#I had some friends who did this job
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Another banger tweet from the the Washington Department of Natural Resources
#Washington state#Department of Natural Resources#government#firefighters#wildland firefighters#I had some friends who did this job#and had a great time#it is seasonal not full time b/c wildfires mostly happen in the summer
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i needed to express a sentiment in the creative stylings of @dunmeshiminimumwage
#eliot posts#dunme#delicious in dungeon#dungeon meshi#sorry to put toshiro in the roll of shitty job interviewer lmao#but he was the best fit for ''guy that wants me to read their mind''#laios being my internal monologue here#i was on my THIRD interview of the day i was Dying#tho since the prev two interviews i had were for similar positions and told me their salaries outright at least i could use that number#(though tbh my work persona is more of a kabru. my customer service voice is unparalleled)#(at my first job even my coworkers thought i was sooo cheerful til i got too comfy and casually made a joke abt wanting to asphyxiate on a#plastic shopping bag like a sea turtle. in front of my sweet elderly coworker. oops!)#(also this job was during quarantine and after weeks of working together i took my mask off in front of one coworker for the first time#and she called like half the department over from their registers to look at how pretty i was??? prettyboy powers unmatched ig)#(also my first interview today went SO well i charmed that interviewer so good despite my lack of qualifications)#(she even complimented my social skills and said i seemed like the type who could get along well and make good conversation with anyone!)#(which is important bc i was interviewing for an elder care position. also old people especially tend to think i am a Delightful Young Lad)#(unless i accidentally make a morbid joke around them ig lmaooo. or. well. some of them like those too. but not that one coworker lol)#(if only that skill transferred over to actually making friends irl. my autistic ass has so few close irl connections)#(i hope my exceedingly short list of character references does not prevent me from getting hired)#AND ALSO my first job asked the same wage question and i said twelve dollars#and they were like all our new employees start at 7.75#the union insists that we pay all new employees a whopping 50 cents above min wage. (we'd pay less if we could)#like dawg why did you ask that then??? if my answer did not matter at all???
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posting that sketch yesterday made me remember just how much i love my taashath so i did another doodle <3
#dai#dragon age#dragon age inquisition#da inquisitor#the inquisitor#adaar#inquisitor#inquisitor adaar#taashath adaar#some fun facts about her that im hiding in the tags!!#taashath was born under the qun and used to be a tamassran! the left the qun when she discovered one of her#children- her last child in fact- had magic. she didnt want him to be taken as a saarebas and so she tried to leave with him#her kid was killed in the process of leaving :(. she snapped and. surprise. she has magic too. shes just done a really good job of hiding it#she manages to escape with the help of one of the soldiers assigned to protecting her (meraad who another inquisitor in a different run)#but doesnt exactly remember How. all she remembers is waking up on the shore of wycome without meraad#eventually she was found by the valo-kas and taken in by them. they helped teach her how to properly control her magic and they took care of#her as she slowly got back on her feet.#and then she became the inquisitor.#she allied with the mages. conscripted the wardens. and made celene gaspard and briala shake hands. she also sacrificed loghain in the fade.#she doesnt have a canonical romance BUT. she had a few flings with some of the others and spent years pining after vivienne.#she ends up close friends with dorian bull cole and sera! she... does not end up friends with blackwall. but she does spare him#she Was close with solas at the start of inquisiton but she struggled to connect with him. his interactions with some of the other#companions didnt help. but she does care about him!! its just. difficult. it was difficult with sera and dorian at first too. and bull#she is completely Unsure what to think of varric but they are friends. and taashi absolutely adores josephine. leliana scares her just a bit#and she struggles to intetact with cullen but she does care for him. cassandra ends up as her divine (from a game glitch i made canon) even#though she did everything she could to get vivienne on the throne.#shes also trans!!! very big bonding point between her bull and krem is that she is aqun-athlok. everytime dorian or varric mentions mae she#goes :0 as well. uhhh yeah! i love her sm. if anyone has any questions pls pls 🥺🙏 send em
