#I am at least. frontstuck.

[euclydya]

being. a faucet. in. a system. full of people. whom are prone. to casually oversharing online. is. a pain. in. the ass.

[dollcollective]

Send help

[fictionfolk-safehaven]

I'm trying so hard to be a good headmate, but I've been mostly frontstuck and stewing in homesickness for days. I remember a childhood we never experienced, in a place far worse than here, and I just can't seem to get over that this isn't home. I don't know if it ever will be. it's got me all muddled up, and I keep slipping back in every time I think I'm done.

I'm so tired. I just want to be like 🧁 who always kinda thought deep down that that world was suffocating, or 💣 who doesn't really give a shit where she is as long as she's having fun. or maybe better yet, like 💎 who've been here the whole time, who this is home to, even if this house or this family don't feel like it sometimes, but at least this fucking dimension for starters. why am I the only one stuck half wishing I could go back to being a street rat running from the cops after picking a pocket to make sure we can afford dinner?

it's just too peaceful here to be comfortable. this body is too weak to even relieve my urge to hit or climb something, and I'm trying to start getting it back in shape but it's an agonizingly slow process when I'm starting from literally worse than scratch, when we can only do a single pushup before hitting our limit. I'm stuck in a world that isn't mine, with a family that none of us feel safe with, in a body that makes it impossible to do the things I enjoy. I'm so tired.

I love my headmates. I love our friends. I love our wife. but this... isn't home, twice over. this house isn't home, our home is with her, and that hurts me just as much as it does all of us. but my home never existed, it's a page in a storybook, a dead end bar that never existed, run by a man who never lived, even though I watched him die and couldn't even bury his body. and I don't think I'll ever be fully healed from the rift that creates with the others.

~ 🦊💮 system's 🥊 (can we claim that?)

Yes you can claim that! It's in the post now^^

We don't all miss our source the same levels, but Techno (from the "other room" so to speak) just vaguely grumbled as I read the bit about not being comfortable in the system's body. He's in a similar boat in that sense; our body is asthmatic, and it's very easy to push it too far. Techno hates it. He's a warrior, a god of revolution and fighting the good fight even if it's bloody, and our body can't keep up with his interests.

I offer empathy anon, even if most of us just try to avoid thinking about missing our source too much so we can't relate much to the lack of a sense of home here. You're always welcome to rant here, as is everyone^^

-Archivist Phil

[sophieinwonderland]

existential crisis time!! a plural rant

so being a PDID system with very high communication barriers and very low dissociation makes it hard to tell whats going on. and being a pDID system, we have me as a perinnial host, meaning i am permanently frontstuck and have trouble with getting to headspace. but i might also be a shell??? as in i dont truly have my own personality or at least its not dominant if someone else is fronting. which would explain why my kintype fragments have their own identities and personalities that i take on.

but ugh it makes it so hard to tell whats going on with my personality! is this an actual alter? is this a kintype fragment? am i just taking on the personality of characters and shit i like to compensate for my own lack of an actual personality?

its confusing as hell

That does sound confusing.

I was also thinking while reading this, what if, being a front stuck host means you have more experience to draw from and have a more expansive personality than the others.

Like, I imagine it's normal for singlets to have a huge array of different interests and behavior patterns. So if you are always in front, maybe that's what's going on. You might just have a much wider expanse of things that make up you while others in the system could be more focused. This could then give the illusion that you have less of a personality because you can't as easily nail your personality down to one given thing.

Especially since, when other members cofront with you, you're sharing their experiences. If they enjoy something, you're enjoying it with them. If they're miserable, you're sharing their pain. Then when others cofront, it just magnifies the parts of you that you share with them because of the passive influence.

Not trying to say this is what's going on. Just that this is something that popped into my head. Could a wide and diverse personality feel like less in comparison to more focused ones because it's not as simple to label and name what you are?

Hope my ramblings aren't giving you more to worry about. I just find it interesting. Whatever you are, however much of you that you determine is you, I want to wish you the best of luck figuring it out. 💖

[nikitasys]

LIFE WITHOUT FILTER AS A TRAUMAGENIC POLYFRAG+PARTIALLY PROGRAMMED DID SYSTEM

TW : vent, rant, ramcoa, programming, su!c!de mention

(I'm in desperate need for advice, for some kind of guidance or support from other progged systems who may have gone through something similar to what we're describing in this post, or not but who may have ideas of what might be going on with us.)

