#like in uni moving and going to college was the norm and in the city i meet so many ppl who moved to pursue their dreams everyday so

[songtwo]

most of the time i feel like im just an average person like i know im really lucky to be living my dreams working a job i love in the city i always wanted to live in like i know im a very lucky and privileged person bc most ppl don’t get any of that but most of the time i also forget it’s not just that like most ppl in my hometown never get out and don’t even go to college and like even in my family im still the only one to ever attend university and move to the city which is just crazy like it’s so crazy to me to think im not really average specially not where i come from which is idk so weird

[sxfik]

You moved to US from India, you said. Where are the living conditions better?? Pls be honest I'm an Indian kid trying to decide if I want to leave or not, and I want opinion from someone who has stayed here for a considerable amount of time before leaving.

Thanks :))

(Btw I love my country and all that I'm just thinking of my own future rn )

hey :) yeah, i moved to US from india, but i moved when i was younger! i lived in india for 9/10 years and i’ve lived here for closer to 11/12 years now, and i’ve lived in multiple places here (i've lived on the west coast, the south, the north, and the midwest, which, believe it or not, are incredibly different places). i'm going to be pretty blunt with all of this because i think this is a time where the realities of living here can't be sugarcoated.

there’s a lot you need to take into consideration when moving here. if you’re moving when older, the US will definitely be a culture shock and a rapid change for you, depending on how old you are and where exactly you are moving. typically, it will be harder for you if you move when your older than younger, because it'll be harder to find a community and make connections. also take into consideration what you’re moving here for, because depending on that your paths might be different.

you need to check where exactly in the US you are moving to or you're planning on moving to. people are not kidding when they say that each part of the US (hell each state) is almost like it's own country, with different norms and slang, customs and even language. when i moved, we moved to a bigger city, and while it can be more expensive, it can help with finding your footing more because you have a lot of resources at your fingertips, and generally these places are more diverse, so you can find familiar things like indian grocery stores and restaurants, as well as an indian community. i would HIGHLY recommend finding something like this because it's honestly hard to survive and gain footing here without it.

are you a college student? if so, that process will be pretty expensive and even more expensive if you want to do medical or law career paths. especially if you’re med, the path here is extremely long and difficult. you also should take into consideration if the uni you’ll go to here has a good amount of international students, because typically, unis with less international student population tends to not be as friendly nor accommodating to them. also beware that there’s a lot of universities that will approach you that can be scams so please do your research when applying. the college application process is also very different here, as is most application processes (most places care very little for your grades. they care more about stuff like extracurriculars and interviews and writing skills and networking). but a major pro of this is that you can make connections and have a reliable social circle here easier than when you’re older, you have connections to professors who you can work with and college campuses hold tons of job opportunities as well. another major pro is that those connections you make in college can really make life easier because you have a support system and people to rely on.

if you’re coming here with a job, once again things are both good and bad. the bad things could be that the US might not consider your degree valid and you might have to re-study your degree here. for example i know people who’ve had to go back to school to re-earn their degree, and people who's bachelor's degrees aren't valid and needed to study in a "accredited" university. i can't speak to everything about how the work conditions are, but i do know that workplace racism is a prevalent thing and something that you will face.

racism/sexism etc. is a very real thing here, and depending on where you move to and how diverse it is, you'll experience it in varying levels. some places are head on with racism but other places just have it hidden in the way things are structured. but having a community and people to turn to here will make life a lot easier.

while living conditions are better, and things are more accessible, and even opportunities are more accessible, you need to be careful here. medical aid is very expensive (incredibly expensive) and especially if you get sick the first few years of living here and don't have insurance it's very painful. insurance too is a very tricky thing and incredibly important to have, and man shit is expensive. please do your research before joining a university here, or taking a job here, or literally when you're getting insurance or anything medical related. everything here is research based, and you have to do that research because it's very easy to get scammed here.

this is all just my (and my family's) experiences. this reads like a whole list of negatives, but these are just realities you need to consider when moving here. don't get me wrong, i do love it here, and this place is a part of my identity, but there are just as many cons to living here as there is to living in india in my opinion, but also just as many pros! i hope this helps, feel free to ask me any clarifying questions or anything more specific!

[romantic-suggestions]

thank you, i dont wanna pressure you into giving advice so if you dont want to please dont. also im kinda paranoid so if this sends off on anon please dont post it!! but it feels like nobody actively looks for me unless they need something from me, i dont have any friends in my life right now, i dropped all of them because they didnt listen to my feelings/they were just kinda bad to me, a while ago i dropped an ex who manipulated me and it hurts so much thinking about it, why doesnt he feel sorry? and if he does, why cant he hurt? why did i get used for character development its not fucking fair every friendship i have they get something out of me, they get the boost they need to start their next project and be successful its not fucking fair why do i have to self loath and theyre able to move on? why does it seem like everttime i find someone i love we get distant?? i know i cant stop that but it hurts, alot. if distance doesnt kill us i always get replaced, when am i going to find someone who loves me for me, not what i can offer them?? it feels like people only love me because they can use me for something i hate it why is it when i set boundaries im a bitch, why is it when i tell people something is uncomfortable i have to give an essay on why they should respect me. i feel so stuck like i keep comparing myself to others, why did i have to be so stupid in the past? i used to say slurs that werent mine 2 years ago to impress the friends that didnt care about me and i cant move on from it, why did i have to be so stupid? i cant handle people criticizing me, it feels like they hate me and theyre jealous, or am i jealous of them for being able to point out something?? i dont know

I'm sorry for not responding sooner, but in truth, this ask has been on my mind all day, and I've been wanting to approach this with some good words. You remind me a lot of my younger self, and I want you to know that you're lovely, and I'm sorry you've been surrounded by such horrid people!