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i do wish i was better at communicating with people online and through technology. i wander into conversations and make new ones all the time irl with random people and its fun but im like hyping myself to type out a single response to a Post. and to say nothing of how difficult it is to get me to say something in a discord server
#or even video or audio calls are becoming hard for me rn. i used to be better at this#i used to be sooo good at talking to people online. maybe. or maybe not actually#now that i think about it ive always been a little outside of everything in both irl and online communities ive been in#you know i was part of the mods for a deviantart species a long time ago. i was pretty bad at my job i was always too slow to actually mod#and one day i came home from school and like the entire modbase imploded because of drama on a discord or smth they had that i wasnt in LOL#tbh i was a bit older than all of them and busy with final year of highschool stuff so i wasnt super present. i think they just had me on#because while i wasnt particularly popular as an artist i did have some eyecatching polish on my art. but it was wild i was like#whats going on. who are you people. where am i. i have to apply to ouac rn i dont know whats happening#wait random ass deviantart drama i was vaguely adjacent to but still dont really know what happened aside. i would like to chat more#i think the easiest way to converse with me is commenting on my posts like theyre forum threads. or dming me. sometimes#im so bad with group chats. especially if they have multiple channels. the only group chat ive stuck with is a tiny one with like#two other friends and we just write thoughts and about our day and pictures of animals and whatever#i get confused and scared in discords. i get so confused and scared#i used to be okay with discord calls but even with that ive been struggling. am i scared of the computer#am i scared of the computer. the machine. whats happening
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the complete eri guidebook (2023) full version under the cut ♡ pdf ver. happy birthday @xiaojuun !! <3
credits. with the help of: meg (@hozierbyrne) // brina (@aquablues) // aléks (@possession1981) // vianey (@souladies) // lili (@ninqz) // aweks (@awek-s) // miha (@jaebeomtual) // rachel (@gnanii) // mare (@dongkwan) // ro (@sunghanbin) // rosie (@kimjiwoong) // lulu (@fushigojos) // sofi (@yukuz) graphics: gift boxes // broccoli // orange fruit watercolor // lip print textures // notion-style scribbles // healthcare vector icons // human anatomy icons // film cutouts pack // 3d travel icons // drinks vector icon set // coffee outline illustration pack // baby vector icon pack
#*mine#oorieri#genuinely thank you SO MUCH for participating @ everyone who did . and if i didn't contact u ... im so sorry i probably didnt fully realize#that u were friends with eri um . sowwie#thank you for finding the time to think about this and . for those who did . for sending in your answers i lob u this is only possible beca#because so many people agreed to help...#a note to meg!! specifically!! because you did so much (from being my first interviewee and my lab rat to responding to the few questions i#had . to suggesting people to include and offering your help with contacting some people (although it did not work out in the end as i said#i really appreciated the thought!!)#note for meg (2): i ended up not being able to use indesign at all... it was too big for my poor little tablet skjsk i got rlly excited abt#n downloaded it strategically for the free trial to expire today or tomorrow but. had to uninstall right away... sighs)#special thanks to lili for being so sweet . i think we became a bit closer through the messages we exchanged in between this project <3#special thanks to rachel and mare who i know are both really good friends with eri but who aren't exactly familiar with me... i was really#nervous messaging you both so thank you for being so sweet and for participating despite life not exactly helping!!#note for rachel: im sorry i ended up casually calling you rachie in my head the past month or so .. forgive me#special thanks to lulu for being willing to participate#a big thank you to everyone for opening up#and thank you to gabi and sarah who did try their best to find the means to participate#big thank you to gimp for crashing so many times while i was making this & to myself for overriding one of the most important files acciden#accidentally. good job#and finally. the BIGGEST thank you to OUR BELOVED ERI who. clearly. is just the biggest sweetest sunshine & the bestest friend to all of us#thank you for everything always ... i hope you're sleeping well by now#and of course: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! i truly wish you all the best today. and this month. and the next year and the next one and the next one an#i love you. <3 i really do#and so does everyone! clearly!!
