nikitasys
N.i.k.i.t.a
2K posts
Polyfragmented + programmed DID system ; RAMCOA survivors ; body age is 23 ; languages are French & English ; collective pronouns are they/she ; @nikitasystem on tiktok + ig
Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
nikitasys · 30 days ago
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nikitasys · 3 months ago
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Quasimorti
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Definition : An alter who has experienced an NDE (near death experience), and or has trauma surrounding the body / system's death, near death, or threatened death.
Flag Meaning : The green represents how the alter may feel dissociated from the body. The brown represents rotting, being buried and death itself. The white represents a state or sense of limbo. The grey represents the NDE itself or any abuser's threats of violence and death. The ghost represents how the alter may feel like a ghost or undead and the gravestone represents how the alter may feel dead.
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nikitasys · 5 months ago
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Your a D.I.D or O.S.D.D system and you use simply plural. Congratulations! You now have your very own Pokédex! /j
- Viserion
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nikitasys · 5 months ago
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a comic about my experience with other people's perception of my DID/OSDD. might do more pages in the future? we'll see.
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nikitasys · 5 months ago
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Telling people you’re a system: terrifying
Being called your own name in a conversation with someone who knows you’re a system: pretty nice actually
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nikitasys · 5 months ago
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Satanic Panic, The False Memory Foundation’s Shaky Origins, and Why You Should Believe RAMCOA Survivors
(TW: mentions of RAMCOA, False Memory Foundation, child torture & death, cults, trafficking)
Pretty disappointed to see a fairly popular and well known blog on tumblr is encouraging the idea that RAMCOA doesn’t exist. Just came across this post and was pretty bummed to see the comments too.
For those that agree with them (most of my followers won’t but who knows who will stumble across this), please know that RAMCOA has been going on for much longer than the Satanic Panic. The Satanic Panic was fabricated in an effort to discredit RAMCOA survivors. It was supported by the False Memory Foundation, which was created by a man (and his wife) trying to prove his daughter’s repressed memories of trauma involving him did not really happen. [Explained further in the third article further down in this post]
For the record, false memory/planting false memories has been disproven, it’s not possible to fully plant false memories in patients. Some memories can be altered to an extent because memories can be disjointed and influence from others can cause memories to shift slightly, which is why it’s not encouraged for trauma patients to share exact detailed memories with each other. For example, if two trauma patients were abused by their father and had a similar situation happen and patient A spoke about their experience in detail, if both fathers wore glasses and patient A describes their father to have black rimmed glasses, patient B’s memory might shift to believe that their father also had black rimmed glasses, even though his glasses were gold rimmed. However, it’s not possible to fully plant memories that do not exist in a patient’s memory. The “base memory” so to speak has to be there in order for any alterations to occur, and those alterations that are possible are often rather minuscule, such as glasses or whether or not their abuser had facial hair or not, or the color of the person’s eyes. Not an entire scene of RA. [Again, explained well by the third article below.]
Repressed memory has been proven to exist. (Though it’s more accurately called dissociated memories by clinicians) It can even exist in people who have traumas that happen in adulthood. Pieces of a traumatic event may go missing in a patient’s working memory, and they may not retrieve it until they are ready to process the memory and all the emotions and information that comes with it. However, it still exists stored in the brain, just in a different area than working memory. It’s why triggers to the traumatic event (that the patient may not even realize are triggers until they occur) can cause flashbacks and memory resurfacing during said flashbacks.
Some sources explaining the False Memory Foundation and the harm they’ve caused: [a good overview of a woman who was major in the development of the idea of repressed memory being a myth, by a researcher of child psychiatry], [while this is a psychology today article, I think this explains well how misused the idea of FMS - false memory syndrome - is.] [A comprehensive article explaining the roots of the FMF and how the studies used to “prove” false memory are terrible and easily debunked, with several assertions from professionals in the field.] I want to add that while the FMF has dissolved and rightfully so, the British False Memory Society is still alive and well, as well as the Satanic Temple’s Grey Faction, and both groups still cite False Memory Syndrome as being real and claim that RAMCOA survivors have false memories of their abuse.
However, before Satanic Panic happened, people were starting to actually believe in the existence of RAMCOA and the concept of DID was brought into the mainstream. A survivor on tiktok has a very good video on this situation. And that scared people, especially the abusers themselves who didn’t want to get caught. That’s when the False Memory Foundation stepped in on the heels of Satanic Panic and literally rewrote the textbooks therapists learned from, and basically taught everyone that repressed memory doesn’t exist. Any therapists that spoke about their patients’ experiences with RAMCOA were sued. Therapists stopped wanting to treat RAMCOA patients for fear of being sued and/or losing their license or being told they planted these memories in their patients’ heads and possibly losing their licenses. It led to generations of old therapists not treating RAMCOA patients and generations of new therapists learning it doesn’t exist.