I'll start off by saying that everyone (and I mean *everyone*) has done horribly embarrassing things to impress someone. Please don't beat yourself up over the slurs, because the best thing to do is to recognise you've said some horrible things, and if you've hurt anyone with those slurs, apologising to them is really good <3 . You know they're wrong, your message says as much, and I want you to know that wallowing in that isn't going to help you grow. Righting the wrongs and surrounding yourself with positive influences is best, because you've grown from who you were two years ago! And that's definitely for the best :)

When you said that people only seem to notice you if they want something from you, it made my heart pang. I'm so sorry you've been surrounded by these sorts of people, and I want you to know that there are people out there who will want to get to know you for who you are. They exist, and I understand your apprehension around people given how you've been treated, but I promise that they'll be safe to open up to. Sometimes it takes a change of scenery (school -> university, moving to a new town), sometimes a setting of boundaries, but when you find them, they'll be your friend through thick and thin. Heck, most of my closest friends I made when I moved cities for uni! They will come out, and they will find you <3 or perhaps you'll be in a safe place to put yourself out there!

Good for you on dropping those friends!!!! That sounds weird, but rest assured, it is far better to have no friends than friends who drain you, use you, and aren't really there for you. I'm sorry that you feel as if you're no more than a plot device in someone else's story... I wish I had a better way of wording that, but I do know that it will not be that way forever! Having a strong sense of identity and getting involved in things does help detract from that transience, but it's the people you're around just as much as yourself! I do hope you can find some lovely people soon <3

With your ex, I can tell you from experience that people who manipulate and use don't tend to feel things like being sorry, except for being sorry that you got away from them. They're not the norm. My dad's the same way... he's done some utterly atrocious things to his children, and yet feels a sense of entitlement to us, as opposed to apologetic. It genuinely does suck a lot when you see someone move on without so much as a tear, but it's not you; it's their lack of empathy. You're doing so well anon!!! and please don't let him, and all those stupid ex-friends, get you down!

Someone will love you for you. I don't know how old you are, but for some people it happens quickly, others it takes a while. The teenage years are filled with so much volatility in the way people love and forget, the twenties are a messy time of personal development, and I do know of some people who've had to wait until they're out of college before they even begin to meet people who see past the exterior and to their heart. That sounds so depressing (I'm sorry!!), but be assured I have yet to meet someone who hasn't found someone who understands them truly, past all the distractions, through everything. You will find them! Work on yourself, and the people will come <3 (my DMs/ask box are still open too, if you're ever like "wtf help who am i what is a self?")

I don't know if this is good advice, but it's advice that I've learned over the years and I wish I could dispense to my younger self (of course I probably wouldn't've listened, oops), and I hope it does you some good <3 please feel free to come back to my ask box if you need anything! You've got this anon <3

[londonscallingrpg]

MILES CARPENTER , 37 YEARS OLD, CHISWICK, LAWYER AT BANK & CO - FC:SEBASTIAN STAN

“ Don’t live in regrets. ”

BIOGRAPHY:

tw: abandonment

Miles grew up with his family in Brighton, he loved it when he was younger, always going to the beach and to the pier on the weekends with friends, what kid wouldn’t be happy? Well things were very different for him; he was from a family of people who didn’t take a care for him his whole life. He was the eldest of two and for two years, his parents were all over him and it was something he loved and then his little sister was born, and all focus was off him. He grew up being shouted out, being bossed about but shown no love but watched his sister get all the love that he had wished for. Miles knew his whole life wasn’t going ot get better, he was neglected by his own family that he went through a rebellious stage during his teenage years and it took meeting his best friend Kylie to calm him down. He met Kylie when he was 16 years old, just as he was heading to college and they became inseparable and he got really close to her and her family that they became like family to him, the family he needed in his life.

When Miles went to college, he was clueless as to what he wanted to do he just went because it was the norm and he would use it as more of a social life. He was good in school, well grades wise but he didn’t care to learn at the time. He found that his life at college got better, he basically moved out of his parents house and lived with Kylie and her family for the two years he was at college and he took on learning Law and became a harder worker then he thought he ever would be. Living with his best friend and her family worked out to be the best thing for him and they took care of him and it was just calmer and he was happier then he had ever been in his whole life.  Despite not being close to his parents, his little sister Millie and him were somewhat close, she would never understand why he didn’t like living at home and didn’t get on with their parents but Miles was also very protective over her and would always care for her no matter what and they had their times when they would get on, they had weekly coffee trips and even if Miles was to say he didn’t care or he didn’t look forward to it, he would lie.

By the time he had finished college, he made the decision to go to the University of Birmingham to study Law and whilst Kylie went to a different university, he hated leaving her behind even if it was for the best. Getting out of Brighton was a good thing for him and moving to a complete different city was something he needed and loved. Uni was an experience he needed and loved, he made friends that he knew he was never going to forget and he made so many experiences that he was grateful for. In his second year, he met Louisa, a girl who completely changed his life, it was his first girlfriend and he was very much in love with her through out the rest of university, which led to them renting a flat together for a couple of years after they had graduated and he was sure that she was the one for such a long time until one day she confessed to cheating on him and he was heartbroken, he tried to pretend to not be a softie but he was. He ended up moving out of the flat and decided to head back to Brighton and was welcomed back by Kylie and her family for a short time before he decided that he was going to travel for a bit before he went for an actual job. So he went travelling for a year and a half and then came back at 23 and started applying for jobs in Law firms so he could move out of Kylies family home. Eventually he got a job in Lodnon at Bark and Co and he has yet to leave and he absolutely loves

[euphoric-hours]

To You, 2 Years From Now

Ok but I did forget about this blog for a minute, that’s all I can say in my defense. It’s amusing seeing how anxious I was back then. I’m sure it’s in good reason but pre-college me wasn’t anticipating what happened my first two years of university.