I stg life has been so exhausting & I just have to unmask & say it SOMEWHERE.

We're a relatively newly discovered+diagnosed system since I realised we were one in August/September of last year (2023). Before that we had been misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder for several years.

When I first realised we were multiple, I progressively began discovering the other alters. The whole process (we're also in trauma therapy) was difficult & messy but overall as days went by I personally felt more & more satisfied to see/feel how much progress we were making, even with all the highs & lows it entailed. I got to meet & learn to know a few alters, we were able to work on some of our problematic in-sys dynamics & slowly but surely understand ourselves better, both as individuals & as a whole.

Long story short, we were PROGRESSING.

Then things got even messier as our trauma therapy caused even more lifting of the dissociative amnesia in our childhood & we progressively realised we were polyfrag & had been through RAMCOA & programming. (That happened end of February/beginning of March 2024)

The whole process was getting more & more chaotic & distressful but we (me + the rest of our group of main fronters) were pretty determined to figure things out & keep on going forward, which was extremely annoying to a bunch of programmed alters who immediately tried their best to keep us quiet/isolated & make us feel insane/terrified by trying to make us go back to our primary abuser, OR convince our psychiatrist to put us on antipsychotics & hospitalise us, OR leave the place we live in to go who-knows-where & ghost everyone we knew, OR off ourself etc... in a nutshell, it was really freaking hard.

But some of us were determined to keep trying to do what was best for us, to keep trying to get better, to gain at least some kind of free will, to LIVE.

I'm sorry, this post is way too long.

But anyway, now it's been a few months since I just don't know what's going on with us anymore. The veryyyy little visualisation I could have of our innerworld is gone, all the main fronters seem to have truly disappeared (mass dormancy?) as well as the vast majority of alters we had identified up to this day. It seemed that I was frontstuck for a long while, & now it's been a few weeks that alters just randomly pop up (whether they front or stay co-conscious) & then disappear almost immediately after as if nothing had happened & I just... I feel so lost.

It's all just so frustrating you know ? To me it truly feels like something MAJOR happened inside both to our innerworld + all the alters & I'm being deliberately locked away from the truth of what it is. I feel like I'm being punished, & tbh I probably am. I'm in a lot of denial about our programming but the whole thing definitely feels like one (or more ?) internal handler/programmer has been orchestrating some kind of system reboot or hardcore scramble or... I DON'T KNOOOW 😭 I just don't know anything anymore. It's like nothing ever happened & it's particularly distressing, you know ? It is SO weird to know deep down that massive stuff is going on inside yourself but at the same time you know nothing & it all makes me wonder if I ever knew anything in the first place ? These thoughts make me dizzy af. It just feels like since syscovery there was overall progress happening, & now there's just nothing. As if everything had been suddenly turned off & restarted or... I just don't know.

Anyway. I realise no one will read this post entirely, but if for some reason you are doing it, first of all congrats & also, THANK YOU.

Don't hesitate to contact us via DMs or comment if you have any questions or advice, we'll be more than happy to answer you to the best of our abilities. THANK YOU IN ADVANCE FOR YOUR HELP 🙏🏻

— host (I think?)

[multiplicity-positivity]

I know where very much not fake at all but it sucks specially as someone with OSDD-1B with the lakc of anesthesia that we fake claim ourselves at least once a week and cause we have really horrible communication with each other and difficulties even knowing who is fronting and such and them, of course the feeling of your trauma not being enough. It really sucks and we just want thoes feelings to go away :< Sometimes i cant even feal any of the symptoms at times and sometimes they all just hit us like a truck and me the host am front locked. Its not possible for me to even get out of front at all i can only be co conscious.

Hi! It sounds like y’all have been struggling lately, and we’re really sorry to hear that!

We know this is probably a vent, but if it’s okay, we’d like to offer a few affirmations for you. We’re putting them under a cut though since they are unsolicited!

- All these feelings you’re experiencing are natural and they’re pretty normal for most systems! They are definitely a pain to deal with, but we promise you’re not alone in feeling them. It’s okay to feel negative emotions and try to experience them fully! Your feelings alone are in no way an indication of the validity or lack thereof of your system.