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i've been diving a lot deeper into adhd symptoms and comorbidities and misdiagnoses and whenever i tell my boyfriend something i learned that sounds like me he responds with something like
#idk he knows me more than anyone bc i can't hide the parts i'm ashamed of from him#last night he was like. yeah EYE think you have adhd but i'm just some guy#idk i'm excited about this not because i want to be Quirky for internet reasons. yknow. but bc i've felt like an impostor of a human being#and i have no sense of self and i can't get myself to do basic tasks and the thought of doing something i don't want to do#genuinely makes me want to throw up/my brain shuts down/i can't think or talk or function to the point where i can't work.#so i can't support myself. so i feel terrible about myself. and i've been in and out of therapy for 20 years and have numerous diagnoses#that have never really felt like they fully encapsulate what's going on. and like. i've kinda just internalized that i'm not as good at#being a person as everyone else because i struggle so so much. like yeah i did well in school but i had to sacrifice literally everything#else to do that. idk how everyone else is managing to have a job and hobbies and friends#i get to pick like. one now. i used to be able to juggle everything to some degree although i felt like i was being careless in all areas#except school. i'm so scared of making mistakes or starting anything or talking to new people or trying new hobbies#because i know it won't interest me more than a couple weeks MAX and i'll feel listless and restless again#and i've come to understand this as part of who i am at my core. i'm just someone who can't commit and isn't reliable or a good friend#i just want so badly for that not to be the case because i want so badly to not be stuck like this#idk im going home to talk to my dad this weekend and just rest because i'm really really not doing well#which is why i'm scrambling to try to figure out what's going on with me because idk how much longer i feasibly can do this#and i might be moving back to the pnw bc therapists in pa don't work with medicaid#and no psychiatrists near me are taking new patients. and i can't work to get on private insurance. but therapists in or do work w medicaid#so idk. again if youre diagnosed w adhd and this sounds not like someone who is consuming social media brain rot content about adhd#but rather someone whose experiences you identify with. please let me know. please please#i am reaching out to professionals also but things move slowly and i'm trying to compile evidence so i don't sound like i'm making it up
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After seeing people comment how creepy Wiggly's voice is in Black Friday, I gotta ask, am I weird for genuinely getting really happy whenever I hear it?
Like, if I were a dog, my tail would be wagging and my ears would prick up whenever he talks.
#jon did such a great job#I had a hard time telling it was him#and I would have never known if I hadn’t watched npmd#anyway I really like it and I really like wiggly for some reason#maybe I just like green characters who call me friend#starkid black friday#black friday#starkid#wiggog y'wrath#wiggly
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Today was a good day :)
#Today three strangers were kind to me in three different occasions. It was such a nice coincidence :)#I've been working on Akutagawa's birthday the entire week and today Akutagawa posts were all over my dash. I'm so happy!#I managed to do all the edits I had set up to and I'm glad :)#I dressed rigorously black and white and wore the black striped pants I bought because they reminded me of Beast Akutagawa's outfit#I did my nails black and red!!#My mother called me to congratulate on Akutagawa's birthday#I even baked a cake with a friend and they were so sweet /////#I'm so grateful they managed to make time for it even though they've been so busy and tired because of their job#More than everything I'm grateful they weren't weird about it#They found it a little silly but they never made fun of me. They helped me pick the cake.#And today they even told me that they looked up a video of the character to understand me better#Which TERRIFIES me because no way anyone could get a good impression of Akutagawa from a single video#But if we ignore that it was an unbelievably nice gesture :')#It's just such a foreign feeling because outside of my blog I NEVER talk about my hyperfixations irl.#Because when I used to when I was younger I was only met with scorn or mockery so ever since I started university I simply learnt not to?