I do have to say that I’m in a way better mental state than those beginning years of uni. Thank the universe, I wasn’t sure if I was going to make it out alive lol. 

Starting all the way from my 2019 freshman orientation, that time was so new to me and my world. It was a lil scary but all new experiences are intimidating; shortly after orientation, I attend this program and met new people. Some became really close friends, some everyday peers and a lot of norm strangers. I first met this girl named T (we’ll call her that), she’s so pretty, friendly and hilarious, I was lowkey enthralled with her being like that. I was pretty prepared to encounter mean snobs and rude stuck-ups, but it wasn’t that bad. Like yeah, there was a few but as long as you didn’t pay attention to them, it didn’t matter. It’s their problem. 

Following, I met more but later that week, I met another girl, H, who I didn’t think would become one of my closest friends to this day. I do have to admit that she seemed the average big-headed know-it-all but in reality, she was so goofy to an extent. She has this contagious humor that never seems to dim which I found fascinating; I learned from there I needed to stop being so judgmental. my critical thoughts were all insecurity-based hahaha 

Everyday from there, we were inseparable and along the way, I met other friends. One from high school, which was surprising being that we ran in different crowds but I’m glad I got to know him. Another being from H’s high school as well but he became complicated as time went on. 

But that’s a story for another time so back to the original topic; around September of that first term, I flew out to San Franciscooo to visit my fav person, R, and we managed to attend a Keshi concert! It was so thrilling and I’m so glad we got to see one of his shows on his tour at the time. Tons of fun with walking around in the city, to eating multiple cuisine restaurants to attending a Monet show at the city museum. It’s the best memory by far; but quickly came to an end. By then, I was easily depressed due to not wanting to leave R and the city. 

I guess you can say that’s when the sadness started sprouting. 

In result of me obliviously ignoring my growing depression, I spent the next 3 to 4 months drowning myself with temporary solutions. Beverages that contained any sort of alcohol, light & harsh drugs, mindless hookups with both audiences, purposely getting hurt to feel solace and countless times of impulse spending. At the time, I didn’t know why I was sad. I would try to pin it to multiple failed relationship attempts or an argument I had with my parents. I yearned for an answer. An answer that didn’t result in me being my own downfall. 

It was bad. I would consider that part of my life as an addict to sadness. It felt so painfully good to be sad all the time. I was mindlessly addicted to the self harm to where I attempted thrice. Thankfully none succeed in all honestly. I wouldn’t be writing this post but probably haunting the forest next to my university. (it was a smoke spot for multiple freshman and it’s where I spent half of my nights)

Around March of 2020 is when I had to move out of the dorms and venture back home. It’s hilarious because at the time, I loathed going back home. It’s probably bc it felt like my freedom was slipping through my fingers and into my parent’s back pocket. Being that, I was grumpy as hell most of the beginning. As the weeks went on, it became bearable esp with my nephew, A, being around. He was who kept me from offing myself that entire summer; it was a fun time to be around him. It’s actually the first time I realized I truly wanted kids, but for sure not at the moment due to being severely suicidal still. 

Near the end of the summer, I scored a job in my college town and it was nice. (uni is like 30-45 minutes away, not that bad) With a job in my routine, I felt ready to head back to college and kill the sadness within me. It didn’t work out that way unfortunately. I cried 6 days out of the week, followed this boy who didn’t give a fuck about me 24/7 shamelessly and worked myself like a full-timer as a part-timer. Shit hit the fan. Basically a remake of what happened back in 2019 but as a part 2. It felt like I wasn’t going to escape this loop, until I tested positive for Covid-19. Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse.

I didn’t even mention how I’ve been failing nearly all of my classes SINCE freshman year. So, that’s pretty self-explanatory based on how the prior paragraphs are looking.

My roommate, who ironically had a nurse for a mom, got it first by going over to her tinder dates place to hang out. it’s hilarious bc I was so supportive only for me to nearly die from the virus. At first, I was in denial but as days went on, my body started feeling shittier to where I could feel myself dying from the inside out. It was the scariest shit I’ve ever experienced. I’m sure being shot or stabbed is fine but knowing you are sick and slowly dying, it’s terrifying. I was having hourly migraines, stomach indigestion, breathing problems, nightly blood & vomit throw ups and severe insomnia. It was hell. To add, I lost around 31 pounds within a week and a half span, so yeah, I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. 

I was in that state for nearly a month but after returning home to be put in isolation, I got better around the 2nd week of November 2020. During that time I was sick, I lost my job by ‘job abandonment’ which is ridiculous but it’s whatever. It was mentally unhealthy anyway so it wasn’t much of a loss. From there, I just stayed home with my familia and kept to myself. I think being put at death’s door, it made me realize that I love my family v much to where I want to live for them. Not for me (still), but I wanted to get better mentally and function like a normal being. 