- Not experiencing amnesia is not at all an indication that you’re not plural or not dealing with a dissociative disorder. As far as we understand, a lack of amnesia is even a qualifying criteria for OSDD-1B!

- Struggling with communication is also incredibly common and an unfortunate reality for many systems. Fortunately, for most systems, communication is a skill like any other and can be improved with time, patience, and lots of practice! Don’t give up - please keep trying to keep in touch with your system as often as you feel able to!

- It’s actually a common trauma response to feel like the trauma that you endured “wasn’t enough” or that “other people have had it worse.” You didn’t deserve any of the trauma or hardships you were put through - your trauma is real and your response to that trauma through your dissociative disorder is valid!

- There are lots of systems out there with frontstuck hosts. Our own system has a host who is nearly always frontstuck! There is actually a community-coined label (specutien <- pluralpedia link) that describes such systems with frontstuck hosts!

We hope this helps, even if only a little bit! We truly do wish that things get better for you soon, anon. Thanks so much for reaching out, and take care!

[thecircularsystem]

hi! i asked this to someone else but they didnt really have any advice. we are going thru a tough time and were wondering if you guys could help/nf

do you mind trying to help us? back in april something really shitty happened to us and slowly after that we lost our ability to switch and i have been frontstuck since july. i think it has to do with our loss of emotional regulation after that shitty thing that happened and i also think a lot of us went dormant after it? we need to be able to switch again but i am scared that i will go dormant too, and someone will just take my place. but we NEED to switch, i dont have even basic social skills, and i get angry very quickly, and im bad at masking autism and i have gotten us in a lot of rage filled arguments and lost us some friends because of that stuff. yall dont have to or anything, you guys just seem to know what youre doing and maybe you can help me? theres been maybe three headmates with me since july. one fronted for three days in august and has been gone, the other im not sure exists, and the third likes to watch over me and help me out sometimes but cant actually front and can only blend with me. ty for reading this.

It sounds as if you’re really in need of grounding. Taking time to just sit and be with yourself and your other headmates.

When we’ve gotten like this, we’ve forced ourselves to sit down and meditate. Breathing in and out, envisioning meditating innerworld too. Being fully present with myself and leaving the stress of the real world behind for a few moments.

Only then am I able to talk to the others. I’ve also found that, shouting to the void “I NEED YOU TO SWITCH WITH ME RIGHT NOW!!!” tends to only stress out my parts. Maybe, if you’re meditating and trying to reach the others, assure them of things they might be worried about.

“It’s okay to take your time. I know you need it.”

“We’ve survived a lot, and we’ll survive this.”

“You’re safe. You’re with me.”

“Know that I love you, and you’re welcome back anytime you want.”

“I’m stressed out right now. Thank you for being with me, even if you can’t switch. Knowing you’re there is helpful at least.”

Things like that have helped me 💙

[wayward-aeon]

two* new arrivals, and the lessons they bring

as a system, our rate of growth is generally quite steady. i would say we get a handful of new folk each year, never enough to overwhelm. oftentimes, new headmates form with specific purposes, such as to handle a specific stressor, or fulfill some manner of niche that isn't already being filled by another member.

since this past june, two* newcomers have arrived specifically to challenge what systemhood means for us.

despite not being the original, i am as prone to doubt and denial as anyone else. our overall inner activity levels are very low - i am alone in here the grand majority of the time. there is a bit of a "chicken or the egg" situation there - i doubt us because things are quiet, but what if it is quiet because i doubt? either way, i'm working on it, and i would like to think i have made a lot of progress lately. still frontstuck, but to my recollection, we've co-fronted and generally communicated more this year than we have since our post-discovery boom back in the late 2010s.

yet, in many ways, i am still subconsciously resisting this change. there is part of me that is afraid. afraid of being wrong, afraid of losing control. afraid that someday this might not be "my" life anymore, not that this life was ever mine (or at least not mine alone) to begin with. our previous primaries/hosts have all either gone dormant or integrated, and it has been stressful each time, adapting to the changes that come with confronting the world with a different face than before. i worry, deep down, that it's only a matter of time before i follow in their footsteps. i worry that i might lose everything.