But it does exist. To outright deny that child torture cannot exist is absurd. 1-2% of reported child abuse falls under the definition of child torture. [source, TW: photos of children with serious injuries from torture included on page 7 of this document] For the record, my abuse was never and has never been reported, and most survivors—RAMCOA and non-RAMCOA, whose trauma falls under the definition of torture—never reported or plan to report.
Even if you find the mind control aspect to be far-fetched, ritual abuse most certainly does exist. I’ve seen videos on the surface web on fucking tiktok of all places of child torture and ritual abuse. Organized abuse such as sex trafficking and labor trafficking does exist. Two out of those three things in the acronym are well documented to exist. And for the record, ritual abuse and cult abuse even in adults can cause extreme mind and identity alteration, upwards to the point of nearly being mind control. Look up OSDD-2 in the DSM-V. Look up just about any cult survivors testimonies and hear how they talk about how they nearly became a different person within their cult, how the cult uses torture and mind altering drugs to get their initiates to commit terrible acts of violence to each other. Now imagine if that same stuff were happening to a child whose mind is significantly easier to mold and change. Even if the child RAMCOA survivor does not develop DID, it can cause extreme conditioned responses in which the child (or now grown adult or teen) will still do the responses even now because as a child they were threatened with torture or death if they didn’t do it.
Mind control is essentially an extreme form of conditioning, and with the plethoras of research on DID and how it functions, it’s not even a difficult concept to grasp that a cult member might learn how to split new alters in a child via torture and then manipulate those alters to do what they want individually. Anyone who knows fuck all about DID knows that alters can be triggered out via positive and negative triggers. All mind control programming is, is creating a specific trigger for a specific alter and then when that child is exposed to that trigger, that alter comes out and does the task it was taught to do—usually via torture, manipulation, and threats of harm to the child or those the child loves. It’s not a difficult concept to grasp, and with how long TBMC (torture based mind control) programmers have had to perfect their work, it’s no surprise that they’ve learned how to make alters do extremely complex tasks or hold onto specific functions, always at the ready for their specific trigger.
RAMCOA research doesn’t exist in mainstream spaces because it’s nearly impossible to be taken seriously because of people who claim it doesn’t exist when it’s not even a complex topic to understand. They just don’t want to accept that it exists. The concept is terrifying, harrowing, and at some times almost absurd—and that combination makes it easier for people to put their blinders up and decide it doesn’t exist. [Edited to add: On top of this, what little research is done on it is steeped in conspiracy theories that often have roots in antisemitism. While I’ve asserted that Miller’s deprogramming books are good reads for RAMCOA survivors, she does often sound conspiratorial, and quotes Svali, a known antisemite. While I don’t think RAMCOA is exclusively related to the Illuminati stuff she often talks about, Miller’s work cannot be completely discounted because of her beliefs of where the abuse originated. Where it originates matters much less than the fact that it happens. However, not from dark, underground, secret societies—but from normal places like churches, children’s own homes (yes, RAMCOA can be done by a single parent to a single child, it just may look different than say, a trafficking ring), trafficking rings, militaristic groups, political cults, etc. I wanted to put the above put there because I know someone is going to come at me and try to say the researchers who talk about it were conspiracy theorists. Yeah, they were. Maybe they were the only ones willing to talk openly about it because of the fact they’re conspiracy theorists? I don’t know. However, I think it should also be noted that just because the researchers sucked doesn’t mean the information taken from them isn’t useful when you weed out the conspiracy stuff. For example, a LOT of modern understanding of medicine was taken from Nazi and Japanese experiments during WWII. Arguably some of the worst doctors on earth. Do we discount everything we learned because they were horrible, evil, people? No. While those who studied RAMCOA went about it in shit ways, that doesn’t discount the information learned completely. Likewise, much of modern psych understanding came from roots that included incredibly unethical experiments that would never be allowed today. Do we throw out all of that info too? No, we don’t. I’m not saying that we shouldn’t hold these people accountable, I’m saying we cannot throw out all discussion of RAMCOA because the doctors who talked about it were shitty people.]
I wish I could decide it doesn’t exist. I have permanent scarring that proves what happened did happen. I have doctor’s visits that prove I am disabled because of the traumas I went through. I have a DID specialist who didn’t even know programming to our extent even existed before our parts started telling her what they went through and she heard it from our own mouth. She had to learn how to deprogram us on the fly because she’d never done so before. So fuck off with your “oh, RAMCOA patients only have RAMCOA because they’ve been influenced by their therapist to believe they do” bullshit.