To mention real quick, I did get temporarily suspended from my university because of my insanely low gpa. I did expect it but it didn’t hit till I actually saw the email from the dean saying how I can’t come back until I get my grades back in good standing. I felt like dying all over again ngl. But after assessing the situation and having a longggggg conversation with my mom, I created a plan to get back to uni, get my scholarship back and continue for my bachelors. As much as I wanted to crawl into my depressed rabbit hole, I couldn’t keep living like that. So I pushed it all out of my head and forced myself to think only of how hard I’m going to work to get back what I had. 

In January of 2021, I felt much better so why not apply for a physical labor job so I got a nightshift job at a local grocery store. I kept that job for about 4 months and oh my gossshhhhh, it was the loneliness 4 months of my life. I did meet one of my closest friends there though, I’ll give the job that but besides that, it was exhaustingly draining. I can say that it did drain most of my depression away due to me being focused on not missing work, trying to finish tasks, worrying about who’s going to call off, etc. It helped me gain a sense of familiarity with structure. OH. Forgot to mention. Around March or so, my mother surprised me with a car of my choice! I ended up choosing a 2018 White Mazda 6 and it’s the best vehicle I could ever ask for.

Ended up quitting in May, best decision ever. Then quickly followed was my aunt’s wedding (in June) that turned out to be pretty fun. I invited one of my college friends, A, as my date and we had a blast. My family loved him so they consider him a family friend now which is nice. From there to now, nothing else really happened besides me attaining another part-time job. I actually like this one and plan on keeping this one for at least 2 years. The workplace is steady, coworkers are v friendly, pay is great and dress code is cute, so looking forward to see how this job treats me. 

So in all, it was indeed a wild ride. But if I didn’t go through all of that, I wouldn’t be where I am now. Mentally healthier, still struggling to get my grade point average up but I’ll get there, so I’m not stressing that much :) 

I will try to update again later on in a few months, but I hold no promises because I lack discipline <3

[lostlastsforever756]

Hey, sorry to bother you but I can’t help but feel bad you have to deal with such a rotten woman as a mother. Not to mention the fact that in America, it’s the norm to expect your kid to move out as soon as they’re 18 and to automatically have a well paying job upon graduation from uni. Like wtf that’s so unfair. I’m from the U.K. so it baffles me the pressure you all are under. It doesn’t help but know that the rest of the world doesn’t see it as fair. We with you girl

You aren't bothering me ❤️

Thank you so much for saying this. I know I go on and on and on about her all the time, but it's honestly so difficult to figure out where I stand because some days she doesn't say anything, but then on a day like today when she feels like she's being attacked by the universe or whatever, she decides to bring everyone else down with her misery. It's literally only 8:30 am. On a Sunday!!! And I'm just having a good time sitting in my bed and mentally preparing for the day, and she comes in and is just like "you should be looking for a job in your field".

My sister literally moved out as soon as she found a boyfriend that would take her and then ended up marrying him even though he was a piece of shit, got arrested for "assaulting" him, and then divorced him only a year later, all because she didnt want to move back in with my mom while she was coming up with a new place to live that wasn't with this guy. My mom still thinks that she isn't "working to her potential" because she isn't in a job that complies with her college degree. But when she found out my sister made $150 in tips in one night, she was like "you should move up there and work with her and get some money for a little while." All the sudden my sister's job is okay because she's getting a lot of money, and that's such a shitty way to live your life, making it revolve around money. But also, I wanted to move in with my sister a year ago, and she didn't want me to, but now that it's HER idea, it's a good idea 🙄.

When I graduated from college the first time, I remember crying for like a week straight just because I knew I was going to have to come back here. I knew I was going to be coming back to a toxic environment where a woman was going to control my life still, even though I'm an adult now and can make my own decisions. But the truth is, no one wants to hire you unless all you've done is dedicate your entire free time since high school to whatever career you are suddenly forced to choose when you leave it. So, even applying to a job so you can get experience, they won't hire you because you don't have experience. And she doesn't seem to get that.

Anyway, I'm getting off point. The main point is, I would love to not be here anymore. In fact, I know my mental health would instantly improve if I didn't live here. I would like to get a job in my field, but it's fucking scary, which means I have to do it in my own time, and her nagging me isn't "being helpful".

And honestly, American culture is literally so toxic in so many ways, and there are so many things in this world that are literally a scam but you still have to do them (like fucking health insurance. Even if you can afford to pay your own bills, or you never see a doctor a single time in 10 years, you still get fined on your taxes if you don't have health insurance). And there are times when my mom acts like she never wants me to leave, and then other times she vague mentions that I should move out. And then she does shit like "I never said that" or acts brand new the next day when you do something she told you to do and she wonders why you're doing it.

I'm sorry this was literally just word vomit :/ but, thank you for reaching out, I really do appreciate it ❤️ I'm just trying to stick it out until I can come up with a plan that is easily doable to get myself out of this. The only thing I can think of, so far, is living on campus at my grad school, but it's not exactly the safest city 🤷

[meadowlarkjourneys]

change of location(s)

I got a backpack for Christmas. A really beautiful, 65-liter, dark blue backpack. Now it’s standing on my bedroom floor, impatiently waiting for me to hoist it on my shoulders and embark on my next adventure.

I say adventure, but really it’s just become life. Moving, travelling, up-rooting till the roots split. So I decided to keep on going, make the best of it now I’m on the course of becoming a permanent nomad anyway.