i am also grappling constantly with internalized pluralphobia. i was unfortunate to be introduced to systemhood through the exclusionist side of the community, and in my confusion as a newly aware system and my desperation to have my experiences validated, i ate up every awful, hateful piece of rhetoric that they fed me. although i am now staunchly pluralpunk (at least towards others, if not yet for myself), much of what i saw and was told during those times clings to me like a parasite. despite firmly believing there is no right way to be plural, i still fall into the trap of thinking myself to be the unique exception - that i must do systemhood the "right way", or else i have been lying to myself all along.

these are the biggest hurdles in the way of our health and function as a collective, right now. and that's where our newcomers come into play.

firstly, they are both fictives. this already ruffles the feathers of my "inner sysphobe", who tries to tell me that each new fictive we form is a point against our validity. never mind the fact we have always been a fictive majority.

secondly, they are both extremely plural-coded in their respective sources (hence the asterisks when i say there are "two" of them), and for both, it is a huge part of who they are and how they interface with the world at large. for both, it is a source of pride and strength rather than something to skitter around the edges of like a nervous cat. one of them in particular sees it as a form of art, viewing the consciousness as the clay with which to mold countless priceless artifacts of selfhood. this goes against everything i have told myself for years: that we cannot be proud, that we cannot be visible, that we cannot present in a fashion that falls outside of arbitrary parametres invented by people who view us as mere symptoms of a disease.

it has been a lot for me to take in.

to an extent, i see a reflection of myself and my own median-ness in them. they are many, all sharing the same face (and often the same name), yet each is uniquely different, even if only to the most minute details. the version of them i speak to today may not be the same as who i spoke to yesterday, but that isnt a bad thing. this is probably a big part of why they showed up here in the first place. whether or not i want to accept it, i need them. they have come to me with outstretched hands, offering to teach me plural joy, and all i have to do is let them.

and that is a process in itself, but we persevere. even if it is centimetre by agonizing centimetre, or even if we move backwards at times, progress is progress.

[pdid-culture-is]

(TW for MH Professional nonsensery)

PDID Culture is being diagnosed in Europe and finally getting therapy that’s helpful, having to move to the US for reasons (and being stuck here until further notice) and the only therapist you have access to isn’t helpful because they:

1. Don’t think PDID is a “real thing” (but they agree that DID and OSDD systems are indeed a thing)

2. Don’t think I have the correct diagnosis (in the general sense that I’m not a system) because I, the host, am essentially permanently frontstuck…despite that kind of being part of the description for PDID (note: not the best wording but we’re trying to keep it short lol)

PDID Culture is also this being why we lowkey advocate for/want more PDID people to talk about their experiences and to speak up and have their own space/community. Like, I know it’s not entirely their (MH Professional’s) fault since it’s not in the DSM-5-TR (and they think the ICD-11 has the same info) and it’s a (quite) new diagnosis…but come on

Oh my God, I cannot imagine how much that sucks. It's really sad to see just like. How much influence America has over everything (and I live here! It sucks to see how the DSM is accepted as like. Almost a Bible when only like two countries use it. At least keep it up to date, ya know?

(Sorry if that sounds weird! Words are hard 😔)

[shell-culture-is]

hi! welcome to shell culture is!

this is a culture is blog. the blog name says shell, but generally this blog is for the experience of being the "main". being the host and always frontstuck, being a part of front, never leaving, your identity influencing everyone elses.. etc! so this includes people who identify as their system's lockhost, prism, blanketself, specusian, and anything similar!

you can also send in your experiences with HAVING a shell/shell-like host but not being them (ex; "member in a system with a lockhost culture is really wanting the room to be pink but youre unable to front to say so")

info about us under the cut!

this blog is run by a mediple osdd system! i am comet, and i am the lockhost and shell of our system. i found myself to be feeling pretty isolated, so i made this!

- my (comets) pronouns are he/she/it, and collectively we are they/it. we are a mediple osdd system!

- its going to be mostly me! but some other headmates might post too!

- this blog is endo safe! anti endos can share their experiences just dont be rude. but we do not want radqueers to interact.

- we are bodily a minor. adults can interact but if your blog is for nsfw content, please at least use anon and dni otherwise

- we arent interested right now in having anyone help to run this, sorry!