#And it's just so genuinely weird to talk with someone irl who wouldn't judge me for it–#and not really in the good way because part of me is still convinced that they *are* judging me for it.#Doesn't matter everything suggests the contrary. And I keep overthinking if I overshared about Akutagawa or if I said something dumb#But I'm trying it not to get to me. Today they've been nothing but nice through and through#Whatnot. The last months were very tough for some reason I'm just happy good things can still happen :)#I want to start the queue again now that I'm generally more free and done with Aktgw's birthday and everything.#I also have new exams the first days of April and the program is pretty heavy and wide. On top of following courses. I'll see what I can d#I'd like to start regularly posting again because I'm afraid if I don't I'll just sulk further in misery. We'll see.#Ah I need to catch up with the dash since I've basically not been on Tumblr for three days...#That's it just rambling. I hope everyone's days are nice too!!!#random rambles
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#im about to FREAK OUT bcs of my boss#like yes i'm so thankful and happy to be employed. really.#but my boss is so#it feels like he's never doing anything.... he's only in the office max 2 days per week and idk#hes just very strange#but the worst thing is that he just takes his own work and dumps it on me#which is fine in some ways! like i sometimes just sit around with no work to do#so then it's good to have something to do#but today... not only did i already have a shit ton of work to do but#he tells me to book a hotel for a conference they're having ?? and that's not even near what's in my work description??????#(i basically just do numbers rn. i sit with spreadsheets and move numbers around and stuff like that)#and the worst part is that he told me i cant email them... i must call........#and i get that this sounds super silly to those who don't have a fear of speaking on the phone but#it makes me freak the f out#i cant even talk on the phone with my parents. or my brother. or a friend. like genuinely just no i cant#it brings out so so much anxiety in me#i get dizzy just thinking about it#and again this is really really not even similar to anything in my job description ???? i wouldn't have signed up if i knew i had to do thi#and when i have things that i need to do but i physically cant then my brain just goes into pause mode and i don't do anything at all#instead of doing one of the many things i *could* do (like write an email anyway)#there's just no way im gonna be able to call but idk what my boss is gonna think if i mail.... because he specifically said that i must cal#rrGGG im just so frustrated!!!!!#and i needed to get this out.... soz for the rant#i just think i would cry (genuinely) if i were to make that call#alSO BECAUSE THE INSTRUCTION IS SO UNCLEAR LIKE ALWAYS WITH THIS GUY#I DONT EVEN UNDERSTAND WHAT IM SUPPOSED TO DO#gonna go drink a lot of water so i dont cry now 👍 sorry bye
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I'm back talking about Harry Potter and Snape's worst memory because while I hate the author y'all bug me.
Snape worst memory isn't James bulling him or string him up in front of the school, (that was bad I'm not saying it wasn't) it was Lily ending her friendship with him because he called her a Mudblood. With evidence.
To prove my point we have to go read the Deathly Hallows when Snape gave Harry his memories! We get to see the scene again but this time the thing that sticks out the most is Snape calling Lily a Mudblood. Now if that's not enough proof the next memory goes like this.
*Outside Gryffindor Tower*
Snape: I'm sorry
Lily: I'm not interested
S: I'm sorry!
L: save your breath... I only came out here because Mary told me you were threatening to sleep here.
S: I was. I would have done. I never ment to call you a Mudblood it just-
L: Slipped out? It's too late. I've made excuses for you for years. None of my friends can understand why I even talk to you. You and your precious little Death Eater friends- you see, you don't even deny it! You don't even deny that's what you're all aiming to be! You can't wait to join You-Know-Who, can you? I can't pretend anymore. You've chosen your way, I've chosen mine.
S: No-listen, I didn't mean-
L:-to call me a Mudblood? But you call everyone of my birth Mudblood, Severus. Why should I be any different?
*Lily leaves. Memory ends*
The next memory is Snape becoming a turn coat for Dumbledore so he could keep Lily safe because Voldemort wouldn't spare her.
Snape has had worse experiences then a teenage James Potter being a bully (even if it was shitty). so we look at the rest of the memory and lo and behold what do we see? The actual worst moment of Snape life, the moment he lost Lily forever.