On the 31st of January I boarded a bus from Copenhagen; on the 1st of February I set foot in Oslo, where I lived for three months. Symbolic, isn’t it?

Now, before you start asking a whole lot of ‘why’s’, let me just tell you: I don’t know. I really don’t. It just kind of happened. A friend of a friend looking for a renter on the omnipresent facebook, and then... I took it. Simple as that. Impulsive, illogical, incredible. The irresistability of doing the same exact things in a completely different place.

And now, in the September of change when teenagers across the globe move into bunkbedded college rooms, I, too, will make my way to the Scottish stone-city of Edinburgh for a 4-year relationship with kilts and folk-tunes.

I’ve spent a lot of time recently thinking about the living abroad addiction. What with spontaneously moving to Oslo and now going to university abroad, I’m beginning to think I really can’t help it. But I’m also wondering why I deep down feel some guilt for it, a need to constantly explain myself.

I talked it over with a couple of friends who’ve lived abroad as well, and we became aware of the idea of settling down all around us. Society tells us from day one that we need to create a stable family life, have a home, a sense belonging - in the physical sense. This idea is everywhere: the movie with the two people finally ending up together in that big, white house, living happily ever after; the book with the young person that finally found a group where they belonged. We are supposed to move towards some end or goal. I’m not living up to this; I’m not finding one place to stay forever. But I’m also beginning to believe less and less in this idea of a final destination. It seems unsustainable. Humans change too much, places change too much. I doubt I’ll become a living statue the day I turn fifty or finish my college degree.

However, as ties to my friends begin to look more like an earth-sized spiderweb than a city bus plan, I wonder about the impact my travelling has on the people I love. Moving to India and the US, I didn’t feel this - I was having an adventure, not missing the friend or daughter who left. But now, missing my friends who travel or just live incredibly far away, I see the other side of the story. The impact it has on friendships and family-ties when people leave that trusty 30-minute bike-ride radius in your life.

Realizing this, I wondered whether that meant that I should stop moving for my friends and family. Whether that would be the most respectful and loving thing I could do for the people I care about. Afterall, is a socially constructed roadmap for life really so bad? If it means that I can be near my loved ones and they me?

Although the prospect of never having to rely on shaky internet and bad skype connections to maintain my friendships was pretty great, there are two problems I can’t ignore. For one, it’s too late; I’m in waist-high with my friends already scattered across the globe like a handfull of fruitloops on the kitchen floor. (A slight imbalance in favor of the US, I admit - thanks, Davies.) This being my starting point, where would I settle down? A home equi-distant to all my friends would land me somewhere in the Atlantic, which, frankly, would do noone any good. My other, less geographical, issue is the unreasonability with which social norms dictate our choices. Why should I have to give up on something I truly love - experiencing new cultures - because it is the norm to stay in place, while other people get to enjoy what they love since it happened to be socially acceptable? I realize sporadically leaving people for years at a time is more taxing than having to move a dinner due to a sports turnament, but I do think the basic argument applies. I had to go through years of dancing ballet as a ‘girl child should,’ and (apart from not wishing to force ballet on my worst enemy) I’m not going to buy into anymore expected rituals, be they geographical, social or otherwise imposed upon me unwillingly.

I’m not done thinking about, muling over, being frustrated about or understanding this. I don’t think I will be as long as I have the friends and family that I love and think about everyday. But for now, I’ve decided a part of being my friend or family is understanding that I’m not necessarily within that bike-friendly radius. I accept that there are certain things they would not change about themselves to comply to ideals, and hope they accept that I will not change this. At least not right now.

Maybe I’ll change my mind in two years or in twenty. But as a friend of mine said ‘I’m very much into living the age I am - however much I’ll think back to this moment and laugh later.’ And so, I will live my life as me, age 20, ready to take on uni and whatever life brings when those digits change. But know that I do this with knowlegde of the sacrifice my friends and family make and inexplicable gratitude for them always being there regardless of internet accesibility.

[larryspecificrecs]

2016: Jul. ~ Dec.

✔ January ~ June : Top 30 AU || Top 10 CANON || every month

Top 30 longest AU fics

1. Shake Me Down by @agreatperhaps12 [?, 208.5k]

Harry’s new to college, fresh out of Catholic school and conversion therapy camp, and Louis runs the campus LGBTQIA organization. ~ 2016.08

2. A Love Like War by @downgoesanotherhero [E, 173.8k]

the one in which Louis Tomlinson is a cliched rock star: he’s got everything except for love. But then he meets Harry Styles; the man that, against all odds, saves him in every way a person can be saved, even when Louis didn’t know he needed saving in the first place.  ~ 2016.12

3. Only You Can Be My Alpha by @wubwubnparmaham​ [M, 153.1k]

The one where Louis is banished from his tribe, and lands himself in Harry’s instead. The alluring Pack Alpha makes Louis question his nature and he doesn’t know how he feels about that. But you can’t fight destiny.  ~ 2016.09

4. Even The Stars Fall For You by Larry_Darling0124 [M, 152.4k]

Louis W. Tomlinson is the 23 year old son of a multi-billionaire, Simon Cowell, and working at his father’s company. Harry Styles is an 18 year old who just graduated high school and is taking a year off before going to college. […] Louis is entranced by Harry and Harry is taken aback that the gorgeous Louis is interested in him. Harry has no idea what he’s getting himself into though. In a world of money, contracts, and jealousy… can a relationship ever really work? Or was it doomed from the start?  ~ 2016.12