[banesberry-anomoly]

OK i don't know if this makes sense and low key scared of asking the greater community of Tumblr

so! Um. I'm 95% sure I'm plural and have been questioning for a good few years now (like 2016-17) and still unsure but whatever. Just is it normal for when someone co-fronts or co-cons that you feel like them? Like you feel what they should phantom-feeling look like orrr am i just a little bit goofy lol 😭

Especially when it comes to head mates who are fictives whose appearances are still based in source, since I know whenever they are in co it feels like a weird press against my brain / or this push that i'm not rlly alone and their influence is big: thus the uh phantom sort of feeling.

I don't know if its normal, or at least uncommon, or something else is going on. So any perspective thought is good.

There is a chance I could be confusing it for general alterhuman / fictionkin stuff, but this feels different in a weird way I can't really explain. I just hope I'm making sense!

-- 👑

I don't know how common the specific feeling your describing is mainly because I haven't ventured into the plural experiences tags in ahot minute, but what I can tell you is we work like that!

We often have more than one person co front and/or co con at any given time, and it feels very very similar to that. We can also see/visualize headspace fairly clearly (but thats mostly due to having lots of practice and other mental stuff helping to make it easyl, but even when Im not actively checking headspace or even just the fronting area, I do tend to feel that sort of light pressure on our brain

I am also have a massive collection of alterhuman identities since Ive had lots of time to figure that out due to being frontstuck for over a year and a half atp, and kinshifting can feel a bit similar with a sort of light brain pressure, but its like two different kinds of pressure (to me at least, everyone can be different) iykwim? Kinshifting tends to be 'softer' and formless like a blanket, while feeling others in co front/co con tends to have a bit more of a harder, more distinctive shape

If youre able to practice visualization, then Id say trying doing that to see if it helps (and a common misconceptions is that headspaces/inner worlds are limited to plurals, when theyre not! Its actually not uncommon for singlets to have a sort of innerworld, esp if they visualize things a lot in ther head). If you cant, then thats also totally ok! This may seem a bit silly, but sometimes opening a picrew can help, even if theyre appearance is close to their source, cause they may have strongg opinions on what the final picrew looks like, its also helped us with getting people to switch main front or get up to co con if needed sometimes

Hope this helps ya anon, and feel free to send more asks or dm us if youd like 8⁰]

[javascribbles]

This is the story of how I found out I was a system.

The first time there was someone "other" in my head was in mid 2022. I had no idea that DID or OSDD existed back then. I remember thinking,

"Oh my god, my parents were right, I am possessed!"

That first headmate (who had just come out of dormancy) was like gasoline on a fire. I was already in a bad place mentally, and I guess I just sort of broke. I don't remember what triggered me, but all of a sudden it was like I switched personalities and went from a very people-pleaser and kind person to typing about how I wanted the whole world to burn.

This happened on Discord. I'd been texting my friends at the time, and they all got a front row seat to what probably looked like an extreme mental breakdown. Within the span of half an hour I went from agitated and basically saying "I have no idea what's happening, I feel different" to Exe fully fronting and demanding recognition as her own person.

She also didn't know what was going on or who she was, and called herself a "virus" because that's what it felt like. It was as if I had been infected. I was somewhat co-conscious but unable to do anything, and I was panicked, watching my identity fall apart and seeing her intentionally try to sabotage my friend group by saying (probably cruel) things.

My friends took it really well, and I'm still grateful for that. They were just as confused as I was, though. Exe was consistently co-con or fronting with me for at least a full week after that. I was blindly feeling my way around, and I called her a "persona" and honestly, we did not get along well.

Sometime after this, a second headmate came to light. Her name was Julia, and her coming out of dormancy was much more peaceful. She was gentle but firm, taking over things for me when I couldn't muster up the energy.

Then there was a good chunk of time after that- six months or more- where I was clueless and confused. I did eventually begin looking things up, and while what I was experiencing kind of matched up with DID, I wasn't having any amnesia, which seemed like the deal breaker to me. A couple months went by where I was scared, thinking that I had somehow made everything up.