#I just saw someone say they hated Lily because he's was too hard on Severus all he did was call her a Mudblood.#Yeah just called her a slur...And found it funny when dark magic was used on someone. And joined a hate group that would kill her.#And would've let her child and husband die if it ment she lived. bffr 🙄 lets put this in real world terms!#you're a minority (pick one) and you go to a school but their are some people who hate you for existing. but its ok you've got your bff!#now years go by and bff is still your bff but theyve changed. they're hanging out with those aforementioned people who hate you for existin#and yeah you dont like it but they're your bff since for ever so you make excuses. but then bff starts calling people like you slurs...#now bff hasn't called you slurs so maybe its just peer pressure you let it slide its your bff. now you find out that not only are there#people who hate you for existing there is his hate group and they want you and people like you dead. obviously you dont like his. now bffs#friends they want to join this hate group... and bff doesn't deny it. ok thats not great. bffs friends who wanna join the hate group have#now moved passed just calling people like you slurs. they've went and beat the shit out of a person like you that you considered a friend.#and bff.... they say that it was just a joke. but are again not denying wanting to join the hate group that wants you dead. you love bff so#you just keep your mouth shut. now the day comes! bff has now called you a slur. and you cant make excuses anymore. they're just like their#friends and you cut your losses because again bff and their friends want to join a hate group that wants to kill you!!!#its not poor litte Severus its poor Lily. she thought she had a friend and HE betrayed HER! but but but why didnt she stop him from joining#she was a child! she was in a new world with no idea! she was in a whole nother house! and its not her fucking job to fix him! he joined th#hate group HE KNEW HATED HER! if he truly loved her he wouldn't have joined. but but but its not that- ADROMADA TONKS could be a Slytherin#and not be a Death Eater and her family was pure blood. she could do it! so could Snape.#severus snape#lily potter#snapes worst memory#the marauders#harry potter#the deathly hallows#lily evans#put some more respected on her name.#fuck jkr#james potter#slytherin#how can you be a snape stan and not like lily that 80% of his personality.#snape
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most of the time i feel like im just an average person like i know im really lucky to be living my dreams working a job i love in the city i always wanted to live in like i know im a very lucky and privileged person bc most ppl don’t get any of that but most of the time i also forget it’s not just that like most ppl in my hometown never get out and don’t even go to college and like even in my family im still the only one to ever attend university and move to the city which is just crazy like it’s so crazy to me to think im not really average specially not where i come from which is idk so weird
#like we ran into this neighbour yesterday and he literally said he talked to his son abt how i went to college and now im living in the#city as some success story and as if that was something so extraordinary and it’s like. omg#like it was all just natural to me study a lot get into a good college get a job in the music industry move to the city#like i never gave it much thought i just did what i had to so to me it was never like this Huge thing any of it#and my mom was also telling me abt how her friends always bring me up in conversation to talk abt how ‘great’ i am while their children#just aren’t like 😭#like idk i just don’t really think of myself#so when me and my life are brought it’s like . wow ok#like in uni moving and going to college was the norm and in the city i meet so many ppl who moved to pursue their dreams everyday so#its also become the norm to me#so when im remembered it’s not the norm at all where i come from is crazy
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I cared. I still do. I still think of you and I still cry over you. You were importat to me. You still are.