5. Empty Gold by @insanitylxve [?, 148k]

AU where Louis Tomlinson attends the vigorous, demanding performing arts school: Guildhall in hopes to complete his theatre degree. He is a scholarship student, always having to work twice as hard to prove his worth which has caused him to feel resentment and anger towards his subordinate position. Harry Styles is the wealthy, naturally gifted actor who effortlessly snatches all the main roles within the class. The complete contrast to everything Louis is. Louis Tomlinson and Harry Styles have had bad blood and despised each other for the two years they attended Guildhall together, making each task a competition between each other. […]  ~ 2016.11

6. like fires in the night by @capriciouslouis [M, 138.5k]

Louis comes to university looking for a drama degree and a purpose in life. He gets significantly more than he bargained for. He’s got a secret stash of weed under the floorboards, his grades are going to shit and his mates keep getting pissed. There are secret passageways in the wardrobes and he really needs to get Niall a girlfriend. And most importantly, he can’t take his mind off the mysterious law student down the hall…  ~ 2016.09

7. Run Like the Devil by @churchrat [E, 137.8k]

Supernatural AU. Louis hunts demons; Harry’s the strangest demon he’s ever met, and he keeps fucking meeting him.  ~ 2016.09

8. You Call Out My Name (For The Love You Need) by @alltheselittlewritings [?, 135.8k]

Louis thinks he has fallen in love. He’s so sure about it. Then everything changes. He gets into a car accident with his mother and suddenly his life turns from living into being an angel. He doesn’t know what to do with his time, until his mother gives him a task. Harry is trying to make it as a singer. He spends his days on the streets, playing his guitar, and his nights at a pub. He loves his whiskey and he likes his one night stands. When a guy with blue, bright eyes sits next to him in the pub, he realizes things could be a lot different.  ~ 2016.10

9. Façade by @written-with-no-end​ [?, 133k]

An AU where Louis is the lead singer of The Rogues, Harry is the lead singer of White Eskimo and both are sick of being in the closet so kiss one night to fuck with the media.  ~ 2016.09

10. The Night Sky is Changing Overhead by @domestic-harry [E, 124k]

Harry is a tattoo artist, Louis is a drama professor, and they meet during an argument at a café. ~ 2016.11

11. All The Attention, All These Intentions by sweetlullabies [?, 120.9k]

the fake relationship au where Harry is an aspiring musician and also Louis’ biggest fan–until he actually meets him.  ~ 2016.07

12. One More Chance by @bumblebees91 [M, 117.6k]

Before Elijah could answer, the band started and the sound of an unknown melody flowed through the room, sending everybody silent as they waited. From the up-tempo beat he figured it wouldn’t be a slow song, and when the first words left Harry’s mouth, he found himself gaping. A deep husky voice hit him with a punch and settle into his core, raising goosebumps that vibrated over his skin. […]  ~ 2016.08

13. Never Be by @cherrystreet [E, 117.5k]

The one where Harry Styles moves to Connecticut from England for nine months as a part of a study abroad program, and he just so happens to move in with Louis Tomlinson and family.  ~ 2016.10

14. Luscious blood by Deidei [M, 116.8k]

Louis Tomlinson, a human, has been living in poor living conditions together with his mother since he was born. Ever since he can remember he has loathed the stronger, faster, more developed kind that rule this world; Vampires. But will his opinion change after he meets his soul mate that is an arrogant, royal vampire named Harry Styles…  ~ 2016.12

15. we’re not friends, we could be anything by @wakeupwakeupwell & @yoursongonmyheart [E, 115.5k]

the one where Harry and Louis are unlikely uni flatmates who definitely don’t like each other and definitely won’t fall in love (even if Liam and Niall think otherwise).  ~ 2016.08

16. Boy Falls From the Sky by @fookinloosah [?, 110.3k]

Superheroes. America is full of them — complete with masks, nauseating pseudonyms, and neon spandex suits. There’s none of that nonsense in Britain, thank you very much…until Harry Styles’ X Factor audition takes an unexpected turn, and Britain’s first hero is born. Also featuring Louis as a man of many masks, Zayn the rebel comic artist, Liam as Britain’s counter-attack to Justin Bieber, and Niall the trusty guitarist.  ~ 2016.12

17. Wasn’t Expecting That by @mummyamy10 [E, 103.2k]

the one where Harry is a single dad and gets more than he bargained for after a one night stand of sorts.  ~ 2016.10

18. Flightless Bird by DonnaHaywardsHead [E, 97.7k]

AU where Louis Tomlinson is a principal dancer with The Royal Ballet. When his rival from ballet school, moody dance prodigy Harry Styles joins the company, old wounds are reopened and old passions reignited. During the company’s production of Swan Lake the secret that doomed their love is finally revealed, but will it be too late?  ~ 2016.09

19. Been Together Since Way Back When by @alivingfire [E, 95.7k]

[…] the painfully realistic college au where everyone’s poor, lovesick, tired of school, terrified of the future, and still having the greatest times of their lives.  ~ 2016.08

20. Lockdown by caballero78 [E, 93.4k]

Making the move from the City to a small town should’ve been the best decision for Louis; urban to rural, busy to tranquil. Pursuing a Masters degree in Architectural Design, he’d secured an internship and needed to escape to somewhere smaller that will allow him to focus and build a life. However a local, elusive criminal turns all that on its head when he learns a bit more about the six foot something monster that lives on the hill.  ~ 2016.07

21. Here In The Afterglow by @fondleeds [?, 88.6k]

1970’s AU. In a tiny town in Idaho, Louis’ life is changed forever by the arrival of a curious stranger.  ~ 2016.12