Exe was fronting forcibly often and her personality and preferences began to affect mine to the point where I couldn't distinguish my feelings and emotions from hers. This was when- and why, I would later realize- I decided to break up with my boyfriend. (That's another story for another time.)

One day on Discord I wound up talking to someone with DID and tentatively asked if there was a way I had "half DID" and they suggested looking up OSDD. I did, and I almost cried with relief. Everything was checking out. I was able to find answers to my questions.

I fell down a rabbit hole of reading articles and listening to psychologists break down what DID and OSDD were, and watching Youtube videos about people with the disorder. Things started to make sense. I could look back at my childhood and find the moment where Exe was first formed, where she fronted for well over a year and completely locked me out, followed by Julia doing the same thing to both of us the year after that as we struggled to cope.

I did experience amnesia back then, so when they went dormant and I got frontstuck, I didn't feel like anything was off and went about living my life until Exe practically exploded out of dormancy and back into the front space.

Simply existing is still a massive struggle, but we've come SO far since then. Writing this down has made me see that.

[pepsifvcker23]

𝙈𝙚𝙚𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝘼𝙡𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙨 !!

So, I am not diagnosed with p-DID, but I have done a lot of research into different dissociative disorders, and I have come to the conclusion that p-DID fits me/us (still getting used to that tbh) the most!

Malice: host/me !! Due to being a p-DID system that is mostly monogenic, you're probably going to see me that most because I'm also frontstuck due to being a p-DID system (╥﹏╥)

A.i: any pronouns !! They're an A.I/robot and they recently formed/were recently discovered (not sure which one?) Don't really know a lot about him yet

Behemo Barisol: She/They/He !! They're a fictive from Evillious Chronicles !! She's transfem and a lesbian !

Arc: another fictive !! He's from the song The Chattering Lack of Sence by GHOST !! His pronouns are they/he/it !!

Min/Minori: She/they/paw !! Yet another fictive ! I think paw formed around January or March of 2023. Paw is from the game Project Sekai !! They are typically co-fronting with me and/or Behemo !!

Ko: Nagito Komaeda fictive !! (Why am I just realizing how many fictives there are 😭😭) it/he !! He doesn't have a very strong connection to its source, but it has some memories !! He can get triggered slightly more easily when it comes to things about its source, so warnings are appreciated !!

Rana: song fictive !! (Similar to arc, but Arc has a story attached and a character, Rana is simply sourced from a song with no character name ect attatched) Source is Check Check Check One Two !! Flirty, but in a sort of passive way, also kind of obsessive

That's all we have so far (at least I think) !! If there's any more, I'll update this post when I find out !! As you can see, we are a fictive-heavy system !! I don't really know how to end this off, but thank you to @thelunarsystemwrites (sorry if I seem a little clingy to you, you're just a really kool person) for being an inspiration of sorts to help me discover this !! :D

[system-of-a-feather]

Man, I'm starting to do better now and honestly, I was never all that particularly bad in the first place - but we've gotten to the place in healing where usually if we have a "down mood" or a stress period or a breakdown, usually its explicitly because of a really difficult trigger of sorts and less this just... neurochemical dysfunction that I think was starting to build up.

And I'm pretty sure thats cause I haven't been able to lay down for a week or shower or work out and so a lot of our usual main most consistent fundamental self care things have been cut out due to the whole recovering from top surgery - but I dragged myself up and around, got some socializing with my mom, my fiance helped a bit in getting our brain to rotate parts even briefly which is helpful cause I've been largely frontstuck due to being in recovery and that REALLY helped make our brain not feel like its largely turned off, and actually getting a sponge bath of sorts honestly just helped.

But honestly the downside to recovery is that stuff like that - things that would still be considered a good day compared to how bad we used to be, feel like shit now just cause we got used to and comfortable not feeling like shit (good thing)

But anyways, doing better and hanging in there man.

((Also the really weird thing about me is that I am REALLY bad and REALLY don't like waiting for the world to give me feedback on my plans to know if I need to go with Plan B or if Plan A is good to go; and so unironically, yesterday and even most of today, I think I would have been happy to hear EVERY PhD program I applied to reject me than to deal with another ten minutes of no response. Cause I am more than fine rerouting and honestly almost excited to have to outline a new path to my goals starting August 2025 and so rejection is fine, but like XD I'm doing better now enough to at least not be going "COME ON YOU CAN JUST REJECT ME SO I CAN MOVE ON WITH LIFE" like a totally normal person.))