#I was interested. I wanted to get to know you.#I did not want validation. I only said it because you said it... I don't know why. I was susceptible.#I was blindly accepting certain things that you said about me. Judgement that you had for me.#I was under severe stress from my job at the time; while at the same time dealing with unresolved emotional trauma and very low self worth.#vent#I was burnt out. Crushed... Completely.#I didn't want attention. I did not want you to cure my depression. I though I was just letting you know me. I wasn't aware I was oversharin#I tried... SO HARD to get over the things that triggered me and hurt me but I just couldn't...#I wanted to. I did everything in my might; I took it to therapy; I looked everywhere within me; to either get over it#or completely forget about you and stop caring at all; so things were ok and normal again; but it didn't go away...#I just feel so... unsafe... at the idea of talking again#I know I wasn't the best listener and I profoundly regret that.#I was not only thinking about myself like you said and I was aware of the effort that other's put; but I was afraid/resistant to PRECISELY#that cause of past events with other people. Because in some I was the one putting that effort and ended badly for me. Looking back#that was inappropiate of you because you felt too comfortable generalizing my past relationships and why in your head they failed.#“I cant help but feel you are looking down on people who” Stay away from me if you ever make a stretch like this again.#By “experiment” I meant that you don't know how a relatioship with somebody is gonna turn out until you go and try. That's all I meant.#I didn't want things to turn out this way. I'm sorry they did.#The effort I put for you may have been shit to you. But to me it was a lot. And I'm done taking judgement.#Altho I love my friends I still keep distance. I still can't completely help that. I can go months not talking to my BF.#You were my BF during my teenage years. I remembered you fondly. I still do.#I don't feel ready to talk again having to keep to myself interest that I might have. Related to trauma. I do not feel comfortable with tha#No I do not look at your blogs.#The day I said I was abused I had a panic attack right after that. That's mainly why I had to cut contact: I didn't want another one.#I didn't tell you because I didn't trust you to not say “talk to the void” again. I didn't trust you to want to hear about it. I didnt feel#safe with you anymore. Event tho we ressumed contact I felt that way the entire time.#I wanted to answer all the questions you had; I really did; until I couldn't stand it anymore.#And the day I removed you from discord... I know you probably had an awful day that day... I'm so; so sorry...#I'd like to one day be completely unbothered by assumptions and stuff cuz I know it's not your fault... You went through stuff too...#stuff
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#these past two weeks have been so intense that ive just.. not spoken about it once i got home from work#blocked it all out#my beloved colleague whose desk is next to mine has cancer#breast and uterus. she needs two major surgeries#they just diagnosed her two weeks ago#so we've been trying to deal with that as colleagues and friends#because we love and miss her and i am so deeply sad as well#but i feel like i couldn't process that at all bc two days after the news of her diagnosis i was asked to take on half of her work#on top of my fulltime#which i agreed to do bc i like her tasks and i want to help her and i also know i can do it#but it does feel very off bc i know i don't earn enough money for this workload to be long term and it is def like this#for the coming four months at least#so i did tell my manager that i would like a raise and. that bitch told me to BUY MORE SECOND HAND SHIT.#i seriously thought i saw my life flash before my eyes#then the day after she asked one of my colleagues who's been with the firm for over 30 years whether she was looking for another job maybe?#which caused that colleague to instantly go home in tears and be home from basically a nervous breakdown the past 1.5 week#which is her full right and i support her with all my heart but bc my management sucks it meant that we had to also carry her tasks ofc#i felt soooo spread thin and super super angry actually but i didn't even realise how angry i was until last thursday my colleague w cancer#came by the office. and talked about all of it. and i suddenly realised how sad i was but then also how angry#but i was just blocking it all out trying to stay afloat#bc we told her about what the manager had said and she said “i hope that i get the chance to really tell her how it is someday.”#“because the stress she causes with people can actually kill you. just look at me.”#and the rest of the day i felt so ready to be done with everything actually#but seeing her anger made me see my own anger#and released me of my own pent up emotions bc i had actual leg pains this week and it was purely psychosomatic#i then managed to tell some friends yesterday about what was going on and their outrage spurred me on even more#so today i emailed hr. demanding a raise#doing this amount of work while constantly feeling like the house is on fire while also struggling financially seriously makes me suicidal#and i am not joking#so.. if nothing comes of that im leaving that job and not looking back