22. keep them in your mason jars (i’ve come home) by @since-he-was-eighteen [E, 84.9k]

the high school au where louis believes he can hold memories inside mason jars to last a lifetime, and harry holds both louis and his unique tradition deep in his heart.  ~ 2016.07

23. It’s getting cold these days by @felinophilia & @braveryboyfriends [M, 83.9k]

Harry lives in the rugged quarters of London and works at a café. His life has been reduced to attributes: chain-smoker, runaway, depressed, infinitely lonely. His relationship is ripping at the seams, he’s short on cash and the newest regular at work won’t stop bothering him. Winter has never been colder. ~ 2016.07

24. Pinkies Never Lie by @lads-laddylads [E, 83.6k]

AU in which Louis hates his job and loves Harry, Harry just wants a distraction, everyone else wants them to get their shit together, and Louis learns the hard way that new beginnings are only possible when something ends.  ~ 2016.09

25. Cameras Flashing by @juliusschmidt [E, 81.7k]

[…] As the album’s release date approaches, will Tomlinson and Styles be able to pull off the most risky PR scheme of the millennium and beat Zayn in sales or will the heat of their feelings for each other compromise everything?  ★ HL Famous/Not Famous Fic Exchange

26. In the Clear by @thedarkestlarrie​ [M, 80.7k]

After Princess Gemma and her fiance Niall are captured by the witch from across the land, Harry and Louis are forced on a journey together to save them. Featuring Lumberjack Liam, Magical Zayn, unsolicited tattoos, and untangling the past.  ~ 2016.07

27. come away with me by @fukcinglouis [?, 80.3k]

Louis has to pick up the pieces of his and his daughter’s life after his wife dies, and Harry is a beautiful stranger that just wants to help.  ~ 2016.07

28. This Feels A Lot Like Love by @larryvisionary [E, 80k]

[…] Harry didn’t expect for his senior year to be filled with a blue-eyed boy with sharp cheekbones and an even sharper tongue. Then again, he didn’t expect to fall in love either. […]  ~ 2016.10

29. Into the wild by Deidei [M, 76.6k]

[…] Louis Tomlinson, a mischievous and adventurous Omega ends up stranded onto an unknown and mysterious island, after a shipwreck, where he’ll be forced to learn to survive as a wild wolf. Here he’ll meet an Alpha that sparks an interest in him that no Alpha ever could. Not used to the new surroundings, the new social and cultural norms and the wolves will he be able to live in the wild?  ~ 2016.07

30. We’ll Cast Some Light (You’ll Be Alright) by @fondleeds [?, 74.4k]

There’s a standard procedure for this. Scan, track, kill. But with a solar eclipse and a Greater Demon with unfinished business looming, the path to keeping England safe from harm becomes complicated and shadowed by mystery and secrets. For Harry and his team, times have never been harder, especially when a few old friends turned foes show up. Harry is left with just over forty days to overcome the hurdle of tension between them and reconcile their past, and figure out just what Louis is hiding from him before it’s too late.  ★ H/L Fantasy and Sci-fi Fanfiction Exchange

Bonus 1. Coming Up For Air by @downgoesanotherhero [E, 73.2k]

the one in which Harry is a lawyer-to-be and Louis hates lawyers. But maybe… Maybe not this one.  ~ 2016.07

Bonus 2. Tastes like Gold by @ventracere​ [T, 73.2k]

AU. A lot of musicians dream about making it big and Harry is no exception. He has all the pieces to build a rocket ship to the music industry, but he’s missing the key. The songwriter. Ft. overbearing mangers, stunts, and a grumpy Louis Tomlinson.  ~ 2016.08

[boogieblog-blog1]

Exclusive Interview With DJ & Producer Tanner

Diving into the industry under a new alias, Tanner otherwise known as Connor England, is a 23 year old DJ & producer from Daventry, who specialises in House and Disco. Currently based in South London he is completing his degree in Music Industry Management at The Royal Docks Business School. I caught up with him to get an insight into his life and what’s been keeping him busy recently in the big smoke.

Hi Connor, thanks for taking the time to chat, must be quite the challenge trying to keep on top of university work and maintaining a DJ career, how do you time manage? And what are your plans for after university?

Easy, thanks for having me! So yeah, I’m in 2nd year at Uni at the moment, and although the course is rather academic (being Music Business) the workload hasn’t been too much to handle yet alongside my job and music work! I work as a bike messenger almost full time alongside Uni in the week and that covers me for money, leaving me from around 5pm onwards each night to focus on my music/Uni work. I’m testing new tracks, mixing and building sets for possible gigs near enough every day, be it before work or Uni, or when I get back, and the same goes for when I sit down to write my own music or play around with some edits. 

Music itself is a big part of my day to day routine, and my daily life (besides work) almost completely revolves around either studying about music, or making/re-producing it in some way. Weekends are best, as I can use both free days to really get into a new project in the studio, or simply use the time to search for new music etc. In terms of what I’ll be doing when I finally graduate Uni, you’ll probably see me doing the same things, but with more time and money on my hands to do them! Also, I’m working on a few up-coming projects right now that if all go well, should keep me more than busy after graduation.

The inevitable question, what made you decide to become a DJ? 