[fictionkinfessions]

Doing Canon Disabilities because I have nothing better to do at the moment.

I had OCPD, pretty severe Emotional Dysregulation, PTSD and Psychotic Depression.

(I'm not trying to be insensitive or rude to people with Psychosis, it's what I had.)

I was kind of fucked up... and I still am. Bodily, we don't have those issues now, but I still have them. Which makes things "interesting" to say the least... it really sucks when I get frontstuck because I tend to draw attention that we're acting "different" because of my issues.

But yeah, it sucked... still does. But at least not to the same extent, usually anymore.

– A Carmen Berzatto [The Bear] fictive ❤️‍🔥🐻‍❄️

x

[multiplicity-positivity]

hi uh i could use some advice :<

im a host of a recent system of 20-ish and guh i am t i r e d

im mainly looking for advice on how to switch or just retreat into the headspace/leave front or even just kinda stop being fully aware while still being in front for awhile bc id rlly like to take a break and the realization that im most likely front attracted/frontstuck is kinda making me more tired of being in front

also if it helps at all my(&) system is parogenic + traumagenic in origin (specifically parotraumagenic) and theres kinda iffy communication between members (some of them i have clear communication with and they randomly pop up to say stuff, some i have no idea where they are and some of them i can usually only hear when im directly interacting with them).

afaik (as far as i know) only three?? ppl have rlly "fronted" per se, and the rest have been co-con

i apologize for the long and mildly depressing ask but any help is appreciated also dont forget to hydrate

Hello! We have some posts that might help you that we’d like to share if that’s okay. The first is a post we wrote a while back with some tips on switching from our own experience:

We’d also like to share this post by @rin-and-jade on being frontstuck or frontlocked, and how to go about unsticking yourself!

Our own system host (Parker) is almost always fronting to some extent. It can certainly be exhausting and disheartening fronting nonstop, especially when other members of your system can seemingly come and go as they please. He’s going to put some info under a cut for how he copes with fronting constantly, in case you want some advice on coping with being genuinely unable to switch out!

We hope something here will be helpful for you! We’re wishing you the best of luck with switching out or at least learning how best to cope with fronting in your future!

(Host here - I’ll just write this bit if thats okay. Anyway here’s some stuff I do to deal with The Horrors of perpetual existence)

Meditation

Taking a few moments to sit in comfortable silence can be useful for me when I’m feeling stressed or overwhelmed or straight up exhausted. Here’s how I meditate (I’m no expert and I’m sure there’s better ways to do this… this is just what I do)

- get in a comfortable position in a quiet place where I’m not likely to be disturbed

- set a timer on my phone for 5 minutes

- close my eyes, focus on my breathing

- don’t dwell on any thoughts but also don’t push them away; acknowledge them and let them go

- try to stay still and calm until my timer goes off

And that’s it. Sometimes I get interrupted by an alter or something outside, but for the most part, this is how I’ve been able to meditate effectively.

Rest

I take naps whenever I can. I sit down whenever I can. I’ll literally just close my eyes for a few minutes whenever I can. Our body has issues with chronic fatigue, and fronting constantly can sometimes exacerbate our exhaustion. So yeah I am a huge fan of naps and will often set a timer for like 15-20 minutes and snooze whenever the opportunity arises. Even just lying down with closed eyes can help replenish some energy.

Distractions

Reading, watching something on TV, or playing video games can help give me somewhat of a break even if I’m still fronting. I do tend to try and keep us distracted as much as possible… sometimes to our own detriment. But if you find that you really aren’t ever able to switch out, or if your system is specutien and that’s just the way your system functions, finding things you enjoy that can serve as distractions may help you as well.

Saying No

This one’s tough, but I’m trying to learn to say no when I’m overwhelmed or have too much on my plate. This means sometimes I’ll cancel plans, hand off a responsibility, make a compromise, or turn down an opportunity if I don’t have the energy for it.

Honestly idk how much my addition can help you, but if you find that you’re not ever able to switch out at all please know there’s other folks out there in similar positions. Hoping you can make the most of your situation, anon /genuine