I relive my traumas in flashbacks and nightmares daily. There have been periods in my healing process where I couldn’t leave the house without someone with me for months. I couldn’t hold a job for nearly a year. I didn’t know any of this happened to me until I was in my 20s. I thought my memory was just bad and the only parts of my childhood I remembered were little blips of good things, usually involving my parent that was not involved with the cult or memories with friends at school or when I was hanging out with my sports teammates. Living with this stuff is hell. You think I want to live with this stuff? If I could permanently erase it all from my memory forever I would. But I can’t. I don’t have that luxury.
It happened. And I’m not the only child it happened to, both in the area of my country I live in and in areas all over my country and the world. This is not an isolated phenomenon. It is more common than anyone tends to realize (though still rarer than most DID cases, thank fuck). I was lucky to survive. I survived because they wanted me to. I saw a lot of children, teens, and adults who were not as “lucky” as I was. If you won’t respect survivors and their stories, at least respect the ones who didn’t survive. They didn’t deserve their final moments to be so full of pain. All of the children in these groups deserved to be loved and cared for and treated with softness and compassion. So do adult survivors like me and many others.
If I could end on one thing, it would be to urge the doubters to have some fucking compassion and empathy for people who have been through things they cannot even begin to understand. My past feels like a nightmare I will never be able to escape. I cannot erase it. I can only try to heal from it. So heal I will do, and in the process I will continue to speak the truth of my experience as safely as I can.
You want proof it’s real? Survivors are your proof.
WE are the proof.
[Edit: changed some wording for clarification + added a section after rereading a couple hours later]
[Edit 2: I realized I said my abuse has never been reported, I meant my RAMCOA related abuse. Want to make that clear. I reported sexual abuse done by my church to CPS and nothing came of it. CPS actually wrongfully claimed that since they had no reports existing of that church harming kids they wouldn’t pursue it since it happened so long ago, when a cursory google search of said location shows they’ve been reported multiple times and all reports were dropped. Why, I’m not sure.]
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nikitasys · 5 months ago
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Hmmmmmmm I'm bored and I have that email I have to answer to but I don't want...
WHAT IF I MAKE OUR SP
✨ PRETTIER ✨
This is my logic x3
(I'll also answer the email don't worry)
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nikitasys · 5 months ago
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Sending love to unconventional systems!!
Systems with less than 5 OR more than 100 alters
Systems who remember their trauma but have emotional amnesia OR don't care/got over it (terrible wording but you get it)
Systems with no internal communication OR perfect internal communication
Inorganic systems (programmed/intended)
Systems without hosts
PDID systems or front locked systems
Little/middle heavy systems
Systems with personality disorders OR psychotic disorders
Non-human heavy systems
Delusional systems
Systems living with their abusers
Systems who forgive their abusers (not saying you have to, it is rare that you were abused by someone who deserves forgiveness)
Openly plural systems
Systems with alters who refuse to accept the system exists
Systems with trauma locked subsystems or alters
Systems with abuser introjects
Systems with alters who agree with the abuse
Systems with alters who hate each other
Systems with no inner-world / have Aphantasia
Systems with huge inner worlds
Systems with bad inner-worlds (that are triggering or actively dangerous)
Persecutor heavy systems
Systems with a structure (like a council of alters that make decisions)
Systems with only fragments
Systems who are strange!!!
You don't need to be textbook or be represented often to exist and be valid!!
*Some points are traumagenic exclusive but we are pro-endo and anyone can interact
-Rosé
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nikitasys · 5 months ago
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"I would notice if you switched!"
No. You wouldn't notice a person with DID switch unless you payed very close attention. DID is made to be covert, showing obvious and visible signs of switching can be dangerous for the system. Most alters/parts learn to mask and blend in to make it less obvious. Parts with very different personalities and mannerisms try their best to learn how act as the host for the systems safety.
- unknown
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nikitasys · 5 months ago
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Trauma is the response, not the event.
And when we talk about how DID is formed from severe childhood trauma, what is not meant is that what happened to you needs to have been objectively "severe". If you have severe trauma responses (such as DID), then you have severe trauma.
Your trauma is enough regardless of what happened to you.
Trauma is incredibly subjective; what was incredibly traumatizing for one person may not be for another. How we become traumatized is related to a complex web of factors. No case of traumatization will look the exact same.
Trauma is not a competition. What matters is that it affects you. It's enough.
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nikitasys · 5 months ago
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Idk maybe that's why
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nikitasys · 5 months ago
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when you’re under a ton of stress then start to notice your memory worsen, your headaches becoming more frequent, and communication going nonexistent…
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nikitasys · 5 months ago
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I love you systems who...
- Cannot cope with alters going dormant
- Are afraid of switching out and "letting go" of front
- Are almost always blurry
- Have demonised and stereotyped alters
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nikitasys · 5 months ago
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"i would notice if you switched, so you must be faking"
bitch I can't even tell if i switched 80% of the time
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nikitasys · 5 months ago
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Telling myself this every day so here's a meme
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nikitasys · 6 months ago
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nikitasys · 6 months ago
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