how stupid this whole plan is. But it’s better than locking yourself away in fear and shame. Might as well look at your death head on. Despite the nerves in your veins, you manage to close your eyes and drift to sleep.

Somewhere in your slumbering consciousness, your imagination steers your dreams. You see tall shadows emerging from the tree line to approach you. They examine you curiously, sniffing and prodding you with long taloned fingers. Slowly their curiosity gives way to boldness while they nuzzle against your skin. Tongues and hands covered in fur and rough scales caress every inch of you, marveling at your body.

You jolt as you feel something wet and firm press between your legs. The shock pulls you out of your sleep and you look around to see multiple creatures surrounding the stump. Muzzled mouths lick your fingers and an unidentified face nuzzles against your sex, devouring you with hungry fervor. You gasp, leaning back into strong arms that cradle you through the pleasure.

The night continues and one after another, new hands and appendages exploring you in ways no man ever can. They are at least merciful, allowing you to breathe in between intense orgasms for a few minutes before the next round begins.

When the sun finally rises, your body has been wrung dry and you are left a trembling mess atop the stump. A few of the friendly beings remain behind, assisting in your recovery before slinking back into the woods.

More than happy and satisfied yourself, you tidy yourself up and walk back to the village, waving to the eyes watching you. You know what your gift will be next year.

.