Haha, this is a hard question actually, because there’s so many different reasons and memories I have of starting, plus I got my first set of decks 8 years ago now! But to be completely honest, the first time I ever experienced dance music in a way that influenced my future choices was at the age of 15, when I lived in my hometown of Daventry. An older friend who I looked up to a lot and who always had his ears to the ground for new music, invited me to a house party in the neighbouring city Coventry. Being a small-town boy and still in school, opportunities to leave the town and go out at my age were minimal, so I was eager to not miss out. We eventually arrived at the house quite late and settled in, not long after which I was offered my first pill by another friend. 

As you can imagine, and like most stories before mine that include a reference to ecstasy, the rest is history. The person who was DJ’ing was playing all sorts of stuff that I’d never heard before (I was in to some pretty crap music myself at the time) and it just completely blew me away. For the rest of the night I danced in genuine awe of the DJ as he played tracks by Pearson Sound, Mala, Boddika, Leofah, and Pangaea to name but a few. (Ramadanman – ‘Glut’ was one of the tunes I heard that night for example). I think the combination of those heavy rolling 135/140bpm tracks and my first pill experience gave me an insight into a world I didn’t know existed till that point. After I finally recovered the next day or so, it was obvious to me that I had the bug, and I decided I’d never look back from that experience or the scene I was introduced to. I began practicing on my brothers Technic 1210’s and bought my first set of decks soon after. Nearly 8 years later here we are! Romantic eh.

So, you’ve been uploading some of your own edits via SoundCloud recently. When did you start to produce and where do you see it taking you alongside your DJing?

Well, I’ve always wanted to make my own music alongside being a DJ, as most of us do at some point it seems. I mean, it’s a natural progression to move from playing other people’s music to making your own I guess. Up until now I’ve been rather self-critical with my productions, and thus haven’t uploaded anything till now. However, in the past 6 months I’ve spent extra time in the studio working on tracks, and decided it was about time I released some under a new alias, so I created Tanner to group together my current DJ and production work. In the long term, I plan to keep building on my individual sound as a producer to coincide with the type of music I play in my DJ sets, and to release on some labels I’ve always wanted to feature on. I like the idea of starting my own label at some point as well, to release some of my more obscure or random productions, possibly alongside other friends and colleagues, but we will see. I wouldn’t start a label for the sake of it.

So, you’ve played at and helped with nights in your hometown of Northamptonshire in the past. Would you say it’s easier to organise an event back home or here in London? And reasons why?

Well, back home the scene for house music was small, and the nightlife economy there revolves around typical small town mentality. Most ‘clubs’ catered for RnB and Pop music, and all the ‘bars’ were either so bleak or depressing that it made going out for me and my friends a no brainer. We often stayed in on weekends preferring to watch early days boiler room through some tinny laptop speakers instead! So, when there were House/Techno nights planned, everyone in the town with vested interests was involved in some way. Be it performing, promoting, flyering, helping to spread the night through word of mouth at college, you name it. The whole scene - or most of it - would try and pull together to start new nights, to offer some sort of alternative to the norm, which was great. In terms of London, I’m currently building a proposal for a bi monthly event to be held in South London (set to run from July 2017), and all in all that has been a lot of work to plan, but relatively easy to get permission for etc. I wouldn’t be able to say if it’s easier to be honest, as I think the challenges that people I know faced in Northampton are very different to the challenges promoters will face in London now, such as gentrification or property development for example. But overall I’d say that regardless of how hard it is for people to start a night, there will always be those that find a way around it. Like Acid House showed us, the skies the limit. If it became impossible to legally run events, then promoters will simply go back underground, operating via illegal events instead. 

Who are your biggest influences?

My biggest influence is my mother that goes without saying haha. But musically, ah there’s so many! Chicago House and Detroit Techno were really important for me when I first began to delve into the more underground side of dance music, so I’d say for sure artists like; Frankie Knuckles, Larry Heard, Ron Hardy and Steve Silk Hurley, plus Carl Craig, Jeff Mills, Theo Parrish and the like from Detroit. Then there’s the more recent artists such as Joy Orbison, Ben UFO, The Black Madonna, Midland etc. Also, my old boss Aidy West who owns Vinyl Underground (a 20+ year old record store in Northampton) is a don in the underground scene, and he was a big influence on my taste in music when I worked for him. 

What are your top 3 songs at the moment?

Ah that’s easy, I’ve been rinsing these recently! 

1. Guy Costly – Somebody Here

This is an absolute banger straight from 1992. It just climbs and climbs! Slamming gospel house track that works on the dancefloor every time. Available on Discogs for under a £1 too so go get a copy!

2. Cloud One – Disco Juice 

It goes without saying, but this is a timeless classic that will always be a feature in my sets. Almost entirely produced by the legend Patrick Adams for Cloud One, its got tonnes of feel good vibes right from the start. A surprisingly versatile record that works in so many ways – great to end an energetic set on!

3. Karizma – Work It Out 

This heavy hitter from Karizma is such a favourite of mine at the moment that I’ve stopped playing it in the hope it becomes a bit of a nostalgic go to record for my future self!  More gospel madness, enjoy dropping it as you inevitably will!

Any tips for aspiring DJ/producers?

Focus on doing things for the right reasons that matter to you, and try to keep in sight why and how you started your love for being a DJ or Producer. It doesn’t matter how long it takes to get to “the end result”, and realising that can be humbling. I’ve got far to go in terms of achieving the goals and aspirations that I’ve set out, but taking the time to achieve them properly and organically is what I hope will keep me involved and in love with music for years to come. Thanks :) 

Follow Tanner on Soundcloud, Facebook, Twitter and check out his website.