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i am too mentally exhausted to even deal with this shit anymore with my mom and grandma and low key wish i'd go comatose for a few years to be left alone tbh
#had a clean up service come by to see the damage and give a quote on the estimate and my grandma wasnt having it#she got upset and started crying to them about she has only 1 daughter and is trying to help her and they're trying to tell her that keepin#all that junk isn't gonna be helping anyone especially my mom but she wasn't getting it and i said i'm not helping clean the junk that's#all around the house cuz i'm tired of it all and having to manage my emotions since i am for sure emtotionally stunted from my childhood#and have to deal with a schitzophrenic mom and an absent sister who's balls deep in denial while i'm struggling to find a job here#and my grandma always stressing me ot saying she's gonna kick me out isn't fucking helping here at all like she thinks it does#so when they left she spent all day sobbing on the phone how i'm a terrible granddaughter who wants to throw out good stuff#when i'm not gonna keep helping sell shit for my mom cuz my sister can do it as her family contribution since she did nothing since dad die#and the thing is i gave them all options on clearing shit out cuz i know this family by now and shit doesn't get tossed but it migrates#cuz i said months ago i can ask some friends if they could come down and help sort and declutter#grandma said no to that and said she'll kick me out if i do it and she didn't want to pay for my mom's shit to get moved into a storage uni#she leaves the clean up to my mom and i think the backyard got worse but she didn't call anyone to throw out the junk like she threatened t#so i call a fucking hoarders clean up service cuz that's what my family is on my mom's side at this point and the city will be called too#and she has this reaction cries all day and calls everyone to say i'm horrible and yells at me saying i'm the one killing her with stress#when she's already been doing that for months to herself when i'm just tired and possibly mildly depressed or something idk#i barely leave my room and don't go outside except to walk my dog but idk cuz my family's attittude was we don't go to doctors cuz#cuz they're for crazy people but of course it's gotta switch up for my mom and no one else and i'm just sick of it all#grandma doesn't accept free help and she won't accept help that i pay for myself with my money set aside for school so i'm done#unlike her when i say i'll do something i stick to it so i'm not doing shit anymore unless i can call a friend to help with this mess#it's gonna sound like such a horrible thing but i can't wait for my family to die so i can live in a clean home again and get help#like deep serious help cleaning and big time grief councelling cuz i barely had time to process my dad's death and being the one to find hi#and that was just this february like god i am going to need so much fucking therapy in my future it's almost rediculous#and probably say screw my mom's side and visit my dad's side a lot more since they seem to be the normal ones in this shit family tree#at least they're not stupid and leave junk everywhere where one neighbour getting sick of not being able to sit outside and enjoy their yar#without mountains of junk staring them right in the face and landing a notice from the city to clean up especially since#we have chainlink fences and at least 7 neighbours can see the backyard and everyone can see the front porch when passing by#i'm just tired of living in these suffocating households and even wanna file a report myself to kick them into gear#its horrible living like this and no one should live surrounded by junk and things they never use or even garbage
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me age seven being sat down in front of the school’s district child psych lady and being given strange, simple spatial puzzles to solve and then long, complicated worksheets and hammering my way through them at the speed of light while having zero comprehension what their purpose was or why i was here: this is urgent! i have to get a good grade in Weird Puzzles, Or Else, something that is both normal to want and possible to achieve,
#kjalkjsdalkjasdl mrs button was a nice lady but not one adult in my childhood ever seemed to notice what to me now seems like#a pretty obvious case of the autisms#then again maybe they just didn't look as hard unless it was *really* obvious back then . it was like. what. 2000? a couple years later#everybody was talking about autism but not when i was six or seven then it was usually just when it was Very Visible#a couple years later my cousin who's more visibly on the spectrum than me got her diagnosis so young that she's pretty much always had it#which is...well i think it's just made her life difficult in a different way. people underestimate her or don't treat her like she's her age#but then she's always had the opportunity to get accommodations and people are sometimes more forgiving when she can't do something#whereas i got labeled 'kid that should be ahead of the game' from a pretty young age and then when i struggled adults either ignored it#or it was just a huge hassle to them and even i could see it exasperated them to have to work around me#but because mrs button (nice lady but what were you thinking) hadn't told them to treat me like a kid with a developmental disorder#they didn't do that in good OR bad ways . so i never got any accommodations with school stuff i struggled with which was a fair bit#i wasn't supposed to need extra testing time in a quiet room or tutoring with math or help organizing my abysmally scattered things#the only time i DID get that was in sixth grade when i was sort-of friends with this kid jonathan who was Very On The Spectrum#he wasn't really a talker unless it was about whatever he was reading which suited me fine so we just kind of existed in each other's space#and his TSS was this very smart and nice lady who had clearly clocked that Something Was Going On With Me and even though it wasn't like#her JOB she made a little bit of time for me. mostly with emotional stuff (i think i was under the impression she was a therapist?)#but if i had some problem with being unable to keep friends or being frozen out by the kids i wanted to be liked by (happened often)#she'd be able to just like. be there she'd make the time . wish i could remember her name
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pro: ran into a coworker at a bar last night who I don’t really talk to usually (he works upstairs, I work downstairs) and we talked and im pretty sure we were highkey flirting and he bought me a drink and the bar merch shirt i was interested in and thanks to the power of alcohol i guess i asked for his number and he gladly gave it to me and. yeah
con: i have the second worst hangover i have ever had and have been fighting for my fucking life just to eat saltines
#it’s getting better but only now that it’s like. 6pm#as weird as it sounds part of why this sucks is that I volunteered to come into work today cause there’s a concert going on nearby which#usually means we’re at least somewhat busy -> make better tips#and I couldn’t go in because well. you know#I’ve been sick and dying in bed all day unable to move or eat or anything#let alone take the bus and go to work#but. as much as I wish I didn’t go this overboard I don’t totally regret last night cause.#yeah. potential thing going on with cute coworker guy. OH and potential job opportunity at my favorite bar in town#apparently said coworker Also has a job at the bar in addition to where we both work and the bar is hiring barbacks at entry-level#so I have someone to vouch for me and the bartender we were talking to seemed to really want me to apply too#one thing that’s kinda funny to me about all this is that the first two places (a bar then a club) we were at felt really mid because they#were packed with way too many straight people (at a gay bar and a gay club)#but the bar we ended up at (where we ALWAYS end up at. it is the oasis. it is the only thing I can rely on) felt. like. not overwhelmingly#straight? at all? I mean part of it’s just luck in a way with just who happened to be there and all that but it’s also that the staff seem#pretty significantly populated with queer ppl#I complained to the bartender about how the club we were at (one of the biggest gay clubs in the city- if not The biggest) just felt kinda#meh because yeah maybe there were some guys dancing in jockstraps and whatever but the crowd itself like. did not feel largely queer#or at least didn’t have the spirit I’d hope for in a queer space if that makes sense. felt very conventional. not enough wild outfits and#makeup and gender fuckery and so on#and the bartender was like dude I KNOW right? I went off outside there once about the invasion of cishets when this space isn’t FOR them#and so on and so forth. and god that was So real.#so the experience at my beloved bar last night was like. 1) guy comes up behind me just to order a drink but i was saving a seat for my#friend who was in the bathroom and mentioned that in case he was looking to take the seat. chatted a little. ended with him pointing out#that a guy nearby was trying to holla at me.#2) I look over and yes. the dj is. in fact. looking directly at me and mouthing the lyrics to whatever song was playing pointed my way.#it was pretty sweet honestly I think it was partly cause I looked like I was shy and alone#3) whatever gay shit was going on with my coworker and i. amusingly he seems to get more flamboyant when he drinks just like i do.#im not 100% sure what his sexuality is but i Am 100% sure it is Not straight. but yeah. if it hadn’t been so close to closing time ive been#hardcore wondering where that would’ve gone. maybe its for the best that i had to go when i did cause i was pretty drunk and who knows when#I could’ve hit the amount of drunk it takes to like outright say hey just so you know i’d suck your dick right now if you wanted
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